Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Jackie, I also needed change after nique died. We moved across the country and I started a new job 8 months after nique died. It was hard but also nice that no one knew unless I chose to tell then. Was hard because I would think "nique would like to see this with us." But I believe she is with me, cheering me on and holding me up when I dont think I can do it. Hang in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 68.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ericasmom

    9217

  • Mermaid Tears

    3803

  • daveydow1

    3002

  • shorty16

    2248

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Dear Virginia, thank you.  Each day is a struggle to walk and the crying is endless.   I am so excited for ;you, Kyle and Christopher today.   I will be thinking of you all!

love and Hugs

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi all and hi Didi welcome to the group. 

the last few days have been really tough. The 20th marked her 2 month angel date and I just completely lost it. I even went back to the funeral home and sat in the parking lot and just cried uncontrollably. Yesterday I tried to work but had to take a half day. So I decided to get her 2 year old son and spend time with him. We had a great time. I took him to the grocery store and just let him touch and take whatever he wanted. We later went to the park and he had a so much fun running around and playing with his older cousin.  He has always been, since he was born, connected to me. My daughter used to say the connection was crazy...might not have been her exact words :) I can't even imagine what is going on in his little  mind right not not knowing where his mommy is. I am going to start spending a lot more time with him and his 5 year old sister. It just sucks because I have to work and can't see them but on the weekends. 

 

When is this heartache ever going to end!!!!  I know it has only been 2 months but it seems like a lifetime since I have seen or talked to her. I keep praying every day for the Lord to give me strength and to let me know my purpose through all this. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Michael Rodriguez

Virginia i am so glad that everything went as planned!!!! how was christopher? im sure suppoer happy to see kyle ....BTW ,loved your comment on how kyle decided to out grow his clothe. 

ramona. it will be a year for me in 3 weeks , and i am sorry to tell you that the pain is just as bad as the first day , you start (emphasis on the word "start") coping with it .....but its only coping , your life as you knew no longer exist

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yes Michael. You are absolutely right. I will have to start coping because my life as I knew it changed forever. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Ramona, honey, it has been almost 7 months for me and I still cry every day multiple times a day.   Time has taken on a strange phenomenon as it seems like an eternity yet just yesterday that this nightmare began.  There is no easy anything.  I still bleed tears of pain every moment and scream Garrett's name to the wind.   Coping is a difficult word for me as i believe in most peoples eyes around me, I am not very good at it..... Be kind to yourself.  You have every right to be torn with sadness and anger and feel adrift, you have lost a lot, as have we all.  Dealing with all of the emotions and then missing and loving your child so much.  It's a hell of a  lot to deal with.   Life is an alien place and this life is one we don't want,   I wish I had an answer to the suffering, I do not.   The thing that I tell myself is this pain, this ache that I feel every moment of every damned nightmare day is a testament to the love I have for my precious Garrett and his love for me.  If we did not share a profound love, I would not hurt as I do.  None of us would.  At times that is all I have to hang on to with Garrett's loss.   I miss my son, my best friend, my Garrett.   My son loved his sweat jackets and has a rack behind his door where he hung them.   I hug then close and for a scant second I can feel him and I talk to him endlessly.  I believe our blessed children are close and are trying to help us.   Take the time you need Ramona and be kind to yourself.  Find those little things that help in the moment, like Garrett's Jackets.  I will not pretend that it is enough but it helps..

Love and hugs,

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you Jackie for those words. It really touches the heart. I do love my daughter very much and that is why I feel this pain. She was just so close to me. Closer than my other 3 kids. We just had a special bond. I am just so very blessed that we had that bond and spent so much time with her these last few years. 

I am so thankful for everyone in the group. It really helps to see that I can reach out to someone that knows my pain. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Hold on to that bond Ramona, I have no doubt that your daughter is watching over you and trying to help.    I know it sounds silly but those damned birds my Garrett loved to listen to just seem to appear and do the weirdest things when I am at my lowest points....   Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mason’s Mom

Michael and Robert my Mason was a big guy too. I am not sure how tall  he was, I am only 5 feet 2 inches and towered over me. He probably weighed are 280. He loved ATV"s and trucks. Crazy that you guys are talking about keeping vehicles.  My husband has been driving Mason's truck for the last 4 years.  The mileage is getting high so We bought a truck for Tim yesterday.  We kept Mason's truck and agreed to keep it maintained.  Since Tim started driving the truck the stereo will randomly shut off or the volume will turn up. Tim and I agree he is telling his Dad "less talk radio and more music ".

Virginia,  Nique is with today and always.  I love the racket. I am thinking about you and Kyle today. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mason’s Mom
54 minutes ago, Ramona66 said:

Jackie

I am waiting.

It will happen when you least suspect it.  Keep your heart,  eyes and ears open. 

Carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today was nice. We went to panda express and brought noodles and egg roll back for christopher. Played Go Fish and War, kyle helped feed christopher and got to snuggle on his bed. Definitely not long enough but have to take what we can get.

20220322_120748~2.jpg

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That photo says it all. Fantastic that you were able to spend time together. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Virginia, that is a great photo.  It’s good that Kyle can now associate his dad’s hospital bed with playing games and eating noodles and not whatever he had conjured up before.    It must have been an emotional day but I’m glad it happened for you all.   Roz 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

So i had decided that I was brave enough to look thru niques boxes for her chop sticks.  I have everything she had in our home when she died. At what point do you think I am going to be able to look at her things and not want to burst into tears? I have 4 storage bins of her things, looked thru all of them and couldnt find the chop sticks and now feel so defeated. Its been 4 years and I wanted to get a blanket made from her clothes but cant even look thru them to decide what to use. I know its not her but to see that she kept the claim ticket from when she moved to denver to be with us, or that she listed me as her emergency contact in her notebook makes me happy and sad all at once.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mason’s Mom

Virginia you have has such an emotional day. I love the picture,  Kyle is adorable. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Such a wonderful picture Virginia, I am so glad today went so good!!   Ramona love keep looking and listening. It is like learning to see and hear all over again., but I have no doubt in my heart our precious children are looking out for us.   I still hate this job, it is just awful...

Love and hugs to all

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Virginia,  we have kept everything that David had left with us long before his death.  They have all taken on such huge significance.  He had left a large canoe but gave us the ok to give it to charity when he was living abroad  - which we did - otherwise we’d still have it and never be able to let it go.

My experience has been that the more I see and handle items the less pain they cause and more comfort they give.  It’s the unexpected that destroys me.    Strangely, in the first year after Dave’s death I could watch recent DVDs that he’d sent us - at first I’d break down then ,after many viewings ,  I could see them as a time that all was well and focus on that.     I stopped watching for a period when we were travelling to visit my grandson and , strangely, could not bear to watch them again once we returned - it was too sad to attempt to.   I need to be brave and watch my boy alive and well and see it for that and not let grief spoil it . ( my husband and daughter cannot watch them at all).

 The takeaway is that the more you look through Nique‘s things and get past the agony the more they will tell you which items to use for her blanket - what a lovely idea .  It’s tough though.      When we went to Australia for David’s funeral  for some reason I was compelled to bring back a couple of his tops  ( a sweatshirt and a fleece that we had sent him and he had worn often ).   my husband now wears them around the house.  it is very natural and we know Dave would love it . It’s a hug from him.    All his other clothes and trekking gear I helped box up with his wife and at some point , way in the future , his son will see if there is anything in there for him to wear.       
 

Take care,  Roz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Oh, Roz, it makes the pain of missing Garrett so much worse because I have to keep it inside and I worry about My daughter and how she is doing recovering.   I love my husband but he does not pay attention to anything.... Jolene fell down the last four stairs the other night (she is okay but sore)... Joe didn't hear anything so of course he did nothing to help her.   I am sick with worry and with overwhelming grief.... I really hate this job for taking me away from where I feel I need to be....

Thanks,

love and hugs,

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Jackie, you hit the nail on the head - you just want to be at home where you are needed and where you can freely grieve .   I understand.    Maybe some of the others here who went back to the workplace would be able to help you with their experience like Virginia did.  

You sound worn down with worry and that is on top of your all encompassing grief for your son - is your daughter doing better ?  Hopefully so .   Can you let your husband know how much help you need from him ?     Perhaps he doesn’t know what to do.   
Are you working at the weekend or will you be able to take some time for yourself?      Keep safe,  Roz

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Just read the posts about items in their room or things around the house which belonged to our loved one. My wife cant bare to even go into Patrick's room yet. I can but it does bother me to have to do it. Probably to soon for either of us. 

What really hurts is still getting mail and items he bought from Kickstarter. We have no idea how many different things he supported on kickstarter. Just a reminder of the life he was planning to live and will never get the chance. Most likely the biggest pain of loss, the life he should have gotten to live. Greif and angry about it still. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

I work tomorrow yet this week Roz and I am off the weekend.   I hate this,  I cry for Garrett the whole way there and the whole way back.  I worry about Jolene the entire time.   I will talk to Joe.    Thanks for the support, it means a lot.   Robert, I am going through that still, Garrett had a right to a full life damn it and why didn't he get it.... I am very sad and angry tonight..... This was not the life any of us or our blessed children were to live, it just doesn't seem right.   I am sorry, I am really disheartened this evening.

Thinking of you all,

love and hugs,

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My heart goes out to all of you. As may 12th gets closer, I continue to relive every last moment of Don's life and our days together.  I go through the coulda ,woulda, shoulda's everyday.  I continue to have issues with his wife. She is now living in Anchorage and her parents live in Wasilla. When my son passed  we loaned her a trailer to move her things out of the house she didn't want to stay there any longer. We have been asking her for months if the trailer is cleared out so we can go get it and she continually ignores us. Every now and then she'll say I'm going out this weekend I'll get it cleaned out and then we can come get it. However here it is almost a year the trailer is not cleaned out and we found out it's filled with trash they have just been filling it with garbage. She will no longer talk to me because I will not give her my last copy of the death certificate. She kept telling me that if I give her mind she'll go out to her dad's house and get her copy and give it to me. But I told her no because all the money that I have loaned her that she said she was going to repay us We have never seen any of it everything that she said she was going to do she has not followed through with so I did not want to give up my copy of the death certificate.  If this makes me a bad person so be it. He's been after her all this week to let her know we're coming out Saturday to get the trailer because we need it and we will be leaving the trash there we are not taking the trash. He called her dad which is where the trailer is to let him know we'd become a Saturday and that it needs to be updated and he told my husband OK. Well she called my husband back and told him my dad can't do that it'll kill him she said let me see what I can do. Now mind you for the last 4 months she's been telling us every weekend she's gonna go out and clean it out however that has never happened. So now she called back last night and she's very angry she won't talk to me because I didn't give her the death certificate so I know that once again they will post bad stuff about me online. I just can't take this extra drama I just want to mourn the loss of my son and go on with my life the best that I can. I don't need all this extra mess.  Whatever I do I'm the bad person. Thank you for letting me vent here I'm just so sad all the time and this has just compounded everything.  I pray for each and every one of you every day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Jackie

 

I know exactly how you feel about going back to work.  I was out for about 2 weeks after my daughter passed. We had her service on a Friday and i went back to work that following Tuesday. It was very hard. I come back and be around these people i have worked with for 10 years with a whole different attitude. I was this outgoing, funny, loving person everyone at my job used to talk to now I sit at by desk and don't say much and the smile is gone. That person I was before went with my daughter and I don't think I will ever get that part of me back. It is also hard because I work in transportation and have to look at the dates all the time. I have deleted all my emails from the time of her angle date. Every day on the 20th of the month and the 24th of the month I become and emotional wreck. The 1/24 is her birthday. 

 

I don't think this ever get easier, especially having to come to work ever day and trying to hold back all my emotions but my life still goes on and bill need to be paid.  

 

God Bless!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Michael Rodriguez

ramona, B used to work with me . we shared an office ,we ran our company together, we would have breakfast and lunch together everyday, just the 2 of us.....id be at work at 6 he would get here around 7 30 .....pop thru the door and say ....morning dad .....only time he would say dad ....rest of the time it was mike .....now i eat alone ....the first few months i would stare at the door waiting on it to pop open ......it is really so hard to cope .....im exactly 20 days away from it being one year since he left

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Michael 

 

That is got to be extremely difficult. I can't even imagine how hard that is the have to go back work to a place you both shared. Vee would come visit me or swap cars when I was at work. Most times I walk pass though areas I think of her being there with .

  I am so sorry and my prayers are with you. This will never end until we take our last breath!  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Michael, I know the days are counting down so fast.  I am thinking of you!   Garrett and I did not start a business together but the last job I worked, Garrett worked the same place and our shifts overlapped.  I have never had so much fun at a job.  We worked that way for three years.   All the things he and I did together is now just me..)(Joe travels with his job and the girls had left home)  It was just the two of us for much of the time.  So many little things remind me of him, little things big things.    Ramona, I am so sorry.  I have had the same thoughts that this will not end.   Please look for your signs, I know your girl is with you.  I had my grief counsel today and I am always a mess after the session, sure enough I broke down at work and was a mess. a young girl I had never seen before put her arm around me and took me outside.   I cried and talked and she just listened.  Her name is Amanda.  She checked on me the rest of the shift and walked out with me.   I of course cried the entire way home and talked to Garrett.  Hold on to me Ramona, to all of us here... we are with you always through this nightmare.  I know it isn't the same but we understand, god we feel the pain and we have your hand and your back!

Love and hugs,

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 It’s Mother’s Day here in the uk.    I choose to think of it as a commercial day and it feels no worse than any other day - it helps me that it’s an arbitrary date and has been different in many countries that we have lived in .   That’s how I cope and protect myself.

I’m still unable to get on this site using my Norton protected iPad and with the change to a new server imminent on here I will wait and see if it makes it better or impossible altogether to post.  We will see.

Reading all your posts and the rawness of those who have only recently lost their precious child it makes me focus on how I have survived the last five years since losing David.      I always had lots of worry over David - he was an adventurer , living life full on.   Such a dare devil.    He loved to  travel - trekking in remote areas of India with stories that would knock your socks off but for me I saw the danger not the thrill.    I thought the worrying was over when he settled down in Australia , married with a child, and the worse thing would be that he was so far away.   It wasn’t .  We lost him and it broke me.   I have felt every emotion that you all write about - as did everyone before me on this site.   It is the most awful existence 

I liken the way I cope now to forming a scab over a huge gaping wound .  It takes a long time to knit together and doesn’t take much of a knock to make it bleed and put the healing back .  Eventually, a scab will form but can be easily disturbed and breached  - that is where I am at right now - I can live with the rawness covered up but it’s vulnerable .   With time that scabbed over wound will become a scar but the damage was so very deep the scar is always delicate .     I think that when people ,without the loss of their own child , talk of  healing grief they imagine that we will be ‘all better ‘ given time.     I don’t believe that is possible - we will always grieve for our children , we are forever changed  but we will weave our loss into our lives and regain control .    My heart and head is always with my son but I’m not constantly sobbing and if the corner of that scab gets lifted  I weep and then get on with my day.   Sounds as if the pain is just underground but honestly it has softened.   What is in me and what I show is obviously different- I couldn’t go on forever voicing on repeat how I feel - in fact, I don’t need to.     I’m bright enough when I meet people and I try hard for my family when we’re together - i used to think that I was just faking it but now it’s more like living a parallel life   The grief is familiar and part of me just as my love for my children is but I have to be able to live with it and find a joy in life again .  I don’t expect it to be as before - it never could - but I need to manage my guilt over feeling pleasure again.    That is not a bad thing even though it can feel unimaginable- it’s what our children would want for us.   

I am fully aware that all of this will be of no comfort to many - it’s far too soon .     I remember when I first followed posts on here and how shocked I was that they could talk about gardening or ice hockey teams - it seemed so far removed from the grief I was experiencing.  They had been posting for years and grieving together - it was understood how sad they still were but they were rebuilding and I get that now.   

Have a gentle Sunday everyone, love Roz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Dearest Roz, thank you for your post this morning... it gives me some hope that I will not always be on the ground unable to get up.   I know, as you just said, that life will never be the same and I will never find the level of joy that I have felt before because part of me is missing.   I ache to hug Garrett close and kiss his cheek until he would smile and say, "Mum you're being weird."    You be gentle with yourself too Roz, on this day, I am thankful for your posts and your words.   I know that my pain is a result of the deep love I have for Garrett, which does not make the pain any less but it makes me remember that I was blessed and allowed to share 22 wonderful, years with my boy and there are moments I can smile for a short second remembering his unique sense of humor.   Thanks, Roz

Thinking of  everyone,

Take care of yourselves

Jackie

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Roz, that was so perfectly worded. So many days I can go along just fine and then something will knock me sideways: I cry and pick myself up and slap a smile on my face and keep on going. 

I am having a hard time not crying right now, watching my husband fight. I was always angry that nique was gone in an instant, that I didn't get to say goodbye. This is hard because I keep hoping he gets better, and try to make every moment count because it might be the last. They both suck, I think not getting to say goodbye is worse.

I hope you find some peace today, I have started trying to organize niques belongings but still cannot get thru them without crying. Found her last Christmas card to me and just bawled my eyes out. Have been doing a lot of cleaning too, I find that if I have a clean and organized house I feel better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Michael Rodriguez

sundays are so bad.....for me they are the worst. i think i have already told him today 1000 times how much i love and miss him. although i was there when he went into ICU , i never told him much more that i love him, i was sure he was going to be just fine....i feel so guilty

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Virginia,  you really are doing so well  keeping afloat with everything that’s going on.   I’m thinking of you. 
Because Dave lived away from us I have a lot of cards he sent and because he was away and they had letters written in them I kept them.  After he died and birthdays and Christmas came I put up his cards - at first I’d kiss and cry all over them but now I just sigh ‘Ahh David’ and smile at them as I read of happy times for him .   They hold no fear now .  I have two Mother’s Day cards off him up now along with the one my daughter has sent  - it may make some uncomfortable but not me.  Roz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Michael,  From everything you have told us your bond with your son was undeniable and telling him you loved him at that moment was all he would need - it’s everything.    Please try to be gentle with yourself and not feel guilt.  For a lot us not being able to say we loved them when they needed it is our struggle but I’m positive that our kids all knew it anyway.  We all beat ourselves up - it seems to go with the territory . Go easy , Roz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Michael Rodriguez

yes.....it sure comes with the territory. 

i still believe in love,hope, and faith

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

I agree with Roz Michael, hearing that you love him was what he needed.  Try not to feel guilty... but I know how you feel, I have that same ugly symphony playing through my thoughts at every moment....   I kissed Garrett and told him I loved him before they incubated him.... i knew it was bad but I never dreamed those would be the last words he heard me say....  B knew Michael, he knows now, just as Garrett does, and David and all our precious children.  it is a battle every moment to keep our heads above the swelling tide of grief.  It is endless pain.  I am thinking of everyone.   thinking of you Michael.

love and hugs to all

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Nique was in my dream last night. It was a weird dream and as I was walking she walked past me. I grabbed her and gave her the biggest hug. I miss her so much.

The day she died I did not talk to her. I always would wake her up when I left. But that day I did not. She had been sick the day before and I wanted to let her sleep. So i did not wake her up and tell her I loved her. I know she knew but that has always been a regret for me. I always hug and kiss and tell them I love them when I leave, and the one day I didnt she died. Its hard to nit feel the guilt. But I believe there are no negative feelings in heaven and that she knew my heart.

Today is My birthday and I just want to lay in bed with the blanket over my head. Kyle wants to celebrate and I cannot tell him no. I dont know that I will never feel like celebrating.

When I was a kid I loved celebrating my moms birthday and she always had smiles. It was not until I was 18 that she finally explained she never wanted to celebrate since my brother died on her birthday. I think about that a lot now, wish she was here for me to talk to.

Jackie, I hope the job gets better. I know its hard. We are always here for you.

Michael and jackie, I hope you can remember the good times soon. I know its hard. The first memory that always pops up of nique is seeing her in the hospital, already dead. Then i can start to remember all the good things. I remember the hug she gave me when she got off the plane in denver after not seeing each other for 6 months. And the last snuggle the weekend before she died.

Hoping everyone else is hanging in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Virginia, it was my birthday last week and my daughter made a huge fuss of me.   I really couldn’t t have cared any less about me but I played  along  for everyone else’s sake - your mother must have suffered a real ache on her birthday and I’m so sorry she is not still around to support you.     My mother is gone too but I’m grateful she didn’t have to live through our losing Dave and watch me disappear .   
That dream with your Nique sounds wonderful - getting to have a hug with her again.    How amazing on the eve of your birthday too.  Have an easier day today , Roz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Jackie,    I saw you post that you lost Garrett on your 60th  birthday - you poor love - that seems beyond cruel .  I’m so sorry.

 Another week ahead - I hope that work goes better for you and you can cope with it all.     Strength to you,  Roz

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Thank you Roz, it is the worst day of my life.  I have to go to work today and I am already anxious.  it isn't the job really but it takes me from everything that gives me comfort and I need to be here to help Jolene.  She has been through a lot and it hasn't been that long since she was in the hospital.   I hate this life.  Everything is alien and unnatural to me.  I just want my Garrett to come home and Jolene to heal and Gily not to be so far away.  Today, I feel old and broken beyond repair. 

Thanks to everyone for listening.

Thank you Roz

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Michael Rodriguez

i know that B knew how much i loved him, no doubt !!!!! he would tell me how his friends envy his relationship with me , his friends even tell me that they wish they had the relationship that B and i had with there fathers. 

when either one of us would see a cool car in the streets we would take a picture and send it to the other one. last week i saw for the first time in honduras a porsche taycan , i took the picture and i realized that i had no one to send it too !!!!! really tore my heart apart .......i am fixing my office , so i am working out of the conference room , so all accounting can see some tears on my eyes as they walk by ........and you know what....I DO NOT CARE ....tears for my son are more important than this whole place.......and i know that if i pass before my wife does , she will just sell it and move along and if i pass after ....i do not have anybody that will wanted .....my daughterb will do the same ......just put it for sale ....i started this business when i was 28 years old , will be 60 in september ....32 years and i have nobody to leave it too

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Dearest Michael,

I am so sorry.  I hope that those in accounting recognize your unending, profound love for your son and the great loss and pain you are suffering.   My heart goes out to you.  I understand the desolation and loss with your car photos.   I saw a new zombie video game that was coming out and I called Garrett's name so he could see the trailer but as soon as his name was out of my mouth the realization struck anew.    I did not work at a job with Garrett as long as you and B worked side by side but I know how special those two years are for me.... I can imagine the wonderful times, the camaraderie you and B shared as you faced the challenges and the everyday events of your business.   I am with you Michael... I wish to hell I had magic words to make even one minute a little easier.

Love and Hugs,

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mason’s Mom

Roz, your birthday and mother's day so close together and you are here offering encouragement. You word everything so well and I know you miss Dave and how it is hard to keep going. I think about you a lot and know you have such a giving heart. 

Virginia, I know what you mean about not getting to say goodbye.  I still have a tough time when my mind goes to the darkness and I think of Mason's death and not being with him, I wonder if he knew what was happening and was he scared. Not being there has haunted me. I still want a dream about Mason that makes me feel better. So glad you get to see Nique again.  When you dream about her how old is she?

Michael,  Sundays are the worst.  Mason was born on a Sunday and died 21 years later on a Sunday. We have family dinners on Sunday and it has been hard to carry on without him.I do for my girls and my granddaughter. When I see a cool car I have had the same reaction.

Jackie,  you have so much going on with your daughter and new job. It is okay to have days when you feel old and broken. Until I lost Mason I had aged well and people usually guessed my age to be younger.  Now I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles and dark circles under my eyes.  Just holding myself together for months took all my energy and the old me is gone. I hope I am improving and can continue to do good in Mason's honor. I want my granddaughter to know about her uncle, he would be crazy about her.

I am really missing my boy. 

Peace and comfort,  Carol 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Carol, nique is always 18 like when she died but she always seems taller. Weird.

Michael, I dont care who sees my tears, I have always been an open book and if i make someone uncomfortable, they should feel lucky that they do not understand

Jackie, its hard to know we have to go to work when all we want to do is stay home with those we love

Roz, holidays and my birthday only continue because of kyle, otherwise I would wash my hands of everything. Remember when we used to think certain things were so important and now we know it was all so silly?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Niques Mom,  I agree with everything you said. When I think about all the time I put into holidays it does seem silly.  My son passed on May 12,2021 and I  did not celebrate any of the holidays after that.  And you know what... everyone managed without  me.  Losing Don has made me look at things so differently.  I go to work and go through the motions most days.  I didn't work with him but he would call every morning to tell me to have a good day.   He would call at lunch to see how my day was going  and then he insisted that I call when I made it home.   He was a good kid.  I miss him terribly. I pray for you all.  You are in my thoughts every day. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mason’s Mom

Lisa, I bet the effort you put into Holidays provided happiness for Don, that has to mean something. I tried so hard to have traditions for Holidays,  Sunday dinners with family and spending time with all kids as they were growing up. I can look back and think I tried to give them a good childhood and a structured home life.I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. It does make Holidays hard for me now there is always a missing part of me, always will be, but I do my best to carry on. It is getting close to a year for you and all those first are so hard. 

Carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jacqueline3

Dear Lisa,   My son left us on August 30, I did not celebrate either this year, I just did not have it in me.... I will have to rethink anything like that, especially Halloween and Christmas, Garrett loved both, especially Halloween.  I just cannot have the same celebration.... Ah, hell, I don't know what to do, i just cant do the same. I do agree with Carol, all your effort for the holidays meant a great deal to Don.   I am thinking of you both Lisa and Carol... I miss my boy too, so very much. 

Thinking of you all

Love and hugs

Jackie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I still celebrate holidays but it is less and I am not 100% in like I was. But I want to give kyle the same joy that I tried to give Nique.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.