Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, What a treasure--those photos. Such handsome boys. And I know that you must, as I do, wonder what they would be like today. You are so not alone in experiencing the bumpiness of this journey. Thanks for sharing Phil and Matt. How as your weekend?

Sal, I have been thinking of you so much today. I was wondering how your husband is doing? I know he's been away. Is he home? Maybe that's why you have been silent? Lots going on at home...

Oneta, are you still reading? I mean to e-mail you... You had been on my prayer list, as always, but especially through all of last week. You are so missed. I hope you and Cheryl are still communicating a lot. That seemed like such a blessed connection for you both.

I'm around. Just working a lot, preparing for a women's retreat, 35 women arriving Friday for the weekend--(Spanish) Yay! That will help with my ongoing Spanish lessons. In the meantime lots and lots of preparations to make--keeping me busy.

Love to all! ~Claudia

[heartbeataway]

Rody,

Your boys ........ your handsome boys.  Thank you for sharing their pictures.

Once again , I visited this site.  I don't normally and your post and pictures jumped out at me.

All I could think as I sat here looking at those two handsome young men was how in the world do you get up in the morning?

I lost one child ....... I can't imagine double the pain, double the grief or even comprehend what your future no longer holds with their loss.

Blessings your way Rody ..........

Bonnie

[msroderskie]

Thank you all for the sweet comments about the boys.  I've been trying to get many of my photos organized, and that's always a good time to deal with grief, at least for me. 

Bonnie, it has to be God's strength alone that makes me able to keep going.  That's the only thing that I can figure out.  Double grief has definitely done a number on my body.   Sometimes I think the tremendous stress will shorten my earthly life -- which doesn't bother me much, I must say.

Claudia,  it's nice to hear from you again after a bit of an absence.  Our trip to my father-in-law's funeral was actually a good trip for us.  My husband was fully expecting this, and he's doing well.   His worst choke-up moment was when the Navy personnel handed him the flag from the casket.  We entrust Steve's Dad into the Lord's hands.

!Buen suerte! -- with the Spanish visitors who are coming to see you. 

Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you, Rody. I'm glad your trip was led by the Lord. It sounds like you and your hubby have His peace regarding the passing of his dad. I pray He will increase as you continue to open your wounds to Him while treasure hunting through your precious photos.

I'll likely come up for air sometime next week, as I have several very full days ahead.

God's peace to you all,

Claudia

[DawnFisher]

Hello -

I am posting Kelly's original post from the home page of www.beyondindigo.com/forums under the "Please Tell Us" thread "Beyond Indigo Reunion."  I thought that many of you might not have seen it there.  If you are interested in atteding a Beyond Indigo Reunion - or would like to help us in the planning stages...please post on that thread.

Thanks!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

 

 

Hello all,

We are thinking about hosting a Beyond Indigo Reunion in Peoria, ILL next spring. It would allow people to meet other Beyond Indigo members in person. Could you please let us know if this would be something that would interest you? We would have social events by type of loss (child, parent, spouse etc). If this is of interest for people we would also be looking for "hosts" for each type of loss to plan events for that loss group. Please chime in!

Thanks

Kelly

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

[mom2sarah]

Hi all to who have tasted the bittersweet loss of your cherished sons or daughters.

I am Sarah Lynn's mom and I have not posted for a bit.  Its been 3 months since we lost our only child Sarah from a car accident and I have just been trying to put one foot in front of the other.  Unfortunately our grief has become more complicated since I posted in Sept as we were informed from her bank that 10 days after her death someone used her bank  card at our local gas station and car wash.  We are pretty sure we know who did this as we found out later someone who came into my extended family was in jail 2 years ago for breaking and entering.  My younger sisters knew this but did not tell us until it was too late. This guy (Jason)who were pretty much sure did this also used the opportunity to clear out my Sarah's bedroom wth other family members to spare us the grief of seeing her things. He took 2 laptops, camera, 2 Blackberry phones (brand new)  jewelry and a heirloom "Israel"medal that  my daughter was given from her grandfather who was in Israel in World War II.  I mean all we ended up with was 2 small boxes of junk.  This guy came over every night

with my neice in the name of "comfort" and would go in to our house while we were out on our deck and I grew suspicious of him. He would be in all rooms of our house and I wanted him to see I was aware he there but he acted like he was cleaning and

tidying up.  I must admit I was somewhat leary of him so I locked my purse in my

bedroom.  Then I find out her checkcard was used at the  car wash he goes to and the gas station by their house.  After I told my 2 sisters they  then became irate because my older sister (the mother of my neice Erin  and engaged to this thief) had formerly told them her daughters fiance'  Jason was in jail for breaking and entering and receiving stolen goods. So after the fact I am a bit upset with all of them for not making me aware. All this complicates my grief.  Plus its very hard to deal with because my older sister will put up a smokescreen by playing it out that her daughter and Jason are innocent and turn this on me for thinking they did this. Then she will alienate herself from the the rest of our family who her daughter/boyfriend has stolen from also.  So its like my two sisters and myself have been robbed by my older sisters daughter/fiance' and if we confront them about it

my sister will move away and we'll not know if she is dead or alive.  I love my older sister and have always been close to her more than my other sisters. I feel pretty certain she knows they did this to us but is ashamed or in denial that her daughter

would do this.  Last year she told my sisters that somene withdrew $1000 from her checking acct and a diamond ring stolen from her bedroom. Her suspicion was on this boyfriend since he spends allot of nights at her house with her daughter who still lives at home. 

    My family is not accustomed to this criminal behavior so close to us and its not something we know how to handle but I am praying for my neice, her fiance and my sister so a root of bitterness doesn't grow up inside me. I feel betrayed, hurt and violated from them at a time I needed them most.  My sister, Erin and Jason are hugging me , comforting, uplifting me thru God centered conversations

while robbing my husband, myself and our daughter who passed away. They all claim to be Christian and talk the talk. I do believe my sister is a Christian but also a mother who doesn't want to believe that her daughter was a part of such a crime.  My neice Erin and her boy friend Jason are charming, greedy, phoney and without concience though.   I am appalled especially since this Judas came to me disguised as a Christian comforting me in my loss.  He is also very bold because  my younger sister had a birthday/Halloween party for her young daughter and this guy had the nerve to come dressed as a robber. He knows we know what they did and is rubbing it in my face.

   I am trying to walk in Christ like love toward him and my neice(and she has been caught red handed stealing from family members too as well as taking diamond rings

from her  theiving boyfriend which puts her in the same boat )

and I need for myself to forgive them.  But it is hard when its family.  Please pray for me to keep a pure heart toward them.

HUGGS

Laura

PS I do have positive testimoies too which I will share concerning sweet assurances of Sarah in Heaven. I spent too much time on this matter Sorry for the negative post as I like to accentuate the positive but their is no easy way I could find to explain this complication.

   

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura,

I have a whirlwind of activity going on at our place right now--hosting a retreat this weekend, cooking and cleaning, etc for 40 men, BUT, I wanted to let you know that as I go about my activities, I will be lifting you up in prayer. I am so sorry to hear about all the complications that have arisen, especially since it involves family--so painful! I do pray for your heart and that God will grant you peace despite the personal wars that continually go on around losing your precious Sarah-Smile.

Sending love and Hugs, and praying much! Love, Claudia

[sammyl]

Hello,

no one knows the greif of losing a child like one that has lose one. I do not know you and I am new to this site but I just wanted to encourage your heart. It is never easy to go through such pain but at times you see its worth. You child would be so very proud of you as I am. In your pain you have encouraged so many others and given them strength for a nother day. Thank you for all that you have given, may God give it back and restore all that you have gave. Ps.126:5-6. Be of good cheer you are an amazing person. May God Bless you and your family.

[wyomingsal]

Oh Sarah's Mom...I am so sorry you have this heaped on top of your grief.  3-7 months were probably the hardest in my grief.  I will pray for you....that God will hold and comfort you during this darkest of times in your earthly life.  God knows the evil in the hearts of those who would steal from you in such a time.  Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.  May God convict the theives with the stabbing truth of His Holy Spirit.  May they not rest one day until they have admitted their sin and made restitution.  May your hear be able to forgive and not hold onto the anger, hurt and bitterness.  May God grant you peace and rest when you need it and supportive loving people to hold you when you think you can't go on.  Hold on tightly to your faith.  Know that God does see all and knows all that has happened and he will work all for the eternal good.  Sarah is safe and resting in His presence.  Joyful and complete...with my Joshua and all the other wonderful children who have gone on before us.  It is so hard to hold onto that faith and eternal perspective when we feel so hurt and defeated and hopeless in the present.  Rest and give yourself permission to weep and cry even now as others have gone back to there lives.  I am over a year out and still am hit with days of crying and weeping with missing my boy.  But those horrible days are farther apart now.  Most days I can live.  I still love the words in the song, "Held" by Natalie Grant.  "This hand is bitterness....we want to taste it....let the hatred..numb..our sorrows.  The wise hand opens slowly...to Lilies of the valley..and...tomorrow." 

Love Sal

[mom2sarah]

Dearest Sal,

   Oh how sweet and caring you are to lift me up in such a sensitive prayer. I feel your sincere heartfelt prayer as I read it.  It must be God sent words spoken thru you

because it is exactly what I needed. I do struggle letting a root of bitterness bud in my heart.  I remembr God said to pray for our enemies, be kind to them and I try to do just that.  I trully feel hurt because my neice whom I was very close to from her birth

was involved in this by letting her robber boyfriend do this to us at such a time.  Erin is very greedy herself so he is a compatible mate to satisfy this need. I do because I love her as my own pray for her redemption from this sin as God showed me my treasure is in heaven not here on earth where moths destroy and thieves steal.  This helps me not to be too angry with them but I have lost respect for them and cannot trust them at this point.

  I am only 3 months into our loss but I don't think as mothers we will never be completely over losing our precious sons/daughters until we are reunited with them

in eternity.  Your fervent love for Joshua shows in your sorrow that he is not here at this moment in time for you to touch, hug, and talk to which will just intensify your reunion with him on the otherside. Oh what a reunion that will be Jesus,our children and loved ones never to be  separated again.

  I have been going to our local lake (before winter sets in here in Ohio) to just be still with God and I feel God allowing my sweet Sarah to comfort me.  I do not know if its scriptual but I really sense it is her in Christ Jesus. An example, after Sarah went to be with the Lord, when I was in church worshipping and praising God I fell apart. Praise and worship before she passed was always my strong suit and not being able to praise Him surprised me.  But I kept going to church and praising Him.  Me, my hubby and our nephew Teddy went together every sunday. About the 7th sunday our church was celebrating 25 years of being a church and it was the first time I was back to my old self prasing Him in spirit and in truth.  I also could hear in my spirit Sarah praising God, she was full of joy but I kept that to myself. After the church picnic and fellowship, on our way home, my nephew Teddy said to us "I felt Sarah was praising God when I was in Praise and Worship today"  I felt like it was God confirming to us both our Sarah is joyful in His presence now just like we are when we praise and worship Him but she is in His presence continually. WOW Do we all have something to look forward to!! We may be sad now without our sweet children but how beautiful it

will be when we are together again.

  I have my sad days but I do have my glad days as I look forward to what Heaven has for us mothers.  Looking back makes me sad because  he is not still in my present but she is in my future so I'll press on to win this race as will we all.  Bless God

Thank you Sal you helped make my day by praying for me.

Huggs  from Laura

 

[mom2sarah]

Compassionate Claudia,  Thank you so much for taking time to think about me and praying when busyness is crowding your day. I too will be lifting you up to our Father in Heaven to grant you to focus on your tasks at hand thru your busyness.  May the order of heaven bless you in organizing this retreat. I know your heart is large

and I so appreciate all you have ministered to me thus far. May God continue to Bless you and yours.   Also may you continue to grow in grace and wisdom, strength and courage in the ministry.  I know Jesus and Joey are smiling.

Huggs from Laura

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura, Thank you for commenting back, and so sweetly edifying... You have such a sweet spirit.

Our "hosting" went very well. We had an unexpected 6 extras show up, for a total of 46. Thankfully we were able to accommodate everyone last minute, and that I had enough meatloaf for everyone. I couldn't help envisioning the Lord multiplying the fishes and loaves. I had measured for 45 people, the 40 I expected, plus Michael and I and our helpers. Cooking for that many over three days was non-stop, along with morning and afternoon coffee/beverage/snack breaks. I worked 17 hours straight on Saturday, 8 on Friday and 13 on Sunday. God is so good to dose me with the energy I need to serve His people, and He is equally good to give me rest afterwards. I spent all day resting yesterday, with my faithful furry kids, Jo-Jo Shih-tzu) and Adie (mini Schnauzer)--who is expecting pups any day now.

I always feel I am carrying Joey with me in my missional work. People always are curious as to why this "white lady" is in the middle of the rain forest, humbly serving the native folks here. (Many Ecuadorians view white people as tourists with money and a a worldly mission to self-gratification.) I am always asked if I have children, which is always my avenue to share about my sons--Joey and Patrick. I always start by talking of Patrick and then lead into Joey being with the Lord. Depending on the group, there is usually a message God gives me to share. This time God led me to sharing the importance of being a strong man of faith, and a strong man of God. I was able to share the example of how my husband was strong in sharing his faith and God's strength with my whole family during the time of Joey's death. It was important for him to be that man of God in my life in a very tragic and difficult time. In sharing that message, and how important it is for them to stand firm in their faith for their wives, their children, their families--It was a very strong message of encouragement and affirmation of the things they had been experiencing and sharing with each other throughout the teachings and experiences of their retreat weekend here. Very cool...and SO GOD!

I think we always look for ways to bring our children to the forefront, to remind ourselves that this "parting" is only temporary. I think in some ways we do this because we are afraid we will forget their presence and what that feels like. But you know what? God is so good. When we leave it to Him, He brings opportunities in front of us that allows us to vividly share our children in ways that impact others lives in a very rich and spiritual way. In that sense our children are impacting the Kingdom through us, and all at the power and hand of God. How cool is that? I have often thought I wish to extend Joey's legacy through my own, which is to extend Jesus into the hearts and lives of people who do not yet know Him. It's happening!! I prayed for it, and it is happening. This precious gift to me--in keeping Joey's life full of purpose and meaning, and bringing a new, greater sense of purpose and meaning to my own--is God's will, as my prayer has been matched with His blessing of fruit beyond anything I imagined in the moments of my horror and pain. I still hurt. I still cry. I think I always will. But those tears will remind me not only of what I've lost, but what the Kingdom has gained. In this, I truly find my peace...

I received a short note from Patti, Big Mike's Mom. I need to answer her back. But I just wanted to ask all of you here to pray for her. She has taken a step back from BI, because it is very hard for her--seeing all of the new ones join, I suppose, and reliving that pain so vividly of losing her dear Mike. I know you all can relate to that, as most of us have felt the need to recoil and protect ourselves from the deepening pain of our own realities. SO, please pray for her, that the Lord would give her a very intimate look into His meaning and purpose for her life now, and in discovering God's plan for His meaning and purpose in Big Mike's life then and now. I pray we all can find and hold onto that as we seek our "Vision into the Heavenlies".

God bless you all, my sisters and friends! ~Claudia

[bbarbie55]

Claudia I will pray for Patti because I know how she feels I got where I couldn't come here because it was to painful for me. Now I'm back and it does still hurt but I now can help others.

I'm always praying for you keep up the good work in the mission field and here.

Deb

[daniellemom]

I have been praying for Patti! Glad your hosting went well Claudia.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[dansmama]

Hello my sisters,

  I am no a big fan of tatoos but I had to share this. Daniel's friend is a Godly young man, going to Bible college and this is how he chose to honor his friend. You need to click on the link, I think. See if you can see a hand reaching down from the cross. Oh how I miss my son. Marian

[wyomingsal]

Marian,

The tattoo is really wonderful.  How cool that Dan's friend would do that for him.  My husband has a memorial tattoo for our son Joshua.  

Sal 

[dansmama]

Thanks. I had a couple of weeks of thinking that I would get a tatoo on my left shoulder but I won't. I have him in my heart. He would always bug me when I was driving and sling his big hairy arm over me and rest it on my shoulder. Daniel had wanted a tatoo for a long time and I kept asking him to wait. Now it seems like such a little thing.

 Six of his friends got tatoos. They are all different reflecting the way they knew him. One was a football helmet,his wrestling friend had the three crosses on a hill put where when he raises his arm after winning a match it shows, a motorcycle with wings, can't remember the rest. He died on a motorcycle. So bittersweet.

[dansmama]

Matthew 11:28

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Unfortunately, we all know what it feels to be wear and heavy-laden.

[daniellemom]

Dans Mom,

I love the tat. I'm going Saturday to see about a tatoo for myself, Not sure if I will do it. Danielle had one on her back of her name, so if I get one it will go on my shoulder where hers was.

[lagrangel]

Dans mom,

What a wonderful tatoo and it says what wonderful friends your son had. This is such a weary road and at times it does get so tiring especially with the approaching holidays. May the Lord give each one of us added strenght during the approaching holidays.  Love to each, Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana,

Glad to see you posting! How are things going?

[wyomingsal]

Good Morning all.  Everyone has been quite lately.  Holidays coming.  I just thought I would pop in and say hello. 

Sal

[lolynbo]

I HAVE PICS OF ALL 3 OF KOURTNEYS TATS, IM THINKING OF HAVING THEM COPIED TO MY BODY WHERE THEY WERE ON HERS..

BUTTERFLY ON ANKLE

[lolynbo]

PUPPIES FEET ON TOP OF FOOT (RIGHT)

[lolynbo]

FLOWER ON LOWER BACK...(WE WENT TOGETHER AND GOT THIS ONE TOO) HEY YA I WAS THERE FOR ALL 3....LOL

THIS ONE IS UPSIDE DOWN BUT SO PRETTY ON HER SWEET FURRY BACK...WASNT REALLY FURRY JUST SO BEAUTIFUL I ALWAYS TEASED HER HOW BEAUTIFUL IT REALLY WAS

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Sisters!

I have not been posting so much these days. November has been a very busy month for me. Lately I've been enjoying the blessing of my new litter of puppies that were born to my Shih-tzu and Mini-Schnauzer couple. 5 of them!

I have thought about our November Moms over and over, and pray for your peace in this difficult month, Rody and Patti. Patti, this week, from this past Sunday on, I am sure has been so hard. I pray God's comfort will cover you, and that memories of Big Mike will wrap you in a blanket of love and knowing He is thriving--just can't see him right now. As sad as we are, Patti and all my Sister moms who have suffered this journey, we will reunite with them. We will!!! I pray that light keeps us going and that we can envision their fully glorified existence with Jesus right now. Jesus lives, and so do they!!

Love to all, and blessings of thanks-giving for each and every one of you. Hugs, Claudia

[lolynbo]

LOVE THE PUPPIES WISH I HAD SOME OF THEM...I HAVE 4 SHITZ TSU (SP) LOVE EM..

TRIXIE SUE BLACK AND WHITE-14YRS OLD WEIGHS 25PDS

PIXIELU BLONDE 10 YRS OLD

PRINCESS AND AVERY (PRINCESS BLACK AND WHITE, AVERY BLONDE) THEY ARE BROTHER AND SISTER 4YRS OLD ALMOST 5, THEY ARE MY GRANDKIDS..KOURTNEYS WAS PRINCESS AND AVERY WAS KIMBERLYS (SHE CANT HAVE PETS IN HER NEW APT)

BEST LIL FRIENDS IN THE WORLD

I HAD A SOLID WHITE ONE KOURTNEY BOUGHT  ME, ANGUS YOUNG- HE IS 3 I GAVE HIM TO MY MOM SHE JUST FELL IN LOVE W HIM...KOURTNEY WOULD UNDERSTAND

 

A FEW YRS AGO AT HALLOWEEN

[lolynbo]

TRIXIE SHE GOT TO GO TO PETCO FOR THE FIRST TIME...I THINK SHE IS SMILING

[lagrangel]

Well I quess we made it through another Thankgiving. I cooked this year and had the family over. It was difficult but really did not show any of my sadness to the others except to my husband which he totally gets. We both have decided that we must pretend with our other children that we really cannot tell them how we truly feel with the approaching holidays because we will bring them "down". Both of my sons said Mom you use to love Christmas and loved all the decorating we just want you to be happy again. I know they do not understand the depth of hurt and pain my husband and I go through everyday. They really want everything to be the way it was before. It will never be, how do you explain to them which I don't think they will ever understand the normal is gone forever. I think they both search for the normal they new before maybe so it won't be hard on them I just don't know... I decorate for Christams but I can't set up the tree in our living room which we always had our morning Christmas as a family together. We set up a tree in our family room and had our Christmas last year there. We opened presents Christmas eve just to change things so it would not be so hard on my husband and I. I talked about putting the big tree in the living room this year and my husband said I just can't do it and I don't know if I will ever be able to because there are just to many memories.  My husband and I just decided that when the kids ask us how things are we are just going to say okay just like we tell everyone else. I really don't think they want the truth. They want to see us happy again and how do we do that? I pray to God to give me that peace but I still hurt for my missing son. I don't want my other children to feel that we are depressing parents because the holidays are suppose to be happy and family gatherings. I don't cry around the others I am just not the "happy festive Mother" I use to be. How do I put on that face once again? I told my husband I guess we will just cry around each other and make it through the holiday with each others help and God's grace and the support of my BI friends. Love to all, Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, Bless your heart! The pain just rolls through your words. I know how much you desire to make things special for your children here, but how difficult taking the steps to do that is because we've become handicapped. We can't do certain things or go through some motions the way we used to or the way we want to. It just doesn't work the same anymore. But I will say that it hasn't been that long for you. This is only the 2nd Christmas now without Brent. Yes? Coming into being able to do some of those things we used to do takes time. Some of those things we WILL do again, but maybe not for a while. And some of those things we may never do in the same way again. Your kids here are growing up, and the time spent with them waking up in your home on Christmas is limited. But then will come years ahead when they will have children, and they will be excited in building family traditions for their children. And I can actually envision that as the years flow and grow into a different shape for you, you will gain more joy in your heart, more festivity and happiness in these holidays to come--the preparations, the anticipation of seeing their little faces shine. And I suppose there will be things that happen that will send you into memories of Christmases past, when Brent was little. But that will always happen to us. It just won't be as devastating year after year. Time with soothe us a little and allow us to adopt new traditions and feel good about them. For now we hold onto what we can and hide away what is difficult--the stuff that a lot of people cannot relate to. It isn't healthy to hide it all the time, though, and it's good that you and your husband have each other to talk to about this. The kids may not understand the depth of your hurt, but I think it's difficult for even them to deny that there is something/someone missing. They crave the way things were, but they too know things have changed and probably even feel those pangs of pain. Maybe they don't show it in those moments, because they don't want to remind you. It takes a good long while for a family to adapt and to communicate (each in his or her own way) the impact such a loss has on one's life, individually and as a family.

I'm glad you made it through Thanksgiving. I found this year I wasn't as sad as last year, although the memories flowed and flowed just the same. I correlate it to time and how in time the bitter sting becomes a bit less noticeable, but the missing stays with me. I look back a year from today and can see how much that year has helped. And I can look back 2 years ago and see an even greater difference and how much healing has taken place in those two years. I pray in time you too will find that, and that new and changing traditions in celebrating the holidays will warm your heart in ways you never thought possible again. Until that time comes, take care of you and hold onto the hope that with time will come more healing.

Blessings & Love,

Claudia

[daniellemom]

Lana,

Glad we all made it though Thanksgiving. I can so relate to putting on that happy face for your kids. I think they do it for us also. I think it's great that you can move your tree and the place to open gifts. I will have to remember that this year.

My prayers are with you!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

Thanks for your words of comfort. You are right this is the second Christmas without Brent. My oldest son who is 25 thought we would put the big tree up this year in the living room but I said I just don't think we can do it. We are going with the small tree in the family room and have our new tradition in there like we did last year and open presents on Christmas eve. I don't think he likes it but that is the best we can do at this time. I told my husband if both our children had families and had children we would just let them have there traditons. We still have one in college (Brian) and Michael is married with no children at this time. I know we should not hide from the holidays but I just wish they would pass over us at times. I know it may seem selfish but I do feel you have to go everywhere.  I have my mother-in-laws before Christmas, my mother's Christmas day, and then my Aunt's the day after Christmas and the kids really want us to go because that has always been past tradition. Everyone asks how are you doing? So we put on that smile and say okay even though we hurt to the core inside.  God has given me peace and I know I will see my son one day but the joy is just not there at this time. I hope as time goes on I will find a healing and regain some of my joy.

Sonya,

Thanks for your support. I think we need to start whatever new tradition that works for our family.  I am giving each one of my children a Angel ornament for each year without Brent that they can decorate a tree in memory of their brother. They both thought it was a great idea. I also bought a special Angel oranament for my husband and I so we can start our own tree. I have all dated Angel ornaments that start with 2007 the year we lost Brent. That is a new tradition that we started for the children this year. I had started it for my husband and myself last year but the boys said they would really like to do it. 

I hope we all find peace and God's loving grace surround us during the next few weeks.                                       

                              Love to all my friends at BI, Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana,

What a great idea about the angel tree. My sister had one made for me last year that said Danielle's first Christmas in heaven. I liked it a lot!

I too pray for peace and strenght to make it throught this month.

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All! I posted something on the adult thread about alternative Christmas plans and a project my ministry is working on for Christmas. there was such an overwhelming response from parents who want to do something in honor of their kids by helping with the project. I wanted to post here as well, so that my sisters in Christ can take a look and see if there's any interest to join the effort. Thank you and God Bless! ~Claudia

Everyone, Wow! I am overwhelmed and overjoyed with the response and feedback you've given, your desire to be a part of the Christmas box project. For several years, my church back home has been doing operation Christmas child. Years ago I also helped in a project that delivered Christmas gifts to kids whose parents were in prison. I wrote a note a few weeks ago and stated that I wish we could have that kind of sponsored Christmas giving here. Of course the scale of those programs is massive, but you gotta start somewhere, so I decided to do something here in whatever way we could.

In the past, when a family has been in dire straits, we taken up collections from visiting short-mission groups and purchased lots of dry goods (food stuff), kitchen sponges and wash cloths, socks, a little toy for children, a machete and sharpening stone (a tool commonly used here, like a pocket knife is at home), hair ties for girls, all kinds of stuff like that. We would spend about $50 per unit and stuff everything in a box and deliver it to the family in need. This is what has inspired me to do something special specifically for Christmas. It's two-fold, really. Like most of you have shared, it does a heart good to do for someone else in the memory of our children. That inspires me BIG time! And of course, the obvious--helping someone who truly has need, has very little if any of the very basics that we all generally take for granted in life. So, here's the plan, and I am excited that many of you want to jump on board with the program. This is exciting, because so many more will receive boxes--and that is awesome! SO, here's the scoop!

Anyone interested, we are going to shop for goods that will be useful for a needy family and fill up one carton per household. The boxes will contain dry goods--bulk rice, beans, flour, sugar, dry soup mix, powdered milk, and such, and toilet paper. I have some things left here from recent groups, like crafty items, crayons, stuffed toys, hair ribbons and such, so we'll add some of those to the boxes. We also have some kid vitamins and essential healthcare items we'll toss in. So the $50 sponsorships per box will primarily cover food and essential needs--and we'll cover the rest to fill up the boxes with something for everyone in the household. I am going to make muffins and cookies, so we''l add a tray of holiday fresh baked goods too to make a really nice package deal.

Those interested in sponsoring a box, (gosh, I am so excited about this--BI parents banding together to bless the poor families in our community in Ecuador--Yay!) Our ministry is called Pathways-- and for those outside of the US and those who desire convenience, you can go to our web site and do Google checkout. http://WWW.PathwaysInternational.org

Those in the States that prefer to do so by check, our (mail only) address is:

c/o Pathways International (NC), Inc

624 Holly Springs Rd, #222

Holly Springs, NC, 27540

What I would like to do is print up pictures of each sponsor's family, and attach the pictures to a card that tells a story about your child and how he/she has inspired you to bless this family with a gift this Christmas. (That's optional, but I would like to do that if you are willing.) Also if you would like to send your own prayer or greeting, I can translate and print that up. So, please e-mail photos and any text you want to offer to me at clab2010@yahoo.com Also, if anyone has any suggestions you would like to make with regards to the project, I would love to hear from you.

We will deliver the boxes Tuesday and Wednesday(the 23rd and 24th, just before Christmas, so that the families will have the opportunity to cook their meals and open gifts together on Christmas. We will take photos of each family that receives a box, and I will e-mail to each one of you a set of the photos telling specifically which family received YOUR box.

Thanks all who are sharing in the project. I am thrilled that my BI friends are impacting people here with love for Christmas!! Bless you all! Love, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Sal,

Just thinking of you and in my heart. How are things going? How is your husband? I know with the holidays fast approaching it can be overwhelming.

Anne,

Just wandering how you are doing? You have been in my thoughts.

Hope each one is doing okay. Would love to hear from you. 

                                                          Love, Lana

 

[msroderskie]

Hello everyone,  I have been so busy and not on the computer much for a good month now.  We did get through Matt's birthday in early November, and this holiday season has been hard as usual.  Thanks to anyone who prayed for us.   I become so busy for the holidays, but grief always lurks in the background and I notice myself not functioning well, or getting teary-eyed at odd times during the workday.  I know you can all identify. 

Claudia, when I read the message about your great Christmas project we had already spent what we could on some Samaritan's Purse boxes, so sorry not to be able to take part.  God will bless your efforts I'm sure!

I'm thinking of you all.  May the Lord bless the grieving brethren who read this with extra strength for the holiday season, extraordinary peace that passes understanding, and growing faith that's built upon the solid Rock of Christ.  Let's keep on running the race God has set before us, never in our own strength, but in the power of Jesus Christ. 

Merry Christmas in the Lord!  Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, Thank you! You definitely were in my prayers...always are! And though it is difficult in waves, I wish you blessings of comfort, of peace, and of joy this Christmastime and always. Much love, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

I have been very busy lately with children's events.  This week we have had rehearsals and activities every night of the week.  Two concerts tomorrow, one at 3pm and one at 5pm.  Too busy to breath and think and mourn.    Next week when all the activities are done for the break I will have time to think again.   No distractions.  I was on a business trip last weekend and the pain kicks in doubly hard when I am away from my family.  I have been sad this week though because a 7 year old from my children's school passes away last weekend from cancer.  My son Jacob said he cried in his language class when he heard the news.  I can't help but hurt for another family so new to this loss. 

My husband is doing having mood swings which is hard.  We had a horrible week before Thanksgiving and I was worried I would have to cancel my business trip because I couldn't leave the children with him in that state.  I had to take the children and leave the house for a few hours one day because he was so angry.  He was better by Thanksgiving and I went on my trip.  Our anniversary was on the 9th and he was so sweet this week.  I hate it because with the frequent mood shifts I can't relax and enjoy when he is being sweet.  I don't know when he will be angry again.  I was nervous last night and this morning because his mood is changing and I never know how it will turn out.  I was thinking about how wonderful it is that our God is never changing.  We can be secure that all is well even in the scary and hurtful times because our Lord will stay with us and protect us. Our Lord wont turn on us.  He is the same today and tomorrow alike.  

Anyways, thats what we have been up to.  Busy busy.  Christmas decorations up at Joshua's grave site and we even did some at our house this year.  I felt bad last year when all the decorations were at the grave and my living children didn't get to enjoy any at home.  The pain and hurt are still a part of everyday but I find joy in serving my Lord and of course my living children.  For those who lost their only child I still think about you often and think God has a special place in his heart for you.  I always think the bigger the hurts in the life the more God is refining us and in fact loving us. Sometimes I hope God won't love me so much in that way.  I don't want to be refined and yet the end product will be so beautiful and perfect.  And our children will be waiting to greet us when we are done here on earth and our Lord will say, "well done my good and faithful servant." 

  Merry Christmas to all!  Even in my pain I am so thankful for Jesus... that He came and died for us... so that I can rejoice in the knowledge that  I will be reunited with my boy.  I can know my boy is happy and perfected in Christ.  Blessings to each of you.  Sorry so long.   I just ramble sometimes. 

Sal

 

[lagrangel]

Sal,

It was wonderful to see your post. You are a very busy mother. I hope your husband does well over the holidays and you and your family will be in my prayers. Have a good Christmas.  Love, Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

A friend of mine wrote this, and I want to share

------------------

I just set up my nativity set, with the Wise Men bringing their gifts. The gifts tell us what the Wise Men thought about Jesus. The gold is a gift for a king, the resources needed to rule a kingdom. The frankincense is a gift for a high priest, the incense burnt on the altar. And, myrrh is a preparation for burial, a fragrant perfume used by the Egyptians. Jesus’ life story is revealed in these three wise gifts.

If only our friends and relative were this wise in gift-giving. Those sweaters and gift cards don’t reveal much about where we are headed or what our lives mean. Sometimes we are headed into difficult times, where deep meaning is revealed.

It was 2 days before Jesus was to eat his last supper in Jerusalem for the Passover, and he was dining in Bethany at the house of Simon the Leper. A woman came with an alabaster jar of the finest perfume and poured it over Jesus’ head. When some complained about wasting the expensive perfume, Jesus revealed that they would not always have him there, and that this was his anointing for burial. This wise woman had anointed Jesus with fragrant perfume, revealing his purpose as a sacrificial life.

In this holiday season, it is hard to find just the right gifts for those around you. But, with a little wisdom, perhaps you might find a little alabaster jar full of encouragement, forgiveness and hope to pour out on those around you. And in return, the anointing that others pour out on you may reveal deeper meaning in your life.

Amen.

----------------------

Wishing you all a "little alabaster jar" and the Peace of the Lord this Christmas. Much Love, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

Hope you have recovered from all your work over Christmas.  My best friend that has helped me so much through my journey left for a week long mission trip to Morocco . All of her friends were concerned for her safety since it is such a Muslim country and have had a lot problems. Please keep her in your prayers as she continues her mission trip until she returns next Tuesday. 

Sal,

I hope you have had time to breathe since your busy Christmas. I hope your husband is doing well.

Sonya,

You have been on my heart. Hope your holidays were bearable. My husband and I are taking a trip to Niagara falls Jan. 17-20 just to run away for a weekend and a few days. We wanted to go away over Christmas break but our other children did not want to go anywwhere so we decided to take a delayed getaway trip. It just something we both love to do and have a few days of happiness and then we come back to reality when we come back. I told my husband I am ready to sell our house in the next couple of years and start somewhere "new".  We have good memories at our house but there are some things that are just much to hard.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I have thought of so many that I have not seen post for awhile. My prayers are with Patti, Trish, Rodi, and Anne I hope everyone is well. Peace and love to each one. Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Lana,

I've recovered from Christmas, but since beginning the weening process of the puppies a couple of weeks ago, (mama is now sleeping in her crate in my room again), the schedule has been horribly grueling. I go to bed at 10 or so and am up at 4 or 5--feeling really off beat with this schedule. By afternoon after, after doing chores and duties at home, errands and visits here and there, I am completely wiped out. My hubby is helping me make a video of all the photos we took with the basket families. he's making progress, and hopefully within a couple more days it will be finished.

I too have kept everyone close in thoughts and prayers, although haven't been posting much. I can't seem to find the time or energy these days... But 2 pups are going to new homes this weekend--I hope!! And hopefully the rest to follow soon after. Mama will be spayed after that!!

Love and hugs to all, and of course my prayers will be with your friend on her mission journey. Let us know when she returns home safely. Love, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

Thanks, looking forward to seeing the pictures. I hope you are able to get some rest. It is so tiresome when your body does not get that needed rest. I had several days that I was just going on 3 hours sleep and going to work. Last night I finally caught up on my sleep and slept 9 hours WOW.... I will let you know when my friend returns. I hope you are able to rest this weekend.. Love, Lana

[msroderskie]

Hello everyone!  Thanks so much for thinking of me, Lana. And thanks to everyone too for prayers.  Lana,  I live near Niagara Falls, actually about one hour south of Buffalo which is near the Falls.  I don't want to impose upon your time with your husband, but if you were interested in meeting for lunch or something, my husband and I would drive to meet you.  If you are interested let me know when you're coming in, by air or car, etc. and we can make plans. 

Claudia, it sounds like you've been extremely busy!  I suppose it will make things a lot quieter pet-wise to have the mama dog spade.  It is so much fun to watch the little ones growing though, right?  We are watching our beloved dog Kramer age a lot in the last year and it's so hard to know we'll have to make the awful decision one of these days.  He's been a wonderful kind of therapy for me since the boys died.  I think of how much my sons would have liked Kramer if they'd met him.  When our new vet first looked at Kramer he said, "He's just a big old lunk, isn't he?"  That describes him perfectly.  Pretty smart, but a big old lunk nonetheless.

This time of year is always hard for me, and it changes as the years go by.  In the past few years I seem to be stuck in this pattern where I "get sick" for one day early in January and have to call off work.  But then I realize that I just "feel awful", and I'm not really sick at all.  I think it's the effect of starting another new year without my sons.  The first New Year's Day after my first son died was particularly horrible -- I guess a result of not wanting to "move on".  I hate that phrase really...who wants to "move on" without their loved ones?  Anyway, I praise God who gives me strength.  Isn't our Lord wonderful?  There is no way I could get through it all without him.  And ultimately we'll find that we've never had to "move on" in the sense of moving away from our loved ones, because we'll be with them again.

I see on the prayer calendar that we only have Kay, Johnny's mom to pray for this month.  I don't think we have heard from her in a long while.  So Kay, if you are still reading, we will be praying for you.

Love in Jesus, our great Savior and Lord,

Rody

 

[wyomingsal]

Just dropping in to let you all know I am thinking of you. 

Rody, I was on a business trip in Rochester, New York , the first week in December.  If I had known you were close I would have loved to meet.   

This has been a strange month for me.  It seems like the tears are coming too easily again.  Many say the second year is harder then the first.  I haven't found that to be true yet however I am finding myself moody and depressed quite a bit.  It is hard to find myself living and enjoying life and making memories with my living children and to realize that Josh isn't a part of it.  The phrase..."its not fair...and it isn't right" pop into my head because I feel like he should be here too.  And yet I know God's will and timing are perfect.  I know our God is a just and righteous God so the "It's not fair" phrase hurled at God really means, "this isn't what I want.  I miss him and want him here"  There is less of the intense grieving and weeping and agonizing that were a part of the first year...more of a chronic low and depressed mood.  The world is moving faster then me.  It is good to sit here and write and ponder things.  It is good to acknowledge how much I miss my son.  Sometimes I get caught up in living again and don't allow the feelings that are still under the surface an outlet. 

May God's peace that is beyond understanding gaurd each of our hearts this week.  May our eyes see beyond this physical world to the amazing reality of eternity with our beloved children and the purposes that God has for us to fulfill here on Earth before we get to go "Home."  Blessings my dear sisters (and any brothers as well) in Christ,

Sal

[msroderskie]

Hello Sal,

I wish I had known about you trip to Rochester!  If you are ever in the area again, please let me know. 

Everything you wrote about your emotional struggles this month I could identify with completely!  The second year can indeed be harder than the first, and I find that even several years later the ups and downs keep coming.  I'm often in that chronic depressed mood, but other times I can be rejoicing in God just because He is.  Whenever I have been confronted with how horribly unfair it seems to lose a child, one phrase comes to my mind:  "All God's ways are perfect."  I know that phrase is in Psalms somewhere, or something almost like it, and at this moment I'm too hurried to look it up.  It's the same idea that you wrote about God's timing being perfect.   After hours upon weeks upon years of trying to "figure out" why my sons died, I can always fall back on the fact that God's ways are perfect, nothing ever took Him by surprise.  That fact holds true when I'm feeling up and when I'm feeling down.  I know Sal, that you also have all this in mind.  I'm just trying to articulate my experience with half as much clarity as you do!  Even in the midst of terrible grief we have the anchor of our souls.

Lord, I agree with Sal's prayer - that You would give us Your peace which passes understanding. 

Love in Christ Jesus,

Rody

 

[lagrangel]

Rody and Sal,

I needed to hear that. I have been having a very hard time and contantly try to make sense of it all. The up and downs are so brutual at times.  It is that missing piece of the puzzle that made your life complete.

Rody,

We are going to put our trip on hold because John's 92 year old mother is in the hospital and not doing well and we hate to leave since he is her POA. She has been in the hospital twice in the last week and it looks like it may be awhile before she is able to leave. She has to have some minor surgery and she is weak from falling and not eating and drinking. She is so frail. So we are going to put the trip on hold for another time. She is fighter and I don't know how much longer the little woman can go.

Thank you both I needed that encouragement today.... some days I just feel so sad and depressed. I know Brent is in a wonderful place and happy but it is so hard for the parents left here. Peace and love to you both, Lana

[johnnysmama]

Hi all

I have been reading-feel like I dont have much to share but enjoy your posts. Thank you for thinking of me Rody and praying for me. I am in a funk thinking of what to do for Johnny's upcoming birthday on friday and also thinking about doing it without him. Need all the prayers you can give.

 

Sal

Feel the funk, too. We know they are in a better place but I feel selfish wanting him with me. I want to give him a birthday present,too.

 

Oh well thank you for thinking of me and praying for me. hang in there.

Peace and hugs to you,

Kay

[wyomingsal]

Have you noticed that no matter how far out you are from your child's Heaven date that you can still be caught off gaurd with new firsts?   It is tax time and as I sat down to start on them and I was editing my dependants in the computer,  I had to delete my son from the record.  I actually froze for a moment.  I didn't want to do it.  I could still claim him last year because he lived for half of 2007.  But this year I had to take him off my form.  I hated to do it...not because of financial reasons but because it is an acknowledgement once again that he is "gone" from society.  He is being erased slowly from being counted here on Earth.  I know he IS in heaven.  He will never be erased.  God loved him enough to die for him and God has personally written his name in the Book of Life.  But it was still hard to do.  Hard to acknowledge on paper that my son isn't here.

Kay,

I will be thinking about you this week.  That week leading up to the day is almost harder then the actual day. 

Love in Christ

Sal

[mpsmom]

Kay, Bethany's birthday is coming up soon as well, February 7th, I also want to do something special , but have not come up with anything that feels lifke "enough" .   So far all I have planned is getting 18 big yellow helium balloons ( that was her color, her VW bug , all her flowers all yellow) and taking them to a park where she and some of her close friends used to go to sit on the picnic tables and hang out and just talk.  I have invited her best friend, but not sure if I want to invite other friends or not.  My husband and I will let the balllons go up to her in heaven... I miss her so much, she was a senior in high school and this will be her 18th birthday.

Hugs, Marcia   Bethany's Mom forever