Grief & Healing from a Christian-Biblical Worldview

[4everjoeysmom]

Cheryl, I did a devotional study this morning on God's heart for the widow.  There are actually many Scripture verses that point to God's compassion and love for widows and orphans.  In fact, it is said that true religion is that of serving and caring for widows and orphans.  God has said that He is pleased at the works of those in service to widows and orphans, and blesses them.  I think from what I studied that God sees the widow as no longer having the comfort, security, and strength provided to her by a husband--she is left to herself, without support, vulnerable and so forth.  In this He sees that the widow has the opportunity to seek only HIM for her portion, and this pleases the Lord.  He sees that in this the widow can be of good use to Him and of good service to the church, as her focus would be primarily on Him and how to serve Him and His body.  It isn't so much about what God can get out of the widow in His service, I believe, but more about how God can work through the widow in her weakness and vulnerabilty to show His strength and provision in a woman who might otherwise be on her own accord despairing and lowly.  It is according to Scripture than in our weakness He is made strong, (I am paraphrasing), and I believe that in His eyes, God sees the widow as one of the most remarkable vessels to give glorious testimony of His mercy and strength.  Several Scripture verses speak to how He will protect the widow.  It may not always "feel" like that when you have those dark days.  But you should always carry with you that you are HIS BELOVED.  For any unjustice done to you here, He is the Judge on the throne and the day is coming when ALL wrongs will be righted.  Amen?! 

I believe this is such a blessing, because God does not say as much about the mother who has lost her child as much as he defends and shows mercy, grace and compassion for the widow.  Your husband was so wise to share God's Word with you about the Lord's heart for the widow as he knew he would be departing from you and this earthly life.  What a wonderful treasured gift to know your husband loved you with a heart like God's to bless you in such a way as this.  Love and HUGS, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Sal, Claudia, Pattie, Cheryl, and Oneta

I hope everyone is having a good day in the Lord! I just wanted to say to each of you that the Lord has used each of you in helping me deal with Danielle's going home. Even though I know Danielle is with the Lord it's still hard on me. I have received encouagement and understanding while reading each of your post. It's wonderful the way you all share and it helps each of us. It's wonderful!! I just want each of you to know that I consider you each a friend and sister in Christ and I call your names out in my prays.

Just to clarify about my grandfather, he has severed the Lord since he was 17 years old. He was(is) a preacher at the same church for almost 54 years. He still preachers sometimes. He gave the message Sunday night, so in my post yesterday if I lead anyone to belive that he was dying now I'm sorry, he is just old and knows his time is near. He was not had a good couple of weeks. Claudia, I will tell him to look up Joey and tell him his Mama sends him a big hug, but I have a feeling he will not have to look far for Joey because I think that just maybe Danielle and Joey are together prasing the Lord with Sal's son Joshua. Patti you know Big Mike is with them too!

Shellbell's Mom

I was hoping to get an update on the family we are praying for that their son had falling and was very bad off.

Love in Christ to all!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, Thanks for clarifying.  I'm sorry I jumped to conclude your grandfather was dying.  He sounds like a guy that is a man after God's own heart...  how wonderful.  I believe you are right...  our kids are praising "together", and to each of us we will be known by the whole body of believers the moment we arrive.  A cool vision...

I'm glad that we are of some comfort and help along your grief journey.  It IS very hard, for each of us.  And I just cannot imagine doing this without Jesus.  It's hard enough submitting to His will in relinquishing our (as Oneta put it) "borrowed gift", returning him/her to the Lord.  (Not that we had a choice, but that we submit to His Will and receive His mercy in our loss.) What makes any of it make sense at all is that through Him we all began and with Him we shall remain, beyond this lifetime, for eternity.  It is the ONLY comfort I have in losing Joey, knowing he is with the Lord.  Thank you Jesus!!!

I praise YOU Lord, and I thank you for your grace, your peace, your wisdom, and your strength to carry on as a testimony to your glory, forever and ever. Amen!

 

 

[bigmikesmom]

Oneta,Claudi,Sonya,

Thanks for your kind words. I do believe you and all the others,Sal,Cheryl,Rodney and whoever I missed by mistake, are the examples to me. We are here for each other.

Sonya,

Just to read you including BigMike, being with all our loved ones in heaven, together, brought tears of joy to my eyes.Thank-you! I can't remember if I ever told you this before but I look at Danielle's picture and I stare at it, she is truly gorgeous.

God Bless you!

Patti-BigMikesMom

[4everjoeysmom]

I would like to make a calendar of "days for remembrance" for each of our kids, so that I can especially be reminded to pray on those days that may find us having tougher moments.  I'll begin, and please everyone list the dates that are relevant to you that you would like to have special prayer so that I can design a prayer calendar (with various Scripture verses) for distribution to all of us when it is complete.  Thank you Sisters!

Special Prayer for Claudia on these days:

Joey's Birthday, August 7, (1982)

Joey's Homegoing Day July 31, (2006)

August 10, (1983) -- Patrick's Birthday, that he and Joey always celebrated together in some way--a day that certainly is difficult for him now, as much bittersweet.

 

[wyomingsal]

Great idea Claudia.    I would love to pray for each of us on those especially hard days. 

Joshua Leigh Heyer

Born 9/26/1996

Went to Heaven 7/20/2007

July 4th:  last holiday together.  He loved the 4th of July and was so happy his dad was home from the hospital.  Jeff only got to be home with him for 3 weeks before we lost him from Earth. 

Sal

[grannyc]

Claudia, thank you so much for the scripture references and the added thoughts, WoW, what an up lifter.    I will be printing all of them.

April 26 would be Tim & my Anniversary (would have been 39 yrs)

Oct. 8 was Tim's birthday

Dec. 5th is mine and I think I miss him more on that date then on his B-day.

July 10th, 2006 was Tim's date of death

 

This will be a wonderful idea

Cheryl

[misshimstill]

Hi, everyone.  I agree with those who have shared how much this thread has helped them in their grief walk.  It has me, as well.  I am very jealous (that's a good jealous), as God is jealous and is a jealous God, for this thread, that it not be lost or compromised in any way.  I know you all feel the same way.

Thank you so much, Claudia, for suggesting posting our difficult dates.  I know we all have those days or times or year that are harder than others.

When I met Lamar:  Early September - This is hard because there are so many sweet memories that I associate with meeting him.

Lamar's birthday:  October 18

Lamar's date of death:  December 23, but really the whole month of December is hard for me.

Our wedding anniversary:  April 24 - Would be 38 years this year - we only got to celebrate 2 of those 38.

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

Another great idea from a grand Lady!!!  

Danielle Leigh Wrenn

Birthday:  September 20, 1986

Date of Death:  October 11, 2007

Mother's Day for all of us I'm sure.

 

Sal

Our children have the same middle name!!

Patti

Thank you so much for your post.  I was drawn to your son because of his name BigMike!   Danielle always thought that the bigger the guy the better looking they were to her.   

[wyomingsal]

Sonya,

that is kind of neat for them to have the same middle name.    Also the same birth month.  Just 10 years difference in age.

Sal

[loveyoujustin]

Hi Claudia, you truly are amazing!  Please include me.  I will be back here at BI in full force one day, hopefully soon.  I know you understand!

Justin Scott Wagner     March 8, 1990 + August 10,2007

Whoooaaaa!  Still not accepting it!  

Love to All, with wishes and prayers for peace and comfort!      Trish

[msroderskie]

Hello everyone, 

What a great idea Claudia!  God bless you for being the Mom-in-Chief of this thread. 

Here are my grief dates:

Philip Robert Albach -- Born May 16, 1980;  died March 6, 2001 

Matthew Joseph Albach -- Born November 8, 1984;  died February 8, 2003

I have written down all the dates that you all have given and plan to make a calendar that I can keep in my Bible. 

I may be mistaken but it seems some folks on the thread don't realize I am a female! The name is Rody.  Yes, I get called Rodney and Roddy, but it's pronounced like "Jody".  I've had questions from day one about my weird name, but there's NO story behind it.  If you're a bit long-in-the-tooth, as I am, you may remember a nursery song called "Go Tell Aunt Rhody", and maybe my Mom was thinking of that when she named me. It's not a nickname, though I used to have an art teacher who called me "Rodith" (because Judy is short for Judith).  It makes for a lot of funny nick names.  I've been called Rodella, Rodes, Rodester, Ro, Ms. Roderskie, Rhododendren, Rodinski, the list goes on!

So much has been written since I last posted, and I'm glad the controversy has died down and we can concentrate on grief issues.  At the same time, I'll probably feel compelled again to "contend for the faith" if it seems necessary.  One thought I have about the serious things we've been discussing:  someone, I think Claudia said that in terms of the truth war, Jesus is victorious, finally and for all time.  I absolutely agree.  I hope everyone realizes that the term "truth war" that I had used earlier was coined by a preacher and concerns the tolerance of wrong doctrine, or just unscriptural omissions from church preaching/teaching.  Example: leaving out the "why" of Christ's sacrifice for us which is so prevalent in churches nowadays.   As one of my favorite radio preachers says, If they don't understand the Bad News, how can they truly believe the Good News?  Which goes to the heart of whether we are making true converts to Christianity or religious people who don't know Christ.  That's so logical! 

Sonya, I have to agree that Danielle is very beautiful.  Sal, thanks for repeatedly writing with your heartfelt, Word-based thoughts.  Oneta, ditto!  Anne, where have you been?  To all, I believe there is a core of people here who continue to forge relationships, encourage one another, and provide shoulders for crying upon, all in the light of the love and truth of Christ. It does seem as if God has blessed us here with a strong fellowship. 

Claudia, Thank you for sharing your struggles being in another country.  You are putting your soul and strength into ministry, while handling your deep grief, among other issues, like your Mom and stepdad.  I am amazed at how God is working through you.  You are an inspiration to us all, and I know that God is working in you, AND I know that you are thankful for that.  

Tambien, Claudia, me gusta escribir poco en espanol, porque tengo que practicar.  En mi trabajo tengo que hablar espanol a veces con algunos clientes, pero muy poquito (solamente sobre productos dentales)!  Es terrible que me olvidan muchas palabras.  No uso la lengua casi nunca.  Para ti ?es mas dificil entender o hablar?  Yo no puedo entender bien, cuando personas hablan rapido.  Mi comprension se depende en la persona que habla.  Cuando empeze aprender espanol yo tenia treinta y ocho anos (sorry about no tilde for the "n"s!), y nunca no obtenada la fluidez que quiero.  Digame sobre tu experiencia.

For those of you who don't know Spanish and are curious, I was asking Clauda about her travails in learning the language, and telling her about my exreme rustiness, how I began to learn the language when I was 38 years old and how I've forgotten many words.  And I'm sure I stated it badly!

Lack of motivation in grief can put a damper on so many things in your life, like staying conversant in a second language.  I so identified with everyone's recent comments about problems with motivation.  There are times when I get glimpses of things I'd like to accomplish in future, things that would take tons of energy, like starting a business!  Going into full time ministry!  Writing and recording songs!  And most the time I do little except commute to work, and try to help my husband keep the house in a less than slovenly condition.

Now I've stayed up way too late.  Love to all in the precious name of Jesus,  Rody 

[bigmikesmom]

Sorry Rody, I know you are a woman, i just spelled your name wrong by mistake.

great idea Claudia,

Michael's birthday 7/16/86

went to heaven 11/23/06

Thanksgiving the day he was killed

just for this year- 4/23,4/24(matt's birthday),4/25- court trial for the guy that killed Mike-finally

5/2/08-mike would have graduated with a bachelors degree in business

Thank you!

Patti-bigmikesmom

[msroderskie]

Patti,  No apology was needed!  I coudn't quite remember who said what, and I wasn't looking for any apologies -- only to clarify. 

Oh Patti, what a horrific Thanksgiving day that was for you.   I've written down your dates and will pray for you and your family.   Lord please help Patti and her loved ones and Mike's friends during the upcoming trial.  Help each one of them to cling to You Lord and find all their needed strength in You.  We thank you Father, right now for the way You have strengthened each of us in our deepest grief, how You have made us able to keep functioning and to bear some witness to the fact of  Your great love, mercy and compassion for us.  Amen.

Love in Christ,  Rody

[johnnysmama]

Thank you Claudia for the beautiful idea of the prayer calendar-no way with my cloudy brain these days i could remember and I would truly like to pray for all our loved ones on those days.   Thank you for undertaking this HUGE task-what motivation!!!

 

John Robert Zink

1/30/06-3/12/07

 

Thank you God for your sharing of your gifts, Kay

[johnnysmama]

Sorry John Robert Zink

1/30/86-3/12/07

Sorry for the error

Kay

[veronicasmom]

This is a wonderful way to remember all of our lovely and loved childred:

Veronica Marie Gould

Date of Birth   :  August 10, 1978   (she was the most beautiful baby)

Date of Death:   October 17, 2007  (she was glowing like an angel)

Forever in my heart.  D.

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All, I am really pleased to see so many interested in adding to the prayer calendar.  I'll wait a while and give others a chance to add in, but will post reminders for April dates as they come near, if the calendar isn't finished before then.

Rody, I understood all that you typed in Spanish, and like you, I don't have the spanish keyboard to make the necessary punctuations and grammer.  I can understand a little better than speak at this point, but also like you, only if they speak slowly.  And people here have been so gracious to find alternate ways to explain something to help me understand if I can't understand what they are saying.  I have a lot of personal teachers who don't mind correcting me and heloing me with new words.  I am grateful for their patience and willingness.  The verb conjugations are killer, because the words change dramatically according to tense, masculine or feminine subjects, and so forth.  I am using the Rosetta Stone as well, and have a couple of good language books that I study now and again.  I also watch movies and use Spanish subtitles and have a bilingual Bible that helps me to learn new words as well.  Thanks for writing in Spanish.  I'm sorry for not soing the same.  I would be here half a day for trying...LOL!  But maybe we can e-mail or PM and practice on occasion??

As for the Truth War, I'm with you on it.  I have studied sincerely to look at the contravery with an open heart and mind, and I'm just saddened that tradition would ever be seen or noted as having equal weight to Truth, especially when that tradition blatantly reflects very little if anything of the true nature of Jesus Christ as He lived and walked here with us.  In fact Jesus came here before some of those "popular" traditions were even adopted, and the Apostles as well as Jesus rebuked many of the traditions that existed back then because they were not of God.  HE came to show us who God is, who HE is.  To not take into account His teachings by the examples He gave in and of himself speaks volumes to the human nature and depravity of man and why we needed a Savior in the first place.  Here's a good example of culture taking equal weight....  A family we have ministered to for the past year and a half has studied Scripture with us on various occasions and have grown a bit in their knowledge of Jesus.  However, a baby in their family was recently not well.  After going to the hospital and getting a clean bill if health, they had surmised that the baby had been touched by a spirit of fright.  Their cultural roots have been steeped in catholicism plus the medicinal ways of the witch doctors, much like santaria.  Instead of coming together as a family to pray to the Lord for whatever the ailment they thought needed to be healed and for God's wisdom, they reached into their cultural religious traditions and "cleansed the baby with breaking an egg over him and chanting some kind of prayer to a saint or idol".  At first i was shocked to learn this, but then really understood how deep culture and traditions run, and how blinded we can become by them, so much that it is a battle for the light of Truth to break through and overcome.  Sad, but the way of many cultures.... 

Trish, I'm glad you posted with info for Justin.  I know it's so hard for you right now to say or do much.  Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers quite often since I met you, and there will come a day when you can breathe again without tears and excruciating pain at every breath.  I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but there are many of us here who i hope you clan gleen some hope from, as we each have personally known the place where you are now.  Sal, Sonya and Kay's loss dates are very near yours as well.  Bless you for your openness in the midst of your pain.  You can count on us sisters to be lifting you up to the throne of God in your turbulant times, and giving praises for the accomplishments of baby steps as they occur.  You are loved, and you are not alone.

Incidentally Joey would have graduated this year (in January) as well with his Bachelors in agricultural business.  When January rolled around, I was really sad.  Even though I know he is graduated beyond my imagination at this point, I still felt the heavy weight of his life-dreams in my heart.  Those dreams connected us almost as much as the umbilical cord did.  I still imagine his would-be dreams unfolding, such as attending grad school at Purdue, interning with the Chicago Board of Trade, and so on...  The energy of those dreams (for his dad) shifted into building a horse barn in his memory, where his beautiful horses live now on the family ranch.  And for me, the energy and motivation I can muster is dedicated to working for the cause of Christ.  It's hard not to be sad....  But again, it's hard for me not to have HOPE at this point in the journey as well.  I've learned so much.  There will be bittersweet for a long time, I think.  But I am learning that the circumstance doesn't have to define me.  It is what Jesus is doing in me through the circumstance that I am seeing a stronger legacy being born in the wake of Joey's life here.  I don't think I could ask for more to honor the gift God gave me in Joey and to glorify the Lord in the process.  One step at a time....................    Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

 

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Veronica's Mom, I have your info added as well.  I am noticing some of us share some of the same significant dates for various reasons.  I can see already when this project is complete how much of a wonderful and useful tool it will be for us all.  Bless you, and Big Hugs, Claudia

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

Thanks, what a wonderful idea for the calender.

Brent:  12/11/87- 8/11/07

Still so many difficult days to go but have been through one birthday, one Christmas, one Easter.  My prayers are with each and everyone during those "special dates".

                                                                                  Love Lana

[loveyoujustin]

Hi everyone:

Patti:  How are you doing.  I sent you a few e-mails, but they were returned to me.

Claudia:  Once again, your words are such inspiration to my broken heart and soul.  I think I am doing "ok" but sometimes I feel like I am just pretending, even to myself.  It can really make you feel slightly "crazy."

I just wanted to tell everyone, (since graduations came up) that Justin would be graduating from High School in June.  Because he took honors courses and advanced classes, he only needed two credits to graduate.  The school has told us that he will receive a cap and gown, and also a diploma.  We are so desperately hoping to have the video display board up and running for the graduation.  And we will also retire Justin's number "45" at graduation.  What a tough day that will be for me.

Any suggestions for "fundraisers" would be welcome.  We are awarding two scholarships in Justin's name, one football and one academic, and of course hoping to complete the video display board, all for graduation in June.  We've done many things so far, but still have so far to go!  It's truly unbelievable how many loving and supportive souls there are.  For me, it is one of God's ways of helping me through this heartache, the love of Jesus just pours through so many people.

Prayers and Wishes for Peace and Love,    Trish

www.JustinScottWagnerMemorialFund.com

[4everjoeysmom]

Trish, a friend of ours did a chili cook-off fundraiser in their church a couple of weeks ago and raised $1100.  So many people like Chili, and to have a contest, charge admission for sampling and judging, etc, and make it a community event....  just an idea while the NY weather is still a little chilly.  No pun intended.. 

Blessings and hugs to you, friend and sister, Claudia

[loveyoujustin]

Claudia~ Good idea, and your "pun" just might be the best form of advertising!  Thanks, it's something to look into.   Love you and Bless You!   Trish

[grannyc]

(Hi all)  Was just thinking and sharing with a friend and I thought I'd just put it out there.   You have probably noticed that some of us are struggling Widows, but have found such a wonderful spirit on this thread to help us in our broken-ness, that we have :shock: joined you, even if our losses are very different.  They are life changing-and for most of us very tramatic.  We tend to have to redefine ourselves, probably just as you do.  Hope that we can be welcomed and accepted even if this is a loss of child thread

Sincerely

Cheryl     )i(

[lagrangel]

Cheryl,

You are very welcome to this thread anytime. Any loss is difficult. I have a dear friend that lost her father a few years ago and we share many tears together talking about our losses even though they may different. I think everyone that has a loss needs others to hear their stories and begin the healing process. We are all sisters in Christ and we are here to help each other.  Prayers to you, Love Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Well said, Lana.  I second that!  Welcome Cheryl, and bless you Sister!  -Claudia

[msroderskie]

Hi everyone,  And welcome to newcomers who are sharing with us, Veronica and Kay, whom I haven't seen before.   I agree that everyone is welcome to join in the discussion, especially anyone who has suffered loss of a loved one.

On the subject of fundraisers:  I may have said this several pages back, but we had a fundraiser in 2005 in memory of both my sons.  When Phil died in 2001 the local fire/rescue people did not have appropriate equipment and training to do a cold water rescue, otherwise Phil would have had at least an 80% chance of surviving his accident.  After Phil's death the fire department put together their own fundraisers and raised enough money to outfit and train several dive rescue personnel.  Then a year after Matt died, my family, friends and I did a chicken barbeque fundraiser in memory of both boys, to help the newly established rescue team.  I felt it would be a testament to the boys' memories and a kind of witness.   Along with the food we had a silent auction of donated basket packages, and a raffle for an overnight package at a hotel. 

We were blessed to raise enough money to help out the dive rescue team for that year.  It was a lot of work and I have not had the energy to do another one, though I've wanted to.  Fundraisers for worthy causes can be one way that God works out "all things together for good" in our lives.  It can be a real blessing that works in both directions.  If you can include the Gospel in your fundraiser, and or make the money go to spreading the Gospel, this is the highest good, I believe.  My advice to anyone undertaking a fundraiser would be, get as many people involved as possible, because you will need the help.  Plan ahead to have time for contacting businesses for donations.  I delegated a small list of business contacts to each of several people who helped me on that task.  For me it was specially significant that we had the fundraiser during Phil's birth month, close to his birthday.  

Claudia, I'd be happy to e-mail you if you like and we can do the Spanish thing, or even Spanglish!  My e-mail is:

msroderskie@msn.com

Thank you again Claudia, for your encouragement.  God bless you, woman! Have to sign off,  Love in Christ, Rody

[grannyc]

This new version of the "footprints" story really caught me off guard at the end...What a blessing. 

(Granny Cheryl)

JUST READ IT!

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures,

and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling, His consistently.

You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked.

Your dream ends. Now you pray:

"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But you walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in your steps, following you very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

"So...When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like you in every way."

"Precisely!" said Jesus.

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."

~There is a pause as the Lord answers,~ with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4

Are you laughing? Are you thinking? Spread the Word and give thanks to the Lord for He is good!

It's not WHAT you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.. Think about that.

"I ASKED GOD"

I asked for a flower,

He gave me a garden.

I asked for a tree,

He gave me a forest.

I asked for a river,

He gave me an ocean.

I asked for a friend,

He gave me all of "YOU."

               Jesus Loves You, Yes He Does...

                      "And so do I !!!"

 

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Cheryl, BIG HUGS, and THANK YOU!  I love you too!  God bless you!  -Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

I've been working for the past few days to collect scenic photos and Scripture, and putting together a prayer calendar to share amongst ourselves--as a reminder to lift one another up on those significant days of birth and loss that bring us sorrow and mixed emotions.  I am really making progress.  At this time I would just like to ask anyone and everyone who has not submitted dates and their significance, or if you would like to note additional dates, to please let me know here as soon as you can.  I've based the calendar primarily out of this thread, but all who believe in the power of prayer, and who pray to the One God in Heaven, our Holy Father, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, we would love to invite you to pray with us and for us, and allow us the privilege of praying for you as well.  The calendar is finished with all of the dates I had, and I don;t want to leave anyone out who wants to be a part of this beautiful intercessory prayer chain.  Of course we can add dates to the calendar as they come along later, and will be happy to do so, but will likely only distribute an updated calendar no more than quarterly.

Hoping all are finding comfort in the Lord!

Blessings and love, Claudia 

[grannyc]

  Claudia,

I am so grateful for your hard work and effort to get this calender going.  I am so excited!   You are very appreciated!

Cheryl

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

With special sisters like you our lives are a little easier. You are so wonderful and such a blessing to each and everyone of us. It is such a gift from God that you started this thread. It gives so many of us a lifeline in such a dark time. I really appreciate all your words and kindness to each and everyone. You truly have a ministery for people, your love and spirit shines through these pages everyday. I have had  many dark times and your scriptures and kind words have helped in my own journey. I truly love the Lord but at times it seems so dark that you just can't stop that pain. With your love and others on this thread it gives me a ray of sunshine. I may not post often but I do listen and take so much from everyone helping me with this healing process. I pray one day I might help someone who is suffering and give them a sign of life once again. All my special thanks to the wonderful people who share on this thread. Love, Lana

[lagrangel]

Cheryl,

The poem was great it was such a blessing! 

                                                 Love, Lana

[shuugar]

Claudia

My son James Earl Doan will be gone 2 years on April 20th.

His birthday was Dec. 6th. 1970

The day he died was April 20th. 2006

I would feel honored if he was included in your calender

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana,  HUGS!  Whether you realize it or not, your post was loaded with positive encuragement toward me and others.  That is a very big step, and I for one thank you and have so much faith that the Lord is walking with you, even when you can't feel Him through your pain.  Take strength in knwoing that His light is shining through you even when you feel darkened by your grief.  The heart I have is His and the ministry He gave me also is His.  And I am very  blessed each time you and others are encouraged or find hope in anything I've shared.  Bless you!

Shuugar, It is with great privilege that we can pray for you.  We'll be sure to get James' dates on there for you.  Please come and visit us here when you feel you need a lift, some encouragement, a sister and friend.  We're here for you.  Love, Claudia

[daniellemom]

Clauida,

I just wanted to let you know while watching the game last night I was thinking about Joey. I think in one of your post you stated that he always liked the JayHawks. Just wanted to let you know that he was thought about.

Danielle was always a Duke fan!! Maybe next year for them!

Love and prayers to everyone!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, Thanks so much for thinking about Joey last night.  Without a doubt, if Joey were alive here today, we would have been texting back and forth through the games of the NCAA tourney.  He was my sports buddy, and no one can fill those shoes.  My husband doesn't care for sports, and so all those years of sharing football and basketball with my son will remain heartwarming memories.  I don't follow the games too much anymore, not even the big ones, except for a little conversation now and then with my dad, who is a sports fan.  Joey actually was a Michigan Wolverines fan.  I remember taking him to an Illinois vs. Michigan basketball game when he was 8 years old--a real treat for him as I knew the Athletic Director and recruiting coach very well at that time and got spectacular seats.  Just Joey and I went.  I was so shocked as he sat there and routed for Michigan--(back in '89-91" I believe is when they had the Fab Five with Chris Webber), and here I was thinking my boy would be an Illini fan like me.  Ha!  My brother was a MI fan back then too, and maybe that's why Joey adopted into loving them, as he admired his uncle so much back in the day.  (Incidentally my brother didn't remain close with my sons and so those relational ties fizzled over time--so sad.)  But it was my brother who turned to loving the KU Jayhawks.  I remember how upset he was when the KU coach came over to UNC, as I had been living in NC and working in Chapel Hill for several years.  It was such a fuss.  BUT as they say in my home country, you can take the girl out of Big Ten Country, but you can't take the Big Ten out of the girl.  LOL!  Joey and I remained Big Ten sports fans, yet routing for my IL and his MI.  What GREAT MEMORIES!!!!!!!  Joey and I shared such a special bond, and it seemed the love of sports, and the love of holidays were two of those things that kept us texting on our cell phones like mad.  Man, I sure do miss him!!!  And since IL or MI couldn't be there, I am happy the Jaywawks won.     Blessings and Big THANKS for thinking of my son.  It warms a mom's heart like sunshine.    -Claudia

P.s.  Danielle would appreciate this...  but even though i wasn't an ACC fan, I loved living in the Raleigh-Durham, Chapel-Hill area for the basketball alone.  It was always exciting when March Madness rolled around.  A good friend of mine coached at West Point for a time with Coach K of Duke and so I always got the inside scoop of what was happening there.  The Duke program has quite an amazing sports training complex, and they have had a number of years of fabulous winning seasons.  I'm sure that enthused Danielle greatly.  It's hard not to like Duke, even if you aren''t a Duke fan.    To Danielle, I can just imagine you and my Joey hanging out and reminiscing over sports and other kindred loves, like your moms'.  What a beautiful image to hold onto....    and Danielle looks and sounds exactly like the kind of girl that would have stolen Joey's heart....

[fujismum]

Hello everyone,

Do you remember me- Anne from UK?

I have been away on holiday over Easter and am trying to scan through the posts to have a little catch up.It all looks a bit complicated at times ! I hope things will settle back to sharing comfort and encouragements, telling it how it is and growing in our faith together. We have enough pain as it is.

Sonya- your photo of Danielle is so very beautiful.How gorgous are all of these lovely young people we have lost Thank you for adding it, I just love to see the faces of these precious loved ones we are talking about.

Our holiday was not a success, we tried to go back to our usual family trip of skiing in Canada, but of course without our precious darling.It was a big mistake, we struggled the whole time and it went very badly.I had hoped we would at least get some rest but it was not to be, and our relationship was difficult.Two people in such pain was not an easy combination, and the memories were agonising rather than a comfort.I think the routine of work helps us both cope and to have so much free time in a holiday setting  proved a challenge.Still, we tried it, it didn't work, so back to the drawing board before we plan any more trips away.

Claudia, I see you are going some sort of calendar of dates.I might be too late, but just in case here are my Jamie's details.

Birthday - 1st July 1989   -  1st September 2006

Another key date for me this year is July 21st when a trial begins for the prosecution for death by dangerous driving of Jamie's friend. I have never shared this detail on this site as it has been a late development  and a terrible shock for us , we believed this was a simple accident but there is now enough  evidence  for the police  to prosecute someone for Jamie's death. Forgive me if I may not share much more but to know people were praying as this date draws closer would be a great support. We do not hold the young man responsible for Jamie's death and do not wish him to be prosecuted but we have not had any choice in the matter. All very painful and adds to our grief.

Love Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Anne,

Of course you are remembered! 

I'm so very sorry to hear that your holiday this year was so very painful and not the rest, relaxation and enjoyment that you and your husband had hoped for.  Perhaps going to do what was something shared with Jamie was "too soon".  I do hope you won;t give up altogether on trying to find some sort of getaway for yourselves at some point in the future by trying something new, a new place, a new avctivity, maybe a cruise or something....  but of course not until you are ready.

There indeed were some complicated posts that took eberyone off kilter for a bit, and unfortunately everyone's guard was up to the degree that there was much tension.  But I do believe a clear message above any other was taken in that there is a time and a place for such dissentsion causing discussion, and this certainly is not the appropriate venue.  You are indeed correct in that there is pain enough without that kind of stress added to the mix.

I am adding your significant dates to the calendar, and in fact am really glad to do that for you.  I am so saddened for you as I read about the turn of events that have caused you more anguish and pain.  You can definitely count on prayer through that time.  In fact I am going to begin praying now that if it be God's will, to please allow that course of action to be abandoned if it is the best for all that will be affected by it.  It is totally understandable not to speak more of it now or here in a public forum especially, as we learned from another incident recently that posts here can be used in a very twisted and negative way in such circumstances.  We would not want that for you or the young man in any way.

Please come and post/visit often if it is helpful to you, now that you are back in your routine from holiday.  We may not always know the right thing to say, but you can count on encouragement and support.  I am praying for you Anne, and am really glad to see your post even if some of your news is very sad.  I'm just glad that you are still holding on and that you haven't abandoned Hope, I hope...  Blessings and Hugs, Claudia 

[4everjoeysmom]

An excerpt from my devotional today for y'all....  Hugs, Claudia

The writer states: 

There is, for me, immense comfort in a Christ who was not always smiling. As I picture his face set as flint toward Jerusalem, my fear is unfastened by his fortitude. As I imagine the urgency in his voice as he defended a guilty woman amidst a crowd holding rocks, my shame is freed by his mercy. And as I picture him weeping at the grave of Lazarus, crying out at injustice, sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane, my tears are given depth by his own cries. I do not grieve alone.

"But you, O God," cried the psalmist, "do see trouble and grief." Becoming man, the character of God was not compromised or misrepresented. As Jesus knew tears, so the heart of God is one that knows grief. The heart of the Father is one who has lost a Son. "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted" (Isaiah 53:4). Matthew describes the extent of these words: "Then [Pilate] released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified" (Matthew 27:26). Indeed, we do not grieve alone.

Perhaps those who mourn are called blessed because they are at this point closest to the deepest wound of the heart of God. Until every tear shall be wiped dry, we have before us the hopeful figure of the Man of Sorrows, who bore on his shoulders our grief and his own. "My son, my daughter, I know."

[wyomingsal]

Welcome back Ann.  So sorry your vacation provided more stress and tension then rest.  It is so hard to know how to spend our time and interact sometimes.  

We plan to take a family trip this summer just after the anniversary of our Joshua's death.  I am hoping that getting away with the family will be a way to distract us a little as well as create some new memories.  My living children are really excited.  The trip will be the Joshua memorial trip but we will be going to some new places that Joshua never came with us as well as places we travelled with Josh.  He loved to travel and he would love to come with us on this trip if he were here.  He loved adventures and on his memorial stone we are having ....On to his greatest adventure...  etched  on the top.  He is having the greatest trip and adventure with our Lord Jesus. 

God's peace and blessings,

Sal

[daniellemom]

Welcome back Anne, I'm also very sorry your vaction was not you thought it would be. I will be praying for your upcoming trail and ask the Lord to do his will in this matter.

We are planning our annual beach trip with the whole family (meaning my Mom, Dad, 2 sisters, 1 brother and all their children. We are planning on going to the same beach house we have used the last 4 summers at Holden Beach, NC. That's where the picture of Danielle was taken last year. I've been a little concerned about going to the same house, same beach, but she loved it so much I feel like I need to go and do the things that she loved to do. Maybe, I'm kidding myself in thinking that I'm going to be able to do that. My son, James said he didn't know wheather he would be able to do that this year. I've kinda left it up to him.

I'm going on and on now. This Friday it will be 6 months since Danielle left this world. What to do that day? Not really sure.

One more thing I know a lot of you read I'm reading a great book. The name of it is When God Doesn't Make Sense. By: Dr. James Dobson, I really think it's well worth the read.

[bigmikesmom]

Anne,

Welcome back. I too am sorry the vacation did not go good. God Bless you as you start to deal with your legal system. I seem to be a nervous wreck agai with the trial of "vehicular homocide" coming up.

Sonya,

I know when my family went to Miami, Fla for Mikes ceremony on senior night, my older son Matt didn't do too well, it was the first time for him to go back to Miami since Mike's accident. He was very withdrawn and when we got home he finally admitted that it was just too hard. I don't know if that helps at all with your son. I liked being where Mike spent 3 years of his life and being around his friends, even though it was very hard, but when I got home, it was bad. My counselor said it's because you are away and then come home to the realization of the tragedy and it takes you back.It is really hard to explain because I am always thinking about  Mike but when I  walked in that door of my home home it really hits me hard in the face.Just to prepare you, but maybe it is different with everyone.

Claudia,

Thanks for your opinion on the puppy. I think when I get my 1st paycheck Fri I am going to get her on Sun.

Love to all

Patti-bigMikesMom

[daniellemom]

Patti, (Big Mike's Mom)

Thanks for your insight on the vacation. Good luck with the dog. How do you like being back at work? I just had to put Big Mike's name in type I love to say it and I know you love to hear it. God Bless

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Patti, I'm glad you found my "puppy" notes.  I assumed they had kind of gotten burried with all the recent postings, and I posted on the other thread b/c that's where you had asked.  I tend not to get too much feedback on that thread anymore...kind of like invisible.  I even posted a photo of my very cute pup, but not a breath of a response...  oh well...  such is life.  I tend to be more comfortable here on this one, so here I shall post most.    Love y'all!  Blessings, Claudia

not a biggie, but here's my pup pic I posted on the other thread.  I just think he's a hoot!  His name is Jo-Jo, and his personality reminds me so much of characteristics of Joey....  Don't know how I would have made it through some of the darkest hours without my "little buddy".  Here he has his "chocolate donut", one of his favorite toys, I brought back from my holiday trip home.  He always begs for my chocolate donut on the rare occasion I find one somewhere...so now he has his own. 

[daniellemom]

Claudia,

The dog is so cute!! Thanks for the note on the other tread also. We are sticking to our guns with Mattie and you are so right, she knows what buttons to push, and also she knows in her heart that Danielle would not let her get away with anything to much either. It was almost like Mattie had two mothers just one was the big sister, they were so close and on Danielle's days off her and Mattie would go shopping out to eat and to the park. Mattie really misses her a lot and talks about her to, which I'm glad about, I don't want her to forget her big sister.

[4everjoeysmom]

Sonya, I can just imagine how much little Mattie misses sissy Danielle.  What they shared is so precious.  So many times older siblings don't want much to do with or the responsibilities of helping with the younger ones.  They're off doing their own thing by the time adolescence and teenage years arrive.  Danielle was special.  I can just imagine everywhere she went people would notice her, fall in love with her smile and her essence....  Joey was like that.  He had charisma.  His younger brother is only by one year younger.  But when they were little Joey used to want to "help" me by pushing the stroller and feeding and so forth.  He would get so frustrated when I tried to help.  But with Danielle, she was older when Mattie came along, and to adopt Mattie into such a special relationship with her--more than just sisters, Danielle's intuition and heart...  just BEAUTIFUL!!  What more can you say?  She's just beautiful.  Heaven is so blessed!!  Love you!  -Claudia

[bigmikesmom]

Sonya,

you are so right. I love hearing or seeing mike's name-big mike, that's what the coaches called him. I like my job alot. people say that they picture me teaching but I always thought I would be nervous lecturing but it's going good. I don't work too much but that's ok for right now.If I have clinicals in the week I work more. Thanks for asking.luv,

patti-bigmikesmom

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

What a cute  picture of your dog. They are so precious and all they ask of you is love. We always had inside dogs growing up and they were just the best company. I have tried to talk my husband into another inside dog but he felt we were just gone to much and would have to worry where would we leave them. I know when my oldest son and his wife come to visit and they bring their dog we just spoil him and love him so much. We have outside dogs who are sweet but they are just to big for inside.

Sonya,

  It was very difficult when we first encountered vacations without Brent and went  places where he had been with us. When we came back from vacation the first time it was very difficult which I was so surprised. Now, I can say coming home and going places where Brent was with us are so much easier. We actually like to go alot and coming home is not bad. I hope you have a nice vacation and if it is difficult at first it really will get better over time. Just take care of yourself and enjoy your time with your family. I think everything is difficult the "first" time but I can say vacations have gotten easier for me over time. We just think of the good times we  had together and cherish those memories.

Today will be 8 months that we lost our wonderful son Brent.

Trish,

You are in my prayers, I know it has been 8 months losing your handsome Justin. I know the boys are having a wonderful time in heaven.

Love and prayers  to everyone, Love Lana

[daniellemom]

Lana,

Thank you for your words of wisdom on the vacations. I had not realized we are so close on our journeys. It is 6 months today that we lost our Danielle.