Loss of a Sibling

[jackiewitter]

Hey my friends....just wanted to drop a line. today is my in city to work day so i am on my blackberry. Bare with my lack of cap's. All is good here. Trips to the beach are always hard for me. that was Jeff's favorite pastime. I sometimes just ride my bike to the bay and just wish he was beside me. I know Claudia is coming up on two years and of course that stinking anticipation period is agony. I always go back in my mind and remember the day before IT happened. That phone call the night before and how if I knew then what I know now, I would have never hung up the phone. Does anyone else feel old? I feel old and I feel tired. I try to reflect on my mother and how she dealt with the death of her parents. But they were older and she was the first sibling to die in her family. I cannot make any comparisions with her life. what I would give if I could pick up the phone and call her...Mommy I miss you and Daddy and Jeffrey. These are the days I hate...the days that I realize this pain is not going to go away, it will always be here; it just won't stick it's ugly head out all of the time. But no matter how ofte it sticks it's head out it is still UGLY. I am so happy though that Barb made is to see you Diane. We are probably going to make a trip to Ohio soon to see hubby's parents. Maybe we can swing a flght up before we head back home. I would enjoy that...or if either of you make it to TX. I know that God has His hands and arms around me or I would not have been led to this site either. Those are the things I should rejoice in rather than focusing on my blues. Afterall....you think Jeffrey, Harvey, Robert or Joey would want to come back now? They've experienced Heaven, I dont think they wanna rush back. So my thoughts and prayers are with you and of course to our newest members. My deepest sorrow for your losses. May God continue to watch over my dearest friends. Peace and blessings. Jackie

[diane1234]

Hi all,

I just stopped in for a quick hello. I've had my young neice for the past holiday week & I was very busy w/ her. I took her to see the 145th Re-enactment of the Gettysburg Battle in Pa.(my hubby wanted that one) & to the Land of Little horses(such a fun place...my pick). I have to say, @ the land of little horses...I totally smiled & thought of Harvey. He loved animals and these tiny horses were soooooooooooo cute(they were smaller than my dogs)!

To all the new people here, I want to send you all a warm hello. I am just feeling my footing now after almost 2 years w/ out my dear Brother Harvey. It will get better. Just keep sharing where you are at and you will connect w/ another in here who IS walking your walk or has walked your walk. Patience is such a virture w/ grief :-) I know I read alot of books on grief after Harvey passed. I liked "90 minutes in Heaven" & "when G-d Whispers your name". Both were helpful to my grief walk.

Have a Blessed week,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All, I've been away from the Boards for a bit because of all the "Team" work we've had here at the ministry camp in Ecuador over the past couple of months.  It's been amazing and AWEsome.  Yeah, Jackie...  I've been thinking a lot about Joey, (as I usually do), and knowing that on the 31st the 2 Year date arrives.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday, but it's beginning to feel like sooooooooooooo long since last time I saw him or heard his voice.  I still talk about him alot, especially in ministry, because by the grace of God I can't imagine I could have ever come this far in healing without Him.  And it seems the deeper I get into healing and restoration ministry with others, the greater my own healing becomes.  It's such a long journey, but I can only hope that any of us that have gone through this kind of loss and are surviving with a bit of grace here and there can be an encouragement and light to so many of the ones arriving new to loss and grief.  My heart goesw out to you all.

So glad to hear Barb and Diane got to meet.  I'm still dreaming of that pajama, toe nail painting, girls slumber party with y'all one day....

Love and Hugs!!  Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi all, just a quick note to let you know I am thinking of you.  I have been reading but no time to post.  Funny life just continues to move forward.  Ben is still in Iraq and has been told that there may be a stop-loss put in effect for him.  That would send him to Afghanastan as soon as his tour in Iraq is over.  I told him not to worry over it, so many things are still up in the air.  So much termoil.  So as always, I ask that you keep my baby boy in your prayers.

Claudia, my thoughts are with you in the coming weeks, my virtual hand is in your virtual hand and I can feel you squeeze as we get closer.  I keep remembering, it's the days leading up to, not the day of.  The day of, say 9am, let's whisper a special message for both of them.  And then a special prayer for each other, and our other friends. 

I am so in for the pajama party.  I was thinking perhaps we could use our camera's and do it on the computer, but that would never work, I would still want to touch all three of you in person.  Thank you and hug you all for your support and caring. 

So, I am at work, and probably should get to it.  I had a dream of Jeffrey the other night, and want to share it, but no time right now.  Also Chris is purchasing Eagles tickets for Sept in Houston.  That was one of Jeff's favorite bands so it will be fun.  I may take a piece of his ash with me so that he's with me in spirit (or dust) whichever.  Much hugs & kisses to all of you and my prayers are with you.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

I will keep your son in my prayers for protection. G-d will keep him safe for you & Jeff is his forever angel :-) I second the warm hug to Claudia. I can't believe it's been 2 years for her w/ Joey. Claudia, you are in my prayers for peace this month. I've had a busy month @ work and w/ my Mom(she's still pretty much in later stage dementia and her sister is in full blown Alzheimers). I'm tired of being in the sandwich generation!

On the brigther side. I might be going to China around the olympic's (my hubby has business there). I really want to go & see the panda's in Harv's Honor(remember, he LOVED Tain Shan, the baby dc one). I have felt good about doing Harv's bucket list for him ,these past 1.5 years(Like you are doing Jackie for Jeff w/ the Eagles :-)

I think doing things we know our beloved siblings would've loved but didn't get the chance to do, keeps a strong connection here on earth for them. Everytime time I do something w/ Harv in mind, I usually smile and cry ! Soo bittersweet! Barb,how did Roberts Anniv. go? Did you guys do or say anything special in his honor?

I'm back to work now. I just dropped in for a quick Hey to all,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Dinae & Jackie, a BIG THANKS and BIG HUGS back to you.  SO sweet!!!  I'm doing pretty well right now, gliding on the high of having just soent 2 month serving with visiting missions teams.  (BTW Diane, I received notice of your blessing and thank you so very much!!!  I can't thank you enough!)  China sounds wonderful, as does visiting the Chinese pandas.

Jackie, I too am praying for your son.  I don't use MySpace, but did get your Facebook message.  I love "the Dance" photo!!

I too am just popping in for a quick hello between catching up on other tasks and some much needed relaxation until our next team arrives in a couple of weeks.  Prep work begins a week before they arrive...

Love and Blessings to ALL!  ~Claudia 

[mellen]

I'm sorry I haven't frequented this forum lately -- we've been amidst a whirlwind of a life.  First off, my brother is progressing from his stroke and I'm THANKFUL he's not paralyzed although I'm still indecisive if he'll be the 'thinker' he used to be; according to our mom (his "room mate" now), he's cantakerous which I interpret as a good sign for that's what he was like BEFORE the stroke.  (stay tuned).

Also, we've up and moved!  Kid you naught!  We left our home of 13-years and bought a new one; not simply to help me move-on (as, so far, I seem to be MUCH more positive thinking and less depressed here vs. our previous home) but also due to the school redistricting.  Sooo, obviously these past 30-days have been VERY BUSY for us (we're almost unpacked but still, there's MUCH left to do).

Mostly importantly, I wanted to share with y'all that today would have been my sister's 50th birthday and I handled it fairly well; sure the tears swell-up a wee bit even now, but NOTHING like I've been this past year.  I KNOW she's beside me (long story) and well, I KNOW she's happy my widdle family has grown-up and moved-on ... just regretting she wasn't here to see us in our new big house of which would EASILY had been a place to have hosted her one heckuva 50th!  But as I told her this morning, "at least you'll be eternally young Roxanne"! 

I must be off - I haven't time to catch-up on the posts but will try and do so sooner than later.  IF anyone is enduring hardships, my NEW email is simplymellen@live.com. 

This site is awesome and I've recommended it to so many who I know are in the same boat; mourning the loss of someone or something special.  Despite I've not been an avid writter and visitor here, the brevity cannot define the enormous impact y'all have made upon me.  I owe MUCH of my "recovery" to you!  THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR LIVES WITH ME!!

Hugs, love, and, peace to all ...

Mary Ellen

(Roxanne Kolvet Hutchings' sister:  7/24/58 - 7/6/7)

[diane1234]

Mary Ellen,

Happy 50th Birthday to your sister, Roxanne. Did you do anything special in her honor today? Congrates on your New house. I'm glad to here that people are still buying new homes across the country :-) I work for a builder and we are waaaaaaaay slower now than last year @ this time. I'm actually grateful for the slowdown! It has given me an extra day per week to help my Mom(she's not doing well w/ her Dementia/Alzheimers).

How's everyone else doing? Barb,Jackie,Claudia...??

Have a Blessed Weekedn to all,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Diane,  I'm hanging in there...  Thursday will be 2 years.  I can't believe it, but then I can.  So wierd...   ANywho, that's where I am--trying to muddle through the painful dates of the 31st and Aug 7, which would be Joey;s 26th B-day...

Hugs to all, Claudia

[diane1234]

Claudia,

G-d Bless you this week. I will keep you in my prayers for a peaceful week. I pray G-d will lift you up on Thurs. Are you doing anything special in Joey's Honor? Good luck my friend & I send you a warm hug in honor of your Son Joey in Heaven.

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, Thank you so much!  I love you and am so grateful for you.

I think of Joey each night before sleep and every morning upon waking, and so many moments in between that I cannot even venture to guess how many hours each day he truly is at the forefront of my thoughts.  I speak softly to him as if he is still here at times, mostly because I just miss him so and the dialogue we used to share so often.  I have photos and some of his most precious momentos in my bedroom, in clear sight--his favorite necklace that he wore from the day I gave him until they removed it from his body.  It hugs the neck of a little monkey I gave him the last time I saw him.  I found that monkey in his backpack/book bag, so I know he kept it nearby.  Joey was my little "monkey".  When he was little, I taught him to spell his name by spelling monkey first and then adding the 2 "C's" in the middle.  As long as I remember, I called him Joey Monkey.  I look at his bejeweled little monkey at my bedside and it reminds me so vividly of Joey, his look, his way, his full essence.  I love that!  I hope it honors him that I hold what was precious to him so dear and near.  Living and working as I do, I can only hope that he understands and is pleased each day.  Being so far away from my family and the place where Joey called home, and not being able to go there whenever I desire or whenever it is time to mark another specific memorial moment, it has really brought me to having no options but doing it God's way...here in what I was called to do.  So, surrendering myself anew with each and every day, I always carry my hope and desire to honor my Joey's life and story in some special way through my own life and life's work.  I carry him within my heart, within my story, and I share him so often with others here...  Honestly, I don't know what more I can do...  I just miss him so..................ugh!

I begn reading the book, The Shack a few days ago.  Someone brought me a copy recently.  It has been very interesting and is a very quick read.  I'm more than halfway finished.  I remember briefly on a thread here not long ago someone mentioned it.  Have you read it?  It's not exactly what I expected, and maybe even better.  It's a bit unorthodox in ideas, but the message so far has been fairly straight.  I don't want to know how it flushes out until I finish reading it myself, but I just wondered if you and/or anyone else here has read it?

 

 

[diane1234]

Claudia,

What a precious Monkey memory about Joey. He knew you kissed that monkey charm w/ your spirit & he's probably kissing it for your spirit now from Heaven :-)Such a sweet memory! Good luck tomorrow, be kind to yourself . I will be @ the beach, where I will say a Yiskur prayer in your honor for Joey :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, How wonderful and very fitting.  Joey and I both shared a tremendous love for the beach...  Hope your day is blessed as well.  Love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls

Well so now we say, Claudia, the 2nd year and we have made it.  My heart ached so bad but I kept trying to see past so much of the hurt and rejoice in the knowledge that his struggles are over. 

We are currently sitting in the midst of the storm, appears that Edouard has missed us completely, hitting about 20 miles north of us.  It is giving us much needed rain right now.  No strong winds so far.  Walked to the bay this morning and sea levels are not nearly as high as predicted so it looks good. 

I am going to close now, before we loose power.  Much love and prayers your way.  Diane, thanks as always for all the prayer and suport.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

 

[diane1234]

Hi All,

I'm back from a week @ the beach in Florida. I said prayers @ the ocean for all those who passed before us(including Joey,Jeff,Robert , Dennis & Harv). I thought of you Jackie w/ the storms in the gulf & prayed for your safe harbor  to ride them out :-)

We got news that a dear friend of ours passed unexpectly to Heaven while we were down in Florida(his name is Dennis). We had just had dinner w/ him the week before (they were visiting  from LA.)and he was in Great health and such a wonderful youthful person (his wife & daughter are lovely people). He went out hiking when he got home ( while we were in florida) & had a heart attack last Thurs.in the canyon near his home. I'm still shocked by his death. I am working on acceptance of G-d's will on this one. After talking w/ his daughter Jessie( & hearing the pain in her voice), it brought back how hard it was for me after Harvey died soo unexpectly too. I could just share w/ her my condolences & I told her about this website. Maybe she will find solace on the loss of parent thread. The strange part was, I planned on a tashlich in Honor of Joey on Thurs. (and all of our brothers) and I added Dennis to the event.   G-d works in mysterious ways. I felt @ peace praying by the waters and I hope Dennis(and his family) felt my prayers too.

Well I'm rambling now...How's everyone doing? This thread has been quite this summer!

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, Yes!  We have now officially rolled into our 3rd year...and we are surviving.  I am so happy to see your post.  I e-mailed you a couple of days ago and was concerned about how you were doing since I had not heard anything from you in a while.  Hugs to you!

Diane, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.  Although there is not much we can do but "be there" for those who are following in the footsteps of loss, I'm sure you will be an inspiration and a good shoulder when needed.  Thanks again so much for taking prayers to the beach in honor of Joey in the company of Harvey, Jeffrey, Robert, Dennis and others.  Bless you! 

Love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hey Claudia, Diane, Barb, Carol & all

Sorry to be missing so long, busy summer.  Little Nicki is pregnant, due Dec 19th.  We are as happy as we could be, I know Jeffrey would be.  That was his little Sticky Nicki.  She's the one that God was gracious enough to keep Jeffrey with us until it was a few minutes past her 18th birthday.  I think He knew how much she could bear and after losing her PawPaw on her 16th birthday, losing her favorite uncle on her 18th would have been crushing.  God is very merciful and good.

I took a road trip with a good friend of mine.  Her father passed just a few months before Jeff did so we grew closer than ever.  We drove up to Chicago to take some of her sister's things since she was moving there.  I cannot tell you when I have had a better time.  We drove through LA, MS, TN, AR, MO, KY & IL.  It was just hysterical!  We pulled off at some crazy places...Morgan Freemans club and a Catfish Museum.  It was just great.  Got one speeding ticket the entire time....that was me in LA.  Evidently you cannot drive 95 through Louisiana.  We had a few moments of "wish they were with us"; but for the most part it was great.  It was nice to feel somewhat whole again.  Also we got cat calls when we were at Morgan Freemans place.  Okay...I am 48 years old, I cannot tell you when the last time a man whistled at me!  That was pretty nice too!  We ate a place where they throw rolls at you...and we went to the largest fireworks store I have ever seen in my life.  And they say things are bigger in Texas????  HA!

I hope you all are well.  I will try and spend sometime wondering around BI and see how everyone is.  I make a promise to try and check in at least once a week.  It's funny, a year ago, I could not imagine going a day without coming here for my support.  I guess I should try and give back what I have received. 

Much love to you girls, peace & blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Sounds like you've been a busy bee! I work w/ construction people & they have yet to whistle or cat call @ me...LOL you Rock girlfriend! (I instill the FEAR of G-d in them as their boss..heehee.)

I want you to know you are in my prayers for safety! Gustav will bypass your area,by the grace of G-d! Please let us know that you are safe & if you need anything after the storm! This thread has been quiet until lately. You be safe and I know Jeff is watching over you today!

G-d Bless,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, OMG!!!  A CATFISH MUSEUM!!!  LOL!!!!   I used to go fishing with my uncle when I was a kid, and I will never forget the smell of good ole cheese bait.  The stench of it all, and all to catch those famously wonderful catfish.  There was a lot of catfish eatin' where I grew up.  LOL!

It's good to see your post.  I don't know how I missed it until now.  Congrats on the new grandbaby!  It does sound like you've been quite busy.  Though you're not here as often, you're still in my heart all the time.    Love ya girlfriend!!  ~Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Jackie, it looks like our prayers worked! How did you fair during the storm? I'm glad the storm got downgraded to a level 2 hurricane ,before coming ashore! I'm sure Jeff sent many Angels to protect you! Let us know how you're doing.

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls.  Storm missed us complete, while my prayers are certainly with everyone in Louisiana, I am greatful to God for sparing our area.  Thanks so much for the prayers from you both.  Now we watch as another has developed in the tropics and may be headed for Gulf.  I know that God has all things in his control and he will have Jeffrey ride with me in the event we have to evacuate at anytime before hurricane season is over.  Went fishing Saturday, could only go out in the bay because the storms were brewing, but caught a 4 &1/2' hammer-head shark.  Wish Jeff were here for that one too, he would have loved it!  That was one big fish! 

It has been quite here, I guess that is a good thing.  We all move forward, most days.  Sometimes that same fear comes, the fear of letting go and leaving him behind.  I think that has probably been the hardest part for me.  So all take care, miss talking with you girls alot.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Hey All,

Jackie that sounds wild to catch a 4+ foot hammer-head! Did it eat up your fishing line? Did it try to bite anyone getting in the boat? I'm glad to hear you made it thru Gustav(and you're right 3 more behind it). It seems like a very active hurricane season this year,I'm rethinking buying a second home in Marco!

I am less than 2 months away from Harv's 2nd Anniv. of his death. I can tell it's getting closer,because I feel like I'm in a funk(it seems to hit me right around the jewish high holy days). Kinda like a depression, but w/ a sad twinge to it. I already discussed w/ my good sister that we need to do a tashlich for Harv on Rosh Hashannah again. The year has gone by sooooooo fast this time. My sister said we need to visit the grave on Yom Kippur too. I'm not sure I'm up for that this year(I'd rather just wait until the 2nd Anniv. of his death). I hope this is just all part of my grief walk. I totally feel like staying in bed until the holidays pass & hopefully I will feel the sun come out again. Keep me in your prayers.

Blessings,

Diane

[lynnielou]

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been here for a while - it seems like I've been on fast forward for the past three months.  I hope everyone is doing well and has had a good summer.

I found myself craving cigarettes this week and even went out and bought a pack - gave myself a headache smoking them too.  I haven't smoked in years and couldn't figure out what triggered this.... but then I remembered..... my brother Fred's birthday is on Sunday and I must have not consciously thought of it - the need for smoking was probably due to some anxiety of having his first birthday without him.

Freddy died on October 16th, and I can tell you, I've never had a more difficult time than the past 11 months.  However, as hard as it's been, I've also gone through some amazing times too.

My brother worked with me, and in our last conversation, he said that we both needed to leave our jobs or else the job would kill us.  Sadly, he died within the week of a massive heart attack.  I had worked as a Social Worker at the same place for 19.5 years, he had been there for almost 15 years.  I took a leave after my brother's death and did some sole searching. I took five months off and took a new job with a different organization which is better in so many ways.  I spend more time with my kids, my family and Freddy's new grandson (his next grandchild is due around the 1st anniversary of his death.).  I am happy to be alive, and don't stress over many things.

For the first time, I plan on visiting his grave site this weekend....  I don't know how that will be, but I think it's time.

So yes, as I've heard here many times, the pain doesn't go away, the tears still flow freely, but I've come to terms with my new life without my big brother.  I miss him fiercely, but I can smile again.  I didn't think that I could ever be happy, but it's still possible. 

It's very comforting to be here with others who understand how difficult this is. 

Peace to everyone.  Linda

[jackiewitter]

Hey all,

Just a quick hello, watching hurricanes AGAIN....

Linda, it sounds like you made alot of changes.  That was probably the best thing to do.  I changed jobs too, as did my husband.  It just didn't seem to work for me.  People treated me differently after Jeffrey died.  Alot of people just would not talk about him, or if I talked about him then then they would shy away.  It's hard to talk to people if they don't understand. 

Diane, my prayers are with you so much.  I know how we have talked about the antiscipation of the anniversary and how much anxiety it seems to bring.  You can always pick up the phone and when we get past hurricane season, jump a plane and come on down to the south.  We still swim in the winter here!  Thanks too for the offer to come ride the storm out with you there.  Unfortunately I am obligated to continue working, we just move our laptops to a "safe" place and go forward.  The rest of the country still expects to close loans! 

Anyway, my thoughts are with you guys, I hope we continue on a positive path.  I still struggle, just not as I used to.  Prayer works wonders!  Love you all, peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Jackie,thanks for the words of encouragement. I know Harv is closer to me lately and I feel him more in all everything I do. I guess as this next Anniversary looms closer, I've just gotta roll with it. I know for me, rituals like the Tashlich & visiting the grave give me some degree of comfort. I guess I've got to seek the G-d of my understanding in the next month(I've been a slacker on praying for myself this summer). I do however pray for others quite often :-)

How's the hurricane forcast for your area? I hope it weakens to a tropical trickle by the time it hits the gulf! My sister has a friend living in Turks & Cacoas who sustained the brunt of Ikes winds. Luckily, her home wasn't too damaged. May you be spared too :-) I will pray for safe keeping for you too & my offer still stands for a Maryland escape :-) Good luck my friend, G-d be w/ you this weekend.

Blessings to all,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, I see now where they are predicting a hit for Texas with Ike. You all will be in our prayers. Praying the storm doesn't become as strong as he once was.... Love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls,

Sent you both an email earlier.  We are pulling out in the morning, only going about 60 miles inland, so here's hoping the traffice is not hideous.  Thanks of course for the prayers.  Posting here in case Barb ask, for some reason my email to her did not go through.  I am sure Jeffrey will be traveling with me in spirit, so I am greatful for that.  When I return I will go to the island and see if his apartment is still intact.  I don't know why that is important, but for some reason it is.  So I am going to get some rest so that I can be fresh for traffic tomorrow.  Much love.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

[Kelly]

Hello Everyone,

I have a request for you.  A new thread was started by a 16-yr.old who has just lost her sister.  I thought I'd bring it to your attention - if you could give her a "Beyond Indigo" welcome and let her know she is among friends who understand, I would be so grateful.  Thanks for sharing and supporting one another in the wonderful way that you do!

~Dawn

Beyond Indigo

Reply to: Autumn Rae

http://www.beyondindigo.com/forums/reply.php?topic_id=334

 

[diane1234]

Hi All,

I wanted to say HEY to Linda. Thanks for the update on your world. Good luck w/ visiting the Freddy's grave. Let the tears roll and know that it's okay. Everytime I've been to Harv's grave(2 times to be exact), it's always raining and I'm always sobbing. I think it's get that you don't enjoy butts anymore. I started smoking occasionally again after Harvey died and I need to quit(but I'm afraid I'll get fatter...LOL). I'll keep you in my prayers on the 16th of Oct.

AutumnRae is new to this thread and she needs our prayers. I will send them your way Autumn in honor of your big sister. I know after Harvey died, my family did a virtual guest book thru a website. It allowed people to write lovely things about Harvey and it helped me w/ my broken heart, just knowing how he touched other peoples lives. I honor my brother in Different ways today. I do things now I know he loved,like a walk in the Cherry Blossoms in DC in the spring. Then I save up the memories and I know he appreciates ALL I do in honor of him(I also do charity work in his honor).What would your sister love you to do someday in her honor?Think on it.

Jackie,

Good luck thru the hurricane. You are sooooooo in my prayers. I know Jeff will be watching over you & your family from Heaven(I'll send Harv to help him watch your house too). Let's us know you made it thru okay..either on here or thru emails. G-d be with you my friend!

Blessings,

Diane

[diane1234]

Hi All,

Jackie you have been in my prayers. I hope you house made it & the trees didn't hurt the house too much. Keep us posted .

I just finished making a lovely website thing to honor Harv as the 2nd Anniv. of his death approaches. Check it out :

http://harveyrosenberg.legacy.com/lmw/Homepage.aspx?lmwtkn=c894b93c-b448-450f-bf14-25b8ade51998

I liked the way that site had easy templates to use for making a nice web guest book. Let me know what you guys think.

Blessings,

Diane

[robertssister]

Hello everyone I post but somehow posted it in the wrong page its over in loss of a young brother. Hope your all doing well.

It was nice talking to you this morning Claudia. love ya all Barb

 

[diane1234]

Hi all,

It's been quiet on this thread for a bit. I'm posting not because it's been quiet, but because Harv's 2nd Anniv. in Heaven is this weekend. I can always know when it's fast approaching, because I feel like I have a Grief hangover this week. It's like I'm here physically ,but my head is waaaaaaaaaay in the clouds and I'm not paying attention to things?Kinda like being hungover..aaagghh. I also don't have patience for people this week and I feel snappy. I guess it's kinda like a grief version of getting my period...LOL. I thought it would get easier w/ time and for me it stays the same around the Anniv. time. I am going to the grave again this sunday to pray w/ my sisters & Dad. I hope our new routine helps.

Blessings,Diane

[jackiewitter]

Hey girl.  I have been thinking about you alot.  I know the weekend is coming up and you will certainly be in my thoughts and my prayers.  Cooler weather just moved in here, but you are still welcome here.  It's probably in the 70's now, so come on down.  Seriously I will be with you in spirit as you move through the weekend.  I know the "hang-over' feeling, the inability to focus on anything. 

My grandson's other grandfather passed away today and it has me in a fog too. I recommended his wife to come here when she was ready.  I told her that while it did not mend my broken heart it helped so much to develope relationships with others who fully understood where you were. 

So know that you are not alone this weekend, and neither is Harvey.  He is with the other brothers that are being missed so much.  I am sure he will not be upset as you shed tears but know also that he will be happy when he sees you smile at a favorite memory of times with him.  I believe that's what Jeffrey is doing now.  As I get frusterated with contractors, I am sure he is laughing and saying "go get 'em big sister"! 

All my love and prayers are with you.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Thank you for the kind words and the sweet invite :-) You put it so correctly..it's a FOG I've been in this past week. Harv's 2nd year in Heaven is fast approaching this Sunday. My family finally agreed to a time to go do a kaddish (a jewish mourners service) service @ the grave on Sunday and then it became about the food! LOL...like we need to eat @ every function,good or bad; so that became the focus.I guess it gives them something else to worry about(I could use a week of starving..LOL). I will bring another rock for Harv(ashes to ashes, jewish concept) from my yard this time(last time the rock was from S.Dakota).He really loved being @ my house on weekends and when my hubby went to business trips. It's funny, the last business trip my hubby went to, I felt like Harv was here watching over me. I truely miss him this year :-(

Thanks again, I'll make it thru Sunday w/ some tears and laughs,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, I too am thinking of you as you celebrate and shed a few tears for Harvey this weekend. I know that "missing". It never goes away... but then again, neither does their love that surrounds us. I'm thankful for that!

And hey there to big sister, Jackie!! I can just imagine Jeffrey giving out a shout, "go get em, big sis!" That thought makes me smile. :-)

Love you ladies!! ~Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Jackie & Claudia, thank you for your kind words on Harv's 2nd Anniv. in Heaven. Yesterday went well. There were a few tears and lots of funny stories. We did a lovely service for him and then we each told a memory of him. My brother-inlaw had a funny story about Harvey in college cooking steaks in a toaster oven! He was lucky he didn't burn the house down @ the time! It was bittersweet when we had to place the rocks on the grave. My older sister had rocks from a trip to Nova Scotia for us to lay on the grave. My Dad refused to lay a rock on his grave. I don't think he's put one there yet. Harvey was his oldest and only son. I know it must be hard to lose my brother, but it must be even harder to loss your only son. I felt sad for my Dad yesterday, so I tried to get him to have a little joy instead(w/ funny Harvey stories).It was a beautiful day also. The leaves are turning beautiful fall colors here(reds, oranges & yellows), so I told my storiy of pressing leaves in wax paper w/ Harv when I was little . We made art for my Parents w/ those leaves :-) We were sooo very proud of that refrigerator ART back then. Harv was a wonderful brother and it's another season going bye w/ out him here. Yet I know he was watching down on us from above. I told him to say HEY to Jeff, Joey & Robert too :-)Another paint brush moment to tell Harv about when I see him again someday.

Mazza, I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I lost my older brother too, exactly 2 years ago. It does get better. I don't cry as much anymore and I can laugh again. You just have to take this grief walk, one day @ a time. It's good to share on this thread. There are lovely women in here who have walked your walk and will listen to you and not judge you. I know that this thread was my saving grace. My friends & family couldn't relate to me after Harv died; yet everyone in here could relate to my brother's death and they supported me too. Keep sharing and read this whole thread, I did and it helps :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Diane

I am so happy to hear there were some pleasant times this weekend.  Does not seem like 2 years does it.  Sometimes I still just sit and think that he will be over anytime.  Just waiting.   I think it's sad that your father does not leave a stone for him, I guess it's almost like an acknowledgement.  As long as you hang on to one thing, then you are not exactly letting go.  I know, I did that for a long time.  The craziest thing.  We had bought Nicki a car for her 18th birthday.  Planned a big dinner (at one of the resturatins that was totally destroyed from the hurricane) and we had already contacted them to have the waiter hide the keys in her desert.  Then Jeff's accident was the day before her birthday and all the kids were still here while we were in Lubbock with Jeffrey.  I would not let them give her the car until I got back home and I still could not give it to her for 2 weeks.  I had some kind of power, like once I gave her the car, then it meant that Jeffrey was not coming back.  I know it's so silly, but it was a very real feeling and though the belief made no sense at all, it was still there. 

Last night I went to visitation services for Little Jack's grandfather.  His wife is doing so well, it's almost spooky.  I want so badly to tell her of the days that will come and that she will somehow get through them.  I wanted to be there for support and it seemed more like I fell apart.  It was the first service that I have been to since Jeff left.  His son, little Jack's daddy is not doing so well, please keep him in your prayers.  He worshiped his father and I know it will be so difficult for him.  Little Jack was there and I hope that brought some peace and hope to many.  He looks just like his father who looks just like his father, so it seeing a third generation to move forward.  And he is his only grandson and does carry his name on. 

My oldest daughter went back to work, not at her resturaunt, but another that opened.  It is owned by the same owner and he is hoping to have all opened by the new year.  It was nice to be able to drive down to the Boardwalk again.  I have a big week, construction on the garage and the roof will start this week, so we will be busy with folks in and out again.  The area is starting to clean up quite well, still so many missing homes, but now primarily cleared and vacant lots.  It's almost like when the area was new and there were homes and lots for sale.  Still so much heart ache for those that lost everything.  Without Jeffrey, I have the easiest, by being able to say that it is "stuff" and means nothing.  Your loved ones are the ones that mean everything, not your stuff. 

AND....Nicki is 10 weeks away from delivery; another little boy will be joining us soon.  AND....my son Ben is coming home for a short visit in Novemeber.  So much to be grateful for.  So hugs to all of you and I will keep you all in my prayers.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

That's an interesting story about the car. I think sometimes for myself it's harder to face the closure part of Harv's life on Earth, so I keep him alive w/ nature in my heart. However, my Dad's version of those keys are the rocks!Closure is a rough one.

I did a Tashlich this afternoon w/ my dear friend Janet in Harper's Ferry Va. I find peace and spirituality there,especially @ the spectacular fall setting we went to(we did it by the mouth of 2 big rivers,a mountain gap and a waterfall). I prayed for ALL of our loved ones-here & above, an economic recovery for this country, good health for all and G-d's will be done in my life :-) That should cover alot! I find my center in nature(be it the rivers,ocean,mountains,etc..). I needed to cleanse myself of yesterday's weird family vibes(I forgot to mention that in my last post).

What is the baby boy going to be named? Maybe after Jeff? In the culture of my birth(jewish), we are named for those who passed to heaven before we are born. I am named for my Mom's Father David ( I guess Diane was the closest they came to that...LOL). My hebrew name is De Vo Rah (maybe that's female for David).

Jackie,I'm glad to hear your construction is under way soon on the garage/family room..LOL.If you need any advice or help, let me know :-) I'm surprised w/ the slow economy , you don't have lots of unemployed carpenters offering to do it on the cheap. I admire your Texas Spunk & Drive(and I'm glad people are rebuilding down there)!

Lots of Luv,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Hey girl.  I am so sorry for your dad.  It makes me so sad to think of a parent losing a child, no matter what the age.  Especially a father and son (or mother and son/daughter) the emotions just have to be like a train wreck.  I will pray for him, as I do for you and my other friends.  I wish that I had some kind meaningful words that could help, but there just are none.  I told Little Jack's other grandmother (the one that lost her husband) how you just have to take what you get.  Wake up, remember to breathe and place your feet on the floor and stand up.  Then go from there.  There are still days that I would prefer not to put my feet on the floor and the possibility of not breathing just seems so much easier than facing the day without my brother and my parents. 

When you said that about construction it made me think of Jeff, he would already have the frame completed and asking when the electrician was coming out.  Once Chris was out of town and I wanted to do something special for him for Valentines.  We had a deck that had no electricity so lighting was not good.  I came up with this idea of a 10' framed area with grapevine as the ceiling.  Jeff and I went and got rebar and he welded them together and then we draped the grapevine across to provide a "ceiling".  Then we intertwined white christmas lights and buried and extension cord in PVC for the electricity.  This sounds quite romantic and it turned out well...but....we did not have a pickup when we went to get the rebar.  He had a Olds 88 and he strapped the rebar across the mirror and down the side of the car.  We drove from Home Depot to my house like that.  I have never felt more ghetto in my life.  I was embarrassed and tried to keep my head down.  The memory of it though makes me smile, laugh and cry because it was so like him to do goofy things like this!  He was a die hard rocker...I mean rocker...Pink Flloyd, Led Zepplin, The Eagles, ZZ Top...so he brings this CD, he's dying for me to hear; saying "you have to listen to this, it's one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a long time".   Ready....it was Simon and Garfunkle; Bridge over Troubled Water.  I just recently went to project playlist and downloaded Jon Bonjovi and Richie Sambora's version.  Still rips my heart out!

There is no rescession in Texas.  One of our neighbors just flew out to Las Vegas to hire 400 construction workers for his company and bring them back here to work.  We are desperate for people here.  My hubby leaves next Tuesday for Saint Croix to look at a site cleanup there.   We just keep on working and checking to see what opportunity is around the corner.  It reminds me of what Sam Walton (of Wal-mart) said when ask about the rescession in 1991.  He said "well, I have thought about it and I have decided not to participate".  I love that saying and I live by it as well.  Stocks to a big hit, but my Christmas shopping will not change, my spending habits will not change.  When I am out of a job and cannot put food on the table, then I may have to slow down on my spending, but not one minute before! 

The nature of things does seem to bring peace doesn't it.  We came home to work on clean up one weekend before electricity was back on.  In the day time it just seemed to be work, dinner from a grill (including macaroni and cheese; did you know you could cook mac & cheese on a grill).  Then at night, there were hardly any lights, no street lights, many houses had the humming of generators.  At bed time we turned the generator off.  It was so quite, our pool was full of frogs and other bugs, you could hear them with all their noises.  It really brought it home to us, how God gave us all of this nature (and it's wrath), but his creations survived, many of ours did not.  While it was somewhat unsettleing, it had it's way of making me humble. 

I am sorry, I have rambled on so much tonight.  I am longing so much for Jeff, Halloween is next week and it be another holiday without him and his antics.  But I have the yard prepared...I even put a tombstone out that says "Ike, gone but not forgotten".  Jeff would like that one...along with the one that says "FEMA, gone from our sight"!!!  Forgot to tell you, baby's name is Scott Anthony.  His father is Italian, so that's pretty important to him.  Besides, my oldest son has already claimed Jeff's name for his child (not yet conceived).  So it's only fair. 

So tomorrow's Friday, I am hoping you have a good weekend.  We were going to go fishing but the docks have been destroyed and there are no boats going out into the intercoastal waters.  Maybe soon.  Take care and my thoughts are with you, as always.  Hugs; peace and blessings, your friend Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, So exciting about Nicki's expected arrival and Ben coming home for a visit!! That definitely brings a lot to look forward to. I am sad to hear about Jack's grand-daddy, and his daddy's sorrow. I will be praying for him.

I LOVED the story about the rebar. Feelin' ghetto...LOL! Girl, you would be wondering when you would ever get out of the ghetto if you were here with us. LOL!!! We're always strapping something to this junkie russian car we drive around. It's probably good the radio in the car doesn't work, otherwise it's hard telling what Michael would be blasting to draw even more attention. LOL!!

Glad to hear the house repairs are under way. It will be good as new for Thanksgiving. yes?

Diane, I'm glad you made it through the haze of the difficult days surrounding Harvey's Day. The Tashlich sounds amazing..as always!! Sorry that also included cleaning up some "family funk", but I hope you are feeling cleansed now.

I think of you both a lot and say a little prayer for you when I do. I'm sorry I don't post too much right now. I go through spurts, I think.

Lots of love to both of you!! Love, Claudia

[simmy72]

Hi Claudia and everyone,

Sorry I havent been online for ages. I guess one of my coping mechanisms is to get so busy with life that i don't have time to stop and reflect too often. Not that it means I have forgotten you and of course not a day goes by that I dont think of my dearest sister. I just find it easier to keep my grief "contained" to safe times...like today when I am home alone.....sick and couldnt go into work.

Hope you are all doing OK and especially thinking of you Claudia. I am sorry I missed sending you thoughts for Joeys birthday and anniversary, i am certain you would have lots of support however. Em's birthday was in September and that is always going to be a particularly hard month for me. I some ways I think the loss seems even greater over time as yet another day goes by without me being able to talk with her. I miss her even more as time goes on. Overall though I am surviving and I guess most people would think I am coping OK (on the outside at least). I just attended a Sibling support group for the first time on the weekend and shared stories with 5 other siblings. I think that's probably why I am home with a migraine today........

Just getting my head around reaching out for some more structured support and I think I will look into some counselling also. Without my only sibling I just feel so lonely at times.

I just saw Joeys vitual memorial Claudia. You have done a wonderful job putting that together. You have inspired me to look at doing something similar for Em.

Anyway, hope to be in touch a little more often. It is so special to have someone thinking of Em and me from all the way in Ecuador!

Love simone

[cassies]

Hello Everyone...

I am new to this site and loosing someone that I love so dearly. I was wondering if you could give me some suggestions on helping my 3 year old cope with loosing his brother. We lost our beloved Tanner on Oct. 8th, 2008. Tan was only 21 months old. He died of E Coli 0157:h7 and a condition called hemolytic uremic syndrome. Cooper did contract the e coli but was given a clean bill of health a week ago. Cooper may be young but he does know that Tan is dead. They were only 16 months apart. Coop does tell me that Tanner is in heaven with Jesus. He is having the dreams, not sleeping, and very clingy just like we are. But I am trying to help him through this but its so hard when I see his brother in him. I don't know how to help him when I am trying to deal myself. I am still his mommy but I just dont know how to do it. Thanks for listening. Cassie

[4everjoeysmom]

{{{{{{{SIMONE}}}}}}} !! I am SO HAPPY to see your post. Believe it or not, I had you on my mind yesterday and I wondered how you are coping. I think God answered my prayer, because having read about your migraine, your new sibling support group, and your thoughts to seek counseling, I know now how to pray more specific for you. So, for that, thank you so much.

And thank you for visiting Joey's site. It means a lot to me that you made that gesture, and I am glad it inspired you. It has helped my family and Joey's friends so much to have "a sacred place" where they can express their thoughts and feelings over missing him. Perhaps you will find that too for Em, and for your family and friends.

My birthday was in September, and I really missed Joey. He always made extra special efforts to let me know he remembered. I know that lonesome feeling. Grief is so lonely anyway, but for you having lost your only sibling and very best friend, it's loneliness upon lonely, and for that my heart aches for you. Please know that anytime you need a friend, you can call on me.

Lots of Love to you, my Friend from down under,

Claudia

[lynnielou]

Hello All,

Cassies, I'm so sorry about your loss.  It sounds like you have already explained this loss to his brother in an open and gentle way.    His reactions, although sad for you to see, are very normal for his age.  It seems he needs to be reassured that Mommy and Daddy are there for him and aren't going anywhere.  Peace to you as you go through this journey.

My brother Fred passed away October 16, 2008, suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 45 (heart attack).  His grandchild was born this year, in the same week as my brother's death and to me this was a gift as it helped us to focus on a new life.  I didn't forget my brother this week, but thought of him with joy in my heart when i saw his grandson, who has the same beautiful red hair and facial expressions of my brother.

This year, I'm planning on celebrating the holidays - they can never be the same, but it's still important to be with family and friends and enjoy our time together.

I went to the cemetary for the first time last month and yes, Diane, i did cry my eyes out.  It was an important moment for me,  it allowed me to  move forward again.   I believed that if I went, then it would be true that my brother was gone, and so I avoided going for 11 months .  Here are my thoughts after leaving his resting place:

Your resting place is a green patch of grass,

Flanked by a homemade wreath and flowers that bloom

Sometimes a bottle of beer stands at attention (left by well meaning brothers)

For you, under the wreath.

I am told that you are here

I visited once but could not find you

The patch of grass did not look like your home

But I have seen you elsewhere

Everyday I see your face and hear your laughter

I wait to hear you speak,

But you aren’t there

Because when I see you

I am only seeing the past

The happy times when we naïvely believed

That we still had tomorrow

We have said we would be strong

And promised to remember you without the sadness

That accompanies the hole in our hearts.

Forgive me if I break a promise

Because I grieve when no one is looking

And I laugh when it’s expected

But inside I still cry for you

Because I cannot accept that for the rest of my days

The only time I will visit you

Will be at the green patch of grass

Flanked by a homemade wreath and flowers that bloom.

As always, I'm missing my big brother............

 

Peace everyone, with lots of hugs from Canada,

Linda

[4everjoeysmom]

Thinking of you all this Thanksgiving Day...

Love, Claudia

[lostgrievingsister]

Hello all I haven't been here in awhile. I found myself lost trying to escape with drugs... I have 60 days clean and am living in a transitional house.  For those of you who don't know my older brother Kenny was murdered at the age of 26 61/2 years ago.  Brutally shot to death by a gang member who said he disrespected him.  My younger brother Michael was killed at the age of 24 4 1/2 years ago when he fell asleep and hit a semi head on doing over 100mph. They both died instantly and I never got to say "goodbye" to either of them... Michael would have been 29 today and the pain is still there like it was yesterday.  I grieve for all that their beautiful sons do that they have missed.  For every birthday without a cake and gift.  For every holiday that they aren't there.  For every time I see something they would have loved, or hear a song that they used to sing, everything that reminds me of them makes me miss them every day.  Time has not healed my wounds like they said.  It has not made it easier as time goes by... I hope that at least some of you can find the peace I was promised and know that I am here for you too.  My email is foreverdenver@live.com And to my little brother Michael "Happy Birthday Mikey I wish you were here I got you some leggos for your collection. I love you"

Sincerely,

LostGrievingSister

In Loving Memory of Micheal and Kenny Always Loved & Never Forgotten

[reginagreene]

I just read your post to your brother's and  my brother was not murdered but instead 1year ago on this past nov.25 he chose to kill himself and the pain of the last year has been so hard and I know what you mean about the pain of their birthdays Ronnies is Feb 2 ground hog day and I would always ask if he could see his shadow and of course he could He lived in fla.. so this is only my second of his birthdays without him and I have moved on with my life and started healing in our family . but I agree the peace has not came and I am ok with that. because I don't ever want anyone to forget how painfull this is .. So they never do the same.. I hope for you that at least the men responsible for your oldest brother's death is in jail.. I don't care what anyone says sudden death be it from an accident or murder or suicide , is harder to recover from ,due to a shock that you experience and the closer you were to the one who passed the deeper the shock value.. so just hang in there ,,we all are.. and try to continue making progress in your own life.. I am sure that is what both of your brother's would. want..

[nelson03]

Hello everyone.

im chelsea well im 17 years old and i lost my brother to murder. he was my oldest sibling. he was 11 an a half years older than me. i was 12 an he was 23. he was my best friend i was his everything the apple of his eye. well this is my story. it was one halloween night it was a normal halloween me my mom god mom an my bestfriend at the time went to the haunted house i was dressed in his clothes worried the whole time he might catch me wearing them. he would always get mad well the night goes by an the next day my mother went with my god mom somewhere an me an my friend were left alone at home playing around when we herd a knock on the door there was this tall black man at the door i didnt know what he was there for an he asked if i was chelsea nelson an i replied no sir im chelsea brown an amediatly i knew something was wrong. he asked me if i was dallas' little sister an i replied yes sir. he asked to speak with my mother and like i said she was gone i asked for a number she can call him back on he was like no mam can u contact her and let me speak wit her. he wouldnt tell me anything about my brother. so no less than 15 minutes my mother showed up. my god mom came an sat wit me an my friend as the detective talked to my mother an grandmother. well my grandmother walked in with this most horrifying face and under her breath she wispered he's dead my heart was torn to peices.

what had happened to him was he was giving his so called friend a ride home as he always did from work. he had to take him to alton park which is the projects of chattanooga. well my brother had stopped by his girlfriends to tell her he would be back to get her daughter to go trick or treating. well he never returned. they say that he was had a struggle to get to his car he fought. he made it to his car im guessing and the shot him in the face through the driver side window he suffered multiple gunshot wounds to the face they drug him from his truck an beat him till he stopped breathing an robbed him. well the case is a cold case and unsolved i want to know how in the hell they couldnt get any dna. but that is my story so i go on now 5 an a half years later wit no answers. but i do kno 1 thing he loved me an i loved him an he is in a better place now im strong for my mother cause she couldnt do it wit out me.

[nelson03]

Hello everyone.

im chelsea well im 17 years old and i lost my brother to murder. he was my oldest sibling. he was 11 an a half years older than me. i was 12 an he was 23. he was my best friend i was his everything the apple of his eye. well this is my story. it was one halloween night it was a normal halloween me my mom god mom an my bestfriend at the time went to the haunted house i was dressed in his clothes worried the whole time he might catch me wearing them. he would always get mad well the night goes by an the next day my mother went with my god mom somewhere an me an my friend were left alone at home playing around when we herd a knock on the door there was this tall black man at the door i didnt know what he was there for an he asked if i was chelsea nelson an i replied no sir im chelsea brown an amediatly i knew something was wrong. he asked me if i was dallas' little sister an i replied yes sir. he asked to speak with my mother and like i said she was gone i asked for a number she can call him back on he was like no mam can u contact her and let me speak wit her. he wouldnt tell me anything about my brother. so no less than 15 minutes my mother showed up. my god mom came an sat wit me an my friend as the detective talked to my mother an grandmother. well my grandmother walked in with this most horrifying face and under her breath she wispered he's dead my heart was torn to peices.

what had happened to him was he was giving his so called friend a ride home as he always did from work. he had to take him to alton park which is the projects of chattanooga. well my brother had stopped by his girlfriends to tell her he would be back to get her daughter to go trick or treating. well he never returned. they say that he was had a struggle to get to his car he fought. he made it to his car im guessing and the shot him in the face through the driver side window he suffered multiple gunshot wounds to the face they drug him from his truck an beat him till he stopped breathing an robbed him. well the case is a cold case and unsolved i want to know how in the hell they couldnt get any dna. but that is my story so i go on now 5 an a half years later wit no answers. but i do kno 1 thing he loved me an i loved him an he is in a better place now im strong for my mother cause she couldnt do it wit out me.

[nelson03]

Hello everyone.

im chelsea well im 17 years old and i lost my brother to murder. he was my oldest sibling. he was 11 an a half years older than me. i was 12 an he was 23. he was my best friend i was his everything the apple of his eye. well this is my story. it was one halloween night it was a normal halloween me my mom god mom an my bestfriend at the time went to the haunted house i was dressed in his clothes worried the whole time he might catch me wearing them. he would always get mad well the night goes by an the next day my mother went with my god mom somewhere an me an my friend were left alone at home playing around when we herd a knock on the door there was this tall black man at the door i didnt know what he was there for an he asked if i was chelsea nelson an i replied no sir im chelsea brown an amediatly i knew something was wrong. he asked me if i was dallas' little sister an i replied yes sir. he asked to speak with my mother and like i said she was gone i asked for a number she can call him back on he was like no mam can u contact her and let me speak wit her. he wouldnt tell me anything about my brother. so no less than 15 minutes my mother showed up. my god mom came an sat wit me an my friend as the detective talked to my mother an grandmother. well my grandmother walked in with this most horrifying face and under her breath she wispered he's dead my heart was torn to peices.

what had happened to him was he was giving his so called friend a ride home as he always did from work. he had to take him to alton park which is the projects of chattanooga. well my brother had stopped by his girlfriends to tell her he would be back to get her daughter to go trick or treating. well he never returned. they say that he was had a struggle to get to his car he fought. he made it to his car im guessing and the shot him in the face through the driver side window he suffered multiple gunshot wounds to the face they drug him from his truck an beat him till he stopped breathing an robbed him. well the case is a cold case and unsolved i want to know how in the hell they couldnt get any dna. but that is my story so i go on now 5 an a half years later wit no answers. but i do kno 1 thing he loved me an i loved him an he is in a better place now im strong for my mother cause she couldnt do it wit out me.