Realization

[John9]

Hello all,

I am still here and I am still fighting whatever I have going on, cold, flu or whatever it is. I hope everyone is doing as well as they can in this journey we didn't choose to be on. I just wanted to post something so people don't think I have died. Not that it would be a bad thing for me, but I wonder about the ones who I don't see any posting from. Take care, John

[KayC]

Oh no, Sim!  I pray you get well soon!
John, I'm so sorry dear friend!
Air 1300, burning throat, eyes, tongue inflamed.  East wind this weekend, praying our homes don't go, I evacuated to my son's.

[Gail 8588]

4 hours ago, John9 said:

I am still here and I am still fighting whatever I have going on, cold, flu or whatever it is.

John9,

I am glad to hear from you. It was feeling like it was a long time since you posted.  Sorry you are still sick, but really glad you are still with us. 

Progresso chicken soups provide good comfort, almost like someone is still pamperring us.  

Take it easy and get well. 

Gail

[Lost7]

John9

I will be praying for you to get well soon. Thank you for posting so I would know to pray for you.

Blessings Lost7 

[KayC]

John are you feeling any better?  I wish were there to take care of you! 

[John9]

20 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Progresso chicken soups provide good comfort, almost like someone is still pamperring us.  

Gail 8588,

That is one of the brands of soups my loving wife and I enjoyed. I do miss the pampering when I didn't feel well. It is just so hard when you are all alone, and it feels like nobody cares. I know that the people here care for each other and that I appreciate very much. Take care, John

[John9]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh no, Sim!  I pray you get well soon!
John, I'm so sorry dear friend!
Air 1300, burning throat, eyes, tongue inflamed.  East wind this weekend, praying our homes don't go, I evacuated to my son's.

KayC,

I was hoping that because I hadn't heard anything that the risk was getting lower. I am glad you evacuated but sorry that you had to. I hope that you and Kodie can go back soon. I ache all over and I still have a deep cough that makes the aches worse. But I am trying to muddle through and have been trying to clean the flower/hosta beds and pick up the leaves and keep the gutter clear. But the work doesn't keep my broken brain occupied and all I do is think about my loving wife. Take care and keep us posted please, John

[John9]

23 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

Hey John9. Hope you feel better soon. Nice to hear from you. Actually after your post about not feeling too well. I decided to do a covid test and it was positive. I had a bit of a soar throat and blocked nose, but wasn’t feeling too unwell, luckily I was working at home that week and live by myself so didn’t pass it on.

Glad you are alive and kicking, keep pushing on John. Take care x

 

 

 

Sim7079,

I am sorry that you tested positive for Covid, hopefully the symptoms are mild and you recover soon. I guess that in this case being alone was okay, but it is still a terrible existence now. This was not the way it should have been for my loving wife and I, nor should it have been for any of us here on these forums. Take care, John

11 hours ago, Lost7 said:

John9

I will be praying for you to get well soon. Thank you for posting so I would know to pray for you.

Blessings Lost7 

Lost7,

Thank you for the prayers. Take care, John

[Kevin O]

On 10/15/2022 at 10:47 AM, John9 said:

I just wanted to post something so people don't think I have died. Not that it would be a bad thing for me, but I wonder about the ones who I don't see any posting from

 

On 10/15/2022 at 10:47 AM, John9 said:

I just wanted to post something so people don't think I have died. Not that it would be a bad thing for me, but I wonder about the ones who I don't see any posting from

I'm relatively new to this site but I have been wondering about what you wrote.  Firstly, I guess when someone 'moves on' (in whatever that really means) one never really knows what has happened to them.  Did they die?  Have they found a new version of their happiness?  Have they just given up?  I guess in the years to come I will find out when my life does whatever it ends of doing.  Secondly, the part about dying not being a bad thing.  Getting the flu shot this week.  Habit.  Get one every year. Talk on the news about this flu season being deadly (as if the other ones weren't). But then I started wondering why am I getting it.  I am overwhelming depressed and anxious and would not getting the flu and possibly dying really be so bad.  Am i allowed to write something like that in here?  I'm not suicidal but I really have no interest in living the life that I now have.  Maybe that will change but growing older (i'm 65) alone is not something that I look forward to doing.  

[John9]

37 minutes ago, Kevin O said:

 

I'm relatively new to this site but I have been wondering about what you wrote.  Firstly, I guess when someone 'moves on' (in whatever that really means) one never really knows what has happened to them.  Did they die?  Have they found a new version of their happiness?  Have they just given up?  I guess in the years to come I will find out when my life does whatever it ends of doing.  Secondly, the part about dying not being a bad thing.  Getting the flu shot this week.  Habit.  Get one every year. Talk on the news about this flu season being deadly (as if the other ones weren't). But then I started wondering why am I getting it.  I am overwhelming depressed and anxious and would not getting the flu and possibly dying really be so bad.  Am i allowed to write something like that in here?  I'm not suicidal but I really have no interest in living the life that I now have.  Maybe that will change but growing older (i'm 65) alone is not something that I look forward to doing.  

Kevin O,

I am sorry for your loss. For the most part, I think as long as you are not posting any "bad" things and keep it civil you can post how you feel. I come here to vent and write how I feel and trust me I feel terrible even now. My loving wife of 34 years (together 35 years) died 19 months ago last Wednesday and I still feel as though I don't want to keep going. We used to get the Flu vaccines because my loving wife worked with the public and we were caring for her Mother(MIL) who had dementia and we wanted her to be safe. MIL also died 5 months after my loving wife and now I am unsure whether I want any more vaccines for anything. I recently turned 63 and I really don't like being here all alone, it isn't the future we had hoped for. Now I have no future, except more loneliness and pain. Take care, John

[KayC]

3 hours ago, John9 said:

I ache all over and I still have a deep cough that makes the aches worse. But I am trying to muddle through and have been trying to clean the flower/hosta beds and pick up the leaves and keep the gutter clear.

Do take care to rest, dear John!  Do you think you could have Covid?  I got hit a couple of months ago and even though the home test was negative, I know beyond a shadow of doubt I had it...15 days.

I  may go home tomorrow in spite of the air quality if my place is still standing, today will be crucial, will the fire jump the containment lines?  Winds today.  East winds yesterday, electric company threatening to shut the power off.  Haven't heard anything definitive yet.  I only know this place is hard to stay in, I'm too old for this.  Although Kodie is having fun, but Murray (their pup) is a lot to keep up with!  I'm hoping not to the fire jumping lines and to the electrical shut off...

 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Kevin O said:

Am i allowed to write something like that in here?  I'm not suicidal but I really have no interest in living the life that I now have.

Of course!  Even if a person is feeling suicidal, that's fine to write about as it's a common feeling in early grief, better to talk about than to bottle up.  Few that talk about it act on it.  So important to put off as our feelings can change with time.  It really takes time to process our grief, lots of it, and to begin to see anything good to fight for!  Look for something good in each day, no matter how small.  Don't compare to the past as comparisons devalue.

[Kevin O]

I am sorry for your loss as well John.  It is the future of being here alone in this unsettling life that makes me the most sad and anxious.  I've been having trouble sleeping so I wake up quite often throughout the night, have negative thoughts and then fall back to sleep eventually.  It's when I know that is the last wake up before i have to get out of bed that I feel it the most.   I can feel it in my chest.  I literally feel the tension, dread, anxiety, loneliness tightening my chest.  That intensity lasts for only a few minutes but it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  Every day.  I know my story of loneliness and pain will not make yours any less painful but knowing that it is shared experience hopefully makes you feel just 1% less ________.  I know it is "helping" me when I read about others who have experienced this type of loss. I put helping in quotes because I know that nothing will help with this trauma but this forum gives me a shred of hope.  And at this point I will take what i can get.  

[foreverhis]

On 10/15/2022 at 9:10 AM, KayC said:

Oh no, Sim!  I pray you get well soon!
John, I'm so sorry dear friend!
Air 1300, burning throat, eyes, tongue inflamed.  East wind this weekend, praying our homes don't go, I evacuated to my son's.

Yikes!  I think you mentioned it's more than 1500 today?  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the contaminated air combined with stress and fatigue are making your blood sugar spike.  You know that everything, absolutely everything, affects our bodies.

I'm sure that once things have finally settled and you are truly safe at home, your FBS and overall levels will return to normal.  You worked so hard to get healthy.  I just know George and Arlie are so proud of you; how could they not be?  I confess that I slacked off the past several weeks because (excuses, excuses) I've had some really bad flare ups, pain days, and just depression from our crappy weather.  Usually September and October, even into the beginning of November, are some of the best weather of the year.  Not this time:  Cold and foggy day after day.  Usually this time of year makes up for cool, foggy summers.  Of course, I realize that our weather would be exactly what you need up your way right now!  In any case, I gained back 5 of the 24 lb I was down (with 24 to lose), so I thought about you today and approached it with renewed determination.

Please stay safe and well, my friend.

 

[KayC]

Yes Annie, it was 1500 Friday when I decided to evacuate and it made my throat very sore and inflamed my tongue really bad (still is) and rose my BS since Wed., it was not tolerable!  Even inside the house with two air purification systems going on high!  I was also concerned about winds this weekend making the fire jump the containment lines just a mile away from my dead end road, only one way out and that's towards the fire, so I decided to pack and leave again.

So glad to make it through that, and once I saw we again survived those predictions, I drove home last night.  So good to have a home standing!  My son laughed when I told him 400 was WAY better!  He said I guess it's perspective but hazardous is still hazardous (300 or more), yes but not as likely to infiltrate the house!  This morning was 268 now 315.  So much better than the 800s day and night we'd been living with before the huge jump to 1500!

BS this morning: 112.  I'll take it over 120s any day!

Kevin, I love your attitude and positivity!  And that statement is a great one to take into your day!

[John9]

Kevin O,

Sadly the sleep cycle you describe has been mine since my loving wife went into the Hospital. I had slept bad for many years before due to various "caregiver" fears, but when my loving wife died I have slept even less and what I get is restless sleep. And even after 19 months, I still dread getting up to face another lonely day of the sameness. I keep hoping that one day whatever reason I am still here for is fulfilled and I am allowed to reunite with my loving wife again. Take care, John

[John9]

KayC,

I am glad you are back in your own house, Hopefully you are able to stay there. I know that stress and "bad" air are not good for you and it isn't good for Kodie either. But not wondering if your house is still there is at least a bit of a relief. I know that if and when the fire is out or at least under control that relief will be huge. As for Covid, I don't think I have it because the only real issue I have is the cough. The aches and pains are what I have dealt with for years, as did my loving wife. I have arthritis in probably just about every joint and the weather is all over the place which doesn't help either. But when there is a new ailment it aggravates all of the old ones. And all of the stresses of the last few years have really aged me beyond my actual age. Trust me I feel way older than 63, and as I have said before it seems way more than19 months since my loving wife died. Take care, John

[Lost7]

Kevino 

This forum is wonderful for expressing how you feel and you will find that you have some of the same terrible feelings that we are all experiencing. I will pray for you and know that we all care. Take one step at a time because that's all you can do until you're called home.

Blessings Lost7 

 

[April Ballou]

On 10/16/2022 at 2:30 PM, Kevin O said:

I am sorry for your loss as well John.  It is the future of being here alone in this unsettling life that makes me the most sad and anxious.  I've been having trouble sleeping so I wake up quite often throughout the night, have negative thoughts and then fall back to sleep eventually.  It's when I know that is the last wake up before i have to get out of bed that I feel it the most.   I can feel it in my chest.  I literally feel the tension, dread, anxiety, loneliness tightening my chest.  That intensity lasts for only a few minutes but it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  Every day.  I know my story of loneliness and pain will not make yours any less painful but knowing that it is shared experience hopefully makes you feel just 1% less ________.  I know it is "helping" me when I read about others who have experienced this type of loss. I put helping in quotes because I know that nothing will help with this trauma but this forum gives me a shred of hope.  And at this point I will take what i can get.  

Hello Kevin .  I am sorry for your loss.  I understand about having trouble sleeping.  My dear sweet husband has been gone 2 years and I still have trouble sleeping.  This forum has helped me.  It's knowing that there are others that are suffering just as I am.  God has been and still is helping me.  I have lost so much.  Feel free to read any of the posts.  You can say whatever you have on your mind here.  We will listen.  I will be praying for you.

 

On 10/16/2022 at 2:30 PM, Kevin O said:

I am sorry for your loss as well John.  It is the future of being here alone in this unsettling life that makes me the most sad and anxious.  I've been having trouble sleeping so I wake up quite often throughout the night, have negative thoughts and then fall back to sleep eventually.  It's when I know that is the last wake up before i have to get out of bed that I feel it the most.   I can feel it in my chest.  I literally feel the tension, dread, anxiety, loneliness tightening my chest.  That intensity lasts for only a few minutes but it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  Every day.  I know my story of loneliness and pain will not make yours any less painful but knowing that it is shared experience hopefully makes you feel just 1% less ________.  I know it is "helping" me when I read about others who have experienced this type of loss. I put helping in quotes because I know that nothing will help with this trauma but this forum gives me a shred of hope.  And at this point I will take what i can get.  

Hello Kevin .  I am sorry for your loss.  I understand about having trouble sleeping.  My dear sweet husband has been gone 2 years and I still have trouble sleeping.  This forum has helped me.  It's knowing that there are others that are suffering just as I am.  God has been and still is helping me.  I have lost so much.  Feel free to read any of the posts.  You can say whatever you have on your mind here.  We will listen.  I will be praying for you.

 

[KayC]

John, I'm  glad it's not  Covid.  They haven't offered any boosters here for 1 1/2 years.  Have kind of wondered but the new variants are not as life/death as Delta was, thankfully.  Still, not anything any one wants.  If you were here and coughing with all the smoke, I'd get it.  Can't breathe as well at home, I just got to where I could some when I came home.  Need to turn the air purification filtrations on high.

Please take care of yourself, make some tea or something that appeals to you.  My BS is up from the air and my throat/tongue issue, nothing I can do about it.

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

They haven't offered any boosters here for 1 1/2 years. 

KayC,

That surprises me because the TV and radio here won't shut up about the "new" boosters. And now also for the Flu vaccine as well. Have you been able to find anymore about the tongue/throat issue or are you still waiting. I hope the air purification helps somewhat, does it use a washable filter or do you have to keep replacing them. How is Kodie doing, did he recover form his health issue. Have you seen Panther since you came back to the house. Take care, John

[KayC]

Nope, went to gastroenterologist, she did tell me it didn't look like cancer, which is good.  STILL waiting for a referral to ENT, I guess he's waiting for it to snow me in first!

No the filters require replacement, cost me $540 to pay for the year again (part of it on vacuum, the rest on two purifiers.

Yes, Kodie recovered and Panther is fine.  One ear's mites gone, the other one improved but not gone.  As well as he can be with the smoke air quality over 1,300.   The worst in the nation!  We're setting records (how bad it can get before we die of it.)

[John9]

19 hours ago, KayC said:

 The worst in the nation!  We're setting records (how bad it can get before we die of it.)

KayC,

Sometimes it is really a wonder just how much a person can handle. between the stresses and the weather (smoke in your case). The animals as well, but I guess some of them will just move to a "safer" spot until it is over. I know it is harder for you dealing with all of this mostly all alone, we try to offer the support that you do. But it can really be so overwhelming sometimes, and I am not dealing with the issues you are. But everything is just so much harder without my loving wife here with me and I am sure you understand what I mean in your own way. I don't know how I am still here, or how anyone can do this for as long as you have. You really are a strong person and I hope you catch a break with the fire situation soon. Take care, John

[KayC]

Horses, cows, pigs, and feral cats don't have the option of moving somewhere, they're either fenced in or staying at the only place they know.    Praying this will soon improve!  Nearly 1300 today.

 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

I was successful and got the job.

Such great news!  I know as exciting as it is, it can also feel a bit unnerving (at least for me it was) as it's a bit of unknown...you will do fine, they wouldn't hire you if they didn't have faith in you!  
I know it's tough not being able to share in it with your husband and he would bolster you in it, but tell him anyway and receive that boost of confidence and happiness sent your way from him!

[Kevin O]

CONGRATULATIONS on your new job.  I hope it turns out to be everything you want it to be and more.  I wonder if and/or when the urge to share anything new with a lost partner ever goes away.  It's just over 2 months for me and my first thoughts of 'can't wait to share this with Bob' have turned into 'I wish he was here so I could tell him'. I can't imagine that ever going away.  Nor do I want it to.  There is a building close by us that housed a restaurant.  It closed about 8 years ago.  I just read today that a new restaurant will be opening there in the future. I swear once a week for the past 8 years he would say 'I wonder what/when something will open there' as we drove by.  Now I want to know why he couldn't have waited to die for just a few more months.  Just a few more months and he would have had the answer.  This is the kind of stuff that is slowly killing me.  

[John9]

18 minutes ago, Kevin O said:

This is the kind of stuff that is slowly killing me. 

Kevin O,

Sadly, there doesn't seem to be a moment that goes by that there isn't something that triggers me. And I agree it is slowly killing me, I don't know what is keeping me somewhat functional. I was cleaning my loving wife's flower/hosta beds today or should say finished cleaning them, and it was so sad in many ways. Sad because it was the 2nd season that she didn't get to see them and sad because she was always happy when I had cleared away the dead plants so there was less chance of disease or critters. I had planted so many trees and bushes that turn red and orange in the fall because my loving wife loved them and they have turned and she isn't here to see them. Take care, John

23 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

Also I meant to share some positive news. I mentioned a few weeks back that I had an interview for a new job. The interview was 6 October, it went really well. I was successful and got the job.

Sim7079,

That's very good news and I hope that things work out well. I understand how hard it can be when you can't share the good news with the most important person that was always there for you. Take care, John

[AJ4]

Sometimes I go back through my husband's facebook page and read all the things he wrote- for years- and look at the pictures he took.  It makes it seem like he might just be in the other room still, not gone.  

[KayC]

I envy you your fall and colors, we did not get one this year, I don't know what season it's like, not exactly summer but not fall either, just unseasonably warm and continually dry and SMOKE!!!  Try to stay in as much as possible, wearing the best masks outside when I have to go out with the pets.

John, maybe you can enjoy it through your wife's eyes like in honor of her...

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

John, maybe you can enjoy it through your wife's eyes like in honor of her...

KayC,

The colors are beautiful, but it is just another thing that triggers me and there is no way to not see them because of where I planted them. I know that my loving wife would be very happy about them and they are holding there leaves when all of the rest of the trees are dropping theirs. But sadly nothing brings me any joy or pleasure anymore, not even the things that my loving wife and I both enjoyed. We had snow yesterday(not much) today and the weekend will be around 70. Take care, John

[KayC]

It started to rain a little about an hour ago!  This is what our entire town has been praying for!  Supposed to all week!  
I took the lower air quality (unhealthy instead of hazardous and way beyond) to get 4 wheelbarrows of wood up on the deck, thinking of building a fire in my wood stove tomorrow as it'll only be a high of 43, kind of cold for someone without a working furnace!

[April Ballou]

@KayC thank God that it rained, even if it is a little.  Something is better than nothing.  I am sorry that your furnace isn't work8ng.  There are days here when I'm not sure what season it is.  But the ever changing weather is normal for Texas in fall.  

[John9]

15 hours ago, KayC said:

It started to rain a little about an hour ago!  This is what our entire town has been praying for!  Supposed to all week!  
I took the lower air quality (unhealthy instead of hazardous and way beyond) to get 4 wheelbarrows of wood up on the deck, thinking of building a fire in my wood stove tomorrow as it'll only be a high of 43, kind of cold for someone without a working furnace!

KayC,

I hope that weather helps with the fire/smoke. I was taking advantage yesterday of the 70 degree weather to fix cracks in my paved driveway. I was blowing leaves out of the engine of my car and I wasn't looking down and tripped over a box Son had left by the trash, and I fell and smacked both of my knees. I had numb thighs when I finished working on the driveway for the day. I wasn't sure if it was from falling or being hunched over for so long without standing up. But they feel better today, and I need to continue to work on the driveway because we have another couple of good warm days coming.

[Gail 8588]

John9,

Oh man, I am sorry you took that tumble.  That sort of thing takes on much more significance at our age.  It hurts more, takes longer to clear up, and impairs our ability do the things we want and need to do. 

Knees are so important to daily living.  I have no medical training and just flounder about with this but I usually try alternating a heating pad to stimulate blood flow and cold packs to minimize swelling.  I'm a believer in Advil for these injuries, to reduce inflammation. 

Taking a tumble like this also magnifies how much we miss our partners.  They would have sympathized with our pain, pampered us a bit. I've taken a few falls since my husband died and the immense sadness that he was not there to pick me up, dust me off, and assure me it was all going to be okay was actually worse than the physical pain of the fall.

Good luck on finishing the work you want to get done. 

Hugs

Gail

[KayC]

7 hours ago, John9 said:

I hope that weather helps with the fire/smoke.

It POURED last night and has a lot today, the firefighters are taking a break as we have flash flood warnings this week, so it is great to have clear air for a change...before it goes back to smokey.  Here's hoping it won't be as bad as it has been when it resumes.  Right now I have a fire going in my wood stove!

 

7 hours ago, John9 said:

tripped over a box Son had left by the trash, and I fell and smacked both of my knees

Oh no!  I hope you're doing better today, I did the same thing in the middle of the night, going through the house and smacked my knees on the Edenpure Heater!  Last time I darn near broke my leg, it took weeks to heal!  I guess we both need bubblewrapped!

It's been so long since I've had George here, I can't even imagine anyone fussing over me!

 

[John9]

7 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

John9,

Oh man, I am sorry you took that tumble.  That sort of thing takes on much more significance at our age.  It hurts more, takes longer to clear up, and impairs our ability do the things we want and need to do. 

Knees are so important to daily living.  I have no medical training and just flounder about with this but I usually try alternating a heating pad to stimulate blood flow and cold packs to minimize swelling.  I'm a believer in Advil for these injuries, to reduce inflammation. 

Taking a tumble like this also magnifies how much we miss our partners.  They would have sympathized with our pain, pampered us a bit. I've taken a few falls since my husband died and the immense sadness that he was not there to pick me up, dust me off, and assure me it was all going to be okay was actually worse than the physical pain of the fall.

Good luck on finishing the work you want to get done. 

Hugs

Gail

Gail 8588,

Yes, I know that the knees are important, my loving wife had injured one of her knees many years ago at work and never told anyone about it. And she had many other issues from 30+ years of pet grooming, she practically lived on Aleve on the days she worked. And you are so right that anything that happens now, just makes us realize how much we need the support of the one we lost. Take care, John

[John9]

41 minutes ago, KayC said:

It POURED last night and has a lot today, the firefighters are taking a break as we have flash flood warnings this week, so it is great to have clear air for a change...before it goes back to smokey.  Here's hoping it won't be as bad as it has been when it resumes.  Right now I have a fire going in my wood stove!

 

Oh no!  I hope you're doing better today, I did the same thing in the middle of the night, going through the house and smacked my knees on the Edenpure Heater!  Last time I darn near broke my leg, it took weeks to heal!  I guess we both need bubblewrapped!

It's been so long since I've had George here, I can't even imagine anyone fussing over me!

 

KayC,

I was doing okay, UNTIL I went back and worked on the driveway again. It is a combination of falling and sitting in a hunched position. Hopefully I can finish while the weather is good and recover. I can't tell you how many time I have kicked the corner of the couch, and of course it is always when I am barefoot and not when I have slippers on. My loving wife used to kick the corner of the couch too. We knew it was there but when you aren't looking, things are closer then you realize. I really do miss being fussed over, and don't think it will ever happen again. Take care, John

[KayC]

That's me lately!  I need to start turning lights on in the night!  As to being fussed over, I don't know how to handle that, it's been so long!  Ahh but I miss George!  It never stops, not ever.  Even those moving into new relationships will find themselves missing their spouse...it'll happen, the rest of their lives.  As I've learned with Arlie, one pup doesn't supplant another.  You love the new one and miss the old one.   Not as simple with a person, for the one thing, there's the running into the new partner part, ha!

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

That's me lately!  I need to start turning lights on in the night! 

KayC,

What's funny about that is because of MIL living with us, we had nightlights all over the house. Most are still here, but it doesn't really help when you aren't looking where you are going (me). My loving wife and I were never trying to replace or supplant any of the animals we lost. She just felt that we needed the ones we had. To the point of replacing an animal, I just read something about a person who had her cat cloned and seemed surprised that the "new" one was different than the "original".

[KayC]

Yep!  Me neither, when Arlie died, I knew he was one of a kind and no one would ever replace him.  People may think/hope that, but think again, still there's a certain amount of filling a void, getting a new puppy that you can't necessarily get with a new husband.   Kodie has definitely created his own spot in my life, now I can't imagine life without him!  And don't want to.  The same as I've felt with George, I was still in shock and very vulnerable when I was preyed upon to the worst extent, twice, and I have not dated or considered since!  It's been many years...I'm paying a heavy price.

[John9]

KayC,

I am sorry that things didn't work out and that there are so many people who will take advantage of anyone, let alone a person who has lost someone very important to them. Many many years ago, my loving wife and I joked about being lucky that we didn't have to go through any of the "dating" rituals again, because it was just so scary. AND it has gotten worse since then. I have no desire to be in a relationship again, but if I did I wouldn't be very trusting. My loving wife and I were together 35 years and you just can't get that "instantly" . Take care, John

[KayC]

True enough, although I imagine you trusted your wife when you went into it...however, these times are different.  I'd say, let me get to know you well enough to know you inside and out, a person earns that trust...but then there's the story of Jim, ha!  Haven't dated since and not interested in going that route...that and big difference between early 50s and 70!

Here I Go Again

[John9]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Haven't dated since and not interested in going that route...that and big difference between early 50s and 70!

KayC,

Yeah, I get that. But how about the difference between my 20's and now my 60's. And as I said everything else has changed as well. Not something in my thought process at the moment, just a memory that popped into my head because of a scary news report. Take care, John

[KayC]

No, I meant I was only 52 when he died, now I'm 70, that's what I meant.  

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

No, I meant I was only 52 when he died, now I'm 70, that's what I meant.  

KayC,

I understood that. I was saying that things are so much different now than they were when I was in my 20's. The world has changed so much since 1986 and not for the better.

[KayC]

Well, Peggy's house is listed, 1/2 what it would have gone for when she died, but everything takes time, banks, courts, etc., meanwhile inflation did it's number, but at least it's done now.  Not even at where you are with closing the estate, all to come, who knows what year!

Snow coming tonight/tomorrow, have stud-less snow tires ordered, wow the price went up, not quite double, but close enough.  You are so right about the world changing, especially since Covid!  Nothing is as it was, not politics, not shopping, budgets, social, nothing.

Check in when you can!

[Gail 8588]

Kay, 

So glad you are finally out of the fire risk and that the smoke has cleared so you can breathe easier. It's been a stressful several months. 

I hope you can enjoy the early snow as a bit if beauty. (Before the long lasting and bitterly cold snows come.) I imagine Kodie will enjoy frolicking in the snow.  

I hope Peggy's home sells quickly.  It is such a relief to close on a property that is vacant. Nothing good happens to a vacant house. 

Hope you have a few weeks of relatively "easier" time. You certainly deserve a break!

Gail  

[KayC]

Here's a picture of Panther, it doesn't do him justice, every time the camera clicks he moves before it captures it!  He has the biggest round seagreen eyes, huge paws, and (now) rotund belly!  (No he's not pregnant, I didn't know how much to feed him, I've cut back).
 

Can't post more than one at a time...

[KayC]

17 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

Hope you have a few weeks of relatively "easier" time. You certainly deserve a break!

Gail  

Snow starting tonight/tomorrow!  I ordered snow tires (stud-less, rated as good as studs).

[Gail 8588]

Panther will probably benefit from a few extra pounds during the upcoming winter.