Loss of a Father

[4froggies]

I am good at running away too, which is why I stay away from the boards sometimes.  Sometimes it is hard to hear your story in other people's voices. To know that there are so many people out there who hurt just as bad as I do can be comforting, but it can also be very damaging---at least in my point of view. 

A week in Vermont sounds lovely. Next time you decide you need to go again, drop me a line!!!

I just never thought that I would miss the sound of his voice, the smell of his cologne, the rasp in his cough, the warmth of his hugs or the gaze in his stare....I always knew it would be hard, I just never thought it would be THIS hard.

One thing I did for my family, it may help you, is started a memorial website on www.memory-of.com.  Here is my dad's site if you would like to see how it operates.  It cost about 100 bucks, but it never expires, so you can visit it every day for the rest of your life, and your son can for the rest of his, etc. My family has found strength in it, lighting candles on the days we miss him the most...

 

http://d-b-sodee-md.memory-of.com/

[ownedby3]

I like your site Michelle, it's very nice.  Your dad looked like he really enjoyed life.  You can tell by the expressions on his face!

What are you doing for the holidays?

My cousin is hosting Christmas Eve, her dad (my uncle/dad's brother) died in September very suddenly and unexpected.  My aunt is having a super hard time...more so than my mom.  Usually my aunt has Christmas Eve but my cousins won't let her this year.  So we will all go to my cousins.  Christmas Day I usually spend with my boyfriends family but I feel bad leaving my mom with just my brother on Christmas Day.  So I'm not sure what I am going to do on Christmas Day.  I may have dinner with his family and then go to dessert at my mom's.  Or maybe my mom will do something with my aunt.  My mom said it was ok if do what I want.  But I don't now how to do that yet!

It seems so complicated this year.  And I really just want to lay on the couch and do nothing.

Denise

[4froggies]

Dad really did enjoy life, and I enjoyed having him in mine. Thank you for noticing.

 

The holidays are going to be complicated for me. My husband and I have been together for a little less than 5 years, but we have always done holidays separate. I just always felt like I should be with mine unconditionally because, to be honest, I never knew which one would be the last. I am glad I did that now.  however, now that dad is gone, I feel like I should be there for different reasons, I should be there to support my family and to be together during this incredibly hard time. (christmas was dad's favorite)  he, of course, does not necessarily see eye to eye with me on that, which I can see his point, but I am not sure that I care (as awful as that sounds).  No to mention that my brother's first child was born in January of last year, so this is the first christmas without dad AND it is Ashleigh's first christmas and I only get to spend every other christmas with her (they live in a different state so they alternate holidays every year).  So, we will see. Hopefully we will be able to compromise and there won't be too much of a battle!!!!!

 

I do know that I do NOT want to sit around and do nothing. I know that if I do that, Iwill depress myself even worse because all I will be thinking about is if dad were alive I wouldn't be doing that.

I would say for you, however, to do whatever is going to keep you the most sane. If staying with your mom is going to emotionally help you through the day, then do that. If going to your boyfriend's family's house is what support you need, then by all means.... make this holiday about your healing, or it will tear you apart!

Let me know how it ends up going ok?

*Hug*

Michele

[solemate]

Michelle, I hope you dont mind  I too visited your site - it was wonderfull and very touching.  There is also a link now on BI  for coping with holidays - you may like to visit it as it is centred around coping with the holiday periods.

Take care Michelle - I wish you well and hope you will cope with this journey.  Loosing a special person can mean lots of things for each person.  Grief is a normal and natural process by which people make adjustments and changes in their lives.

For most of us on these boards, its a tough road and filled with rollacoasters of emotions, shock, anger, guilt, sadness, depression , realisation, hope and acceptance.  I often go through all of these in just one day!.  These boards are important so we can talk about our feelings in a safe and non threatening way, we are all good listeners. Be kind to yourself and do what you feel you need to do. Hugs and prayers from Australia - Gayle 

 

[kellyoc]

Hi!

I have not posted on this site in many months. My dad died in May 2006 and I relied on this site for support the first few months after his death. It really helped me to feel that I was not alone.  My dad had colon cancer for four years, he was 51 when he died. I seemed to be doing pretty good the past few months.  Although I live 4 hours away from my mom, I try to help her and be there for her as much as I can. She has been having such a hard time. My mom and dad were best friends and truly had an amazing relationship. My mom has six kids, three still at home. It is especially hard because my dad was very involved in the lives of his children. Now my mom is suddenly a single parent. I try to support her and help  her make decisions regarding my two younger sisters (still in high school). I guess I have been trying so hard to be there for everyone else I have not been grieving myself. I am taking two grad. classes and teach full time and have been trying to keep myself busy but lately I have been really sad. I miss my dad SO much!! I just wish he never got cancer and that he never had to die. My life will never be the same again. I think I may be feeling so sad lately because the holiday season is here and it is just so hard to enjoy it when my dad is not here. I am feeling so sad....Thanks for listening. Kelly

[mindy10]

Hi Kelly, my dad to died of colon cancer.  He had it 3 years ago and then it came back in his lungs and he died 18 months later. It was the hardest thing I ever had to watch.  I too am feeling sad today his 75th birthday would of been tomorrow.  Even 1 1/2 years later it is still sad to not have him around on those special ocasions.  Like you said, my life will never be the same again either.  It is like a part of you is missing and you will never get it back.  Sorry for your loss.  Mindy

[alex329]

hi there.......cindy,candy and jackie...........yikes xmas is coming up quick..........i just cannot believe its been a yr already for me and cindy anyways.............i cannot get over it............i have no holiday ambition i just cant do it,my dad always helped  me decorate and covered the extension cords i dont do that.....he did it!!!!!! so they didnt get wet...........when i couldnt get my outside snowmen to stand up,he drove the stakes in with his workboots....stupid stuff i know.......but i miss him and all that stupid stuff that he helped me with...................it all sucks and i dont know when it gets easier but it hasnt for me yet...................a little bit.........i do talk about my father alot ,i cannot help it........................i love him and miss him dearly..............im lost without him and my life will never be the same again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you all know how this feels...................just up venting and wanted to say hello to all my bi friends and make sure your all ok tonight............................................nite tara

[mofirefly]

Tara - Good to hear from you - and yes the holidays will be rough for all of us, but they do seem to become more bearable.  I enjoy reading about the things your dad did for you.  Perhaps our memories will help ward off the blahs that can come tumbling down this time of year.  Do take care and I too wish to say hi to Cindy and Jackie and Gayle.....may we all take yet another DEEP BREATHE and sigh as we trudge on thru yet another holiday.  TAKE CARE!

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara and Candy,

I know what you mean about the holidays!  It is so hard to go ahead with Christmas knowing that three members of my family are no longer here to celebrate with.  I have my husband and my girls to think about, but its still very hard.  I have been out shopping a little bit...mostly I've been shopping online to avoid the crowds.  Some days I am ok and feel a little like the "old" me.  Then bam....I hear a song or see something I know my dad would love and I can hardly breathe.  I haven't decorated yet..have you??  I just can't seem to do it.  Normally, I would decorate the day after Thanksgiving and I definately would have my Christmas shopping done by now.  Losing people you love changes everything...the excitement of the holidays is just gone.  I am supposed to decorate a stocking for work..I can't do it.  I don't even want to think about it.  Hopefully someday the joy of the holidays will return. 

Well, I have to go...Sara has a soccer game tonight.  This is the week of the tournament...a game a night.  So far they are doing great.  I hope all is well with your families!  I will talk to you later,

 Take care, Cindy

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls, Tara, Candy & Cindy...I have been in my blue mood since before Thanksgiving.  I was so busy feeling sorry for myself and missing my brother & my parents that I just wanted to crawl under a rock and hope that the new year would get here soon.  Then I received a most beautiful email from Cindy.  Yes I cried...she packed things to send to our son in Iraq..things from Alaska!  I know that Ben was very close to my brother and I have been so selfish I have not even thought about how sad he must be to be away from home and his family.  I cc'd him on Cindy's email so that he would know where she found out about him.  I was going to email Diane @ the siblings board, but I wanted to let you girls know what Cindy had done first.  I cannot tell you what your friendship has meant to me.  I always wondered if I would begin healing and then just drop off the boards, but I have learned that grief that we share helps us bond together.  I don't feel so lost and CRAZY when I communicate with you guys here. 

I hope the weekend is good to you.  We will make it through these holidays somehow.  My prayers and thoughts are with you all.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[cindyinalaska]

Jackie,

Sending the packages to Ben was a gentle lift to our spirits!  It was wonderful

to have a day of shopping with my girls with our complete focus being on Ben.

He sounds like a truly wonderful and brave young man.  Jenny, Sara and I had a fun day of shopping...it was like taking a small vacation from our grief, which we definately needed!  Let Ben know that I included a letter in one of the packages...I meant to put a card in the other box, but I left in on the kitchen table by mistake.  Also, please let Ben know that Jenny and Sara are proud of "their" soldier in Iraq! 

Take Care, Cindy

[mofirefly]

Cindy - Hadn't heard (read a post) from you in a while - what you and your family did was such a delight to read about....it's one of the reasons I visit the boards - to see that others out there care and continue to be a blessing to others even when carrying a load of loss.  Do hope your husband is doing ok - last I remember reading he'd had a second surgery.  Do take care!

[jackiewitter]

Hi girls, I just wanted to check in.  I hope the Christmas Holiday is bringing you joy.  I have not seen Tara's words lately and pray that she is well, as well as you Candy & Cindy & MaryJo!  My thoughts & prayers are with you all.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[mofirefly]

Jackie - I too haven't seen any posts from so many others - I can only hope that each one is finding the strengh to endure the added stress that holidays without a loved one can bring.  I just now noticed that you and I are not that far apart in this world of cyerspace people - I'm in MO, you in TX (where I believe my first born granddaughter resides).  May you and all the others I've connected with on these forums find an inner peace to help guide the way on this journey we are on.  Take care!

[alex329]

hi girls..........i am alive and doing somewhat ok..........today is the 1year annivesray that my dad fell and suffered his anurism.......so its  a hard say for me and my family........i shopped all day today without being in any xmas mood but i have to for my 11 yr old son joey..........but it is very hard for me this week....my dad passed on the 26th  af ter having taking him off life support..........yuk......i hate to even write it out,it doesnt seem possible that i found all of you ,my friends a year ago....thank god i did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has helped me alot.....i hope your all doing ok tonight...........cindy i know your dad passed this time last year also..............i know it sucks but i hope you have strength and your family as i do...........i am hoping 2008 will be  a much better year but who knows...............peace to all and hope is ok................nite tara

[solemate]

Merry Christmas Dad and Mum - love your darling daughter Gayle

[ownedby3]

Thanks God Christmas is FINALLY over.  What a horrible year.  My cousin did Christmas Eve this year, normally my aunt has it but my uncle passed this year too so my cousin took over.  Her husbands dad also passed away this year so in holding up family tradition she did the feast of the 7 fishes (Italian style).  Well it all sounded fine til the kids were all having a meltdown when 9:30 p.m. came and we hadn't eaten yet.  It was so unorganized and way too complicated to even enjoy.

Then to top it off, my brother got drunk at my cousins.  My poor mother had to drive him home and put him to bed.  Then when they got to her house he kept asking where my dad was.  Uhg stupid he's dead.  Remember he died in July.

What a horrible night.  I told my mom next year we need to start a new tradition, it was too hectic and too much for everyone this year.  Maybe next year we'll go away.

I'm so thankful it's over!  I can't wait for 2008, I've never looked more forward to a new year and a new start than this year.

Hope you are all hanging in there and you too made it through the holidays.

Denise

[alex329]

happy new year to all of my bi friends........so we start another year without our dads.....yikes!!!!!!!! its scary ,seeing i barely made it thru the first year without him .......i miss him terribly right now, happy new year dad,in heaven.love you and miss you so much......tara

[stephysteph13]

hi tara,

i feel the same as you right now. i lost my mom. its so sad starting another year without her i feel so sad.

steph

[alex329]

HI STEP.NOTHING IS THE SAME WITHOUT THEM HERE.......BELIEVE ME ,I KNOW!!!!!! IT HAS GOTTEN A LITTLE BIT EASIER ,I JUST KEEP BUSY BUT WHEN I AM ALONE AND HAVE MY THOUGHTS TO MYSELF ALL ITHINK OF IS MY DAD.........I CANNOT HELP IT,I JUST AM LOST WITHOUT HIM IN MY LIFE AND NOONE CAN MAKE IT BETTER...........ITS JUST THE WAY IT IS AND I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DEAL WITH IT.......I TRY BUT ITS VERY HARD........I WAS DADDY LITTLE GIRL ALL MY LIFE,,,,,NOW IM JUST SO EMPTY WITHOUT HIM HERE WITH ME.......................TO BE TOTALLY BLUNT............THIS WHOLE THING SUCKS AND REALLY BAD.............I ONT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO IF I LOSE MY MOM............I CANT EVEN GET OVER MY DADS SUDDEN DEATH ,I COULDNT HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE FOR A VERY LONG TIME................HAPPY NEW YEAR STEPH..............I KNOW ITS NOT HAPPY BUT THATS WHAT WE SAY I GUESS...............NITE TARA

[stephysteph13]

thanks for your reply tara! you made me smile. just to know another person really understands me. how old are you? what happened to your dad? im sitting here wide awake and all i could think of is i want to go downstairs and give my mom a hug and i cant. why cant we its not fair. going through my senior year is filled with many emotions its when u need a mom the most. how u feeling?

[ownedby3]

I made it through New Years ok.  I called my mom at 12:01 to wish her a Happy New Year.  We both agreed hopefully 2008 would be a better year.

I got off the phone and starting bawling (champagne probably didn't help :shock:).  It felt so weird to not ask for my dad and to not wish him a Happy New Year at 12:01am.  I went to bed around 1:30 and just cried.  I was so sad and missed my dad so much as we rang in the new year.  It's just not the same.

[4froggies]

I am so glad this holiday season is over. Normally I am sad to see the decorations come down, but all are now tightly packed in their proper containers and I can move on....I guess.

This is the first new year without my dad, one of many  I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. Like many dads, Christmas was his favorite time of the year which makes it even harder to face it--without his laugh, without his smile, without his warmth. 

Taking a family trip to the cemetery on Christmas day isn't my idea of the celebration we used to share as a family.  It was the last place I wanted to be, but the only place I felt like I should be.

My dad and I always used to stay up and watch the ball drop. As kids he would get us Welch's sparkling cider and we would have shrimp and cheese/crackers.  He was corny enough to hoot a happy new year at midnight, then quickly send us to bed. 

I spent this new years with my new husband and friend of mine. While they gladly played Wii, around 11pm I ended up in the bathroom throwing up the nice meal that I had worked so hard to prepare--my stomach in knots, I felt so alone. I didnt want them to know how I felt, so I kept to myself...no point in ruining everyone's night.

I figure someday my heart has to feel a little less broken.  I am praying for that day to come soon.

[shpid1]

This is my third christmas/newyear without my dad and also my first sober. I have never felt the need to pass on my thoughts, but it does get easier.

[sharon007]

I lost my dad on Dec 10th.  I am having a really hard time right now.  I can't sleep and I can't stop crying.  I am still in shock.  There is nothing to look forward to.  My son turned 1 five days after.  It was awful.  I just wanted the holidays to be over.  I just want people to stop with all of the cliches.  I just want my dad back.  I am 36, but I know he wasn't done with me yet.  I still need him.  I feel like I lost my mom too.  I am so worried about her.  I just feel so hateful right now.  I am so lost.

sharon

[solemate]

dear sharon007 My thoughts are with you and I offer a warm hug to you from Australia and all on the boards.  I am so sorry for your loss and what you are feeling. I lost both my Mum and Dad together 9 mths ago and I still feel angry, lost alone etc. As most will tell you on these boards, time can be a healer of our emotions - you can experience a whole range of emotions in one day or over days, weeks, years. Grief is such a personal thing and only you experience what it means to you.  Learn to be kind to yourself as you travel through what is right for you.  Friends and relatives mostly mean well and I know how sometimes you just want them to go away.  Anniversary dates are hard and each one can be different - for me I had several for each month and it was so hard to cope - I didnt.  I sought help from a grief counsellor who has been wonderful.  I can now function fairly well and have returned to a professional job.  Your grief is still very raw and I hope you get some relief by venting on these boards.  Although all of our circumstances are different to each one, we have all lost and share the burdeon.  My prayers and thoughts are with you and I wish you well through your personal journey. Be kind to yourself and let your emotions take their course - Take care  Gayle

[sharon007]

Thank you gayle,

I am really sorry about your loss.  It all just really sucks.  I have never felt like this and it is really scary.  I never knew that grief could be felt so physically.  It is overwhelming the loss that people have lived with.  I found myself reading message boards from right before my dad died and I wonder what he was doing.  Thank you so much for the kind words, it meant alot.

sharon

[solemate]

Sharon - I noticed you are on line at the moment - thank you for your kind words - physical effects can also be daunting - try and drink lots of water and eat when you are hungry (says me who has eaten far too much - comfort eating!) Scrapbooking has helped me with putting the memories of my parents down on paper.  I did a book for each of them before they were killed.  I have only started last week to feel the need to return to this - sure there are lots of tears but sometimes there are smiles as the good memories flood back. Look after yourself and enjoy your son - Maybe some scrapbooking of your memories will be something for him later on.  Take care - Gayle

[sharon007]

I do like looking at pictures.  They make me smile and I do feel so grateful for what my dad has given me; I just selfishly grieve for what I am missing out on.  My dad just retired 6 mo ago and he was working on a four poster bed for us in his workshop.  I am so mad that I will not get that heirloom.  He had 11 grandkids all under 12.  He still had so much left in him.  I really am thankful and that feels really good to know how lucky I was to have him.  It just makes letting go so hard.  I really am just not ready to accept it, but know I don't have a choice.  I am really struggling with this.  What I wouldn't give to have one more glass of wine with him, or to hear him tell me what to do one more time.

[solemate]

Sharon 007 Have you thought about having the bed finished by someone else? When you have a wine - remember him - My dear Mum collected Antique dolls and I have continued this practise - I was already doing it, but now buy dolls in her memory.  Dad used to collected soliders and I have continued with that in his memory.  I want to do this as I feel that they are still with me.  I know it sounds silly to some but it gives me some peace.  I say hello to them everytime I drive over the spot they were killed.  Most times there is tears, every now and then a small smile and a hello - miss you both.  I too cannot accept the finalilty of the situation and still listen to my Mum and Dad's voice on our telephone answering system.  All this is material memories and I have come to accept that the best memory of all is in my heart.  Only myself, my Mum and Dad know how I feel towards them and the loss that I bear.  New interests are just a band aid measure and I know that I will someday pull myself out of the dumps - but for the moment my life is still up and down.  Do you have a good friend to speak with? - gayle

[sharon007]

hi gayle,

yes, I have some great friends.  It is really hard though, because I think they all feel bad about how I feel but they don't understand.  My dad was the first of all of their friends to go, the first of my friends dad to go the first uncle to go.  He had 4 sisters and my mom has 4 siblings also.  I am having a hard time too because, like my dad I am usually the life of the party.  We both definitely had a naughty streak.  I feel very uncomfortable receiving attention if I am not making someone laugh.  I have really withdrawn from my friends now.  I am very close to my siblings and I did have a long emothional talk with my sister last night.  Her family and my mom are coming over for dinner tonight.  My mom likes to be around the kids.  She had four day period where she wouldn't leave the house.  I am a little nervous.  On nights like tonight my dad and I always had a little too much wine and laughed our rears off.  My brother-in-law and I are going to drink his favorite wine tonight (it is ours too).  Thank you so much Gayle, it has been so easy to unload onto you.  My heart goes out to you and I know you feel the same.  Has your tragedy shaken your faith at all?

sharon

[solemate]

Sharon - Yes my faith was shaken - if not lost - I still find it difficult to understand there is a reason for all of this.  I too also lost the zest in my personality - I am a trainer who motivates people.... This I find difficult as some times I am at a low and I have to change personalities to suit what I am training. I think I need some wine! - I know the difficulty you are facing with your family and are happy you have siblings to speak with.  My husband is my rock and I would not be here today if it wasnt for his continual support and loving care of me during my darkest time (especially early - when I had trouble accepting that I turned off my mums life support several hrs after the accident that killed dad)  Try to remember your Dad in the way that brings a smile to your face. I can smile and still have some tears but the smile means that I am thinking of Dad and Mum. My Mum was my soulmate and my Dad a loving Father. I find that speaking about them to others helps rather than not speak about them at all.  Its awarkward to start with - but it needs to happen so that the feelings come to the surface and dont swell up inside you.  You sound a lovely person and someone who will get through these difficult times.  I can be contacted on my email address costigan@bigpond.net.au should you wish to speak privately. Enjoy the meal with your family - nothing will be normal again so let the day unwind as it will. Your Mum will also need your support as she no doubt is also feeling very low. Take care - Gayle  

[lswalters]

Ladies, may I say that knowing that others are having the same feelinigs that I do is comforting.  Sharon, other than the fact that you have sibilings, our situations are so much alike.  My dad was 62, retired and quite handy.  He fixed everything for us. My las conversation with him was about getting a stripped screw out of my sons bunkbed.  My husband went over to pick up the tools, I wish it had been me! He was fine on Monday night and died before he woke up on Tuesday morning.I do feel as if my faith has been shaken to the core. At first, I felt a peace, not understanding, but peace of where my father is now.  Now, I feel angry.  I am angry because my boys will not benefit from his wealth of knowledge and humor. Angry, because he was my confident, and left me without saying goodbye.  Angry, because inmy sick little mind, I always had my parents going together (yeah, I know that's only in fairy tales) but my mother, though I love her desperately, drives me nuts!  I can not handle my grief and hers too.  I keep mine inside, she wears hers loud and clear.  I have been praying alot lately and feel a pull back to God.  I miss him.  I will pray for you ladies too. Thank you.

 

[dollface]

My heart goes out to all of you.  You all made it through the Holidays---however hard that may have been.  Now we start a new year, and I wish only the best for all of you.

I am sending out another prayer request.  Again for our friend Harvey.  We went to see him last night.  Hospice has set up his hospital bed in the living room.  He is unresponsive, but his daughters believe he can hear us--I believe he can too.  Cancer has taken over his body.  I pray that the good Lord will hold him and his family tight through this terrible time.  Harvey has 2 grown daughters and a grown son.  Also a 17 year old grandson and I don't know if he fully understands whats going on.  I thank God that he made it through Christmas at least.  His kids are holding vigil at his bedside along with their mother.  He has been a lifelong influence on my husband--teaching him at a young age to look a man in the eye and shake his hand, call him "sir", and that will get you far in life.  I've known him for almost 10 years and he has truely touched my heart too.

It's been a long fight for Harvey.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers along with his family.

Thanks.

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi all

I haven't been on for a while.

Great to see some familiar names

owned by 3, soulmate hope you are well and managed to get through the holiday season. I have been very poorly with my pregnancy, so been in bed for a while, but I am alot better now and back at work.

I can't wait for my baby to be born its giving my Mum and me, something to focus on and try and think of the baby as a little gift from my Daddy, I can't believe he's been gone for 17 months now, and he's never going to be able to hold or love his first Grandchild, it breaks my heart.

I am 26weeks now and getting fatter by the day.

Take care all of you

alwaysdaddysgirl

[solemate]

Hi Michelle - AlwaysDaddysgirl - glad to hear that your pregnancy is OK - Your dear Dad would be smiling as you are getting nearer the date - He will be with you all the way.  I am also glad your Mum is OK and looking forward to the birth.  I am still coming your way in March next year so I will email you before I leave in late Feb to confirm a visit (if you are feeling up to it) Things are up and down for me with Christmas being the hardest challenge.  My Dad used to play Santa and loved the role - It was so sad he and Mum werent there for us.  My Christmas was terrible with lots of tears and very lonely.  I have however tried to focus on the future and leave some stress behind.  take care - I know you will be a yummy mummy. Gayle

[stephysteph13]

Solemate,

I'm struggling so bad and i know you understand. i lost my mom a little over a year ago and it seems as if the pain is just immensing. Its a life-changing event and i understand that but i need her. i'm 17 with my whole life ahead of me and mom is missing everything. the pain is so deep and it kills me to be without her. i wish she was here...

ughh

hugs stephanie

[solemate]

steph - I am not sure my words will help you - I read your posts and often feel that you would benefit by the comfort of an older person - do you have anyone who is over the 30 yrs mark? The loss you feel is still very close to you and your posts tell me you still suffer very much.  Perhaps a new direction in life would help - have you ever thought of offering companionship (voluntary) to aged care facilities - Its very rewarding to visit the elderly and just speak with them - this may fill a void for you - but it must be when you are ready if you choose to do this type of community work. A new interest may well be your savour - this would never mean you would loose the memory of your dear mum it will only mean that you will be learning to cope without her.  take care dear steph and be kind to yourself - gayle

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

HI Gayle

Thanks for your kind words.

I have had a few rough days, I miss my Daddy terribly. I have had a few problems at work with regard to my maternity pay and my employer being very difficult and upsetting me on numerous occasions and I know if Dad was here he wouldn't stand for his daughter being treated like this. My Mum called her as she was very concerned about me as I spent most of the weekend in tears.

I don't think she realises how hard it is to lose a parent at 27 years old, and to not have your Dad walk you down the aisle or see the birth of his first Grandchild, he would have been such a fantastic Grandad, as he was a Dad.

I don't think it helps that my pregnancy hormones are all over the place, I am 27 weeks pregnant now and growing by the day!!

I have attached a picture of my baby at the 20 week scan. I can see my Dads face on the left hand side of the scan picture, but Iseem to be the only one who can see it! I am sure he is watching over me and baby <3

I hope you can come and visit, would be great to meet you.

Take care

Sending huge hugs

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

 

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi ownedby3

Hows things? I've not been on here for a while.

New Years Eve is always hard, its my 2nd New year without my Dad.

My husband and I went to bed at 11, we watched tv till midnight, then went to sleep, it was just like any other day, I called my Mum and brother at 11 and wished them a happy new year, but it was hard to not be with Dad or at least be able to call him, its been 17 months now and some days are harder than others, I still think about him everyday and pass the graveyard everyday, I can't go to his grave at the moment, I feel he's not there anymore, and he is in heaven now,my Mum still hasn't been to his grave yet, she can't.

Christmas was okay, very strange though, my Dad always had some funny story to tell, or a terrible joke to tell, but this year it felt different. Last year it was still early days and it had only been 4 months and was a very tearful day, especially for my Mum, but this year there were a few silences, which would never have happened if Dad was here.

I still wake up some mornings and think it was a bad dream, that he is still alive, does anyone else have this?

I am 27 weeks pregnant now and just wish he was here to see baby growing inside me and to see his first grandchild when its born, I know that he is watching us, but its not the same as seeing his face when he would have held his Grandchild proudly for the first time when its born this April. Its going to be an emotional day when I give birth, but I will have my Mum and husband there with me. If its a boy, we will use my Dads name as a middle name. My husband changed his name by deedpoll before we got married in honour of my Dad so our children will have the family name. My husband said my Dad was his best mate and he still misses him.

Sorry to rabbit on, Let me know how you are doing and feeling

Take care

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle XXXXXXX

[dollface]

alwaydaddysgirl:

[align=center]I totally understand what you are going through.  I, too lost my dear daddy at 27.  Then I found out I was going to have my son when I was 29.  Pregnancy was hard for me knowing I would have to raise him without my daddy there.  I used daddy's name for my sons middle name too.  My little guy is now two and a half and is so smart!  He can pick my dad out of a picture because I always talk of him and show him pics.  On the day he was born, we took a series of pictures from my husband and I when I was laying in the bed, one of my husband cutting the cord, him on the scales, and so forth.  My son will look at those pictures (which are in a frame) and say "papa".  I said, "yes, papa was waiting in the waiting room with nana."  But then he'll say "no,,,,PAPA!" and point to a picture of just him in his basinet.  That tells me right there that my dear daddy was with me when I had my son.......just as yours will be.  There are hard times, when I wish I could talk to dad, ask him what to do in some situations, sure.  But my dad is probably the luckiest grandparent my son has because he can be with him always--every day, at any time.  There are times now, when my son will act up, then look at me with that same onry smile my dad had.  I just look up and say "Thanks, Dad".[/align]

Good luck with your pregnancy.  If you need to talk to anyone who understands the situation, feel free to e-mail me.  Sending you and your little guy peace and hugs.

[ownedby3]

Hi Michelle!  Yay the baby is getting big!  That's exciting!

I have BIG news, I got engaged this past Sunday, Jan. 13rd.  I am SO happy.  But have a part of me that is so sad my dad isn't here to share in the excitement.  After my fiance fell asleep and cried a little.  Then I wiped my tear and tried to push past it, I really want to be happy!

I already have so ideas on how to include him in the ceremony.  I would like a locket with his picture on my bouquet, I plan on having an extra throw bouquet to take to his grave, no tossing of it for me.  And maybe a memory table too.  I found a song my fiance and I can have everyone dance to in memory of him.  It's a song from Train and called When I Look To The Sky.  You should listen to it, it will probably be something that will make you think of your dad too.

My fiance's dad died 3 years ago so I want to include them yet not make it sad, it's going to be sad enough for me so I think the subtle touches will be nice.

That's all here...so much planning and so much to think about!  I hope you are well too Michelle, it sounds like your are hanging in too.  I guess time really does heal.

[missawissa]

Hello All,

I am a new member.  My father just passed away (January 6, 2008) after a long, tough battle with C.O.P.D. (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease).  I am at a complete loss as to how to handle this loss. 

[corky129]

Hi Missa,

I am sorry to hear of your loss.  My father passed away from complications due to Hepatitis C about 7 months ago.  There is no right think to say, at least there wasn't for me, but I am glad that you are here.  I just found this site, and I know it helps me to know that I'm not alone in this.  I just wanted you to know that I know your pain, we all do, and that I will be praying for you and your family.  If you would like to talk please don't hesitate to contact me.

 

Best

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

 

Ownedby3

WOW, thats fantastic for you! Congratulations, do you have a date set for the wedding yet?

You have some lovely ideas on how to include them in your day, who is going to give you away?

I had a candle made in memory of my daddy and had it lit at the church and at the evening reception, I also had his signet ring as my something borrowed in my bag.

I'm sure you will make a beautiful bride, I really enjoyed my actual wedding day, obviosly I thought about him, but I know he would want me to be happy on our special Day, and that's what you have to remember. I went to his grave the day before the wedding and I'd written him a letter, which I framed and left on his grave, it helped me to get it out before the wedding day.

Take care and I look forward to hearing from you soon

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle xxxxxxx

[missawissa]

Hi corky129,

Thanks for the response.  You are right there are no words to say.  But I feel more secure knowing I am not the only one going through this.  My fiancee' tries to be there for me.  We are suppose to get married on February 2, 2008, but knowing my dad won't be there to give me away is just hurting so bad.  I thought I had accepted that fact even before he passed away, but apparently not.  Each time I try to think about the wedding and try to plan it just hurts too bad.  I know I should be happy and excited and somewhere inside of me I am, but my grief takes over.

Sorry I rambled on, but again thanks for the response.

Missawissa

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

missawissa

I read your post and completely sympathise with what you are going through, I lost my Dad in august 2006 and got married in May 2007.

I think you are very brave to get married so soon after losing your precious Daddy, but I am sure that is what he would have wanted.

There are lots of ways to still include your Daddy in your special day, I had a candle made and had it lit through the ceremony and the evening reception. I also wrote a letter to him as if I was talking to him and framed it and put it on his grave the day before the wedding. We also had a prayer read out in church which the priest had written for Dad.

Have you thought about who will give you away, I'm sure you have, that was the first thing I thought of when I was told that my Daddy had passed away.

I had my younger brother walk me,I know my dear Daddy was watching us, and would have been so proud of all of us, my Mum especially, she coped amazingly on the day.

I am always here to chat, my thoughts are with you, and you are still in the very early stages of grief and it will take time to learn to cope with these overwhelming emotions

Take care

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle XXXXX

 

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

This is a picture of me and my Daddy taken in Paris in November 2005

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

dollface

Thank you for your kind words, your words sound as if I wrote them myself. I found out I was expecting on the 1 year anniversary of his death, so it was a symbolic day, I feel he is watching over us and I will make sure that my child knows exactly who there Grandad was and how much he would have loved them.

How did you feel the day your son was born? I know it will be a special day, but also I know my Daddy will be in allof our thoughts

take care

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle xxxx

[alex329]

HI MICHELLE, YOUR DAD IS SO HANDSOME.......HE LOOKS LIKE TONY CURTIS!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW HOW BAD YOU ALL FEEL I AM ALSO SO SICK WITHOUT MY DAD.I WAS DADDYS LITTLE GIRL AND IM TRYING FOR ANOTHER BABY AND HE KNEW WE WERE BUT NEVER GOT TO SEE THAT HAPPEN........HIS DEATH WAS SO SUDDEN AND I JUST CANNOT GET OVER IT............YOU KNOW ME AS "ALEX 329" WE HAVE CHATTED WAY BEFORE THIS.........THEY SAY A YEAR IS ENOUGH TIME TO HEAL............YEAH RIGHT.........DEC 26TH WAS A YR AND I FEEL WORSE NOW THAN I DID BEFORE..............I MISS HIM TERRIBLY AND CANNOT BELIEVE I WILL NEVER EVER SEE HIM AGAIN............I GUESS IM STILL IN DENIAL........I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS WRONG WITH ME...............I THINK OF HIM THE MINUTE I WAKE UP ,ALL DAY LONG AND AT NIGHT WHEN I GO TO SLEEP...........THATS IF I DO SLEEP.............ITS SO CRAZY TO ME.........MY DAD IS NOT HERE AND NEVER WILL BE AGAIN.....I WILLNAME MY NEXT CHILE AFTER MY DAD,HE KNEW I WAS GOING TO BUT HE WASNT ALIVE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN...............MY SON IS 11 AND HE WAS DADS BEST FRIEND AND JOEY MISSES HIS GRAMPS SOOOOO MUCH,ITS VERY SAD.............WE ALL MISS HIM.........WELL MICHELLE I VENTED ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT .....................GREAT PIC OF YOU AND YOUR DAD...............I WOULD POST ONE TO BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THAT........NITE TARA(ALEX329)