Loss of a Father

[alex329]

WELL JOEY HAD A NTHER GAME TONIGHT AND IM TELLING YOU ITS SO HARD TO BE AT THE FIELD WITHOUT MY FATHER............HE WAS ALWAYS THERE!!!!!!!!!!! ITS JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT HIM.............ONE OF HIS FRIENDS SAID I GOT A COFFEE BEFORE THE GAME AND SHE THOUGHT ABOUT HIM BECAUSE SHE WOULD ALWAYS BRING HIM A COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT TORE ME UP INSIDE........SHE WAS HIS BUDDY.....MY SON AND HER SON ARE BEST FRIENDS AND SHE WOULD ALWAYS COME DOWN TO HIS HOUSE AND HANG OUT WHILE THE BOYS PLAYED STREETBASEBALL..........SHE IS VERY SAD ALSO.............BUT A CUP OF COFFEE EVEN GETS ME SAD THESE DAYS......THAT WAS HIM...........THIS SEASON WILL BE VERY TOUGH ON ALL OF US BUT WE HAVE TO GET THRU IT FOR JOEY..............JUST VENTING TONIGHT..........THANKS FOR LISTENING..........TARA

[mofirefly]

Tara - Hopefully there will always be someone to listen to all of us as we vent...I agree so much that even the littlest of things, as a cup of coffee, can cause us an upset. I hope Joey is enjoying his games, you too...so just keep on keeping on and hang on if even by the skin of your teeth. Go get some rest, take care.

[solemate]

As I lost both my Dad and Mum together last month, I have been mostly posting under Loss of a Mum. Yesterday was my Dad and Mum's special day - Australia cemorates ANZAC day at dawn for all servicemen and women. My Dad served as a Cook/Gunner in the Australian Navy during the Korean War. He and I spent hrs and hrs together gathering information about the war and recording the information. I was so pleased that my scrap booking was done before he died and he was able to see the finished product. The book bought tears to his eyes as he remembered his mates and the loss of lives that occurred during this war. He did his duty and was a proud returned serviceman. He was only young during the war and he and mum were pen pals. They married on his return from the war and have lived happily for some 55 years until their untimely death last month due to a car accident. My family sprinkled some of their ashes at dawn in their beloved garden and some other ashes in the sea at sunset. I read them a poem about love and sunshine and feel a little more at peace. My Dad was a good mate and was very loved by my family. He could have his faults (like all of us) but was very good hearted and would do anything for you. He always said he would die in their new unit )moved their 12 mths ago) and I guess to some extent this was so. I miss Dad and this quirky ways and have a hugh void in my heart for both of them. To all that post (or just read )- take care

[jjcyjc]

I am a graduate student at City University of New York conducting a research study to find out how parental death is experienced by children, as a part of my master thesis project. A person who lost his or her parent before the age of 18 is eligible to participate. All participants MUST be 18 or over.

If you are interested, please copy the following link and paste in the address bar to access the survey site:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=652403556189

[momo79]

Hi everyone I am new here. I lost my father on March 9, 2006 to multiple sclerosis and pnemonia. i am finding that i am having a harder time dealing with my loss now then when it actually happened. the reality is finally settling in for me. after the one year anniversary i started to have panic attacks and ended up in a mental hospital. i've realized that i bottled everything in and just exploded finally, so i am here to get my feelings out so this doesn't happen again. i recently went to my first bereavement group and loved it and they gave me the name of this web-site. i just miss my dad so much. i watched the multiple sclerosis eat him away and in my heart i know he is not in pain any longer but now my pain is eating me. he was such a proud and strong man, the M.S. made him frail and weak. He had the hardest time. he was in constant pain. it was so sad. I'm very sorry for everyones loss here, its absolutely devastating.

[kathyanne]

Momo,

I too lost my Dad about a year ago and to have to watch him - the strongest person I've ever known - struggle with a disease he had no control over was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. When my Dad was in chemotherapy for his Leukemia he jokingly nicknamed his IV "Randy" and teased all the nurses... it was so hard to go see him and watch him shake but act as though things were normal. I suffer from depression and although my Dad never understood how bad things could get the last day I saw him he told me that "now I know what you went through and please let me go in peace." It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm still devastated because he was the one person who I could talk to about anything. My father was proud but asked us to shave his head (and take pictures!)... he tried to turn everything into something humorous, which was his greatest trait. It is devastating to lose that and a lot of people don't realize that fathers can have more of an impact on kids than they think. My Dad was my world, and I find that dealing with life without him and pretending (as my mother wants) to be "normal" is psychologically devastating. I don't think any person can understand what this is like until they experience it for themselves, and for those who have I am so sorry.

[alex329]

HI KATHYANNE......I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU,NOONE KNOWS THIS PAIN UNTIL THEY WILL GO THRU IT THEMSELVES..........THEY JUST DONT GET IT.............AND I DIDNT GET IT EITHER UNTIL 4 MONTHS AGO..........TODAY IS FOUR MONTHS AGO FOR ME LOSING MY DAD......MY BEST FRIEND.........WHAT DO I DO NOW????????????? IM LOST WITHOUT HIM..........HE WENT SO SUDDENLY AND THERE WAS NO GOODBYE NO NOTHING..............IM SICK OVER THIS.........I SUFFER FROM ANXIETY AND PANIC MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE MY DAD DID............BUT NOW ITS 10 TIMES WORSE THAT TIS HAS HAPPENEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM IN COUNSELING AND THAT HELPS AND THIS HELPS ALOT TOO.............IM JUST SICK OF FEELING NERVOUS AND SICK ALL THE TIME...............ITS A CRAZY CYCLE THAT WE HAVE TO GO THRU AND I HAVE THIS ON TOP OF IT ALL...................I JUST WANT MY DAD BACK AND THAT CANT HAPPEN SO I WILL TRY TO GO ON THE BEST THAT I CAN FOR NOW.............BUT I JUST WISH PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD US MORE..............I DONT WISH THIS PAIN ON ANYONE..........BUT IF THEY ONLY KNEW!!!! NITE ALL TARA

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

I am having such a bad day, I am getting married in 8 days to my wonderful fiance.

But I can't help that I miss my Dad so much I cry all the time at little things.

I had a call from our venue on tuesday 11 days before my wedding!!!!to say that they had double booked our evening reception and we needed to find somewhere else 11 DAYS!!!!! For 250 Guests!!! I just broke down, as if its not hard enough to lose my best mate(DADDY) 8 months before I celebrate the most important day in any father and daughters life, they spring that on me, its been sorted out now, but I don't know how much more shock my body can take.

My Mum has just sold (which was) our family home and life is just so tough right now!

Sorry to ramble on, I just feel so low without my Daddy here.

I think it gets harder, not easier to cope with. I hurt more each day and miss him more and more as time goes by.

Will I EVER stop missing him, I seem to take 2 steps forward, then 10 steps back!!!

Its good to have this website to get out some emotion and feedback from others going through the same emotions

Thanks for listening

alwaysdaddysgirl

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

[momo79]

kathyanne, your father sounds like he was a wonderful man. he loved you so much that he was always trying to make light of everything to keep you happy. what a gift thank you for sharing with me about your dad. hope to talk more, love, momo

[momo79]

A poem~

Don't think of him as gone away-

his journeys just begun

life holds so many facets-

this earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting

from the sorrows and the tears

in a place of warmth and comfort

where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing

that we could know today

how nothing but our sadness

can really pass away.

And think of him as living

in the hearts of those he touched...

for nothing loved is ever lost-

and he was loved so much.

[boohhead]

Hi All, I am new to this site. I have read over the past couple of days some post that others have wrote. I want to get my story out first and then see if anyone has any help to offer me. I am 21 years old and a huge daddys girl. Before my dad past away I was working full time and going to school full time. I lost my dad Aug 4, 2006. We didnt have a chance to say goodbye it happened so fast. We had no clue. After my dad past away I moved back home with my mom to help her out. I had quit my job when my father died bc i just couldnt do, after that semster in school i quit i just didnt wanna do it. My mom started dating a guy in Oct. 2006. I have one brother (28) and a sister (24). My mom no longer seems to have time for all of us now that she is with this guy. I have had depression for 5 years and have been on meds. I stopped taking them when i quit my job. i thought id be ok without them. turns out im not. i went through the normal stage where you dont believe it happened you just go through the motion of things. and then about two months ago it hit me. my dads not going to come in from work and walk through that door again. hes really gone. all i have left are the memories of me and him. and now things are getting hard. i dont want to get out of bed i dont want to talk to anyone i dont want to do anything. my dad was such a big part of my life that everywhere i go something reminds me of him. its so hard. and i feel like ive lost my mom as well. she has picked a man over her kids. this man doesnt have kids and he doesnt know how much we need my mom. when my dad was a live on sunday afternoons in the spring wed all have cook outs and bbq and just hang out. we dont do that now bc my mom has to be with this new guy. he doesnt like for her to spend time with anyone but him. so i feel as though i have lost both of them. i just needed to vent to someone that might now where im coming from. thanks to all who may read this and reply or just read this.

again thank you

Jessica

[mofirefly]

Boohhead - So sorry you had to find this place, and yet I do hope it helps you as it has helped so many others. You are dealing not only with the loss of you dad, but also the emotions of you mom being with someone else (like the feelings people may have after divorce and dating again). To me it seems natural that you feel like you have also lost you mom to this new person - but have you tried talking to her about it? You have also had a number of changes in you life (quiting a job/school) and that adds to the stress. I would think it would be a good idea to talk to a physician about getting back on the meds you use to take, even if just for a while. About the loss hitting you just two months ago - it could be that with everything else that you've had to do, you've been in a state of shock. I still remember waking up one night about 11 months after my mom's accident and I felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on me and all I could hear in my head was "she's gone" - You are traveling on a journey that is very unpredictable and even tho there are many others taking the same trip - we are each traveling at our own pace. Hang on to you precious memories, and come back here to vent anytime - it's a great place to get things out of your system. Take care.

[alex329]

JESSICA,ITS VERY HARD AS I AM (OR WAS )DADDYS LITTLE GIRL MYSELF AND IM 36 AND HAVING AN AWFUL TIME WITH THIS TOO..........WE ALSO HAD COOKOUTS ALL THE TIME AND WE STILL DO JUST FOR MY DAD BUT ITS NOT THE SAME,OF COURSE!!!! IM LOST WITHOUT HIM AS ALL OF YOU ARE TO............PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK AS YOU NEED TO CHAT TO HELP VENT OUT YOUR FEELINGS............IT DOES HELP..............IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND HOPE YOU GET BACK ON YOUR MEDS THEY DO HELP,IM ALSO ON PAXIL AND IT DOES HELP ME ALOT WITH ANXIETY............AND TRY TALKING TO YOUR MOM LIKE MOFIREFLY SAID............SHE MIGHT COME AROUND IF SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU REALLY DO NEED HER...................TAKE CARE......NITE TARA

[boohhead]

Tara-

Thank you so much. Having someone reply does help a lot. its been very hard.

again thank you.

[Guest Guest]

Hey i need help please don't judge me.im 16 years old and im 6 months pregnant. and my mom's parents died in there 50s and im afraid that my mother will die in her 50s.my mom is overweight and has high blood pressure and asthma she is going to be 48 years old can one of you help me with the way i feel or give me advice.does this mean she will go at that age?? can you guys write to me at my email address Babygirla413@yahoo.com (i think its the pregnancy i hope oh and i lost my father and have no brothers or sisters that why im afraid of things like that can you guys help me please i wanna get out of this.

[solemate]

Here I go again, ten steps backwards - I returned to work on monday albeit 1/2 day, tuesday 1/2 wednesday (today) only made it to the front door, the rest of the day I was very upset and in tears. My husband has been there for me all the way and together we went to my Mum and Dad's unit to say our last goodbye as someone else is due to move in and take up residence. As I moved around the empty unit, I could still see their faces and feel the warmth that they gave me. I scattered some of their ashes in their beloved garden in the hope that they know that they are still there. I was sent a lovely letter about my parents by a good friend who lives interstate. This letter was so touching that I rang the person to speak with her. She told me of my mother's letters to her and how very proud she and Dad were of me and all that I had done. She is sending the letters to me as she wants me to have them. I knew my Mother and Father were very proud of me I dont need a letter to say that, but its going to be so nice to have those comments in writing for me to read over and over. Work have been very good - going very softly with me, however for me its been extremely hard. Tears, tears and tears thats all I seem to do. There are some times of non tears but I wonder if I will ever settle down. I know its very early days and I am frightened that I will end up a total wreck. I greive for one and then the other, then the both together. Has anyone else lost both parents at once?

[mofirefly]

I don't get on the boards as much as I use to but was wondering:

Tara - haven't found a post from you in a while - hope you are doing ok and maybe just taking a break, or I'm just not looking in the right places.

Cindy - have you gotten back any news regarding you medical situation?

Alwaysdaddysgirl - I hope I got your username right - your wedding is fast approching so I can only imagine your emotions are all over the place, but wanted to post that I hope you have a wonderful day.

Solemate - I didn't lose my parents at the same time, but 4 years apart, so I didn't know if I should respond to your post - but I can't even imagine the agony that you are going thru - I think scattering some ashes at the garden was a beautiful thoughtful thing to do.

All of you on these boards - TAKE CARE of yourselves and the loved ones still around you.

[alex329]

HI CANDY...IM HERE EVERYNIGHT,I HAD A BAD DAY TODAY BUT IT GOT BETTER AFTER I WENT TO WORK AND GOT MY MIND GOING........JOE IS BACK TO WORK AND JOEY IS AT SCHOOL SO IM ALONE ALL DAY BUT I DO TRY TO PLANT FLOWERS OR WATER THEM OR JUST GET AND KEEP MOVING.........I KNOW THAT WHEN I SIT IN THE HOUSE IM ALOT WORSE........I DWELL ON DEATH AND MY FATHER DYING AND IT CONSUMES ME ALL DAY LONG SO I REALLY DO TRY NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN..........I DO FEEL AS THOUGH I TAKE 2 STEPS FORWARD AND THEN BAM A BAD DAY HITS!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT ,AS THERE IS NO WARNIG THAT I WILL BE HAVING A BAD DAY......SO I MGUESS THIS IS THE UGLY PROCESS OF GRIEVING.......IM INTO MY 5TH MONTH NOW WITHOUT MY DAD AND IT JUST REALLY IS AWFUL AND HURTS REALLY BAD,STILL..........I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN............I DONT THINK THAT WILL HAPPEN FOR A LONG TIME...........THANKS FOR CHECKING ON ME........IM ALWAYS HERE AT NIGHT,.....HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE.........NITE TARA

[cindyinalaska]

Hello everyone,

Another hard day....I just found out that my grandmother has been in the hospital for an entire week and nobody in my family told me about it. As soon as I found out, I called her. She is so sad!! She lost my dad, her wonderful, caring son in December...and then two months later she lost her husband, my grandfather. They were married for 59 years!! My grandma said that she thought nobody cared if she died...and she wants to be with my dad and my grandpa. It's so sad!!! If I were there I would be at the hospital everyday!!! What is wrong with my family!!! I believed members of my family who told me that she was doing fine...going out to lunch, shopping, etc...I feel like a fool!! I should have called her more..I wanted to believe so much that she was doing ok!! But she's not...the nurse told my sister that my grandma has had only a few visitors...that she is going to die of a broken heart. My sister just found out yesterday that she was in the hospital...she tried to call me but couldn't leave a message because my voicemail was full. She is on her way to the hospital right now to see her. Every member of the family with the exception of myself and one uncle all live within 30 minutes of the hospital and she has had only two of my cousins visit her!!! I just don't understand it...how could they leave her alone???? I wish I wasn't so far away!!!! Thanks for listening, Cindy

[mofirefly]

Cindy - I'm so very sorry that you are having to endure yet another blow to your already burdened heart. At least you have been able to contact your grandmother by phone, but I know that isn't anything like being with her. As for the others not visiting - who really knows - some people just don't think, others (my husband included) can't go near hospitals to visit as it causes so much anxiety it makes them ill. For those of us with tender hearts we just don't understand. I use to go to the hospital every day to share lunch with a friend of mine who was dying of complications from diabetes...there were a lot of people who couldn't figure out why I did that...I counldn't figure out why they didn't. As far as you not being told - my parents use to try and not tell me of stuff going on because I lived too far away until I finally got thru to them that it was so very unfair to leave me in the dark. Right now, all I can offer is a virtual hug (((((Cindy))))) and ask that you take care of yourself! Candy

[Guest Guest]

E-Published writer putting the finishing touches on a comedic table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a humorous light can often be deep soul healers so we hope you will take the time to share in this safe environment.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF PET, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

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Many thanks,

[mofirefly]

Tara - When we sometimes say we want ourselves and stuff to be normal again I get hung up on just what normal means...because of the loss we have endured we are different from others - that doesn't mean we are less than normal than they are. We seem to become far more aware of the pain around us because we've lost a part of the protective shield that parents (and others) give us in the crazy world. I know from your posts that you had to face the horrific decision to remove life support - and I feel the emotional upheaveal that caused, but until this past week I was only experiencing it here on the boards - now a dear friend of ours in on life support and his wife must make that final decision. It makes me even more aware of how you must have felt - and it makes me think again that you are doing a wonderful job of hanging on and taking this rotten journey the best way you can. Please continue to take care of yourself.

[alex329]

HI CANDY,,,IM SORRY YOU TO BE A WITNESS TO THIS AWFUL SITUATION .......AND IM SORRY ABOUT YOUR FRIEND THATS ON LIFE SUPPORT.......ITS VERY GRUELING AND HEARTWRENCHING........ITS BEYOND WORDS FOR ME...........THE MOST LIFE ALTERING MOMENT THAT I HAVE EVER HAD...........EXCEPT FOR HAVING JOEY.....BUT THAT WAS HAPPY TIME IN MY LIFE....THIS WAS JUST TO HARD TO IMAGINE.........IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOUR FRIEND COULD MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ????I HOPE SO........THERE WAS CHANCE FOR MY DAD.........WE HAD A PARTY TODAY FOR MY 4 YEAR OLD NEPHEW,IT WAS SO HARD TO CELEBRATE WITHOUT MY DAD........HE LOVED NICK SOOO MUCH.....WE TALKED ABOUT HIM ALL DAY LONG............WE ALSO GAVE MY SISTER HER MEMORY QUILT THAT I TALKED ABOUT.........IT CAME OUT SO NICE....WE ALL CRIED!!! ITS MADE UP OF ALL HIS CLOTHES AND PICS AND THINGS THAT HE LOVED LIKE COORS LITE PICS AND HIS GUITAR PIC......I GET MINE ON FRIDAY AND I CANT WAIT!!!!! ITS JUST ONE MORE WAY TO KEEP HIM WITH US!!!! WHATEVER HELPS...RIGHT????..PLEASE KEEP ME POSTED AS TO YOUR FRIENDS SITUATION.........ILL PRAY FOR YOU AND HOPE ALL IS WELL........NITE TARA

[dollface]

Hi all--

well, today it has been 4 years since i lost my daddy. I miss him sooooooooooo much! My mother received the oil portrait of him last week and brought it to me to hold on to for a while. He looks so sharp in his army uniform--such a young man with so much to look forward to. It's nice to have him looking over me today.

I have to tell all of you, it does get better--maybe not easier, but better. The pain will never go away, but it does subside.

may god bless all of you.

Tonight, I will hold my 19 month old son a little tighter, and a little longer.

dollface (daddy called me that)

[MVanessa]

Hi, I am really losing it. My grandfather was taken off of life support today. I miss my dad, and I cant handle this.

Monika

[mofirefly]

MVanessa - Lossing someone while you are still freshly missing another makes the new loss even more difficult to bear...try to allow yourself some time to let the emotions go thru you and then try to breathe deeply while you try to take another step on the lonely journey of grief. Take care.

Tara - Unfortunately our friend lives in CA and we're in MO and we haven't heard anything from his wife but for the one phone call saying he was pretty much brain dead but she just couldn't function, let alone decide what to do. The quilt idea seems so beautiful - I wish I had thought of something like that, but neither my mom or I wanted to deal with dad's clothing so she gave it to charity and I actually still have and wear some of my mom's clothes, just as I use to borrow from here before the accident took her away. I do have a lot of items in my home that belonged to both my parent's...and I love them being a part of my life as I try to continue on. Take care of yourself!

[mofirefly]

Tara and Cindy - OK this is me, the worrier of the group. I don't get on the boards as often, but I hope things are going ok for you both. Tara, you said you are on every night, hopefully you are just to tired to post. Cindy, I hope that you have gotten results on your medical situations. You both take care of yourselves, and may all the others on these boards try to find peace in their broken hearts.

[alex329]

HI CANDY,IM NOT TO TIRED TO POST BUT I DONT SEE ANYBODY WRITING ALOT AND I DONT WANT TO BE A BURDEN BEING ON HERE ALLLLLL THE TIME............I JUST COME AND READ ALL THE POSTS AND SEE IF ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN ON.........IM OK....JUST TRYING TO KEEP BUSY.......PLANTING FLOWERS AND WORKING AT NIGHT 3 TIMES A WEEK...JOJO HAS BASEBALL....I JUST KNOW THAT IF IM IDLE FOR TO LONG I GET VERY SAD QUICKLY.......SO I TRY NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN TO MUCH.......I CRY HERE AND THERE JUST TO RELIEVE IT NOW AND AGAIN.....IT HAPPENS WHEN IT HAPPENS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT AND I DONT REALLY MIND...........I TALK ABOUT MY DAD ALL DAY AND NIGHT TO MY FRIENDS TO MY FAMILY........IT HELPS ME ALOT.........IM NOT SURE WHY I JUST DO IT.........MY WHOLE FAMILY DOES........TO KEEP HIM WITH US,I GUESS.........NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.......I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO GET THRU THIS..........ITS EXTREMELY HARD BEING THE BABY AND ALL BUT IM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS........I HAVE NO APPETITE YET BUT I DO EAT......IM JUST NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS BEFORE THIS HAPPENED TO ME.........I NEVER KNEW HOW BAD IT COULD HURT!!!! ITS AN AWFUL HEARTWRENCHING PAIN I WOULDNT WISH ON ANYONE..........THANKS FOR CHECKING ON ME AND CINDY.........NITE TARA......PS...I HOPE ALL IS OK WITH WITH YOUR FAMILY..........TAKE CARE..............TARA

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Candy and friends,

I finally got the results back!!! Good News...no cervical cancer!! I'm soooo relieved! I'm sure that I could NOT have handled that right now. I thank god it turned out ok!!! Now I am just getting ready for Mark's surgery...we have to drive 8 hours away to have this surgery done. He is having both feet operated on due to Hammer Toe (8 of 10 toes will have to be operated on). I'm just trying to get things around the house completed so that it will be done when he is recovering. Candy...I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this difficult time. Talk to you all soon.

Take care, Cindy

[alex329]

HI CINDY IM SO GLAD YOUR OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE ALL GOES WELL WITH MARK AND HIS SURGERY............GOOD LUCK............CANDY,I DIDNT KNOW THAT YOUR FRIEND PASSED AWAY.IS THIS THE ONE WE TALKED ABOUT(ON LIFE SUPPORT)...IM VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS............MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU..............KEEP IN TOUCH..............NITE TARA

[mofirefly]

Cindy - So glad the results were good - and I've heard that surgery for hammer toes is easy to do - hope it's easy to recover from.

Tara - Glad you doing ok. About your remark of not wanting to be a burden here - I feel that there are times I post too much and others might be tired of seeing my sign on yet again - but this is one place that I feel connected with others. You are lucky that you and your family talk about your dad - here it's just me talking about my parents, and at times you'd think that my in-laws no longer knew that I once had parents and it really is eating me up. My husband seems to be doing ok - but I know he's hurting as right now he doesn't have a friend to call his own anymore...he appears to be in the stage of being supper busy just so he doesn't have to think about what has happened. As hard as my own journey of grief has been, it's hard to watch another person you love have to travel it as well. And here I go rambling again, when I should be getting off to bed, since I now need to rise and shine (HA) earlier than every before.

EVERYONE ON THESE BOARDS, PLEASE TAKE CARE!

[alex329]

HI CANDY.............I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR POSTS IT GIVES SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO AT NIGHT WHEN I FINALLY RELAX AND COME HERE TO UNWIND AND TALK ABOUT MY DAD TO PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW I FEEL.................SO PLEASE KEEP WRITING.............IT HELPS ME ALOT!!!! MY IN LAWS ARRIVED IN TOWN TODAY AND I JUST CANT MAKE BELIEVE IM OK............AND I DIDNT.........ALSO THEY BROUGHT NEW PICS OF THEIR NEW GRAND-CHILD,WHICH I TEARED UP IMMEDIATELY..........AND THEY KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN GOING THRU.SO THAT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME.............I KNOW THEY ARE EXCITED ABOUT A NEW BABY BUT IVE HAD 3 MISSCARRIAGES ,I WOULD THINK THEY COULD BE A LITTLE MORE CONSIDERATE....GUESS NOT.............THEY LEAVE SAT AFTER JOEYS GAME............I LOVE THEM BUT I JUST DONT GET HOW THEY WOULDNT THINK THAT PIC OF A NEW BABY WOULDNT BOTHER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK ITS RUDE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THEY WOULDNT HURT ME INTENIONALLY...........ITS OVER NOW THANK GOD.........I USUALLY AM A HAPPY HOST WHEN THEY GET HERE BUT THEY KNOW IM STILL NOT DEALING WITH THIS SO GOOD........AND THEY WERE GOOD ABOUT TALKING ABOUT MY DAD AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVED HIM TOO...............JOE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 15 YRS SO THEY KNEW MY DAD VERY WELL AND LIKED HIM ALOT.................I JUST WONT PRETEND THAT ALL IS BACK TO NORMAL................I CANT DO IT...............SORRY FOR RAMBLING BUT IVE HELD THAT IN FOR 3 HRS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE CARE ALL.............NITE TARA

[nickche]

I wanted to share an experience I had tonight while driving home late from work.

I was thinking about my dad and said out loud "I miss you dad", I then turned on the radio (Delilah) and the song "You raise me up" by Josh Groban just started playing. This is the song that my brother and sister-in-law played at my dad's funeral. I felt he was telling me he was there. It was comforting and a great way to end my day.

[alex329]

HI ALL.IM VERY DEPRESSED TONIGHT..............MY DAD DIED OF A BRAIN ANURISM ON 12/26/06..............AROUND NOV SOMETIME HE WAS AT MY HOUSE LIKE HE WAS EVERYDAY AND HE CAME IN AND SAT IN THE RECLINER LIKE HE ALWAYS DID....AND I WOULD GO GET HIS DOG A TREAT......ON MY WAY TO THE KITCHEN I LOOKED OVER AT HIM IN THE CHAIR AND HE HAD JUST A BLANK STARE......JUST NOT HIMSELF,NOTHING BEHIND HIS EYES IS HOW I EXPLAIN IT TO MY FAMILY...........JUST OUT OF IT FOR ABNOUT 7 OR 8 SEC.......I KEPT SAYING DAD!! DAD!!! WITH MY HAND ON MY CHEST...HE WAS SCARING ME....AND THEN HE JUST SNAPPED OUT OF IT AND SAID TO ME"WHAT WAS THAT?" ??? I SAID DAD YOU NEED TO HAVE THAT CHECKED,YOU MADE ME SO NERVOUS.........AND THEN HE WENT BACK TO PLAYING WIH THE DOG AND WAS FINE........I DIDNT PURSUE IT AND NOW IN RETROSPECT IM WONDERING IF I COUILD HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE THAT DAY...........I REALLY DONT THINK HE WOULD HAVE HAD ANY SURGERY ON HIS BRAIN IF HE HAD KNOWN,,,,,,,,,HE HAD BYPASS IN 02 AND SAID HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN......I SAID I DIDNT FEEL GUILY ABOUT IT BUT I THINK I DO.............WHAT IF???????????? I HAVE TO GET OVER THIS OR IT WILL EAT ME UP FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE................NOONE EVER SAW HIM DO THIS BUT ME...........WHY ME...........I KNOW ITS NOT MY FAULT HE DIED BUT ITS HARD TO IMAGINE THAT DAY OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD.........AND HE DIED A MONTH LATER.........NITE ALL............

[alex329]

hi all...................im sorry for using caps all the time,im just so used to doing it so i can see it better................i had no idea it meant i was shouting..................ill try to not do it anymore..................

[cindyinalaska]

Tara,

I hope that you are feeling better!! I know the feeling about wishing you could go back and do some things differently. My sister and I were talking the other night and we both had thought that our dad sounded more tired than usual...but we didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, my sister had talked to him just a day before he died and he thought he had the flu...she told him to make sure that he was drinking enough so that he wouldn’t get dehydrated and make sure he got something to eat..which he did. He told her that this was the worst flu that he ever had...no one knew that he would die that night, not even him. I always think..."what if" he had gone to the hospital...but I know in my heart that he wouldn’t have. He hated doctors and always made sure that everyone else would go to the doctor if we were sick, but not him. I think that I am coming to realize that I couldn't have made him go to the doctor if he didn't want too, not even my mom could. He was so sure it was nothing..just the flu and that he would get better in a few days. Please don't blame yourself or feel guilty..your dad wouldn’t want you too. He loved you too much to see you in such pain. If he knew that he could save his life by getting himself to a doctor, I'm sure that he would have, just as I believe that my dad would have went to the doctor had he known that his life depended on it. In my mind I can see my dads sweet smile...watching over me, guiding me, protecting me, and doing his best to help me get through this awful time...just like he would if he were here. I know that your dad is doing the same for you...watching over you and protecting your family...and I bet he’s watching every one of Joeys games. I hope that our dads have met…and are kicking back, relaxing and enjoying an ice cold Coors Lite together!!!

Take care my friend, Cindy

[alex329]

hi cindy,thankyou so much for responding to that email.it was so hard to write but i had to get it out.........i have talked with my family about it and they also agree that my dad wouldnt have done anyhting to fix it,meaning surgery................its just a thought i have alot but i do know its not my fault.............i also hope our dads have met and our watching over us with a coors lite in hand..............my dad hated doctors too!!! but always wanted us to get checked for things...........they were so much alike..............how is mark doing??????????? how are you doing???? i hope all is well in alaska tonight..............nite tara

[cindyinalaska]

Hi,

I am just sitting here having one of those "I can't believe this has happened" moments as I am sure that most of us have on a daily basis. I was thinking about how just three weeks before my dad died, he went on a hunting trip with three of his brothers..they didn't get anything, but they had a great time. And how he had just gotten two Shar Pei puppies eight months before he died who both just loved him so much. And he finally had a business which he owned that was doing so well...and was able to buy his "retirement" house in a great neighborhood that he just loved!! It's just unfair...after working so hard all of his life, things were finally going his way. It's just sad that's all. Take care, Cindy

Tara, I'm doing ok...better than a month ago(I think). We leave on Sunday for Marks surgery...more stress!!!YUK!! I just want everything to go well, and get back home safely. I won't have internet for a week!!! This should be interesting...I have been on here almost everyday since my dad died...it's going to be hard without talking to everyone!!! I thank god that we have this website to help us on this journey of grief. It's been such a comfort to travel this hard road together!! Talk to you soon, Cindy

[alex329]

hi cindy.....i have those moments all the time!!!!..it must just be part of this cyclke we have to go thru.....i bought my dad and uncle a beagle(bella) and he just fell inlove with her from day 1....now mshe is still over at my dads house (with my uncle) thank god i got her,shes now his only company!!! so evertime i see this dog i say wheres daddy and she barks!!!! its like our dog too,since they are only 2 doors away from us.....anyways ,i think of all his hard work and him playing every single day with the neighborhood kids......i went to work that sat and 3 hrs later he was gone.....he had went to a diner for dinner with his girlfriend and my uncle and when they got home he collapsed within a 1/2 hr!!!!!!! what the hell???????? thak god it didnt happen in the car or all 3 would probably not be here.........its just not the same anymore.......my life has an empty space in it.......you all know what i mean,im sure.......i hope your going to be ok.....please write us when you return and get a chance............good luck and take care.......nite tara

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[alex329]

hi everybody, its friday night and i just got in from a crazy night at work so im just checking in with all of you to see how your all doing.....cindy..you are going out of town on sunday..good luck.......keep us posted.......this is my thinking time.....at night when the guys are asleep......im just trying to keep thinking of happy thoughts of my dad....we had so many!!!!!! which is a good thing.......i saw my counselor yesterday and she said not to feel guilty about living life without my dad.....he would want me to.......i already knew that but its hard.........shes a good dr.........it helps to go every few weeks to be reassured that what im feeling is all part of the grieving process.....hope your all doing ok tonight............nite tara

[mofirefly]

Hi - I too am just checking in on the boards but don't have but a few minutes. I hope everyone is hanging in there....remember that even tho I'm unable to post as often, I think of you all every day. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Everypne,

I hope you are all doing well. I'm packing today to get ready to go to Anchorage for Marks surgery. It's going to be so hard not having all of you to talk to...Thanks for all of the support that you have given me these past 5 1/2 months!! Take care and I'll talk to you all next week!! Cindy

Tara...Your counselor sounds like she gives you alot of good advice. Keep posting what she tells you....it helps for me to hear that it's ok for me to move on and not feel guilty about living without my dad in this world. I hope you have a good week. I will keep you posted if I can. I'm going to bring my laptop...not sure if it will work or not. (I'm so not good at computers!!!) Wish me luck!!! Talk to you soon, Cindy

Mofirefly,

((((HUGS)))) We sure have missed you here!!

[alex329]

hi cindy......many hugs to you on your journey with mark.....take care and write when you can!!!!...good luck...........candy,i also miss your entries but know its hard for you now to come on and chat........but whenever you can we will be here..........hope all is well with tonight........nite tara

[Guest Guest]

My name is Chris, my father left this world May 4th after living with cancer for three years. I am very fortunate to have been able to build a great relationship with him before he left this world. I got to spend many nights talking to him about life and spirituality, and move past the role of child/parent with him (all though he was and always will be my father, my teacher and my guide). I am an only child and am not only concerned how to grieve for myself but how and what I can do for my mother. I have a great support group, but many of them have a hard time understanding where I am at because they have not had any experience like this. Any suggestions other than seeking counseling to help get through the pain of the physical loss?

[jackiewitter]

Chris, for me personally, I have found this site more helpful than counseling. I lost my mother, father and most recently my little brother in the time span of 6 years. My brother was the most devastating because it was a sudden work related accident. While a few of my friends had lost a parent and were somewhat able to relate, none had lost a sibling and I was at a loss. I came here about 2 months after his death because nothing was working for me. At first I just observed and read. I was amazed at the geniune concern from the people here and how much it helped to express feelings that I could not convey to my family or friends. As for your mother, you may also refer her here. Sometimes it is so much easier to talk here. I hope you and your mother will bond and be there for each other through out the rough times ahead. One piece of advise I can give is don't try and hold everything together, allow yourself some time to grieve as well. I hope you choose to continue at this site. I will watch for you and say a special prayer for you and your mother. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

HI all

I haven't been on here in a while I have been very busy with my wedding.

I got married on the 5th May and I was dreading how I would feel on the actual day because my precious Daddy would not be walking his little princess(that's what he called me) down the aisle.

I went to his grave the day before the wedding and I put his cufflinks that I had bought him there and a letter I had written to him about how I felt without him here on my special day.

I sat by the grave had a few tears and told him that I knew he would be there in spirit.

We had a special candle made which was lit all through the service and the evening reception.

I had a magical day and I still had a few tears, the speeches were very emotional.

I felt he was there with me.

My little brother proudly walked me down the aisle and my Mum was very strong.

It was 9 months since I lost my precious Daddy and I find it easier to cope some days.

I have more good days than bad now, even though not a day goes by when I don't think of him.

Sorry to waffle on.

Soulmate - how are you?

stansbaby - How you doing?

I hope you are all doing better

Love and hugs

alwaysdaddysgirl

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[mofirefly]

Alwaydaddysgirl - Congratulations on you wedding and thank you for sharing some of the day with us here. Take care.

[alex329]

to alwaysdaddysgirl,im so happy your wedding day went so good for you.............it sounds like you had a great service and remembered your dad in such a great way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im sure he was there with you in spirit as i am hoping my dad is with me everyday to help me thru this tough time...................congrats and take care.............tara

[solemate]

dearest alwaysdaddysgirl - how wonderful that your wedding was so beautiful and full of warmth and emotions. I knew you would be strong on the day and this could have only been because of your spirit and your dad looking over your shoulder. I am so glad that you allowed yourself to enjoy the day and not be so upset about not having your dad there in person. You sound a little more at peace and I am so pleased for you. Your new husband would be so proud of you and looking forward to a strong and loving relationship together. I loved the idea of the candle and have also used candles to remember my dad and mum. You are a special young lady who deserves to have a strong and fruitful marriage with someone who obviously loves you dearly. He will be a part of everything you think and do and feel, always by your side. Believe in the future as anything is possible you are and always will be the love of his life. Your Dad would be smiling with you and will be forever in a special place within your heart. take care