I Miss Him So...

[missingcurtis]

Good Morning,

Today is the 3rd anniversary of when Curtis passed away and it feels so much different from year 1 and 2.  I plan to go to the cemetery after while. 

It is also one of my sister's birthdays and we are going out to lunch later and going shopping.  I didn't really want to spend the afternoon alone.  I know I would have just gone to bed and turned off the phone.  I think it upsets my sisters when I do not answer the phone but..........

I probably should but probably won't call any of his family.  I did send out Christmas cards so they know I am still here.  I have accepted a lot of things over the past year and maybe that is why it feels more peaceful at this time.

I hope each of you have a Wonderful Christmas and have a chance to spend time with family and friends.

Debbie................Missing Curtis

[lindat]

Hi Debbie,  

My 3rd is next month and in so many ways it still seems like yesterday and in others like a different life and so long ago.   In the home where I live (my sister's) their father passed away this morning.   My brother in laws father was 88 and lived a long life, but I cannot imagine how his wife will survive this and know that many don't.  We are a very tough bunch of women and if nothing else we know we can survive anything now.

I hope you have a peaceful day and a good Christmas. 

Linda

[susanbruce]

Wreaths Across America - yesterday volunteers put 53000 Christmas wreaths on the graves at the Houston National Cemetary to honor our veterans. The weather is nice today so I will go later this afternoon to see Bruce. I will probably take some poinsettas or something for him. Christmas # 3 without him. Difficult.

Debbie, I am thinking about you today. I can totally relate to cuddling up with a good book or watching an old movie, falling off to sleep and not answering the phone. I am glad that your sisters are going to spend time with you today.  It's nice.

Susan

 

[airymoon]

This is my 3rd Christmas without Kurt and it is just as hard if not harder than before. Not to mention that my life is falling a part and i feel like im losing my grip. It is also 2 1/2  years and although i function at a time when i dont want to, I would give anything to just cease to exist and not deal with life for a day. I can totally understand now how people can become addicts. I can understand that need to feel nothing and if I had that I would probably keep using whatever it was to keep that nothing feeling. My plans for now are to just hibernate and let life find me instead of trying to make it in life

 

[beanne1505]

Hi, I found this site again recently and have been reading.  Today is 3 yrs since I lost my fiance.  It also happens to be my b-day - but I still don't feel like celebrating.  I didn't expect to  feel this way after 3 years, but like Airy, I just want to hibernate.  My life has become so unglued in the past 3 years I don't know where to begin putting it back together.   I know I need to work on me in order to move forward, but I still don't know who I am. 

It helps to know I am not alone, even after 3 years. 

Beanne

[airymoon]

beanne  you are not alone and you said just what i was trying to say my life is unglued. My kids and i keep saying we have to start puting ourselves back together but i dont know who i am anymore or who i've become. My life doesnt flow it seems to go in stunted little jaunts and sometimes they fit together and sometimes they dont and its like walking ove a broken road.

Linda have you gotten the results yet from your test. Im sending you good wishes

[armaiti]

I'm thinking of you all who are having anniversaries and those who are having a tough time right now.  Ishaq's sister and her husband left this morning. It was a really good visit, they always make me feel very well taken care of when they are here.  Kai cooks and Chris washes the dishes, and they are just wonderful to be around.  I didn't go with them yesterday to see the grandbaby and Ishaq's son and daughter in law as I wasn't feeling well, but that worked out ok as they got stuck in traffic due to bad weather coming home and a 2 hour drive turned in to a 4 hour drive home. 

We have snow now, which is beautiful, and we don't get it that often, so it is a treat, though the town has problems with it since we aren't used to it.  I went shopping yesterday so I'd have food for the week and wouldn't have to deal with going out too muc if the weather was bad, though there are stores I can walk to fairly close.

I sent presents up for the kids, and one was a musical snow globe with a polar bear family in it that I gave to Ishaq for Christmas years ago. When Italked to Ishaq's daughter in law later she told me that when they opened that present and Kai told them the story about it, there was a big popping in the fireplace, and they all knew it was Ishaq saying he was there.  It is so cool that they are all into the way I feel about Ishaq's still being around us, and are right there with me about noticing stuff and telling me.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night,

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

I remember the days when it was impossible for me to function.  Many people thought (including doctors) since I have been discharged from the hospital over a month ago someway I would go back into the state of deep grief and depression.  I thank God that has not happened to me.  Since I have been stuck in the house I actually have been accomplishing  many tasks that should have been done over the years.  Things that really have no meaning but I started with cleaning all of my cupboards and cabinets out............made up boxes for Goodwill and Salvation Army....Although, throughout the day (days) I always talk to John and I guess I always will.  I won't say my tears and sadness are gone..............I know Christmas and New Year's will soon be here and that is the tough part of the year for me.  I also know my John was always happy at this time of year and with his help and blessings from above I will rejoice and celebrate because I know that is what he wants me to do.  This will be my gift to him so he knows that I can still laugh, smile and be happy.  His gift to me will be the strong love that we had and still do in my heart forever.  He will always be with me.  I now focus on his healthy days rather than all the years he was so sick.  I  remember everything about our relationship that was good and I am thankful we met and spent our lives together in sickness and in health until death parted us. 

Linda, hugs, prayers and blessings.

Anna, you sound happy.  I am glad your friends/family were with you.  Did you notice your post date from yesterday and your original date of posting.  It has been two years for you talking to the girls here.  Stay strong and healthy.  Who knows, we just might meet next year.......

Blessings,

Dorothy

[rodless]

Dorothy...you said it so well! When I read that I felt encouraged. And I do need to start on closets. I'm not sure how much longer I will stay in my house. Sometime I think a nice apartment would be better..definitely would ease the financial crunch I have at times and I hate yard work, not to mention snow removal. I wonder if breaking from the house would help me face the future a little better?

Linda.. my friend here is back on chemo and a drug called femora (?) is causing her a lot of bone pain, but the dr. says that's a good sign. I hope you're doing ok. Think about you a lot, about what's you've been through and are still facing.

It's snowing like crazy here, kinda a snowglobe effect. It's actually pretty but really piling up. I miss Rod a lot on days like this. Going home to a empty house that used to feel so cozy is difficult. Most of the time I'm ok with it but once in awhile it hits hard.

It's good to see people post here on a daily basis. Even after 2 1/2 yrs, I still need the support. And I'm like Becky, I think of you all as my good friends even though I've never met you face to face.

Mary Jo

[beanne1505]

I too think about giving up my house.  I almost can’t wait for the economic crunch to be over so I can put it on the market.  I believe a lot of my down times have to do with the burden of doing everything by myself .  I remember not wanting to buy my house because I didn’t want the responsibility of it all, but my fiancé said he would help me take care of it – which he always did.  When he proposed a year after I bought the house he told me it was his plan all along to use my house as an investment property.  Fourteen months later he was gone and I feel like it’s been falling apart around me ever since. 

 

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but somewhere in 2008 it hit me that 3 years later I am still alone - it’s a reality I thought I wouldn’t have to face again.  It’s torture to think about all the time – I don’t want to be alone, yet no one could ever take the place of my fiancé.  It literally drains me.  And, as Dorothy reminded me, I know he would want me to be happy, but I’m just not sure how to make that happen.

 

Mary Jo, it’s snowing here too and your description of a snow globe is perfect.  As pretty as it is though, I dread the drive home and the shoveling!

 

Take care everyone.

Beanne

[armaiti]

I'm kind of "iced in" here...there's snow but mainly it thawed some and the streets are treacherous.  I saw a guy on a bike wipe out across the street this morning.  So I'm staying in and not worrying about going out.  I have to get to the bank tomorrow, but it's supposed to snow more and that will cover the ice and I can get down to the bus easier.  Or maybe just walk there - I love walking in the snow.

The house feels pretty empty with Kai and Chris gone.  I really enjoy their company.  But it's also nice to have time to myself as well.

Dorothy, I hadn't noticed the dates.  That's pretty interesting. 

As for houses, Ishaq really was trying to get us to buy a house the year before he passed...but I'm glad we didn't.  Renting this place feels much safer right now, especially since I'm friends with the landlord and his partner.

Hope everyone is staying warm!  I'm glad for my kitty bedwarmers these cold nights.

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

I just got in the house from a day spent out and about.  It is also snowing here.  Had my hair done today (ROOTS) I actually changed the color a bit ...... I decided to go red.....not real bright......just easing into it slowly.  I enjoyed a lunch at Bravo's.  I had my favorite salmon salad and of course I had to drink a couple glasses of wonderful wine.  I am just so happy that I made some wonderful friends at the restaurant.  If not for John that never would have happened.  They all just loved him so much so when I go to have lunch or dinner it is like being with family.  It makes me happy to get out and about again. 

John Robert is in New York (business) Vanessa will be going to Philly tomorrow (business) and Saturday they both fly to PR for the engagement party (which I am unable to go to due to my bruised brain) on Sunday.  This will be the first Christmas that I will not be with my son the third I will not be with my husband.  I think I will be OK.......my sister came in from Florida to her house in Indiana, PA.......I plan on driving their on Christmas Eve and staying until 12/26.  I just feel that I need a lot of people around me for Christmas.  I think I mentioned before my sister had 8 children so add the husbands, boyfriends and grandchildren........it will be a crazy house with much fun. 

My birthday is 12/29 and John Robert will be back home to take me out to dinner.  He plans on returning on 12/26.  I told him it was not necessary but he is insisting.  He is truly a good son.  Love him dearly.  He is looking so much like his father.

I think I will write out some Christmas Cards................

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Forgot to mention...........I told John the other day I needed some happy cash for Christmas.  Yesterday afternoon I played 222 for three dollars.  It came out and I won $1,500.00.  Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy........I love fun money.

Remember to shake your empty purse up to the high heavens on New Years Eve and say fill it up, fill it up.  John's Aunt T told me to do this 35+ years ago.  It works for me.  Of course my neighbors might have thought that I was a bit crazy when they caught me doing this......lol

Blessings,

Dorothy

[justamom]

Hi girls, It has been a long time since I was here. Don't know what made me read tonight but glad that I did. So comforting to see others still doing the same things as me. My three years is 1 month from yesterday. Also it will be my oldest sons 12th birthday. Time is such a weird thing. Sometimes it feels like I have been without Steve for so long, and then sometimes it feels like I just talked to him yesterday. It is still so sad. My boys are doing pretty well. The holidays are obviously hard when you are 9 and 1 and your dad isn't here..... but we are hanging in there. I went back to work full time in August so that has been a big adjustment for us all.  I am still dating the sme guy although I don't see it the same way that I used to. I don't know what the future will bring - I still just try to deal with the day to day. I wish you all the best and think of you all often.

Dorothy I am glad to hear that you are still winning money! I need to read back a few pages to hear about what happened to you - I hope you are okay. MaryJo are you still at the library? Armati how was the garden this summer? How about April - Is she still around? Becky how are you doing? I have to go do dishes and supervise homework - I will check back in. Love to you all. Lisa

[airymoon]

i ralized today since the guy i was seeing and  i broke up that even though i loved him i have to have time to stop being lonely or maybe get used to being alone before i can get into another relationship and i realize now that 2 1/2 years without kurt isnt long enough for that yet.  And yet it is still a life time.

[lindat]

Hi Lisa, Good to see you again!

Thank you all for the good wishes...  MJ, because breast cancer often goes to the bones, it is definitely something for them to look for.   I have tried not to think about it one way or the other because I don't want to get my hopes up.  I have to believe that whatever happens, I will get through it and be okay.  There are a couple of drugs that I am taking that can cause bone pain, so that is definitely a possibility.

Hopefully, I will have the results tomorrow.  The weather is really bad here so I am dreading the drive to the hospital.

My brother-in-law's father passed away 2 days ago.  He was 88 and had been married to his wife for 67 years.  I am not sure how she will survive this.  The funeral is day after tomorrow.

On Friday, I got home from work and the toilet was sitting on the curb (they are remodeling our bathroom, but we only have one).   As soon as I saw it, I had to go so I drove right by and around the block to Kmart.  That night after they had glued the new tile down, they got the phone call about his dad taking a turn for the worse.  They were at the hospital all night and he died in the morning.   We still don't have a toilet, and it ain't looking like we will have one until after the funeral.  

Dorothy, I am definitely shaking my purse on New Years!!  You are the luckiest person I have ever known.

I hope everyone is doing okay. 

Linda

[mishknit]

wow...

i haven't been on here for a while, and it is so good to see you all here.

the one thing i hatw about this bb is not being able to see posts, but i did want to just sy hi and happy holidays/christmas/solstice/hannukah (did i cover it all? )

it is a hard time of the year to be without or loves...and we're all kind of close...it's a little more than a month from my 3 years, and this is my 3rd christmas without tom too. it has been pretty bad...i've been depressed and sleeping a lot, but i also decided to have the party we always had every year again..last time in 2005, a month before he died. the guest list is smaller, and my son is going to be a crappy co-host, but it feels right. i sent the invite to a lot of people, knowing many wouldn't show..and guess what? yes..they're practically all showing! they were waiting for me, i guess, and i'm glad. hopefully it will go well....it's a lot of work, but, what else do i have to do?

i love you all and am so grateful for this board, it's nice we're all here again.

linda..you know your' always in my thoughts...keep us posted.

dorothy...glad you're on the mend, and i'm gonna shake my purse too this year! and i want to go to vegas too...i can drive there in 4 hours, for goodness sakes!

becky and lisa, interesting that your kind of in the same place relationship wise...me too. i've been dating someone, but it's pretty much over. it was good for me, and i'm grateful that i had such a nice man come into my life, but i'm not ready..or maybe i am and he's just not right. I'm just gonna go with the flow

anna....your kitties sound great and i love to her about ishaq...my ancestor table is getting too full tho. i wonder at what point you put it away, or release some of it? any word of wisdom about that?

iknow i'm forgetting people..if we're writing more on here, that'll be good. maybe we all did come back to support each other thru the holidays...

i hope so, and will start checking daily again.

god....3 years.unbelievable. i wish i felt more empowered, stronger, whatever...i don't. i still am so sad, so often. but i also am clear that i want to move ahead...now more than ever. i know, so clearly, that it takes what it takes..and so i keep moving, forward and backward, trying to figure it all out.

i just wish tom was here to talk to about it all.

love you all, peace,

michele

[missyouhoney811]

Michele, it has been a long time..........glad you are doing well.  Four hours away from Vegas omg I would be on the road every week to play the slots.  I love the people, lights and noise.  It is such a fun place.  I will be making the plans for the trip or trips as soon as I am discharged from the bruised brain clinic so I can fly.  I can't wait.  It will be great meeting face to face.

My friend Renee is having a party sometime in January.  It is called a Passing Down Party.  I believe you take from your house five to ten items.........things that are in great condition but you never use.  It could be a present you get from someone but you never wear or use it.  Its a party of exchanging to other people.  It is also a night to gather, to talk, to eat and to drink.  It should be a good night out.  I know I have so many things that were never used and just taking up space. 

At the Christmas Party on Saturday night I met two women..............one was a widow of 14 years the other women her husband decided marriage was not for him after she wasted 26 years of her life with him.  I had great conversation with them.

I hope everyone has a good day.  Stay busy with your spirits high. Remember you are in my thoughts.  If I never found all of you I doubt very much that I would be in my mental state of mind that I am today.  God Bless you and thank you for being you.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[rodless]

Had a wonderful dream last night...Rod was healthy, smiling and waiting (in all places a beauty shop) for me. I woke up feeling so good and then looked out the window to face another crappy snowy day. Of course now I miss him more than ever. Oh well, by the time spring gets here, I'll probably be nuts anyway. At least we have a state mental hospital in town! The wellness center has announced zumba classes in January. If I can get out of my driveway by then, maybe that will help.

Glad to see Lisa and Michele posting too. And yes I'm still at the library. They'll carry me out of here on a board when I'm about 80 the way the economy looks. Gosh, I hope the rest of you are in a more positive mood today that I seem to be!

I'm going to go home and get out all of my empty purses.

[armaiti]

I'm still iced in here...it is cold and grey again, more snow, freezing rain or rain expected.  Chris filled the bird feeder up outside the window before they left, and the kitten is going bonkers trying to get to the birds through the window.  Gives me concerns for their safety if I ever let him out of the house, or maybe he'll calm down as he gets older.

Mary Jo, I had a dream with Ishaq too last night!  He was taking me out to dinner, and was very sweet.  You know, he loved to sing that old Everly Brothers tune "Dream" with me singing harmony, and he think he has been making that song come true for me since he passed, since I see him so much in dreams.

I also can't get into my car and play my favorite radio station without it switching on its own to one with Christmas carols!  Ishaq did love Christmas, so I think it's one of those "winks", Michele!

It's good to see old friends back here too.  I can't imagine having gotten through this either without you all - having a place where it feels safe to write WHATEVER I feel. 

Oh, as for the question about the garden - we had a lousy late summer here, so a lot of stuff like tomatoes didn't do well.  I did have a ton of raspberries and I put up lots of different jams - blackberry, raspberry, spiced plum - all from fruit I picked myself either from my yard, or friends yard, or even wild (blackberries grow wild along the river bike path near my house, and they don't spray where they are, so they are safe to pick).

Dorothy, I am going to hold up my purse for sure on New Year's Eve - I have never heard of anyone luckier than you!  I could really use a little extra money right now!

I think I'm going to hole up today, catch up on magazines (by the way - I check this online shopping forum and they often have deals for free magazines - if any of you are interested let me know and I'll tell you about the mags when they come up.  I've gotten about seven different free magazines included Self, Shape and Newsweek free for 1 to 2 years)   I did my closets a while back, but I've been organizing my drawers, including the sock drawer which never comes out even!

Hope everyone has a (warm) peaceful day,

Blessings,

Anna

[missingcurtis]

Time is an amazing thing.  I have always heard that "time heals" but never applied it to me.

I see so many of  you at or close to your 3rd year or 3rd Christmas since you lost your love.  I just passed the 3rd anniversary this past Sunday and now I can only hope that as the 4th year comes right on it's heels that life will be better somehow.

I wish for Peace and Comfort  for each and every one of you who are going through this and please know you are not alone. 

This board and the ones who have joined Facebook have been a comfort to me.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

[lindat]

Good news!!!!    I have arthritis in my spine and hips and torn tendons and ligaments in my shoulder, but no cancer anywhere in the bones.  Yippeee!  It is going to take a couple of days to sink in, but I am very relieved.

Thanks so much for all the hugs, prayers and good wishes.  I too cannot imagine my life without you guys.  Love ya, Linda

[armaiti]

Linda, that's great news, congratulations! 

Blessings,

Anna

[lindat]

Thanks Anna, it is a huge weight off.

[mishknit]

yeah linda...

that is great news!

congratulations

peace,

michele

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, I am over joyed for you.  Let's celebrate, I'll buy dinner and drinks in Vegas.  I had to laugh this morning on the news they said that it snowed in Sin City.  They were trying to figure out the last snow fall and it was 30+ plus years ago.  My John was in Vegas at that time.  At one point in our lives we were thinking of moving their.  John's career was in restaurant/management he had many offers but for some reason we never made the move.  I wonder if things would have been different? Can't think that way like I said many times you can try to change the path but destination is what it is.....Merry Christmas Linda, I so happy for you.  What a great Christmas present.

I am running out to get my nails done.  John Robert is back from New York I will meet up with him  today and go Christmas shopping and have dinner later in the evening. 

I hope everyone has a good day...

Oh, I played our social security numbers last night.  50/50  on 4589 that is John Robert's number it came out boxed for me I made $100.00.  I truly believe I have angels all around me picking the numbers.  Don't forget to shake your empty purse outside New Year's Eve......and say fill it up, fill it up.  If you are out and about make sure to take all your items out and put in a bag.  Purse must be empty. 

Must get on with the day.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Where is April?

[rodless]

Linda....I am sooooo happyfor you!!!!

[aprilmoonflower]

LOL, I'm still here Dorothy! Just reading these days. Not a whole lot to contribute though! I am going back to AZ in 2.5 weeks too move!

I'm so happy for you Linda!!!!

[airymoon]

Linda I am so happy for you. You should celebrate when dorthy figures out her dates for vegas i can drive to detroit and get you and we can fly together out of detroit airport. April how do your kids like the snow they havent experienced it before have they? Have you decided what your going to do with your house yet. Its funny i finished my school and i have an associates degree and ive been thinking about moving to az or sc to try to get a job there. I dont know how my kids would react to moving though so i will think on it some more but a change will be good. Im shaking my purse too and wasnt there something about beating your pots and pans in the street at midnight?

 

[lindat]

I love Vegas, but not when it is snowing there

Thank you all so much for the comments.  It has been a roller coaster ride for sure.

On a positive note, we have a toilet finally after 6 days!!!  It is the little things in little that mean so much.

BTW, Jim found out for sure this morning that his cancer is back.  He will start radiation and hormone therapy right away.  I am going back to CA in March to spend some time with him.   He is scared and I feel sick to my stomach.  Sure seems like the good news times don't last long enough before the other shoe drops.   I have to try and remember to live in the moment and think positive - but tonight I just want to curl up in a ball.

Love you guys, Linda

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, Hugs, Love & Prayers

Dorothy

[bdzack]

Boards are kinda quiet. Guess everyone is busy with Christmas.  This is my first Christmas without my husband.  He has been gone 10 months as of December 11th.  Seems like forever and just yesterday that he was here.  I always put up Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving here it is December 20th and still nothing is up.  Very little shopping even done.  My daughter, her husband and son will be here for Christmas and my son who still lives at home.  I will have Christmas dinner on Christmas day, so it will go by quickly. 

How do I get back to being organized and dealing with all the stuff I need to get done?  How do I get through these holidays?  I did not know our last Christmas was our last Christmas together?  Ever since October the seasons have been difficult as we first got together in October 1995 how fast the last 13 years flew by.  The Christmas holidays were our favorite times of the year, so many memories.  I am so glad we had the nearly 13 years, but I did not know our time together was so short.  How do I kick it in gear?  And not miss him so much??

Thanks for letting me vent.  I guess I am just not liking my new normal. Bdzack

[aprilmoonflower]

It will 40 months since D is gone on xmas. seems like a lifetime ago. yet just like yesterday too. I still have lots of anger issues which suck! and I hate the holidays! but that's how I have always  been not just due to his death. I just loathe the consumeristic stuff. we are celebrating solstice here this evening and into tomorrow. hope everyone has a good one! hang in there!

[missingcurtis]

Hi,  I am always searching for things to help widows online.  I came across this page today and they had a list of 7 Holiday tips for Widows.

http://www.widowconnection.com/WC/Seven_Holiday_Tips.html

I can tell that time changes things and time heals but I still have days when I cry for all the things I miss.

Debbie................Missing Curtis

[airymoon]

Its been 2 1/2 years since my husband passed and i am still trying to get organized and find my way. I find I take 1 step up and 2 back but it is getting easier. To be honest i dot know how i made it through the first holidays.  It was hard and i just did what i could and if i needed to leave somewhere i left and didnt worry about being rude or whatever. It will get better but it takes time.

Linda your right about the other shoe. I refineanced the house and get to skip 2 payments so i had extra money for christmas but then my car died and i now have to go through a process because the abnormal cells they found are more advanced than they initially thought. UHGGG

[rodless]

This is my 3rd Chistmas without Rod. The first one was a blur. I didn't do anything - no tree, very few decorations, just gritted my teeth during gifts and dinner. I am not a holiday person and I get tired of all the fakey cheerful people who seem to think just because it is Christmas everything will be wonderful. I'm doing better by this one but I still get this awful stab of pain sometimes.

[mishknit]

my third christmas too....

and it's been hard as jan. 21st follows so close, and that will be 3 years since his death.

BUT....i revived our tradition of a "soup party" this year, with the help of my son, and it was very cool and really helped me feel good, better about the holidays. had about 40 people over...all so happy that the tradition was revived too, and it was good. had a mini meltdown right before it started...just about the point that, had tom been here, he would have shoved a shot of vodka in my hand and told me to go chill...lol! so i grabbed a shot and got on with it! it was a huge success, and i only had one hard moment toward the end when some friends were leaving and said how it was just like old times...i burst into tears (my poor friend!) and reminded him it wasn't. he cried with me, then i got over it and kept partying.

a few weeks ago in therapy i was talking about the holidays and how much i always enjoyed them, all my life, and when tom came into my life, they just got that much better.

so, they're not as good, but i want to at least enjoy them like i used to , pre-tom, and it seems that a decision had to be made about that....i made the decision to try and enjoy, and it seems to be working. I have my moments....i'm worried about xmas eve...20 years ago that was when tom proposed to me...but i'll roll with whatever feelings i have and move on.

sorry for the long-windedness....

i hope the best for all of you, all of us...i guess we do what we can. it can never be perfect again, but....good? ok? nice? i think so,

love and peace,

michele

[lindat]

My third Christmas without him too.....

the third anniversary is Jan. 17th (also 1st anniversary of beginning of chemo)....

We have all been through so much and it seems as though I've been coming here forever.  I am so glad that you all are still here, but sad that we need to be. 

Jim and I talked last night and we are going to move in together some time next year,  I am happy and scared.  The prognosis for him is not good,  but hopefully we will have at least a couple of Christmases together.  It will be so hard to go through all this again, but so much easier than not being with him at all.  

Merry Christmas to all of you and hope for a peaceful New Year for us all....

[superwife]

This is my second with out Ken. I dont what I would do wothout my grandbabies. I am suppose to pick up the quilts that my friends made me . Thye made 3 for kids with some of Kens clothes. We also have a picture of them with their daddy in the middle of the quilt. I am sure the ters will flow, but they will with or without the quilts.

[mishknit]

ahh linda....

i'm so sorry.

but, moving in together will be great, and you'll be good supprt for each other.

we never know, right?

will you be in michigan or here?

chin up,

merry christmas!

peace, michele

[lindat]

Michele,

You're right, we never know.

I'll be back out there in February, hopefully we can have lunch or something  

(Not sure if I will have a car, so we will have to see.  I know how to take the train now though...)

All we really ever have is today, gotta live in the moment.... easier said than done...

He wants to move back here and since I can't leave for 5 years,  MI is where we will be.  He misses the snow and I hate snow, but I miss him - I guess it will all even out.

I remember the last New Years eve before Terry died, I was still sad over all we had lost in Katrina (mostly the family photos and videos) and he said that as long as we had each other we could handle anything.  He was gone a little more than 2 weeks later...  Jim said just the same thing last night.

YK, it really is better to have loved and lost....

Michele, you are sometimes my rock... ty.

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[mishknit]

lindsa..

i have a car...

we will make it happen!

peace,

michele

[missyouhoney811]

I am packing my bags and going to my sisters in Indiana, PA.   It should be a wonderful Christmas.  My sister from Ohio will also be there.  It will be a large gathering.  It will also be the third Christmas without my John.  Life is so different and strange without him.........I can now listen to Christmas songs that he would sing and be happy without the tears flowing.  So I think I have come a long way.  John Robert and Vanessa are in PR...........he will return on Friday.  I thought that would bother me my husband not being here with me and the first Christmas that my son is not with me.  That is all part of life..........I can deal with whatever comes my way.  I am looking forward to going to Mass on Christmas eve or day with my sisters.  This has been a great year for us we shared the cruise together now Christmas. 

I have to find a place for me to be on New Years Eve...........I have no intention of staying home to welcome the New Years in.  Also, for the girls that will be shaking their bags up to the high heavens on New Years Eve.  If you are out make sure to take an empty bag with you so you can dump your STUFF in it before shaking the purse.  The purse must be empty.......

I hope everyone has a wonderful and peaceful Christmas......

Blessings,

Dorothy

[lindat]

Hi Dorothy,  I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!  Just one question, do we do the purse thing at midnight or does it matter what time? 

[missyouhoney811]

It must be at midnight.................quick kiss, shake purse and go back to KISSING......

Hugs

[missyouhoney811]

Also, remember to put silver change above doorways and on windows..........when times were tough I actually put pennies........good times bills.........as long as there is some sort of money around the doors and windows.....Good Luck ladies for 2009

Blessings,

[airymoon]

Happy Holidays everyone and if not happy then peaceful. My new years wish for all of you is that the days become easier and the nights shorter and memories sweeter

becky

[armaiti]

Hi everyone...I'm just ignoring Christmas, basically.  I feel like I celebrated with Kai and Chris when they were here, and then did some things for Solstice, but I don't feel very Christmas-y so I'm just treating it like just another day.  Which is fine with me.  It was always a big thing for Ishaq but not for me.  The man I lived with before Ishaq was Jewish so we never really did Christmas and my family memories of it aren't that great, so that's ok.  I don't even remember what I did last Christmas, if anything.  The first one I was back in PA with his family which was good. 

I'm just tired of the cold and the rain.  I'd rather have snow but we seem to be one of the few areas in Oregon that doesn't have it! 

I'll shake my purse for sure - I have enough purses, I can shake several!  Don't know what I'm doing for New Years again, if anything.  A friend wanted to have a party but it's still up in the air.

I don't feel depressed or particularly down about the holidays, it's more like it just doesn't matter to me right now    I want to be inspired to make new art, but I'm just kind of blah about everything.  Except the kitten. He really lifts my spirits.  Except when he's destroying my curtains.  Or my rugs. Or my chair...

I think I'm really missing the SUN.  I do get tired of this cold dreary weather.  Time to get out the bright yellow paint again...

Hope everyone gets through the holidays ok,

Blessings,

Anna