Realization

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

I agree all the coverage of the Queen’s death also makes me feel sad as understand the feelings all too well.

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/uk/health/mental-health/a41134896/collective-grief-what-you-need-to-know-how-to-deal-with-it/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-are-not-meant-be-happy/202209/is-it-real-grief-we-feel-the-queen
https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/in-the-news/many-of-us-are-experiencing-reawakened-grief-after-queen-elizabeth-iis-death/
https://news.yahoo.com/queen-death-collective-grief-how-deal-with-it-101655234.html

13 hours ago, John9 said:

Last night I think I was with my loving wife and she was talking to someone else and they told her to tell me to leave and she did tell me to leave. It hasn't helped my emotions today

Sometimes that aftermath can be pretty tough to weather after a bad dream.  I'm so sorry, John!  It helps me to get fresh air, take a walk, get out of my thoughts/head...a dose of Kodie helps a lot.

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

I’ve also been very emotional today too. Today would have been our wedding anniversary.

I'm sorry, I've never figured an easy way to go through this and do so alone, it would help if a family member who remembered (is there one?!) would take me to lunch or otherwise divert some of my attention but that is not the case and I muddle through it alone....the day a forgotten reminder of the best day of my life.  Thinking of and praying for you.

[KayC]

23 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

Most of my family and friends remembered my anniversary and sent messages and love.

Then you are not alone.  I'm talking of no one reaching out whatsoever.  I understand wanting to be "alone" to do this grief work.  I guess I just didn't want it forced on me to be alone in this.  Thank God for this place and others like it.

22 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

I wouldn’t want to debate this with the people who have been queuing for 14 hours to pay their last respect to the Queen for the lying-in-state at Westminster Hall.

That is a whole other subject.  The counselor on another site covered this topic very well...
Is It Real Grief We Feel for the Queen?
Queen...What’s Reawakened Grief
Queen's death: How to deal with feelings of collective grief

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Then you are not alone.  I'm talking of no one reaching out whatsoever.  I understand wanting to be "alone" to do this grief work.  I guess I just didn't want it forced on me to be alone in this.  Thank God for this place and others like it.

KayC,

I fully understand and this is how it is with my loving wife's family, there is only one member who still occasionally calls me. That is my loving wife's Cousin who lost her on/off boyfriend about 6 months before my loving wife died. She is really the only one who comes close to understanding. Our Son remembered my Birthday, but no mention on his Mother's Birthday or any other significant days. I have said that this site and the other sites have helped me very much. That being said, I still want this to be over soon. I hate this existence so much now, I hate the loneliness so much. Take care, John

[Robert D.]

SIM7079....I feel this way exactly....I miss my beloved JoAnn...and it is unbearable...it is living in continual sorrow and depression.....going to sleep helps....waking up is horrible....But you guys in here are my lifeline to some sense of normality...altered, but the idea is there....you know...how to get through the next few minutes or hour.....the idea that we can go on....but it will be a major journey to do so....but that we can do it.....I know this much....my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ died for me...and for JoAnn....to make us able to see Him...AND eachother again....my hope will always be in Him.....and you are all making it possible for me to understand that it can be done...will be hard.... (Understatement)....but we can get through this.....God bless!!

[Robert D.]

John9....I hate this existence too brother ....I really do.....! I had no idea this was coming..... This horrible surreal existence of immense sorrow and lonliness is extremely hard ...pernicious on every part of my life....what's left of it.....I'm with you brother....praying for you. God bless!

[John9]

17 hours ago, Robert D. said:

John9....I hate this existence too brother ....I really do.....! I had no idea this was coming..... This horrible surreal existence of immense sorrow and lonliness is extremely hard ...pernicious on every part of my life....what's left of it.....I'm with you brother....praying for you. God bless!

Robert D,

That is what was and is so hard, my loving wife died so suddenly and unexpectedly and so young. I never expected any of that to happen. I am still struggling with everything, but the loneliness and being all alone is so hard. Take care, John

Edited September 18, 2022 by John9
forget to comment, only quoted

[KayC]

22 hours ago, John9 said:

he loneliness and being all alone is so hard.

It sure is, that's the part people don't get.  They long for time alone...they don't get it's a different thing when it's permanent and forced upon us.  And I never longed for time alone from George...

[John9]

KayC,

I fully agree, as I have said before my loving wife and I hated forced change. And this is by far the biggest change that could ever be forced on someone. Sadly because of the situation with MIL, there were times when I had to be alone and not with my loving wife and MIL to keep from being overwhelmed. But I really wasn't aware of just how overwhelmed I would end up being after my loving wife died and left me to care for MIL all alone. And even after MIL died I am still so stressed over everything. Just don't understand how I am still here in any way.

[April Ballou]

After nearly a year, I finally got my husband's wedding ring back.

[NiquesMom]

Came home today and picked up Christopher's urn, held it in my arms, hugged it really and just wailed. I am so tired. Got a notice in the mail, "sorry for your loss but he still owes a debt." Dont know what I am going to do. Do i just let it got to collections? Do i need to start probate? He didnt have anything, no retirement, no big fancy house. Car is in my name. We are working class, he worked in a warehouse.

Dont know which way to turn, feels like landmines all around me. 

[April Ballou]

@NiquesMom if I were you I would just throw away any and all mail that says " he owes us money" or anything like that.   But that my two cents.  

[Ronni_W]

1 hour ago, NiquesMom said:

Came home today and picked up Christopher's urn, held it in my arms, hugged it really and just wailed. I am so tired. Got a notice in the mail, "sorry for your loss but he still owes a debt." Dont know what I am going to do. Do i just let it got to collections? Do i need to start probate? He didnt have anything, no retirement, no big fancy house. Car is in my name. We are working class, he worked in a warehouse.

Dont know which way to turn, feels like landmines all around me. 

Dear NiquesMom,

my thoughts and feelings for everything that you're being faced with and have to deal with.

I don't know what kind of services you have available to you, in Florida. Up here in Canada, there is something like "public outreach" (which is usually under municipal, but can be provincial or even federal). For me --      -- for my own peace of mind and the heck with any 'legal' obligation, responsibility or duty to Christopher's estate...I would see what kind of free or public assistance/guidance might be available to help you figure-out the best (legal) way forward, to get out from under these types of mails. Even I'd go to a church or temple or synagogue or mosque or 'spiritual sanctuary' or whatever. I really wouldn't even care if my personal philosophy and beliefs are aligned or not-that-much aligned. I'd only care to find some public or private institution or organization that may be able to, and be willing to, help me to gain clarity or peace, or figure-out things (about financial things).

I wish that I could be of more specific assistance in your specific jurisdiction.   But, with any luck at all, something will come to you -- some possible service or agency that is available for you, that you will be able to at least get 15 minutes of "free advice" and will help you to not feel weighed down by this extra hassle and burden. (For me, just ignoring and denying it, or trying to pretend it away, would not actually help to move it to a 'good and peaceful' place in my mind.)

My love and hugs to you, and really, truly hoping that you will find someone to help you feel like you at least one viable option of which way to turn...without getting blown up by all kinds of 'landmines' in the process.   Ronni

[Gail 8588]

@NiquesMom Call your local legal aid office, they should be able to help you. 

Unsecured debts in your husband's name alone, such as credit card debt, old student loans,  you may not be legally obligated to pay. Also you may not have a legal obligation to pay some of his medical debt.  Additionally, many creditors will write off debt of a deceased individual. A debt collection firm might be unyielding, but the actual creditor may well write off the debt if they are informed of his death. 

Ignoring the demand for payment is not a good idea. At a minimum, it will ruin your credit. If a default judgment on the creditor's claim issues, that judgment can be hanging over your head for 20 years.

It is awful that you have to deal with all these financial issues at this most difficult time of your life, but it will just make things worse if you don't respond. 

You may want to (in writing,  paper or email) respond that you don't believe this debt is your responsibility. That would at least reflect that the debt is in dispute.

Contact legal aid, or call a private attorney that works in the area of civil law. Explain your situation and that you are being hounded by debt collectors and ask if they will give you some advice at no charge.

Good luck.

Gail

 

[Jemiga70]

On 9/18/2022 at 8:28 AM, John9 said:

That is what was and is so hard, my loving wife died so suddenly and unexpectedly and so young. I never expected any of that to happen.

@John9  Same for me, John.  My sweetheart was only 49.  She was literally here on this earth plane and then gone in a matter of seconds, all unexpectedly.  So so hard to accept and really I don't think I have accepted it.  The days feel surreal and nightmarish even now almost 17 months later.  And the intensity of missing her has really ramped up the last 3-4 days.  I wonder if it has to do with the EMDR therapy Ive started. Maybe my brain's network is rerouting itself in some way.

[KayC]

20 hours ago, John9 said:

Just don't understand how I am still here in any way.

I wondered this for the longest time.  I guess it just wasn't my time yet.  Because surely if someone could die of a broken heart, it would be me.  But no..

20 hours ago, April Ballou said:

After nearly a year, I finally got my husband's wedding ring back.

Wow, how beautiful!  I am so glad you have it to treasure and keep close to your heart!  How come a year?  To resize it?

14 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Do i need to start probate?

If you are both on all titles and married, and have nothing of real value, I would say not, I didn't.  It can be a problem if someone sues over it or something, but I knew no one would.  Everything was mine before we married and he left me in way worse shape financially, I didn't think anyone else would want his bills!  Turns out I wouldn't have had to pay the medical bills (in my stated)) but I didn't know that and in my grief fog, I remortgaged my home too...the hospital was hounding me with high rate of interest...I should have told them where to get off but didn't know.  For this reason, I recommend anyone see an attorney at least one time to get advice.

 

 

@John9  Panther Kitty didn't show up last night.  I checked several time in the afternoon and evening, calling him, checked carport/property, nothing.  Am concerned.

[John9]

KayC,

I hope Panther shows up, without more issues. I still believe that even at this stage I will eventually die from a broken heart. It is not any easier and the pains I have are getting worse and I feel so empty and dead inside. Had "someone" steal/use my credit card yesterday, like I need more stress. I called the bank but if they are like everyone else it will drag on forever.

[John9]

16 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Came home today and picked up Christopher's urn, held it in my arms, hugged it really and just wailed. I am so tired. Got a notice in the mail, "sorry for your loss but he still owes a debt." Dont know what I am going to do. Do i just let it got to collections? Do i need to start probate? He didnt have anything, no retirement, no big fancy house. Car is in my name. We are working class, he worked in a warehouse.

Dont know which way to turn, feels like landmines all around me. 

NiquesMom,

It seems that the rules are different in each state. Whatever you do make sure you document all attempts to communicate with anyone. As others have said, you may not owe anything BUT I can't say that for sure. I do know that if you start paying something then they will try to use it against you. So if you can't afford an Attorney or one won't help you, contact the billing company and ask for clarification. My opinion is that too many companies try to take advantage of people who they know are grieving and in a place where their broken brain isn't thinking correctly. In Michigan there was no need for Probate for my loving wife, but I needed Probate for my friend and MIL which is still going on. Take care, John

[April Ballou]

@KayC no I let my son borrow it until they were able to get him a wedding ring

[John9]

10 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

@John9  Same for me, John.  My sweetheart was only 49.  She was literally here on this earth plane and then gone in a matter of seconds, all unexpectedly.  So so hard to accept and really I don't think I have accepted it.  The days feel surreal and nightmarish even now almost 17 months later.  And the intensity of missing her has really ramped up the last 3-4 days.  I wonder if it has to do with the EMDR therapy Ive started. Maybe my brain's network is rerouting itself in some way.

Jemiga70,

I am having issues in the past week or so that I haven't had as much lately. I have cried everyday for the last 556 days since my loving wife died, but the last week has been very emotional. I just really miss my loving wife more and more each day and night and it is physically hurting me more and more as well. For the last week I have actually had an aching where my broken heart was. I just hate this all so much and the loneliness is very hard no matter what I try to do. Take care, John

[Robert D.]

John9 .. .praying for you brother!

[KayC]

1 hour ago, John9 said:

KayC,

I hope Panther shows up, without more issues. I still believe that even at this stage I will eventually die from a broken heart. It is not any easier and the pains I have are getting worse and I feel so empty and dead inside. Had "someone" steal/use my credit card yesterday, like I need more stress. I called the bank but if they are like everyone else it will drag on forever.

Oh John, I am so sorry for this latest!  Someone did that to mine (which I use for all my bills and pay in full every month)  what a hassle!  Cost me a day to notify everyone and put my secondary Visa on, then do it all in reverse when my new card came.  My friend had hers stolen when she was staying at the coast earlier this month and they were horrid about getting back to her about her card!  A week later, still hadn't heard back from them!  I'd switch banks!

Oh and no sign of Panther this morning...until meal time!  LOL  Not eating much, not sure what's wrong.  Keeping an eye on him.  Ears starting to look better, he doesn't like me putting the oil in, and has a raw place around the outside of them where he's scratching.  Maybe when it clears up he'll quit scratching.  Still getting gunk out of his ear.

 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, April Ballou said:

@KayC no I let my son borrow it until they were able to get him a wedding ring

Oh my goodness, that hadn't occurred to me!  So glad you got it back!

 

1 hour ago, John9 said:

For the last week I have actually had an aching where my broken heart was.

John, I do hope you see a doctor, get your heart checked.  It's not just length of life affected, but quality of life!  You don't want to land in the hospital/rehab.

Praying for you!

[April Ballou]

@John9 I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble since your wife passed away.  All I did was pray and asked for comfort.  And as far as your credit card anything that was used after the last time you used it, by law the bank is supposed to reimburse you, especially since you reported it stolen.  I had someone hack into my checking account and my bank saved me, but I did have to get a new debit card.  Ever since my dear sweet husband passed away it seems like everyone wants to take advantage of me.  Scammers,  hackers, con artists it's just really sad.

@John9 I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble since your wife passed away.  All I did was pray and asked for comfort.  And as far as your credit card anything that was used after the last time you used it, by law the bank is supposed to reimburse you, especially since you reported it stolen.  I had someone hack into my checking account and my bank saved me, but I did have to get a new debit card.  Ever since my dear sweet husband passed away it seems like everyone wants to take advantage of me.  Scammers,  hackers, con artists it's just really sad.

[Robert D.]

AprilBallou..... I'm finding this out myself.. just how important a buffer our spouses were from various people who are not out for our own good...... just being out there on your own now without the safety net of our spouse is really really major hard..

[NiquesMom]

Hello everyone. The creditor told me the state of florida told them Christopher had no estate and no assets and they are going to write off the bill. I am not sure why they sent the letter but it turned out ok for this one. I hope the rest will write off the bills as well.

I do worry about being taken advantage of too. I need to get our roof replaced and I am worried about picking a bad company. I pray for all my angels and god to steer me the right away.

John, I have been crying for 2 weeks straight. I have been stuffing down my tears to try and not bring our son down. But the last couple of weeks I just cant stop crying. Maybe the planets are in a weird alignment? I agree you should get your heart checked, even if you are ready to leave this planet to join your wife, you could have a major event and end up in a hospital/rehab instead of dying like you feel like you would be ok with. I hope I am not overstepping any lines but i worry about the pain you describe.

[Robert D.]

NiquesMom....John......Praying for both of you....God bless!

[foreverhis]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

My friend had hers stolen when she was staying at the coast earlier this month and they were horrid about getting back to her about her card!  A week later, still hadn't heard back from them!  I'd switch banks!

I'd switch banks too!  That's ridiculous.  When I had my number swiped (almost certainly one of those readers that data thieves sneak onto fuel pump card readers), I was sent an "Is this you or is this fraud?" email because the person was making purchases completely out of the normal pattern for me.  I clicked the "It's fraud" button and 5 minutes later a CS rep called to take care of everything.  They immediately cancelled the card, issued a new account number, and reversed the fraudulent charges.  It did take 2 weeks to receive the new card in the mail, but we always have back up credit cards, especially because in the '80s, back when they did the carbon copy swipe, John's Am Ex number was stolen by someone who bought $3000 of...mink coats, in Los Angeles, in summer.  Yeah sure, that was really something John would do.  Am Ex was great about it though.  He called when he got the statement in the mail.  They tracked his purchases, discovered where it was stolen, and pursued criminal charges.

Anyway, I'm so sorry all of you have had or are having such a difficult, frustrating time with banks and credit card companies.

12 hours ago, KayC said:

For this reason, I recommend anyone see an attorney at least one time to get advice.

I cannot stress enough how important this advice is.  At a time when our brains are dysfunctional, we need all the help we can get.  This is especially true when there are questions of debts owed, medical or otherwise, probate, wills or lack thereof, and children or family from previous marriages. 

Many lawyers in our area do "nearly pro bono" Saturday clinics a few times a month.  For $50, John and I had a 1 hour consultation with a general practice and estate attorney after my mom died.  We were almost positive we were doing everything right, but wanted confirmation.  We were, but the attorney was able to show us how to streamline a few small things and put our minds at rest about everything else.  One of the best checks I ever wrote!

Now all I have to do is put our house into a trust because I've realized that everything else is handled (not that it's a huge estate, but still...) for beneficiaries and Transfer on Death (ToD).  The current value of our paid-off house would force my sister to go through probate in California.  I would just as soon she and our daughter split the money that would have been spent on probate and go do something fun together.  But as with many things, I keep procrastinating.  I know that's stupid because we know better than most how life and loss can turn on a dime.  Time to find a reasonably priced estate attorney who offers a trust package.

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, April Ballou said:

Ever since my dear sweet husband passed away it seems like everyone wants to take advantage of me.  Scammers,  hackers, con artists it's just really sad.

It sure is awful.  Even 4 years later, I still get scam calls.  In fact, this morning I got one aimed at John.  I was in no mood to be pestered and I hadn't even had my coffee yet.  When the woman persisted in talking to John, I kept saying no because I'm just too stubborn to immediately hang up sometimes.  She asked "Why not?" and I replied, "Because he died, you idiot.  If you were from Medicare--you'd know that." and hung up.  I know we're supposed to just hang up or not answer and usually I do, but this morning was probably the 10th scammer calling in less than 2 days and I was, well, "slightly irked."

[Gail 8588]

@NiquesMom. So glad that at least that one bill has been resolved.  Hopefully it will be the same for any other debts of your husband. 

Regarding your roof, here is a tip my homeowner's insurance agent gave me.  After you have contracted for the roof work, but before they are installing the new roof,  tell the contractor that your insurance company is going to do a 4 point inspection on the new roof to give you a discount on your insurance (which is true they generally do give discounts for new roofs that are installed according to the manufacturers specifications). Ask for the date you should arrange for the inspection. Don't pay the roofer the final payment for the work until after you get that four point inspection done and the roof passed.

My agent said it is better to tell the boss before work begins so the boss will tell the crew chief to tell the roofers to do the job right (such as 5 nails in an M pattern rather than skimping with only 3 nails.).  The boss will understand that if the roof doesn't pass inspection it is going to slow down his getting paid for the job.  

Anyway, that was one tip I was given to try to protect myself from a shoddy roofing job.

Good luck.

Gail

[Gail 8588]

@KayC Glad Panther came home for a good meal.  If you have any neosporin + pain relief that might help Panther stop scratching the outside of his ear.  Poor guy, I am sure he is stressed, as all of the folks in your area are, from all the smoke and such.  

Glad you are still in your home.  Hopefully the weather will soon be bringing you some relief. 

Gail

[KayC]

12 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

I need to get our roof replaced and I am worried about picking a bad company.

When I replaced my (30' x 14') patio roof, it took me THREE times to get one that did it right!  The first one (a friend's son) must have been on drugs!  Worst of horror stories!  He cut up my rafters, removed my wooden wiggle mold and threw it away in a dumpster in another city!  He filled my BBQ with nails, rendering the igniter useless.  He took MY tools out of the garage and left them down in the backyard snow, quite a ways down!  And absconded with my $.

Second roofer hired his kid & a young friend to put it on.  He did not use the wiggle mold I bought to replace the other.  They had it up in a couple of hours and it leaked every square inch of the roof!  He had me pay his wife as he said he'd just filed social security and it would "mess it up."  Big mistake!  It meant I didn't have coverage through his contractor's license!  He never returned phone calls or emails...also absconding with my $.

The third time I asked around, particularly on Oakridge Chat and my neighbors.  This time I got a guy that is not the cheapest, but did an amazing job and it has not leaked once in the years since!  I hired him w/o question for my carport as well.  And he's the only one I'd consider for my house (that was my first and I got took by the contractor who ended up going to prison, getting divorced from his wife of 40 years, business folded...I had problems with it and wrote him in prison...he told me to buy some Henry's goop and put on it.  The water leak stained my ceiling six ft!  After the 4th contractor, I had that one fix it around the wood stove where it hadn't been done properly.  Also, they had roofed over rot on the front porch, which they were supposed to fix.  I got one of his kids to come out and do a "patch" but it wasn't as well done as it should have been.

Bottom line, a roofer is one of the most important contractors you will ever hire...and at a costly lesson to me!  Talk to your neighbors, locals, listen to their recommendations, find out how long their roofs held up and who did them!

[KayC]

On 9/17/2022 at 12:23 PM, Sim7079 said:

But we have no choice but to try and live and enjoy a little bit of happiness as depending on God’s plan and our current age we may have another 40/50 years of this….

I was 52 when George died, in our family we live well into our 90s (except my sister who purposely did not take care of herself) so I knew I was facing a good 40 years without him...I'm not quite halfway there after all this time!  I don't see a lot of good ahead as it seems life is more and more of a struggle the further I go.  But I tell myself "Back to today...one day at a time."  God's grace will see me through...one day at a time.  It's his principle, not mine.  He's the one who says, "Strength for today."  He also says not to worry, to take no thought for tomorrow what we eat, what we wear...

[KayC]

11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Am Ex was great about it though.

They ARE good about it!  My last boss had them, since I handled all his affairs as his representative, I was able to get it stopped and they were so amazing to work with!  I have 1st Tech (FCU) and they did it immediately too!  I would not go through what her bank put her through.  Not twice anyway!

12 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Now all I have to do is put our house into a trust because I've realized that everything else is handled (not that it's a huge estate, but still...) for beneficiaries and Transfer on Death (ToD).

I got a living will, medical directive, POA, and gave copies to my kids, plus added my son onto my bank account as he'll be Executor (by his permission).  I want to pay my house off (within ten years if not sooner) so we can take our time selling it while I pay for wherever I go to...I can't afford double payments and don't think I can last here a lot longer but with what the financial state of the country has done to my IRA this year, it's like it's taking daily hits!  There goes my idea to pay off my house by age 75. Oh well, I keep praying I can last on this mountain.  Thank God for Jack (handyman from down the street).  I am thinking of parking at the top of my driveway/road during snows this winter so I don't have to shovel the driveway, just a path through it to the wood and one to the road.

[John9]

19 hours ago, April Ballou said:

I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble since your wife passed away.  All I did was pray and asked for comfort.  And as far as your credit card anything that was used after the last time you used it, by law the bank is supposed to reimburse you, especially since you reported it stolen.  I had someone hack into my checking account and my bank saved me, but I did have to get a new debit card.  Ever since my dear sweet husband passed away it seems like everyone wants to take advantage of me.  Scammers,  hackers, con artists it's just really sad.

April Ballou,

Thank you. What is "funny" is that nobody actually stole my card. Whatever piece of crap "used" my card did it online without having the 3 digit code on the back. I know that legally I am not responsible, but as KayC said it is the pain in the butt part of having to deal with it. If these "people" would put as much effort into making this world a better place instead of trying to hurt others, things could be so much better. Take care, John

[John9]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh John, I am so sorry for this latest!  Someone did that to mine (which I use for all my bills and pay in full every month)  what a hassle!  Cost me a day to notify everyone and put my secondary Visa on, then do it all in reverse when my new card came.  My friend had hers stolen when she was staying at the coast earlier this month and they were horrid about getting back to her about her card!  A week later, still hadn't heard back from them!  I'd switch banks!

Oh and no sign of Panther this morning...until meal time!  LOL  Not eating much, not sure what's wrong.  Keeping an eye on him.  Ears starting to look better, he doesn't like me putting the oil in, and has a raw place around the outside of them where he's scratching.  Maybe when it clears up he'll quit scratching.  Still getting gunk out of his ear.

 

KayC,

Yes, it is terrible to have to deal with alerting/changing and then wondering if there will be other issues in regards to this. The piece of crap person never actually had access to my card, but somehow was able to charge an online purchase without the 3 digit code. That is a flaw in the approval process and never should have happened. But as I have said many times about many things, I can't tell someone how to run their business, but I can point out how wrong something is.

I am glad that you at least have an opportunity to still treat Panther. My loving wife and I had issues with some of our animals and their ears and like Panther after awhile they didn't like us touching them. Hopefully he will just finally accept that it is for his own good. 🤔

As for the ache in my chest, I feel fine I was just making an observation that the timing was funny as it corresponded to "special events". I will keep an eye on it and see what happens. Take care, John

[KayC]

33 minutes ago, John9 said:

Whatever piece of crap "used" my card did it online without having the 3 digit code on the back.

Same with me, someone at a sporting good store in CA, must have used self checkout, don't know how they did it without the code, or maybe they did it at the register, IDK.  This is why they have the codes!  Maybe someone stole it from an online purchase or something, I have no idea, but I usually use Paypal which is pretty safe in my estimation, unless at Amazon or WM.  Feels violating too.

I'm glad you're keeping an eye on the ache in your heart, it could be indicative of something, so I'm glad you are.  
 

I posted an update on Panther in my Feel so Alone thread.  After treating his ears (hurriedly) this morning, a couple of hours later I checked on him and he ran from me.    A side effect of trying to take care of him...

[April Ballou]

@John9yes you are right they need to make this world a better place.  

[John9]

So, yesterday I saw that the bank has re-issued a new card but I haven't received it yet. And the balance seemed to be correct for charges I made. This morning I got up to alerts on my phone that the balance is higher than it should be. So I looked online and the scam charge is listed on the account. I called the bank and was transferred to the fraud division and I explained the issue. The person said that they open an investigation. Apparently the person I spoke to only cancelled the card and didn't finish her job. So for something that should have already been started and finished because the person I spoke to today could see the attempts to use the card after I called to tell them it was fraud. So once again someone didn't do their job properly or completely and I need to put extra effort on my part. I am not worried about bring responsible for the charge, just mad that I have to take the extra steps to do someone else's job. Like I have said too many times, I can't tell someone HOW to do their job, but I can point out what I see as a flaw. Hopefully it will be resolved quickly, but it is the weekend now so there is that.

[Robert D.]

John9...... I hope this person gets it resolved for you quickly John.. I actually had this happen while my wife was sick.. there was a fake insurance company out in California that charged my card 3 different times and over $300 each time.  This is during the time that I was coming back and forth in the hospital trying to learn how to do bills for the first time in 23 years also.. it was a major major stress issue at that time. I am praying for you that it all gets resolved quickly for you that it doesn't cause any more stress for you also. God bless!

[John9]

Robert D,

Thank you and I am sorry that you had to go through something like this at one of the worst possible times. I decided to check my credit report to make sure nobody has attempted to open any accounts in  my name. When I checked, once again I found out that someone didn't do the job they were supposed to when they were supposed to. There was a credit card account that was listed in my loving wife's name that I had her open so she could establish credit in her own name. I found out today that even though I called them to inform them over 18 months ago that she had died and they have it listed as such. The account is still open with me as a secondary user. I called and asked how and why an account where the primary person is dead can it still be open. The person said it shouldn't be AND I have to send a letter to them to have them close it, even though the computer shows that my loving wife died. Talk about stresses and people who can't seem to do their jobs. Take care, John

[KayC]

OMG, John, more added stresses/issues you do NOT need!  It seems all the time something!  I, too, am going through so much, between fires, wood stove issues, air quality, and winter looming around the corner and I didn't even get to enjoy the respite of fall which seems weird/different this year!  I am definitely in survival mode.  And I see it only worsening the older I get.  Hold on, this will be over for you soon...all the gov't stuff, the credit card/s, all of it.  Gosh at a time you only want to grieve peacefully. 

 

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

OMG, John, more added stresses/issues you do NOT need!  It seems all the time something!  I, too, am going through so much, between fires, wood stove issues, air quality, and winter looming around the corner and I didn't even get to enjoy the respite of fall which seems weird/different this year!  I am definitely in survival mode.  And I see it only worsening the older I get.  Hold on, this will be over for you soon...all the gov't stuff, the credit card/s, all of it.  Gosh at a time you only want to grieve peacefully. 

 

KayC,

I am just so tired and worn out, it seems as if there is never a break from anything. I know you understand how overwhelming it can be when there is just too much happening and you can't seem to catch a break. Hopefully you are right and all of this will be over soon. Take care, John

[KayC]

Sending you hugs my dear friend.

[Gail 8588]

John9, 

I feel so bad for you. There were so many times I felt I was at the end of my rope. I was exhausted, in pain, and could not understand how it was that I was still alive. How can a human body endure this much stress and not break?  It is a terrible feeling. 

I don't know why some people are allowed (by God) to die of their broken hearts and some are not.  When I read in the paper that some widow or widower died in their sleep within days of their departed spouse, I think "lucky them". 

This probably sounds inconsistent with my frequent posts saying my life is better now, has happiness even joy sometimes.  But I don't really tink it is inconsistent.  My life is better now than during my first 3 or 4 years that were spent in abject dispair.  But I also recognize that this life without my true love is really hard, and will always be hard, because he is not here with me. 

I am happy about joys, large and small that come my way now.  I couldn't see or feel any joy those first several years.  But I am also exhausted, anxious and lonely much of the time, which would be entirely different if my sweetie was here.  Sure we were sometimes exhausted with all the things that needed to be done, but we pulled together.  We worried about all the same things I worry about now, but we could talk over our worries, and it made them less scary. 

Facing everything alone is really hard.

Sorry, I don't think this was particularly encouraging for you. Just venting too I suppose. 

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. 

Gail

[Roxeanne]

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

But I also recognize that this life without my true love is really hard, and will always be hard, because he is not here with me. 

How true Gail!

We have adapted bravely to a reality that breaks our hearts...

 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

When I read in the paper that some widow or widower died in their sleep within days of their departed spouse, I think "lucky them". 

Yes, me too.  I don't feel sorry for them, I feel glad for them, they won't have to face what I've face these last 17 years.  No storms alone, no always having to make decisions, about roofs, wood stoves, etc.  No aloneness.  No pain, broken hearts, no being out of work and fearing homelessness.  No surgeries alone.  Over.  They're with their loved one.

[NiquesMom]

My brother told me that my husbands death has made him very anxious. He is trying to make sure he has everything set up and he is worrying over everything possible. I told him I am not trying to diminish his worries, but I have learned we cannot control anything in this life. If I could my husband and daughter would still be here. I told him take the necessary steps to try and feel better, to not worry, and try to enjoy this life. He has not experienced loss like I have and i think that scares him. 

He is 43 and on his first real vacation with his wife. I am glad he is finally doing something but it hurts that it takes my loss and pain to make him make a change.

We have a hurricane headed our way, should hit midweek but no one knows where yet. Trying to just be prepared and will have to wait and see what happens. Luckily we live in the center of the state and normally no one evacuates from Gainesville, they all come to Gainesville. So we should be fine. But its scary to do this without my husband to calm my nerves.

[John9]

9 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Facing everything alone is really hard.

Sorry, I don't think this was particularly encouraging for you. Just venting too I suppose. 

Gail 8588,

Yes, everything is so hard now MUCH harder than it used to be with my loving wife here with me. And yes things weren't always easy but there is the saying about "troubles shared" and now I have nobody to share anything with. At least nobody who truly understands me and who truly loves me the way my loving wife did, unconditionally no matter what. As for the lucky people who died soon after their spouse from a broken heart, I also don't feel bad for them. I really feel bad that whenever I read about any death now, I question why it isn't me and why do I have to keep suffering all alone. I don't know how a human body can keep going with such a broken spirit and so many aches and pains and so many other things happening. Take care, John

14 hours ago, KayC said:

Sending you hugs my dear friend.

KayC,

Thank you.

[John9]

38 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

But its scary to do this without my husband to calm my nerves.

NiquesMom,

I do understand in my own way what you say. I have so many thoughts in my broken brain about so many things and it just never stops. One of my loving wife's Cousins had said that because of her death, he went to the Doctor with symptoms and he was able to have surgery and hopefully be here to see his boys grow up. I am glad that he is doing well (?) but question at the same time why him and why not my loving wife. I feel bad that I think that way, but I miss my loving wife more and more each day and night. Take care, John