I Believe in God...

[Kelly]

Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

[starchild]

What's Up??

As always I have to thank my higher power for another chance to get this thing right. Mary Jo, Christy, Laura, Mark. I have to thank all of you for the birthday wishes. Laura, I loved your version of Happy Birthday. Sing girl. I had a BLESSED day and I'm still hung over from all the honest affection that was shown me. It was humbling. T.I.M.E.(things I must earn)reminds me that this is the first day of the rest of my life and as much as I have resisted the changes, I have to get back to the business of living. I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life, but he gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.

Have a blessed weekend everyone and please continue to be good to yourselves, if only for today. Tomorrow is not promised. My prayers for your continued peace. Luv ya

[kagansmommy]

Hello everyone~! I had something weird happen and wanted to get your input. I had a message on my voice mail. It was nothing but static for about 3 seconds then there was a voice whispering. We put it on the computer and slowed it down. It clearly says "nobodys fault." Also all the numbers on the caller ID were deleted. Has anyone ever had an experience of this type? I really don't know what to think about it.

Blessings to all.

Christy

'I love you Kagan"

[leeloominai2810]

I must have taken over 30 min...oh well lost post,I just want to say i hope that anyone reeling in Grief-and looking for an answer or answers/some peace-doesn't lose sight of the fact that grief is what brought us all here...Forgive me-it's just that everyone seems so positive under this one subject heading that i worried that some other poor soul looking for comfort.might not find some common ground...i know there are other title headings more specifically Grief related..but believing God has not stopped my Grief..is till cry every day after 7 months of losing my sweetheart Wendy..she died at age 29.....she was 22 when we met..and i was 40...we lived together for 7 years....So if you've stumbled upon this Title-or are looking for some more support/peace...so am I..I have found that reading about the afterlife and the spiritual gives me some small measure of peace each day...i find it necessary....even though i come back to the pain each day...i must read...I have found reading books by Mediums helpful,The eagle and the rose,We don't die,Silvia Brown,John Edward,George Anderson,Damion Brinkly,etc etc,Also the G.O.D. EXPIERIMENTS,tHE afterlife EXPIERIMENTS..both by Gary Schwartz,and many other books helpful...i will not date again,i will wait for Wendy..i know i will find her...for those that are on the fence concerning God...all of these books offer help...for those of you skeptical..i reccommend the G.O.D Expieriments..i don't expect any measure of happieness in this life..after promising Wendy she'd make it..and watching her die..this is a plea for help by me as well...always searching for the next moment of peace,the next prayer,the next book or thought or true story of synchronicity that may help,(leeloominai2810@aol.com)perhaps ive helped someone..and perhaps you can help me..Love,to all,Charles..P.S.i LOVE YOU Wendy.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Christy, do you think this has anything to do with Kagan? Or does it perhaps have something to do with Doo or the steps? Whichever child it deals with, it sounds to me like someone feels guilt about something, and wants to be rid of it. Do you feel guilt about one of the kids? Is it time for you to deal with it, and to feel peace of mind? Is there anything I can do for you, to help you? My prayers are always with you, hon, but if you need anything special, you need only to ask. Personally, from the way this is all garbled, it almost makes me think it could be from the other side. Does the voice sound like Kagan's? Does it sound like his, but maybe in an adult way? This can be subjective, but you're Mom. I have confidence in you, kiddo! Let us know what's up.

luv ya hun, Mark Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Starchild, how ya doin' girl? I hope you and the kids had the best and most perfect weekend. My prayers have been continuously with you, and with your children, as we draw closer to Christmas. While this is such a joyous holiday celebrating the birth of our Lord, we feel loss of hope and sorrow as we face our grief. I'm sorry you lost Stanley, the one you love with your whole being. Take this moment to gaze up to Heaven with hope, and seek the favor of God. I will hold you in my prayers, that God will give you peace and comfort in your heart and soul, for you and your boys. Rest and know that you are among friends here who care. May God bless you. luvs, Mark; Jenni's dad

[rodless]

I have read many books by George Anderseon, Sylvia Browne etc. I go to them whenever the pain becomes unbearable. I truly believe I will see Rod again some day and we will be together forever because I believe firmly in the goodness of God or whatever is spirit in your life. Right now that's what keeps me going. In one book I read there was mention of telephone calls from the other side - Anderson perhaps? Keep believing, Christy.... it might have happened. Mary Jo

[starchild]

Good Morning All. As always I have to thank my high power, for all his blessings. Even the one I don't know about. I'm started sending my Christmas cards yesterday. It seems like this holiday season all I can only handle the basics. Anyway I got to Stanley's sisters address and I felt a little guilty. I've only met her one time and of course it was at the funeral. She has written me over the past year, but I really didn't know what to say to her about her brother. She lives in England and everytime I saw that Royal Air stamp I put the letter in a drawer. She was too close for my comfort and I hadn't processed alot of my feelings yet. So today I prayed on it and I'm writing her as to acknowledge her place in my life. She is my sister-in-law and maybe she needs me. She did'nt know Stanley well as he moved to the States when he was young. I'm asking God for the right words to help me build some kind of relationship. It's been almost a year now and the weight from his death is still heavy.

My love and prayers to everyone. Please continue to be good to yourselves. Luv Ya

P.S. 6 shoppings days to Christmas (smile)

[starchild]

Charles: Welcome. My condolences for your loss. No one wants to be here, but everyone is glad for the support we get from each other. If you read between the lines, everyone here is in some degree of pain. I hope you stay around long enough for the light of your spirit to shine through. This is an example of the power. And this journey is hard enough as it is. Personally, I needed a crisis intervention when my husband passed away. My sanity, my faith an my sobriety were all at stake. After years of trials and tribulations, my soulmate and I got married and had plans to grow old together. That lasted six months. I wear his name, our rings are in my jewelry box and his ashes are on my dresser. It is only through my higher powers grace and mercy that I'm on the sane side of insane.

Christy: Wow, that sounds like it was deep experience. That message could address a number of issues that you've been going through lately. Don't complicate it. The message is probably as simple as, don't worry, be happy, and say the serenity prayer.

Mark: I had a good weekend, thank you. Put up my tree finally, the lights etc,etc. Started shopping for fellas. Just trying to remember the reason for the season. How is Mary feeling? I hope she's as well as she can be under the circumstances. Are you ready for the holidays? I know your plate is full. You are always in my prayers. Have a blessed day. Till then ((hugs))

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi Starchild, Alright! Your boys can enjoy watching the blinking lights on the tree! Children truly enjoy this time of year so thoroughly. I've been so happy with gift ideas for my sweetie, wrapping them carefully and lovingly. With an unknown time left, I want to make sure we make our remaining time as special as possible. She's back home now, already, after going in hospital for what looked like another stroke. It wasn't, nor was it another TIA, so they allowed her to return home. I'm far happier when she's home. Thank you for asking about her, for caring to ask, and for your many prayers. I so appreciate your sacrifice of time and patient while you pray for us. My prayers are always, always with you, our dear friend. I'm pretty much done with knitting and crocheting things for my family, so I'm just about ready for this to start up and let me watch my family enjoy the celebrations. I just want to enjoy a dinner with my family, making use of the good china. It's our time to sit together and talk and giggle, and generally be a family. May God bless you and yours. luv ya, Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, the phone calls, the voices, even my Jenni's hugs, these happen. As I know in my heart I'll dance and sing with Jenni, so to you'll dance with Rod. I'm certain of this. For the moment, we must endure the present moment. Hold onto your faith, and to your hope. Don't let go. It's not that we'll lose anything by failing in any part, but that we'll be somewhat hindered emotionally. My prayers are forever with you. We are here for you, to listen, to pray, to share tears, even to laugh together. May God fill your dear heart with hope and peace and comfort through the holiday season. luvs, hugs, Mark Jenni's dad

[rodless]

Thanks, Mark, for the encouragement. I had a rough weekend - a lot ot memories hitting me and missing Rod so much. I am so happy for him being free to breathe, walk, dance whatever but it's hard to be the one left on the ground. We have a "feather thing" going and I found one today so I know he's watching over me. Mary Jo

[lauraa]

Charles:

I am so glad you found all of us here. We all can totally relate to how you are feeling. Please know you can share "all" you are feeling with us. I, like you found comfort the first year after the loss of my dear husband. I read only books on the "afterlife". I also went to a medium for a reading and received lots of positive affirmations that he is still with me. She told me things that there was no way of her knowing which also gave me comfort. I have found a beautiful little Spiritual church where I can go and I have found much comfort and peace there. You will go thru many stages as we all are here. Please know your with friends and accept our support. I will pray for you to receive peace and comfort knowing your wife is enjoying everlasting life. I know it is not easy.

Mark:

I am so glad to hear your Mary is back home. Sorry I have been away but my puter has putered out on me here. Please enjoy your holiday with all you loved ones. You are always Jenni's dad and she is with you. I love the fact that your crocheting...that is so cool. Peace to you and your family.

Starchild:

The only advice I would give you is to just be honest with your feeling when you write. You will find out who your real friends are. Good luck. I know the holidays are difficult. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Rodless:

The holidays are so hard. Even at our best it is difficult. I feel the same way and know it isn't easy. In alot of ways this year feels the roughest for me. I just cannot get use to not having the one man I ever loved with me. I can still hear him and see him as if he is still right here with me. Just breathe. Your in my thoughts and not alone.

Christy:

The phone call......well, I think it was someone trying to tell you "it really wasn't your fault". Maybe it was Kagan or maybe it was your daddy. Maybe they are trying to get thru to you if they know you are feeling guilty about anything...even survival guilt? They say our loved ones try to get thru to us thru electrons? After I lost my dad, the locks in my car kept clicking up and down and would tell my kids it was grandpa. And, after my husband grandma passed away, our home phone would ring constantly and no-one was on the other end. We would all say, "it was granny again". Keep the faith sister!

Love to all my friends. Your all like family to me. There were many times that I didn't feel I had anyone but you all were always here for me.....THANKS!

[rodless]

Laura, I wondered where you had been. "Puters" are nice but such a pain when they break. They have taken over my life at work. When I started out libraries were about books insted of machines.

Goodness, Mark, when do you find time to do everything? Many a friend has tried to teach me to crochet only to declare me a hopeless cause. They let me come to happy hookers club because they like me and they want to see how long my chain will get.

Charles, I am glad you found this place. Laura is right - it like a family here and we all care about each other. Everyone repects where everyone else is at and understands the feelings that we are all experiencing. It's a great help.

And on through December we go... holiday hoopla will be over in a week. Yeah! Mary Jo

[lauraa]

Ya, Holiday hoopla will be over soon. Just keep breathing. If you all don't hear from me my computer is still messed up. I have a virus on it.....yikes!

Thinking of you all daily.

[kagansmommy]

Thank you all for the replies about the phone call. Unfortunately I do feel guilty about a lot of things. The fact that I couldn't make him better, or that it is my fault he was sick in the first place. The bad gene that made him sick comes from the Mother. I made the decision to take him off life support and let him die. When I was tired and frustrated I would tell him to please hush and go to sleep. He would cry for hours sometimes and I didn't know hwy. Now I know it was because he was in pain and I got angry at him for it. What kind of mother does that make me? I want him back so bad. I want everyone to quit expecting me to be happy for the kids. I love my kids and would die for them but they will never fill this hole in my heart that keeps getting bigger.

I love you Kagan and I want you home.

[kagansmommy]

I am so sorry for my last post. I was in the middle of a breakdown and needed to vent. You all have your own grief to deal with and we are supposed to be here to help each other. I don't think it helps anyone for me to act like that. I want the holidays to be over and done with.

Thank you to everyone. You all help me so much.

God Bless you all and Happy Holidays~!

Christy

"Mommy loves you Kagan"

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Christy, for anything I may have said to upset you, my dear friend, please forgive me. You have been through so very much. I, we, all of us, want you to know that we are here for you, through the thickest of whatever these emotions can throw at you. When we face the immediate situation, and the stresses of that intensity strike our hearts, it's easy to react in fear, even terror. I've been there when my wife was crashing in ICU. I'm sure we can all talk about this. Truth is, Christy, I was so scared, I wanted to run and never return (I'm sure Laura remembers my panic attacks all too well). But, as this turns the page to today, I find that I can't bring myself to speak one word of correction to any one of you here. I'm just a child trying to learn by holding your hands. I need you more than you would ever need me. I thank you all for every thing you have done, for each word of encouragement. May God bless your precious heart, Christy. I keep you always in my prayers. luvs, hugs, Mark - Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, which virus? I hope it didn't get sent from my piece of junk puter! I'm sorry if it did. Mine was hit last week by the music peeps. Ya'd think I'd quit that gig. some puters have an icon for reversing the date, so you can back up time, before the date of the virus. You'll have to look for it, but it's most likely there. My puter was built by my cuzzin, so I have no idea what's on board (he was on the motherboard group who built the puter for the Nikkei Stock Exchange). If we don't see you before then, our prayers are with you and your family for a beautiful Christmas. May God fill your precious hearts with peace and hope. luv ya, Mark - Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, gotta ask... are you left handed? if you are, never try to learn knitting or crocheting from one of "them". Righthanded people have to show it to us backwards and upsidedown. For me, it's something to keep me from losing what's left of my mind. I don't watch television, so I occupy my head with these things. I also like to read books..... in french, german, latin, dutch, etc. I'm crazy, right? hehehe. On top of all this, I own a recording studio and have recently opened a guitar luthierie (a shop for building and selling custom guitars). Well, I'm off to bed. I need a little nap. I'll write more tomorrow. I pray all is well for you. May God give you peace and hope. luvz, hugs, Mark - Jenni's dad

[kagansmommy]

Mark, you have never said or done anything to offend or upset me. None of you here ever have. We are all in this boat together. Sometimes I need a little swift kick in the behind so don't be afraid to lay it on the line for me. I get so wrapped up in my own grief that I forget that others are hurting too. I have to remind myself that Peter also lost a son and our boy's lost their little brother. We are all bad about keeping feelings bottled up inside then when one of us lashes out we have to stop and think about what is going on inside.

This road is rocky and I for one am tired of the bumps.

Take care of Mary and yourself too. Get some sleep. I hope I can tonight. I haven't slept in three days and I'm getting cranky. Be well my friend.

Christy

"I love you Kagan"

[lauraa]

Hey you guys:

Please keep in mind my puter is still pooping out on me? But, here I am and I'm writing fast to touch base.

You are all in my prayers and thoughts. No-one here needs to apologize for anything, ever. That is why we are friends. We can say exactly how we are feeling at any given time. Especially, when most others aren't here for us anymore or just don't understand what we feel.

Keep the ones you love most close by and feel the ones who have "passed on" close because they are.

Bless you all and keep breathing. Be especially kind to yourselves.

Love to all!

[erinnzmom]

Hi All,

Can't seem to sleep lately, this second Christmas without Erinn seems to be hitting me harder than the first one. Friday when I got to work I went right into a delivery and the baby's name was Erin, Then we had a labor patient who's name was Erin, it's not that common a name and I was surrounded by it on Friday. I would have taken a Mental health day on Friday but we've been so busy ...and I promised my friend that I'd be her twin sister's delivery nurse...she had a beautiful baby girl Anelise! I'm hanging on by my fingernails and I'm caring for all of these people...I know that I do make a difference and it's what I'm supposed to do..but a part of me wants to hibernate until April....My 14 year old granddaughter, Katie,she has a "boyfriend" the sweet puppy love kind...the kind that "I slow danced twice!" the kind where she comes home glowing...Her mom is supposed to be here sharing this!!! Katie wrote a free verse poem at school last week..I'd like to share it with you...

She’s…………Gone

How are you?

Fine I say but think in my head,

How do you think I feel…..

She’s gone.

Why and How,

could She be gone,

She was there in the hospital bed,

Safe and just there.

Not gone,

In that waiting room people,

Crying and squeezing my hand,

till it’s numb and I tell them to stop.

But when they called the code,

everybody stopped.

Stopped crying,

Stopped squeezing,

and just stopped and waited

to see what happened.

Thanks for listening. Peace and Hope through these Holidays for everyone.

Hugs and prayers,

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Ahhh, Laurie, puppy love! They grow up all too quickly! I'm praying for you, and for these emotional days. They happen, and I'm sorry they do. My aide, who also lost a child, was with me for a meltdown a few days ago. I'm thankful she was, for she just sat quietly, holding me against her shoulder while I cried. The holidays are tough, so we are praying for you. May your dear heart be filled with comfort and peace, and may Katie have the same. May God bless you with a Merry Christmas. luvs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Christy, it ain't easy, kiddo, and here's my crippled "kick". OK, it's more like a tire running over your toe, but you get the idea. We have our meltdowns. We're all allowed, and nobody on earth has the right or authority to say otherwise. We're the ones who lost our most precious gift, our children. I often feel like I'm less allowed to grieve for Jenni because we let her go for adoption. Nevertheless, I'm always her father, and she's always my Jennifer. The last few days have been hell for me; I won't lie or try to hide this. I miss her so deeply. I keep you in my prayers every day; both of you. I pray you and Peter can have a blessed Christmas with Doo and your grandchildren. If you peeked below, yep! I'm going to have grandbaby number two, sorta. Ali is pregnant (Jenni's sister). She's due on March 25th. May you have the blessings you seek, hon, and may God give you peace. luv ya, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, I hope your puter gets over that bug. Most importantly, though, my dear friend, I pray and hope you have a blessed and beautiful Christmas with your dear children. God's peace upon you all. with a hug for my friend and luv, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

James Brown, you gave us a whole new style. May God give you a dance floor in Heaven. I'm honored to have met ya here, man.

[starchild]

Happy Day after everyone,(smile) As always I have to give praise to my highest power, who is the head of my life. Well, three hurdles down and the biggest two left to go. I'm going to be on my knees for New Years. So much to thank the big guy for. First for his GRACE-things I got I didn't deserve and then for his MERCY-things I didn't get that I did deserve.

How was everyone's Christmas? The boys and I spent a quiet one just being us. The clouds and rain definitely set the tone for the day. They seem to have been pleased with their presents and I tried to keep us in the reason for the season. The celebration for the birth of the one who is our way back into Gods favor. He isn't called the Saviour for nothing. Talked to alot of friends and family, trying to reassure them that I'm okay. But you know that later I cried for my husband and for myself too. Hard to believe that there are still so many tears.

I pray that you remembered to be good to yourselves. Emotions are always so close to the surface at this time of the year and all of us are going through so many of them as it is. Thought about you all and I hope you found the peace you needed to get you through the day. Till next time, have a blessed one. Luv

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi Starchild! Christmas was a blessing; joyful to be with those I love most, my family, love to share with my wife and children and grandson, and peace in our hearts as we celebrate Messiah's birth. We always enjoy celebrating our Lord's birth, which is a joy. I'm glad to hear you and your boys had such a good time together for Christmas. The tears are there, girl, and you'll find a few more yet, I'm sorry to say. If it helps, I'd be willing to lend a crippled shoulder for you to cry on. Take care, and please spoil yourself a little. You are soooooo worth it! luvs, hugs, Mark; Jenni's dad

[kagansmommy]

Mark and Starchild, I'm glad to hear you both had a good holiday. Mine went pretty well. We had our first family dinner without my Dad and Kagan. That was a little hard but I made it. Doo wanted a tattoo in memory of Kagan so that's what I gave him. It's a tree frog (of course) that says "Rest In Peace Little Brother" around it. It is really awesome. I think it was his way of telling Kagan he's sorry for not being a big brother to him but he's here for us now.

Peter and I got all our plan's over with so we could spend Christmas day alone. It was quiet and peaceful. A lot of crying but peaceful.

I hope everyone has a safe New Year~!

Christy

"I love you Kagan"

[lauraa]

Hi Everyone,

Just sneaking on my son's puter cause mine is not co-operating. Wanted to let you all know your in my thoughts everyday. I have had my share of crying jaggs, too! Have some stories to tell you all when I can....Our love ones are really right here with us.

Have a peaceful week.

[starchild]

Happy New Year, It's a blessing today to be able to give thanks for this past year. Even with all the tribulations, I have to give praise and honor to my Lord who sits most high. I celebrated 7 years clean and sober last night. My support system really represented. I was touched by the number of people who showed up. Everyone had a nice time, and the food was GOOD! Even Stanley sent me signs that he was with me....I found pennies everywhere I went yesterday. I hate how much I miss him. But I'm looking forward to 2007 alot more than I thought I would be. The possibilites will only be limited if I limit them. So stay tuned for the adventures of Starchild-unplugged.(smile)

Here's praying for happy and healthy healing in the new year to all of you from me and mine in the name of Jesus. Even though it took losses to bring me here, I've gained more than I can ever say. Please continue to be good to yourselves, one day at a time and I'll talk to you next year. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! Luv Ya

[lauraa]

Starchild:

Congratulations on 7 years! That is something to be so proud of and I am proud of you. Especially, going thru this rocky road. I am glad we have found each other here. Happy New year to you and you are with me in prayer.

Could you keep my brothe(s)in your prayers. My youngest is going thru a really deep depression and others are also depressed in my family. We lost both our parents and my husband all withi 6 months. It seems we are all going thu a depression at the same time. I am 800 miles away so the only support I can offer them is on the phone. I have been talking to my youngest brothe a couple times a day and for hours to help him thru his days.

Thank you all your all in my daily prayers.

[rodless]

Starchild... what a great thing to celebrate. My husband was a recovering alcoholic so I understand your pride. I did not know him when he was drinking, but I know how much sobriety meant to him. An encouraging message is appreciated as I head into the new year. I am also looking forward to 2007 as a healing time.

Laura.. little brothers are special. I helped mine through a divorce two years ago and it made us especially close. We're within driving distance so I do spend time with him several times a years. Yours will be in my prayers, too.

Everyone else... take care of yourselves. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Christy, I love the idea of the tat. It's making me cry, just thinking of it, kid. Happy New Year, hon. luv ya, Me. Jennifer's daddy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, stay as close to your bro as you can. A close fam is a treasure. Shower your little girl with all the love you can. She's heartbroken for the loss of her daddy. Personally, thank you. I'll try to write after I get some sleep (whatever that is). Do something for you on New Years Eve. Happy New Years, my friend! (((hugs))), Me, Jennifer's daddy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, what's with a divorce that changes us? My wife and I were within a week of signing our decree. I even held the decree in my little hands, but couldn't sign it. We opted for rebuilding our marriage (which ain't as easy as one may think - to love is easy, to trust difficult - we still have problems with that). It's good to be close to fam. I'm not all that close to fam, but it's ok. I hope and pray you have a great 07. Happy New Year! hugs, Moi, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Starchild, my best congrats to you! Hugs for the achievement! Hmmmm, Starchild unplugged? This should be interesting, kiddo. Have a fanstastic New Years! Hugs, Me, Jennifer's daddy.

[mofirefly]

I believe in God because...yesterday I reached a new low and this morning started with a phone call from someone I had hoped to hear from, I was able to make the coffeebread my mom and grandmother had always made, I found an item that had gone missing and soooo much more that I knew God was lifting me up and carrying me to help me get out of my hole of despair and how I praise Him!

[4everjoeysmom]

Mofirefly-- Amen! God has been so good to me. Even when I have felt at my worst, and in moments have been angry with Him for taking my Joey, I've known He is with me and carrying me when I don't have the strength to stand. His promise is not that we will be free from trials and pain, but that He will be with us through those trials. We just need to seek Him, depsite not feeling up to it. It's then when we most feel His presence. He's always there, sometimes we just don't look for Him, and then wonder why we can't feel Him near.

I read something the other day in a devotion that said, "How do we respond to God in the midst of our lives? For most of us it takes places of loss and mourning to discover the unfathomable places of God's presence and grace, tears and silence to shape our truest song." It seems for most of us when things are good and we have all we want, we don't need or seek Him, and He does want to know us. After all, He did create us.

It's so wonderful that you wrote and shared. It's inspiring. Thank you for that. God bless you. -Claudia

[starchild]

Hi Everyone, First as always, I have to give thanks to my higher power for another opportunity to give him praise. And to thank him for my blessings. I appreciate all the warm wishes from all of you. You are also an important part of my support system and I need you too.

Laura: We seem to have parallel issues all the time. My sons put a virus on my computer too and I lost everything when I had to reboot it. I am not a happy camper as its going to be months before I can replace all the things I had on there. It's another exercise in patience, tolerance and acceptance in raising teenagers. Lord, grant me these things, but please hurry!

Christy: That frog tatoo sounds like the joint. I know it's a source of comfort for your guys. Kagan's memory lives on through your love.

Mofirefly: Thank you for the reminder. It's good to know that no matter what the sign, he's always shows up on time.

Mark:(Jenni's dad) Keep me up on what's happening with the guitar shop. I played bass back in the day and who knows, I might want to invest in one. Hope you had a blessed new years, and yes, I have to get back to the land of the living.

Mary Jo: I try to take one day at a time. But sometimes several days attack me at once.(smile)

Hope you guys have a blessed weekend. And please continue to be good to yourselves. Till then. Luv and ((hugs))

[lauraa]

Hey Starchild:

Glad to hear from you. Your an inspiration to me. I hope you have a great 2007....you deserve it!

Mark, Christy and everyone here:

I know your all probally overwhelmed since the holidays and are all regrouping as I am. I am feeling a bit hollow these days. That the only way I can describe how I feel.

I hope you all are doing o.k. and enjoying this burst of warm air we are getting. I do love it but my allergies have kicked in and I don't feel good....but, not complaining.

Peace to you all.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey kids, we're on the other side of the dreaded holidays. This time of year gets me down a lot. My illness messes with me, so I have to rest a bit more than I'd like. This only lasts until about February, then I'm back to "normal". Laura, often the hollows are a low point in grieving. Sometimes, depression drops in for a visit too. I'm not only praying for you, but I'm here for you too. My fam hit me with a little news, which is why I didn't write sooner. I had to check it out before I started to give a care what I was told. Tell ya later. Starchild, what's with this virus thing? My puter didn't completely crash, but it's working like trash. Anyone got a big hammer? Claudia, thanks for writing. We're praying for you. Even when it's hardest, He's there. He got me through the moments when I couldn't take losing my daughter. Take care of yourselves, please. It may not be easy, but try to take today and live in it. luvz, hugz, Mark, Jenni's dad

[mofirefly]

I came across a website that I wanted to share with others

www.theinterviewwithgod.com

It has given me comfort and I hope it comforts all who are here on Beyond Indigo. Take Care.

[ladyhitchhiker]

I came across a website that I wanted to share with others

www.theinterviewwithgod.com

It has given me comfort and I hope it comforts all who are here on Beyond Indigo. Take Care.

So how do you forgive yourself? It's easier for me to forgive others.

[Guest Guest]

god is good hes helping me through the loss of my 4 year old brother died in a tragic accedent!!!!! i love god!!!!!!!

[kagansmommy]

I came across a website that I wanted to share with others

www.theinterviewwithgod.com

It has given me comfort and I hope it comforts all who are here on Beyond Indigo. Take Care.

So how do you forgive yourself? It's easier for me to forgive others.

I ask myself that same question every day. It will be 2 years on 1/28 that my little boy passed away and I still haven't forgiven myself. It is a hard guilt to live with.

Christy

"Mommy loves you Kagan"

[4everjoeysmom]

Depending on what God you believe in...this thread isn't clear on what is accepted in defining God...

I find comfort in searching the Scriptures for all of God's promises that are relevant to today. I am a firm believer in predstination, and I believe we are God's way before we are ever conceived. I also believe that our days of life are numbered before we are born. For that alone I can be assured that there is absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent my child from departing this life. (I wrote some comforting things God's Word revealed to me since Joey's death in the thread Loss of an Adult Child--which I won't repeat here..) But in all Truth of God's Word, there is nothing for us to guilt over when God chooses to bring a loved one home. That doesn't stop feelings of guilt and questioning for some... but it's an offer of hope. I believe there are two sources of power in this world.. God and the Enemy. It is the enemy's desire to devastate believers further after such a loss so that they become disheartened in God. It's a choice to who each one will follow... for me, I don't want to give the enemy an upper hand. I fail a lot, but I'm trying to hold onto what I know is Truth, and His name is Jesus. When he died, His Father God did not bear guilt... that is our example... God bless and His peace to you all. -Claudia

[mofirefly]

AMEN!

[mofirefly]

Kagansmommy - Please allow yourself to forgive yourself. I came across a webiste that I feel you should try to look at

www.theinterviewwithgod.com

and select view presentation

I hope it can give you some comfort.