Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 17, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Renee, I'm proud of you. Our Lord will give you peace. Rest well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Mark and mary,I am at work and something drew me to BI... I haven't really felt like doing much of anything for a couple of days. Guess that it is just the getting on thing that is concerning me lately... But your post did make me smile, I needed that today!!! I will definately think about kicking the dad out of my new bed... Of course I would do anything for my parents, they have ALWAYS been here for me... Through thick and thin. Some times I think back about all that I put them through when I was out there using and wonder how they were able to cope??? Guess it was their love that helped to pull me through some really scarey situations. Well, their's and God's..... What day is your birthday Mark??? I am the 19th and I will be the BIG 40!!! I am not freaking out, it is just a number. I never freaked out when it came to age.... I just wish that James could be here to help me celebrate. Last year we went out to eat and to the Hard Rock casino and had a really good time. Then we went for a nice little walk/ride up the coast back home... I love to live next to the beach, but it is so sad right now... Funny how things that I used to love to do seem like the least likely places for me to go right now.... I know that in time I will go back to the beach, but for now, I stay away...Well, I wanted to let you know that I appreciated your last post, it made my day!!! Hugs and prayers to both of you,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Trish, good question, how they coped. I was a wild teenager. Be thankful your family is close. We didn't have a lot of that. If you wanna know the day next month, it's kind of a holiday (remember a movie about a little guy named Phil?). We understand those things and places you once loved. I'm most likely giving our home to my son when it's time, cuz I just don't want to be here with the memories. I don't want to do anything we used to now that she's so ill. They don't seem important or enjoyable. It's not that we're crazy, we're grieving, and that makes us deal with memories differently. Glad I made ya smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 So Happy Birthday is the same day as Happy Ground Hogs Day is it??? My niece is February 15th and my SIL is February 25 and mom and dad's anniversary is February 26th. Lots of celebrating to do next month and none of it seems to be important to me anymore. Not to mention St. Valentine's Day!!! Of course that was James and My holiday. We both used to love the holidays and Valentines was our favorite... I will really be hurting this day, as I am sure that you can imagine. I can understand you wanting to give you son your home. I know how hard it is to live in the home that James and I shared. It makes me grieve him even more than when I am away from it. One of his friends just called. He didn't know that James had died and I, of course, had to be the one to tell him. I cried my eyes out, so did he. I tried to get into touch with him when James passed, but his phone number had been changed and he had moved. He is in Texas and we are in Florida, so I just couldn't find a way to reach him. He said that he is going to come down to see me soon. This will be hard, as he and James used to spend A LOT of time here together after work... I hope that he waits a little bit... Oh well, I need to face him sooner or later....Well I had better go get my things ready for work tomorrow. May you and Mary have a good night. I wish that there was something that I could do for you both. If there ever should be, please just let me know. Until next time, my prayers are with you both,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Cindisue, Mark, and Trish..and all my other good friends..I am so sorry I have really written lately just been going through alot of depression and pain I guess and I had some really bad bad news today one of my daughters best friend was killed lastnight her and her unborn baby she was 9 monthes pregnant.. she was killed in a bad car accident..she was only 26 and had a 4 year old daughter plus she was due anytime with her second child..my heart is breaking I loved this girl like she was my daughter I knew her since she was 6 years old her and my daughter Tina were the bestest of friends her name was Amanda and she always called me Mom all the time..my daughter Tina called me today just a cryin tellin me my heart just sank..I think I cried as much as I could she was a wonderful girl...I feel like I lost a daughter I seen this girl all the time she was always around Tina ...Tina is takin it bad she said I lost Dad now I feel like I lost my sister they were just like sisters and the fact the baby died also is hard to take also...I feel so bad for Amanda;s little 4 year old daughter..to lose her mommy at such a young age...I am sorry everyone I am gonna go now I am cryin too much over this latest tradgy..but please know even though I have'nt been on here lately I think of you all alot...Mark I been thinkin about you and Mary alot I wrote you last week or maybe it was this week I hope you got the letter ok..I been prayin for her and you..and Cindisue I hope your doing ok too..I miss you all..and love u all ...Love and Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Trish, Valentine's Day. It's the day of our engagement twenty years ago. Funny how us humans are all alike, eh. Yes, you have the day right. My grandson is the 7th. I guess it's a popular month for births. I don't feel old, but having a grandchild makes me feel not young. hehehe. It's not too bad being in the middles age bracket. Have a fun evening. I'm going to sit with my sweetie and watch some old movie she picked. Time to make the popcorn. hugz,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 19, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Cindy, I'm so sorry. I'm praying for Amanda's family and Tina too. If there's anything we can do to help her, please let us know. I hope you're feeling better. I know the crazy weather of winter can make fibromyalgia hurt a lot. There's something about winter that turns up depression when we're grieving. It's okay to get a little quiet. Just remember we're here for you, my sweet friend. Take very good care of yourself, okay. We're doing alright here. Today was pretty good. Her pain was mild comparatively. Thank you so much for caring and taking the moment to pray for her. Please give Byron a little hug, and I'll keep a good thought for him to not be too mischievous tomorrow. He's an awesome little guy. luvyaz,hugz,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 21, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Oh boy, another Saturday has gone by.... For some reason I go to church every Saturday. I used to go on Sunday mornings, but since James passed, I now go on Saturday evenings. I get through most of the mass ok, until a certain point. At this point (every time) I feel as if James is staring directly into my eyes. When I close my eyes, I swear that when I open them he will be standing right in front of me smiling. I try and of course he is never there, although I do believe that he really is and this is his way of telling me that he is around me and in church with me... I cry every single time... I know that James and I both believed in God and we went to church on occassion, but now it is like we go to church together every week... I is just sad for me to not be able to really see him or hear him... I am hoping that some day I will be able to feel normal again. I know that it will just take time and it has not even been very long since James only been gone a short time. I just HATE WEEKENDS!!! I feel so sad when I see couples together... I know that we all feel like this...Today one of James ex-friends called me. This is a man that came to live with James and I 6 weeks prior to Hurricane Wilma and totally ruined James and his friendship. We took him in, fed him and even borrowed him money and he totally took advantage of both of us. We tried to be nice, and he repayed us by going to the contractor that James did his last job with and telling him that it was ok to collect the monies for the job. This was the day I flew to CT to bury James. This man is a thief and not a friend at all... He collected monies that he DID NOT earn and when I confronted him about it he acted like James owed it to him and that James wasn't going to pay him for this job. He even went as far to say "James told me he wasn't going to pay me." Of course James was going to pay him for the hours that he worked, instead this man stole the monies and now I have to pay the taxes on the job... I decided to not persue it with the authorities and let it go, for it was under $1000.00 and I just didn't have the energies to deal with it.. Now he is calling me and telling me that he wants his TV out of my garage and some dumb coffee mugs. I told him that his TV is not in my garage and the coffee mugs were thrown away. He is so heartless that he told me that it wasn't fair and that his TV was $500.00 TV and that he wanted it..... I told him that the day I kicked him off of my property (after he stole the money) I told him to take all of his things or he wasn't getting them back. He told me that he has been going through a "tough time"... What, no one else to steal from??? I answered back "call me when someone you love with all of your heart dies, then you can tell me that you are going through a tough time"... I am just so hurt and angry with him. I really wanted to tell him that if he called back I would have him arrested for stealing the monies... My parents told me to just let it go... He is an alcoholic and a big "poor me" type of person. After the hurricane hit, he was very mean to me and treated me like a piece of dirt. This is when James and I decided that he could no longer stay with us for free. I wrote him a check for the hours he worked and told him that he needed to find some place else to call home. I don't know if any of you have ever gone through a hurricane, but after it hits, our power goes out for weeks, litteraly. Some people just recieved it back on. Well, this so-called friend kept on coming to our home, every day, and asking us for cash instead of the check. Our bank was closed, as was most of the town and I only had limited monies. I didn't have the cash to give him. He kept on having fits and telling us that it was our fault for this and that. Never thinking that when he came, he came with no place to live, no monies, no food, etc... We took him in and left him live with us free of everything for 6 weeks. Then the hurricane hit and he started acting worse than he was before. I mean, we went to get water and ice every day and had to drive 70 miles to get gas and food. So, no I didn't have monies to pass out to him. HE, being broke, couldn't get his alcohol and cigarettes. This was not my fault nor my problem and when I told him this, I thought that he was going to hit me. This is when James had enough and threw him out of our home. James NEVER spoke to me this way and he was NOT going to let anyone else disrespect me in our home like that.. I just can't believe that this man had the nerve to call me today... Some people have no HEART...Well, I am sorry for venting, but I needed to get this off of my chest.I pray you are all ok tonight.Prayer, Hugs and Love to you all,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 22, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Trish, there are places, things, and events that bring on these feelings and sights. With me and Jenni, it's late at night, usually if I'm working in the studio, or trying to get to sleep. Be strong and stand your ground about this guy bugging you. If you must, please get a restraining order. We don't want him trying to hurt you. Your choice to let that money go shows your wisdom. If he doesn't have heart, we can see you do. Today, I began charting the increased seizure activity. They have doubled for her over the last two weeks. Her doctor thought it was sleep apnea, but these are now happening when she's awake. Her pain is also worsening . . . again. Hope you get to have a good week, now that someone bugged you over the weekend and upset you. I'm praying for you. hugs, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 22, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Hello To Everyone..I am here barely..just hard to sit behind a computer anymore so I apoligise to you all..Trish, I read your last message on here mu gosh what is going on with people why do they act the way they do when someone dies seems like they want everything..I remember when Roger died my pole barn with Roger's stuff was gettin broke into and Roger had so much stuff in thier luckly Tina was looking out and seen who was takin the stuff and knew the person and called police..see we have another property that me and Roger oqn with 5 acres and Tina lives out thier..and she called me right away and was cryin tellin me that this guy just broke into the pole barn and was stealing dad;s things I told her call police well she did and they caught the guy..and he was proscutied..but it was;nt the first time someone has tried to steal Roger's things ..he owned so much probably over 500,000 dollars woth of stuff from cars to air compressers..I hate people that try to steal from the dead..or take advantage and try to get more then they deserve..my heart go's out to you Trish my friend...hang in thier I know your lonely without James and seein other happy couples make it even worse I guess thats why I never go anywhere anymore I don't wanna end up cryin..I think bout Roger every single min and second and when I look at the kids its even worse specially Byron cause he looks and acts like his daddy..I HATE weekends too and can't wait till Monday comes again..too lonely the weekends now..but please know I am still thinkin bout you..and miss talkin to you..Mark, My sweet wonderful friend, how is Mary?? is she doing ok? I been so busy lately with Tina tryin to make her fell better..they showed Amanda and her baby today at the funeral home she was holding the baby in the casket it was a little girl Tina said the baby was so so cute poor little baby had a bruise on her face they could'nt hide too good I guess Amanda's boyfriend was thier with thier 4 year old daughter the little girl does'nt realize wht her mommy is just layin thier I guess it was pretty sad..she kept tellin her mommy to wake up.. makes me sad for the whole family the boyfriend was almost passed out he was so upset..but I told Tina Amanda and her baby is up in heaven now and she will always watch over her other daughter..just like I know Roger is watchin over baby Byron..just makes me sad to see a baby die too a newborn they said Amanda was fine at the scene of the accident she was just complaining of a tummy ache but soon as they air lifted her her vitals were gettin worse..and they did an emergency C-section but the baby was dead so they tried to save Amanda but she died right after that so I figured she had internal injuries..well sad sad time for all I guess please give Mary my best and tell her I am still prayin for her..Cindisue, Still thinkin bout you girlfriend, and hope your doing ok and things are going better for you this year so far..things have been rough here but hopefully it will improve..miss hearing from all of you,,,Love and Hugs To You All,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 22, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Mark,I am praying for Mary. I had a seizure, once, and it was aweful. I was in the hospital for 5 days afterwards. I don't remember much about the actual event, but I scared my friends that were with me. I was about 25 years old, so it has been about 15 years since it happened. I know that it is hard for you to watch the woman you love go through this. You are a very strong man and I can tell your heart is with Mary. I will continue praying for you both. I too hope that this man stays away from me. After I hung up on him, he called a friend of mine and tried to convince her to help him. As if she can miraculously make his TV and coffee mug reappear. The nerve of him. I don't know what is wrong with this man. He tried to tell her that he has been having a very hard time and that he just wants his things. Like a tv and coffee mug will make a difference???? She told him that he needs to stay away from me and asked him what his problem is? She also said, you used to be friends with James and Trish, why are you acting like this? Don't you think that Trish is going through a VERY hard time right now??? I changed the subject after that, as he is not worth talking about...CindySue,I have been very worried about you. I have been e-mailing, but you haven't been writting back. I am so sorry for Tina's friend and her family. I can only imagine how sad it must be for them all... I feel so sad for her 4 year old. To think that she tried to wake her mommy up and she will never wake up... It really got to me. I feel so blessed that my parents are still here and that I have them in my life... I know so many people that don't have what I do and feel bad when I complain about James not being here. I just feel so lost and alone, most of the time... My heart goes out to all of you... Please be strong Cindy, I know that Byron needs his mommy. I know that you are in a lot of pain. Have you seen your doctor for this lately??? Did you look up the sites that I e-mailed you about??? I hope that the pain lessens soon. I know that certain events that cause stress, like our lives ever are stress free, makes the pains even worse... I just pray that you will be ok.CindiSue Withani,I haven't seen you on here lately, are you doing alright??? I have been thinking about you and wanted to check in with you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.Hugs,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 23, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Trish, we could have some fun with this poor guy. I have an old tv in my workshop, and we can always grab some stained coffee mugs at Salvation Army. Maybe not a good way to keep the peace? That's enough of my smart mouth before I get in trouble. I'm so sorry you've had to go through seizures too. I hope they found the cause and treatment, so you never have another. We thought these were from sleep apnea until she started having them while she's awake. Shot that theory to pieces. I'm getting worried for Cindy and CindiSue too. They've been through so much, and so close to the holidays, it can really shake up their dear hearts. For tonight, please take gentle care of yourself. I'm always here to listen or talk or let you whine and vent. hugz, Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 23, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Cindy, we know that emptiness in our hearts from our losses. I'm so sorry Tina is going through this for her friend. My prayers are with her, and Amanda's family. She must have had such a beautiful funeral, priceless with her baby in her arms. Keep yourself well, and try to get the rest you need. If you need anything, for you or Tina, or Byron or your grandbabies, please ask. We'll do everything we can for you. Please watch out for depression, and get help if you need it. I'm always here to help my friends. luv ya, hugz, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 23, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Cindisue, Mark, Trish and everyone...I don't know how to be happy anymore what is happy?? I feel like if it was'nt for Byron and the girls I don't think I would wanna be around..I am tryin so hard to get better and feel better but I been havin dreams alot of dreams about the night Roger died..how he died and the way he looked at me one last time..what is wrong with me..I know Byron can feel me being sad cause he keeps sayin sorry mama and he did'nt do nothing wrong I gotta not be so depressed he needs me I dreamed of Roger and my dear mother-in-law that just passed maybe they are commin to me tellin me they are ok I don't know..but I am forgettin to write people and sometimes I even think I did when I did'nt and I don't know whats wrong with me..I am sorry maybe I need help I don't know..just so many people just dieing when they have thier whole lives ahead of them..but like Trish says they are in a better place..I just miss what I had and will never have again its so hard even after a year in a half..maybe it takes awhile ..well I need to check on Byron he;s been such a good baby but ornary as ever tryin to flush the poor kitty in the toilet again like I said whenever I hear him laughin he's tryin to drown the cat...lol..he's so cute he always says I give kitty a bath..well he is in bed now but I wanna make sure he is covered up..talk to you all very soon..Love and Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 24, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Mark,Thanks for the laugh... It gave me some ideas... I don't like to be mean, but this man is something else. To go and call my friends and ask them to talk to me and to get me to pay for his dumb TV and coffee mugs.... I tell you. A very smart woman told me to be careful of this type of people and you know what??? I am taking her advise. I know that the seizures were most likely caused by the type of drugs I was taking, for once I stopped, I never had them again... Thank God, but for a while, I was VERY scared... I also had a TIA in May, 2002, 1 month after I got clean. This was due to the drug abuse I suffered over the 15b years of use..... Thank God I am off of all of that junk.. It truly did a number to my whole body and being... I pray that you and Mary are comfortable tonight. I think of you both often and pray for your peace.. Thank you for being such a smartie pants, I love it!!!Take care and lots of hugs to you both,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 24, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 CindySue,I wish that there was something that I could say to make you feel better, but there isn't.... I know that you are in a lot of pain and maybe it would be a good idea to talk to a professional about it. I care a lot about you and Byron and don't like to see you feeling like this. Did you contact the doctor like I told you to about you Fibromyalgia??? You need to see a Rhuematologist about it. This is the kind of MD that can help you. You might be having such a hard time cause you are in pain, I mean physical pain and that is never fun and can be depressing as well... I know that you are being a strong mommy for Byron and that you love all of your children so very much. You also need to think about yourself though and remember that you count too and that you are imporant to so many people. I feel so lost without James, but I also know that he loves me from where he is at and that he will always be here with me in so many ways.... I miss him like mad and it is NOT easy, but I also know that he needs for me keep on going... It isn't easy and I will never say that it will be ok, but I try to do what I need to do to make it through each day, just one day at a time.... I pray for you Cindy and hope that you will write me when you can.Hugs and Love,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 24, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Cindy, the myriad of feelings will tire you so much. You're not going crazy, hon. You're perfectly normal. Please take care of your health issues. I worry about you. I'm with Trish on the Rheumatologist. Also, if you can find a physical therapist who can do deep tissue massage, it hurts at first, but you'll find it getting better soon. You've seen a lot of loss lately, girl, so your rollercoaster ride will be a little bumpy. I'm sorry, sweet friend. Now, how do we keep little mischief boy from playing flushabye with kitty? He's a sweet child, but so full of energy. I'll think about this and get back to you. Sleep well. Luv ya both,hugz,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 24, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Trish, Thank the Almighty you're off the junk. It's nice to be this way. Being scared is normal, even okay, when we're getting clean. It's a normal part of the scenery. But, you made it, and I'm proud of you. Thank God you did okay with the TIA. The last few TIAs messed with my wife's mind, so she acts a little immature, about like a three year old, may six years at the most. Once in a while, she'll act like an adult, but we can't tell when that will happen, or for how long. Have sweet dreams tonyt. hugs,luvs,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 Hey Cindisue, Mark, Trish..wondering how everyone was?? I am doing teribble as usual..I am starting to think I have disk problems in my neck causing my back problems..cause my neck hurts along with my back so much that I get dizzy and can't sleep I am on a sleepin pill from the doctor and still can't sleep through the night it makes me fall aslepp but I wake up with still alot of pain my neck and back hurts alot I think I need to see a doctor real soon or go to the ER but I am afraid of havin surgery and that I can't have I gotta take care of Byron..he needs me..I wish I knew what to do but I can't live this way of pain in my neck and back then the pain shoots down my leg..and I been gettin headachs alot..maybe its just muscle cramps that tighten up..I don't know I am sorry I have not talkin to anyone for awhile but I can't seem to sit very long at a time to really write ut I miss you all and think of you all the time...I hope Mary is doing ok Mark..I know she is probably in so much pain..but I wish thier was somethin I could do for her to make it easier but I am not much good..but my prayers are always with her..and you too Mark your so strong and I know you have to be so exhausted but know I am here as much as I can be for you my friend..and Cindisue..I am thinkin of you my friend..you gotta tell me more about that medium you been talkin to and what transition means when they die..and what they go through..and Trish..I hope your holding up ok and your back is better and are you havin any more dreams of James??? I am still havin wonderful dreams of Roger and its been going on for a year in a half now my mind is always on him..oh how I wish I could turn back the clock and have him here with me but I know it was his time but thats hard to except..if it was'nt for Byron I don't know how I would go on day by day..he looks more and more like his daddy everyday I have so many people tell me gosh he looks like little Roger...he even acts like him alot..but then I see that in the girls also..such a great reminder...well I love all of you and I hope you all have a great weekend I'll let you all know if I do end up going to the hosp...Love and Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 28, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2006 Mark and Mary, CindySue and CindiSue Withani,I am here tonight and am in such a funk... I was reading something earlier and it talked about writing a name in the same and watching the water wash it away. Well, the last time James and I went to the beach with his sister and nephew, we went for a walk and that is EXACTLY what James was doing. He wrote our names over and over again in a huge heart up in the sand and when the water would wash it away, he would do it all over again. I miss him so much and this really got to me. I realized that he will never be able to write our names in the sand again and I can't seem to stop crying now... It is really hard for me to think about those last few days together. If I had only have known that he was going to die, maybe we could have done some really special things together. Although we actually were able to have this wonderful Friday spending time laughing/joking and just being together. Now he is gone and I will never have him back... It hurts so deep into my soul and the worst part is that I feel so selfish. I know that we are all hurting in different ways. I just love him so much and miss his laugh, smile and love right now. I go through all the time, but for some reason tonight is especially hard on me...???I went for my second set of shots in my back yesterday. It hurt so bad. I don't remember it hurting this bad last time?? Oh well, I need to get off of here. I was just thinking about you all and wanted to let you all know how important you are to me. I am sorry for being so sad today, but we can't all be alright every day, can we...Love and hugs to you all,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 28, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2006 Cindy, sounds more like degenerative disk disease than anything else. Try asking your doctor for Celebrex, and use heat on your neck. It helps me. Yeah, there are a few risks with Celebrex, so you'll have to stay away from the pills that interact badly. Our little reminders, eh. Byron will never let you forget who his daddy is. Soon, he'll be a whole great big 3. Then you'll wish he were 2 again. hehehe. We're still here, girl. Her pain is like some runaway train about to wreck, and I just broke the brakes. Seizures are now a constant. Take care of yourself, okay. I don't need to worry too much about you. luv ya,hugz, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 28, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2006 Trish, you never need to apologize for feeling sad. There are so many feelings that take over our hearts, from a fleeting happiness to anger to the deep sadness. These are all a normal part of who we seem to be for the moment. We always went shopping together, something she loves to do so much. A few months ago, she had to stop going out, and has since been house bound. My first trip to the mall without her sat me in the parking lot, crying for over an hour. I think I'm adjusting, but not much. Even though you want to have so many more moments together, please cherish those you have like they're more precious than gold. I say that to me as much as you, knowing we're on this side of what death will do to us. I pray for you, for your shots, your sorrow, your memories. May you have the peace you need. Hope you can enjoy the weekend, even a little. hugs, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted January 29, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2006 Mark,You are so right about my feelings. One minute I am happy, the next sad, the next angry/irritated. Yesterday my friend called crying. Her grandfather passed away 2 weeks after James did. I told her to come pick me up and I would spend some time with her. She did just that. I was fine, until about 10pm last night when 4 guys and another friend came over to her house. The guys are all very nice and I know them/they know what I went through with loosing James, but they are also immature and obnoxious. I had enough, very quickly and couldn't wait to leave... I felt bad, as I wanted to be there for my friend, but I just didn't want to be around these boys. I can't even say men yet...I can relate about the mall situation. I can't bring myself to go to the beach. We live right by it and I can't go down there... I know that in time God will give me the strength to go back, but for now, I just can't handle it. The other day one of James good friends, the man that introduced us called me. He asked me some strange questions, i.e. was did I feel James after he died? Am I positive it was James in the coffin?? WELL YES TO BOTH. But then he proceed to say that he doesn't believe that James is dead, but working undercover for the government and that his roommate sees him on a regular basis in the store he works in... HE took James death very hard and I know that he wants to not believe that James is gone, I refuse to allow him to let me believe this too... I told him that James is gone and is not coming back. He says, but Trish, this man looks, talks and acts just like Jimmy. They all called James Jimmy.. I told him to tell his roommate to call me the next time the man comes into the store and I will come right over and if it is James I will personally kick is butt!!! I then told him that he has to stop with this talk, as it is ridiculous and that YES I DID TOUCH JAMES AFTER HE DIED AND I KNOW IT WAS HIM IN THE COFFIN.. It messed with my mind for a bit though...Well, guess it is just a part of the whole denial thing, hey???Hope everyone is having a good day.Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 29, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2006 Trish, your feelings are nothing that anyone, anywhere, at anytime, no matter who they are, has the right to mess with. James is your husband, and even if he is no longer with us in our physical realm, he's your husband until your heart lets you say otherwise. I'm sorry for the typical male immaturity that so upset you. This is inexcusible. They should bury their heads in shame for such sad behaviour. (oops, my old English grammar is showing through). I would never intentionally say anything to upset you or anyone else, and I'm so deeply sorry if I do. For James' friend, who said he has seen him, it sounds like his grief has created denial, and he may need grief counseling. Sometimes, this happens, and if not treated, can create a more serious problem. Trish, you touched him and saw him, so you know. This hurts so much, but it can also comfort you by telling you where James is. We have no grave for Jenni, as we had no body to bury. Please take a little time just for you. Make yourself feel good about being Trish. I'll keep a prayer for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 29, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2006 Cindy, I hope you're having a good day, with a lot less of the pain. Is Byron doing well, and not making you chase him all over? We keep a prayer for you, dear friend. Today, we did the hospital thing. It's more of the same thing, pain, inflammation, those things she'd be so much better without. They told me that if they can't get it under control within a couple of days, they'll admit her for awhile. Take care, and spoil yourself. You deserve it. hehehe. hugs, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 29, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2006 Mark, I hope your doing ok sorry I have not written I am a big baby..I been cryin and complaining alot cause I am frustrated cause I can't even sit very long and I can't even play with Byron and boy is he havin fun gettin into everything today he decided to go to the fridge..and open up some sour creme and took a spoon and decided to sit on the floor and eat it and then he took the sooon and filled it with the sour creme and spead it all over his face like lotion and when I found him he was covered from head to toe..and all I could see was his eyes lookin at me and smiling and go's hi mama..I go ohhhh Byron I took him to the bathroom and you guess it he had a bath..that little stinker gets into so much stuff he climbed on the cubbards earlier and got to coffee down and pored it on the floor and made a mountain and when he seen me he go;s oh no mama I did'nt do it kiki did I go Byron the ikitty is outside..and the eveidence was all over him..he's so cute I had to laugh..he is such a joy even though I have so much more work to do when he is like this,,but he keeps sayin I wuv you mama then I melt..today he go;s Malk gave me blanky and I go yeah baby Mark and Mary he gos awwww..then I showed him trish he go's tish and I go thats good enough baby..he is tryin to talk better..everyone at the stores everyone want to steal him from me sayin he is such a cutie ut he will into everythinhg..boy he wilkeepin thrm runnning..weellIneed to rnI just to a ;pill to sleppp wamma ta;l tp u real Love,aand Hugs.Cindy ama Babay Byron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 29, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2006 Mark, I hope your doing ok sorry I have not written I am a big baby..I been cryin and complaining alot cause I am frustrated cause I can't even sit very long and I can't even play with Byron and boy is he havin fun gettin into everything today he decided to go to the fridge..and open up some sour creme and took a spoon and decided to sit on the floor and eat it and then he took the sooon and filled it with the sour creme and spead it all over his face like lotion and when I found him he was covered from head to toe..and all I could see was his eyes lookin at me and smiling and go's hi mama..I go ohhhh Byron I took him to the bathroom and you guess it he had a bath..that little stinker gets into so much stuff he climbed on the cubbards earlier and got to coffee down and pored it on the floor and made a mountain and when he seen me he go;s oh no mama I did'nt do it kiki did I go Byron the ikitty is outside..and the eveidence was all over him..he's so cute I had to laugh..he is such a joy even though I have so much more work to do when he is like this,,but he keeps sayin I wuv you mama then I melt..today he go;s Malk gave me blanky and I go yeah baby Mark and Mary he gos awwww..then I showed him trish he go's tish and I go thats good enough baby..he is tryin to talk better..everyone at the stores everyone want to steal him from me sayin he is such a cutie ut he will into everythinhg..boy he wilkeepin thrm runnning..weellIneed to rnI just to a ;pill to sleppp wamma ta;l tp u real Love,aand Hugs.Cindy ama Babay Byron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 30, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Cindy, you're not a "baby", girl. You happen to be a dear friend of mine who is in a lot of pain. I'm sorry you have all that neck pain, and then the fibromyalgia too. I know you hurt a lot from it all. Wish I could massage your neck and make it feel better. Byron is so adorable getting into those things. Sour creme, oh my. hehehe. Blaming the coffee on the kitty, I hope kitty doesn't get a complex over it. hehehe. Poor Kitty. Mary loves the pics you sent of him, and goes into tears when she starts thinking of him and his heart. The little angels who did all the artwork on his blankey are about 18 months older than he. Mary has a class photo, but it's in the many boxes of things from when she was still working. You'll get a copy as soon as we locate it, so Byron can see the children. luv ya both, with hugz, us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted January 30, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2006 Mark, thankyou soo much..for your kindness you and Mary have shown to us..it is greatly appreciated more then you know..Just when you think Byron has stopped gettin into somethin he tricks me..he got into grated cheese today and sprinkled that all over his hair..and he was eatin that too then I was lookin in my bottom cubbards today cause I was gonna fix some soup or something for him and I thought where is all my cans of food I looked all over the kitchen..and guess where they were..in Byron room in his drawer he was hiding cans of food in his room I have no idea why he was laughin when I found them today I caught him takin a can of kitty food and he was running in his room with it and I followed him and found a buch of cans..it was so funny he had a sack full of food in thier and then I go Byron now you stay out of the food and he go;s kitty I go no baby I know kitty did not carry that food in your room..lol..he went to see his the doctor and his heart doctor contacted my reg doctor they put Byron on some medication some different kind for to regulate his little heart cause its irregular..I feel so sad for him when I hold him close to me I can feel his little heart beating so hard against me like its workin really hard and sometimes I cry cause I am scared that it will work so hard that his heart will give out I could not live without him..he means wayyy to much to me he keeps me from not being so depressed that all you and all my friends on here mean alot too me..the blanky you gave Byron he just loves it he takes it to bed with him each day and carries it with him everywhere..he calls the blanket my banky and I go yeah baby thats yours..that blanket is so beautiful..when is your B-day I know its commin up I want yo at least wish you a happy B-day and want you too know I will be thinkin of you on your day..I think Trish's is commin up too least I think I could be wrong I gotta wish my good friends a good day..I hope Cindisue is ok I have't seen her in a long time I got a short message from her last week but I am worried about her..anyways I miss all of you and please excuse that last letter I took a sleepin pill while writing that letter and towards the end my spelling kinda went wacky..well Please give Mary my best and tell her I am here praying for her and sending a hug from me and Byron..Love and Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted January 31, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Cindy, my dear friend, you never have need to apologize for anything, especially being tired or feeling ill. Oh, now Byron is getting creative with his mischief! hehehe. Is his little heart getting into a lot more serious trouble? When he needs the surgery, please let me know, and we'll gladly be there to sit with you during the surgery. You've been such a sweet friend, if you want us there, we'll gladly be there at all cost. I know you're so afraid, hon. You're his mommy, and this is a part of it. Roger is his guardian angel now, and you're the bestest mommy he could ever have. He'll do okay. Thank you for the birthday wish. I'm happy Byron loves the blankey. Mary and I want to get a little something for his birthday, cuz he's such an adorable little guy, and he loves his toys sooooooo much. It's all too much fun to spoil a child like him. hehehe. thanks for the hugs. here's a few from us for you two. sweet dreams. luvz, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 Hi Everyone,I am gonna be late for work today, got an appointment, so I can get on a here for a couple of minutes. I have been sick lately. I think that I have the flu?? Don't know for sure, but I go to work and by the time I get home I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo exhausted that I can't pick the keys on the keyboard... This stuff is harsh, so I pray that no one else gets it... My grandmother is here and I really hope that I don't pass it along to her... At least I am able to get up and go to work. Maybe I shouldn't be, but in the mornings I am feel pretty good, it is at night that the exhaustion closes in and the pains are so bad that I don't feel like doing anything at all...Well Valentine's day is coming up. This was always a special day for James and I... I am gonna be missing him a lot this year. I guess that the firsts will be the hardest? You are right CindySue, my birthday is the 19th of February... I don't wanna celebrate but my parents keep on asking me what I want to do??? I want to just stay in bed and NOT do anything, but maybe I should at least let them take me out to eat or??? I want to spend as much time with my grandmother. She is 87 years young and doesn't act a day over 60. She is wonderful and a real joy to have around. James always loved her so much and would buy these little things for her, I found one that he had bought last night in one of our drawers. I will give it to her today. It brought back many memories and of course I ended up a mess of tears and pain, but it is another day...Well I had better get going. I just wanted to let you all know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, I just have been too exhausted to get on here at night!!! Take care and God Bless You,XOXOTrish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 Trish, my sweet friend I been so worried about you I have sent you a few emails but I don't think they have went through cause I sent Mark some too and other people and I just don't think thier going through good..I am so sorry your sick girlfriend..I know valentines day is gonna be hard its not a fun day to face anymore but please know we are all here for u ..I am still in alot of pain with my back I finally broke down and am gonna see the doc Feb the 16th I know somethins wrong..lately my stomachs been hurtin really bad..well my mom is in the hosp and she just had surgery today..she had a colonoscopy and had some tumors removed off her leg plus she found out she has bleending ulcers so shes pretty sick...well I will send you a prayer and hope your feelin better sis...Love and Hugs,Cindysue and Baby Byron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 Trish, oh, please take gentle care of yourself. Drink lots of water and juice, and make sure you keep any fevers under control (aren't I such a worry wart?). Yes, the firsts are a heartache. Some improve, others, well, I won't go there. This does get easier, I'm told. I was given a gift yesterday morning, so for a little bit, I hid my feelings, but our aide saw it and shoved me in my wheelchair to my studio so I could cry. It was just a little something that reminded me of Jenni. She was adopted at birth, killed in 96. I found out last summer. Our latest is my wife will be going in hospital for something to do with finding out the severity of her strokes. They also hope to learn more of her seizures, or whatever they are. Have a good night, and I'll say a prayer that you get over that bug soon. luv,hugz,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2006 Cindy, nope, not gettin' mail from ya, kiddo. Sorry you're feeling so much worse. Keep the appointment with the doctor, and if you need, I'll volunteer to watch Byron for you (yes, I know how many miles it is, and no, I don't mind how many miles it is). I'll keep your mom in my prayers. Please let us know how this all goes with her, so we can pray. You have such a sweet mom. Now, take care of your own pains too, okay. Yup, I'm worried about you too. How's little Byron doing? Is he staying in mischief? We're planning to admit my wife to hospital soon, so they can see if they can learn what is causing the seizures and some more on how severe her strokes are getting. This will tell us how quickly the disease is "progressing" (I hate using that word for that - it's not like it's true progress, right?). If you can't get email to me, did you get the one I sent you two or three days ago? If you did, please let me know. There's stuff in there you need to know. Good nite, my dear friend. luv ya both, with hugs, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 Mark,I will keep Mary in my prayers.. Will she be in the hospital for a while?? I am sure that you try to be strong in front of others, so do I, but it is not always easy. I am glad that you have an aid that knows you so well. I know that when I start talking about James or try to go through some of his things I too have a good ole cry fest... I went through part of his closet a few weeks ago and NOPE, I have not been able to go back and finish the job. I did it while I was at our home, alone. I think for some reason, I need to feel this pain. It is wierd, I don't want anyone else to feel the pain of loosing him. I try to be strong and let others think that it is ok to miss him, but tell them that he would want them to be strong. I am the "weak" one... LOL, guess I should try to use some of my own words. I cry myself to sleep every night. I can only imagine your pain of loosing your daughter. From what I have read, you never even knew about her until after she passed, is this correct Mark??? I wish I could wave a magic wond and make everyone's pain dissapear, but we all know that can't happen... If it could, I would have done it a long time ago...Well, I am at work today. Still feeling a little bit blah, but better than the past few days... That flu really gets to a person... I am drinking LOTS of water and fluids. Thank you for worrying about me. I appreciate your concern and friendship...Take care and please let Mary know that she is in my prayers.XOTrish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 CindySue,I am glad that you are FINALLY going to the doctor. I haven't received any e-mails, but try again, i will be watching for one. I see that Byron is getting into everything. How cute...Well, I am at work, but I will write more later on.Take care,Love,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 Trish, as far as I know, she'll only be in hospital a day, two maximum. With the weekend ahead, you have some time to couch and recover from the flu. There is no time frame, no hurry to get through James' things. Go slow, take your time, and cherish the time you had with him. The tears will be many and free falling. I've had many occasions of crying for Jenni. You have the timeframe correct on Jenni. Her mother took her own life seven months after she was killed. While she was dying, she told about Jenni and me. We may have our moments of tears, but we also have peace. I pray for yours. hugz,luvz,Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2006 Mark, You have so much going on and your so sweet enough to think bout others I will pray for Mary she has been through so much..and I am sorry for her and you this has to be so hard for you and I am always here for you my sweet..even though I am sick alot with this pain I am still thinkin of all of you all the time..well I am gonna run cause I am hurtin just sittin here I hate this..I miss you and Trish and Cindisue and wish we all lived closer..Love and Hugs,Cindysue and Byron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2006 Mark,I hope that Mary is home and resting comfortably. I am so very sorry about Jenni. I am sure that you have many questions about her and how she grew up. Were you able to meet the family that adopted her??? It really all had to be such a shock to find out about her and then to find out of her death and how she died. I pray for peace for you.I am feeling much better tonight. I even went shopping with my mom today. It is the first time that I really felt like going. I even splurge and purchased myself a few things. Then I came home and went into my room and as I took my purchases out of their bags, said to James "look honey, I bought myself a few things".... I could almost hear him say "how much did you spend?" It was kind of funny and my mom said that she could almost hear those exact same words... Guess he was there with us...Well, I am actually doing pretty well today, strange, as this is the first Saturday that I haven't spent all day crying... Maybe I should go out and shop more often?? Hugs/Luv & lots of prayers for you and Mary,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2006 Trish, hooray for you, being able to go shopping! Oh, I know us guys are all alike, but I always tried to not ask her how much she spent, cuz I always spend more on things than she does (like selling my truck to buy her a necklace). I'm sure James is more excited that you were able to find the strength in your heart to go out with your mom and enjoy shopping. To spend a day, any day, not crying is good. You are still at the beginning of a journey, so be patient with yourself. Jenni died in 96, and my tears are like an old faucet, trickling down my face. Thanks for thinking about my wife today. She had a few things around home that needed tending, so I sat on the deck with a bottle of pop and "supervised" (with teenagers, it's more like refereeing). At least we (they) got everything done she asked. Take care, and here's to a great Sunday. hugs,luvs, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2006 Cindy, I sorry you're still hurting so much, hon. Make sure you get all the rest you can, which I know is challenging with such an active little guy at home. Please be sure to take care of your iron, and make sure you eat enough. I worry a lot about you. If your email is still out, I'm curious if your IM is still running. Either way, maybe it's time to get a new account and dump your present IM account. Just get a new screen name and password, and when it's up and running, and you can send and receive emails, cancel the old one. I have to do that a lot. I get hacked by people connected to the music world, and some of their garbage is sickening. Let me know how it's going for you and your puter. So, if you wish we were all closer, just find your star, make a wish. Or, my trip to my daughter's was delayed, but I hope to drive out there in a few weeks. Try to rest, okay. If you need anything, just let me know, and I'll do all I can for you. luvz to you both, with hugs, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2006 Mark, Actually I think I am lettin myself go for some strange reason I am dreamming of Roger everyday and I don't know what that means I miss him so much my whole life was spent with him so its hard to just move on and forget or try to go on I am tryin by everything reminds me of him Byron does big time he keeps sayin daddy now it used to be Dada now its daddy and he points and saids daddy like he sees him and he will go in a corner and laugh like his daddy is thier then he will sit on the floor and tickle his feet and go daddy and thats what Roger always did to all of us the girls me and Byron he would tickle our feet till we could'nt stand it know more I am wondering is his daddy playin with him...I know how much Roger loved him..jsy Byron is doing strange things he is so cute and he hugs me all the time he is such an angel I pray he lives a long and healthy life and I pray I live long enough to see him grow up..he will be such a special man...our daughters came out great I know he will too..I am so sorry about Mary please keep me posted on her condition I worry about her..she's a special lady and is loved by all...as you are..well my sweet friend I am gonna rn and try to sleep love u all..Love and Hugs,Cindy and Baby Byron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tjenkins Posted February 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2006 Hello All, My husband died in a car accident 12/29/2005. I have two children 11 and 9. My son is 11 and my daughter is 9. My husband was 34, I am 31. I know the struggle. The only thing that gets me out of bed is the drive my children give me to go on. I wonder most days if I will dye myself from the saddness and grief. Not a day goes by that I don't break down and scream to God "Why am I left here to raise my children alone!" "I never wanted to do this alone, I wasn't supposed to!" There is no rational to these thoughts though. I did go through my closet this week. I could not bare to walk into my closet each day and see and small all of his clothes. So I did have my children help me to use it as a process of rememberance. I bought 3 huge vaccum seal bags and we went through my husband clothes. My son picked out evey thing that he wanted to keep, or to ware for himself one day. I found that this brought great comfort to my son to know that we prepared his fathers clothes to be stored and keept until the day he could wear them. We put the sealedbags in a tote in the top of my garage. The rest of the clothes, mostly my husbands worn run-about clothes we took to the good will. As hard as it was to do that I can say it was harder on me each day to sit in a closet full of his clothes, hoping to catch the lingering of his smell. Sleep does not come easy for me either right now. Just to lye in our bed each night alone is apainful reminder of the days and nights of snuggling, buring hy head in his chest as we slept. The loss is unbearable at times. I worry about next Christmas, being it was four days after Christmas I worry my children will not want to celebrate Christmas next year as it may be too painful. Pray if you can, sometimes my prayers are no more than speaking audibly to the air in the room as if God or my husband were actually there. Tina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 TJENKINS.. I am so sorry to hear about your husband..that has'nt been long has it..my heart really go's out to you..my husband died Aug of 2004 and we are left with 3 kids my girls are both grown but I have a son that will be 3 in April..its hard to raise a little one on your own..he's gonna wonder where is daddy he was only 16 monthes old when my husband did my husband was 46 actually we was celebrating his b-day when he had a massive heart attack we were at the lake in our boat when he had the attack he was driving I stopped the boat but soon as I yelled for help he was already gone.. they tryed CPR and shocking his heat nothing helped..he died that fast so they left him on the boat till they finally took his body ..we were married 28 years before he passed I was 46 also..we were very shocked when we had our little boy he was our surprise and miracle baby cause like I said our girls are grown the oldest is 28 with 5 kids and our other daughter is 22 with 2 kids..so he was our little blessing but sadly his daddy won't see him grow up..I always wondered why we had another one but I thank God everyday..After my husband Roger died I was so bitter and was so depressed and I thought to myself how am I gonna raise my baby on my own..but I know he would want me to do the best I can..and I know Roger will always be watchin over us..so so hard though ..even after 18 monthes I still cry and get so depressed..you are doing great takin his clothes and puttin them away..I still have not even touched my husbands I can't seem to find myself doing it..I guess hoping ..he will be back even though I know he won't when my husband had his heart attack it was a shock he was'nt even sick that we knew of he seemd fine when we were in the boat at first the scene of watchin him die and me not being able to help him and relying on strangers in another boat to save him..was terrible..even though I found out later that the people that tryed to save him one was a doctor the other a nurse (both women.) so I had all the help I could was just his time..I will certainly pray for you and your kids I know it won't be easy they are so young..I agree we wonder and think why do we have to raise these little ones alone but the good Lord had his plans..who ever thought me and my husband would even have another child at 45 but I guess my husband left me one last treasure before he had to leave..I know Christmac's all holidays is so rough and B-days's are really tough too..my heart really go;s out to you Tina..you have the same name as my oldest daughter has..how are the kids coping??? my heart really go;s out to them and you..its a terrible terrible thing to go through and I don't wish that on anyone..I show my son pics of his daddy..he is 2 years old and he go;s awwww Dada and I go yeah baby thats Dada..and I hear him in the mornings laughing in his room saying Dada and now he is tickling his own feet and thats what my husband used to do to him all the time..but our son was only 16 monthes old he could'nt have remembered that..so I know deep down Roger is still thier playin with him..so even though you can't see him anymore he is with you and the kids..I will pray for you all Tina..and again I am sorry to hear of your husband untimely death...Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Tina,I am so very sorry for your loss. My James died on 11/12/05 and I know the pain of not having him with me anymore. I cleaned a part of his side of the closet out and like you, I got myself some storage bins and put his things in there. I still haven't been able to go through his clothes, but his son is coming in April and I will go through his things with him. I know it will be hard on both of us. I found James in our home after he died. He too was young, only 39 years old. We were going to be married this year. I remember thinking how unfair. I waited my whole life to meet a man like him and then God took him from me without any warning. It really taught me just how short life is. I too cry every day... If it weren't for my job, I would not get out of bed either. I had to have a hysterectomy in May of 2005 and could not have children. James has 4 children, 18, 17, 16 and 8 years of age. He was a wonderful man and I will always miss him. I can still feel James around me. Not all of the time, but when I am at the worst, he is there with me. He will ALWAYS be in my heart and my soul for as long as I am here. I pray for you and your children. I know that this journey is a hard one and that it is VERY important to take it easy and to be kind to yourself. I try not to beat myself up to much, as at first I used to blame James death on myself, ie. "why didn't I wake up sooner, I could have saved him?" and these type of thoughts. I know that it was James time and feel very blessed that it was I that he chose to spend the rest of his life with. Not that this takes the pain away, but it does help me to know that I will again be with James when God calls me home.Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 CindySue,Have you gone to see the doctor yet??? I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I hope that you are ok. I worry about you sis and I know that you are in pain and that you miss Roger so much. I also know that you have your hands full with Byron. By the way, how is that little angel doing???? Sounds like he is being quite the handful!!! So cute he is.Well sis, I am here for you should you need to talk. Take care and please let me know when your e-mail is fixed, so that you can receive them again.!!XOXOTrish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hurleyta Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Mark,I was proud of myself too. Baby steps, right??? Jenni died in 96, I am so sorry. That has to be so very hard. I know that James mom cries for him every day. He is her baby and they had this special bond. He is definately a momma's boy... I used to love to hear him talk to her on the phone. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. How old was Jenni when she died??? Yard work, ha??? My least favorite thing to do. Although now that James is gone, I will have to take over the chores. His son is coming to spend the summer with me and so is his nephew, so I will have the boys to help me out. I think that James has a little something to do with that, as I got the call this weekend to let me know it is all a go... I am excited though, I love his family and his son and I have always been close... I can't wait to see him. He and his mother will be coming for Easter this year. We will be going through James things when he comes down... That will be as good a time as any to do it. I went through some of his clothes, but all of his personal items are still there.How is Mary doing??? Please let her know I am thinking about her.Have a good day,Trish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Tina, I'm sorry you have lost your husband. While few of these simple words are of great comfort, my prayers are with you, and your children. The process of grief is a difficult path, one we must try to take with patience. Whatever you may be going through at the moment, it may feel like you're going crazy at times, but it's only the grief. We're here to help you, to listen, to let you "vent" and even whine if you need to. We'll always listen with patience and compassion. Prayer may feel like you're talking to the air, but God is with you, and so is your husband. He's as close as your heartbeat. My prayers are with you, Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Trish, it's so good to know you have a special bond with James' son. This is something for you to treasure, even though there can sometimes be an uneasiness in the air with steps. This will be good for you to share time with him, to let him share some of the healing time with you. Jenni was born Oct 16, 74, and died May 22, 96, at 21. Even though I didn't get to know her, there's an emptiness I can feel in my heart. (tears again). Take care, my friend, and know I'm always here, always praying for you. hugz,luvz,me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 6, 2006 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Cindy, how's your corner of town, girl? I hope the little mischief maker isn't getting into too much (riiiiiiiiight). Is your pain still being a nuisance, or is it starting to calm down? From the quiet, I'm thinking you still hurt a lot. I'm sorry you do. My daughter wants to come home in a few days, and even her inlaws are teasing her, saying she needs to go visit her dad. She's such a daddy's girl! Mary's having a typical winter day, filled with ouchies. In three weeks, she sees a pain doc, so maybe we'll get the same old answer with a new twist. I just want the pain under control, but we've talked about those things. You know what's going on in my heart about it all. Try to behave, okay. I'm always praying for you. luv ya both, big hugz, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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