Loss of a Father

[Guest Guest]

PS - My name is Sarah and I'm 22. I'm not used to doing this kind of thing and sharing stories. I'm just looking for some way to cope. Being in law school is stressful enough on its own, but with the added emotional trauma of losing my dad I really struggle to stay there. But my dad would want me to go through with it because he was so proud of me. It's tough because no one there understands what I'm going through, and I have a hard time caring about school. How can I care about and focus on anything else, and how can I just go on every day pretending I'm fine when I never feel ok?

[mariposa]

Welcome Sarah. I'm very sorry for your loss. My dad was young too when he passed away. He was only 52. I imagine how hard it is with you starting law school. I totally understand what you mean when you say no one around you understands what youre going through. All I can say is take care of yourself and grieve however you want to. I find that certain things bring me comfort like taking a walk in the park or going to the gym and releasing all your pent up energy. There's times too when I don't want to be around anyone but I force myself to go out and take a walk or just sit in the sun. You start to realize how beautiful and precious life is and its simplicity. I really wish you peace in your heart and I know it's all so new to you right now. Be around people who care about you and who will uplift you. Find someone who will listen to you, someone you can talk to...or just keep coming back here. We all care about what you're going through.

PS - My name is Sarah and I'm 22. I'm not used to doing this kind of thing and sharing stories. I'm just looking for some way to cope. Being in law school is stressful enough on its own, but with the added emotional trauma of losing my dad I really struggle to stay there. But my dad would want me to go through with it because he was so proud of me. It's tough because no one there understands what I'm going through, and I have a hard time caring about school. How can I care about and focus on anything else, and how can I just go on every day pretending I'm fine when I never feel ok?

[4froggies]

Hi guys. My name is Michele. I lost my dad suddenly May 12th--3 weeks to the day before he was scheduled to walk me down the aisle. Needless to say, I am heart broken and lost. He was my best friend, my hero and my everything. Starting my new life with a new husband and a broken family is overwhelming, I am reaching out to anyone now who understands where I am and is willing to communicate with me.

My focus on life is totally different than it was, I have lost track of who I am or what my goals should be. I become physically sick on my worst days--very sad and withdrawn. I feel like no one understands or cares too--all of my friends were there to support me through the funeral, but I feel as though everyone thinks I should be farther than I am right now in dealing with this--and I am not sure I will ever be able to deal with this.

[Guest Guest]

Hi Michele,

My name is Kara. I\'m 25 and I also just lost my Dad (who had just turned 50). He was injured in a horrible explosion and fire on September 1st. They took him to a hospital burn unit and we were told he should recover in 3-4 weeks. This was bittersweet news - SO happy that they promised recovery, but an emotional breakdown as my wedding was set for September 8. Being his only daughter, we decided the only choice in our hearts was to postpone so that he could celebrate with us after he was completely healed in a couple months. He\'d been in the hospital for a week and a half. His first surgery went extremely well and he only had one simpler surgery left, when he passed away suddenly and completely unexpectedly in the night. His heart just quit and they couldn\'t get it started again.

My Dad was truly my best friend. He was the one I would turn to for advice, he was my biggest supporter, he was so much fun to be around. I am completely lost, just like you feel. I don\'t know what I should do, how to keep going... whenever I think about my wedding, all I feel is sad... My fiance and I are trying to decide when to reschedule the wedding. Will I be strong enough to go through with it this fall still? Or should we wait until next year... These are the difficult questions we face. My fiance has been extremely wonderful in supporting me and caring for me, but I feel the same way you do about most people not understanding completely how I feel... the extreme sadness and the hole I feel in my heart... please know that I understand how you feel... I am here to listen and share anytime you feel up to it....

Hi guys. My name is Michele. I lost my dad suddenly May 12th--3 weeks to the day before he was scheduled to walk me down the aisle. Needless to say, I am heart broken and lost. He was my best friend, my hero and my everything. Starting my new life with a new husband and a broken family is overwhelming, I am reaching out to anyone now who understands where I am and is willing to communicate with me.

My focus on life is totally different than it was, I have lost track of who I am or what my goals should be. I become physically sick on my worst days--very sad and withdrawn. I feel like no one understands or cares too--all of my friends were there to support me through the funeral, but I feel as though everyone thinks I should be farther than I am right now in dealing with this--and I am not sure I will ever be able to deal with this.

[sarah9405]

Mariposa- Thank you so much for your encouragement. Sometimes I can get out and try to do things for myself, but sometimes I just can't. I'm supposed to be reading for class right now but I can't do that either. I know it'll be better one day. I think it's just that everyone seems to already expect me to be better, and I have only met one person in school that I can actually consider a good friend to lean on. I'll keep trying though.

Michele- I understand how you feel. I keep thinking about how my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle, and it doesn't help that I've had to attend two weddings in the past two weeks and watch my friends do it, and the father-daughter dance...I lost it both times. I don't have a family of my own yet, but I'm starting a new phase in my life as a law student, which I had to jump into 2 days after finding out. The first year is overwhelming without any added stress. My dad also died suddenly, and all my friends seem to be moving on and aren't as there for me as before. I've even lost a few who haven't called me at all but who I thought would really be there. People who aren't going through it don't understand, and they can't understand why we act and feel the way we do sometimes. I can't even understand it. No one can know how far along we should be with our grief. It hasn't even been 2 months for me, and I wonder how people expect me to function. You can talk to me anytime. Everyone else is moving on with life, and I would love to be able to figure out how to catch up.

[topazorchid]

Hi All,

I am new to this website, and really havenet shared a lot of my pain beyond my husband.

I lost my Dad on St. Patricks Day this year. I am just SO sad all the time and looking for some way to see through all of this grief. Its been 6 months and it still overcomes me at times. How long will I continue to lose my bearings and feel like my world is collapsing around me? Sometimes, I feel just very angry he was taken from me so soon. I didnt even get 30 years on this planet with him! He was the best father, and such a delight to anyone that knew him.

He died in my parent's home surrounded by all of us. Now I find it SO painful to be in that house. My mother invites us over for dinner, and I rush to get out of there. I dont want to hurt her, but everytime I am in that house, I bite the hell out of my tounge to keep from breaking down. I have never lost anyone close to me before my father. How long will this hurt?

[ownedby3]

Well yesterday we buried my uncle. My sweet loving uncle who died suddenly last week. My family has had 3 deaths in 5 months. Please god tell me this is over and please give all the woman in my family strength. I am thankful my mom and aunt have each other to get them through and now my cousins and I can also talk about what we are going through. Not that I'd wish this on any of us but at least there is someone who can relate.

4Froggies, I'm sorry about your dad. I think about my future wedding one day and just immediately cry. I was going to have my uncle walk me down in memory of my dad, but he just died last week too. Weddings are unbelievable heard for me and the weddings I've gone to this summer I have chosen to step out of the room for all father/daughter dances. Truthfully, I probably will step out of the room the rest of my life for that dance. I just can't bear to see it or watch it.

It was weird at the funeral and even the night time wake over the weekend, I couldn't cry anymore. It's like I had no tears left and was just numb. Maybe I bawled enough Thursday - Sunday afternoon but it was just odd. I am going to try my hardest though to get back into church and go there for assurance.

Well Dad and Uncle Bob I hope you are together with grandma and grandpa. Playing slot machines and bowling or just talking sports. Dad - the NY Giants won on Sunday and Uncle Bob the Jets won too. Must have been your doing because they both stink this year! I hope you will both watch over all of us and give us strength. We all miss you and love you both.

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi guys. My name is Michele. I lost my dad suddenly May 12th--3 weeks to the day before he was scheduled to walk me down the aisle. Needless to say, I am heart broken and lost. He was my best friend, my hero and my everything. Starting my new life with a new husband and a broken family is overwhelming, I am reaching out to anyone now who understands where I am and is willing to communicate with me.

My focus on life is totally different than it was, I have lost track of who I am or what my goals should be. I become physically sick on my worst days--very sad and withdrawn. I feel like no one understands or cares too--all of my friends were there to support me through the funeral, but I feel as though everyone thinks I should be farther than I am right now in dealing with this--and I am not sure I will ever be able to deal with this.

Hi michele

My name is also Michelle, I lost my Dad very suddenly and unexpectedly on August 10th last year of heart failure, just 8 and a half months before he was going to walk me down the aisle.

You were very strong to still go ahead and get married so soon after losing your Dad,your Dad sounds like a wonderful man and it sounds like you have a similar relationship that I had with my Dad.

I won't lie to you its tough, I still cry most days and its been a year now.

No one can know what you are going through, they can try to understand and be there for you, but it will take time.

I had the same sorts of feelings about life and how can my life ever be the same, the truth is, it never will, and you will have some days that are worse than others. I found out I am expecting my Dad's first Grandchild on the anniversary of his death this year, I really want to tell him, I know he would have been such an amazing Grandad and it hurts me that my child/children will never expierience the love like he gave to me.

I have set up a website in memory of my Dad,have a look if you get a chance. go to google and type in alan muchmore and it should come up.

How old are you and what happened to your Dad?

Take care

alwaysdaddysgirl

XXXXXX

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

ownedby3

I haven't been on for a while, I've been in bed for the last month with severe gastroenteritis, which on top of morning sickness is not good.

I am so sorry to hear about your uncle, I can't believe it, what happened?

alwaysdaddysgirl

XXXXXXXXXXXx

[ownedby3]

Hi Michelle, I'm sorry you are sick. Is everything ok with the baby? Please take good care of yourself and rest up.

As for my uncle, I got a call at 1am last Thursday that my uncle had collapsed in the bathroom and was unresponsive. Since I was 1/2 a sleep I thought everything would be ok and my mom would call in the morning with an update. About 1/2 hour later we got the call he died. 61 years old and he died. His heart doctor thinks he either had an aneurysm or his heart sped up and his beat couldn't catch up. Which is a form of a heart attack but it's called something else. My aunt did not chose to do an autopsy so we'll never know what happened. He was also on blood thinners for a procedure he had done and they think when they took him off he may have gotten a blood clot. So it's all a big question. But my aunt said he collapsed, had trouble breathing, then just died right there. They worked on him for 1 hour.

I'm so sad, he was our strength after my dad died. He called my mom weekly to check on her. Him and my aunt would stop over and keep her company and have dinner. He was the nicest most caring man. I think even more so than my tough as nails dad! It just makes no sense to me how God can take 2 of them in such a short period of time. My family is just heartbroken and shocked. At least my dad was sick so we were somewhat prepared, I think this is SO much worse. So now to grieve over 2...ugh. And the holidays are right around the corner...I really just want to run away and not celebrate anything this year. It just doesn't seem right to me.

Denise

[cindyinalaska]

Wow...so many new people here. I'm so sorry that you have experienced the horrible pain of losing your dads. It's been almost 10 months for me since my dad died suddenly in his sleep....just one day before his 55th birthday. Way to young to be taken so soon. I don't know why he died, there was no autopsy..he just thought he had the flu. I just want you all to know that it the pain does ease up a little with time, but it never really goes away. It just seems like as more time passes, the good days out number the bad ones. The first seven months were really hard for me...it's just been the past month and a half that seems to have gotten a little better. I had an awful day this past weekend..it was my anniversary and I just had a complete melt down. I don't know why it had that effect on me...I think it was probably because my dad always called us on our Anniversary and now he will never be able to?? I don't know....grief is a funny thing...you just never know when its going to bring you to your knees. I just got a job...I think that is a step in the right direction. I thought about looking for a job a few months ago, but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I suppose I just wasn't ready. My only advice that I can give as someone who has been through those heart breaking first few months is...just take care of yourself...let yourself cry when you need to. Try to get out of the house, call a good friend, and just grieve however you need to. Losing my dad was the hardest and most devistating event of my life as I am sure it was for you...just be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone. Take Care, Cindy

[alex329]

hi cindy, i was so happy to see you on here............we have been doing better these days,but tomorrow is 9 months losing my dad!!!!!!!!!!! ugh......i dread the holidays so much...........i really havent a desire for xmas as of right now but i have joey and i have to do it.............its been a little easier like you said but its still hard some days..........the nights i work i do alot better since my mind is occupied for a few hours a night.............its good for me to get out and im so happy to hear you got a job...........that will help you alot................keeping the mind busy is the key................its been a rough year for all of us girls here.............loss of a dad so sudden,its hard to imagine or deal with...........but we still have to move on.......i dont know how but we do it....................im really hoping and praying that after the new year we all night be a little better as the "firsts" are so hard to get thru.............i do have a huge family and we will do the best we can do get thru it together................i hope all is well tonight with you all...............nite cindy keep talking,ill be here.............hi candy and jackie, hope your both doing ok tonight as well..............i miss all of you guys.............nite love tara.............god bless to all of you

[topazorchid]

Thank You Cindy

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara,

I have been thinking about you alot lately. I've been meaning to email you for two weeks now, but since I've started working I just haven't been able to find the time(Sorry). There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything that I want to get done..you know???

I hope today went ok...I can't believe that it's been 9 months can you?? Some days it seems like it was yesterday and others it feels like years...kind of weird. I miss my dad so much...I NEVER in a million years would have realized how painful it would be to lose my dad until it happened. You know, I never thought about it until it actually happened...I guess I figured that my dad was invincible...he was going to live forever. Wow... what a horribly painful realization!

Anyway, I am doing better...which I am so thankful for. I am in a job where I get to help other people, which makes me feel good. I wish I had a large and supportive family...I don't. My dad has four brothers who I haven't heard a word from since he died. I try not to let that get to me, but it would be nice to know that they actually care. I do talk to one of my sisters every few days....and I talk to my mom. I still can't help but feel like I am alone..you know what I mean?? I am getting Mark ready for his trip..he will be gone for almost seven weeks! Before my dad died, when Mark would leave it would scare me...but now it just terrifies me. I suppose there was a comfort in knowing that if anything happened to Mark, that my dad would be right here to help me. Now what would happen? Ughhh...I don't even want to think about it! I hope tonight you are feeling ok...these "monthly" anniversary calendar dates are so hard...I know. I'll make time to come and chat...I miss talking to you....Thank you for being such a good friend. I'll talk to you soon, Cindy

[cindyinalaska]

Jackie,

I know that your son was getting ready to leave for Iraq and I just want you to know that I am praying for him. I am here for you whenever you need to talk. I hope your doing well tonight,

I'll talk to you soon, Cindy

[cindyinalaska]

Topazorchid,

Like you, my dad was my first experience with death. I had no idea how difficult it would be. One thing that I have learned is that this thing called grief is exhausting and the pain is excruciating. Some days I really felt as if I were dying too. I don't know the answer to your question...How long will this pain hurt?...I just hope that you are able to find some peace as you travel this road of grief. Just remember that you are not alone...we are all here for each other. This website has been such a comfort to me....as I hope that it will be for you. I hope to talk to you soon. Take Care, Cindy

[jackiewitter]

Cindy

Thank you, you are so kind. He has left and now we just wait until he is able to communicate with us. That should be within two weeks. I told him that he may have a pen pal from Alaska and he thought that was pretty cool. The kids know how much the people from this website have meant to me. They know many of you by name and also the names of your loved ones. My son was very touched that someone who had never met him would send him care packages. I tried to explain how you become like family here.

My prayers are with you as well, and I cannot thank you enough for thinking of my precious son. I know my mom & dad are watching out for him as well. Much prayer and love your way. Peace and blessings. Jackie

[sarah9405]

I don't know what to do...my boyfriend and I are fighting now, and I don't think he understands. He was trying to do something nice for me this weekend, but we're long distance and I said I didn't feel like leaving where I go to school. I just want to relax in my apt. He said I hurt his feelings because he was really trying to do something nice (he works at a car dealership and was going to clean my car and change the oil and fix a few things), and I didn't want to make the effort to just drive the 45 min distance to be with him. I was just there last weekend, though, and I'd rather him come to me this time.

That all might sound stupid, but he kept telling me that he wished I could just take a break from being selfish and consider other people. He said he's been really patient with me for the past month and a half, but he said that eventually it runs out. Is anyone else having relationship problems like this? Am I expecting too much of him to just cater to what I want all the time? I know it must be stressful for him to put up with me. I'm constantly upset and when he tries to make me happy it doesn't work. I feel so guilty for ruining his plans now...I just dont know if I can take a break from being selfish anytime soon. He asked me if I'd ever be back to normal, and I told him I didn't know. I don't want to lose him, we've been together for 4 years and he's been there through it all (my story w/ my dad is complicated but i'm not ready to tell it quite yet). I can't handle anything else that upsetting right now, I can barely keep it together when we argue. What am I supposed to do?

[ownedby3]

Sarah I am in the same boat. My dad died 2 months ago and my uncle died last week. Everything is just too much for me right now and my boyfriend of 5 years are not in a great place right now. We have been on each others nerves a lot lately. I told him last night that I'm tired of taking care of everyone and that it's time for everyone to take care of me for once. Everyone = him! Well he didn't like that. His dad died 3 years ago so you think he'd be able to relate, but no I think it's made him more harsher. But I think my boyfriend is very selfish and has to grow up. If it means we end up in the end not being together than for me it's for the best. I need to put myself first and I am almost completely numb and could careless about us right now and what happens with us. How is that for being selfish!

This week I broke down and called an old therapist to see if I can start sessions again. It may help and it may not but at least I'll have a place to go and vent and talk. I also am starting accupuncture next week to reduce stress. I know it's so early but I really feel so out of whack it's not even funny. I have no motivation, I sit at work and don't feel like doing anything.

I'm thinking it really does have to get better. Another suggestion is try talking to your boyfriend when you aren't emotional and tell him what you need. Perhaps it will be that easy. If talking is difficult, write him a letter. I hope things get better for both of us!!

[4froggies]

alwaysdaddysgirl--sorry it took so long to reply, it has been a rough couple of days.

My dad passed away May 12th. He had what is known as a sudden death heart attack on May 8th and was revived, but was determined to be clinically brain dead on May 11th. So, at 11:05am on May 12th, my daddy went to God--as I said, 3 weeks before I got married

To give you a brief history, I am the ninth of my dad's ten kids. I would have been the first girl that he walked down the aisle with--not to mention the one he was closest to. My whole life my dad and I had a bond that no one could even come close to touching. My dad was always very conservative, but I could always bring a roll to his eye and a smile to his face.

The day we found out he was clinically brain dead, my world stopped. We were in the hospital where my dad was a doctor and professor (University Hospitals, Cleveland, Case Western Reserve University--D.Bruce Sodee MD--look him up he was a genius). Having his colleagues and friends break the news to us was just heart wrenching. And my pending wedding made it that much harder. The Nurse in the cardiac care unit asked me if she could set something up for me with the minister and I agreed. In the hospital room, my dad cleanly shaven, his bed sitting up, a blanket covering all the chords that allowed him to sustain life, a rose in his hand with a card that said "to my princess love dad", my family and I gathered with my now husband, we had his mom and dad on the cell phones, and the minister gave a blessing giving my dad the honor of giving me away. A day later, I was in the room with him when he took his final breath.

The wedding was hard for me. A beautiful day, but hard. I had many harsh moments, but my husband, family and friends supported me all the way. My brother helped give me the strength as he escorted me down the aisle in my fathers place. (my dad never even got to see my dress, it was supposed to be a surprise). Instead of 'who gives this woman away' the preacher asked 'who supports this union--and my brother answered with our family. Very bitter sweet.

I have not dealt well with his death. In the weeks between his death and the wedding i dropped about 10 lbs (i am already pretty thin) and dont have much of an appetite now, tho i make myself eat even when i dont want to. My heart is broken and I am not sure if it will ever feel any better than it does right now. My dad was such a huge part of me...and now that is gone...

but on a happier note, if you would like to see pics of our special day (it is the only thing that brings me joy right now..) please go to www.dalekincaid.net/micheleanded

The pics came out great, the only thing missing from that day was my hero...my dad.

[Guest Guest]

hi i too have lost my dad just recently sep2 07 he lived 6 weeks he had brain cancer i miss him every day and its not getting any better it seems to be worse every day all i do is strt to cry i did his eulogy that was hard

[mariposa]

4froggies-

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died a year ago from prostate cancer. In some ways it gets easier but in some ways it doesn't. The pain is always there I did see your pics of your wedding. Beautiful pictures! I too won't have my dad for that special day. I hope that all the beautiful memories you have of your dad bring you comfort and remember your dad lives on in you...

[solemate]

Dear Dad this post is for you - I dont know why but I just needed to say hello to you and tell you how much I miss you - I drove over the spot that you and mum were killed on today - I never know whether to be happy and say hello or just cry because I miss you both so much. Its hard to believe that its been 6 mths - time just drifts away and yet I can recall all the events of your deaths right down to the smallest detail. I struggle with letting go - I feel that if I do, I will loose you both further than I have already. I dont want to be so unhappy, I want to find myself again, but without you both with me, I feel so alone and unable to cope. I have returned to grief counselling, I was doing well until my first birthday without you and mum - it seemed that I went backwards. I am on a slide of emotions, one day ok next day not so good. Back on the drugs to settle me down - hope that wont be for very long as I hate taking any tablets. Remember me in your dreams and let me be with you and mum someday - your darling daughter Gayle

[ownedby3]

Michelle what beautiful pictures. You looked amazing and kudos to you, it looks like you held it together, I just cried now when I saw you and your brother. I too will no have my wonderful dad walk me down the aisle and it's something I think about often lately. I am not close to my brother so he won't be doing the honors either. I was going to ask my uncle (my dad's brother) whom I was very close with, but he passed away suddenly last week. Now without a doubt my mom will walk me down the aisle. Did you do anything to honor your dad at your wedding? Either during the service or at the reception? Did your husband still do the mother/son dance?

Thank you for sharing your story. Again as said below, your dad was with you on your wedding day. I'm sure he was watching down from heaven and shining down on both of you. Again, congrats on your new marriage. If you've weathered this storm I'm sure you both can handle anything.

Denise

[4froggies]

Ownedby3--thank you very much for the nice compliment. Outside of the days preceeding and including my father's death, my wedding day was probably one of the most emotional days I have ever had--to be so happy and to be so sad. I was very lucky to have my brother to stand there with me, but it was hard. Still is.

In regards to remembering my dad--I had already bought an "In memory" vase online for other members of the family. I had planned on getting a simple bouquet and calling it a day, but an amazing bouquet online at www.farmfreshflowers.com, they called it the gardeners special or something. It was huge. I also had a cross on the table with it referencing gardening (my dad loved to garden). I also tied a piece of his jewelry onto my bouquet holder, no one knew it was there but my immediate family. The gift I had bought for my dad (a watch) I gave to my brother. There was no mother/son dance, it would have been too painful. For the dance with the bridal party I chose Leann Rhimes "remember me" (I think that is what it is called, it is from Coyote Ugly) and secretly dedicated that to Dad. I also decorated my dad's grave with similar flowers from my bouquet so that he could also be part of the pomp and circumstance.

My photographer didn't include the "breakdown" pics on my website, there were quite a few. You will see when I am walking down the aisle with my brother that I have a ridiculous plastic smile on and I am all red, my brother was holding my hand so tightly and begging me not to cry or pass out. He wanted so much to make it a good day for me, I am so lucky to have him.

I am sorry to hear about your uncle. I can imagine that will be hard. WHen are you planning your day for? I will keep you in my prayers.

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Denise

Bless you, I remember you telling me how you were going to have your uncle walk you down the aisle, you're Mum will be honoured to do it.

My brother walked me down the aisle, we are very close and I know he found it very difficult because he didn't want me to burst into tears or pass out, you can see in my photos how much he was thinking about it. (www.blessingphotography.com) April-May 07 we are the second column and the 3rd down Michelle and Geoff, you can have a look at Dad's candle.

I had a brother/sister dance, it wasn't planned, but after our first dance, 'stuck on you' by Lionel Richie was played which was one of my Dad's favourite songs and my brother came to the dancefloor and took my hand and we danced to it, it is amazing watching it on the DVD, because I didn't know they had it on tape, I'm very glad I have.

My brother got married on 1st September there are so many pictures of me crying, I found it very difficult. I refused to watch my brothers now wife do the father/daughter dance. I had a look through their photos online the other day and I just cried my eyes out at all the photos of her and her Dad, it was really hard, and I think weddings are always going to be tough for all of us.

Sorry to ramble on but I know this is something that really plays on your mind and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with your thoughts.

Thinking of you

Sending you a hug

alwaysdaddysgirl/Michelle

XXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx

4froggies

I had a look at your photos, I know what you mean about the fake smile, I think that is the only thing that stopped me from breaking down, my brother kept asking if I was okay, bless him, Have a look at my photos, link is above.

I had my Dads ring in my bag as my something borrowed, there is a photo of it in a little box with my Nannys ring too, she passed away in 1995.

take care

XXXXXXXX

Soulmate

Hi Gayle

I am sure your mum and dad are watching over you and can hear your prayers, I bet they are really proud of you too, You help me even though you are suffering yourself, your words mean alot to me.

You are always in my thoughts

alwaysdaddysgirl/Michelle

XXXXXXX

[kyle34]

I just don't know what to do. Things do not seem to be getting better. If anything they are getting worse. I'm tired of the rest of my family telling me that it was my fault the way my dad used to hit me. I'm getting sick and tired of it. Maybe it was my fault and I shouldn't have done things to piss him off. Apparently there was a reason he hit me if he didn't do it to my other siblings. Now I'm starting to feel guilty.

[mindy10]

Kyle if this is really bothering you and It seems like it is you should probably go to see a pychiatrist. Maybe they can help you with your guilt. Its hard right now because your going through guilt and your grieving. Try to see if there is a support group for you but I think a pychiatrist might help you more. I hope its something you can get over because it is really eating you up inside.

[4froggies]

Alwaysdaddysgirl--the pictures of your wedding are gorgeous, as are you. I can see the same angst in your face as I had in mine, in a strange way I am glad to know that someone else knows how I felt that day---do be so happy and yet so sad.

On my wedding day I just became the same person that got my through my dad's funeral--I imagined how he would want me to act/be and I became that person. People were amazed at my poise at his funeral and my wedding but it was because I drew from the strength that he had worked so long to build in me.

I hope that you are enjoying your new life as a wife...

Michele

[Guest Guest]

Hello everyone- I lost my father unexpectedly a month ago. I try my best to remain strong, especially for my mom and brother, but it is really hard. With his birthday just a few days away, i don't know how to handle that. What bothers me so much is the fact that all this was so unexpected. I am still angry, sad and confused but the intensity of those emotions have subsided as days went on. my friends took me out to lunch after they picked me up from the airport and while they had good intentions, i was not ready to face the world. i cried at the table because i saw families having brunch, fathers walking with their daughters, and husbands enjoying a nice meal with their wives. i was so angry at all of them. i am still a bit bitter..but i'm trying my best to let go of my bitterness and move forward...

[4froggies]

Guest--these feelings are all so natural. My dad has been gone for a little over 4 months and I still feel every one of those feelings (plus) all the time. I dont feel them as much as I used to, but I do still feel them very often and just as strong. I haven't had to deal with a birthday yet (not until November) so I wish you all the strength I can to get you through that day. I never imagined a pain as vivid and strong as the pain I feel having lost my dad, so know that you are not alone. That we all grieve differently--but the same, all in the the same breathe. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need to vent, drop me a line ok?

Hello everyone- I lost my father unexpectedly a month ago. I try my best to remain strong, especially for my mom and brother, but it is really hard. With his birthday just a few days away, i don't know how to handle that. What bothers me so much is the fact that all this was so unexpected. I am still angry, sad and confused but the intensity of those emotions have subsided as days went on. my friends took me out to lunch after they picked me up from the airport and while they had good intentions, i was not ready to face the world. i cried at the table because i saw families having brunch, fathers walking with their daughters, and husbands enjoying a nice meal with their wives. i was so angry at all of them. i am still a bit bitter..but i'm trying my best to let go of my bitterness and move forward...

[mariposa]

I miss my dad so much and I don't have anyone to talk to. I just feel so sad. It was a year on Sep 14th and although it feels like time flew by at the same time it feels like the year was so long (if that makes any sense) I don't know but I just feel plain sad

[ownedby3]

I started to read 90 Minutes in Heaven. Has anyone read this book? It's about a guy who gets into a car accident, is pronounced dead and spends 90 minutes in heaven but comes back to life 90 minutes later. It's a true story. Only the first 2 chapters are on heaven and I do have to say it gave me A LOT of comfort. I highly suggest reading it for a glimpse of the afterlife. I'm going to pass it along to my mom and aunt for them to read when I am finished.

This week has been a good week for me. I am taking care of me and am feeling a little more like myself again. I got a much needed massage and next week am going to do acupuncture for stress/grief/depression and to help my 'energy flow'. I've never done it so I'll let you know if it helps me feel better. I also found a meditation class I may take at night too. I feel like I need to get back in touch with my good self. I've been this nasty crazy girl lately so I'm hoping some of the above will help me. I think taking care of ourselves needs to be the most important part in the grief process so I am putting myself first for awhile.

I hope everyone has a good week and finds some sunshine or something to smile about today and everyday going forward.

[mofirefly]

Mariposa - I've noticed that for many of us on these boards who have lost a loved one, time is something that becomes very hard to understand - as you said a year can feel like it flew by and yet seem to have taken forever. I've been without my dad for 6 1/2 years and my mom just over 2 years and yet it doesn't register with me that it could possibly have been that long ago and then I feel like I've been alone for ages...disconnected from my past and now trying my best to step forward into the future. My second year of missing my mom was a very trying and difficult time - and yet lately I have been so very busy with the present I find it hard to remember what life was like with parents - and that seems weird to type. Coming to these boards continues to be a place to reexamine where I'm at on this journey. And asking does this make sense???? well anymore I'm not sure anything makes any sense. Just do your best to live the rest of your life in such a way that you can honor your dad. Take care!

[sarah9405]

Denise: Thank you for your support. While I hate that you are also experiencing boyfriend trouble, it's nice for someone to actually side with me about being selfish. We worked everything out this weekend (I ended up going home), but who knows how long it will last. I"m so up and down all the time that it's hard to tell. It doesn't help that he has family trouble (both his grandmother and sister found out they had cancer this summer; they're both doing all right now, but it's been rough for us since before my dad passed) I'm also praying for you about your uncle. Losing another family member at all...but especially so soon after your dad...I just can't imagine how that must feel. It's been a while since I've been here...are you doing all right?

I went to a psychiatrist today and got some medication for depression and some to help me concentrate in school. I'm slightly nervous about the depression medication...has anyone taken Lexapro before? I hate to resort to medication because I've never needed it for mental health before, but with exams coming up in a couple of months I need to somehow find a way to get my act together! (In law school there's only 1 exam at the end of the term, and that grade alone determines your grade for the course. As if I'm not already stressed to the point of insanity!) Please let me know if anyone has taken any kind of medication and if it has helped at all.

Also...my mom's birthday is coming up on Oct 9, and she's dreading it bc it'll be the first one without my dad. My sister's is Oct 26 (she'll be 19), and I don't think she's too excited either. I know the firsts are hard, but how am I supposed to keep the celebratory aspect of the birthday going? I hate this so much. It's driving me crazy not to hear his voice. He's supposed to call me and check on me and see how I'm doing in school....ok I need to study and I'm just going to go off on tangents before too long. Be back soon...Sarah

[4froggies]

I'm slightly nervous about the depression medication...has anyone taken Lexapro before? Be back soon...Sarah

Hi Sarah, I am on LExapro, just want to make you aware that it can cause severe nausea. I was actually made physically sick by it a few times. Make sure to take it with food, that really does help. Overall I think the medication has helped, but it took some getting used to. It takes a few weeks before you see results, it isn't instantaneous. I hope I have helped....

[ownedby3]

Thanks Sarah, I am doing ok. As I said this week is a better week, but I know it will probably be a roller coaster for awhile. I want to suggest another book a therapist mentioned to me. It's called The Power is Within You by Louise Hay. I am trying to do soul searching and not have to rely on medications. But Louise Hay has many portions of the book, resentment, anger, grief. She has good tips on getting through grief and different techniques to get through and also dealing with other deamons that may be part of your life. You can also upload the book on iTunes.

Ok, have to get to work! Hope everyone is doing ok.

[lk2007]

I enjoy seeing all these book recommendations. I am also trying to do some soul searching...

sarah9405 - just like your family, my dad's birthday is today and my brother's is at the end of the month...i cried last night because i knew i couldn't hear my dad's voice today when i wished him a happy birthday..i want to remain strong for my mom and my brother and let them know that we can get through this...but it is difficult when i can hear the sadness in my mom's voice and wished i could do anything to take away her pain...

[alex329]

HELL TO ALL THE "GIRLS" MY FRIENDS...........I JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO TO ALL OF YOU AND MAKE SURE YOUR ALL OK, IM DOING A LITTLE BETTER EACH DAY ALTHOUGH I HAVENT THE DESIRE TO DECORATE FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR AND ITS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!!!! I HAVE MUMS AND PUMPKINS AND MY FALL FLAG UP,IM JUST GOING ALL OUT AND SCARY THIS YEAR....I WILL NEXT YEAR. SO IM JUST GOING ON DAY BY DAY AS BEST I CAN. ITS JUST SO UNREAL TO ME ,STILL. THAT WILL TAKE MORE TIME AND HEALING I GUESS. I JUST REALLY TRY TO GO WITH HOWEVER IM FEELING ON THAT DAY AND TAKE IT IN,AND KNOW THAT TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER....IM TRYING TO BE POSITIVE , I HAVE TO FOR MY SON AND FAMILY... I WILL TALK TO YOU ALL SOON...........GOD BLESS TO ALL OF YOU ON THIS SITE AND TAKE CARE....TARA

[alex329]

sorry for the caps, i forgot!!!!!!

[mofirefly]

Hi Tara - Good to hear that you are feeling better. Each one of us is traveling down a road that so many have traveled before us and that so many more will travel behind that it at times amazes me that anything can get done in this world, because there are so many people lost in grief and yet each morning we choose to arise and face another day and even tho my own pain has lessened, the missing of my parents can hit me right between the eyes when I stop to look at their picture...and I still find myself wondering just where they are off to right now (they loved to travel). I know that we can recover from the pain of the loss, but simply have to learn how to carry on with the weight of missing them. Hope you enjoy the Halloween Holiday. Take care.

[sempronialou]

My dad died 3 weeks ago. I fail to understand how my emotions run sometimes. Some days I emotional, depressed, and cry at the drop of a hat. Other days I like today. I feel nothing really and almost "normal" if you can call it that. I can laugh at a joke and smile appropriately. It's almost nice, but then I feel guilty for feeling that way. I don't know why. I guess it really hasn't hit me, but I'm not sure. I guess I'm pretty numb now. I was weepy, but numb throughout the week of my dad's visitation and funeral. Then last week was a roller coaster ride emotionally. This week I feel nothing. It just doesn't feel right.

I've been back at work doing half days. They are very understanding being that I work in hospice, but I worry that their understanding will run out a few weeks to months from now when all kinds of emotions may hit me. This may sound stupid, but I worry about taking time off these days. I hate taking time off since I took so much already before and after my dad's death. I feel as if I should be pushing myself to work yet people at work tell me to take my time. I'm so confused.

I miss my dad so much. It’s like there’s a huge hole in my heart. His death was very unexpected. He had a heart attack and lived for a week before he died. We thought he might pull through in the beginning, but then things just went downhill. That was also a roller coaster ride I care not to go on again. One minute things sounded hopeful and then the next things looked hopeless. It was like that almost hour to hour and day to day until we were told there was no longer hope. My mom, brother, and I decided to stop any aggressive treatment measures and only use comfort measures. He died as soon as the pacemaker was turned off. Believe me I keep reliving all that week in my mind. I don't why I keep torturing myself with questions surrounding things leading up to his death.

I know on an intellectual level what happens in the grief process, but it’s so different when one actually experiences it. Each day is a surprise. I don’t know what to expect anymore. I’d like to share more, but I think I’ve rattled on too long. Forgive me for that. Thank you for reading.

[carla76]

wow. hello to alot of old 'names' and new ones ....

it has been a year and 5 months since i lost my father. the 29th of october is his birthday ~ the 2nd one with him 'gone'... i havent been on this site for a few months now ~ and its been a TERRIBLE time away ~ i as well, have gone through days where i feel as is 'nothing is wrong' and i can laugh and joke and carry on like 'normal' but the other days ... wow. the other days are nightmares...days full of anger, rage, saddness...i just dont understand how some people grieve 'better' than others ~ how its been sometime now and i still cannot stop being so so so sad ....

congrats to 'alwaysdaddysgirl' on your marriage you remind me of me .. i often think of who will be the one now to walk me down the aisle, if i ever get married.. i know it will be my brother ...but it makes me cry to even think about it ~ lol ~

i have been prescribed anti-depressants, but i never take them since i am so afraid of them, since i dont know enough about them ... but as the days go on .. days of ups and downs ...i dont know if i should really give them a shot ...

i just wish there was a way for all of us to feel a "relief" that our fathers are at peace, and not suffering ... that we would feel 'ok' and not have this overwhelming sadness inside us ....

i have had a whole in my heart/soul .. life basically now for what feels like forever ... i miss my pop so so so so so so much ....

[sarah9405]

I'm not sure what happened last time I tried to post. I wrote out some long responses but I'm not sure what happened bc when I checked they weren't there. Maybe I'm just so scatterbrained that I didn't realize I posted it wrong. Oh well. I just wanted to say thank you for book recommendations, and I hope everyone is doing all right. I'm going to wait to read until Christmas break when exams are finally over. Oh, and I definitely feel the nausea with the Lexapro. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I have another appointment with the psychiatrist soon, so I'll probably just see what she thinks.

My mom's birthday went well. It's my fall break, and my sister and I are both home this weekend to be with my mom. We ended up sending her flowers at work like my dad always used to, and we signed the card with the nicknames Daddy used to call us. We also made sure to put sunflowers in the bouquet because he used to grow those for us in his lil garden in the backyard, and they were his favorite.

I've been ok, other than a few breakdowns. It's been 2 months now. I've managed to make a few more friends at school, but I always find myself feeling awkward ab whether or not to tell new people I meet about my situation. I feel like I need to explain myself to people who wonder why the heck I never talk to anyone in class. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I don't know if that makes it more awkward or if ppl understand that I am actually normal, just not right now...has anyone else dealt with this issue of telling/not telling new people?

[mariposa]

Mofirefly,

Thanks so much for the post. I haven't read any posts in a couple of weeks. I'm glad I decided to come here today. You made my day! I'll be going on vacation soon. I'm going to Mexico and although I'm happy and excited I feel sad too. My dad loved to travel! That was something him and I loved to do! In fact he had won a trip a month before he died. They called his name on a radio station for a contest and he won a trip to go anywhere in the world! One place he always wanted to visit was Barcelona, Spain. My dad never made that trip. I hope I can make it there one day! I'll see Spain for him! I'll be on vacation in Mexico for 16 days with my grandma visiting family. I know he'd be so happy for me! He'd want me to have a good time!

sempronialou,

Sorry for your loss. It's all so familiar everything you're saying and feeling. My dad passed away in hospice. He was there for 10 days. He died of cancer. I've always wondered what it was like to work in hospice. In the time my dad was there 3 other patients died. How does someone who works in hospice deal with that? But everyone in the hospice was older. My dad was only 52

[mofirefly]

Mariposa - I don't seem to get on the boards as much lately myself, but I too was glad that I did this evening because to hear that something I posted made your day helps me feel better as well. When you are on vacation, enjoy all the sites and keep your dad in your heart as he sees them as well. Take care!

[dollface]

Hi all--

So sad to see new users here. Just keep coming back, we've all been where you are and we do understand when it seems like no one else does.

Does anyone have a suggestion on a message board or on-line support group for bone cancer? I have a good friend whose father has been diagnosed with it. My father passed away from a form of it, but I can't say as I would be of any help to her because I can't say "it'll all work out ok". I really need to refer to people that can help as I am really worried about her and her siblings.

I don't post much, but I check in here almost every day and think of you all often. Please remember my friends in your prayers.

[Guest Guest]

Hi everyone - I lost my father on May 25, 2007. He had a hard fought battle with esophageal cancer. He refused all treatment and would not even get a biopsy. He had the barium swallow and the radilogist said it was a massive tumor. He did all the research and knew he could not beat it. He did not want surgery or chemo or radiation. He said he did not want to die in a hospital. He wanted to be at home He was unable to eat hardly any solid food the last three months of his life. It still feels like a cruel and terrible joke that my father had to starve to death. It makes me angry. He did not want any feeding tubes however, since he said he did not want to \"prolong\" things. My father had terrible anxiety the final weeks of his life. We tried every medication under the sun with the help of hospice. Nothing worked. He finally said to me and the hospice nurse that he did not want to wake up the next morning. The nurse said \"Is that what you really want?\" He said yes. I cried because I hated to see him so desperate for relief. He said that he would wake up in the morning and he did not know who he was anymore and it would take him all day to piece back his life together. He said having us take care of him was hell for him. He said that there is no point in living if he could not have a conversation with me. I promised him that I would make sure he never woke up then. I did not want him to suffer. The nurse consulted with hospice and I immediately began giving him large amounts of phenobarbitol and other medications that would eventually render him unconscious. He basically lapsed into a coma for the last week of his life. His eyes would roll back in his head and he was completely unconscious. It was a terrible thing to watch and I hated giving him those medications every few hours. I hated it more than anything. I know I did what he wanted but it was terrible to watch him die like that. I loved my father so very much. He was such a caring, intelligent, and funny man. I wish I was not so angry about his final days. I am not even sure who I am angry at. I just needed to write down my feelings.

[jackiewitter]

Dear Guest,

I am sincerely sorry for your loss and the pain that your father went through as well as the pain you suffered while watching. Death is not always a peaceful release, especially when you are conscious of the constant pain and frustration but unable to do anything to change it. I am sure that your father is grateful to you for honoring his wishes. I cannot help but admire someone, who even in the end, wants to leave on their terms, in their own way. Your father must have had a lot of inner strength to do that, as do you for being able to follow his wishes even though it may not have been exactly how you wanted it.

My fathers passing was not a miserable experience, he was blessed that his final onset was quick and merciful. However, he did live the last 5 years with Alzheimer’s, basically rendered him in a childlike state. I missed my Dad long before he passed away. It is very hard to see the one person that you have looked up to all of your life as your pillar of strength reduced to the shell that these horrible diseases leave. I take comfort in the knowledge that fathers pain was over and he was able to join my mother, just as my little brother joined them two years later. When my ache gets too much, that is where I take my mind, seeing my Mother, Father and little brother reunited. I just miss them so.

I hope that you can find comfort in knowing that you did all you could to allow your father to go under his own terms. I would have wanted to spend the last moments with my dad as lucid as he could be, but not at the price of his suffering one moment of pain (be it physically or emotionally). I will pray that God will give you a peace that will help you as you grieve and precious memories of happier times with your father. There are many people here at this website that are willing to listen if you wish. My prayers are with you. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[alex329]

hey this is different .....whats up ???? im not really sure how this new site is working...im used to the old one..............just wanted to say hi to all my bi friends tonight....take care and god bless................cindy,candy and jackie.....i hope your all doing ok....let me know....im hangin in there................nite tara