Loss of an Adult Child

[mamabets]

For All~ a Happy Birthday day it was for our Danny-28 years young, forever~ Our Baby girl "Sweet Caroline Elizabeth" is perfect, due around the 15th of March. Her pictures, and so many other miracle pictures, only Danny style, from yesterday, are on his website under the PHOTO section-All pictures from Jackie and her little family are surrounded by a "PINK" glow!! http://daniel-pallick.memory-of.com

Thank you all for so many special, "heartfelt" wishes~ They mean so much...xo

It was a lovely day- LOTS of tears, LOTS of SQUEALS and giggles~ I have already bought a little dolly for Julia that kisses, then giggles, when you squeeze her left hand!!

Go see his website and get some warm, cozy goose bumps!! I love you~xoxoxmamabets

[cc66512]

Mammabetts

I visited your web page today and I have to say it is the most beautiful tribute. Thank You for sharing such a special part of your life. You are so blessed. We are coming up to Brians Bday ,the 12th of this month. He was 42 yrs , 5 months and 13 days old when he was taken home , I hope I can be as strong as you. Thank You for the Inpersation.

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Congratulations on the expected new little

grandchild---a SWEET BABY GIRL !!!. Everyone

in the family must be ecstatic. Also, belated

happy birthday to Danny Oct.31. His wonderful

spirit will always warm your hearts forever.

xoxoxox Daveysmom---Sherry

[daveydow1]

For Myjenn, Elizabeth

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear daughter

Jennifer. Everyone here knows how excruciating

the pain of losing a child is, and how it is at the

stage you are at now--6 wks. My son, Davey, age 31

also died in a highway crash 6/14/03. My heart goes

out to you now. Please come back to BI and read/post

whenever you feel the need. Just knowing that you are

on a site where everyone is on the same sad road can

give some strength and small comfort. Be kind to

yourself, and you will be in my prayers tonight.

Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Someone was arrested locally for raping and killing a young, blonde college student here in the city. It's torn open all my feelings about losing Jenni. I have been so upset, it's made me ill for several days, just like I was when I was told about Jennifer. I feel so sad and sick from this. You'd think in a world where there's so much other violence and horrible stuff going down, people would take pride in their native country, home, whatever, and treat others with dignity and kindness. Maybe I'm just ranting. I'm sorry for carrying on like this. Losing Jenni in such a horrible way is so terribly painful for me. I'd never in a million years wish for anyone, even the devil himself, to go through this pain.

[messenger]

DEAR MARK,,,,,,,,,,,,,I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THIS YOUNG LADY AND THAT IT REOPENED YOUR WOUNDS..........IF THE GUY WHO DID THIS.............HAD THIS HAPPEN TO SOMEONE HE LOVED........THINGS WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT.....WHAT HAS THIS WORLD GONE TO ???......I PRAY THEY FIND THIS GUY AND JUSTICE IS SERVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...YOU TAKE CARE DEAR FRIEND........MAY YOUR HEART BE FILLED WITH PEACE.......WITH SHOWERS OF HUGS FROM THE GREAT ONE ABOVE AND YOUR LOVELY DAUGHTER................BLESSINGS

MESSENGER

LOVEISANGELS74@SBCGLOBAL.NET

[Guest Guest]

I feel lost in this world--my oldest son passed away 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. I read some of the postings and I can sympathize with everyone. I don't know how you all deal with the daily push to be yourselves and I find it so difficult. I've seeked all kinds of help but maybe this may be the best therapy. I don't know. I've tried everything else. It's been 5 years and people don't understand that the grief and loss just doesn't go away.

[messenger]

DEAR GUEST,,WELCOME....YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE AND I THINK WE ALL ARE DRAWN HERE BY OUR LOVED ONES THAT ARE GONE..THEY WANT US TO BE HAPPY AGAIN...IN KNOWING THEY ARE HAPPY AND PAIN FREE..WATCHING OVER US..SEEING ALL AND HEARING ALL.........

HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK HELLO FROM HEAVEN??? BY BILL AND JUDY GUGGENHEIM??? VERY GOOD BOOK ABOUT SIGNS AND VISITS FROM OUR LOVED ONES....I AM READING IT FOR THE 2ND TIME..

MAY YOU FIND PEACE SOON...............THERE ARE SO MANY CARING PEOPLE ON HERE ..WE ALL WANT TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS ...AND IN TURN ARE ENCOURAGED.........YOU ARE NOT ALONE .........ON HERE.......PEACE BE WITH YOU GUEST!!!

MESSENGER

[maskott]

Happy Birthday Matthew. Mary...I'm sorry that these days are so horrible. I can't imagine four years and not having my Matthew, but I know that I will be there some day. I know it will be a sad day for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I will light a candle for your Matthew as I light one for my Matthew.

BettyAnn

[donosmom]

Today is Matthew's birthday is is the 4th birthday without his presence. It seems the birthdays, angel days, holidays and other special family days just don't get better. I think back to 27 years ago when Matthew delighted us with his presence I never would have dreamt I would spend his 27th birthday at the cemetary. http://matthew-lebeau.memory-of.com/

Matthew's Mama Mary

11/3/1979 - 7/13/2003

[mamabets]

For donosmom~ This past Halloween when it was Danny's birthday, we also found out that our Jackie is having a sweet baby girl in March- Caroline Elizabeth.. Yes, it definately helped to soften the blow, and I remember thinking "God, if just EVERONE could have SOME kind of help like this along the way"... But, then I was so quickly reminded- Danny is Danny, Jackie is Jackie, our Julia, who is now 7 is her own little self, as will Caroline be, for she already is. There is never a moment that goes by that my Danny is not right by my side, reminding me that he really LOVES where he is, and I must , then, for him, hold on tight to all that we share here, toger. How PROUD must our guys be, to see all of us here at Beyond Indigo? I love you, Mary! xoxoxomamabets

[rhonda68]

Hello Friends, I haven't been here in awhile as my mind just goes blank sometimes and I really dont know what to say, I also feel very numb at times and just dont even know where my head is. Please know I feel for all of you and think of you often and always have candles burning in my house for all of us. Its been 18 months since I lost my dear boy I ache every day for him. Of course everyone thinks I should be done feeling so sad. I really hate the people out here. Just found out last weekend I am being sued from the big semi trucker that killed my boy he has personal injury I would sure like to show him what personal injury feels like. At work they totally ignore me and treat me like crap they are always talking about someone and I know they talk about me as soon as I turn my back. I feel like I am a bomb just waiting to explode at any moment. Yesterday I really felt the pressure at work I felt just like my head was in a vice scrip just sqeeuzing I went outside and just cried and cried. Anyways please know I Love you all!

Rhonda

[daveydow1]

For Guest,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son in a

motorcycle accident 5 yrs. ago. I, too, believe that

you have come to the right place, here at BI. All of

us here knows the terrible pain of losing a child/

children, and wish only to help & encourage, as we

look for and find help for ourselves. My son, David,

died 6/14/03 in a highway crash due to a semi truck

driver falling asleep at the wheel and crashing into

7 cars. As you said, it has been 5 yrs. and the pain

is always there. I believe that it never goes away.

Please come back to BI and read/post whenever you feel

up to it. It's a sad road to be on--that's for sure,

but just being in the company of those who understand

the way we feel is comforting. Peace be with you.

[daveydow1]

Donosmom,

Happy Birthday to Matthew. I visited his memorial

website, and must say it is a beautiful site. He

is such a handsome young guy. I pray that you could

find some comfort on his birthday remembering all

the love he left for you and your family. Memories

are what we are all left with, and no one can take

them away from us. Take care, and peace be with you.

[mamabets]

For All~ I recieved this beautiful note from an old friend today, who recently lost her husband- A marriage, truly made in Heaven, as they say...

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved

we can never lose,

for all that we love deeply

becomes a part of us"

HELEN KELLER

We, too, have known these beautiful relationships with our kids, as being made in Heaven... That is why they so live on within us still. Missing them is so painful~ One of our doggies spent all day in the hospital- Epileptic, I thought for sure that he was dying... He is home now, sound asleep, and a car EXACTLY like Danny's first car{a burgundy mustang}led us to the hospital to pick up our sweet Kiley...I HAVE to believe, no matter what this life may have in store for our future, that our angels will lead the way forever more. They are the biggest part of who we are, and I know that we all honor them so beautifully, with every thought and memory . I love you all...xoxoxmamabets

[illegalsmile20]

Dear Group,

Hi this is Brenda and I have kinda been away from the computer because my son is home with me..My son has been away from me for quite sometime. The last time I say him was Sept of last year when my 63 year old mother passed away . So I have been trying to have some fun with him ...I would like to wecome anyone who is new and sorry that you have to be here at this time..If you feel like talking please write and we can talk.. If you maybe just need a friend I'm here. You can either email me or I will try to get back to the group more often.. My email is Illegalsmile20@yahoo.com and Brenda is my name..I also have a web site for my son if you would like to look and read about him..It is comming very close to his 2nd year in Heaven and X-Mas is the worste as he was killed on 12-21-04 at age 20 when he hit a snowplow in bad weather.....God I hope he know's that I miss him so...Love to you all.

Brenda and Derek

[Guest Guest]

MIKESMOMRS

[Guest Guest]

MIKESMOMRS Hello all: I have been reading over some of the posts on this site, and after reading the post from Bonnie (RONSMOM) from October 30th, I decided that I would sign on. I haven\'t quite figured out if I am doing this correctly yet, so please bear with me. I noticed that I hit the wrong key the first time I tried, and only my name appeared! Our son, Mike, age 31, passed from us on October 14, after a long and very courageous battle with brain cancer. He was diagnosed in May of 05, and after two brain surgeries, radiation treatment and chemo, he went most of the winter and spring doing fairly well. In the summer, it was discoverd that his cancer had become more aggressive, and in August, sadly, the doctors told us that he had perhaps two months to live, as there was nothing else they could do. I noticed so much of myself in Bonnie\'s (RONSMOM) post--her description of \"sucking oxygen with no purpose\" and putting on my \"mask\" and crashing when I take it off. My days are long and sad, all of them. I spent the last three weeks of Mike\'s life caring for him as he slipped further and further away from us. The last two weeks he was bedridden and needed constant care. Hospice came and helped, our family was here, Mike\'s wife was here, but it was such a long sad journey. My days and nights blended into one long 24 hour period. If he was awake, I was awake. I didn\'t want to miss even one minute of his last days of life. The \"horrible, horrible ache\" that Bonnie spoke of is still eating my heart, each day, each hour, each minute. I find comfort in the many, many wonderful memories, yet they too tear at me at times, and instead of sweet smiles, they bring burning tears, knowing that there will not be any more created. Will this ever become just sweet memories? I was so blessed to be Mike\'s primary caregiver, and so blessed to have the strength to do it. Mike has three children, a 2 yr old son, who lived with mike and his wife, and two older boys, 9 and 10, who visited them on the weekends. When Mike became more incapacitated in late summer, we brought him here to our home so he could be taken care of. (He lived on the second floor and could no longer do stairs, or be left alone.) Sarah and their young son would come in the evening, and then stay over on the weekends. Unlike you, Bonnie, I did have warning that our son would be leaving us. It gave us precious time to be sure that he knew how loved he was, it gave him time to let us know how he loved all of us. Yet, the pain of watching him leave us, a little at a time, was so awful. We have not watched his \"goodbye\" tape yet. I have, like you, spent hours watching his memorial service picture show, over and over, and sometimes i cry, sometimes I find comfort, seeing him again. I know that there will come a day when I will go all day without crying...but not now, not yet. For those who say \"you have to get over it and move on,\" I say \"Not now. Maybe not ever, but not now, for sure.\" Mike was such a part of our lives, and we miss him so, so much! I was so glad to find this site, because you ALL know where I am coming from, you ALL, sadly, know the grief I feel every day. A \"club\" like this should NOT have to exist...but thank God it does. I will talk to you all again soon. Thank you. Peace be with you all. Carol

[heartbrokendad]

Dear friends,

Friday was the 4th aniversary of Carrie anns death, I went to a beach in Maine, stood on a cliff and released a bunch of ballons with little mssgs in them, also read a poem I want to share with you all

For Carrie,

Daughter,once I thought I lost you.

So completely did I sorrow,

No light of hope could find my heart,

No vision of tomorrow.

In my grief, I only saw your loss,

The space where you had been.

When all the while, you were right here,

In a safer place within.

Now you will never know sorrow again,

For only love survives.

Within my heart, your memory dwells,

And shines out throught my eyes.

The legacy of love you left

We will strive to carry on.

As long as I live, I'll remember you,

And you will not be gone.

[ashleysmom]

The poem is beautiful!

[daveydow1]

For Guest--Carol,

I am so sorry for your loss of dear son Mike. I don't

have to tell you that at this early time after his

death is such a terrible terrible time of pain and

heartache. I also lost my son, Davey, 6/14/03. He was

also 31 yrs. old. Sadly, he was killed in a highway

crash. He was single. I wish I could say that it gets

easier as time goes by, but for me--it hasn't happened

yet. Time does somewhat soften the acute agony we feel

early on, but tears will always come sometimes. I am

glad that you had the oportunity to care for your son.

I believe that will always be a comfort for you. Try to

hold onto those memories of love & closeness. Come back

to BI. It has been so helpful to me, and I pray it will

be for you also. Peace be with you.

[ronsmom]

Hello All..I have been here but not posting, just "listening"! But today a friend "I met Right Here on BI" told me someone wrote a post and said I encouraged them to write. ...to CAROL: I'm so glad you wrote because of something I shared. This is the place to be to meet people who truly truly understand and "GET IT"..no one in your regular world will ever understand this pain and very long process you are going to go through, perhaps the rest of your life. If I wouldn't have found this forum I don't know where I would be today, but because of it I went one whole week without tears. Because these people "share" everything. Right now thats what you need to do. SHARE. I'm soon to meet in person another friend from BI and I am so excited as I just met one this past weekend. The bond we have here makes us "friends" immediately. So Carol, I'm so sorry for the loss of Mike.You are in that horrible dark place right now and may stay there for a long time. Your immediate family will get you through this even though they may not know what to say to you either, just know they "feel it"..Mikes little ones will make you smile in spite of the pain. Knowing what you will miss is excrutiating. I'm sounding so very negative right now and I'm sorry, I don't mean to be, but I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE,so please take hope that you too will have a WEEK without tears sometime. They come back but like everyone says it gets "softer". I thought Yeah, right! When I first read that after one year of suffering this, but they are right, I had MY week and I relished in it. I crashed but I know I'll get another week sometime so I look forward to that. People leave their emails in here, mine is listed as well, anytime you need one on one Pick someone, Pick me, I will be glad to talk you through a bad time, as long as you pick me up when I'm down too.....anyone in here knows and can help you take these baby steps to a new life, a different life, but Life. I miss my Ronnie so much 16 months have passed and at times it still feels like day One. But you go on, one step at a time, you took the first step by coming in here, take another..........and another.........

blueskies to all

Bonnie

[messenger]

DEAR CAROL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR OF THE LOSS OF YOUR SON TO CANCER..................WE TOO LOST OUR 27 YEAR OLD SON TO A 6 YEAR BATTLE WITH HODGKINS.............JUNE 05..HE HAD GOTTEN A DONOR FOR A STEM CELL TRANSPLANT AND WAS ALL EXCITED.................UNTIL HE FOUND OUT........HIS LUNGS WERE RUINED FROM RADIATION 6 YEARS AGO AND NOTHING LEFT..HE WOULD DIE IF HE WENT THRU IT........HE AND WE WERE SO DEVASTATED...........THE NEXT VISIT THE DR TOLD HIM WHEN I WAS WITH HIM HE HAD 6 MONTHS TO LIVE.........YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO HEAR YOUR CHILD IS GOING TO DIE..........IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE US THE PARENTS........MY HEART ACHED FOR HIM......HE LIVED ON HIS OWN FOR A MONTH AND DECIDED TO MOVE HOME WITH US JUNE 14TH.......WE WERE HOPING TO HAVE 5 MONTHS OF VERY SPECIAL TIME WITH HIM..........HE DIED JUNE 16.......DID WELL THE FIRST NITE AND NEXT MORNING BUT STARTED GOING DOWNHILL FAST AND COULDNT BREATH....HE WAS ON OXYGEN............SO TERRIBLE TO SEE YOUR CHILD DIE IN FRONT OF YOU........I FEEL FOR YOU AND FOR ALL PARENTS NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES.............WE NEED TO GET ON BEYOND INDIGO AND POUR OUR HEARTS OUT TO EACH OTHER AND HELP EACH OTHER ON THE HARD DAYS...THERE ARE PLENTY OF THEM.........BUT WE NEED TO KNOW.......THEY ARE STILL.....WITH US AND NO LONGER SUFFER AND THAT IN IT SELF IS A RELIEF FOR ME.........I TOO HAD CANCER AND CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE WHO HAVE OR HAD IT WENT THRU..............PLEASE KNOW YOU CAN WRITE ME ANYTIME OR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO .I WILL BE GLAD TO GET BACK TO YOU ....LOVEISANGELS74@ SBCGLOBAL.NET

THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN DOWN DAYS.......RAIN DOESNT HELP DOES IT??~~~

YOU KNOW THAT EACH ONE OF YOU SO NUMEROUS ...SO SAD.............ARE IN MY PRAYERS''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''MESSENGER

[kathy714]

Dear Heartbrokendad,what a beautiful poem,my family is from Maine,and when you said you went to the ocean,all i could picture was my aunt's house,in Cherryfield ,i went once as a child,and i remember going to visit her,and she lived right on the ocean,with all theses cliffs,and my mothers boyfriend went scuba diving.I hope you had a peacceful day...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Carol,i am so sorry for the loss of your son Mike,your grief is so new,it is so understandable for you to cry,sometimes i think in the beginnig,we are still in such shock,that sometimes we don't cry at first,the first month i was still in denial,I am glad you found beyond indigo,i feel so lucky to have found it.I loss my son Nathan,Jan31,2005,on his 21st birthday,it will be two years this Jan,and i still can't believe he is gone forever,sometimes it feels like ,it still just happened.This is a very sad road for any parent to have to walk,and thank god for this site to help us all through,you and your family will be in my prayers..T/C,Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

For Heartbrokendad~ One of the most beautiful poems ever, for it says it all so perfectly...How are you Stu, still well "in happy" again, I hope!! I love you~ mamabetsxoxoxox

[mamabets]

For Carol~ Hi- My name is Betsy, mamabets, and I lost my beautiful son, Danny, in June of 2004... This journey is long, winding and never ending, I can assure you of this, but I will also promise you, that in time, while you never "get over it" {nor would you want to}, the torture that you are feeling will not only subside, but go away. Pain? Yes- Lonely? Yup-... But, the torturous agony that comes with the earlier stages of grief, does somehow leave, and you will get to a point where you say to yourself "Hey, agony?? I have had enough!! Please, bring to me instead, the fun times that I had with this fabulous kid". I cry every day, still, and the tears come freely, for each one, as a dear friend reminded me once, is like a diamond of love- Each and every one. The difference now is that they don't always "burn"- My God, did you hit home with me on the burning tears! Bless your heart!!!!! I used to say to myself "OUCH- How did I get soap in my eyes- These tears are burning and why it won't stop". I couldn't wash out the soap...Couldn't get rid of it... There is a gaping hole within our hearts that will never close... There is no end to our story here, for our kids will be with us forever, and then WE will go to a place where they are and share in their ETERNITY. This much I do know. Please feel free to email me at huntross4@aol.com at anytime. I am filled with life again, and my Danny is beside me each step of my way. My second grandaughter is due in March, so our circle of life does, somehow, continue. Be kind and gentle with your weary soul, my new friend, for you are but one mother... To our newest angel, Mike. I love you and admire you for the courage it took to find us here.xoxomamabets

[heartbrokendad]

Mamabets,

Yes, I'm still happy, and hope to remain that way...it was a beautiful memorial service, and the day before I spoke to a group of parents of drug addicted children, some still here, some not, and was coverd by the newspapers and t.v. I hope I am making a difference you know?

I love you also

Kathy 714

I was at Popham beach, must be one of the top 10 places in Maine, also go to Cranberrie Island in the summer...

[robsmom]

This is my first time posting so please bear with me. I am not ver computer literate and had a very hard time just gettingon to the site.I lost my son Robert on January 20,2006I woke up to go to work his alarm was ringing when I went to wake him he was gone. Ifeel like I can't breathe half the time and I can't remember things from one minute to the nextand that horrible empty feel in the middle of my chest never goes away. Robert would have been 27 years old on October 22,and I can't believe we celebrated his 27th birthday at a cemetary. Most of the time I just want to scream. I miss him so much. I feel like I'm losing my mind. everywhere I look I see him or something reminds of him. Just reading some of the postings here makes me realize other people have the same feelings and I'm not losing my mind.I have two other children older than Rob but he was my baby.

[ronsmom]

ROBSMOM:

I am so sorry to hear about your Rob, as I am when I read all of these posts, yet I am drawn to this site frequently, even though I cry through half of the writings in here I feel this sharing and caring that the site offers. Continue to come here and pour your heart out, each of us understands these feelings, if you haven't read many of the letters go back and read some. Everything your feeling is HERE. Very understanding people in beyond indigo. I think the reason this place is so successful is because its where we can all meet and discuss it, the horrible feelings and the frustrations are shared, you can't find this connection with your "friends and family" if they haven't had to go through it. You have a long way to go and this is fresh, and painful, take small steps and only do what you have to do each day, Rob will be with you constantly, if you can't get up in the morning Don't! Be good to yourself and just rest right now. Come back daily and let us know how you feel, everyone here will help you get through the days. Trust me. Trust US.

blueskies to you,

Bonnie (again, I'm so sorry your here)...

[messenger]

DEAR ROBSMOM..........WELCOME..........I BELIEVE WE ALL WERE LED HERE BY OUR LOVED ONES........THINK ABOUT IT.........WHY DID YOU CHECK THIS SITE OUT TODAY??I AM SO VERY SORRY YOU TOO HAVE LOST YOUR SON......SO HARD TO DEAL WITH BUT WE KNOW THEY ARE STILL WITH US AND THEY WOULD WANT US TO GO ON LIKE WE NORMALLY DO.YOU DID JUST FINE IN POSTING!!! PLEASE KNOW WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT YOU AND ANYONE ON HERE .............WE ALL NEED ENCOURAGEMENT AT DIFFERENT TIMES AND THERE ARE TRUE ANGELS SO FULL OF WISDOM ON BI...............PLEASE COME ANYTIME AND THERE WILL BE SOMEONE TO HELP YOU THRU THE HARD TIMES

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND KNOW I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[erinnzmom]

Heartbrokendad,

Carrie Anns poem was beautiful! I live in Woolwich, Me and Popham is one of my favorite beaches I would have loved to be a part of Carrie Anns memorial service. or does that seem too weird? I know that we haven't met but I feel like we have. And I know that our kids have. I know that it's through them that we found this site. And to be able to meet someone who's a little farther down this road.. Betsy asked if you're still happy and that gives me hope, because most of the time there is still that big gaping hole, we function and put on the mask, but we're not the same people....we've been changed..she says that it'll come slowly..but it will happen..but @15 months and with the holidays looming the tears seem closer to the surface these days..Thanks for listening.

Hugs and prayers.

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[ashleysmom]

I had terrible news last night. An old friend's 25yr old son died in his sleep. Another wake, another devastated family. There are way to many of us. Couldn't sleep all night, just brings it all back. Please pray for Betsy and her family, Thank you, Dottie

[heartbrokendad]

Errinzmom,

No, its not weird at all, I, we ,would love to meet you, the we is my girlfriend Barbara, she lives in Brunswick...she has been a huge help during these times, and I would like to meet you, we could talk about our children, my two, CarrieAnn, and Matthew...you can email me any time at swalton@mah.harvard.edu

[peacefulnow]

Robsmom. I’m so sorry to read about your son, Rob. Our sons birth dates and angel dates are very similar. My son’s birthday is October 12 and his angel date is January 6, 2006. I know exactly what you mean about spending your wonderful son’s birthday at the cemetery. It was Ian’s 30th birthday. It doesn’t get much more cruel or difficult than that, does it? Having gotten through the birthday, now it’s time to face the holidays…and then the anniversary of the angel date. Overwhelming sometimes, to say the least.

My memory is shot too. I have moments of panic when I just can’t believe Ian’s passed on. I may seem sane to the people around me, but inside I feel crazy too. And missing him…whew, that is really rough and never ending.

I have to believe that all our children are in a wonderful place. They’re all fine. We’ll be with them again someday. As insane as it may sound, I wouldn’t wave a magic wand to make all this pain disappear, even if I could. The pain and tears are all normal, all part of the process of grieving. I feel I owe it to my son to work through it the best that I can, and hopefully gain some insight and learn some valuable life lessons that will, in the long run, make me stronger and a better person.

My wish for all of us is to occasionally have a few moments of inner tranquility and peace, and laughter.

[mamabets]

For Robsmom~ We all welcome you with open arms and hearts to our family here at Beyond indigo- My son, Danny, was 25 when he departed from here in June of 2004. He was so awesome, and therefore, I know that he still is. Our angels have put us all together here to carry each other through this, as their journey has led the way for the day when we WILL be with them in their dimension, their FABULOUS place of eternity!!! I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that if our kids were not "with" us still, we never would have been led to each other. Please go and visit Danny's website at http://daniel-pallick.memory-of.com and you will be able to see so many of the miracle signs from him that we have been able to capture on film since he went to hisa Land of make believe Come true, as I now call it!! I love you- I know and feel your pain so well. Please feel free to email me at anytime at huntross4@aol.com and i will do all that I can to help you.xoxomamabets {Betsy}

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom~ From your friend Betsy to your friend Betsy... Dear God... I pray for us all~ "Betsy" is not a "common" , everyday, name, nor is this walk... Please email me, Dottie-huntross4@aol.com and I will be here..I love you~ mamabets

[mamabets]

For Peacefulnow~ You are so right, my dear friend... We must somehow remember that each and every tear is a "diamond of love", as was once told to me. The message seemed to radiate such beauty then, and I smile now, when I think of each and every sparkle of love that all of us have for our kids...I love you~mamabetsxoxoxo

[illegalsmile20]

Dear Errinsmom,

Hi this is Brenda Dailey Derek's mother. I saw where you live in ME . I live in Rockport and would lik eto meet you or maybe we can just talk about our children..Sorry I have not been on here alot but my son came home about 2 week's ago and then my husband had a heart attack Monday night..So I have been kinda busy..I would like to hear from you. I did try to email you but had no luck..I will wait to hear from you ok...Love Brenda and Derek

www.geocites.com/derek_geibe

06-19-84 12-21-04

My email is Illegalsmile20@yahoo.com

[illegalsmile20]

Dear Ashleysmom,

Sorry to hear about his new's as it is so sad to hear about the loss of a child at all. Please tell the parents I send prayers and hug's to them and If I can be of any help at all I want you to know that I'm here..

I lost my son when he hit a snowplow in Ia on 12-21-04 and I just hate it that he died right before X-Mas..Derek hit a snowplow in bad weather and was comming home to Maine the next day. Derek was only 20 when he died..

Please tell the parents I'm sorry for their loss...Thank you Brenda and Derek

www.geocites.com/derek_geibe

06-19-84 12-21-04

[daveydow1]

For Robsmom,

I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear son, Robert.

Please know that everyone here wants only to help you

along this sad road we are walking. We all know the

pain you are suffering. My son, Davey, age 31 & single,

died 6/14/03 when a huge semi truck crushed his car in

traffic. (driver of truck fell asleep). I don't need to

tell you that the pain is unbearable the first year with

all the "firsts" such as birthdays, holidays, and Robert's

angel day coming up. The pain will always be with us who

have lost a child/children but in some ways, with time,

it does "soften" a bit. Come back to BI and read/post when

you feel the need. You are one of our family on this

sorrowful road, and we all want to help. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[mikesmomrs]

Hello all: Thank you so much for all of your kind words when I posted for the first time the other day. It was so wonderful to find someplace to let out some of the sadness in my heart and find people who truly understand how I feel. For Heartbrokendad, your poem was so beautiful. I hope that one day I can reach that place where I feel peace with my memories of my son’s life on this earth, and the pain doesn’t overcome me with every thought. He gave us so many wonderful memories, and I know they are there to enjoy, but for now, the pain is too overwhelming. Going back to work has been tough, because he spent so much time in my car these last couple of months, and every time I look at the seat, I remember him being there, beside me, going to a Red Sox game, going to the store, the doctor, or just going for a hamburger somewhere. I don’t want to be making everyone around me feel bad, so when I go to work, I put on my mask and when I leave, I take it off and cry all the way home. Before he passed, my son told his two older sisters “Don’t you go around crying for me; mom is going to do enough crying for everyone,” and he is so right! Our son’s wife and two year old son were here tonight for supper, and we really enjoyed having them here. It was hard to see them leave, because I know she is having such a hard time now, and going home to that empty apartment must be so hard for her. My heart aches for her sorrow. Their two-year wedding anniversary would have been the end of this month and I don’t know how she is going to get through it! Please keep her in your prayers. Ashleysmom, I will pray for your friend, Betsy, and her family. Peacefulnow, you are so right, we do owe it to our children to work through this pain and come out okay, for them. Thank you all for your support and prayers. You are all in my prayers, as well. Mikesmom, Carol

[heartbrokendad]

illeagalsmile20,

I'm in Brunswick and would like to meet with all of you, I lost both of my children to drugs, 8 months apart, and would love to meet you and Errinsmom..

Stu

[erinnzmom]

Heartbrokendad and Illegalsmile,

Stu and Brenda, I'd like to meet with both of you. what a small world. The Holidays are really bothering me. It must be really painful for you Brenda, if Derek died before Christmas, There is a part of me that doesn't even want to do Christmas, but there is a part of me...that still buys my daughter a Christmas ornament because that was a tradition that I started when she was a baby and I refuse to give that tradition up. and I do have grandchildren that need their Christmas..I have to go to work @ 0200 and I worked today and i'm starting to get spacey will write again when I'm more awake.

Hugs and prayers.

Love,

Laurie (Woolwich, ME)

Always Erinnzmom

[robsmom]

mikesmomrs I know exactly how you feel when you say you put on a mask, because I do the same thing. In work (I am a receptionist) I try to act like nothing is wrong. When everything in my life is wrong. And as soon as I get in the car the memories and the tears start. My husband is just terrible and between the tranquilizers and anti-depressants sometimes I afraid to come home because I don't know what I'm going to find. He is just inconsolable.

From what everyone says it does get better with time but I don't know I can't imagine life without Rob.

[robsmom]

peacefulnow

thank you for sharing with me about your son. It is just so unbelievable. Sometimes I think my mind just can't grasp the whole nightmare. the ripple effect is just unbelievable. Things that you took for granted before just isn't important anymore. There are some people I work with that get absolutely hysterical over the simplest thing and makes you wonder what they would do if they walked in my shoes or any of our shoes for a little while.

I want to thank everyone who responded to my first posting everyone was so warm and loving and understanding. It made me feel good to be able to talk and vent with others that know what it is like. Because unless you've been in our position you have no idea. ROBSMOM

[illegalsmile20]

Dear Laura,

I hop eI am writting to the right person. If you are from Maine this the right one..I would like to also meet you. There are quite a few of us here from Maine that I have found...My son is home with me and he goes home tomorrow..I hate to see that happen also... You can email me at

Illegalsmile20@yahoo.com I hope all is well at your home..I have spent a lot of money on Derek's site and it is becasue I cant buy him nothing. I told his brother that I would do the same if anything ever happened to him.. Lets hope nothing happen's....Please kep in touch k...Love you a\\\\\\ Brenda

[mamabets]

For Robsmom~ I so feel for all that you are going through right now...xo Wondering, too, what you may come home to with your hubby. My husband could definately relate to this. Although he is not the "father" of my kids, he may as well be, and when Danny died, I was completely FLAT in the bed, at any given time, hospitalized more than once. He went to work, and I thought "HOW can his life move forward like this?"~ Uh, it's called making a living, Mom, I would "hear my Danny say"~ I must say, that earlier on, it was soooooooooo obvious that we all grieved differently.. I have a 27 year old daughter, almost 27, and while our loss is the same, and we ADORE Danny still for all of the same reasons, our steps in the process, if you will, have been at different times. I clearly wanted to die, am living once again, and the in between is a blur alot of the time. These past two and a half years have been so painfully, unexplainable, but those of us that travel this road can relate to all of it, all of the time, medicines included for many! Please, email me at huntross4@aol.com if I can help in any way, OK. I love you, and admire you for the bravery it took to find us here.xoxo mamabets

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,How are you doing,i am sorry i haven't been on to congratulate you on finding out about baby Caroline.I have been working alot,and i tried to email you from work,i don't know if you got it??I Will talk to you this weekend.You have been in my thoughts and prayers....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Hi,i noticed a lot of us live in New England and on the east coast,i live in R.I. and i think it would be so nice if we could all meet and bring pictures of our angels.This time of year is so sad maybe it would help to lift some of our spirits to meet some new people.I have been feeling so down,and lonely,even though i have people around,nothing really seems to help.I can relate to the line " Putting on the mask",i feel like that is what i do everyday,then the minute i am alone,i am crying my eyes out. Please,let me know,i wouldn't mind driving to Maine,that is where my mom,and most my family is from,maybe i could,try to find some of my aunts while i was there....I lost touch after my mom and my grandmother passed away... T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever