Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Jcsmom,

My prayers are with you for today, John's angel

day. May his bright and sunny spirit touch you

today and always. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[brknhrt]

I thought I would share our experience this year with you all. I hope this is not too long. I always dread this day arriving and I am anxious and depressed for several days preceding the 7th. I worry about everything. Like whether this will be the year that I am all alone. I worry that I am not moving forward or that I am wallowing in a sea of sadness and self pity.

Every year on the day John was killed family and friends gather at the beach to build John a sandcastle.This year something fun and amazing happened. While building the castle we noticed a small group of girls and a couple of boys playing on the beach. Their moms sat on the beach watching them. After observing them for a few hours we determined that there was going to be a slumber party later that night. We enjoyed watching them spar and play.

Between 5:00 and 5:30 we released John’s red balloons. We watched them float into the sky until we could no longer see them. We sat on the beach to talk and watch the ocean. We finished the castle and embellished it with the feathers, shells and rocks. Then we put three sunflowers in the front of it, said goodbye and left as it seemed that the tide would not come until early in the morning to wash it away.

The next morning my husband and I went back to the beach to see that the tide had washed the castle away. To our surprise the castle was still there! Even the flowers were still there. It appeared that debris had washed up and been deposited next to the moat wall. The children from the slumber party were at the beach and playing volleyball in the surf, their mothers standing nearby keeping a watchful eye on them. We decided to walk down to the beach to get a closer look at the castle. As we approached the castle we noticed that it had been modified. The top had been changed, instead of one top with three feathers sticking out of it; it now had four turrets with a feather sticking out of each one. The moat wall now had designs carved into it and there was another set of stairs carved into it on one side. It was then that we noticed that the "debris" was actually clothing from the kids and their mothers were standing in front of the castle! We had walked right between them and the castle and not realized it! John’s castle had stood all night and the children had claimed it as theirs. We left right away and laughed as we walked back across the beach towards the cliff. When we reached the top of the cliff and got into the car we looked down at the castle one more time; the children were back working on the castle.

We were delighted to see John’s castle live on for another day to bring joy to someone else. I hope that when they were ready to leave the beach the children all jumped and stomped and had a blast tearing the castle down.

I have been so sad and worried that there was no monument left for John. I wanted something useful like a bench. I could just picture people stopping there to rest and look out at the ocean. After remembering our experiences over the past few years, a sandcastle is a wonderful monument. Everyone enjoys it, people stop and look at it, comment and have their pictures taken with it. We all join together to build it. If the ocean doesn’t take it, others can enjoy it another day and give it another life. In this way John is honored by so many people and he continues to make people happy.

I treasure each time we get together and remember him in this way.

I hope that this story is uplifting and encouraging to all who dread the aniversary of their childs death. Peace and strength on the long journey ahead and congratulations on the path you have already walked.

[briansdad]

Just thought I'd share a photo of all of Brian's friends who helped with his car show on his angel date Sept 30th. They made my day.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d1/champion191/GroupPictureCarShow2006.jpg

[kathy714]

Dear brknhrt,i loved your story,i am glad you were able to enjoy something nice on such a sad day,anniversary and birthday's can be tough,in my case mine is both the same day,so last year we had a big bonn fire and celebrated Nate's birthday and angel date,we also sent off balloons,laugh,cried,and talked about all our favorite memories,played guitars,sang alot of Nate's favorite songs.Iam planning to do it every year,but i feel like this year is going to be tougher,i have been so down lately. But i am glad everything went well and the girls were able to enjoy the sandcastle,it does make you feel goood when you feel your son is still giving joy to people...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Jo,thank you for the beautiful poem,it is very touching,i also agreethat i also find going to the cemetary very peaceful and calming,i went the other day and brought Nate's dog,first we went over to the side where it is like a big opened field,so she could run around.At first she was find,then my dog got real wierd, i think she senses all the spirits and maybe Nathan,because every time i take her there she gets so freaked out.I don't know,but i know i feel Nate when i go,and i never really do when i visit other people,Nate has 2 other friends in the same cemetary,so i always think they are hanging together ....T/C Kathy,Nates mom

[kathy714]

Dear Jcsmom,I hope you found a little peace on John's angel date,you will be in my prayers...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[julsmom]

Peace to all - I'm trying to keep it together - 3 yrs ago today was the last time I talked with Julie, we didn't speak while she was away. She came home to borrow money and say goodbye. I am glad for a new job so I don't have to think - to bad it wasn't 24 hrs. a day. Bad night sleeping.

Peace and comfort, Lynda (and thanks for letting me be here)

[shanesmom]

I do not post very much, but do read,like all say, sad to see more moms and dads being put through this, 8 yrs.ago tonite at nine p.m eastern time, we took shane off life support, after 6 days, of no hope, light a candle for him, please.

[messenger]

SHANESMOM....................I KNOW THIS IS A BAD DAY FOR YOU..I AM SORRY...I LIT A CANDLE NOT ONLY FOR SHANE...........BUT FOR YOU AT MY HOME AND SAID A PRAYER FOR ALL....................MESSENGER

[illegalsmile20]

Hi my name is Brenda Dailey and my son is Derek Geibe. Derek was killed in an accident on 12-21-04 at age 20. Derek was killed in Auburn Ia and was to come back to Maine to come home after visiting his father.

It may take me a little bit to lear how to post my messages and how to get back to someone cause I'm not very good at the comp...I'm really looking just to maybe be there and the same results for me on the night's and days that are so hard..

I found out tonight that one of the boys friend's was killed at the same place as Derek. She was 17. Derek hit the back of a snowplow in a bad storm and was killed inmediatly...I hope to find someone I can talk to . If you can help please doby writting to me...Thank you all for this time...Love Brenda and Derek www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

[illegalsmile20]

Hi my name is Brenda Dailey and my son is Derek Geibe. Derek was killed in an accident on 12-21-04 at age 20. Derek was killed in Auburn Ia and was to come back to Maine to come home after visiting his father.

It may take me a little bit to lear how to post my messages and how to get back to someone cause I'm not very good at the comp...I'm really looking just to maybe be there and the same results for me on the night's and days that are so hard..

I found out tonight that one of the boys friend's was killed at the same place as Derek. She was 17. Derek hit the back of a snowplow in a bad storm and was killed inmediatly...I hope to find someone I can talk to . If you can help please doby writting to me...Thank you all for this time...Love Brenda and Derek www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

[maureensmom]

Hi, Brenda. It's nice to hear from you, even though my heart aches for why you are here. You did fine in your posting. You can either write to all of us on BI using the message board, or you can write individually to people, by clicking on the little letter icon at the left hand corner of our messages.

This is a wonderful place to get love and support, because all of us know what you are feeling. I'm 10 months out from the loss of my daughter from an accidental drug overdose.

I don't know, lately it has seemed worse than it's ever been. I've been so depressed that I have been coming home from work early. My boss absolutely will not tolerate that for very long, although he doesn't know it right now. Is there a way to just pull myself together better? I'm so tired.

Georgia

[julsmom]

Brenda - I hope that even just reading these posts can help, and well, you will get the hang of the computer and this group can help you.

Georgia - I am sorry you are having such a rough time. The numbness of the loss of your daughter is starting to wear off I bet, and now you are left with this new reality. Is there anyway you can talk to your boss about the problem - extra unpaid time off or different work hours? I will keep you in my prayers.

Peace to all, Lynda

[sarasmom87]

Hello. I'm new here. My daughter Sara died on 8/3/06, just a little over 2 months ago, at age 19. I've posted on the "teenager" board, but I thought I'd visit here too - Sara was right between teenager and adult. She had moved out of my house a year ago, and was living pretty much independently. She had taken a year off before college, and was working, living with her boyfriend, and planning to start college this fall - she had already enrolled and signed up for classes.

Sara died of heart failure. She had an underlying heart condition that had been diagnoses when she was 12, and closely monitored, but hadn't been considered high risk. It was a complete shock and surprise. My 13 year old daughter Rose and I were away visiting my family in Israel. My ex-husband found her in my house. She had collapsed while exercising on my treadmill. The doctors told me she died quickly, and there wasn't anything we could have done, even if we had been here.

I am in such pain, shock, and disbelief. My beautiful Sara is gone, my first baby, the light of my life. I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my life. I go on one day at a time, but I am completely confused and disoriented a lot of the time.

I've made a memorial website for Sara - www.sara-london-hinman.memory-of.com. I'm still working on it, and it is comforting to go through all the wonderful pictures, and read the message people write.

I've read through a lot of posts here - it is so sad to hear all the stories of loss, but also strangely comforting to know that I'm not alone in this devastation. I look forward to getting to know all of you better.

Peace,

Miv, mother of Sara, 4/17/87-8/3/06

[illegalsmile20]

Hi, Brenda. It's nice to hear from you, even though my heart aches for why you are here. You did fine in your posting. You can either write to all of us on BI using the message board, or you can write individually to people, by clicking on the little letter icon at the left hand corner of our messages.

This is a wonderful place to get love and support, because all of us know what you are feeling. I'm 10 months out from the loss of my daughter from an accidental drug overdose.

I don't know, lately it has seemed worse than it's ever been. I've been so depressed that I have been coming home from work early. My boss absolutely will not tolerate that for very long, although he doesn't know it right now. Is there a way to just pull myself together better? I'm so tired.

Georgia

[illegalsmile20]

Hi, Brenda. It's nice to hear from you, even though my heart aches for why you are here. You did fine in your posting. You can either write to all of us on BI using the message board, or you can write individually to people, by clicking on the little letter icon at the left hand corner of our messages.

This is a wonderful place to get love and support, because all of us know what you are feeling. I'm 10 months out from the loss of my daughter from an accidental drug overdose.

I don't know, lately it has seemed worse than it's ever been. I've been so depressed that I have been coming home from work early. My boss absolutely will not tolerate that for very long, although he doesn't know it right now. Is there a way to just pull myself together better? I'm so tired.

Georgia

[illegalsmile20]

DEAR FRIEND'S,

hI AND THIS IS TO EVERYONE. i'M JUST NEW SO IT MAY TAKE ME A MINUTE OR TOO TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ALL OF YOU. MY EMAIL IS Illegalsmile20@yahoo.com

iF YOU WISH PLEASE GIVE ME AN EMAIL AND I WILL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

I WAS SHOCKED LAST NIGHT THAT I GOT A REPLY AS FAST AS I DID.. IT FELT GREAT THAT AT 2 OR 3 IN THE MORNIING SOMEONE WAS AROUND.

I BELONG TO 6 GROUPS THE BIGGEST ON E BEING OF 700 MOMS. I THOUGHT SOMEONE WOULD REACH OUT AND TALK BUT NO ONE ONLY ON HERE................

I LIVE IN ROCKPORT MAINE SO I'M ON EAST COAST TIME... SO WHEN IT IS 3AM HERE IT IS 12 ON THE WEST COAST.....

I REALL FIND THIS GROUP AMAZING AND HOPE I FIND A HOME HERE. A LADY FROM CANADA CALLED ME LAST NIGHT AND SAID BRENDA YOU NEED TO GO . SO HERE I AM.

A LITTLE ABOUT ME. I LOVE TO DANCE AND I'M KNIDA KNOWN AS A PRANKSTER..I LOVE TOHE FOLK'S I KNOW AND HOLD THEM DEAR TO MY HEART. MY MOTHER OF 63 DIED 9 MONTH'S AFTER MY SON AND I HAVE 12 BROTHER'S AND SISTER'S . MY LITTLE BROTHER OF 35 HAS DOWN SYNDROM AND IS THE WORLD TO ME.... I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN MITCHELL SOUTH DAKOTA....I'M 44 AND HAVE 2 SON'S DEREK AND BREOTHER KYLE WHO JUST TURNED 21. I'M A TRUCK DRIVER AND A WELDER BY TRADE BUT NOW I'M ON SSI AS I HAVE FYBROMYAJIA......

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO WRITE OR CALL IF YOU WANT AS I'M RIGHT HERE. MY SON HAS A WEB SITE AND IF YOU HAVE ONE I TOO WOULD LIK EOT SEE IT..HERE IS DEREK'S SITE

WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/DEREK_GEIBE

LOVE AND HUG'S TO ALL

BRENDA AND DEREK

[donosmom]

I don’t post often but I read every day. We are just a few months past the 3 year mark and some days are ok, I am experiencing the joy with my new grandson and 3 years ago I would have never imagined feeling anything but the crippling pain of losing Matthew. I have gotten better at integrating Matthew’s death into my life, I am able to work and function almost as a normal person yet in the stillness of the night all the pain comes flooding back. I suppose the birthdays, holidays and other special days of his life will always be dreadful. Matthew’s birthday is approaching and once again I feel the anger, the fear of forever without him. I am struggling so much with the unimaginable being the truth.

I want to thank everyone for being here and so supportive on one another. This is not where any of us would have chosen to be but I am forever grateful for finding all of you.

Matthews Mama Mary

11/3/79 – 7/13/03

http://matthew-lebeau.memory-of.com/

[namarella]

I’m fairly new to this website, though I’ve been reading the posts and thinking about what everyone’s going through. We lost our son January 14, 2006 due to an interaction between several drugs he was taking while at a gathering with friends. He was a month shy of 24. Eric had been through so much with depression, drugs and alcohol and he’d put most of that behind him in the last two years. He lived with us while he went to community college and rediscovered his love for learning. He was an amazing person, gentle and kind, he loved gardening and animals; he was my best friend. His death has been really hard on his dad and me in so many ways. The day we buried him, our daughter went into labor with our first grandchild and we had to make the difficult choice of who would stay with the laboring daughter, who would attend the grave-side service. I’ve never had to make such a difficult decision, but think we made the right one (I stayed with our daughter, my husband went to the service).

We’ve just been coping since his death, doing what needs to be done... my husband and I have kept busy with work, taking care of our house and garden, traveling. I’ve noticed that grief is very portable, though - it goes everywhere with you. I had a lucid dream of Eric a couple weeks ago, right at the 8-month mark, and he basically told me he’s totally okay. The dream was very comforting to me, though it doesn’t make me miss him any less every day. I’m not sure we’re doing this “right,” but I don’t think there’s a roadmap for something like this which is, as everyone tells me, the worst thing a person can endure.

The words from folks who’ve been down this painful road a little further are very helpful to me - I wanted to thank you all for your compassion in sharing. It helps a lot to know that there are other people out there like us, who’ve found reasons to go on, that life can be good again.

Colleen, Eric’s mom

[daveydow1]

Illegalsmile--Brenda,

I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son Derek in a

highway accident. My son, David, also died in a wreck

in June/03. This road we're on is a hard one, as you

know. My prayers are with you, and may you have more

dreams of Derek soon. Take care and come back to BI.

Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Sarasmom--Miv,

I'm so sorry for your loss of dear Sara. I hope

you will find some kind of help and encouragement

here at BI. Everyone here knows the pain of losing

a beloved child. We are all at different points on

this sad path of grief, and I know I have found a

lot of helpful moms and dads here since I have come

to BI shortly after my son's death (6/14/03). May your Sara's

loving spirit help you along the way. Peace & Light.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Namarella--Colleen,

I'm sorry for your loss of your son Eric. No one

should have to buy their child. Please come back

to BI and post/read whenever you feel up to it.

We are all here to help anyone we can, as we all

struggle along this unwanted journey. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[erinnzmom]

Lynda,

I've been thinking of you. I'll remember Julie's angel date because it's Katie's birthday.. I lighted a candle for Julie on her angel day. I hope you find peace today. Will be praying for you and your family.

Hugs and prayers.

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[illegalsmile20]

Hi I would like to say to Daveydow that thank you for your reply. I miss my son so much. My other son is out visiting his dad and is to come home soon also. I hate them out there in Ia in the winter. It is just me and if something happened out here I would feel just as bad...

My son's girlfriend was killed last night,she was thrown form the truck and it landed on her. All but one of them stayed and she was gone then. They are still looking for the 21 year old that left as they caught the rest of them...

She was 17 years old....Please keep in touch as I'm new to this. If I'm posting wrong will someone please email me and tell me what to do....

Thank you mame and stay in touch ok.............Love and Hug's to you

www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

Please sign his GB if you visit we always keep up with those who sign....

Good Night....Love Brenda and Derek

[messenger]

DEAR ILLEGALSMILE20.........YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE POSTING!!!!!!!!!!!KNOW WE ALL ARE HERE FOR EACH OTHER AND GOING THRU THE SAME THING...........THE LOSS OF OUR CHILD...........ONLY DIFFERENT STORIES..........HANG IN THERE!!! NITE...........TO ALL

MESSENGER.............KEEPING YOU ALL...............IN MY PRAYERS

[illegalsmile20]

Dear Georgia, I love that name kinda like Brooklyn..I would like to say thatnk you for your welcome. I find comfort here. Please bare with me as my spelling is not that well. So how is your day ? As for here in Rockport Maine it feel's just like summer. We have had 4 earthquakes in the past 3 week's but we are still here...

So do you have a site for your child ? Derek's is www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

If you tell me your site I would love to go and check it out....Well I'm on eastern time and I'm a bit sleepy as it is almost 2am...I see my family from Germany is up and talking. We have a town of our own over there. I'm trying to learn German and they are learing English....

Take care my friend...............Love and Hug's Brenda and Derek

[illegalsmile20]

Good night my friend and I'm going to be right in here with ya"all ok..I hope to have a couple of friend's come this way also. Take care untill tomorrow ok.

Love and Hug's to your family and you

Brenda and Derek

www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

06-19- 84 12-21-04

[illegalsmile20]

Georgia, I hope this is your name or I also say Maurine's name on it. I want you to know that I know alot about the drug seen. Not just because of my boys but my past. I have been clean now for 22 years...I messup on perscrition drug's when Derek died but that was because a drug called Trazadone made me hulusionate. ( Cant Spell that Damm Word ) I though that I had Derek's bone's in my dresser and had to go back and get the rest. I also thought my 62 year old mother at the time was in our spare room with my little brother who has down syndrom...I went through this for 2 month's before I called the hospital and asked where I was..I would sit up at the end of the bed and watch as they did my son's autopsy ( CRYING ) and I can remember this as well as we are here talking... I have since fired my doctor.....

So please by all mean's honey let's talk ok..I can maybe answer some of the question's that you are looking for....I have done Meth or Crank almost 30 years ago and they think this is a new drug...NO NO NO..The MId West is in every other house in someone's barn. I know because I'm from S.Dakota and it was there then. I now live in Maine...But I have lived in Ga--OH---Ia--Fl--and now Maine. I was in the sevice also so I have been around...To old now soon ot be 45......You get in touch with me ok....Love and Hug's to you

Brenda Derek and ( D's Brother Kyle )

www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

06-19-84 12-21-04

[briansdad]

I have to relay this story. I seems that no matter what we do, after we lose our children everything we have to do regarding their death HAS to be a struggle. I had a dear friend who is in the bronze marker business ask me if I might like to have a marker made of bronze. They laser cut the text and even can do your Childs photo. It was going to be beautiful. Well when they went to get the OK from the cemetery the head grounds keeper said NOPE no bronze in my cemetery.

We asked WHY? He never gave us any reason other than it causes us problems. We explained that many other cemeteries allow them and his reply was "well they won't be in any of mine". Why do people have to be such asses.It's hard enough making the decision to get the marker? Then they have to fight you.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Illegalsmile20, I'm sorry to hear of your son's girlfriend. This is a tragedy. I read about your history with drugs, and want you to know I'm also a recovered addict, clean since 1980. I like being here since my daughter Jennifer died. She was raped and killed in 1996. Her birthday is next Monday. Be sure to take good care of yourself. Living in Maine, you're not far from me, down near New York City. It's alright, but I miss home, back in Canada. I think it's more that I miss Jennifer than I miss home. I'd give everything to have her back, just to be able to hug and kiss my little girl. Hope you have a good weekend. Try to do something good for yourself, so you can feel good about being you. Write anytime you'd like. We're here to listen. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Briansdad, I'm sorry one person can be so miserable. Your description is perfect! For me, I have no place for Jennifer's grave in a cemetery, so I've made a special place in my yard for her, a sacred place all her own. It's been difficult for me to come to terms with her death, so a permanent marker isn't there yet, but I think I'm about ready - maybe by spring. I'm also about ready for that trip to see where she died. It may overwhelm me, but I need to know. Does any of this make sense? She's my girl! It hurts so much, but then, maybe it's just that her birthday is coming up on Monday, and this is upsetting me. Take care. Maybe if you ask an attorney about that marker??? It's worth a try. I'm praying for you. Mark, Jenni's dad

[messenger]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER.......I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU AND PRAYING FOR YOU THAT YOU CAN FIND SOME PEACE FROM THIS TRIP....................YOUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME AS MINE...SEND SOME BALLOONS OFF INTO THE AIR FOR HER AND SEND YOUR LOVE

MESSENGER

[jasonsdad]

Our dear Son Jason, passed away 3 years ago today. Seems like yesterday and seems like an eternity. We all ask why us? I hope there is a reason and that We will be reunited someday. Maybe all of the pain in this world is so we will know what joy the afterlife will bring. Someone said that God would not be so cruel as to give us the ability to dream of eternal life without there being one. God bless you all! Dan

[julsmom]

Dan - our daughter passed away 3 years ago yesterday. My husband kept saying the same thing yesterday - seems like yesterday or seems like forever. May you find peace and comfort. Lynda

[jamiedawnsmom]

Brainsdad, I'm sorry you are having such a time with the grounds keeper. To me you should be able to put anything you want on your sons grave - after all, it is his "final" resting place. Sometimes it is just a power thing on their part.

Jamie is buried in a rural cemetery (a pasture really) a half mile from where I live - surrounded by fields, a pasture and trees. The pasture has horses in it and they were by the fence the last time I was at the cemetery - I thought of you then and what you had said about the horses. You don't even have to pay for your plots at this cemetery, just need to belong to the church. My father-in-law picked out the plots (8 of them) even before my husband was killed. At this time only Kim and Jamie are in those plots. Usually they don't want you to keep anything on the graves because it makes the mowing difficult. I told them I would take care of the graves myself so that is what I do and I can have whatever I want out there. I've planted sod and water it using Kim's 68 Ford pickup and a 100 gallon tank. I guess I feel closer to both of them by being able to do this. This summer was very hot and dry and the only two green spots in the cemetery were Kim's and Jamie's graves. Both Jamie's and Kim's friends have left things on their graves. It's the way it should be.

Jasons Dad, I love what you said in your post - I too hope that all this pain will be worth it in the end.

Take care.

Renee

[Guest Guest]

I am having a very difficult time and was hoping maybe this board would help. We lost our son on Sept. 29th 2006. He was on a walk around his home and was hit by a car and died the next day of severe brain trauma. He was 36 years old and has a wife, daughters 5 and 3, a son 2 and one due in Dec. I am beside my self and wish I could be more help to his family, but it is all I can do to get thru the day. She has her mom and dad with her and is up to her elbows in taking over my sons business. We have just moved close to him to help open his business in a near by town so we were just getting closer. I just can't believe what has happened. I am angry about the way the funeral and viewing went, not like he wanted, and I am angry about the donation of his organs, he also didn't want it. It just seems like he died and all anyone was concerned about was the show that could be put on. Now it feels like everyone has moved on and here I sit. I keep getting told each day will get better and I feel worse each day, then I feel guilty because I know how his wife must feel, this whole thing just stinks!Jeffery was born on Christmas and his little one is due about then, not sure I can deal with this. Sounds selfish doesn't it. I have a daughter left, she is 35 and has 2 boys. She was just diagnosed with Cervial Cancer and has to has surgery. When it rains it pours, so I have to get myself together and help her any suggestions?

Sorry for rambling, it just kinda starts spurting out.

Dori

[erinnzmom]

Dear Guest,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jeffrey and the illness of your daughter. It sure does seem that you are being hit with a lot of things at once. It is so fresh for you in the loss of your precious child.. Moving on..I don't think so.. It's been 14 months since the loss of my daughter..I read an email from a mom and it's been 38 years since this mom lost her daughter, and I talked to a dad today that lost his son 12 years ago.. He told me that you NEVER GET OVER IT AND DON'T LET ANY ONE TRY AND TELL YOU THAT YOU DO!!!! If they haven't walked in your shoes..they don't have a clue...We aren't supposed to bury our children..there is no manual on how to do this...a part of our heart has been ripped out and the pain is unbearable..But unfortunately we @ BI know how you feel and are here for you...anytime..you can talk.and we understand..it helps to know that you aren't alone that others have walked this path and survived...that you aren't crazy...Cut yourself a little slack.... the guilt and the anger are normal..if anything can be said to be normal in this abnormal place we've found ourselves in. When my daughter died, I had her 12 year old to raise, so I had to keep going, even though a big part of me didn't want to even want to do anything...I had to keep going for Katie and you'll have to keep going for your daugher and your grandkids...will you cry? all the time..I got really good @ crying in the shower, while driving,(probably not the best thing but I had it down pat, didn't close my eyes spent plenty of time on the road it was my alone time, no one to tell me not to cry or to get over it,) bedtime and the middle of the night, also, a good therapist was very important, and someone who can support you, you might be surprised who it turns out to be..

Sending you hugs and prayers.

Laurie,

Always Erinnzmom

[erinnzmom]

Messenger,

Happy Birthday! It'll be our 24th Anniversary on the 16th.My husband said he wanted a used Mercedes since that's a little out of my price range I got him a brand new Mercedes SLR McLaren Collectable die cut car LOL...we got married on my grandparents anniversary they had been married for 50 + years so I figured it was a good day! It was my aunt's birthday also.. Some of my favorite people were born in Oct. Katie turned 14 on the 13th. We did the whole Mall thing today....took her and her best friend and my friend and went shopping until we dropped!!!

Always My Jennifer,

Mark, you would have so enjoyed the girls today...They laughed and shopped and giggled and were just teenagers..Katie has such a good friend in Chelsea..Katie had birthday money and her dad came through with some gift cards..and 2 dozen pink roses...Katie had a list of things that she wanted and she was so cute..she was on a mission to get what she wanted..but her friend Chelsea was short of cash to buy something and Katie gave her the difference and Chelsea said she'd pay her back and Katie said no, you're my best friend and I love you and I want to do this...She reminds me so much of her mom, Erinn never had a lot..but she'd give you the shirt off her back,,,the day before Katie's birthday was such a bad.....day...it felt like the day I lost Erinn...the pain was just as raw and painful..I spent a big part of the day crying..Last year I gave Katie a Happy Birthday from Heaven Letter and I didn't know what to do this year..Erinn was with me when I went shopping cuz I found the perfect stand- up card with a sparkly heart that says "Daughter A Wish that simply says I love you." I put it in a great little box which is "Totally Awesome". I also gave her a Willow tree angel from her mom she's holding a rose and she's called the Loving angel..it seemed like the right thing to do... Sorry if I'm rambling but you always tell me to enjoy my Katie and today I did...

Will be praying for you as Jenni's birthday approaches and you spend time with your family and you take your trip..I hope that you find some measure of peace and closure. or whatever you need from this journey you're embarking on. As always Mary is in my prayers.

Hugs,

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[messenger]

DEAR ERINNZMOM..HI!! THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY GREETING!! HOW SWEET...IT WAS SO NICE TO READ YOUR POST.......SOUNDS LIKE YOU AND THE GIRLS GOT OUT AND HAD A GREAT DAY...........GOOD FOR YOU!!...IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU COMING ALONG SO WELL.............YOU WILL ALWAYS MISS YOUR DEAR DAUGHTER.........BUT ARE ABLE TO SMILE AGAIN..........GOD BLESS

MESSENGER

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Messenger, a very special and happy birthday to you! I hope you have a perfect day.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laurie, Happy Anniversary! Wow! Twenty Four. We just made it to twenty, which I was beginning to think wouldn't happen. I'd like my sweetie to be here for twenty-five, but it looks like we won't see that one. It's good to hear Katie has such a close and dear friend in Chelsea. It sounds like they had the perfect day. It's good that her dad was able to bring her those things. Tomorrow, I'll drive into the city with Jenni's stepsister, and we'll spend time at her mom's grave. Then we'll release a few balloons to Brenda and Jenni, have lunch, and then drive home. I have to leave for a week with my grandson. I'll be able to write while out of town except for travel days. Take care, and have a lot of fun. luvs, Mark, Jenni's dad

[daveydow1]

Lynda,

Praying that Julie's angel day was not too

difficult for you, although I know that it

probably was. May Julie's bright light shine

down on you & your family. Peace be with you.

Sherry

[daveydow1]

Illegalsmile- Brenda,

I'm so sorry about your son's girlfriend's passing.

What a tragedy--and only 17 yrs. old. Oh--I visited

Derek's memorial site. He is such a nice looking

young man. I'm glad I was finally able to get to the

site, but was not able to sign the guestbook successfully.

Don't know what went wrong there. Anyways, it is such

a beautiful site, and enjoyed your writings about your

dear son. If you would like to visit my son, David's,

site--it is at: david-georgedash1brownie2spot.memory-of.com

Take care and peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Alwaysmyjennifer--Mark,

You will be in my prayers tomorrow on Jenni's

birthday. Also, prayers for your dear wife, Mary.

Peace and comfort for your family.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Guest--Dori,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Jeffrey.

I pray for you and for his wife & children left behind.

I also pray that the new little child due in Dec. will

bring a measure of comfort to the family. Your anger,

and all the other emotions you are feeling now are

entirely understandable. Be patient with yourself--

it is so soon after your tragedy. My heart goes out

to all of you. Come back to BI. I lost my son, Davey,

age 31 6/14/03, and this site has been a lifesaver for

me. Everyone here knows your pain & sorrow. Please come

back whenever you can. Peace be with you all.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Jasonsdad,

I pray that Jason's angel day yesterday went

ok for you. May Jason's spirit always be near

to you and your family.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Jamiedawnsmom, Renee

It is nice that you are able to take care of

your daughter & husband's graves. I can understand

that it gives you comfort to care for their graves.

The cemetery sounds nice and serene in the country.

What state are you located in? Also, when is Jamie

Dawn's angel day? My prayers are for your peace.

Daveysmom, Sherry

Briansdad,

Sorry to hear of your difficulties with the cemetery

caretaker regarding the bronze memorial. I hope that

you are able to work something out with them so that

you can have the bronze installed. Who needs problems

like this? Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

Messenger,

Happy Birthday (a day late). Peace & Light

[erinnzmom]

Sherry,

I went to Davey's web site, What a handsome young man !!!!I can't wait to meet all of our kids when we get to Heaven..we'll have some party...I didn't know that you lost a daughter, too. I'm sorry for that loss also, Lisa must have been waiting for Davey to show him around..

Hugs and prayers,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[kathy714]

Hi to all,there are so many new post and so much going on i don't know where to start.First i hope everyone with birthday's and angel date's have made it through them ok,you are all in my thoughts,always,and also in my prayers.I have been reading every night,but i am on so late,and so much good stuff to read,when i finish,i realize how late it is.ALSO..I am so sorry to those who are new,Illegalsmile[brenda],Jamiedawnsmom[renee],Erinsmom[laurie], Dori,and Sara's mom ;and i am sorry if i missed anyone.This is a fantastic site,which gives so much support,and where we can talk about all the things that make us feel like we are losing it,and no one here will judge,because we all have walked in those shoes,at one time or another.Ihave been coming here for over a year,I Loss my sonNathan Jan31,2005 on his 21st birthday.Nathan was found under a van in a bank parking lot the morning of his birthday,he had left a small neighbor hood bar with someone he didn't know,and was only about 10 degrees that night,unfortunantly,the guy he left with was to drunk to remember any thing,and changed his story about 3 times,never gave a formal statement,and the police don't feel there is a problem with this,M.E,Stated cause of death,hypothemia,and alcholol intoxication.SORRY,i can go on forever about this which i am sure we all feel the same,but that is why i love it here,because we can,and no one will roll theirs eyes ,and say oh no here we go again....T/C all,you are all in my prayers

[jamiedawnsmom]

Daveysmom, Sherry

I live in western North Dakota, very rural. My father-in-law owns the land on two sides of the cemetery so it was pretty convenient to haul in black dirt for the graves. On the lighter side. My father-in-law (who's 82) and I dug out about a foot of dirt from Jamie's grave this spring to put in the black dirt. While he went over the hill with the tractor to get the dirt I'm standing in the grave digging dirt out. A paved country road runs past the cemetery so it gets some fairly good traffic. As I'm standing knee deep in the grave digging out the dirt I'm thinking that the people driving by are saying that crazy women is digging up her daughter. I still do have my sense of humor and I guess I'm glad for that. The stories I could tell. I\'m sure there are a few people who've thought I should be locked up but then what are my choices:( I'm sure Jamie got a good laugh out of it.

Jamie's angel date is December 23, 2005. She was 16.

Thanks for asking and take care.

Renee