Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Erinnzmom, Laurie

Thank you for visiting Davey's memorial site. I'm

afraid it is rather plain and sparse, but was my

first venture into this kind of web setup. Also,

thank you for your kind words regarding Lisa. She

was 6 mo. old, and died 36 yrs. ago from accidental

choking resulting in pnemonia. She died the year

before Davey was born. I still miss her. Yes, it is

my fervent hope that Lisa and Dave are together in

heaven---along with all our children from here at BI.

Take care and enjoy your wide open spaces in N.Dak.

I love that area. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[donosmom]

Daveydow1's mom your site for Davey is wonderful what a handsome young man. I know that I go to Matthews site often it brings a strange sort of peace.

[julsmom]

to all who posted regarding Julie's "angel" date, thank you. As expected while the day was bad it was not as bad as the days leading up to it. As many of you have experienced I was disappointed by some friends and some family, including her boyfriend - no note, no nothing. Such is life (death?). To all the new families, my deepest feelings and you have found safe harbor here at BI. Peace to all. Lynda

[illegalsmile20]

Hi I would love to say thank you for all of the support that I have gotton. Sorry I have been gone for a couple of days. I'm trying to help a friend who's son was murdered and is trying to get the case reopened.

I have been having a really hard time the last couple of month's. Alot of family has died and my son has tried so hard to get out here and cant. I try to listen and I do believe in God but I'm not real relijiouse and I still try. I feel as if I'm being punished for all the thing's in my life that I did wrong. I'm right at the end of giving up and saying hell as much as I try to be good something bad happen's. My son's girlfriend was just killed , My step daughter lost her baby and I lost 2 aunt's in 2 week's time.

I try to have a good sence of humor and like to sometime's laugh about what my boys did.. I like ot play a prank a time or to just to laugh..I just hate posting all the time with sad new's. I'm on SSi because of Fybromyalgia and I use to be a welder and a cross country truck driver.. Now before I even get up I try to help a mother who is sad and find out more bad new's as the day goes on...Why I ask.....No answer..The only good I have had is writting my group member's names down to send in a card to Derek's girlfriend's family.

Derek for a while would show up in my room with a strong smell of cotton candy as we owned a carnivla as he was growing up..But each night as I wrote down names the smell was really strong and even so my boyfriend could smell it.. I feel that I just want to say sorry I just give up.. My weakness is my children and when I dont have them or my mother than what do I have...

Just dont want to go anymore ya know.....Love ot you all

Brenda and Derek

www.geocities.com/derek_geibe

06-19-84 12-21-04

[messenger]

ILLEGALSMILE20...........HELLO............YOU ARE NOT............BEING PUNISHED FOR ANYTHING AND DONT EVEN THINK THAT...YOU HAVE HAD A LOT OF SADNESS IN YOUR LIFE AND IT IS WEARING YOU DOWN..BUT ..REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS HERE........ARE HERE TO HELP YOU...LIFT YOU UP ..MAKE YOU SMILE AND CARRY YOU THRU ANOTHER DAY......WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE AND FEEL YOUR PAIN.........HANG IN THERE...YOU KNOW WHERE YOU GO AFTER YOU GO SO FAR DOWN..................BACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU SON IS LETTING YOU KNOW..NO IT IS NOT THE END....YOU WILL SEE HIM AND ALL THE OTHERS YOU HAVE LOST IN GODS TIME..YOU ARE BLESSED TO HAVE SIGNS FROM YOUR SON!!!...DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER YOURSELF...WRITE ANYTIME.....WE CARE!!!!!!!!!! HOLD YOUR CHIN UP.......WE LOVE YOU

MESSENGER

[daveydow1]

Donosmom,

Thank you for visiting Davey's memorial site, and

for your kind words. You are right--it does give

comfort to just go to our children's sites and to

"visit" them there. It may seem odd to "other"

people (who have not lost children), but in this

life we all now find ourselves---we take our moments

of comfort whenever we can find it. Peace be with you.

[daveydow1]

Illegalsmile--Brenda,

Thank you for visiting David's memorial site, and for

the lovely tribute. I am so sorry that you have had so

many deaths of family and friends--all this and the

most heartbreaking of all--your dear Derek's passing too.

You are not being punished by God for the past. I believe

we all have those thoughts from time to time because of

the guilt we all feel over our children's deaths. You are

a lot stronger than you think you may be, and you are doing

a lot of good in your support of your friend who lost her

son. Just keep coming to BI to vent. We all know your pain

and roller coaster emotions. Everyone tries to help. It has

helped me so much to come here. Peace be with you.

[sallysmom]

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Life Will Never Be Like it Was

by sallysmom (Your email address will be listed)

My daughter Sally made me a mom in 1968, the happiest day in my life. She was a wonderful baby girl who was always smiling and waving to everyone. At age 10 months I adopted a puppy for her that she carried around put in her toybox and just loved her puppy so much. At 4 yrs old she learned how to read and read all the Golden Books I bought her. When she entered school her teacher was amazed when she told the teacher she could read. In her School Year Book she wrote at 5 yrs old that she wanted to be a dog doctor. She had 2 younger sibblings who she took care of like a little mother. She grew into a beautiful teen-ager and was in honors classes all through school, graduated with a regents diploma with honors and went on to Camden College. During college she worked at a local vets office and she was going for vet technician first. She also went to dog grooming school for one year. Between work, school and grooming animals she was a busy little bee. After she graduated and became certified she was able to care for all animals. She would also do pet sitting for extra money. She groomed all animals including birds and later on she started breeding cockatiels and as they hatched she would hand feed them with an eye dropper. She raised and sold birds over a 5 yr. period. Several years before she passed she also became a volunteer at the animal shelter during kitten season which is from approximately Feb. through Sept. because she explained to me that cats only breed certain times of the year. She told me if she didn\'t take all these tiny kittens in they would be put to sleep. She would buy the kitten formula and plenty of bottles to feed all the kittens. After the kittens were old enough to be adopted she brought them back to the shelter and people would remark how loveable these kittens were from the love she gave to them. My daughter was a very loving person who was always smiling and the life of every party, she had some sense of humor. During the 90\'s 2 of her close friends were diagnosed as having cancer and she had fund raisers for them and they were able to continue treatment until their deaths. She also brought hot dinners to some of the older people she knew from her grooming jobs who were alone and she felt sorry for them. She was an angel with her family and with me, always wanting to know if I needed anything or if she could do anything for me. After Katrina she raised 21,000. dollars grooming and pet sitting for free just asking for donations and of course many items for the pets that were in need. She had 2 trucks filled to capacity going to help all those poor victims in New Orleans. The night before she passed away she called me from her apt. and told me she went straight home after work because she was very tired and that she would see me tomorrow and told me she loved me as she always did. That next day was Monday when I received a call from her landlord to get over here quickly we have an emergency with Sally. I jumped in my car and headed to her apt. which was 10 min. away taking the highway. Fire engines and police cars were racing in the same direction I was going and they all exited on her exit. As I exited the highway and was heading toward her block I saw all the fire trucks, police cars and ambulances turning down her block and as I turned down her block I immediately knew my daughter had passed away. I parked my car 1/3 block away because the street was closed and ran toward her apt. and smoke was pouring out all the windows, fireman breaking windows and running up the stairs. There lying on a strip of grass covered in a white sheet was my daughter. Many of her animals had died with her. When the medical examiner came and examined her he told me that she was long gone before the fire had started and that perhaps one of the cats knocked a lamp over which started the blaze. I saw firemen bringing all her dead animals out who I later had cremated and put their ashes in her casket. Over 700 people attended her wake and everyone had a story about Sally how she did so much for so many people as well as animals and never asked what was in it for her. She was a giving person with a heart of Gold is what most people said but I knew that long before she passed. To bring up spirits I have to mention this: that I know when my Sally is near because I can smell the smell of the smoke that was pouring out of her apt. the scent comes and goes. My other daughter felt funny telling me this: that she knew her sister was near because she smelled smoke, something I didn\'t mention to anyone. I then admitted to her that I too smelled the same thing and felt Sally\'s closeness to me. Other people such as my sister and some of her friends at work had experienced the same thing and now I know I am not crazy. I am heart broken, I am hurting, I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything or even to get dressed some days. I actually feel that I am slowly dying inside. My husband, my daughter and I are on sleep medicine because none of us could fall asleep and stay asleep. I know if she could tell us that she wouldn\'t want us to be crying all the time and so so sad and miserable but we can\'t help it. I just keep telling her how much I miss her and can\'t wait to be with her again. Each day feels like torture and it worsens each day. The passing of time will not heal my heart or let me stop missing her and crying my heart out. So where does life go from here? How does normal come back? I have to confess to all that since her death I no longer pray. I prayed every day of my life and especially for my childrens\' health, well being and happiness and no one was listening, they were just selfish and took her away from me, so what the point in prayer? She missed so many years of life, she had so many plans, WHY?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Staten Island New York, I too lost my 38 year old daughter on August 21, 2006.

This is your story will appear. Please review the information carefully. If you are satisfied, click "Send". If you need to make corrections, click "Edit this information".

[sallysmom]

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Jump to ChannelCaregiving & Terminal IllnessDeath & the SpiritFuneralsGrief SupportGrieving ChildrenHealing From LossSudden & Violent Death

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Life Will Never Be Like it Was

by sallysmom (Your email address will be listed)

My daughter Sally made me a mom in 1968, the happiest day in my life. She was a wonderful baby girl who was always smiling and waving to everyone. At age 10 months I adopted a puppy for her that she carried around put in her toybox and just loved her puppy so much. At 4 yrs old she learned how to read and read all the Golden Books I bought her. When she entered school her teacher was amazed when she told the teacher she could read. In her School Year Book she wrote at 5 yrs old that she wanted to be a dog doctor. She had 2 younger sibblings who she took care of like a little mother. She grew into a beautiful teen-ager and was in honors classes all through school, graduated with a regents diploma with honors and went on to Camden College. During college she worked at a local vets office and she was going for vet technician first. She also went to dog grooming school for one year. Between work, school and grooming animals she was a busy little bee. After she graduated and became certified she was able to care for all animals. She would also do pet sitting for extra money. She groomed all animals including birds and later on she started breeding cockatiels and as they hatched she would hand feed them with an eye dropper. She raised and sold birds over a 5 yr. period. Several years before she passed she also became a volunteer at the animal shelter during kitten season which is from approximately Feb. through Sept. because she explained to me that cats only breed certain times of the year. She told me if she didn't take all these tiny kittens in they would be put to sleep. She would buy the kitten formula and plenty of bottles to feed all the kittens. After the kittens were old enough to be adopted she brought them back to the shelter and people would remark how loveable these kittens were from the love she gave to them. My daughter was a very loving person who was always smiling and the life of every party, she had some sense of humor. During the 90's 2 of her close friends were diagnosed as having cancer and she had fund raisers for them and they were able to continue treatment until their deaths. She also brought hot dinners to some of the older people she knew from her grooming jobs who were alone and she felt sorry for them. She was an angel with her family and with me, always wanting to know if I needed anything or if she could do anything for me. After Katrina she raised 21,000. dollars grooming and pet sitting for free just asking for donations and of course many items for the pets that were in need. She had 2 trucks filled to capacity going to help all those poor victims in New Orleans. The night before she passed away she called me from her apt. and told me she went straight home after work because she was very tired and that she would see me tomorrow and told me she loved me as she always did. That next day was Monday when I received a call from her landlord to get over here quickly we have an emergency with Sally. I jumped in my car and headed to her apt. which was 10 min. away taking the highway. Fire engines and police cars were racing in the same direction I was going and they all exited on her exit. As I exited the highway and was heading toward her block I saw all the fire trucks, police cars and ambulances turning down her block and as I turned down her block I immediately knew my daughter had passed away. I parked my car 1/3 block away because the street was closed and ran toward her apt. and smoke was pouring out all the windows, fireman breaking windows and running up the stairs. There lying on a strip of grass covered in a white sheet was my daughter. Many of her animals had died with her. When the medical examiner came and examined her he told me that she was long gone before the fire had started and that perhaps one of the cats knocked a lamp over which started the blaze. I saw firemen bringing all her dead animals out who I later had cremated and put their ashes in her casket. Over 700 people attended her wake and everyone had a story about Sally how she did so much for so many people as well as animals and never asked what was in it for her. She was a giving person with a heart of Gold is what most people said but I knew that long before she passed. To bring up spirits I have to mention this: that I know when my Sally is near because I can smell the smell of the smoke that was pouring out of her apt. the scent comes and goes. My other daughter felt funny telling me this: that she knew her sister was near because she smelled smoke, something I didn't mention to anyone. I then admitted to her that I too smelled the same thing and felt Sally's closeness to me. Other people such as my sister and some of her friends at work had experienced the same thing and now I know I am not crazy. I am heart broken, I am hurting, I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything or even to get dressed some days. I actually feel that I am slowly dying inside. My husband, my daughter and I are on sleep medicine because none of us could fall asleep and stay asleep. I know if she could tell us that she wouldn't want us to be crying all the time and so so sad and miserable but we can't help it. I just keep telling her how much I miss her and can't wait to be with her again. Each day feels like torture and it worsens each day. The passing of time will not heal my heart or let me stop missing her and crying my heart out. So where does life go from here? How does normal come back? I have to confess to all that since her death I no longer pray. I prayed every day of my life and especially for my childrens' health, well being and happiness and no one was listening, they were just selfish and took her away from me, so what the point in prayer? She missed so many years of life, she had so many plans, WHY?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Staten Island New York, I too lost my 38 year old daughter on August 21, 2006.

This is your story will appear. Please review the information carefully. If you are satisfied, click "Send". If you need to make corrections, click "Edit this information".

http://www.colonialfuneralhomesi.com/visitations/View.php?id=270

[shuugar]

http://www.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=6695&page_no=1

Virtual Memorials this is the memorial I did for my son.He's been gone 6 months now and I can't stop crying.I spent a few days making the memorial ( I will keep adding to it ) I miss him so much.He was my Loving and caring child.

[erinnzmom]

Shuugar, Cindy,

First of all, I'm sorry for the loss of your son James. I visited his web site it's beautiful! My daughter, Erinn,was 31 and she has been gone for almost 15 months and I'm still crying... so 6 months is still so fresh and raw.. I'm glad that you found this web site..You can come here and we all know how you feel..unfortunately there are always new members joining our group...Would you mind sharing what happened to your son James? Looking at the web site I saw that there were pics of him 4 days before his angel date. That's what we call it here. It sounds so much better than the day they died. Doesn't it? My daughter died unexpectedly, too..I don't think that it's ever easy to lose a child but..one day you're talking to them and the next they're dead..and they leave such a big empty hole in your heart.The pain is in indescribable. I know that we will see them in Heaven but that doesn't seem to help right now does it? I'm going to post now..the lights are flickering I'm afraid I'm going to lose my power

Hugs and prayers.

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[shuugar]

My son James was a diabetic since 1998.His health was not taken care of properly, Because anyone can find this site and see exactly what is written,I can not go deep into my opinions as to why I think He died.His children seem to be getting on well and his wife started dating about two weeks after his death (as told to me by their daughter)It's sad how we tend to take things for granted.Not having all my children here on earth with me was something that I never would have thought would happen.I know this is not something you ever get over,but learning to live with this is my problem.

[sallysmom]

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Welcome Anita

Log out I am not Anita

Jump to ChannelCaregiving & Terminal IllnessDeath & the SpiritFuneralsGrief SupportGrieving ChildrenHealing From LossSudden & Violent Death

Preview your story

Life Will Never Be Like it Was

by sallysmom (Your email address will be listed)

My daughter Sally made me a mom in 1968, the happiest day in my life. She was a wonderful baby girl who was always smiling and waving to everyone. At age 10 months I adopted a puppy for her that she carried around put in her toybox and just loved her puppy so much. At 4 yrs old she learned how to read and read all the Golden Books I bought her. When she entered school her teacher was amazed when she told the teacher she could read. In her School Year Book she wrote at 5 yrs old that she wanted to be a dog doctor. She had 2 younger sibblings who she took care of like a little mother. She grew into a beautiful teen-ager and was in honors classes all through school, graduated with a regents diploma with honors and went on to Camden College. During college she worked at a local vets office and she was going for vet technician first. She also went to dog grooming school for one year. Between work, school and grooming animals she was a busy little bee. After she graduated and became certified she was able to care for all animals. She would also do pet sitting for extra money. She groomed all animals including birds and later on she started breeding cockatiels and as they hatched she would hand feed them with an eye dropper. She raised and sold birds over a 5 yr. period. Several years before she passed she also became a volunteer at the animal shelter during kitten season which is from approximately Feb. through Sept. because she explained to me that cats only breed certain times of the year. She told me if she didn't take all these tiny kittens in they would be put to sleep. She would buy the kitten formula and plenty of bottles to feed all the kittens. After the kittens were old enough to be adopted she brought them back to the shelter and people would remark how loveable these kittens were from the love she gave to them. My daughter was a very loving person who was always smiling and the life of every party, she had some sense of humor. During the 90's 2 of her close friends were diagnosed as having cancer and she had fund raisers for them and they were able to continue treatment until their deaths. She also brought hot dinners to some of the older people she knew from her grooming jobs who were alone and she felt sorry for them. She was an angel with her family and with me, always wanting to know if I needed anything or if she could do anything for me. After Katrina she raised 21,000. dollars grooming and pet sitting for free just asking for donations and of course many items for the pets that were in need. She had 2 trucks filled to capacity going to help all those poor victims in New Orleans. The night before she passed away she called me from her apt. and told me she went straight home after work because she was very tired and that she would see me tomorrow and told me she loved me as she always did. That next day was Monday when I received a call from her landlord to get over here quickly we have an emergency with Sally. I jumped in my car and headed to her apt. which was 10 min. away taking the highway. Fire engines and police cars were racing in the same direction I was going and they all exited on her exit. As I exited the highway and was heading toward her block I saw all the fire trucks, police cars and ambulances turning down her block and as I turned down her block I immediately knew my daughter had passed away. I parked my car 1/3 block away because the street was closed and ran toward her apt. and smoke was pouring out all the windows, fireman breaking windows and running up the stairs. There lying on a strip of grass covered in a white sheet was my daughter. Many of her animals had died with her. When the medical examiner came and examined her he told me that she was long gone before the fire had started and that perhaps one of the cats knocked a lamp over which started the blaze. I saw firemen bringing all her dead animals out who I later had cremated and put their ashes in her casket. Over 700 people attended her wake and everyone had a story about Sally how she did so much for so many people as well as animals and never asked what was in it for her. She was a giving person with a heart of Gold is what most people said but I knew that long before she passed. To bring up spirits I have to mention this: that I know when my Sally is near because I can smell the smell of the smoke that was pouring out of her apt. the scent comes and goes. My other daughter felt funny telling me this: that she knew her sister was near because she smelled smoke, something I didn't mention to anyone. I then admitted to her that I too smelled the same thing and felt Sally's closeness to me. Other people such as my sister and some of her friends at work had experienced the same thing and now I know I am not crazy. I am heart broken, I am hurting, I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything or even to get dressed some days. I actually feel that I am slowly dying inside. My husband, my daughter and I are on sleep medicine because none of us could fall asleep and stay asleep. I know if she could tell us that she wouldn't want us to be crying all the time and so so sad and miserable but we can't help it. I just keep telling her how much I miss her and can't wait to be with her again. Each day feels like torture and it worsens each day. The passing of time will not heal my heart or let me stop missing her and crying my heart out. So where does life go from here? How does normal come back? I have to confess to all that since her death I no longer pray. I prayed every day of my life and especially for my childrens' health, well being and happiness and no one was listening, they were just selfish and took her away from me, so what the point in prayer? She missed so many years of life, she had so many plans, WHY?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Staten Island New York, I too lost my 38 year old daughter on August 21, 2006.

This is your story will appear. Please review the information carefully. If you are satisfied, click "Send". If you need to make corrections, click "Edit this information".

http://www.colonialfuneralhomesi.com/visitations/View.php?id=270

[ronsmom]

Hello to All: I haven't been in here for a few weeks, thought I would take a break. I really thought I could "talk myself" into being OKAY and just start moving and things would be better. So wrong. I had a sister visit me who I looked forward to coming, and was so hoping we could spend hours talking about my Ronnie and how I am feeling, but I had to keep that MASK on, I could feel the tension whenever I would bring it up and it was uncomfortable to go as far as I wanted (and needed) to go with the topic of my feelings, and my miserable life, as it is now. So again I held back. I'm getting to be pretty good at hiding everything anymore. Wish I could Hide my Whole Self from the world.......I pushed myself til now, but its the "weekend" and for some reason it always gets tough on the weekend. I fought back the tears all week long, (thats a first in almost 17 months), but today they are staying right at the surface and keep slipping down my face. I so hate being this way. I'm beginning to really worry about my 2 surviving kids, will they think I don't care about them since I dwell on their brother so much? They are adults too, and I so want to be a happy mom still for them, but I don't know how too......really losing it here tonight. This seems to hit me harder when my husband lets his guard down and looks soooo lost, it just KILLS me inside, (as if its possible to kill something thats already dead)..sorry guys, I really thought I could come in tonight and give hope to you new comers to this web site and say it does get softer, or you do get light days. Which you do, but I won't lie, you still get right back to the bottom, its a circle, and as all circles theres no end.

I am so sorry for all of you coming here. I have made one on one contact with several people on this website and if it weren't for my new "friends" and this site I would've have been dead myself a few months ago. So hang in here, go talk to some of these folks one on one and you'll develope a friendship unlike any you have known before without ever seeing this person face to face, because we are ALL in this horrible horrible place together and were the only ones who understand why we cry, why were empty and why we don't know what to do with ourselves any longer......I'm so sorry for all of us........

blueskies to you: Bonnie

[erinnzmom]

Hi Bonnie,

I know why it's worse for me on the weekend. My Erinn died on a Sat. night and she always called or came over on Sunday. It's been almost 15 months and here I sit @ 12;25 Am and you wrote @ 11:07 pm . We're something aren't we? But we don't have to put on a Mask here. we don't have to pretend that we're okay..when we're not..I'm sorry that your sister couln't let you share about your Ronnie..we so need to share and cry and do whatever we need to do..and you'd think that we'd be able to do it with the people that are supposed to be closest to us..but we know that it's not true..Wouldn't it be nice to talk ourselves into being OKAY? Don't think that'll ever happen..I don't know if you remember or not but I took a big test 11 weeks ago. It was the Lactation Consultant Exam. We just got the results on Thurs..I should have been feeling joy and excitement. Right?? I'm glad that I passed cuz I studied really hard but the exhilartion and excitement and joy that used to be there is gone..It left when my daughter died..I know what you mean about short changing your other kids.. well I don't have any other kids but I'm raising her daughter, Katie, she's 14. She just turned 14 last week and we did the whole mall thing..but ....the person who I was before my Erinn died is gone..and this person...does laugh and smile and put on the mask around other people..but it's not the same..I hope some day that I won't feel so raw..it feels like it just happened..having Kate's birthday brought it all back again..not like it ever goes away..but you know what I mean...It's getting dark earlier here in Maine and that means the holidays are coming and it'll be our 2nd one without her and I just don't want to do it. If I could click my heels and say there's no place like home and be with Erinn I'd do it..I'm so tired of people telling me that my job isn't done, that people are depending on me...What if I don't want to do it anymore? I know that it's not an option but if the world ended tomorrow I wouldn't be sorry. How is that for gloom and doom? Sorry guys. I wouldn't do anything. This being left behind is awful..wouldn't do it intentionally to anyone. I was watching one of thos CSI shows and one of the characters said you pick out your kids cribs you shouldn't have to pick out their coffins.

Hugs and prayers.

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[mamabets]

Hi Everybody~ Have been trying to feel better after a week being down with the flu- Have been reading, for the last 24 hours Elizabeth Edwards book, "Saving Graces"- A MUST for ALL!! xo She devotes so much of it to her online family, that she has created for herself, after losing her son, wade , in 1996. She talks about how her "family", like ours here, has been the place where she can go to and ALWAYS be so understood- I feel as if I am sitting at her kitchen table, because we ALL know the magic, if you will, of being here together...xoxo I love you all and I TRULY could not be doing this if not for all of you. When I think of how and when I found you all, and how and when you all have found me- Where would we be? All of the love and understanding- The wee hours, like now, of the AM that I run to all of you, newcomers alike, when I so miss my Danny. I open my heart to all of you, and know that my email-huntross4@aol.com, is ALWAYS open too. Danny and I have life work, yet to do, by helping all that we can. It is our obvious calling now, and together, we do the very best that we can for all of you. We know each other all to well- We need each other desperately. Danny and I love you all, we admire your courage, and we will be in your hearts, we hope, for the duration.xoxomamabets

[ronsmom]

ERINNZMOM:...thanks for your comments..thats why I come here. I don't know why I said 17 months its not 17 months yet (maybe it just seems like it) it was july 4th 2005 so thats only 15 mos..almost 16 arrghhh, I don't really know what year it is anymore, and besides Does it Matter? I'm just thankful that the weekend is almost over. I am guessing they are depressing for us cause thats when the kids usually made an appearance (to find food) and were missing Ron popping in. Also it was a holiday so it "felt" like a weekend. All I know is we hate them. Depression really kicks into overdrive. Yes theres no real joy anymore, just this emptiness in a shell thats walking around waiting to be "called"..whatever.

MAMABETS: THANKS so much for our conversation today, I was doing an Open House and when we hung up I had a woman show up to see our home, We were talking and she tells me she is renting a small house right now because they had to sell theres 4 years ago, they were paying Dr's and Hospitals trying to save their "SON" from Cancer...he passed on, and they are just getting on their feet and ready to get a home again, she had her 2 little grandchildren with her. YOU Betsy JUST told me about the Special People meet during this journey. How ironic seconds later Ding Dong someone is at my door. This stranger and I sat and talked for quite a while, I think we both forgot she was there to maybe buy my house, but neither of us cared about that!.......I have also met several women in this forum that have become such special people to me, and I sincerely think they have kept me alive these past months. Just writing in here seems like a simple thing but to know others can relate to my babble makes such a world of difference in this pain. Like the Commercial "I want to Tell Someone"!!!

My second Christmas is coming up too. Last year my family an I Ran Away. Literally! I rented a condo and we just up and left, no holiday for us. This year my oldest son wants me to do the traditional one, I know I will have to do it for his 2 little ones if for no one else, Ron had all those special christmas's I want my grandbabes to have those memories too, although I'm not sure exactly HOW I'm going to manage to pull that off this year, its sure going to be rough. (I'd rather run away again).....

We are so stuck in our life right now. Ron owned a townhome and we are trying to get it sold in a dead market. It has become emotionally as well as financially draining..always going up there (hour drive), everything is on hold until that gets sold and we can be relieved of one more peice of the agony.

..my thoughts are with you all in here,I feel your pain, I know your fears, I know your wants and wishes, I hear you. When no one else does, remember "I" HEAR You!!! take care, and blueskies tomorrow!

Bonnie

[mamabets]

For Erinzmom- Hi Laurie- What is your schedule this week? I want to call and chat!! I need to hear you and your sweet giggle!! Special love and hugs to you and Miss Kate!! I love you~ xoxoxmamabets

[mamabets]

For Ronsmom~ How much did you HELP that woman today, I can only imagine~ Isn't it amazing how things like that can happen-???? Believe it or not, Bonnie- These are the things that keep us going and make up our book of oh, so, special people- YOU made her day, and mine, easier...xoxo These are the miracle parts of this journey, and like I said to you today, things like this really do have a way of reaching down into the core of who we are and make us light up once again- Light up like we never did before, believe it or not- I don't think that it was ever a "taking for granted type of thing"-I just knew that Danny would NEVER die- Never crossed my mind- Then, one day I had a passing thought, surreal like, and 6 weeks later, he was gone from here- BUT, he, and Ronnie, are STILL here, as are all of our angels, and their hands and hearts guide us to all kinds of special places, like the one today...Like all of us being here together on Beyond Indigo- You being there for this poor, poor woman today??? You gave her hope,a hope that she so desperately needs, now that she has known what it is like to watch all of hers disappear right on front of her life~ Losing a child? Yes, the absolute worst!!!But, somehow, participating in a kind of new kind of hope once again...It comes from being so desperate and it does find you, just like today did- I love you!! xoxomamabets

[kathy714]

Hi Everyone,i was just reading about what people posted about weekends,i truely agree,lately i hate the weekends,i seem to stay up all night and sleep all day,i just feel like there is nothing to get up for anymore.It will be 2 years in Jan since i loss Nathan,and,i don't know but i feel like i suddenly just got slapped in the face with it.It seems like i am crying all the time again,when i think of Nate,i lose my breath,i feel like i am back at square 1,or like Bonnie said it's a circle and there just is no end...yOU are all in my thoughts and prayer..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

For All~ I just read something beautiful, and I wanted to share it with all of you~

"Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before...

They are now wherever we are..."

I will try to get comfort from this quote for the rest of my days, for I feel that it says it all...I love you!!! xoxomamabets

[enufalreddy]

Hello everyone...I haven't been here in a while. I can so relate to everything that Erinnzmom is saying. I'm not the same person. I don't have the same spark of enthusiasm for the future or the present. I just want to get through it most days. Walt was gone 18 months on the 19th of Oct. I don't know how to feel anymore. I wish my daughter in law would keep in touch with me. She seems to avoid contact and that separates me from Sarah(my granddaughter).It hurts and I can't seem to get her turned around. So I keep in touch through the mail. Sarah is 9 years old now. I am starting a bereavement group therapy on Nov. 7th that is run by the local Hospice. I'm hoping it will help me. But I've been doing better coping most days anyway.I finally stopped trying to keep Walt here and let him go to be where he needs to be until I can be there with him.And I stopped visiting here as often because I have to admit that coming here and reading the posts does keep me worked up.I try to stay busy loving the people I care about who are still here on this earth.It gets easier if I let it.It's still the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life.I'll never be the same. But I need to be here for those who are still here and in need of my love and attention.I can't be here for anyone if I'm a basket case all the time. So I work on keeping my " basket case" days to a minimum. With a lot of prayer and a lot of help from my friends...like Mamabets.Hang in there to anyone who is new to this. It never gets easy but it gets survivable. Peace to all, Erma

[mamabets]

For All~ We WILL see our kids again, and when we do, they will be waiting, we will run to them, and nothing will EVER separate us from them again~ If Danny hadn't made a believer out of me from the very beginning of this, I NEVER could be surviving it- NO WAY!! But, he did, he continues to, and therefore let me promise you all- We will be with them one day, and with each day that passes, it brings us closer to that day. With time, the thought of it makes this life that much more livable, and eventually, lovable.. Just as our kids would want it to be for us. Be patient with yourselves and love yourselves through it all- Know that our angels love us more than ever, and that we are all here for each other~ I love you all too!! xoxomamabets

[daveydow1]

For Ronsmom---Bonnie,

I know what you mean about weekends, and Sundays in

particular, being so very painful for us. As you said--

it's usually on the weekends that our grown kids

come home and hope to get a meal or some special

foods that they loved as small kids or teens. Sometimes I feel

like my heart is a piece of stone, but then I don't

think a stone would ache so. I do hope that you can

get all your real estate sold and all the 'junk' that

goes with selling property. I'm sorry you have been

having such a bad time of it. Just come back here,

and let us know how you are doing. I pray you can

somehow find some comfort on this journey. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Enufalready--Erma,

I hope and pray that Walt's angel day went as

good as can be expected for you. I think that

our children look down on us on those heart-

wrenching days, and give us a little bit of

light to make our day go better. Take care,

and peace be with you, Erma.

Daveysmom--Sherry

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

I'm glad you said that we WILL see our children

again. I believe this too. I think that the hope

of seeing our children again is what keeps me

going. To me---not having that hope would just be

too terrible and gloomy. Glad you are pretty much

over your flu. Peace & Light to you.

Sherry

[daveydow1]

For Erma,

P.S. Don't feel bad about being a "basket case".

I think that we are ALL "basket cases" from

time to time. It's something we can't help.

After all--losing a child is the absolute

worst thing to happen to a parent. Step back

and rest and take a break when you need to,

and come back to BI when you feel a little

stronger. Peace to you.

Sherry

[kathy714]

Dear Erma,i am sorry to hear that your daughter-in-law doesn't stay in touch,i don't know why people seem to cut ties when we lose our children,there are so many people that never call me any more,even though as they all walked through Nate's wake,they all said they would be here for me,last i have seen of most of them.I have pretty much accepted my new life of lonlieness,i have filled my life with going to work,gym and support groups,and then at night when i can't sleep i surf the net[lol],Maybe it is to painful for your daughter-in-law to see you,maybe you can make some kind of arrangement to pick up your grandaughter once a week,tell her how important it is to you.I hope things work out for you,sorry to say i hate this new life ,the life after Nate...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,Betsy,i think of that day every day i wake up,i can not wait for the day i get to hold my son again,and see his beautiful smile.I have seen a few kids that either looked or just reminded me of Nate,and when i saw them it stopped me in my tracks,and i just kinda stare.One day i was driving down a road where you hardly ever see anyone walking,and all the sudden i see this boy walking towards me ,it looked just like Nate,i almost died,after i passed i kept looking in my rear view mirror until i could no longer see him....this is how we now live our life,hoping for any little connection we can get..xoxo..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

For All~ I came across another quote that I wanted to share with all of you- Together, we HAVE met this head on, and we are running the course TOGETHER...

"Hide it, talk around it, postpone it, pretend it isn't there~ In the long run, grief will never go away until it is met head on and allowed to run it's course"

The beautiful memories, the miracles that we still share with our kids, and the love and life that they still share with us is ours forever~ The path that they are all making for us, as they guide us to the softer road, are what their living legacy's are all about~ The "grief" can, and will, go away, as it one day will be replaced with all that once felt wonderful...And,side by side, our race against "grief" will have reached the finish line, and we ALL will be our angels winners! I love you!! xoxomamabets

[ashleysmom]

Mamabets, perfectly put! I also don't believe it will go away until we are with them again, but we certainly have to meet it head on. It would be easier to try and avoid it, but it eventually catches up. Nasty thing grief is!

Just got back from a week and a half in Daytona. First time on the east coast of Fl. It was just what the doctor ordered. We needed a vacation so desperately. My husband and I were really on the outs before the vacation. I really contemplated divorce. Didn't want to live the rest of my life this way. Thought it was my husband. It is just my life in general, without Ashley. Vacation gave me a new perspective, if only for a while. I really missed Crystal and Emma, couldn't wait to see them again. Came home on my birthday, spent the day with Emma. It was not nearly as bad as the last two without my Baby.

Kathy, I have also thought I have seen Ashley. I followed a car, just like hers for quite a while one day. I finally snapped out of it and realized of course that it was not Ashley, but then I wonder....I never did catch up. Maybe just a glimpse of my Baby happy! She was so happy to drive and be independent!!!

Peace and love to all today, Dottie

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom~ Hi Dottie- I am soooo glad that you got away and went to Florida-!! My Danny Boy must have been with you- He was my Florida kid that took after me~Loved it for all of the wrong reasons, like permanent tan feet!! LOL!! That was then, of course- Danny is always with us now, this we know for certain...Anyway, the sunshine state is a GREAT place to run to and regroup... We LOVED Florida and I am so happy that you have looked at the big "life" picture- Where is it that you guys live? We are in North Carolina,yet we still have so many in Florida- My Mom, brother, a sister, her daughter, a special cousin and her terrific hub... Know that you and your hubby have been through a terrible thing, together, with Crystal and Emma- Me and my hub, my second hub, have been torn apart since Danny departed, my Jackie and my son in law have struggled, and her Josh never even MET Danny, but united we will ALL stand, for always, for our angels,right?!? The BEST of families are put to the almighty test when it comes to this; some can not continue to stay together, and I certainly understand that too. You guys have done a great job, making it through this so far. We all have done the best that we know how, and I am so very proud of all of us that have been able to make it this far~ I love you, Dottie- Email me, if you want to, at huntross4@aol.com xoxomamabets

[cc66512]

GOOD EVENING ALL,,,,,,,,,,THIS HAS BEEN A LONG LONG WEEK....TODAY MARKS THE 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE LOSS OF MY BELOVED SON BRIAN,,THE LONGER IT IS THE WORSE IT IS FOR ME,, NOW THIS WEEK WE BURIED HIS GRANDFATHER AND RETURNED HOME TO THE NEWS THAT OUR UNCLE WHO ALSO HAD JUST BURIED HIS BROTHER GOT HOME TO FIND OUT HIS SON HAD A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK AND DIED .. THIS HAS BEEN THE ABSOLUTE WORSE YEAR OF OUR LIVES... I WILL BE SO GLAD WHEN ITS OVER... IT TAKES ME HRS TO GO TO SLEEP AND THEN IN A COUPLE OF HRS I AM BACK UP ROAMING THE HOUSE LIKE A LOST SOUL.....SO,,,,,I HAVE NOT BEEN IGNORING YOU ALL,,HAVE BEEN PREOCCUPIED,,,WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK.. YOU ALL TAKE CARE

[messenger]

DEAR CC66512,,,,,,I AM SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN SUCH A BAD YEAR FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY..........KNOW WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER ............KEEP IN TOUCH WITH US...WE ARE LIKE FAMILY AND ARE HERE TO HELP EACH OTHER THRU THE GRIEF........WHICH SOMETIMES OVERWHELMS US

I PRAY THINGS WILL SLOW DOWN AND YOU WILL GET SOME GOOD NEWS..........HANG IN THERE..............MESSENGER

[kathy714]

Dear Cc66512,Iam so sorry for all the hardship that you are going through,2001 i had a year just like that.between my husband and i we had lost almost 10 family members,the toughest being his mom,then his sister cheryl,who was my best friend,then 2 weeks after her i loss my mom,then a couple of monthes later my husband's brother passed,it was awful,then in 2005,my grandmother passed away jan,16,then i loss Nathan on Jan31st,.IT SEEMS LIKE WHEN IT RAINS,IT POURS...You and your family will be in my prayers...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Thanks for thinking of me while I was on holiday. My grandson is the most adorable kid in the world (forgive my grandparent bias - hehehe). It's nice to be home, although the break from from the stress of caring for my wife was also a godsend. Now that I have some added freedom to travel, I think I'll start planning a trip to see where Jenni died. I need to do this. My other daughter and I were talking about her, and we both feel the same, that not a day passes without missing her. I hope and pray you all have peace. Do something special to care for yourselves. My thoughts are with you. Mark

[daveydow1]

Cc66512,

You have had so many deaths in your family in 1 yr.,

and I am so sorry that you are going through so much.

I hope you can somehow find some comfort after your

dear Brian's angel day 10-25. My prayers are for you

and your family; and for the souls of all those dear ones

who passed over in such a short period of time. Take

care and peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[cc66512]

Thank You all for the kind thoughts and words.At this point I am of no help to others,,,and I feel bad about it,, I guess it is me me me at this point..Today at the service for Steve (Our Cousin) all I could see was my Brian and then they played Go Rest High and I lost it...Strange thing is his nephew gave the eluogy and it was like he was talking about Brian also.... They were alot alike in as far as the kind soul ,,gentle heart ,, and true Love of family.. I will truly miss Steve and again jealous that he has arrived to be with Brian before I...Prayers and Thanks to all

Carole

[myjenn]

Hello Everyone,

It has been abut 6 weeks since I lost my daughter Jennifer in a car accident. I continue to be in a lot of pain and just cannot accept this life that I have been given. There was a mother here in Tucson that lost 2 of her sons in 2 days, one to a car accident and one to a shooting. I cannot comprehend her loss as losing one child has devastated me. I look at pictures of my Jennifer and can't believe she is really gone. I am back at the place I was at right after it happened, wanting to believe it is just a very bad dream. I can't stand being this unhappy and sad all of the time. I went back to work this past week, but only made it for 7 hours. Thank goodness I have an understanding boss and co-workers who are very supportive. I work at a retirement facility as the Program Director. I am the one who keeps everyone happy. My residents are all so worried about me and I am worried about myself. Today was the first day I felt like I might go crazy. I try not to bring everyone down with sharing how I am really feeling but I think about Jennifer constantly and miss her so much. I want her to come back. When will this pain get easier to bear? Everyone says it takes a long time after you have lost a child. I just want to feel normal again. I haven't posted for a few days but know that this is the one place where I can be completely honest. Thank you all for being here and helping me know that I am not alone in this. God's blessings to all of you. Elizabeth

[myjenn]

Hello Everyone,

It has been abut 6 weeks since I lost my daughter Jennifer in a car accident. I continue to be in a lot of pain and just cannot accept this life that I have been given. There was a mother here in Tucson that lost 2 of her sons in 2 days, one to a car accident and one to a shooting. I cannot comprehend her loss as losing one child has devastated me. I look at pictures of my Jennifer and can't believe she is really gone. I am back at the place I was at right after it happened, wanting to believe it is just a very bad dream. I can't stand being this unhappy and sad all of the time. I went back to work this past week, but only made it for 7 hours. Thank goodness I have an understanding boss and co-workers who are very supportive. I work at a retirement facility as the Program Director. I am the one who keeps everyone happy. My residents are all so worried about me and I am worried about myself. Today was the first day I felt like I might go crazy. I try not to bring everyone down with sharing how I am really feeling but I think about Jennifer constantly and miss her so much. I want her to come back. When will this pain get easier to bear? Everyone says it takes a long time after you have lost a child. I just want to feel normal again. I haven't posted for a few days but know that this is the one place where I can be completely honest. Thank you all for being here and helping me know that I am not alone in this. God's blessings to all of you. Elizabeth

[myjenn]

Hello Everyone,

It has been abut 6 weeks since I lost my daughter Jennifer in a car accident. I continue to be in a lot of pain and just cannot accept this life that I have been given. There was a mother here in Tucson that lost 2 of her sons in 2 days, one to a car accident and one to a shooting. I cannot comprehend her loss as losing one child has devastated me. I look at pictures of my Jennifer and can't believe she is really gone. I am back at the place I was at right after it happened, wanting to believe it is just a very bad dream. I can't stand being this unhappy and sad all of the time. I went back to work this past week, but only made it for 7 hours. Thank goodness I have an understanding boss and co-workers who are very supportive. I work at a retirement facility as the Program Director. I am the one who keeps everyone happy. My residents are all so worried about me and I am worried about myself. Today was the first day I felt like I might go crazy. I try not to bring everyone down with sharing how I am really feeling but I think about Jennifer constantly and miss her so much. I want her to come back. When will this pain get easier to bear? Everyone says it takes a long time after you have lost a child. I just want to feel normal again. I haven't posted for a few days but know that this is the one place where I can be completely honest. Thank you all for being here and helping me know that I am not alone in this. God's blessings to all of you. Elizabeth

[kathy714]

Dear myjenn,i am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Jen,at 6 weeks your pain is still so raw and new,and you are still probally in some shock,be kind to yourself,take as much time as you need from work.Usually people that you work with are pretty understanding when someone loses their child.I took a long time out of work because my husband was also ill.I WISH i could tell you it gets easier,i loss my son Nathan,it will be two years Jan,31st,and i still think of him every minute of every day,i still can't believe he is gone.I THINK the grief is always there but it does change in time,my heart goes out to you and your family,and always remember you can come here,where we all understand the pain and the grief that you are going through.I still come on and read the post every day,without B.I.,i truley don't know how i would of ever got this far...T/c K athy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Mark,i am glad to here you had some time to spend with your grandson,grand children are the best medicine,aren't they.I babysit my grandaughter on Mondays,and i can honestly say she is what keeps me going.You and your wife will be in my prayers...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[ashleysmom]

Mamabets, Wish I was in No. Carolina right now! It's supposed to be cold and windy here today.

Elizabeth, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Jennifer. My daughter Ashley died 7-04-04 in a car accident. It is devastating. I still look at pictures of Ashley and cannot believe she is gone. As Kathy said, right now it is so raw and new. Go easy on yourself and know that we are always here. This board has been a lifesaver for me. Truly the only ones who understand this devastation is those of us who have been there. Unfortunately, there are more of us all the time. It breaks my heart to see new people here only because there is just one reason they have joined us and no-one should ever have to bury a child!!!!! Know that my heart is with you, Peace today, Dottie

[kathy714]

Hi Betsy,i visited Danny's memorial site today,but was booted before i could leave tribute,i will try again later.You did a beautiful job with Danny's memorial,I loved all your photo's,Danny would be so honored of the wonderful job you did with it.I want you to know i will be thinking of you and your dear son Danny on his birthday Tuesday,I will light a candle in his memory,and send a halloween balloon up to him....you and your family will be in my prayers that you will have all the peace you can have on Danny's special day....xoxoT/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

Hi Kathy~ Bless you and thank you- Remember too, we find out if Jackie is having a boy or a girl baby!!! I love you and listen up, because we will be shouting from the rooftops!! A sweet, funny, heart shaped little piss and vinegar will be heading South soon!!! xoxoxomamabets

[Michaelsmom]

Hi everyone - it's been quite sometime since I've visited but as usual am saddened by everyone's words. I'm a long time member of this website, sad to say, but do like to pop in every now and then to offer words of encouragement. I've lost two children - Michael exactly 4 years ago tomorrow (age 36) and Carolyn 1 1/2 years ago (age 40). So I know your feeling of loss. I can only say it does get better. The pain becomes wonderful memories. Every now and then I have my crying moments but that is to be expected. You have to be strong for others. I have people who call on me to be their strength. Just this weekend a dear friend of my daughter's lost her husband suddenly. He was 47. She is leaning on me. I know I can help her because I have the knowledge and strength to get her to carry on.

I think of everyone here often especially the new ones. I hate when someone new joins this website with their loss. It breaks my heart that they are going through what we've already felt.

What keeps me going are my daughter's children. I help raise them. I've been fortunate in having a son-in-law who needs me to help in this. My oldest grandson (16) is the spitting image of my daughter. He has her personality also. The little guy who is 6 will not have the memory of her but I'm trying. I'm creating a memory album for him at Christmas so he can look at it when he gets down.

Anyway, sorry to ramble, but I do hope that everyone here has some comfort come to them. Believe me, you deserve it!

Michael and Carolyn's Mom

[ashleysmom]

Michaelsmom, I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you for your encouraging words. I am so happy for you that you are able to share in raising your grandchildren. My grandbaby keeps me going.

Mamabets, Fabulous idea for tomorrow! Know that I will be praying for you and your family. I'll definately be listening!! Peace and love to you and your family, Love, Dottie

[ronsmom]

Hi Everyone! Been staying away for a while, been coming in and "meeting" all of you but my mind goes blank. To be honest I was starting to feel like a human being for a little while. It seems this "circle" is starting to grow just a little!!! I know I'll Never be Out of it, but with each day I can go a little longer without that horrible horrible ache. The tears held off for almost 7 days this time, but the weekends seem to always get to me. I was alone yesterday and I tend to put myself in misery by watching memorial tapes of my son.I just HAVE to SEE him, laughing and smiling and alive. That awful word Never keeps popping in my head, I'll NEVER see him, NEVER feel him. Ahhhhhh But I have to admit alot of you are right, with time it does get "softer"..so All of you new members here I am here to tell you They are ALL telling you the TRUTH..it DOES get softer. Never leaves, but just a tad easier to get through the days.When I need to, I just put on my mask and do what I have to do, then when I can't take it anymore I remove the mask and Crash! Thats my right as a mom. Never thought I could go a whole week without crying, but amazingly I just DID! I'm pretty sad today though, it started yesterday watching the videos and just carried over I guess. I still have Not had a dream of Ron. Thats frustrating me so much. All I ask for is one dream! arrrgghhh!!

To all of you in here now, I am so sorry for your loss, this feeling of merely exisiting and sucking oxygen with no purpose seems to last a long time, always do what YOU need to do, work, or Not work, play or Not play, its your right and its your pain. Just take care of yourself and keep coming here to meet people. I have met 5 great new friends in here and I am here to tell you I may not have made it without their support. I was so ready to end it all, somedays I still feel like "whats the use"..I do have 2 other children, and 2 grandaughters and believe me if not for them I would be gone. Its just such an enormous heartache at times. For those who do not know, My son Ron was killed in a skydiving accident July 4th 2005 coming up on my 16 mos. anniversary. His girlfriend Sara was also killed, they somehow tangled and fell to their deaths. Thats my story. It was so sudden which makes it hard to admit he is really Gone..a split second and life changed forever........Anyhow, hang in there ALL of you. I am reading your posts even if I don't respond, I think of all of you and when I see someone having an angel day I light a candle for you and tell your child to come see his/her momma in a dream! I hope it happens, and I hope you can all have a few moments of "calm" these days. Please know I care! I really do.!

blueskies to you all,

Bonnie

[aprilsmom]

Like Bonnie, I haven't posted in quite awhile, just numb somedays or feel like I've told my story so many times that people are sick of me. I couldn't let today go by though to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Betsy's son Danny and say a prayer that his mom is comforted in someway as she travels this horrid road we all got on. Bets- could you send me Danny's website again? It will be 2 years for us on Nov. 17th. I have no IDEA where the time went; sometimes it seems like it's still THAT day and sometimes i wonder if it happened in another lifetime and I am just dreaming that I had this beautiful, loving daughter. God, I miss her! Lots of pics on her website www.aprilduarte.com in case you'd like to visit it. Everybody take care of yourselves, Renee