Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, good for you!  I don't know how to knit, but I'm thinking I may want to learn too.  I have to say that the love and prayers that go into making one certainly make me feel "covered".  And I can feel Jesus in the work of my friend's hand.  I'm sure that the recipients of your shawls will be grateful.  You're so sweet to immediately want to pass that on to others shortly after receiving such a gift yourself.

Bless you, Sister and Friend!

[msroderskie]

Hello everyone,  I've been so encouraged reading the posts tonight.   Anne, you are so right about the different ways that we all deal with grief.  Your memory garden sounds lovely. 

Terry, may you be blessed in your efforts to knit!

Claudia, Praise God for His kind touch, just when you need it most.  He is truly so good to us.

Love in Christ,  Rody

[lagrangel]

Anne,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. My son called again tonight to see how I was doing. I told him I was better today and this evening. I think as any significant date approaches I always have a difficult time a week before maybe it just the anticipation of it all. I appreciate all your help and sharing.

                                                                      Love, Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, you definitely are at the top of my prayer list!!  Have you heard anything from Trish of late?  I've been thinking of her too, because I know Justin's date is very near as well...

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

     I received an e-mail from Trish the other day.  Please keep Trish in your prayers because Justin's departure date is the 10th of this month. She has been having a difficult time. My prayers are with you on Joey's birthday tommorrow. I hope you are able to find some peace and comfort. Claudia I do appreciate your prayers for Brent's upcoming departure date. I decided I am going to have some special flowers put on Brent's headstone and I have a special plague.  I start back to school on Tuesday and I am ready for it to begin. Special prayers for you my dear sister on Thursday, Love Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, I definitely am praying for Trish, and for you.  I wish the pain could just wash away, but I remember how I felt that forst year mark.  It was not too much longer after that, though, that I began to see the light shining through "the Valley", and I was able to feel the warmth from that light.  I will pray that you both receive a special measure of comfort through this valley.

As for me, I am doing ok, really.  I have the undeniable sadness that comes with missing, but I also have a peace and a joy that comes only supernaturally.  I am ever grateful for the Lord and His presence.  I don't need to feel Him here to know He is with me.  He is with you both too...

Much love, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

My prayers are with you today as Joey's birthday. May you have special memories slip into your mind through out the day.

Sonya

[daniellemom]

To everyone,

So many of us are miles apart and I know I feel like I know each of you and your children. Kristy's Mother Terry and I were able to meet and have lunch together yesterday. It was so very nice I wished we could all meet and have lunch. My prayers are with each of you as we walk this journey.

Happy Birthday JOEY!!!!!!!

Prayers and love to all

Sonya

[veronicasmom]

Happy Birthday, Joey.  Please make sure to take my daughter's hand and dance away as you celebrate your birthdays in heaven.  D.

[lovekristy4ever]

Hi Everyone,

Happy Birthday Joey!!!

Sonya, Danielle's mom and I had lunch yesterday.  It was so nice!  I just want to ditto her remarks on how nice it would be if we could meet but I feel that we all know a lot about each other (especially our children).  It is funny that I knew what Danielle looks like and she saw the picture of Kristy but we had to describe each other before we met!

I will let you all know that Sonya is as nice in person as she is here on BI.   We are hoping to have lunch again soon.

Love, Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

(Jumping up and down and cheering!!)  I am SO HAPPY the two of you met in person.  So cool!!!  Maybe next time I come home to Cary/Holly Springs, I can meet up with the both of you.  Wouldn't that be sweet?!

I ended up having an amazing day today.  I am so thankful for that.  I know Joey would be so pleased that I didn't sit around and cry all day, which is something I contemplated for a little while.  Thank the Lord He provided an alternative.  I feel so blessed!  And I do feel Joey's love all around me...

Thanks everyone for praying and for sending up birthday greetings to Joey.    Love y'all!  ~Claudia

[lovekristy4ever]

Claudia,

If you come to Cary/Holly Springs we'll make sure we meet!!!!  My parents live in Holly Springs!  Kristy's resting place is in Fuquay Varina.

I am so glad you had a good day.  I'm am sure Joeys love was all around you!

Love, Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, Now that I know, I wouldn't think of passing through without making a visit with you...    Thanks so much for your kind thoughtfulness.  Thanks everyone!!

 

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

I'm so glad you had a nice day yesterday! Pizza, icecream and the truck ride in the rain. I think the only think different that Joey would have done is stand up and sing I singing in the rain maybe more like scream it!!

Thanks for the information I will give to my Dad he is very interested in your work and has asked if maybe he could come for a visit and do some work. He has done that in the past but stayed in the states. You never know I may come with him if there is something that I could do.

When you make it back home we will have lunch! How is your Mom and her husband doing?

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya,  It would be WONDERFUL if your dad could come to visit and work with us on a project sometime--even more wonderful if you joined him.  We'll talk more about that privately, and after the newsletter release.  Personally, I think if you are interested, a trip like this would do your heart SO GOOD...speaking from personal experience, of course.  Hmmm...   maybe I should try and coordinate in the future a grieving moms ministry/mission trip......................

I'll be in touch soon.  Love, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Trish and Lana

My thoughts and prayers are with both of you as you are approaching the anniversay dates. My Justin and Brent surround you both with their memories and love for each of you.

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, Holding you and lifting you up to the Throne in thought and prayer today as you journey through memories of joy and pain this first anniversary date of Brent's home-going.  Love & Hugs, Claudia

Father in Heaven, bless Lana today with "Your vision", Lord.  Let her taste and see the heavenly realm today, where Brent journeys side-by-side with you, Dear God.  Give her immeasurable comfort and peace in knowing that Brent is with you, where every follower of Jesus Christ truly longs to be.  Thank you Jesus, for providing us a Hope that we can carry with us and be reminded that sorrow is but temporary.  Thank you Lord for loving us enough to have died in our place, that we might live everlasting, with you.  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  You grace us though we deserve nothing.  We love you.  In your Holy and precious Name, Christ our Lord and King, Amen!!

1Pe 5:10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

[daniellemom]

Lana,

My prayers are with you today. My the grace of the Lord be with you and your family today.

Sonya

[wyomingsal]

Lana,

I am thinking of you today.  May God's peace rest upon you today and this week. 

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Sal, Welcome Back!  How was your memorial trip??

[lagrangel]

Sonya, Sal, Claudia,

Thank-you for the prayers. God surrounded me with his peace and I did well.  Our family went to the cementary this morning and placed flowers and a plaque. My husband, two sons, my wonderful daughter-in-law and Brian's girlfriend spent a special time  together at the cementary.  We are truly blessed to know that we will someday see our son. The prayers gave me strenght to make it through this day and Gods love surrounded me knowing that my son is truly in a wonderful place.  This is such a long journey and all your kindness and concern makes it so bearable.  I start back to school in the morning and I am ready to go. I made it through the summer without a terrible meltdown and made it through the first departure date. God is good... Love to each and eveyone of my dear sisters in Christ, Love Lana 

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, God is so good, ALL the time!  Amen?!  i'm so happy to hear that you felt His peace and blessing yesterday, and that your summer has been guided by His comforting peace as well.  I know we all have our bad days.  It's normal.  We are still flesh in a broken world.  But bless you for being so open to the Lord and for sharing.  It makes a huge, huge difference in our grief journey....   Lots of love, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Hi all,

I just got back home tonight and it is late so I will try to write more in the next few days.  I think about you all very often.   Our trip was wonderful and full of family and cousins playing and having fun....and filled with the pain of Joshua's absence all at the same time.  Little memories would pop up here and there.  And so many times I thought of how Joshua would have loved to see this or that.  A familiar discomfort in my stomache sets in when at each thought I again realize how much I miss his presence.  He doesn't miss out in Heaven and yet I catch myself thinking again and again how much he is missing.  It  is really how much I am missing him.  It seems as if we will always have an ache within us until we are reunited with our children.  Lana, I am so glad that you felt God's presence and peace on Brent's Heaven date. 

Love Sal

[fujismum]

Hi everyone, just trying to catch up with things again on here. Lana, I'm so glad you got through the "day" with such peace in your heart. Every day brings its pain but those anniversaries- how we all dread them. But you survived, you got through and God was with you. Hope you find returning to work helpful, but be ready to anticipate tiredness as you wear the mask for your colleagues.

Sal it sounds like your trip went really well, I think we would all probably recognise the ache you describe, even when we can feel a sense of happiness in our lives. Aching seems to be part and parcel of our very fabric now, woven in to who we are. But it is good that the family had such happy times, and you are doing SO well,  continuing to carve out happy memories and holiday times for the family without your darling Josh. How is your husband lately?

For Sonya, Claudia and everyone out there, take care . I know several of us are hitting painful anniversary dates , it's good to share how we all cope and feel, honestly with each other. This week where I live two 19 year olds lost their lives in separate car accidents, when I heard my heart lurched in pain to know what their families are going to go through. More fellow travellers. We know that path.

Love Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Sal, Welcome back!  You were missed!!  You know, I was thinking a lot after reading what you wrote about how you are just missing Josh (rather than him missing something because he is with Jesus), when thinking how much Josh would have liked to see this or that.  I do the same thing when I encounter things I know Joey would have enjoyed.  And then as I read your words I realized that had not Joey taught me of his specific enjoyment for those things that captured his attention, his heart, or his imagination, I don't know that I would appreciate those very same things today the way that I do.  I think they become tender and special to us because we identify so much with the core of who our children were through what captivated them.  And it's so precious that we know the core of our children that intimately.  It makes me think all the more that in knowing our children that intimately, that we treasure those glimpses into the moments that captivated them most, how much more the Father must know us, His Children, even more intimately.  I love it when God shows me "little things" like that along any given day in this journey.  It shows me that He truly is calling us into more intimate relationship with Him through our circumstances, and thus how much that glorifies and pleases Him.    Thanks for sharing that connection to your heart with Josh's while traveling through your Joshua Memorial Road Trip.

Anne, So good to hear from you!  Thank you for your thoughts and sentiments through our anniversary dates.  We're still here...  That's good and yet sad...that co-existence of joy and pain.  It sounds like you are keeping very busy.  How is the house remodeling coming along?  I too love that we share so openly and honestly here, those raw emotions that remind us we are so human, as well as the lessons of the Lord along the journey.  It's poignant and humbling at once.  When you have time to post more, I would love to hear more about how YOU are doing...  I miss hearing from you and I think of you oh so often, which always sparks a prayer on your behalf.  Do take care!

It's been a bit quiet here.  I suppose everyone is just getting on with the business and busyness of living.  Perhaps that in itself is seeing us through new stages in recovery and healing...  I hope so anyway...

Much love to all, in Christ, Claudia 

[4everjoeysmom]

I was reading a blog a few weeks ago that I entertain regularly.  Something on this particular post stopped me in my tracks, and it has been haunting me ever since.  The blog belongs to a young mother whose 3-year old son was pretending that he was going off on a mission--he said he was going to Kenya.  It caused the young mother to think hard and imagine her little boy's future.  And in doing so, she realized that whatever it would be that her boy would do in life, she would pray that God would "make her ready" for whatever He has for the boy's future.  She realized that the greatest challenge in being a mother AND a woman of God would be to surrender all worldy claims on her son.

I have been meditating over that last bit for a good number of weeks now, and it's a very hard realization from a human and motherly perspective--until I remember that more than a mother, and more than a human being of this world, I am the Creator's creation.  I belong to Him.  And my son, no less...

During the first painful days, weeks and months of my loss and grief, I thought often what I could do to bring honor to God in light of my life's tragedy.  But more often I thought about my tragic loss--(my worldy loss).  These days God is really doing a number on me.  It's a good thing, because if He weren't, there is no way that I could be making this progress on my own, this growing in my faith and trust in Him.  Thank God for the Holy Spirit, my guide and my strength to follow through with the convictions He imposes upon my heart. 

I've asked myself the question time and again as I've meditated through these thoughts, "Do I love the Lord enough to surrender all worldly claims on my child, my children?"  Before losing Joey I thought I did.  And then I lost Joey.  And I ached so bad, I just wanted him back.  I wanted to be where he is.  I even got angry with God for a short time, as if that were my right.  It's perfectly human nature to feel like that.  And even the best of godly people are still human--not saying I am in that category, but rather saying that all humanity is flawed, no matter how faithful.  I cannot say truly that I loved God enough then to surrender Joey.  And now?  I find I am tussling with that same question.  Today I can answer, YES.  I do love God enough to surrender my child to His will.  But is it because I have no choice in the matter?  he already is gone away to be with the Lord.  Is it because I have grown through this?  Perhaps.  Or is it more somewhere in between where my answer to that question really can be found?  And then there is my surviving son...  can I surrender my worldy claim on him??  Do I love God enough to do that?

My prayer today is just like that young mother in her blog:

Lord, PLEASE HELP ME to surrender ALL worldly claims on my child!

 

 

[bbarbie55]

I agree 100% with this even though it tore me into to lose Bobbi I now know she was meant to return to her Father.

I've enjoying now to read these posts because I am learning and growing and still feeling bad for everyone else.

God Bless you all

Deb

[fujismum]

Oh Claudia, that was so thought provoking. It has made me think very hard too about that question. Like you all I thanked God so much for the safe arrival of my child and always felt thankful in my heart for his life- but it is so hard to surrender them to God in the very real sense of the word surrender.I know that God has numbered each of our days and that He has a plan for our lives.So hard to truly feel acceptance and peace about a tragic and untimely death of one of our children. Someone sent me a poem once about "A child loaned" you may know of it. I read it and thought ....um, only a mother who had never lost a child would send that as a comfort  to a mother who had experienced the surrender of the loan of their child.

I have battled very hard with the fact that Jamie was given a special scripture from our minister when he went through the waters of believers baptism a few years ago.Jeremiah 29 verse 11 "for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

I took that as such a reassurance on Jamies life and safety.So did he. I know now that the minister probably had no right to claim that word for Jamie, and that I must accept that Jamie is safe, but with God and not here with me, despite the cosy reassurance of those words suggesting a life here on earth with a guarantee of safety.That verse was taken out of context and it angered me that the minister has already used that same scripture with another young person who was being baptised.It is still a struggle for me to find peace about this.

We  had our garden party this Saturday, afternoon teas and then wine and nibbles in the evening. Over 200 people came over the day, they enjoyed looking at Jamie's memorial garden and it was so heartwarming for us to be supported by so many. Totally exhausting of course too! But it's looking like we raised nearly £2000 for the Road Victims Trust, so that's very encouraging too. I'd like to post some photos if I can manage it.

Love Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Anne,  How lovely that the garden party returned such favor with many visitors and a significant financial blessing for the Road Victims Cause.  Beautiful!  I do look forward to seeing phptpgraphs.  If you need some help figuring that out, PM me.

I would PM you with all of the following, but I hope you don't mind me displaying it here--because I believe as we grieve and share openly, it blesses a multitude of people along the same journey.  That is my hope, because I know so many of us in Christ struggle with the very same issues that you mentioned.  Thank you for sharing your heart so raw and openly.  I love that about you!! 

I can see how the Word (in Jeremiah) spoken over Jamie has caused you sorrow.  When we hear the words welfare, without calamity, future, and hope, we tend to correlate them with our own ideas of safety, hope and dreams for the future of this life.  But I am discerning in the case of your minister and his actions with the recent boy's baptism, and with Jamie's that his intentions were pure and he genuinely understood the Spiritual application of that passage to be according to the welfare, future and hope secured by Jesus Christ, that we who are graced with the Gift of Salvation can rest assured in knowing that our future is secured--no matter what! 

Rom 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, Rom 8:39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

  I am going to post some study notes that help to explain the spiritual application in the use of Jeremiah 29:11 and the way your minister has given the Word in action.  It is not to offend, but to merely shed Light and perhaps move you to a place of being able to "forgive" that minister.  I believe when we lose a child, our hearts are so crushed that we subconsciously look for reasons to say "This is unfair"!  I believe it is so very easy for every one of us to cling to our desires of the heart, hopes and dreams for our future in this life, and in the process often forget that when the Scriptures speak of Hope and Future, many, many, many times it is referred to the Hope and Future secured in Christ.  (As mothers, of course we want the security of our children to be given under our care, under our protective shelter.  That is the love of a mother for her child and the desire to never be separated from her child--just like God's desire is to never be separated from His Children.)

I cross referenced that same Jeremiah Scripture 29:11 with some others that spoke in terms of a solid future for the righteous.  But in honesty, there are just too many to post without going overkill, so I chose just this one.

Jer 24:5 "Thus says the LORD God of Israel, 'Like these good figs, so I will regard as good the captives of Judah, whom I have sent out of this place into the land of the Chaldeans. Jer 24:6 'For I will set My eyes on them for good, and I will bring them again to this land; and I will build them up and not overthrow them, and I will plant them and not pluck them up. Jer 24:7 'I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the LORD; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart.

some pertinent notes:

Re Jer 29:11-- It may also be applied to salvation by Christ; the end of all God's gracious purposes and designs; the end of the covenant of grace, the provisions, blessings, and promises of it; the end of Christ's coming into the world, and of his obedience and death; the end of his prayers and preparations now in heaven; and the end of the faith of the saints on earth: this is an end hoped, waited for, and expected by faith; and for which there is good reason; since it is wrought out, prepared, and promised; saints are heirs of it; and now it is nearer than when they believed; and will be bestowed as a free grace gift, through Jesus Christ our Lord; and will be enjoyed as the issue and result of God's eternal thoughts of peace concerning them.

There is always a Spritual Principle or application to a literal Scripture.  It is in there that we must discern to an even greater meaning.  I guess it's why Jesus spoke in parables.  It isn't supposed to be easy for just anyone to decipher.  It takes God's guidance and counsel through the Holy Spirit to discern much. 

Oddly enough, Anne, the Scriptures referenced in Jeremiah 29, the activities of those days and times come "right before God gives the new covenant" that God made with His people.  And in this line of thinking, I believe by the minister using this particular Word, he was prepping the believer in the understanding of his/her covenant with God (through the public display of water baptism) for the New Heart, New Record, New Life that he has obtained through the Gift by Grace, Salvation through Christ Jesus.

A final thought in looking at Scripture interpretation when someone "speaks a Word"--    In Joshua Chapter 6 God speaks to Joshua, saying that he shall march around Jericho for 6 days.  7 priests will carry 7 trumpets in front of the ark.  (They had the ark of the Covenant at that time.)  On the 7th day they shall march 7 times around the city with the priests blowing the trumpets, and after such the walls of Jericho would fall.  Now, if someone were to speak that "Word" over me in a vision that perhaps God has given them to share with me, I have 2 choices regarding how I would act on that.  1) I could look at what the relevant application may be for me in its spiritual context, or 2) I could literally go to the place of Jericho and march around with trumpets, etc, etc... (I also have a 3rd option, which would be to discard it all if it doesn't line up with God's Word.)  But for the sake of making my point, let' say it is legitimate.  I know the choices may sound extreme, and certainly silly in the literal choice to act on that spoken prophetic Word, but that's how we truly should look at our options when someone speaks a Word over us.  Let's look at the Scripture again in Jeremiah 29:11.  Look again at the Scripture before and after for the literal and full context.  Does this mean that we can expect God to drive us into exile for 70 years prior to fulfilling His Word that he will restore our fortunes and welfare, securing us in hope and a future, and bring us together from all of the different places that he had originally cast us out to, etc, etc...  That's a huge literal probably not.  But if someone speaks over me with such a Word, then upon studying that Scripture and praying for discernment for a message that the Lord has given through one of his servants, I would hope and pray the Holy Spirit would enlighten me to the spiritual relevance that Word would have for me, my life--and most importantly whether I need to look at it from a temperal life point of view or an eternal promise.  And I believe with all my heart that THIS practice is what protects us from falling into the hands of false teachers, antichrist, and the like--always, always deeply studying the scriptures, their relevance to what someone may be teaching, and praying for discernment and wisdom in how to receive it and/or whether to receive it at all.  I believe your minister is speaking on the Ultimate Promise and Hope when he is quoting Jeremiah.  I truly do.

Dear Anne, I pray that God will give you the peace in your heart that His ULTIMATE promise is what Jamie took hold of when he received Jesus into his heart, and that when he was baptized it was an outward display of his covenant with God for the promised Hope and a Future.  I pray that you can forgive the minister for speaking a Word that your heart held dear in the hope that Jamie would live a long and secure life in your presence.  I pray that one day meybe you can even discuss all of this with your minister.  I pray that these words I shared with you today will be received with love and openness to hear more of what God may be trying to show you about His self in the midst of all of the clutter of hurting hearts and misunderstood interpretations.  And I pray most of all that God will comfort you in all of the places that still have questions that lead to feeling that this is unfair.  His promise is True.  His promise is Good.  His promise is what we cling to, not only in thanksgiving that our children obtained that promise literally, but our Hope for a future and a life spent with Him.  Bless you, my Dear Sister in the Lord.  I love you very much!!  In Christ, Claudia

 

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

You have given me something to think about and ponder. Thanks.

Sal,

Glad you had a nice and safe trip. Can't wait to hear all about it.

Hello All,

We moved James to college this weekend, that was really hard. I hope he will do well and relax and enjoy his college years. I so want to be there with him just incase he needs me. I know I can't do that but I still want to. LOL!!!

Our church had a memorial service for my grandfather Sunday morning, it was very nice and lots of nice things said about him as a pastor/friend/Daddy/granddaddy/Uncle. We sang all of his faviorte songs. It seem to have brought everything back to the front of my mind about Danielle, how I felt right after Danielle left. It just seems too soon to have another loss.

Love and prayers to all

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[fujismum]

Dear Claudia, I am going to print off your response and work my way through it. You are so kind to go to so much trouble to try and help me through this, and maybe now is the right time for me to try and sort it out in my mind and before God. Thank you for taking so much time.

Sonya, it must have been very hard to settle James at college and then come away. You have been very brave and set him free to spread his wings when you probably want to lock him up and wrap him in cotton wool ! I am sure he knows that you are always there to support and guide him when he needs it, but you have given him the gift to step out on his own and make steps towards independence. I will pray that you find peace as you settle back home to a new routine, I know you will miss him terribly but it is the right thing for him.

We all probably tread a fine line in our desire to overprotect our remaining children  because tragedy  has come to our door,and could do so again. Sal I think this must be particularly hard for you with younger children, and living where you do where thye must want to play freely outdoors.

But the wise parent will not hold back the hopes and dreams of our children here and set them free with our love and support.  My son  is in the process of buying a rather nice sports car , a natural enough thing to do at his age , a single chap with a good job and no financial responsibilities. But as Jamie died in a car accident I now perceive this as a huge risk and I have had to really keep my anxieties to myself and not burden him with them.He's so sweet and keeps emphasising the safety features of his new car to put my mind at rest, but a sports car is a sports car and I'm naturally worried.At least in the UK we have loads of cameras to catch speeding drivers so you can't get up to much these days!

Love Anne

[daniellemom]

Anne,

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I seem to be back in the depressed mood lately. The house is even quieter now than in the months passed. I really need to work on getting motivated to do something besides what I must do. Good luck to your son and his new car. It's very hard to let them spread there wings and fly to new independance but like you said that's what a good parent does. Teach them and pray for them each day.

Claudia,

Thanks again for everything!!

Oneta,

I've been thinking of you and hope that everything is going well for you.

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, ANYTIME, Sister!!    If there is anything at all I can do to help you, I'm on it!!

I had a really wonderful e-mail from Oneta today and she wanted me to let you all lknow that she REALLY APPRECIATES everyone asking about her.  She keeps her calendar close and prays for everyone regularly.  For personal reasons she is finding a respite from the boards to be a good thing right now.  Just know that she thinks of us all often and sends her love and blessings.  Let's keep Oneta lifted up in prayer as well, because these coming weeks are a trying time of year for her.

We love you Oneta!!  BIG HUGS, Claudia

[fujismum]

We don't forget you Oneta !

Sonya, praying for you too as you struggle with the quietness at home ( and the  tidiness I expect!!) Maybe it will be helpful to have a time of quiet as you adjust and then when you feel ready you can start to fill your new spare time with things you want to do.

As I approach Sept 1st I can't help but keep reliving this time 2 years ago, when Jamie was doing his last things on this earth. Thank goodness we do not know what lies ahead. Such happy times, he was so excited about driving his car and having the freedom, not needing lifts.... all the normal stuff of growing up and getting independent.

 I'm not sure how I would describe my grief 2 years on. In most ways it is just as awful, but I think I have to admit that the searing, raw pain has changed to a more constant ache of missing him. The horror can still fill me, especially at night, but my days have begun to adjust to a more manageable sadness.And sometimes, often times, I still can't quite believe this has happened and I still expect Jamie to bounce through the door again.

The loss never goes away though. I only mention this because I remember searching the posts in the early days of my loss seeing how people were coping 3 months on, 1 year on, and the unimaginable to me at that time-  two years on.I simply could not imagine surviving the pain of grief for two years. But like others of you here, it seems I have, through God's grace and the comfort of His Holy Spirit.

I was told once that although my grief would always be a huge part of my life, that my life would start to get bigger and would grow around the grief. I think I understand a little of what that means now.I can function better at work, can start to do things again, even make a few plans.I recognise the waves of grief and how they can overwhelm for a time but will ebb and flow and settle again. And always I am aware that time is marching on and each day is a day nearer to being reunited with my son in God's presence.Or until He comes again.

Love Anne

[wyomingsal]

Sonya and Anne, also Oneta and everyone,

I am sending my thoughts and prayers your way.  Each of life's events seem to tug at us differently now.

 My youngest started kindergarten this year and it was much harder then I expected.   It is hard for me to be sad about Josh when my living children are present and filling my days but when they are all away from me, the missing of Joshua sets in harder.  Sonya, it must be very difficult to have your son away at college.  How empty the house must feel.  My little girl is gone only for part of each day and I still feel the emptyness without her.  She is a bright little ray of sunshine.     I am thankful that we can never ever be seperated from Jesus.  He is one constant companion and He is more then just rays of sunshine.  He is the Son itself.  His rays provide constant warmth and healing.  We know we can still get sunburned even when the clouds come and block our view of the sun.  Though you don't see the sun shining it is there and present with you.  Our Lord is with us even when we cant see him during the darkest storms.  He is presence is a gift. 

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Anne, I'm not much ahead of you on the journey, having just passed the 2 year date--which means it is the start of year 3...and I hate it.  Like you, I sathere thinking, consumed with thought, of every small detail of what was happening two years ago--all containing one major theme--Joey was still here.  It was agonizing.  I did better this year than last regarding no longer feeling despair, but the emptiness and missing is more intense..  I'm praying for you...  I know where you are.

Sal, it's good to see your post.  I agree!  There is NO person, place, thing that comes close to the SON.  Thank God for His clear directive on the SON, Jesus Christ, Lord of ALL, THE ONLY ONE whom we should and shall glorify with our worship and praises!!  Amen!

[lagrangel]

My fellow christian sisters,

  I had a "old" friend which I have not heard from for several years until my son passed away. Then she came around and she recently sent me a book on Sorrow Not! by Kenneth Copeland. I am not a follower of The Copeland ministry but she is very much so and the church she attends.  I have read the little book and was hurt that she would send me this book and a long letter that was to guide me in my sorrow. She has not talked to me in over 12 months and does not even know where I stand in my relationship with God. I have never been mad at the Lord and said it to our pastor when Brent left this earth. I have had sorrow like so many of us have indured but the book is such a hurtful piece of information. These are a few of the examples that the Copelands state in their book. "Sorrow has an emotional kick to it. It offers a surge of feeling that in the beginning stages is almost intoxicating. Grief and sorrow are dangerous things. They are not innocent emotions they are actually spirit beings sent by the devil himself to kill, steal, and destroy. Grief and sorrow are part of the devil's game.  A scripture he quoted was, " I would not have you to be ignorant, brethen, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again. He says that sorrow is only for those who have no hope, for those who don't believe that Jesus died and rose again. In order to partake of sorrow about a particular situation, you're going to have to reject the hope that you've been given through Calvary concerning that situation. You can't have hope and sorrow at the same time. If you have ever been seduced by grief you have experienced an addictive kind of agony. You've found that even though the sorrow hurts, there's something in it that makes you reluctant to let it go. When you give in to it, there's a rush, a wave of emotion that rolls over you and the tears overflow. It feels good.  Contrary to popular belief, grief and sorrow don't come to help you. They come to hurt you. They're deceivers sent for one purpose: to choke the Word of God out of your heart."   Maybe I should not be hurt but I know that God has helped me in this journey each and every day and if I did not have hope where would I be. Yes, I have had sorrow and I will continue but does that mean I have no hope and I do not love the Lord with all my heart. I have called upon God more than I ever had over the last 12 months. Am I just over reacting to this letter of concern and booklet. She has not been around me and does not know where I am with my walk with the Lord. I feel very hurt about the whole thing. She wrote me a five page letter wanting me not to be mad at God and not to blame him. She had not talked to me since my sons funeral and know nothing. I just wanted some input from my Christian sisters that are traveling the same journey that I am. I know the promise of the Lord and Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and the hope and promise we have.   I continue working everyday at school and laugh and talk to other staff, I go out with my friends and have continued on with my life and really don't grieve outwardly except at home by myself or maybe tell my BI friends how I may be feeling at times.  Am I just wallering in my own grief and feelings or is this part of the healing process? I have not let grief control my relationship and beliefs of God. I feel I have a better understanding and the love that God has for us from this journey. He has given me such peace during this journey and the knowledge that I will see my son one day. I appreciate your respone in any way dear sisters, Love Lana 

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana,  So much "wisdom"...wow... 

OK.  Firstly, this "friend" has had no relationship of even the most casual sort of acquaintance in many years.  She truly does not know what you are feeling, or about your faith--the stability of the Rock you stand on and hold to.  Nor does she understand anything about sorrow and grief-truly in the Biblical sense.  As I was reading your description of the "kind offering" that she presented to you, I realized right away that she is like SO MANY people--sadly they "follow" a message and don't look deeper into what God's Word actually says about the Scriptures that in this case have been badly taken out of context.  We are given God's Word for reproof. 

Secondly, the passage you quoted from the Copeland message is from 1 Thes 4:13.  I read it and studied some notes on it, and I also discussed it with my husband, who by the way immediately commented on how way out of context this whole "message" is in reference to the Scripture.  Let's look way back to Genesis 23.  Abraham wept and mourned for Sarah...and there was no doubt that she would be taken to His Bosom.  And let's look at the shortest Scripture in teh Bible, John 11:35.  "JESUS WEPT."  Why and where did Jesus weep?  Did he not have sorrow?  And let's not forget the prophet Isaiah's words about our precious Lord Himself: 

Isa 53:3 He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acqainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

In Thesselonians, we have to look at the Scripture in its context--who is it being spoken to and why, and how does it apply to us?  Literally in that day the typical response of unbelievers who had no hope of ever seeing their loved one again (Hope through the belief of the Resurrection) was to do things like rip off their clothes, pluck off their hair, tear and cut at their flesh.  The words of rebuke are to those unbelievers.  And to the Christians who believe in the Resurrection of Christ, and carry a hope in Christ--eternal life,  these words merely state that there should be an "obvious difference' in how the believer and the unbeliever respond to those who have gone before us in Christ.  These words are given as an encouragement.  Look at the very last detail of those passages in 1THES 4:18---Therefore comfort one another with these words.

This my Dear Lana is EXACTLY what we do here.  We comfort one another in our "mourning" and our "missing" (both a part of healthy grieving) exactly the way God has guided us to do through passages like this and many others in His Word.  And there is, in my humble opinion, an OBVIOUS DIFFERENCE in how we grieve and share here, on this thread, with godly Wisdom and Encouragement.  DO NOT question yourself so roughly because of the actions of this one woman (who doesn't know you at all) and any ministry or message that teaches outside of Scripture in its proper content and context.

The bottom line, I think this woman meant well, but whether she was Spirit-led...??  Here is an interesting thought....  (go with me for a sec)...   Imagine this woman sitting in church and hearing this message.  She believes it to be truth.  And now she wants to exercise this newfound wisdom.  Perhaps in doing this you were the first person to come to mind.  Here you have a case of something that happens all the time.  The problem is when it happens without people taking the stuff they learn and first examining the truth of the message against Scripture.  Unfortunately folks get lazy with the Scripture and take it as truth when they teach stuff and hear stuff.  Good intentions gone bad!! 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RECEIVE THIS AS HELP OF ANY KIND.  YOU DON"T HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS AS TRUTH.  You would do yourself the best service to shrug your shoulders, not take this as a personal hurt made against you by this unknowing woman, and thank the Good Lord for His Wisdom because you know better.  To miss your son is NOT a sin or the work of the devil.  You know exactly where Brent is and you bring glory to God every day by the hope you share with others.

Bless you Dear Sister!  Love, Claudia

 

 

[wyomingsal]

Lana,

I do not believe the words written to you were true.  I was a little horrified reading them.  I believe they show a true lack of understanding and wisdom.   I have studied the same passages many times.  You will notice that the verse in Thessalonians says to not grieve like those with no hope.  It doesn't say not to grieve at all.  Never have I seen a verse stating that grief is an evil spirit sent from the Devil.   As Claudia pointed out Jesus himself wept when Lazerous died. Do you not think God himself grieved when Jesus died and was separated from Him taking our punishment upon Himself?   Grief is not sent from the Devil as an evil spirit.  "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted."  "Do not grieve the Holy spirit" is also in the Bible.  Many verses also talk about pain and trials as purifying our faith and allowing us to become what God wants us to be.  That pain allows growth.  We are of course human and can allow the pain of our loss to turn us bitter and angry or we can allow it to transform us into what God wants us to be.  We can allow the chaf to be burned away and come out with a purity that those who haven't been through the fire don't and can't understand.  Lana, I am sorry you "friend" seems to lack so much understanding.  May our God of wisdom and love show her, perhaps even through you, more of Himself and His truth in these matters. 

God's peace upon you dear Lana,

Sal

[wyomingsal]

How cool is this.  Superwife posted this quote on the adult thread.  I just think God's timing is so amazing.

 

Grief is not an ememy or sign of weakness. And they quote Isaiah 40: 31.

 

When I looked it up I came upon the verse and this story.

"But they that wait upon the LORD

shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk, and not faint"

 

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks?  The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.

When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm.  While the storm rages, below the eagle is soaring above it.  The eagle does not escape the storm, it simply uses the storm to lift it higher.  It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us ... and all of us will experience them ... we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.

The storms do not have to overcome us, we can allow God's power to lift us above them.  God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives.  We can soar above the storm.

Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.

~ Author Unknown ~

 

Grief and pain are the winds of the storms of this life.  You are not weak to feel the pain.  We ride the winds of pain with God to sustain us and actually use the winds of pain and grieving to ascend higher and closer then ever to our Lord. Without the high winds of the storm we would never be able to rise so close to our Lord.

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Amazing Spirit-filled posts, Sal.  AMEN to both!! 

We have another litter of Akita pups today...  I just love new life......

[lagrangel]

My dear Christian sisters,

Thank you for your thoughtfulness and response.  I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine how can one have this non truth when Jesus himself had sorrow for Lazarus. I was just so hurt when someone who really does not know my relationship with God would give me literature that is so hurtful. I felt I needed unbias input into this matter. I knew in my heart the truth but I wanted others who had traveled this journey to let me know if I was just bias in this so called "friend" or misguided person. I really apprecaite your truthfulness and I will take your advice  and just shrug off this misguided person. She may have had good intentions but from past history she is very influenced by "people" and not always the true word. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. I can say that the Lord has blessed me in many ways after the loss of Brent and the blessing of getting to know and be blessed by my dear Christian sisters on BI. Claudia and Sal you have been a blessing to me today.... Love to each, Lana

[bbarbie55]

Hey I'd like to say that Jesus says he will be with us to comfort us and we don't need that when we are happy. I don't agree with Kenneth Copeland on a lot of things and this is one of them. How can he tell a grieving parent they are not t do that he has not lost a child they are on his payroll for his ministry so he keeps them close to him. I am hearing more about this kind of teaching now on how this is sin. I say that is false teaching! I still grieve not as often but I know it is a normal process. I think these big TV preachers shouldn't say anything until they have lived it. I remember telling John Edwards about Bobbi and it brought tears to his eyes for the child that he and Elizabeth lost years ago. So what I'm saying this woman who sent this book was not a compassionate person and took it upon herself to be the judge and jury, may God have mercy on her soul.

Deb

[4everjoeysmom]

Deb, I understand how you feel.  It's a sensitive issue--anything questioning our relationship to our child gone, which includes the grief journey.

Pators should teach on any topic that is fitting to teach godly wisdom and maturity, but should remain in the content and context which is BIBLICAL.  It's when anyone strays from The Word  and exercising spiritual maturity coupled with godly wisdom, that is where all sorts of problems arise....

I wouldn't exactly choose John Edwards for a moral compass, but he certainly knows the grief of losing a child....  his wife Elizabeth is an inspiration in many ways, though--currently living with terminal cancer.  I don't know that either of them are born again, though.  I read her book and there was no reference to it....  though I am not their judge, for sure.

On a really upbeat note, I heard from Joey's first girlfriend.  They were together a few years.  She is sending me photos she has of Joey.  I am so happy about that!!!  Thank you Lord for this huge blessing today!!!

[daniellemom]

Lana,

I love the new picture of Brent!! On your so called "friend" I really think that she was misguided and didn't mean to hurt you in any way. That's why like Claudia stated we study the whole word and not just parts of it. Like other have said Jesus himself wept and God turned his head when Jesus was crucified.

My prayers are with you all,

Sonya

[fujismum]

My, this has been an interesting set of posts.

Lana, I am so sorry you felt hurt by the so called friend and the book. In my family we often share with  each other  examples of things  someone else has said or done  that could go on our imaginary "List of Things Not To say To A Bereaved Parent". I think giving that book is worthy of an entry on that list!

 But you are wise Lana and trust God  and have been given good advice from others on this site. You will grieve in your unique way and God will be with you. I hope you will be able to set aside the uncomfortable feelings this experience has left you with. Of course we grieve with hope, but the grief is still very painful and tangible. Doesn't it say somewhere in the bible that God collects our tears ? I'll have to look that one up again!

By the way the new photo of Brent is just lovely. What a precious photo to have.

Claudia I am so happy for you that you have contact with Joeys old girlfriend and will get some more photos from her. Photos are so precious aren't they, and new ones even more so.

^Anne

[lagrangel]

Anne, love that imaginary list of things not to say to a bereaved parent. We could all make a big list. Maybe someday we could all write a book on that subject!!!! Thanks, we cherish those "Brent" pictures.:dude: He was always about his looks. I love the different pictures so we can see their different personalities.

Claudia, I know you will love the pictures that Joey's old girlfriend has. Brent's old girlfriend made us a beautiful memory book with wonderul pictures and captions. It sits on our livingroom coffee table and we look at it when we need a dose of "Brent". We cherish it so much.....

Sonya, I do think my "old friend" was misguided not meaning to be hurtful. I do feel sorry for a woman she has "counseled" on losing a nephew, I pray she does not get confused.:?  I wish people would read the whole word instead taking things out of context but we are "human". I do have peace about the whole matter. I do love that picture of Brent that was his "look". It took me awhile to look at the pictures but it has gotten better over time. We are experiencing more of the fun memories and pictures of Brent. Praise the Lord for that!!! 

Thanks Everyone may each and everyone have a peaceful night, Love Lana

 

[bbarbie55]

I got to have my grandson for the first time in six months last night this is an answer to prayer. His dad told me he has kicked out his girlfriend who didn't want me to see him. I feel like I just got a little piece of my daughter back and I just can't describe how I felt when he saw me and came running to me yelling grandma. I also found out he isn't autistic like my son in laws girlfriend says. August 25 turned out to be a good day after all since it was my girls dad b-day and the day after the date Bobbi passed. I am on top of the world again after being depressed for a few days.

Deb

[daniellemom]

Deb,

What wonderful news!!!!! Congrats!

[lagrangel]

Deb,

What a wonderful day and so much to celebrate. I hope you find more good days. Peace be with you, Love Lana.