Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[4everjoeysmom]

Sal, You truly desire and are seeking HIS Will in all of this, despite how much your flesh is just crying out.  You are an inspiration, even when you don't feel like you are.  You exemplify God's selfless love and mercy, and you have without a doubt caused me to look at my own Self on numerous occasions to see where I need work.  I love you so much for that.

It's crushing when the weight of trial is so heavy.  I pray right now in the name of Jesus, Christ, Savior, Son of God, Son of Man, that you hear Him clearly on what is the right choice for you in this circumstance of your life.  I pray that you are able to find peace with whatever His answer may be.  And I pray that no matter how your husband responds that you are able to continue your responses in HIS Way, in HIS Will, and in HIS Time.

One thing I have definitely learned in being here on the mission field for over two years now is that God's TIME is perfect.  Countless times I have seen Him work through various circumstances in my life, in my husband's life, and in the lives of others, and I have marveled at how HE weaves HIS perfect plan in His perfect time.  I know how much you must be looking forward to the plans you've made with your family.  I know as well as anyone the desire to want to be near and visit with those in our families that we may not have another chance later--or with all of them for that matter, because you just never know when life will end here, no matter what age.  I also know how you desire to be faithful and merciful towards your husband.  There is no easy answer to your decision, BUT I do know with certainty that whatever your decision, IF it is by God's Will, you will be able to go or stay and find peace in the decision.  Sometimes the background noise around us, especially in the good ole USA, pounds in our heads and drowns out that still, small voice that would be God's whisper.  I have counseled many young people throughout the past several months, and adults alike, and I have cautioned them on the overwhelming noise that we allow to drown out what God may be trying to tell us.  If you are able, allow yourself a significant time of solitude somewhere away from noise, distractions, responsibility, and just allow yourself a time in doing absolutely nothing but seeking His voice...

I pray that you are able to hear a Word from God that will direct you in the path that He would have you take, no matter what pressures and/or consequence may follow, because I know whatever path He would have you take will be very, very blessed.  I pray for your family, Sal.  I pray for the sickness to be once and for all taken away from your husband.  I pray that God will give him a "right mind", and that he will no longer threaten and manipulate as a way of communicating.  I pray that God will bless and protect you from the attacks of the enemy that would have you question the right path and doubt your steps.  I pray that you find strength and courage in the sword of His Spirit.  I pray that as you seek and put on the full armor of God today and each day to follow that with it you will obtain ears to hear HIS voice clearly, discernment to know without a breath's hesitation what His Will is for you, and the peace that passes all understanding.  I pray these things in the name of Jesus, Savior who took upon Himself the sin of the world so that we may be Free, Resurrected so that we could "truly live".  Amen!!

With much love and prayers, Claudia

[fujismum]

Just to say thinking of you Sal and hoping that you are coping with difficult dates and difficult decisions.

Claudia- you are back again! Good to read your words again - always so wise and inspired. They help a lot of us, not just the person you are writing to.

Oneta- i believe you read the posts still - blessings to you !

And Sonya- how are you doing my love? Every time I see the dear sweet face of Daniella I feel for you. How hard to lose a lovely daughter, a friend and companion, so much to look forward to brutally ripped away. I'd love to share some other photos of her - do you have a website or post some on here? Only if you want to of course, I know photos can be Ok sometimes and unbearable at others.

Love to you all

Anne

[daniellemom]

Anne,

I'm still hear reading each day just not posting much. I do not have a website yet, but would love to start working on one. I will add some pictures tonight, if my son will help, I'm not very good at that kind of stuff.

I'm on vaction starting tomorrow and will not have access to a computer much if at all. We are off to the beach. So please say a little pray for me. It's the same house that we have gotten for years with Danielle and all the family. I also have to check at my Mom and Dad's beach house to make sure that all of her things have been removed. She spent a lot of time there with them. They have a book at their house that we should write in each time we stay at their house. Danielle wrote in it more than anyone else so I'm going to reread the book next week. We have to leave the beach Wednesday night because my son has freshman orientation on Thursday and Friday at NCStateU. So I have a very busy week coming up. I will be thinking of you all and praying for each of you. Calling your names. Claudia!! I'm so glad you are back.

Sal,

Let us know how things are going.

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, Praying for your journey and a sweet aroma of memories past to cherich as you reminisce and perhaps shed a few tears as well.  BIG HUGS!!

Anne, Thanks so much for that warm welcome back.  I've missed being here, truly.  I am exhausted, and am heading for a nap right now, but wanted to post a very sncere thank you and let you (and everyone know) that I could never stay away from here very long--only when God calls me away for a time.

 

Love and blessings to you all!!!  ~Claudia

[lagrangel]

Sonya,

  I will keep you in my prayers on vacation. We just returned from the beach in South Carolina and went to my parents condo that we spent so many years with the boys. It was very difficult at first seeing all the memories and seeing "him" play in the water as a young boy. This was the first time back since Brent passed away and it was difficult but by the end of the week we wanted to stay longer. I cried many tears but I would not take away any of those memories. I think those "firsts" are always so difficult no matter what..... I do hope you can enjoy the time with your son. We went with Brent's twin and his girlfriend and did enjoy our time together. May Gods strenght be with you, Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Patti,  You've been in my thoughts and prayers this week.  I just wanted you to know and maybe feel that you are being "lifted up".  Love, Claudia

[fujismum]

Dear friends,

We start the trial concerning Jamie's accident on Monday 21st. We expect it to last 5 - days, so I doubt you'll hear much from me for a while. Please pray for Mike my husband as he has been called as a witness to testify on Monday morning about Jamie's car.He didn't see the accident and it is an unusual step to call a bereaved parent to the stand. Not easy for any of us to deal with and a very daunting prospect.Please pray for Dan the young man being prosecuted for death by dangerous driving, he is Jamie's friend and we feel he has suffered enough. His family are being broken through this just as we are.

Love to all

Anne

[wyomingsal]

Anne, Claudia, Lana, Sonya, and so many more of you

Thank you for all your prayers and concern.  My husband is now at the Wyoming State Hospital and will be there for at least a month.  Through prayer and a multitude of little signs here and there I have decided to still take our children on a shortened version of our trip.  For my husband it is a compromise that lets him know I care and for me I will still get to see a majority of my family.  I know this week and weekend is a hard one for some of us.  As birthdays, Heaven dates and for Anne,  this trial coming up.  Let  us all keep each other in prayer.  I know that our Lord is with us and is transforming us in ways we don't even understand.  I had a really bad weekend last week and felt lower then I had in a long time.  I prayed and I know many of you and some of my church members were also praying for our situation and this week I have really felt God's presence and caring in ways that I didn't expect.  My Dad who I won't get to see by shortening my trip stopped in unexpectedly as he was passing through on a trip with his wife and I got to spend some time with him.  Jeff is not feeling well and calling frequently but the there is no anger directed at me for which I am thankful.  I know that can change quickly with his illness but it is such a weight lifted off my heart when he is not so mad at me.  We are probably going to have a little balloon release on Sunday in rememberance of Joshua.  I want to write memories on each balloon and then we can release them at the little spillway where he died.  Thinking of each one of our beautiful children,

Sal

[fujismum]

Sal

 I am so glad to read that you are feeling some sense of peace as you have come to some important decisions. Your compromise seems a very wise and satisfactory solution for everyone, and it was not by chance that you also managed to see your father. God has His way!  I am glad too that you sense some easing of the anger from your husband. I pray that you will continue to find strength to cope with the awful emotional toll that your situation takes on you.A month may see a real improvement in your husbands situation, I hope he will get the care/counselling/medication he needs to stabilise him.

The balloon release sounds like a very wonderful thing to do. I remember seeing the place where Joshua had his accident on your website. It seems an appropriate place to gather and remember your special little boys life. I hope you find peace and blessing in doing it - we have to all find ways to remember and honour our children's lives. I will think of you on Sunday and that dear little lad who smiles out from the photos, how you must miss him, how blessed you were to have him, how hard it is to leave him in the  heavenly Fathers care.

Love Anne

[fujismum]

I said, "God I hurt."

And God said, "I know."

I said, "I cry a lot."

And God said, "That's why I gave you tears."

I said, "Life is so hard."

And God said, "That's why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "But my loved one died!"

And God said, "So did mine!"

I said, "It's such a great loss."

And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "But your loved one lives!"

And God said, "So does yours!"

I said, "Where is he now?"

And God said, "My son is by my side and

Your son is in my arms."

I don't remember where I got this from but I hope it helps to share it.

Anne

[msroderskie]

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted in a while -- it's been an extremely busy summer.  My prayers are with everyone this July, with all the grief dates for Anne, Sally, Patti, Cheryl and Claudia.  Sonya, I'll pray for your vacation time that you will have a blessed time of memories, even though it will be difficult as we all know.  Those firsts are hard to endure, as you said Lana.  I remember literally thinking in my mind "this is the first time I've walked back into our house" after my first son died, and so thinking even during mundane moments like that for quite some time.  Not to mention that bigger, more memorable things like holidays. 

Anne, I'll agree in prayer with everyone who's thinking of you, Dan and your families during the trial.  Sal, I'm glad you are able to take the trip after all, even though it's shortened, it just sounded like it was going to be the right thing for you.  

Please pray for my husband and I.  He's becoming very depressed and is not able to find a better job in this local area.  He's been trying since last October and had to accept a much lower paying job in January.  I work for a really nice company, but have to drive an hour to get there, so the price of gasoline is killing us too.  Our situation is becoming serious.  We may need to consider moving away from here - my hometown, where my kids and grandchildren live.  Please help us Lord!

I want to offer the account of how I came to know Christ, as a way of encouraging us all.

I had been raised with no religion at all.  My parents did not attend any church - Dad being an agnostic and Mom not really thinking about it.   When I was a young Mom, stationed with my Air Force sergeant husband in the Philippines, I began to wonder about the big questions in life.  Why are we here?  Is there any meaning to life?  Does God exist? So I asked for a Bible for my birthday.  My husband went to the PX and bought a ten-pounder coffee table version Bible - complete with paintings!  I read and understood little, but kept trying.

Several months later we were moved back to the States, to an on-base neighborhood where there were a lot of people who talked about the Lord Jesus Christ.  I kept to myself and did not discuss any religious ideas with my new neighbors.   One night I was upset about some personal problem and I tried to pray.  I was so hungry to know if God was really there, so this is what I prayed:

"Lord Jesus, I don't know if you are even there, and I don't understand this "Son of God" thing, but I'm trying to understand.  Please, if you are really there, tell me somehow that you hear me when I pray, that you are actually listening to my prayer."  I prayed this at 11:00 p.m., then continued folding clothes.

OK, I have to cut this short because my daughter just called and needs to be picked up at the airport after spendin several hours trying to get on a flight that never materialized!  I will finish the story as soon as I get back!  It's amazing!  (If there's a way to save this and set it aside, I don't know it.)

Until later,

Rody

[wyomingsal]

Anne,

I love the poem.    Thank you for sharing it.  I will put it on my blog. 

Rody....You left us all hanging.  That is a good way to get us all back frequently to hear more of your story.   

Thinking of everyone today,

Sal

[wyomingsal]

Here is the one year poem I wrote in memory of my son.  It will be on my blog tomorrow for his one year Heaven date but I will put it out here a day early.  Its a little long but it still doesn't even start to cover everything I could think and say.

When I awoke one year ago today

Everything seemed to be going ok

I didn't believe anything would go wrong

We were happy and our family was strong.

You were grinning and enjoying the sun

Lets go get Micah I said, We gotta run

As we climbed in the car

one year ago today

everything was doing ok

you were in a good mood,

a big smile on your face

Jacob and Lynnie too

Off we went to pick up Micah

then we could have fun for a few

we stopped at Wallmart along the way

and everything was still ok

brand new water shoes they were bright orange

graced your feet as we headed to the car

Waiting for Micah at the church

one year ago today

everything was still doing ok

You ran around having fun and wanting to play

while I chatted with fellow parents

no strong urge or thought to pray

We at Subway one year ago today

Everything was going ok

You ordered a meatball sub

just like your Dad

Nothing warned me that soon

I would be so sad.

You and Micah were best buddies one year ago today

And everything sure seemed ok

You both asked "Can we go to the slide to swim?"

Dad and I said yes and off you went.

How I wish I would have taken more time to say goodbye

I couldn't know that my yes meant you would die.

One year ago today my son everything was ok

until sometime between 2 and 3 that day.

When I answered the phone a year ago today

I didn't know that every thing had forever changed

Everything was not ok....

You my boy had gone away

...Lost in the river?

No it cant be!

Joshua my son

Come back home to me!

You are so much a part of my life

Not having you here just isn't right

Memories still fill my heart each day

Even now a whole year since you went away...

Beautiful curly hair for me to run my fingers through

Your silly voice saying..."I love you Lynnie Poo"

Funny crab walking up the stairs

Begging to go to county fairs

You liked rap on 104.7

You wanted a green mansion when you got to Heaven

Hiking and swimming, adventures and fun

your hair getting blond in the hot summersun

You hated turkey but loved honey baked ham

You were growing into such a tall handsome young man

Cub Scouts, singing, VBS,

teasing siblings and making a mess.

You love to travel and go on trips

most of the knees of your pants had big rips

The girls were starting to fall in love with you

You weren't quite sure what to do

So many memories and thoughts fill my heart

each moment of each day we are apart

Wait for me my son with our dear Lord

'til the day I join you and we receive our reward

I love you Joshua and miss you. 

[lagrangel]

Anne,

Thanks for the poem I really needed it. The last few days have been difficult. I plan to copy it and put it where I can see it everyday.. I am praying for your family during the emotional trial.

Sal,

Loved your poem that you wrote. You have such a gift in writing about your son and feelings. My prayers are with you on Sunday.... I hope you enjoy your trip with your family.

Rody,

Your story has my attention I can't wait until you tell us the rest. My prayers are with you and your husband concerning his job. The economy is so bad and such hardship on so many families. We have had several major plants close in our area and it just makes one so sad to hear of the hardships on families who have worked their whole life for a company and they close the plants. I hope he finds something perfect for you and him...

Prayers to each and everyone, Lana

[msroderskie]

Sal,

I'm so sorry that I missed your name when I looked on the calendar for grief dates in July.   I willl be praying for you too.  Your poem made me cry -- it's expresses so much about losing your sweet little Josh in the middle of normal everyday life. 

I must finish my testimony because it's uplifting...so, I had prayed at 11:00 p.m. "Jesus, if you are there, tell me that you hear me when I pray".  At 11:30 p.m., just a half hour later, one of my new neighbors, Leoncia, came to my door.  She later told me (when we became friends) that she was shaking in her boots that night, coming to the door of a mere acquaintance late at night with a feeling that the Lord wanted her to tell me something.  She told me that she felt the Lord wanted her to show me a certain verse, and asked if that was OK with me.  I told her sure, thinking she was a little daft, and having totally forgotten my prayer of half an hour ago.  Lonchi told me she had been dead asleep (also being a young Mom, with three children ages 4 and under), and she said she'd had a horrible dream about a naked woman being carried off by demons (I started to get this feeling this was relevant to my life), which woke her out of her sound sleep.  She turned to the Bible to read and felt distinctly as if the Lord wanted her to come to my house and show me a scripture verse.  Then she showed me Psalm 22 and told me that Jesus had quoted that Psalm on the cross, and the specific verse that she was sure God wanted me to see was vs. 24, which reads,

"For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted (person), neither has He hid His face from him, [glow=blue]but when he (the sinner) cried unto Him, He heard."[/glow] Is that cool or what? 

Lonchi asked me if that meant anything to me and I told her yes, while trying to hide the fact that my eyes were tearing up.  When she'd shown me the verse it hit me that God had just answered my prayer.   Later that night, by myself, I gave my life to Christ.  It took me several months to open up to this new friend and tell her that her obedience to God's call late at night, meant that I repented and asked Christ to be Lord of my life.  It was also really cool that God had done all this through my reading the Word, and a few random radio preachers that I'd heard.  I hadn't even been to a Bible believing church at that point.  Anyway, I marvel at Lonchi's obedience that night.

Have to run again.  I need to babysit my youngest granddaughter for a while.

[4everjoeysmom]

Anne, I too loved the poem you posted, and you and your family will be steadily in my prayers throughout the long week of trials of more than one kind.

Sal, Your poem tugged at me too--says so much...  I pray that you find a special touch from God and His peace tomorrow as you launch balloons and prepare for your planned trip.  I too am glad you are going, no matter how shortened, and especially that you have peace about your decision.  A prayer answered!!  And an extra special binus that you received the unexpected visit from your dad.  How wonderful of God! 

Lana, I'm so glad to see your post. 

Rody, an awesome testimony!  I have a rather lengthy one that I share with lots of people on a regular basis and taylor parts of it for specific audiences.  Most of the time I talk about how God "calls us", and whether or not we respond to His call and how.  I had been wooed (sp?) beginning as a young girl having grown up in a very unstable, dysfunctional environment of alcoholism and abuse.  I truly know that God was with me, gave me dreams, and protected me throughout so many circumstances that could have ended very badly.  It's funny (peculiar) how I always accepted His help and presence when it was convenient for me, but I never submitted my life to Him throughout my young and young adult life, although I hinged numerous times.  I always pulled away--maybe for the fear of abandonment, or the Jesus isn't cool stigma, or what have you.  I made a lot of bad life choices along the way, mostly self-destructive in nature, perhaps secretly sedistic as self punishment, not even sure I will ever fully understand why to many of the choices I made.  At 33 I finally felt like I was getting on track, and I began Bible syudy at a nearby church with elderly women whom I admired and thought very wise with godly experience.  One was in her 80s.  I was the youngest there and the only one under 50-something.  Then I made another bad life choice.  Through God's mercy, no other explanation, I was eventually redeemed from that.  I certainly wasn't freed by anything I had done, and it wasn't because I answered God's call.  He kept calling nonetheless, and I am ever grateful for that mercy upon me.  I was saved three months after marrying my now-husband.  I was at a point of thinking I had made a huge mistake in getting married so quickly after meeting him (5 weeks, actually).  Ordinarily that may have been true, but God had a plan!!  I was away at a conference, visited a Christian bookstore by a divinely directed happenstance, walked to the back of the store that was in the process of being remodeled--to an area that was not lighted but had only a few books remaining on its bare shelves.  My eyes immediately landed on a Joyce Meyer book, called then "Help Me!  I'm Married!!"  I think it has since undergone a revision and name change.  I knew it was God speaking to me.  I bought the book, went back to my hotel room, and within ten pages or so I set it aside, fell to my knees at the side of my bed with the ocean waves crashing in the background (I was at a beachfront hotel), and there I prayed earnestly for God to lift me up out of the mire and save me.  Make me His!  And He did!!!!  The only way I can describe my life beyond those moments of realizing true salvation, true deliverance, is that my countenance completely changed, and everything about my life followed in such an unexpected God-directed way.  The rest is history, but it has been an incredible journey to where I am today and where I continue to be led, truly in the middle of His will for my life.  Incidentally I passed that book along to a dear friend in the Lord who after being idowed for many years married again and was struggling a great deal.  Through the book and Jesus, her marriage was healed and she and her husband remain very close with me and mine.  It's amazing how God moves in the most unexpected, and even expected ways.  But truly, it is most amazing when we move WITH HIM.

Your story is encouraging.  And I pray mine is too.  When God's call is answered, it is life-changing.  When He flips on that switch and we undergo the kind of supernatural transformation that the world just can't understand or believe in, it's the most incredible journey.  Grief, too, is a journey that ranks up there in life-changing.  And honestly, if I had lost Joey during anytime before my In-Christ life, I just cannot even imagine I would have survived.  At some of those points in my life before, I was barely surviving anyway.  It's encouraging to be among Sisters who know God's mercies and His grace so first hand, that we can share and edify one another through the most difficult journey of our lifetimes.  It's an honor and a priviledge for me, really.

As we come through a difficult month for many of us in remembering, grieving, and holding onto our faith and each other's prayers, may God bless us and countinually reveal to us, broken and grieving yet seeking Him, His ever sweet and tender mercies, His love and His grace.  In the precious name of Jesus, our ONLY Lord and Savior.  Amen!!  With Love, Claudia

 

[msroderskie]

Lana, Thanks so much for your prayers.  We will try to keep a good attitude about trusting God for our situation.

Wow!  I tried to highlight the last part of that verse in my testimony, but it ended up looking TERRIBLE.  The part I tried to highlight was the phrase, "but when he [the sinner] cried unto Him, He heard."   I'm thankful for that testimony.  I can look back on it and be encouraged every time.  After believing in Christ I told my husband about my amazing experience, the answer to prayer from our new neighbor, and how Jesus Christ had given me a whole new life.  My husband hated my testimony, and persecuted me emotionally for several years.  It was pretty awful, but all that time he knew that the story of Lonchi telling me about Psalm 22:24 that night was true, that it had actually happened and that it was very hard to explain by the notion of "coincidence".  It was interesting how he always admitted that he couldn't explain that event.

I hope everyone has a good Sunday and upcoming week.  God will uphold us in our grief.  He is our Fortress and our Deliverer, a present help in time of need.  One day we will understand all the answers to our "why" questions. 

Love to you all in Christ,  Rody

[wyomingsal]

Anne, 

I am thinking of you this week and praying God's peace upon you during this trial.  I also pray for the young man on trial that God's will be done in his life.  That your love would shine through and he would know God's love and forgiveness through you.  God knows the plans he has for this young man and I ask specific prayers that God would direct this trial. 

Sal

[wyomingsal]

Here is a link to my blog.  If has a little video of our balloon release on it.  Short and kind of funny but in honor of my Joshua.   

http://heyerhaven.blogspot.com/

[lagrangel]

Sal,

I loved your balloon release, poem and music on Joshua's site. I also love his stone. He would be smiling......    Thanks for sharing with us. Prayers to you, Lana

[msroderskie]

Oh Sal,  I just watched the video of your balloon release for Joshua's heaven date.  The music broke me down completely.   Who is the artist and name of the song?

Rody

[fujismum]

I looked at it too Sal. It was lovely to see and hear. Your beautiful  children!

 Such a painful day but what a wonderful way of facing it.

Our trial continues.Finished earlier today but it has now been 2 1/2 days of agony really. We are holding on fast to God's promises that He is with us through this even if nothing seems to make sense anymore. We expect the trial to continue into next week. I do feel we are being carried by love and prayer otherwise I would not be able to sit through one minute of it. Thank you

Love Anne

[wyomingsal]

Thank you guys for looking at the balloon release.  That was the first video I was able to get on my site so that was fun.  The music rotates songs so I don't know which song it was you heard Rody.  There is a little music player on the side that you can look at to see which song is playing.  I have quite a few songs that relate to us who have lost someone.  "Homesick" and "I can only Imagine" by Mercy Me.  "He's my Son" and "He was Walking her Home" by Mark Schultz.  "Held" by Natalie Grant and many more. 

I continue to pray for you Anne and your family this week.  I am sorry this trial is so horrible.  I imagine reliving everything and hearing things that you might not have even know must be agonizing on top of worrying about this young man's fate.   The 23rd Psalm comes to my mind for you today.  "Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.  For thou art with me.  Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. " Keep your eyes on the Shepherd my friend and allow His arms to hold you through this trial.

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Lots of beautiful music with that beautiful balloon release, Sal!!

Anne, praying a lot for you.  Let us know how you're holding up when you can.

Hey Rody, I just wanted to check in with you especially.  I realized that I jumped really fast to share my testimony right on top of yours, and I didn't mean it that way.  When i read yours, I was like, "Oh, cool!  God did a really awesome and randomly powerful thing for me too."  So many times we hear of these big testimonies of how people go to special events and get saved, or how a select person or two ministers to someone and brings them to Christ.  But in your case, and in mine, it was God's more quiet but equally powerful way of answering a desperate call from our hearts.  It's really cool, because I know my conversion was powerful and fairly fast from the point of truly being saved to four years later heading out to the mission field full time, meeting lots of heartbreaking challenges after accepting that call, and still plodding through.  And from what I have learned through you, you are so knowledgable in Scripture and I can fully sense the Holy Spirit's work in you, super-powerful, whenever you share.  I love how God works like that.  Anyway, I just wanted to say that and to tell you how much I appreciate you and am encouraged and inspired by you, always.

Well, the clock is ticking down to Joey's 2-year date.  I'm doing ok so far, except had a bit of anxiety attack this morning.  Michael headed off for a Quito run and the quiet just walloped me.  I ended up taking 1/2 xanax, and it calmed me immensely.  It's the first time I have taken anything other than a sleep aid those first several months.  Other than that, I'm trrying to just ride whatever waves come in.

I had a huge breakthrough a week ago and was able to finally have an open discussion with a mom I know here who lost her 18-yr old son in January.  She hadn't been able to talk up to now, but fully opened up with me for about an hour last weekend.  I am SO thankful to God for that.  She is a woman of faith too, but like me, struggled so much with how the church and others were looking for her to just get over it because Jesus is greater.  That's so easy to say when you are sitting on a pedestal looking down at the broken pieces all around and not having any of them come from up there.  But we who are laying at the feet of Jesus, begging mercy and grace through the pain and torrent have a whole other perspective on losing a child and what recovering from that might look like.  Each one of us has a different kind of healing journey built around our unique relationship with Jesus.  We talked a lot about that.  Healing is definitely something to strive for, and calling on Jesus every crawling motion and step of the way.  But I am finding there is blessing in the brokenness as well, and it's taking a while to reveal just how much.  I'm thankful for that too...praising in this storm, Claudia 

[no40corysmom]

That really blessed me Claudia.......thank you.

[fujismum]

I just want to let you all know that today the trial ended and Dan was found not guilty and the judge said he was to leave the court without stain or blemish on his character.

We are so thrilled .He was Jamie's best friend and we did not want him to have to carry the burden of any kind of responsibilty for Jamie's death. They were alleged to be "racing" but Dan had always maintained this was not true . We have always believed him. With his not guilty verdict we are also free to grieve for Jamie without this hanging over us, wondering if jamie was involved in a racing incident or not.

It is a long story and maybe I'll share it one day, but for now we rejoice in this news.We have had much prayer coverage and support and there was a real sense of God's presence in the courtroom.Thank you too for praying for us. Now Dan can carry on with his life, his family too and we can be sure that we supported him every step of the way. It is what Jamie would have wanted for his friend.We did it for Dan.We did it for Jamie. Praise God.

Love Anne

[no40corysmom]

Praising the Lord with you..........

[4everjoeysmom]

Praising indeed!  Thank You Lord for answered prayer and for being God!!! 

[lovekristy4ever]

Hi everyone,

Today is Kristy's birthday.  She would be 15 today if she were with us.  We went to a mass in Latin.  We had a mass said for her today and Tuesday is always a latin mass.  It was really enjoyable though, I have never been to a service in latin before and I enjoyed it.  We brought balloons to her grave and had a birthday cake for her.  She has so much "stuff" on her gravesite.  A lot of her friends made the trip to the cemetery (it is an hour away)  and of course the relatives near by and she has all kinds of things from cat statues, softballs, angels, signs, flowers and balloons, necklaces and crosses all around her stone. 

It was so difficult.  I miss her so much!  I cried a lot today.  I just wanted to share - thanks for listening.

Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, thinking of you as you miss Kristy, especially today, and every day...  Hugs, Claudia

[no40corysmom]

(((((((((((HUGS Terry!))))))))))))))

 

I am just coming up on Cory's 3 months since he left us........ ugggggggh. Tomorrow.

[fujismum]

Terry thinking and praying for you especially at such a painful time. Birthdays are so hard. I am glad the Latin service was a comfort to you.We must cling on to anything that offers even the tiniest comfort to ease us through such difficult times. Sometimes I believe God does give us a special glimpse of peace and it sounds as though that was a moment for you. It is always so touching when friends and family make the effort to visit a grave and leave something.With Kristy's being so far away her friends must have made extra special efforts to go there which reflects their love for her. The " stuff" they leave is always moving as it is their simple and loving expression of grief to the friend they have lost, some even make us smile. You must take comfort from knowing Kristy is not and never will be forgotten and there will be many many others who could not make a visit who spent time thinking and remembering your beautiful girl..

I love some of the strange things left at Jamie's grave, a single cigarette ( he didn't smoke) but it  was an offering from a teenager! A history revision CDRom- Jamie was not a great lover of homework and revision- it must have been an in joke!A car number plate! An England flag- to name just a few of the odd things. Just simple gestures to a friend from a friend.

Cory's mum, each day week and month is a huge milestone for you. We all counted the days and hours in those early stages of grief, and time seemed to go so slowly. Just keep hanging in there, you are surviving the worst pain imaginable and surviving is maybe all you can do for now. We are all thinking of you and praying that God will meet your needs and give you the strength to keep going.

As for me I feel like I have truly been through a firey trial! I feel like I have been physically stretched on a torture rack for days and then untied and left to get on with things. I ache all over and emotionally I feel completely empty. We have had nearly seven days of going over and over the night of Jamie's accident, of hearing him referred to as the deceased, the fatality or at best the driver of the Saxo. I wanted to scream that's my lovely son, not "the deceased". I am so thankful for the outcome but it still leaves us with the painful reality that Jamie is not coming back. My husband said last night "I keep thinking Jamie will walk through the door and come home now this is all over".So do I. But it will never be.

One day though, we will have him in our arms again. I imagine when I get to heaven he will be there- so excited, grabbing me by the arm  and dragging me in saying " come one mum, it's so brilliant, I'll show you round."

Thank you God for the hope of things unseen. For the promise of no more  tears in heaven.

Anne

[lovekristy4ever]

Thank you Claudia, Cory's mom & Anne.  I made it through the day but I realized her the day she was born was one of the best days of my life.  That is worth celebrating.   Her softball team is in Florida playing in the world series this week.  They keep giving me updates and they are doing well so far.  I know Kristy is with them cheering them on.

Anne-I am glad it is over for you but I hate it that you are going through that feeling of finality.  I remember feeling that when they placed Kristy's stone - like it was the very last thing and now it is final.  I was lucky I didn't have to go through all the stuff you had to and I am sorry that you had to go through that.  I can't imagine dragging out the reminders of my child's death like that.  I do remember feeling so empty when I thought that very last "thing" was completed that had to do with Kristy going away.  I pray for peace for you.

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful" (1 Timothy 1:12).

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, I am so with you on the birth day being one of the most beautiful days of my life.  I can remember evry little detail of being pregnant with Joey, giving birth, and seeing his beautiful, screaming bluish-brown face for the very first time.  I never imagined I could love so much...

at 12:17am I will arrive at the 2-year date since Joey's passing.  The anticipation was not gripping and paralyzing like it was last year at this time, but it seems impossible not to feel such sadness.  His borth date is August 7th, just a week away...  Like you celebrating Kristy, I am celebrating Joey........and missing him just the same.

Anne, As I was reading a bit more of my book (The Shack) earlier, I came to a point in the story that brought me comfort in remembering that no matter how "final" things appear to be in this life, in this world, there is no final, really.  There is only the crossing from time and life as we know it here in this world to infinity plus, where time does not rule and life is as it was meant to be from the beginning, before there was time.  Praises to the Lord for His promise of redemption from all of this when we enter beyond our own lives here into the infinite journey our children have begun before us...  It's what keeps me sane...

Blessings, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Anne,

I am so glad that the trial is over and praise the Lord for the outcome for the young man who you supported.  I can't even imagine going through the whole trial. I know your emotional pain and hurt would be just like living it all over again. I hope you and your family can get some needed rest.

Claudia,

My prayers are with you on Thursday, the missing of our loved ones just never gets easier. I pray that the 31st is not an overwhelming day for you and the Lord will give you peace and comfort. The missing of those wonderful hugs are so difficult but all  we can do is look to the day when we get our big hug in heaven from our children.

All my prayers to everyone on BI, Lana

[fujismum]

Lana thank you for what you said, kind words are so comforting. And for everyone else, you have supported us as a family from the other side of the world, prayed for us and given encouraging words. Thank you.

Dear Claudia, two years....... another painful date with painful memories that are bound to surface with stinging pain. I know you have developed strategies to help you cope, and will lean on God for His strength. I pray you will have a peaceful day with more happy, gentle memories than the horror of the memories of that day two years ago. His death was a second, his life and all that went before, the legacy that he leaves with you - these are the important things. Hold them fast.We will all be praying for you sister.

Love Anne

[daniellemom]

Hello everyone,

I'm back from vacation and orientation from State and I've been thinking of each of you! Anne, I'm glad the trail is over and the outcome was what you wanted. I know Jamie is very proud of you all.

Claudia,

I pray you fell Joey's present and the Lords confort today and in the days ahead.

My grandfather passed away on Sunday night with all of his family around him. He went peaceful! His service was so nice. My grandmother is doing OK but I do ask that you pray for her and their children. I think she is going to move right away to a retirement center but still have freedom to drive and get around. They were married for 68 years and they were still sweethearts.

Sal,

I have been thinking about you and I'm so glad you have decided to take a shorter trip with the children.

Teresa,

I glad you enjoy the mass!

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you, My Sisters, for praying for me and offering encouragement and love through this day.  It has been a covering as a blanket warming the chill...  May you each be blessed in multitudes of what you have offered me.  Love to you all, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

It's been so quiet...  Perhaps so many of us are in states of reflection...  quiet time...

Sal, I hope your Joshua memorial trip is going well and that you are getting to see all of the family you hope to.  I am praying for your safety along the way.

Trish and Lana--both coming up on 1 year.  I can't believe it's a year already--kind of like I can't believe Joey has been gone for 2 now. 

Ugh!  My heart is pretty heavy this afternoon.  About a half hour ago I went into my husband's closet, where Joey's Columbia jacket has hung untouched since we brought it back 2 years ago.  I unzipped it and wrapped it around my head, trying so hard to smell Joey.  I got a very slight scent of him, and the tears just streamed...  I carefully zipped it back up, and then got out his old basketball jersey that I have preserved in a plastic bag/case.  It smelled more like Joey's closet...  and that took me back to the night I sat in his closet for many hours, touching all of his things, sorting things out, and feeling so in shock.  I am thankful that God has brought me leaps and bounds from there...  but it's so hard to not wander back from time to time...  I miss him so much, and this is just so final.  And I hate it!  I am learning to live a different life...  but I hate that Joey isn't in it here with me.  I know you all understand...

Two years ago today I sat with Joey's brother and dad at the funeral home...making plans...  I hate it!  Each day from here until Thursday is a constant reminder if 2 years ago...  and leading up to the 7th, Joey's birthday.  I am trying not to get lost in it...  But it's so hard...  Isn't it?.............

 

[msroderskie]

Hi everyone,  we have had computer problems for several days, so I've not been answering lately when anyone had addressed me here.  I haven't been ignoring my sisters!

Claudia,  Thank you for your testimony -- I always love to hear how people came to know Christ.  My prayers have been with you and with everyone here for July.  I so much identify with everything you had to say about how hard it still is to grieve.  This year I've been feeling a little bit more energy, even thinking in terms of trying to move up in my company, though there is not a lot of opportunity right now.  I'm just glad to be able to think in those terms at all, five and a half years after my second loss.  Yet at the same time lately I've been hit with the emotions of earlier grieving moments.  We'll always miss our sons and daughters.  Grief is like a piece of shrapnel that gets lodged under your skin, so you don't see it, but always feel its effects as it moves around.  Claudia, I'm so glad that you could sense a bit of Joey's scent from his things.  Possessing something that still carries your loved one's scent is both precious and piercing.  Phil lived with his Dad when he died, and I never had any of Phil's things given to me.  I don't know if his father threw it all away or what.  Matt lived with us when he died, so I was able to keep a few of his things around.  We gave many of his clothes to his friends. 

Sal, It was the song "He's My Son" that moved me so strongly when I went to your site.  Thank you for sharing your memories and your one year poem.

Terry, I'm so glad that Kristy's friends drove from far and left things at her grave.  There is something that touches my heart whenever I see a new token left by one of Matt's or Phil's friends.  And it reminds me to pray for them as a bonus.

Hey, is anyone here familiar with Keith Green, the Christian musican from the 70s?  I recently watched his life story and a bunch of live videos of him on YouTube.  I was amazed to see that his music and ministry are even more needed now than back in the 70s.  He tended to write very melodic tunes that were hard hitting in theme, like, Asleep in the Dark, which is a strong call for the church to wake up and get serious.  I just adore that brother for his intensity and musical talent.  He died in a plane crash when he was only 28 and had been a Christian just 7 years.  His two eldest children died with him.  Melody Green, his wife who was pregnant with their fourth child at the time he died,  carries on their "Last Days Ministry".   One of his songs I've heard redone recently on radio is "Oh Lord, You're Beautiful".  Check out his music if you get a chance.

I thank every one of you for your prayers for me and my husband. The hard times keep rolling on.  What I'd really like to do is get rid of all debt that we have and plan to spend our latter years in full time ministry.  Claudia, you've been an inspiration to me in that regard, for sure!

Love to all my sisters in Christ.  Rody

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

I had a somewhat similar experience with Brent's car today. I had to move his car to air up the tires and his scent totally surrounded me and I just sat and cried. He always wore Abercrombie cologne and his car smells just like Brent. Everytime I smell someone that has on that cologne my eyes fill with tears becuase it was such a presence of Brent.  We have been going to sell his car but almost a year later it is still sitting in our driveway. It is so difficult to have our "new normal" life be without our children. I pray that God will surround you with  peace and love on Joey's approaching birthday on the 7th. I pray for Patrick that he find peace and a celebration of his birthday on the 10th. You are such an inspiration to so many of us on BI. You have been such a guide to me through this horrible journey and I hope someday that I can help others. Love to you sister, Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, The Last Days Ministry sounds amazing.  I'll have to check it out.  Thanks so much for sharing your own struggles.  You help me to remember that we all need Jesus so much, no matter what we are doing in life and no matter how dedicated or not we are to walking in His Will--and all places in between.  No one is immune to the random pain and suffering in the world.  As I was lying in bed this morning and waking, so many thoughts raced through my mind--kind of like my life in replay.  It made me so sad for so many things that just slipped away through the years...  and isn't that just the right setting for the enemy to come in and try to stick us with regret and guilt, and lies?!  Then I come here and read posts from you, and I recover in "the Light".  Thank God for Sisters!!!  Amen?!

Lana, As I read your post I could so relate.  Joey liked Ralph Lauren Polo.  I don't have any here, or I would likely spray it into my closet, and then that could bring me up or down, depending on the moment...  so, maybe it's good I don't have any.  Joey didn't have a car.  He had sold his Bronco well before, so we didn't have to deal with all of that too.  Going through all of his personal things was enough.  I did all of that, and like Rody, gave most of Joey's things to his friends, brother, and a helping hands ministry.  Anyway, as I was reading your words I couldn't help noticing how far you've come since you first began posting on BI.  I know the journey is hard.  But you do already offer beautiful support through your kindness and your loving words, and through sharing your memories and your struggles.  We're all surviving, and before we even realize it, we are helping others along the journey.  It just happens spontaneously...  Bless you.  I am thinking of you and praying for you as the 11th approaches...  Love & Hugs, Claudia

[msroderskie]

My duh!  The song that I mentioned by Keith Green is not titled "Asleep in the Dark", but "Asleep in the LIGHT".   The pertinent lines are "The world is sleeping in the dark that the church just can't fight, 'cause its asleep in the light..."  Again, his songs were often hard hitting songs that asked Christians to examine themselves seriously.    I hope someone else here recalls this brother or has heard of him.  He did some funny songs too, like "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt".   Maybe I'm the only one OLD enough to recall those days.  I'm 53 and it was 1978 when I came to know Christ.   At that time this singer was a well-known Christian artist.  He did his own thing in that he insisted on staging his concerts without selling tickets -- but instead would do a free-will offering.  As his career went on he decided to give a new album release away on the same basis - whatever you could afford to send in.  He felt otherwise he would have been selling the Gospel.  What a concept!  I believe it worked out well for his ministry, that they were able to cover all costs and keep going,  but I think that was the last album he came out with before he died.  I wonder how the Lord looks upon much of the marketplace for Christian music now.   Hmm...

Even thinking back on those times is an exercise in grief emotions, because I'm forced to think back to the time when I first believed, before I even had my sons.  Which then forces me to think of what I might have done differently as my sons were being born and life chugged along, etc., etc. 

Again, I'm sooo thankful to have all of you sisters (and brothers when any stop by to chat) with whom to pray and share.  Love to you all in Christ, Rody

[fujismum]

I  knew that  Keith Green had lost his life early in a plane crash, but I hadn't realised two of his children died with him.His poor wife Melody - she has survived such indescribable pain and honoured his life work. Life really does throw some awful stuff at all of us, Christians and non Christians alike, you just tend to go through life never really imagining it could happen to you. But it does, and as well as the heartache and pain it can force us to work through again the meaning of life and what our faith really means to us. I have many unanswered questions, but my faith is the only thing that even begins to make sense of the world, the future and why we will have trials in this life.

    We are now planning an open day to try and raise money for the Road Victims Trust, a local organisation that has helped us so much through the agony of a road death and the legal process that followed. We created a beautiful memory garden for Jamie and although it was only planted this spring it has grown really well, and we feel ready to share it. We'll be having old fashioned English cream teas on the lawn and a chance to look around the garden. At night it is illuminated so we can go into the evening with wine and nibbles. It will be hard work but we so want to raise some money for the RVT and also it helps keep Jamie's memory alive for everyone.

Anne

[lagrangel]

Anne,

It sounds like a wonderful memory garden. Jamie would be so honored all the hard work and love that went into his special garden. I wish we could all be there and see your garden. I admire so many that are able to honor their children in so many different ways. I feel like I am stuck in quicksand and just can't do anything. I bought a special plague for Brent's upcoming anniversay but I just feel like I can't do anymore. My husband wants to leave town just so we will be busy on that date. I took out some pictures yeaterday and just had a good cry. My oldest son called last night to see how I was doing and I just started crying and said I don't know how I can keep enduring this pain the rest of my life. That is pretty pathetic...telling my 25 year old this....  I have always been good at hiding my feelings in front of the boys but yesterday just got the best of me. I pray that God will surround you with love and peace and you will continue to honor your son in such a special way.  Love , Lana

[fujismum]

Dear Lana, we all do what we feel able to do, sometimes it's big gestures and sometimes it is quiet and unrecognised things. But we all spend so much of our time thinking, processing and remembering our lovely children. Grief can be quite paralysing for some of us, sometimes for a short while or sometimes for long long periods.There is no right or wrong on the grief journey.  In our case, I have a husband who just can't stop doing things, he has to have another project to work on. I know he is running- running from the pain and trying to keep busy on top of a very demanding job. It's just his way of coping. Sometimes I am on my knees with fatigue but I try to always work with him, I guess it helps me too in some ways. Since Jamie died we have extended the house , held a JMFest ( a fundraising musical event and auction) created Jamie's memory garden and have plans for this year to fund raise with the garden. Some times I would rather just not get out of bed and rock in the corner  under a duvet, but somehow I always get past that. But there's nothing wrong with doing that- just feeling the pain and giving in- sometimes it is essential.

 

I think your son will feel privileged that you were able to be honest with him.We all tend to think we have to be strong for our families, but maybe that can put a different kind of pressure on them. Who knows, it may have opened the door for him to share with you how he really feels about losing his brother. I cried so much during the trial in front of Tim my 22 year old son. I thought he would hate it but  I think he understood that sometimes we mums can't always cover up our pain, and joy and agony are all part of lifes emotions. So never ever beat yourself up over what you can do, can't do, can say, can't say .... don't compare journeys too much we are all so uniqu,just get through another day with Jesus by your side, catching your tears.

Much love Anne

[daniellemom]

My prayers are with you all.

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

My son Patrick also contaced me on Joey's memorial date to see if I was doing ok.  He said he knew it would be hard for me and that he was thinking of Joey a lot too.  What sweethearts!

My husband is away for the week, working with a group that spent last night here in passing.  It will be a little challenging being here alone through this week that is already a most difficult one emotionally.  ANyway, The team leader brought a few things for us from the States, which is always super special.  But this time a Sister in my church had contacted the travelers and asked them to bring something she made for me.  My Sister in Christ knitted for me a prayer shawl--praying over it the entire time she worked on it.  She also made a polymer little Scripture frog.  He has an open mouth with little strips of paper containing different Scripture that she chose for me.  She noted that F.R.O.G. symbolizes Fully Rely On God, which was a Word that she was given to share with me.  I am so touched by the love that went into these gifts...  I slept with the shawl covering me last night...  It is no coincidence that again on a significant date along my journey (or significant set of dates) I am all alone.  I believe God is teaching me to fully rely on Him--a theme that seems to be coming to life for me...

I just wanted to share that, because I cannot remember the last time someone spent that much time to touch me so sweetly and deeply... and to have that touch confirm something the Lord has been whispering to me.  God is so good!!

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

How special of your friend. We just came out of bible school last week and the theme was FROG!!!

Patrick is so very thoughful! My prayers are with you this week as you come to Joey's birthday. If only we can imagine what kind of birthday he will be having with the Lord!! Don't forget to tell me that in September. You are such a special person and the way you lean on the Lord and know there are lessons to be learned.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lovekristy4ever]

I have not been writing lately but thinking of you all.   We all have such a harder road to walk.   I was surprised at all the posts since I last logged on.  :shock:

My mom knitted me prayer shawl and just gave it to me about a week ago.  I am trying to knit one now.  I am very, very, new at knitting but my mom showed me how and I am trying.  I am knitting my first one for one of my son's old girlfriends and a good friend of Kristy's.  They played softball together.  Her boyfriend is a senior in high school and goes in for surgery for colon cancer on 9/4.  He has already gone through chemo and radiation.  I know she loves him and she has been with him this whole time and they both visited Kristy's grave on her birthday.  I thought of her first when I though of making a prayer shawl.  Unfortuneately, there were a lot of other people that came to mind also.  I hope I get good at knitting!!!!!!

I pray for many of you often.  Please know that even though I may not always say it in a post.  Sometimes it is just easier to read and pray.

Love, Terry