Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[mom2sarah]

Dear Compassionate Claudia,

    I praise God for you.  You are so annointed with truth.  I am so sorry for digressing so in this challenge.  Thank you for being so patient with me. I can get so weak and then so strong.  I am really starting to stand up though as we speak.  I am learning

that there are some who as you put it "Just do not get it yet"  I guess I must be careful in who I look for counsel with.  I can be robbed of my assurance. 

   On a good note yesterday I had my first ream of Sarah.  I saw her holding a baby,

Sarah always wanted to have a baby. But she wanted to be married first to her fiance'

who proved to be unfaithful to her the last month of her life.  Her last day on earth she decided to get on with her life and move on. That is why she went to tell her friends the nite she drank and her best friend told me thats all she talked about was how she decided to do so.

   Now back to the dream at first I was confused because Sarah does not have a baby.  Than I thot it might be her with our baby who went on before her but then last nite I found this in His Word

 Matt 18:10 " See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you

that their angels in Heaven always see the face of my Father in Heaven"  Then it goes on to say The sheppherd leaves the 99 to seek and find the lost sheep

  This helps me to know because I believe our youngs ones in the Lord were baby Christians and those who judge and condemn young Christians are going to held accountable for this because our young ones in the Lord have angels who are always

looking in the face of their Father in heaven.  Joey and Sarah were young like a baby (which is why in my dream she had the baby) and no could judge them for not being as what others think they should be because they had assigned angels who stood in the gap for them.  God was faithful to return them to the fold and even hough they were babies in the Lord no one can look down on them because they were not where others who are more mature are.  That makes me feel better knowing that Gods was for them.

  They were babies but they are His Children and because hey were babies they do not know as much as us who ar older in the Lord.  Praise God He has our babies.  All of our babies. We all as mother can rest assured are sweet babies are in the arms o Our Father. 

   Now I must be discerning in who can rob me of His promises because there are

those who don't understand the fullness of His Grace   Praise Be To God that we do.

I missed you so Claudia, your so comforting and encouraging o me

Bless you in all you do and may God meet all your needs today

Love

Laura

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura, remember that no one can rob you of God's grace, or really of your assurance either. But the enemy certainly has the capacity to plant seeds of despair and hopelessness through many circ**stances, through many people including Christians who do it their way and not God's way, and even through our own emotions. That is why it is so important to KNOW AND TRUST IN THE LORD. HE WILL NOT LET US DOWN though humanity can and will time and again...

P.s. How wonderful, your dream. A gift from God to be sure. The message you discerned is precious. Hold onto that. Hold onto your Saviour!!

[mom2sarah]

Claudia

But I can say without a breath of doubt that I know the Lord intimately--VERY intimately. I can say without hesitation that He has given me the beautiful gifts of discernment (to know wisely what is not of God and what He desires for me) and His peace (in knowing that He is in control and that every ounce of what and who I am can believe that He is just and faithful).

Amen I trully believe this too.  I know when our Lord speaks to me. I recognize his voice. Who can tell me "Thats not God speaking to you"  Thats is our relationship

to our personal savior and unless they have lost our Joey or Sarah then they are not going to recieve the assurance that we do.  Praise God he is our personal God to us.

All those who also lost Sarah in my family were assured of Sarah's  final redemption right along with my husband and I because it was their loss too. It wasn't the loss to those who gav me wrong council.  Sarah was close to our entire family and he reassured us all. 

     When we were told Sarh passed away I panicked and worried like a mother who could not find her little girl and I just had to know for sure she was safe. How I felt then was how I felt when she was lost at  earlier age. I remember when she was five years old we went to our company picnic at a amusement park near us. Before we went in I gave Sarah a ribbon  to wear around her neck that had a whistle on it.  I told her if she got lost  to keep blowing that whistle and we would find her. We were not in there 10 minutes and we batted our eyes for a second then she disappeared into thin air.  I was in a panic and what was only about 7 minutes was like 1 hour.  We went to the tables set up by our union and everyone else asking them if they saw our little girl  and they just didn't care.  Thank God we heard the whistle and we went to the sound where a sweet older couple were walking her to the lost children building. 

   That was me now when they told me sarah was gone from this earth and I panicked

until I knew for sure she was safe with her Father in heaven.  But like the uncaring people who really could care less about my fear for Sarah's spirit these grief counsellors could care less what they said to me. There was no comfort for me from them just more torment.  I learned the hard way to be careful where you look for comfort or help from.  God also brought to mind this actual experience at the park was what He did when she entered His gates of heaven.  The host of heaven walked her to safety. Praise be to God!!!  And He made sure because of Jesus blood that satan could not snatch her away from Her Father in Heaven. Bless the Lord!!!

   Hope you had a joyful celebration today and may God meet your needs tomorrow and today in every way

Love

Laura

   

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura,

Regarding Counsel, I believe there is wisdom in many counselors, as God's Written Word says. However, I also find this message from one of my devotionals today to be quite discerning...

------------------

What kind of kingdom is the kingdom of God? It's a kingdom of boundless, glorious, powerful, personal, transforming love. The center event of that kingdom is a shocking sacrifice of redeeming love. You know nothing about his kingdom unless you understand that it is a kingdom of love. And it's when our hearts are taken up with the mystery of that great love that our words become words of love and peace and healing.

True love is not propelled by duty. It is propelled by gratitude. We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).

------------------

It's kind of amazing how when your beacon of discernment is brightened you can recognize within just a few words of communication whether one is working toward his or her own end or good, or whether one is working through the grace of the Holy Spirit for the furtherance of His name, His Kingdom and His Glory. I think when we can discern such Love For Jesus in the first words spoken by another, we can then also discern whether or not that person is of godly wisdom for counsel or cut from a ever-common cloth of man-inspired religion... Take caution not to rely too much on your own heart as well, as the human heart is flawed--always making certain that what we think or believe may be coming from God is verified first through Scripture and the sound interpretation thereof...

I am filled with gratitude for what Jesus has done for me and continues to do to me, in me and through me--NOT FOR MYSELF BUT FOR HIS KINGDOM AND HIS GLORY!! I have found that by taking the focus off of myself and my sorrow, and also on what I should or shouldn't be doing, and put my energy to seeking Him and His purposes, there need be no worries. He is the Greatest Priest and Counselor of all!!

[mom2sarah]

Yes Claudia,

  I agree!!!   From day one I sought many counsellors as I knew there is safety in a

multidude of counsellors.  I am going to a profound man of God whose ministry

is centered on comforting  the broken hearted, also a Christian Grief Support group,

my Church grief counsellor,  the pastor and his wife from the church where Sarah passed on, here at BI who can so relate to my Great Sadness and you caring Claudia

whose loss was similar to mine.  Of all of these I sensed the hearts of these councellors were led by Christian love.  The two whose counsel  brought me torment were  mainly centered on putting the responsibility on Sarah to keep and finish her salvation which I do believe was hers but Gods power to persuade and finish her salvation was in play there as well.  Both of these counsel's did not believe God would bring assurance to me or reveal to me that my loved one was in heaven eternally. They said it was my strong desire's for sarah to be in heaven that I heard and not God.  But I know what Gods word said to me "And I will save your children"  "I will save your household"  "I will finish the good work I started in thee"   In Hosea 11

God said to me like Israel who left God He would bring Sarah back to Him and settle her in her home. And God speaks to me in the natural realm too.  But it must always measure up to His word.  He sent a friend of Sarah's to the calling hours to confirm Sarah had a relationship with Christ who told me God told her to come and tell us and when she obeyed God she left he funeral home full of peace.  It isn't Greasy Grace I believe in it is Amazing Grace.  So I may be floundering in my faith now about where she is at but God is able to make me stand.  You would think after all He has told and showed me from many sound witnesses I would trust.  I know I will be fully persuaded as soon as I get through this Great Sadness.  I hope I am getting what your trying to say to me. 

  My guess is you want me to discern wise councel by the attribute of Gods love in them, look for soundness in council, and make sure that what I think is God thru

visions and natural phenomena lines up to Gods word and His persona.  Let me know if I am getting what your saying to me.

  By the way I just finished "The Shack" which I read in your posts you too read it.  Whats your thots?  Does it lean to universal salvation with or without JESUS to you?

Somethings are questionable but I thinks it depicts the operation of The  Trinity fairly well. Do you?  Plus it definitely depicted how it feels to suddenly lose a child very well.

God Love you Claudia

Laura

[bbarbie55]

Hi! I need to vent! My stepdaughter came to stay with us and she is something else. She has been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and has severe manic an pschosis. She has made my life miserable she is 26 and has three children by two different fathers and is looking for another man friend. She does not have her children and can't mentally take care of them. I'm at the end of my rope she was made to get a job and now is going to move in with co workers. She pretends to like my grandson but is upset when he stays.

I feel so torn about her we have spent out over three hundred dollars on her we can't afford. I feel so un christian about the way I think about her but I didn't put up with my nineteen year old daughter doing this. Keep me in your prayers.

Deb

[mom2sarah]

Oh Deb,

   I feel your frustration and I can relate.  I have a 48 year old sister who is bi-polar as well as borderline retarded.  Its very hard if not impossible to live with her.  She can be very extactly hapy one minute and manic the next.  Its like being on a emotional roller coaster ride around her.  My sister has Jesus but she still is being tormented by this mental disease.  Does your step daughter know Jesus? If not could you invite her to your church where she could accept Christ as her personal savior?  I do believe He can deliver us from mental disease and it can then be manifested healing over time.

  My sister has got somewhat better since she accepted Jesus.  Although we still have to deal with this in her its somewhat easier for us to bear as we see her relationship with Him grow stronger.  I ask in Jesus name that your step-daughter come to the realization that she needs Jesus in her heart/mind/life/relaionships and that God give you the strength and understanding to cope with her and this disease. God loves you and her and so do I

Bless you

laura

[4everjoeysmom]

Laura, I have read the Shack. I found it to be one of those books that once I started reading, I couldn't put it down. I loved it!! BUT... I do believe the author has a universalism take on salvation, which is not biblical. I also found the author's description of the Godhead (or Trinity) to be at the least unconventional and fluffy, and not biblically sound as well. The whole idea presented by the author is one that takes the concept of authority and diminishes it all together. Jesus spoke of authority within the Godhead:

Joh 8:28 So Jesus said to them, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me.

Joh 12:49 For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment--what to say and what to speak.

Joh 14:10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works.

Joh 16:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

Thus said, it is a very unique relationship between the three distinct persons within the ONE Godhead, and neither "lords" over the other in a way as to cause division or a controlling factor amidst. Understanding the Godhead is a challenge for the finite mind, but enough has been given in Scripture to understand that whatever is exercised within the Godhead relationship, it is done so in a Holy, wholly, perfect way. We can only get a glimpse of the perfectness, because we are unable to exercise that in our own flesh in our own power or authority.

Incidentally I have been keenly aware of a house church movement that has adopted this "lack of authority" philosophy so in depth that it has distorted a biblical structure of church office. In fact, I read somewhere one woman was buying up cases of this book, The Shack, to hand out to folks--as if it was a gospel tract. Scary stuff!!!

I felt very strongly that the author of the book was trying to create an "image" of God that would be more pleasing to the masses. (I recognized it as the same ole false gospel, just repackaged with a nice shiny ribbon. There truly is nothing new under the SON.) I'm sorry to burst bubbles, but God does anger. God does create calamity to get our attention. God does exercise wrath. The Lord WILL judge us. The Holy Spirit is not just a passive petite gardener. I felt that the book really taught a "different gospel". However, I do say with sincerity that there were some things I drew from the book that helped me look very differently at my personal response to my grief. In that way, I appreciated the book very much. It opened my eyes--not to a different God, but to ME and how I respond to God. I took the book for what it was--a very good writing of FICTION. It was like taking a fantasy journey through my grief walk, and somehow healing came through it. THAT, to me, is evidence of how God can take something that is not of Him and use it to advance His purposes--despite foolishness. I hope that made sense. I'm not knocking the book for the context in which it was written--a work of fiction. However, I do caution folks that read it to not receive it as a Gospel of Christ or to exercise discernment in understanding that this is one person's unique perspective on creating another image of God. It is dangerous to take this writing out of a fantasy-like context and assume it is real. Perhaps the author's friend did have a like-encounter with a spirit. But if it doesn't line up with how the Bible describes very distinctly the nature and person of God within the Godhead, then perhaps it was a spirit all right, just not the Holy Spirit. You see....?? People identify satan and his minions as being immediately recognizable as ugly and bad. But the Scripture is clear that this is not always so, and we should heed that Wisdom.

2Co 11:14-15... for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.

Incidentally the book did not reference Scripture in its theology, which is one indication that it can be a tool of deception if taken out of context. The author is very sly to share his "ministerial background" as to give himself authority and credibility... One word as a reminder: FICTION

OK...that aside, YES. I believe you are understanding what I have been ministering to you. It sounds like you have some wise counselors. To that end, I believe you are on a healthy track for healing and learning more about the Character and Nature of God through your brokenness. Have you ever studies JUSTIFICATION? Just curious. It seems that all of those folks that like to make claims that they know for certain our kids died in their sins unable to be cleansed DO NOT understand the Truth about Justification. Understanding God's grace in the inner-workings of Salvation is what truly brings FREEDOM IN CHRIST. I believe understanding this is the key to your finding His peace regarding Sarah.

I love you, Sister! And I pray for you. I know how hard this journey is. You're yet to see the 2 month date, and that's like yesterday. My heart aches for you, and I hope and pray that the HOPE in Christ can comfort you in these days of painful journey through the valley. HUGS, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Deb, I am so sorry you are dealing with the repercussions of mental illness. It's a difficult territory to engage in. Strong intervention is necessary to counsel and pray for this young woman, as well as help her to seek appropriate medical care for a medicine that may help to balance out her swings. While there can be demonic activity present, it's likely there may be a very bad chemical imbalance in her body which would require medical treatment. Always discerning a good balance of spiritual need and steps to better health care is important when dealing with mental illness.

With regards to not letting her control you and other relationships you have, you must put your foot down and not let this illness manipulate you. It is not wrong to feel frustrated and fed-up with the behavior. But how you respond in your frustration is what truly matters. My advice..seek help from someone who is experienced in dealing with the treatment and care of a loved one with bipolar disorder. She needs to be loved, but oftentimes her illness clouds her judgment and ability to receive and give. If she is not a believer, that compounds the issue even more greatly, because she does not know or understand godly love, and perhaps you are the only example around her to exemplify that...

Hugs and prayers, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Deb,

My husband has bipolar as well as borderline personality disorder.  It takes a very special person to love someone under those circ**stances...a person filled with God's love.  I can't do it on my own.  I have to pray each day for God to give me His love for my husband.  I can't kick him out....he is my husband and he is sick.  I am bound to my husband through marraige but you are not bound to your step daughter the same way. I believe it is acceptable to set up a plan for independance for this young lady.   It is expected that a child will become more and more independant until they can function on their own.  Pray for God's love in your heart and His wisdom in this matter.  What are Godly limits?  I believe He expects us to love others freely without conditions  but that doesn't mean you have to give resources unconditionally to someone who is not thinking straight, is belligerent, angry, disrespectful, and ungrateful.  Love involves laying down limits and expectations for that persons better interest. If they refuse to follow then you must let them make their own mistakes.  Even Jesus offered choices that not heeded were disasterous for the person.  We have a choice between Heaven and Hell.  What amazing consequences.  We are allowed to make that choice and your step daughter will make her choices as well.   I also realize this is difficult because she is your step daughter.  Does you husband want to give in and renig on previous agreements because of guilt and worry?  We just took my 19 year old step son back into our home with certain expectations.  The agreement that he can not stay unless he meets our expectations is slowly changing because of the guilty feelings in my husband.  He wants to help this young man....(who has OCD and I think borderline personality) and yet this young man doesn't want anyone telling him what to do.   He wants to do it his way which seems to mean laying around the house, destroying his room in anger, and playing on the computer.  No thank yous for taking me in.  No offer to help with housework.  Nothing but anger when we push him to seek a job.  It is frustrating and being the step mom changes the dynamics.  If you push your husband to enforce the limits, he feels caught in the middle and lashes out at you.  You become the bad guy.  I struggle to love this young man.  When I don't want to allow him to live here and go to school...is this my own selfishness? I think it is his way out of working and us footing the bill for his easy living.  Also he we had to force him to graduate highschool.  I don't think he will do well in college until he has to work for it.   I have to double check my thinking process.  Its it Godly?  What does God want for me to decide in this matter? 

Prayer and more prayer.  God is more powerful then these circ**stances.  He will work with you and grow you and mold you into who he wants you to be.  He may or may not magically heal the bipolar.  I am still waiting for that for my husband .  The three greats....faith, hope, and love.  The greatest being love.  Pray for an increase in those and wisdom as well my sister.  God's peace and blessings upon you and your family,

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Well stated, Sal! Obviously from one who knows first hand... Bless you. I know the Lord has grown you through your trials. But oh how weary some of those days can be with burden so heavy... My prayers also are with you. Love, Claudia

[bbarbie55]

It wouldn't be so hard to take care of her but she does not want to help herself just live off of others.

I already live with someone  who has a mental illness my husband her leagle father has pshizoaffective disorder. I know how to stand by someone when they want help but when the person repeatedly lies I'm past helping. I have put up with this for over two months now.

I'm still dealing with Bobbis death and am having a hard time dealing with someone who only wants people to bail her out. we live on a limited income and she cost a fourth of it this last month. Plus I'm tired of her dad taking things out on me because he won't say anything to her.

Deb

[wyomingsal]

Deb,

I know the frustration and hurt and anger involved in struggling with many of the issues you are going through. 

God, I ask you to surround our dear sister Deb with your wisdom and your peace as she struggles with a stepdaughter who is so hurtful and such a drain on her resources.  Physical resources and emotional and spiritual resources.  Fill our dear sister with renewed strength and energy. God I ask that You would come along side her husband and bring mental clarity, wisdom and emotional health in dealing with his daughter.  Allow him to support his wife who needs him to be strong right now even though he struggles with his own mental health.  Your hand God on this family and this situation.   Amen

The unfairness of it can be overwhelming.  Just being fed up with always being the one to give in for the sake of peace and other people. Always being the "better" person gets so tiring.   It is very hard to allow God to fill your heart with love for someone who lies, cheats, steals, uses, and abuses.   I don't think God would expect you to let yourself be taken advantage of over and over again.  But I truly do believe He expects us to love that person with His love.  Love and giving are not the same thing.  You and your husband have no obligation to house this young woman.  If you do it must be with limitations and expectations for her sake and for you and your husband's sake.  Is your husband in counseling?  Would he be willing to sit with a counselor and set down written guidelines on how you and he will handle his daughter?  That might take some pressure off of you to create all the rules and make all the "mean" decisions.  I hate to be the bad guy and I often feel that way in my household with my husband and his son.  Setting limits...perhaps even that you can not have her back in your house... with the help of a counselor will help ensure it is a joint decision.  We are trying to set limits with my step son and that involves going to counseling and being compliant with treatment or we will drop him off at a homeless shelter.  It sounds horrible and mean and cruel.  And yet is truly is done out of love for him because he needs the help.  Keep praying for your step daughter and for yourself.  As I mentioned before...I am not always a saint in my thoughts for my stepson.  I have to ask God to give me love for Him.  He can be unlovable...and yet are we all not unlovable to God?  Do we all not lie, disobey, run away and come crying back to God Almighty many times each day even?  He always loves us even when he lets us fall.  His goal is always for our wellbeing.  We want to cry out, "we have lost our child God!"  Haven't I been stretched enough?  Don't I deserve a break?  Why do I have to do this?   Give this burdon to someone else.  I can't answer the whys but I do believe that God is sufficient for us.  He knows the whys and He is drawing you closer to Himself.  Let the anger drain from you and let God's Spirit fill you with glory and joy and peace in Him, dear sister.

Sal

[no40corysmom]

5 Very long months today.............. 21 weeks tomorrow.....it seems like 21 years.  I miss my baby so badly...........

 

Julie

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom, Julie;

You are so in my prayers!! I remember my 5 month mark like it was yesterday... I know how much you miss your boy... Please know you are being lifted up with prayers for comfort and peace. Blessings and lots of love, Claudia

[bbarbie55]

Well my stepdaughter moved out into her friends home. I don't know how long this will last I hope she gets a place of her own shes making enough money as long as she stays off her cell.

I'm having a hard time dealing with my feelings toward her and the other kids in my family because it makes me think of Bobbi. I know my other stepdaughter Tina loved Bobbi as a sister and misses her and was glad when she seen Andrew, but Jennifer seems indifferent to this and it makes it harder on me. I try not to let my world revolve around memories but sometimes it does. Melissa(mine) understands because she is still trying to deal with three deaths in a row.

I really need to rely on God now more than ever and I'm trying but emotions are getting in the way. I have had my pastor tell me if she won't abide by the rules to tell her to find another place to live. Its hard to make her go but she is an adult the same age as my dead daughter but she acts like an infant. I just wish I could find some peace in all of this.

Deb

[4everjoeysmom]

Deb, If emotions are overpowering your ability to think clearly, and to seek God, are you able to get some counseling? Can your pastor recommend something free or affordable for you in the way of counseling? It sounds like you could use some intervention and help by those means... You've got a lot going on, and it seems that you are unable to sort through your grief as a result... Look into a Grief Share support group as well. You really need to be encouraged regularly, and maybe even have someone locally that can meet with you regularly for a while.

Praying for you... ~Claudia

[lovekristy4ever]

Hi Everyone,

I know I haven't been on in a long time.  The summer has been long and I miss Kristy everyday.  I am finally at a place where I don't cry every day but the pain is still there.  I think of all of you often but I have been trying to keep as busy as possible, even if it is just working, reading, or knitting.  I do better when I keep my mind busy.

Meeting Sonya (Danielle's mom) has been a comfort.  I feel fortunate that we live so close to each other.  We try to meet for lunch every couple of weeks or so.  It is nice socializing with someone that is also "walking in your shoes".  She is a very lovely person.

I am going on a retreat at my mom's church this Sunday.  I am looking forward to it.  I will let you all know how it goes.

Sorry that I have been away so long. 

Love,

Terry

[lovekristy4ever]

lol.....

I guess I am keeping my mind too busy!!!!!!!  I had to edit my last post.  Since I was reading Claudia's last message before I hit replay I wrote Sonya was Claudia's mom (I corrected that!).  Focus is not one of my strongpoints lately.  Sorry 'bout that, especially you, Sonya.  When I realized what I did I could help but laugh since it was such a silly thing.

I am trying not to take anything to fall asleep lately and the result is that I am not sleeping that well if I don't take Ambien.  My mind races and I just can't fall asleep.   I know I needed it in the beginning but now I only take it if I am running on empty....maybe I should take it tonight huh?:shock:

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, it's great to find humor in our blank moments. isn't it? At least we've come to an understanding that we aren't really going insane. We just act like it sometimes. LOL!

I took a sleep aid off and on for over a year. I still take one if I haven't slept well in 3 or 4 nights, because after that my immune system is shot. It is what it is. Don't force yourself not to take it if you feel you need to every few nights or so, just so you can get a couple of good nights sleep in a week. Eh? There is no wrong in that. I have prayed for hours lying awake, and then it's like God says, "OK.. take a half pill and get some shut eye. I have things for you to do tomorrow..." It's probably just me, but keeping it to a two nights weekly max helps me to ward off any emotional or physical dependency. I have what you would call an overactive mind. I can't shut off my brain when I go to bed. I've suffered from this for years well before losing Joey. So this grief thing certainly hasn't helped that issue. On the good side, I've had some very intimate God moments in sleepless hours. I hope you can get some rest, and look forward to hearing about your retreat when you return. Love, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Terry,

Welcome back!! Have fun on your retreat and I look forward to having lunch with you next week Would anyone else like to join us?

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[wyomingsal]

If we make it in Casper I could come.    Just kidding.  I think I am a little too far out of your way.

Sal

[msroderskie]

Hello all my dear sisters in Christ -- It's been at least a few busy weeks since I posted.  Last night I read several pages to catch up and what a lot has been going on...

Laura, I specifically want to say to you that I have lived for the past several years with the same kind of torturous thoughts about the spiritual fate of both my sons. Recently I was having coffee with some Christian sisters and told them about my continuing struggle of wondering about whether my sons (especially one of them, went to heaven.  One sister simply looked at me and said, "None of us dies without sin", and I thought "OF COURSE!"  As Claudia has blessedly pointed out recently, anyone who thinks they can make that final judgment about the fate of any person does not have a grasp of the justification that God has DONE FOR US.  When you think about it, if God were to make our salvation hang upon whether we died at just the right moment, when we happened to be doing everything right - not a single bad thought even running through our heads, then that would make Him a capricious, almost sadistic sort of God.  The enemy loves to get us stumbling down these erroneous paths, which destroys our peace in Christ, if only temporarily.  Laura, just trust in the goodness, mercy and tender love of Jesus Christ.   Let it rest in His hands.  Even if you can't know as if you'd been there and had seen your daughter in heaven, you can trust our loving Father as if you HAVE been there to witness the fact.  Lord, please help and uphold our sister Laura and rout the enemy from her grief struggles, cast that Creep far from her and let Laura know a fully renewed, solid trust in your goodness. Amen!

I have been thinking of and praying for everyone who's had significant dates in September - Sonya and Sal, you've both been through such hard dates of remembrance lately.  Birthdays are tough in a different way than anniversaries of our loved ones deaths.  On the boys' birthdays I always hearken back to the labor and deliveries, to the many celebrations through the years.  I think for most people it helps so much to do something along the lines of a birthday celebration as a memorial, like releasing balloons, or having a dish that was our loved ones favorite.  My kids all had different tastes in food, but one thing they all loved to eat was a Filipino version of fried rice, so that's a food we often make in memory of Phil and Matt. 

  Anne, I'm so sorry you have been having a hard time of it.  It's true that we never can predict when we will be brought low again in grief, and somehow we all expect that we'll keep making steady progress, but it doesn't work that way.  A grief counselor that I know describes grief as more of a roller coaster ride of ups and downs which you cannot predict.  I think she's pretty much on target with that description.  And I suppose in God's sovereign grace He probably designed us to react to horrific loss in this way that spreads out the pain over time.

I've experienced so much numbness, especially after my second loss and I think the Lord has used that long ( 5 plus years long) period of numb emotions to help me function through life.  Then there are times when the curtain is pulled back a bit and I feel the tremendous pain of double loss again, and realize how I will continue on this up and down path for the rest of my life.  It does seem that the periods of functionality (is that a word?) become longer, but there are always low points.  I was just reading in Philippians and came across 4:13 which says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  I was repeating that verse in my head throughout a long un-medicated labor when Philip was born, and that scripture is for all of us in Christ.  We CAN do all things, we can bear all things, but we can do that not at all in our own strength --- it's only through Jesus Christ our wonderful, powerful yet tender Lord.

Claudia I have read your recent posts and marveled at how God uses your thoughts and words to minister to all of us.  Thank you Lord for our sister Claudia!!  And for all the other sisters here who give each other words of encouragement.  Claudia I'm glad that you've got through the worst of the prep for your crown.  You have yet to receive the finished crown I believe.  I've been through plenty of dental treatments too, but it's something that I'm pretty familiar with.   I've worked in orthodontics for many years as an assistant and now work for a dental company that sells all kinds of restoration products to dentists and labs.  I regularly am ribbed by family members who feel I am the brushing and flossing queen of the family.  Stories are resurrected about the nightly ritual where I used to get each of my offspring in a headlock in order to brush their respective teeth.  I was determined that they would not have the rotting teeth that I experienced as a youngster.  And thank God all that torture worked!   The kids ended up with much better teeth than I ever had.

I really have to hop in the shower and run to work.  I just had to take time to write today.  Love in Christ,   Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, My first thought on seeing your name posted was, "Oh Good! I am so happy to see you!!" I really do feel so blessed every time you make a visit here with us.

You said it so well in describing further about Justification. I am part of another web community that is all over the map, theologically speaking, but Justification (once truly understood) really does bring a peace in realizing just how great God's mercies are--new every morning! There is nothing we can do to add or take away from what he has fulfilled. We have been resurrected from the death of our sin (covered by the blood of Christ). Our judgment of sin is finished. It is our judgment of works in Christ yet to come...and I think it is the confusion between the "2 different types of judgments" that gets folks off on some wacky gospel-of-works track. Folks, we cannot buy our salvation! No amount of good we do can save us or anyone else. It's a nice thought to think we have that kind of power...but it's a deceptive thought, because we do not. Rody, you are so right! We all died in our sin already (the believer/chosen) when Christ died for us/our sin. We were resurrected "in spiritual life eternal" with the resurrection of Jesus. It is for our fleshly death and bodily resurrection we wait, at which time we stand judgment and God will burn away the impurities, refining us, glorifying us in Him! What a neat thing to ponder...

1Co 3:11-23 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-- each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple. Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, "He catches the wise in their craftiness," and again, "The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile." So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.

AMEN!

[heartbeataway]

Rody,

I think you "just had to write" this morning before you left for work because I for one needed to read your words.

I read here often but I think this is the first time I've posted.

I'm not going to explain right now but I NEEDED to read your words.

Thanks!

Bonnie

Would you share the recipe for the Filipino version of fried rice?  Sounds yummy!

[4everjoeysmom]

Yes..I too would love to know the Fried Rice recipe. I am always looking for different things to do with rice, since we eat so much of it here, in Ecuador.

Bonnie, I'm so glad that you were touched today by Rody's post. Isn't she a beautiful soul?! I love how she just pops in every now and again with something profound....

[4everjoeysmom]

I originally had posted a prayer request here... I need to pray on it for a while myself... Blessings, Claudia

This morning my prayer request would be for us to continue to comfort one another in the way that we are led to. It appears there has been a misunderstanding that we on this thread have an objective to undermine others' faith, which in all sincerity is and has never been my motive. I don't believe anyone else on this thread has had a motive to post underlying messages within the context of our messages of encouragement and hope to one another. And I give everyone else here that benefit of the doubt as well. It appears that our discussions and activity on this thread are being seen as malicious or undermining in some way, and I pray that is never the case. I have deep respect and love for all here and would never compromise the sincerity and heart of our discussions with ulterior motive. Again I feel we are all on the same page, without even having to ask. A post was made on another thread that referenced a private message I sent against some blatant harassment I was receiving in PM--which basically was an escalating dialogue of religious opposition. Making such a reference appears to confirm that the misunderstanding of motive is directed against me personally. For what reason it is so personal, I have suspicions that cannot yet be confirmed, but I believe time may tell.

That said, I ask all my sisters to please be in prayer over what would appear to be a huge misunderstanding in motives on this thread, that the admission of blatant posts being made against discussions taking place on this thread would see that the moderators of this forum may be advised of the misunderstanding as to hopefully keep the situation from escalating, and that the spirit of BI would be guarded against blatant malicious attack toward one another as we come here for the purpose of grieving and healing together.

Please, sisters, join me in praying for peace and resolution that would be honoring to God and each other. Blessings, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Note: (The personal reference and message I mentioned earlier have been removed/changed to reflect a gentler spirit. Prayer works!

--------------------

I have so much catching up to do with my correspondence. I've been working on gathering info needed for our visas this year, and that is always a chore. The positive side of that is it leaves me less time for the sorrow that comes and goes... As I was sorting through some e-mails and devotionals, I found this and wanted to share. It was written by Margaret Manning about Sept. 11th. The message resounded in me very personally. I hope it encourages those who have been "fearing"...

---------------------

Every year, our country pauses to remember the events of that horrible day. We erect memorials as part of our remembering. We remember lost lives; we remember the tragedy; we remember grief and sorrow. Sometimes, we remember fear. In my own life, as I think about that day, I am struck by my propensity to build a memorial of fear. While fear is a natural response in the face of danger or threat, too often it rules our lives and narrows our vision. Indeed, when we allow fear to rule our hearts, we see only those things in our own lives that need protecting.

So I find myself asking why I choose to remember fear. Interestingly enough, those who remember their lost loved ones tell stories of faith and hope, and not of fear. They speak of their loved ones and talk of their passions, their interests. They view their lives going on as memorials for those whose lives were lost. September 11, 2001 forever changed their world. And most wouldn’t blame them, if they never emerged out of a cocoon of fear. But so many have chosen something better.

In some ways, a culture of fear invaded our nation on 9/11, just as it often invades my heart. Even as I write this, fears over our economy loom large as investment banks fold and the stock market declines. There are always fears, but as people of Christian faith, what do our fears say of our witness in this world? What do they say about what we love and value? Do our lives memorialize what we are afraid of, rather than giving witness to the God who tells us “fear not”? Oh, fear is real--there are always situations, issues, and trends that keep us awake at night. The issue is not the absence of fear, but whether or not our posture toward our world is one that memorializes fear or faith. Memorials are not built to help us hang on to fear. Rather, they remind us of what or who we love. The epistle of John encourages us to build a memorial of faith: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18). As we think about this kind of love, may our own hearts be filled to overflowing with faith that conquers our fears.

[lovekristy4ever]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would let you know how my retreat went.....

It was held by Elizabeth Anne Seton Family and was run by Sr. Gertrude of that order.  She was a very nice lady and the purpose of the retreat was to help us know our purpose in the church and to serve God after the second Vatican. 

Well, I didn't have any expectations.  I think that the most important thing I got out of the retreat is that I was searching for this "purpose" that I felt I needed to be doing for God.  I was thinking I needed to feed all the hungry, house the homeless - stuff like that.  I think after Saturday, I realize that just helping my son and husband by being there for them is doing God's work.  I am fulfilling what I should be doing for God.  Does that make sense?   After my son is out on his own and my husband finds his way, then maybe my mission will change but God has been showing me the way all the time and I think I have been following Him.  I just didn't know it.  

I wept a lot during the retreat.  I was tired and I think my emotions were very close to the surface.  Kristy is always in my heart.  I miss her so much.  I wish I could control the tears but I can't. 

[4everjoeysmom]

I have absolutely no doubt that God has given you great purpose in being there for your husband and your son. What greater purpose is there for a wife and mother in serving her God by serving her family? Being a "Proverbs 31 Woman" doesn't mean that you are in the act of doing all of these works/deeds. It simply means you have a heart to do all of these things. You have a heart full of love for your Savior. In that, there is absolutely nothing wrong. Terri, you are a beautiful woman who loves the Lord. Sometimes we need to rest for a season, and we need not try so hard. You know? This is a season that God is allowing others to minister to you. Relax and breathe it in, and let His Spirit replenish you.

I'm glad you enjoyed your retreat. Blessings, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Here we are on a Monday.    May this week bring each of us new and wonderful understanding of our Lord and Savior.

Claudia,

I am glad for the change in the message to a softer and gentler version.  I am sad that you have been targeted.  It does hurt to have angry words hurled at you even if you know they are false or full of misunderstanding.  We are here on this thread to grieve together and share our faith and encouragement with each other.  I was not privy to what ever happened and that is ok.  I hope it is not with the thought that you have stolen us away as your disciples or are perverting our beliefs.  We are not here as followers of Claudia.  We are followers of Jesus.  I hope that you will be here with us for a long time, but we would still be here sharing and caring even without you.  Thank you for helping to start this thread and allow us a place to come and encourage each other.  

Sal

 

[wyomingsal]

Terry,

I am glad the retreat went well.  I remember struggling with wanting to do more for our Lord and feeling trapped by my family.  Never get me wrong here.  I loved my family with all my heart.  And yet I had 4 children under 8 years old and I saw the women in the church doing so much in ministry.  One wise lady told me..."there are seasons in our lives....your season right now is in raising your family."  You are right were God wants you to be.  Most of these women had grown children and had the time and call to do what they were doing.  I had young children to tend to and raise and love.  When my boy died at age 10....he had accepted Jesus in his heart.  One sweet child in Heaven because I took the time to raise him and love him and teach him about our Lord.  Those 10 years were not a waste of time.  Pray, Listen, and act on what God is asking you to do.  If that is being a wife and mom right now then there is nothing on earth more important for you to be doing. 

May this week bring God's peace in your life and sweet memories of your dear Kristy,

Sal

[msroderskie]

Bonnie, I'm so glad that something I said was comforting to you.  I thank God that He would use any of my words to minister.  He's so good to us! 

Claudia,  I'm also not privy to what's been going on with the negative attacks on you and/or others, but I do believe that there is a good fellowship here.  You have been a very effective leader and exhorter on this thread, but it would be kind of weird if anyone thought you were making your "own disciples" or some such thing.  Anyway, I will agree in prayer that the Holy Spirit will sort it all out.

Here's the fried rice recipe, from my former Filipina housegirl Perla.  I now make the recipe with chicken, but the original pork version is really tastier:

4 pork chops -- OR meat from one whole chicken breast

2 cups uncooked Uncle Ben's rice (Uncle Ben's handles best -- NOT instant version)

3 and 1/2 cups water

2-3 eggs

vegetable oil

soy sauce

Cook meat by browning in some veg oil, then sprinkle with liberal amount of soy sauce and braise slowly until done.  Chop cooked meat into smaller than bite-size pieces and set aside in fridge. 

Cook rice according to package directions, using 3 and 1/2 cups water.  You can do this while the meat is cooking.

Scramble eggs in a little oil or margarine, chopping them very small as you scramble.

Assemble all the cooked ingredients:  heat about 3 Tablespoons oil in a large deep frying pan, over medium heat, until oil is hot but not smoking.  Pour in cooked rice, meat and scrambled egg, stirring to combine all.  Sprinkle soy sauce on liberally and stir into mixture until rice turns somewhat brown.  Fry while stirring for a few minutes.  It's a good idea to taste the rice until you get the right flavor -- it should have a definite soy sauce flavor without being overwhelmed by the soy sauce.  It will taste super salty if you go too far with the soy sauce.

 

At times I've added vegetables to this dish, like sugar snap peas, or green beans, but that always changes the flavor too much. It's better to serve it with vegetables on the side.   My kids never failed to devour the entire pan. 

Claudia, if you try this recipe and can't get Uncle Ben's there, it will taste just as good with "sticky" rice.  It's just easier to use the converted Uncle Ben's type.

Love in Christ,

Rody

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, thanks for the recipe! Can't wait to give it a try. I'm making my grocery list for my next trip to the city now...

About "making disciples": I do take seriously Christ's mandate of Matthew 28:18-20. I would not live a missionary life if I did not. And believe it or not, I have been directly accused of making disciples for myself based on faulty scripture. I too think that's a bit twisted, and maybe exposes some kind of underlying personal issue with my accuser. BUT, in making Disciples for Jesus, none should do so if they are doing so for personal glory. All disciples belong to Jesus, no matter whose hands He uses to make them. That said, most that engage regularly on this thread have been disciples for Christ way before I met you all. This thread was created simply for like-minded/hearted could fellowship and encourage one another. I don't see that any of us are "preaching" at one another. I don't see where any one here has influenced another to believe any differently than the Truth that Holy Spirit has led to through Scripture and divine revelation. When opposition has come on this thread, I believe it was handled with grace and truth, along with gentle reminders that the spirit of BI is not one that would support religious debates or antagonism. While we use Scripture here, it is primarily used to support the experiential words we share with another for the sole purpose of bringing comfort in a godly way. It is wise to do so, so that we are transparent in the way of not leaning on our own understanding in the things of God, but standing firmly on God's truths. (Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.) Some folks that come here are quaking because of their pain, which is understandable. And some have been weakened by hearing very cruel and fear-based lies from other people, therefore come looking for insight from those who are clearly walking in God's Light and Peace, unshaken by untruths. 2 Cor 1:3-7----I know this Scripture is written in the wake of specific adversities that happened in that day, but it certainly reminds us not to keep Jesus all to ourselves when we have amazing testimony to share through our adversities and deliverance thereof. In my case, experientially speaking, if it had not been for Jesus, I would have been swallowed by much of my life's choices and experiences. Losing my son nearly found me losing myself, perhaps my life. I thank no one but God for my rescue, and I know He sent me wonderful sisters here for that rescue as well. May he rescue us all! Love & Blessings!

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

I'm sorry someone has targeted you with this. You are such a God sent to me and have helped me with your kind words and faith.

To eveyone else. Thanks for your writing and your prayers. I know I pray for each of you mostly by name and I feel you are doing the same for me.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, You are heavily on my heart this week. I just hit the 2 year date, but here you are reaching 1 year, and how different the two were for me--the first being harder for exactly the reasons you described on the other thread--remembering every little detail from one year ago right now and how Danielle was still here. My heart just breaks... I was so consumed with those thoughts that week leading up to Joey's 1 year date...to almost give anything to turn the clock back and change history... almost.

As I read how twirling your fingers through Danielle's hair.. and how that kept you during those hours of numbness and surreal reality, I was imagining that and I could almost swallow my heart, it;s so high in my throat. I didn't get to experience that...seeing my baby's body and "taking care of him one last time". There is a part of me deep inside that wishes I could have, and another part thankful my last image is of him fully alive. How mixed emotions can be... How tough this journey is...

You are in my prayers! Love, Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Sonya,

I will keep you in prayer this week leading up to Saturday.  It seems much of the grieving and remembering happens during the days before the day.  To live one whole year without your beautiful Danielle still seems so surreal.  The disbelief comes back again that they are really gone...at least it did with my one year date in July. 

Now with fall here and Halloween coming I think of last year and I think, last year was so hard because he was here the year before...a part of our life....living and loving and smiling and being silly.  How unthinkable to be without Joshua...He loved Halloween and harvest.  This year I think...Wow,  how could he have been absent last year?  How can he have been gone for over a year?.  No longer a first Halloween without him.  No longer his first birthday without him.  No longer the first Thanksgiving without him.  The year date is a mile marker on our journy of grief.  We pass it  and now look back and measure how far we have traveled by looking at the last marker we passed rather then our departure point. 

May God's peace and comfort surround you this week, dear Sonya.  May hope well up in your heart for the future both in service of our Lord here on Earth and in always looking ahead to the day of joyful reunion with Danielle in eternity. 

Love Sal

[daniellemom]

Sal and Claudia,

Thank you so much ladies, I'm hanging in there and I know and can feel your prayers. Thank you so much for that!

Sonya

[lagrangel]

Sonya,

I will keep you in my prayer for Danielle's approaching departure date. I know that first year anniversary can be very difficult. The pain is always there but as Claudia says it does gets softer over time. We went to a eatery that we had not been to for 10 months after Brent passed away and I said to my husband at least I did not cry through my whole meal this time. I just thank God for his strenght to get me through each day.

Claudia,

I am sorry that someone has felt compeled to personally attack you. You have shared so much with us when we were new to this journey and so weak in our faith. You gave me such strenght when I was to weak to see beyond the next day. I can look over my 14 month journey and can say Thank You My Dear Sister for giving me  words of encouragement to continue on this difficult journey. As a Christian sister I think we all need encouragement from one another. God has been my rock and he will continue to be my blessing. May his blessing continue upon you and may you share and continue your words of encouragement....  Love, Lana

[bbarbie55]

I agree Claudia you have been a Godsend to all of us with your wisdon that is God given I don't know what I would have done in those first few months without your input. I think we all have to remember we all are hurting and we get comfort where we can. I'm a christian and Claudias wisdom has made me look at myself many times. So if you have a different faith don't knock someone elses because that may be all they are hanging on to in this life after their daughter, son, spouse or other has passed on. Lets comfort each other as this website is for not belittleing someone. Keep it up Claudia we listen to you because you are walking in all of our shoes. Thank you.

Deb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hugs to y'all! I love you!! More that that, God loves you too--unconditionally! Blessings, Claudia

[daniellemom]

To my Sisters

Thank you for all the prayers for me this weekend. I felt them all weekend. May the Lord shine his blessings and peace on each of you today! We did not do anything special for the 11th not a day I want to celebrate. But I have to say the Lord was with me in a very special way all weekend.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lovekristy4ever]

Sonya,

You made it through another hard part.  Whether you realize it or not, you are a strong person.  Having the faith that you do, helps you tremendously but you also are able to give to others even in your grief.  Take comfort in the gifts you give. 

Terry

[no40corysmom]

hello all...........yes, I'm still traveling this rough journey with you all.  I just don't post too much..........

A student at a local high school close to my son's, took his life a couple weeks ago.......I don't know these people, but I plan to reach out and hopefully be able to connect with them.........

Some time ago, a fellow poster posted a scripture that helped her, from Isaiah, that spoke to her of God taking some of his children home to protect them.   Does anybody remember which verse that was?

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom, The Scripture you are referring to was posted by Kirkleberries/Susan on the Suicide-just lost my son thread on Aug 18th:

Isaiah 57:1 The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; Isaiah 57:2 he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness.

I would like to make a side note of commentary from one of my studies on the first part of 57:2 (He enters into peace):

Isa 57:2 He shall enter into peace,.... Or "shall go in peace" (d); the righteous man goes in peace now; he has peace from his justifying righteousness; he has peace through believing in Christ; he has peace in, though not from, his obedience and holiness of life; and he has peace in the midst of the many trials he is exercised with; and he goes out of the world in peace, with great serenity and tranquility of mind, as Simeon desired he might, having views of an interest in Christ, and in the glories of another world; and as soon as he is departed from hence he enters into peace, into a state where there is everything that makes for peace; there is the God of peace; there is Christ, the Prince of peace; there is the Spirit, whose fruit is peace; and there are the angels of peace, and good men, the sons of peace: and there is nothing there to disturb their peace, no sin within, nor Satan's temptations without, nor any wicked men to annoy and molest them; and there is everything that can come under the notion of peace and prosperity; for the happiness of this state is signified by riches, by glory and honour, by a kingdom, and by a paradise; and into this state the righteous may be said to enter immediately upon death, which is no other than stepping out of one world into another; and this they enter into as into a house, as it really is, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens; and, entering into it, they take possession of it, and for ever enjoy it:

A couple of other verses referenced in my study of these passages:

2Kings 22:19 because your heart was penitent, and you humbled yourself before the LORD, when you heard how I spoke against this place and against its inhabitants, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and you have torn your clothes and wept before me, I also have heard you, declares the LORD. 2Kings 22:20 Therefore, behold, I will gather you to your fathers, and you shall be gathered to your grave in peace, and your eyes shall not see all the disaster that I will bring upon this place.'" And they brought back word to the king.

Revelation 14:13 And I heard a voice from heaven saying, "Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Blessed indeed," says the Spirit, "that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!"

..and of course Paul's own words:

Philippians 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:22 If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. Philippians 1:23 I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.

Hope some of the references help... ~Claudia

[no40corysmom]

Claudia ~ you are truly a God-send and a blessing to us all. May the Lord richly bless you in the most unexpected way!!!

[msroderskie]

Hello all,

I'm trying to attach photos of my sons Phil and Matt to this message.  So this is a test...

Rody

[msroderskie]

Ok, I guess I figured that out.  The photo of Phil, on the left, is the last picture taken of him.  Matt's photo was taken within the last year of his life.   These are the photos we have on their grave stone. 

I have thought of you all and prayed for you Sonya, though I have to admit, I missed looking at the calendar this month, so prayed after your sad anniversary.  I hope you are doing well.  Things seem to be very quiet on this thread.  Everyone must be very busy as I am.  My father-in-law died a few days ago, and we are making a trip downstate (New York) for the funeral, leaving tomorrow morning.   We hope, as always, to be a witness for Christ, if there is any chance to share at all.

Lately, I have been blessed mercifully by the Lord because He's reminding me that He hasn't rejected me, that He's not out to destroy me -- all emotions that I've had a lot, off and on, in the years since the boys died.  It has probably been an attack of the enemy.  No matter what the source, whether the enemy or simple self-condemnation, it has been a miserable recurring battle.  I suppose it's not that unusual for a bereaved believer to feel this way -- anyone identify with what I'm saying?  Anyhow...I thank God in Christ that He's reminded me, through the Word and by His Spirit, that He indeed did come to save me!  He's not condemning me!  He does love me!   I'm so thankful -- "restore unto me the joy of thy salvation" - and He really did!

I hope everyone who posts here is well and abiding in the love of God.

Rody

[no40corysmom]

Your boys are so handsome!!! Thanks for sharing with us.....

I debated whether to share this but the Lord has led me to. so.

It is just 24 weeks since my Cory left us.  I'm sitting outside last night........looking at the light that we light every night for Cory. And my spirit and my soul starts crying, then starts screaming for him........CORY!!! CORY!!! CORY!! and it is all consuming and I feel myself going down.......and the Lord places in my heart.....This is what the apostles felt ........after His crucifixion.......Jesus!! JESUS!!! WHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

And WE, with our hindsight can see, and can say....Why did you worry? See? He was there. He is HERE.......He never really left.....and He told you that!

He IS our first fruit.....He is our glory! He IS our HOPE and our PROMISE and I praise him each and every day!

This re-realization - or re-*inforcement* comforted my soul somehow......bringing home again, what Jesus did for us and what it means for us........

[daniellemom]

Rody,

Phil and Matt are very handsome boys/men! So sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I hope your trip will be safe.

Thanks for your prayers for me!

Sonya