Loss of a Sibling

[alwaysmyjennifer]

guest, I'm sorry you lost your beloved sister. It's okay to cry a lot. You don't need to be strong for anyone. There are times when a family relies openly on one member for strength and support. When this happens, we suggest talking openly and honestly about your needs as an individual. You are also suffering. Everyone in your family hurts from this, and everyone has needs. If you all sit down about the table with a pot of coffee and talk about each one's needs, and everyone respects the other's needs, you'll gain an understanding and appreciation for each other, and be able to help each other better while you all grieve. Most importantly, be honest with each other, and be sincere. My thoughts and prayers are with you, for your needs of peace and comfort. Mark

[aprilsmom]

Hi all, I came here (not expecting Mark/alwaysmyjennifer but hey and hi)because I want to understand better what my other kids are going through. My 3 girls were 24, 26, and 28 when Apes(26) was killed in a car accident 20 mos. ago. From their ages I'm sure you can guess how close they were. I also have two sons 17 and 13 at the time who were very close as well. Now that I look back, the word "step-brother" was never used; my girls helped raise them. They were all CRUSHED at losing April. Kristi (29) has been trying to have her first baby for over a year. Today she found out she STILL isn't pregnant, after spending a LOT of money trying, and she feels God is punishing her. i FEEL TERRIBLE NOT being able to help her in any way! I remember her screaming at the accident and the following days (and tell me if you can relate to this)"I don't WANT my life without my sister, I don't WANT my life without her". Right at first, we were able to share, but it got harder and harder until we barely mention April's name. Let me tell you ALL from a mother's perspective. It's not that you other kids are not ENOUGH, because yes, you are ENOUGH.....we are so BLESSED to have each of you! We're just so out of it we can barely breathe and you know what? SONS AND DAUGHTERS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE EITHER OF THEIR PARENTS SO UPSET, MANGLED, LOST.....I repeat YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE US MOURN! What we all want is to be there for each of our kids to help THEM. I truly believe that had I died instead of Apes that my kids would have handled things BETTER. They know that I have had the best life I could have, having them! I'll bet your moms feel the same. Please remember------YOU ARE ENOUGH-----------WAY ENOUGH!

Take Care,

Renee (Kristi, April, Jami, Brett, and Alex's mom)

[belovedbrett]

My wonderful brother died on Feb. 27th 2006 at the age of 36. He was my best friend in the world. He was 11 years older than me and had taken care of me since birth. He made me the woman that I am today. I don't know how I am going to make it without him. The pain that I feel is unbearable and the sorrow crushing. I would give anything for one more second to see him and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me.

I am here looking for help from others who are and have gone through this horrible loss.

[Guest Guest]

smayben

I too have shared in the death experience with my sister. She died of lung cancer when she was 38 years old. She was so remarkable. She was a mother of 3 children. Vicki, Meagan and GW. All three children died at different ages due to a genetic disorder. Vicki was 6 days old, Meagan 11 and GW was 6 yrs. old. My sister, followed them in death just 3 months after Meagan died. Hospice was a Godsend. My sister did not want to die and leave her last surviving child behind. She knew she was also terminal. This was her greatest grief in life. Greater than facing her own death. I shall not say more in regards to the timing of Meagan's death...

We met each death together, head on. No side trips. Discussing concerns,memories, favorite things, and the painful experiences in our growing up years. I am the mother of 8 children- two of my sons died when very young.

I have 5 daughters and one son living. My son and I decided to make a dress for my sister before she died. She knew this would probably be the dress she would be buried in, and, it was. We were honest, straightforward, no stones unturned and I was with her when she died. The experiences are rich and cherished. Embrace death as one embraces life. Birth and death are both points of entry and can be celebrated. I have one brother who is mentally retarded. My father died of pulmonary fibrosis and within a short time, his 5 brothers died of the same disease. My dad's 5 sisters have also died. One cousin has died of PF. I am a survior of divorce after a 27 yr. marriage, a house fire which took everything and the loss of many of my family.

I cherish each day knowing I too will one day die. What is my gift to be to those I love and to those that have loved me? Sharing the joy of living.Grief has it purpose and time. One cannot skip the steps and be whole. Keep giving life to all of the people in YOUR life that your sister or brother can no longer give love to. You still have life to share!

sherri

[samlorrie]

Hi I lost my sister on May 19th 2006 suddenly of a cardiac arythmia and she left behinf a 12 year old daughter . I am 34 years old and she was 9 years older then me but we were very close. I am having such a hard time dealing with this I don't know anything I can do.. I am so depressed my kids and husband are starting to feel it. I am always angry and I just mope around even when I do go out. I miss her more then I ever could imagine I can't even imagine how her daughter must feel at age 12 She will not talk about it at all she turns away what should I do.. Her father is not helping too much either he is depressed and just sits around the house al the time.. I live about 45 minutes away and cannot see her everyday I do take her to sleep over with my girls every so often but thats not enough. How do I make her talk to me about thinggs I told my sister (she once asked me) that if anyting ever happened to her I would look out for her but HOW?? I just miss my sister so much that I don't want to deal with anyone.. Lisa

[Guest Guest]

Hello, This is Tearlessrose. My brother died alone in a motel room in another state. I did not get to say goodbye. I have been without sleep mostly on the phone coordinating transport arrangements notifying I feel numb heavy but I cannot cry I cannot sleep what can I do? What if I never cry? I am weary of being strong.

[imissmybrotherandy]

Dear Tearlessrose,

I'm saddened to hear of your loss. I too lost my 18 year old brother two months ago tragically and suddenly. All I can say is try and focus on how much you love your brother and know that even though he is "gone" he's still with you. I talk to Andy sometimes and it helps, I feel he's with me at all times. I'm not going to tell you that this won't be painful....You're in shock right now and the first few weeks without your brother are going to be terrible....I hope you have family or friends to lean on right now, because this is exactly what you need.

Try and take time everyday just for yourself to think about your brother...Walking can help... You don't ever truly "heal" from this, you just learn how to endure....This will take time, be tender with yourself.

My thoughts are with you, you're not alone.

[rkell9153]

I have read most of your postings on this site, and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you. I too lost my borther on May 4,2006 in a auto accident, it was sudden. I'm still so numb, and some days I do not know where to turn. I am lost in thoughts. He was working and alone when he died, I know it was a sudden death, and he felt know pain. Just knowing that he was alone kills me on the inside. My brother was only 20 yrs old. I am 37, I was 16 yrs older than he was. We are dealing with alot. Unanswered question from his co, on what happend. I know he is in a wonderful place, no dought about that. God has all the answeres to my questions.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my brother to severe depression. I am finding life so hard. He was only 24 and 2 months to the day. He died June 5th. I saw him leave my house, I wish I followed him. When I saw him next, he was dead. I had to identify his body, then tell my family. I'm devastated.

[Guest Guest]

Hello, My heart goes out to all of you; I too have lost my brother in a car accident a few years ago. This forum has helped me a lot and I would love to help those who do not know to sign on here.

I recently decided to put together a book using stories such as those that can be found on this website. The stories can be on anything that you feel would help someone who has lost their brother or sister( watching your family grieve, holidays, or even a tribute to their life) If interested, please forward your personal sibling loss story to the following email address:

Siblings316@hotmail.com

Best regards

[lilsis]

My sister Jami was my best friend. Some people even thought we were twins at first. She is four years older than me. She was killed on July 1st, 2006 by a hit and run driver, less than a mile from home. Her body was found at 2:45am by a volunteer firefighter returning home. She was drug about 100 yds before her body broke loose from the car. I miss her so much. I use to talk to her three to four times a day.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my only brother August 5, 2006. Sudden cardiac death while hiking. He was 45 years old. I am finding myself extremely disappointed in friends and family who are completely unsupportive. I try to remind myself that they have not learned what I have learned through this experience ... that life is precious and short and we should make time for people and things that are important to us. I have tried to be proactive and ask for a meeting, get-together, coffee, walk, but get flat-out refused. Too busy they say. I'm so disappointed in people whom I thought were my best friends. Support comes from unexpected places.

[Guest Guest]

life is cruel and the cruel things always seem to happen when our gaurd is down. i lost my brother also in december gone to also heart failure he was 29 and i am 25 my life will never be same. i lost my mum when i was seventeen. the feeling of isolation is awful everyone else seems to have moved on forgotten even. i constantly have the feeling of a hand gripping my insides like i cant breath because i am so grief striken the feeling of helplessness like no matter what i do i cant bring them back. and its the lonliness i know it passes in time you learn to live with it. and i always have the what ifs in the back of mind that wont go away and every time i hear the words dont worry it will get easier i just want to scream BUT HE WAS MY BROTHER it doesnt get easier its just again something you learn to live with. everytime i turn a corner there is something there to remind me of what i have lost. i have all the compassion is the world to those who have lost it is not easy. BUT we are here and here we must stay enjoy the time we have. those we have lost would not want it any other way we must embrace the rest of life and live it like it is the last day because i do not want to leave this world with regret and wake up one day and realise 30 years have gone by and i have spent them in a haze of grief.

[Guest Guest]

yes life is cruel, and yes sometimes we are broken and torn down and pushed around like we were the ones at fault, yes i know that this is a discussion about the loss of a sibling and franlky i haven't lost him. YET. He just joined the marines and he has been through all of the training processes and well now he is on leave so they could call him and he would have to go over seas. Everyday i think about how he could be gone and i don't know if i will be able to handle that. How am i supposed to go on knowing that my brother died. How am i supposed to handle this. I try to be supportive and tell him good luck and that i love him but sometimes I just want to scream at him for doind this to my family. Yes, I know that that sounds incredibly selfish of me, it was his decision and he is supporting our country i should be proud. Well, I am ask anyone I am proud to be the sister of a marine however what if he doesn't make it? so many questions and not enough answers.

[Guest Guest]

Lilsis-

My 30 year old younger brother was also killed by a hit and run driver while he was crossing the street on June 3, 2006. He was with a friend at the time and trying to help her cross the street because she was on crutches. He held up his hand to a car approaching a red light and the car hit him and killed him instantly. I completely understand your pain as I do everyone's on this website. I really didn't truly beleive the phrase "life sucks" until this happened to me and my family. I can not offer words of comfort at this time because I am seeking answers as well. I do know that I try to keep myself busy as much as possible but there are times when I just sit and cry and these spasms come unannounced at any time. I read a book called "Surviving the loss of an Adult Sibling" by TJ Wray which was very helpful. I have some friends who have lost their siblings many years ago and their advice is that it will get better with time and it is just a pain you learn to live with. My heart goes out to you and everyone else on this website. Loss of a sibling is a human experience I never wanted to have.

[Guest Guest]

3 Weeks ago I lost my only sibling, my 28 year old sister. She died suddenly and unexpected death possibly from a seizure in her sleep. There are so many questions because not a lot is known how epiliepsy causes a person to die. She was a very healthy adult and had had her seizures under control for 10 years. She went to take a nap Saturday afternoon. When her boyfriend (the love of her life) found her she was unresponsive and he was not able to revive her.

To add to the story I am 6 months pregnant due with the first grandchild. My sister loved children and was a special education teacher. She had the biggest heart for kids. Her dream was to have children and in order to do so she making decisions regarding her epilipsy and medication. It saddens my heart that she will not be with us as this child grows, but I must remember that she is with us and will continue to be with us always and that she knows this child.

I had not talked to her in about 2 1-2 weeks prior to her death, therefore I question why did I not call her more often, we only live an hour away, there are no excuses.

I never thought this would happen, our mother who is not in good health, we had expected her to pass first, not my sister. My sister and I were prepared, we knew mom\\\'s health was failing fast and she would not with us forever. We had talked about it and knew that each holiday was a gift because we could visibly see mom declining, now I ask and pray is why, how. Is mom going to be able to handle her grief....?

[Guest Guest]

Hi my name is Brenda. On August 27th, 2006 I lost my brother in a car accident. Dale and I were seperated at very young ages, he was 5 and I was 4 after the death of our mother also in a car accident. In October of 1989 I was reunited with Dale that was the one the happiest moments of my life. For the next 17yrs he spent the majority of it in prison. He and always were there for one another if it were a phone call or letters. In June of 2003 he acutally moved in to the same apartment complex (right across from one another). The many memories we made dring that time were endless. In June of 2005 he was back in jail for a probation violation in which he had to spend a year in the northern part of the state we live, as I live in the southern part of the state so I was 3 hours away from him. In June of 2006 he had to stay in that area for at least a year so he got a apartment, that is when everything started fallin apart for him. I had visited him several times. On August 25th 2006 something was telling me to go check on him so I did. We had a good weekend Friday Night was filled with alot of laughs, he was drinking I stayed sober as I always did. Than on Saturday the 26th we met up with my best friend that lived in the same area. We went to the resort where here vacation cabin was we all sat around the fire told jokes and great conversation. Than at 11:39 he decided he was going to drive home, I knew he had too much to drink. So with ill attempt to get the keys with a saddened heart, I kissed him on the forehead as I always did and told him \"I LOVE U.\" He climbed in his truck and he drove off. The next morning I drove back to town with my friend to get my car. As I was heading out the door to go back home there was a voicemail on my cellphone. The call came from Dale\'s son\'s mother she told me to call her right away. So when I called her I thought something had happened to my nephew, instead I got the worst news I could have ever gotten. My brother Dale had fallen asleep and rolled his truck and did not survive. The police officer said he probably woke up for moment when he hit the gravel on the side of the road. He turned the steering wheel too much rolled into a ditch and was ejected from the vehicle. A motorist a registered nurse found my brother lying on the highway. He was prononuced dead at the scene. I have never felt such pain and loss. I have had to put all the pictures of him away so I can go a day without crying. I wish I had only tried a little harder to get the keys from him that night. I wish I could have saved him from all the demons that followed him through his troubled life. Family and friends have helped but it is not the same without him here. My big bro will be in my heart forever!

[missmybigbrodale]

My heart goes out to everyone on this site that have losed a love one. I know everyone says that time heals. Yes I think it does, but the pain and heartache is always going to be there in one way or another.

[nancy55]

Brenda, I am so sorry about your brother. I lost my brother Oct 21,2005. It was 4 months after losing my husband to lung cancer. My brother was 41 years old. It was the worst day of my life. I knew my husband was ill and was dying..and it hurt like hell. But the shocking news of an unexpected death is like tearing a hole in your heart. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better. No one really knows what true pain someone feels when they lose their loved one. But, I know what losing my brother did to me. It crushed my heart, it emptied my soul, and it spreads doubt about life in general. But, somehow, some way, we make it thru it. I pray for you to find peace and comfort. You may cry everyday..and that's ok. You may be angry, feel guilty..whatever feelings you have..they are o.k. This grief journey is the most exhausting thing I have ever done. It drains you physically and emotionally. Just take care of you right now...I assure you for the next year you will relive all your memories about him. He will be in your mind day and nite. You will feel as though you may be going crazy. This is all part of this horrible journey. I send you love and hope you be kind to yourself everyday.

Take care

Nancy

[nancy55]

To the Guest who lost her sister to a possible seizure. Please email me. I lost my 41 year old brother..who had epilepy..died in sleep also. This is a condition//Sudden Unexpected Death in Epileptic patients(SUDEP).

It is something Dr's are fearful of telling their patients. My brother was never informed of this possible situation of epilepsy. He had been on medication for 25 years. There are several of my family members who are Medical Profesionals(Anesthelogist, Nurse Anesthestic, R.N., and United States County Judge). We want some answers from my brothers Doctors and we feel his care was poorly managed....and he was poorly informed concerning his epilepsy. Email me at nlconger@mcshi.com, if you wish. I do have more info on this. It breaks my hearts we are losing these patients.

[sdpjdd]

I just read what you posted on the website regarding your brother's

death also from epilepsy. I tried emailing you however it came back undeliverable. The medical examiners did name cause of death

from my sister as SUDEP. We are still waiting the final report. Her

seizures had been under control for 10 years, she was first diagnosed when

she was 18. Her seizures were gran mal. The only seizure she had in that

10 years was last year her neuro wanted to switch her from one

medication to another for planning in the future that she wanted to have

children, within 1 week of gradually weaning one from another she had a

seizure, her neuro put her back on the "drug of choice" and things were

find, this summer while out of school (she is a teacher) they decided to

try to switch again this time weaning even more gradually, this seizure

was within 3-4 weeks of beginning the switch. To make matters even more

my sister had endometriosis, which would possibly limit her ability to

have children which she wanted, this was the reason for the

change in medication. Her neuro wanted her off the one med and on the

other for at least 2 yrs before trying to have children.

We never knew that epilepsy could cause death, now as we read more

info we see that physicians do not educate pts/families on this critical

issue. I know that my sister did not know that this could happen.

I would like any info you may have regarding this. It helps to talk

to somone who knows exactly what we are going through. The fact of not

having concrete answers makes it even more difficult. I work with

hospice so I see everyday people coping with death and dying but when it is a

unexplained death as SUDEP I at times get angry because of my sister's

death being so sudden, we did not have time to prepare as our hospice

pts do, that ablity to say "goodbye" was not there.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you

Stephanie

[nancy55]

I'm sorry --email me again--nlconger@mchsi.com

Your message is so interesting.

[nancy55]

Stephani, I am so sorry about your sister, as I have said. My brother was told he could go off his med, after 25 years, because he had been seizure free 2 years. He was weaned off his med from Depakote 2x daily until he was off. This took 6 months. He died 6 months after going off his med, and even wrote down he had met his goal that his Dr. wanted him too. His autopsy didn't show anything..although they labeled it hypertensive heart disease. after talking to the medical examiner, and seeing the actual autopsy report, our family is contesting this. His autopsy neither showed a heart attack, stroke, nothing. No clogging of arteries, etc. His heart was slightly enlarged, and being a nurse, I know that is not a lone reason for death. I am so thoroughly angry that my brother died, and this could have been prevented. Please email me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Take care,

Nancy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Nancy, justly so, you should be angry. This sounds so tragic, and needless. I hope this works in such a way that it can never happen again, and that these meds are more closely monitored. May you have what you need for today, while you grieve for his loss. Mark

[nancy55]

Mark, thank you for your kind words. This site is wonderful. The people who come here offer each other so much love to one another. And they do so during their own major heartaches. Take care, Nancy

[Guest Guest]

I just turned 30. In January of 2002 my sister, my only sibling, died unexpectedly from a dangerous combo of drugs and alcohol. She had just turned 21 one month earlier. We were 4 and a half years apart and had grown very close once I moved out of the house. When she was in high school and I was still at home we fought a lot, but that is the norm I guess. Anyway, so many years later, I do not feel liek I can talk about it with my friends. I can, but its like I don't want to, because they do not understand. It is out of the forefront of their minds, but it will never be removed from mine, nor do I want it to. I miss her so. I wrote her a letter the other day, for the first time, and cried. It felt really good to talk to her again, even if it was one-sided.

So in an effort to find others who know what I am feeling, I searched for a good website, and here I am. And to be honest, i would like to date a girl who knows what I am feeling, who i can talk to and listen to and exchange stories about our siblings with. Is anyone out there?

Mike

[sdpjdd]

I hope you find someone out there. This is a very helpful site, I just found it recently and it does provide me comfort knowing there are others who have experienced a similar loss. There is not a lot available on the loss of a sibling and I think people often do not think about the siblings during period of grief. I know that so many people told me to take care of my parents, when my sister died, but what about me, is what I wanted to say. The people here do care about what others are going there and are there for each other. I am sorry for your loss.

I lost my only sister, who was 2 1/2 yrs younger than me recently. I agree with you on writing letters,I wrote one to my sister and it helped, I encourage you to try journaling to your sister even if it is one-sided it helps to get your feelings out. Hope you find what you need. Take Care

[nancy55]

Stephani, I also tried to take care of my mom after my brother died. For a month i went over there every nite after work. But, then someone told me..take care of yourself first. So, I decided it was time to. You have to put yourself first. You aren't any good for anyone, if you don't take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, and exercise healthy. You are going thru alot too. Take care,Nancy

[Guest Guest]

I loss my brother on feb 2,2006 it was the hardest thing I have had to deal with I( was also 4 1/2 months pregnant? He passed away of cancer and I guess my way of dealing with things was by handling alot of the arrangements so my mom would not have to do it. I'm having such a hard time because his last 3days here I was not able to see him because My children and I were sick, and per the doctors no one could go over to my moms house to see him if they where sick. I will never forget my self for not seeing him I could of least went up to the door and waved to him. My husband says I need to see someone to get some help to deal with this he also thinks I have not grieve properly? I really dont know what to do. It does make me feel good that my mother tells me with out me she would of not been able to get through it,and that I was the strongest one out of everyone even though I am the youngest and I was pregnant?. I find that as time pass it is getting harder for me not easer? Does any one else feels like this?

[sdpjdd]

At the time of such a loss we all have our roles we play. I myself also 5 months pregnant, jumped in to help my parents and tried to take a lot of the handling of arrangements off of them. I can only think it was my role, it was how I handled things, don't get me wrong I miss my sister everyday and I am grieving her loss greatly. It is hard being a sibling because we feel we have to be strong for our parents and be there for them, but you must not forget to take care of yourself and your feelings.

YOu have to try and not have regrets that you did not see him during his last days, remember maybe you are to remember him as he was prior to those 3 days. There is a reason for all things. I was not able to see my sister because her death was so sudden but I have the memories of her with me always.

Sounds like your husband is very supportive and talking with someone maybe what you need.

Being pregnant myself I can only think that my sister has already met my child and that she will be with us always.

Some days are harder than others, and it will be like that but by talking about it and discussing your feelings with others is how we work through it, you will never forget your brother nor should you. Take care and take one day at a time.

[sdpjdd]

Nanci, Thank you for your kind words. I am taking care of myself, my husband has been so supportive. Thanks again

[hoppafasho]

I'm 19. I lost my brother on August 6th,2006. He would've turned 4 on August 19th. I am the third of eight children,so i'm comforted by the support of my other siblings and my parents. But in a big family siblings sometimes grow closer to one more than the others. Xander was my closest sibling. My best friend. He drowned in a country club swimming pool because the lifeguard was negligent of her duties. As his big sister, i tend to blame myself alot...i was supposed to protect him like i always have. At night sometimes when i lay in bed,i can't help but cry myself to sleep wondering what was going through his head. I wonder if he cried out for me...if he was scared...if he knew what was going on. I ask God why he didn't take me. And i often stay up til the wee hours of the morning wondering these things. It's been two months now...they put his headstone today. I don't think it really hit me until today that i would never hold him, or feel him run and throw himself into my arms and tell me he loves me. Sometimes i feel so alone, because nobody understands me like he did. I was just wondering what i should do...i mean...i know there's nothing i can do to make the pain go away or lessen, but i was just wondering if there is anybody out there who could maybe give me words of encouragement...something that lets me know there are other people in the world who feel my pain and go to sleep crying at night from the overwhelming pain...right now,i'm lost.

[messenger]

DEAR HOPPAFASHO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS PASSING...YOU SAID HE DIED FROM LIFEGUARDS ..BEING NEGLIGENT.....................NOT YOU!! DONT BLAME YOURSELF......IT WAS NOT...YOUR FAULT...HE IS WITH YOU ......TALK TO HIM...........HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO BLAME YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.....DO YOU GO TO CHURCH??? IF NOT ...IT IS A GREAT PLACE TO FIND PEACE FROM OUR LORD AND THE PEOPLE THERE...WE LOST OUR SON 16 MONTHS AGO AND THAT IS WHERE WE FOUND MOST OF OUR COMFORT.....IF YOU DONT GO..........PLEASE CONSIDER GIVING IT A TRY.......

KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE WILL HELP YOU THRU THIS TERRIBLE TIME IN YOUR LIFE........KNOW SOMEDAY IT WILL GET EASIER.....RIGHT NOW..........IT IS SO FRESH.............KNOW I WILL BE LIFTING YOU UP IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[jamiedawnsmom]

Hoppafasho, I'm so sorry for your loss. My grandson is three and the light of our lives so I can understand your loss. My 16 year old daughter was killed in a car accident 1/2 mile from home. Both of her older sisters were at home. My oldest daughter is 6 years older than Jamie and always took Jamie under her wing and took care of her. She too felt/feels guilt over Jamie's accident. We can see the accident site from our south facing windows and my oldest felt that somehow she should have been able to prevent the accident or that she should have been there with her. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings. You wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't love so much so your brother was very lucky to have someone care for him that much. None of us knows what life has to offer. My thoughts are with you and I pray that someday you will find peace.

Take Care.

Renee

[hoppafasho]

Jamiedawnsmom and Messenger...thank you for sharing your stories with me. It really does give me hope to the future. If you can make it through the struggle's of losing children...it gives me hope that maybe one day i too will be able to see the joy through the pain. Tonight was a hard night for me it was the second time i had to visit my brother's grave with a headstone on it. It was the worst feeling in the world to see his little picture on a slab of marble...it wasn't until i saw the headstone that it really sank in. And now i'm just hurt inside. I want to hate somebody...but that isn't right. I want somebody to pay for this. But it was God's choice to take him...so there's nobody to blame. And it hurts...bad. But thank you again for your words...i'm sorry for your losses and i feel your pain. -Brittany

[Guest Guest]

Today is 11 years since I lost my wonderful twin brother Alex to suicide. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I'm lucky to have had him in my life for a short 20 years, but it just wasn't enough. What I wouldn't give to turn the clock back. I hope he is out there somewhere so that I can be with him again. I just gave birth to my first child (a baby girl) this past summer and it pains me beyond belief that she will never know her Uncle Alex. Alex, wherever you are, we miss you and we love you every single minute of every single day.

[messenger]

HOPPAFASHO................JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I AM THINKING OF YOU.......I KNOW IT IS SO HARD TO SEE YOUR BROTHERS STONE....TRY TO REROUTE YOUR ANGER IF YOU CAN INTO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE.....MAYBE BY DOING SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE...IT IS NORMAL PART OF GRIEVING PROCESS TO BE ANGRY..........BUT YOU MAY FEEL BETTER DOING FOR OTHERS.........YOUR LITTLE BROTHER IS WATCHING OVER YOU NOW.......WE WILL ALL SEE OUR LOVED ONES AGAIN....MAYBE YEARS BUT THERE IS HOPE IN KNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KEEP N TOUCH WITH US...........WE WILL TRY TO HELP YOU THRU THIS..MESSENGER

[Guest Guest]

I lost my 45 year old brother last Jan. 4, 2006 to Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome. I was with him for 3 months straight, 10 hours away from, during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, away from my husband, son and animals. It was the hardest time of my life watching him lay in a bed and die. We had many wonderful moments recalling our lives as children. He often said he wanted to live and not die. We prayed together and and when he died, I felt his spirit leave his body. It was the most amazing and spiritual moment in my life. I still hurt so bad that I wonder if I will ever get over this. I think I am suffering from Post Traumatic Syndrome from going through all of that alone and so far away. I think that death is so unfair and untimely. I think that God must have a plan that is not available to us. I look forward to seeing my brother again one day, I think that is the only way to get through the pain.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my sister Michelle in Dec. 2004 to pneumonia. It was a sudden death, she was sick and being treated for bronchitis one day and in cardiac arrest the next day. We were only 16 months apart and it was just the 2 of us girls. I was 33 and not prepared to be the only one. My parents were ailing and all of a sudden it was all on me to take care of them. I was really angry and sad at the same time. I cried for what seemed like months. I had a major surgery 12 days after she died and it lead to major life changes as well. Looking back I realize that I was a total basket case for the better part of a year. In July 2006 my dad died 12 days after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Shocking but no where near as awful as my sister's death. I'm a little guilty about that but I believe my dad would be peeved if he thought I grieved him at all. My mom is chronically ill and too soon I'll be the only one left. It's a really daunting thing that I'll be the only one left on this earth and they'll all be together. I'm ok now but I know I'll never be the same. I exist but some days I know I'm not "living". That's a major goal for me, "get my joy back"

[Guest Guest]

First off, I would like to say that am so sorry to all of you that have posted before me.

I lost my one and only sister to domestic violence on Nov. 25, 2005. She was 7 1/2 months pregnant and beaten to brain death by her abusive boyfriend. We had to keep her on life-support for two weeks to give her son, Josiah, a fighting chance. He was born on Dec. 12, 2005. My brother and his wife are raising Josiah (a name my sister had told me she liked at one point). Unfortunately, I just lost my MOM to ovarian cancer 1 month ago, so that is two deaths in less than 1 year. I think if my sister had not been murdered my mother's will to live/fight the cancer might have been stronger. My sister's murderer sits in jail and his trial continues to be delayed. I am really hoping that this is IT as far as tragedies in my family go. Josiah is doing great. He is the one bright spot out of all of this darkness.

[edlilsis]

On March 23 2006 My brother died. Still hurt to say that he dead.I had just taken him back to his apartment the day before. He died of heart attack at the age of 34 from an undianoised heart condition. He was alway saying his chest hurt. He was the sibling that I had a special connection with and the best uncle to my daughter.

I understand and sympathize everyones pain here. I miss my brother I wish he was still here...

Kelly

[messenger]

DEAR EDLILSIS,,,,,,,,,I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR YOU HAVE LOST YOUR BROTHER..SUCH A HEAVY BURDEN TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH............I DO BELIEVE HE IS STILL WITH YOU!! IF YOU GET A CHANCE TO READ HELLO FROM HEAVEN BY BILL AND JUDY GUGGGENHEIM............I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.......I AM SURE IT WILL HELP YOU AND ALL ON HERE...........YOUR BROTHER WILL LEAVE YOU SIGNS AND YOU WILL HAVE DREAMS OF HIM........HANG ON TO YOUR EVER SO PRECIOUS MEMORIES NOW......THEY WILL HOLD YOU TOGETHRE UNTL YOU MEET AGAIN.

KNOW I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS........

PEACE BE WITH YOU

MESSENGER

[DianeS]

Dear Guest,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister and your mother. I cannot imagine losing a sibling the way you lost yours. I do, however, know what it is to lose a sibling and your mother in less than a year. I was 34 at the time. My youngest brother was killed in an Air Force plane crash about 15 years ago. Nine months from the day that we buried him, we buried my mother. She was diagnosed with lung cancer (never smoked a cigarette in her life) and died less than six weeks later. Like your mom, I think my mom's will to fight and live was just not there after the death of my brother. Her heart was broken and she just didn't have any fight in her. That was the hardest year in my life. I wonder at times how I ever got through it. Surprisingly you do. It is one day at a time. Sometimes just one step or one breath at a time. You have to look for those spots of brightness in the midst of it all and how fortunate you are to have that precious little boy who was born in spite of everything that his mother went through. I wish I could tell you something to make it easier, but it really just does take time. I remember standing the shower crying a few months after my brother's death, wondering if there would ever be a day without tears.

Hold on and as hard as it is, let yourself feel the pain and work through it. Best wishes.

DianeS

[Guest Guest]

I lost my sister a year ago october 7th. Now my brother is dying from bladder cancer and isn't expected to last a week. He found out about 5 monthes ago about his bladder tumor and had surgery to remove his bladder 12 weeks ago but things didn't go right after he came home and he developed problems. But when they opened him back up a 2 weeks ago all they could do is close him back up because the cancer had spread thru out his insides. Now he is home with hospice care. It is so difficult to watch another go thru this. I spent 11 mo. with my sister and was at her side when she passed away from met. breast cancer. When does it ever get better. I really miss my sister. Now my brother is next.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my sister and my best friend on October 18,2006.She was taken from us suddenly and unexpectedly.She was only 36.

While things are slowly getting back to "normal"-if they can ever be normal again-and the wound is no longer quite as raw as it was originally...I find myself missing her so much. I want to pick up the phone and call her 3 or 4 times a day. I'm terribly lonely without her...she was my best friend, and now that friend is gone. I feel as though I'll never have that bond with anyone again, never again be able to talk to anyone the way I could talk to her. She "got" me like no one else did.

I feel so horribly guilty that I wasn't there for her when she died. Over the years she's had many various medical problems. I've been there for the birth of her children, held her hand through various surgeries and procedures,been there every single time she was in the hospital...except this time... the one time she really needed me, I wasn't there. I would give anything to turn back the clock, to tell her how much I loved her just one more time, and to ask her how the hell I'm supposed to go on without her. Who is going to be the auntie to my little girl, spoil her absolutely rotten,and make her feel like the princess she is supposed to be? That was my sister's job.

I miss you so much, sissy. I always will.

[nancy55]

Guest, I know the pain you feel. My brother died alone in his bed, age 41. He lived 3 hours from me. I recieved a call at 900am telling me they found him dead. It was as if someone, killed my soul, and heart. All I can think about is him, being alone, dying alone...and with 6 brothers and sisters..we weren't there with him. He was not ill, so this was unexpected. But all the times we were together, and traveled together, he was fine. So, why do these things happen when we aren't there for our loved ones. I also feel so guilty. I wish Iwas with him, and I could have done CPR. But, would it have made any different? That is the question so many of us have.

I just have to put all this in God's hands...as I realize we all have no control over these things.

God bless you all

Take care

Nancy

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[Guest Guest]

I lost my brother about a month ago (Oct. 22) to suicide. This is a really hard thing to deal with right now considering the Holidays are already here.

Suicide is a very ugly thing to go through, all the "What if's" and all. I am constantly thinking about things I should have or should not have done. I know this is "normal" but it still really sucks. The feeling of guilt has overcome everyone in my family. I know things will someday get easier in time (or so says everyone I know), but I just want my brother back. How on earth will that feeling ever go away? I love you Graham!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest Guest]

God I wish this website was around when I REALLY needed it. In 1997 (19 yr old college student), a few days after I found out that I was pregnant, my father died of colon cancer. I had a WONDERFUL FATHER. Approximatley seven months later (8 mos preg), my brother (age 26) was killed in a car accident. My entire world fell apart. I lost the two most important men in my life within a seven month period. March 1 and Oct 1. My daughter was born on Oct 31. 2007 will make ten years. It still feels like yesterday. I found the tie and handkerchief that my brother wore to my father's funeral last week. I cant stop holding it and smelling it, hoping it would still have his scent. I still cry on a regular basi, especially about my brother. I beleived he sends me signs. Two nights ago as i was holding his necktie, i was crying and talking to him about needing support for my daughter because I lost my job 2 mos ago. When I went into my drawer for some unknown reason, there was $100 in an old wallet (1998) in front of his picture. THAT WAS AMAZING!! ICRIED MY HEAD OFF. So everyone please believe that YOUR LOVED ONE IS YOUR ANGEL THAT WATCHES OVER YOU.

[Guest Guest]

Hi, I'm new to this and I stumbled upon this website. I was really looking for quotes about sibling death. I lost my sister in a car accident on June 14th, 2004. She just turned 12 on May 25th and I was 17 when it happened. I came back from senior week, even though I was a junior. Two days later My sister, best friend and I got into a tragic car accident. We hydro-planed and went over a 150 foot embankment. She died instantly from head trauma. She was the only sibling I had. The first year dealing with her death was a blur and picking a college was tough, I really did not want to go far away from home. The first year at college was very hard for me, I had alot of pent up anger and emotional problems and depressions. My sophmore year in college I am starting to open up and really cry and grieve over her death. Lately it has been really hard because of the holidays. I can't even believe it is the third holiday without her, it has gone by so fast since Sami(sister) has passed. She was such a vibrant person and was really growing into a young teenager. She was always smiling and a big jokester. She was a very accomplished basketball player. Her AAU team was going to nationals that summer, I picked her up from her one teammates place the night of the accident. That is what we shared, a love for basketball. I still play in college, but it is hard to play when you can not share it with the one person you want to share it with. I still keep in contact with her best friend who grieves over Sami everyday. She actually had a christmas dance this past saturday and it was really hard to see her all dressed up knowing sami should be standing right beside her, but I managed. I'm sorry if I'm babbling, I just thought I would you give someone a little insight of my tragic loss. Happy holidays though everyone, I hope you have a good one with little pain over your loved ones