Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[msroderskie]

Hello all,

I have not posted for a couple of weeks now.  It's been a busy time, but everyone from this thread is in my thoughts and prayers. 

Welcome to you Lisa, and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son.  I "third" what Sal  and Claudia wrote to you concerning the nasty e-mail from your step mom.  That sort of judgmental religiosity was the prime target of Jesus's wrath during his earthly ministry.  And Lisa, belonging to a church does not make you a Christian. It is only faith in Christ that makes one a Christian.  Belonging to a church is a way of sharing and ministering with others of like faith after you find faith in Christ.  I became a Christian in my own home, before I'd ever been to a Bible-believing church.

  It's possible I believe in every local church to find some people who fervently love Christ and walk accordingly, while others only "play" at Christianity because they have some kind of "religious feelings".  Then others carry on as if faith in Christ were just another religion based on human good works, as your stepmom seems to have done.  Anyway, I'm so glad that you have found a fellowship on this post.  There are great sisters here who do love Christ, so I believe you will continue to like it here. 

Today would have been my son Philip's 28th birthday.  He has been gone for more than seven years now.  I will think of him, as on every day, but with the added memories of going through childbirth that day and all of the rigors of that particular birth, my toughest one.  Some days I can cry and some days I'm still too numb.  I will concentrate mostly on Phil, in grieving today, though I will also think of his brother Matt, too.  Sometimes I have to actually choose who to grieve over.  It's two totally different losses, yet inseparably related.  This began the day that Matt killed himself in grief over Phil's death.

Phil died in an accident that, though partially his fault, at least was an accident that he tried to stop.  Then just short of the second anniversary of his death, when we were still trying to adjust to life without Phil, Matt takes his own life and compounds the horror.  So it felt as if grieving for Phil was interrupted.  I kept trying to get back to grief for Phil, while simultaneously not wanting to "abandon" my grief for Matt.  Yet there was also anger at Matt.  For at least one full year I was utterly numb. I still live in numbness emotionally much of the time.  No, as a Christian I don't yet have the answers as to why my sons died, but I DO have hope and fully trust that God in Christ will make it all clear to me.  One day I will see my sons again, I trust, in true happiness, joy and peace, together with my Savior.  That day can't come too soon as far as I'm concerned.

I've had many struggles with the idea that God was punishing me for sin also.  This kind of reaction to one's own loss is pretty common I think for a parent especially.  It's a horrendous attack however, when foisted upon you by someone else, as in Lisa's case.  No human being can make that judgement and I probably shouldn't even judge myself that way. * [The following three sentences are speculation: But what if, because I'd turned my back on God and purposely put Him aside for a few years, even after committing my life to Christ, what if that sin was one of the reasons that I needed to undergo loss?  There were likely 15 or 1500 other reasons that were also involved that had nothing to do with my sin. That's how I look at it.] *

I know some may not agree that God ever judges our actions that way in this dispensation (not sure if that's the right word).  In any case, I believe that God works all things together for good to them that love Him, for those who are the called according to His purpose.  God is constantly bringing good out of evil.  Not that we should blithely sin and think, "It's OK, God has it covered!"  God forbid.  When all is said and done,  I must say with Job, "Even if He slays me, yet I will trust in Him."  I hope no one takes my speculation in a wrong way.  I'm NOT trying to say that when something bad happens to us it's always a punishment for sin.   

Well, I've gone on much too long and need to run some errands and go to the graves.  I know you, my sisters, will pray for me this day.  Thank you!  I will be thanking the Lord today also for the grace and support shown on this site, and for every moment He's given me with my children and grandchildren.  Love in Christ, Rody

 

[msroderskie]

Hello all,

I have not posted for a couple of weeks now.  It's been a busy time, but everyone from this thread is in my thoughts and prayers. 

Welcome to you Lisa, and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son.  I "third" what Sal  and Claudia wrote to you concerning the nasty e-mail from your step mom.  That sort of judgmental religiosity was the prime target of Jesus's wrath during his earthly ministry.  And Lisa, belonging to a church does not make you a Christian. It is only faith in Christ that makes one a Christian.  Belonging to a church is a way of sharing and ministering with others of like faith after you find faith in Christ.  I became a Christian in my own home, before I'd ever been to a Bible-believing church.

  It's possible I believe in every local church to find some people who fervently love Christ and walk accordingly, while others only "play" at Christianity because they have some kind of "religious feelings".  Then others carry on as if faith in Christ were just another religion based on human good works, as your stepmom seems to have done.  Anyway, I'm so glad that you have found a fellowship on this post.  There are great sisters here who do love Christ, so I believe you will continue to like it here. 

Today would have been my son Philip's 28th birthday.  He has been gone for more than seven years now.  I will think of him, as on every day, but with the added memories of going through childbirth that day and all of the rigors of that particular birth, my toughest one.  Some days I can cry and some days I'm still too numb.  I will concentrate mostly on Phil, in grieving today, though I will also think of his brother Matt, too.  Sometimes I have to actually choose who to grieve over.  It's two totally different losses, yet inseparably related.  This began the day that Matt killed himself in grief over Phil's death.

Phil died in an accident that, though partially his fault, at least was an accident that he tried to stop.  Then just short of the second anniversary of his death, when we were still trying to adjust to life without Phil, Matt takes his own life and compounds the horror.  So it felt as if grieving for Phil was interrupted.  I kept trying to get back to grief for Phil, while simultaneously not wanting to "abandon" my grief for Matt.  Yet there was also anger at Matt.  For at least one full year I was utterly numb. I still live in numbness emotionally much of the time.  No, as a Christian I don't yet have the answers as to why my sons died, but I DO have hope and fully trust that God in Christ will make it all clear to me.  One day I will see my sons again, I trust, in true happiness, joy and peace, together with my Savior.  That day can't come too soon as far as I'm concerned.

I've had many struggles with the idea that God was punishing me for sin also.  This kind of reaction to one's own loss is pretty common I think for a parent especially.  It's a horrendous attack however, when foisted upon you by someone else, as in Lisa's case.  No human being can make that judgement and I probably shouldn't even judge myself that way. * [The following three sentences are speculation: But what if, because I'd turned my back on God and purposely put Him aside for a few years, even after committing my life to Christ, what if that sin was one of the reasons that I needed to undergo loss?  There were likely 15 or 1500 other reasons that were also involved that had nothing to do with my sin. That's how I look at it.] *

I know some may not agree that God ever judges our actions that way in this dispensation (not sure if that's the right word).  In any case, I believe that God works all things together for good to them that love Him, for those who are the called according to His purpose.  God is constantly bringing good out of evil.  Not that we should blithely sin and think, "It's OK, God has it covered!"  God forbid.  When all is said and done,  I must say with Job, "Even if He slays me, yet I will trust in Him."  I hope no one takes my speculation in a wrong way.  I'm NOT trying to say that when something bad happens to us it's always a punishment for sin.   

Well, I've gone on much too long and need to run some errands and go to the graves.  I know you, my sisters, will pray for me this day.  Thank you!  I will be thanking the Lord today also for the grace and support shown on this site, and for every moment He's given me with my children and grandchildren.  Love in Christ, Rody

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, I have been thinking of you a lot (in prayer as well).  I am always so encouraged by your post, and here you are encouraging us on a very difficult day for you.  My heart is so full for you as I consider what you wrote about grieving both of your son, not knowing sometimes where the line is from one to the other, and the differeing circumstances of grieving for each.  How can the two not be so intertwined, and yet be so separate?  I'm kind of at a loss for words, and I feel the call of the Spirit telling me it's ok..just pray.  Much love to you, My Sister.  I pray you can feel Jesus intimately with you as you grieve the day, cherish Phil's birth, remember your sons, and hold to the Hope and Promise that will free us one day from this pain...  God bless you and keep you Rody, ~Claudia

P.s.  I don't think it's coincidence that I received this today...

Doubt Your Perception of Suffering

Posted: 16 May 2008 08:20 AM CDT

(Author: Jon Bloom)

There he sat, the scum of society, a sorry piece of work begging the condescending mercy of pious passersby going in and out of the temple. Enough mercy and he could eat.

The blind man in John 9 didn't have many vocational options. He had been born blind. And it was his own fault. As a fetus this man sinned in the womb against the Almighty. Either that or his parents had sinned and cursed him. Whichever, he was suffering his just punishment. Those who had been righteous fetuses walked by and sometimes dropped a coin in his hand.

You see, in the law and prophets God had not explained exactly why one person suffers more than another. So theologians surmised that a person's suffering must result from a specific offense against God. Oddly, this was what Job's three friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, had surmised about Job's suffering. God's word to them was, "you have not spoken of me what is right" (Job 42:8). Jesus was about to deliver a similar rebuke.

As Jesus and his disciples passed by this man, the disciples naturally wanted to know who was to blame, the man or his parents. That's when Jesus threw another wrench into their theological system. He said, "It was not that this man sinned or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" (v. 3).

Can you hear the disciples catch their breath? Have you caught yours? Jesus said that God was to blame. The man was blind because God had a purpose in it that hadn't entered anyone's mind.

All those years the man and his parents labored under a perception of God's judgment for an unknown reason. And they had born others' disdain. Imagine what the man's childhood must have been like. Imagine the insults, the indignities, the injuries, the poverty, the loneliness, and isolation from other children. No hope for marriage. No hope for education.

Why? Because God had something glorious to say through it. It's just that up until this day no one saw it coming, least of all the blind man.

Jesus then spat on the ground, made mud with his saliva, put the mud on the man's eyes, and said, "Go, wash in the pool of Siloam." So he went and washed and came back seeing!

In that moment everything changed. The man went from life-long blindness to seeing. But even more revolutionary in its repercussions, he went from being perceived as the object of God's wrath to being the object of God's mercy!

This is mind-blowing. God's purposes in his blindness turned out to be exactly opposite of everyone's perceptions. All along people believed the man was "born in utter sin" (v. 36). But in fact he was born blind in order that God might show mercy to him and pronounce judgment on the self-righteous religious people. "For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind" (v. 39).

Caution: we must be very careful in assessing God's purposes in suffering—our own or someone else's. Often we cannot see any redeeming reason for it. The same would have been true of the blind man until the day Jesus passed by...

This story reminds us that our perceptions and God's purposes can be very different, even opposite. If we are going to be skeptical, it's best to be skeptical of our perceptions.

[wyomingsal]

Rody,

I am praying for you as you miss your boys today on Phils birthday.  The day that brought you such an amazing gift.  They day full of joy of new life and full of hopes and dreams.  A day to praise our Lord and rejoice.  And now a day of memories and heartache as you miss him so much.  My heart hurts for you as I know the pain of missing a child.  I still can't and don't ever want to imagine losing two precious children. 

May God bring you peace and comfort today and throughout this week.  May you be renewed today with joy, strength and energy and be able to live each day fully for our Lord until the day when you will be reunited for all eternity with both of your precious boys. 

Love

Sal

[daniellemom]

Rody,

My thoughts and prayers are with you on Phil's Birthday. 

Happy Birthday Phil!!

 

Love and Prayers,

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[msroderskie]

Thanks so much, my sisters, for your kind words and prayers!  Claudia, here is God at work again -- Just this morning I was reading that exact spot in John 9: the story of the man born blind.  Also, oddly enough, I was trying to get on the computer last night and the thing was thoroughly uncooperative and I gave up in frustration.  All so that God could show His perfect timing this morning, I imagine. Thank you so much for reminding me to doubt my own perceptions about my suffering! 

Yesterday was a rather disjointed day.  I had a memorial in the local newspaper for Phil, and I went to the graves with flowers, but was only able to see one of my daughters - the other had to work.  Maybe tonight I will watch a movie that Phil liked - Mr Bean was one of his favorites.  Here is another funny thing about Phil:  when he was small he would sign his full name on his Mother's Day cards or birthday cards to family members -- Philip R. Albach -- as if he had to fully identify himself.  What a goofy kid.

Thank you Lord for every moment that we have had with our children who have gone on to heaven:  Claudia with her Joey, Sal with her Joshua, Patti with her Big Mike, Lana with her Brent, Sonya with her Danielle, Anne with her Jamie, Trish with her Justin, also Oneta with her husband Lamar.  I know there are others whom I haven't noted who visit this site with some regularity - you know who they are Lord.  Please help every one of us to see the greater glory that You will be revealing as we worship You in our daily lives while still here struggling with grief.  Help us each to live in the reality of Your life in us, Your grace in us.   Help each of us to be the best Moms we can possibly be to our remaining children.  Thank you so much Lord for Your amazing love, mercy and forgiveness towards us! Amen. 

Love to my friends in Christ,  Rody  

[4everjoeysmom]

Rody, I am in awe, truly, of how God moves in each of us and steers us to just the right moment with words of encouragement, so often revealing a bit of His glory in the mix.  How cool!!

I remember you mentioning before how much Phil liked Mr. Bean.  My son Patrick liked Mr. Bean too, especially when he was a younger boy.  We watched it all the time.  Patrick also signed his full name on many cards he gave me when he was younger.  He was always my "quirky" kid while Joey always was the one to be "acting up" for the attention.  Isn't it wonderful that God gave Phil those wonderful and quirly traits that are so vivid in your memories?  You can't help but smile, even through the tears.

Thank you for being such an inspiration to me!  Much love, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

I wanted to share a quote I found this morning while skimming the blogs of Ed Litton...

"Death can hide; but not divide. She (*He) is with Christ on life's other side. She (*He) is with Christ and Christ is with me. United still in Christ are we." -Vance Havner

(*) I inserted to personalize for those who have lost a he...

I found Ed Litton's blog spot today while doing some research study, and in his blog I found a lot of wonderful writing about his grief.  Ed lost his wife a year ago.  He is a wonderful writer, a godly man, and shares profound insights and wisdom through his grief journey.  For any of you, like me, who make a hobby of researching godly insights into the grieving process/journey, you may find this really resourceful.  http://elitton.blogspot.com  There (under the blog archives and previous posts) you can find many, many personal writings and insights into his God-led journey of grief and recovery.

Love & Blessings, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Friends/Sisters,

I had an exchange with Oneta last night, and over the past couple of weeks or so she has been battling insomnia really badly.  Would you all please keep her in prayer?

Also, I received this in one of my blogs today.  It resinated with me...  Sometimes my life circumstances find me so weary....  and yet in falling to my knees and seeking God to pull me out, He whispers to me and tells me He is with me.  Will He pull me out?  I don't know.  But I know He is more "faithful" than I.....  and I pray to finish the race one day...   Blessings and much love in Christ, Claudia

God Will Heal My Faithlessness  (Desiring God Blog)

(Author: Tyler Kenney)

Despite eight years of new life in Christ, my poor, guilty soul still becomes overwhelmingly anxious at times. A dark cloud comes and just sits over my head, not letting any hope from God's promises or past faithfulness get through and restore my joy.

And it's my fault. It's unbelief and sin.

God never intended for me to find my abiding joy in the circumstances of this life—"in this world you will have trouble"—but to hope in him and his salvation (Habakkuk 3:17-19; 1 Peter 1:13).

Nonetheless, I still let outward things determine my inward state, with the result that I have fickle joy, not Paul-like joy—the kind that would lead me to say,

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. (Phillipians 4:12)

So when this unhappy lack of sturdy joy leads me to pray (which it always does, and I thank God!), I don't want to pray primarily for my circumstances to change. I want to pray first for my unbelieving heart to change.

And then I take more comfort in the Father than ever before:

Return, O faithless sons; I will heal your faithlessness. (Jeremiah 3:22)

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

I really needed that today, thank you. I'm all down in the dumps today. I will pray for Oneta I've been missing her posts on this thread.

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, yeah.  I've been missing Oneta too.  I e-mailed her last night and that's when she shared about her insomnia having returned.  She said she is going on a spiritual retreat this weekend and she is looking forward to that.  I know she will be grateful for the prayers, and perhaps she will feel them as she seeks God's ministering for her heart during the retreat.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down in the dumps.  I had several days last week that were really bad.  In fact I still feel in a haze of some sort.  I have been receiving some fairly weird/negative messages lately that also seemed to be like a dark cloud...  I don't know, kind of oppressive in nature, but basically am turning my back on it.  Some things just aren't worth the energy, especially when it's important to try and focus on things that bring healing vs. things that tear you down.  You know?  Anyway, I've been doing some research lately for a book my husband is writing, and in doing such I have stumbled onto some really good information--unrelated to his book, but somehow intertwined with my thoughts...  make sense of that!  LOL!!  What I am learning about is a concept I really never considered, called Secondary Loss.  There are actually a couple of different ways this term is used.  1) A loss that is not catastrophic in nature but life-changing in some way, like a move, a job loss, stuff like that.  2) Loss or a series of losses that occur following a catastrophic loss, like a date or event that would have been shared with that person, a changed meaning to a specific date or event (like Mother's Day), the changed structure of a family, and the list goes on and on.  Secondary loss brings grief as well, aside from the initial catastrophic loss AND intertwined with that initial loss.  Sometimes it's difficult to identify whether we are grieving the precious one we lost or whether we are grieving for the changes around us associated with the loss, and oftentimes we're grieving both at the same time.  It is said that secondary loss can spark additional feelings of grief for months, even years--duh.  For example when my son gets married...  I'm sure there will be joy, but also grieving on that day as well for the one person we all will miss being there.

I am a little bit relieved in finding that there is a legitimate reason for why I am "blue", (besides the obvious), when a certain date or season arrives, or when I experience something that I would have naturally shared with Joey.  And I am really relieved that it has less to do with my level of faith and more to do with just plain old rotten grief.  I believe we can have joy in the Lord yet still grieve and feel sad.  I mentioned before that my journey is to find that balance, and I do believe it exists.  I don't think it's a magical anectdote or anything, because I can't imagine that my heart won't always be broken to a degree.  But I am hopeful that God is showing me yet another insight into becoming more like Him in my pain and suffering.

If you haven't checked out that Ed Litton blog I mentioned yesterday (link on an earlier post), I really think you might find some very helpful and uplifting encouragement there.  The guy writes beautifully about his grief journey, and it is powerful godly stuff.

My dear Sister and friend, I am praying for you as I write and beyond.  I feel your pain...   Much love in Christ, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

Again you have have been given the insight to tell me what I needed to hear. Today is Mattie's birthday (Danielle's pride and joy her little sister) and I have been sad about Danielle missing this day. She would say Mattie is getting so big. Six years old today. James'senior prom was Saturday (her little brother) and Sunday was our anniversay (23 years). Danielle made a big deal out of everything. Thank you so much for the information and now I don't feel so crazy about the secondary loss. Again you are surely a God sent to me!!! I will check out that blog also. Thanks!

Love and prayers always,

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, so many significant dates with changed meaning...  Indeed it's enough to recall the waves of grief...  I'm so sorry.  I hope that in the day Mattie finds a special peace in the love Danielle surrounded her with.  That will never fade.  And you too... I pray in Jesus name... May God cover you completely in His peace and comfort as you miss Danielle... 

[no40corysmom]

Hello, I just posted on another thread, but want to post here too, as my faith is what is carrying me now.....

I lost my beautiful son April 30.  15 years old, he shot himself.  I know he's happy now, finding the love or whatever it was he couldn't get here on this wretched earth.....but my heart hurts so bad........I miss him horribly.

[daniellemom]

Cory's Mom,

I so sorry for your loss. My faith is what carries me also. I lost my daughter Danielle in a single car accident on October 11, 2007 she was 21. I'm sorry you have to be here on this site, but it has been a life line for me. Come as often as you can read, post, tell us about your son Cory.

Love and prayers,

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[no40corysmom]

He had sooooo much going for him!! He had his temps and was looking forward to driving.....he had a bzillion friends and lots of plans for the summer.  He was planning on getting a job.......He was planning on becoming a physical therapist because of the inspiring therapist he had been going to following his acl repair last fall.  He was sooo looking forward to returning full time to his lacross team...

uggggghhhhhhh.  It just doesn't make sense. 

He wasn't depressed.......not to where I felt I needed to be concerned...there were some signs...but nothing like what I'm reading about now.....

There's only one thing that makes sense to me.......demonic influence.

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom, My heart is just aching for you as I read your posts.  You are reeling from shock, and there is no doubt that the loss of our precious child(ren) is the worst, unimagineable nightmare for any parent.  Like you, most if not all of us can find very little sense in why it had to be our child to go.  Those of us who know and have faith in a just Lord cry out to Him asking how can this be just?!  This is not fair.  It does not make sense.  We search our hearts and minds wildly for answers, because without answers everything that seemed to make sense before our tragedy makes none now--absolutely none.  We know God is there/here, and somehow we survive the terrible of terribles, knowing, despising and fighting the course, our true faith journey, just beginning, in the midst of brokenness and despair.  My pastor once said that in the midst of a tragedy like this we either turn to God or turn away.  I cling to Him and am grateful that He has shown me mercy and grace, that He is my provision for strength and comfort, that he has sent me ministering friends in Christ here through BI and other means to help me get through this valley.  I hope we can be that for you too in the dark hours of pain and grief.

My son Joey died also very sudden, very unexpected, essentially by his own hand through circumstances as a reult of unwise choices.  We were horrified, shocked, despaired, nearly overcome with grief.  We couldn't understand why Joey would fall into such a trap.  he was so outgoing, so bright, so loved.  He also had so much ahead of him, a bright, successful future.  It didn't make sense why he would be so wreckless with his safety, with his life.  I finally had to let it go and give it to God, because I was driving myself mad with unanswered questions constantly streaming through my mind.  Shaking my fists at god was doing me no good.  What was done was done.  I had to find a way to survive, and roping myself into an abyss of haunting suggestions, opinions, speculations and theories was enough to drive me to a never to return from despair.  Only God and Joey know what was happening those last hours and moments.  And at this point it has been reconciled and washed away.  It matters no more to God or to Joey.  Joey is free and in His presence, despite the error of his last choice(s).  God has not given me the answers I sought, BUT He has given me peace in knowing that He is the director of our lives.  I nor anyone else could have changed the time that God elected Joey to go home.  We might have been able to steer some circumstances within our means and will, but the time was chosen long before we knew.  It's one consolation that reconciles feelings of guilt in that we could have, should have, would have...   It doesn't answer any questions, but it lets us know that He alone is God.  And whether or not demon-play is part of the picture, we do know that when we are a child of God not even the principalities can separate us from His love.  Jesus claimed victory over death.  We have only to die but one death and it is not an eternal death.  A comfort I find great peace in is knowing that it was but a moment.  Joey saw His Savior and that moment of pain and suffering, that moment of final breath was gone forever.  He is now alive like never before, and for all eternity in the presence of His Lord and King.  Whether the enemy had a hand in choices or it was solely of Joey's will, it no longer has any meaning.  God won!!  God has my son, not the evil one who tries so hard to destroy us with doubt and fear.  That is my comfort.  My God has my son.  Death from here is never the end.  It is our journey now to walk in the light of the Lord as we grieve for the precious one who journeyed ahead of us.  Indeed it is so very hard.  But I hope and pray that many of us here can be a support, a hope and an encouragement to you as you begin your journey now.

I'm sure there are others here who will be able to offer wonderful encouragement.  There is so much to be shared, and it is so overwhelming in the begiining.  But know that as much as you want, as much as you need to share, cry, vent, remember and speak you rprecious Cory's name, we are here to listen, to cry with you, to lend our time and selves so that you don;t have to feel so alone.  The world will move on around you, but there are those here that will never again know what that means without the sorrow of great loss.  In that we are now a kindred with our loving and merciful God, and with you.  I am praying for you....  ~Claudia (4everJoeysMom)

[no40corysmom]

Claudia, that is very powerful.........and healing.  Thank you ........yes, I know this road on earth is not going be easy........I am happy I found a place to come to to pour my heart out.......

For now, here is another profound post I came across, I'd like to share with all of you...

 

He [God] is WAY beyond awesome.

Eternity will not be even remotely LONG enough for us to fathom even the smallest part of His wonders.

ETERNITY!!!

...FOREVER...

This life and all its pain...is NOTHING but an insignificant pinprick compared to what we shall have for ETERNITY.

We worry..we fret..we laugh..we cry..we struggle through this life..the life God GAVE us to prepare each of us in our own specialaised way for the job we will be doing FOREVER!!

Its TRAINING....nohing more.

In the end..its all about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!

God uses people and events..especially the ROTTEN events..the ones that really HURT..to conform us bit by bit into the image of his son.

Without pain..how could we learn compassion for others in pain?

Without heartbreak...how could we learn to comfort the brokenhearted?

Without tragedy...how could we learn to ease the burdens of those suffering tragedy?

Without battle..HOW COULD WE LEARN TO FIGHT??

The rugged road is a SURE sign that God is training you for a major occupation in the realms of forever.

If your road is smooth..if your life is easy..IF you never have tribultaion..are you in fact IN his army in the first place??

Because he said...(IF you are indeed HIS) "IN THIS WORLD....ye shall HAVE TRIBULATION!"

If you ARE in the lords vast host..you WILL BE TRIED...TESTED..AND TEMPERED!!

It is GOD who brings the trials..and its GOD who enables us to OVERCOME them.

Remeber this...CLEARLY!!

There is NOTHING that happens..EVER..that is NOT Gods plan..will..or purpose for YOUR life.

It was all planned out before the creation of the world.

So..when the storms hit..when the trouble comes..when walking the valley of the shadow..its GOD who has purposed it for you..in order to teach you to be STRONG.

A weightlifter does NOT gain muscles by LOOKING at the weights..he does NOT gain muscles by endlessly TALKING about it as all the churches do about salvation and stuff..

NO..He gains muscles by LIFTING THE WEIGHTS..and this means PAIN!!

But..in the end..and for all eternity...it means a crown of LIFE..and a character much like Gods own..for THIS is his ETERNAL PURPOSE..to have a bride..MATCHED to HIS personality and character.

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom,  Amen!!

I do want to say, though many of us here have a very strong faith, there will be days when we feel weak, discouarged, crushed and lonely.  That does not necessarily mean our faith is weak.  These are times when the enemy lurks and is ready to pounce, to crush us deeper into his desire for us, a despairing hopelessness.  Know that because we are of faith does not mean we have to pretend to be strong during those times when we are not.  We don't have to "keep up appearances" here.  So when the very real weight of grief overcomes you, I pray you will find comfort and strength in God, as well as among new friends and family here.  Bless you!  ~Claudia

[daniellemom]

Cory's Mom and Claudia,

Both of your post are wonderful; it spoke to my very being. I only wished that I could write and help people like I can see both of you doing with your words.

Claudia,

I went to the blog that you gave and it's so helpful. I'm having a much better afternoon than this morning and in the days past.

I pray that the Lord will bless each of you in a very special way and give you peace.

Love and prayers,

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[wyomingsal]

Cory's Mom,

My heart breaks for you right now...so new to this horrible journey.  The loss of a child is so astonishing and terrible that it is hard to even believe sometimes that my boy is really gone from earth.  I lost my beautiful 10 y/o son last summer in a swimming accident and I remember so vividly how I had to grieve the loss of each hope and dream that my son had talked about.  He was so excited to to go to 5th grade and go on a field trip that they had planned.  To walk into that school with my living children and see his classmates was so very difficult.  Every single part of life that you experienced with your son together has to be experienced now without him.  Going back into the gorcery store for the first time brought a flood of memories and thoughts of what he would have liked and disliked.  Each holiday brings floods of memories and the now familiar stab of pain from missing him.   Each song of the radio somehow seemed to relate to my boy.  Every place we drove  I wept as the memories came crashing in to my consiousness.  I am so thankful that you have faith in our Lord.  That really is the only thing that gave me the strength to keep going and the comfort that I will see my boy again.  The pain doesn't go away because of the faith but somehow I am able to experience joy at the same time mixed in with the pain and longing to see my boy.  The quote you added below is so true and yet Claudia also spoke the truth.  We seem to fluctuate between keeping our eyes on Jesus and then staring only at the loss before us.  I find when I am crushed by the weight of my grief that I need to see both My Lord and my loss together and know that our Lord is the greater of the two and we have eternal hope.  I also find it helpful to let yourself cry and weep.  Let the tears come.  Let yourself mourn.

God's peace and comfort upon you,

Sal

 

[no40corysmom]

My heart is breaking.......last night was his lacrosse award ceremony.....he was honored, missed.....and presented his award.....Dreamless sleep is my only respite.....waking up brings it all back fresh....Making lunches, well, used to be lunches, now it's one lunch....is hard.  I pack my daughter's lunch, and all Cory's favorite things still sit on the shelf.  Yes, driving in the car is awful........He was learning to drive so he would drive everywhere we went, he'd have his music on.  I can't listen to the radio, cause hearing his favorite songs makes me cry....crying and driving at the same time is not easy.   Going down the road, everywhere I look, I see him.....I hear his laugh.....We'd just celebrated my youngest's 13 th birthday on the 27th, she had a party.  I told him he could spend the night somewhere to be away from all the girls....but he and one of his best friends wanted to hang out and and have fun with them.......those are our last pictures of him........

It's just all so wrong........he was happy and smart, it's just wrong.  I know God was in control then, and is now.......but still.  I miss his smile and his hugs........

[no40corysmom]

I just want to say too, that I thank you for sharing your stories with me as well.....so heart-rending...you will be of much help and comfort to me...

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom, It must have been so hard, having a ceremony that Cory should have been a part of.  I'm sure he was dearly missed by all.  Incidentally is tthe significance of #40 in your name associated with Cory's Lacrosse jersey number?

A while back Trish visited one of the child loss threads and posted some photos associated with her star athlete son Justin, who also has gone too soon.  Some of his friends and fans wore T-shirts to honor him at the school football games.  It's amazing to stand up and take notice of just how deeply affected our communities have been by the presence of our kids, how loved they were, are and always will be.  There's a sadness with it, but also a comfort in knowing our kids aren't forgotten.

I so know how you are feeling........I am so very saddened for you as you begin anew on this journey.  Please post as often as you want and need to.  Though it doesn't change much, it can help so much.  I still post a lot.  I remember in the beginning wanting to post 35 times in a row just so I wouldn't feel so alone.  I journal at times now, and I keep a ling-running letter to Joey.  The need to communicate with him didn't stop with his breath.  And though it may sound silly, I wrote to him now and then.  I also have a memorial web site for him, as many here do for their precious ones.  That helps too, having a place for me, his family and friends to go and reminisce, write, and to just visit.  I created it about 4 months after, and it really helped me to sort through some of my early grief emotions.  There is a thread here at BI listing kids memorial sites.  When you feel up to it, I encourage you to take a look at some of them.  Perhaps it will help to inspire creating one of your own, if you haven't already.

So much to say and share....   but also a desire to just listen and hear what;s on your heart.  Primarily I am posting now just so you know you are heard and understood, and people are walking WITH YOU.  Love, Claudia

[no40corysmom]

How do I create an avatar?

[4everjoeysmom]

Under My Account, click on the avatar link.  It will allow you to upload whatever photo you want to appear with each post--like the one that shows up of Joey to the left of my posts.  If you have a photo on your computer already, browse to the file and attach it for upload from your avatar link, which again is located when you got to "My Account".  If you don't have one on your computer, find a photo on a disk, a jump drive or cd rom and upload it from there.  Hope that makes sense.  If not, let me know...

[no40corysmom]

thanks Claudia.....still working on the avatar.....yes.  No. 40 was his number, they talked of retiring it, but not sure of that yet.  The day he left us.....there were so many kids at the emergency room hoping for good news......it was awful, the way the hospital presented it to them....kids were collapsing........when we came home, there were at least a hundred people in our driveway with a candelight vigil.....

They had a vigil at the highschool a day later......oh my.  wow.  there were hundreds there......hundreds........I had no idea....the choir had put toghether a song......I bawled and bawled.........I don't remember the words, but I remember the beauty......

The kids designed a t shirt for him.......and have sold hundreds......the profits to come to us.....money????? aaahhhhhhhggggh. I hate money....... ;(

His picture is on everyones' cell phones........his t shirt all over our community........

[no40corysmom]

Another major melt down last night.......I feel in such a fog....my brain just does work right.......I'm having a hard time being a mother to my other children.....youngest being 13.

Everybody who remembers him remembers his smile.....he's known for his million dollar smile.  He would have gotten his braces off next month.....he hated his braces and coldn't wait for them to be off.  Just one more month.....they'd have been off.

[4everjoeysmom]

Cory's Mom, I think we all who have surviving children feel we just don't have the energy or heart to be a good mother to our children.  Our hearts are so broken, and we are weary with grief.  It's not uncommon to feel that way.  What I had to force myself to be mindful of was that it's easy for our surviving children to be made to feel that they must compete with "perfect ghost".  Somehow when we lose our child, they become less flawed, and we become very protective of their honor.  In the making of all of this our surviving children feel slighted.  At least that was my experience, and I know others here went through that too.  My surviving son thankfully shared his feelings with me, and I was able to realize truths and pray for God to help me in that area of my motherhood--as my motherhood felt so broken.  It will come with a little more time beyond the early mourning and grief AND through much prayer.

Dear Father, I lift up to Your throne Cory's mom, whose heart is so broken now, Lord.  Please pour onto her your mercy, Lord, that she may find your strength and wisdom in these early weeks and months of her grief.  Father, you know her grief.  You can and do empathize.  Lord, surround Cory's mom and siblings with a hedge of protection from the lies and tricks of the enemy.  Help her to know that You are with her, that she is not alone.  Help her, Lord, to love and comfort her surviving children through her brokenness.  Have mercy and compassion for the moments of despair, and pour upon her your grace and love, Dear Lord.  In Jesus' name, Amen!

Your telling of Cory's braces reminded me that one of my very favorite photos of Joey and I together was taken when he was 15.  His braces glittered that sunny day on the Saginaw Bay as he too flashed his "million dollar smile".....

My heart and prayers, Claudia

[lovekristy4ever]

Cory's mom,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I think that the fog that you feel most of us have felt in the beginning (I still do).  Someone told me that they think that fog is there to protect us early in our grief.  My daugher died on April 15th and it was very unexpected.  She had a large bleed in her brain and had no warning signs and was 14 years old.  This past weekend was probably the worst with crying and anquish that I had since she passed away and the comment was made that I am coming out of that fog.  Needless to say, I saw the doctor yesterday to get an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication.  I need that extra help right now.   I am only "normal" when my son is home (he is 16).  I try, but have succumbed to the fact that I need this extra help right now.  My heart hurts so bad and I miss her so much. 

I attended a meeting of the Compassionate Friends on Monday night.  It is a national organization which is a support group for anyone grieving the loss of a child.  I think I will continue to go since it is a place where you are not alone. 

Sonya, I haven't forgotten about you.  I'm just still not doing well and not getting out yet.  I look forward to getting to the point where I am functioning better socially and we can get together.

Love,

Terry

[daniellemom]

Cory's Mom,

I remember in the very beginning the fog. Driving was just a joke, I would forget where I was or where I was going. Be very careful. I also remember my youngest daughter asking when are we going to laugh and have fun again (Danielle kept things going all the time) that broke my heart and I wanted to say never, but I knew for her we would have to have fun and laugh again, she is only 6. Well it's been a little over 7 months now and we do laugh and have fun it will never be the same not a day goes by that I don't miss Danielle but I know she would want Mattie to be as happy as she was. You are so new to this and the fog does help.

I sometimes still feel that I'm not as good as a mom to Mattie and James now than I was before Danielle passed away. My son's senior prom was Saturday and I asked him to call me when he got to each place and then call before he left for the next place. By the time he got home at around 4 am I think he had called me about 10 times. He didn't say anything about it I guess because he knows that I worry a little more than before.

SO I better stop for now. Sorry so long.

Terry,

I knew you had not forgotten me, I will be here when you are ready. Where did you find a support group at? I've looked and couldn't find one around here.

Claudia,

The picture of you and Patrick on the other thread is great!

Love and prayers always!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lovekristy4ever]

Sonya,

I can tell you are a good mom to your kids just in the worry that I hear about you being a good mom.  If you weren't, you wouldn't even worry about it.  I do understand about how parenting changes though.  I make my son Bobby call me whenever he arrives anywhere.  He is going away with a friend this weekend and already has instructions to call everynight night, when he arrives, and when he leave to come home.  I make him call me when he leaves work before he comes home.  I do think our kids understand it though.  They have gone through the same loss and and I told Bobby that although I feel bad about the "overprotectiveness", I can't help it because I love him too much and it is too overwhelming after Kristy died.  He has been wonderful about it. 

I went to the Compassionate Friends meeting in Chapel Hill.  They meet the third Monday of each month.  We were new and there was another couple there that it was there first time also.  They lost their 16 year old daughter in October to brain cancer.  When I get back to work, I will see if there is one closer.  I know there are larger groups in Raleigh and Cary that also meet more frequently but that is further.  If you would like to go next month, I would be happy to take you.  I also considered going to a Griefshare program at St. Marks.

I've heard (some of it from here) that it gets worse before better.  I think I am at that stage.  I am crying more and not feeling so well.  I went to the doctor but I need to dig deep and find the will to get better. 

Hugs to all,

Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, Thanks for the comment on the photo.  I love the pure joy captured in that moment.  I spent a lot of days in tears during that trip, because it felt so weird w/o Joey there too.  We are blessed to have patient and wise kids to understand when the tears come, that it doesn't take away from the joy we have in them, that they are secure in knowing we love them so much.  It's more a reflection to them that our photo albums for the future have been compromised in ways we never imagined....

Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

[no40corysmom]

I know that I am changed forever.........that my life is changed, but also my*self* is changed........Will I ever be able to function normally again?  I mean, at my job, they are very understanding, flexible and working WITH me.........but obviously I can't focus on things as I need to........will I ever be able to again?

[wyomingsal]

Cory's Mom,

It seems right now that there will never be a good day again.  It seems that life is changed forever.  It seems that there can never be joy again without your beloved Cory.  Know that there is hope even here on earth to regain a smile and some joy in living. 

Yes your life really is changed forever; however you wont feel like you do right now forever.  The fog will fade away and you will hurt and weep and cry.  You will mourn each day in shock and disbelief.  And then slowly the pain will soften and the horrible despair will come less and less often.  You will find yourself smiling one day and be shocked that you can smile when your boy isn't here with you.  I found it was hard to let go of the pain because you feel like you are letting go of your precious son.  You feel guilty for enjoying life when you first realize that you can.  I am 10 months into this journey of grieving and I still hate it every day.  But I find I can function now most of the time and I can smile and laugh and enjoy things again.  The overwhelming sad days come less and less often.  I have heard that grief hits in waves that can be like tidal waves.  They are overwhelming.  They knock you completely over and hit at unexpected times.  But they come farther and farther apart.  I still have my better times and my hurting times.  I still cry in the car on my way to work when I let my thoughts start thinking Joshua thoughts.  But I can function pretty well at work. 

Take the time you need to weep and cry and miss your precious son.  There is no loss like this.  I remember not eating (and I love to eat).  The food tasted and felt like cardboard.  I couldn't sleep because everytime I lay down swirling thoughts would assult my mind.  I would have to get up and write poems to help me sort through the thoughts.  Early in the morning when  the rest of the household was asleep I would wake and come downstairs and just weep for my boy.  It hurt so bad.  I spent many mornings looking through the Bible and reading every Heaven verse I could find because I wanted to know what my boy was experiencing.  where is he and what is he?  What is he doing and is he happy?  I also just let the Bible fall open and asked the Lord to speak to me....to comfort me...to show me anything that might help.

The loss of a child is the ultimate loss that God Himself also experienced when he sent his son to die for us.  The loss of a part of ourselves so dear it is unthinkable to be without them.  To be seperate from them.   Our God chose to allow himself to suffer that loss in order that we might spend eternity with Him and with our own precious children.  Thank you Lord that we will be reunited with our children.  I will see my boy again.  

 One of the verses I found soon after my boy died was the parable Jesus told before his own death.  A seed must die in order to grow a new plant and produce lots of fruit.  Jesus was talking about his own death at the time.  Was my own son a seed that needed to die in order for others to be saved?  My hope is that through his death  others might be saved and be with him in Heaven for all eternity.  His brothers... and friends...even people who don't know him personally.  His friends all received Bibles with their names on them from his memorial fund.  My hope is that my boy's death will not have been in vain but God's eternal purposes will be fulfilled through his earthly death.  Our boys are happy and perfect with our Lord.  We are left hurting and missing them. 

God bless you and comfort you through this horrible journey of grief. 

Sally

[4everjoeysmom]

Sal, so well said...

Cory's Mom, I view myself in totality now like a clay jar.  God is The Potter.  True, I am broken.  What once was a seemingly seemless piece of pottery is now broken, incomplete.  BUT, as God continues to work in me over time, it's as if He has placed me back upon the potter's wheel.  He has removed some of the ugly and painful pieces, the ones that don't reflect much of Himself, and He is molding new claty into me as He pieces together and patches some of those parts that are beautiful to Him--like the part of my heart that loves Him and desires to serve in His name, the part of my mind that focuses and drives toward His will, the limbs of my body that work in His honor, and so on.  He even molds back in some of the parts that have been marked by suffering and pain, the parts that are glazed in humility and His grace.  The work in me, my clay jar will not ever be perfect in this life.  It may not even feel completely whole.  It certainly will never be what it once was.  BUT it will be useful and functional.  It may leak from time to time, or need to have a piece broken out and replaced with a new patch of clay.  But my point is to say that He never allows something like this to happen to us (Romans 8:28) without also pouring out His grace and purpose in our lives.

At the end of July it will be 2 years for me since Joey departed this life.  I still struggle with disorganized thoughts and motivation.  I don't know for certain at this stage in my life and grief that I could or would be recovered enough to manage the career role I held months before Joey died.  It must have been God's perfect timing that steered me into my role now just a few months before Joey died.  Here I could just be, and I could allow God to fully do His work in me.  Some people find it difficult to go back to the jobs they had after they lose a child, very much for the same reasons we are talking about here--we just can't pull ourselves into the same functioning being we were.  It takes time.  Some of us are fortunate and can make lateral moves into different positions, and can have the wonderful understanding and cooperation of our employer.  Others of us have to forfeit our jobs entirely, which then causes a secondary loss to occur and we find we have to grieve that new loss as well.  Each situation is unique to the individual and circumstances that surround them, like their support network of family, friends and co-workers, level of responsibility, and what have you.  You are a believing woman.  My advice would be to seek God's will and pray a lot about it, for His direction and provision, no matter where that leads.  At the end of the day, when we put our faith and trust in the Lord, we can't go wrong.  It may not be an easy path, but it's a righteous and healing one.

Talk to your supervisor if you feel comfortable in doing so.  See if your company has a counseling program, and perhaps if you can take an extended leave under the FMLA (family medical leave act).  One of the most unfortunate aspects of our society and the working world is that they do not account for the effects of a catastrophic loss like this, and bereavment leave of 3 days is a joke.  If you are able, try not to let the responsibility of your job throw you into an overwhelming out of control spin.  By not addressing your concerns and taking care of yourself, you may find that it gets worse.  If you do find the compassion and cooperation to have even just 2-3 weeks additional time off, maybe you can sort through some of your emotions and needs in that time.  In these days and times it is difficult to know for certain how the world will respond around us.  Thank the Lord we can count on His response!!

Bless you.  I am praying for you...  ~Claudia

 

[lovekristy4ever]

Claudia and Sal,

Thank you for being part of this group.  Sometimes I just read the posts and you always have good advice and words of wisdom.  I just hope that I can be as helpful to someone when I am further in my journey as you are to me and the other "newly bereaved". 

Cory's mom,

I am on FMLA now.  I am grateful for it since I don't think I can function at work right now.  If you need the time - take it.  You are the priority right now and you have to help yourself first.  The only problem with me not working right now is that I don't have the distractions.  I have days that I have nothing to do but sit in my living room and cry and I just don't have the motivation to find a distraction since anything I do is optional.  With that said, I think sitting in my living room and crying is okay at this point in our grief also.  The hurt is unbearable and my heart has been broken so I think I need to still cry.

Terry

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry,  Good for you for checking into FMLA.  So many people just don't realize their rights and options.  Employers don't exactly go around advertising it either, though.

Re: your post from last night...  I believe it's important to seek your will to heal and be well.  I couldn't get there without God...  so, like Sal I spent a lot of time in Scripture, hunting passages by keywords, reading everything I could get my hands on about godly grief, etc.  Thank God for the internet!  But equally, we must allow ourselves those tears, the time to mourn deeply and grieve, allowing ourselves to be broken before the Lord, so that in looking to Him, He can truly give us more of Himself.  It is what He desires in our brokenness.  Besides, if we try to supress what we need to experience now, we will only find ourselves there in a more complicated way later.    Sitting in your chair, doing little else...  that is what you find necessary in the moment.  So allow yourself to be, and try not to place heavy expectation on yourself.  In time God placed in me a will to get well...  it just took a little bit of a journey to get to that place.  It's still not easy.  But it's not the deep abyss I once was in.....

Praying for you....   ~Claudia

[daniellemom]

To all,

It's so true what each of you are saying. It's really hard to let go and let God, but that's what I try to do each day. I miss Danielle each day but the Lord is still with me each step of the way in this journey, I could not do it without him. I try to be strong but it's in my weakness that he is strong. Right after Danielle passed away I read in the book of Psalms. It helped me also Job.

On Sunday my church is having a Memorial Day service and people go to the front of the church and light a candle for love ones that have gone on to heaven. I would like your permission to light a candle for your child and state that I'm lighting this candle for Claudia in memorial of her son Joey; or Terry for her daughter Kristy. I my not be able to do this myself but if I'm not I will ask my sister to do it for me. I just want to make sure it's OK with everyone before I make my list.

I'm praying for each of you each day!!

Love and prayers,

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[no40corysmom]

Cory's birthday is Saturday.....he'd be 16.

[wyomingsal]

Sonya,

I would be honored to have you mention Joshua.    I don't think I could do it...stand up and mention all of our children without falling apart.  I still struggle with speaking in public about Joshua without losing it. 

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya,  I'm honored that you desire to include a remembrance candle for Joey/me.  THANK YOU!!

Cory's Mom, Oh Dear Heart...  It's fracture upon fracture to your already broken/shattered heart...  I do know exactly your moment, where you stand.  Joey's birthday came a week after he died.  It was the most awful, heart and gut-wrenching thing to have arrive just after his death, the anniversary of his birth.  The flood of memories that always come, year after year on my children's birth dates--and how we always reflected on my memories of that day they came into this world.  And now, to have that suddenly be completely changed, (same meaning of the date, but a changed meaning to our hearts)...  I remember even last year, thinking back to when I turned 25 and how my dad called me to ask how it felt to be a 1/4 century.  I anticipated calling Joey to ask him that question as well.  And I thought of that in a very haunting way as his would-be 25th birthday passed....   Sweet 16 is such a milestone as well.  I'm so sorry..........

Dear Lord, it's so hard for us moms (and dads) to realize an upcoming special day for our children gone too soon that otherwise would have been a day of pure delight and celebration.  It's so within our nature to feel they should be here, Lord.  We miss them so much.  Please cover Cory's Mom with your presence, Lord.  She needs to feel you near in this time of great pain and sorrow.  Bless her, Father.  In Jesus name, Amen!

I will be thinking of you and praying through...    ~Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Oh Cory's Mom,

This will be a tuff weekend.  (Not that every day isn't tuff right now).  The whole week leading up to my Joshua's birthday was so emotional and hard.  The anticipation was actually worse then the actual day was.  Such a special day with such memories and thoughts of your boy.  I am crying for you.  How do you honor and remember them on their day without them?  Some people release balloons or plant special gardens or trees. 

We brought a birthday cake to our church Wednesday dinner in honor of Joshua that night.  We were going to release balloons for my son's birthday but it got too late so after Wednesday church that we thought we would do it the next morning.  The balloons had all lost their helium and sunk to the floor in the morning!  Instead we each took some balloons and said something we remembered about Joshua and then popped our balloon.  We took turns and the kids loved it.  My living children are younger...9,8, and 4. 

I will be praying especially for you on Saturday.

Love Sal

[daniellemom]

Cory's Mom,

I will be praying for you on Saturday.

I have not yet had to have Danielle's birthday without her. But I plan on having a balloon release on her special day. Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure Cory will be with you in spirit.

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All, I heard this afternoon the very sad news that Christian singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman joined our ranks last night.  His 5 year old daughter was accidentally backed over and killed in the family driveway, in Franklin TN.  Their web site is www.stevencurtischapman.com, and a really cute video tribute for their little girl is at the following link.  http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/?roi=farm-12759404-88803-46b1c86f8e92a01c0e8a550056bda815&

It's always so sad to hear others joining this horrible club.  I've been a fan of Chapman for a while now, and my heart is so saddened.

Bless you all.  Hugs and prayers, Claudia

[no40corysmom]

oh my.........

[wyomingsal]

Cory's Mom,

I see you have a pic of Cory on your avatar now.  He looks like a handsome young man. 

I am saddened to hear about Steven Curtis Chapman.  Nobody should have to experience this pain.

Sal

[no40corysmom]

thanks ....he is handsome.  This picture is actually a sketch his older brother did for the memorial card........  I thought he did really good .............I''ll post pics soon....

[wyomingsal]

Claudia,

I keep getting suprized that I am reading your post because I don't see Joey with his fish.    The new pic looks great. 

Sal

[4everjoeysmom]

Sal, You know what's really weird??  I was experiementing, and on my avatar screen the new pic is posted, and you all can see it.  BUT on my laptop when I look at my posts, I still see Joey and his fish.  How weird is that?!!  I need to play around some more with that.  The pic you see now was taken of Joey New Year's Eve 2005/06.