Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie and Becky.....I know you both have court dates/meetings/appts.  concerning your child/family.....be strong and stand in your child's light....as Dee has said so many times....the light gives us strength...

[Jeff's Mom]

Debbie, I agree with the others. Let your heart and conscience guide you. Sam is standing alongside you... as you work on his behalf. I am really sorry that along with your loss of your dear boy... you are having to deal with this mess. The world can be such a cruel  place at a time we need comfort and solace. I'm glad you are able to come here to talk to us. Hang in there.

 

Susan, the poem about "Letting Go" hit the nail on the head for me. It has been the hardest and most difficult challenge for me to let go. A lifetime of old habits somehow makes it appear comfortable to revert to the old ways. Losing Jeff made me realize that the old ways no longer worked. In losing them we are in a sense reborn ourselves... as we challenge our very existence, and what truly matters in life. We start fresh and new... learning to live again without them in our lives in the old familiar way. How many of us are afraid to actually say how we are truly feeling for fear of further rejection? Death scares people. Watch how the eyes glance downward, or people quickly shrug their shoulders and look for a quick escape when they are faced with the truth. It is not right...but unfortunately it is the truth. A  very sad truth and an indication of how society needs to really look properly into the concept of death and how they deal with it. I no longer lie. I no longer care how they react. I do not go out of my way to make others uncomfortable...but I no longer care to be the one giving them comfort. I am the one that lost my child and it hurts like hell. And so I am truthful.

 

It is a truly beautiful day here today. The birds have returned by the thousands, and the sun is warm and gives promise of new growth starting in my gardens. Can't wait to get out and plant my flowers. 

 

My wish for all of you today is that you will find some joy and peace.

 

Lora, I hope you enjoy the movie. The reviews have not been all that great, but I never pay attention to reviews. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate ...I am so glad that poem 'talked to you'.....and as I read Debbie's post...I was thinking of all the parents on this site that has had to deal with the 'ugly people' while trying to walk their grief journey....and thinking how your own family treated you and still cannot give you sympathy or empathy....

but...you have walked through the dark valley...

and came out on top of the mountain...

 

with those life lessons that have been handed to you....is why....now.....you can find sweet peace and amazement in the tiniest tiny flower....

[Guest]

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Edited February 25, 2017 by Guest

[Jeff's Mom]

deleted

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....Cara's place is just full and filled with Mama Love...it just shines forth....

 

[lovU2themoon]

Thinking of you all today as we seem to be struggling. 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wanda....how was your struggle through Easter....??

 

 

Gretchen....I don't know how often you get to get on the site but we are thinking of you...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wanda,

Thank you for sharing that song with all of us today. Tough day... appointment in Columbus with the attorney. I'm feeling a little shut down right now. I came home and came here to read and saw that song. It was one of our songs... Trista's and mine... because of our anxiety... one we sang together at the top of lungs. She wanted her first tattoo to be 'breathe' on her wrist as a reminder when the anxiety was high.

 

I will try to catch up on the posts I missed and post more later. I hope everyone was able to make it through the holiday and maybe find some peace.

 

Shannon

[ericasmom]

 

My favorite Just Breathe Song, with similar heart strings attached...

[ericasmom]

Sorry, posting it again but this time with lyrics...we will see them on the other side, as the last line speaks.

 

[ericasmom]

Susan, the poem you posted is lovely.

Wanda, I love the song, it sure does bring on the tears.

Sherry, thinking o f you.

Cherry, how are you feeling today?

Kate, good to see that the weather is good and you are out there finding life to be good as well.

Shannon, the ins and outs of the legal system are exhausting. I was happy when it was time to end our case against AMTRAK as I needed to come away from some of the negativity and the very underhanded ways of AMTRAK's lawyers  after 4 years --and just remember the GIRL. Relish in the Girl and all she means to us. So give yourself a break on those bad days, do something that feeds your soul in ways that help.

Lora, good to know that you were able to take a down-time day, time to just BE.

Ted, you out there?

Debbie, just keep on keepin on and remember that what Susan said is so, you have had to push through so much crap just to be able to grieve a tiny bit. You let loose with us whenever and however long you like. We're here.

Wade, how are you doing today?

Colleen, have you been loving the weather?

Laurie, you are finally getting some green grass and daffodils I think.

Gretchen, you out there?

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you to all that have posted songs...music is that universal language....

 

Wade...could you post that song of Brooks again....I will listen to it this time....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee, love that song. Thanks for posting it.

Susan, I agree. Sometimes music is all I can do.

I saw this tonight and thought of all of us. That goes for Fathers too. I think it should say Parent.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello to all of my BI family... I am so sorry I did not get on here to wish everyone a Blessed Easter.  However, Father Andrew told us (again) that it is the Easter SEASON and that we have 50 days to wish someone Happy Easter.  So, I am here, wishing you all a Happy Easter Season.  I know that for those especially new to this journey, this is yet another "day" that is so very very different from all of those special days gone before it...one place at the table is empty.  But please remember that there is never, ever an empty place in our heart.  Our beloved child lives there always, and we will be together again.  It is tough some days to find comfort in this, really tough, but it can happen and it does happen.  Don't let the pain steal the joy of the days to come...allow that joy to come in whenever you meet up with it...it is there for you...take the love and go with it, whether it be a rainbow, a cloud, the wind on your face, a sunbeam that catches your eye, or any other special thing that comes your way...take the love and hold it close.  Come here for comfort, it is always a good place to be. 

 

I have had a very up and down weekend, ending with rushing Kim to the hospital, by ambulance.  We started out by having our family celebration for hubby's and my 50th anniversary on Saturday  (actual day is this Saturday, the 26th).  Kim's girls were off school this past week and we wanted them all to be with us, so we scheduled it a week early.  It went very well, actually.  I had a couple of near meltdowns, but I did not want to spoil it for everyone...they were all there, making new memories, and I wanted them to be able to have that in their heart.  I knew that if I let go, I would likely have a hard time getting it back together.  So, the day went well; we came home and had the cake...I will post  picture.  That was the happy part of the weekend.  The sad part of the weekend is that it ended with Kimberly in the hospital.  They were getting ready to leave Sunday night, and she started having terrible stomach pain to the point that we had to call an ambulance.  Kim had an ileostomy 9 years ago, due to Crohn's disease.  Well, she now has had a blockage and that was what was causing all the pain.  However, now the doctor is saying that some of the "wall" may have collapsed and they may need to go in and "fix up" any "falling" that may have happened.  (his words)  It is not as serious as the first surgery nine years ago,(but any time you go into the colon it is scary) when she very nearly died.  They had inserted the stomach tubing too far, and it literally was draining the life out of her before they "noticed."  I brought it to their attention that the container was filling up awfully fast, and they finally checked and saw that indeed something was wrong.  We came so close to losing her then, and then it was just two and a half months later that the terrible news came that young Mike was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  So, now, I come and ask for prayers and love to be sent our way once again...Kim is my oldest daughter, just turned 49, and she is such a loving, kind and happy person...I just don't understand why these things have to happen to people like her.  She suffered with this terrible illness for 10 years before she had the first surgery, and then it was almost three months before she cleared the danger zone after the surgery.  Her fiancé took the girls home yesterday as they had to go back to school.  Rebekah has exams next week and needed to be there for the prep week.  She is in many AP classes and it hurts to miss more than a day, as there is so much to make up.   I know that you all understand how we feel, after losing one of our precious children, to know that another is in danger.  I send my love and thanks to you all for your prayers.

This picture was taken this Sunday, after church.  L to R, Bekah, 16, Rachel, 13, Kim and me. 

 

 

[mikesmomrs]

PS:  Shannon, I love that reading  you posted.  How very true.  I have always believed this. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Carol, we are all holding you up in prayer. Please know that we are here for you.  Sending love to your family. Kate

[wgreenlee]

Carol...

Certainly keeping you in prayer and wishing the best surgeons for Kim.  That is a nice picture of all you...and your wedding picture too.  I see that Mike was in the Air Force.  My dad and both my brothers also were in the Air Force.  I chose the army as I went through ROTC on a scholarship.

 

Susan...

That is a good poem you sent to Debbie...very appropriate.  That is how my mom is with her COPD.  It's always fine, but I know it isn't so I try not to burden her too much with my grief.  Below is Brook's song...listen when you can.  Thank you.  I can only listen to parts of it still, but that is all I need...just a piece of him...his voice to keep me going.    

 

Debbie...

I so agree with Susan.  This site is specifically for you to share...short or long.  You are in a "battle" and we are right there with you.  Much prayer and encouragement your way.  You do what is honoring Sam and that is always worthy, but hard, so continue to share and we will listen.

 

Kate...

Yeh...spring has sprung.  Cold here today...and got a little rain...snow in the mountains.  The Canadiens just put away the Lightening so Canada is still in it.

 

Lora...

You have been working very hard and deserve a little break...hoping your house sells right away for what you want.  Cara's site is beautiful.  I am also going to do a type of collage with pictures, but the back will basically be unseen so I might do it on the lower heavier part of the stone.  It is a labor of love!

 

Wanda...

"Just Breathe" was just right.  I often turn to music when I need a lift or a good cry...I think Lora said it recently...sometimes you just need to let it all out to feel better and that's ok.  Hoping your weather is good like Kate's.  How is Jasmine?

 

Shannon...

Thinking of you.  So many of you have that "battle" to deal with concerning lawyers, court, police, and investigations.  I am hoping that you find some peace with your "good fight."  I am sometimes thankful that I don't have to deal with that anymore, but on the other hand, wish I knew the "why."  Don't think I would have been able to handle the court case, so I guess it's better this way, but there are two dead instead of one...two sets of grieving parents...grieving friends... I have no anger, because there is nobody to be angry with...but I sure wish I knew why.

 

Well...one of my teacher friends passed away over the weekend.  Found out today when another teacher came to tell me in person...knew something was wrong right away...heart started racing...thoughts went wild.  She taught math too.  She passed away in a hotel room in Phoenix while visiting her son.  Had him in my class.  Don't know why...she was healthy or at least seemed healthy...nothing out of the ordinary that she shared.  Just numb...shouldn't be this way.

 

Will be on my knees again praying...hoping...wishing that good things will come to all of us.  God, you know my heart...it's hard to continue to be faithful...please answer my prayers!

 

[ericasmom]

Carol, I echo Kate's words and hopes. May Kim find comfort and full healing under the guidance of wonderful doctors. Please know that we are praying and sending lot's of goodness and hope in our posts and in our day to day talks with God and Angels. I am happy for the good visit and that the Girls are doing well and I am hopeful that Kim will recover nicely. She is near her beloved Momma, this has got to be a good thing.

 

Wade, I am so sorry that you lost a friend, it is so hard to keep up one's strength and belief system when these things happen, there seems to be no rhyme or reason...one day we will understand, it is not for us to do so now. Now it is our job to comfort those in need and to help them rest in knowing that we remain here for a reason.

 

Goodnight All, dream sweetly

[lovU2themoon]

Easter was tough, but i again did not think to far ahead, i let the day come.

Went for supper at my sisters, did not stay to long. It seems the longer i  stay at family dinners, the harder and more upset i become. I remember when my dad died, we tried to avoid the "empty chair" by no longer having sit down dinners. Lane not being there is so different then my dad, it seems he was the loudest, the biggest presence, talked the most, hugged everyone when we would arrive and when we would leave, everything we do is so much quieter, and just has that sorrow hanging over us all. 

Lindsay felt it to , her boyfriend came for supper, i think it was the first time he has been around all of us for a big supper without Lane, (he lives in another city and comes to see Lindsay on the weekends) and he to was very very upset by the end of the evening. 

 

It seemed all i could do was just breathe....

It feels like i go two steps forward, three steps back...

I am trying to heal my broken heart.....its just so difficult....

 

I am grateful for the end of today.

 

Thinking of  you all...

Wanda

My dad and Lane about a year before my dad died.

[Tbearw58]

Hello everyone you are all in my prayers everyday. Easter was not to hard to make it through  I am still falling back from the progress I make. This seems so unreal still and I am so deep into my grief I think about it 24 7.

 

I think what you see is not what you get

the face you see is not what I am

I keep that inside and hidden from view

because if they only knew

what is inside   

they would run away from me

 

Most can not even  understand 

unless you are here where we now stand

 

In this world of   our loss

we now  trying to make sense 

how can they see what I have to be

its only me I am still here. 

Please do look at me with fear

you can not hurt me or make it worse.

Please be my friend and lend me your ear. 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

 

Happy 18th birthday, Jared West, from your mom, who cried in pain as you came into this world, and cried even harder when you left this world, but will cry tears of joy when we see you again in heaven. I love you and miss you so much! Lovc U Infinity!!

 

 

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[Tbearw58]

Happy Birthday Jared West

[SamDsmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!!!!

Becky, sending love and prayers for you and your family. Thinking of Jared today.

I know how proud he is of you, watching down from heaven, knowing how much he is remembered and loved.

[SamDsmom]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support. I don't have time to write much. I will be back later. Susan, I

Have saved the poems to my tablet and read them several times. The songs were wonderful. I dont have time to say much now but I will be back later. Thank you all. I feel like a small burden was pifted with my sharing.

Again,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Happy 18th Birthday, Jared. Please be with your Mom and family today. Shine your beautiful light on them and let them feel your loving Spirit all around them. I am saying your name out loud today to honor you.

 

Becky,

 

My thoughts are with you and your family today as you share the day of Jared's birth... the day you first held that precious boy in your arms and looked into those beautiful eyes.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Ask My Mom How She Is
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how she is,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am Here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom,
With all the lies you told!
Unknown

 

Becky...our Warrior Mom.....I posted this poem yesterday and wasn't sure you read it...so I am posting it again...for you...

I find that if I can get my spirit..mind...physical body to be still.....I can feel my John David near....

I hope you can 'rest' yourself and feel your SONshine boy near....on this day that the miracle came into your life...

[ericasmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET JARED,

i know the music is playing and the Angels are dancing as you celebrate this 18th year.  You are loved beyond measure and words, just know how dear and how powerful your messages to your family.

 

Forever missed and loved.

 

Becky may you and your family find Jared  in all that is beautiful today ad each day

[Jeff's Mom]

Happy Birthday, Jared. Thinking of you today Becky... and sending love and wishes for a day filled with happy memories.

[Guest]

Becky, I hope you feel Jared's light and love today. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora and Sandy, decided to post these few pics of the restaurant in a scene from Heaven Is For Real. It is a lovely seasonal Tea House that is a popular tourist destination in the summer. ( No, not that one) It winds along a historic road called River Road, and hugs the Red River. I try to go there at least once a year for lunch, and we sit outside on the patio overlooking the water. 

 

These other few shots are a bit of my life as it is. Jeff's memorial site when the fields are filled with daisies in bloom. It is never a quiet spot.  The woods  are always alive with activity. Deer, foxes, birds, butterflies. A very calming place. And always deep wood flowers in bloom. A view overlooking the lake. A walk along the berm by the lake each morning that winds for approximately a mile. Cottages are lined along the lake. Old restored places that are nestled in the trees. Another of the beach.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Beautiful picz Shannon and Lora, thank you soo much! I will share them to his FB.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Jared! May you dance with the angels with all our loved ones.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Carol, prayers for you for your sweet daughter...it certainly would have been upsetting and emotional...thank you for continuing to post on here, if you are having a bad day, I am more than willing to send prayers and love your way as I am sure so many of us here would say the same...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Am emotional right now...found out that the Sheriff that made up all the lies about what happened the day of Jesse's accident is going to be subpoenad...I just bet they did not even talk to the doctor's wife who administered care to my dying son, her version contradicts the concocted lying version of the "sheriff" -- or should I say the dummy with a tin badge pinned on his chest masquerading as an law enforcement officer -- who could not even figure out how to do a basic drug screen or how to perform 101 Interrogration...I guess he had to get along to his donut break at Hardees

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol....thank you for sharing your family photos....I see smiles all around....and the cake is amazing and tribute to your partnership with your 'Best Boyfriend'.....

   Of course we will hold you and your daughter in prayer.....the one positive is...she is close to Mama...and Mama can be close and loving her along with her healing....

am happy that the girls did get to go back to the school....I know....how testing is important....my GRANDchildren have those tests that are so important and an absence is critical....so...that is another worry that can be crossed off the list....and Mama can rest and heal.....

   I and many others can relate to that feeling of 'not letting go' with emotions at a family get together....for we are so responsible in creating happy memories for our children and GRANDchildren....you should win some kind of award for your courageous 'act'......

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Thanks for that poem, Susan, made me cry, and my husband too, but we both got a chuckle at the end,.... that would be so "Jared". Trying to get ready for pizza, cake and balloon release this evening here at home with Jared's good friends. It's beautiful outside, about 60+ and sunny, but very windy! Oh, those balloons are gonna fly!

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Laurie, I had to laugh at your description of the cop, not funny, as we experienced the same incompetence, but accurate description for sure. I am sorry. We go to court friday morning with the driver that killed my son who has now falsely accused my daughter of assault. IF my daughter or any of us had assaulted her, she wouldn't be physially capable of filing any lies... just saying. today at Jared's celebration, we will give out the team west t shirts with his picture and invite all that can to come to court and support us.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie.....hmmmmm.....so the 'shell of lies' is being cracked open.....

light is being spotlighted on the dark....

  'the mills of God turn slow....but everlasting small'.....(I don't know if I quoted that right...but this always comes to mind when I hear of a 'wrong' being found out and coming to light and right)

 

We will be standing by and with you as this investigation takes its time and baby steps into the truth.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Carol,

I will definitely be sending prayers and lots of healing thoughts your way for Kim and your family. I’m glad you were able to be with them and that the girls are doing well. Thank you for sharing the pictures. You all look so happy and beautiful. I love the picture cake for your anniversary.

 

Ted,

That writing that you shared is so much what’s in the heart of a grieving parent. I also am in my grief still 24/7. The loss of my Girl is still my first waking thought. I have found that my grief has changed some. I can’t say it has softened yet but I have found I am able to smile sometimes without the guilt. I am thinking of you and we are all here.

 

Wanda,

“It seemed all i could do was just breathe....

It feels like i go two steps forward, three steps back...

I am trying to heal my broken heart.....its just so difficult....

 

I am grateful for the end of today.”

 

I understand this feeling.  I keep busy with things throughout the day. When it comes to a certain time of the evening I am watching the clock… waiting for the day to end.

 

Thank you for sharing that picture of your Dad and Lane. It’s so sweet.

 

Easter was hard here too but having so many around was bitter sweet. It kept me busy and distracted but many times I just wanted to find somewhere to hide for a while.

 

Wade,

 

I’m sorry that you lost your friend. I think that numb feeling comes when our minds and bodies have reached their threshold. Sending you prayers. Thank you for sharing that video again. Brooks’ song touches me every time I hear it. Thank you so much for the Easter egg mosaic you made. It was beautiful to see all of our Angels in that way.

 

Dee,

I missed posting on your birthday but I’m glad it was a good day for you. I think that picture of little Erica is so sweet in her bunny ears. I have a similar one of Aiden I will post.

 

Thank you for the advice. I try to do that. Last night I listened to a lot of music… the songs that bring tears and the ones that bring smiles. I can feel close to Tris a lot through music, especially the songs that we shared. I have only been dealing with this legal stuff for almost a year. Four years seems so long to deal with it all.

 

Lora,

 

I spent time at Trista’s site too and took some fresh flowers. The love and care you have put in to Cara’s site is beautiful and it truly will continue to tell her story. It’s been an inspiration to me to want to do just the right thing for my Girl… to take my time and make it perfectly Trista.

 

Kate,

 

I’m glad the movie was good and gave you a sense of peace. It sounds like you had a beautiful day yesterday. I hope you get to plant your flowers soon.

 

“In losing them we are in a sense reborn ourselves... as we challenge our very existence, and what truly matters in life. We start fresh and new... learning to live again without them in our lives in the old familiar way.”

 

Your words really touched me today. They are so true.

 

Susan,

 

I love that poem you shared for Debbie… She Let Go.  Also the one… I’m fine. Yes, I say that a lot and inside I berate myself a bit for being a liar.

 

“Grief is such a slippery slope...

we can either drink from the cup of bitter...

or stand in the light of better....”

 

Thank you for this. This simply puts words to what I strive to remember each day… a thousand times a day.

 

I’m glad you had the time to rest on Easter and did what you needed to do for you. It sounds like you have been so busy lately. I loved to see the pictures you posted. I’m sure Hunter will very much cherish John David’s favorite shirt. The boys look like they are having a good time and Pebbie looks so happy decorating her eggs.

 

Debbie,

 

I am so sorry for all you are going through. I agree with what Susan said about the layers that some have to deal with on top of their grief. This road is hard and painful no matter what but those other layers when we are already so weak, so devastated… it’s so hard. My thoughts are with you. I had some similar circumstances in the beginning although you have so many more layers to what you are handling. We also had questions to the handling of Trista’s accident by the highway patrol. The investigation was terrible and just as in your case, showed complete incompetence at best. Through our private investigation we’ve proved some of that. Also, about the insurance… we also had issues over the money. Because circumstances are different and no one tried to claim something unrightfully, it was different but the divide it brought to the family was terrible. My husband and I had some terrible times during those first months and he handled things so badly that we split up for a while. During that time his mother became ‘crazy’. She was making statements to my husband and other family members and even to me that I only split up with him because I wanted any insurance money for myself. Like you, I couldn’t even think about any type of payment resulting from Trista’s accident. What Susan wrote is so right and anything financial that comes after is not ‘blood money’ or a gift in place of our loss but it doesn’t stop those thoughts and feelings from coming. To be honest, if I had been handed a check at that time I would have probably taken straight to the nearest charity. I wanted nothing to do with any money and it was the last thing from my mind but many times with insurance policies and other things there are financial issues that have to be thought of during this time and Sam’s wishes are what count. This is another way you are fighting for him… You are his voice. I’m sending prayers for strength and comfort through all you are dealing with.

 

I love the pictures you shared. Those girls look like they’re having a blast and the picture of Sam with his sisters is precious.

 

Laurie,

 

Thank you for posting that song for Maryann. I haven’t heard that song in years. I still knew the words by heart though. It’s amazing how different certain songs sound to me now. I haven’t read the article you shared yet but I will. Thank you for sharing all you do. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers with the court things you are dealing with this week. It is exhausting but you keep fighting for Jesse. That picture you shared of him does seem so perfectly Jesse, so happy outdoors.

 

Maryann,

 

Thank you for sharing that graphic and the writing. It’s beautiful. The part that touched me the most…

 

So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.

 

Nature is where I see my Girl the most… where I see all of our Angels and our Creator.

 

Cherry,

 

The times of day still affect me too. We will be doing our balloon release on Trista’s Angel Day at the time she left the earth. I’m thinking of you and of your beautiful Kylie.

 

Colleen,

 

I wanted to thank you for your words to me. The lifeline you threw me helped so much. Knowing someone has stood where you stand and has walked forward… has taken those steps that right now seem so hard to take… helps give strength.

 

“This pain is like a furnace that molds and purifies us for the masters use.”

I saved these words to read again.

 

The past few days have been a blur to me. I had everyone here for a couple days. My sis, boyfriend and kids. It was odd. There seemed to be some tension between my sister and her boyfriend and I honestly didn’t see a lot of them as they kept to themselves a lot. I don’t really know and wasn’t in a place to think too deeply into it. Their lack of interaction, however did keep me busy with the kids and so I got through. We colored eggs and did a special one for Trista. Saturday was a hard day… lots of anxiety but I got through it. Sunday morning the boyfriend and kids left and just my family with my sister her kids and my grandma and her little one that she and my aunt take care of were here. Emily is six years and a sweet girl. I give them both a lot of credit for taking this on this stage in their lives. We had our egg hunt and the kids had a lot of fun. We went to Trista’s site to take fresh daisies and some potted hyacinth. The girls blew bubbles to Trista. It was a beautiful warm day. I got my first sunburn of the season on my white Irish shoulders but I won’t complain. Monday, I spent most of the day in Trista’s garden. I just needed that ‘alone time’ and yesterday was an appointment with our attorneys to decide next steps. I was pretty drained last night and actually was able to fall asleep early out of exhaustion so I’m feeling a little more rested today. On Easter I made my space for Trista on our piano. It’s a good spot because it’s right beside our dining room table and keeps her close. It’s something I’ve done for each holiday so far and it helps me. Today is beautiful... cooler but the birds are singing and the sky is clear and blue with fluffy white clouds. I’m going to take a walk with Aiden and Tazzy and work in the flower beds.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, will be praying for you for your Friday court date...it is all so ridiculous how the system so often works against the victim..

 

Shannon also thinking of you for your investigation, sending prayers...

 

And Debbie, prayers are sent for justice for Sam...

 

******************

I felt I had a sign...the other day...I was busy talking with Jesse mentally as I drove to the store...I arrived there and as I went down an aisle and my eyes landed on a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, Messages from Heaven, as my eyes landed on that book cover exactly at that moment the song came on, "My Heart Will Go On..."

 

***************

Plan on reading more postings, a little behind today...

 

Thanks Becky, Shannon and Susan for your words...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

 

Thinking of you today too. I'm sure this is so emotional but I'm glad you are getting some answers and accountability. I love the sign you received that Jesse is with you and his heart does go on.

 

Becky,

 

It sounds like a perfect day planned for Jared. I know it will be beautiful. I'll be thinking of you today.

 

Here are some pictures of our Easter.

 

 

My spot for Trista

 

 

Decorating eggs

 

 

Trista's Garden coming together... My husband brought the daffodils for her for Easter.

 

 

 

 

 

Snapdragons and Dahlias... my Easter gift from my boys.

 

 

Trista's Easter egg

 

 

 

My Aiden

 

 

Zak helping Aiden hunt eggs

 

 

Blowing bubbles for Trista

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

One more thing to share...

 

Trista's friend Ashley, the one who was driving that day, shared this with me. Trista made it for her a few months before she left. I love when the girls share things with me like this but I'm sure you all can imagine the emotion that this one brought.

 

[mikesmomrs]

On my way to see Kim, just wanted to stop in and tell Becky I am thinking of her. Happy birthday Jared, I know you are having a great time with all of our beloved children, and I pray you surrond your mom with your sweet spirit even more than usual today.. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good wishes for Kim...they are still watching and waiting...we are hoping and praying she won't need surgery again. ..

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, thanks for sharing your pics of the flowers and the kids at Easter. It looks as if they were having a great time! Love your spot for Trista. The flowers are just lovely.

 

Carol, so glad to hear from you. We are keeping our fingers crossed that all will go well for Kim. Please let us know when you can.

 

Thanks to all for sharing the important parts of your day. I feel as if I have known you for ages. I truly wish that you will all find justice and the peace you are searching for.  Sending love and prayers. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....consider this a 'hug' from one Mama to the other....

it is just so darn hard....

but that is a 'treasure'....

 

 

Kate....gee....I didn't realize that 'after the snow' you lived in one of the 'heaven on earth' places...thanks for sharing your 'world'.....love that bench...a place to rest your sorrow...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Tbearw58, on 23 Apr 2014 - 02:00 AM, said:

 

I think what you see is not what you get

the face you see is not what I am

I keep that inside and hidden from view

because if they only knew

what is inside

they would run away from me

 

Most cannot even understand

unless you are here where we now stand

In this world of our loss

we now trying to make sense

how can they see what I have to be

its only me I am still here.

 

Please do look at me with fear

you cannot hurt me or make it worse.

Please be my friend and lend me your ear.

 

Ted, your poem was so very right in how many people respond to others in grief...I think that is why this "place" is so very important to us...I do not have anyone close to me that would want to walk with me on this path...there is also that special bond that Kate eluded to that we share...

 

Sending hugs to you...

 

*************************

Wade, thank you for sharing more of Brooks with us...his talent and love of life shows through...that song is a treasure for sure to hold close to your heart...

 

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your fellow co-worker...when you share so many hours of your life working on common goals there is a connection...my husband has worked for the State of Wisconsin for over 30 years so he has that type of relationship with his peers...

 

Again, I am sorry and send prayers for the family...

[mikesmomrs]

Please up the ante on those prayers... Kimberly has been taken to an emergency procedure which may lead to emergency surgery, depending on what they find. She is very scared and I did not get to see her before they took her in. She is either going to come back upstairs with a tube inserted in the stoma, or go straight to the OR for repairs...There is a more dangerous possibility or perforation during this procedure because of the complications that have developed. I will keep you posted as best I can,I too am very scared for her. and I don't know what I will do if I lose another child.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Carol, I am so sorry to hear this. We are holding you up in prayer. Please know that we are here for you. Please keep in touch when you are able.

 

Wade, I am sorry for the loss of your co-worker. I know how difficult this time is for you. So much loss in your life this past year. Prayers sent to the families and all friends. Hold on. 

 

Sandy, wishing all good luck tomorrow when Kelly has his surgery. Sending love and prayers your way.

[shorty16]

Carol,

I am "Calling all Angels" to escort Kimberly.

I am praying that God guides the hands of the doctors.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever