Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[lovekristy4ever]

I wanted to share something with all of my friends:  My sister and her oldest daughter spent this week at a Bible camp in Georgia (my mom were watching her younger two kids here).  My mom told me that last night my sister called her about 11pm.  She said they had an atonement that evening which was very spiritual and uplifting.  There was alot of singing, praying and it was very emotional.  My sister said her 11 year old daughter sought her out sobbing.  She told her mom over her sobs that she heard Him and He told her that Kristy was okay.   My sister had to tell my mom no matter how late it was but my mom waited until this morning to tell me.  Of course I sobbed also but it gave me a sense of relief.   All in all, I still miss her and my heart is broken but I was happy to hear of my nieces experience.

I will be praying for all of our dad's this weekend.  Going through my first Mother's Day without my daughter was very difficult and I wish all our dad's here a peaceful weekend.

[wyomingsal]

Kristy's Mom,

That is so awesome!  I know it isn't the same as hearing it yourself but it is still amazing.  Sometimes I think the message comes through to the person who needs it the most.  My husband had a dream with my Joshua in it.  My husband new that Joshua was dead in the dream but Joshua came up to him and hugged him and said it was going to be ok.  My husband only has nightmares.  He never has good dreams.  I think this dream was so different from normal that it might have been a message.  I cling to that and other assurances from the Lord that my boy is happy. 

Thinking of you and Kristy,

sal

[no40corysmom]

Ok, i have to add my story....it was less than a week after Cory left us, and our daughter had wanted to go back to school.  My husband and I took her to school together, and came back and jusy lay down on the couch in the living room........I did'nt see it but later he told me as he laid there a spark came out of the fireplace, now this was the first part of may and we did not have a fire going........so the spark came out of the fireplace and went up into the middle of the room......it looked like a tiny star......my husband, being an engineer.......searched for the source of the light, and there was none. No reflection or anything, just this tiny star floating up there......it moved around as though checking us out.......then went out to the next room and then disappeared through the wall....

My husband is not one of faith.. but he believes this star was a sign from Cory that he is fine, and that sometimes God does things that we just can't understand.  It brought him much peace.

For myself, I didn't feel I needed a sign........but I surely did want a hug.  My turn came a few weeks later.......after continual nights of dreamless sleep, I finally had my dreams of my Cory, just as he was when he left us, and I got my hug from him.......oh I wish I could have that dream every night........but as least I got my hug from him.  Yes, I too, believe that God in his mercy allows us these signs to give us a measure of peace.

[lagrangel]

Thanks to everyone for your support. I had a couple of good days and then my birthday friday just set me back. I guess I was just thinking back to my last birhday and how Brent always made that day special for me. He always went out of his way to buy me something special and do special things on that day. Maybe he needed to make it special for all the years he is not with us. My other two boys did'nt do anything which made it hard the first birthday. I know that sounds silly but I was not expecting to have a rough day on my birthday it really took me by surprise. I was blessed to have such a wonderful and caring son and maybe that is why he always was such a hugger and caring person so I could be sustained on that for the time he is not with me.. My husband even said Brent would be mad at his brothers if he knew how they were on my birthday. His favorite song came on  the radio on the way home from dinner with just me and my husband and we both had a good cry and John said I just love that song which he had hated when Brent use to have it on his cell phone now we both treasure that memory and song. I hope everyone has a quite and peacful fathers day. I know it will be hard just like mothers day was difficult for many of us. My paryers are with every dad. Prayers to each and every family this weekend,,,,,,,,, Lana

[daniellemom]

Terri,

That's great that your niece received a message that Kristy was OK, and that gave you a sense of peace (relief).

Claudia,

I hope your week was good in the Lord and that everything went well. We have missed your terrible.

Sonya

[lagrangel]

Sal,

 Just cling to the hope and promise that we all want eternal life but our sweet children just made it to the promised land before we did. I do hold that dear to my heart. 1 Thessalonians 13-14  "I want you to know what happens to a Christian when he dies so that when it happens, you will not be full of sorrow, as those who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and then came back to life again, we can also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him all the Christians who have died". I praise God that I have the hope of eternal life and if I did not what hope would we have? I know our hurt is so difficult but I do thank the Lord for his son Jesus, and one day we will be reunited with our children.  My faith is what keeps me going day after day. I hope and pray your husband continues to have good dreams. 

Claudia,

I hope and pray that you are enjoying all your company. It would take such great strenght to continually serve the Lords family. I know the Lord gives you that strenght each and everyday. It is wonderful how you and your husband have given so much hope and faith to all the people you encounter.  May God keep blessing your ministry and blessing your wisdom on BI.

 Love and prayers to each and everyone, Lana

  

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, Sonya, All my Sisters, Everyone: I've missed you all too!  Well, everyone is gone now, including my hubby, so I have a couple of days to catch up and maybe get off of my feet for a bit.  I have been exhausted, but full of joy in serving everyone that has been here through the past week.  We had a team of 25 here that I cooked three squares a day for and made sure everyone had what they needed at all times.  The menus turned out great, and as everyone shared their blessings and praises before leaving, many of the youngsters (there were 6 under 18) commented about how much they liked the food.  I still cook "gringo" style here, and I think they appreciate that after having had a few typical Ecuadorian meals--lots and lots of starch in the national food.  The water filtration ministry was a huge success, and we have a team coming in about ten days to follow up with all of that.  As our team departed, one of the senior guys decided to stay here for five extra days and redo our main electrical lines.  He's an electrical engineer, and to him, he was certain we were an accident just waiting to happen.  So that was a HUGE blessing we hadn't counted on, especially since he covered the cost of everything and did all the work while teaching Michael a thing or two about electrical work.  I LOVE how God's blessings are always reciprocal here, no matter what, when, how or why.

One new challenge I have been dealing with over the past few weeks is in personally ministering to a new neighbor on our property.  Amanda and her son Carlos moved here almost 4 months ago.  Carlos is helping out here part time with grounds work and various tasks, and works 1/2 time at the neighboring farm--so that's a huge blessing all the way around.  However, it seems Amanda has been suffering a mental illness for quite some time.  Lately it appears there is some demonicinfluence and there has been some delivereance taking place.  But it's a pretty bad case of deep depression, continuous issues with fear, injury, and you name it.  She had just come home from a few days of visiting a sister and receiving deliverance, but almost immediately sprained her ankle.  Now she is down with that, and over the past few days I have been making meals for her and Carlos, doing light cleaning at her house, helping to bathe her, etc.  What took me for a loop was when she looked at me sweet as a child and asked me to "please kill me".  She said it over and over again.  I didn't quite understand at the time, but after returning home and talking to Michael and Carlos about it, it seems this happens fairly frequently.  I am kind of taken aback at how to minister to her on a deeper level.  I am continuing to help with meals and such, and will do so until she is capable.  But I ask for help in praying for discernment for myself and an ability to minister in the way she needs, and also for healing for her in whatever physical and spiritual way is neccessary...

Yeah!  That one was a doozie!!

Anyway, I am back for a while, until the next team.  When I am serving guests I am literally working from 6 am until 10 pm or later.  No time for the computer.  No energy for anything more for that matter.

As I am catching up with everyone, please know how much I think of you all often and carry you in my heart.  Love and blessings to eahc of you, Claudia

[lovekristy4ever]

Claudia,

Being new in this journey, you really give me hope.  I has been just over two months and I continue to cry everyday.  I am returning to work next week part time at first but I think keepin busy is good.  I hear you keeping busy and caring for others and the caring you have for others and I think I can get through this dark time and do good things in this life until I can see Kristy again.  I will be praying for you and pray to God to give you guidance to help that woman.

I also starting reading this book called "The Shack" by William P. Young.  Has anyone read that book?  It is amazing to me since it really is making me rethink my relationship with God.  It talks about the trinity and I think it will help me to become more of God wants me to be.  It is difficult to explain since I am still reading it, but it is one of those thinks that makes you think "I've never thought about it that way before".  Does that make sense?  Well, if any of you have read it, please share your opinion with me, I'm curious.

Love to all,

Terry

[fujismum]

Terry - of course you cry every day.Your loss is so new. Your head is just beginning to understand it but it takes ages for the heart to even begin to accept it, and it is broken. Shattered in a thousand pieces.This is a long journey. One day you won't cry every day, but until then just feel what you feel, face it head on however painful.Every painful moment is a stepping stone  towards a better place. We are all doing it, we are all on this awful journey step by step, offering support and encouragement to each other because we know how it feels.

Your returning to work gradually will be an excellent thing i'm sure, gives you a purpose and helps you start to open up again to the world around you. Painful at first, expect to be overwhelmed at times with the trivia that seems to preoccupy everyone else when our lives have been blown apart by what happened. I feel I operate on a different scale to everyone else at work now, and it took a long time to adjust to everyone else carrying on as normal when everything felt so different to me. But in the long term it has helped me so much to go to work and it fills some of the difficult hours.

    I was given a copy of The Shack to read by a friend at Easter just before I left for a holiday in Canada. I had time to read it on that trip, and some of it I found really helpful and refreshing, but some of it I found quite hard to relate to.So it was a mixed experience for me, but it certainly gave me food for thought. I remember the expression of the bereaved father in the book "wearing a cloak of sadness" and I feel that is exactly what I do, wear a cloak of pain and sadness.

    Claudia, my goodness you do work hard! All those meals - and all with minimal facilities from what I can gather. What a servant heart you have! Take a rest now when you can ready for the next lot! Your ministry to Amanda in both spiritual and practical ways is not going to be easy, how special that you are able to give out so much to others while coming to terms with your own pain.God will surely bless and honour all that you do.

Lana,I thought a lot about what you said about Brent being a hugger and being so special, perhaps for all the years he is not going to be with you. I can really relate to that too. Jamie was such an affectionate and openly loving boy.My other son , though adorable and I love him to pieces- is not at all demonstrative physically or verbally.I miss the wonderful affection that comes from a teenage lad, the bear hugs , the "Love you mum" the compliments, but at least I had them. Nothing can take those memories away and maybe you have something there- they were extra loving because now they are not here. Maybe God does that for us? I don't know but somehow it seems to make a little sense.

I am in the painful  process of writing what in the UK is called a Victim Personal Statement.This is to become part of the evidence at the trial in July and gives us an opportunity to tell how we feel about our  loss. Often it is an opportunity to plead for a heavy sentence on the offender, but for us we are so desperately sad that Jamie's friend is to be prosecuted for death by dangerous driving, and we are praying he will not have a custodial sentence.It is in "the public interest" here to prosecute 17 year old drivers on the flimsiest of evidence and we feel the legal system is coming down very hard on those involved. So please pray that we can get a balanced statement together explaining our loss but also appealing for compassion for Dan if he is found guilty.But we pray he is found not guilty and even maybe ( do I have enough faith for this?) that the case is thrown out of court.

To anyone else reading and sharing on this site, love to you all .Anne

[lovekristy4ever]

Anne,

Thank you for your advice and words of encouragement.  It really helps.  Thanks also for telling me what you thought about that book.  It was not what I expected and it was bizarre how it got to me.   It just makes you "think" about a couple of things.

Kristy was also my affectionate child.  She was always hugging and snuggling next to me if we were sitting watching tv or a movie.  As a teenager, she had no problems telling me that she loved me or hugging me in front of all of her friends.  Maybe you are right about our children giving us that extra affection because we would not have them as long as we would want.  I am so lucky that I have my son since he is so wonderful but he is not as affectionate as Kristy was.  I miss her terribly.

Love,

Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, I can certainly relate to how you describe missing Kristy.  Joey was my hugging and snuggling child.  He would often come up behind me and hug me, saying I love you Mama or Mommy.  I miss hearing his voice.  I miss everything about him--even the pain in the neck moments that made such a noise in my life where now there is only this awful silence....

Anne, I will keep you in my prayers especially as you wrote your victim impact statement and with the upcoming trial.  I pray there will be no further postponements to add to your anguish.

Thanks for your prayers and encouragements.  I can only hope my examples can be an encouragement to others.  I too have my tough days, but I relish in the good ones when they come, for sure.  The situation with Amanda has taken a new turn.  Her older son is arriving tomorrow afternoon and he and Carlos are going to be admitting her into a psych hospital for an unknown period of time.  I spent some time today reassuring Carlos that this is his home, (as he really likes it here), and that Michael and I are his famly, (he being nothing short of a spiritual son).  So with that, time will tell how this will all work out.  But I am also praying for Carlos.  He is 23, and this is not easy for him, as he has been largely the one who has been taking care of his mom--a heavy burden to bear.  He desreves a chance at life, a future for himself beyond the battle of mental illness and coping with a semi-functional mom.  I do appreciate all who have prayed for this family.

Here is a link to a fairly decent biblical review of The Shack. 

http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/the-shack-by-william-p-young.php

I am not in total agreement about the notes on "forgiveness", but some of that I need to study into a little deeper.  For example, my dad has not come clean to me in asking my forgiveness for how he was when I was growing up.  Has he had a completely repentant heart about his actions?  Probably not, because I don;t know if anyone can be truly repentant in a gidly sense without knowing God.  But I have completely forgiven my dad despite his ability or reaoning to ask or be repentant.  Maybe I am misunderstanding the reviewing writer, but I believe forgiving one sho has wronged against us is an act of mercy, which is biblical and not just a forgiving act that releases us from bondage.  Again, as I said, I need to study that a bit more, but did want to interject some of my thinking.  I'm sure there are other areas that are questionable, but the main point is to remember that this is a work of fiction that subjects the wroters opinions in large, and ALWAYS everything should be weighed against proper interpretation of the Scriptures to know with certainty whether it is Biblical Truth or not.

For now, Love, Hugs and Blessings...  Claudia

[lagrangel]

Terry,

I remember those first few months and I cried everyday. I went back to work a week and a half after losing our son. I would cry on the way to work, cry on my lunch hour and cry on the way home from work. I do have to say that going back to work was hard but it was my "sanity ". Things are not the same at work but I did not expect it to be because our life has changed.  Everyone else's life carries on and so does yours but in such a different way. I hope when you return to work it helps. I still have many bad days after 10 months but I don't cry everyday. I even have times when I laugh and it does feel good. I just have to remember all those beautiful memories and allowing me to be Brent's mother for 19 years. Just continue to have all those wonderful memories of Kristy. My prayers are with you on this difficult journey.

Anne,

I will pray for you and your family for the upcoming date in July. My heart aches for your family having to go through this difficult phase... I was talking to my oldest son, Michael last night on the phone and we started talking about Brent and how he was such a loving young man. A woman said to Michael at work you are such a nice and caring young man and he replied to her if you think I am nice and caring you should have known my brother, Brent who was the most loving, caring and giving person. That just spoke to my heart so much. He said mom he was the hugger, lover, and the giver of all three of us.  It seems like so many of our loved ones on BI were the huggers it does make me wonder? I do think God made our children special to carry us through this long journey until we see them again. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers and to have the strenght needed in July.

Claudia,

My prayers are with you and the family you are working with. I pray that Carlos can find the peace that he needs and not always having to be the caregiver of his mother. Take care of yourself and I know God gives you that needed strenght everyday to continue your work is his name. Prayers and peace go with you my sister.

Prayers to each and everyone on this journey, Lana

[daniellemom]

Anne,

I will pray for you while you write the victims notice for the words to be what they need to be for the best outcome for Dan and his family as well as for your family. It must be so hard to have to attend a trail for Jamie's friend and know that he is hurting and if he is like any of Danielle's close friends you love him too.

Terry,

Going back to work will be hard, but I hope it will be made easier just working 1/2 days. It's nice you are able to easy back into work. I went back to work after having 5 days of breavement. It was hard but it does get easier. The hardest part I found for me was people not knowing what to say, how to act around you, because life is not the same for you. Good luck and know that my prayers are with you always.

Claudia,

I will continue to pray for the situation at hand. How nice that you have kinda taken Carlos under your wing like a son. Your work is so inspirational to me.

Lana,

Glad to see you back posting I have missed you.

Oneta,

I pray that things are going well for you and know that I miss your post. I hope you are resting.

Prayers to everyone,

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, Thank you.  It is kind of ironic that Carlos is 23 years old--the same age Joey was when he died.....   Kind of weird.  But he is such a sweet kid, a tender heart.  Currently Michael is driving him, his brother Milton (who traveled 5 hours last night to get here) and Amanda to a psychiatric hospital near the equator.  They plan to check her in.  For how long, I don't know.  The story is unfolding as it goes.

Are you still working a bit in the restaurant that Danielle worked in?  I know you have been having such a tough time of late.  I ache for what you feel.  I know that pain.  It visits me too fairly often.  Know you also are in my prayers.  Love, Claudia

 

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

I am still working on Friday evenings at the restuarant that Danielle and I worked and played together.  I do not work each Friday.  There has been a lot going on at home with James' graduation, Mattie's program at school so it's been 3 weeks since I have worked.  I'm planning on working this Friday.  Thank you so much for asking.  My grandfather is also sick and hospice has been called.  It's very sad but he is such a wonderful person worry about everyone else.  He is having a lot of good days now.  I pray that he will not have to suffer very much.  It's lung cancer. 

Sonya

 

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, I'm sorry about your grandfather.  He sounds sweet.  Good-byes are never, ever easy, even when expected.  I'll be praying for y'all.  Big Hugs from the southern hemisphere, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Sonya.

I will pray for your grandfather that he does not have to suffer. I am glad that he is having some good days, hospice is always so kind and wonderful to their patients. Our connections on BI and Gods love will keep us strong so we can make this journey. I will keep you in my prayers... Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana, Claudia, everyone,

I've had jury duty all week so that's where I have been, it's been no fun at all!!!

Thank you so much for the prayers. My gradfather "Pop" is what we call him is too funny! He keeps telling everyone that we have a secret. I asked my Mom what he was talking about. She told Pop to give Danielle a big hug from her Mama and tell her we love her and will see her soon. That's our secret but I had to tell Pop that I might just get to see her before he does because we never know. My grandfather was a preacher for almost 60 years at the same small church I still attend. Again, thanks for your prayers.

Sonya

[fujismum]

Lana I love the new picture of Brent. I have so many memories of my Jamie sleeping like that - it could be such a job to get him going in the morning, and he loved his naps too!I guess being a teenager and doing all that growing, plus working long hours took its toll.

Jury service- that must have been difficult Sonia. Well done for getting through.Your grandfather sounds  a lovely man, we are all thinking of you.

Life is not easy at all here.Jamie would have been 19 on July 1st and these (as you all well know) are painful anniversaries. Last year when he would have been 18 we made a lot of preparations, raised money for a charity, had special flowers at church and did all sorts of things in his honour. This year I feel quite paralysed. Don't know what to do, even tempted not to do anything at all except grieve quietly alone. I think I will put a notice in the paper and order some extra special flowers for his grave, give a donation to the Road Victims Trust who continue to counsel us. Oh these decisions are hard to make aren't they?

Another birthday without him here. It seems like yesterday that we celebrated his 17th birthday and then just 8 weeks later he was gone.I can't believe it has been nearly two years without him, yet the days seem to go by painfully slowly.

Anne

[lagrangel]

Anne,

    Thanks, I love that picture of Brent but it took me such a long time before I could look at it and not totally break down.  I know you cherish all those pictures of Jamie as I cheish every picture that I have of Brent. Sometimes I wish I would have taken more pictures as Brent was older but I will cherish the ones I have even more. I know those birthdays are just another difficult date. I just could not do anthing for Brent's birthday in December when it had been just 4 months. I just went to the cementary and just cried on his birthday but yet had to hold it together around his twin brother and make that day special for him. I think whatever feels the best for you getting through that day is okay. I think the flowers would be wonderful.  The missing them is so hard and painful. My heart and prayers go out to you for Jamie's upcoming birthday. May God help each and every one of us who have lost our children and part of our heart, and continue to guide us through this journey.

Sonja,

 I am sorry you had to be at a trial it is hard enough just on a regular day to cope with everything. I'm glad that it is over for you. Your Pop sounds like a wonderful man. Your are so right about not knowing when any of us will be with the Lord, life is so FRAGILE as all of us know.....

                                                          Peace to each and everyone, Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana,

I love the new picture of Brent, they are all so sweet while sleeping. I was not aware that Brent had a twin, they say that twins have such a connection. How is his twin doing? Mattie says that her and Danielle were twins. Just 15 years apart. She talks about Danielle alot. I think she misses her more now that school is out and they would have been spending more time together and she talks about what they did last year.

Danielle's birthday is in September I have not decided what to do, I'm thinking about a balloon release.

I've completed my jury duty I was never selected for a trail I just sat there for two days, and I've never been one for sitting around my minds starts wondering.

My Prayers are with you all,

Sonya

[fujismum]

I hope I may have attached a photo of Jamie asleep.It was taken on a Christian Camp called Soul Survivor by a friend. Since I spent most mornings spending time waking him up for work it is a familiar pose! How I wish I still had to do that.

Love Anne

[lagrangel]

Anne,

I love the picture of Jamie sleeping. My boys loved to sleep but they ran theirselves until they would be so tired, I guess that is the teenage years.

Sonya,

Thanks, Brian is Brent's twin brother and he seems to be doing good. He has such a positive outlook on life. He loves to listen to Joel Olsteen and has all his books on CD. He made copies for me and his older brother during this journey. He always kids me and says you need a dose of Joel....MOM.  I hope your daughter is doing well, it is such a hard journey on the whole family. It is difficult during the summer because schools out and everyone is suppose to be doing "family" things... together. I will keep your daughter in my prayers for her summer...

Peace to each and everyone and hopes of a better tommorrow...:) Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana,

I love the picture of Jamie he is so peacful and restful. It's funny how they all could sleep anywhere with anything going on, I guess they all went as fast and hard that when they stopped it was lights out for them.

Sonya

[no40corysmom]

you guys I am having a bad day.......I miss my son soooooooooo badly, I just want him back.........

Seeing Jamie's picture reminded me of one we have of Cory....same pose, same position   ..........don't know why it's so big.........

[lagrangel]

Corysmom,

  I love the picture of Cory sleeping its amazing how many of us have a picture of our precious children sleeping.  There are days that my heart just aches for Brent more than others.  I am sorry you are having a bad day. Some days just take us by surprise and then others days are "okay". You are in my prayers and I hope Saturday brings a better day for you... Peace and prayers to you, Lana

[no40corysmom]

two  months today since Cory left us..........it feels as though its been an eternity.

[fujismum]

Cory's mum I'm so sorry you are having difficult days. Time seems very strange in the early weeks and months after tragedy.I remember feeling that time seemed to stand still as every minute was difficult to get through. Just two months- of course it hurts like crazy. Just keep remembering you loved Cory so very much and your heart is broken,of course  it hurts. I try to rationalise it a bit like that when I feel frightened by the intensity of my pain. The price we pay for love.

 Keep asking the Holy Spirit the Comforter  to be very real to you.

Isn't it just so fantastic that we all had those lovely photos of our boys sleeping! Teenage lads seem to fall asleep anywhere don't they? I'm not sure if girls are the same in this! I love the photos, it's good to share our gorgous children with each other. It helps me not feel so alone in this, to know that others have lost their gorgous children yet are surviving somehow, by the grace of God.

Love to all

Anne

[fujismum]

Today, Ist July , should have been my gorgous son's 19 th birthday.

I wonder what he would have looked like now? A bit taller and broader, just as handsome. How I would love to have one of his bear hugs right now.

Instead of celebrating, today I have to see our Police Liaison Officer to hand over our Victim impact Statement which will become part of the evidence to be used in the trial in July. Then I will take a cheque  and flowers to the Road Victim's Trust office in lieu of Jamie's birthday presents. This organisation has provided us with weekly support in the form of counselling and legal advice and they are just amazing.

Then I will spend time at Jamie's grave arranging special flowers and sitting, hopefully alone, to think and cry.  Anne X

Father God,

Thank you for 17 fun filled years with our son Jamie.Give him just the biggest hug in heaven Lord. Help us to find a purpose and reason to continue through this painful life without him, and give us the strength to go on. Be with all my brothers and sisters who suffer through the agony of losing a child. Give us all your peace and hope.

 Amen

[daniellemom]

Anne,

My prayers are with you today. May the Lord shine upon you today and give you peace.

Happy 17th Birthday Jamie!!!

Sonya

[no40corysmom]

Oh, what a handsome young man he is ......... Happy Birthday Jamie ~~!!

[lagrangel]

Anne,

 You are in my prayers today. Jamie is such a handsome young man, Happy Birhtday Jamie. I hope you find some peace today. My heart and prayers are with you on this day.....God be with you, Lana

[daniellemom]

Anne,

Please forgive me for saying Jamie's 17th I know he would be 19, just a typo.

Sonya

[fujismum]

Thank you all for your kind comments and for caring so much. We got through the day, I think there must have been a lot of prayer going up for us as I wasn't as bad as I thought I might be. Mike my husband was the raw one that day - it goes like that sometimes doesn't it. I try to accept that every day is a day without Jamie, and not to attach too much significance on those dreaded dates- birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. Sometimes it works - a little.

Today I was sorting through some stuff and I came across a pile of Mike's 50th birthday cards.( housework goes onto a bit of a backburner when a child dies)

 He celebrated that event about 5 months before Jamie died. Sure enough there was the card from Jamie, a funny one  with his sweet dear handwriting inside  and an "I love you dad". The last card Jamie ever sent anyone in the family.

It's a long time since we've heard from Claudia- trust all is Ok there.

How is every one else doing out there?

Anne

[no40corysmom]

bleh....... ;(

[no40corysmom]

Here is where I am now....

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down

and wiped our tears away,

stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain,

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:

And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to You

and raised me up again

my strength is almost gone how can I carry on

if I can't find You

and as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise

the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

[fujismum]

Corysmum - is it Julie?  I looked up the youtube link and listened to the song. It was new one to me and  it is so appropriate. Thank you for sharing it.

We all know something of how this is for you. There are things we could try to say but grief is something we are each having to face, wave upon wave sometimes. God will be alongside you even if it doesn't feel that way. Trust in Him and hold on tight.From your threads I know  you have a deep and genuine faith, it will see you through however deep the valley at times.

Am thinking of you and praying for you in these hard times.

Anne

[wyomingsal]

Thinking of everyone today and wishing God's peace and joy over this holdiay (for those of us in the United States) weekend coming up.  The 4th of July is a hard one for me.  It was the last holiday we spent with Joshua.  He loved it.  We had a good time and watched the fire works together.  3 Weeks later he was gone from this Earth.  Lots of memories are hitting hard this summer. 

Looking through the last posts I see the pictures of your beautiful children.  The time we were allowed to spend with them is truly a gift.  I can't stop thinking about how wonderful each one is and how important each has been in all of our lives.  What a giant hole in our lives without them present.

Thank you Lord for our children.  Thank you for allowing us to know them and raise them and love them.  Thank you for welcoming them into Heaven with open arms and giving us the amazing hope for our eternal future with them.  Give us wisdom and knowledge and love to raise any children still present here with us on Earth.  Amen

Love Sal

[wyomingsal]

Its been quiet on this board over the weekend.  I hope everyone made it through the holiday ok.  My husband has had a hard time this weekend as he is in the hospital and couldn't be with us for the 4th.  We ate dinner with him up at the hospital and then headed up to the Casper Event Center for the festival and fireworks.  The kids had fun and I only had a few teary moments thinking of Joshua last year having so much fun with us.  Micah said it was the best and the worst 4th of July ever because he had so much fun but Joshua wasn't with us.  May God bless and keep you this week. 

Sal

[fujismum]

Sal,

I'm not really sure how big a deal July 4th is for you guys, but I believe it is a significant event and you all mention fireworks! So well done fro getting through yet another difficult day without your beloved Josh at your side. We have to try and retrieve what we can  from these poignat occasions now, so hard without them, yet important to keep building happy memories and special times with the family we have left with us. Not always an easy balance to have.

I know you have extra difficulties with your husband's health issues , and that must have been hard to keep going despite him being in hospital.You found a way to include him and also make sure the kids did not miss out on their fun too. Hats off to you! You really are doing so well Sal!

It does seem quiet on these boards lately, but then I know I have had times when I read and don't post, or times when there is just so much else on this has to take a back seat. Or sometimes the computer goes on the blink!I think Claudia must have folk staying again.

Whatever the reason, anyone reading this and not able to post, we are here for you when you want to join in. Love to all

Anne

[daniellemom]

Sal,

I thought about you several times this weekend. About you missing your boy. I'm glad you made it through the holidays. I'm sorry to hear your husband is back in the hospital I think I've read he was also in the hospital last 4th also. I pray for your husbands healing you are such a strong women.

My prayers are with you all,

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All!!!   I'm sorry I've been away from the Board for so long.  It is correct that I had groups here to tend to, which was 'round the clock for several weeks.  This past group had 18 people for which I cooked 3 squares a day, and before they arrived I had 2 days to turn around the rooms from a team that had 14 people.  It's been the height of our short-term missions teams season, and it has been an amazing journey.  Lots and lots of ministry going on.  One of our guests is stying on an extra week with her daughter, and so I'll be occupied with that for a bit.  But I just wanted to hop online and tell everyone that you have been in my thoughts, prayers, and even in some of my sharing through various discussion and prayer.  Anne and Sally, I am thankful you found strength through the difficult days in passing.  I know we will persevere as will Cheryl, Patti, and Me through those tough July dates yet to come.  God is WITH US!!

I'll check back again soon and begin again my regular posting and reading.  But for now, please know that you, my dear Sisters and friends are carried in my heart always.  I love you!  Blessings in Jesus, Claudia  

[fujismum]

Claudia so good to hear that all is well:D

You sound so busy- with so much practical stuff to do and  so many spiritual needs to attend to. I pray God will give you the strength and stamina to keep going through such a  demanding schedule.

How are things with everyone? We now have only  2 weeks before the trial re jamie's death begins.The tension at home is palpable and we three are all struggling in our different ways. I feel that Mike has gone into his own little shell and seems to have shut me out completely.I know it is his way of focusing on getting through demanding days at work and preparing himself mentally for the difficult days ahead during the trial.I have to try and remind myself it is not a rejection of me ( just when I need some hugs and reassurance) but that is a  male way of coping. It is so hard trying to deal with all these feelings and anxieties and make allowances for each other. All of course, on top of the agony of grief. What a painful journey this is.

Love Anne

[no40corysmom]

[user=16704]fujismum[/user] wrote:

Claudia so good to hear that all is well:D

You sound so busy- with so much practical stuff to do and  so many spiritual needs to attend to. I pray God will give you the strength and stamina to keep going through such a  demanding schedule.

How are things with everyone? We now have only  2 weeks before the trial re jamie's death begins.The tension at home is palpable and we three are all struggling in our different ways. I feel that Mike has gone into his own little shell and seems to have shut me out completely.I know it is his way of focusing on getting through demanding days at work and preparing himself mentally for the difficult days ahead during the trial.I have to try and remind myself it is not a rejection of me ( just when I need some hugs and reassurance) but that is a  male way of coping. It is so hard trying to deal with all these feelings and anxieties and make allowances for each other. All of course, on top of the agony of grief. What a painful journey this is.

Love Anne

 

 

Anne, I feel so badly for you, having to go through this- it must be horrific.  I can't imagine ~  my prayers are with you, that God will give you strength and grace to get through this and that his peace and mercy will shower down upon you ~

 

Julie

[daniellemom]

Anne,

My prayers will be with you and Mike during this trail. I understand what you mean the male way of dealing with things. They tend to keep everything inside. I find it very hard to talk with my husband about my feelings. He seems to be so angry with everyone and everything. With our son leaving for college in August it seems to be very hard on him and me. I hope you get the results you want during the trail.

Prayers always,

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Anne, I echo the prayers already being said for you and your family.  As three or more of us gather together in agreement, in seeking God's comfort and peace through this tough time, in faith it shall be given.  I believe it!!!  Much love to you and all here.  Oneta is thinking of you all and praying for you as well.  I have to e-mail her back, but I know she is reading the boards-- just taking a breather from posting.  Hugs and Blessings, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Hello everyone,  I haven't been posting much lately.  It has been a hard summer for us. 

I hope everyone is hanging in there.    I have a prayer request and also a question.  As many of you know, my husband struggle with mental illness.  He has bipolar disorder and also borderline personality disorder.  He has been in the hospital for the last 2 weeks and is going to be sent down to our state hospital for Wyoming.  He will probably be in for a few months.  We have been planning a Joshua memorial trip for this summer with the last little bit of the memorial fund and now Jeff won't be able to come.  He is adamant that he doesn't want us to go without him.  We are supposed to go see all of my family and his as well.  Some of these people are in their upper 70s and I might not get another chance to see them.  My husband wants me to cancel the trip and he thinks we can go next year.  I don't believe there will be any money left next year because Jeff is an avid spender and I really think if we don't go now we won't be able to later.  I am so frustrated because he is stuck on how I am going to deprive him of a trip with his kids and how mean and uncaring I am.  I am thinking how selfish of him that he wants me to cancel.  Man I hate it.  He gave me back his wedding ring (not the first time) and said if I go then we aren't a family because I don't care about him.  Grrrr.  It is so frustrating.  I really want to do what God would have me do but sometimes I don't know what that is.  How is caving to blatant emotional manipulation what God would want me to do.  It is rewarding the bad behavior.  I have usually caved in the past in other situations trying to be loving and humble and put my own needs and pride aside.  Anyways...I would appreciate prayer for knowledge about what God would have me do.  Jeff thinks right now our marraige is over and I should just go file divorce papers.  He has felt that way before and I haven't and he has later been sad that he said what he said.  I won't divorce him.  If he chooses to leave me it is his call and I can't control that , but I won't because I don't think it is what God wants for me to do.  Sickness and in health can be hard sometimes.    Sometimes I wish he would leave me and the kids so I wouldn't have to worry about him all the time.  I have to continually ask God to refill my heart with love for him so I can continue to be a faithful and loving wife.  What are some of your thoughts on the situation (not in a mean or judging way.  I don't want to rant on my husband here)?  Is it wrong to go without him? 

Sal

[fujismum]

Sal, this is such a hard time for you. You have stood by your husband through all his health difficulties and are even now running the home without him, being mum and dad to your kids, and coping with enormous grief all round. It must be very very tough to deal with the emotional manipulation on top of all this stress. I so admire your Christian integrity in choosing to stay committed to this marriage when at times you must feel like giving up.I am sure God will honour this attitude in your life.

As for your decision, I have no words of wisdom  except maybe to pray hard before you decide and trust that God will guide you. Easy to say, hard to do I know, especially as we rarely get a thinderbolt to show us the way! Is there anyone who knows you both well who could pray this through with you and maybe discuss the options with you? What do your kids think? Anyone who could talk to your husband and try to help him see reason?Maybe a pastor or a special friend/relative?

Thinking of you as you try to make the right decisions, and praying that God will continue to be your strength and hope.

Love Anne

[wyomingsal]

Thanks Anne,

I didn't have a good day yesterday and it really helps to have some support.    I have been a little overwhelmed and apathetic these last few weeks with Jeff in the hospital, finding child care so I can work, and decisions to make on whether to go on this trip with him.  Ya just want to spend all day on the computer or in a good book or snuggled in bed and forget about all the things you are supposed to be doing.  I haven't even figured out if we will do anything on Sunday to recognize Joshua's Heaven date.  I don't like being so negative.  :?  I'm just in one of those moods I need to spend a little time praying and refocus my priorities.   Thank you for caring and keeping us in your prayers,

Sal

[daniellemom]

Sal,

My heart goes out to you and your family. I have no words of wisdom for you but I will pray that the Lord will lead you in the right path. I don't know how you do the things you do!

Sonya