Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry, sending warm thoughts today...read your note on feeling a little down...know matter how long we walk this path there are still those moments...I can see my mom is still processing my sister's death...I understand the depth of searching that this type of tragedy pushes one towards. She also had an infant death and my sister passed at 42 in 2001...my mom and my dad faithfully place flowers on the gravesites. I am thankful you continue to post on the site...I always enjoy seeing your David's smile and we remember your sweet baby Lisa today...

 

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Colleen, it does seem like our loved one becomes "frozen in time" whatever their age at passing, it is where a part of us remains...I know that with your Brian there are those benchmarks in life, when we compare this is what our child should be doing now, I have a wedding of a friend's son coming up...do not think I can attend...not now...

 

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Kate, thinking of you and Ross today...prayers sent for him...are you still on your exercise plan I remember you had a membership... Or does the summer walks take the place of that...

 

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Lora, it is good that your brother was able to get some kind of benefits right away so he does not have to worry about finances....wishing your son and his bride-to-be well...Chicago does offer a great many things to do...

 

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Will post more later...

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry I have not been able to post the past couple of days. This is our Victoria Day long weekend. I hope to catch up on reading the posts properly and then reply. I will say  "Thanks" to all for sharing the wonderful photos and thinking of Ross! I quickly looked at them and they were balm for my weary soul. Love to all and have a decent evening. Kate 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Debbie, I wish that there were some words to write that would be adequate for what you are experiencing...I could find none...but know that you are thought of today and your Sam....

I truly do not understand why some people are wired the way they are...in the most horrible, vulnerable time of a person's life, somewhere they see an "opportunity" to take from someone else what is not theirs to take...and there always seems to be some kind of rationale that they come up with to cover their evil deeds....but someday everyone  has to account for the hurt they have done.

 

Thank you for sharing the pictures of Sam and also your grandchildren...wishing you better days. HUGS.

[wgreenlee]

Happy Birthday, son!

 

All our love...Mom and Dad

 

[Guest]

Wade, such a beautiful boy inside and out. I hope you feel Brooks love and light today. How lucky we were to have our children.

[ericasmom]

BROOKS DEAR,

The day that brought you to your MOM AND DAD, and all the days began here on this date. A lovely number. Please sing and make music with the Angels today Brooks. I know that you will let your Parents feel your presence today especially. Help them feel you in all that is good.

 

Wade, the true meaning of bittersweet but oh how we would not change this date for anything in the world. I hope that you will find his messages all around you today.

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday, Brooks

Brooks

Brooks

Brooks

Here we say their name out loud.

Wade, for me, this is the hardest day of the year. Please know you are not alone. I am saying prayers and sending a huge hug your way.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Jeff's Mom]

HAPPY BITHDAY, BROOKS! Wade & Renea...I know how difficult this day is for you. My hope is that you will find comfort in reliving those terrific memories that you shared with Brooks.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, how inviting the pictures of your pool look. I certainly hope that all that are in the path of the fires will be safe. Thinking of all of you.

 

Lora, good news about the upcoming wedding, and your brother's benefits. I imagine focusing on the wedding will be uppermost in your thoughts over the next few weeks.

 

Laurie, it is your call as to whether you are able to attend the wedding. Many I know have found themselves unable to go, and others find that it is manageable. Either way it is for you too decide and  I'm sure everyone will understand.

 

Debbie, thanks for sharing the pictures of Sam. I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. Hang in there. You are a very strong woman and will come out the other side of this.

 

Gretchen, so good to hear from you! I was horrified to read about that poor young man. Very traumatic for everyone involved. Sending prayers and wishes for a  good recovery.

 

Sherry, sorry that you are feeling down these days. Perfectly understandable. How is your Mom doing? I imagine you have been actively working in your garden.

 

Dee, I hope that you are out and enjoying a lovely day with your Babylove. How is your husband's garden coming along? I remember you mentioned ions ago how much he loves lilies. With any luck we will be able to plant in another couple of weeks. It has been a very unusual year for us up here. We reached 0C last night. The lake has finally broken up and looks like a giant slush puppy.

 

Not much new on my end. Days somehow fly by. Much is the same and we are taking the opportunity to get out and enjoy whatever we can. It is really busy this weekend ,as cottagers have returned and are enjoying the long weekend. Last night we woke up to fireworks going off at our neighbours. We were both so tired that we rolled over and went back to sleep...slept right through them! Ross does what he is able, but does not have the same energy as he once did. So most evenings he is fast asleep by 8:00. However we are up by 5:00 every morning with the dog.

 

Ted, thinking of you this weekend.

 

Thinking of so many that have moved on from the site. If you are ever reading please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Brenda

Leah

Maddy

Susan

Trudi

Betty

Robert's Mom

Diane

Greg

Surreal

 

Love to all for a decent Sunday! Kate  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Brooks...may your mom and dad feel you close today.

 

Wade and Renea you are in my thoughts as this is a bittersweet day...

 

Brooks, We shout out your name loud and clear and celebrate your birth this side of heaven...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

.

[MissKylie]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Brooks! You are always loved and remembered.

 

Brooks

 

Brooks

 

Brooks

 

We say your name out loud and may your parents feel that you are just around watching over them..

 

Happy Birthday to you gentleman!

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, I am sorry to hear of your friend losing her mom so soon after losing her son...it just layers upon one another...
 

The roadside memorial looks lovely, and the story you shared of the woman coming out and praying for the family was truly moving...it is like a light upon our path when these kindnesses are shown to us...

 

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Susan, the pool looks so inviting...the crew did a terrific job of revitalizing it...it is good to hear that your son Aaron and family are safe from the fires....he is special person to be able to help people in the way he does...

 

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Kate, thanks for the note back...I just find there is only so much I can do...and I have to let go of the rest...

 

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Cherry, it was good to see your post today....how are things with you...

[Tbearw58]

Happy times for a change bittersweet bride and groom and wife

[tobyfreefoot]

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

I've held you, Renae, and Brooks in my thoughts today. Here's a virtual candle burning for Brooks. Sending prayers for comfort. I hope you felt the love of your Son all around you.

Brooks,

Saying your name out loud today. Be with your Mom and Dad as they celebrate the day they welcomed you into the world. I know you filled their hearts and lives with love and joy and will continue to forever. You showed the world your strength of Spirit while you were here and touched many lives. Your Spirit lives on forever. I'm blessed I am able to know you through your Dad. Dance and Sing with the Angels, Brooks.

[Jeff's Mom]

Ted, darned fantastic photo of the family! Congrats on this happiest of occasions. I would say a young man was walking beside you all of the way on this very special day.  

 

Gretchen, yes...many have fallen before us that will remain in our memories and hearts.

 

Laurie, you must slowly go about this process in your own way. Please try to take good care of yourself. One day at a time.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Ted for sharing that special day with us, your pretty Girl and your Wife there to celebrate your Daughter's marriage. I love her red roses and the rose on your tux...Prayers for a happy strong marriage and for you to feel the strength in your NIck's Love.

 

Kate, I sure hope that the big sluchy turns into a crystal clear body of water soon and that warmth returns to the meadows and gardens. Today was in my opinion perfection. It was about 73 and breezy, blue skies and an occasional white puffy cloud. I was outdoors for most of the day, taking a lot of time in our garden and at our school garden, and time to take a good bike ride as well, and a short walk with a friend. Just so nice to spend the day outdoors.

 

My Grandgirl and her Momma were in Michigan for the weekend as they visited some friends. The photos look like both Mom and Daughter had a great time.

 

Back to school tomorrow, busy times the end of the year, including a parent conference tomorrow morning at 7:20 for a girl whose grades and behaviors are starting to fall apart. Happens for some toward the end of the year, hard for some kids to think of leaving so they get mad and feel like it will be easier to say goodbye that way, but it won't so we want to try to catch this before it gets away from her.

 

Peaceful sleep All

[Sholl1955]

Life sometimes places demands on us that require constant busyness as we provide for, care for and fulfill responsibilities for those we love.   As we navigate through grief during such busy times we slowly make progress with many stops and starts as our focus must be spread in many directions and we find firmer footing and the times between the slides backwards are farther apart. Then when something changes the daily dynamics and there is time alone, the pain that I thought was softer, comes rushing back with an incredible, suffocating force with an intensity that I thought was behind me.  The uncontrollable tears have returned and the reality is so raw.   I just need to trust that the ONE who has held my head above water since March 14, 2012, will continue  to hold me as I venture back to firmer ground.   Oh my sweet Sarah I miss you so.    I am praying for strength to continue doing what I need to do .

Sandy

[mikesmomrs]

WADE:  so very sorry that I missed Brooks' birthday.  I pray you and Renea had a day of comfort in the good memories, with the sweet spirit of Brooks surrounding you on this day that brought such joy to you both.  We here know what these birthdays are like, and it is good that we are together, and I know that Brooks was together with all of our heavenly angels, being his beautiful self.

BROOKS  BROOKS  BROOKS   saying your name, remembering, always....

 

[Tbearw58]

Brooks Brooks Brooks Happy birthday

[Tbearw58]

Brooks Brooks Brooks Happy Birthday

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I am sorry you are feeling so raw with ache right now. I do agree, that there are times we find ourselves suddenly in the midst of a waterfall and we are falling through it, unsure of how we will land. Sometimes we travel there for reasons unknown and undiscovered and sometimes, we find that we come away with some new piece of knowledge or puzzle piece that gives us some measure of good. I pray that you feel some good return to you soon.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sandy,

I’m sorry you are so raw right now. I can completely relate. I keep busy. Aiden is four so he is like a whirlwind most of the time. My sis has needed me a lot with her stuff going in her life. Zak is nearing the end of the school year so we are wrapping up all the projects that are due before the end of the year. When I have nothing else I have my gardens. It’s those times when the dust settles and I have no distractions that all the pain that is always there hits me full force. I agree with Dee. It’s in those times, as hard as they are, that I am forced to go deep and come back up with something new… some piece or peace that I needed. I’m thinking of you and hope you feel some peace return soon.

Ted,

Thank you for sharing Jennifer’s wedding with us. I have a few years before my Zak will think about marriage but all the other dates...the birthdays, holidays, reunions, etc. I know how bittersweet they all are. I loved the picture.

Gretchen,

It was good to see your post. I think of you and Forest often. The roadside memorial and the Forest’s site both look great. I love the pirate flags. I looked at the website you posted. I thought it was really interesting. We sure have cried our share of tears. I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s Mom so soon after losing her son. I have thought of her too. “We know that there is an answer bigger than our question”. I find that comforting too.

Susan,

I’m so happy that you heard from Aaron and family and that they are safe and sound. How scary! What beautiful Boys your grandsons are. The pool looks so nice. Aiden has been asking me every day if it’s ‘summer enough’ to go swimming. He only has a small child’s pool but he can’t wait to get in it. I have been letting him take occasional dips in the hot tub which is pretty much an Aiden sized pool.

Lora,

I’ve had you and Cara on my mind as both Cara and Trista’s Angel Dates are in June. You will have the wedding too and I know that will be bittersweet. A jp wedding is the way to go in my opinion. My cousin is getting married next week. We have always been very close but I haven’t decided yet if I can do it. She told me if I can’t not to feel bad at all. She will be carrying pictures of Trista and my Grandpa on her bouquet. I thought that was very sweet of her to do. I’m glad to hear your brother is still recovering and that he had no problems getting his disability. I had to help my dad file for his a few years ago and it was a huge pain. I hope everything works out for your Chicago trip to see Jared.

Colleen,

Thank you. This is a hard time of year and I’m sure as Trista’s friends go off to college, start getting married, having children, all those things that she won’t experience will be brought to the front of my mind. Thank you for sharing your journey and Brian withus. It helps to see those farther down the road are still standing and even finding some joy in life again.

Dee,

I spent the entire day outside yesterday too. I worked in the garden and flower beds and put up my hammock swing I got for my meditation spot. Aiden loves it. He says we can swing and snuggle and read stories. Sounds perfect to me. I hope the conference goes well today and you can make a break through with that little girl. I think kids can be so much more complex than adults. They’re tough to figure out sometimes. It sounds like you are ‘in tune’ to your students. I wish more teachers were.

Today is beautiful and sunny. I’m trying to have some down time today. At least as much as Aiden will allow. My sis and her kids were here for the weekend. It was hectic but good to see them.

[Jeff's Mom]

Life sometimes places demands on us that require constant busyness as we provide for, care for and fulfill responsibilities for those we love.   As we navigate through grief during such busy times we slowly make progress with many stops and starts as our focus must be spread in many directions and we find firmer footing and the times between the slides backwards are farther apart. Then when something changes the daily dynamics and there is time alone, the pain that I thought was softer, comes rushing back with an incredible, suffocating force with an intensity that I thought was behind me.  The uncontrollable tears have returned and the reality is so raw.   I just need to trust that the ONE who has held my head above water since March 14, 2012, will continue  to hold me as I venture back to firmer ground.   Oh my sweet Sarah I miss you so.    I am praying for strength to continue doing what I need to do .

 

Sandy

Sandy, I am so sorry that you are experiencing so much pressure in your life right now. I do understand... and yes we are often caught as the caregivers wearing ourselves thin running in all directions. It is times like this that it is natural to reach out to those that care and understand. Many times over the past year and  a half I have longed to have that connection with Jeff again.

 

Special occasions are always so difficult to get through at the beginning. Heck, it has been four years for me and I have  come to the conclusion that it will always be difficult. I have tried to work myself into a place of acceptance. Hold on to your faith with both hands as you would a life preserver. It will help to keep you afloat during this stormy time. For me...the thought that I would never see him again is unthinkable...and so I look on this separation as a brief period until we meet again. Just for now.

 

Try not to let yourself get run down as you race around attending to your care for Kelly and your everyday demands. You need to take good care of yourself as well. It is healthy and good to let those tears flow out and release that pent up emotion. When we feel we need to be strong for everyone else we forget that the tension builds to a point of finally blowing up.

 

You know that you have a place to come and feel free to express yourself on this site. Sometimes drawing back and just reading is all one can handle. That is OK too. To know that others are walking this path alongside us holding our hand is a great comfort on those really difficult days. You have been through so much, and it is my sincere hope that Kelly will soon find himself feeling a bit better. Wish I was closer to help out.

 

I cut this out of the paper some time ago, and it has turned yellow with age. The sentiment however is still fresh.

 

We cannot control the movements of time,

nor can we control our own destiny

or the destinies of those we love.

 

But we can take comfort in knowing

that those who have lived in out hearts

are never really gone

 

For as long as we keep them with us

In our hearts and our thoughts

They will be with us always.

 

For love, which is timeless,

Never ceases to exist.

 

[daveydow1]

Kate----Our garden is almost  completely in.  It's my husband's big hobby....loves

planting things.  My mom is going along ok....she has her good days and bad days,

of course.....arthritis/depression mainly. Thanks for asking. She is on an outing today with my

brother who is visiting from Syracuse.....that will perk her up, no doubt.  I, too,

think of all those who have moved on from this site, and pray that they are all doing

ok, and healing.  Hope Ross is feeling better.  Sending prayers.

 

HAPPY   BELATED   BIRTHDAY   IN   HEAVEN........DEAR   BROOKS.

Wade---Sorry I missed Brooks' birthday, but sending wishes now.  Peace to you

and Renea.

 

Gretchen----Oh, so sorry to hear of the bad accident at work.  Sending prayers

for the victim and his family. The quote that the lady gave you......"We know there

is an answer bigger than our question"   is indeed comforting words.  So kind of

her, and thanks for sharing.   Also, thanks for the pics of the grandies....so cute.

 

Laurie---Thanks for your kind words.  I so know what you mean about your being

unable to handle going to Jesse David's friend's wedding.  Those big events are

so bittersweet that sometimes we just can't attend.....I know.  I have been lucky

that none of David's close friends have had big weddings where I would be invited.

I think that I would have to decline.  Too many sad memories....just under the thin

surface in everyday life....would be brought into sharp focus, and tears would fall.

Of course everyone must do what they think is best for themselves in these

situations.....I understand that too.

 

Dee-----Wow! Your garden is displaying loads of beauty and color for your enjoyment

now.  We've had tulips and daffodils, and the hyacinths, but of course they are done

now.  One forsythia bush ...the small one....bloomed. But, the large one didn't bloom

this spring.  Lilacs are sparse, but the bushes are old.  I pruned them back a bit last

fall......dead branches. Frost hit last night in the low-lying areas around here. Our front

lawn of one acre was all white with frost this morning, but it missed the back areas

where the garden is located, and missed the grape arbors near the garden, so that

is good.

 

 

Susan-----

thanks for the pics of your pool project.....bet you can't wait for it to be

done and you & your family can start to enjoy it when it gets hot.

 

Colleen-----thanks for your kind words. Somehow, we got through our daughter's

wedding so soon after David's death, but my husband and I must have been like

robots in a fog.  Sometimes, I can only remember bits and pieces of the wedding.

Sometimes people who attended would ask me if I remember 'this' or 'that' at the

wedding, and I just draw a blank. Our daughter and fiancé had already paid for

reserving the reception hall, the band, caterer etc. and would have lost out if

canceling all that, but....sad to say......my husband & I just wanted  it to

be over. Bittersweet for all concerned.

 

 

Lora-----

Glad to hear that your brother is coming along, and able to walk with a cane.

Also, it's good that his disability payments have been approved. That will give him

some peace of mind, and help him heal.  Sending prayers.       

 

PEACE     AND   COMFORT    TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade...so sorry I missed sending Birthday wishes to both you and Brooks....

  but want you to know that this photo is just bustin' out with Daddy Love.....

 

 

and I found some things on the internet...this is written by a Ron Villano....for the son he lost..and for his birthday in heaven..

 

what he wrote...reminded me of what you write to your Brooks....

 

and here is a poem I found...

 

 

 

I know that no one can take that burden off of your heart

I know that no one can refresh that broken spirit you feel...

For no one can do it for me, either....

It just helps to know we don't have to walk that grief journey alone.

Peace to you and your wife...

[Mermaid Tears]

Well....yesterday Kerry told us that Aaron was in the hospital....suffering from heat exhaustion/dehydration...they had him on IV drops...he had been at the hospital at 29 Palms....then went to the Trauma Center at Camp Pendelton...treating firefighters/civilians......he has always pushed himself...anyway....he is home now....resting well....Kerry is an RN with her Masters Degree...she taught at a Medical School...(she 'gave it up' to be a stay-at-home Mom with the four boys)...she could be a Dr....he is in good hands...

....yesterday was a very 'restless' kind of day....

[Mermaid Tears]

excuse me....Camp Pendleton....

 

 

 

also....forgot to post this for Wade...

[MissKylie]

Hello Indigo friends,

 

Hope everyone is doing okay.  As for me, there are happy days and crying days...

 

I've been downloading ebooks in Kindle...Trying to get information and explanation as to how I can continue my love for Kylie, on the other side. Although, I get worried sometimes if it's against the Bible. But I need to do things to help me make myself at peace. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself, that it will be soon okay. When nothing will be ever okay since I lost my girl.

 

For sure, Kylie would like to see us happy. But not sure how to juggle the moments of remembering her without being sad. I posted Kylie's pictures in our walls. It used to be Kylie's freedom wall where she can write everything and it used to be pink. The room has been repainted blue before Kylie's passing. And it is now her baby brother's room.

 

Holding my 9 month old son, singing to him everyday is like reliving each memory with Kylie. Her first smile, clapping of hands, close-open. Now, it's her baby brother's turn and can't help not to remember Kylie's progress when she's of the same age. There are mornings that I was disappointed I'm still alive on earth and  I'd turn to my son and he'd give his sweetest smile which makes me feel hurt so much more. He doesn't have any idea that everyone is mourning while he hopes to be noticed as center of our world since he's the baby.

 

At work, my boss said she's resigning. I thought that I'm going to replace her since I'm her back-up whenever she's not around. And now, it feels like I will not get promoted because my big boss thinks that I still need space to grieve. And probably not ready for the role. They probably miss seeing me full of energy, dedicated to work and I admit I slowed down. I need to slow down...

 

Then, I don't know what to do. And I don't know what to feel.

 

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She used to love going to the mall and eat out. She's of the same birth month as Kylie. But yesterday, she just sleep. I also tend to oversleep. Wishing for a dream to be with my daughter.

 

And  then I asked what am I doing here? This grief journey is driving me nuts. I pray to God that this pain will not feels like forever.

 

So sorry for sharing..I wish that happy thoughts can come without guilt.

 

Hugs,

 

Kylie's Mommy- Mommy Cherry

[lovU2themoon]

Brooks Brooks Brooks

Saying your name on your birthday!!

 

For you Wade and Rena, thinking of you.

Love Wanda

[tobyfreefoot]

i hope this doesn't upset anyone but if your child was a drowning victim it might at least let you know that kids drown right in front of their parents and they don't realize it. this is a very inportant article.  allison walked into a pool when her father was "watching" her.  she wasn't concious when he retrieved her.  one of the first things she said to me was "you can't talk underwater" please read this and pass it on to others.  it is summertime and the signs of drowning do NOT look like drowning.  everyone needs to know this.

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/family/2013/06/rescuing_drowning_children_how_to_know_when_someone_is_in_trouble_in_the.html

[daveydow1]

Cherry-----So very sorry that your grief is so raw and painful.  Yes....it is

perfectly understandable and natural that you would think of Kylie when

you hold and play with your baby son. I so, know what you mean.  After

my baby Lisa died at age 6 mo., then our son, David, came along about

a year later.  I could not help thinking of her when I held and cared for

him, but he helped me so much in his sweet baby ways......just as your

baby son helps you with his innocent smiles.  Lisa died as an infant,

and David  is gone now too, but we are grateful that we had him for those

31 yrs.  Your loss of your sweet Kylie is so devastating, and you must

take the time you need ....day-by-day....to find your way to some comfort.

It won't always feel this way.....it will soften in time.  You are doing the right

things to help yourself on this rough journey.  I don't think it will always feel

as bad as it does right now.

This journey we're on is a uniquely personal one.......each must go along

at their own pace, but sharing of one's grief with others who know, firsthand,

the pain & heartache of losing a beloved child can somehow lighten the load.

Sending deep prayers for you, friend.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry     

[MissKylie]

Thanks Sherry. I believe we are all good people and we don't deserve to be hurt this way. And it doesn't make any sense to go through such a loss.  And we parent them as much as we could. I know I keep on going in circles....As time heals all pain cliche is not true all the time.

 

Now it's all about surrender to God, wherever He wants to lead me on. It's the only thing left in me, Hope. Hope that one day I will see Kylie again. And that will be one of the sweetest thing to hope for inspite of pain.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen, That is so scary. It seems every summer I hear tragedies like that. I'm so glad Allison is ok.

Cherry, Like you, I read and read, looking for answers, for what feels right for me. My Gramma's church is doing a series on heaven. They've been going over it the past few weeks. She's sharing with me what she's learning. Her pastor is very different in his ideas and understanding than the traditional ideas my Gramma was raised with and she's very excited about it. He is validating for her that yes, our loved ones really are still with us in many ways.

I understand how you're little boy brings those memories. Aiden has Trista's eyes and many of her mannerisms. Watching him play takes me back to her childhood. Sometimes I can smile at the memories and sometimes it hurts so much. I just want to go back to any day of her childhood and hold her again.

Susan, I'm glad your Son is okay and at home getting the rest and care he needs. Sometimes the caretaker forgets to care for themselves. What a good heart he has.

 

I've been outdoors with Aiden all day today. He is such a sweetheart. I was working in Trista's garden and just got hit with the overwhelming sadness. Aiden noticed and said, "Do you miss Sissy?" I told him yes and he asked, "But aren't you happy that I'm here?" I tried my best to explain to him that I am very happy he's here with me but I still miss Sissy too. It's hard to explain to a four year old that I can be happy and very very sad all at the same time.

 

Working in Trista's garden is very helpful to me right now. I'm hurting and missing her so much and the closer it gets to June 1st... plus all the worry for my husband and his health right now. Sometimes when I'm working in her garden I can almost 'see' her sitting there with me... with her Hello Kitty garden gloves and her elephant watering can, talking more than working and singing in her beautiful off key way. I miss her so much.

Aiden enjoying the day

Trista's Garden

My 'meditation spot"... it's not much but it was just a bare spot where no grass would grow so I'm happy with it.

[Mermaid Tears]

Cherry....for the love we have for our children that are 'in heaven'.....there is nothing in the Bible..not one word...that says that our love for them is diminished....what it does  say is....for us to have 'faith' and keep on loving...

loving our child that is not in the earth home....is simply loving them in their 'first home'....

    I can only tell you that it is 'bitter - sweet' to look at and hold our loved ones...and wish...we could hold our heaven child..and it is normal to have the 'sad/glad' emotions....when we are left to take our loved ones and blessings...and yet....carry our grief....

it is a tightrope we walk....a grief journey....and we learn our way...day by day.....there is no right or wrong way...no right or left direction that is right....

it is simply unique...like our child was unique....

but I do want to give you applause for reaching out....learning...research...shine that light in every...every corner...it is good to learn...it is good to find a word or words...that will shine a light into your dark classroom....

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, how wonderful that the day was so uplifting. That special guy of yours was there behind you all the way. Moving forward in a positive way is exactly what he would have wanted. And "WE" need to thank you for all of your kind words and support. Life does indeed continue to move forward. We flow with the ebbs and tides as the ocean. One day good...another not so much.

 

Susan...thanks for sharing your pictures. I really can appreciate your private space to be with your thoughts.

 

Cherry...yes... tonight I feel that it does not make sense that we have to go through this. For me, at times like this...I would like to pass this along to someone else. A brief break would be appreciated. Let someone else carry this load. I'm beat.

 

Gretchen...thanks...where we live this is valued info. Hope your co-worker is slowly improving. Please let us know.

 

Lora...a tattoo! Excellent. My MIL threatened to have  a tattoo of the bluebird of paradise on her upper arm when she was in her eighties. We were never sure if she was serious, or just pushing our buttons. Go for it. Something tells me she always had an inner longing to do something out of her comfort zone. What you are planning sounds lovely and a nice tribute to Cara. 

[Guest]

.

[wgreenlee]

From deep down in the bottom of my heart I thank all of you for the birthday messages and pictures for Brooks.  I have saved all of them and plan on making a collage to hang on my wall.  Truly, without your support...love...wisdom...sharing, I don't know if I would have made it this far.  It is such a long road.

 

But

 

yesterday was good.  Beautiful and sunny!  The baseball game was wonderful.  His baseball collage and message on the scoreboard were beautiful.  Everyone had a wonderful time with lots of memories shared.  I visited him at sunrise to say "Happy Birthday" and was at peace for the first time in many days.  Loss and mourning were set aside as we just remembered his "day."  When we got home we visited his site again and found that Brooks had many friends over for a birthday visit.  There were lots of flowers and balloons with messages for him from friends who couldn't make it to the game.  Nice messages on FB too.  Even though Renea and I then let our emotions out it was good...cleansing.  

 

I will post more later with some pictures when I get them off my phone and camcorder, but I just wanted to let you all know how much you mean to me.

 

Thank you!

[Mermaid Tears]

I guess I lost so many messages....am here...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This excerpt is from a poem posted by Kate earlier:

 

From Kate,

We cannot control the movements of time,

nor can we control our own destiny

or the destinies of those we love.

 

How I fought against that vague destiny that surfaced time to time....and as the mom I wanted to protect him....and would have gladly laid down my life for his...

 

**************************

Lora, Thomas is doing well...just some bruised ribs. He plans on selling the ATV after getting in that accident.

 

*******************************

 

All, have been reading through your posts...I send prayers for everyone here...may you have a restful night...

 

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This excerpt is from a poem posted by Kate earlier:

 

From Kate,

We cannot control the movements of time,

nor can we control our own destiny

or the destinies of those we love.

 

How I fought against that vague destiny that surfaced time to time....and as the mom I wanted to protect him....and would have gladly laid down my life for his...

 

**************************

Lora, Thomas is doing well...just some bruised ribs. He plans on selling the ATV after getting in that accident.

 

*******************************

 

All, have been reading through your posts...I send prayers for everyone here...may you have a restful night...

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....I see you had another 'insomnia' kind of night....

[ericasmom]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/19/the-fault-in-our-stars-soundtrack_n_5348768.html

 

Okay, the article is about the new movie made after the GIANT hit of a book: The Fault in our Stars. The soundtrack is out, listen to all if you like, I have only listened to the first two songs, but do do do listen to All fot he STars by Ed Sheeran. It is fabulous and makes my heart sing and cry all at once. The book is about a young lady who has cancer and knows she will die but falls in love first.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, just saw him perform a duet on The Voice Finale...he has an amazing voice! Also saw a preview to the movie.  Pulls at the heartstrings for sure. Thanks for posting this. Will have a listen after the program.

[ericasmom]

Kate, as soon as I posted it, I went down to catch up on The Voice and there he was! Funny.

I can't stay awake however for the end, too tired and have to get up at my usual. Glad that you think it is pretty too.

 

Lora, I am glad that you will spend some time with Jared this summer both at your home/his home, and his new city. Once you know your schedule, we can see if you are able to fit a visit in.

 

It is raining and thundering, lightening too. Nice sounds to fall asleep to.

 

Sleep well All

[wgreenlee]

Here is a video that I find is comforting...

 

Peace and love to all my friends.  I pray tomorrow brings that peace and love to all of you.

 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

We cannot control the movements of time, nor can we control our own destiny or the destinies of those we love.

So true. It's hard to accept though. I'm so tired right now. I've been there for my Sis during her hard time and now my husband with his health issues. I'm heading up north today to help my Gramma move. My aunt, who lives with my Gramma fell and broke her hip. She and Gramma are raising her 6 year old granddaughter. So my Gramma has been trying to move and care for Emily on her own. My Dad has been creating drama for the whole family and that has been a weight on my Gramma too. She's also feeling the weight of this first year coming to a close and Trista's birthday. I'm just in a 'Stop the world! I wanna get off' kind of place but the world doesn't stop and time marches on.

I almost offered to take Emily once school is out but my husband stopped me and reminded me that I'm not superwoman and she does have other family. The thing is... I truly want to help everyone. Especially my Grams. But I guess I do need to learn when enough is enough for me. I'm already taking on my Sis and her three kids for the summer.

What I really want right now is time to myself. Time to reflect. I can't believe my Girl has been gone almost one year. How have I survived all this time without her. This whole year is a blur. Not a lot of memory. But I did survive. I'm still here, still standing even if I don't know how. So, I guess, I should look at that instead of all the ways I should have been stronger. I can be pretty hard on myself.

Lora, You asked about my husband... We still don't know. He's scheduled to see a cardiologist next week. His last ECG showed partial blockage?? So more tests.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...thanks for sharing that.....very emotional ...to listen to....will listen to every song later....

 

Shannon....I have so much to 'say' to you....no time now....will later today.....please 'self care'.....

[Steve s mom]

Dear Wade ,

 

Sorry I am so late for Brooks Birthday.