Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Maybe that the thought of Heaven was, If you build it, they will come.

Lovely poem Wade, Brooks is playing baseball with all of our Angels, I called Eri, Lefty, she with her black mitt.

 

Kate, thoughts of you and Ross as the sun shines on the cold snow covered ground today. May healing and sunlight be yours.

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade...a powerful poem....I know there were tears running down your face as those words were pulled straight from your broken heart....

I love you, Dad..

I love you, Son..

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

I love that poem for Brooks and I just know that he is playing baseball in heaven. I like what Dee said about, If you build it they will come. I think our Children are in a world where there dreams can be created simply by thought and their every desire… baseball or gardens or beautiful places to hike and fish… are there for them.

Dee,

Your garden sounds beautiful. I have also been enjoying the activity returning to my yard. I’ve seen a few little cabbage whites and some of the little purple butterflies. Last night I tried to cover the flowers that have been doing so well in Trista’s garden. With the warm weather we’ve had a lot of her lilies, irises, and others we planted last year were coming up. I don’t know if it will help but I tried.

I am sitting here on hold with the IRS. I spent all day doing our taxes yesterday. Nothing like waiting until the last minute but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I e-filed yesterday and should have been fine but this morning I woke up to a message that my federal taxes had been rejected because Zakery’s name and/or social did not match records. I checked and double checked. I know my attention and focus is awful but there was absolutely nothing wrong. I double checked my last years taxes to make sure everything matched there and it did. So now, nothing to do but sit here on hold with the IRS on tax day. I may actually get my call answered by 10 pm. At least I can put the phone on speaker and try to get some things done. And on top of that we are covered in snow. Not my day.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....a friend of mine...(this happened last year)....filed...and got a rejection...long story short....someone had filed with their name and info.....it took 'forever'....had to produce a file cabinet amount of paperwork...and got a lawyer....

it took the 'bad ones' a few minutes to get their refund...it took my friends a whole year to get their identity back...and still don't have last years refund....so sad....hope this isn't your problem....

 

Laurie....I agree....this is something John David would like....and...the way our house sits...it blocks the breeze from the south on our patio...and John David always complained that our patio was the hottest patio ever....even with 2 ceiling fans.....

now....he would always tell me to put a patio area under the tree....for it got all the breeze...on Sunday....I was out raking all the leaves..small sticks....and it dawned on me....that we were putting a patio right where John David always wanted one...

[Mermaid Tears]

Hey Kate....we are holding with and on you....thinking of you and Ross every...every day....and many times during the day.....

[Steve s mom]

By: Christine Ross.

Easter Eggs:

If only our children were Easter eggs,hidden safely in the grass

We could search for them and pick them up,we could hold them within our grasp

We'd have a heavenly Easter egg hunt with baskets in our hands.

Searching with a broken heart ,only we can understand

"Oh look I found your child here” ,”did anyone find mine".

They are so beautifully colored and they sparkle and they shine.

These aren't your normal Easter eggs,they each have their own special glow,

that comes from way down deep within ,only a parent in grief can know.

We gather up our special eggs with excitement all around.for the gift that we've been given ,for the treasure that we found.

We all stare in wonderment at our children that have died,we want to hold them once again and release them from inside.

But we all begin to realize,we'd have to crack their beautiful shell.the one that makes them sparkle and glow,the one they earned so well.

We know we can't destroy their beauty,and take them from their place.so we give them an understanding kiss,as a tear runs down our face.

One by one we take our baskets with the beautifully colored eggs and place them gently in the grass and turn and walk away.

We look back in amazement as our eggs begin to sing,we see them flutter and move about,we see that they have wings.

Then the golden egg begins to speak "your children are safe with me.youll be with them when the time is right,together for all eternity.”

We stand there in a circle of love as we look up at the sky,watching our radiant eggs take flight,knowing our children didn't die.

By:.

Christine Ross

Bereavement publications inc.

[Guest]

.

[wgreenlee]

Fran...

So sorry I wasn't here to help grieve with you.  This is a good place and I hope you will share with us whenever you can...as best you can.  

 

Maryann...

That poem was lovely...and so true...that is my feeling right now.  Just wish I could find my son and keep him.

 

Susan...

Yes, many tears...just had a tough weekend and then yesterday I went with Rod to watch his son play in a HS golf tournament.  So many sons out there... We both coached the golf team for many years and learned to just shadow the players so they wouldn't be nervous, but that doesn't stop the parents from being nervous...and of course, that is what I felt when Brooks was up at the plate, or had runners on and had to block every ball, or keep them close to their base.  This was Rod's feeling and I certainly understood.  I enjoyed the beautiful weather and his son played well, but it was tiring as thoughts of Brooks kept swirling within me.  Guess that will never change.

 

Gave blood for the first time on Saturday since Brooks' death...I gave blood on that day and even talked with him about it...be good for him to do it.  The people there were very good to me, as they knew me and "that" date.  I have scheduled a date to do platelets when I come back from Alaska and will endeavor to do that often...they said you could do it every three or so weeks...as my way helping those with cancer.

 

Then went to Renea's Junior ROTC military ball on Saturday evening.  Talked with many old students and, of course, they all wanted to know how I was doing.  Ok, until there was a moment of silence for all the lost service members and "Amazing Grace" was played on the bagpipes.  But, it was a good time and Renea gave out a few awards, and all the kids loved seeing her.  She had been there sub at the HS for three months, before getting her new job last month.

 

So sorry to see that winter still will not lose it's grip for some of you.  It will come eventually.

 

Spring break this week, but already I am not busy enough to drive away my grief.  The house will be spotless before I'm through.  I yearn for the time when I can contemplate Brooks' death and not be so sad.  It is still so hard to believe...and I can't do a thing about it.

 

Love to all...

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and concern. I have been reading when I am able, but not up to posting. Today I am home with the flu and just trying to get some much needed rest. I am sorry to see that there are more newcomers, but so glad that they have found this place to find comfort with understanding and caring parents.

 

The situation is ok is about all I am able to say at this point. Bu every reason to be positive. My faith is what is keeping me going. In fact I am looking forward to seeing the movie called Heaven Is For Real... which was filmed in my hometown and surrounding area this past year. I understand it comes out this week. That and my memories of Jeff and the tea house. I sense his presence all around this week and it gives me much comfort and support.

 

Today I headed into our small town for a few things and stopped by the roadside as I watched eleven eagles sitting on three trees just perched on the branches . It was an amazing sight... as was the lunar eclipse last night. I set the alarm for two am and got up to witness an amazing happening. The moon was so large and sat in the sky like a huge ball just hovering and ready to be picked. It was so beautiful. God's presence surrounding me in every way. At the point when the moon was completely dark the sky filled with billions of stars. The air was so fresh and crisp and the sky clear. Heaven must be so magical and wonderful. I know that Jeff is a part of that beauty now and enjoying all of its wonder.  

 

I am thinking of everyone and hoping that this upcoming holiday will fill you heart with treasured happy memories of your child. That the special moments that you shared together will bring you comfort and a true sense of peace. Thanks again for your concern. Love to all. Kate

 

 

[wgreenlee]

Kate...

Always thinking of you and Ross!

 

Every morning around sunrise when we head out of Kasilof River in Alaska to go salmon fishing there are dozens of bald eagles lining the banks.  It's like they are announcing another beautiful day with so much promise.  It will be a good site for me to see this summer.  There is beauty and wonder if we just take the time to "see."

[daveydow1]

Kate------Your sighting of all the eagles must be so exciting. Sorry that you

are a bit under the weather with the flu.  Hope you'll be feeling better soon.

Sending prayers for you & Ross.

 

 

Lora----

So sorry about your Gram's passing. It's so difficult to lose a

grandparent. She must have been such a big part of your life. I, too, had a

wonderful Gram who died of a stroke in 1976.She inspired & helped me so much in life.  

I loved your story of your Gram telling you that she always knew when her father was

coming home when she heard the train whistle.  Wonderful, memorable story to

hold near & dear.

 

Stevesmom----Thanks for the lovely poem  "EASTER EGGS".

 

Wade----Your trips to Alaska in summer must be so great, and to see all

those many eagles......what a sight to behold. Thanks for the poem.

 

Dee-----Yes, I agree......gardens are just great places to just sit and relax

and take in all the sights, sounds, and fragrances of nature.  It's good to

have a husband who likes to garden.  When I can't find my husband around the

house.....I know right where to look.....past the grape arbor and in the garden...

hoe, fork, or shovel in hand, wearing his straw hat in summer. Yesterday, I

spent some time handwashing some of my husbands garden gloves that had

dried mud caked on them from last season. They  came out good as new.  It's nice that

you have a bird nesting under the overhang.  The robin of last summer is back

building a nest in the sheltered corner under the eave on the spouting.  I can

see it from my bathroom window.  Very cold today, and windy with spitting snow. Brrr.

 

PEACE   AND   SERENITY   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry     

[Sholl1955]

Hello all,

The white stuff was not welcome this morning .  How can the weather change so drastically in a matter of hours?  Even Gabby acted surprised when I put her out this morning and she had to walk in snow.  

 

I took my husband to his Dr. appointment and the tests show more than one compressed nerve.  He needs surgery and it will be complicated and risky but he is ready to be free of some of this constant intense pain. Even in his confusion, there is no doubt what his wishes are.  So after some preop testing and insurance approval, he will be scheduled for surgery.  Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. 

 

Wishing all a restful night.

 

Sandy

 

 

[ericasmom]

To All who have had snow today...it will be nicer out tomorrow so hang on. It is hard to go backward into a season. The full beautiful moon is shining through this window and into this office. I am reminded of the job the moon does. She reflects the light of the sun. This is the job we have as well, to reflect the light from our sweet Souls who left so early.

We love you Angels.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

"....God's presence surrounding me in every way.... Heaven must be so magical and wonderful. I know that Jeff is a part of that beauty now and enjoying all of its wonder. "

 

Thank you Kate for sharing this reminder...what I needed to read tonight.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening, sending prayers....

 

 

[Tbearw58]

Hello everyone

 

I have not posted for some time its been  hard Nicks birthday on 03/23 and the 14 of April marked 5 months since he has passed. I cry a lot for my son I love him so much. Thank you Lora for thinking of me I am growing stronger as time goes by. 

 

Wade that baseball poem fit my Nick to a tee. I spent years on the field with him helping the team and coaching Nick loves baseball.

 

Fran, I like all the rest of us on this sight are very sorry for your loss. Please let us know more about your Stephanie we are here to listen and help in any way we can. I am only 5 months down this road of grief and can tell you its hard to walk and not give up and quit. but we can support each other here. Prayers to you and your family being this new to this all I can tell you is to breathe and make it one minute at a time. 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, your poem was so very touching...the first thought I had when I read it, is that Jesse would be the guy who is sitting on the sidelines just relaxing and watching the rest play...still very much enjoying himself but cheering the others on...

 

Ted, I know those calendar days can really hit one and just take everything you have to get through the day...evening is always a relief on those days...

 

Shannon and Sherry, I cannot believe the temperatures you have had already...we are not even close to that...I want it to warm up so the soil will drain to get some projects I have planned done...

 

Lora, I read the comment about the little Amish boy, I think of the special place children have so close to God's heart. The sweet Amish boy's remark reminds me of this line from the Spafford story (author of, 'It is Well with My Soul' hymn). In 1873, they lost four small daughters in the Atlantic as the ship liner sank.... here are the last words of the girls remembered by their mother ...

 

"As Maggie stepped beside Mother she lifted her dark eyes. "Mama, God will take care of us." Then little Annie said, "Don t be afraid. The sea is His and He made it."

 

Sandy, continued prayers for you and your husband...and his upcoming surgery...
 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From Susan, "because of the pool work that will be started on Wednesday...then the Palapa will be built....."

 

Susan, I am glad you liked the thoughts on the Palapa...maybe you could post pictures as the project moves along...would love to see it...

 

I wanted to say, your posting (below) is so very much my experience too...I came up with almost the identical analogy for myself before I had read your post...

 

"in fact....I think I 'slept walked'....'zombied through' the rest of 2012 after August and all of 2013.....

 

it is strange to know it is 2014.....and it is like I was in a coma...."

 

Dee, hope the weather is warming up down there for a nicer walk...how is baby Erica doing? Are you still attending the baby gym with her? Prayers for the family you mentioned...

 

Lora, thank you for sharing the story from your brother both on the Light and his experience in the accident...prayers for his continued healing..

 

Gretchen, sending warm thoughts your way...

 

Becky, how is the court case going, prayers of safety from this woman and from her destructiveness...

 

Debbie, let us know how things are with you when you can...

 

Mary Ann, thank for sharing the poem about finding our children, it was very touching...have you any thoughts on the design for Steve's garden, I know I shared this before, but Menard's has some very nice garden statutes right now...don't know if you have one near you...

 

Wanda, how are you and your daughter doing?

 

Wade, sending prayers for Tiffani...

 

Also, Sandy, prayers for the lady whose daughter is terminal...

 

Father, we lift up all these prayer needs to You, not knowing why but asking that your loving Spirit meet these individual needs in a way that only You as our Creator knows, on that deep soul level that goes beyond our earthly understanding...

 

Amen

[Mermaid Tears]

The full beautiful moon is shining through this window and into this office. I am reminded of the job the moon does. She reflects the light of the sun. This is the job we have as well, to reflect the light from our sweet Souls who left so early.

We love you Angels.

 

 

Dee....worded so perfectly....

 

Thank you.....many need that as we come into Easter...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie......I have spent the last few days in contemplation...

I really feel as if some 'foreign force' is behind me...pushing me forward....I have reluctant feet....'something' like a mild force of wind...

   I have done many things by rote...by auto pilot....the every...every day things get done for there is no mind work to it...they get done by the repetition of having done it over and over.....a no brainer....

    I have been 'floating'....'cocooning'.....maybe some 'thing'...thinks it is time for my feet to touch ground....

  All that has to get done takes lots of planning...timetable...'think it all out'....a focus....

 

The pool work starts tomorrow...(delayed one day because of rain).....I will be 'held hostage' in my home....as you know...when work is done at your home....you or someone does need to be front and center....

 

working on the design of the Palapa.....

 

talked to a few that have them....there are negatives....and positives....a few have said it can attract a lot of 'critters'...because of the palm fronds..and being that it is so high...hard to remove them....the fronds can blow into the pool...wasps seem to be a problem for one person.....

  we can have another kind of roof....

I need more time to gather more research....when the pool work is over...I will continue with my fact finding....

 

I wish there could be some kind of decree....across the land.....that grieving parents could take a year or two off from any holiday celebration....

 

how is your husband ? Thomas and Christina ? Holidays are so hard on the siblings....

 

have a neat photo to post....will do it later.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, my husband is still very withdrawn to himself at night, he works, eats on auto pilot...Thomas is doing the best...Christina still is struggling with depression and anxiety...

 

I had read in Colleen's post about her daughter's struggles after Brian passed which still continue...this is a hard, hard path....

 

Maybe a tile roof would be better on the Palapa, I have heard about insects liking fronds including spiders...

 

We are just ignoring the holiday, works best for us....

[ericasmom]

Hi Folks,

Busy times in third grade, but here I sit, sunshine pouring into the classroom and I am delighted by it. It is cold though, windy as can be so it could not get as warm as we'd all like. If I could put an order in, it would be for a month of 65 degrees or so. Perfect. But I am quite happy that we are on a spring upswing. Should be in the mid 50's tomorrow which is a far cry better than 30 and snowy in April.

Thinking of you all, hoping that you find some great message in the day.

 

Laurie, thanks for asking. Erica Elizabeth is doing nicely, has been teething non-stop and has a boat-load of teeth to prove it. She is the smile in my heart. No, I do not take her to the gym anymore, it was a five class pass, but then I bought a 2 month pass for she and her Mom so that they can go on Fridays when her Mommy is home. They love it. She seems to really enjoy the contact with the other kids. That's my Girl.

 

Susan, thanks, I do believe we all get to that place where we are able to shine the light of our Sweethearts. We orbit around their love and memory, reflecting the importance of each day.

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, a very moving poem. Yes, the sighting of the eagles was terrific. I can see why you have them as your national bird. They are so majestic. We are in line with their migration as they fly further north. I would love to see them on that trip while you are salmon fishing. It sounds wonderful.

 

Ted, I am sorry that it is so hard for you right now. All I can say is that it is important to go easy and take one day at a time. You are making a good effort and it shows.

 

Susan, good luck with the yard work. I hope you will share pics when it is completed. I am lining up someone to take down that tree I had mentioned earlier. I sure will miss it. It will also change the light in our side yard. Now I have to rearrange my shade garden.

 

Laurie, thank you for your prayers and support. I do hope that in time you will find peace and joy in your life again. it takes a long time to reach that stage. As we have all mentioned...there are no set rules in this. We have to just let our hearts guide us. 

 

Dee, the weather is finally improving. They are calling for temps in the low 60's next week. Yes, we do still have snow on the ground where we are. We also are very subject to the lake effect.

 

Sherry, seeing those eagles was a real treat. All gathered and sitting as relaxed as can be on those branches. Also, the full moon on Tuesday that offered the lunar eclipse was amazing. The sun, Earth and moon were aligned so that the earths shadow covered the surface of the moon. It was called a blood moon.

 

Well, I read the first reviews of the movie, and of course was not particularly pleased. Always those that want to pick it to pieces. The naysayers. How can people find fault with such a positive and supportive theory. I love the fact that the little boy mentioned that the best part of heaven was getting to see your friends and family. That sounds pretty good to me. I'm holding on to that fact. My faith is unshakable.

 

Sandy, hope today finds Kelly feeling a bit more optimistic about the surgery. I know it is nothing to look forward to, but if it brings relief from his pain...it is definitely worth this difficult period.

 

Lora, thanks for your support and kind thoughts. Much appreciated.

 

I am thinking of everyone and wishing you all a very peaceful evening.

 

Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I’ve been planning Trista’s one year memorial and birthday celebration. I’ve needed something to focus on. We should have been doing prom last weekend. I should be planning a graduation party. We should be looking at colleges.

On June 1st, Trista’s Angel Date, we will do a balloon release. I’ve gone back and forth on this because of environmental concerns. I found a company that makes paper helium balloons called bio doves. They are shaped like doves and are completely eco friendly. They biodegrade within days. I know Trista would like this option. Family and friends will meet at her site and the balloon release will happen at 7 p.m… The time that Trista left the Earth. The ‘doves’ will be symbolic of her Spirit’s return to heaven.

Shortly before Trista left she made a little book for a friend who was going through a tough time. It was a book of suggestions for things to do and remember when times are tough. One of the suggestions, in Trista's own words... "Take a helium balloon and stand outside. Pretend the balloon is your pain and sadness, Now let go of the balloon and as it floats to the sun imagine all your bad feelings are going with it." We miss you, Beautiful Girl. We will be sending our balloons up full of love for you.

On her Birthday, June 21st, we are going to have a memorial at our house for friends and family to come together and share memories, stories, pictures, etc., Trista’s 19th Birthday and Summer Solstice Celebration. Then we will do the 5k glo run. We have made our team… Team Trista. It will be over around 11 p.m. and then we will come back to our house for a camp out for those who are staying over.

This is all so hard but it’s also good for me to be able to plan these things for my Girl. I’m doing the best I can to ‘Walk In Her Light’ (the slogan we chose for our team) and to do what would honor Trista and make her proud.

I’m thinking of everyone here and wishing a peaceful night.

[Guest]

.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Lora,

That picture you shared the words are so true.

A letter to my Girl tonight...

Trista,

I've been missing you so much, Love. I wanted to thank you for the dream you sent the other night. It was so sweet. I'm having a hard time. Last weekend was Prom. We should have been arguing over whether you should go. You would have won and instead... in typical Trista fashion... we would have planned an AntiProm party for anyone skipping out. We should be planning a graduation party with me trying to go overboard and you freaking out on me. We should have been looking at colleges with you trying to go to some big city and me trying to convince you of all the pros of staying close to home. The tears I cry are because you left to start a whole new life but not the one I planned. Instead I'm planning things to celebrate your life and the light you shine on all of us still. I'm trying to do what will honor you and what will make you proud. I guess all I can say is I'm doing my best. I miss you, Beautiful Girl and love you more than words can say.

Love, Your Mom Forever

[t1960coo]

I have never done anything like this before but I am going to give this a try. I lost my only son about 6 months ago. He was going home after work when his car flipped over. He was thrown out the window. He died practically immediately. He ended up under his vehicle.

[Mermaid Tears]

t1960....I am so sorry about the passing of your son.....I lost my son, John David, in August,2012...he was 42 years old.....

  and I, too, have never been on a 'chat room'....or site like this....in fact...I was looking something else up on the internet...and was 'guided' to this site....it has been a life line for me....when my human boat was going down...down...down.....

   I had many caring people to reach out with kind words...and helping hands....to help me find my way on this grief path...

   many have been on this site for many years....I call them our 'Spirit Guides'....they are farther ahead on the grief path.....but they 'wave' to us....to let us know....we can survive this...

    we are not alone....

Please tell us about your boy....let us know how you are doing....it is a hard journey...and we know your heart is shattered....

[Jeff's Mom]

t1960 I too am so very sorry for your loss. I agree with Susan in that you have found a welcoming place to come to share your pain. Everyone on this site understands your loss and will offer whatever support they are able. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I know the students get restless at this time of year....wanting to bolt outside...it is like their antenna..is turning to the sun and playtime....and just a month and a half and school will be over....do the students come and tend the gardens when school is out.....which is such a learning experience to carry over in summer....

 

Lora...I think the restlessness comes from carrying the heavy grief....like when we shift a heavy load from one arm to another....we are shifting our grief to another place in our persona to carry it....

for me...it is like when I had my babies....and I would carry them on my hip....and then shift them to the other hip...I carry that photo of Cara....walking down the road ....and no...I don't know why...it just stays with me....

 

Laurie....you will have to keep a close eye on your husband...grief works in different ways....inner stress/grief can do some very bad things physically....remember my husband....in October he was fine..after taking every test under the sun....then May....quadruple by pass surgery....

 

Shannon....I guess we are just still spinning from being put in this 'quasi-moto' kind of life....

I think all the plans you have made are 'Stellar Trista'.....I have conversations with John David during the day, too.....like...'I guess you would be coming to Brenham to see Hunter Bear umpire the games..and giving him pointers'.....'I know you would be thrilled to spend time with your new nephew'....on and on.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

t1960, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son...as others have said, this place has been my lifeline as well...I have not found anyone other than close family who wanted to walk with me in my grief over the long haul...

 

Shannon, the celebration for Trista sounds beautiful...I know Susan mentioned the picture of Cara walking away in a distance...you had a photo that reminded me of the walk too...

 

http://www.forevermissed.com/trista-mae-lindstrom/#gallery%2Fphotos%2F237938

 

Also, thanks for sharing the idea of the balloons...

 

Susan, thanks for the health reminder for my husband...I do not know what to do, he is just so withdrawn at home...I am hoping he will consider retirement...

I like your conversations to John David, I am sure he loves them too...I do the same...

 

Kate, I had to look up the reviews on the movie after your last post,...I think this movie is meant to speak to a certain audience and I know the Burpos have worked with many people in hospice care since...perhaps those who are dismissive of these ideas have not walked that place in life yet...thinking of Ecc 11:8...if anything this movie will continue the discussion of consciousness after the physical body and that it is not merely rooted in our brain...

 

Lora, the image of the tree, so very much representing us on the early grief walk....I remember the Saturday Jesse told me he was leaving...before that conversation, earlier that day I had a very distinct sense that my life was being divided, little did I know how...

 

And I too want to send out a huge "THANK YOU" for those who have helped us newer to the journey....for showing us that love continues on...

 

Thinking of everyone today...sending warm thoughts...

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh...so sweet....I have never seen that photo of Trista....thanks for sharing Laurie...

maybe those photos 'speak' to us so loud because they have 'walked' away from us...going in another direction instead of our earth home....

 

retirement is tricky, too....Daniel retired very, very early....(he had all his full retirement)....when my Dad retired...he and my Mom had a very full life...they had a full social circle...he had beach cabin and fishing....he had golf and all the social ties that brings...he had his 'hobbies'....and ...my Mom loved to eat out and shop....

   some of his live long friends did not have that....and it seemed like they just 'slipped away'...so when Daniel retired I knew I had to keep him engaged....so I bought the apartments...

[lovU2themoon]

hello all, having a tough time, just trying to get thru these days,

missing Lane so much, another season starting, aauugghhhh

day by day, trying to remember to stay in THIS day.

 

 

 

 

 

Lane and Lloyd skipping rocks at the lake.

The lake hold such sadness now, as it was Lane's favorite place to spend the summers

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laurie....saw this on FB.....you would be the perfect parent to answer this Mom....

 

 

Wanda....I so wish a grieving parent could just 'pole vault'....over all the holidays for about 2 years....

it is so hard to approach them....get through them....

you and your daughter design something that will give you some comfort...maybe a picnic...or a country drive...maybe a movie.....just anything...or....just sit and be quiet....it is a painful journey....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, been reading the FB page from Compassionate Friends...it is a very long thread on there on premonitions...

 

https://www.facebook.com/TCFUSA

 

Wanda, thanks for sharing the picture of Lane by the lake...how are things going for your daughter?

[shorty16]

Lane's Mom and all those under 2 years,

Sending caring thoughts your way. In the beginning, it was unbelievable to me that the world was still turning. That the sun came up and people went on with their lives while mine was changed forever.

Thinking of the future brought me such pain.

One day, going to places our children enjoyed will bring a smile to your face. Because Our kids was happy there. I know what I am saying is hard to believe, but, for me, it is true. There are still things I choose not to do, but going to our Lannon Quarry now brings back such happy memories that I can now enjoy.

Sure, I miss my Brian every second, but I have learned to block or stop the sad thoughts and turn the channel in my brain. This does not work all the time, but enough for me to be happy for a while.

I send you hope for a future not so full of pain...like now.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Shannon,

Like you, my son, Brian's angel date is 6-19 and his birthday is July 12.

For me, the birthday is much harder than the angel date.

What ever way you and family choose to acknowledge Trista's days, I send you prayers for a healing day.

My son, Brian died at the end of his junior year in HS. He too never became a senior in HS or graduated. We chose not to attend the graduation, could not do it.

Please know I will be thinking of you on those days and every other day. We share common loses.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[wgreenlee]

Tamara...

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son.  Like others have said, this is a good place.  A safe place...a caring place...  Sometimes, like now, when the world's weight seems to be on my shoulders I come here for solace.  Grief is such a long journey, but you have our support...an ear to listen...to share those days when nothing seems to matter, but also those days when there needs to be others who will say the name of your boy out loud and share in his memories.  

 

Shannon...

Your ideas for Trista's birthday and celebration of her life seem very fitting.  I will place a balloon at Brooks' site for her birthday.  "Take a helium balloon and stand outside. Pretend the balloon is your pain and sadness, Now let go of the balloon and as it floats to the sun imagine all your bad feelings are going with it."  What a lovely saying.  Brooks never got into prom either.  Just wasn't his thing and I never pushed him.  Anti-prom...that seems like Trista...such a free spirit.  I did my taxes late as well.  I don't even know where Brooks' w-2s are...hopefully Shauna filed for him...probably not legal, but I don't care...just too tired lately.

 

Laurie...

Thinking of your husband...I, too, am into that "stage" lately.  Nights are so hard...need to stay busy, but there's only so much to do sometimes.  Renea and I will go to Easter service, but it won't be the same.  Shauna posted pics of Dalyla and Adrianna in their new Easter dresses.  They were all starting to go to church more before and I know Brooks would have been so proud to bring them to church on Easter.  I don't go to church like I should, but it's still so emotional.  Renea does and always comes home crying.  I do like to watch a few certain church shows or get online services from our pastor from Vegas.  Lately, home is my safe place.  Don't know why my grief is harder lately...  Spring should be brighter and more fun...although I am thankful for the nice weather we are having...sorry for many of you that you still aren't getting rid of winter.  Brooks' high school team always had a nice following, especially the girls, but I too can imagine Jesse right there.  What a good friend he must have been to so many...

 

Colleen...

Thank you for your words of comfort for those of us new to this...although lately it seems I have been on this journey forever.  You are right...there are many places that bring up emotional memories, but also smiles.  Sometimes we just have to look for them, where before they were just part of every day life.  Nothing seems like it is "every day" anymore.

 

Susan...

A pool sounds fantastic, especially in the middle of summer in Texas.  I hope it goes well for you.  Did you design it?  And yes, you sure do have lots of critters down there.  Yes, sometimes "auto pilot" is the only way I get through the day.  But that is ok...right...we travel this journey in whatever way we can...whenever we can.

 

Dee...

A friend of mine is going back to school to get her Master's in Education so she can teach.  She would like to teach 3rd grade.  What a special person to teach those little children...you have my admiration.  Still wishing good thoughts on your weather.  Been in the 70s here so that's good, but I fear it might be one heck of a fire season.  What a nice thought about the moon...it was so big and bright the other day that you couldn't help but feel that our children were also seeing it like that.

 

Wanda...

I remember those days of skipping rocks... Whoever got the most skips got to make a wish.  Hoping that the time will come when those memories at the lake bring you comfort.  Lane sure was an outdoor person... Thinking of Christine too.  

 

Kate...

Watching hockey right now.  We get all of the games.  I will, of course, root for the Wild, but wouldn't mind Montreal making it to the Stanley Cup.  Hockey is a northern sport after all.  I fondly remember the days watching CBC's Hockey Night in Canada and a few of my favorite players were Ken Dryden and Guy Lefleur.  Thinking of you husband and hoping for positive health.

 

Lora...

Brooks had the opportunity to go to Alaska a few years ago, but summer has always been about baseball.  He was able to go to Australia with an all-star team to play.  He so enjoyed that time, and brought home some cool stuff that we have still.  He loved the big Australian horn that the Aborigines played and bought a couple of CD's from a street performer.  Plus a piece of wood that made the rain sound when you turned it over.  Good memories that are now even more special.  How's Ross doing?  I know you were bringing him to a doctor's visit.  By the way, Lora, your collage of Brooks will be on the electronic board for his birthday...thank you again so much.  There were lots of "likes" on FB when I posted it.

 

Ted...

Was thinking about you so it was good to see you here.  Stay as strong as you can, my friend.  I also coached Brooks many years, and like to think that I had something to do with his special ability.  I was looking at some old articles, especially from his summer baseball when he played all over the place, and it hit me hard.  But...it was good for me too to remember him that way....those special trips to colleges where he was given all-star treatment.  Lots of travel but it was all so worth it.  Hope to hear from you soon.

 

Gonna watch the Wild play so have to close...  Do you watch the Blackhawks, Dee?  Or the Stars, Susan?

 

Peace to all of you...looking for better days ahead.

[Mermaid Tears]

a long day for me....many plans...many calls....much design....much footwork....many people...many timetables....

....but.....thank you to all that have posted....

 

 

this is not an easy Easter...for many....sending lots of thoughts and prayers...

[wgreenlee]

Susan...

You're so busy...hope tomorrow runs at a slower pace.  Another holiday with an empty space at the table...yes, so hard...but we will all do our best and that is ok...each of us in our own way, but with friends here who understand and will help take some of the pain away.  For that I am always so thankful for all of you!

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, I think many of us go through that stage of needing to withdraw into our own space. The grief is so exhausting, it is like you have two lines of thought running at all times...always in the back of my mind is Jesse, processing the events surrounding his death, missing him, talking to him, trying not to have the tidal wave of emotions drown me. How I view the world, God, Faith has changed to be sure...The hardest thing in facing each day is what I thought my life was going to be  -- and what it is now --

 

This is where my husband is in the grief process too, we both respect one another's need for space...

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang,

home today for what our public schools call an official district day-off. I am happy to have the time to wander both in my thoughts and on walks today.

My niece will be in town and I will join three nieces and two sisters later on this evening for a women's dinner. Fun.

 

I know that many of you are going through the anxiety of upcoming events that take your heart by storm, including for some of you, this Easter. Remember that it can't feel like Easter's of the past and to hold strong to the scaled down versions you may want to have. If you have young ones that need some 'fun' you will prevail, but leave room in your weekend for quiet reflection as well. We have to have more room after we lose a child because we are not only leaving space for all of the love...loss takes up space as well and when you live with one foot in one world and one in the other, you need more space. Be kind to yourselves, just as you would have others do. Just as your Child would have you do.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....enjoy your girl day with your family....and I like that....'we need more space...for we need to make space for the loss'...never thought of it that way....but it is a fit...

am glad I am busy at both ends and in the middle...

[Mermaid Tears]

For many on this site....this may help you this Easter....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone today...sending warm wishes...

 

Adding this graphic, Trista's (Shannon's daughter) the words are beautiful like Wade said... just felt so right to share for everyone...thinking of you Shannon...

 

 

 

(Thanks Wade for noticing this writing from Trista...)

[Mermaid Tears]

that is beautiful Shannon....I sometimes 'feel' as if John David is trying to comfort me...those 'small' things that happen...

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Good advice for everyone on this journey....no matter how

 short a time, or how long we've been walking it.  Your night

out with all the 'girls' in the family will be lots of fun, I'm sure.

 

Not much to say today.....a bit melancholy, I guess.

 

 

PEACE   AND   A   BLESSED   EASTER  TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry  

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I wanted to check in. My sister, her boyfriend, and all of their kids are here until Sunday. My sister is going through a divorce. They have been separated for a while. This is the first time I’ve been around the boyfriend and all of the kids. There are 7 between them. It’s a little much but I know my sister needed this time here. I talked her through the first panic attack she’s ever experienced the other day on the phone. As soon as she told me what she felt like I knew what was happening to her. I had planned on a low key holiday but I will do the best I can because I know my sister needs me. Aiden is having a blast having all of these kids around so I will do my best. I had a tough day today. Our attorney is setting up Trista’s estate. He needed things like her death certificate. I keep all of ‘those things’ in a box. It’s hard to open up and I had to today. It was really hard and I cried a lot this morning. I had to go to grocery to make sure we had enough for all of these kids. On the way we had to stop by our business for my husband to meet with someone. I’m not good at waiting but Aiden was asleep so I stayed in the car and in my boredom I decided to clean out the glove box. It was a lot of junk papers but mixed in with it all was Trista’s Fall Out Boy cd… her favorite band and the last concert she saw in May before she left in June. I listened to it all day. I got some flowers to take to her site for Easter. I miss my Girl so much.

Laurie, Thank you so much for that picture you made. It means so much to me.

Wade, Thank you for your kind words about my Girl.

Colleen, Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. You are such an inspiration during these times. I can't thank you enough.

The story behind that quote is very dear to me. Trista’s best friend Abby had some issues with cutting. It sounds terrible but as I’ve educated myself about this I realize how many young women are affected by it. Trista was always there Abigail and in many ways she was her ‘voice’. Before Trista left Abby said she felt Trista start to pull away from her a little and Trista told Abby… You are strong. You will have to learn to do this without me someday.

After Trista left, Abby had a very hard time. She relapsed with the cutting and ended up in the hospital. The day after she was admitted, I was looking through some of Trista’s things and found this little book she had made for Abby. I got the original to Abby as it was meant for her but she didn’t mind if I kept a copy but it touched my heart so much.

Here is what her book says… each page is one ‘suggestion’ and is illustrated with Trista’s own artwork…

Things To Do/Remember When You Want to Silence the World

1) Tea is calming and tastes better when warm.

2)Long walks clear the mind and provide an escape from bad thoughts.

3)Flowers are beautiful and so are you!

4)There's at least one person out there who would do anything for you even if you don't know it.

5)Stop thinking and enjoy the stars.

6)Take a helium balloon and stand outside. Pretend the balloon is your pain and sadness, Now let go of the balloon and as it floats to the sun imagine all your bad feelings are going with it.

7)Draw, write, paint... do anything to get your thoughts down on paper and out of your head.

8)Raindrops fall in groups. They fall but never alone.

9)Loneliness is only temporary. I promise.

10)Find inspiration and don't let go!

11)Wear long skirts

12)Build a fort and just lay in it for awhile.

13)Remember I love you.

To come here tonight and see my Girl thought of in such a beautiful way truly helped my heart. I am so appreciative of all of you. I wish I could answer each person individually because everyone here helps me so much. I just don’t have the energy tonight. I’m thinking of all of you. Thank you. I know the holiday is so hard for all of us.

[MissKylie]

Lora,

That picture you shared the words are so true.

A letter to my Girl tonight...

Trista,

I've been missing you so much, Love. I wanted to thank you for the dream you sent the other night. It was so sweet. I'm having a hard time. Last weekend was Prom. We should have been arguing over whether you should go. You would have won and instead... in typical Trista fashion... we would have planned an AntiProm party for anyone skipping out. We should be planning a graduation party with me trying to go overboard and you freaking out on me. We should have been looking at colleges with you trying to go to some big city and me trying to convince you of all the pros of staying close to home. The tears I cry are because you left to start a whole new life but not the one I planned. Instead I'm planning things to celebrate your life and the light you shine on all of us still. I'm trying to do what will honor you and what will make you proud. I guess all I can say is I'm doing my best. I miss you, Beautiful Girl and love you more than words can say.

Love, Your Mom Forever

 

Thanks for posting this Shannon. There are days when I'm living my life full of regrets, just because I did not spoil Kylie too much. Typical mother-daughter relationship. To argue over a dress , whether to go or not to go. My daughter Kylie, even she's only 5 years old, I treat her like my equal. She can voice out her opinions, but since she's just too young, she let me win. She'd just say, "Okay".

 

 

Tomorrow is going to be Easter Sunday. The last time we celebrated it together, only the two of us. I bought her pink bunny headband and have breakfast in Jollibee (US version is McDonalds). I woke up late because I worked on a night shift. So we were late for Easter egg hunt. I bought a bunch of easter eggs with chocolates inside. But before I get to hide the easter eggs, Kylie found those. And ate all of it.

 

I will visit her site later. And speak to her of our children. And for their Angel Moms and Dads who keeps me going. 

 

 

Thanks everyone....

 

Kylie's Mommy- Mommy Cherry

[MissKylie]

Here is what her book says… each page is one ‘suggestion’ and is illustrated with Trista’s own artwork…

Things To Do/Remember When You Want to Silence the World

1) Tea is calming and tastes better when warm.

2)Long walks clear the mind and provide an escape from bad thoughts.

3)Flowers are beautiful and so are you!

4)There's at least one person out there who would do anything for you even if you don't know it.

5)Stop thinking and enjoy the stars.

6)Take a helium balloon and stand outside. Pretend the balloon is your pain and sadness, Now let go of the balloon and as it floats to the sun imagine all your bad feelings are going with it.

7)Draw, write, paint... do anything to get your thoughts down on paper and out of your head.

8)Raindrops fall in groups. They fall but never alone.

9)Loneliness is only temporary. I promise.

10)Find inspiration and don't let go!

11)Wear long skirts

12)Build a fort and just lay in it for awhile.

13)Remember I love you.

To come here tonight and see my Girl thought of in such a beautiful way truly helped my heart. I am so appreciative of all of you. I wish I could answer each person individually because everyone here helps me so much. I just don’t have the energy tonight. I’m thinking of all of you. Thank you. I know the holiday is so hard for all of us.

 

Trista is such a smart and beautiful girl !  I love the Things to Do...