Loss of a Father

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Mofirefly & alex Thank you for your kind words.

Soulmate- Thanks for your caring words.

I felt my Dad was there with me on my wedding Day and I feel a bit more positive knowing he was there in spirit, even though he's not in the photos.

Its sounds strange but I think he gave me the strength to enjoy my wedding day.

WE let off some fireworks which Dad had bought for the wedding, one turned on its side and went a bit wrong, which was one of my Dad's traits with fireworks, so he was trying to show me that he was around and he was watching.

Now its back to reality and work.

Take care all of you

Michelle

(alwaysdaddysgirl)

xxxxxxxxxxx

[mofirefly]

Just wanted to leave a note - hoping to hear that Cindy's husbands surgery has been completed and that Tara is doing OK - Will be quite busy tomorrow, but hope to check in at least - The traditional Memorial Day (May 30th) is my mom's birthday and tomorrow I'll be having my 2nd BBQ Playday in her honor...here's hoping the storms go around us. Take Care Everyone.

[alex329]

hi candy and all................im ok buty today was kida hard as we always had a big family picnic today.............and we were all over the place today doing our own thing.............it was such a nice day here today............we just stayed home ......i just am having signs of my dad tonight and its weird............but nice........i really am considering going to a physic...........it cant hurt..........and maybe it would help me get thru this..............im still debating at this point ,ill let you all know if i go ..............i also hope cindys husband is well this evening after having surgery.................im also a mess tonight.i found out that i have "homocysteine" has anyone heard of this?????????????????????? i do not turn floic acid into folate,that is the cause of my miscarriages..................now we know.............i guess i dont have enough folic acid and may have to take vitamins and possibly a blood thinner..............not sure yet ,i have to see a hemotologist to totally understand this disease...............so not such good news ,but i guess knowing is better so we can treat it ...............im just very worried about it...................i hope you all had somewhat a good memorial day weekend................im trying...................nite tara...ps candy i hope and pray storms pass you by and you have your party!!!!! let us know when myou can.....................tara

[cindyinalaska]

Hello everyone,

Just a quick hello to let you know that Mark's surgery went very well. Having him recover in a hotel room was not the ideal place to recover, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I am just so happy that it is over and thankful that it all went so smooth. I had never met his doctor before the surgery...she was wonderful!!! And, it turns out that she and I went to the same high school in Billings Montana! I was a sophomore when she was a freshman!! Small world isn't it!!

I hope that you all have a nice weekend...it is soooo HOT here!! It reached 85 degrees here on Friday when we got home and it was about 80 degrees today...this is very unusual for Alaska!!!

Candy I hope the weather will be nice for your party. I wish for you a wonderful day of sunshine as you celebrate your moms life!

Tara, I hope that your doing good tonight... I’m happy that you are having signs of your dad. If you are open to going to a psychic, then you should definitely go. I have thought about going to one too., if I can find one who is close to where I live. I’m also glad that you have more information on why you have had the miscarriages. I’m so sorry that you have had to deal with so much heartache. Please let me know how your visit to the Hematologist goes. I’ll talk to you soon, Cindy

[mindy10]

Hi everyone, im having a hard time right now whereas Father's Day is fast approaching. This will be my first year without my dad. I was in the store the other day and saw Fathers Day cards and started to cry. Last year at this time he was dying of colon cancer and I knew it was going to be the last fathers day card I bought. He has been gone almost a year and I still can not get his suffering for the last two and half months of his life out of my head. Has anyone on this support group had a loved one die of cancer and if so how long does it take for the bad memories to be replaced with the good memories. I just keep thinking of his last days and how awful it was on him and us. If anyone has answers to my questions please respond. Thanks Mindy

[Guest Guest]

Hi everyone, im having a hard time right now whereas Father's Day is fast approaching. This will be my first year without my dad. I was in the store the other day and saw Fathers Day cards and started to cry. Last year at this time he was dying of colon cancer and I knew it was going to be the last fathers day card I bought. He has been gone almost a year and I still can not get his suffering for the last two and half months of his life out of my head. Has anyone on this support group had a loved one die of cancer and if so how long does it take for the bad memories to be replaced with the good memories. I just keep thinking of his last days and how awful it was on him and us. If anyone has answers to my questions please respond. Thanks Mindy

[Guest Guest]

I lost my father 5 years ago. It is hard to remember the good memories at first. The hard times, because they are so difficult and the most recent, seem to stay with you for a while. Try hard to visualize the way your father was before he was sick. Look at pictures of him while he was healthy. Each time a memories comes that reminds you of him being sick, replace it with one that is terrific. In time, the memories of his sickness will fade and the good memories will replace them. But they will never go away. They are part of your life experience. They have helped to make you who you are.

[alex329]

hi cindy ...im so glad all went well with marks surgery!!!!! its 85 in alaska???????????????? thats our kind of weather in ny!!!!! enjoy it while you can.........i hate the heat!!!!!!!!! i keep my house at 61 all summer.........i think it may be the paxil that makes me so hot all the time.........im just always so hot...........keep in touch............candy ,i hope all went well today..........we had storms all day long...did you?????? ours were just mild and nice to watch and we needed the rain!!!! good nite all..................tara..............ps..might be going to the cemetary tomorrow,not sure...may just wait until fathers day............another day im dreading............and they hype it up and its in my face everyday...........yuk!!!! nite

[Guest Guest]

I guess I am writing on here just so I can vent. I lost my father 9 months ago. I just can not seem to move on. I cared for him the entire time he was dying and I am not dealing well now. I was like a rock during his death, then reality hit. I am 33 years old and I feel lost. I have so many different emotions all of the time. I can not seem to find joy in anything. I would rather sleep then do anything else. I know that my family is wore out with mommy being sad all the time. I know my husband is tired of my moodiness and anger. I just can not make it stop! I am now dealing with this overwhelming sense to cater to my mother and worry about her constantly. My mother has dealt with my fathers death much better than I have. She says she feels a sense of relief. I just do not view it that way. I am the youngest in the family and I am dealing with our mother alone. I feel ran down, drained, angry, sad, etc. Nothing is fun anymore! I feel like I am constantly taking care of everyone and nobodys takes care of me. Then I feel guilty and self centered for feeling that way. I accomplish nothing during the day, my husband works long hours and I am a stay at home mom with three young children. I am so angry all of the time. May 29th is my dad's birthday, I have cried now for 3 days. May 27th would of been my parents 40th wedding anniversary, I cried all day. I find days where I just feel like I can do nothing (which is not an option with 3 kids). I do not know what to do with myself.

[jc1030]

Hi everyone, im having a hard time right now whereas Father's Day is fast approaching. This will be my first year without my dad. I was in the store the other day and saw Fathers Day cards and started to cry. Last year at this time he was dying of colon cancer and I knew it was going to be the last fathers day card I bought. He has been gone almost a year and I still can not get his suffering for the last two and half months of his life out of my head. Has anyone on this support group had a loved one die of cancer and if so how long does it take for the bad memories to be replaced with the good memories. I just keep thinking of his last days and how awful it was on him and us. If anyone has answers to my questions please respond. Thanks Mindy

Mindy,

I'm in the same situation as you in that this will also be the first Father's Day without my dad. What's different with my situation is that I didn't know that last year was going to be the last since he died suddenly of a stroke last October. It's still upsetting that I never had the chance to say goodbye.

This past Mother's Day was also bad for me because he wasn't there to celebrate it. While I don't openly grieve as much as I did a few months ago, I cannot stop thinking about the missing member of the family that will no longer be there for the happy occasions and moments. I think whether our loved ones die suddenly or slowly, one never "recovers" from it; we just hopefully learn to build the gradual strength within us to move forward.

Jeff

[mindy10]

Jeff sorry to hear about your dad. It is so hard to think of life with one of our family members missing. I really dont think it is something you ever get over. I will always have this piece of my heart missing. Basically that is what it is. A piece of you is missing once a parent is gone. I hope you have the strength on this Fathers Day. Mindy

[mofirefly]

Cindy - So glad that Mark's surgery went well. Tara - sorry to hear that you have h.........(not even going to try to spell that) - but I do feel that sometimes knowing what may be the cause of a problem is the first step toward correcting it. The 2nd annual Memorial Day picnic was successful - no rain, and we'd had downpours the two days before. I honored my mom (who was born on 5/30) and my dad (a Pearl Harbour Survivor). My only tiny regret is that I hadn't done this while they were alive...but doing it now brings me pleasure. I hope you are both doing ok as your 1st Father's Day without your dads is now just around the corner. Try your best to have good memories on that day. TAKE CARE!

[mofirefly]

Guest (post 49682) - I recently read a book about a women who had lost her husband and as she made progress, she suddenly had a major set back at the 9th month after loss - her doctor said that a great many people have similar reactions. I was just past my 9th month after losing my mom when I read it and realized I too had felt like I'd gone back to square 1 of my loss - I do hope that you will let yourself start to mend at your own speed and that your family can try to be supportive of that...each one of us handles a loss so very differently. You are also being hit with so many special dates right now and that triggers emotions to go on a roller coaster ride. All I can say, is try to hang on, come here to vent as much as you want (I sure do) - and I totally relate to feeling like I care for everyone around me, but who the heck is caring for me????? Guess the poor people who have to wade thru my posts are my support system - and they are a great bunch to travel with on this rotten road of grief. Take care and try to beathe deeply!

[solemate]

Just wanted to say how proud I was today to receive a '50 years of service' award on behalf of my Dad. Dad was a returned serviceman from the Korean War in 1950 and has been an active member ever since. He never liked being in the War but loved the comradship that evolved. He was a cook in the Navy and for years always cleared the dinner table quickly (habits from the days in the Navy!) I have a lovely certificate and photo and will cherise this. I admit to having a few tears over the occassion and was sad that he couldnt be there to accept it himself. 50 years is a long time to belong to any organisation. I miss talking to my Dad and visiting him and mum each day. My visits will never be again. I find myself just driving past what was their home just to look at it. My memories of Dad and Mum are clear what a loving couple who were devoted to each other. This brings a smile to my face that washes away all the tears. take care everyone

[alex329]

candy and cindy...........i dont know how much ill be on in the few weeks......i found out yesterday that i have lyme disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like i need something else to worry about............im on antibiotics for tyhe next 21 days and they are so stong,and then it should be gone....but right now my side effects are sore muscles and numbing hands and feet,ringing ears.....and im tired............so im going to keep checking in every few days or so..........hopefully ill be better soon.............take care all............tara

[mofirefly]

Solemate - What an amazing yet sober experience to receive your dad's award...I'm sure that will be a treasured memory.

Tara - What else is going to happen to you????????? I hope the antibiotics do there thing. Please take care of yourself...it has been written quite often that stress lowers a person's immune system, so that means all of us on these boards could be prone to getting ill, so therefore TAKE CARE!

[mofirefly]

OK Solemate - the word sober was suppose to be somber - my mind thinks of what to type faster than my fingers.

[solemate]

OK Solemate - the word sober was suppose to be somber - my mind thinks of what to type faster than my fingers.

thanks mine too. PS yes the movie was Notebook - maybe we do have a connection

[solemate]

OK Solemate - the word sober was suppose to be somber - my mind thinks of what to type faster than my fingers.

thanks mine too - yes the movie is Notebook -maybe we are connected in more ways than we think?

[alex329]

hi all,,,,,just checking in,,,,i feel awful with this lyme disease and without my dad to talk to about it makes it much harder for me.......its scary but they say it will gone in a few weeks.....hopefully!!!!!!!! im very sore and very tired.....just waiting for meds to kick in........so for now im just trying to hang in there.........hope you are all ok tonight....ill keep coming on to check in with all of you.........goodnight..tara

[mofirefly]

Alex - hope the meds are helping by now. The boards seem quiet these past couple of days....I'm hoping everyone is mending quietly as well. Take Care!

[alex329]

hi all.........the meds havent kicked in yet...still having muscle and joint pain............this is not fun........on top of all my sadness i have to deal with this!!!!....i dont even know where or how i got it but they say we have alot of ticks in ny area,,,,,,,,,its crazy.........i have never felt so yucky in all my life.........i cant wait to get better............i hope all of you are doing ok tonight ...just checking in to say hi.....take care all.........goodnite.....tara

[alex329]

hi candy and cindy........how are you both doing tonight???? im still a mess but i worry about all of you often.........as we are all heading into this season of "fathers day" im not to happy about this........and its everywhere now in our face.........i was up tonight preparing my memoriam for our local paper to be seen on fathers day........my whole family put one in for his bday back in march.........so this our 1st fathers day without him here........its so hard.....my son joey wrote one himself that i will put in the paper......its very sad.........its not until the 17th of june but that will be here soon..........we will have a softball game in my dads honor because thats what he always wanted for fathers day.........he loved it soooo much..so we will do it for him..................nite all tara

[Guest Guest]

I'm just wondering if anyone has any thoughts....

My father suddenly died on Easter from an unexpected blood clot after a simple operation. I work in South Korea, so I immediately raced back to Canada and was able to spend 3 weeks mourning with my mother and teenage sister. Although I have lived in several places, and my friends are scattered around North America, everyone converged for the funeral and aftermath and were incredibly supportive. I talked to several older people who had lost spouses or parents at my age, and since I am from a small place and my father was a social person, everyone was incredibly supportive and helpful because they were also in shock and mourning the situation. However, even though my coworkers and friends in Korea have been wonderful, Korea is a world away from rural Canada, and nobody knows my father or my family. On the outside I am coping very well, back at work as well as trying to support my family from afar, and everyone remarks how "well" I am taking the situation. Overall I think I am, but nobody wants to talk about it anymore, and nobody understands that just because you are functioning well doesn't mean that you have lost the emptiness and sorrow. I was reading a book about the grieving process, and one woman said, "I am back at classes, so everyone thinks I'm okay...but I want them to know that it's not over." I guess my question is, has anyone had the experience of mourning so far away, in a country with another language and culture? Both Korean and Western friends and my friends back at home are lovely, but what are some strategies to express grief in a place where people express grief differently and in a context where nobody knows your family and situation? Furthermore, how do you express the fact that you are mourning without alienating or annoying people around you? Sometimes I wish we could still wear recognizable mourning clothes, so I wouldn't have to explain myself all the time...

[Guest Guest]

I am asking for help please, not for me but for my children. My husband passed away two weeks ago. He left behind a 15yr old and a 10yr old. I know the grief process I have also lost my nine yr old daughter back in '93. My son who is 10 was best friends with his father, they hunt and fish all the time (things I know nothing about) he is very angry (rightfully so) but he is wanting to die when he gets hurt, or if he gets a scratch he wants to cut his arm off. I am trying to get him into counseling but no one can see him after hours right now. Can anyone please give me advise on what helped you if you were young. I dont want my son to become suicidal and my fear is if I dont get him some kind of help soon he might. He did just have a 10yr old commit suicide in his school about 3 months ago. I think this is in his head. God bless you all and thank you so much in advance for your help.

[4everjoeysmom]

Guest from post Post ID: 49854, who lives in S Korea, I can completely empathize with mourning and grieving far from home, in another country, in another language and culture. I have not lost a parent, but I lost my 24 year old son last year. Your words struck me with the similarity of my own hurdles. I am from the States, adn that is where my family is. But I currently live and work in S America. I don't have any pearls of wisdom for cross-cultural success in mourning and grieving, as cross-cultural barriers are difficult enough in "usual" situations. But a dear friend of mine in the States sent to me a pin that is a black ribbon, like the same you see for recognixing breats cancer in pink, etc. And she also sent me a black rubber bracelet that says MOURNING. You could make a black ribbon out of some silk and pin it to your blouse or jacket every day. People may ask what it is, and that's a good segway to simply say you are in mourning. They're usually satisfied with that, but it gives them a heads up too that you are in a very sensitive state of heart. I always tended to wear a lot of black before, so that's nothing new for me now. But the ribbon has been a nice addition to my wardrobe and it reminds people that notice it that I am grieving someone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find the peace and understanding that in times like these is so precious and invaluable. God Bless! -Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Guest concerned about your son, there is a little information at the following web url that can help you understand what your son feels.

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html

Have you sought immediate help in counseling with your clergy? There are usually youth in a church that have experienced a loss or some grief that could help be a support buddy as well. You could investigate by calling around to some churches to see if anyone can offer some immediate aid.

Your childrens' world just caved in, and it's going to take some time as it's only been 2 weeks and they are in shock. But please don't wait to get your son help with an after hours... take him to someone ASAP no matter what time. If it is your work that keeps you from going to a daytime appointment, talk about this with your boss. You need to help your son and his life may depend on it. Are there any male role models in your family--a brother, a fiend, anyone who can talk to him like his father would? He may find comfort in having a man to talk to...

I have no sure solutions, but please know I am praying for you right now! Hugs, Claudia

[amberi]

Thank you for your link and advice. I did find today a support group for him and an intern through Hospice that can see him after hours.But it might not start for a few weeks. Iam trying to get help as fast as possible for all of us, I have also lost a child and Iam trying to keep myself together to help them. My brother and some of my husbands friends are trying to fill the void. They were around constantly the first week and now its tapering off due to them having to get back to their lives. My son is very active in hunting and fishing so they have been helping to do that, however right now my son just wants to be on the go. And he gets out of school this week so Im facing that with him also. I did explain that Im trying,but he also needed to try and understand. Thank you for responding I went to a different web site a few days ago and no one responded.

[4everjoeysmom]

Amberi, I did a little looking around just after I read your situation regarding school being out. I found a page of links to various children's grief resources and summer cmap activities in some states. maybe you'll find something that sticks out...

http://www.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health/Grief,_Loss_and_Bereavement/Children's_Grief/

I do hope and pray you can find the assistance you need. I feel for you not being able to begin your own grieving because you have so much on your plate in concern for your children and their well being. Please know you are being lifted in prayer to a God who hears our distress calls and answers. Blessings Hugs, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

I'm so sorry I should have also relayed my deepest compassion from one mother who lost a child last year to another mother who has lost. Indeed you are no stranger to grief, and for that I am truly thankful that someone from here answered you after having gotten nothing from another site. There are some wonderful women on the loss of a partner (miss him so) that I know will be there for you when you are ready to focus on your needs. Blessings, Claudia

[alex329]

hi all........just an update....now they say i do not have lyme disease..4 doctors told me i did and now they are saying no.........i had to go to the er this morning i was not feeling good........had a ct of my head and ekg...all ok...thank god........but i can hardly walk my back is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! so now imight have to go to a nuerologist...........what the hell????? how much can i take....this is crazy..............i just want my normal life back........im sick of being sick!!!! its probably all stress!!!! im switching drs thats for sure.....4 people in one office say i have it and i dont.........thats not acceptable...........so july 12th i go to a new dr...........so we will see.............im a big baby and i hate pain!!!!! so hopefully i get this fixed asap!!!!.........night tara

[Guest Guest]

I'm new to this forum, infact I have never used a forum before! My father died last November and it was horrible. I was so glad to be there with my sister. My sister was wonderful with my father and took excellent care of him for months prior to his death. I live out of state and gave what I could but due to my own family and the distance it was never what I wished I could of given. My father was blessed to have a large family and I think in our own way we all gave what we could. My sister gave the most. They were always close and I wish I could of been closer to my dad. i loved him so much but I am still shocked by how much it still hurts not to have him in my life. I work in the health care field and had to visit a client in the hospital today. I didn't think anything of it until I was walking around the hospital and it all came flooding back of the last few days my dad was alive, the pain he endured, and his last few hours. It was all I could do not to leave. I kept my appointment and it worked out but I feel so sad. I thought I was starting to put it behind me, but I guess not really. It amazes me how much I miss him because I didn't talk to him often due to his hearing and even when he could hear he never understood me. I guess you never think you will loose your dad because he's like superman, even when he is old. Well, I guess I have rambled on enough. thanks for listening-- or is it reading????

[Guest Guest]

today is my father's birthday, he's been gone from us for 13 years, it saddens my to know my children will never know him the way they should - they were 2 & 6mos when he passed...my daughter (15) said we should sing happy birthday to him, i cried...i still cry...sometimes i'm greatful he wasn't here in may 2004 when his only grandson died in an auto accident, or in december 06 when his oldest son passed from 2 strokes... or here now to know his loving wife has emphysema and can hardly get around herself... i'm facing her impending passing best i can, i don't know how i'll get through life without her too, i only hope i have half the strength and courage she's shown since my father's passing - i know we've become great friends and she's someone i can count on like nobody else - something i hope to have one day with my own daughters

[cindyinalaska]

Tara and friends,

This had been such a hard week!! My friend Heidi had a miscariage this past week...she is having such a hard time dealing with the loss. She has had such a tough year...she lost her mother-in-law to cancer eight months ago, they lost there business after moving to Boston (they are back now), and now they lost their baby. It's just so sad!!

Another very good friend of mine is moving to California next week...she has been at my house for the last couple of days while the movers are packing up her things. We have been friends for the past five years and her family has become like part of our family. I will miss her terribly!! She will be the third friend of mine to move in the past 2 years. I just feel numb....All of these losses are so heavy on my heart.

Tara....I'm so sorry that you are still dealing with not knowing whats going on with your health!! I know what it feels like to be feeling..How much more can I take??? I really don't have an answer...I just hope that we all get a break from any more bad news!!! I wish we all had our dads here...I could really use one of my dads bear hugs right now!!! Talk to you soon, Cindy

[amberi]

4everjoeysmom - thank you for your thoughts, Unfortunatly I do know what grief is laying ahead of me once I know my children are doing ok. I am still in the shock and denial process as are the kids. Thank you for the link any info helps. Iam sorry to hear of your loss with your child, mine has been gone know for almost 14yrs. I do know it gets easier to deal with as time goes, I still get very upset about my daughter but right know I wish I had that remote from the movie click so I can get threw the next few months. Well not really cuz then I wouldnt heal, talking about my daughter is what helped me threw it and so I am hoping these chat room will help with my husband, I feel I have worn my friends down with all the loss my family has had. Again thank you and god bless

[alex329]

hi all.........can you all say a prayer for me tonight...................im having so many symtoms of lyme but they say i dont have it.............i can hardly move with all this pain and numbness everywhere................im freaking out .............it could be a pinched nerve and i hope so but i have to wait for an appt with the nuerologist,i have never had this before..........i feel so achey and weak all the time..............i went to the er the other day and they said i was ok but im still so worried i cant sleep.....what if its a tumor on my spine or late stages of lyme????? is its lyme it can take a year to recover from all the iv that they give you................i know someone who had to go thru it and she just went back to work part time after a year!!!!! so im really scared now..............ill keep you all posted...................nite tara

[mofirefly]

Tara - I'm so very sorry to hear of the pain you are in. As we've all said, stress could be an underlying culprit....but how are you suppose to not be stressed when doctors can't seem to fix what's wrong. So please consider that your request for prayer will definately be answered and that the Great Physician will intervene. Please try to get as much rest as possible and take care!

[carla76]

wow ~ it has been a long time since i have jumped on here .... it was a year for my father on april 9th ... in may, it appeared that somethting "triggered" inside me ~ that i could hear my father telling me that "ya.. stop being sad.. time to move on" ~ for the first time i was able to laugh from my belly and not fall into a serious state of depression from the guilt i felt after laughing ...

then came the month of june ... i feel completely nuts .... i am back to what feels like square one with this crying business ~ at my desk and the most RANDOM times of the day ~ and seriously.. father's day being sunday ... is this seriously happening ??? do i really not have my dad around anymore !?!? physically at least ~ because i do talk to him everyday ... i see the sun shining in the morning and i know ~ my god ~ i know its him watching over me ...

i guess sunday will be a powerful day for ALL of us missing our fathers... sunday we should hold our heads up ever so high and be soo proud of the men they were ~ the mark they have left, and continue to make in our lives .....

and tara ... your's is a name who i recognize ~ i'm so sorry to see that this is happening to you ~ just know that whatever god brings us to ~ god will take us through it ... hold on and be strong .....

[redsgirl]

Hello All,

Have not been here in awhile. With Father's Day fast approaching wanted to say hi & hoping all gets through it successfully. This will be my first without my dad. He left me on Mar 1st. I will go to his grave early that morning and put a balloon on it and visit him awhile. Well, everybody take care.

Redsgirl

[mofirefly]

To all who are about to have their first father's day without their father - I hope you each find a way to experience the day in a way that helps you as you travel on this lonesome journey - Dad's are so very special and yet sometimes are so taken for granted. I've been without mine since Feb 01 and yet I feel his presence all around me.

Just remember - you will survive this date and so many more to come - my hope is that you can also smile as you remember happier times (even if you smile thru lots of tears).

TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alex329]

well hello all.........i have not been doing good at all and i hate coming here whining all the time but i need to vent!!!!!! i have been to so many doctors in the past 2 weeks and i have a few more to see this coming week.........most importantly the neurologist on thurs.........i have all pain throughout my body and numbness in hands and feet........im 36 and feel like im 100!!!!!!!!!! cat scan and ekg came back ok......xrays of my back ..ok........not a pinched nerve,,,which i was praying for.........so now i am totally freaked out!!!! im scared i have ms or something horrible............i have never felt pain like this before.......and sunday is fathers day........what else can i handle?????? honestly i am not sure how much more i can deal with at once..............we are having a family softball game and picnic on sunday in honor of my dad...........softball was all he asked for as a gift............he loved it.............so that will be cool to do for him...........but im so worried about myself dying i cant think straight!!!!!!!!!!!and my husband and son are in cape cod for the weekend to visit his family and now im alone!!! which i used to love........now im freaking out ......my husband is so worried about me but he tries to stay calm FOR ME.........I TOLD HIM TO GO AND SEE HIS DAD AND help him out over the weekend.....ill be ok....and i will be im sure but im scared..........by the way all blood work is all normal............im suprised i have any blood left after all they have taken............so now we just have to keep ruling things out as we go along.............i just hope its not ms or or a tumor somewhere in my body......i feel awful and i hate it............please say some prayers for me and i hope to get back to myself soon.........this is just so scarry for me.................thanks for listeneing to me once again.................i really hope you are all doing ok with this weekend approching us so fast..........the cemetary will be hard once again but i will get thru it again.............nite love tara

[mofirefly]

Tara - Please don't feel bad about coming here to vent - that's one of the best things about these boards....you can pound out your feelings on the keyboard and release some of the pent up emotions. I'm sorry the Drs haven't located a problem yet, but hang in there - so far it seems they are ruling out just about everything and that's a good thing RIGHT! I still feel that stress is an underlying problem....so sorry you're alone this weekend, but maybe you can release more of your emotions without others watching. Enjoy the softball game tomorrow and TAKE CARE of YOURSELF!

[mofirefly]

Cindy - Hope you are doing OK - been a while since you've been on. There is so much going on for you that I imagine time is hard to find. Please take time to take care of yourself.

[lynnny]

Hi everyone. It has been a few months since I have been here and I felt the need for support from my fellow friends here. Today is my mom's bday. Her first without dad and then tomorrow is father's day. First without dad, really will be another day. Another day we all will get past but it will be so different. I will think of all of you tomorrow and know I am not alone. Thanks.

[Guest Guest]

Hi, Im new to this, and new to being without my father. I lost my dad 4/13/07. He was only 57 when he passed. I dont know how to act without him today and I find it hard to wish any father happy father's day since I cant tell my own dad. Is that normal, or am I being selfish? My daughter's father has been out of the picture for the last 15 years, so there is no father's day here at all. My dad was all my daughter's and I had. This is just hard for us all.

[phoenixmaid]

hi im nathen i am 10. i am really upset cos my dad died two weeks ago. he was only 24 an i really miss him. i get angry sometimes and i feel bad that we used to argue. my sisters are to young and will forget him and that makes me feel really bad.

[alex329]

hi all......today was very hard on me and my family.......we did go to the cemetary this morning ..we all brought fresh flowers and a coors lite for my dad...........we also had a picnic and just hung out together.........we didnt paly softball it was soooooooooooo hot here we just couldnt do it.........but we were all there and thats what he would have wanted.........and good food and some bocce ball..........it will never be the same again ...........hes not there............it just still seems so unreal to me.........i miss him so much...............i hope you are all ok tonight..................dad..happy fathers day in heaven..........i love and miss you terribly..........goodnight.......tara

[kellyb]

Nathan-

I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. I think it is very common to feel angry when someone you love dies, it is part of the greiving process. I also think that parents and kids argue because they love and care for each other. It was your dad's job to draw limits and to discuss topics you might disagree with. It is not a pretty part of a parents job but it is an important one. I think by arguing with you that he was showing he cared about you and how you turned out in life. I know as a mother when I argue with my daughters that they still love and care for me, we just disagree on a topic. I bet your dad knew this too. Your dad may not be here with you and your sisters anymore but he is still with you in your heart. You can help your sisters remember him by talking and sharing stories. You could also make a book celebrating his life to share with them as they get older and want to know their dad better. This also might be a nice way for you to remember him as well. This may be too hard now, but it will come in time. Please Please keep talking to people about how you feel it is important to express and feel your pain so you can begin to heal. Hang in there, you are not alone.

[amberi]

Dear Nathan- I am so sorry for your loss, my son Dale just lost his father four weeks ago and he is 10 also. It is so natural for parents and kids to argue, but once they are gone it makes you sad for doing it. I feel the same way about my husband I wish we didnt argue but that to is natural. One thing that I know is helping my son and I hope it helps you is when he is feeling really sad, he tries to remember something his dad did to make him laugh. Then he will talk to me and he will start laughing. It is ok to cry and ok to laugh. My son says that remembering the funny things makes him feel better. I hope you continue to talk to people, this is a great place to come and talk and we here yell too! so you can do that to if you want.

Sending u all my hugs, my heart goes out to u and your family.

amber

[cindyinalaska]

Hi everyone,

I haven't been able to log on for awhile....we lost internet and cable due to a really bad thunderstorm. My neighbor's house was hit by lightning...resulting in alot of damage to the phone and cable lines in the neighborhood. Everyone is fine and now the TV and internet are back up...YEA!!

This past week was pretty hard for me...Fathers Day was the worst!! I hope everyone here made it through the day the best way they could. I sometimes feel like I can't breathe...I thought this grieving thing would get a little easier with time, but it just doesn't. I am still in shock that it has been six months since my dad died...it still doesnt seem real. I talk about him all of the time...I see things that remind me of him...it just makes me miss him even more.

Tara, I was reading about how you are looking for your dads hat that he wore...I hope that you find it!! I know just how you feel...I want the flannel shirt that my dad wore....his favorite!! Nothing means more to me than having something that he loved to wear...that he touched. I have one of his work shirts...I wear it when I'm having an especially hard day. It does bring me some comfort...he would probably laugh at me and shake his head and tell me that I'm crazy...thats ok. Like father Like daughter! I miss him so much...from the bottom of my heart. I hope that he knows how much I loved him and admired him. He was my hero...he still is.

I better go...its late and I'm losing it!!! I will talk to you all soon, Cindy

Mofirefly,

Thank you for your post..I'm doing ok. Mark is recovering very well from the surgery. He is getting the pins out of his toes on Friday in Anchorage. The doctor will let him know then how long he will have to use the crutches and the boot. He is a hard man to keep down. He loves going to the gym, jogging and just keeping busy...but he is following the doctors orders and keeping it iced and elevated. I just read a post on another board that your husband has been ill?? I hope that he is ok. And I hope that you are doing well too!! Take care, Cindy