Young Widowhood

[lindasdaughter89]

Mark and Mary should be home by Monday!!!!! Everything is still going well. Please continue to pray. I know mark is feeling worn out, but he is still excited.

May God bless you all.

Joadriana know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know from my own experience that it is hard to move on with your lasting relationship after a loved one dies, but God will bring you through.

Love and prayers.

Nikki

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) Today was a gosh aweful day ..I guess cause it would have been me and Rogers 29th wedding annervary..I am sorry for keep talkin about it..but I can't stop cryin...and its just not a fun day for me cause we celebrated every year..I want Roger back so bad..just to be near me and the kids...specially little Byron..Its not fair he has to grow up without a daddy to love him and watch him grow up..but I know thiers alot of women going through that with more little ones then I do...least my girls are grown..but I found out Tina my oldest resented me for dating that guy awhile back..and thats why she is so hateful..she said I could'nt have loved her dad or I would'nt have dated ..now I feel like crap I should'nt have but I thought if I did I could forget my loneliness of missing Roger but I can't forget him..Baby Byron is looking more like his daddy everyday..lately he's been clinging to me like crazy follows me everywhere and won't let me out of his sight...he won't let no one even hold him he screams for me...I am sorry I am such a depressing person when I know I am not the only one that has lost a loved one...Cindisue I thought about you alot I know Halloween is your special celebration that you and Gary always shared I will be thinkin of you girlfriend and please know I care and love you ...and worry about how you will be coping that day...its so hard to celebrate a holiday without your love...you will always be special to me...

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue and Baby byron

[cindysue]

Nikki,...That is great we all miss Mark alot..and I am soooo happy to hear Mary is comming home also..that makes this bad day seem a little brighter knowing at least Mary is doing a little better and we all Miss Mark alot..and can't wait to hear from him..we all appreciate you letting us know how Mark and Mary are doing we were all very concerned..Give Mark and Mary all my love and hope we hear from him soon...

Hugs,

Cindysue

[lindasdaughter89]

Cindysue or is it Cindisue... oh who ever is having an aweful day... I'm so sorry.. I know how those days are. I've had pretty rough week myself. one of the worst since mom died, but... this is the wrong board to even talk about it so, please know you are in my prayers.

Better news for you all. hopefully it brightens your day. Mark and Mary are coming home today!!!!!!! Praise God for everyday miracles. God will bring us through.

Hugs Love and prayers

Nikki

[withani]

CindySue...Whew!!! I survived the night I've been dreading all year okay. As you know it was VERY DIFFICULT without Gary dressing up and going out. I was going to stay home and two of my very good friends (one of which lost her husband a year and a half ago) pleaded with me to get out. I went...but didn't dress up. As it turned out when I got to the parking lot they put a bumblebee headband on me and slapped some wings on my back and I actually was okay. I missed Gary terribly and cried the whole way back home but now the day I've dreaded is over.

I'm sorry you had such a bad day CindySue...you anniversary along with the celebration that you and Roger had together I know personally is sooooo difficult plus you have the added worry with Bryon's health. I'm glad you and Tina were able to talk things out and you found out what was bugging her and why she resented you...she just doesn't understand that it's BECAUSE you loved Roger so much is why you needed to be on a date and with a male companion. I don't think anyone can understand unless they've been through this. The loss of a husband or significant other leaves you with such a large void in your life. I believe losing a child would be one of the most horrible things you could go through in life but I put it right up there with loss of partner because if you had a close relationship with that partner you are used to using them as a sounding board for EVERYTHING...kids...work...family..friends and all the sudden "poof" they're gone!!!

I feel eternally greatful for having a friend like you and Mark to talk about these things because as I've mentioned...unless you've been through it you can't even imagine how dark the days become...we'll get through this girlfriend...lots of love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

lindasdaughter89...thank you for the uplifting information about Mark and Mary..coming home today WOOHOO!!!! I am so sorry to hear you're feeling down about the loss of your mother...hang in there...she wants the BEST for you and all your days to be happy (I'm speaking from a mother's perspective)...hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[lindasdaughter89]

anytime. May you all have better days ahead of you. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers

Nikki

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi kids! We's home! I need to take care of a few details in my 'hood, and I'll write more later. I really missed y'all, and I could have used the ruby slippers on this ride. hehehe.

[cindysue]

Nikki..well thier are 2 cindysues mine spelled with a y and hers with a i we are both ahvin a hard time..me cause Saturday would have been me and my Roger's 29th annervary..that day and I guess I was feelin depressed and lonely..plus my 2 year old son is not healthy with a heart condition plus me and mt 27 year old daughter are not getting along to great..she is taking it hard since her dad has passed away last year..and my 21 year old daughter is havin a rough time wishing she was with her dad more thowards the end instead of being another town away..but his death was not unexpected..so who could know..he was just 46 and died of a heart attack..just is hard to cope with at tim4es,,and mt sweet friend Cindisue is had a rough time also coping with her loost of Gary and celebrating halloween without him..I feel so bad for her also,,but thankyou for thinkin of us..and again we are thrilled Mark and Mary are back...

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark...wow we are thrilled to see you back and glad Mary is back..we all missed you and have had a rough time..well I am sure after you read some of whats going on you will know ..again we are all glad your back..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) I am so sorry it was hard for you..I thought about you aloyt and how you was gonna cope..I know you was thinkin about Gary that night but just remember he was thier with you as all dressed up too..:)I am sure he was with you that night specially since it was your night..and I feel My Roger was with me Sat..our day..just thinkin wow we would have been married 29 years if he was still alive..I was so lonely saturday..but I had my baby Byron..with me and he is such a joy..the medication he is on for his little heart gives him side effects though sometimes it makes him a hyper baby where he gets crancky and a tummy ache but the heart doctor told me after his body gets used to the meds..he will be ok..its cute today he was playin with my daughters kids and he go;s 9,10..and he screams and laughs..and I thought well he said 9,10 what happened to the rest of the numbers..lol..its wierd no one even told him them numbers..so I don't know where he got that...today he got into my purse again and opened it up and found a compact and he opened it and he started putting some powder on his face then he put lipstick on..and I go no Byron and that little devil started running in his room but I caught him..I always wonder from day to day what he will do next..he sure knows how to keep me running..I have a very old tricycle that Roger has when he was 2 years old and Roger gave it to him about a month before he died he found it in his mom's attic..that anmd very old trucks and cars that are mad eof steel that he had as a child..its really neat cause Byron just loves it..he plays with them all day long he's got like 4 or 5 old trucks and cars and that tricycle..Its wierd just like Roger wanted his son tohave somethin before he passed away cause this was only a month before he died..so I been thinkin about that alot..well Girlfriend..I am glad you had some fun that night you sure deserve to be happy even for a little bit..you and Mark are so smartand lknow what to say to make me feel so much better I don't know what I would do without you two..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue and Baby Byron

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindisue, for all your aupport last week, these words won't suffice to thank you for pulling my ripped up heart through this. I am sorry you had some heart wrenching times with the "days". I wish to God I could have been here for you.

The day I sent you the email (whatever day it was), I had about one minute of access to a puter in a music store, and it was so busy in there I had no privacy. But, we managed.

The treatment wasn't a total success, but it also wasn't a total failure. She didn't get the pain relief we wanted, but it did help eliminate some of the dystrophy, and now the supplemental treatments can take care of that.

She was discharged at noon today, and our 317 mile ride home only took () hours. I better not tell, cuz you'll get upset. hehehe. Let's just say that I wasn't being a good little boy.

Next trip, I'm taking those ruby slippers. There's no place like home.

Loves, Hugs, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindysue, I'm happy you and Tina were able to talk. "funny" what can upset our children, isn't it? Now, if you want to know what Byron will get into next, just give up on trying to guess, because there's no rhyme or reason to a boy's mind. You know that, right? Little boys become men, and you know the mischief we are! hehehe. It's okay to need the companionship of another person, you know. It's okay to enjoy the warmth of what two people can share. Tina has been concerned because the most important lady in her world, her Mom, was hurt by a man she should have been able to trust.

My dear, sweet friend, keep loving Byron with every fiber of your being. He's going to be fine, girl. The doctors will be able to treat him too, and they'll take care of him well, and make him a healthy young man. Believe this.

Well, you may have confused my Nikki, but she was still sweet enough to relay messages for me. Mary and I love her so much, like one of our own (you couldn't tell, could you?).

We need to wait a few days to know how well the treatment went, but we know we'll be going in for more. At least now we know that this dystrophy won't be the thing that causes so much harm in her life. We're not out of this yet, but at least she's not in such danger. This is hope. I love that word.

Thank you, my dear frind, for so much kindness while I was away. Without the support you gave, I'm sure I'd have ended up in the nut house.

I need sleep, cuz I've been driving a lot today. I'll talk to you in the morning. Luv ya, hugz, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, be open, honest, and loving. I can't say that Bobby will stay close to your family. Men think differently from women. Men have different security needs in a relationship. This may or may not effect his relationship with you. But whatever you do, be open and honest with him. He still needs you and loves you. In time this may change, but not now. Not yet.

Hey, thanks for praying while we were away. I really appreciate it.

luvs, hugz, Me

[aprilsmom]

Dearest CindiSue- keep thinking about you dancing with Gary tonite and the crazy get-ups April would come up with. Like you, she loved to dance. Once she dressed up as Cindy Lauper and she could kick butt on carving pumpkins! One day again soon; i pray we'll all dance.....tonite, hope Gary holds you in your dreams lady!! Lovingly, Renee

[aprilsmom]

Hi Mark, Thanks, I KNOW that you are helping prepare me for the worst; men don't think like women, period. Right now, I'm pissed - Bobby went to NY to see the girl that had her sights on him BEFORE the accident. She is BENIFITTING from the death of MY daughter - how? If it weren't for April's hard work Bobby would not be able to afford a flight from California to there. I have been praying all day for the Lord to take away my anger. Honestly Mark, if this were a girl that April liked, my family would welcome her with open arms! It's the situation surrounding the person that is painful.

Sorry, didn't even mention how thrilled I am about Mary feeling better! Take Care and rest from your trip Mark. Renee

[withani]

Hello CindySue..Mark..and Renee...just popping in quickly because I'm not having a very good day here..Halloween you know and would love to be dancing with my guy. Anyway...Mark I'm happy you and Mary are back safe and sound and she has some relief..will catch up with you later. CindySue...big ole' hug..sorry you didn't make the 29th anniversary...Renee..thank you for your sincere thoughts today...love you all..hugs...CindiSue/Withani...p.s. tommorrow will be better

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) I am feelin so bad for you..I know today was your day..that special day you and Gary shared..my heart breaks for you girlfriend..everyone has a special day they will always remember ..he was with you today I am sure of it...its tough is'nt it..days like this when you are feelin so sad for your loved one...I always thought me and Roger would make it to our 29th annervasry...we made it 2 monthes before our 28th..it was the best years of my life being with him..I still dream about him all the time..specially sat..thats our annervary was..and that night I dreamed we went out and celebrated...seemed so real..he was smiling at me and said I love you Suzy Q thats what he called me sometimes...him and my late father thats what they always called me cause my middle name is sue...today Byron kept kissing and huggin me and he kept puttin kisses on my cheek and grinning..he is such an angel...just when I am feelin down he will climb on my lap and go Mama and he hugs me and gives me a kiss. Cindisue...just hang in thier and like you said tomorrow will be better...just gettin though today was so hard...

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark, I know you have had a long trip home..and I'll bet you are pretty wore out but I am so happy that you and Mary are back...and I been praying for her and you everyday...I knows things are rough with her but she is in my prayers...you are right I never know what my little Byron will get into..I swear he is so much different then my girls were...they hardly ever got into anything..he sure keeps me jumpin...I know Tina is still hurting but I wish she would have told me sooner how she felt...I know she will never be happy to see me date anyone but I gotta live my own life...I love my girls and don't wanna see them hurt but I don't want me and my baby byron to always be alone..I just hope I will meet someone that will except not only me but him also..if they can't him then well they can just move on..cause he will always come first before any man...he's my littel angel...today he climbed on my lap and kept going Mama and kept kissing and hugging me...and to feel his little arms around me always brightens my day...when I am feelin down...Mark we have all missed you a wholle lot..and I hope you get the rest you deserve..bless you for thinkin of all of us...

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Renee, I read what you wrote I am so sorry the things that you are going through with your son-inlaw...wow thats has to be so hard for you to deal with I think if I was in your place I would also feel anger...I mean I am mad too and I don't even know him...this girl he is seeing is after him for sure...just hang in thier...like Cindisue says men think different then women...things will be better...its sad that things are going this way so fast though...but maybe he thought he could forget about the pain he is really in if he did go thier...I don't know..but I am sorry your going through this..I just wanted you to know I was thinkin of you...

Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindisue, my dear friend, may Gary fill your dreams with dances and waltzes all night long. I know how much you miss him, and it's ok to feel blue. We're always here for you.

Thanks for all you've done for me over the last week. You're a beautiful friend. We're not out of the woods yet, but at least we can see the edge of the forest.

Give yourself those specials tonight, just for you. You deserve them.

luvs, hugs, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindysue, be patient. The right man absolutely must love you, and Byron, and your daughters, and their families. When this happens, they will approve, and you'll find a perfect happiness again within your family and your life. About your dad in law, let him have time to grieve as we all do. He needs it. Be supportive, yet be sure to give yourself time to deal with your own life too.

Try to have a fun day ahead, and I'll try to behave (ryyyyyt). luv ya, hugz, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, here's my shoulder, so you can cry on it. I can tell how painful this is. I'm with you in your dream for that perfect someone to dance into his life and make you all feel the comfort and healing you deserve and need. Men all too often don't think with their brains (you catch my drift) and it causes these troubles. Again, we all need to understand he is a free, independent person, and to enforce our will upon another adult isn't in their best interest or ours. Continue to be supportive, but understand that he will probably respond negatively at this point if you show too much displeasure in his choices (no matter how foolish or whatever "value" based on). I'm always praying for you. You know what the Bible says on this, but you also know your own heart as April's Mom. I'm almost jealous of her, having such a loving Mom as you. I think all children should have such a dear Mom to raise them.

I'll write about our adventures when my heart is able. I'm having to deal with a lot of care issues now, and my children are not facing these things as well as expected. I'll be able to write more tonyt.

for now, pamper yourself girl! Don't you deserve a little too? YUP! I say so. Have a fun day. luvz & hugz, Me

[aprilsmom]

Hey Mark: why do you think I use YOUR shoulder big guy? I haven't said one blessed word to Bobby on any of this, writing to you is God's way of keeping my mouth in check - gee, HE does work in strange ways, huh? Love Ya, can't wait to hear yours and Mary's travel stories. Renee

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey Renee, you are welcome to use my shoulder any old time. He's got enough baggage to check at the door. If you lose it with him, he'll probably jet, and that won't be good for you or your family.

Men have differing security needs from women in a relationship. When his wife is dying, a man faces his ultimate fear, the fear of that one thing he can't control (death), and losing the one person he can't lose. Men must protect their wives, and I have yet to see a husband who loves his wife not be willing to die for her. In talking to a few men now, I've also learned that many have started spending time intimately, not sexually, with another woman before his wife's death. This isn't the same as an affair, but is his need for security being shredded and his search to find security somewhere. I'm not saying all men do this, or that in my case that my female friends are to be your warning that I'm having an affair. I think you know me better. But, Bobby must see this fight in his soul to its end, and he must fight it alone. We can only help him with emotional support and prayers.

Maybe I've been little help to you today, but as I've faced these things in my journey, I want to help those who must still face the monster of our mortality. I'm always here for you, even if you need to talk on my IM. You know the addy. Same addy without the yahoo. I'm there in the evening, talking to my girls, but I look offline.

Take it easy today. Oh, take the day off and go have fun.

luv ya, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, on October 16, I went thought Jenni's first birthday since I found her (well, found her even though she's no longer with me). It kills me to think that she was beaten, raped, and murdered. I'm going to be here for you, and I'll send you my private number so you may call me if you need on the day. My prayers are going to be resting on your forehead. Just take the whole day one moment at a time, girl. Don't do one thing that YOUR heart doesn't feel like doing. Here's one of those little (((hugs))) for you. May God keep you through the days ahead. luv, hugz, Me

[aprilsmom]

Dearest Mark, Thanks for the insight and good advice, I know you are right on target my friend. Part of my getting crazy right now is the anticipation of the date coming up. Good night all! Renee

[withani]

CindySue...whewwwwwww got through it girlfriend...lots of tears but now it's November. I know your anniversary was hard on you...I'm so sorry it fell on a Saturday...when you said Roger called you Suzy Q I could just imagine his face beaming. He loves you soooooo much. I'm glad you have Bryon to hug and kiss you..the love we get from children just warms the heart. We getting ready to go through a rough season and I am so thankful for friends like you and Mark. Take care...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Mark...I can breathe now..it's November and as I mentioned to CindySue I am so thankful for you and she to call my friends. It was a rough few days. I've missed talking with you. I'm very you and Mary can see the edge of the forest and I hope you are able to share a less painful holiday season. What is the prognosis Mark??? I don't know what you know about ADC's and I'm going to post this on that site but I had a few strange occurences the past couple days starting with Friday when I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone and a 1/2 an hour into the conversation a fax noise was coming over the line. I have a fax machine but don't use it right now and the last time that happened was last January. Also..I didn't have any trick or treaters last night and another friend sent me a card but I didn't receive it. Sometimes I look too hard for signs..but value your opinion. Hugs and love...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) I am sure glad you got through that rough day I thought about you and know how hard it was for you..the hlidays will be rough but remember we are all here for you..hows your mom? I hope she is doing better and feelin better Byron had his 3 baths today you guess it he got inot my makeup again..whew..foundation all over his face and and his hair and blue eyeshadow and of course lipstick I think that little devil watched me put makeup on and decided he would get pretty too..he looked so cute but man I am tired of the baths all the time..but anyways, I hope your days get better for you and I hope your ok you and Mark mean alot to me and I don't knwow what I would without you two you have helped me more then you know..take care girlfriend..sending you a big hug..I am so proud of you for being strong to get through a rough holiday..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Renee, I know what the "day" can do to us. It's never easy to face, even though they do get easier with time. I didn't say easy, but easier. I promise we'll get you through this, and you'll be stronger when you're on the other side. Try to take a little time just for you, so you can treat yourself special. What you do is up to you, but make it meaningful to your heart.

If you need anything, you have only to ask. I'm here to help all I can.

hugz,luvz,Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindisue, are they signs? Are they meaning something? Maybe it's just his way of getting you through the day? It sounds reasonable to me. Just take a little time and let the message he is trying to send get through. It takes some quiet meditation, but he may be trying to tell you something.

I think of you lots, with prayer that you get all you need in your journey. Hope all is well with your Mom. Now, go spoil yourself a little. Well, don't go to the 40/40, but have a little fun anyway. That's a new club in Atlantic City.

Have a fun evening, and don't do anything I would (you don't need the trouble). luvs,hugz,Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindysue, we are all such a crew. Where would we be without each other? I know I'd be a mess. You ladies seem to say the right thing at the right time, and I end up back on my feet (sorta). I can't wait to hear what Byron got into today. He's non-stop.

I'm so tired today. Too many miles. I think I'll crash early. My nights are rough, usually staying awake to help my girl with her pain, getting comfortable, or those little things like water and ice cream. Her day has been painful, but we're managing.

hugz n luv, me

[aprilsmom]

Mark, Your professional counseling ability is much needed on the thread "gieving teens" could you check it out. A 16 yr. old just lost 4 members of the family in a house fire. Thanks. Renee

[cindysue]

Mark and Cindisue..hows your day going? I am sorry things are still rough with Mary..well don't be shocked Mark and Cindisue but Byron did'nt put nothing on his face..wow I am so shocked he had obe bath today..whew that made me happy...he tried believe me he grabbed my purse and I watched him and he was headed towards his bedroom...lol..but I caught him before he got into my make-up..I'll be glad when he gets past the 2 stage..whew he went to the wic office today to get a checkup and so I can get coupons for milk and other stuff for him and they weighed him and measured him...wow I thought they told me 70 percent kids his age are taller then him and bigger..it was 60 percent now its 70..they told me he was a size of a 20 month old..thats ok..he is 31 monthes old he is just gonna be little like me probably thats ok...better to handle him..the nurse said alot of tthat has to do with him havin a bad heart...my poor baby I wish I could take his place...he played today and got so tired he laid on the floor to play with his cars..someday he will have the energy I hope..he plays so much then he lays down...sometimes I cry and blame myself...but I know when he has the surgery he will feel better..today he kept pointing to the wall in the living room and smiling going Dada he sees him I think Roger was in the room cause he kept staring and smiling ..and lookin at me then lookin at the wall again..it gave me a strange feelin...it wierd every night when I put him down in his crib..I go to check on him and he is covered up with his blanket tucked under him and I never did that...Roger always did that too him..this has been going on every night sice his daddy died...it makes me feel so good that Roger is watchin over him...you all probably think I am crazy...but I feel so good when I see this...well I will go for now I hope Mary feels better and is gettin rest and you rest up too Mark..and you Cindisue hope your feelin better we are all here for you..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Now why would I think it's strange? Jenni hugs me every night. I love it! But, Cindysue, you spoiled all his fun with the makeup! hehehe. It's okay for him to be a little small for now, cuz he'll catch up and you'll be wondering where all the groceries are going. Answer to that is your pint-sized bottomless pit. Please, sweetie, don't blame yourself. This is something that just happens. You have no control over it. You're a priceless Mommy.

We're getting there with it all. I'm a little tired from too many miles and too much rehab, but I'll survive (oh poor me).

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Thank you, Renee. I'll hop over there. Hope you're having a really fun day. Oh, go act like a kid. It's fun. I refuse to grow up (typical man).

[joadriana]

Hi Aprilsmom (Renne), Cindysue and Withani,

Thank you all for your kind words. I was mnot sure if I was doing the right thing by seeking advice as I have not felt the losses you and Mark (My Boyfreind) all have or even begin to understand what you are all going through. BUT I want to try and understand so I can help Mark and his family, if I can and also help me. I believe if you love someone you take them on board warts and all!!!! Not sure if warts is the right reference here, sorry if I have offended anyone? I can not ignore Mark's past it is what has made him the special person he is. For me this is easy, I love him. For eveyone else in his family it is hard for them to accept he is moving on, as they only know him and Anna. No one likes change at the best at times and everyone has an opinion of when is the 'acceptable time to move on'. What they fail to realsie is that by moving on does not wipe out Anna'a memory at all that's what upsets me most is that they do not know me and have made their opinions and judgements of me already! So how can I then make our reelationship harder by not undersatnding their feelings.

Words of advice from me? Not sure it is appropriate for me to do this but I have attempted.

Cindysue, You and Mark seem to share similar issues. Guilt of moving on and loving someone else with the added pressure of your daughter making you feel even more guilty. Mark's son finds it hard to accept us. Whilst you can not ignore your daughters feelings or your feelings of guilt you also owe it to yourself and to your families to be happy at some point in the future so you will then have the strength to support them in their lives. Gary will always be a part of your life you only have to look at your children to see that. When mark feels guilty and bitter at Anna's death I try and focus him to think about the memories he has and to steer away from the accident and trying to justufy why it happened, it happened and that can not change but the memories and time spent together will always be there for you to cherish for ever. Some people never have that love ever.

Withani, 11 years is a long long time seems to be a very long time. It probably has not helped not having any contact with his family? You mention that the guys you meet get upset hearing you talk about Gary? I can not say at times I don't get jealous when i hear Mark talking fndly about Anna, I do, it's only natural. But Mark mentions her in refernce to something they did together. I have to accpet this. He loved her and always will but I also know he loves me too. It is all about compromise we keep talking and compromising. patince, understanding and unselfishness are a lot of traits you should look for in a person!!!! No seriously you can meet someone who will love you for you and accept your past but you also have to help them.

Aprilsmom. It must be hard for you seeing Bobby getting close to someone your aiughter did not approve of (and if she was tryting to get close to bobby while your daughter was alive she does not sound like a decent person-not that I want to rub salt into your wounds).

the only advice i can give is to deal with the situation as you would your own children. i.e. If you take a dislike to one of your own children's partnbers you would let your child make their own mind up but open your arms to the partner because if you don't and make your opinion known to yoru child you can risk loosing youir child to that person. i suppose I am trying to say maybe you should open your arms to this other person let bobby see you support him because when and if their relationship does end you will be there to support him. I jhope this makes sense?

Anyway I think I have rattled on enough. I just wanted to thank you all.

My name is Joanne ebeyone calls me Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

joanne, I think you have this down pretty well. We have this thing of always loving the one we're married to, and this business of being widowed is something a new partner must accept. It's that we spend the rest of our lives trying to master the fine art of loving two people the same way, and it's not easy.

All I can say to you of this is know that he needs to love her too. If you can accept that, and I think you have, you'll have a love between you that will last forever.

Now, this is getting to where my daughter would laugh at us all. Two Cind(iy)sues and two Marks? Too confusing for my kids. They can't keep us all straight. hehehe.

Have a fun day. Mark

[aprilsmom]

Dear Jo, sounds like Mark found a blessing in you. Thanks for the good advice!

Renee

Thanks Mark, i felt so bad for 3As; your advice was professional and WAY OUT of my abilities. I do know how to delegate tho huh?? I DID act like a kid today; took my Special needs kids on the playground and got on a swing with an autistic kid, try that one sometime, it's an experience.

[withani]

CindySue...Mark...Renee and JoAnne...my mom is doing much better THANK YOU ALL!!!! She is home now...and will have issues to address with her SO but her life and her choices.

CindySue...thanks for the extra support during my very difficult holiday this week..I worked on being strong which just made me exhausted but now I can say I survived Halloween '05. No you don't sound crazy for enjoying seeing Bryon covered up with the vision of his daddy watching on...it's in your soul girlfriend. Don't worry about Bryon's weight too much..I agree with Mark that before too long he's going to be a bottomless pit with food!!! Love and hugs...CindiSue/WIthani

Mark...What a nice way to question whether the "signs" were Gary trying to distract me during a difficult holiday...a good friend of mine told me after Gary had passed that he could love me better on the other side (due to the alcoholism and bipolar issues) has given me much to think about. Thanks for asking about my mom..I spoke to her tonight. I hope you get the rest and peace you deserve...hugs and love...CindiSUe/Withani

Renee...I hope your week is going well. I'm glad you were able to swing with an autistic child..I think I may have mentioned to you that I work with special needs 2 & 3 year olds and the connections have been helping pull me through my journey. Hugs...CindiSue/WIthani

Joadriana...what a remarkable woman you are realizing that Mark loves you but you're not trying to wipe out Anna's memory..he is fortunate to have met you and I'm sure in time his family will realize this..I agree with Mark that the art of loving two people the same way...is it possible? Or do we take each relationship for what they are...different relationships and not expect them to be exactly the same. Unfortunately Gary and I never had children together...he always wanted us to..my children are from my marriage (I divorced 12 years ago) three months after I left my husband was when I met Gary. Hugs...CindiSue/WIthani

Wow...it DOES get confusing with Two CindySues and Two Marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep the name CindiSue along with Withani only because that is what Gary used to call me and to my surprise when I came on line here I met CindySue and we instantly connected..I could drop the name but it gives me great comfort.

[cindysue]

Hi Cindisue,Mark Jo And Renee...WEll I wanna thank all of you for ,aking me feel like I am not losing it at times or seein things. Cindisue..I am glad you got through Halloween ok..I know the holidays are comming up and that will be hard last thanksgiving and Christmas was the first year I did'nt have my Roger and it was sooo hard..like I said before I felt so alone everyone had someone but me it was just me and baby Byron..but both my daughters were thier and thier husbands and kids..and my parents and sisters and brothers but someone was was missing at it was hard ..another lonnely holiday without my Roger now I gotta make it nice for little byron at least...I am here for you girlfriend..its wierd we are both Cindysues and like you said we connected right away..and you mark are awesome..with all your going through with Mary you still think of all of us..and I know you have to be so tired and stressed out worrying over your love..but you will always have us to help you through this you are one special guy.. And Jo don't feel guilty you are loved by your Mark and your makin him happy...he is lucky to have you to give him the love he needs right now..I pray in time my daughter will someday be ok when I do decide to date again..I don't wanna upset her but I have to think of me and baby byron Tina and Angela my daughters are grown and they have a husband and kids and as much as I love and respect them I gotta learn to make me happy too and make sure who ever I do decide to go out with will except my little guy if thye can't well I rather be alone then cause I know he will always come first..Mark's kids will come around in time..sometimes I wonder if my daughter will ever come around but we will see I guess...And Renee I have'nt forgotten you I hope your doing ok..I feel for you and what you have been going through losing your daughter not too long ago just like I feel for Mark losing his..I just can't amagine the pain of losing a child I know the holidays will be very diffucult for you and I will pray for you and your family to get through it..WEll I hope you are all doing ok I am so tired and have'nt felt too good last few days..think I am comming down with somethin..I just wanna be careful not to pass it sown to Byron...

Love And Hugs to you all,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindysue, you're doing fine with Byron, and he will always appreciate and love you for this. But, what do you mean about stress? I'm not sTrEsSeD. I'm just losing what little mind I had. hehehe. Tired is growing to be an old friend.

Cindisue, were you serious about girls being emotional? I'm starting to get accustomed to my own roller coaster with them all. Oh, you know I love my girls. My sweetie and I would have a dozen or more children, but that wasn't to be. We had that love for children way before our wedding. We lost Christiana before our wedding day, and I think that still effects her thinking now. Stay firm with the tough love, buddy. They'll turn around in time. It's good to see you still standing after Halloween, and after all you've been through with your Mom. I'm praying for her.

Renee, don't grow up. Men never grow up, it's just that their toy cars and trucks get engines. Am I any different? Come on, I was in tears selling my Vette. hehehe. Keep having all that fun with your little friends. They're priceless.

Jo, love them. Only love them. The children will accept you, but children are cautious and move very slowly. And pray they don't use makeup and butter in their hair.

I'm crashing early tonight. I think I caught a cold or something. It's never that I'm overtired, overstressed, or any of that, right? Talk to you dear ladies tomorrow.

Hugz for you all, luvz, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindysue, I trust you had a great day. How's Byron doing? With all you have to deal with, take it easy on yourself as we go into the holidays. Don't try to complicate your life too much. Keep things simple, and try to breathe, girl.

Cindisue, withani, I think of you often, and now especially with your Mom's health and doing a little tough love. Be strong with it, and it will work out.

Renee, I know you have some days you'd rather not face now, kiddo, but I'm praying for you. And with that, be the Mom in law you've always been with Bobby, and he'll appreciate it so much. I've always believed that I'd never walk from my in laws, because I love them so very much.

Tonight, we had dinner with my son's girlfriend, the one he truly believes is the right girl for him. Did I really meet my future daughter in law? This is so exciting!

Monday, I need to call neurology to check on my sweetie's condition. It seems that she hasn't recovered at all from the fall last Monday, and she's still dizzy and feeling ill from it. Hopefully, nothing is going too wrong.

Take care of yourselves. YOu're all very important to me, my friends. luv y'all, with big hugs, Me

[withani]

CindySue...Mark...Renee and Jo...well my mom's back in ICU..her CO2 level is high and put her in a tailspine so they needed to put her on a respirator. I'm just worried about if she has any fight left in her...especially after the bombshell her SO gave her about the two of them not growing together anymore. I'm so sad for her and yet I appreciate Mark how you are there for Mary...so important.

Yes I survived Halloween...whew!!! I think the most difficult part is the knowing that our lives will never be the same again...the things we enjoyed in the past have all changed and I thank God everyday to have meet you all here!!! By now people in general think you should be "over it" and "moving on" but they just can't comprehend unless they've been put in this position. I love you all so much and the constant support from you all is the one thing that helps pull me through.

Hugs and love...CindiSue/WIthani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi CindiSue (withani), I'll keep a prayer for your Mom. I appreciate your support in so many ways. Love that "over it" comment. Can you believe the hospice people have told me I'm too close to her emotionally, and should withdraw some? Pigs! They must not understand love. I know you're worried for your Mom, but please make sure you take care of yourself too. We all want you healthy. luvz, hugz, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindySue, hope you're feeling better tonight. Thanks for the pics. He's soooooooooo adorable! I can tell Mommy was having a lot of fun taking those pics with him. hehehe. But, how can you not have a pile of fun with him? With any "luck", my photog will give me some new ones, so I'll see what I can do about sharing. Rest yourself tonight, and don't let the worries build up against you. We'll always be here for you, so you can take care of the important issues, like Byron.

I know this will sound silly, but have you ever made him pudding to paint with? he can make pictures on paper, or all over himself. If he's a mess, you just rinse him off. I was curoius if this would be easier on you than him using up your makeup. Although, it is sooo cute when he does that.

Have a great night, girl. Sleep well. luvzNhugz, Me

[withani]

Mark...I for one believe your emotional closeness to Mary is a very WONDERFUL thing and to withdrawal that seems cruel to me. Went to the hospital to see my mom but she's so heavily sedated at this point with the ventilator she slept. The doctor told us her lungs are working at a 20% capacity level and can only be on the ventilator two weeks max....after several days to a week she'll start being weaned from the ventilator and it doesn't look good. How can this happen in the same year as Gary's passing...the two people who ever gave me any self esteem at all. I'm feeling sorry for myself...I know God is in charge and has his plan but I'm afraid of the week that's coming. Please have my mom in your prayers...she's an extraordinary lady. Hugs and love...CindiSUe/Withani

[cindysue]

Withani(Cindisue) I just read about your mom..I don't know what to say..this is aweeful I wish I was thier to give you a hug...I can feel your pain...my gosh how can bad thing be happening to you...we all have had a rough year..sometimes you wonder if it will ever get any better..Just hang in thier girlfriend..your mom is in good hands..I am will say an extra prayer for her as I do for Mary everynight...I feel so bad for you..sounds like you are very close to your mom...Please know we are all here for you and will be for ever...Please let us know how she is doing I am so concerned...Hugs to you my special friend..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[cindysue]

Mark, I hope your resting up and feelin ok and your very welcome for the pics of Byron I sent Cindisue some also ..but I forgot to put theat in my message...he loves to get on cam..I think he thinks its another baby when he sees himself cause he smiles and laughs and says baby...he don't realize its him..he is so cute and so sweet and I wanna make him as happy as I can..after he got on the cam I think that tired him out ...in 2 weeks he has to see his heart doctor again...they wanna keep a good check on his heart all the time...I am always scared they will find more wrong with him...I am thginkin about gettin him a toddler bed..but he's so little so I might keep him in his crib awhile longer besides I don't know if I trsut him in a bigger bed..well my sweet friend I am still prayin for Mary ...and I am gonna say an extra prayer for Cindisues mom also...hope it helps

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue