Loss of a Sibling

[jackiewitter]

I have visited this site several times since my brothers death in Aug 2006. I have not posted anything because I am still having to deal with Medical Examiners and OSHA investigators. However,Christmas is coming up and I seem to be facing it with great dread. Thanksgiving was hard enough. There has always been a special bond between Jeff and I, but I did not know it was this powerful. It has always seemed more than brother and sister, more like best friends that grew up from childhood, or more than that. Now without him I feel like I have actually lost a part of me, like an arm or a leg. I am no longer the same person that I was when he was here. Just like I would not be the same person if I lost an arm, I would function differently with only one arm and I function differently without Jeff. I still laugh, but I still feel a saddness just underneath the surface. It's like those people who fake smile, their teeth are showing, but their eyes are not in the smile. I have a hard time explaining it. I know that I am less of a person without him and not only do I miss him, I miss the person that I was before he left. Make any sense? I know that there is no time limit on this and I keep thinking once the autopsy is complete (I know, it's been almost 5 months)then I will feel like I am ready to move on. My kids have, they are all older teens, and though they loved their Uncle Jeff, they hardly ever talk about him and that saddens me. I wake up thinking about him and I go to bed thinking about him. I never fail to light a candle, even if we are not home. Will this heaviness ever go away? I am sure my husband would like to have his wife back and my kids would probably love to have their mom. Everything that I read says you cannot put a time frame on this, but I just want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be me again instead of feeling like I am missing parts of myself.

[Kelly]

Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

[Guest Guest]

My brother David died of SUDEP in June 2003. I am devastated. We had never heard of SUDEP before. Dave was my only sibling and best friend. He was 30.

Karen

[4everjoeysmom]

To ALL of you who have lost a dear brother or sister, and many who are only surviving siblings, my heart and prayers go out to you. I lost my oldest son Joey almost five months ago, and his younger brother Patrick is an only sibling. I have looked hard and long for information to help him cope with his loss. I found some things through Compassionate Friends. (copy and paste url in your browser.)

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/OnlySurvivingSiblingsNewsletter.pdf (Lots of good stuff)

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/SiblingNewsletter.pdf (Especially good here is page 6)

Some of the information on the above urls is geared toward younger siblings, teens; but I found some of it relevant and helpful to Patrick, who is 23. I think regarding loss, it doesn't matter how old or young you are, the loss is deep and painful, and no less for anyone.

As you all are hurting and remembering your brother or sister this season, try hard to reach into some of those footprints they left on your hearts as treasures and know they are still with you. We can't see them or touch them, but they are here with us in spirit, watching us, praying for us, and loving us more perfectly than ever.

God bless you all. With love, Claudia

[ashleysmom]

Jackiewitter, I cannot give you a time frame, but I can say it gets better. My daughter was 21 when she lost her 18yr old sister. They were best friends and my daughter was devastated. They had planned their lives around eachother, marriage, babies...etc. The first year was horrible for her, adjusting to her new reality. She still misses her sister terribly, but she is very happy in her life. She has a new baby, a husband and that is good. I wish you peace, Dottie

[lacey88]

Hey everyone its been a while since i came on here I read almost every storie and im sooo srry to hear about you lost...Ive said this in a couple of my other ones but its going on 3 years on February 22, 2007 since I lost my sister she would of been 16 this year it was harder for her not to be here for her sweet 16 but My Family and I went to the grave yard and releasse 16 balloons and on every balloon we wrote our names and a message on them and then we let them go adn stand there and watch the disaper I miss her so much I know shes around me cause she had this bad smell when she was alive and when ever i smell it again I know shes right there over my shoulder Ive had another dream about her and I still cant figure it out but she was petty a dog adn I seen her and she came runnin to me and gave me a hug and said that shes back I have no clue what that means...For some of you new ones My sister passed away of Baterial Menigitis

On February 22nd 2004 my dad went to check on her cause eailer that day she was sick adn she went and lay down well i went and check on her first and she was still breathing i tried to wake her up but she didnt so i left her alone i thought she was still tired adn wanted to get some rest she moved that was about it and then a half an hour later my dad came home and went and check on her i was sittin on the couch downstairs and all i can her is dad yellin Samantha wake up over adn over again so I went upstairs and i seen dad holdin her and I looked at her face it was purple adn blue adn whatever so I ran downstairs and called 911 my mom woke up and i told her what was happing so she took the phone from me and did what ever me on the other hand Im scared like crazy didnt know what to I just ran out side adn screamed and started to cry my friends came to me and ask what happen and then the ambulance came they worked on her for 30mins and then brought her to the hospital and we all went there i called a firend of mine and hers and she was there right away we were waitin in the waitin room at Hotel Due Grace Hospital and when the guy came in I knew from the look on his face that she didnt make it my heart just broke but i was tryin so hard to be strong cause my mom she could not calm down at all and i was tryin to hell her she finally calmed down we went adn said our last words to her my grandparents came down from london and my other grandparents came later and my aunts and uncles and 2 of my friends that was the worst day ever....When my sister was going on 3 years old she fell out of a 2 story window and 3 scaw fractures a broken arm and something else and then when she was 7 and 9 she had spiral menigitis and then when she was 11 she had her ipendex out and her 1 overy out and then she passed away at the age of 13 just one thing that makes me mad is when the doctor told us that menigitis is causeed by scaw fractures thats why she kept on gettin it why couldnt they do something about it when they new in the first place theres my story Its gettin easier every year but i still have my ups and downs and for her 3 year im gettin a tattoo done sayin Samantha

90-04

AND ONCE AGAIN IM SOO SRY ABOUT YOUR LOVE ONES I KNOW HOW IT FEELS AND IF YOU NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO HERE IS MY EMAIL stoner_gurl06@hotmail.com and if you like to see what my sister looked like go to my site at www.piczo.com/chantels-site-88 and go to About Samantha and there is pics of her go to Pics of sam ok thanxs for your time bye for now

[diane1234]

I lost my Only Brother "Harv" recently before Thanksgiving of 2006. It was soooooooo unexpected. He went in for a routine back surgery(a spinal fusion) and he never woke up. I think I am still in shock about it all. The holidays just postponed my grief due to the fact that I was busy dealing my husbands family ( Plus I shut off emotionally in Dec.).

Now,I find that in the quiet of the new year..I have discovered a saddness in not having Harvey here anymore(he's the first to die in my immediate family;both my parents are alive as are my 2 sisters,the families,etc...).The funeral & shiva went soo fast in November, then came the Holidays and now 2007. I can't seem to stop the tears when it's quiet(when I'm not @ work ,or doing things around the house). Is this normal?

I really just miss my Older Brother and can't seem to discuss this w/ my family,husband or friends(they're not the emotional types).Usually I am not emotional either(we never show tears in my family); yet I've felt sad since Jan. 1st and have allowed these tears to flow finally. I'm soo grateful that this website was here. I'm open to any suggestions on how to move forward w/ my grief/coping?

[jackiewitter]

Diane,

I wish I had something to tell you. I simply managed through the holidays. I lost my brother in August in an industrial accident. There are all kind of complicated stories of how things happened but I won't go into all of that. My brother was one of my best friends and I miss him more than I can tell you. I will honestly say that it seems to get better, the boughts of pain are not as often but they are still just as intense. I too think my family is tired of hearing me talk about it, so I don't. I have an appointment to see a doctor next week because I simply do not feel that I am managing this. Sometimes I can go a day or two without breaking down, but then there are times that I cannot make it. There are so many closure issues that I have not dealt with that may be of some assistance but I can't tell you they work because I've not done them. Heck, we are still paying rent on my brothers apartment because I do not have the strenth to go through everything. I did go through a box of letters this weekend, there was a time when we were seperated for about a year, he wrote me probably 15 letters & cards during that time. I read everyone of them this weekend and it was not nearly as painful as I thought it would be. I would like to be able to box all this up and put it in a special place in my heart, but right now I am stuck with it all scattered everywhere. Sometimes it's hard to figure out where my heart is because there's so much of him scattered in there. I hope you find peace and my email is here if you would like someone to talk to. jackie.witter@yahoo.com

I lost my Only Brother "Harv" recently before Thanksgiving of 2006. It was soooooooo unexpected. He went in for a routine back surgery(a spinal fusion) and he never woke up. I think I am still in shock about it all. The holidays just postponed my grief due to the fact that I was busy dealing my husbands family ( Plus I shut off emotionally in Dec.).

Now,I find that in the quiet of the new year..I have discovered a saddness in not having Harvey here anymore(he's the first to die in my immediate family;both my parents are alive as are my 2 sisters,the families,etc...).The funeral & shiva went soo fast in November, then came the Holidays and now 2007. I can't seem to stop the tears when it's quiet(when I'm not @ work ,or doing things around the house). Is this normal?

I really just miss my Older Brother and can't seem to discuss this w/ my family,husband or friends(they're not the emotional types).Usually I am not emotional either(we never show tears in my family); yet I've felt sad since Jan. 1st and have allowed these tears to flow finally. I'm soo grateful that this website was here. I'm open to any suggestions on how to move forward w/ my grief/coping?

[iamfrang]

I lost my sister Donna due to a car accident that happened dec 23 of last year.. she passed away early Christmas eve.. The accident was caused by someone elses hands.. possibly speeding, alcohol and other reasons. There is a ongoing investigation at this time, to make a long story short, she is gone from our lives in this world. I miss her so much. We buried her yesterday. I have so many mixed feelings at this point, which doesnt help because I am trying to deal with another loss from 0ct 85 where my niece was murdered and the trial is coming up rather quickly.. Things are so unfair.. WHY?!

that is all i want to say at this time.. its is very frustrating..

[jackiewitter]

Dear iamfrang

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost my brother in Aug 06 and it is still so very painful at times. I am in a similar situation with the investigations and it can be so overwhelming. All I wanted was answers. Simple questions, like how did he die, have still gone on unanswered. I still call the medical examiner and OSHA once every two weeks only to hear the reports are not completed. I wait two weeks for a phone conversation that will only last about 3 minutes and offers no solice. I come here for peace. Here there are others dealing with their own pain, and it makes me feel less alone. One thing that a good friend on here told me, you may never have the answers and you may have to live with that. That seems so unfair, but it may be the truth. I now try to focus on the positives, his smile, his pleasant way with people and I go back in my memories and get images of him to replace the saddness that I feel. Sometimes it works. More and more everyday I am able to look at vacation photographs and I still listen to the last voice mail he left me, and they bring smiles mixed with tears now. Be patient with yourself. There are good people here who will listen. If I can be of any help, pleases email me. Peace, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, It is so wonderful to see how you can respond with positive words of encouragement and hope after such a short time of joining us here. This, my dear sister, is proof that God is with us and He is answering prayers. :-) Love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi Claudia

Well, that post must have been on a good day! I believe the Lord gives us those so that we can gather strength for the days that are not so good. I think that we are so perfectly designed that we can endure these things. When my brother was killed I cleaned all the things from the hotel room where he was staying and my husband and I were driving to the airport to come home without him. I was watching out the window and I was thinking of all that had taken place in the past couple of days. This was a horrible town that he was died in. It was dusty and dry the wind just blew relentless hot air and I ask my husband why God would have created a place such as this and how could people live here. It was miserable, dusty and it was where I lost my brother. I was angry that he had to die in such a horrible town. We are coastal people, not dusty, dirty, flat land people. I was so angry at God for letting him die there. Isn't it strange; that is all that I could deal with at that time. Not the magnitude of his death, but of the geography of it. Looking back I believe that was God's hand guiding me through. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me". If my mind had encompassed all of the pain and loss I would have just broken in half. I still believe that is why we get pieces of grief. Some are small pieces and some are huge tear jerking pieces, but they are pieces, not the whole grief pie. I am going to try and remember that, when my pain seems unbearable, I will stop and thank Him that I had a brother to remember and that he loved me and we shared a bond very special. Not everyone had that, so I should thank Him. What's that saying, if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger. I believe that is what is happening. I am growing, as I will keep Jeff with me, he can do and see the things that I see if I keep him with me. I cherish the day that no one has to suffer, but if I can be of help to anyone, then I will know that there was a reason for his death. Love you, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Amen, Jeffreyssister! I love you too, sister.

[4everjoeysmom]

Just checking in to see how you're doing, Jackie. I've had a pretty good wekk, I am thankful to say. I am doing a lot of reading and researching. Hope to share something significant about that at some point...

Thinking of you... Love, Claudia

[Guest Guest]

I'm new here, and honestly not so sure where to post. I've lost both my mom and my sister, I ended up here because my sister was most recent. I'm 24. I'm the youngest of three, I have an older brother and had an older sister who had down's syndrom. My mom died two years ago from cancer. It was a long two year struggle, where she'd be ok for a few weeks and the doctors would give us hope that she'd survive, and then she'd be back in the hospital and we'd loose all hope. She ended up dying at home with us only knowing about a week in advance that she was actually dying. My brother's wedding was a week later. It was such a hard time for all of us. My brother moved out and I ended up taking care of my sister and my dad. My sister handled it all so much better than we expected her too. She was special needs and had a heart condition, so we worried what the stress would do to her, but she did amazingly well. Less than a year later, my Dad, sister, and I moved to florida. It was a really tough time for me... so many changes and I was still struggling with the loss of my mom while taking care of my dad and sister and being so far away from all my friends. It was one struggle after another after we moved there... my dad started dating and I was stuck with a lot of the responsibilities of taking care of my sister, we got in some really angry/violent fights, my dad was suicidal for awhile and I experienced a severe bout of depression after getting into a relationship with a guy who was verbally and emotionally abusive, and all along we were finding it really difficult to get services for my sister. This past fall, things finally started settling down. My dad and I were working on our relationship and both seeing a counselot, we had finally found some of the services we needed for my sister, I had made some good friends and found a good job and an apartment of my own... Then we all flew home for thanksgiving and while we were here my sister was admitted to the hospital for an ulcer and a week later died of a sudden stroke. After she died, I decided to move back here so I could be with friends and my brother. Since then, I have been keeping busy. I found a new job and overall things are going well, but the grief is starting to catch up with me. My Mom and my sister were the two people I was closest to in this world. When I get sad now, I don't even know who I am grieving for, I miss them both so much. I don't even know where to begin... all this pain and hurt and loss I am feeling seems as if it will just swallow me. I'm not sure how to go about dealing with it. I've found that I'm isolating myself from friends because they can't understand what I'm going through and I get angry that they can have normal lives. I feel so alone in this. I've been feeling so sad, angry, lost, and unsettled lately. I don't know where to go from here or what to do with myself. I hide my feelings from everyone. On the outside I seem to be fine, but on the inside I feel as if I'm falling apart.

Today is my sister's birthday also. She'd be 33.

[jackiewitter]

Guest,

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a sibling hurts so badly. I lost my mother in 2001, my father in 2004 and then my brother in 2006. Loosing my brother hit me the hardest. I was not prepared for that at all. Friends are not prepared for this. I have two truly good friends that we have been through everything, but they have been quite honest in telling me that they don't know how to deal with this. Mostly they want the old me back, I have tried to explain that the old me is gone. She no longer exist. I am hoping that the new Jackie that emerges from this can help someone else. I hope the new Jackie has some of the sense of humor the old one had, I hope that did not die with my brother. I find myself on the verge of it at times, like just the at the fringes. Try not to isolate yourself if possible, just make sure your friends understand that you are still in there, but not to have too much expectation. Friends can help you feel a little more normalcy. Take the grief as best as you can, give into it when you have to. Know that there will be days that you simply have to go along with what the grief does. Try not to make it harder on yourself that you have to, if you feel that it's your day to cry, well then let it be your day to cry. Know though that there are days that you will not cry, there are days that you can have memories that you can smile at and warm your heart. One of my favorite sayings is "I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. -Leo Buscaglia" I will pray for you and for all my friends here. I belive that in knowing there are other's suffering the same as you seems to make you feel a little more part of the world. There are good people here, they are kind and they are suffering just as you are. Please reach out when you feel you need to. Peace...Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Claudia

Hey there, I am here. I made it through another weekend. The weekends seem to be the hardest, so when we make it past one, I celebrate. I cried only once this weekend, there was a song we chose for my brother's memorial, I heard it on the radio and had to pull over. I can't help but wonder if it's always going to be this way? My oldest daugher named my Grandson after my father, his name is Jack, isn't that a stong name. My oldest son, who is not married, informed me this weekend that he would be naming his first son after my brother, Jeffrey. It did not make me sad, it actually made me happy. I think I am getting there, but there is still so much to come. I still have to get Jeff's things out of his apartment, we cannot continue to pay for it forever. I still have to do something with his ashes. We still have the OSHA investigation to review. The regional director is supposed to call me next week and discuss. There are other company issues that will have to be addressed. That's why I keep thinking if all of these issues were gone I would be ahead of the curve, but that's probably just excuses that I am making. Do you believe that they can see us? I would not want him to be unhappy with anything that I have done. I still have all his clothes that I brought from the hotel, all his change, his logs and things. I even took the candy wrappers from his trash can at the hotel room. I STILL HAVE THOSE. My family doesn't know that, they would think that I was nuts! But, we made it through another weekend. I am so glad that you had a good week. Tell me when you can what you are researching. Did I tell you I moved my father's bible to my Night Stand. I make sure that I am reading a little every night. It's amazing how many things that you read apply to the situation that you are in. Jeff's birthday is coming up in Feb and I am not sure what I will do. I would like to make it an event for my kids, but I don't want my sorrow to be a part of it. I am not sure what to do. Do you have any suggestions? What are you planning? I lost a niece to cancer 24 years ago, she had neuroblastoma. She was 2 and was in and out of Texas Childrens Hospital. To this day we still buy a toy at Christmas and sent it to the hospital. I would like to do something in memory of Jeff, but it just seems too painful right now. If you can think of anything I am certainly open. I will pray tonight that you have a good week and the Lord give you all the strength that you need to endure. Bunches of love...Jackie

[Guest Guest]

my best friend/sis died in a car accident last night. we were 9 years apart, so she sometimes felt like my ownn baby, but at the same time we were best friends. my sweet, smart, beautiful little sis died less than 24 hours ago, and i don't know how to deal with it. she was only 16 y/o, and i am a wreck. how do i deal with this after so much other grief? my mom is doing worse than me, but i don't know how to help her. any advice ???

[4everjoeysmom]

Guest-- With it having been only such a short time, everyone is in some state of shock and disbelief--like a horrible dream that hasn't yet been realized... There are many steps in these next days that will be so unbelievable... If you are able, just be near your mom so that she can respond to you in whatever way the moment brings. Just be near... I am so painfully sorry for your loss... Come back here if you need to be with others who can listen and understand your pain... Praying for you, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Jackie, I'm glad the weekend found you doing a little better this time. I don't think you're nuts for keeping the things near to you that were last held by Jeffrey. I told you about Joey's lip balm. He also had a chapstick in his pocket that night. It was returned to me with his personal affects... It was broken.. I couldn't keep it, because it haunted me. But I kept the one from his dresser...

I believe they get glimpses into our world and our lives from time to time. I don't know anything that would be absolute truth about that, and actually that's kind of the direction I have been researching. I have been in the Bible and lots and lots and lots of sermons, articles, etc about what happens after death from a Biblical standpoint. I know generally, but I am on a mission to find out in more detail if it's possible. I don't generally trust extra-biblical sources, so I have to be careful in what I consider, lest I end up on the wrong path. But I will defintely let you know what I find. I'm really glad you have your father's Bible. What edition is it? My forst was the old King James, and it was so hard to read that it sat around more than was read. Once I found an easier to comprehend version (NASB, NKJV, and ESV are my favorites), I read a lot more. I use an online program now too that has several different versions, including Greek. Many people think that different versions are different bibles and contradict themselves. They don't really. Some are dynamic equivalents and have study opinions at the bottom, like the popular NIV, but when scrutinized well and compared with others verse for verse, they essentially have the same message. Anyway, I'll let you know if an epiphany strikes me.

I think Jack is a wonderful name. I named Joey "Joseph" after my mom's dad. Some names have so much strength in just the way it sounds when you say it. That must warm your heart. And your son sure is precious for thinking to name his firstborn son Jeffrey when that time comes. Jeff sure is loved...

Joey's birthday was 3 days after we released his ashes. I cried a lot that day, but I remember smiling too and thinking some pleasant thoughts. My younger son patrick (one year younger) didn't want to celebrate his birthday, 3 days after Joey's. He was so sad... So we sat around on Joey's birthday, all day, out on the porch swing, and talked and shared memories, and sat in silence too. There was no special ceremony, as I think it was just too soon for us. A few days later when Patrick's biryhday came, the family gathered and grilled some steaks and kept it low key. He just wanted to be surrounded in love more than anything. My husband and I had some money stashed away and decided to buy him a Dell PDA, and he was just thrilled. He likes the gadgets--always has. In the past the boys' dad would have an annual bonfire celebration and weenie roast. People from all over would come out to the ranch and just hang out with a 6pk, bottle of wine, their own hot dogs, etc, and there would be a live band hired for the occasion. I could see something like that annual event being incorporated into a memorial event for Joey as well. I don't know... I think we could do all kinds of special things for our loved ones gone, but their memories in our hearts won't be added or subtracted by those things. Whatever makes you feel good... whatever seems right, go for it--even if it's a little open-house appetizers, sharing stories and memories, and such. I've heard from many about releasing balloons for a loved one... I think I would even consider sending off fireworks... But in reality, I haven't thought that far ahead yet regarding when Joey's birthday rolls around again. We lost him so close to his birthday... I wish I could be a greater help here, but I can't wrap my head around it very well just yet.

Anyway, I guess I had better run off now and get a few things done. My puppy has a problem with his other eye and I have to take him into Quito tomorrrow for eye surgery. He had the opposite eye done a couple of months ago. Apparently small dogs like he, a Shih Tzu, are prone to the inner membrane (in the corner of the eye) popping out, whihc requires some kind of cauterization. He did well the first time, so I pray all will go well tomorrow. He's such a sweet little buddy.

For now, love and blessings. I'll catch you soon... Love, Claudia

[fyahdawn]

I can defintatley relate to the feelings you had or have of questions and blame to the medical staff in your sister's case. I too have lost a sister, just in December 2006. She died of brain cancer. I often question the suggestions and "treatments" that were offered to my sister. All in all though I do beleive that true healing comes from above. When sickness strikes, it is by God's grace alone that we are healed. So with that I have derived peace, that God's will was done. We may not understand... ever. But to believe this is peace.

I hope that you too will find peace.

-fyahdawn

Hey everyone its been a while since i came on here I read almost every storie and im sooo srry to hear about you lost...Ive said this in a couple of my other ones but its going on 3 years on February 22, 2007 since I lost my sister she would of been 16 this year it was harder for her not to be here for her sweet 16 but My Family and I went to the grave yard and releasse 16 balloons and on every balloon we wrote our names and a message on them and then we let them go adn stand there and watch the disaper I miss her so much I know shes around me cause she had this bad smell when she was alive and when ever i smell it again I know shes right there over my shoulder Ive had another dream about her and I still cant figure it out but she was petty a dog adn I seen her and she came runnin to me and gave me a hug and said that shes back I have no clue what that means...For some of you new ones My sister passed away of Baterial Menigitis

On February 22nd 2004 my dad went to check on her cause eailer that day she was sick adn she went and lay down well i went and check on her first and she was still breathing i tried to wake her up but she didnt so i left her alone i thought she was still tired adn wanted to get some rest she moved that was about it and then a half an hour later my dad came home and went and check on her i was sittin on the couch downstairs and all i can her is dad yellin Samantha wake up over adn over again so I went upstairs and i seen dad holdin her and I looked at her face it was purple adn blue adn whatever so I ran downstairs and called 911 my mom woke up and i told her what was happing so she took the phone from me and did what ever me on the other hand Im scared like crazy didnt know what to I just ran out side adn screamed and started to cry my friends came to me and ask what happen and then the ambulance came they worked on her for 30mins and then brought her to the hospital and we all went there i called a firend of mine and hers and she was there right away we were waitin in the waitin room at Hotel Due Grace Hospital and when the guy came in I knew from the look on his face that she didnt make it my heart just broke but i was tryin so hard to be strong cause my mom she could not calm down at all and i was tryin to hell her she finally calmed down we went adn said our last words to her my grandparents came down from london and my other grandparents came later and my aunts and uncles and 2 of my friends that was the worst day ever....When my sister was going on 3 years old she fell out of a 2 story window and 3 scaw fractures a broken arm and something else and then when she was 7 and 9 she had spiral menigitis and then when she was 11 she had her ipendex out and her 1 overy out and then she passed away at the age of 13 just one thing that makes me mad is when the doctor told us that menigitis is causeed by scaw fractures thats why she kept on gettin it why couldnt they do something about it when they new in the first place theres my story Its gettin easier every year but i still have my ups and downs and for her 3 year im gettin a tattoo done sayin Samantha

90-04

AND ONCE AGAIN IM SOO SRY ABOUT YOUR LOVE ONES I KNOW HOW IT FEELS AND IF YOU NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO HERE IS MY EMAIL stoner_gurl06@hotmail.com and if you like to see what my sister looked like go to my site at www.piczo.com/chantels-site-88 and go to About Samantha and there is pics of her go to Pics of sam ok thanxs for your time bye for now

[Guest Guest]

I can relate to a lot of people on this site. I feel so like Im late on the game of talking about this you know? To start off....for some reason I was listening to a song and it reminded me of my older brother..and Ive been crying on and off for first time in years. It made me stop and actually think and remember everything about my brother. ITs been 7 years, and it hurts just about as much as it did when it happen.

I was 10 years old when it happen. And it was December 5.1999 when he was violently shot in the head by an gang member. He was right down the street from our house. He was taking the bus to come and watch me and my brother so my mother could go to a christmas party. See we sent him away to my grandmas to get him out of our neighborhood and to get him away from the gang he was rolling with and his so called best friends. My mother was afraid for him...saying he had a dream he was shot and killed. But they had differences and he thought my mom was crazy and just was trying to find a way to get him to stop seeing his friends. After promising my grandma if she let him take the bus he promised he wouldnt go see his so called friends.

But he lied...he wanted to see them because it had been a couple months. He really thought they were friends. And they just ended up promoting him to get shot in the head by a fellow "friend" of theirs. no one knows what it was about. he was only 16 he had just turn in november. but he grew up way to fast. he was rolling with 19 and 20 year olds, gang fights,juvi. But whats worst of all...was when he was home he had the best personality and loving person you would ever know. My mom forced him to grow up fast because he had to take care of me and my baby brother. she was having bad depression and would dissapear for days leaving a 12 year old to take care of us all alone.

Thats why he meant so much to me. He was my dad and older brother all in one. He said i never needed our dad because I had him. He always walked me to school,watched over me, made sure i had food, and loved me so much. always saying to everyone how much i meant to him and how he would always watch me cause he didnt want boys taking advantage of me. I loved him mroe than anyone and had a deep attatchment...growing up fast right along with him to help with the house nad my baby brother.

whats sad was he was on such a good track when my mom sent him away. I didnt get to see him for the last two weeks of his life. Last i had seen him was thanksgiving.he had caught up with his class afte dropping out for a short time,had good friends,not doing any drugs and was trying hard to get his act up.and one slip and boom he was gone. I remember the worst part of all was hearing the gun shot and immediatly ran the two houses home after a couple mintues. and right as i stepped out into the driveway..my mother had this look of we need to go now and we all just got in the car.

The hospitable was horrible...i for some reason already knew he was gonna die without being told. we saw him in the room...i held his hand for a second and just wanted to be with him but my mother made me go home, and they told her he had no hope....he was brain dead and would be a vegetable...i just hate taht people who get thier brains bashed in..or shot and you hear miracles happening...i was thinking...why didnt he get a miracle? he was a good person..he loved helping everyone...he was always there for me...he had lots of friends and everyone knew he had a great heart. just got mixed up for a while. Once he got better....he was just gone all the sudden.

What hurts is it took a song to finally make me cry after 7 years. I feel so low..I didnt know how to deal. I just knew i had to take care of my mom and little brother. And I came into mom role after my mom went back into depression. but she kept working and trying to make us feel loved. But she would space out..i would hold her for hours while she cryed soothing her. god my baby brother..explaining johnny wouldnt come back to a 5 year old is horrible. taking care of him.

I dont know...it just hurts now all over again. I miss him so much. Hes missed out on my growing up. And I just want him here. But I know he will never be here, my mother pulled the plug on him dec 6th and came to my grandparents and broke the news to my grandmother who crumbled. I just wish the pain would go away like it did before just today.

[Guest Guest]

Hi everybody. I am new to this site, but I'm glad to find a forum on which I can get out the feelings that have been inside me and offer support to other people as well. I lost my brother about 6 months ago very suddenly (drug related) and it's been incredibly difficult. it seems like a considerable amount of time has passed, but i still can't really believe it. I'm 21 and living at home with my family, but as each day passes I feel as though Im getting closer and closer to just flipping out. I'm struggling with the loss of my brother so much. I feel like I think about it constantly and have dreams about him all the time. But I guess this sadness that I'm feeling is a very deep and private one that hurts a lot. My mom on the other hand hasn't done ANYTHING since. She just sits in her bed most of the time and cries constantly. Anytime when i feel i'm able to think about something else or have peace for a moment she just shatters that. If i try to have an everyday conversation with her about something, she always inevitably has to bring up losing my brother and then she starts sobbing. Sometimes i just want to scream. I feel soo horrible for having these negative thoughts about my mom, but she doesn't realize how hard it is for the rest of us in our household (my father and younger sister). I'm already past my formative developmental years yet i still feel like she's ruining my life and future, it makes me worry 10 times more about my 14 year old sister. I love my mom and know that she's in a lot of pain. Is it wrong of me to have these feelings of almost resentment toward her? SHe just makes me want to scream sometimes. I've felt so close to just telling her she's ruining my life, but then held it in. I can just feel her crying in my bones or something. I actually feel physically tense and nuts. I don't really know what to do or say. I've been able to talk a bit with my father, but we've pretty much concluded that there's nothing we can really say to her. I'm sorry if I sound crazy. I just wish that none of this were happening. If anybody has any thoughts on this matter I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

-Lindsay

[edlilsis]

I know the feeling of hearing a song and it reminding you of your sibling.. When i hear the song" What hurts the most" by rascal flatts.. The lyrics of the song " Watching you walk away" reminds me of my brother because the last time I saw him alive he was walking towards his apartment building and my last words to him were " See ya next time" I didn't mean at a funeral home.

I don't think you ever get over losing a sibling, but the pain just dulls and then at times it can hurt like a knife.

My mom and I were closest to him. We both feel guilt. My mom has been strong and there are days where she just cries for him. I do too. There are times when I can swear that I can smell his cologne. I now have his cat." Kitty Kane". IF that cat could talk.

About 6 months later after his death, my cousin called me and asked what the guys name was that found my brother. I told her and it turned out that he had died also.. I have no ill will towards anyone but this guy just played with fire. I am sorry that he is gone, but I'm still angry at him. Some of the things that he told the officers just don't add up and what i found in the apartment just don't add up also.

I know the feeling of watching a sibling getting ones life together and all of the sudden they are gone.. My brother was cleaning up his act. No alcohol or illegal drugs anymore. None were found in his system during his autopsy. Being the youngest I have close relationships with all my siblings, but with Eddy it was different. I could actually talk to him about certain things and know that he understood.

[jackiewitter]

Lindsay, Wow, you are in a very difficult place right now. When I lost my brother 6 months ago all I wanted was my mother. I wanted her to hold me and tell me that everything in my upside down world would be right again. But my mom had passed away 4 years ago so I did not have her, just like you don't have your mom right now either. You are angry and you have every right to be angry, but not with your mother. I wore my children out with my grief, I know that I did. There were times that they actually avoided me. My oldest daughter (she's 26) told me: "Mommy don't you realize that I am hurting too." It didn't matter, I was so blinded by my own grief that I had nothing to give to my children. You need to have someone to talk to and work through this. You will one day have your mother again, but right now you need to focus on your grief and how it is hurting you. You don't sound crazy, your statement "I can just feel her crying in my bones or something" just hit me to the core. Everything in your world has just been turned upside down. I will keep you in my prayers and if you would like to email me I would be happy to talk with you. You can get my email address from my profile. Please be kind to yourself and try to be kind to your mother. She is hurting in a way that I cannot imagine. Come back to this site as well, it seems to help if you are able to let some of it out. Peace, Jackie

[Guest Guest]

Hello! I'm new. I lost my brother Robert 7 months ago this sunday to a car accident. He was 31 years old . He lived in Up state NY and on June 28th they had gotten alot of rain and he was on his way to work and the road he was on gave way and he fell into a big hole and was killed instantely. He was married for 12 years with 3 children. Monday would have been his 32nd B-day . Oh do I miss my brother he was always the life of the party. At his funeral there was over 600 people that came through. I couldn't believe all the people, but he would talk to anyone he didn't care what walk of life you were from you were someone and you were worth talking too. He loved life . He married his highschool sweetheart Jen, She's a wonderful young lady. I'm so glad I found this site. I've wished every day that I could talk to someone that understand's . I hope this will help me. Barb

[Guest Guest]

To the girl that just lost her sister . I'm sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. I pray every day that God will help me through the loss of my brother . I have set and cried and cried while praying that God would give me wisdom and strength to get through all of this, and He has. Your in my thoughts and pray's.

Barb

[jackiewitter]

Hi Barb. My prayers and thoughts are with you. You seem very close to where I am in the time line. I am just coming up 6 months since my brother was killed in a work related accident. Your brother actually sounds alot like my brother too! I flew out to the city where my brother was killed and I had to go to his hotel room to clear it out (he was working on a job site that was to be a 3 month job, so he had so much at the hotel). He had only been there 3 days when he was killed, but the manager of the hotel came and talked with me, told me how kind Jeff was, that Jeff had offered to keep the pool clean while he was there because he had nothing else to do at night! I had to laugh because that sounded just like him. I certainly understand how intense the pain can be. I also understand how hard it is to talk with other people. I am very outgoing (used to be) and people are having a hard time talking with me now. I think they expect something that I just don't have anymore. They get an uncomfortable look on their face when I mention my brother, it's just so odd. You are in a good place, in the short time that I have been here, reading past post and talking with really good people I have found so much peace. Also I know when I have a bad day (which is often), I can come back here and find one of my friends. I can feel Claudia's prayers daily. Please come back here, I would be delighted to talk with you. God will give you the strength to get through this. You have to remember, without the love there would be no pain. You and I were blessed with brothers. There are alot of people who were not. Peace...Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Claudia,

Hello. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I will get to keep my grandson this weekend. I delight in that, he was born 2 weeks before Jeff died so there's something even more special about him, I believe it's called hope. My older brother called me last night, he seemed down. He's really not the type to do that, I guess it's just the damp dreary weather. Texas coast is not supposed to be cold!!! I am praying for you this weekend. Love you. Jackie

[robertssister]

Hi! Jackie,

Thanks for writing to me it was nice to hear from someone who understands . have a good day .

Barb

[jackiewitter]

Barb...you chose a name, Robertssister, that's nice. It really makes me feel good to use Jeff's name in my profile. I want to honor him in some way. If you would like, you can email me. My email is in my profile. Sometimes you may not feel comfortable just putting everything out where anyone can read it. For one thing, you think folks might think your looney, for another, sometimes it's simply too painful. If you would like to email me, I would be happy to talk with you, if not, I hope to continue to see you here. Take care & God bless. Peace...Jackie

[robertssister]

Jackie,

Hello! I emailed you all ready I hope that's ok . I just wanted someone I could chat with and make a new friend.

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Jackie, How wonderful that you have the weekend with your "Hope", your precious grandson. I am so happy for you. And I am so grateful for your prayers.

What it's like to live in Ecuador-- we just spent 4 days with no electricity, lost all of our refridgerated and frozen foods and meats, and it has been raining constantly. (Sigh) We fortunately were able to go to Quito and stay for a few days, where I finally found a clothes dryer to purchase for a reasonable price. Yay!! How's that for being too preoccupied to be blue?? :-)

I received word today that the IRS (Internal revenue Service of the U.S.) has formally approved our ministry to full tax exempt status. This is the best news I could have received, and I am floating on the clouds--at least for now. It opens so many doors for our mission work.

Let me know how you rweekend goes. I am praying for you too.

For everyone else that's new here, my heart is filled with prayers for you. God bless you all and comfort you with His peace that passes all understanding... Love & Blessings, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi Claudia

I am so happy for you, for the dryer, for the IRS. I know in your realm these are big things. I may just rename Jack "hope"! He does bring me such joy and I wish that he were here tonight. I did not have a good day. I spoke with the OSHA director today and because it was "off the record" I cannot say exactly what he said, but Claudia they are putting such a low price on my brother's life. Ouch, it hurt so bad. I got up this morning feeling somewhat in control of my life and BAM, it all change with a phone call. I don't want to do this any longer. I don't want to keep bouncing from happy to sad to someone stick a pencil in my eye. I am so sorry that I am not upbeat, but this is why I came to this site, so that I can be honest about what is going on and I won't hurt anyone. My poor patient husband, my precious kids...I can't tell you how this hurts them. One thing that you said really hit home today, I may have to come to terms with the fact that I may never know how Jeff died. That is harder than I thougth it would be, but I am trying. Oh Claudia, where are you? These are the times that you wish you had a sister. I had a brother, but if here were still here, I would not be at this site! I am so very tired of being needy and tired of being unhappy. But hey, I will wake up around 1 in the morning and go out to my patio, talk to my brother who is not here...I know, I am delving into the self pity now, but God I am at loss. When does this end? However; I am delighted that my new friend who has sacraficed so much has a dryer. And I cananot tell you how happy I am that the IRS, whom I hate, has given you a tax break. I love you Claudia, I pray that I do not bring you down with my post, but wow, how tonight sucks! Peace for us both, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Dear Jackie, I was up until midnight last night, and oh how I wish I would have checked this board one more time before going to bed. I surely would have writen back last night! My dear sister in pain, do not beat yourself up for the ups and downs, for feeling needy and unhappy, and certainly not for sharing your heart here. We are here to lift one another up in times when it's so heavy to carry ourselves. We are here to encourage and love one another through our pain and trials. We are here to cry together, and to laugh together when we can. I wish I could be in the same room with you, hugging you, holding your hand, and weeping with you. But please know in my heart I am there, side by side, sharing your grief. I hate that there sometimes has to be a place of "settling" for whatever information there is, regardless of how much is lacking. I hate that to organizations such as OSHA we are just a number that has no significant value. I hate that the world has to be so cruel, and hate that life has to be such a roller coaster sometimes. But I am learning through all of this that there is beauty too--I have to look hard for it, but it's there--like your grandson Jack. How beautiful he must be--so precious and new. I can't say I know when any of this pain ends. I don't think it ends. I think it changes over time, maybe to be less the pencil in the eye, but still a dull heartache that now and again gives way to the palpitations of sorrow.

Wednesday will be the 6 month mark since I lost Joey. Each month marks more time and more realization that he's not coming back, and it makes me so sad. The longing to hear his voice grows. Now that I think about it, I think my deeper grief is shifting into a deeper longing... I can't even grasp that yet. Wow! All I know is it hasn't gotten easier in terms of acceptance or pain. It has just gotten a little easier to distract myself with silly things like a clothes dryer. Ha! None-the-less, in the silly things, I can find a smile now and again. And it is a big deal here where I work and live right now to have a dryer. But in the grand scheme of things, it's just that--a thing. I can't hug it or love it. And I STILL miss Joey more than anything or anyone can fill that empty place where he lived, breathed and loved. I realized last night that I haven't visited Joey's web site in almost a week. It seems like I can distract myself easier... but in the quiet moments of reflection, I realize I still am only letting pain flow into my heart in bits and pieces... or maybe it's God controling the flow. I think I would have lost my mind of all of this over the past almost 6 months came rushing in at once. I am thankful for the bits and pieces--I suppose.

I am praying for you Jackie. I know how hard it is to hear insensitive reports and words about someone you love so deeply. It's just unfair... But you know what? We don't have to settle for the mindset that these oafs have. Just because they think less value, it doesn't give them the power to overwrite the value of our beloveds. They are just meaningless, clueless words. It is in our hearts, the hearts that are connected to the Jeffreys and the Joeys that hold the truest value, and no one or no organization can strip that away. We go on, honoring our cherished ones, despite what the oafs of the world think and say. We hold the treasure... We don't have to defend to the insensitive ones that our heart treasures hold great value. They would never understand anyway unless they came to know this kind of pain in their lives. And frankly I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am learning it's easier to accept the world's insensitivity and stupidity than it is to accept this loss... Either way, it's mine, not theirs. And my life is richer because of the treasure my heart carries, even though it brings pain. And no one or nothing can devalue what my heart holds...

Does that make sense?

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Barb & Lindsay, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. You've found a good friend in Jackie here. I lost my son Joey just about six months ago. He was 7 days shy of 24 years old. Even though our losses are a little different, we have a common bond of deep pain. Jackie and I connected strongly. I have really grown to love and value my new friend, and I'm glad you both found BI and Jackie. I am praying right now for each of you... Love and hugs, Claudia

[Guest Guest]

Hi my name is Stephanie and I recently lost my baby bro. He was only 34 y.o and absolutely my sis and my best friend. ( good english eh?) I am still writhing in pain when I think about the way he died and who was there with him when he died. Makes me literally wanna heave. Now when I go see him under the ground its all too surreal and unbelieveable that the ppl who were with him are having a blast while he is gone. I really wanna physically hurt this girl.(girl she is in her 60's this scandulous thing.)When I am ready to share this story about his death I will. I will when I am ready but would love to share a story I read for my parents at the saddest funeral in the world. I praqcticed it on my 9 year old daughter who had downs syndrome cause she is the only one I felt could tolerate hearing it over and over till I could get thru it without breaking down. She's my hero. Poor thing musta listened 100 times till I felt like I could do it at the funeral. Here goes I hope you enjoy it. My parents did...

Once upon a time there was a little bear who's name was Ted. He was a very special little bear, for his son was the best little boy in the whole world... well, at least in the Beforetime. Today, you see, he was a sad little bear. He sat at the side of the road and looked as though a tear would drown him. He was the scrufiest, muftiest little bear you ever did see, and just by looking at him you would never know how special he was. It just so happened that Nana Bear was walking down the street on her way to town when she saw little Ted Bear looking ever so sad and stopped to talk with him. "Why are you so sad Little Ted?" said Nana Bear. "You used to be the happiest little bear in the land!" "That was in the Beforetimes" answered little Ted sad as sad could be. "I don't have my little boy anymore. I'm never going to find him again, and I am so unhappy". "Well" said Nana Bear, "Tell me all about it." And she sat down on the tree stump by the side of the road settling herself in quite comfortably, and waited for Ted to tell her his story. But he didn't say a word. "What was your boy's name?" asked Nana Bear. She knew quite well what the boy's name was for everyone had known what a special boy he had been but she wanted to hear Little Ted say his name. "Christopher" said Ted and he hiccuped. A big tear started to roll down his face and straight away he stopped it.. and was very, very brave. "Why Little Ted - whatever are you doing?" asked Nana Bear very puzzled seeing the tear stop rolling on an instant, and the very, very brave face freeze Ted's face like concrete on a very hot day. "I'm being very, very brave. Very Brave." he added on just to make sure she knew what a good little bear he was being. "Well", said Nana Bear, "But why are you being so very, very brave? It doesn't look like it makes you very happy, and I am sure I don't know what good of a thing being very, very brave is if it doesn't make you happy". "The bear by the field said I must", said Little Ted wisely. "He said that losing your boy can be very, very hard and I must be very, very brave." "Oh," said Nana Bear thoughtfully. "Tell me Little Ted, what else did the bear by the field tell you?" "Well", said Little Ted, remembering as best he could. "He said that I would get another boy soon and that would make everything better." "Oh!", said Nana Bear even more thoughtfully. "And would it make everything better if you got another boy right away?" Little Ted sat mournfully still. "No one could ever be the best boy that Christopher was! He was wonderful, and he loved me ever so much. I don't think any other boy would ever be as good." "Ah", said Nana Bear. "I see. And what else did the bear by the field tell you?" "He said that I would feel much better soon. It's just a matter of time. But Nana Bear, I don't want to forget Christopher. I want to remember what a nice boy he was. Does that mean that in time I will forget all about him?" "Oh, I don't think so Little Ted", said Nana Bear. "When you love someone as much as you loved Christopher, I don't think you ever forget him. What else did the bear by the field say?" "He didn't" said Little Bear sadly. "I wanted to talk about Christopher and he didn't. I said I wished I had my boy back, and he said he thought the corn would grow nicely." "I said I wanted to remember my boy forever, and he said what nice weather we were having. I suppose all the bears are tired of hearing me talk about my little boy." "Oh Little Bear" said Nana Bear. "Come up here this very instant and not a second longer." Little Bear climbed up into Nana Bear's lap. He was very glad to be there because it was very hard being very, very brave all the time, and it was so good to have someone hug and cuddle him again. He did not realize what an all alone feeling it had been without his boy to hug and kiss him. He snuggled down in Nana Bear's lap, his heart aching for the missing Christopher. "Should I tell you what I think Little Ted?" she said softly as she stroked his little bear head. "I think that Christopher would want you to cry if you are sad. If Christopher was peeking from behind those bushes and saw your very, very brave face, why he might not even know it was you!" "And I will tell you what else I think... Maybe one day you will find another boy to love and who will love you very much. But that so fuzzy spot in your heart that belongs to Christopher will always be just for him and not for your new boy. Your new boy will have his own place that you will make for him." "And, I will tell you what else I think. Time is a taker of many things, but not a taker of heartache. All the time in the world will not stop you from missing Christopher. But time cannot steal your memories, and cannot take away all the good times you ever had in your whole lives together." "And Little Ted, of course you must talk about him. You must pick your very goods friends who loved him ever so much, and you can talk about him together. And there is a spot right here on my lap whenever a Christopher thought needs to be spoken." "Oh, thank you Nana Bear," breathed Little Ted softly. "Thank you so very much for telling me that. And Nana Bear, tell me this... just one more thing. Can I be happy again one day? Am I supposed to be sad for my boy forever?" "Oh, what a wonderful thing that will be when you have happy thoughts again!", said Nana Bear. "After all, you have only lost your boy a short time ago. Boy's are not like socks in the dryer, never to be seen again. In the Big Could in the Sky, in the Aftertimes, you will see him again. In the meantime you have to love the world for him because he cannot do it by himself anymore. When you see a butterfly around, you must look at it for your boy, and laugh for him and dance with it for him. You must live all the happiness left in the world and store it up in your heart to take for him when you see him again. When you are ready, you can begin to store those those happy thoughts Little Ted. When you are ready." And a big tear rolled down Little Ted's face, and another. Pretty soon there were so many tears he made a puddle, and the puddle made a bath. Pretty soon Ted was all wet and before you knew it he was clean as a whistle, and didn't look anywhere near as scruftie-muftie as he did before. And the tears made the flowers grow, and the butterflies came, and before you knew it the world was clean and sparkling and wonderful again. Did Little Ted ever stop missing his boy? No, no, never in a million years. But he learned that it is a fine thing to cry, and get the fur all nice and clean. And he learned that tears grow flowers, and flowers bring butterflies. And Little Ted learned that one day in a long and far off time a bear and his boy will see each other again. But until that time he would keep his eye out for joy-things to store up and take as a great and wonderful gift to the best boy who ever lived in this whole world....

[Guest Guest]

Hi heres a bio on my bros life very short one indeed that we used at the funeral. I miss him soo much!!!! I miss u chris

Christopher James Conger

August 4th 1972- December 28th 2006

Christopher James Conger was born into this world on August 4th 1972. He completed our family. Mom and Dad got their BOY. We couldn’t have been happier.Chris was the “missing link.” He was so tiny and fragile looking yet his personality was fierce from day one. We loved to watch him. He was so darned cute with those crazy blonde curls and HUGE brown eyes and his crazy antics as a toddler will never leave our minds as a funny reminder.He’d do anything to get a laugh even if it meant he’d have bruises, scrapes,even the ever-present giant knots on his forehead that you can see in every single picture of him as a toddler.

He loved animals. Not your ordinary cats and dogs. He loved those too but he always had some kind of atypical pet. Turtles, iguanas, sharks,hermit crabs, fish, kittens, and Molly. I hope Molly is with you now as you were so compassionate to her when she had to be put to sleep. I hope she is sleeping with you in the space behind your knees.I imagine there are thousands of saved animals just because you lived on this earth.

Growing up Chris found his joy in gymnastics and dance. His legs were brutally strong and he was the best tumbler in town. Then as he grew older he started to dance. The boy had more rhythm. We still wonder where he got that innate talent as the rest of the family is errr…. Rhythmically-challenged.?

Chris’ caring nature drove him to the nursing field. He started school and worked so hard getting excellent grades. He had to take a reprieve from school when he was diagnosed with cancer. He was very sick. But we think mom willed him back to health. She was determined he would survive even when others said it did not look good. And yes he did get better and continued with nursing school There he many many newfound friends. True friends….not a false friend in the bunch. and finished with class and grace. He loved his tiny pediatric patients and cried to us when they left this world. He took it to heart and very hard when a patient left this world. Especially a boy named Kobe.They say nurses’ should have some detachment or work will be to hard. I’m glad Chris took his work to heart. He had a heart as big as the moon.

Chris you are missed sooo much. The memories you made for us we will hold in our mind forever. You are a wonderful brother , son and friend. Our hearts ache to hear you laugh and see that BIG white smile. Well the plane has landed and here’s the start of your flying lessons. Fly away Chris we love and miss you terribly and hope in our hearts and souls you are at peace.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. “

George Washington Carver

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Stephanie-- I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I love your Ted Bear & Boy Christopher story. It touched me deeply. I can deeply imagine through your words how very, very special your brother was and is to you and to every life he touched.

I lost not a brother, but my 24 yr old son Joey last July. I have found wonderful friends all over BI, including here in loss of a sibling, so I do hope it's ok for you that I address you. You struck a chord with me when you vaguely described how your brother passed-- a scandalous woman, and how others he was with are able to go on having a blast... It's like looking in a mirror for me. I could say those same words, and it makes me ache for you, because I know exactly how sickening that feels...

When those we love have gone, their memories live on as treasure in our hearts. It hurts so much, but we are truly richer for any time we've had with them. May you find compassion from others, love beyond measure, and peace that passes understanding this day and always... Love, Claudia

[robertssister]

Claudia,

Hello! and thank you for write to me. I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Tomorrow my brother will be gone 7 months.

Barb

[robertssister]

Stephine,

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you find the peace and strength that you need to get through this hard time.

Barb

[annabanana]

thanks so much u guys this is my last one for the day its something I posted to my pals after the funeral on the 10th. It was so amazing even I couldn't believe it.((HUGS)) steff

My brothers funeral was yesterday.(WRITTEN jAN 11TH A COPY N PASTER i AM LAZY) Talk about a beautiful service... Ya know when the guy from the mortuary called me up to see if I wanted to see Chris I was sooo sad. Cause besides the fact all the nuns from the convent at the school I went to my whole life usta make us go to the chapel and UGGGG see the old dead nuns body and kiss their rosary which was round their very wrinkly old neck. And it ususally was the nuns we didn't know the old ones that still lived in the convent. I had to do that from 5 years old when I was in 1st grade.So needless to say I have an aversion to open caskets.

So the mortician he asks me if I wanna see my bro says Chris looks GREAT and I immediately turn to mush. I say NO can't do it and then the thought I can't get out of my head is he looks great. I cursed this nice man out in my head thinking gee how GREAT can CHRIS look. He looked great at Christmas and the days folling Xmas.

Well yesterday I kinda regretted that decision.Not sure what I did was the right one yet not sure I shouldn't have seen him. Or should I have?It could go either way. I hate second guessing myself.

One last thing. I told this story for my mom and dad at the funeral and in the end of the story it says something to the effect of enjoy every bit of happiness now and store it up so when you see him it'll be a great gift. One of the last lines talks about looking out for joythings, like butterflies etc.Well yesterday we did the funeral went to the cemetary(just our immediate close family) and when they took the casket out annd set it up for a final prayer and set it down something amazing happened.the minister was saying a final prayer and I hear this gasp i and there is silence I was looking down then I get a tap on the shoulder from my cousin.She points to above the casket. I look and see about 60 monarch butterflies just circling the casket. They landed on the casket all of em and then flew away within a second of landing.Now I was there prior to the arrival of my brothers body and not a butterfly in sight and there were more flowers there than I have seen at any funeral ever. OMG OMG OMG I'm not one to be a huge believer of signs etc. Or so I thought. I got that from my mom and she is worse than I. A true cynic. Well I look over at my mom and grabbed her hand and we just watched this go on she squeezed my hand when they flew away and I smiled for the first time. Guess Chris being a fellow cynic had to show us in a A BIG way he was there and leaving us. weird and cool all at the same time.This is still very very hard but a ray of sunshine was with us yesterday.thats it had to share that

((HUGS)) steff

[fyahdawn]

Stephanie,

I read your bear story and this last one about what happened at the funeral. Wow is all I have to say. It is so wonderful that God sends us these signs and little reminders when we need them so much. I beleive that I was sent a dream to offer me comfort when my sister was dying. At the time I had the dream my sis was no longer talking she would just look at us and cry not able to say anything to us. One night I dreampt I was sitting on a bus with a lot of my family around me and my sis sitting beside me. She was sick just as she was in life at that time. I was crying for her and looking at her cause I missed talking with her and doing things together. Then I looked ahead at the front door of the bus and there was my sister standing there smiling as she used to and she said to me "Don't cry Mandy, that isn't me there". Then I woke up from the dream. At the time I thought that it meant one of two things. One, she would get better and be back to her former healthy active self again. Or two, she was going to die but wanted me to know that what we saw was not what she wanted to be remembered as. That dream seemed so clear to me after she died. It comforted me a lot. I felt like she may not have been able to tell me what she was thinking at that time but God made a way for her to get her message to me.

Also the night that she died, alot of my family were together praying for healing for her. Our family home is at the top of a hill and although it isn't the home where my sister was living at the time it was always the place she loved the most. Her home. Around the time she passed some relitives down below the hill saw a bright blue light directly over our house. When I heard that, all I could think of is that she had to go home one last time before she left this world for good.

I really beleive that at the last momement of life our soul has a chance to say goodbye. That helps me when I think of that.

On another note. It is so weird how every person deals with grief so differently. Myself? I have now become a machine. When my sister died I only took time off work for one week just so I could attend the funeral back home in another country. When I got back, back to work again. I just keep going, because the momemt I stop, the sadness hits. Every Friday when the work week is done that is when I cry. My sister and I lived together so it is weird being at home alone. So many memories, but I love to feel surrounded by her and her things. It does get overwhealming at times though.

Anyways I have rambled enough.

My prayers are with you and your family.

-fyahdawn

thanks so much u guys this is my last one for the day its something I posted to my pals after the funeral on the 10th. It was so amazing even I couldn't believe it.((HUGS)) steff

My brothers funeral was yesterday.(WRITTEN jAN 11TH A COPY N PASTER i AM LAZY) Talk about a beautiful service... Ya know when the guy from the mortuary called me up to see if I wanted to see Chris I was sooo sad. Cause besides the fact all the nuns from the convent at the school I went to my whole life usta make us go to the chapel and UGGGG see the old dead nuns body and kiss their rosary which was round their very wrinkly old neck. And it ususally was the nuns we didn't know the old ones that still lived in the convent. I had to do that from 5 years old when I was in 1st grade.So needless to say I have an aversion to open caskets.

So the mortician he asks me if I wanna see my bro says Chris looks GREAT and I immediately turn to mush. I say NO can't do it and then the thought I can't get out of my head is he looks great. I cursed this nice man out in my head thinking gee how GREAT can CHRIS look. He looked great at Christmas and the days folling Xmas.

Well yesterday I kinda regretted that decision.Not sure what I did was the right one yet not sure I shouldn't have seen him. Or should I have?It could go either way. I hate second guessing myself.

One last thing. I told this story for my mom and dad at the funeral and in the end of the story it says something to the effect of enjoy every bit of happiness now and store it up so when you see him it'll be a great gift. One of the last lines talks about looking out for joythings, like butterflies etc.Well yesterday we did the funeral went to the cemetary(just our immediate close family) and when they took the casket out annd set it up for a final prayer and set it down something amazing happened.the minister was saying a final prayer and I hear this gasp i and there is silence I was looking down then I get a tap on the shoulder from my cousin.She points to above the casket. I look and see about 60 monarch butterflies just circling the casket. They landed on the casket all of em and then flew away within a second of landing.Now I was there prior to the arrival of my brothers body and not a butterfly in sight and there were more flowers there than I have seen at any funeral ever. OMG OMG OMG I'm not one to be a huge believer of signs etc. Or so I thought. I got that from my mom and she is worse than I. A true cynic. Well I look over at my mom and grabbed her hand and we just watched this go on she squeezed my hand when they flew away and I smiled for the first time. Guess Chris being a fellow cynic had to show us in a A BIG way he was there and leaving us. weird and cool all at the same time.This is still very very hard but a ray of sunshine was with us yesterday.thats it had to share that

((HUGS)) steff

[jackiewitter]

Hi all, welcome Steff & Barb, and my precious friend Claudia, how are you? Sad to see new people here, but in the scheme of things people pass on every second, so it reaaly should be a good thing that people are coming here for comfort. This is tough isn't it. I remember reading a post a little way back and there was a young lady who lost her brother and she was angry at her mom because her mom was so sad. If she said that to anyone else, they would not understand, but here, we truly understand and what would not make sense to others, seems perfectly normal behavior here. I am trying to understand this new me. I can remember going to funerals and patting myself on the back for being a good person by attending and saying the right things, I wish I had known then that those same people needed me 6 months later. I ran across a really good book, if anyone likes to read, it's called Life is a Test. It's very good, she talks about devine design and how we all have a unique task on earth and each test is to pepare and aid us in accomplishing our task. No one can complete this but you because God disigned this as your task on earth. I did not start it because it's probably a little meatier than I need right now. I am sticking with my Bible for now because I continue to find solace there. I hope all have a good weekend, I hope that we all find some peace somewhere, who knows, this could be the night that I sleep through the night. I keep hoping. Bless you all. Claudia, I love you and value your friendship and kind prayers so much.

[robertssister]

Hello, All! I just have a prayer request tonight. Me and my husband and boys are sick with the stomach bug . Could you all just pray that things will look better for us tomorrow. thanks

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, I love you too, and I treasure you.

Barb, praying you through the night and hoping tomorrow is a better day for you and your family.

[robertssister]

Hello! everyone, well hopfully we are doing better I was sick all night and day its 12 am now and I'm feeling better,

thanks for your prayers.

Today , would have been my brothers b day. This is the first bday with out him here. My heart goes out to my parents and sister in law and her kids I really hope they have a good day.

I am going to go buy a Red Rose and a balloon. To celabrate his bday. He would have been 32 today.

Boy, do I miss him. every year I would buy him a mountain due for his bday . He loved the stuff:) Some times I look at a mt.due and start crying. Hopefully all my family will have a good day thinking about all the good memories that we have of Robert. Happy brithday Robert . LOVE your sister, Barb

[jackiewitter]

Hi Barb,

I am glad you are feeling better. My thoughts and prayers will be with you today as you remember your brother's birthday. Be patient with yourself today. I will be back online tonight and will check my email periodically throughout the day, so if you need me, I am here. Peace, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Happy birthday Robert. You have a beautiful sister who loves and misses you so. I'm sure you are smiling on her as she honors you through her words and deeds...

[annabanana]

Hi... Just wanted to say glad your better, didn't know u were sick, but heck glad to know whatever it was it gone like the wind. This is your first birthday without your brother? that must be very very hard. A big HUGE ((cyberhug)) comin your way. Robert was so young... Thinkin of u..

((HUGS)) Steff