Loss of a Father

[ownedby3]

I live in USA in New York City so I have many events to raise money against cancers and cancer research. I do the Race for the Cure which is for breast cancer but I have not had a chance to look into others aside of Lance Armstrong races. Perhaps now that I have time I will check into others.

I tried using Google to find your dad but didn't have much luck the other day. Can you post the link?

[missustoad]

I know what you mean. I was always afraid of dead bodies especially those I loved, but I had to stay with and touch my daddy when he died. I had to hold and kiss him and check his pulse and feel him cooling. He looked "bad", but that was only because he was no longer there. He had "sunk in" to his chair.

I know this will shock,but today I drove to the crematorium just to sit outside and be close to him again. I know he is gone, but I wanted him to know I love him. so.

I've been sobbing on and off all day. I know one of you is from England. My mom keeps asking me to be stoic/the stiff upper lip thing, but I am very emotional. She wants me to be tough, like her generation (all puritan anglo-saxon stock). My brother (two years younger) is stoic, like her. Myyoungest brother is very emotional, like me, and sobbing on the phone as he calls from Phoenix, AZ.

Still in deep grief.

Melody

I asked the funeral parlor for a viewing and they were very reluctant as Dad had massive injuries. I needed so badly to see him, touch him and say my goodbyes. I did see my Dad and all I saw was my Dad. Yes he was cold to touch but he was definately my Dad. It probably seems morbid to many, but I needed to touch him and know it was him that was there. I found it therapudic and found some peace that he was gone.

[ownedby3]

Hi Missu, I too went to the cemetary all week until I had to go back to work, I just wanted to say hello and let him know I missed him and I too wanted to feel close. I know your mom means well but you have to do what is best for you. We all deal with these things differently and basically to each is own. As for the old English ways, so be it, morn how you need to and well be emotional if that is what you need.

If it's any consulation, every time I talk about my dad this past week I cry. I think it's ok and everyone who I talk to cries with me. I had dinner with my girlfriend tonight and cried again. She did too. I'm hoping as time goes by it gets better. My boyfriend lost his dad too 3 years ago but he had a much different relationship with his dad than I had, so he understands but not really. I think for me the daddy's little girl was in full effect my whole life and hopefully when we have a daughter he will see. It breaks my heart that I am only 33 years old and don't have a dad. I love him so and miss him so. G'night daddy!

[alex329]

hi all....................i wish i had better news for all of you..............but im getting worse rather than better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the heck is wrong with me?????? my anxiety has reached an all time high.........i cant sleep or eat............i have trouble doing things everyday but i do................im physically sick over losing my dad..............why is this happening????? i am in counseling but it isnt helping..........soooooooooooo i am going to be going to an outpatient therapy group a few times a week ,but that doesnt start for a few weeks..................i worked tonight but i was so nervous it wasnt me at all.............i love my job............its almost 7 months and im a mess..................is this grief???????????????? if it is ....it sucks really bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please let me know if this is normal................im freaking out..............im not crazy................im 36 with a husband and 10yr old son and my life was good until now..................what do i do????? sorry for rambling..............just sick of feeling sick!!!!!!! nite tara

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi ownedby3

the link is http://alan-muchmore.memory-of.com

Its a site in memmory and honour of my Daddy, please light a candle so I know you have visited, let me know what you think

Night all

alwaysdaddysgirl

[mofirefly]

Tara - HOLD ON! BREATHE! You are Absolutely NOT crazy! Those words said, you are having one heck of a rotten time dealing with life right now. My sister-in-law had an injury a few months ago and it left her with problems the doctors couldn't locate a reason for and her anxiety level soared...they finally put her on a med (I'll try to look in up in my emails) because she was having so much trouble moving on and started getting so very scared and that no one was going to help her. I know that you haven't been physically injured but you sure have been emotionally injured. After the meds my sister-in-law now is back on course and quite happy and they are starting to lower her med level. So there is hope that you will find the right combination of grief counseling/support, outpatient therapy and of course these boards where you know we all are here to give a helping hand (even if it is just on a keyboard). You will survive this, you know you will, you just need to try your very best not to demand feeling better on any sort of time table...it's only been 7 months and you make that sound like a long time, but for me it's been almost 2 years and it's only been recently that I feel I'm on a much more level surface. PLEASE TAKE CARE!

[alex329]

hi candy............thanks for writing back to me..........im a mess as you can see................i really thought 7 months was a long time............was that stupid of me to think that???? i guess so..............i really thought at the wake,please let it be 3 months from now..........i had no idea it would hit me this hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i were a strong person but im just not..............i hate that about me...........i also have been drinking to much!!!! self medicating to get to sleep...............i know ,i know ,i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is bad ...............buuuuuuuuuuuut im so scared to take the sleeping pills they gave me.........i just drink to sleep at night...............i have told all my doctors this ,i dont hide it.............but when i start the outpatient program for my anxiety and grief i cannot drink at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they test you..................so thats another good thing ..............it is a problem since my dad died but im working on fixing it..............its just a way to relax for me............my husband hates it !!!! and my son to...........(but i ususally dont drink in front of my son).....................i wait until he is sleeping.........but its not a good thing...........ive said this before.........i just want to be myself again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why cant i handle this like the rest of my siblings???????????????it drives me crazy!!!!!!!!!!! and i know im not crazy..........but i am suffering alot...............well i hope all is well wioth all of you tonight.......................nite tara

[ownedby3]

Hi Michelle, your memorial page for your dad is awesome. I'm sure he would be so very proud of you. You and your dad remind me a TON of me and my dad. I may think of doing the same, I like how you can write him. Thanks again for sharing.

This weekend again was tough, it's like I have no one to visit or see or take care of. I'm sure it will take some getting used to, I go on vacation to Mexico in 2 weeks so maybe a week away will help. Though I go through the motions of having fun. Today is also my first golf lesson, my dad before he died said he wanted me to learn. So dad, don't laugh at me up there this morning!

[missustoad]

I am the only daughter, and it's so hard. My mom and I don't always see eye to eye, although on my dad we did. It's my brothers. . . they are so unemotional and stoic. Showing me nothing. I feel like the only one bleeding in public with my tears and sobbing and crying.

I only hope that in the end, being able to show grief helps me work through it better. Otherwise, this pain sure isn't worth it.

[mofirefly]

Tara - It wasn't stupid of you to think that 7 months was a long time because it is a long time, it just isn't clear just when you will begin to feel better because it is happening to only you, no matter how many others go thru similar events, each person deals with grief in a different way. Hey,you lived just down the way from your dad, so that is a major difference in what you are dealing with and what others are dealing with. I'm glad you told your doctors about drinking - meds and alcohol aren't a good mix. You say you want to be yourself again - you are yourself right now, but you have changed and change is not easy to endure when forced upon you by grief. Your inner personality will shine forth but as many have said - give yourself time and try not to set a certain timeframe on yourself - you'll start to regain you balance someday - so just keep on walking that tightrope, and should you stumble and fall, hang on tight, pull yourself up, and start again - make yourself proud, your son and husband proud and your dad proud. Take Care of You!

[ownedby3]

My friend sent this via e-mail and it really touched me. I thought you all might be able to take something from it too:

Denise, first off, I want to let you know that my prayers and strength are

with you and your family at such a emotional time. Even on your strongest

day, you can never prepare yourself for such a loss. Yes, time does heal

the pain and in time you will realize that the pain and frustration your

Dad carried with him is no longer, and he is amongst the angels. Realize

too that his pain wasn't just what ailed him, but having seen his wife and

little girl not see him as the "Mighty Dad" that he is. Your pain will

not go away but turn to gratitude for being the pride of his life.

Although the immense emotion you feel may cause you to cry, as time goes

on those tears shall be replaced with laughter over all of the times you

shared with him in your life.

You're beating yourself up, and for what? The way I see it is simple.

Even with all of his pain he could not pass in peace with you or your Mom

around to witness it. Its your Dads way of not showing weakness and to

remain the "Mighty Dad." Now is a time for grief, but not to punish

yourself for what could not be known or seen. I know the next few weeks

will be some of the most difficult days to face. But his strength is

apart of you and will shine strong during this time. I want you to know

that I am a phone call away, and I am here if you need me. I have

attached my phone number if you need it, if not, thats okay too. Again my

>strength and prayers are with you and your family.

[jackiewitter]

Alwaysdaddysgirl, Hi Michelle, I just visited your dad's memorial site and it was very lovely. There's something about being a "Daddy's girl" that never goes away, even when they are gone, you still remain Daddy's girl. My father passed away Aug 2,04 and my brother passed away Aug 3,06. Like you, we are closing in on the 1st anniversary date of the passing of my brother and the 3rd year without my Dad. I am an only girl with 2 brothers remaining. The rest of my family, Mommy, Dad and Jeffrey are in Heaven. It is so very hard sometimes, I long to be with them. It's like 1/2 of my soul is gone. I have noticed with my kids, they have been to my brother's myspace page alot in the last month, I guess they too have been thinking of him more lately. It is probably typical as the 1st year closes in. As we, like you, watch August come and bring fresh tears, I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Hey Tara,

Hope all is well with you. I was also drinking quite a bit in the first few months. At first I was just trying to find something that would help me sleep through the night, I was afraid to take the ambien prescribed by my doctor, so I was just having a few glasses of wine. That was not helping at all, I was still waking up in the middle of the night, so I switched to something stronger and only found that it amplified my pain. It really did not dull it at all. Please be very careful, it can bring on more pain than what you had originally.

Mofirefly is so very right. You are yourself now...this is the "new" you. The only way to go back to who you were would be if your father were still alive. As sad as it is, this is now who you are. A little girl without her father. Just like I am a little girl without my parents or my brother. One of the best ways to honor you father is to turn this tragedy into a gift of helping others. Your prayers and concern for other people on this site helps so many people. You may not see that now because you are so consumed in your pain and grief, but you will emerge from this and realize that you now have an experience that many do not, and you can help others that will be traveling the same road. Try not to compare yourself to your siblings. I know you have seen it a million times on this board, but we all grieve differently. And yes, grieving can make you physically ill, that is why you need to be very open with your counselors. Please take care of yourself and know that we are here. You will get through this, just be patient with yourself. You have my email if you need to talk, I think I may have given you my phone number, if not let me know. Call if you need to. My prayers and thoughts are with you honey. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

jeffreysister thank you so much for your kind words.

The last few weeks have been very tough, I can't believe its been a whole year, nearly, then in other ways it feels like yesterday, grief is a terrible thing, I guess with my Dad it was so unexpected, no warnings or anything and this makes it harder to understand, I thought my Dad was invincible, I guess we all do!

I have one brother, who is a great support, but I seem to be the one its hit the hardest, everybody says that, even my Mum, I was very close to my Dad, maybe too close, as long as I had him I was okay, now he's gone I feel so empty and lost ALL the time, my husband is not a great support as he still has both his parents and is not that close to his parents and doesn't really understand.

Were you close to jeffrey?

I don't know how to pick myself up, its so hard when you feel so low and you don't want to burden your friends and family, I put on a brave face and try and act like I'm okay, but deep down I'm not.

I've always been the joker in my family, making people laugh, just like my Dad did, we were a comedy act when we were together, now I've lost my partner in crime, I don't feel like being the joker anymore.

I got sent this email, I thought I'd share it with you all.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end,

be afraid that it will never begin.

I hope this helps some of our painful hearts

Thinking of you all

alwaysdaddysgirl

MIchelle

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[alex329]

hey jackie.............thank you for your kind words.........this site is so good for me.........ireally need to be here and to hear from you guys.............it helps me......candy also always helps me.......i get it now.....this is me now......i wont be going back to the other me with a dad..............that is sad but i have to get thru it...........ill keep trying...................im going to work soon ,ill talk to all of later.............thanks again for your help ladies.....take care all

[jackiewitter]

Tara & Michelle, I just felt like I had to reply because this is so heavy on my heart. I think we must get comfortable with who we are now. Before this happened, I was Fay & Jack's daughter and I was Jeffrey's sister. Now with them gone, I find that I have a difficult time with my identity. The very things that made me who I am are no longer here. Yes, Michelle, Jeffrey and I were very close. We were the youngest of 4 and only 2yrs apart. I was living out of state when my mom went first and then my father passed away Aug 04...Jeffrey followed 2 years later in an industrial accident. My husband transfered back to Texas when my father disease (Alzhiemers) progressed. When my Dad left, I begged Jeffrey to move down to the coast with us. He lived in the same small town we grew up in about 5 hours north of me. When he agreed, he lived with us for about 3 months and then he and my oldest daughter leased a house together. I had two of the most blessed years with him back in my life. I saw him every weekend and he was there for my kids (they were 23, 21, 19 & 16), I could not ask for anything better. So when I get caught up in my pain, I remember to thank God that he gave me those two years.

I have been coming here for almost 1 year, at first only to read and try to find comfort in knowing there were others in such pain and I was not crazy and alone. Then after a short time I found friends here that prayed with me and for me and I found out that by trying to help others understand this horrific grieving process, I was actually helping myself. If I can offer one word of comfort or hope, then God has used this horrible accident in a way to help others. That's really all that I have left now. So every time that someone feels like I said something to make them feel better, then I feel like Jeffrey is quite probably smiling...Hang in there girls, only because you loved and were loved so much do you feel such pain. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara,

I've been thinking about you alot lately. You are able to express exactly how you feel...all of the pain and all of the emotion that you are feeling. I really wish I could do that. I feel like I can't....or maybe that if I do, I will fall apart. Everyone in my life thinks I am so strong...getting through losing my dad so well. Wow... are they wrong. I have only broken down three, maybe four times in front of anyone since he died. I cry by myself...alone at night...no one sees me. I guess I'm hiding it...I don't think this is healthy at all. I don't really know how to grieve...does that make sense???? I have such a hard time sleeping...I have taken a pill every night for the past seven months. The doctor told me that was fine...I tried to not take one the other night...we had been traveling all day and I thought I didn't need a pill to help me sleep. I was up all night long, my head would't shut up. I was thinking about anything and everything. How long am I supposed to take sleeping pills??? Anyway, you may not realize this, but you are helping me so much. You are expressing things that I am going through too...I just can't put it into words. Thank you for being here. Take care, Your friend Cindy

[ownedby3]

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone does a charity event in memory of their dads? I am thinking of organizing a charity bowl-a-thon (my dad loved to bowl) for the 1 year anniversary and to celebrate his life. I thought I would do Strike Cancer or something catchy like that. One of my friends does a golf outing so I don't want to duplicate but my dad was a big golf fan too. I think bowling might be easier. Any ideas or thoughts would be great or if anyone does anything I'd like to hear suggestions.

Hope everyone is doing good, I'm super busy at work this week so that's helping a bit. Oh and my best friend had a baby which always helps.

Take care,

Denise

[alex329]

hi all............i dont know where to start............i actually have thought about having a big baseball game in my dads honor as he loved baseball with my son and his friends and of course the little league.........the whole town knew him as joeys grandpa...........anyways my dads name was alex,,,so i was going to call the game"big al baseball".....( my husband started calling him big al years ago and then others started saying it............i still think about doing it but havent put into play yet............i hope to do it someday...he would have loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..i do think its a great idea so do the bowling for dad day.............sounds great!!!!............cindy........i dont know any other way but to tell my feelings......they are so overwhelming at times i cant help it.............i wish i were strong and could move on ,but thats just not me.............and you should try to let it out whne you feel the need to...theres no reason to be ashamed of feeling sadness over losing your dad............this is hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i knowi mut sound like a crazy person to all of you,well maybe not.............but i do feel like im losing it at times................my dr gave me the sleeping pill"rosarm" im scared to death to take it...............i just finally today took 1/2 clonapin to get some sleep as that is all messed up..............i wake up suddenly at 5 am and cant back to sleep for hours............i think it may be the zoloft.............i am goong to the dr tomorrow to talk about this as i have been having trouble with it..........i wish i wasnt such a freakin mess so i could help you guys out for a change.................i also have a christian friend who wants me to find god and seek peace........she means well but im in no position to be "saved" right now............i love her to death but i just cant do it..............i believe in god and pray all the time.........but she wants to convert me right now and i cant do it...............jackie..........i remember my first day on here, you were there for me and here you are,still helping me.............do you remember????? im sorry about your parents and brother,i honestly dont know how you do it...........i have 5 siblings and we are all very very close............i dont know what i would do........you are a very strong person.............i want to have another child sooooooooooooooo bad and we were trying but now im a mess and it scares me.......when will i be ready for that life changing momemt...............my dad wanted another grandchild sooooooo bad....so i really need to get my head on staight and do this...........my husband will be 45 august 25th but im only 36............but hes getting a little worried and then that worries me...............i have to get better and soon..............i hope anyways...........i made it through work tonight so thats a good sign,for me anyways...........i keep trying my best................its all can do.......right???????????????? ill talk to you all soon.................thanks for everything..........hope someday to return to favor to someone in need..........and when im better i will keep coming here to do just that....................nite love tara

[ownedby3]

My dad died 2 weeks ago today and I haven't been able to fall asleep normal since then. I am tired when I go to bed but I fight it and keep looking at the clock and think of dad and cry. I tried Ambien the other night and my body fought that too. Plus I don't want to get addicted to it. Anyone have any techniques to fall asleep? I think most of us are dealing with this as I read below but man, lack of sleep and being to work at 7am is not working for me right now.

Denise

[jackiewitter]

Denise & Tara...wish I had some better news for you, but my experience with the sleep is no better. My doctor put me on prozac & I took that for about 2 months. It did work!!! I had been waking in the middle of the night and then could not shut my mind down, I would think, remember, pretend that it did not happen...all of that crazy stuff. With the prozac I still woke in the middle of the night, but I was able to go right back to sleep. But somehow I felt the prozac took away my "edge". I could focus better, but I noticed that much of my passion was gone and I hated that. So I got off it and now I am back to waking in the middle of the night as always and not being able to go back to sleep...I look like a zombie by the time I get up for work! I have not even tried the Ambien that he gave me, someone suggested cutting and taking only 1/2 a tablet, but I've not tried that yet. You might try the Prozac, but, like I said, as soon as I got off of it, I was right back where I started. A friend (from siblings page) tried bio-feedback and said it was a mess, she said it brought on more anxiety and that breaks my heart for her. It is so hard when you are trying to hard to move past this and nothing helps.

Tara, you don't have to be "converted". God is there for you; prayer has helped me tremendously because I ask God to pass on messages to my family, I ask him how they are and are they eating well. I know that is silly, but that is my link to my family. I have not one doubt in my mind, heart and soul that I will be with them one day (kinda wishing it was soon). I am certainly not strong as you suggested, I feel more like a wimp that this grief has just kicked in the gutter. Like that guy that gets sand kicked on him by the bully. You just need to know that you are not alone in this. You and other people here are my friends, I can tell you all the crazy thoughts that I have and I am not judged. Can you imagine what my kids would think if they heard me say that I am ready to go on and be with my family. They would not under-stand, think that I am looney and lock me away! Cindy, I share you sentiments, if I can continue coming here and being able to openly express my fears and pains then maybe I can pull through this.

I pray for you all and hope that you have a brighter day. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[nickche]

Yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of my dad's passing. I can't believe it has been that long already. Sometimes it still does not seem real. Grief still hits me at odd times and I cry. It was a difficult day for me. I don't go to the cemetery often as I do not find comfort there. Is that bad? I believe he is not really there but in heaven looking down on me. I do talk to him often and share stories with others about him.

Denise, I have suffered from insomnia every day. I don't know the answer. Sometimes it scares me on how much little sleep I get and how I continue to function. I have tried prescription sleeping pills, Tylenol p.m., Benadryl, listening to sleep c.d.'s, reading etc. The less sleep I get the more anxious I am about it. I know I need more exercise as that has helped in the past but I have no energy to exercise. I joined a gym and will try to go there during my lunch hour. Hopefully that will help. I would also appreciate any other ideas.

Take care everyone.

[lizzy73]

Today I'm feeling quite sad about my dad passing. He died Nov 2005 of Prostate Cancer. Last night I decided to show my daughter a video of me in the high school band. My father was someone who always was there taping and documenting life. It made me so sad to see the video and know it was through my father's eyes. To hear his voice and laughter just tore me up inside. I have been avoiding watching any videos of him since his death. I knew it would be hard for me to see him and hear his voice. I just sat in my bathroom and cried. I feel weird that even after all this time I still am crying like that. The pain of him being gone is just unberable.

[alex329]

hi all.............im trying not to drink..............its kinda hard only because i sleep better.............last night i finally took 1/2 clonopin............i fought it and didnt sleep well and was anxious about the way i felt............so i slept here and there...................i hate pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i also have rozarm,which the doc says is not addictive and less harmful than the clonopin..............but im scared to try it,but i may have to soon........................i will not keep drinkin just to sleep..................my stomach feels so sick the nest day(acid reflux) and then i feel yucky all day long................so i will eventually try it.......i made it thru work tonight...........that sounds so funny to write that because i used to love going to work, now its a big deal to me if i get thru the night alive......................this is so crazy................but im praying everyday it will get better soon....................hope all is well tonight with all of bi friends...............dont know what id do without all of you............................thanks ...........take care tara

[dollface]

Tara:

Before my Daddy passed, I was an alcolholic. After he passed, it got worse and worse. I can't believe I made it home alive all those drunken nights. About a year and a half later, I became pregnant with our only son. I shut off the drinking all together that day I found out. Yes, it's difficult, but he is now almost 2 years old. I still have a cocktail now and then, but I know that there are more important things than a drink. You have a son, right? Whether you know it or not, it effects him. He may not see you drink (you said you do it after you go to bed). But when you feel yucky in the morning, he feels the effects of that.

I know what it's like to not be able to sleep at night. Last night I went to bed at 10:30--last time I looked at the clock it was midnight. Then I was up and down all night. I still get like that from time to time. Tonight I'll take a benedryl--that usually helps if I take it about an hour and a half before bedtime. I don't know if you have tried it--but it may help.

After Daddy left us, I hated going to work--I had a commission based job and wasn't putting any energy into it, thus not making a dime. Every day that I went into my office, I remembered my Daddy coming in to see me--sitting on the other side of my desk and chatting. I found myself on my computer all day looking at this site and others. I finally called it quits and stayed home for a few months to straiten out. I got a part time job that required a lot of attention and a lot of energy and I think that really got me out of my slump. I was away from computers and had to be completely focused on what I was doing. I think a change of scenery was just what I needed.

Today, I can think of him and smile. I look at my little boy and see my Daddy's eyes and smile again. My goal is to share as much as I can about his Grandfather with him since he will never get to know the man that was so special to me.

Hope everyone is doing well.....remember the take a deep breath....and try to smile.

God bless

Tracy

[alex329]

thank you tracy.............today is 7 months and im having a rough day.;......i have alot to do but havent started any of it yet.....................im hoping to motivate myself today and get out of the house.......................ill talk to you all later.............have a great day all..............tara

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone does a charity event in memory of their dads? I am thinking of organizing a charity bowl-a-thon (my dad loved to bowl) for the 1 year anniversary and to celebrate his life. I thought I would do Strike Cancer or something catchy like that. One of my friends does a golf outing so I don\'t want to duplicate but my dad was a big golf fan too. I think bowling might be easier. Any ideas or thoughts would be great or if anyone does anything I\'d like to hear suggestions.

Hope everyone is doing good, I\'m super busy at work this week so that\'s helping a bit. Oh and my best friend had a baby which always helps.

Take care,

Denise

Hi Denise

We did a Golf Day in memory of my Dad last year in October( My Dad had organised it already,before he died, and my brother decided that we would make it a memorial day for Dad) and we are going to continue to do it every year.

We also have an auction for various things at the golf day, to raise money for the british heart foundation.We raised over £3000.00 last time!!!

WE are also having a celebration Day on the 10th August this year at my house to celebrate my Dad\'s life, we have family and friends coming round for a little get together.

I\'m not sure how I\'m going to feel on the Day, I\'ve not been too good the last few weeks

Take care

Love

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle

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[alex329]

hi all...............well to all that know about me...........i recieved my quilt tonight.........its of my dad...........all his shirts and pajamas and jeans ..and pics of he and i and hi and my son.....etc........its so nice.....i love it.......i cant wait to wrap him around me tonight when i go to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its such a nice tribute to him,.......he would have loved it............pics of all his favorite things.....beer, wine, the track..his dog..........my son,his hot rod........the italian flag,the american flag, the ny yankees,poker chips,a pic of him and his mom.........etc...........the whole quilt is made up of all of his flannel shirts and jeans...........its really cool.......sad,but cool..............well im off to bed .............having alot of trouble sleeping now that i stopped drinking...........i just might have to take that rozarm pill soon..............im s afraid of it..........but its probably better than being up all night like i was last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need sleep..............but i hate pills!!!!!!!!!!!!! another phobia of mine........i will do it eventually..........i need sleep...........take care tonight............tara.............ps.................damn this is hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[daddyslilangel]

im new to this website so im not really sure wat to say so i guess ill start wit wat happened. well... my dad died wen i was ten he died of pancreatic cancer. it is still really hard for me to get over 2 years l8r.i dont want to feel pain any mor but i still want him to no i care about him. well thats about it

[solemate]

Its very early on Sunday morning 29th July in Australia. Its my Dad's birthday today and he is not here so I can give him a hug and wish him many happy returns. He and Mum died in a car accident 4 mths ago. My Dad has a twin brother who he loved very much. I speak with his twin brother often and I feel some comfort in that - it feels a little like talking to him. Dad and Mum would have gone to the local Club and played the pokies for a short time, had a family lunch and celebrated quietly. He was never one to fuss on birthdays. I will go to the club and play his favourite machine for a short time and will remember him fondly. I miss my Dad, the talks we had and visiting him and my Mum. He was very content with his life, although he had some issues with his neck. He loved where he lived and had a great friend of his age who lived opposite him. They shared old war stories and were mates. My Dad was a proud serviceman and I will try my best to uphold that memory for him as I too am proud of him and his achievements. I can just see him coming up my stairs to the front door and giving me the local paper and saying that he didnt win on the local lotto game. He was my Dad and I loved him very much. Happy Birthday Dad - love your daughter Gayle

[mofirefly]

Solemate - Here is one more thing we seem to have almost in common - Today here it is July 28th which would have been my dad's 87th birthday had he not gone away 6 years ago. He was a Pearl Harbor Survivor and very proud to have served his country, but never spoke of what he had done. He took care of my mom and brother and me as long as he could. He went first to be with God and then waited patiently for my mom to join him, which she did almost 2 years ago. I miss them but feel their presence every day. I still can't even imagine what I would have done if I had lost them both at the same time. I had come on to say Happy Birthday to my Dad - as you have. May your journey be a peaceful one...filled with precious memories. Take care!

[alex329]

hey all.................why is it people feel the need to tell me to "snap out of it" and its "mind over matter" and my favorite one is "why are you doing this to yourself?" are you friggen kidding me??????????????????????? they honestly believe i would do this to myself on purpose???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it...............they are so ignorant............i am hanging on the best that i can...........i go for counseling for breavement and a physcologist........what else can i do............and also am on medication...........im doing the best i can!!!!! i know im not right but im still grieving my dad............why is this so hard for people to get thru their heads...............i hope that i wouldnt do this to someone if i hadnt lost my dad but they did.............but ill never know because out of my group of friends , im the first.............lucky me..........but now they are pissing me off................one of the comments actually came from my sister-in-law tonight.................i was mad...........i couldnt believe she said it to me.............whatever,i cant be worried about all these people,i have to take care of me................they obvioulsy do not understand so i cant deal with them right now...............i cant do anything to hurry this process and i wont............i need time............if they cant deal with it,oh well.....................i have no time to try to be better by their standards.............i will not do it.........im just venting tonight ,thanks for being here...............hope your all well tonight..............tara

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Its very early on Sunday morning 29th July in Australia. Its my Dad's birthday today and he is not here so I can give him a hug and wish him many happy returns. He and Mum died in a car accident 4 mths ago. My Dad has a twin brother who he loved very much. I speak with his twin brother often and I feel some comfort in that - it feels a little like talking to him. Dad and Mum would have gone to the local Club and played the pokies for a short time, had a family lunch and celebrated quietly. He was never one to fuss on birthdays. I will go to the club and play his favourite machine for a short time and will remember him fondly. I miss my Dad, the talks we had and visiting him and my Mum. He was very content with his life, although he had some issues with his neck. He loved where he lived and had a great friend of his age who lived opposite him. They shared old war stories and were mates. My Dad was a proud serviceman and I will try my best to uphold that memory for him as I too am proud of him and his achievements. I can just see him coming up my stairs to the front door and giving me the local paper and saying that he didnt win on the local lotto game. He was my Dad and I loved him very much. Happy Birthday Dad - love your daughter Gayle

Hi Gayle

You are being so strong, your Dad, and your Mum would be so proud of you, I know special days are going to be the hard ones.

Great to see you back on the boards.

I really feel for you, the first birthday of my Dad's was terrible for me too.11th June he would have been 56.

I arrived at work in tears, luckily my boss was understanding and gave me a cuddle and some sympathetic words, she's been very good., which was exactly what I needed, I carried on the day, bursting into tears every now and again, but I managed to get through the day, kind of.

I haven't been too great the last few weeks, I have been missing Dad immensly, and very tearful, I guess its because its nearly a year since I lost the most precious man in the world.(10th August)and the memories from the day he left me all come flooding back.

I just want to tell him so much.

We've just moved to a beautiful 4 bed detached house and we've just finished the garden, which we are really proud of, my Dad loved gardening, I just want him to come round and say how great it looks and say how proud he is of me, but he never will and that makes me so sad. there are so many more memories to have and I hate that Dad won't be part of any of those memories.

How's things with you?

All my Love

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle

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[alwaysdaddysgirl]

im new to this website so im not really sure wat to say so i guess ill start wit wat happened. well... my dad died wen i was ten he died of pancreatic cancer. it is still really hard for me to get over 2 years l8r.i dont want to feel pain any mor but i still want him to no i care about him. well thats about it

hi daddyslilangel

Your Dad will always know that you care for him, Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings? Your Mum? brother/sister/ friend or family member.

At 10 years old that was very hard thing to cope with, I'm having a hard enough time dealing with it and I'm 28, even though I still feel like Daddys little girl.

This is a good place to come and just write down what you feel,it helps to know that you are not the only one going through this, and what you are feeling is normal.

Take care

daddyslittleprincess

Michelle

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[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Solemate - Here is one more thing we seem to have almost in common - Today here it is July 28th which would have been my dad's 87th birthday had he not gone away 6 years ago. He was a Pearl Harbor Survivor and very proud to have served his country, but never spoke of what he had done. He took care of my mom and brother and me as long as he could. He went first to be with God and then waited patiently for my mom to join him, which she did almost 2 years ago. I miss them but feel their presence every day. I still can't even imagine what I would have done if I had lost them both at the same time. I had come on to say Happy Birthday to my Dad - as you have. May your journey be a peaceful one...filled with precious memories. Take care!

Mofirefly

just a question, how do you feel since its now 6 years since you lost your Daddy, I mean, does it get easier? I can't imagine ever feeling the same as I did before I lost my Dad, but will I in say 5 years time.

Can you talk about the happy memories you shared without bursting into tears, and talk fondly of your Dad without getting upset.

I just wondered if this grief thing gets any easier.

Thanks for listening

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle

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[jackiewitter]

Tara,

Hey girl. The reason they say "snap out of it" is usually because they don't know. All the well-meant wishes and words from friends are worthless unless they do know what you are experiencing. I look back in my past when friends lost loved ones and I can recall saying things like "I can only imagine how you are feeling". Boy was I wrong...I could not ever ever imagine anything as painful as this. My point is, friends and family truly mean well, but it is hard from someone to understand unless they are experiencing the same loss, and you know by know, that we don't all experience the same level of loss. Friends and family say these things because they want you back, they don't want to see you in pain and there is really nothing they can do to help, so they want to you "snap out of it". Just kindly tell them when they say things like that "sure...is there a pill for that?", or if you choose not to be sarcastic like me, just tell them, "thank you for your input, but it is not quite as easy as that, but I am doing all that I can and please keep me in your prayers". Just hang in there kiddo, there are actually some nights that are not as hard as the ones before. I know of what I speak...I have actually had a night or two of peace!!! I hope you have a good week and keeping getting up, breathing and searching for that joy. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[cindyinalaska]

Hi all,

OK...I am completely losing it! I just dropped off my kitten to be neutered, and I lost it!! Here I have been like stone for the past seven months since my dad died and I lose it over my cat!!! I've lost my dad, my grandfather, and my grandmother is dying and I finally break down at the vets office??? I feel like an idiot!!!! I barely made it home! My husband is going back in for surgery...this time on his left foot...I hope I make it through that! I hope you are all doing well today...I'm going for now, I need to pull myself together. Talk to you later, Cindy

[missustoad]

This isn\'t odd at all. For the last few years, my bulldog has been aging and catching up with my dear dad. This summer, I didn\'t know who was going to go first. All last year my mother was disgusted that I was worried about my dog, sobbing when I took him to the vet for various geriatric problems. She didn\'t understand that it is easier and clearer to grief for a creature that gives unconditional and (more important) uncomplicated love. (BTW, I also felt terrible neutering my dog once). But my dad passed first, and Buster is about to go. I tell you, I am barely in control for the memorial service, but if Buster goes soon, I will probably break down completely. I will have lost people who are far more intimate with me than my husband (I hate to admit it, but he is a very distancing person and not very supportive during this time).

I am in your corner and thinking about you. Take care and God Bless.

Melody

Hi all,

OK...I am completely losing it! I just dropped off my kitten to be neutered, and I lost it!! Here I have been like stone for the past seven months since my dad died and I lose it over my cat!!! I\'ve lost my dad, my grandfather, and my grandmother is dying and I finally break down at the vets office??? I feel like an idiot!!!! I barely made it home! My husband is going back in for surgery...this time on his left foot...I hope I make it through that! I hope you are all doing well today...I\'m going for now, I need to pull myself together. Talk to you later, Cindy

[mofirefly]

Alwaysdaddysgirl - Since you asked if it gets easier, I guess the answer for me is yes, but I never would have considered myself a daddys girl as my dad and I loved each other but never really connected until the last few years of his life and then he was so misserable being in a nursing home that when he finally left us it was sad and yet a relief that he was no longer in pain. But to this day I know I am very much his daughter and I'm so very proud to have had this wonderful man be a part of me and having given me a childhood full of memories and and time together as adults that keeps me on course. I guess I'm trying to say that for me the loss of my dad took a different toll on me than the loss of my mom which was sudden and yet now they are together and tho I miss them each and every day I no longer seem to be filled with dread of any certain day - so I do hope this implies that it gets easier - as I seem to have learned a little bit how to continue living while having a huge void inside. Please take care!

[alex329]

h cindy,candy and jackie...........and all others............im amess as my husband and son are leaving in the am to got o canada for 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its at my in-laws house on a lake............they go every year ,i ususally love when they go as i have some peace and quiet.................but now im a wreck that they are leaving me!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont want them not to have a good time but i dont want them to to go..............but they are...........so i have to get myself together and do some things around this house...........i will miss them so much.............i cannot go,its a 8 hr trip...............i cant do it.............i did it once when i was somewhat ok...........but im there now..........my anxiety is out of control right now............so i will try my hardest to keep busy and work and be around family.............cindy..........i hope your cat and mark are ok.........you will be fine.......you are alot stronger than i...........so what if you break down.i think its a good thing to cry every now and again, you have to let it out somehow..............that doesnt mean you are weak..............its natural to miss your father.............believe me ,i know!!!!!!!!!!!!.............its not a good time for us right now.............7 months is nothing.......we lost our dads 7 months a go........its gone by quick ,but that doesnt mean we will get over it quick...........i wish...........im having an awful time but im seeking help and that helps me...........i talk about my dad all the time..........that helps me to............we will ok eventually............just takes time............candy and jackie ,thanks for keeping me sane............your words help me alot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks again...............nite all..........tara

[ownedby3]

Oh what a night, isn't that a song? I am wondering how much longer I can go on with 5 or less hours of restless sleep a night and be at work functioning at 7am. The bags on my eyes are now permanent and they burn like you won't believe.

Then last night to boot, my dear boyfriend (who lost his dad too) whom I live with had the nerve to ask why I haven't worn any lingerie in the last few months and pretty much withheld any form of affection because I wasn't giving him what HE wanted. I about lost it and ended up sleeping on the couch sobbing and him in bed not giving a cr*p. No sensitivity or compassion from him. It's been 3 weeks today, give me a freaking break, I am trying!

We leave for vacation on Saturday for a week in Mexico and now that's the last place on earth I want to be. HELP, I'm losing it BIG time.

Denise

[dollface]

Cindy:

I get where you are coming from as how you are concerned about your loving pet. I came to the realization a couple years ago that I had to help my little Willie (wenie dog} go to be with my father who passed just 2 years before. I had him for over 10 years and he was my roommate and best friend. I agonized over it for weeks--before and after. It's such a hard thing to do, but I now know that it was best for him.

Tara:

I read you talking to Cindy and giving her advise and telling her that it is ok to cry and let it out. After I lost my Daddy, a young friend of mine--18 years old--lost hers. I found myself opening up to her--helping her--thus helping myself. It sounds odd--but when you open up and try to help others, you end up taking the pressure off of yourself and only thinking of the other people that hurt--you know how it feels and hopefully you can help them get through this shock. By talking to Cindy and others, I believe you will help yourself heal. 7 months is not that long--not long at all--it WILL get better. Take your 10 days by yourself and try to keep talking, keep reading these boards and try to get out--if just to a local mall to walk around and window shop. It will take your mind off everything.

Denise:

Oh boy, have I been in your shoes! How long ago did your boyfriend lose his father? He may be "Imune" to the pain you are feeling. Men deal differently than women. I don't know how long it took before I could be intimate with my husband after I lost my Daddy. A lot of them don't want us to see them break down, so they become the oppisite of what we want--instead of compassion, they become cold and distant. Maybe that is his way of coping. Your going to Mexico---wish I could go with you . Really, this could be just what you need. I went on a vacation not long after I lost Daddy--it really helped. I thought about him a lot--how much he would have loved what we were doing. And only one night did I break down and cry like a baby. It was ok though--I let out a lot of things that I needed to say, scream, and think about. It just doesn't sound right does it--I mean going and having a good time when you are grieving so much. But it will be OK, and hopefully it will bring you and your boyfriend closer.

I hope all of you are doing better--I know it's hard as I am going on 4 1/2 years now, But you will find that certain thing that just kind of snaps and makes you feel suddenly better--and there is no timeline for anyone on how long it should take.

Peace and love to you all--

Tracy

[ownedby3]

Has anyone tried taking Melatonin instead of sleeping pills? Wondering if that's helped w/sleep. I'm desperate!!

[alex329]

hi all, well my husband and son left this morning for canada on vacation............i hate being alone...although i did go to the mall(sears) today to buy a washer as mine set on fire yesterday.........anyways ,i also went to my dads house for dinner,my uncle cooked tonight....my mom was there and my brother ,his girlfriend,and then my moms friend walked over and hung out with us............well she is very religious.........so i started asking her questions about heaven and where my dad is.........so that kept my busy for quite awhile and i felt a little better after talking to her...............im starting to believe we really do see our loved ones when we pass on............i really do hope so.....just wish i had real proof...........i want to know he is ok where is is...........im sure thats a natural reaction to a sudden death or any death............i just miss him sooooo much!!!!!!! i really do want to move on but its just not happening for me yet..............i do carry on everyday but i still feel blahh................i try to get out but most days i like to just watch tv in my room..........but if there is something to do i will go...........i know i miss my husband and son........alot!!!!! i hate that because i do not want to be dependent on them............i never was before...........but things have changed ..............so i am going to try to maybe paint a room or something to keep busy............i also work wed and friday night .so that will help.............keeps my mind busy..............well i hope all my BI friends are ok tonight.........take care...........nite tara

[solemate]

Solemate - Here is one more thing we seem to have almost in common - Today here it is July 28th which would have been my dad's 87th birthday had he not gone away 6 years ago. He was a Pearl Harbor Survivor and very proud to have served his country, but never spoke of what he had done.

More in common - My dad would have been 77 on his birthday and he served in the Korean War. I put together a scrap book for him using all his photos and items. Before he died, I spent hrs and hrs with him talking about the war and what it meant to him. When I gave him the scrapbook at Xmas (just gone) he was in tears (we both were) This meant a lot to him and I was so glad I gave my Dad some pleasure albeit memories of war.

Alwaysdaddygirl - I am OK - thanks for thinking of me. I have thought of you often and wonder how you are coping with your new life as a married woman! - Your new husband would be very proud of marrying someone who has such deep emotion for family members. I can just see your dad looking over your shoulder saying go girl!. Would you believe my Mums birthday is 18th August - this is going to be a very bad day for me and I will just want to hide. Estate matters are still not complete and this means I still have no closure to some things. I have the most loving husband in the world and he is very supportive - thank you Paul - take care everyone - Gayle (solemate)

[dollface]

Hi all--I hope you're feeling well today.

I get to go to the cemetary tomorrow--I don't get to go very often because it's over 3 hours away from where I live. It's always hard on me to go there as my father and grandfather are right there together. My mom even has a stone although it does not have a deceased date. It just puts it in perspective that we are all mortal and I will lose her too one day. I still have a hard time going there (and leaving) after all this time. I always take blue and white flowers with 3 red roses--one for me, my husband, and my son. I also take a fresh American flag as he was a serviceman and I am very proud of that. I wonder if he is still as proud of me as he was when I lost him. I had a very good job. I was always in the paper and had my own billboards with my picture on them. Now I don't work--I stay home to take care of my son that he never met.

Peace and love--

Tracy

[alex329]

hi everybody............i had an awful night last night and couldnt sleep at all......................so i slept all day and then went to work at 4pm.................i cannot believe what stress can do to a person..........it amazes me...............why after 7 months am i still a mess????????????? everyone says 7 months isnt a long time but i think it is.............i want to feel better now..........and its just not happening for me..........i dont know what else i can do ..............im really trying to go on but its hard work........well you all know that............what can i do to make this better???????.....is there any relief in sight for me...????..............nite tara

[jackiewitter]

Hey Tara, I ran across a site with some beautiful poetry. I am not sure it so much applies to you and your dad but there are some really touching poems there. Take a look when you get a chance. http://www.theribbon.com/poetry/index.asp

Don't get to upset that you are not feeling "past this". Just try and ride with it. It seems the harder you try to overcome, the bigger the let down when there are bad days. I had a terrible fright because the past week has been so difficult. But I feel better today, it's my youngest daughter's birthday and tomorrow we will try something special for Jeffrey's Angel Date. Right now I am trying to focus on my daughter's birthday, on her 16th my father died and on her 18th was Jeffrey's accident. I flew out to be with my brother and prayed that he not leave us on her birthday. He waited until 15 minutes after it had passed, that's when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God answers prayers.

Hang in there, it's a big heart that has to be mended. Just try to get by one hour at a time and before you know it, 24 of them will pass and you get up and start over the next day. I'll send you an email tonight w/my phone number. Call if you need me. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[alex329]

hi jackie, and all.............thanks for your kind words...once again.............i actually had a good day today...........i went swimming at my brothers house with my sister and we just hung out and talked which is not nrmal for us to do..........thts why when she called i said yes..............its 90 here so swimming was good............it was just an overall good day.............i really think my zoloft is kicking in, when i was without meds i was a wreck..........i seem to be getting a little better.........THANK GOD!!!!!! so maybe there is hope for me yet!!!!!! so hopefully like you said ,these good days will happen more often than not...........i look forward to them!!!!! my desire to have another child is so strong but i cant in this state of mind.............so im really working to accept and go on with life but i wont rush it............i know better............its just that im 36 and my husband will be 45 on aug 25th.........so we do have some time restraint on us......not for me so much ............we will pray it happens when its the right time................im getting somewhat better day by day..............and that a good sign.................i can feel the difference most days...........but some are still hard as you all know................and that could last forever...................so im just going day by day and hope you are all ok tonight............i think it was tracy that was going to the cemetary today...............i hope your ok tonight.........i know how hard that is to get thru...................nite all.............cindy and candy i hope your families are ok tonight and you as well..............again good- night...............tara

[mofirefly]

Tara - Was sooooo nice to hear that you had a good day. Swimming sounds great and it can be so soothing. We're ok here, just been extremely busy and have not had the opportunity to visit the boards very much or very long. Do think of you often as well as others. Again, so very happy to hear of your good day and hope you have many more to come. Take care, Candy