Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, hope it isn't to bad to go until June 10th...I never understood why the schools insist on going into summer like that...the kids just want to be done by then...

 

I think that spring planting is a bit behind for everyone...

 

See you posted at the same time...I am glad you got out a bit today...one has to take what they can get lately...

[ericasmom]

Hi Laurie, we posted at the same time. I love the visual with those words so thanks for posting it.
 

Today there was a memorial service, I did not attend, for a young local woman( 21) whose car turned over on a road in South Africa. Her big sister is my Daughter's classmate from high school. I was thinking I might go but the family is in shock and are surrounded by huge amounts of folks right now. They have my number and email if ever they would like to meet and talk. Rachel Smylie died while doing the work she loved, learning how best to serve those with HIV/Aids.

[Mermaid Tears]

not a lot of time....another coronation tonight...the Sr. Maifest Coronation....last night was the Jr.....

 

Dee....that young lady that died....treating HIV patients.....remembering an era....seeming eons ago....when it was such an unknown...

and so many young people died alone....

another big question....

why take the ones who are trying to be the channel for God/Spirit/Mother/Father of the Universe...?

 

Laurie...thank you....that is my sister in the photo...she never wanted children of her own....but she has certainly been

a big part/love of my children...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Hi Laurie, we posted at the same time. I love the visual with those words so thanks for posting it.

 

Today there was a memorial service, I did not attend, for a young local woman( 21) whose car turned over on a road in South Africa. Her big sister is my Daughter's classmate from high school. I was thinking I might go but the family is in shock and are surrounded by huge amounts of folks right now. They have my number and email if ever they would like to meet and talk. Rachel Smylie died while doing the work she loved, learning how best to serve those with HIV/Aids.

 

Dee, yes I do remember the story of that wonderful young lady...I even looked up the articles about her after you shared...I just don't understand ...of course this question has been asked throughout the ages, why do the good die young and the wicked live long? 

 

We all know too well the grief path the family now walks...I am sorry...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

not a lot of time....another coronation tonight...the Sr. Maifest Coronation....last night was the Jr.....

 

Dee....that young lady that died....treating HIV patients.....remembering an era....seeming eons ago....when it was such an unknown...

and so many young people died alone....

another big question....

why take the ones who are trying to be the channel for God/Spirit/Mother/Father of the Universe...?

 

Laurie...thank you....that is my sister in the photo...she never wanted children of her own....but she has certainly been

a big part/love of my children...

She shares a strong resemblance to you...it is good you have such a strong, close family...

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh my, Dee... my heart breaks reading your post. Was that the girl that you mentioned earlier to me? My heart reaches out to her family and all of her friends.

 

Laurie, yes...we do carry this grief alone in many ways. At the end of the day and in the middle of the night... when all is still...and our thoughts surround us. But it is very good to know that we can come here after a troubling time and find a place of refuge. Of safety. Of understanding. How many times in one life can a person die?  I feel as if I have experienced each and every hurt and pain that is out there...and in my own way died along with it...with them. Oh, how I hate to see people suffer. 

 

We had a bad day today. The type of day I need to draw on my resources and focus. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow.  The sky finally cleared and I sure as heck hope it will nicer tomorrow.

 

Susan, awesome picture of the family! What is the other picture of? It looks so enticing. Hope tonight is fun filled for you and you have a lovely evening with Daniel and the "kids".

 

Jenn, I thought of you and how difficult it would have been attending the funeral. Poor little love.. so very young.I hope you are ok.

 

Advice to all. Just breathe slowly...and let it out.  Don't let anyone push you along this journey. Find what is comfortable for you and hold fast. This is your call. 

 

Colleen, thanks. I agree.

 

Sending love to everyone on this Saturday evening. Kate

[wgreenlee]

Susan…

Your words say so much…so many days, but you are right.  The scales are tipped in our children’s favor, and their lives still shine as a tribute to their awesome lives.  I am thinking of all the days we now must set aside to mourn no matter how many days have passed.  I am saying John David’s name and wishing you peace and good memories.

 

The picture of you and "your" guys made me smile.  John David with his big, strong arms around everyone…and the other brought me a sense of peace.  I would love to visit a place like that.  I would be in a boat just off shore and just sit and read and look at that beautiful scene.  Thank you for sharing with us.

 

Very true words…I do not want to live this life, but I must…and maybe I am building strength to help others.

 

Shannon…

Thanks for your prayers.  Not sure what I will do for Renea on Mother’s Day.  She is already dreading it, but like we all know…she is still a mother…Brooks will send her something from Heaven.

 

Jenn…

Am thinking of you right now and hoping your day was ok.  Sounds like mine.  Hope it has the same ending.  Proud of your girl, too.  Graduating and going on to college…what a special young lady she must be.  Tell her a stranger wishes her well on her journey.

 

Colleen…

Yes, our boys are still with us.  That keeps me going every day.  I always feel so much love when I come here…words we share…pictures…promises.  Thank you, Colleen!

 

Laurie…

“…and then we find....kindred and caring ones…”

I think that is what made this day ok…others who need help and who offer help when grief creeps up and threatens to knock us completely off the high wire we so desperately cling to.

That phrase…”WE JUST WANT THEM BACK”…echoes in my mind so many times a day…not just for me, but for all of us, as we all know…

 

In my 25 years of teaching this will be the first time I will be out of school before June.  Of course we started in the middle of August.

 

Ted…

I am glad you were able to take that ride.  I do hope it gave you something to cling to in remembering Nick and the good memories you shared.  I think it was important for you, as well.  We will always listen, buddy…always.  And the picture of Nick and Alyssa always makes me smile.  It is a good memory for you.  I am constantly looking for those same things with Brooks…hitting golf balls…playing catch…batting cage…showing him how to change the brakes…or just driving around.  Brooks was so proud of the first time he changed a flat tire on his truck.  Manly things…

 

Dee…

Yes, one day is too long…21 months is “ridiculous”…eleven years is an eternity.  You give me so much hope, Dee.  Your thousands of posts are a testament to the special and loving person you are.

 

Our testing week went well.  The students really did their best so I hope they get rewarded for their effort.  Our students wear uniforms so they will earn some free-dress days.  They get so excited on those days.

 

I also saw Rachel’s story.  She sounded like an amazing young woman.  Sometimes it just isn’t FAIR!

 

Kate…

I am sorry for your bad day.  I hope tomorrow brings you sunshine inside and out.  I bet against your Canadians today…sorry!  I really do hope they beat the Bruins, though…been a while since the Cup has been in Canada.

 

__________________

 

 

Today I spent five hours at a burial and then a separate funeral, but I think it did me good.  Started out this morning visiting Brooks and there was the burial for the young woman, Anna, who died in that car accident I mentioned earlier this week.  The boy is right next to Brooks and she is about forty yards away.  I thought it was my friend, Debbie, but was wrong.  They started playing Mariachi music as both David and Anna were Latino….ended with “Dust in the Wind.”  It was a large burial and they stayed until the sod was put back into place and then all of them placed roses on the grave…very beautiful.  Many of them came over to look at David’s grave and then asked me about my son…some through their children as interpreters.  I know it must have been difficult for them, but yet they took the time to mourn with me.  One of my students was there too… One young man asked if I was Mr. Greenlee and then told me his name was Javier, and had been Brooks’ manager at Pizza Hut a few years ago.  He saw Brooks wooden plate and was crying, because he hadn’t known of Brooks’ passing.  He talked about how Brooks would always come to everyone at Pizza Hut with a new song or dance and sing or show it to them.  They even had a free-style dance-off one night after closing.  I remember that night, because Brooks was practicing at the house and was so excited to go and “do his thing.”  Another forgotten memory to hold dear…thank you, Javier.  Two of Brooks’ friends also came to visit too.  One of them is in the same recovery program at the Salvation Army as Brooks was and this was his first 24 hour pass and he hadn’t seen Brooks site yet.  He was in jail during all this.  He left his 90 day sobriety coin with Brooks.  It made me feel so proud of my son that people still remember him and what he meant to them.

 

 

Then I went to Debbie’s funeral and even though that was hard, I was with people who had already helped me in my grief, and continued to to that today.  Faith, Tiffani’s mom, was there and we talked quite a bit.  Tiffani is unable to walk anymore and cannot see, but still remains in good spirits…How?…Faith said she was given two months and it has now been three months.  Faith said Tiffani wakes up every morning and says, “I love you momma…it’s good to be alive.”  She has always been that way.  Please bless her, Lord!  Faith and I talked about miracles, but also acceptance…she is sad that she has to watch her daughter fade away each day, but happy she gets to spend more days with her.  She commented that she thinks about Brooks’ sudden passing and how hard that must have been vs. being able to spend more time with her daughter.  I think it must be harder her way…I so wish God would provide that miracle.  I helped clean up and now am here.  Am so tired…eyes bloodshot, but thinking there was a reason for all of this…not sure what it is…but Brooks was always there to help others and I must be the same.

 

Thank you, son, for that reminder.  You have made me a better man.  Hope you can see that!  There is still so much love out there for you...  Love you, Brooksy!

[mikesmomrs]

I would so like to respond to everyone here, as you all have posted some very poignant and heartaching posts recently.  I am so very tired, though, so just came on to update about Kim, as I had noticed that some had asked.  I have asked her permission to share, and she has granted that to me "They are your friends, mom, and I know you find comfort talking with them."  This day, Sunday, marks two weeks since she was admitted to the hospital.  Some days she does better, and we look for the next couple of days to be bringing her home, and then she will have a very bad night and we are right back to not knowing when.  She had the surgery this past Monday, and in the process of revising the previous surgery from 9 years ago (I think I had told you all she had an ileostomy at that time), he wound up taking another 6" off her intestine, and so that has her totally unbalanced, electrolyte-wise.  She is "putting out too much" according to the doctor, and she is being rehydrated with copious amounts of IV fluids, which sometimes makes her very uncomfortable.  Her pain meds have been reduced somewhat, as well as changed, as the morphine was making her ill.  The reduction in the need for them is encouraging.  Needless to say, her children miss her terribly.  Matt, her fiancé, came up on Monday morning, so was here for the surgery.  He left on Thursday night to return home.  The girls were in the care of his 24 year old daughter.  The doctor will re-evaluate on Monday...meantime, they are working on balancing out her fluids.  Today they noticed a bite on her hip with a large area of redness and the doctor thinks it may be a tick bite.  They did some blood work but won't have the results til Monday. 

Thank you all so very much for your support and prayers.  You are indeed "my friends" and also my family...the comfort extended here is exceptional and filled with love. 

I am sorry I haven't been on more with updates, but it has been such a roller coaster...just as I would get ready to post something, it would change. 

Love to all...my heart is filled with prayers for all of you, especially those having a very difficult time right now. 

 

KATE:  {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}  so very sorry for your bad day... I too hope the way to Jeff's site dries soon. 

SUSAN, I too , like to hear of others' "signs, visits, etc." as it does indeed offer not only hope, but that so wanted confirmation that they are indeed in a safe place, happy, and yet still with us in some spiritual way.  DEBBIE, DEE (prayers for Rachel and her family), LAURIE, SHANNON (so very sorry you are having such a hard time), WADE (prayers for Tiffani, and her family... love the "selfie" at Brooks' site, and the re-finding of the coins...a treasure), TED (the ride...wonderful, he is proud of you!), WANDA, JENN, SHERRY, SANDY, you are all in my heart, always. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol, thanks for your update on Kim. So much on your plate to deal with at this time. Know that we are thinking of you all, and sending love and prayers your way. Hang in there.

 

Wade, yes, it has indeed been some time since the Cup was back in Canada. We came close on a couple of occasions however. Vancouver and Calgary almost brought it home a few years ago. Just keep in mind over half of players are Canadian, and no matter who wins...well, we win! Don't get me started on the Olympics.      Just kidding. You are forgiven...we are huge Bruin fans over the years. May the best team win.   :D    

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol....thank you for the update....the positive I read in your message is that she is in good hands...and getting some great care...and we do relate with the 'missing the children'.....but the fact that they, too, are in good hands and getting great care is a win/win for all. She can now just concentrate...on her recovery....and get that healing rest...which is so important in all stages of recovery. Please...remember....to take care of the caretaker. For some reason...I do believe you will see some double hearts at the hospital...!!

[mikesmomrs]

" For some reason...I do believe you will see some double hearts at the hospital.." Oh, Susan...One of her first nurses wears this...

[mikesmomrs]

" For some reason...I do believe you will see some double hearts at the hospital.." Oh, Susan...One of her first nurses wears this...and yes, she is, thankfully, in good hands.♡♡

[ericasmom]

Carol, that is fabulous, the nurse wearing all of those hearts while tending to Kim. Lovely messages all  around. So so glad that Kim is doing better and that you are near her. She must feel comforted for your closeness. Make sure you rest now.

 

Today I received two calls from parents of my students, there was a terrible fire in the middle of the night on a block that happens to house so many of our students and so many that I currently have and have had in the past. There are never less than 50 elementary kids on that block. One dad asked if maybe I could come by and see the kids. One of my students home was destroyed or nearly so. One house went all the way down though no kids there and another house sustained some less severe damage. My student and her family will need to find temporary housing for a while as the house may have to come all the way down. It was hugely traumatizing for everyone on the block and will take time for the kids to process this. Nobody was hurt thank heavens.

[daveydow1]

Dee-----So sorry to hear of the fire in the homes of some of your students.  Glad that no one

was injured. sending prayers for all the families. Today we visited the area metro park. The

weather looked threatening, with gray clouds, wind, but we decided to go anyways.  To our

delight & surprise, the display of all the lovely spring flowers was just lovely.  Tulips, daffodils,

and other flowering shrubs in full bloom. There are thousands of tulips planted.....grouped in

colors.  The sun did come out periodically. The area is high on a hill, so I guess that helped

with the conditions being favorable for the blooming of all the flowers.  Fragrant hyacinths

scented the air. Many people were there......some sort of buffet going on.  the ground is too

cold here too......just waiting for it to warm up. Good that you were able to get some yard work done. 

 

Carol-----thanks for updating us on Kim's condition after surgery.  Continuing to send prayers

for Kim and everyone.   Hope you can get some good rest.

 

Wade----thanks for the pics.  Your visit to Brook's grave, and the interaction that you shared

with the Latino folks shows that grieving people share a common bond whether they know

each other or not......makes no difference .....the culture, languages etc. ......broken hearts

are broken hearts.  Glad that you had this time sharing with all of them.   We have not had

any coons bothering us recently......but groundhogs are coming to try to nest under our sheds....

a real pain.  they are very hard to get rid of, and are soooo   persistent.  , but we must keep

trying to get them out of there.

 

Laurie----So sorry to learn of the death of Rachael......the dear girl who was doing so much

good work with the HIV/AIDS population.   Bless her and may she rest in peace.   Oh NO !...

a bear came up to your house......I guess he was looking for food.  We have not seen any

bears around our immediate area.....thank heavens.  There  has been sightings now & then

in other surrounding areas though.....usually later in the summer.  They wander over into

Ohio from the forests of PA. 

 

 

Kate-----

Sending thoughts & prayers that you will have better days. Life gets difficult, I know.

 

 

Susan----

21 months can feel like forever without your dear son, John David, I know.  Thanks

for posting the pics and writings.  Yes...it's 'being without' our dear ones that is hard getting used to.

I guess we never do get used to it, do we?  Sending prayers.

 

Ted----thanks for all those lovely pics.  Glad that you saw the eagle. Must have been a sight to see.

 

 

PEACE   AND    COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

      Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry  

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...so...thankful...that the damage is just material...

we...know...on this site...

hey....we can make that right...

yes...we can...

 

Carol....like I posted...but something I 'just knew'....you would

see some double hearts...

 

of course...your boys have not let you

down yet....

 

and of course...they are with

you...

thank you for your posting....

you give us hope...

which is a part of your hope...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sherry,

I’m happy you had that walk in the park. It sounds like it was beautiful.

What you said to Wade really touched my heart. There is so much truth.

“the interaction that you shared with the Latino folks shows that grieving people share a common bond whether they know each other or not......makes no difference .....the culture, languages etc. ......broken hearts are broken hearts.”

 

Wade,

 

I’m glad you were there when you were and could share that connection with them. It is very important to be able to reach out to those who are traveling this path along with us and to have them reach out to you. In doing that you were able to receive that gift of the forgotten memory of Brooks. I continue to send prayers for Tiffani. Her strength of Spirit is amazing.

 

Dee,

 

I’m so sorry to hear about the fire. I’m glad that everyone is safe. It is still a devastating to lose so much and have to rebuild or start over… very traumatic for those kids. I’m sending prayers.

 

I’m glad you had a nice day and some time outdoors. We have had some really nice days, even into the 70’s but then cold and rainy again. I take advantage of the days that I can get outside. It helps so much. We’ve been able to start some planting as my beds are raised garden boxes with lots of compost so the soil is naturally warmer. I have a lemon basil plant that should be an annual but comes back every year because the soil temp stays so warm.

 

Carol,

 

Thanks for the update. I continue to send to prayers for Kim and for your family. I loved the picture of the nurse’s hearts. These signs and messages from our Loves never cease to amaze me. I also love the hear the stories of the signs and messages others receive. It helps my heart a lot and feeds that small seed of hope.

 

Kate,

 

“Advice to all. Just breathe slowly...and let it out.  Don't let anyone push you along this journey. Find what is comfortable for you and hold fast. This is your call.”

 

Thank you for that advice. It was what I needed.

 

Susan,

 

21 months is a long time. It was good to see the picture of John David and your family. You all look so happy. The pain we carry is because we love so much. I wouldn’t trade it for anything either.

 

 

I’m still trying to catch up on reading what I missed over the weekend. I was busy this weekend. Zak’s performance in the one acts were Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I was so proud of him. He did a great job. He’s never really acted before except for elementary school programs. He told me he has always had stage fright ( I didn’t know that) and that he did this to help himself get past that. I thought that was very brave of him.

 

We had nice weather for the most part and I was able to spend a lot of time outdoors. Trista’s friend, Camara came over after the one acts on Sunday and spent some time. She played with Aiden and helped Zak with his English project. She talked to me about missing Trista and how the girls seem to be falling apart without her. I’ve talked about Trista’s circle of Girls before. They were each so different. The only thing many of them had in common was Tris. The guidance counselor at the high school came to see us shortly after Trista’s accident and she even commented on the group. All the Girls were here, of course and she said she never would have put any of them together and was very surprised to see them all grieving together. Tris was very guarded with her heart. She had gone through a lot in losing both her Dad and her Grandpa just months apart. Then she went through a lot of bullying for a while. She was choosy about who she let in and each one of them said that she showed up in their lives when they needed her and that she helped them through a really transitional time. For one Girl, it was a battle with anorexia and Trista was able to facilitate this Girl finally reaching out to her Mom for help. She is doing well. For a couple of other Girls it was bullying and Tris stood up for them and was their friend when they truly needed one. For another Girl, she was struggling with a lot of internal pain and Tris was the one who she knew understood her and she could tell it all to without fearing any type of judgment. The girls are from very different walks of life and very different types of cliques. They all had Trista in common. Now, it seems they are drifting apart. Camara would like to see everyone come together in June to celebrate Trista… this girl who brought them all together. It’s natural that they drift apart in some ways as they graduate, go to college, and start their lives but she wants to see them never lose track of the Girl that brought them all together. It touched my heart that she felt that way. I miss Trista so much. My heart aches all the time. Approaching this one year mark, my first Mother’s Day, and Trista’s Birthday, my anxiety is high. The memories of this first year are flooding me. I flashback to that day a lot and it feels like yet another layer of shock is fading. I hate this journey that I’m on. Some days I just don’t even know how I am going to do it year after year. I know I have to so I shift my focus to just getting through the day. It’s all I got right now.

[Jeff's Mom]

Very quickly stopping by to say that I am thinking of everyone. Thanks to all for sharing about their gardens, etc. Sherry and Shannon...I close my eyes and do a visual walk through your yards when you discuss your gardens. Sherry, I could almost smell the flowers as you posted your events of the day. What a delightful outing. 

 

Dee, I am so sorry for the families of those that were affected by the fire. How traumatic for everyone concerned. I too am pleased that you are enjoying some decent days to be able to take those stress release walks, etc. There is something cathartic about being surrounded by nature.

 

Hope to post later today. Kate 

[Mermaid Tears]

Grief has no regard to what color skin....what country you live in...the house you live in..(or don't live in)...what language you speak...

 

Grief does not discriminate...

 

We don't have to guard our sorrow...

there is enough for everyone

[Mermaid Tears]

[hoosiermom]

Hello friends

 

Just wanted to stop by and share a photo taken yesterday at Katie's memorial service (it was her one year angelversary)

 

My friend/sister "T" is in the middle, she is Katie's mother.  I am to the right of her, and our mutual friend "L" is on her left.  All of us in this picture are bereaved mothers.  "T" is the newest at just one year, "L" is 2 years, and I am coming up on 5 years.

 

Yes we are smiling, but it was a day of celebrating a sweet courageous life, so no tears

 

I also wanted to share a visitation story from "T".  Over the years of Katie's cancer battle, they met many cancer families and soon formed close friendships.  Some of the families she never met in person, just knew them through FB or an online support group (much like here)  "T" received a message from one of the moms she has never met, describing a dream that she had two nights in a row. 

 

She was sitting on her patio and Katie came to her and told her to go in the house and get her the bananas.  She did, and gave them to Katie.  Katie then proceeded to place them in the flower garden and explained that "it will bring the butterflies" and that whenever the butterflies appear, they will know that the angels are nearby.  Katie reached down around the flowers and scooped up a butterfly and said "see! here is one now!"  Katie then told her that she would send blue butterflies whenever the woman's daughter was around so that she would know she was being watched over.  Then Katie said "Tell my mom, the angels are all around her, all she has to do is look with her heart" and then she was gone.

 

"T" has been placing bananas around the rose bushes in Katie's memorial garden at her home.  This woman could not have known that, she has never been to "T"s home.

 

Yes I believe! 

 

Love and light to all,

Jenn, Brianna's momma forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Jenn, thank you for sharing that amazing story...I love to hear those stories how those of us who have children, now in spirit form, are still loving us from their new home with God...

 

I am behind in my reading too...did send prayers for everyone last night before sleep especially Carol's Kim and for Ross..

 

So many things occurred this weekend...on Saturday Thomas got into an minor ATV accident...He is OK...however we did not know his condition that night...he was riding on the ATV and went off the road. because here our roads are gravel, in the spring they get very wet and can break away at the sides...anyway...he was riding (faster than he should) and the road gave way on the side and sucked him into the ditch...he rolled with the ATV which slammed him in the sternum and soft belly area and threw him 25 feet or so...I had to take him to the hospital and we stayed the night, myself sleeping in a recliner...the accident brought back horror memories as well as the worry...the Trauma room doctor would not release Thomas since there was a high chance of internal damage and he was having trouble breathing...but Thomas is mostly okay and besides having a sore gut area, two fractured ribs...and  he also has a very sprained right ankle...I am thankful it was not worse because it could have been...

 

...I wonder why Jesse did not get the rescuing angel that day for him...I do not think I could have handled another son going away...

 

...then on Sunday my Uncle passed away at 4 pm...I will have to go down for my mom since she is having a hard time...this is her next closest brother in age...10 months older than her...

 

...so a lot is going on...I wanted to say to Susan, I have great admiration for your son Aaron, the Trauma Room surgeon...it is a very special person to do that kind of work...

 

I am doing okay, just tired...I agree with what Kate posted, when we experience death over time a little of us goes away too...

 

I will share a visitation story...my cousin's son, also named Jesse (age 21), passed away in April of 2012 from a motorcycle crash. My uncle (who just passed) had been in the hospital in Milwaukee for the critical heart condition a month before he passed...that week in the hospital my Uncle kept saying that he could see his grandson (in spirit) in the room....every day there was a visit. My uncle even pointed out the chair where the grandson was sitting and of course no one else could see because the grandson was in spirit...

 

Have read so much about deathbed visions...how the deceased family members come for their loved ones...

 

...I should add my Uncle never read or was into anything of this nature...but it happened almost identical to what I have read in my research....(a good book on this is Crossing the Threshold of Eternity..Robert Wise)

 

You may not hear as much from me over the next several days....but everyone here is in my prayers and thoughts...your companionship on this journey means more than I can possible say....

[ericasmom]

Jenn, thanks for the photos, such beautiful women you three are, mothers of beautiful Children. I love the banana story. Lovely. Thank you.

 

Sandy, how is your husband, how are you?

 

Laurie, my goodness I am saying prayers for your Boy to fully heal and that your Uncle is finding his way to Heaven with the help of his Angel nephews. Yes, you will need rest after so much going on, the trauma of being in the hospital is HUGE. The worry level goes haywire. Be well Laurie.

 

Thanks All for the comments about my student, we had a good day at school and talked about the fire and how everyone is feeling about it. It was important to them to have that freedom talk and ask questions.

 

Shannon, the anxiety you are experiencing is normal for this abnormal time in your life. It will not always feel this crazy hard, this unbelievably heartbreaking, and you will get through it even though the whole scene is something we wish we could just erase...Tris is with you as you try to find ways to live through this time, making sure of the boys and making sure of you. Each year anniversary is sad of course, but this first one is like a giant mountain to climb. I promise you, your Daughter is climbing with you. Proud of you the whole way.

 

Have to do some work,

Love to All.

[wgreenlee]

Susan...

Sorry to hear about Thomas' accident, but happy to hear it will be ok.  Those darn ATVs...  And so sorry to hear about your uncle.  Yes, he is making his way to a better place.  Take care of yourself as you travel and I know your mom will sure appreciate the extra comfort you bring.

 

Dee...

You are right that students need that safe place to talk and work through their emotions.  I'm glad they have you.  I am constantly looking for that hope that the days will get better, because I just don't think I can continue this way.  It's almost like my emotions have been opened like new wounds and I'm starting over again.  Good to hear the comfort in your words.

 

Peace to everyone tonight!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Thank you. This is all so hard. Your words are what I needed to hear.

 

Laurie,

I don't know what to say except that I'm sending prayers and will keep you in my thoughts. I'm glad that Thomas is okay. I also know all the questions this brings. Hugs to you. Please keep us posted as you can and know I'm thinking of you.

 

Jenn,

I know it was hard to be there but yet you reached to friend knowing what she is going through. I love the story you shared. Thank you.

 

Laurie wrote... I am doing okay, just tired...I agree with what Kate posted, when we experience death over time a little of us goes away too...

 

That is so true. In 2005 I lost my Grandpa in March. He raised me so it was like losing my Dad. He was the rock and the foundation of our extended family. Four months later my husband died. He was the rock and foundation of our family. I don't know that I had completely come to terms with the loss of my 'Father' and Husband before I lost my Girl. I do remember... although I don't remember much in that first year... that my Mother in Law wanted to go to the cemetery and release balloons on the anniversary of my husbands passing. My kids were home alone with him. It was horrible and they had nightmares. They were too young to remember dates so they didn't know. I told her no. I told her that I didn't think it was healthy to remind them of the date that Terry died. I told her that we would celebrate his birthday and other holidays but that I didn't think it was healthy to acknowledge the date he passed. What was wrong with me? I thought I was doing the best thing for my kids but I will never forgive myself for that. She needed us and I didn't get it. This is so hard for me to admit but it's the truth.

[Sholl1955]

Dee, thank you for asking about us.  My husband is still in rehab.  The pain has diminished a lot and it appears the surgery has been successful.I am thankful.  He will  be there awhile yet.   He wants to come home, but he is in the right place for now.

Wishing all a restful night.

 

Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Sweet ...sweet little Shannon....let's don't go there..

let's not worry about that now...

I will post what I experienced when my Dad was 'going home."

 

 

I did before...but the new ones need to hear...or read...what happened...

and Laurie....it will be for you...

 

we cannot bring any more to our shattered lives...

without hope...

[ericasmom]

Shannon, there was/is nothing wrong with you, you were looking at this from wife and mother of young ones point of view, not as the mom of someone gone too soon. SHe was ofcourse the mom of one lost too soon, but you could not have come close to that at the time. He was your husband, you had tiny ones to watch over and really at the time, it probably would not have been a good time to go send off the balloons for them if it meant bringing up the pain of that day. How is Terry's Mom with you these days? I cannot remember if she is living and if so, if she has a role in your lives. Anyhow, don't be too hard on yourself over this, your loss was very fresh and very difficult and it was a different loss from what his Momma had.

 

Wade, the first year is a series of roller-coaster rides, the kind where you just can't get off the ride. I will say that the second year is different for many in that you begin to find ways to build parameters for yourself...making some flexible frames in which to live. Somehow for many of us, the second year can bring a great sadness as to a mark of all things first, being replaced with second, but I do believe you begin to find out some ways to live with a new purpose. It may come then, it may come later or earlier, but it does come. I know it feels that this is an endless life of horrific days and long nights, but it will one day be softer than it is now and you will find ways to relish the memories instead of being so broken by them.

[lovU2themoon]

been a tough couple days, tomorrow the community is putting on a rally at the legislative building to petition change on that highway. 

My family and i will go, i have a picture of Lane and pins with his picture on it, hopefully it will have some impact.

Its very very tough to have his face out there, i wanted to hold on to him still so tight. 

Here is the video one of the kids made, he was the driver of the green truck you see.

Lane's car is not in the video (very thankful for that as i have never seen it) but those are his crosses the kids from his grade 12 class are standing with, they posted the crosses on the highway 2 days after he died. 

It sounds like the kids in the community's are terrified of traveling that highway, but in order to get to school, many of them have to. 

Something needs to be done. 

Please don't watch the video if you might become upset, that's not my intentions of posting it, i wanted to share because of the work and dedication the students have done since lane died. but again please don't watch it if is going to cause stress or any of you to be upset.   

 

Needing your strength in these days ahead.

Wanda

 

[ericasmom]

Wanda, I just watched the video, and while it was hard to see those images of injured young people, cars mangled, it is so important to set these images free to inspire and teach. I hope you will tell the Kids, that a Mom who also lost her Child to a terrible accident that I applaud their devotion and talents. And I applaud your strength in the coming days to allow Lane's image to be used...I know what you mean when you say you wanted to keep him so close, but he still has work to do here too, like you. He will be as close as he can be for all of time.

 

Sandy, so glad to hear that Husband is doing better. How is your dog these days without him there?

[Mermaid Tears]

Wanda....I have not watched the video....but I will....(sometimes my 'stamina and strength' is stronger at certain times of the day for some reason)....

 I am very moved by the sheer energy and passion of the students to get 'this death highway' corrected....it has to be testament of their devotion to Lane...

  and their quest that they do not have another young friend be lost...

and another family has to travel the grief journey...

We know this will not be easy for you....but as Dee has said so many times...'we can stand where our child cannot stand..'

....we figure out how to shine their light...

In some way....we become 'messengers'...

Please let us know how it went...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....we can understand the emotional toll on your vigil over Thomas....that knee jerk reaction of a parent when another child is in an accident....sheer fear...

   for all of us on this site has had that fear thought...'what if another'....Thomas is recovering and that is the best news ever...

  and just as Lora has those same thoughts as you....when it was her brother that lived over the accident...'Why didn't Cara?'

  and you...'Why didn't Jesse?'

    I do believe those are very 'normal' to have....

I think parents that have lost a child become 'mystical thinkers'....we go to unmapped territory in questioning...

  the 'big WHY'.....

or...'why not my child live instead of die'....or...'why do they live and mine die'.....

   those questions have a background in my mind...and they can make me come to a full stop...and then I have to make a concentrated effort to...'let it go'...

Once again...I face that slippery slope....to be better....or be bitter....

I do have a respect now...(that I never had before)....over how thoughts like that can create a mental illness...or a physical illness....

    and the 'woulda-shoulda-coulda' thinking...

and the fact that we aren't balanced ..(mentally or physically) carrying this enormous burden of grief...early in the grief journey....we don't have that sure footing...we slip and fall many, many times..

 

I hope your trip is a safe one to the funeral....and that you are going to carry the respects...I remember Essie telling me...'you don't go for the dead...you go for the living'.....I have not gone to a funeral since John David passed...so I know this will not be easy for you. Self care...along the way.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

The sheer force of grief when one loses a child is simply something one has to experience....

a book cannot describe that dark force...the assault..on every cell in your body...

or the distance of that deep fall...

it is as if we fall from the earth home..into a foreign space..

 

Shannon....there is a saying by Maya Angelou..'When you know better...you do better'....

that has been one of my very favorite sayings...for I can relate it to so many areas of my life..

    many wish we had one of those 'redo' buttons....or a 'replay' button...what we really need is to be able to go back at that specific place and time...and put ourselves 'there'....again.....and remember the place, time and situation and simply say...'that was then...this is now'....

   I think Dee explained it very well....that you were protecting your children...simple as that...no malicious reasoning...just a Mama doing what she thought best at that time...it was a vulnerable time for you and those babies....

   and you were just following that God given instinct to protect your young...

and I do feel that is a true gift ...that Mama instinct...that Daddy instinct...to wrap our child with.

[mikesmomrs]

DEE...I know it's kind of late, but I hope you had a special day today...Teacher's Day. If anyone deserves their own day, it's teachers, and you top the list of VSP's...."Very Special Teachers." Those who've had the privilege of being taught by you have also had the privilege of being loved by you and thus have been doubly blessed. ♡♡♡

[ericasmom]

Carol, I just checked my mail before bed and saw this incredibly sweet note from you. Thanks so much. Today was/is a wonderful day, not only did my Son come to school with Baby-Love, we got to go to the park over lunch and play. It was such a joy for my students to meet Jonathan and his little Girl. It was a long day after that as tonight was what we term the Learning Goal Fair. That is when 1st-3rd graders present what they chose to learn extra about. The kids get to choose and they present their whole thing to the class but on LG night, parents and grandparents come and walk in and out of classrooms asking the kids to give the key facts about their learning goal. It was a great night, at school until almost 8:00PM.      How is Kim?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thank you for your kind note Susan and the thoughts on Jesse...thinking of everyone tonight on this site...continued prayers  for all....

 

I got down by my mom's about 4:30. My sister, Val, was going to help, her and her fiance, Tom live close to here ...well now his father passed away at 10:30 tonight....

 

....his dad is elderly but I did not think this new unexpected situation would overlap my uncle's funeral....I am not close to the family but will have to lend some support to my sis as it affects her...

 

saying Psalms 23 tonight....

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Yes I have become a mystical thinker...the art of dying is not taught well in our modern Western culture

 

Wanda, wishing your efforts and those other parents the best for changing the highway to be a safer road...

 

Dee and Wade...thank you for your dedication and wonderful work with these young children, I think many of us on this site can think of a teacher who really made a difference in our life...

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes....yes....applause for the 'Teachers'.....Dee....so happy your students got to meet your SONshine boy and Babydoll...bringing all the good stuff together...I think it lets the students know that 'Teacher' has a life outside the classroom...

     I came from the generation that Teachers were put on a pedestal....if you got in trouble at school....you were really in bad trouble at home....my parents...grandparents handed down legacy of respect for the teachers in our community....there was discipline...rules...manners....that was taught besides the 'book knowledge'....

  my favorite teacher was Mrs. Pickett...my 4th grade teacher.....now in looking back ...I realize she had a knack for

'creative' teaching....making the subjects vivid...colorful...and 'fun in the challenge'....

 

 

 

Laurie...your plate is full....it is not the best in timing of it all.....two families...two losses....but that connection...I do know that you will know how to handle it all....and how to give your sympathy and empathy....you have been in the hardest class of sorrow....

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol and Sandy....how are the patients ? thinking of you.

 

 

Wade and Ted....Mother's Day is on the horizon....I know both of you are having anxiety over how your wives will handle the day....

 

 

All of us on this site will have that 'bitter sweet' taste in our mouths...

 

Am asking our 'Spirit Guides'....the ones that have been on the grief journey for many years to please

give advice on how you handled Mother's Day in the early part of the journey...

[daveydow1]

Shannon---It is so understandable that your anxiety level is high at this time,

with Mothers Day and Trista's birthday coming up.  These dates can really get

to us...especially if they are the "firsts".  Zak's plays must have been so nice to

see, and he is a brave young man to face his stage fright by meeting it head on...

good for him. Thinking of you at this difficult time.

 

 

Susan----

Thanks for the message......truly inspiring....."I know where yonder is..."

 

Jenn-----So nice that you learned of the dreams she had of Katie and the bananas

and butterflies.....especially two nights in a row.  These signs we get from dear

departed children are so inspiring.....ours to keep. 

 

 

Laurie----

Sorry to hear that your uncle has passed....thoughts & prayers.  Also,

I'm sorry about Thomas'  ATV accident.  Sending prayers for his recovery.  So

much anxiety, worry, and stress for you.

 

Dee-----So great that Jon and little babe Erica came to your class to meet the kids.

I bet the students were just so excited. Always good when someone visits the

class and they get to meet new people.  Baby Erica must have been the star of

the day.  

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom-----Sherry 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Jenn....thank you so much for sharing that 'story'....a journey of remarkable sorrow and courage....you three show in that photo....

   more later....

we need more stories like that from parents that share the same grief....

[mikesmomrs]

WADE:  Please accept my apology for not mentioning you yesterday...I totally forgot that you also are a teacher, and from your stories here, quite a teacher as well.  I know that your students benefit from your presence in their lives, and like Dee's students, they must feel loved as they pass through your class.  I know that we here benefit from your presence, even though you are fairly new to this journey, you have inspired us by your methods of coping and also those of honoring your sweet son.  I hope that you, also, had a great day yesterday! 

[mikesmomrs]

thank you again, everyone, for your prayers and good thoughts being sent out to Kim and our family.  She is a little better today; they have decided to give her a gluten and caffeine-free diet to try to see if it makes any difference.   The day before she had a six liter output and they are not able to discharge her as long as that is going on...they said she would be dehydrated within 24 hours, to the point of kidney failure.  (They have her on IV fluids 24/7 right now and has been since the first day there.  They still need to keep her until she is consistently stable, so it may be a few more days.  I know that her strength is waning in the "buck up kid, be brave" department, and for her, that is very unusual and hard for her to deal with.  I am leaving now to run up to the hospital and spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening with her.  Hello to all, and especially with this coming up Mother's Day, know that you will make it through...it won't be easy, and there will be tears, but you will come out the other side stronger.  Even if only a little bit.  Prayers for you all. 

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kate....this 'bench' reminded me of you and your SONshine boy...

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan...yes, how lovely to have a place of quiet reflection. We hope to make it into the site this weekend to place some flowers. I have been feeling very sad this past few weeks. I contribute it to the new season and another season passing.  I agree with Carol in that this upcoming next few days will be difficult for all of us. I am holding you close and want you to know that Sunday as hard as it is ... I hope that you will find some joy and time for quiet reflection of your precious child.  Oh yes, it will bring tears. But not one of us would have it otherwise. Only a parent could relate to this feeling.  As we celebrate the joy of motherhood... we also embrace the true value of the child we have lost. And the joy and enrichment that they brought to our lives. How lucky we were. Could there be a better present?

[ericasmom]

Thanks Susan for the quotes that touch our hearts.

I agree Kate, we would not trade who we brought into this world for anything, they are the strength in our hearts and the forever in our lives.

Wade, happy Teacher Day. I do hope that you feel appreciated and cared for by your students. I have a strong suspicion that you are.

Carol, I am glad that Kim is finding improvement, I hope she can be patient with healing so that she does not get too down. I know it must be so hard to be away from the girls. It is hard when you don't spring back right after surgery, you begin to wonder if you will be strong again, it just takes time and it sounds as though she has been through a great deal. Please give her a gentle hug from me.

Sherry, it was so dear for Jon and Erica to come to school. She really had fun watching the hundreds of children play on the playground. A sight she has never seen before. I had such fun. Today some iris opened and the anenomes are about to open as are the perennial geraniums. The bluebells and magnolia are still going strong and they are gorgeous.

[ericasmom]

Just a wish for a great day today...I got in from a walk and it is so pretty out today, woodpeckers, blue-jays, all sorts of finch, robins galore, all about in happy unison, pursuing the day. The trees of which I am most allergic, are in full and lustrous bloom, deep pinks, yellows, soft pinks, whites- all fragrant and showy. Like a spring cotillion.

 

Peace

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....I had many male teachers in school....and to this day....they remain fresh in my memory for the lasting impression and lessons they taught....the one that really stands out was Mr. Story....(John T. was in our class and his Dad was the Principal at the High School...and am sure he realized what a genius Mr. Story was...so as our class was promoted...so did Mr. Story...).....I had him first when we were in 7th grade....oh gee....was he tough...strict...he knew grammar inside...outside...I do believe we diagrammed 1,000's of sentences....research papers...(oh...the hours spent in the library)...I tell my grandchildren how hard it was to do research and find resources...oh gee...if we had had computers....and the poetry and literature...book reports...sigh.....hours of homework....but....all in the class that went on to college...tested out of freshman and sophomore English. We were so advanced...and all because of him. We had a very close class...and at all our class reunions...our teachers were all invited...we were like family. I am sure that you have many students now that need that 'male' presence...in their lives...for many homes lack that voice and strong arm.

 

It certainly seems as if....your feet have been placed on a path...of being at the best place at the right time....to give comfort to others....maybe the best way to grieve....is to share our grief with others....maybe that is the best way to 'carry' our grief...

our mourning creates a circle of caring for others ....

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....thank you for your morning greeting....my Essie use to say.......'the birds are singing up the sun'...and that is what I say every morning...

 

 

I remembered this quote...will share with everyone...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....thinking of you....getting your house on the market for sale ? It does take a lot of work to get it ready...but will reap a lot of good when it is time for show.....then you don't have to get in a panicky sweat when agents and buyers want to make an appt.....if you need any real estate advice...please let me know...you will be so surprised at all that 'free time' you will have when you sell...and either get a condo or apt.....

   I know you aren't looking forward to Mother's Day without your Cara...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I just wanted to stop in and say hello to everyone and let you all know you're in my thoughts and prayers every day. To all who are dealing with added pain and worries on top of this grief I'm continually holding you in my thoughts. I've had a really rough couple of days. I'm finally going to try some medication for my PTSD at least tempororarily. I haven't taken anything since the very early days but with all these dates that will be hitting over the next month and hitting this one year mark I think it will be necessary. I'm really hiiting a wall right now and am trying so hard to be strong for my boys. Thank you all for being here. I don't know how much I'll be able to post but will be here and reading when I can and thinking of you all and our precious Angels.