Loss of a Father

[carla76]

mariposa ~

i was in the same shoes as you .. i was with my father as well ~ i have forced myself to fight every thought of that moment ... i know that he would not feel right knowing how much pain i was in thinking of that one moment when i have my lifetime of wonderful memories to choose from ... i know it sounds like bologna because i think of the exact moment he passed as well and i cry for days as well ~ but just try your best to think better thoughts ... ones that make you smile instead ... laugh and cry ... do what you have to do .. just know that he is there with you at all times...

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara,

I'm glad to hear that you made it through the day. I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. Me too!! I thought I was doing better...ya right!! These last few days have been awful!!! I'm not holding it together at all...I just don't have the strength to pretend that I'm ok anymore. Do you know what I mean??? My friend Heidi has been suggesting antidepresents...I don't know about them...what do you think??? I just want to feel normal again...which deep down I know that I never will. I'm just so sad today.....Cindy

[alex329]

HI CINDY...............I CANNOT PRETEND IM OK AND I DONT!!!!!!!! I CANT DO IT........IF IM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY MY FAMILY KNOWS IT....AND THEY ARE NOT ALL THAT GOOD EITHER............WE LOST A HUGE PART OF OUR LIVES 3 MONTHS AGO AND WE ALL FEEL IT ,JUST IM THE WORST OF THE BUNCH...........I AM ON PAXIL FOR MY ANXIETY AND IT REALLY DID WORK GREAT FOR ME.......BUT AFTER THIS HIT ME I JUST LOST IT............YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT........IT DOES HELP.........ITS JUST THAT MY WEAKNESS IS MY ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS SO WHEN THIS HAPPENED IT MESSED ME ALL UP!!!! BUT YOU WOULD PROBABLY BENEFIT FROM THEM IF YOUR HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME.........GO TALK TO A DOCTOR AND SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR YOU.........EVEN IF ITS JUST FOR A FEW MONTHS TO HELP YOU GET THRU THIS AWFUL TIME........YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ON THEM FOREVER LIKE I DO..........I HAVE GAD(GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER) SO I NEED TO BE ON THEM..........SO TRY IT ..IT MIGHT HELP ALOT...........RIGHT NOW I DONT THINK I WILL EVER BE THE SAME AS I WAS BEFORE MY DAD DIED BUT I DONT KNOW THAT.............I HOPE AND PRAY THAT I CAN BECAUSE I FEEL SO HORRIBLE NOW ..I CANT SEE STAYING LIKE THIS FOREVER..............I HOPE IT WILL PASS AT SOME POINT............BUT NEVER THE SAME AS IT WAS..IM SURE...........AND THAT SADDENS ME ALOT..........I JUST WANT THINGS BACK THE WAY THEY WERE......YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.............NITE TARA........

[solemate]

I have just lost my Dad (and Mother) 7 days ago - My dad was driving their car and lost control on wet roads - he died instantly and my mum was revived at the scene (although she was critical with head and neck injuries) She was taken to two hospitals whilst my sister and I raced to be with her only to turn off her life support system. My Dad technically has killed my mother - but I need to see this as a terrible accident nothing more than that. I miss him already and know that he was very happy living in a unit with Mum close to where we live. We have just had a lovely funeral for the two of them with the Returned Serviceman League speaking about his time as a Cook in the Navy during the Korean War. He was meant to live longer, enjoy his retirement and grow old with my Mum. Why does this happen? I have no faith and after this find it very hard to accept that it was for a reason. Reading some of everyones comments makes me feel that I will also be in for a rough time. Any suggestions on how to get through the early days.

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Soulmate

How awful for you, I'm so sorry to hear the tragic way you lost your parents.

I lost my Dad on August 10th 2006 very suddenly, he died of heart failure, but had just had a full health check up the week before and they said he was fine.

I won't lie to you, its not easy to be honest I wasn't really on this planet for a couple of months afterwards and I turned into a robot, I would get to work and not remember how I got here, sounds strange but that is how I felt.

What I'm trying to say is you are numb at first, then you have a good day, then you have a bad day, and it goes on, and soon you'll have more good than bad .

The only thing you can do is talk about them. Its been nearly 8 months since I lost the most precious man in the world to me, and I still cry most days, but you learn to cope with it, you'll never get over it but you learn how to deal with your emotions. I talk about my Dad all the time.

I have set up a website in honour of my Dad its http.alan-muchmore.memory-of.com or put memory of in google, have a look, I write on there when I want to talk to my Dad or if I've done something I would usually tell him.

You are in the very early stages of Grief and I hope this site helps you.

There are lots of lovely people on here who know how you are feeling.

Take Care

always daddys girl XXXX

[kathyanne]

Soulmate - I'm so sorry for your loss and totally understand how hard it is to accept that what happened was for a reason. I lost my Dad a year ago and still don't believe there was a reason for it, he was healthy and full of life and a month later he was gone. As alwaysdaddysgirl said, you are in the early stages of grief and the best thing to do (at least as far as my experience has been) is to take one day at a time and only do what you feel like you can handle. I wish I could say it's easy but it's not... it's a process but posting on sites like this one or reading books about grief were really helpful to me during the first few months. A lot of people don't understand but the people here do so please write whenever you feel the need to vent! The pain does ease in time and I found the first year to be incredibly hard but I kept thinking what my Dad would want me to do when I felt overwhelmed and write about him daily in my journal to express my emotions. This probably isn't much help but I hope you keep coming here.

Alwaysdaddysgirl - I went to your website and have to say that I thought it was the most beautiful dedication to your Dad. I was crying when I looked through the pictures because my Dad was my best friend too... I just think it's wonderful that you were able to create the site since I can't even look at a photo of my Dad without breaking down. I'm hoping at some point that I have the strength that you did to make such a great tribute since my Dad was one of a kind and deserves it. Thanks for posting the link!

Kathy

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Kathy

Thank you for your kind words, I like looking at my Dad'd memorial site, because its as if I am writing to him, even though I always end up in floods of tears while writing!! but I always feel a bit better afterwards.

I can't believe its been 8 months since I saw my Dad's Beautiful smiling happy face, he was always smiling! I miss him so much, I am getting married in 5 weeks and I don't know how I will cope, he was looking forward to that so so much, as I was!! I know he wouldn't want me to be sad on my special day but I know its going to be such an emotional day!

alwaysdaddysgirl

[alex329]

HI EVERYONE.............IM HAVING A BAD FEW DAYS..........OR SHOULD I SAY MONTHS!!!!! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE GETTING EASIER AND ITS NOT.....THAT SCARES ME............I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT MORE BUT I THINK OF MY DAD EVERY SECOND............I MISS HIM SO MUCH..........MY BROTHER JUST PLAYED NE A MESSAGE OF MY DADS VOICE AND IT DOESNT EVEN SOUND LIKE HIM.............I HAVENT HEARD HIM FOR OVER 3 MONTHS BUT I THOUGHT HEARING THAT TAPE WOULD HELP ME....IT DIDNT..........I AM LOOKING AT HIS HOUSE AS I TYPE TO ALL OF YOU AND CANT STAND THAT THIS WHOLE STREET HAD DIED ON 12/26 LIKE HE DID.............MY SON AND HIS FRIENDS HAVE STILL BEEN PLAYING OVER AT HIS HOUSE WOTHOUT HIM AND THAT KILLS ME............MY UNCLE STILL LIVES THERE BUT MY DAD WAS ALWAYS OUT WITH ALL THE BOYS PLAYING SPORTS EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD BE EVEN SADDER IF THEY DIDNT PLAY BUT ON THE SAME HAND SEEING THEM PLAY WITHOUT MY DAD BREAKS MY HEART..........THAT IS ALREADY BROKEN............I DO NOT FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON I WAS BEFORE ALL OF THIS HAPPENED...........I JUST WANT THIS PAIN TO GO AWAY..........I SEE ACOUNSELOR AND SHE DOES HELP........BUT SAYING WOULD HE WANT ME TO BE SAD...OF COURSE NOT..........BUT I AM.....AND THAT WILL NOT CHANGE FOR AWHILE IF EVER...........I WAS SITTING IN MY ROOM EVERYDAY FOR AWHILE BUT I WAS FREAKING MYSELF OUT BY DOING THAT.........SO I GET OUT AND ABOUT EVERYDAY BUT IM STILL SAD.........I HAVE NO APPETITE AND FEEL VERY TIRED AND SICK ALL THE TIME..........ITS ALL STRESS............BUT IM BETTER THAN I WAS 2 MONTHS AGO...SO MAYBE ILL KEEP GETTING BETTER,IT DOESNT FEEL THAT WAY RIGHT NOW...........I MISS MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME ONCE AGAIN..........I JUST CANT SEEM TO GET IT THRU MY HEAD THAT HE IS NOT HERE.........................YUK........NITE TARA

[mofirefly]

Tara - Just wanted to let you know I think you are doing just fine...after all, it has only been three months. I do believe the pain will lessen, but the ache of missing stays on much longer, but it becomes something you can handle. The stress of greiving is something that doesn't seem to be addressd very much, but it is very real and it can leave you feeling lousy. As far as not getting it thru to your head that he's gone, there are still times I think of my parents as being on a trip and that I'll hear from them when they get to their next stop...but then I realize I won't hear from them again...but it's the thinking of them being on a trip that helps me go on...I even put on their headstone "Traveling in Paradise". You will be able to find a way of continuing on as well, just take your time and allow yourself to heal a little bit each day. Take care. Candy

[alex329]

HI CANDY.THANKS FOR WRITING ,I WAS GETTING NERVOUSE THAT NOONE WOULD RESPOND SINCE IM AN OLD VISITOR HERE..........THIS IS WHERE I VENT........MY WHOLE FAMILY DOES KNOW IM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME BUT I DO COME HERE TO TALK TO ALL OF YOU AND IT HELPS.........I JUST HOPE OTHERS KEEP FINDING US HERE TO TALK.........IM SO SICK OF BEING SICK AND SAD ALL THE TIME..I DO HAVE A FEW MOMENYS HERE AMD THERE WHERE I DO FIND MYSELF LAUGHING SO I GUESS THATS A START........BUT FOR THE MOST PART IM DOWN........AND ITS STILL EARLY,I GUESS.......I DO MY BEST TO KEEP GOING AND THATS ALL I CAN DO...........BUT ITS REALLY HARD......AS YOU ALL KNOW...........I JUST HOPE IT GETS EASIER AND I CAN BE THE ONE GIVING ADVICE TO SOMEONE ELSE IN MY SHOES.........AGAIN THATS ME WANTING A QUICK FIX TO THIS AND THERE ISNT ONE.......I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!! IT HURTS BAD...........BUT ILL BE OK...........THANKS AGAIN CANDY .......HEY BY THE WAY.......WHERE ARE YOU THAT YOU HAVE STORMS?????????? I HATE STORMS !!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST WANTED TO KNOW IS ALL..........NITE TARA

[Guest Guest]

My father passed almost 13 years ago now. The 13 year anniversary is in 3 weeks. While everyone told me that the pain would fade with time, it only seems to be getting worse. I was only 5 when he passed and have spent most of my life wishing that he could be here on momentious occasions etc.

I have tried everything to try and stop this pain and nothing works.

My 18th birthday is in 2 days... The kind of thing my Dad should have been here for. And I'm just not coping.

What can I do?

[mofirefly]

Dear Guest - Wow, you have had to live with a huge hole inside of you practically your entire life. Now you are approaching the age that society seems to mark as being an adult, and yet there is probably a part of you that will always be the little 5 year old who lost a very important part of her. All I can say is that you should try to remember your dad is a part of you and always has been...and maybe on your birthday, have a picture of him and perhaps a toast to him for he was an important part of your life even if only for such a short time. I haven't done much reading on loss at an early age, I simply wanted to let you know that at this site there are many others who are going thru loss and offer each other encouragement. Please take care.

[mofirefly]

Tara - So you think your an old visitor here - I've been on the boards since Oct last year and there are others who were here then and are still here...it's the best place to come to and put down thoughts and emotions...and even tho there are times noone responds, it doesn't mean your post hasn't been read by someone and even helped them. I think all of us would like to have a quick fix to our situations, we live in a quick fix world...but grieving is something that I feel needs to be dealt with slowly...and it's sorta like a big open wound that you bind up and go on and then have to remove the bandage and treat it and that hurts like the dickens, but then bind it up again and go on. Not sure my thoughts got on paper the way I wanted, but oh well. By the way, I'm in Missouri and it looks like this will be a busy storm spring...and a the first sign of anything happening I shut down to try and keep this computer from being fried - because like you I come here to vent and sometimes to read and sometimes to feel a bit of a connection with others as we live out in the country and don't get into town often. I hope you continue to get help from your counselor - Take Care!

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara and friends,

Tara...we are so much alike!! I feel alot like you do..I guess its because we lost our dad's around the same time...it's been so hard!! I read your post yesterday....I'm sorry that I didn't respond....everything that you have been saying is how I've been feeling too. I was just waiting for a reply for your post...Thanks Mofirefly....You have no idea how much your posts have helped me....even when your responding to someone else!! You have such a beautiful way of expressing your thoughts...and it helps so much!!

Last night I was talking to my husband and I told him that I need to keep busy this week because my heart feels so heavy...and he asked me why!!! WHAT!!! Anyway..he's a really great husband...and he does know what I am feeling. He lost his dad when he was 6 and his mom at age 16. Maybe he just doesn't remember how much it hurts especially at first...its been over 25 years for him since he lost his mom. That really through me for a loop though!!!

To our newest guest...I am so sorry that you lost your dad. Please continue to post here...it really does help to talk to people who understand and want to help you through this emotional roller coaster called the "grieving process".

Take care! Cindy

[mariposa]

Guest- I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how you especially miss your father on those special and important occasions. My dad passed away 6 months ago and It's not getting any easier. I think maybe sometimes I can supress the grief just so I can get through my days and take care of things like work and school but it is so very hard. I'm 30 and I think I'll always be that little girl inside. I'll be daddy's girl that will miss him for all the days of my life and I'll especially miss him on certain days. My birthday is coming up and it's the very same day as Father's Day. So it will be my first bday and fathers day without my dad. I'm sure that day will be difficult. I'm glad you came here though. It is the best place to pour out your thoughts and feelings. I hope you find some comfort in knowing theres people here that care and extend our hearts to you.

[alex329]

HI CINDY AND CANDY AND FRIENDS...........I JUST WANT YTO THANK EVERYONE AGAIN FOR BEING HERE ALL THE TIME.........ALL THE PEOPLE THAT JOIN NEW DAY AFTER DAY,I HOPE YOU RETURN TO CHAT WITH ALL OF US,IM STILL VERY NEW AT THIS BUT THIS SITE HAD HALPED ME ALOT........YES ITS STILL EXTREMELY HARD EVERYDAY BUT I GET THRU KNOWING IM NOT THE ONLY WHO FEELS LIKE I DO......AND I DO THINK OF THAT WHEN IM REALLY DOWN..I SAY ITS NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE THIS...THEY ALL STILL DO(MY WEBSITE FRIENDS).....SO PLEASE KEEP COMIMG BACK WE ARE ALWAYS HERE............IT DOES BREAK MY HEART THAT THE YOUNGER GIRLS YOU HAVE LOST THEIR DADS........NOW I THINK IM LUCKY I HAD ALL THE TIME I DID WITH MY DAD.........SOMEONE IS ALWAYS WORSE OFF THATN YOURSELF........I GUESS........AND TO ALL.MOFIREFLY IS A GREAT LISTENER AND HAS A WAY OF MAKING YOU FEEL NORMAL,SHES BEEN GOOD TO ALL OF US!!! THANK YOU CANDY!!!!..CINDY IM SORRY YOUR LIKE ME...IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD..I KNOW.......BUT WE WILL KEEP CHATTING AND WE WILL BE OK........HOWS YOUR TEMPS N ALASKA BEEN????? MY HUSBAND MEANS WELL TO BUT HE LOST HIS BEST FRIEND(MY DAD) SO HES STILL VERY UPSET ALSO..ALONG WITH MY SON...BUT IS OK.....(HES 10) I THINK THEY HEAL ALOT QUICKER THAN ADULTS DO.......WHICH IS GOOD.......MY DAD WAS HIS BUDDY...........WELL ILL TALK TO YOU ALL SOON....NITE ...AND TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME............TARA

[carla76]

alwaysdaddysgirl ....

the website brought me to tears ... it is a beautiful tribute to your father ...

you should be very proud ......

monday will be the one year anniversary of my father's passing and it just does not seem real ... my pop ... i miss him terribly .... honest to god ... this pain just doesn't go away .....

[carla76]

alwaysdaddysgirl ....

the website brought me to tears ... it is a beautiful tribute to your father ...

you should be very proud ......

monday will be the one year anniversary of my father's passing and it just does not seem real ... my pop ... i miss him terribly .... honest to god ... this pain just doesn't go away .....

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Thank you so much carla, it helps me to write on the site and put things that I would usually tell him, you're right, it doesn't get easier but I hope it helps others to know that they are not on their own.

I will be thinking of you on Monday xxxxx

Take Care

alwaysdaddysgirl

Soulmate - Thank you for lighting a candle on my Dads memorial website it means alot to me and my family

Take care

[stansbaby]

ALWAYSDADDYSGIRL,

Hi, it is Andrea. I have been thinking about you. I know that you wish your dad was there for your wedding. I am lucky that he was able to be at mine. So, it just breaks my heart for you. I haven't been on the site I have made for my dad lately. It is so hard. I still enjoy getting your emails. I know our situation is so very similar. Today is 10 months for me and it still seems like yesterday. Please email me again sometime. I would love to chat. I know you have been very busy with all the wedding plans. How is your mom and brother doing? Talk to you later!

-Andrea

[alex329]

HI ALL......I AHD A VERY LONG AND HARD DAY....AS YOU PROBABLY DID TO........MY FIRST EASTER WITHOUT MY DAD............WE ALWAYS HAD IT AT HIS HOUSE..WELL NOT TODAY...WE WENT TO MY BROTHERS HOUSE..............WE WERE ALL TOGETHER BUT IT WAS WEIRD FOR ME.........SAD TO........MY UNCLE WHO ALSO LIVES AT MY DADS HOUSE WENT AWAY FOR EASTER TO HIS SISTERS........SO I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF HIS DOG BELLA.........IM TWO DOORS DOWN SO ITS NOT HARD TO DO........BUT AS I SIT IN THE KITCHEN TABLE TRYING TO PLAY WITH DOG I WAS OVERWHELMED BY SILENCE.......I TURNED THE RADIO ON LIKE MY DAD HAD ON ALL THE TIME.........BUT I HAD TO LEAVE!!!! NOW NOT EVEN MY UNCLE WAS THERE........AND MY DAD COLLAPSED AND DIED IN THAT KITCHEN ON 12/23 BUT THEY BROUGHT HIM BACK FOR A FEW DAYS.........SO THAT KITCHEN IS A HARD PLACE TO BE ESPECIALLY WHEN IM ALONE...........HE DID DIE THERE.......HE WAS IN A COMA FOR A FEW DAYS UNTIL WE TURNED OFF THE MACHINES.......( IHATE WRITING THAT) WE HAD NO OTHER CHOICE...HE WAS TOTALLY BRAIN DEAD..........YUK..........ITS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR ME I GUESS............HOLIDAYS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!! EVEN REGULAR DAYS ARE HARD AND THEN YOU THROW A HOLIDAY INTO THE MIX......FORGET IT!!!!!!!!!!! BUT AS I ALWAYS SAY IM STILL HERE,I GOT THRU IT SOMEHOW........ONE DAY AT A TIME............HAPPY EASTER DAD .LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TARA

[cindyinalaska]

Hi friends,

Well.....Easter is over..and I am glad about that. I have such a hard time with holidays now. It's not that it was a bad day...just kind of hard to get through.. you know? A friend of mine who is moving to Tennessee asked my husband and I where we plan to go when my husband retires in six years. I honestly didn't know what to say. Before my dad died, we would dream about different places to move to...Oregon being first because my dad lived there. Now...I have no idea. I have a hard time even thinking about the future...without even thinking I told my friend...well, If we are lucky enough to be alive at that time..we will decide then. She looked mortified...Does

anyone else feel that way now??? Before this happened I never really thought about dying...now it's basically all I think about with regards to future plans. How are we supposed to make plans for the future now???

My husband has to go to a class for a week...traveling to the Lower 48. That will be a difficult week to get through...the first time that I won't have hime here since dad died. I'm not looking forward to that at all!! I will have to keep myself very busy I guess!!

Take Care, Cindy

[mofirefly]

Cindy - I would think that most of us on these boards think a lot more about dying than others and probably lots more than we did before experiencing our own loss. To me there's nothing at all wrong with that...but it probably does bug others (and so what don't they continue to do things that bug us). I do think that eventually you get to where you can be more in the present and then once again think of a future. While your husband is down here in the lower 48 and you are alone - please remember you have the boards to lean on. Take care!

[mofirefly]

Tara - Just read that you spent time alone at your dad's....Even tho I still go to so many places where my mom use to be, I still haven't been able to drive anywhere near where the accident happened and here you spent time alone...you amaze me. TAKE CARE!

[alex329]

HI CINDY.......I THINK ABOUT DYING ALL THE TIME I ALWAYS HAVE ITS MY AXIETY...............BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT HAS BEEN WORSE FOR ME THE LAST 3 MONTHS........AND SINCE OURS WAS SUDDEN LOSS I THINK THAT IS TOTALLY NORMAL.......ITS LIKE YOUR OWN FATE IS QUESTIONED AT THIS TIME IN OUR LIVES...........BUT WE ARE STILL HERE TO GO ON AND WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DO JUST THAT.....GO ON.........AND YES ITS HARD FOR US EVERYDAY BUT WE GET THRU IT......ONE DAY AT A TIME............MY COUNSELOR HAS HELPED ME ALOT......SO STAY STRONG!!!! YOU DOING JUST FINE..........LIKE IM ONE TO TALK.RIGHT??? ANYWAYS IM REALLY TRYING MY BEST......AND IM ALSO HAPPY EASTER IS OVER!!!! BUT IN MY SICK MIND I THINK ONLY 2 MONTHS UNTIL FATHERS DAY!!!!!!!! IS YOUR EMAIL BACK ON YET??????? LET ME KNOW........NITE TARA

[alex329]

HI CANDY.........WAS YOUR LOSS JUST OCT 06????????? IF SO HOW ARE YOU DOING NOW????? DO WE HAVE HOPE THAT IT GETS ANY EASIER??? THE WAY YOU TALK IT SEEMS LIKE ITS BEEN YEARS FOR YOU........I REALLY DO TRY TO HELP IF I CAN BUT SINCE MINE IS SO RECENT I DONT KNOW IF MY WORDS MEAN MUCH YET.........I DO KNOW THAT THE WEEK OF MY DADS PASSING ALL I KEPT SAYING IS I WANT IT TO BE 3 MONTHS FROM NOW SO THIS PAIN GOES AWAY...YEAH RIGHT.........IT IS ALOT BETTER THAN THAT WEEK,BUT IT IS STILL HERE OF COURSE.........I WAS ZOMBIE THAT WHOLE WEEK.....IM STILL GOING THRU MY HEAD WHO ATTENDED THE WAKE AND WHO DIDNT..........I DONT KNOW WHY I DO THAT.........I DO KNOW I WILL GO TO EVERY WAKE I CAN FROM NOW ON..IT MEANS ALOT TO THE PEOPLE GRIEVING AT THAT TIME...........ANYWAYS I JUST WANTED TO CHECK ON YOU FOR ONCE,YOUR ALWAYS HELPING US!!!!! I HOPE YOUR OK TONIGHT........TARA

[mofirefly]

Tara - Thanks for the kind words - I came on the boards Oct 06 but the accident was Sept 05. My first comments on the boards were how everyone said the first year was the hardest, but I was (and sometimes still) having more problems after the first year anniv. Don't get discouraged tho. It's just that because you've always heard the "firsts" are the hardest, you hope you will be better after that, but for me the shock of losing my mom put me sort of "out of business" for that first year...this second year I have come to realize that altho the paid of the lost is no anywhere as intense, the ache of missing stays on much longer. These boards have been a place for me to go and try to find my way thru so many emotions, just like everyone else. I sometimes wonder how I would have sounded if I had found them during my first year of loss. Just try not to ever think you are acting crazy - just let yourself go with the emotions and sift thru them. Anyway, you have no idea how much reading your post this morning helped me. This is a unique group of people to meet up with. Take care!

[alex329]

HI CANDY AND FRIENDS..........IM WONDERING ...SINCE MY DAD COLLAPSED ON 12/23/06....AND ACUTALLY DIDED AFTER TAKING HIM OFF MACHINES ON 12/26.........IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME UNTIL 12/23....SO IF I GO ALL YEAR SOMEWHAT NORMAL AND MOVE ON.........DOES 12/23 BRING IT ALL BACK JUST LIKE IT WAS THAT DAY AGAIN.????? I REALLY THINK I DID PRETTY GOOD ON HIS BDAY A FEW WEEKS AGO AND EASTER....I KNOW ITS SO EARLY TO BRING THIS UP BUT I DONT THINK I WILL WANT TO XMAS SHOP OR DECORATE FOR XMAS...........IS THAT WHAT WILL MOST LIKELY HAPPEN TO ME???????? IT SCARES ME!!!!! ALTHOUGH A LONG TIME A WAY I KNOW ,JUST CURIOUS AS TO WHAT HAPPENS AT THAT POINT FOR ME.............I ALREADY KNOW SUMMER WILL BE HARD FOR ALL OF US...WE ALL WERE AT HIS HOUSE ALL THE TIME ,PLAYING ALL SPORTS AND HAVING FAMILY PICNICS FOR NO REASON AT ALL....LET ME KNOW IF YOU CAN..............NITE ALL..........TARA........PS ALSO SCARED OF FATHERS DAY APPROACHING!!!!!!!! YUK!!!........HOPE ALL ARE WELL TONIGHT........TARA

[mofirefly]

Tara - As I'm sure you know from reading posts - each one of us will handle our grief in our own way. The one year "angel date" (I've read that on these boards) will be one more hurtle to jump over, or for than matter crawl under. From what I've read of you, I think you are doing great, but I too think summer will be hard for you because you are use to seeing your dad out with the kids...and since you live so close to where is did, you can't pretend he's just somewhere else. I don't think it's wrong or too early to be thinking of how you will handle Christmas - but since you have a son, you might take your lead from him...I know I have done things I didn't exactly feel like doing, but I wanted my granddaughters to have fun holidays because my mom loved holidays. Just try to follow your heart (even tho it's broken and aches). Try to remember to breathe deeply as it is a great stress release.

[dollface]

I haven't been on this site for almost 3.5 years now. The 4 year anniversary of my daddy's death will be on May 7, 2007. 4 YEARS!?!?!?!?!!? HOW CAN THAT BE????? It almost feels as though I'm slipping back this year. Could be due to the fact that I am now a mother to a son that never had the chance to meet his grandfather. WOW,,,,how do I deal with that? I got on an old computer a few minutes ago and looked at some e-mails that I had gotten right after his death--probably not the best idea I've ever had. It felt as though I was sitting right there where I was 4 years ago. There was one particular member of this board--named lossoffather--if you are still here, you lost your dad just 1 month after I--June 8, 2003. Please contact me and let me know how you are, and how your son is. You helped me then, maybe you can help me now.

God be with all of you that have lost your Daddys. Nothing will ever replace them. Most of the time it is better, getting better every day....but there are those days, still, that nothing can get my mind off of him. Especially since my son looks just like him.

Love to all, and feel free to talk to me.

dollface

[cindyinalaska]

Hi,

Just a quick question...how do I change my username?? I would like to use my dad's name in my username...to honor him. MISS YOU DAD!!!!! Cindy

[dollface]

cindy:

you should be able to look under "my account". I think that's where you can change your user name.

[cindyinalaska]

Hi,

I tried "My Account" ....it will only let me change the password. Do I need to get a new account?? Any help would be great. Thanks!! Cindy

[Guest Guest]

Hello everyone,

My father died of lung cancer that had metastasized to multiple areas in the brain, causing tumors in multiple lobes. He was diagnosed on December 26th, and died on March 30th at home, under hospice care. I'm an only child, and my parents have no other close relatives or friends nearby - just my husband and me.

I went back to work on Monday, and all the final arrangements are completed. He was cremated, and we will inter his ashes up north later in the spring or summer, when it is beautiful in the U.P. and we find just the right place.

My Mom now lives in their condo by herself, and spends her days alone, doing housework, watching TV, and doing paperwork that is related to his hospitalization, insurance, social security, etc. We go by the condo after work every day to check on her, bring in her mail and see if she wants to go for dinner, fill the bird feeders, etc., and I talk to her at least once, usually more, per day. Mom is in relatively good health, and is completely able to manage on her own at home. She doesn't drive very much, though, so she stays home unless we take her somewhere or she decides to call public transportation.

My Mom has never lived alone. She lived with her father until the day she got married to Dad, 58+ years ago. This is the first time she has lived alone, and one of very few times she has even stayed alone at home (Dad did very little traveling without her). So far, she has managed to stay quietly busy with things around the house, but eventually those things will dwindle. Several times when we have gone over there, Mom has just been sitting in her recliner, reading or napping...no TV or radio on. Just still...and silent. Too still and quiet. She's had a cold, although it's getting better now, and she hasn't had much appetite...lost some weight recently. I think she is doing OK, but I'm still worried.

My Mom has always been very strong emotionally, and does not show sadness openly. I don't know that I have ever seen her really cry. Ever. She will talk about sad things, and things that worry her, but I've never seen her react more than tearing up briefly or sighing. During this whole period of Dad's decline and passing, and the 10 days afterward, I have not seen her cry or express strong emotion, although I'm certainly not around her all the time. Maybe she just prefers to mourn privately, or maybe she just doesn't grieve with tears. She is quieter than usual, and sounds more tired...maybe that is her version of grief, or just her cold, or a combination.

I hate thinking about her sitting over in that condo, all by herself, in that quiet room. Alone for the first time in her life. I have this overwhelming urge to have her stay with us, at least for a while, but our spare room is being used by my stepson right now. So, for now, we continue to check on her frequently, do whatever she needs done around the condo, and get her out as much as we can.

Am I too worried about her? Maybe she just needs or wants to be alone, and spend time reflecting on her own right now. She will deny that anything is wrong, and the last thing she would ever intentionally do is burden others with her concerns.

I wish I knew whether I should be worried about her, or whether I just need to relax and give her time to work things out her way, trusting that she will tell me if I can do more to help or support her.

Thank you so much for letting me join, and for any feedback you can offer.

Linda

[cindyinalaska]

Hi everyone,

I am not having a great morning. I've been thinking about my dad and the last time that I saw him. It was a year and a half ago...I wish I had lived closer!!! I keep seeing him in my mind....standing in his driveway, a big smile on his face..tears in his eyes...trying to hold back the tears because we knew it would be awhile before we would see each other again. Oh man....if I had only known it would be the last time that I saw him!! I just miss him so much!

A "friend" of mine JUST called....one of the first things that she said to me was that she talked to her dad last night...she goes on to say that she didn't just talk with him that she really had an in depth conversation with him....I don't know what to say... she knows I just lost my dad. I got off the phone with her really fast...and now I am miserable!! I sincerely hope that you all are having a better day than I am. I now know that people who haven't lost a loved one have no understanding of the pain that is with you everyday and how your heart is broken. Take care everyone, and thank you so much for being here!!! Cindy

Tara...my email is FINALLY working!!! ) I'm going into Fairbanks right now..I'll email you soon! Talk to you later, Cindy

[cindyinalaska]

Linda,

I just read your post and I am so very sorry that you lost your dad. I know how you feel about worrying about your mom...I worry about mine also. I live in Alaska...she lives in Oregon, so I'm not able to see her and help her in person, just over the phone and with cards. If I lived there..I would be with her as much as I possible could. One thing that she has told me is that the silence is so hard....and that she is terribly lonely. Just like your mom, she has never lived alone before my dad died and she has always been strong emotionally...but I hear in her voice the pain that she is in. Just continue to be there as much as you can for her. Would she be willing to live with you?? I don't think mine would leave the house that my dad and she shared. I have told her that when my family moves closer that we will be buying a house with a mother in law apartment for her to come and live with us if she would like to. She seemed to like the idea...when she is ready. The most important thing I have learned through all of this is not to leave a grieving person alone...call her, go to her house to visit as much as you can. She is feeling so sad right now, just as you are...together you will get through this. Some friends have not called thinking I need my space...it isn't what I need. I need the people that I care about to be there for me...this is the hardest and most emotionally draining thing that has ever happened in my life. (Although I didn't need the phone call that I just spoke of in my previous post... (

I'm glad that you found these boards...please keep coming here..its been a great support and comfort to me. Take care, Cindy

[mindy10]

HI LINDA, IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. I LOST MY DAD TO COLON CANCER LAST JUNE AND IT WAS THE WORSE THING I EVER HAD TO WATCH. I FEEL BAD THAT YOUR A ONLY CHILD BECAUSE I COULD NOT IMAGINE NOT HAVING MY SISTERS AND BROTHER WITH ME AT THAT TIME. I TOO FEEL BAD FOR MY MOM AND WORRY ABOUT HER. I LIVE TWO HOURS AWAY AND SHE IS ALL ALONE AND HAS NO RELATIVES OR FRIENDS WHERE SHE LIVES. SHE SAYS EVERYDAY HOW LONLEY SHE IS AND I TRY TO TELL HER TO JOIN A SENIOR CENTER BUT SHE WONT. AT LEAST SHE GETS OUT 3 DAYS A WEEK TO GO TO BINGO. MAYBE YOUR MOM CAN JOIN A SENIOR CENTER. THEY GO ON DAY TRIPS AND HAVE CARD GAMES AND OTHER ACTIVITIES DURING THE DAY. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW LONLEY IT IS. IM HOME ALONE ALL DAY WITH A 2 YEAR OLD AND I CANT WAIT UNTIL MY HUSBAND COMES THROUGH THE DOOR SO I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I ALWAYS TELL HIM IF HE EVER LEFT ME I WOULD BE MARRIED WITHIN A WEEK BECAUSE I COULDNT HANDLE BEING ALONE. WELL WE ARE ALL HERE IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK. MINDY

[alex329]

HEY ALL...........WHATS UP WITH TODAY??????????? I ALSO HAD A MINOR BREAKDOWN AND CRIED FOR 2 HOURS THIS AFTERNOON..............I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME FROM BUT I JUST LET IT OUT.........MY HUSBAND ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG AND THEN WE TALKED............I JUST FEEL SO VERY SAD TODAY..........I HATE IT!!! MY CHEST ACTUALLY HAD A PIAN I COULDNT GET RID OF..........I HAVE BEEN DOING WELL CONSIDERING...SO THAT THRU ME COMING OUT OF NOWHERE....NOW MY EYES ARE BURNING...ILL PROBABLY SLEEP GOOD TONIGHT............TODAY WAS TIRING FOR ME........I HOPE TOMORROW IS A BETTER DAY FOR ALL US GIRLS!!!! IM SICK OF FEELING YUCKY AND TIRED ALL THE TIME.....MAYBE ONCE SPRING FINALLY DOES HIT NY..ILL BE OK AND GET OUT IN THE NICE WEATHER.........MY MOM ALSO LIVES ALONE AND SUFFERS AWFUL FROM REUMATOID ARTHRITIS.........ITS SO AWFUL TO WATCH HER IN AGONY EVERYDAY.SHES ONLY 68!!!! I LIVE 5 MINUTES FROM HER AND TRY TO GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE BUT SHE CAN HARDLY WALK..........SHE HAS BEEN TO EVERY DOCTOR AROUND HERE AND NOTHING YET!!! IT JUST DOESNT SEEM RIGHT ,THAT IN 2007 THEY CANT HELP HER...........I DO GET MAD WHEN SHE STAYS IN FOR DAYS AT A TIME BUT I GUESS I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.....I JUST WANT HER UP AND MOVING LIKE SHE USED TO DO.............ANYWAYS THANKS FOR LISTENING ON A VERY BAD DAY FOR ME.............PLEASE KEEP COMING HERE TO ALL THE NEW GUESTS.......WE WILL HELP THE BEST THAT WE CAN............ITS A GREAT PLACE TO TALK!!!! NITE TARA..PS CINDY ILL TALK TO YOU SOON..........

[nickche]

Linda,

I can relate so much to what you are saying about your mom. My father died on Jan. 23rd. He and my mom were married for 61 years and had the most committed, loving relationship of any couple I have ever known. My mom rarely drives and was dependent on my dad for so much. She is living in a retirement home right now but still is lonely. Everyone pretty much stays to themselves. I go over there sometimes after work and she is just sitting there often looking at old pictures. She doesnt always go down for dinner and that worries me. Between my brother, my daughter and I (we all work full time) we do what we can while also dealing with our own grief. I find with my mom it helps to look at pictures with her and share memories. She also enjoys writing letters to old friends and relatives. I also have my mom helping with some volunteer projects for a program I work for. She seems to enjoy that as it keeps her busy.

I hear and feel your worry but please remember to take time for yourself and heal the way you need to. It has helped to come to this site. I don't always post but I feel connected to others through sharing our grief.

[nickche]

Well, I guess this is my night to post. I guess I need the support right now. Tara, I too have had melt downs lately but I am not sure they were minor. Last week was difficult. After church one night I had to leave before the service was over and I just couldn't stop crying. I was supposed to visit my daughter afterward but I called her and said I just needed to go home. I cried all the way home and for an hour after that. It seems sometimes that once the tears start they just dont stop no matter how hard I try to get control. Sometimes I dont even know what the trigger was. I lost it with my son the other day too when we talked about his grandpa being his guardian angel. I try to be strong for my kids (they are adults) and my mom but they usually end up comforting me. Friends are not there anymore and just act like everything is back to normal.

Thank you all for listening. Have a restful night. Sleep is something I am extremely deprived of.

[alex329]

HI ALL........I HAD A BETTER DAY TODAY.THANK GOD.......I DIDNT SLEEP GOOD LIKE I THOUGHT I WOULD AND I USUSALLY DONT.........ANYWAYS I WORKED TONIGHT(IM A WAITRESS) IVE BEEN THERE 9 YEARS.......ALOT OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE REGULARS AND FOR SOME REASON THEY THINK I SHOULD BE FINE BY NOW!!!!!!! I HATE THAT!!! WHATS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?????????? HOW CAN THINGS BE OK..ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS AND MY DAD ISNT HERE WITH ME.....WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS??????????ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! I DONT THINK IT WILL OK NEXT YEAR THIS TIME LET ALONE NOW!!!! I KNOW YOU ALL I AGREE BY READING YOUR POSTS............AND I REALLY DONT CARE WHAT THEY OR ANYONE ELSE THINKS.ITS MY GRIEF AND I WILL HAVE IT AS LONG AS I NEED TO............NO IM NOT OK...I DO SAY IM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS AND TRY TO LET IT BE AT THAT.........SORYY FOR RAMBLING IM JUST SICVK OF THAT ALL THAT TIME..........YES IM LIVING AND GOING ON THE BEST THAT I CAN FOR RIGHT NOW BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN IM OK...........WHY DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND????? IM TIRED.LONG NITE AND VERY BUSY TONIGHT AT WORK.........JUST UNWINDING NOW AND VENTING TO I GUESS.........HOPE TOMOOROW IS A BETTER DAY FOR ALL OF HERE AT BI.......AND THIS IS A GREAT PLACE FOR ME TO VENT TO ALL OF MY BI FRIENDS THAT I HAVE MADE THRU THIS AWFUL JOURNEY IM GOING THRU.......THANK YOU AGAIN FRIENDS........NITE TARA

[solemate]

Hi everyone - I wanted to post something special for my Dad - He and Mum were both killed 3 weeks ago in a car accident. I have been posting mainly on the loss of a mother site (always mentioning dad) however I think I would like to tell everyone what a loving father he was. My dad grew up in poor times and has a twin brother and one older brother (dec.) He joined the Navy aged 17 1/2 years. He went to the Korean war for Australia. It was during this time he met my Mum via being pen pals. They wrote to each other constantly and married on his return from the war. They were very much in love and they were referred to as 'Darby and Jones) Dad was a hard worker providing for his family and working night shifts to earn extra money. I have spent a lot of time with him (and mum) going through their history so I could 'scrap book' their heritages. I was glad to be able to give Dad his own scrap of his time during the Korean War. It brought tears to his eyes and he and I shared a bond of mateship. I understood his memories of the war and the heartaches he felt. He was a cook in the Navy and was forever putting away plates before you finished eating. During the last two years, Dad and I understood one another and he was so proud of me and I of him. He had attitude and warmth. I know that he has been the happiest ever in the last 12 months (due to relocation of a home closer to all facilities etc. ) He told me often he would die in this place and that he was not moving. At least Mum and Dad enjoyed the new home and got a lot of enjoyment from it. It has been so sad for me to clean out the home and pack up his (and mum's) items. Best of all I know that he loved me very much and I am missing him (and Mum) terribly. I have my memories but that is not enough. I want my Mum and Dad back. I can't seem to accept that they are both gone. Medication has helped slow me down but I have daily melt downs and am finding it difficult to return to routines. Tomorrow I want to start writing a history of my parents and creating a new scrap book of memories - take care everyone

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Hi everyone - I wanted to post something special for my Dad - He and Mum were both killed 3 weeks ago in a car accident. I have been posting mainly on the loss of a mother site (always mentioning dad) however I think I would like to tell everyone what a loving father he was. My dad grew up in poor times and has a twin brother and one older brother (dec.) He joined the Navy aged 17 1/2 years. He went to the Korean war for Australia. It was during this time he met my Mum via being pen pals. They wrote to each other constantly and married on his return from the war. They were very much in love and they were referred to as 'Darby and Jones) Dad was a hard worker providing for his family and working night shifts to earn extra money. I have spent a lot of time with him (and mum) going through their history so I could 'scrap book' their heritages. I was glad to be able to give Dad his own scrap of his time during the Korean War. It brought tears to his eyes and he and I shared a bond of mateship. I understood his memories of the war and the heartaches he felt. He was a cook in the Navy and was forever putting away plates before you finished eating. During the last two years, Dad and I understood one another and he was so proud of me and I of him. He had attitude and warmth. I know that he has been the happiest ever in the last 12 months (due to relocation of a home closer to all facilities etc. ) He told me often he would die in this place and that he was not moving. At least Mum and Dad enjoyed the new home and got a lot of enjoyment from it. It has been so sad for me to clean out the home and pack up his (and mum's) items. Best of all I know that he loved me very much and I am missing him (and Mum) terribly. I have my memories but that is not enough. I want my Mum and Dad back. I can't seem to accept that they are both gone. Medication has helped slow me down but I have daily melt downs and am finding it difficult to return to routines. Tomorrow I want to start writing a history of my parents and creating a new scrap book of memories - take care everyone

Soulmate

How are you?

I think you are doing great right now, its still early days for you and I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

I lost my Dad 8 months ago and I am still finding it hard now,to lose both your parents at once must be really tough for you!

Do you have other family? If you want to email me personally would be great to hear from you, my email is chellmuchmore@yahoo.co.uk

Keep fighting!!

Alwaysdaddys girl

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

HI ALL........I HAD A BETTER DAY TODAY.THANK GOD.......I DIDNT SLEEP GOOD LIKE I THOUGHT I WOULD AND I USUSALLY DONT.........ANYWAYS I WORKED TONIGHT(IM A WAITRESS) IVE BEEN THERE 9 YEARS.......ALOT OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE REGULARS AND FOR SOME REASON THEY THINK I SHOULD BE FINE BY NOW!!!!!!! I HATE THAT!!! WHATS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?????????? HOW CAN THINGS BE OK..ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS AND MY DAD ISNT HERE WITH ME.....WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS??????????ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! I DONT THINK IT WILL OK NEXT YEAR THIS TIME LET ALONE NOW!!!! I KNOW YOU ALL I AGREE BY READING YOUR POSTS............AND I REALLY DONT CARE WHAT THEY OR ANYONE ELSE THINKS.ITS MY GRIEF AND I WILL HAVE IT AS LONG AS I NEED TO............NO IM NOT OK...I DO SAY IM DOING BETTER THAN I WAS AND TRY TO LET IT BE AT THAT.........SORYY FOR RAMBLING IM JUST SICVK OF THAT ALL THAT TIME..........YES IM LIVING AND GOING ON THE BEST THAT I CAN FOR RIGHT NOW BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN IM OK...........WHY DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND????? IM TIRED.LONG NITE AND VERY BUSY TONIGHT AT WORK.........JUST UNWINDING NOW AND VENTING TO I GUESS.........HOPE TOMOOROW IS A BETTER DAY FOR ALL OF HERE AT BI.......AND THIS IS A GREAT PLACE FOR ME TO VENT TO ALL OF MY BI FRIENDS THAT I HAVE MADE THRU THIS AWFUL JOURNEY IM GOING THRU.......THANK YOU AGAIN FRIENDS........NITE TARA

I know what you mean you put on a brave face but all you think about all day is your Dad, I know I do, there is no set time for grief, its different for everyone.

I know my Mum's and brother grief is different to mine, we all cope in different ways, I still cry most days especially as my wedding is in 3 weeks time and he was so looking forward to walking his baby girl down the aisle, as I was, my younger brother is walking me down the aisle now.

Everyone keeps saying are you getting nervous or excited and I just don't know what to say, obviously I am looking forward to marrying my lovely fiance but a very important person is going to be missing the most important day of my life and that is so painful for me.

I don't know what I'm going to be like on the day, I guess I will just cope the best way I can.

Has anyone got married and not had their Dad there

alwaysdaddysgirl

[waterways]

I haven't been on this site for almost 3.5 years now. The 4 year anniversary of my daddy's death will be on May 7, 2007. 4 YEARS!?!?!?!?!!? HOW CAN THAT BE????? It almost feels as though I'm slipping back this year. Could be due to the fact that I am now a mother to a son that never had the chance to meet his grandfather. WOW,,,,how do I deal with that? I got on an old computer a few minutes ago and looked at some e-mails that I had gotten right after his death--probably not the best idea I've ever had. It felt as though I was sitting right there where I was 4 years ago. There was one particular member of this board--named lossoffather--if you are still here, you lost your dad just 1 month after I--June 8, 2003. Please contact me and let me know how you are, and how your son is. You helped me then, maybe you can help me now.

God be with all of you that have lost your Daddys. Nothing will ever replace them. Most of the time it is better, getting better every day....but there are those days, still, that nothing can get my mind off of him. Especially since my son looks just like him.

Love to all, and feel free to talk to me.

dollface

[waterways]

I haven't been on this site for almost 3.5 years now. The 4 year anniversary of my daddy's death will be on May 7, 2007. 4 YEARS!?!?!?!?!!? HOW CAN THAT BE????? It almost feels as though I'm slipping back this year. Could be due to the fact that I am now a mother to a son that never had the chance to meet his grandfather. WOW,,,,how do I deal with that? I got on an old computer a few minutes ago and looked at some e-mails that I had gotten right after his death--probably not the best idea I've ever had. It felt as though I was sitting right there where I was 4 years ago. There was one particular member of this board--named lossoffather--if you are still here, you lost your dad just 1 month after I--June 8, 2003. Please contact me and let me know how you are, and how your son is. You helped me then, maybe you can help me now.

God be with all of you that have lost your Daddys. Nothing will ever replace them. Most of the time it is better, getting better every day....but there are those days, still, that nothing can get my mind off of him. Especially since my son looks just like him.

Love to all, and feel free to talk to me.

dollface

[alex329]

HI ALL.........IM FINDING IT SO STANGE HOW MY DAYS ARE SO DIFFERENT FROM ONE TO THE NEXT.........TODAY IM GOOD.THE OTHER DAY I CRIED FOR OVER 2 HOURS..........WHATS GOING ON WITH ME........I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN(NOT THAT I WAS BEFORE)HAHA.....BUT REALLY HOW CAN I CHANGE SO QUICKLY FROM DAY TO DAY AND WITHOUT WARNING.......SOME DAYS I JUST CANT GET MOTIVATED TO DO A THING......THE NIGHTS I WORK I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO GO AND ONCE IM THERE IM OK........KEEPING BUSY DOES HELP ME ALOT.....SO THATS WHAT I TRY TO DO.........IM JUST SO SAD AND MISS MY DAD SOOOOOOO MUCH ..EVEN LOGGING ON TO BI I USE HIS NAME AND BDAY....THAT SOMETIMES MAKES ME SICK ......I CANNOT BELIEVE HES NOT HERE..........I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO WITHOUT HIM.........ILL TALK YOU ALL SOON.........NITE TARA

[cindyinalaska]

Hello everyone,

I hope you all are having a good day. I am doing OK...my husband has been in Arizona this week which has been hard. I've been thinking about my dad nonstop...I miss him so much!!! I'm sure everyone here is feeling the same way. My oldest daugher has been sick with a terrible cold/flu...so she has been home from school since Monday. I just wanted to check in and see how you are all doing...this thread has been quiet for a few days. Take care, Cindy

[redsgirl]

Hello Everybody,

Have not been here in awhile. Today is 7 wks daddy has been gone. I have had a lot happen to me in the last 7 wks than I think I have my whole life!!! First daddy died. Then my grandson (3 mos old) was in the hosp due to not breathing twice in March. (Diagnosed with Acid Reflux) My mom fell in a parking lot & had to take her to ER. Then on Monday I had a car accident that totaled my car. The accident was not my fault, the other person turned in front of me. My elbow & back are very sore. Dr says no broken bones. My nerves & emotions are very fragile at this point. I know God has something good for me soon!! I am planning a get away trip to try to just relax for a few days next week.

Someone mentioned about people that act like everything is normal now & I know that feeling. I just try to put on a good face & go on. Also I can relate to the story on having to leave church in tears. I have tried once going to church since daddy died & was there about 5 mins & left. I could not stop crying. So, I went to the cemetery. Strange how your emotions work. You just never know what will happen.

Well, anyway, just wanted to check in. Have a good evening.

Redsgirl

[alex329]

HI REDSGIRL..I HOPE YOUR OK TONIGHT....GETTING AWAY SOUNDS GOOD.....IM NOT DOING SO WERLL MYSELF...BUTY IM TRYING TO HANG ON.....KEEP WRITING TO MUS WHEN YOU NEED TO.....NITE TARA