Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[heartbeataway]

Marcia,

I don't come onto this particular site often. I read your post about Bethany's birthday coming up.

You may have read my postings on how we celebrate Jason's birthday. That first year, I like you, dreaded the day until...

We decided to continue to celebrate his life.  We do nothing on his death day .... not officially.  We don't choose to give that day recognition. Instead we focus our attention on his birthday.

That's our Pinnacle Days, A Celebration of Life and Love.

We go back to the campground where he died and we celebrate his life.  This year we also turned it into a fund raiser for ARVD research with contributions mailed to Johns Hopkins.

You might want to consider celebrating.  Jason was so full of life that I can't imagine not honoring the day that precious creature came into our world.

It's a happy occasion for us.  Yes, it's also incredibly sad and we shed tears. But, I can imagine Jason smiling and right there beside the campfire with us.

Just a thought ........

[heartbeataway]

Claudia,

I read this posting of yours by happenstance.  This is not my normal place to visit. Part of it is:

And the reality of the world is that not everyone speaks my love language, and I'm sure I definitely don't do it for a lot of folks either. Grief can be a selfish monster in that it's hard a lot of times to look past our own hurt and needs to see the good of someone else's being fulfilled. It's lonely, this thing called grief. It's misunderstood, especially when faith comes into play.

As Paul wrote to the Phillipians:

Phi 4:8

 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

 Phi 4:9

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

The scripture made me think of this sweet memory of Jason.  When he was in elementary school, he attended a private christian school.  I went in for a parent teacher conference and she told me that during Bible study a few days before, she read the scriptures from Philippians to the class.  She then ask if anyone could tell her what Paul was referring to when he wrote the words.  She said that Jason's hand shot up immediately.  He was so earnest in his attempt to get her to recognize him that he was holding his arm up with his other hand to make it go higher.  His expression was even pleading, Call on me!

So, she called on him.

He in a very matter of fact tone said, "My Mom".  He was talking about my Mom.

Needless to say, I left that conference in tears.  What a blessing and an honor it was to be his Mom!

Love!

Bonnie

[daniellemom]

Clauida,

Are you there? Is everything OK? I know you are busy and I have heard you are having power outages. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[dansmama]

Missing you too,Claudia. I read your emails and check for your posts almost everyday and miss your wisdom.

Praying for you, Marian

 

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you"

Phil. 1:3

[msroderskie]

I "third" those sentiments Claudia!  We miss your wise presence, and hope everything is well.  We'll keep you in prayer.

Rody

[heartbeataway]

Hi Guys,

Just don't want you to worry about Claudia.  She's fine.

They are in the rainy season and have had to clear the road of mud slides.  She is just extremely busy and will visit and post as soon as she can.

Her husband is putting the finishing touches on a slide show (I think it's a slide shoW!) about the Christmas Basket Project that she plans to share with everyone.

Bonnie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Everyone!! I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I miss you all too. It is a horribly heavy rainy season here these past few weeks. We've had numerous mudslides--while not in immediate danger at our home, it's causing such a nuisance to get in and out of our area. We've been home a bit more these past few weeks, but yes, power outage after outage. I'm so thankful that we have a small generator that keep our refrigerator running when the power is out. Living where we do, and no quick access to replenish/restock more than just the bare essentials for food is not easy. I remember once before we had the generator and were without power for five days, we had to cook everything and use a cooler to try and keep things cold with blocks of ice we happened to have pre-made in a freezer downstairs. We made the ice using those silicone bread baking pans. What a hoot! Anyway, another 11-hour outage overnight and into today, but right now all is ok and I can be on the laptop. So, here I am, wishing you all well and sending great big hugs!!

Michael is finishing the video. It started as a slide show, and then I got the great idea to turn it into a movie. Well, unfortunately while Michael knows a lot about networking and computers, he doesn't know a whole lot about video production. I wanted something really nice and special, so he's been trying so hard. Bless his heart! He started it in slide-show format, and then worked to add music and time the slides with the music. I wanted rolling credits at the end, but we had to settle for something else. Today he is working at compressing it and converting to a video, and hopefully tonight we will be able to upload it onto UTube. I promise to post the link as soon as it is done. The photos are really captivating, and I think the video to music will be even more so.

Did anyone else have a tough day on Inauguration Day? I sat here and wept as the President took his oath of office. I couldn't help thinking this is the first new president since Joey's been gone. I am realizing that there just may be a lifetime of firsts--and so it goes on. Speaking of firsts, my son Patrick set his wedding date. Yay!! He is getting married in October. Yesterday he posted a message on Joey's site that was so bittersweet--saying he was sad thinking about his Best Man not being there in the flesh and how much he missed him and was glad for the memories of growing up together. Tore me up!!

Well, I just wanted to say hi for now to all my friends. I'll be back soon. I promise! And I'll post more regularly once I get through this financial business. Love to all, and thanks so much for your kind wishes, thoughts and prayers. I love you all!! ~Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

As promised, here is the link to the UTube video from our Christmas Basket project. There are a couple of things to consider; 1) This was Michael's first time trying to make a video from a slide show. 2) Our internet speed is not high-speed to the point where we are able to upload super-high quality projects for the web. Michael is working out a way to get a high-quality upload to our server, which may be a few days. Anyone who would like a copy of that, please send me a PM and when it is ready I will send you the link. Here Goes! Enjoy!!

(I think you'll have to copy and paste the link in your browser...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puy708i7ghE

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

What a great video!!! A special Thank you to your husband and you for sharing it. It was wonderful to see all those families receiving their baskets. I know my son would have been smiling. You are such a blessing to so many. Your husband did a wonderful job making the video. Thanks for all you do. Love, Lana

[fujismum]

Hi all, I am a bit of a stranger here these days.

I haven't been able to cope with this site for a while but we have had unusual snow here in the UK and an unexpected day off work.I found myself going back to this site again after a long time.

I watched the Christmas Baskets video and found myself moved to tears. What a lovely practical way of serving others and how beautiful that so many mums on here helped support this venture. Claudia- may God continue to bless you and your husband in this work.I think you all did a great job with the video too.

I see there are "old" faces and some new ones on this site. It's good that there is still so much love and support going on here.

It has been nearly 2 1/2 years since Jamie was killed. It is still very hard.The pain doesn't go. Maybe the sharpness is worn down a little, but sometimes even that feels as bad as ever. I miss him so much. I know you all understand how this feels. Somehow we keep carrying on, always with an ache and a cloak of sadness. Serving others and staying close to God is the only way through I know.

Anne

[daniellemom]

Anne,

Glad to see your post and Jamie's picture. I have thought of you often and said prayers for you.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[mikesmum]

Anne - have just seen an news report on your unseasonable weather......It good to see you/Jamie back.   It is hard to be here sometimes and others its hard not to be...

Am heading to England in March - hope there is a break in the snow by then......

Trudi

[lagrangel]

Anne,

It was great hearing from you and seeing that beautiful son.  I don't come here as often because I feel at times it is so hard to see all the new faces. I think of you often and you are always in my heart. You were one of the first persons that I got to know on BI when I first came here 18 months ago that helped me keep going.  My prayers are with you. 

                                                                            Love, Lana

[fujismum]

Thank you for such a warm welcome back , I didn't really  expect anyone to remember me still.The thought that you have been praying for me still is very touching - thank you with all my heart.

It has been bitter sweet to see the faces of these beautiful youngsters again, and the names of their broken hearted mums.

We have even more snow in the UK and once again the roads are blocked and schools are closed. I just keep thinking how Jamie would have loved this, he was a great snow boarder and just loved to lark around in the outdoors. I think I will make him a snow man today and take a photo for his album.

How are you all doing? Tell me, are any of you finding it any easier or whatever the appropriate word is? How is your faith these days?  I think that my grief is probably at a very painful place because we had a slow and agonising build up to the court case two years after the accident ( a trial for Jamie's best friend  in July 08). It has only been in the last 5 months or so that I have felt truly able to grieve for Jamie and not have things complicated by anxieties about the legal stuff. I know there is no timetable for grief but it doesn't seem to get any easier to me. Or perhaps I have forgotten how awful it was in the first year or two. Sure, we function pretty well on the outside, but inside- well that 's a different matter.Broken hearts still beat....

Love to you all, precious friends

Anne

[msroderskie]

Marcia, Your daughter Bethany is beautiful!  I will pray for you and your family tomorrow on her birthday.  Those days are so hard.  I'm not familiar with your history -- is this the first birthday since Bethany passed on?  I hope that you find comfort in Christ tomorrow.

Claudia, I hope you're done with the mudslides for now.  I watched the video and it was splendid!  I would like to contribute next year if you do the project again and will be able to plan accordingly.   How has grief been going for you?  I imagine you've been so busy that it's been a kind of dormant time for grieving.  

Anne,  It's so nice to see you back again, though I'm sorry that the pain keeps pummeling you.   My sons died in February and March, so this is always a bad time of year for me, but this year has been particularly painful.  Strangely enough I think that learning to forgive myself has freed me to feel more pain -- odd as that sounds. 

In a few phrases:  I blamed myself largely as a Mom who failed her sons and couldn't keep them alive; God helped me over the last several months to learn to forgive myself where necessary and helped me also to fight off pseudo guilt; and I've regained a measure of joy.  But this is a continuing struggle.   So I am less angry at myself, but in deeper plain old PAIN.   I could liken it to finding relief from fighting off a badger that had been attacking me, only to turn back to the steel trap that's clamped on my leg! The joy has come in where I've remembered God's great mercy to us - I mean, really remembered in my soul that God actually loves me.  I do not doubt this struggle will continue as long as I survive my sons on earth.   But without the Lord's help I would have no hope at all.   It's been 8 years since Phil died, and 6 years for Matt.

Anne,  I know you've written before of how your grief intensified after the legal battle ended, and I imagine it feels similar to what I've described above, for different reasons of course.  I will think of you often this week and pray for constant replenishment of strength for you. 

Love in Jesus,  Rody

[mpsmom]

Thank you, yes this is the first birthday sinced she died on September 20th, she would have been 18.  Bethany is our only child.  I am more of a wreck than I expected, I feel so dead inside.

Thank you for your prayers,

marcia

[msroderskie]

Marcia,  Although I've lost two sons I don't know what it is like to lose a child and therefore be childless.  My heart goes out to you.  Your grief is especially hard to bear.

Rody

[fujismum]

Marcia, your grief must be enormous, and no wonder. An 18th Birthday should be a wonderful milestone.Instead this is a terrible aching reminder of all that you have lost. Be very kind to yourself.Don't expect anything of yourself, you have to get through these painful days one breath at a time.

 Have you thought about doing anything special to mark the day? I know I found this kind of suggestion really awful at first, but over time I have learnt that this "marking" of painful anniversaries/birthdays etc can somehow be helpful. It's doing something instead of just hurting- if that makes sense.  Could you release some balloons in Bethany's favourite colour, bake her special cake, make a donation to a special charity, light a specially chosen candle at home? I know others on here will have other suggestions too.

I can really feel for you because Jamie died at 17 and when we faced his 18th birthday we knew that he had always planned to celebrate it in style. We didn't feel like celebrating at all but we marked the day with blue balloons, releasing 18 quietly in our garden.We gave a donation to a special charity and of course, special flowers at his grave and on the accident site. Oh and I asked a friend to do a special flower arrangement in church on the Sunday nearest the date.None of it was easy, but now I do try and plan ahead for these days and somehow it gives me a little comfort to know we mark it in some way, however inadequate it seems.

In the light of me just saying all that Marcia, of course you may just want to do nothing at all except get through the day . We all do what we feel able to do and what works for us.Our journey's are all unique.

Thiking of you and your beautiful Bethany.

Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Anne, How can any of us forget you? How can any of us forget Jamie?? Hugs!!!

Marcia, I sent you an e-mail, but I want to second it here... I am thinking of you so much today. My heart is so sad for your sadness today... Happy Birthday Sweet, Sweet Bethany!!! Joey, dance an 18th birthday dance with beautiful Bethany today... Dear God, let them know how much we love and miss them!

Thank you everyone for watching the video, and for all of your wonderful, supportive feedback. I am so grateful for all of you.

Rody, I'll be praying for the Lord to continue to heal and restore you from the terrible guilt you've carried all these years. You are so loved, and you will always be known as the wonderful woman God "chose" to be the mother of your precious sons, Phil and Matt. Never forget that!!

I have been OK... yes, staying pseudo-busy, but carrying a deep sadness. My surviving son is getting married in October. We've been discussing plans. He has decided to not ask anyone to be his Best Man... for the obvious reason. It breaks my heart on a whole other level.......

Love& Hugs, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Hi all,

It was so ironic Anne that you asked how is your faith?  I still love the Lord and I know Brent is in paradise but the pain of him not being here is difficult. As we all know from this journey.  Brian which is Brent's twin brother tried to talk to me this weekend about my faith and wanted to see me have Joy in my life again. He has really been studying the bible and reading lots of inspirational books. I told him I don't know how to find Joy in my heart again. I miss my son so much How can I be joyful? He said mom you know Brent is in paradise and we all want that. You know you will see him again. I do know that, but it is so hard to be joyful when you miss your son.  He said I can see the hurt in you and dad and I just want to help you. He gave me a book to read which was 31 days with God for Mothers.  Does anyone know of any specific books written about finding Joy back in your life after the death of a child.  Any suggestions would be appreciated. I am reading the One year walk with God devotional.  I am not sad all the time I do laugh and have fun with my friends but when he talked to me this weekend I just ended up crying and saying I don't know if I can find that Joy again. I know he does not understand the loss of a son. If anyone has read any inspirational  books that are scripture based would be wonderful. I have read 90 minutes in Heaven, I am starting to read Healing after Loss.  I am just struggling with the missing and loss of my son. I have so many things to be Thankful for which I am, but how do you get pass this loss and regain joy in your life again? Love to each and everyone, Lana

[wyomingsal]

I will be praying for God's joy to begin to penetrate your grieving heart...all of our grieving hearts.   The areas that bring me joy are 1. my living children.  The second area of great joy is when I can look beyond the now and imagine what a wonderful moment when we are re-united with those we love who have gone on before us.  But even with those areas of joy, I have many days that I am holding back a flood of sadness and tears just behind the surface.  The hardest days are those days when my body is tired, sick, or anxioius and I find the feelings overwhelm me again.  We will never be the same person again.  Such a great loss changes who we are. There is always a sadness and longing to be with our children.  My prayer is that God is in charge of those changes and we will be changed into the perfect creations God wants us to be.  The fire of grief has softened us so we are malleable in God's hands.    How sweet of your Brian to sit down with you and talk with you.  You know how much he must love you and how his heart wants to see you happy.  I don't think our children can fully understand our grief even though they have lost a sibling.  It is different to lose a child.  I think we will always have times of great sadness.  I can't think of any books that I have read about joy.  My goals now are to live out my life each day for Jesus until the day we are reunited with Him and our children.  "To live is Christ and to die is gain."  I will live for Christ until the day He has appointed for me to join Him in eternity.  Dear Lana, may God shower you with His peace and love and joy.  May He revive your spirit with renewed energy and purpose and excitement to live each day.  May he allow your heart to feel warm and happy and be able to enjoy your living son Brian.  Our Lord is worthy of our love and praise and joy.  God, enable us to praise you with joy even in our grief.

Lots of love to you Lana and our fellow travelors,

Sally

[no40corysmom]

Boy, it's been a while for me as well.....!  I have met more moms since I have posted who have lost children recently too....

I too have been having a very tough time....it's been 9 months now since Cory left, and my heart aches tremendously.  Everytime I look at his picture, it feels like a 100 lb bowling ball sinking through my chest.  I finally decided to start taking an antidepressant, cause I couldn't stop crying.  I'd like to get back off it though because I feel like my life is a series of snapshots.......Living only in the moment.  I can't think in the future at all.........and my memory is horrible!  I still can't remember things from 5 minutes ago.....

My other kids too, keep wanting me to get joyful again, yet I just don't know if I will ever truly be joyful again.  We do laugh and have fun yet I feel like it is just on the surface, I am wearing a mask to get through.  My oldest is getting married in 3 months, and we are busy preparing for that.  It will be fun, I know it will.......It's so hard though, not having Cory with us.

[ethansmuffin]

Hi there to all of you

This is not my first time here, I normally post at loss of a teenager, there I have met Marcia and Claudia - But for those of you who do not know me, I am Ethan's muffin as my son fondly called me - Ethan was 14 years old, he had an accident with his quadbike and passed away in the ICU on 27 October 2008.

I am from Namibia, in Africa, we live in Windhoek, My husband Gerald was with Ethan when he had the accident, I have 2 daughters age 21 and 17.

I read your postings and my heart goes out to all of you - this week we are not well, Ethan's 15th birthday will be on sunday - his crown birthday, he was so excited and was looking forward to it....Marcia, thank you for sharing with me what you did on Bethany's 18th birthday, we have decided to follow suit, we will also just do the balloons....and have lunch with close friends, of course Ethan's friends will be there....

It's been 3 months and 2 weeks, and we miss Ethan everyday just more and more...everyday is a contant struggle for us.....he was the hearbeat of this house....we read a lot of books on bereavement and grieving...it helps us understand that we are not going crazy....but how?...how do we go on?...this is so exausting! ...Weekends are terrible for us....we just sleep, cry, read...We are hanging in there....We hang onto Hope....Hope that in time we will find joy, peace, laughter and all of the beauty in life again.

Love to all of you

Enid (Ethansmuffin)

 

[mpsmom]

Enid, My prayers are with you always.  I can only offer that the pain does seem to get softer with time, not to say it doesnt sneak back up on you and knock you off your feet... but there have been some days that are manageable and they seem to come more frequently,  I too have been reading everything I can get my hands on, we are not crazy, this is "grieving the loss of our child"...

Celebrate Ethans life this weekend, do only what you can, My heart will be there with you, Bethany will positively be there at Ethans party.  My love to your girls and your husband.

Love, Marcia      Bethanys Mom Forever

[no40corysmom]

Has anybody heard from Mikesmum?  She is in Victoria Australia, the place that was hit by the fires so badly!

[mpsmom]

Yes, Trudi is alright, she has posted on the loss of adult child, letting us know she is OK , the fires were close to where she lives, but her home was spared. 

Marcia   Bethany's mom

[no40corysmom]

Thank you !

[lagrangel]

Enid,

It does get softer over time just like Marcia said. Oh you will have set backs but that is normal how can you not when the precious child you loved and cared for is gone. I don't cry everyday like I did when my son was first gone. I do things with friends, laugh, but there are times that I will be hit smack down in the face.  We will never be the same person we were before this journey. I have came a long way in the last 18 months and you will to over time. You just keep coming here and know we all care because we are all walking that same horrible journey.  May God surround you with is love and comfort.  

                                                   Lana 

[ethansmuffin]

Hi all

Today I think I have a managable day, Here in Windhoek, capitol city of Namibia (Namibia is neighbouring country of South Africa) we do not have a support group. Ethan's passing has made we want to get in contact with every parent that has lost a child - One month after Ethan's Celebration of Life service, we heard of a 3 year old boy who drowed - although we were still at that time so consumed with our grieve, my husband suggested that we contact them -

I am glad we did.... I am still in contact with this mother - I have contacted 3 moms already...I would love to give them a book (On bereavment)..., I am still working on that...In the meantime I just visit them and listen....I feel on this journey, one searches for common understanding so often..and since I can only pray with them/listen to them - What matters is that I understand....

Marcia - I have contacted Rosemary Smith regarding the documentary "Space Between Breaths" she will now send it to me - We will then have the screening, and hopefully start some sort of support group - I trust the Lord will guide us here.

All my love

Enid (Ethansmuffin)

 

[shorty16]

Enid

What a wonderful thing you are doing in reaching out to others who have lost so much.  Those other parents are probably overjoyed that they have a guide through this terrible journey.

It is wonderful how passing the love forward makes us feel better!!! I recently joined the Menomonee Falls Community League.  It is a group of women who help the community.  A girlfriend at work is a member and asked me to come to a social.  I did and I liked what I saw.  I joined and my first task was to make a salad to be served at our area Ronald McDonald house.  The parents and kids we so thankful and it was great seeing the smiles on their faces.

I have a great book for you called Beyond Tears.  It is a story of 9 different families who all lost children.  Each had a different type of loss and how they all dealt with their losses.  I liked it because each family handled it a little differently, but it all worked for them.

Take care and thanks for being you

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

[mpsmom]

Colleen, I just finished Beyond Tears, it was a great book, I also highly recommend it.  I am reading everything I can get my hands on at this point.  Eveything seems to help a bit.

Marcia        Bethany's Mom Forever

[daniellemom]

Marica and Colleen – I will have to get that book, I don’t think I read that one. Have you read The Shack? I thought it was very good. It is different and not a true story but it make you think outside the box. Colleen – love the picture of Brian smiling at me when I logon now! Great Job!

Sonya Danielle's Mom

[mpsmom]

Sonya, have not read the Shack but will look for it.  I really liked "beyond tears", the viewpoint was from a group of women much like 'us' here on BI, all of our children are gone, for different reasons, differnt family dynamics etc. but all the same loss.

I am also reading Lessons from the Light, by George Anderson, it is good and about life after death.   There absolutely has to be something after we leave our bodys here on earth.

I also wear Bethanys jewerly, use her shampoo and face wash, took over her eye shadow brushes...I found her thumb ring a few days ago --3 silver rings intertwined and I am wearing them now too...........the rings are the 3 of us... me, her Dad and her...still together.. a daily reminder to me we will always be together. 

Marcia  

[daniellemom]

Marcia -

You are so right about it's still the three of you! How very sweet. I'm glad you use her stuff. Can't bring myself to use Danielle's shampoo it's still in the corner of the tub, I smell it every once in a while. I carry her car keys.

I'm sure there is life after death. I know Danielle is with the Lord and when I see her again it will be just like a minute since the last time she saw me. But while I'm here time is moving so slow for me.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[mpsmom]

Sonya, my thoughts exactly, it is "what" I have to hold on to ...that one day we will all be together again, and she will tell me everything she has been doing, just like she would at 11:30 everynight she came home right at curfew.....

I use her shampoo and lotions, very sparingly as I want them to last forever, but it makes me feel more a part of her.... I still have not decided that we will sell her car... our plan was to sell it and put the money into the scholarship fund that we started at her high school, but there is enough money in it now to give out the scholarships for a few years, and right now I am not ready to decide to sell her little yellow bug..... 

On the case of the video  "space between breaths" (one of the Bi moms loaned it to me to watch)    it says :

"It was ultimately my decision to do something to make the kind of difference in the world that I belive my daughter would have made"        I LOVE THIS STATEMENT !!!!

Marcia

 

[daniellemom]

Marcia - That would be a very hard decision. Of course we didn't have to make that decision because of the accident.

"It was ultimately my decision to do something to make the kind of difference in the world that I belive my daughter would have made" I LOVE THIS STATEMENT !!!!

I love it too!!! That's why I do what I do, when I want to stop I think of Danielle. Not to long ago James was home from college and said Mama I was really worried about leaving you and Daddy and going to college because of everything that had happened but we did go. I was not only proud of him but I was proud of Danielle and me. I could have told James give me a year before you leave go to the community college, but that would not have been fair to him. I took him to college and didn't even cry until we left coming back home. So you are so right! Danielle is so proud of us, and I want her to be. You are so strong and give back so much I'm sure Bethany was just like you.

Danielle would tell me all about her day when she came in from work or a date. She was my best friend in the world.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[fujismum]

Our beautiful children do give us the strength to go on. In the early days of loss I would tell myself all the time "do it for Jamie"- whether it was bothering to get up in the morning, washing my hair, or even taking the next breath. Still now, 2 1/2 years later I do it for Jamie. I try to live my life to honour his memory. That sounds very grand but I mean it very humbly, when I think I cannot bear to go on living another moment he gives me the strength to go on. It is only a matter of time before I join him too, so in the meantime God wants me here and I have to do my best.

A couple who attend our church have recently lost their darling 4 year old just last weekend. She went in for a routine tonsilectomy and after unexpected complications she had her life support switched off. We had a call from her mum saying " I just need you to come here and hug me", so Mike and I jumped on the train and went to the London hospital she had been transferred to. There we spent several hours with them and little Jess, hugging and crying and just being there until they switched things off. Jess breathed alone for another 12 hours through the night and they were able to hold her and talk to her, pray and say goodbyes. Everyone at church seemed to think it was very cruel that Jess lingered all those hours, but I was able to reassure them that it gave that family 12 extra precious hours together. Those of us who just saw our children walk out the door alive and vibrant only to see them hours later in a hospital morgue will know that those parents will treasure every extra moment they had with their child.

I felt in my heart God saying " for such a time as this..." and we are now able to reach out and comfort that family who are shocked and devastated. It makes a little sense of our loss, the price is too high of course, but we must use what we have learnt from walking this way to reach out to others. I know you all do this too.

Much love

Anne

[shorty16]

Anne and all my BI friends,

What a wonderful thing you did for the family of that 4 year old girl.  And yes, I was one of those parents who saw their child leave the home happy and healthy only to see them with a tracheotomy, dead on a table 5 hours later.  Those 12 hours will be with them forever - I never got to say goodbye.

Your son is smiling on you for being with that family.

I have a question for my BI friends:    "Have any of you had your children come to you or a family member in a dream?"

I was recently told of a dream my neighbor's (Veronica) daughter (Susan) had about 3 months after Brian was killed.  Both Veronica and Susan were at our home when we had to tell our children their brother was dead.

Susan told her mother that in her dream she was looking at the accident scene from a distance and saw 2 Brians.  One Brian was laying on the ground surrounded by paramedics.  The other Brian was floating above the scene all dressed in white.  The second Brian looked at Susan with a wonderful smile and said IT IS OK. and the dream was over.

I cried like a baby when Veronica told me of Susan's dream.  I wish I would have a dream like that. - Any of you experience something like this??

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

To all my BI friends who like to read,

If you likes Beyond Tears (which I loved) you will also like "When there are no word"  It is a story of 2 families.  On family looses an only child and the other looses two out of their 3 boys.  The way they died, I could also relate to.  My son, Brian had a hand in his own death.  If he would not have been on the hood of that car, he would still be alive today.

When There Are No Words, was sent to me by the Waukesha County Courthouse along with the police report of Brian's death and the charges brought against the driver, Mike.

I read the book several times, I could really relate to the "One minute your kids are there and the next minute they are gone" thing.

Thanks to all my BI friends for being here.  This website has really helped me learn to live with my grief, because grief is a sure thing for all of us for the rest of our lives, its up to us how much it affects us!!!!

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

[no40corysmom]

Several of us have been blessed by being visited by Cory in our dreams.  His father, his sisters......his girlfriend has had the most AMAZING dreams.  I finally had one a couple weeks ago......it was such a blessing and carried me for many days!!

He was smiling and laughing!  I just sucked it in for all I could.......and then I got to hug him........my left cheek on the left side of his chest.....right above his heart........it was sooooooooooooooooo wonderful.  I woke up and praised God for that blessing!!

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Ethan

Thinking of you Enid and your family today.  Take care of yourself and it is ok to cry, I know I cried like a baby Brian's first birthday after his death (was only a month from 17).

Take care

Colleen  Brian's Mother forever

[fujismum]

I too have had dreams about Jamie. Not very many, but the ones I have had I treasure in my heart. I did have about two awful nightmares not long after the accident but since then I have had perhaps half a dozen over a two year period that have always been special and reassuring.Always Jamie has been smiling and happy and able to tell me that he is absolutely fine We've hugged and I could feel him, smell him, see him and hear him with all my senses. I have tried to accept these as a reassurance that he is OK even though I miss him with every part of my being. The hardest part is waking up afterwards.

 I have also had a couple of dreams about Jamie as a little boy but these have been after I have spent time looking at old photos- something I find very painful to do- still.

As for videos, I can't do it yet.To see my darling moving and hear his laughter- it's just too hard to watch yet.

Love to all

Anne

[ethansmuffin]

Oh! what a bittersweet day it was for us – Thank you so much for your birthday wishes…and for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers. We went to the cemetery just family, close friends and of course Ethan’s friends, his sister read some poems, Daddy did a prayer – a friend was playing “he raised me up” on a saxophone and we let the balloons in the air, we had 15 balloons – 

Something strange also happened – when we let the balloons up in the air – an eagle was flying amongst them, as if guiding the balloons… I truly believe now that whatever that eagle was doing there, was a sign from Ethan…..that he was with us…..once the balloons was out of sight, the eagle was gone…. 

Thank you all for allowing God to use you – for sharing - for singing the songs of your precious children – whenever I feel that I do not want to live anymore – I read your postings and it gives me HOPE….. and for that day I make a conscious decision to live…to get up…to go to work…and to remember Ethan…to laugh about his silly jokes…..and I listen to the funny sounds he made with his mouth (He loved Beatboxing)….and sometimes I can hear them….. 

Love to all of you

 

Enid

[fujismum]

Enid- you all did so well, marking a day that should be a celebration yet is now so heartbreaking.It sounded like a truly special day and you did it together.

And the eagle- what a wonderful experience and yes I am certain you must take great encouragement from that sign.Lifted up on eagles wings- into God's presence!

Ethan sounds like a real fun character with the beat boxing. You have so many wonderful memories of your fun loving son, I know memories are not enough, we want,we need them here with us. I used to be so afraid that my memories of Jamie would fade as time went on, but you know what .... they became ever more precious and clear to me. I can carry Jamie with me in my heart everywhere I go and in everything I do. He gives me strength. Ethan will give you a strength you never knew you had.

Anne

[mattsmum]

Hi everyone,

Have been reading lots of postings and just wanted to say what beautiful children you have. 

None of us ever wanted to be in this place that we find ourselves - our children were our life and now they are gone, there is a gaping hole that refuses to be filled.  Each of our stories is different, we might live in different countries, but we are all joined together by one common thread, the loss of our children.

If this will bring any of you comfort, my brother in law saw my son a little while after he died, sitting at the foot of his bed.  He gave him the biggest ever smile, then slowly disappeared.

I had one profound dream about a year after Matt died.  I was waiting near an open door of some type, it was dark.  Suddenly my son came through the door and he was GLOWING.  It was a beautiful soft silvery light - he was healed from his cancer, tall and just as I remembered him.  We hugged and I felt his arms around me.  I remember touching his face, his body and thinking, 'he is real!'  We talked for a while and then he said, 'I have to go now, I can't stay.  Just wanted to let you know I am FINE.'  Then he gave me the biggest smile, wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek.

I remembe waking up crying with joy - it was hard leaving the dream.

I believe that if we are patient and pray to God, He will allow a sign to be sent, to give us proof of our children's continuance.

Gerry x 

[mpsmom]

Gerry, What a wonderful dream.  I also believe that our children have not left us forever, they are in a beautiful, wonderful, safe place.  We will be with them again, just not now.  I am five months out from my only (child) daughters death.  We have had so many 'signs' that she is with us.  Nothing as prominent as your dream, but that will come.  I know it will.  The soul and the spritit do not die.  Just the body.  I am not a highly religious person, but feel I am very spiritual and I know my daughter is with us.  Thank you for sharing that the pain gets softer with time.  I dont ever expect it to go away compleltey, but I know my daughter wants us to continue to try and live in her honor.....we are struggling to do just that.  It is a daily struggle.

XOXOXO  Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

[mattsmum]

[user=24749]mpsmom[/user] wrote:

Gerry, What a wonderful dream.  I also believe that our children have not left us forever, they are in a beautiful, wonderful, safe place.  We will be with them again, just not now.  I am five months out from my only (child) daughters death.  We have had so many 'signs' that she is with us.  Nothing as prominent as your dream, but that will come.  I know it will.  The soul and the spritit do not die.  Just the body.  I am not a highly religious person, but feel I am very spiritual and I know my daughter is with us.  Thank you for sharing that the pain gets softer with time.  I dont ever expect it to go away compleltey, but I know my daughter wants us to continue to try and live in her honor.....we are struggling to do just that.  It is a daily struggle.

XOXOXO  Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

Marcia, a mega hug from me to you - your daughter is just so beautiful and she looked to be a wonderful person, it must be absolutely awful for you at the moment.  Five months is such a short time, I can remember the feelings so well.  It's like a knife is tearing your heart apart, there is no other description.

Yes things do get easier, but it takes time a long time.  Somebody once told me that eternity is only ever a life time away - each day is a day nearer to seeing your girl again. But take only baby-steps and please do not contemplate the future, that is way too hard for you to do at this time.

How did your beautiful daughter die?  I hope you don't mind me asking.  Also how old was she?

I have had so many signs since my son passed away - perhaps one day I will sit down and tell you of them.

If you need to chat at any time, please feel free to either pm me or if you want my email address.  I am a qualified Grief and Bereavement counsellor and if there is anything I can do at any time, just let me know.

I was once an avid Church goer, but since Matt's death, I find more comfort in my spirituality.  The death of a child changes a person and lots of my friends just couldn't cope with the 'new' me.  I was once a get up and go getter, but nowadays, I much prefer to sit on the sidelines and watch the others:)

Take care,

Gerry x

[mattsmum]

[user=24749]mpsmom[/user] wrote:

Gerry, What a wonderful dream.  I also believe that our children have not left us forever, they are in a beautiful, wonderful, safe place.  We will be with them again, just not now.  I am five months out from my only (child) daughters death.  We have had so many 'signs' that she is with us.  Nothing as prominent as your dream, but that will come.  I know it will.  The soul and the spritit do not die.  Just the body.  I am not a highly religious person, but feel I am very spiritual and I know my daughter is with us.  Thank you for sharing that the pain gets softer with time.  I dont ever expect it to go away compleltey, but I know my daughter wants us to continue to try and live in her honor.....we are struggling to do just that.  It is a daily struggle.

XOXOXO  Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

Marcia, a mega hug from me to you - your daughter is just so beautiful and she looked to be a wonderful person, it must be absolutely awful for you at the moment.  Five months is such a short time, I can remember the feelings so well.  It's like a knife is tearing your heart apart, there is no other description.

Yes things do get easier, but it takes time a long time.  Somebody once told me that eternity is only ever a life time away - each day is a day nearer to seeing your girl again. But take only baby-steps and please do not contemplate the future, that is way too hard for you to do at this time.

How did your beautiful daughter die?  I hope you don't mind me asking.  Also how old was she?

I have had so many signs since my son passed away - perhaps one day I will sit down and tell you of them.

If you need to chat at any time, please feel free to either pm me or if you want my email address.  I am a qualified Grief and Bereavement counsellor and if there is anything I can do at any time, just let me know.

I was once an avid Church goer, but since Matt's death, I find more comfort in my spirituality.  The death of a child changes a person and lots of my friends just couldn't cope with the 'new' me.  I was once a get up and go getter, but nowadays, I much prefer to sit on the sidelines and watch the others:)

Take care,

Gerry x

[Kelly]

[align=center]SAVE THE DATE!![/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] We are excited to meet you!! Come join us at the Beyond Indigo Reunion!![/align]  When: August 14^th through the 16^th,   2009. We suggest you arrive the night of the 13^th.

Where: Minneapolis, MN

For Who?: All Beyond Indigo members and people healing from grief and dying journeys. This means YOU! If you know someone who is not a member invite them along!

 We will be having speakers, social networking, opportunities to remember our loved ones and just a plain good time.

 More details (schedule, pictures of the location etc) will follow in the next 7 to 14 days.

 We need at least 25 people to make this event possible. We hope to see as many of you who can make it!!!

 Have questions? Please post in the Beyond Indigo Reunion Forum at  http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_forum.php?id=83

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[4everjoeysmom]

I so much wish I could go to this reunion.

We've had so many weather challenges here. Even as I write this we are generator back-up, because heavy rain and mudslides claimed our electricity yet again. Our phones are out too. Somehow the cell towers are still in tact, which is how I get to post online...

I think of you all here, and while I am not posting much, I am reading and still praying for all of you. I will post again more often, I believe, in time. But for now my season is one of silence more than words. (The frequent power outages and weather issues here contribute some to that as well.) But I wanted to let you all know as we enter into the season of Lent that I am very grateful for each of you that comes here to share your journey with others...not just for your sake, but for each other. You are all a gift I treasure. Blessings and much love to you all. ~Claudia