I Believe in God...

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hitchhiker, it's easier to forgive others, because we always have a perfect ideal of what we should be as a person. To forgive yourself is to release yourself from the weight of making yourself holy. You are a wonderful person, created in God's image, good and perfect in His eyes. May you find peace. Mark, Jenni's dad

[lauraa]

Hey Everyone:

Just checking and hoping you are all fairing well today. You all continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers.

I have been a grouch the last couple days....but, I'll snap out of it. Seems I have required alot of sleep lately. I also fell twice this week...I know "lady grace"...that's me....that's is what happens when you have long legs and little feet, lol!

Just been wondering where I'm going in this life now....since everything switched gears on me? It is sort of quiet before the storm. The kids keep me busy, though. They are forever changing as teenagers do...which keeps me focused.....

Peace to you all.

[starchild]

Tommorow is Stanley's 1st Angel day ^!^

Prayer for a New Day

Thank you, God for today.

This is the beginning of a new day, I can waste it or use it for good

What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever-leaving in its place something I have traded for it.

I want it to be gain, not loss:good, not evil:success, not failure:in order that I shall not regret the price I paid for today.

R.I.P my beloved, each tomorrow will have a place in my heart shaped like you, by you, for you........

Please keep me and the kids in your prayers. Thanx, and have a blessed weekend. Luv

[lauraa]

Starchild:

You betcha...You and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers. I have often thought that the day my huband passed is his new birthday into heaven. It helps!

On our first anniversary we all wrote a message on a balloon, said a prayer and let it go......you would be amazed how fast those flew away. It made me feel like they went straight up to him.

Bless you all.

[armaiti]

Dear Starchild:

You and your kids are in my prayers as well.

I wasn't sure at first if I should post here or other "Other Beliefs" since I follow a Sufi path, but since we definately believe in the One I think that this forum fits...

There is a Rumi poem, that Ishaq's sister put to music and sang for me at Christmas, that I think might have meaning for you all:

On the day that I die being brought to the grave

Don't weep, don't weep, I cannot go away.

The sun sets, and the moon sets, but they never are gone

The cycle repeats and they're born and reborn

Death is a marriage, a coming together

Tombs look like prisons, but they're doorways to Union.

Like seeds we go down, in the earth we dissolve

Growing up with such beauty we cannot imagine.

My mouth will close here, but in just the same moment

It will open with joy songs for the Union I've longed for.

Death is a marriage, a coming together

Tombs look like prisons, but they're doorways to Union.

On the day that I die, being brought to the grave

Don't weep, don't weep, I cannot go away...

Don't weep, don't weep, I cannot go away.

My prayers and blessings to you on Stanley's Angel day, what we would call his Urs, or wedding, day - the day he joined with the Beloved Divine.

Love,

Anna

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, you keep coming up with new ways to make me worry about ya! Fallin'? Ooo, now this isn't good. How badly? You must stop trying to dance on the stairs! hehehe. How are the children? I pray every day for them, and for you. Take gentle care. Spoil yourself a little. You're sooooooo worth it, my friend. hugs, Mark, Jenni's dad

[rodless]

Mark, Don't know it you're into jazz at all, but I just finished the pub crawl at our annual

[rodless]

Hit the wrong button... anyway our small city has an annual jazz festival and I just finished the pub crawl. It was fun. Mark P. (trumpet for a well known night show host) has headlined it for the last 3 years with a concert and it has really grown since the first one with 8 bands from all over the states being involved. Don't know if you're into jazz, Mark... not my favorite genre but music is music... it all makes us feel good. Hope you're having a nice weekend. Mary Jo

[lauraa]

Mrk:

You didn't know I was clumsy...did ya? Well, I am. I think it is because when I do get energy I go a mile a minute.

Hope you all are doing good. Always thinkin'f you all.

[rodless]

Laura, did you get hurt when you fell? I hope not! Your image of a giraffe gave me a chuckle. My daughter collects giraffe stuff and she has a print of a baby one sprawled out trying to stand up. At least when I go down, it's not too far...short and stubby doesn't fall gracefully but the floor's closer. Hope you're doing ok. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, some advice from a friend??? Slow down, girl! It would be better if you didn't get all these boo boos. Ya know that one "stipulation" to "venting"? I appreciate that a lot. Thank you. I've tried to write, but ... I'll try again in the morning, after I get some (ha ha) sleep. What's that? 'side from no sleep, I think weez ok. hugz, me, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, I love jazz. I grew up in the music world, so I have no favorite style, although I prefer to hear anything except hard rock after playing a hard rock concert; and I absolutely loathe disco. Now, watch that pub crawl, kiddo. We don't want ya busted for CWI (crawling while intoxicated). It's better than DWI (dancing with idiots), which isn't much fun. My songwriting is influenced by many, including Pink FLoyd, LedBelly, Neil Young (wonder if he even remembers that fight we had), and Maurice Ravel. I hope you have a great day off for your holiday. It's just another day of ice here. My prayers are with you. hugs and loves, Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jenni's adoptive parents mailed me a Christmas gift. They gave me one of Jenni's necklaces. I rarely take it off, and if so, it's on the urn I keep for her, should her body ever be returned. This is one of those little things that means soooooooo much. My prayers are with you all, as are my best thoughts for a great week, and a happy holiday (it's a day off????). luvs, Me, Jenni's dad

[lauraa]

Hey Guys:

I just skinned and bruised my knees. Believe it or not, I really was being careful? I really am clumsy. Long legs, little feet and thank god a big butt.

Mark:

I am not one for earthly possessions, BUT, the things given to me by family that mean so much I hold very dearly. I know Jenni's necklace is a precious and sacred gift...I am so glad you have it. I know it must be bitter/sweet for you and I'm sure it sturs much within you. You are strong my friend. I am in augh of all you have been through and the strength you carry. You pass it on to so many. Thank you!

Always in my thoughts and prayers.

To everyone here:

This is a hard, lonely road we all walk here. Even though our faith is tested, I feel we are all being carried. We are not alone and I totally believe we will be reunited with our loved ones when god chooses.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, I'm sorry you have those bruises. They can hurt. I do cherish Jenni's necklace. Every so often, I even wear it, just to keep her near my heart. But, I need to tell you, I'm not strong. You need to see my tears. You need to see how scared I am of saying good bye to my wife. You're right. We are carried. I like to think God's angels watch over us a little extra special when we grieve. We're more vulnerable to the world's evils, so the angels protect us. In due time, we'll be with those we love. All in due time.

[4everjoeysmom]

I agree with Mark. There is a heightened sense of spiritual things when we are traveling through trials. The Bible tells us:

1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,

1Pe 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1Pe 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1Pe 5:9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

1Pe 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

I cling to this...that my God of grace will restore me...

[lauraa]

Mark:

It is A.O.K to cry my friend. No-one knows like all of us here about saying goodbye and letting go of our loved ones as we all here do. Let it all out with us. We are all strong here. And, you are right about the evil one trying to get in. I have seen my share of sheeps dressed in volves costumes, especially since I lost my husband. One can never be sure!

I am so happy you have a necklace that belonged to Jenni (smile)...I am sure you feel extremely close to her, especially while you are wearing it...what a precious gift. Just to know she wore it around her neck. I am so sorry you lost her Mark....it must tormenting for you...I am so so sorry! Remember, she is with the Lord now....always remember that! Nothing there but heavenly bliss!

You can cry all you want. That does not mean you are not strong. You are one of the strongest I know.

Yes, you do need some time for yourself. You need to practice what you preach...I was just thinking just last night at some of the things I did thru the process of taking care of my husband just out of exhaustion and frustration from going 24/7.....ie, breaking down in the bathroom hystericly crying...this upsets me only because I know my husband could probally hear me and I did everything to not make him feel bad as I know he did, etc, etc.

YOU ARE STRONG...MY FRIEND!

[rodless]

I understand the stress of 24/7... trying to provide the best care possible, holding down a full time job and at the same time facing losing the most important person in my life. I, too, tried to keep my breakdowns from Rod but I know he knew how hard it was for me and I hate that. I don't regret anything I did for him, how could I, but I think I am just now acknowledging what a impact it had on my life. It takes time to recover from that emotional upheavel. We are all strong people who love deeply and will be better ourselves for what we did or are doing for others. Mary Jo

[starchild]

Hello my people, First as usual, I have to give thanks to my highest power for another opportunity to get this thing right in his name.

Well, I survived the 1st anniversary. His cousin came and took me brunch and I took Stanley's picture with us. I set it on the table and we did alot of reminiscing. Bittersweet memories poured out from both of us. I'm just grateful for the strength that healing has given me. Talking about stress. I don't even have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself. I've gotten to the point where I just apply the serenity prayer to every situation. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Laura: I heard a pastor preach over the weekend that man will never know how much woman is capable of because Adam was sleep when God created Eve. Well, it sounds like you are reaching maximum capacity.(smile) You're not superwoman, as all those lumps and bumps have just proven. So please be careful, slow down and breathe. Okay?

Mark; Just know that whatever you're feeling, especially here, is safe. The high of the gift of Jenni's necklace and the low of Mary's illness with all the emotional variables in between. Wow. Life on life's terms, huh? It was really a blessing for them to send you something tangible that accentuates the positive. And like you tell me, you gotta let the tears be what they are. Baby, have patience with yourself for a change. You're always in my prayers. ((((hugz)))

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Starchild, life on life's terms. I keep remembering, I'm only my wife's passenger on "her" journey of life and death. This isn't about me at all. It's about her, and she means everything to me. Girl, you did it! You got through that 1st year. For me, as I get near Jenni's birthdays and angeldays, I find it worse as I approach the day, and then the stresses melt away on the day. I'll share with you my "wisdom" for getting through things. I have pretty much lived by the Scripture, "I have learned, in whatever state I am in, there to be content". The Apostle Paul went through great suffering, physically and emotionally. For such a great man to say this, and while sitting in prison, I'm humbled. Take care of yourself, and your children. Nurture yourself. You need this. I know, preacher, listen to your own sermon. hehehe. Sometimes, it sinks in. Men are stubborn, ya know. I'm praying for you always. luvs, Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

4everjoeysmom, I was told a long time ago, that if we ignore our enemy, and stick our heads in the sand, the devil sees us an interesting target. If we study his ways of tempting us, we can be strong against his temptations. Strength gives freedom. Doesn't His Word restore us daily? It's such a beautiful thing. I prefer living by faith, not sight, for my eyes can be blinded by this world's beauty, keeping me from God's best. I'm praying for you. May God fill your dear heart with peace. We're here for you. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, ooo, those meltdowns. I've gone Chernobyl so often, I should have a little radioactive sticker on my forehead. I know she hears me crying. I'd rather not. She needs my strength, which I seem to have to little of. I'm not Samson, although my hair is long enough. Nobody can tell you or me or any one of us here how long this journey will last. It's personal. When we reach the place where our souls can feel secure within ourselves, and we are able to consider the thought of our loss without turmoil, we accept. For now, though, rest your dear heart in our prayers for you. We are here for you, always. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, I prayed for a keepsake from Jenni, something I could keep close to my heart. I don't remember if I mentioned it to Chris and Debbie. Whether I did or not, I appreciate their kindness. It's peculiar that I can sense Jennifer so strongly when her cross is so near my heart. You seem to have an ability to read my mind. Torment? Perfect choice of words. While our every last intention and action has been to keep from upsetting, I know,as you, that I've upset her by my crying. It's impossible that I can cry like this without her knowing ... unless I'm with the squirrels on a mountaintop. I'm only a passenger on her journey. Keep telling me I'm so strong, and in time, I'll try to believe you. Superwoman? God created man, but didn't call His creative effort perfect until He created woman. hugs. Me, Jenni's dad

[rodless]

Mark, "I have learned, in whatever state I am in, there to be content". Not a familiar quote to me but soon to be. Written down to be carried in my pocket. Thank you. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi Mary Jo. Try Philippians 4:11. It's from there. I can take a lot of stress. When things affect my children, I get worried. One of my sons spent most of the night talking about how scared he's been lately. We're all afraid my wife is far worse now than we can even tell, because her doctors have begun to back off from her care. I fear this may indicate a turning point. I keep praying. Take care of those things which need your attention, and let the rest slide. Be sure to rest (important thing, as I've learned). Men can be a stubborn lot, more prone to doing too much and not caring enough about their health. I'm praying for you. Mark, Jenni's dad

[rodless]

Mark, I emailed both my kids a challenge to see if they knew the Bible verse - was hoping their college/seminary education would have paid off. Both were back within a few minutes with the answer. I have stuggled most of my life to be content in the moment. Not sure why...sometimes makes life more difficult to always be wanting something else. Rod was the answer to many of my 1/2 empty glass feelings and I miss that feeling. Hope things are going ok with you. It's a tough tough situation you're in. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, it's good to know your kids know their Bible. Kudos for them! Contentment is a feeling of having our cup running over with God's blessing, no matter what state we're in, be it poverty or prosperity. The glass half empty or half full is always the same; it's a half a tank. I understand the feeling you said. I'm finding that little things are becoming mountains for my children. They are all melting down frequently. I worry about them. I also fear I'm going to make some error that will cost my wife's life. There's a reason for this, but I don't like to discuss in an open forum. Try to rest, and please take good care of yourself. I know; preacher, heed your own sermon. I sleep maybe two hours a day now. I'm afraid of something happening to her. With all the care staff, I'll adjust in time, and then I'll get more rest. All in due time. My happier thoughts go to Allison, Jennifer's half-sister, who is pregnant. She is due March 25. I can't wait to see her baby, Jenni's nephew or niece (she wants to wait to find out the old fashioned way). I'm praying for you. Mark, Jenni's daddy

[starchild]

Good Morning Everyone, As always I have give thanks to my higher power for the blessings of another day underway. Felt my husbands spirit alot over the weekend. Tried to talk to him in a civil manner, but I found I'm harboring alot of anger. The kids thought I was losing it and in a way I guess I was. Stanley doesn't have to deal with the pressures of living in this world anymore and all the drama that he left me to deal with. I loved that man with a true sense of purpose and I feel at times like I'm wandering around aimlessly. I didn't ask for this and I damn sure wasn't prepared and I'm really not happy and I feel like I've hit a wall. (think crash dummy) Good thing the Lord manufactured my vehicle. His standards are high and the quality of his work is excellent so I know the chances of my survival are good. But I'm definitely going through one of those phases that used to bring me to my knees in the beginning. I don't know what triggered it, but I'll be glad when it passes. Tough times don't last, just tough people, keep gratitude in your attitude, let go and let God, etc, etc.

Mark; I'm so sorry to hear about Mary's deteriorating health.(((HUGZ)))to you and your family. Sending a shout out to the big guy for you today. Keep your head up.

Please continue to be good to yourselves everybody, if only for today and till this time next time, have a blessed one. Luv Ya

[lauraa]

Starchild:

I am feeling the same way. I feel so lonely for my husband. We shared a love that was deep and pure. I think our psychics protect us along the way so that we can survive this. It only allows us to hit the bottom of this in small doses...there are times when I feel that pain and I have to stop myself or else I feel it would not be survivable. Does that make any sense what so ever? It is a rollercoaster ride and I am alone on it....I hate that!

I value all of you here. You help raise me up when I am down. Wish I had a magic formula to give all of you. It is the worst thing I have ever had to go through. It doesn't help that people go away because they can't face our pain with us. I feel as though I need to re-invent myself...I am tired and weary....as I know you are, too. I am sorry all my friends here are suffering so....You in my thoughts and prayers daily.....Everyone here is.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Starchild, thanks. The last week has been more difficult than any I've ever seen with her facing this illness. The aides walk thru the door for a shift and tell me she looks worse than the day before. I keep you always in my prayers, girl. You are my friend. Please try to rest, and take care of yourself. Take care of your soul, your body, and your emotions. Grieve as you feel you should. This is your personal journey. We are here to support you and encourage you. hugs, Me, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, thank you. Although doctors still can't answer one simple question of how much more of this "life" she'll get, I'm happy I get to be the guy who shares it with her. We've been through a lot of good and bad, but I'd do it all over again, just to be with her. Can you believe she said "I do" to me? I'm sooooooo lucky. Our aides have been coming to work this week telling me she's worse each day than the day before. I may not know if she'll last much longer, which is stressful, but I'm happy to have just a few more minutes, even a whole day, with her. God will send us peace, all in due time. Take care of yourself, my friend. My prayers are with you and your children. a hug for a friend, Mark, Jenni's dad

[rodless]

Mark, I am sorry things are going downhill. It's a really tough time... such mixed feelings when you want them to be pain and distress free, but you don't want to let them go either. God is good to those who lean on him and sometimes there is nothing else to do. Use his strength to bolster yours. Thoughts and prayers are with you always. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

In ER. Stress test. Echocardiogram. Angina. Pain. Can't sleep. It's 5 am, so maybe I can sleep now. luv ya's, me, Jenni'sdad

[jackiewitter]

Hello Mark,

I just want you to know you that you, your precious wife and your family are in my prayers. Reading some of your posts has given me so much more insight and I am thankful that God led me to this site where I could interact with kind and good people such as yourself. I pray that you feel God's presence today and that your mind and body get the rest you need. Peace, Jackie

[lauraa]

Mark...You just let me know if you need anything.....Please, take care of "YOU".....everyone needs you.....Prayers heading your way.

Laura

[alwaysmyjennifer]

I'm tryin' to behave. It's kinda rough tryin' to breathe. Just ask Bets (mamabets - on da fon now). I'm okay, but a little rest would be nice. hugs, me, Jenni's dad

[4everjoeysmom]

Mark-- You are being constantly lifted in prayer... Love, Claudia

[kristiej]

Although I've been to the other board, I just discovered this one. It's my faith and Ron's faith that has kept me going through this. It's knowing that although Ron left this earth, I *will* see him again that is keeping me from bitterness. Ron would ask why this was happening to him and although I didn't say so, I wondered at times too. But I told him it's like a giant jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces in yet. But when we do see it complete, we will be awed and amazed at God's wisdom.

I do feel God's love holding me even during the really rough and painful times. I still get angry at God sometimes for giving me Ron and then taking him away too soon, but I know God understands and doesn't judge my anger. I am so grateful for my faith.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Kristiej, I'm sorry you must be a part of this journey of sorrow. I believe God holds us a little extra special in His love. He creates us, created us as emotional beings, and gave us the emotions we carry, including anger, which is a natural part of the grieving process. This helps us get through those moments of trial when we'd like to quit, but know that we can't. God won't judge you for an emotion He placed inside your soul. My prayers are with you for the peace and comfort of soul you need. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

thank you Claudia. My prayers are with you..... forever. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, thanks. feelin' a bit better as I try to rest. It's only 1am, and I feel tired already. Get some rest. It's good for ya. My prayers are with you, my friend. Me, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jackie, I'm happy you're here where you can interact with others who have gone through similar situations. Just talking about it helps. We're praying for you. Let us know if we can help. Mark, Jenni's dad

[kagansmommy]

Hello everyone. Two years ago today my world stopped turning. Today is Kagan's 2nd angel day. I miss him so much. I went into the grocery store a little while ago and the song we palyed at his funeral was playing through the whole store. I lost it and the cashier thought I was a crazy woman. I haven't heard that song since about a month after his funeral. It was Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven." I'm sure you know the song Mark.

Peter and I are at each others throats. We are both so stressed out and take it out on one another. I guess that is better than taking it out on everyone else.

My prayers are with you all.

Christy ~ kagansmommy forever

"Mommy loves you Kagan"

[jackiewitter]

Hi all! I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I read a post from another board that the weekends seem to be the hardest and I agree. I don't know why, I have 4 children and there is always something going on at my house! Mark, I hope you get the rest you are so needing. Claudia, I hope you are wearing that new dryer out! I have decided to mark my brother's upcoming birthday with a tree planting. I am sure some other's have done the same, but is there any tree that may have a particular meaning. I would love your suggestions, heck, you guys are my best friends now! I had already started a garden for him and there's a plaque that say's Jeff's Garden (with a Hooter's owl) only because he ate at Hooters about 3 times a week (he really loved ladies). When I had to clean his hotel room after his death, I found brand new t-shirts, one he had bought for his son and had several of the waitresses sign it, and another he had bought for my youngest daughter, she collects Joe's Crab Shack T-shirts. Those both had such special meaning to my nephew and my daughter. It's funny how when you go through someones things you find little surprises. Well again, I hope everyone has had a good weekend and I will pray that we all have a good week. Many blessings, peace...Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie-- A tree planting! What a wonderful idea!! It sounds like Jeffrey really liked having fun. Hooters--what a hoot! Joey used to tell me when he was staying summers working up in kalamazoo that he and the guys liked to go to Hotters often. He of course said, "They have really good wings!" How many times have I heard that one? Too funny...

One year for mother's day we planted a tree called Corkscrew Willow. It grew full and beautiful within a couple of years, and was so pretty with the twisted branches. I liked it a lot, because the branches were so plentiful, they could be trimmed at holidays, stripped and painted white or glittery and put in a tall vase for a festive decorative. Even though winters found it bare, it gave beauty all through the year. I loved that tree...can't get one in Ecaudor.. (sigh)

I'm working on the dryer. An electrician needs to come and install cable from the power pole and a box for 220. All the electric here is 110. Go figure! But we'll get 'er done! :-)

[rodless]

Kristie, I understand what you are saying about your faith. Mine is changing.. I guess it is "growing" (although I learned to hate that word after my divorce. I got so tired of "growing"... I just wanted to be done with feeling bad.) Anyway, some of the books I have been reading have been lending me a wider view than my Lutheran/Presbyterian backgound and I feel much closer to God. It has been exciting and I wonder why I didn't explore these ideas earlier in my life. I must be on God's timing.

Hope all of you will have a good week... wherever you are in your grief journey. Mary Jo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Christy, I can't play that song without thinking of you and crying. luv ya. I'm sorry this pain has been handed to you. Arguing with each other doesn't show me that you are angry with each other, but angry with death for taking Kagan from you. This shows me the infinite depth of love you have for him. He loves you, mommy. Always here for ya, and always praying for you. love ya, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Claudia, it's all 110? 220 is only a pair of 110s. Nuttin' to it. One of my band's roadies plugged an amp into a 220 line once (how that happened, I'll never know). I thought the guitarist was gonna turn purple. Hmmm. Good wings there? Don't tell my 5 year old grandson. He seems to like that place. What am I to do with the boy? (he's too much like his grandfather) Please be careful with the electric. always in prayer, Mark, Jenni's dad

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Mark! Goes to show how much I know about electric... Thus the electrician. ha ha!

How are you holding up?

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi Claudia, aaayyyeee, electric is easy, but shocking. You're a long way from home for the wiring though. tee hee. Just think of your wiring as just one of those little "adventures" from your college days. My wife and I met in Bible college - long story. We're doing alright, but mamma is tired out from this morning. She made it through the hearing, but almost passed out from the pain. I went to the disability hearing with her not overly dressed up, but I did wear Jenni's necklace (not for good luck, but peace of mind - someone had to keep me calm). Praying for you, and all you deal with. Mark, Jenni's dad