Young Widowhood

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindySue, you're all too kind, girl. I'm all kindsa worried about your leg. Shall I take a short ride out there and push you about in my wheelchair? awww, don't laugh too much yet, my chair is chartreuse. My other one, built for tennis, is purple. Now, rest your leg. Take it easy tomorrow with the shot. Ask them for compozine. Maybe it'll keep the sick yuckies away. Thanks for all you said today. My breaking heart was needing it. You're one of a kind. How Byron does all those things is beyond me. He's a riot!

luv ya, hugs for you and Byron, moi

[joadriana]

Hi Aprilsmom, Cindysue, Withani and Allways my jennifer and Mark

I recently talked to you all about my boyfriend Mark who lost his wife in a car accident last April. You all were so kind to me. I have not been on this site for obvious reasons that I can not begin to understand the hurt you all describe which Mark also feels. Mark should be here talking to you all.

I wonder whether I can ask for your advice again?

Mark has decided that he can not be in a relationship with me. Although he loves me he does not have the same love for me as he does for Anna, his wife who died. He feels he wants to confront his issues, begin to like himself again before he can start a relationship.

Obviously I am devestated. He can not say goodbye to me and wants to keep talking to me. I want to let him because I love him so much. I knew our relationship was going to be hard but always believed in the end we would work through it.

Do I let him keep talking to me despite the fact he has said to me 'he does not love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me'? Or do I totally walk away now and move on with my own life?

My fear is I will be there for him and he will meet someone else and I will find it more difficult to move on?

I am sorry to intrude in your own mis-fortunes but feel that you may have a better perspective on this than my friends and family?

Thank you all in advance, Jo, UK

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jo, I'm sorry that death must raise issues we will face forever. My wife is still with me, and we've talked about these issues. I will love her til my last breath leaves my body. In forming this reply, I've finally realized my wife's pushing me away, her constant insistance on me leaving her for another lady, and even a few threats of divorce, are her way of easing me into the decisions your Mark must also face. To be widowed places us in a unique situation, where we will always love that one special person, but want so much to love another. It's confusing.

He must come to terms with his loss and his desire to love another. To help him, tell him only the truth. It's obvious that you love him, but to succeed with him in this, you need to tell him it's okay to love you both. You also need to show him you are willing to share his heart with Anna. If you can openly show him you also love her, you've come very close to succeeding. If this sounds as confusing as I think I just made it sound, it truly is. To rebuild our hearts after our spouses die is the most trying and difficult thing to do. Stay with him. Show him only your love, for him, Anna, and their child. This isn't easy, unless your love is strong enough to love him forever. If it is, then you will be able to show him, and help him come to terms with this.

I think he loves you, but he's afraid to let go. He may think that by loving you, he must give up Anna. It's not like that in death. He will always love her, but if you help, he'll be able to love you both. Just share him with her. Give him time with her memory and her spirit. You'll find your love getting stronger and he will too.

Hope this little jaunt through my heart and how a man feels helps.

hugs, Mark

[joadriana]

Hi Mark

Thank you so much. I love Mark so so much, (sounds wierd talking to a Mark about a Mark),I was in a difficult relationship before this and thought at that time I would never love anyone again as much as I loved my ex-boyfriend. Until Mark. He is an amazing man and does not believe it right now.

Mark believes he is not a good father and sometimes wishes it was him that had died. He believes his children would be better with their mother than him. He is travelling on weekends to see them as they are in boarding school near his parensts and Anna's parents and so the distance between them and not being with his children during the week also is not helping.

My friends do not understand what you and Mark are going through they say 'he is a 38 year old grown man who should be over this by now and realise what he has got in me' they have no understanding what so ever of what it must be like to loose your partner and coping with life after. That is hard for me as their advice is as from the perspective of Mark and I being in a normal relationship which it was not.

Unfortunately though Mark finds it difficult to talk to others about his feelings, i.e. coming on here or talking to a counsellor as he feels he is being weak and should be coping with it. This is why I came on it for advice for him. I so do not want to loose him but feel I already have.

And for you, it must be so so hard for you seeing your wife in this way? If you do not want to answer I will totally understand, how long has she got left to live? Is it cancer? How do you find the strength to cope with this? What I have come to realise is that you and Amrk and people who have lost someone are so so strong. I think about times when I have split up from a boyfriend and the hurt you feel at the time you feel like your world has ended, but this this grieve thing is 100 times worse and then you have to carry on with live because that what others around you expect you to do and you must feel like screaming at times 'do you not understand what i am going through!'. I feel for you.

Your wife is obviously being cruel to be kind asking for a divorce? She wants you not to feel guilty about moving on when she is no longer of this life. What an amazing woman. Again I feel for your pain.

Massive Hugs and warm warm wishes, Jo

[cindysue]

Jo, Wow I am so sorry to here about what is your on with you..I know you love him and all but if I was you I would'nt like it that he said that to you..that had to have hurt..but he is still hurting for her and he will always love her but he could love you too its not impossible he could love you for you and the way you are he could be happy again if he gave you a real chance..like I said I was married for 28 years and when he died last year I thought my heart would never stop breaking..he was 46 when he had his heart attack..and I thought after he died no way will I ever love someone else or date ever again..but its lonely and I know in time I can love again just not the same way I did my dear husband..he needs to give you a chance..what he said to you is out of hurt cause he may still love her and think he could never love ahgain as much..but he can..in time..I am just sorry you are so hurt over your Mark..If you don't think he will ever change his feelings then maybe its best to move on and find someone that will love you totally..but give him time maybe he will come around and realize he really does have alot of feelings for you..hang in thier and I will pray it go's your way we are all here for you..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jo, thank you so much for your kindness. First, I'll hit the answers. It's not cancer, but the final stage of dystrophy. This type doesn't kill directly, but causes strokes and heart attacks. The pain is so brutal, about 25 percent of those with it commit suicide. Not a great prognosis. At 37, she's already had a stroke, and the illness is directly effecting her heart. We really have no time table to "predict" how long, but hospice doesn't give me happy thoughts (worst case 6 months). Onto the parts about you. It's pretty cool around here, with two Cindi(y)Sue's and two Mark's. hehehe. May I ask (and you needn't answer) if there is a particular reason why Mark's children are in boarding school? Is this effecting them negatively in their own grief for mom? Can they attend a school closer to home, or be home with you taking a more active roll in their care? About Mark, he's in such a deep part of grieving, that he sounds depressed. He thinks lowly of himself as a father, which may play into his feelings for you. As long as he is this depressed, you won't be able to get a definitive answer from his heart about his love for you. He obviously was very much in love with you until now. Did you notice the depression deepen just before this issue developed? If so, you may need to get him to ask his physician for an antidepressant. Effexor and Xanax are a good combination to keep the depression and anxiety in check. Importantly for Mark is this: we do not "get over it". He lost his wife, and the healing takes a long time. The truth is, my wife is still alive, and I already am grieving for the loss I will soon face. Maybe this will help me after she's gone, but only time will tell. Stay with Mark for now, stay close to him, and always be open and honest with him. Tell him what's on your heart, and let him know you are okay with him loving Anna too. He'll appreciate this so much. (right Cindy?)

Keep in touch, and we'll help you all we can. luvz,hugz, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I agree with you about it being a little different after we lose them. Roger will always be in your heart. You will always love him. When your dear heart is ready, the one you choose needs to love you, your children, your grandchidren, and still let you love Roger. Too many out there are too selfish to allow this. This is a self-sacrificing love. But then, love is supposed to be about the one we love, not ourselves.

[joadriana]

Thank you so so much Mark and Cindysue

I don't know what to do at the moment. I spoke to him last night, even though it has ended we both could not say goodbye and even though I am scared of being there for him right now and in the end he may find someone-else instead of me I feel I can not totally walk away from him. My friends tell me not to answer the phone when he calls make him think what he is missing but to me they do not understand the grief he is going through.

Our relationship seemed to be moving at a quicker pace than the grief that was still remaining for Anna within his family and obviously him. We would generally argue once a month-standard relationship stuff, but after our arguements he would have gone into a deep hole with Anna's memory and would end the relationship. He would always relaise that he was being a fool and would come back to me within a day, he would say hurtful things and always be sorry but this time he has said 'he does not want to spend the rest of his life with someone he does not have the same love for his wife-he wants to find this love again'. He says he loves me but not enough.

I have tried to explain from a relationship point of view that when you have a love for a boyfriend that at the time you feel he is the love of your life and the relationship ends from because they can't give you what you want you feel as if that person has died out of your life however you know there is nothing else you can do but move on as the decision has been made and as time goes on that love goes and fond memories set in. BUT when you and your partner are in love and no one wants to leave the relationship and outside forces takes that person away from you that love has not died they have, how do you deal with that? The feeling of being cheated? I have told Mark that that is waht he needs to focus on is getting over the way she was taken away from him and then accepting that he will always love her and I have told him he should not be afraid of that and then realsing that he had 15 fantastic years with a fantastic lady and has 2 amazing children not many people have that in a life time.

I have accpeted that he will awlays love her, I had to. I did through my anger this week say I hate her, but that is only because I feel she is cheating me out of my love for Mark. I don't hate her at all. I had this vision that the first two years would be tough but I honestly believed we would get through them and he would learn to love two people and that kept me going when he was low.

Apparently he started to feel he needed to get out of the relationship two weeks ago. I did not see the signs. Yes I knew he was not right and was depressed throughout our relationship BUT he would not listen to me and go and see a counselor or doctor. He would only agree when he had been horrible to me to make me feel as if he was doingsomething aout it. But we would be OK and so he thought he was OK.

I am going on and on.......just can't stop talking in the hope somesense will be made of this.....

Mark you have so so much strength. WHere do you find it. It is one thing to cope with a person who has died un-expectedly-wouldn't you agree Cindysue but another to watch them die and that feeling of knowing that the time will come when you will have to cope without them? That must be so so hard. And so hard for your wife. A friend of mine's parents are dying. She is getting married this Saturday so she can have one last celebration knowing that they saw their daughter get married. It is going to be such a special day yet at the same time so so sad. her Mum has cancer that they can not treat and her Dad has been ill for a long time and is finding it hard knwoing his wife is dying. I find people like you and my freidn Charollotte amazing. Mark at least you have found friedns on this site who understand.

Cindysue you and my Mark seem to be suffering the same feelings at the moment. He lost Anna in April last year. So just over 18 months. As Mark said how do you learn to love two people. WHen he boyfreind you loved leaves you and then you meet some one new you love the two loves are entirely different and the love you had for your ex-boyfreind becomes more of a 'caring feeling'. But when your hsuband dies out of your life taking that love with him and yours is still there forever. I must be rubing salt into the wounds, sorry. I think I understand but coudl never begin to feel that pain you must feel. Mark explains it as a 'void' in his heart and he does not see how anyone can fill that.

At the moment he does not wnat to give it a chance he wants time. I am just afarind I will be used.

Thinking of you both, big warm heart felt hugs, Jo xx

[joadriana]

Sorry Mark

His kids are in baording school mainly because he has been in the army since he was 16 and they wnated to give the children stability instead of changing them from school to school when he got posted. Now they are in baording school because he works in Brecon, a tiny village in South Wales but the school they were going to is in Bangor, North Wales where he his family live and Anna's family. He travels up on weekends to see them.

He is building a house in Brecon and the idea is is that his daughter will move down after the end of this school year to start in a school in Brecon but his soon is in his crucial tweo years at school so he will have to stay in Bangor for one extra year.

Complictaed eh!!!

Warm hugs, Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jo, thank you for such kind thoughts. No, you're not being harsh or cruel. Honesty is sometimes the sting of a bee, but better than the crushing blow of lies. Many of us have talked about which is easier, losing our spouse quickly through tragedy, or by a slow illness. Now that I've been through this with my wife, and through the sudden death of my firstborn, Jennifer, I'm going to say each way is traumatic on us, but lingering in a dreadful, painful illness is exhausting. There is simply no rest.

You need to weigh the personal emotional cost to you of staying in this relationship against the cost of leaving. If you stay, he may end up leaving you feeling used. He may ultimately terminate this. This would be so painful to all four of you. If you leave, you and Mark will face heartbreak, which may deepen his depression. If his children are bonding with you, they will be crushed if you two separate. This is a difficult choice, and only you can make it. I'm sorry. We'll be here to continue supporting you and helping you with what we understand, so you have some advice when you need it.

Thank you for speaking so kindly of me and my wife. Today isn't going to be fun. She gave me a phone number for a nursing home. She's starting to get herself ready. Yesterday, the nursing agency told me to again start thinking of nursing home care for her. I'm so exhausted, I really can't keep this up. I must think of my children, who have long lives ahead, and also need me day by day.

Thank you, Jo, for being here, and for your friendship. You're a gem.

hugz, Mark

[joadriana]

Dear Mark

Your wife and children must be so proud of you with the strength you have to get you all through this. You must have battled so so hard deciding whether it was the right thing to do-nursing home. But you have to think of her, you and your children. If she is in a place that specialise in this care surley this is better for her. Also then you won't be so exhausted and maybe can enjoy the time you have left together? I know maybe enjoy is not the right word.

To have also lost a daughter too.

I think you need time to put things into perspective for the future. Make that time for you and your children.

Thank you for your support.

Thinking of you, Jo

[cindysue]

Jo, I wish I could tell you it would get better for you I mean your Mark and my husband died close to the same time he died Aug the 1st of 2004..and I know what Mark is going through its hard and I know he's still hurting he must care for you to even want to continue seeing you but I don't think he wants to admit it..I still hurt over Roger's death and when I dated one guy in the summertime for like maybe 4 times it did'nt work out I was still grieving for Roger and the guy lost his wife May 1st of 2004 and I thought we would have alot in common..but I know he was'nt the right person for me after a few dates I think I needed to know him as a person before I went out with him he was comparing me to his wife as I was comparing him to my husband which is'nt fair to both of us..cause everyone is different..so I broke it off and I dated just that one guy in the 15 monthes ny Roger's been gone..I will know when I am ready to give someone a chance again like Mark said the guy that I have will have to except my baby and my girls and my grandchildren and love them also..I just don't wanna be used thats whats so scarey for me cause It seems like when the guy finds out your a widow they think you are desperate and that I am not..JO, you sound like a very sweet girl and I think he will see just how special you are and will eventually love you also..I feel bad for you but I don't wanna see you hurt...maybe in time he will realize how much you do mean to him..you deserve happiness and I can understand maybe you feel like you hated her at first but I know its cause you was frustrated I would have probably felt the same way...just hang in thier my friend we are all here for you anytime..

Huggggs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark, Hey my sweet friend, I know you feel frustrated and don't know what to do thats such a hard decision and only you can decide that but like Jo said you need rest..and maybe a nursing home is the best thing for her they can give you the help you so desperately need..you gotta rest more Mark..I wrote you an email alsoon your reg email..just hang in thier my friend..and please rest up...we all think alot of you..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) we are all thinkin of you during this hard time...I feel so sad for you and what you are going through now..but just think of the good memories you had with your mom no one can take them away from you ever...she sounds like she was a fantastic lady I am so sorry you hurt so bad I hurt for you girlfriend..I really do specially so close to the holidays please get some rest and Know we are all still thinkin of you and how sorry we are to hear about you mother..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, we're praying for you, and thinking of you so much. I'm sorry that you've been through so much. You're a great friend. I'd take the pain for you if I could, just because you're so dear to all of us. luv ya

Cindy, thanx for the encouragement and hope. You really are a dear friend to me. I'm going to get a little rest tonight. promise!

Jo, thank you for your kindness. My daughter Jennifer was born in '74, when I was 13. Her mother placed her in adoption without me knowing anything of her birth. I found she had tried to find me 2 months before her death. She died in May, '96, after being raped and beaten. Her mother took her own life after suffering depression for awhile about her adoption and death. I found her birth certificate in July of this year. Although I never met her, her death is a pain I'll always carry.

Next week, I'm visiting a few nursing homes. She chose one, and wants me to check it out. I feel like this is some act of finality for her. For me, this is the week that spells the end (or something like that). I'm sorry, but I'm kinda numbed right now.

luv y'all, big hugz, me

[withani]

Hey there CindySue..Mark..Renee..Lehann..Jo...just stopping by to let you know we had my mom's services today. I am so sad yet I feel stronger??? Odd..last week I jotted on a piece of paper what my mom means to me and this was used by the minister as her eulogy today. Last posting I mentioned a decision had to be made whether to turn off my mom's respirator or have her go to surgery for a trach with being on a repirator in a nursing home. Before that decision was made and while my mom was being weaned off sedatives to help with the decision Tuesday her kidneys started shutting down and I was given an emergency call at work. When I arrived the doctors told us her heart was shutting down and that they could operate but she would pass on the operating table so we had to make her comfortable (still on the respirator) and she passed at 11:45 pm. She wouldn't go until my sister made me tell her I would be okay...

I'm sorry friends but I am very sad to have lost someone again so close to me...I'll try and write later in the week.

CindySue...please take care of your leg and yourself...you're like a sister to me.

Mark...please take care of yourself and your wonderful wife.

Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[aprilsmom]

Dearest CindiSue- I wish we could be there to wrap our arms around you. I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope and pray there is someone there to take care of you. Renee

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) I feel so bad for you, so sad what she went through before she passed away..she was ready to go..now she can be with no more pain..I know how sad you must feel losing first Gary now your mom it breaks my heart you will be going through this..you mean alot to me..and when you hurt I hurt also,...your mom is resting now and it sounds like you had a good service for her..thats the hardest decision to make is the funeral arrangements...I remember when Roger passed away it was so hard for me and the kids that I don't even know how we got through it..but shockingly we had over 300 people attend his service and sign the guest book..he just did'nt realize how much he was loved...I remember people were even waiting outside of the funeral home to get in..and I remeber he used to tease me awhile back and go if I die probably nobody would come he was gettin pretty depressed towards the end...before he died..I think he knew he was havin heart problems then..but anyways, I feel for you my sis I really do and I hope and pray you can get through the holidays ok I agree with Renee I wish we could all give you a hug..right now..but we are sending you one..you mean alot to all of us..more then you know..thanks for lettin us know what was going on and please rest up we all love and care about you..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, to be weak, yet strong is the depth of your bond of love with your mom. She will always be with you, in your heart. What love she had for you, wanting to be sure you'd be okay, so she could say goodbye. Rest yourself, and try to take sweet care of you. luv ya, friend.

[joadriana]

Hi CindiSue, Mark and Cindysue

Dear Cindisue, all my best wishs go out to you and your family at this sad time.

Cindysue thank you so much for your kind words. I hope one day you can find someone who will give you and your children the love and support you need in this life. It can happen and it will.

Mark you are doing the right thing. You need to focus on your and your families future. Your past has been so difficult but you seem to have the strentgh to get through it. I am sad for you that you did not know your daugther.

I think I should say goodbye to you all and wish you all find happiness again in your lifes. I am sure this Chrsitmas will bring back all the fond memories of those you have loved and lost and although at times you may feel lonely try and remember those times will remain with you forever never to be lost and the future hols exciting times ahead eventually.

You are all there for each other which is amazing to see. I think I have no right to come in and speak to you all when you have so much to deal with.

I wish you luck and all the best for your future.

Jo

[aprilsmom]

Dear Jo, stop in here whenever if you need to vent. It is THE place my friend. I went out of town because it was the one year anniversary of April's accident and the family (not me) did not want to be here. I was thinking about how your boyfriend's in-laws probably make him feel really guilty for trying to get a part of his life back when their daughter can't. (I know we have unintentionally done this to my son-in-law). Remember, the family is trying to hold on and not suffer another loss! If you really love him, you'll have to wait. In love, just like in life, there are NO guarantees Jo. 15 years was a long time and I can tell you that one year seems like one day to me right now. Take Care, I hope things work out for all of you concerned according to the Lord's will...you might be exactly what He has planned for Mark, only time will tell. Renee

[aprilsmom]

Sorry, one more thing: If you ever say the words "getting on or getting over" to a person whose lost someone they will probably move away from you as far as the East is from the West. We just can't fathom the idea, it has escaped our brains entirely, we are FROZEN in mourning's wake. Just a thought, Renee

[aprilsmom]

Hey Mark - I need a long ride in one of those BIG trucks. How can I work in a road trip when I have to be at work - uh, like tomorrow morning. I just got put in my place by my oldest daughter. She called me an emotional wreck and said I've been one for HER whole life. Gee, I wonder why.....SHE was a handful and I think I did a great job! Sheesh, she can even tell her mother off!

Thoughts and prayers for you and Cindy/Cindi.

[withani]

Dear CindySue...Mark...Renee and Jo...thank you all so much for your support..I can't describe how much that has meant to me and how uniquely wonderful you all are. I spent the ENTIRE day today wearing a bathrobe laying on my loveseat with a quilt and have decided to go back to work tommorrow. It's what my mother would want and will be a loving distraction surrounded by toddlers who want me to hug them and pick them up. It's so strange that since my mother's passing last week I feel stronger about the approaching holidays and I can't explain it. My mother was a very strong independent woman who was beautiful..yet humble. She believed in not being a victim but making the most out of each and every situation and I feel her prescence as my guide.

CindySue...I hope your leg is alright and trust that you and baby Bryon are doing well sister.

Mark...I pray that Mary had a weekend without pain and that you are taking care of yourself.

Renee...why is it the children we help the most are the ones that like to give us a hard time? Go figure.

Jo...glad to see you on this site..Renee was right when she said it is a wonderful site.

I thought of posting on the site for Loss of Mother but thought...they don't know me there and I love you guys so much!!!!!!!!! Thank you for keeping my mother and I as well as my family in your thoughts and prayers...you all are the GREATEST!!!! Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, I understand this one. I'm hoping to be back to work by March or April. Would you like me to make a run to the shaky state for you? I'll gladly take you for a ride. If I can't do that, all you need to do is call any dealership, or stop in, and ask for a test ride, but explain to them why. The sales rep will gladly help you out. Now, I don't think you're an emotional wreck, but you may have an emotional flat tire. Just joking! love ya, me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, I'm praying for you, dear friend. Do what your heart says is right about going to work. Being with the children will be emotional, but also a lot of comfort. Those hugs are sooooooooo sweet. And children don't mind if we shed a tear once in a while. Arent't they sweet?!

Mary has pain, but the usual. We have four foster children for a while. They're our neighbor's children, and badly neglected and abused. They may be turned over to the state, or I may keep them. I love children so much, but you know that. hehehe.

luv ya, big hugz, me

[cindysue]

Cindisue, my leg is slowly gettin better day by day but my ankles has been swelling badly so I been tryin to stay off them as much as I can but thats kinda hard when I am chasing a 2 year old all day he;s been gettin into everything...lol..he's all worth it though he just being a normal boy..I been thinkin bout you alot and what your dealin with sis and I feel so sad for you so much sadness during the holidays but least your dear sweet mother is in no pain no more...I think its the right thing going back to work being around the little ones again...I know when I am sad Byron cheers me up so much he will climb on my lap when I cry and go Mama and hug and kiss me cause he hates seein me cry so I know toddlers have a heart they know when you need some loving and a hug does wonders for a broken heart..my heart go;s out to you always..and know we are all here for you my sis...Hugs to you..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Jo, You are always welcome here if we can help you we will ..please don't think you ever intruded on any of us cause we never thought you did..we are all happy to have anyone to talk too... so anytime you wanna come back we would all be happy to hear from you anytime..

Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Renee, just a message to wish you a good thanksgiving I know its the first year without your sweet daughter but wanted you to know I was thinkin of you and praying that you have a good one and know we are always here for you You are a sweet loving person..and I know April will be right with you during the holidays..

Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark,

Wow I did'nt relaize it was 4 kids you took in what a sweet and thoughtful guy you are to take that many in..but it should'nt surprise me we all knew you are one special person that loves kids so much..I am so glad they have you to watch over them bless you for being such a sweetheart of a guy...

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, yes, 4! I love children so much. But, we have so much going on, I had to tend to business at home, and that meant I had to get child protective services in on this. I'm willing to take these children to a dentist, but their mother thought I was going to pay the bill too. I stopped that quick. The 5 year old still isn't potty trained, so that should tell you how lazy they are.

Me? Sweet? No, that's one of my friends. tee hee. Take care of your ankles, unless you want me to worry more about you.

luvz N hugz 2 both, ME

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Happy Thanksgiving, all. May you all have peace and strength. I already started going meltdown . . . happening a lot since last Friday. I went into my studio, grabbed my Lenny Kravitz cd and I'm listening to Stand By My Woman (yes, Cindy, loud). It's sooooooo beautiful. I'm hurting; she took off her rings, and has started spiraling into such depression. God! This hurts.

CindySue, I'm not going to head for the 151. You take care, girl. I'm worried about ya. Be safe, okay. Have a blast with Byron. I hope you can keep him out of the gravy boat. hehehe.

Renee, I took my medicals today, and failed. But, my doc said at this rate, only about four more months, and I may be able to get back on the road. I'll give you that ride in the rig anytime (how many thousands of miles do you want to travel?).

CindiSue, take it real easy on yourself. Try to rest. If tomorrow is too much, skip it. I'm sure Peanut would love to just spend time with you anyway. I think of you a lot, and my prayers are constant for you and yours.

We're going out tomorrow to have dinner with my son's sweetie and her family. I'll send a note tomorrow nyt.

luvzNhugz2all, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

From the emails, it sounds like we all got through Saint Turkey Day reasonably well. I may need a six month membership to WeightWatchers (I'm joking, CindySue). The four of us parents thought our little lovebirds were a little comical. They were like 12 year olds on a blind date with us all "watching". They don't act that way when it's just me. Ssssshhhh. Don't tell her dad. (I'm an incurable flirt and an instigator; I guess it rubbed off onto my son).

CindiSue, our prayers are with you, our friend. Have a happy weekend (oh, yeah, I know, it's probably like laundry and housework). Make sure you spoil yourself, or we'll have to do something to spoil you completely rotten. You're soooooooooooo worth it.

Renee, thanks for writing, thanks for caring so much. Hope. A priceless gift. I'm praying for you, girl.

CindySue, keep yourself safe. You're a sweet friend, always caring about us so much. Thanks for being so kind. I feel a lot better today, after blowing off the steam.

Enjoy the weekend, ladies. luv ya all, with big hugz, Me

[cindysue]

Cindisue, been thinkin bout you sis I hope your doing ok and got through thanksgiving ok..I know it is rough on you..but I been so worried on how your holding up...hows Peanut? hope hes doing good bet he can't wait for Christmas..me I am doing ok as best as I can just seems everything go's wrong for me lately just alot to deal with and sometimes I don't do a very good job of it..the weather does'nt help any man did it go cold today...poor Byron was freezing so I hurried as fast as I could in the store ...well Cindisue we are all here for you thinkin bout you have a great weekend..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark, my sweet friend, you know I will always be here for you I am glad your thanksgiving was good mine was lonely but it was ok..Byron just got done putting cold creme on his face..I guess he's watchin me too much...he's so sweet..I can't belive he is still up and its like 10 ..hope he gets tired cause I am starting too.. well I will go for now gotta do something before I head to bed...take my sweet friend..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Gee Cindy, I shoulda brought you two here for the day. It's only 600 miles. One way. I can drive that round trip in a day, easy. I'm sorry it was a lonely day for you. Ya coulda called me, ya know. At least it was only cold cream this time with Byron. He's such a comedy act. Maybe the bucket of axle grease isn't such a good idea for a toy. I'm afraid you'd beat me senseless for the mess he'd make. If he was up late last nite, maybe he'll be tired early tonite. We can only pray, eh.

As for us, she's been sleeping since Thursday evening. Once in while, she wakes up for a minute to take medicine or whatever, then she's back to sleep. The only thing she's said to me was something about wanting to die. I've had some inhuman headache since yesterday, probably stress (again). At least I slept a little this morning.

Take care of yourself, and we'll see if Byron can stay out of the ooey gooeys. I doubt it. They're too fun.

luv ya, hugs for both of ya, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, I'm happy you're here. You need a nice place to call your own, where people care, and you can talk. We'll let you talk April here all you want. I may not talk about Jenni much, but when I need someone, I know who I can count on. These ladies are the closest of friends, the ones I know I can trust (from a street kid, I just said a lot). I think of you a lot, and pray for you always.

luvz, hugz, me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, I keep prayers for you, my friend. I know this has been the most painful week for you. I'm sorry you had to go through it. We're always here for you. Pick some little special you like, then blame it on us. You so deserve a little pampering. Please feel free to ask if you need us for anything. We'd go to the ends of the earth for you. This is what friends are all about.

luvz N hugz, me

[aprilsmom]

Hi Mark and CindySue - keep waiting to see how CindiSue is doing; I'm praying for her too. Okay Mark, I will wait patiently until you are allowed to drive the BIG trucks again! You are the eternal optimist; to have your spirit with all that's going on in your home - is amazing!

CindySue- I love the cold creme thing....reminds me of when my oldest daughter and her toddler buddy glued their eyelids shut with vaseline. I thought they were just too too quiet. Vaseline does not come off well with water and putting soap on their eyes would not have been too, well, you know. It's funnier than heck 25 yrs. later!

Take Care, Renee

[cindysue]

Renee, thats funny cause a few monthes ago Byron did just that...he put vasaline all over his hair and face I am sure I told Mark and Cindisue about it he was a mess....he had a hlf a jar of that stuff in his hair and face and was grinning at me...he's so cute but you see an hour or so before that he just had a bath cause he got into a whole banana creme pie and had that all over his face and hair..You remember that Mark? it was so funny seeing him..I called his name and go Byron where are you and I heard him commin to me and I could'nt believe what I saw I could'nt even see his hair or face he was covered from head to toe with that pie it was even drippin from his eyelids..then after and I will tell you that was'nt easy to get out and when I took him out of the tub..he decided to go in his room thats when he go into the half jar of vasaline.today he got into the butter and decided he would spread that on his face and hair..but I learned Dawn liquid detergent is pretty useful now a days..lol..but I guess he is just being a regular 2 year old..but thinkin back he brings so much joy to me...I hope you had an ok thanksgiving as best as you can anyway..thanks for the message..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark, my dear sweet friend, I am tryin to make this day as good as I can after my purse was stolen and 700 dollars taken I been really down in the dumps cause I am so worried bout Byron havin somethin to open for Christmas..but I get paid again Dec 21st from social security from Rogers death..so I will try not to worry to much..I will make sure my baby has somethin...but please give Mary my best such a stress time for you when you hear her beg for death that has to be so so hard on you...you are all in my prayers..I sure hope Cindisue is ok its been awhile since we heard from her...take care Mark...

Love and Hugs,

Cindy and Byron

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindySue, I'm sorry there are so many idiots in our world. I pray you and Byron aren't hurt in any way. You don't need to worry about the bills or Byron's Christmas. We have you covered, sweetie. Please be sure to take care of yourself and Byron. Be safe. I worry about you a lot. Make sure the fuzz know everything about this. We'll talk more tomorrow or Monday.

luv ya both, with hugs, Me

[sixtap]

Hello,

I lost my husband when my daughter was 7 months old she is now almost four yrs old and is constantly crying for her daddy or speaking to her "daddy" on the phone. I told her her daddy is in heaven and whenever she felt she needed to speak with him to pray to god. What should i do when she tells me that she spoke to her dad on the phone and that he was going to pick her up to take her to the park? I am at a loss with this.

[withani]

CindySue...Mark...and Renee...I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving..by reading your postings I think we all would have done much better if we'd had Thanksgiving together. I am so thankful to have friends like the three of you. Have lost the two people in my life which I was the closest with makes THIS holiday season especially sad...but I NEED to make the best of it for my son Tony and daughter Mandee and Peanut. Tony said to me the other day...I hope you don't become a wreck again mom...he's 17 very sensitive and the best son a mother could have.

CindySue...I laughed when I read what Bryon's been up to...I wish you and I lived closer and could get Bryon and Peanut together. When we took my mom to the cemetary Peanut was jumping from headstone to headstone and then when the musician started playing the bagpipe I could see him out of the corner of my eye dancing (I couldn't look at him or I would start laughing)...this world truly is the circle of life. I'm sorry to hear about your wallet being stolen girlfriend...don't worry...Bryon has the BEST gift of all and that is a mother you loves him!!!!!! Hugs and Love...CindiSue

Mark...I'm sorry for the overhead you had on Thanksgiving and Mary wanting to give up her will...I KNOW this is extremely difficult and you're trying to make the best of the holiday. I'm glad you had some normal time laughing at the antics of a teenage son and his girlfriend...helps keep the holiday real. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers dear friend...hugs and love CindiSUe/Withani

Renee...I hope you were able to dig for something to be thankful for this holiday weekend...with the loss of April I can only imagine the nightmare you live and wish for you peace...my mom was a dancer as well and I know she will love April when she meets her....hugs and love CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

sixtap, I'm sorry you lost your husband. Young children seem to be in touch with something we adults don't connect with. They live in a fantasy world, but this is not fantasy. Watch her to see if she carries on a conversation, or if her topics change suddenly as a child does in a fantasy setting. If her dad is talking to her, which is possible, I doubt he'd offer to take her to the park. Such is not a natural part of the eternal realm. Perhaps, the next time this happens, you could take her to the park, to see how she responds. Watch her in the park to see if she is talking to someone who isn't there. It's just a thought.

I lost my 21 year old daughter when she was raped and murdered in '96. She visits me nightly to give me a hug. I'm not joking around on this. Every night, between 10:45 amd 11:15.

Hope this doesn't sound too off the wall, and helps you a little. Please feel free to write anytime. You're always welcome here.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, a little promise from your friends > > > we won't let you become a wreck without us doing all we can to stop it. We'll always be by your side.

About T'day, I think you're right. It was okay here, but sooooo emotional for me. Being with a couple who got to have all girls, well, you know I got a little emotional thinking of Jenni. We still have two turkeys in the freezer, if anyone wants to do a replay. hehehe. I've had it with turkey for awhile.

Thanks for all you say and do for me. I'm seeing a lot of changes lately. For now, we need to come to terms with this step along the path. If I could get rid of this headache, I'd be happy (it's only stress).

luvz,hugz,Me

[cindysue]

Sixtap..I am so sorry to hear about your husbands passing its wierd cause my husband passed away 15 monthes ago when my son was 15 monthes old he is 2 now and he gets on his daddy's cell phone and pretends all the time he is talkin to his Dada he will go dada and start laugjin and then he will say bye Dada..and every morning he will gab away in his crib talkin to his daddy and when I enter his room he will point to the wall and go Dada and thiers nothing thier he's been doing this since my husband passed away..so what your daughter is doing I feel like she is really talkin to her daddy..kids that young don't just amagine it specially since her daddy died when she was so young..I am afraid when my son gets to be her age he will ask the same questions..and it will be so hard to answer them.we have 2 daughters also but they are grown so when we had our son he was a blessing and a surprise...my husband died at the age of 46 of a massive heart attack he was actually holding his baby when he had the attack in our boat it killed him instantly but he died with the baby in his arms..and sice then my son always talks to his daddy in his crib..I think her daddy is commin through to her by phone like my husband is to our baby...like Mark said you are always welcome here.. let us all know how it comes out with her..

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Cindisue, so glad to hear from you...awww... so cute how peanut was acting him and Byron would have had so much fun...Byron could show him all kinds of fun stuff he could stick in his hair and face...lol..and Peanut could show him all kinds of things Byron has'nt done yet.. they are so cute...I am glad your ok girlfriend we were all so worried about you...and was missin you alot..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

My wife and I have been talking about many serious things lately, and she asked me to thank you sweet ladies for being here for me, for being such dear friends. Without you, I'd be such a basket case by now. We're both pretty scared of what's ahead. Thanks for being so willing to walk the road with us.

I need to make a lot of tough decisions in the near future, and I hope I make the right ones. The choices I make effect so many people, like my children, so I'm nervous about them. One choice is settled. When Mary has to go, I'm giving our home to our son and his girlfriend, so they have a home to start their marriage, without a mortgage. The most bitter choice was buying a cemetery lot, which I did a few months ago. We chose to be in my home town, where I was born. It's such a beautiful place, surrounded by mountains. She wants me to take our son in the rig with me next year, which I'm unsettled on. She also wants me to begin detaching from her emotionally, which I know I can't do. After twenty years, no way would I turn my back on her. I know my own emotional needs, and I'll deal with them. But, I need her too; I love her.

My dear friends, have a beautiful night. You're all the greatest!

luv yas, big hugs, Me

[withani]

CindySue and Mark....if I could just get the retail stores to take down all their holiday decorations and stuff I'd feel much better....

My older sister called me yesterday and told me she and her family decided together they were going to take me shopping and with a $100 gift they are giving me because the the sad year I've had this year...I was so shocked when my sister told me that I started crying. I always went shopping with my mom every year for the past 30 years...she always forced her kids to shop with her so she could be guaranteed that we were buying something for ourselves and not spouses and families.

Went to see my aunt (mom's sister) in the nursing home she's been in the past 10 years...I had to get out of there because she's not "with it" and keep calling for my mom.

CindySue...you're right...Bryon and Peanut would be a "hoot" to watch!!! Thanks again sis for worrying about me as you know...will be glad when this year's over.

Mark...so many decisions that you two are having to make just makes me sad. Many wise decisions there..beautiful cemetary plots...Mary being included in all the decisions I'm sure is very important to her. I've adopted the policy of making no more decisions until after the holidays.

Love and hugs///CindiSue/Withani