Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

CHERRY...so sorry to have missed your beautiful KYLIE'S birthday...likely she had a wonderful celebration in Heaven, as I truly believe all of our angels are somehow together, and of course, the older ones will dote on those who are younger...like a huge family.  I know that you still suffer mightily though, that she is not here with you, as we all do on those days that previously held such celebration in our lives...birthdays, holidays, etc.  I LOVE LOVE that your Kylie led you to that download...and no doubt whatsoever in my mind that she did...such a wonderful gift...I likely would have just sat there with it in my lap for a very long time.  I am glad that you listened to it until you heard her beautiful name.... of course, it was meant for you 

 

SHERRY...thank you so much, and thank ALL OF YOU for your prayers and wishes for Kim's recovery.  She does a little better every day, but still has pain when walking.  As her wound is still open, I think that is likely what is contributing to it...she said it feels like pins and needles in that area when she is walking, and eventually turns to pain if she walks too long. 

 

SHANNON:  Your beautiful rainbow...heaven sent by your ever lovely Trista. 

 

DEE:  So glad you had such a wonderful mother's day, and yesterday...all day with that sweetie pie...how delightful!! 

 

KATE:  I loved reading about what you did with Jeff's cards and then put the bouquet of lilies near them.  Such sweetness.  I go through young Mike's cards also, and find them uplifting, after the initial tears that inevitably fall.  I hope you made it into the site okay.  Kim and I are bringing Stargazer lilies to Mike and his dad's site today.  Were going to bring them on Sunday but found us on our way without them, having left them in the kitchen.  so the visit was made, but the flowers will be coming today.  Of course, the visit is sad, always, but memories are shared, as we are there, and sometimes bring smiles.  Keeping Ross in my prayers, and you as well. 

 

DEBBIE:  I too pray you are feeling somewhat better today.   And yes, you have been "all over" and likely not getting much down time to grieve in a healing way, just in a way that adds to your heartbreak.  Your sitting beside the river and wishing it would swallow you up, and yet you are not suicidal, is totally understandable to me.  I have wished in the past that I was at the bottom of a lake, somewhere in a far corner, under fallen trees and rocks, like in a watery cave, all by myself, and yet suicide is not something that has ever entered my mind.  Just the total isolation is the desire...and of course, in that desire is the want to escape my heartbreak. 

 

LAURIE:  Holy Hill...such a beautiful church...and the "Mary Room," just almost ethereal.  When Cathi (my youngest, who is now 46) and I were in Germany, 28 years ago, awaiting the birth of her first, we spotted a "cathedral type" building, standing out among the trees, on a nearby mountain.  We managed to make it up there one day, and it was a Cathedral, indeed...no long used for worship services on a scheduled basis, but maintained as somewhat of a museum, and used occasionally. It was just totally beautiful, unlike anything we'd seen before.  Took our breath away upon entering. 

 

BECKY:  Loved your poem...and the music and photo.  thank you for sharing.  I have the "Fly Me Up to Where You Are" as background music on one of the pages on young Mike's memorial site.  I also have it on a cd I paly in the car. 

 

TRUDI:  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the readings and pictures.  I am glad you had plans for your Mother's day.  I hope all went well for you.

 

WANDA:  I too loved seeing that picture of you and Lane, such a fun picture...I know this first Mother's day can be so very hard...I pray you felt yourself embraced by his sweet spirit.  And I pray strength for you in your continued fight for changes on that highway.  They may have spent a ton of money on improvements, but obviously it wasn't enough.  They need to do more. 

 

MARYANN:  When your heart is ready, so will your strength and motivation to do something for Stephen...you will find your way, when it is your time. 

 

Spring brings mixed emotions to me, still...young Mike's favorite time of year...winters he suffered of and on from SADD, and sometimes it was pretty tough when spring was late arriving...by then he was pretty much at the end of his energy, but spring revived him wonderfully.  I know that now he has spring all the time, and I am happy for that.  I love spring also, but still, even almost 8 years out, the pangs of missing him so much strike harder.  Fall was his dad's time...late summer, early fall...his favorite days.  Missing them both so very much right now...plans I try to make fall by the wayside, the thoughts of their not being here rippling through each attempt...eventually I will be strong enough to start the "I know they would want me to be living" thoughts again and not just thinking, and I will find the motivation I need once again to make some plans.  I think that right now I am emotionally drained after the time with Kim in the hospital.  I will recoup, just like she is doing. 

 

While out this weekend, we came up behind this car, and was reminded of when hubby got his first vanity plate...he had "OLD GUY" on it...(brought lots of comments, especially when an 87 year old gentleman saw it asked hubby how old he was and hubby said "68", the guy laughed out loud and said hubby was "premature" in his identification of himself.  When I saw this plate, I chuckled...said out loud "I know, honey, I know."  Later, we got a 1975 penny in our change.  Good day. 

 

My love to all. 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

It has been 'busy'....lots of family....lots of friends....

lots of energy expended...and it is good to look around and see the GRANDchildren...

so many social events at this time of year...

I had Pandora playing...and '2 John David songs came on..right together'...(in fact..when Daniel hears one in particular..he always has tears).....I pushed through them...never a lag in the conversation...

and I thought about it later and then knew...forever and forever...it will be like that...

he will be 'beside me'...'with me'....

I can truthfully say there hasn't been a waking hour since he has been gone...that I have not thought about him...

I guess our child is like background music that plays in a movie...

in some strange spiritual...subconscious way...they are absorbed into our being...

and They are There....

sorta like the nose on our face...

 

I guess I ramble...so many 'rooms' for me to roam in...

[MissKylie]

Sharing these pictures. And our love for our children is Eternal. Growing up in heaven gave me sprinkles of healing like fairy dust. I don't know how long it will last.

 

 

 

Here she is in her pink uniform. The first time I saw the school with all pink uniform I was happy to share it with Kylie. She must be still going to school in Heaven...

 

 

 

Kylie's site:

 

 

 

 

Thank you all for the birthday greetings to my girl !!!

[Jeff's Mom]

Not much to say this evening. I just wanted to let you  know that I am thinking of each of you.

 

Love to all. Kate

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Cherry, I'm sorry I missed Kylie's birthday. Thank you for sharing the pictures. She's such a beautiful Angel. I'm so glad you got that gift from your Kylie on Mother's Day.

Carol, I love the story of the license plate. Spring brings mixed emotions for me too. I'm so thankful for the weather change and the ability to be outdoors more, for the sunshine and fresh air but it brings do much missing too.

Becky, I really love the poem. Mother's Day was hard hard hard but I love that we can come here and share our children. I'm sure Jared is smiling at you every day.

Debbie, This is all so hard and you are dealing with just trying to find answers. I've been in that place you describe. I'm thinking of you.

Laurie, Thank you for sharing those pictures. That place looks so peaceful and beautiful.

Kate, I hope you get to start planting soon. My garden is doing well. I spend a lot of time. It's one thing that helps during this time so Aiden and I are outdoors anytime it's not raining. I made Trista's garden bigger this year and added four more boxes to my vegetable garden.

Susan, I also have Trista with me in my mind all the time. She is always there with me in mind in some way no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I am slowly learning to carry her with me and also be fully in my life. I don't know if that will ever happen but I'm working it. I write to her almost every day and that helps me to continue my relationship with her in that way.

Thinking of everyone tonight. I'm tired. I spent all day outdoors with Aiden and started working in my mediation garden. I hope I can turn that empty unused spot of yard into something nice.

[ericasmom]

Cherry, I too loved those precious photos. May you feel Kylie close to you each day.

 

Laurie, those photos of the church are beautiful. A peaceful feeling came to me as I looked at the details in the photos.

 

I had fun fun fun with Baby Erica. We spent a lot of time outdoors but boy, it was super humid and HOT. And the air conditioning in the house was COLD. Too cold for me. So the extremes and the physical aspect to playing with a 13 month old all day long, (aside from naps) took its toll. I was pooped out but smiling inside and out from the day.

So sweet.

 

Goodnight All.

[wgreenlee]

So sorry I wasn't here for Mother's Day.  Here are the flowers I sent to Renea while she was bowling in a tournament in Pahrump, NV.  The lady did a really beautiful job.  Wish I could have sent them to all of you...but you were all on my mind...got really sick the last week and May hasn't been good, but it's going to get better...starting on Sunday when Renea and I will celebrate Brooks' birthday with a couple dozen of his friends at the Reno Aces game.  Hope to renew myself...looking forward to seeing his message on the scoreboard.

 

 

Cherry...

Sorry I missed Kylie's birthday...I pray she is comforting you now.

 

Renea is always able to get the military to donate their dogtag machine for our middle and high school graduations.  The kids love it.  We usually make hundreds of them...students always tell me they still have them.  Anyway, I would be very happy to make some for all of you.  As many as you like...we have lots.  You can emboss 5 lines with 15 characters, including spaces, on each line.  Let me know and message me your address and I will get them out to you at the end of the month.  I made Brooks, Shauna, and the kids a bunch last year and have three of his on my keychain now...different sayings he wanted.

 

Here's a nice song I had never heard before...it was on NCIS tonight.  Maybe telling me something...

 

 

Thoughts of peace and love to all of you!

[mikesmomrs]

Wade, thank you for the beautiful song...I had never heard it before, and it is now in my heart.  I love NCIS and was so sad to hear of Ralph Waite's passing.  He was one of those actors who stick in your mind as a good man.  I love what you do for your kids at school, as I said before, you are a gift to them, just as they are a gift to you. 

 

I would like to take you up on your offer of the dog tags. I will pm you information. 

I love the flowers you sent to Renea.  It is a sad day for Mother's who have lost a child, no matter the age, no matter how long it's been, but the memories help, and over time, the sharpness lessens, but it is always there...the missing; the longing.  I know that Father's day will be a difficult day for you...know that we will all be holding your hand...

 

Thank you, Wade, for all you do. 

[Steve s mom]

I heard the song you posted this morning on the radio I had never herd it before that

[ericasmom]

Thanks Wade, I have listened to that song before, Warren Zevon was a great song writer and performer. I never saw that video though , so poignant for me with the train and all. LAST TRAIN. Indeed it was for Eri. Thanks for sharing. I love the  flowers you gave your sweet wife. I know that this has been a very difficult time for you both. There is nothing easy about this change in your lives.

 

Carol so glad that Kim is doing better, that there is improvement each day.

[mysonrich]

Becky I saw this today and the first person I thought of was you Jared I think its a good advertisement for Justin for Jaredhttps://m.facebook.com/cartalk/photos/a.167341151081.128953.10387251081/10151996805191082/?type=1&source=48&refid=8&_ft_=qid.6013406879995572895%3Amf_story_key.7645808219384990980&__tn__=E

[daveydow1]

Carol------Glad that Kim is coming along in her recuperation.  Yes...those

incisions are usually quite painful in the early days following surgery.

She must take it easy....but of course she already knows that.  Had to

laugh about your husbands license plate...."OLD GUY".....and the 87

yr-old gent that got a laugh out of it too.  You are so right.....Ralph and Mike

have all spring there in heaven.....along with all our angels.

 

Susan-----As you said......"John David is always with me".   You will keep

him in your heart forever until you meet again.

 

Cherry----thanks for the lovely pics of Kylie.  She looks so cute in her pink

uniform, and the closeup pic with the big pink flower in her hair is just lovely.

She is, indeed, a beautiful child.

 

 

Kate------

I'm thinking of you too, and wish you peace & comfort.

 

 

Dee----

Such fun you had with little Erica.  I agree......the grandies are a

delight.  We are tired after all the activities, but it is a good kind of tired.

 

 

Wade-----

thanks for the song.....good words.

 

WISHING    PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL  IN  THE   INDIGO   FAMILY.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[mysonrich]

just stopped in to say hello.dee thanks for the call out on Mother's Day or thereabouts and Wade I did see the ornaments with Richard's picture on it . I wanted to thank you for Including him. good days, ok days, not so many bad days. we all know that road .talk to you more later

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....how those little hands can give a healing hug....it can remind us of becoming 'childlike'....instead of material - like...and becoming more simple....

 

Wade...thank you for posting that song...I have heard it before...but was lost in the layers of memory....the flowers are so pretty....again...a gift of Mother Nature to soothe our souls...and delight the eye....

   Mother's Day is a hard day to look to....and know our child is not beside us....and a hard day to walk through...knowing how heavy our hearts are.....

  we all survived....

I will take you up on the offer of the dog tags....will PM you my info.....and will be thinking of what to put on them...great for key chains....be a good little 'sprise gift'....

 

Cherry.....Kylie looked like an Angel on earth....she didn't have to transform much when she stepped foot on that Heaven's Road....

 

Shannon.....I hope Mother Earth is pouring out some healing sunshine on you as you work outside...have been meaning to tell you how I love the One Act Plays....I have judged them....and other UIL Debate...Prose..Poetry...Lincoln/Douglas Debates...etc......and him giving you a song as a Gift....Zak knows how priceless that was....

 

Carol....I do hope the home healing goes well....for your girl.....it is so nice to get to 'Mother' our grown children...those times are few and far between....

 

Debbie....it is just so darn hard......we have all been where you are....and all of us will go back to that 'time and place'...many times.....

 

Sherry....you sent us so many photos of the deep snow....can you send us some of how it all looks now....?

 It seems as if it is a natural pull....for us to go to Mother Earth...after having this kind of grief....

 

Kate...we know Ross does not want you to post anything about his health....but is he doing ok? I do hope so....and that both of you can enjoy all the bright and beautiful things when Spring puts on her best show....last Spring was not a good time for you.....

 

Laurie...Lora...Gretchen...Becky....and all on this site....

  I want you to know that when you post 'something' about how your day went.....how the family is doing or not doing...what you are planting....working on....where you went.....who you saw......

  those are parts of your day to day life....

What it really means to me.....is how you are surviving.....and that gives me such a measure of hope....

Thank you so much.....

[Steve s mom]

Today my Steve has been gone for 30 months

[ericasmom]

Sherry, it was a treat to be sure to have spent the day with Erica. Yep, body does not have what it did, but the heart surely holds the joy in similar fashion.

 

Yes indeed Susan, those little hands and huge hearts that make us realize that we are blessed in new ways.

 

Maryanne, 30 months is far too long, one day is far too long. I hold your hand and heart as you grieve this number of months without your Sweet Son.

[lovU2themoon]

thank you for nice words about the thumbnail picture, i am not sure i had posted it before, but i will post a larger one. We had just got back from our first trip to Disneyland. We had such a good time, Lindsay had gone back home, Lane and i had gone to my sisters with our mouse ears on for my nephew birthday.

 

Its late and i cant sleep, again...

 

The RCMP had been calling for a few days, i kept putting them off, i didn't want to hear what they had to say. The investigation into Lane's accident was complete.

I guess they had been trying to locate me too. (the town had us change house numbers a few months back, so the RCMP had the wrong address) 

Finally i called them tonight, Constable Veal wanted to come over to talk, i said i really didn't need to know anymore about the accident. He said they had the accident reconstruction and the coroners report. I told him it was not necessary for him to come over, i really didn't want to know anything about the accident or the coroners report, i don't need to know how my son died, or the trauma his body suffered, or anything.

He said that was fine, i didn't need to know, the outcome doesn't change, but if in the future i had any questions, i could just call him and he would come over and talk with me. 

 

So upsetting, it just takes you back so quickly to that awful day, within seconds, i could feel my chest become heavy, and that ugly feeling all over. 

Missing my son so much tonite.

I just don't know....

 

 

A lady on another site made this for mothers day, reminds me of the wonderful ones Wade makes on this site. 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Wanda, I can understand completely your not wanting to know the exact details. At this point it would only serve to upset you further to hear them...but it is good to know that if you change your mind they will give you this information.  How nice of that lady to put together that picture for you on Mother's Day.

 

Maryanne...how quickly the times passes, and yet we feel as if we are locked in a time warp. One day is too long. Thinking of you today.

 

Sandy, how are things going? I hope that Kelly is making a good recovery.

 

I woke up this morning to a brilliant fiery red sun shining over the lake. The weather has finally broken...at long last. The temps are inching upwards the next few days...just in time for our Victoria Day long weekend. I imagine droves of cottagers will arrive to check on their places. Thinking of everyone today and hoping your day is a decent one. Love, Kate 

[Mermaid Tears]

Maryanne.....until you have this kind of grief....one will never know how we 'keep' time....we do march to another drum beat...we are out of step with others...

but in step with the grieving parents...now we have 'another day in the week'....another 'mark' on the calendar....and the clock keeps a different kind of tick-tock...

and we really don't have to look at the 'date'....we now have an 'eternal clock'....

and we can go back in time with a 'whoosh' in a nano second...in memory...

[Mermaid Tears]

Wanda....what a sweet friend to create that for you.....she knew you would need that....

I was not 'brave' enough to call and talk to the Dr.'s about John David's last moments...the thought came...but....for me...it would only be another layer or 'another boogie man to come out of the closet' on nights without sleep...for me to try and not remember...I do not regret it to this day....

I have enough sorrow...sadness...tears....enough..

 

"And the Lord came with strong arms...and took him in the night"....

that is what I say to myself....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am so glad Mother's Day weekend is done...being sabotaged by various emotional landmines constantly...totally exhausted...

*****************************

Been reading the posts...Wanda, take all the time you need about the reports...I did not talk to the lady who arrived at the scene until over a year later...she was very gentle with what she told me, she is a local physician's wife...but there is still stuff I do not want to know...ever

 

Debbie, thinking of you today...

 

Kate, it is good that the weather is finally warming up for you...around Wisconsin it can't make up its mind if it should be early spring or mid-summer..in one day...I brought many outfit changes to my mom's

 

*******************************

this was such a hard weekend for everyone....and so many here have anniversary dates of their own, or coming up soon...

 

I definitely am taking some down time...

[bethree5]

I am so glad Mother's Day weekend is done...being sabotaged by various emotional landmines constantly...totally exhausted

 

Dear Laurie,  Your words spoke to me. I am a complete newbie, no profile yet: my Georgie died at age 23 just over 3.5 yrs ago. I am blessed to still have his 2 younger brothers, & my husband is silent but very supportive, so Mother's Day itself was OK/sort-of happy-- youngest came down from college to be here, & middle (who works weekends) called in...  but I am up & down & all over the place this whole week...  for us, Mother's Day crowns the 'birthday season' of Feb-Mar-Apr for my 3 boys (George was April)...  I try to think of it as a sort of Easter-- got through the mourning season, now time to surface.  I have a 'happy' bunch of flowers (sunflowers & iris) soaking here, will put on his grave as soon as the iris bloom.

 

I cannot even imagine the trauma of having one's son plucked from the air as yours was. Personally I survived a head-on auto collision, so I have some familiarity with the atmosphere of it-- police, ambulance, criminal follow-up. Even now 18 yrs after that event I am on the scene of any local collision in my earshot, sitting holding hands w/victim.

 

My Georgie was taken after 2.5 yrs of illness [med leave after 2.5 yrs college], very severe yet supposedly not life-threatening despite a half-dozen emergency hospitalizations & many visits to specialists, tests, etc.  So I tell myself the reason I am still stuck in time is only partly due to his sudden, unpredicted passing in hospital, & the other part PTSD from the prior yrs of fear & dread w/a poorly-understood rare illness & always waiting for another shoe to drop.

 

My heart is with you.

 

 

[ericasmom]

Holy Cow Laurie, you have been drenched in the grief of others and you stand next to your parents to help them through this multi-faceted string of loss. Prayers my Dear, for all those achingly sad, and for you as you are so close to the early grief of others. It is not easy to be near so much sadness. More prayers.

 

Georgie's Mom, I am so sad for the loss of your Sweet Georgie. He is a sweet looking young man, love his red-ish hair. Please come back and tell us more about him and about you and the life you lead, the lives your Boys lead. Tell us more as you are able so that we get to know you as well as Georgie. My Girl Erica died almost 11 years ago. Saying that makes me shake my head, wondering how can that be true? You be well and I am glad that you found us here.

 

A full moon shines in the window as I say goodnight here. It is a bronzed moon, pretty and bright as it cut through the cloud cover.

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Today my Steve has been gone for 30 months

Mary Ann, Those monthly angelversary dates really hit...even if I am not consciously thinking of it...about 2 days before I am even more moody and my emotions are all over the map...somedays I feel like a complete fruitloop..

 

BethRee5, this place has been a true gift...I am  not sure where I would be if it were not for the kindness and compassion on this site...please share more about your son...how one carries their bereavement I think is individual...it is a path that no one else can journey on, but we can hold one another's hands as we travel....

 

Betsy, it is always sweet to see your boy's face...hope that the road is more gentle for you...

 

Susan, the words you write are so true...I know sometimes it is best to take a simplier, quiet approach...my mom tends to do what you do with the loss of my older sister...

 

************************

Too many losses in too short of time here...I spent 8 days with my parents...there were two more passings in addition to my uncle..I was not close to them but one was my sister's fiance's father and the other, my father's younger friend-- his daughter was killed on Sunday...she was twenty-one. killed on a motorbike. My father will be attending that funeral tomorrow. It was just draining...

[bethree5]

please share more about your son...how one carries their bereavement I think is individual...it is a path that no one else can journey on, but we can hold one another's hands as we travel....

Thank you Dee and Laurie, it is wonderful and brings me to tears, hearing responses so soon to my first posts about my son. 

 

Laurie, how these other deaths echo for us.  My mother is declining in health over the last 3 months; I have been visiting her as often as I can (she is 4hrs drive away). But it is different from losing my son. She has been fading in and out like a radio station. It has been at least a couple of years since I could relate to her the way we always did-- so I am ready; the call may come any day.

 

You've asked me to share more about George, & I'm so happy to do that. He was a long-awaited child of 'older' parents-- we were engaged in the adoption process when we became pregnant, & considered ourselves hugely blessed to bear two more sons quickly thereafter.

 

George was always such an unusual child. He spoke first in phrases ('What's that?' at 9 mos), had strange fears that bespoke high intelligence (he would take apart toys while sitting in his walker, & cry inconsolably when he reached the 'black box' - the battery). He was assailed by  physical difficulties from the get-go [constantly delocating elbows in  infancy; hip pain & limping started at age 3] so there were serious medical issues. Music was his balm from very young (his dad's old casio keyboard occupied him at age 3) & at age 5 when there was an opening w/our local music teacher, & I asked about his interest he responded 'you mean learn to play with all 10 fingers, yes!

 

He was different from other kids but the music he could produce eventually drew many others to him. As I've said elsewhere, his rare arthritic illness was mild in early years, but he had a sudden psychotic episode at age 16, brought on by Ritalin for adhd--  he didn't respond well to meds, so we began bringing a little keyboard every time he visited, & he soon recovered.  He had a similar episode at 19; by then we had a psychiatrist who understood him & prescribed regular piano playing as part of his therapy; he recovered swiftly & went right back to college.

 

In the wake of the psychoses his arthritic illness (Reiter's Syndrome) flared, & by age 20 he was bedridden. We cared for him at home, w/visits to the best specialists we could find; by the end he had tubes & catheters & the autoimmune diseases had piled on (Reiter's, interstitial cystitis, fibromyalgia); he was hospitalized 4 times in his last 4 mos of life, died in hospital of SFCA (sudden fatal cardiac arrhythmia), related to the attempt to modulate his pain meds.

 

The good stuff:  all 3 brothers are/were music techies; George died end-August 2010 & within a month his brothers organized what has become a celebrated local annual occasion, the 'Concert for George', held at the local night club where our middle son is audio man. Every year they feature bands created from musicians who played with George in various bands; they play his favorite music-- in between sets the owner of our local music store DJ's from 'George's Drawers' - literally - from my son's bureau drawers full of CD's.

 

We don't collect a huge amount -- the audience is kids aged 18-25--  but every year we give the $1k or so to Johns Hopkins Center for Mind-Body Research (CMBR), which is the only place I've found the studies the connection between physical ailment & consequent depression at the microbial level, & feeds what they learn into their clinical community.

[wgreenlee]

Maryann...

Another connection, I think, to show us that our children are indeed letting us know they are with us.  Too many days, I know.

 

Bethree5...

Thank you so much for sharing your precious son, George, with us.  My son also had music in his blood and wrote many songs and created many videos.  His was "rap" but he did it his way.  Those are the best memories for me and hope they bring you much peace, as well.

 

Kate...

The Canadians are in...hoping they make the Stanley Cup.  Thought of you and Jeff as I watched them celebrate.

 

Betsy...

Yes, like leaves changing in the fall, our days constantly change too...some sunny...some not so, but we will be ok.

 

Laurie...

You have been there for so many and I know you are tired.  Take care of yourself and know my thoughts will constantly be there with you hoping for those good days.

 

Wanda...

I have thought often about whether or not I would like to see the whole police report about Brooks, but know it would only add to my grief.  Be good to yourself right now and my thoughts are with you now.

 

 

Carol...

I will pm what you sent and how it will go on the tag.  I remember watching the "Walton's" and thinking how that family should be everyone's model.  NCIS is my favorite show.  Now will have to wait for next season.

 

Dee...

I had never heard of Warren Zevon.  Listened to more of his songs...he has a different "voice" but his songs speak volumes.

 

Susan...

How did the pool turn out?  I imagine it's getting pretty hot in Texas.  Do you get any of those terrible storms?

____________________

 

Went out to eat with Renea and her mom for Renea's birthday.  Just the three of us, but it was ok.  Brooks was there...he would always do something special for Renea, even without a lot of money...just a flower or special card where he would use his lyrical ability to say the most beautiful things.  Everything was right in the world...but it will be ok.

 

I know it will be ok for all of us...through the sharing...the memories...the shared pain...we are growing.  It is so hard, but we can grow and find that gift that made us parents of the most special children in the world.

 

My Birthday Wish

 

Born on my birthday

You were my most precious gift

I know from heaven you were sent

God heard my prayers and a blessing was lent

 

You made me whole

A proud father I became

An endless journey of love began

From first steps to the making of a man

 

A lifetime of joy

One that I would never trade

Not a day went by when it wasn’t said

That’s your boy and you’re his dad

 

So many years later

Our special day approaches

Your’s above, and mine below

But with this wish my love will show

 

That God would send

Your smile, laughter, and love

Reminding me again of a most special time

Which He bestowed when you were mine

 

 

Thinking of everyone as we continue to navigate this journey.  Oh, how I wish I had the right map...

 

[Tbearw58]

So here I am in Las Vegas watched my daughter Jennifer get married Thursday. I am trying to be positive and have fun but Nick was supposed to be on this trip as planned and we are missing him I am more then anyone else his sister cried for him right before I gave her away so then we were both crying what away to start a wedding. Nick has been gone 6 months and it seem like yesterday. So all my prayers to you all thank you for being there for me

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Ted,

I know that trip and Jennifer's wedding had to be bittersweet. All the 'special days' now bring the missing too. Sending you prayers of comfort during this time. This is all so hard.

 

Wade,

Thank you for sharing the poem you wrote straight from a father's heart. I love to see the pictures of the two of you together. I'm glad you were together for Renea's birthday. This month has been a tough one, I know.

 

Bethree5,

Welcome to the group. Thank you for sharing your Son with us. He sounds like such an amazing and strong young man. It was good to read about the ways he touched the lives of others and is still remembered and honored. It think it's a beautiful thing that you donate to the hospital in his name to help further research. I'm glad you found this place and hope to know more about you and George and the rest of your family. I lost my daughter, Trista, 11 1/2 months ago when the car she was a passenger in was hit by a tanker truck. I miss her so much every day. This place has been my lifeline to share my Girl and my journey with some very compassionate people who really get it. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD since Trista's accident and I know that feeling of 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'.

 

Dee,

I love the full moon, moonlight in general. I think of my Girl... and our night walks.

 

Laurie,

It was good to see your post. I'm glad you are able to get some down time now. I am tired just thinking about all you have had in the past week.

 

Maryann,

I'm thinking of you and Steve. Susan's words are so right on. The dates on the calendar, no one can understand but us how they are. Laurie said that she feels the date approaching even without looking at the calendar and I have the same experience.

 

About knowing the details... I read the reports, all of them. In my case, there were so many questions... so many 'different' stories. The woman who held my Trista said, "She didn't suffer". The driver of the car said, "I saw her struggling as I got out of the car"... so many different things were said to me at a time when I was unable to process any of it but they stuck and the nightmares started. I decided I had to know what was true. I had my father in law help me because he's a doctor and I knew I could trust him to be compassionate but completely honest so the questions would be answered. Knowing, for me, helped. I had the answers... BUT... also images in my head that I now can never erase. I think we have to make a choice for ourselves depending on individual circumstances and need. As Susan said, there is enough sadness.

 

We've had a lot going on here. My sister and her three kids are moving in with us in a couple of weeks when school is out. With her divorce and the fact that she will be off work for the summer (she's a preschool teacher) she doesn't have a lot of options. It will mean a lot more people in my house. It's the timing of everything that makes me wonder how it will go. It will be right around Trista's Angel Date. I wouldn't ever question it otherwise. I just wonder about my emotional state and my ability to handle it all. Family is family though and I know my Sis would do the same for me if needed. In many ways it will be nice to have them close since we've lived over an hour away from each other for years. I'm happy that I'm able to do this for her. We have given her a job at our business and she will be staying at least the summer while she takes time to decide her next steps. We have enough room for everyone but the Girls will have to stay in Trista's room. I'm very torn about that but it's the only option. I'm going to pack away Trista's personal things, a step I'm not really ready for but the Girls will need space for their own things and I will feel better having Trista's things protected. Not that they would bother anything. Dani and Tris were very close, more sisters than cousins and she is very protective but Trista's things are very sacred to me so I will feel better to protect them.

 

Also my husband had an episode the other night... tightness in his chest and tingling and numbness starting at his jawline and moving down his left arm. Very scary. I wanted to go straight to emergency room. He refused and took some aspirin. I made him a doctor's appointment the next day so now we are waiting for more test results. He's seeing a cardiologist. He told me not to worry because he's only 40 years old. I think he must be forgetting that I buried my first husband at 36 years old because of a massive heart attack. I'm sure he's trying to comfort me but it's not working.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Geroge's Mom, thanks for telling us more about George and your Family. He is a strong strong young man, had to be and was, wow! We wonder how one deals with so much in such a short time! I am happy that his brothers have taken on this lovely endeavor to honor their Bro and that you send that money to a wonderful place that researches the possibilities for others. You find after these many years that your purpose is to find ways to live your best life in the light that your Child left you. Sounds to me that you are doing that.

 

Ted, my Son got married in 2011, ERica died in 2003. I wept through the rehearsal in church and the actual wedding. I was/am so happy for he and Shannon, but yes, that huge, HUGE life altering event that Erica would surely be loving and a part of slammed me in so many ways. I was so touched that in the ceremony one of the speakers spoke of those who were no longer here to take part in this happy event: Erica Eileen Reith, and then her Daddy's name, grandparents...No dry eyes then. So even in those astoundingly joyous moments in life, we are hyper-aware of the missing, the empty chair, the missing laughter and smile. I know however that ERi was with us that day, she would never miss a party.

 

More later, kids are going to return to class...

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

More later....have been 'reading and listening' to the posts...

will share my thoughts and 'wondering' later....too busy to collect my wind blown thoughts now...

[ericasmom]

Shannon, my goodness I would have very mixed feelings about having a house-full as well. You are a better woman than I. I need so much quiet time and alone time. But you have kids too so they will have their cousins. I hope though, that you are not too hard on yourself if you don't feel that their staying is good for you. I am sorry that your Husband is having issues with his health...I hope he heard himself when he said he was only 40...you sure know that age does not have a thing to do with it.

I am holding you as you deal with clearing Trista's things away to keep them safe. THose are sacred items, they are remnants from another time.

 

Laurie, I sure know all of the damages that Erica experienced in her accident as she lived for 6 days afterwards. It is hard to hear the extent of what parts of her brain were no longer viable. I do think that you need to protect yourself and only learn what you want to...it is already more than any one person should have to learn.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, I have pondered your story about sweet Eri and having to wait those six days to make such a difficult decision, those days when the veil is thin, and in the deep of it all, there is a certain sacredness and stillness that is present, quiet and terrible, a mother's heart not wanting to hear yet the silent whisper prevails.

 

Dee posted, "I do think that you need to protect yourself and only learn what you want to...it is already more than any one person should have to learn."

So true your words Dee.

...Law enforcement still has not found the girl who killed Jesse...

 

Been keeping an eye on my parents...called them several times today...my dad I know is stressed...I hope he does not make the connection today is also my older sister's angelversary...I am not sure he is able to go to his friend's daughters funeral...I am hoping he will just slip a card in...

 

***************************

 

Shannon, you have a heart of gold. I am wishing the best for you as you help your sister through her time of need...

 

Prayers are sent for your husband with the health scare...as if you need one more thing on your plate...

 

Kate, how are things with you...

 

Sherry, my sister told me there is a giant owl (over a foot tall) hanging around their bird feeder now...I told them that they are a strong predator bird, not the type I want in my yard...I think the smaller snowy owls are cute but not the big ones...

 

Cherry, sending out warm thoughts to you...your little girl in the pink dress does remind me of a child angel...

 

Ted, that was so hard to get through a special family event without your son...may you find peace and rest over the next few days...

 

Wade, thank you for sharing your peom from a father's heart..."An endless journey of love began" it continues to be even though our loved one is in spirit form...

 

I tell Jesse, You are always my son...ALWAYS...we all will take spirit form one day...in a blink of an eye this time will pass...that is my comfort...

[Mermaid Tears]

been reading....no time to 'write my thoughts now'....

will later....

it seems as if many have been hit with winds from many directions...

[daveydow1]

Ted----I so understand about the wedding, and all the bittersweet feelings

that goes along with it. You cannot help but feel the empty spot that

would have been Nick's.  My daughter was married only 6 wks. after our

son, David, was killed.  It was so close, but all the plans were made, and

deposits etc. made.  Sometimes I remember so little about all the details

of my daughter's big day, but I guess my heart was so consumed with grief

at that time.  Nick surely looked down and had a smile for everyone, and

for Jennifer's  special day. 

 

 

 

Laurie-----That must be some kind of a horned owl....they are large, I

believe.  The owl must have its eye on the birds that come to the feeders.

Yes.....I agree....they are sharp predators.  We get them around here now

and then.  Sometimes they are after mice, moles, and small rodents. 

 

 

Not much to say today.  The weather turned gloomy and cool, and I'm

afraid that it matches my mood.     Peace to  all.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry  

[shorty16]

Hello to all my friends,

Jessie, I love all Owls. Yes, the Great Horned is large and beautiful. You have seen a Snowy Owl? I am so jealous. I have not seen one. That is a hole on my Birding Life list.

Wade, I see you are from Nevada. Please send some heat our way. We cannot seem to get above 55 degrees.

Ted, i send you hugs. Seeing the world keep turning and life going on is really tough. Especially when you know our kids would be there. Brian died 4 days after Michelle graduated HS. Each event after was host to the empty chair. I am thinking of you.

Dee, are you as cold as we are? If so, I send you warming thoughts. Perhaps these thoughts will drift North!!

Shannon, I think about you often. Graduation coming and life is not as it should be. Seeing the other kids grow up and my son is frozen at 16. Please know you are not alone. I was there and am trying to smooth your path a bit. Consider yourself hugged.

Bethree5. Welcome, but sorry for the reason you are here. My Brian was 16 when he died. It has been almost 6 years. The pain has lessened, but will never disappear. I find comfort here with people who listen to my pain and offer help.

Sherry, I did not know your daughter got married 6 weeks after David's death. OMG. The strength it takes to be happy when your heart is broken.

To all

We have a pair of Sandhills Cranes hanging around our neighborhood. I live in a subdivision. A place these 4foot birds are not normally seen. They call for hours and are really loud. They stand in my neighbors yard under a tree. It's the craziest thing I have ever seen. I will keep all my friends posted.

Love to my friends. Without you, I would feel so alone

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

Colleen, it was in the 40's all day today and rainy and just chilled us to the bone, yesterday too. ICKY! Great if it is March, it lets you know winter is ending...not so much for May. I think we are warming slowly tomorrow and then nice and warming all week. May you warm up too.

Two sandhills in a yard? Wow, they migrate in such huge numbers I wonder if one is injured or if they laid eggs in a nearby spot. Odd indeed.

 

Love to you all, Sherry I am also a bit crabby with this weather and gloom. It is however, a full moon which can be affecting us.

 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking if everyone on this Friday evening.

 

Laurie, holding you close... as this is a special day in your heart. I do hope that your father in his frailty will be spared any painful memories. Sending prayers your way.

 

Colleen, owls are a common site our way. I often waken during the night and hear that familiar sound. Ross called me on his cell the other day to tell me to look out as there was a flock of cranes flying overhead. There were approximately a dozen or more flying over his car. A truly lovely sight.

 

Shannon, oh my...you definitely have much going on in your life at this time. I admire you for opening your home an heart to your family.

 

Sandy, thinking of you as another week has passed. When you are able...please let us know how Kelly and you are managing.  

 

Ted, bittersweet memories... and yet so much joy for a new married life that is about to embark on a wonderful journey.  Good for you standing so straight and tall as hard as it was. Both kids proud as punch of a devoted and loving dad. 

 

Wade, my man...what can I say? We shall see.

 

Dee, our weather has finally broken and we are having spring at long last. I am in my glory. I spent ages today wandering around greenhouses browsing the latest new flowers. It was heaven sent. Just standing in the greenhouses and breathing in the aroma of the flowers was such an incredible lift. We have a very foxy and cheeky fox living in the woods next door. He is becoming a little too tamed. There is something about watching how  these creatures manage to survive the harsh winters that has me in awe.

 

Sleep well everyone. Thinking of you all. Love, Kate

[Guest]

.

[SamDsmom]

Just wanted to ssy I am reading and thinking of everyone. The last 7 1/2 months have really taken a toll on me this last couple of weeks. By the time I get my work done, im too exhausted to do anything but cry myself to sleep. Not much new on my investigation. I did hear back from the insurance commissioner. She sent me all of the correspondence with the employer and the insurance company. The employer stalled and refused to provide the documents until the morning of the deadline. Then found out that because the policy wax actually written in the State of Illinios where the company headquarters is located, I have to start all over with them. But at least I have the paperwork. The form provided named my ex husband as the original beneficiary and they said it was never changed. So now I know that is a lie. Also the signature on the paper is not my son's, so I will press on and start again on Monday. I have also contacted an investigator to look into the police conduct.

My ex has told my daughters that they are not allowed to come to his house any more because since hevis remodeling it is not appropriate for small children (whatever that means) and he doesn't want them tearing up any of his new things. Plus his girlfriend is not comfortable around kids. They are babies. 7 mo.-12 yrs old. So cruel. Trying to look for some positive. I guess he also took a box of things of Sam's that I had asked him to keep there for me and threw it away. I feel inundated with evil. Everything feels so heavy.

I am thinking of you all and aware of what is going on with you. Im sorry I don't have supportive words right now.

I did get to see the kids a couple of weeks ago and got a few new pictures. It was nice. I also got on facebook for the first time. I have gotten a lot of new pictures from Sam's friends that I had never seen before.

Thanks for being here.

[tobyfreefoot]

guess what? those heartbroken tears truely are different.  my son has loaned me his computer.  i will be back to visit soon.  love to all of you.  thought this interesting. went out to texas to revamp the roadside memorial.  as soon as i got there got a text from lynn her mom died.  now she has time to grieve josh but her mom now on top of it.  new pics of grandkids  saving my life. other picture grave decorated with pirate flags for forest's birthday   http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-microscopic-structures-of-dried-human-tears-180947766/?no-ist

[Mermaid Tears]

Ted....am posting this again for you....we have to learn to balance again....it is a 'new normal' balancing act...

one of those 'don't throw the baby out with the dirty bath water' kind of learning lessons...

it is a hard lesson to learn.....finding the 'joy' in our grief..

letting 'joy' in again....for me....it was like I had to train myself to smile

I am just in my 2nd year...so I am still sitting in class...trying to learn...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....you were at the right place at the right time...for your parents...I know they felt your presence was like a cushion to help with the blows of loss...

'loss' can feel like a blow...a strike...a hit....and having family and loved ones near will absorb the impact. I am sure your parents were aware of the 'angelversary' of your sister....but they had been surrounded by you and other family...and that can only be a balm when that 'day' came.

    Dee mentioned how hard the 2nd year was for her.....I know many on this site ...me, included....are struggling with this second year....the first year was like being thrown into hell......the second year is like learning how to walk through hell...

a barren landscape....trying to stay on a path so I don't wreck myself....it is hard and sad...I do take one day at a time...

I have something interesting I have been thinking on for the last couple of days to post later....am sure you have found it in all your research...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....good to hear from you.....the news of your brother will take one plate of worry off your table....and that it got taken care of in good time is even better....

   I know how heavy it is...for I have to do so much for my brother...'He has been known for making himself a sandwich'....since John David passed...he has been 'better' about taking care of himself....it got easier for me when I finally accepted he will never change....and I was the one that had to change...

     You have Cara's 'angelversary' coming up....and a son getting married....two highly emotional life events....I hope you will take care of the take care...and 'self care'....

and since it will be a JP wedding...it won't take too much planning and time....

(I have never liked BIG weddings..and yes...my Mom said they must have mixed up the babies in the nursery for me to say and think that)...I like the 'small...circled with close friends and family'...personal weddings) I recently attended one of those 'small and sweet' weddings.

     I think the visit to your other son will be a win/win for both of you.....you will get some much needed R&R....and your son will get to 'treat' you ...

   I am very remiss...about letting my grown children 'do things for me'....I forget...that they want and need that in their lives...and they want to give me a gift of something 'I want'....Jesse brought me a 'Night Blooming Jasmine' for Mother's Day...at night...you can smell it all over the yard...

  We will all be here for you on June 13th.....

  

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade.....we will all be with you tomorrow.....

I know of just one other Parent/Child birthday....Michelle...(she was in John David's class...and he 'brought her to me' when they were in High School...a long story...her Mother was a degree below trifling...I then brought her in our family...and she and I are still 'very' close)....anyway..she was born on her Mom's birthday...very unique...

  It is like the Heaven's decided to give you the Ultimate Birthday gift ever !!  All of us will know how hard that day will be..physically and emotionally for you and your wife....all we have are words to share here....but there will be many prayers sent to sustain you and let you know you are not walking this grief path alone...

I do believe that Brooks will be sending you a special message and gift tomorrow...that will let you know...it is from him.

   You asked about our pool project....the company sent a 'team' of workers one day...and they did their job....another team came the second day...and finished it up....each team worked like a machine together....and now the water looks like a Caribbean Sea...   this is the tree that had to be cut down....sigh   pool being re-plastered and then we had a Quartz finish put on it..  this is where the tree was....and where the deck and patio cover will go...we had the stump grinded down..it is gone now...got two pretty slabs from the stump..will make a table.....last week end...we had a Crawfish boil...and that is son Jesse with Wyatt John and Pebbie in the hot tub..    this is GRANDson, Josh...he will graduate from High School this month...then going to LSU...the water is so pretty......

[Mermaid Tears]

Debbie....gee....how utterly tacky...couldn't your ex just give the box of Sam's things to your daughter ? I guess that would be just too normal. He sounds like the perfect person to avoid.....cross the street ....scratch off your list. Period.

   I hope all can go in a straight line when you go to the company Headquarters....you need something to be easy...and a good outcome.

  Loved the photos....was that at Sam's memorial ?

  Please remember to 'self care'....

 

 

 

Gretchen...good to hear from you...hope you get your own computer soon...thanks for sharing the photos...am so..so sorry your friend has a double load of grief to carry....but am glad you are there for her...she will really need you in the days ahead...sorrow seems a little lighter when you have someone to share it with....

     Yes...the GRANDchildren have a way of giving those healing hugs....and the unique way of picking up the pieces of our broken hearts and creating a mosaic for us....

  there is that phrase from an Elton John song...'someone saved my life tonight'....I dedicate that to my GRANDchildren...

    the site looks very personal with a message...I know it catches everyone's eye that passes....and they must reflect on 'who they were'.....and the loved ones that maintain it....

    very interesting about tears...and I have to agree....broken hearted tears are different...my tears seem warmer...and they can just slide down my face very slow...in a nano second...instant...anytime...anywhere...

[Jen L]

Hi to all,

 

I'm not ready to share my story yet. I'm still trying to understand how to get myself together and how to continue my life.

But I wanted to share something with you all. All your stories and comments helped me feel that I'm not alone in this situation, and I wanted thank you for that!

I also wanted to share a website that gave me the strength to deal with what happened. On this website you can create a memorial page and share pictures and stories. You can also share it with your loved ones and they can also share their stories.

 

I hope you will find comfort in it as I found…

 

This is the website - https://infibond.com/

[Mermaid Tears]

finally heard from Aaron....he and Kerry and my four ALL American GRANDsons live in Fallbrook, CA....

where all the fires are...

Kerry and the boys had to evacuate..they are at her brother's home...(some small town to the north of the area)....Aaron is at the Emergency Ward at 29 Palms...treating civilians injured in the fire and accidents....

   Thank you, God they are ok....

 

GRANDsons....Rocky, Jack, Diego and Ferris...

[ericasmom]

Susan, thank heavens for their safety, I did not know you were sitting on pins and needles worried about them. Blessings to them and to you. The photo of the Boys is great, what handsome guys.

The pool photos are lovely. May I come over for a swim? It's been cold here though today, finally, I was able to sit on the deck and write and grade some papers. The clouds keep hiding the sun, but the fact that I don't have to dodge rain or wear gloves other than the garden variety is pleasing to be sure.

 

Lora, so good to see you. I am thrilled that your brother is doing better and that he is covered by the type of care that he needs. Wonderful news about your Son too. Happy marriage to them. And Jared is moving to an apartment? Great, let me know if he needs anything. When might you come to Chicago? Would love to meet up if you have the time.

 

Debbie, wow is all I can say about the character of y our EX. whose signature do you believe is on the paperwork?

 

Sherry, the garden is alive and blooming right now. Columbine, geraniums, indigo is getting ready, black lace is getting it's spray of pink ready, iris, anenomes, lilacs, so many are now swaying in the breezes. How is your Mom doing? Daughters?

 

Sandy, how are you and how is husband? I hope you are okay and that you are getting time with the Grandgirls. How is Rachel doing and the new baby?

 

Birthdays and Angel Days for many coming up. We hold you close on each day, especially on those dates that make breathing difficult.

[tobyfreefoot]

susan so glad every one is ok! what a scary thing for everyone involved.

 

we had a bad accident at work last night.  they had to medivac the young man out.  he is very burned and may lose his foot but will live.  4oo lb. red hot billet fell on him set his clothes afire and no one knew what to do or how to get the billet off him. very traumatic for the boys trying to help him.

 

when i was redoing the kids roadside memorial i had a lot of trouble adhering ashlie's photo.  a bad windstorm hit down there so i contacted the chamber of commerce to see if the emts would go try to nail her picture down for me.  instead the city manager went out herself and cleaned out the tumbleweeds and checked everything and said prayers for them and me. so very nice of a total stranger.  she also said this in her letter: we know that there is an answer bigger than our question.  i really found that a comforting thought and a better answer to my eternal seeking than "we just don't know"

 

hope everyone is doing ok this one moment.  thinking of you all.  anyone knowing my star story--i've had several more star finds including one minutes ago while i was cleaning the leaves out from around my angel statue.  surely surely forest is doing that.  it must take a lot of effort for them to try to give us a sign.

[ericasmom]

Oh Gretchen, I have missed the face of your Beautiful Son looking out, to know you are out there is a calm to my heart. Good to know. I am praying for the poor young man injured last evening at work. How scary and difficult for all. Deep prayers that he recovers completely. It was incredibly sweet of that woman to pray for you and the Kids and make sure of the site. Her words let us know that among us are those who do get it. I think that Forest leaving  you stars gives him great joy, just as it gives you that assurance that he is loving you from everywhere he is. The kids are gorgeous by the way.