Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[4everjoeysmom]

The Father's Toast (as the Best Man speech was omitted).

[4everjoeysmom]

Just Joey...

[4everjoeysmom]

Ode To: A Poem

[4everjoeysmom]

Joey, Mama took care of Your Boy!

[4everjoeysmom]

Cheers to the Newlyweds, and To You JOEY!! Love you and miss you so much!!!

[no40corysmom]

Claudia! so good to hear from you........what beautiful pictures, and what a beautiful experience you have shared with us.  Thank you so much for sharing all of it.....makes me realize how scant I am myself, with details...........I'll have to post a couple pictures from my daughter's wedding too.  I'm always so cramped for time, and then I go off and forget.  I'm at work and am swamped, heading off to a meeting in a fwe minutes.  But I just wanted to say how good it is to hear of your son's wonderful wedding. You look absolutely beautiful; God absolutely radiates through you !!

Julie

[shorty16]

Claudia

Wow, I read your entire post and loved every word of it.

You are such a trooper to stay strong for your boy. 

Julie

Good to see you posting.  I will have to visit this board more often.

I am asking the Lord to help me to deal with the anger that I face.  Anger is the work of the devil and will erode me if I let it.

When I see Mike (the boy that was driving the car that killed Brian), I become a different person.  I do not like that person that I become.

I will continue to pray for help from the God to conquer this anger and help it to morph into forgiveness.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Colleen, Bless your heart! Anger is such a normal part of grief. I went through it bad for several months. And I still get a whiff of it now and then. While we try so hard to be an example for Christ and offer forgiveness, that comes to us in time, in God's time and as a gift. We can't do it on our own. But I know from experience when we seek His grace and counsel, He does lead us into those states of peace, where we can manage through difficult circumstances with less frustration. I know it's hard for you, having to see Mike so often. I am blessed that I don't have to see the people that were negligent with Joey's wellbeing on his fateful night. I've never seen or met them. I thank God for that. But they weren't really his friends either. I'm sure Brian has already forgiven Mike. It's the ones left behind who suffer "the missing" that have a harder time of letting go...because we just aren't there yet. Please don;t be so hard on yourself. God is merciful and just. He will extend every mercy, new every morning, on you, His Beloved. And He is the ultimate judge of every circumstance that comes our way. We can't change our circumstances we are in with regard to having lost a child. But we certainly can change our attitude about it... in time, and with HIS help.

Hold on tight to knowing that your baby boy is well and fully alive..separated only by a time/space continuum. We will all meet for a wonderful reunion and feast one day...and I look forward to that. But until then I want to make every moment count. What has helped me mostly is by forcing myself to focus on something BIGGER than me and my pain. That takes time too, but it has helped SO MUCH.

Lots of love to you Colleen. I'm glad you stopped by and posted here. xoxoxo, Many blessings and my prayers are with you. ~Claudia

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  thank you so much for your post and pics...your post was so beautiful...you have a record now of your beautiful son's wedding...your words will spread this joy of your visit and Patrick's wedding to all who read them, whether they were there or not...those who were there will see things they missed, and those who weren't will see it all, as your description is so vivid in all you did...thank you again for the sharing of such a day, as well as your visit to the States.

Colleen:  still holding you close in prayer for an infusion of peace into your heart and soul during those times when circumstances around you cause the anger to rise up and try to take you over...as Claudia said, it will take time, and likely Brian has already forgiven, but for us here on this planet, those left to do the suffering of the missing as she said, it is more difficult, takes longer and needs to be aided by those who love you and pray for you...I love you and I am praying for you, and your kids, also, of course.

love an dpeace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[no40corysmom]

i'm struggling a bit tonight.......DH and I went out for a *date*, the first one in a very long time, even from before when Cory left us.....

So we get there.......and we're catching up with each other, so to speak, when he grabs my hand, and writes something into my palm.  I froze.  I looked at him and said, what are you writing? and he told me.. (it had something to do with the table of guys sitting next to us).....but that was lost on me and I said ?what ? what are you writing? and he looked at me with a blank look......and i broke down......crying.  Cory had grabbed my hand one night, during our late night talks, and told me he was depressed..........I had grabbed hold of him and hugged him close, and told him, it was ok......we'd get through it........[i had been depressed myself hundreds of times over my life].......

But the expereince of my DH writing on mh hand, in the very same way my son did.......well.  Our dinner date pretty much ended, we were both crying......

well, just wanted to share........

[4everjoeysmom]

Awe Julie, I'm so sorry. Please don't feel discouraged about "the date". You both are trying to muddle into a new way of responding to each other...and generally it's later after the empty nest syndrome strikes that couples even start dating again. I'm sure another date will come around. I hope, though, that you both were able to talk through what happened and that you both understand that you did nothing wrong to make the other feel bad. Stuff happens...as we all know. And when we have "triggers" that send us into a moment of recall that is difficult, and when least expected, it can send us reeling. I'm so sorry that happened on what you both anticipated would be an exciting new adventure. I hope you try again soon for a date. And Julie, many "first" after Cory, like the palm writing, will come still. Those moments still take my breath away. I wasn't able to go to Joey's accident site again this trip, nor did I even go out to the farm this time. I had wanted to. I just didn't, and I think that's OK...for now. I know a day will come when I eventually go... I'm just not ready yet. If only we could PLAN all of our moments like that to arrive when we feel "ready". I wonder what God might bring to you out of this experience with your DH?

Lifting you up in prayer and hoping that a ray of Love Light will encompass you and warm your spirit again... ~Claudia

[no40corysmom]

God bless you Claudia.....you always speak perfect words that must surely be given through the Holy Spirit.....

(((((HUGS!!!)))))

[wyomingsal]

Claudia,

I am so glad the wedding went well.  The pictures are beautiful and I loved reading about your journey.   I love seeing the picture of you and Patrick but know how bittersweet photos are when you are missing one. 

 I haven't been here much lately but stopped in after talking with a friend who helps facillitate a grief share program.  She was talking about how she has the hardest time with facillitating for those who have lost children and wanted to know what I thought was especially hard with losing a child as opposed to a husband, mother, father, etc.  ....Don't get me started on that topic at work cause  (of course) if I try to put to words all those feelings and thoughts I start crying.  She is a wonderful Christian lady...I just hate crying in public.  When I talk it brings the feelings to the surface instead of being neatly tuck down out of the way (or maybe shoved in quckly with the door slammed closed to keep it all in).  So I am feeling a little raw and wanted to come see how everyone is doing.     

My niece, Tamlyn, wrote a poem about my Joshua for her class at school.  She is only around 12 or 13 so I  thought she did a great job.  Very sad though to read.  I showed someone at work and they only glanced at the first few verses and didn't read the rest...too hard and direct...hurts the heart.    I think she did an amazing job for one son young.    

"The Death of Joshua by Tamlyn (with a little help from mom)

Joshua the brown haired boyDoing dares with his friends

They dared him to jump in the river and he did with joy

The rushing river flushed him around the bend

Some people say he got knocked-out

I don’t know what to say.

Micah wanted to save him, his head so full of doubt

"I’d pay anything to have him back", it was the darkest day

My uncle Jeff came to see

But a rude guy with a camera was in the way

So Jeff kicked the camera man, a round house to the knee

The man after that didn’t have much to say

When aunt Sally heard the news, she ran to the truck, her mind a blurr

"It couldn’t be, not my Josh, no never",It just didn’t make sense to her.

Could her son be lost forever?

No, for a time, for a season we had to say good-bye

But not forever.

When our work is done,our bodies weary, down we will lie

Only to be gathered up in Heaven to resume that relationship that death couldn’t sever"

[no40corysmom]

wow.........what an absolutely beautiful, inspiring poem....aside for the heartbreakingness of it.....

It put me in mind of one written by one of Cory's little girlfriends.......I hope you don't mind me sharing it right after yours.........

Million Dollar Smile

 

The times we have had, I will never forget. Your million dollar smile, won't leave me for a minute.

It broke my heart, When you hurt your knee. You couldn't play lacrosse, is what it came to be.

You loved being out there, Playing number forty, You're so outgoing, and Always enjoyed a party.

You don't understand, How everyone loves you so.  Through these difficult times, It's hard to let you go.

This is so confusing, Living on each day. Knowing you're not here, Never smiling away.

I hugged you in the morning, and by evening you were gone. Although life is hard now, But you're somewhere you belong.

To me you mean so much, and I'm really going to miss you.  Hopefully you're in a better place now, as I'm missing your hugs too.

I will fight so you are remembered, and I will see you in a while.  I really can't wait to see you again, And your million dollar smile.

 

 

[wyomingsal]

What a wonderful poem about Cory.   

[4everjoeysmom]

My tears are flowing after reading those 2 beautiful and heartbreaking poems...

Love to you both!!! ~Claudia

[msroderskie]

All my dear friends on BI:

I'm writing so that we will all have a better chance of keeping our loved ones around during this flu season.  We recently had a bad medical experience (not uncommon in our small town area where it is hard to find a really good doctor).

 

My daughter Michaela became very ill, I took her to the doctor on a Monday and she was tested for the flu.  The test showed she had Type A influenza, but the office did not call to tell her this.  On Thursday, her fourth day of being very ill, she called the doctor's office to report she was now throwing up a lot, not able to keep anything down and should she go to the ER?  The nurse told her, "Don't go to the emergency room; they can't do anything more for you there than you can do for yourself at home".  The problem was, she was not able to do ANYTHING for herself.  Despite trying to convince the nurse that something more was wrong, she was brushed off.  I found out about her situation late in the day and told her I would check on her on the way home from work.

Michaela's Dad was talking to her a little later, decided she should go to the ER and came to pick her up.  I met them at the hospital on my way home.  Michaela was so sick she had to be carried in, and I held up her head as she sat in the wheelchair, waiting to be seen.  She had x-rays and, sure enough, she had pneumonia.  Pneumonia is the very thing that kills you when you have the flu.  Hers was still localized, but still a sizable spot.  The ER doctor said that viral pneumonia that  develops from the flu, can spread to all parts of the lungs, and then you're in big trouble.  

Over the years I've learned how dangerous pneumonia is.  If you wait too many days, even if you then get to the hospital, they can't help you.  I just kept praying, "Please Lord, don't let her die.  Please Lord, don't let her die.  Please Lord, don't let her die."  God is merciful, and he kept her with us.  SHe was in the hospital for three days, while I and others took care of her (also sick) four daughters.  I was also checking on her a couple times per day at the hospital, because the nursing care was EXTREMELY slow, and I was afraid that further carelessness could have put her at risk. 

I am SOOOOO thankful to the Lord that my granddaughters still have their Mom,  I still have two living daughters, and that my ex did not lose his only remaining child.  At the same time I'm sounding the alarm for others during this flu season.  If you have a loved one who is sick, pray for wisdom and follow that wisdom!  Err solidly on the side of caution, insisting on getting your concerns checked out if necessary.    I've heard on the news that during this flu season doctors are routinely discouraging people from reporting to emergency rooms, for the understandable reason that they don't want ERs to be overrun.  If my daughter had followed that advice, generically quoted from a nurse who WAS NOT LISTENING, she would have certainly been beyond the reach of medical help within 24 to 48 hours.  Unfortunately, a 12 year old girl in this town just died last week, also because she developed pneumonia from the flu..  Please pray for this girl's family.

I will do whatever I can to to advocate for my loved ones who are seriously ill or in the hospital. 

Lord, help us to have wisdom and help us to trust in You and thank you no matter what our circumstances or losses.  

Love in Christ,

Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Oh Rody, I am thanking God RIGHT NOW for sparing your family more loss and anguish over what has already been experienced. Thank you Lord for sparing Michaela, and for the urgency and wisdom you exercised through her dad, in getting her to the hospital "in time". Take good care, Lord, as she now continues her recovery, and bless her family as they recover from the stress and fear of the trauma they've all been through.

Rody, thank you for sharing. You and your family are in my prayers and will continue to be. I agree, when something does not seem right, it is better to err on the side of caution and get it checked out!!

Love & Hugs,

Claudia

[msroderskie]

Claudia, thanks so much for your prayers.  Michaela is back at work now and has slowly become stronger each day since her hospital stay.   I know that I would have gotten through, only by the strength God gives me, if I'd lost another child.  Of course it was horrible to consider the idea for myself, and even worse was the thought of going to her four little girls to tell them that Mommy would not be coming home.   I'm still thanking Jesus that He did not let that happen.  Please also pray with me for the local family who lost their 12-year-old to flu/pneumonia.   This was a healthy kid, who was suddenly cut down within a few days.  Scary stuff!  Hopefully among the results of these tragedies, people will be considering their own mortality.

Has the flu been active in Ecuador?  How is your ministry going? What's new?  We all love to hear from you.  Let us know what's going on.  I don't remember if I commented on your postings about the wedding trip.  IN any case, you looked great, the wedding was absolutely beautiful, and it was good to read about your trip and that you are back safely. 

Love in Jesus,

Rody

[no40corysmom]

Rody, I too am praising God that you have been spared anymore grief and tragedy.......and that your daughter is doing well.  Thanks for sharing your story with all of us..... you are truly inspirational.

[4everjoeysmom]

I definitely will keep that little 12-year old girl's family in prayer. Bonnie, over on the adult thread was just talking about a girl killed by a stray bullet from a hunter. STILL and ALWAYS will be more families joining us on this journey...and it's just sad. It's the circle of life, but...I just hold onto that image when Jesus will wipe away every tear and there will be NO MORE!!

We did have a big go-round of the flu and the H1N1 scare as well. But people here just do what they have to do, get meds if they can afford it, and carry on. There have been no flu-related deaths that we know of in our area. And NO ONE is talking about flu anymore. People don't seem to hang onto the drama here like they do in the States. A large part of that, I suspect, is due to the fact that we don't have daily newspapers and television media blasting headlines of hopelessness and despair all over the place. They have that in Quito and major cities, but these small towns are a whole other way of life. It's refreshing, actually.

The ministry work is surviving and opportunities continue to present, which is awesome always. I am working right now on our annual Christmas basket fund raiser to feed poor families at Christmas.

We've had a few major hiccups this past several months. Our former dear friend and ministry partner went rogue on us and allowed bitterness and greed take over his senses. When he felt he was not being compensated "by us" for his input into the ministry, he decided to not wait on God anymore (as we endlessly do) and take matters into his own hands. He took our ministry car (bought and paid for 100% by ME, and maintained 100% by the ministry), and we think he may have fixed it up a bit and sold it. I saw it recently and identified it by some unmistakable features that new paint can't cover. We had allowed a pastor friend's wife to take the car and pick up our dog, but she got intersected--car jacked, literally--by this former partner, as he wrestled the keys away from her by force. This, we believe was a hostile action taken against us because we will not sign over title of the property we hold in trust that was donated to our ministry 3 years ago. This former partner, we believe, has some underlying motive regarding this property. As such, he has gotten the original owners involved in trying to underhandedly thieve the property from us. He cut off all of our communication services from that base of operations (where we also lived) and with other hostile actions literally forced us to flee for our safety. We had been waiting on our visa renewals, and as a result had expired by a couple of weeks. We were being threatened with jail and deportation if we did not sign the deed over, etc. It was a horrible and frightening affair. Our well being was so compromised for a time that we had to literally go in hiding for a month and not tell anyone where we were, except for the people who were helping us at the time. We weren't even able to tell people we are close to here, for fear that they would somehow leak the information or get involved in a way we did not want to see them get hurt.

WE have since removed this man from the board of the ministry by majority vote, but the damage remains. We have a generous friend who spends 6 months Stateside and 6 months here in Ecuador, who has allowed us to use her truck until she returns (in January, I believe). But we are looking at no transportation after that, which does somewhat cripple our ability to do rural ministry--which is a huge part of what we had been doing. We also found a nice house to rent that gives us plenty of space to operate the ministry and host visiting mission teams and projects. We are back on track with all of that, Thank God. God really has demonstrated faithfulness in our calling here, as it seems with each punch, He has moved us one step ahead to safety. And he has protected the credibility and support for us and our ministry. It has been nerve-wrecking at times, but a blessing to see and live Romans 8:28 in progress. Amen to that!!

We currently are also dealing with a labor board suit filed against us by this same stronghold. We had agreed to help his nephew by giving him part time work, and to whom he and his mother we have ALWAYS been kind and generous. The partner was supposed to manage the remainder of full time work for the nephew, but that lagged after a few months. We had him working for us and living in a house rent free on our property for little over a year. NOW, that generosity is coming to bite us, because we are being accused by them as having taken advantage and never sufficiently paying him for his work..and other accusations of which we have witness testimony to prove is false. So, now we just have to wait and see what happens with all of that. We've already paid a considerable amount of legal fees, which makes me wonder if its even worth it. But we do desire TRUTH to prevail, and it doesn't always come with a limited price tag. It is just sad that those who suffer most from all of this are the ones we cannot help otherwise, because funds are tied up elsewhere for the time being. That's the part that makes me sickest. And it has been one attack after another with this man from July until a month ago. I think he's run out of things to do to us...but I won't put that egg in the basket just yet. He has a strong will to do harm against us and our ministry for spite, I believe. And the saddest part is that he IS a Christian brother. He has just allowed a stronghold to take root in his heart (in large part due to following a prosperity gospel of sorts, I believe), and is now blinded to wisdom and truth, and honor no less. These things that non-believers see from someone calling them self Christian...and it's no wonder people would say "I want no part of THAT religion". Sad. Very, very sad...

This is the absolute most detail I have shared openly about all of this. It has been a draining affair. Nearly 4 years ago I sold everything and gave up my American Dream life to cash it in and invest into this ministry--having purchased assets, like the car, etc in transition from one life to this other one. Being stripped by choice is one thing. But being stripped again by force and hostility REALLY leaves you to solely depend on God to care for you. We literally had nothing to go to when we had to leave, and enough cash for a few weeks. It was an insanely fast turn of events. We had friends drive up in a huge truck and had our stuff packed up and moved out in 3 hours--what we could take. We stayed hidden in a secret location for 2 weeks, no cells, no internet, nothing. We faced continuous threat after threat. We got moved into a new house after that 2 weeks and took a month to settle in as best we could. After 2 months in the house and slowly having begun to reveal our location, it was time for me to go spend 5 weeks in the States, and then my husband for a month after me. So, since July 13th--the day we physically evacuated our home and land, to today, just 5 months, it seems like all that happened a lifetime ago. I've gone through many major stressers again in such a short time---forced move, major travel, legal battles, marriage of a child, and still more grieving for Joey---I'M STILL HERE, THOUGH!!! I'M STILL HERE!!!! AND I WILL NOT BE MOVED FROM JESUS' CALL.

So... this is the crux of my past few months. And it's been so hard for me here and there and to be as supportive as I know I can be, because my life and safety for a time literally hung by a thread. My motivation is strapped so often, and my focus has to remain on what and where God is moving me now. I haven't been posting too much lately...still feeling a bit overwhelmed and trying to recover from all of this, while knowing our legal battle is FAR from over.

So..bring on the Christmas Basket Project!! That's what I am trying to focus on right now...

More soon.

Love & Blessings!

Claudia

[msroderskie]

Oh Claudia,

THAT'S what's been going on with you!  You poor folks, what a horrendous ordeal, which has still not ended!  I am going to stand with you in prayer and ask my church and my Bible study brethren at work to pray for you, your husband and your ministry.  We were praying back when you first mentioned the problem, with hardly any detail of course.   Yikes!   I admire the fact that you STILL PERSEVERE!! And I know you hand the glory right back to God.  You have had your real world dependency on the Lord made plain on a daily basis.  I'm sure it does not seem like much of a blessing, but how wonderful to be face to face with God when you have nowhere else to turn.

Please let us know your specific prayer requests, such as times when you will be having legal actions (court?), etc.  I've been trying to pay attention to the way I pray...am I really asking with an expectant attitude?  Am I really BELIEVING that God loves me, hears my prayers and wants to answer, heal, deliver and bless?  While becoming more attentive to these questions I've noticed that I often pray with a hand wringing kind of attitude, more of a worry than a prayer, and I know that this is NOT the way Jesus has told me to pray!  So I will be polishing up my prayer attitude on your behalf.  You deserve all the support you can get.  And it will be great when you can turn your energies back to ministry only, rather than fighting these attacks.

And I want to know how to donate to the Christmas basket drive.  Are you going to do $50 donations again?  Can you post the info here, or do you want to personal message people?  I can't remember how you did it last year, because I was not able to take part then. 

Lord, thank you that Claudia and her husband are safe, that they have come through these trials trusting in you.  Increase their faith in you daily, help them to be solidly in your will and bless them as they glorify your name.  Father, keep them in your care, and under your sovereign hand, cause the attacks against their ministry to result in MORE praise and honor being heaped up to your name!  Cause those attacks to ultimately end in defeat.  We pray for the man who is causing all the trouble;  help him to repent, set him free from the sin that has beset him, and bring him back into your fold with joy.  Bring about a reconciliation between that man, Claudia and the ministry, so that your name will be exalted ever more within their community.  We ask it all in the precious name of Jesus.

Keep us posted, Claudia.

Love in Christ,   Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Here is a recap of last year's Christmas Basket project that my husband and I did through the mission we founded here in Ecuador. Many BI parents contributed in honor of their children and it was such a blessing for us all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puy708i7ghE

We're reaching out for 2009 now, to offer poor families in our rural area of Ecuador a Christmas Chicken as well as enough dry goods, grains, and essential sanitary products to meet a families needs for 2-3 weeks, maybe longer. Each basket will, like last year, be roughly 50# and will cost $50. Donations of $10 up to equal $50 will be pooled to make one basket. Funds may be made out and sent to:

Pathways International (NC), Inc

624 Holly Springs Rd, #222

Holly Springs, NC 27540

or made directly on our ministry web site using Google Checkout at http://pathwaysinternational.org/

Thanks all for your consideration and for checking out our slideshow of last year's Christmas blessings.

xoxoxo

Claudia (4EverJoeysMom)

[4everjoeysmom]

To my Sisters here...wanted to share this program...something I REALLY NEEDED to bring me comfort right now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0wUmSYdQH0

Thoughts and prayers and much, much love to you!!

[no40corysmom]

Oh Claudia..........this is wonderful.  Thank you soooooooo much for sharing!!  I have shared it with my other fellow grieving sisters.........

[4everjoeysmom]

Julie, I'm glad you find it a blessing. I am going to cuddle up later and watch the whole thing, as I've only seen a portion. Can't wait. I know I NEED so much to hear those words of HOPE right now. Bless you Sister!!

[4everjoeysmom]

Here is a post from Mary Beth Chapman's (Steve Curtis' wife) blog from Christmas last year. It really touched me, and I wanted to share it here in the hope it comforts you through Christmas...

--------

"As I anticipate Christmas 2008, I have many thoughts flying through my heart and head. The last several days, my mind has not been able to stop thinking about Mary, the mother of Jesus. Pregnant and scared, knowing that the baby she was carrying eventually would pay the ultimate price of His life. How would I have lived differently if I knew that my time with Maria was going to be this short? Regretfully, I would have lived much differently. I would have purposely hugged and kissed more. I would have tried to memorize and lock away in my heart certain smells and smiles. I would have colored more and worked less. I would have laughed more and fussed less. Bedtime wouldn’t have become a chore to check off the list of things to get done. Instead it would have been more of an opportunity to listen about the day and offer whatever words were needed. The swimming pool wouldn’t have been too cold to swim in. The flowers in the garden would have all been picked, and definitely more ice cream would have been consumed!

I wonder what it was like for Mary after her son’s death. I know she saw him resurrected and was certain of the fact that she would she him again, but she was still his mom. Mary found favor with God; therefore she was chosen to be Jesus’ mom. But because God favored Mary, she was also chosen to suffer. Not just at the crucifixion, but her whole life. She was chosen to carry a baby in her womb, be persecuted and give birth in a dirty stable. Most of the time at Christmas we end the story there…. in the stable, with Mary, Joseph and Jesus receiving their company. Wise men, shepherds, and angels - you get the picture in your head right? The star, the animals, the Nativity! What about the rest of it? Mary, mothering the Son of God! She was human, she had a baby, and she raised that baby with the heaviness that she was to see him suffer and thus she too would suffer. I think when Mary was hiding things in her heart; it was a lot more than the reality of whom she carried in her womb. I am certain that she was hiding away the memories of first smiles and steps, as well as the first tears and tumbles. Knowing what was to come, did Mary have the opportunity to live differently as a mom to her little boy? I believe she did. I am sure that she watched him differently, taught him differently, and prayed differently. I can only imagine the discussions that she and Joseph would have when their son wasn’t listening, how they probably begged God to let the cup pass from them, but in the end yielding up the prayer we all hesitate to pray when it comes to our children…. Your will be done. UGGHH!!!! I don’t want to. I didn’t want to on May 21st, and I still don’t want to now. Yet somehow we did, and somehow we will continue to. I am reminded more than ever this Christmas, that it doesn’t end at the Nativity in Bethlehem in a cozy manger… it is a journey all the way to the cross on the hill in Golgotha on Good Friday.

Christmas for the Chapmans this year represents suffering. For that matter, from here on may we always remember that it represents the ultimate suffering that came. But isn’t it amazing that it is called GOOD Friday? Why is it good if it is full of suffering? Because Easter came on Sunday and what Satan intended for evil, God intended for GOOD! Christmas ultimately ends at Easter and the reality that we will see Maria again! If we are to live as Christ, then we will suffer like Christ. I am thankful this Christmas more than ever for Easter. When all the questions I have will be answered and all the tears I have will be wiped away. Until then, Merry Christmas with the reality that Easter came and all of this suffering will some day be gone in a moment, and all things will become new and right and awesome!"

-------------

There is also a VERY GOOD entry on Mary Beth's blog for May 21st, 2009, the one year anniversary of her little Maria's death. The link: http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/marybeth/2009/05/index.html

Blessings of comfort and love, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Happy New Year t my Sisters and Friends here at BI! I love you and am so thankful for each one of you in my life. May God bless you and keep you along this journey. Love, Claudia

[no40corysmom]

I love you too Claudia, and all my fellow sisters in Christ travelig this road together......God bless you all !!

Julie

[jazzyswag]

I too have recently reached the first year anniversary of my daughter's death. My daughter Jasmine died on October 27, 2008 in a school bus accident. She was late getting to her bus stop and she tried to get her bus drivers attention to wait. She was caught and dragged underneath the bus. The bus ran over her and she died 90 minutes later from her injuries. I have been blessed that God has come to my aide in my time of need and helped me throughout my grief process, but lately I have been been feeling lost and my resolve is leaving me. This morning, I thought that I was having a dream. I thought I heard her calling me...momma, momma...and in my dream, I called out to her Jasmine...but when I opened my eyes, I say my three year old son Donovan standing over me trying to wake me up. He's been having to wake me up a lot lately, cause at times I feel so drained that getting up is a chore. I feel guilty, it's not fair to him..he needs his mom to be whole. I have not been able to give him that lately, it's hard trying to operate on a half tank. I didn't know it was possible to be "functional"yet empty. I have been functional this past year. Meaning I have been able to do day to day stuff and even enjoy things and people in my life. I got comfortable and thought that I was healing. But I soon found out that I still go through good and bad spells. I guess this is one of my bad spells. I guess I need to give myself more time. Your post was encouraging. Thank you.

[no40corysmom]

jazzyswag, I 'm so sorry for your pain.... and what you are going through, but I am glad you found your way here.  God is able to provide blessings in many ways, and I have been so uplifted by so many here.  The way you describe yourself, pretty much still describes me.  I function, but I am still often startled by how dead I still feel inside.  I have recently begun to pray earnestly to God to help me reconcile this deadness I feel at the loss of my son with the life-giving energy fueld by my other 3 children...it seems to be a cognitive dissonance...., and I don't believe God intends for it to be that way.

Blessings,

Julie

[jazzyswag]

Dear [user=19952]no40corysmom[/user]. Thank you for the encouraging words. It's comforting to know that there people out there who knows how I feel. I'm sorry to here about your son Cory, from his picture, I can tell that he was a child full of life. I know as a mother with surviving children, you can understand how difficult the healing process can be when you're trying to fight the emptiness and be a great mother to your other children. I know that it's a constant struggle for me, sometimes I feel like I'm this emotional roller coaster that doesn't end. Nevertheless, I have faith that everything is gonna turn ok in the end. One day at a time...

[jazzyswag]

I had an aunt that came an asked for a picture of my daughter today. At first, I thought it would be ok. But I realized after to going though the pictures that pain welled up inside of me. I wonder when I will be ok with looking at the pictures of our memories together because right now it's still damn near impossible for me. Does anyone still have that same problem here? Should I continue to avoid those memories until I'm ready or am I just in denial?

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Jasmine's Mom, There is no time limit for the things we are and are not prepared to do after such a deeply profound and painful loss. I was able to go through a lot of pictures soon after, but only because I did it like a machine in order to put together a collage for Joey's memorial 3 days after he passed. And I went through all of his things within a week after that. I think it was easier at the time because I was in shock. Some people find comfort in that. Others are haunted and find deep pain. It varies, and there is no code of normal. SO don't feel weird or bad for what you are and are not ready to do. I don't think it's denial. How could you possibly be in denial? You wouldn't hurt this bad or miss your baby girl so much if she were not gone from your grasp. But she is with the Lord, and she is within reach within the soul, where you and she will always be connected. I've always said that we are connected to our children by something much greater than the umbilical cord. God knows...

There will come a time when you will sit and sift through photos and memories, and shed tears with each. Eventually you will smile with some as well. I was unable to sort through memories that brought smiles for maybe a year and a half after my son died. It took at least that long for small memories to come back to me that were happier times. Now that 3-1/2 years have passed I am able to smile more than cry. But I still cry too from time to time, because I miss him so. That will never go away. But knowing where he is and that only time and space separate us between the two Kingdoms of Heaven and Earth, I find comfort and peace...in time. You will too... in time...

HUGS for the journey! ~Claudia (4EverJoey'sMom)

[no40corysmom]

I tried to respond earlier, but my computer was not cooperating.  Jazzyswag......you should do what you feel is right, when you feel it is right......Myself, I could not go through pictures for a long time.   Only just recently, did i go through and pull out cory's pics from birth through til 2 days before he left us...... A teacher at school is putting a presentation  together for him that she'll present at graduation.  He would have graduated this spring.    We chose the song of Brandon Heath's "I''m not who I was....."  to accompany the pictures.

I couldn't do this (pulling out pictures) for a very long time.....only just now.  I'ts not denial.....it's just painful......Even though we have his pictures hanging up all aroud us, to go through and pull out specific ones, was hard.

You just do what is right for you, when it is right for you........It's a painful, and personal journey.  Don't ever let anyone influence you on what they think is right.....

[msroderskie]

Jasmine's mom - I'm so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your Jazzy.  She's a beautiful little girl. Cory's mom and Claudia have said it all so perfectly.  You have to do what you can, when you can.  There is no schedule that we have to adhere to in grieving.  This is a walk that you do with God according to the person He has created you to be. My boys were 20 and 18 years old respectively when they died.  And they were my youngest.  So I don't know what it's like to have to raise little ones while in the throes of grief.  I have a lot of respect for you moms who are in that position.  God bless you in your noble struggle.  He's said He will never leave us nor forsake us.  He's there with you in the midst of your pain.

[no40corysmom]

I am having a really hard time.  I went and watched Cory's team mates play lacrosse over the weekend.  At the time, it felt good to watch the boys playing, but I felt myself going downhill afterwards.  Last night I had a good hard cry...really hot tears.  I am still teary today, my heart hurts really really bad.

[msroderskie]

Julie, I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time right now.  A friend just sent me an encouraging card and she mentioned Psalm 27.  A couple of verses that jumped out to me are 13 and 14a:

"I would have fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart."

Lord, help Julie through this dark valley, help her to find more and more strength in You, to lean on You increasingly.  Bring a healing balm to Julie's heart.  Let her know that You are there with her Lord, crying with her, carrying her in your arms.  Let her know that her Cory is safe with You.  Lord, we need You so much. 

Rody

[no40corysmom]

Thank you Rody, your words and prayer are soothing to my soul.  Yes, we do need the Lord... I truly don't understand how people who do not know Him, can survive this pain.

Julie

[4everjoeysmom]

Julie, My heart echoes Rody's prayer. I hope today has shone a little more sun on your broken heart. It is the times of activities that I used to enjoy so much with Joey when I too find myself missing him most. I know God knows how much we miss our children. He fills my plate, and for the most part I am doing much better than this time last year. But I still wander and wonder...

We're working hard at planning for our seasonal short term mission groups coming this spring and summer. This year we are doing many more water filtration systems. We also are planning to drill a well in a dry community, and my husband will be hosting a discipleship conference for our area. Pretty exciting stuff. Carrying Joey's memory in the midst of it all... It helps...........

Love & Blessings, Hugs & Prayers!!

Claudia

[no40corysmom]

Claudia that has to be so helpful, I am glad you have that to fill your plate; and thank you guys for your prayers.......It seems so much harder now, than ever.  We have his 2 year date coming up on April 30, after that, his lacrosse team's tournament day in his honor, then his birthday, and then graduation, where the school has prepared a special honoring for him.    Lord how I miss him.......it just is not getting any easier....I really need to focus on Jesus and keep looking up.......

[4everjoeysmom]

HE IS RISEN! Death hath no sting!!

Happy Easter everyone!!

[no40corysmom]

Amen and AMEN !!!  Praise His Holy Name!!!

[msroderskie]

Right with you in praising the Name of Jesus!  HE IS RISEN -- HALLELUJAH!!

[jazzyswag]

Thank eveyone here in this forum for their encouraging words. On a positive note, I received a message today from a friend. She told me that she was putting her son on the school bus and noticed a mother trying to put her young child on the school bus after the bus had started to move on. She said she yelled at the bus driver to stop, she evidentally hadn't noticed the child. She entitled the message. Thank you Jasmine...hoped the story would put a smile on my face, it did. I told her that I know we indeed has a guardian angel watching over us now and that other innocent children that could avoid suffering the same faith she did. It gives me peace that my daughter's accident, though a tragedy...made people alot more aware of bus safety and protective of others children. I know she had a purpose and I couldn't be more proud. Still doing good beyond the grave. What an awesome gift she gave us...Things have gotten easier and my emotions are not as raw these days. I thank the Lord for that, he has been good. In spite of some financial difficulties we've faced this past year, he's still been good. Finally, I can see some light and the end of the tunnel....

[msroderskie]

What is it about the beautiful weather that makes me miss my boys so much?  I've always been a person who LOVES to be outdoors when it's nice, and we've been having GORGEOUS PERFECT weather for several days now - about 80 degrees and sunny, with a slight breeze.  I guess during those times my thoughts gravitate to the days when my little guys would be running around outside, playing with their friends, smelling of fresh air and little boy sweat.  Then I begin thinking that I wish they could be here RIGHT NOW to enjoy the great weather with me, or I start thinking of what kind of car they would be driving, or how they would be spending their summer time if they were here.  I also think how heaven will be perfectly beautiful in every way and how I can't wait to be there and so on. 

It's a conundrum -- I absolutely revel in the great summer weather, yet it sometimes depresses me even more than the cold winter, when both my boys died. 

Just had to vent to my BI friends.  I know that you folks understand.

Love to you all in Christ (Who gives me peace beyond understanding),

Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Rody! It IS a conundrum. Isn't it? I think it must be those "unfinished dreams" that we once lived so outwardly within our earthly futures, and then they just stopped. They still dangle, and sometimes that dangle near and sometimes far. The little familiarities, like warm breezes and certain smells that take us back to a time and place......and then the future that brings us to a different dream, but one we must wait for in faith......

Love & Hugs from another dreamer... xoxoxoxo

[msroderskie]

Claudia, dear sister in Christ, how are you?  How is your ministry going? 

I have been plugging along, my doctor having reduced my working time to four days per week, which does help me some.  It frees me to volunteer at a therapeutic riding stable on Saturdays (established by another sister in Jesus named Claudia!).  I find that working with horses is very therapeutic to me as well as the clients.  I used to have horses when I was a teenager.  Your Joey loved horses too, if I remember correctly.  So I've had some good things happen lately.  My two daughters and grandchildren are all safe, though not completely happy and settled.  I trust that they will all be safe in heaven one day, when all is said and done.

Hoping to hear more of what's going on in your life and ministry.

Love in Jesus Christ,

Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, Things are going well here, and picking up with the start of the dry season. We're working on a continual project of building bio-filtration systems for clean drinking water on a grant given by a Nevada Rotary Club, which is such a blessing. We had a "at cost" spay and neuter clinic for the community in our house a couple weeks ago with a veterinarian and her team from the city. That was a fabulous experience, and we hope to do that again really soon. We're also assisting in tuition grants for kids who can't afford school, and the medical needs of two diabetic young people, as well as a young man with pulmonary fibrosis, by providing equipment and medicine. We've settled well into our new community (moved last July) and live a block from an orphanage, and our relationship is blossoming there. My husband is reading manuscripts for several Christian authors in his "spare time", while also writing curriculum for a -day discipleship conference we're hosting in our region in mid-July. We just got word from the kids ministry at our home church in the U.S. that they raised $90 in a "penny drive" to raise funds for purchasing new rubber boots for the poor kids here. And the list goes on and on.... We're staying afloat, but it's just the two of us (hubby and me) most of the time doing the outreach, so it gets overwhelming from time to time. And of course I am still the keeper/caretaker of us and our home, so making time to cook and clean in the midst of all the other stuff is challenging. We have a short-term team coming in mid-July for a little help, and they also will be teaching us how to drill wells--which we have one planned for July and one in September for waterless communities. I am very thankful for all the things God is doing in us and through us...for sure! It's been the hugest part of my healing journey.

Its good to feel your spirit lifting. Maybe sometime, if funds and time ever allow, you would like to come for a visit and do a little outreach alongside. I would love that! I'm glad your doctor sees that you need a little lighter schedule and that you are taking care of yourself. Volunteering with the horses sounds very rewarding. Yes! My Joey LOVED horses with a great passion. I never see one and not think of him...free spirit and all. And Yes! We all shall be so free one day. Till then we're going to live in the Kingdom of Now, and do all we can to make a difference here for eternity.

Much love to you Dear Sister! If you have Facebook, look me up. I post quite a bit there of pictures and ministry updates and such, as well as just be me transparently for friends and family to see and keep in touch. xoxoxoxo Love, Claudia

[Kelly]

June 07, 2010

 

Dear Members,

 

We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:

 

• Custom profile fields
  
• Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  
• Facebook and Twitter integration
  
• Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  
• Pinned discussion threads
  
• Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  
• Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  
• Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails

 

You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 

 

Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo