Loss of an Adult Child

[summergirl]

My Dear Sweet Friends - been a very long time... What a beautiful video Wade, thank you so much. I have a question I really need some help with....First I must tell you that I lost my wonderful amazing dad on Saturday, he fought a long battle and went home to Jesus, he went quietly in his sleep holding my mom's hand - just as he wanted to. I do not cry for my dad as I know he was ready, he said so, I cry for those left behind. My family lives in Iowa and the funeral will be held on Wednesday, I booked a flight to leave tomorrow evening and tonight I cancelled the flight !!! I am terrified of flying but most of all I honestly do not want to be there, I do not want to go to the funeral, I do not want to see my dad that way, I want to remember him as he was. My sister is very upset with me and my niece (her daughter) called me and told me that it was unacceptable that I am not coming and I needed to schedule a new flight and be there.....So now the guilt has set in for putting more hurt on everyone but I still do not want to go. Please give me some advice, I know you can't tell me what to do, I just need some input from you, the ones I can count on to be honest with me - you all have saved me so many times I guess I am asking you to save me one more time.....with love, Kathy

[wgreenlee]

Kathy...

First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I'm glad you find some peace in the way he entered into God's arms. One thing I've learned from my own story is that you must do what makes you happy and comfortable. Nobody else should dictate what you should do, and certainly should not "guilt" you into doing something you don't want to do. That just isn't ok in my opinion. There's enough pain to go around without adding it by people who should be thinking of you too. If you feel at peace not going, then you should remember your father the way you want, and others should respect your decision. I will pray for you and your family, and hope they allow you to grieve in your own manner.

Wade

[Mermaid Tears]

Summer girl....I am going to digest what you posted....and think for awhile...and ponder...and I promise you I will be back to 'answer you' in this dilemma....I am not a 'glib' kind of person...so will think long and hard to answer.....

yes...we are here to help each other....and we come from a place where a lot of people have never been....

Wade...I promise to watch the video....I do....

[wgreenlee]

Debbie...

Praying for you right now. God, please hold Debbie close and let her feel your love. Only you can know why our children are now in your care, but you promised them a glorious eternity in your loving arms and I ask that you help Debbie right now. Give her your grace and let her feel the love of her precious child as she navigates this journey. Amen

And also my continual prayers to everyone else. My list grows long, but I keep all of you close to my heart...

Wade

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kathy,

My personal feelings are for you to do what is right for you. It's such a very personal thing to decide how to honor someone we love and what is best for us. I hope whatever you decide that your family will support and understand. Grief is so hard without also having to shoulder the expectations of others. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Aiden wanted to watch Frosty The Snowman tonight. Even Frosty made me cry. Then after he was sound asleep I looked out and we are getting the most beautiful snow...big fluffy, sparkly flakes. I took my coffee to the deck and let it swirl all around me. Except for a light dusting this is our first real snow of the season. I wrote Trista's name in the snow.

I love you, Beautiful Girl... Forever.

[mysonrich]

Wade, thank you so much for adding Rich to the video. I agree with Colleen. I see life. Maybe it takes time , for the clouds to lift, to see bright life. I must admit watching did bring the tears, but in longing and love ,the ache not so piercing.

In NYC one day visiting with my daughter, we saw this.

[Mermaid Tears]

Ok Kathy....from my center.....where I stand...

I have always been the 'one' that went to every funeral...I even spoke at my Mom's funeral...

I even wrote what was 'said' at my Dad's funeral....my husband spoke.....

....then I lost my John David....I have not been in a frame of mind to go to any funerals since then...and I have had close family that died....

Dee is the one that gave me my absolution...so to speak...for not going....

it is good enough for those that tell us 'what we should do'....

but it is even better to 'know what we can do'....

it comes down to what 'you do'....don't listen to others telling you what you 'should or should not do'.....you do know in your heart what you are capable of ....

what I have learned....is that your first instinct is the true answer....

if you ' push it'...it is out of your boundaries....your first instinct is your best answer....

there will be many times to come to honor...remember...to grieve...your Dad....

it is just not 'one way'.....

I hope I have helped you...for I don't think I am not that different from you after losing my son...

we just see through the glass different...now

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Shannon...in my small Texas town....I can 'see' you...

writing her name in the snow....

[Sholl1955]

Wade, what a lovely and beautiful thing to do for everyone here. I am not literate when it comes to the computer, which is why there are no pictures of Sarah. But you have taken the most beautiful times in these children's and families lives and made a beautiful tribute to them. You have a wonderful talent. It struck me as I watched it how many of the children and their families that I recognized and whose stories I know well. In the nearly 19 months that I have been a part of this family, you all feel so close. Everyone from those who have been here a long time and those newer to this hard hard life we now live, I feel as if we have known each other forever. I like to think that our children are together in heaven sharing stories about us too. And knowing my Sarah she has shared some hilarious times we had as a family. Thank you Wade for taking time, even while dealing with your own loss, to uplift and remember the family. Sandy

[wgreenlee]

Susan...

You watch when you're ready...John David had a big heart!

Shannon...

I can also see Trista's name here in Carson, and the amazing and everlasting love of her mother...

Betsy...

It was my honor. Love the pic of Rich so serious in his grad pic and then with his goofy hat.

Peace to all tonight...Wade

Brooks with friends...he was so happy with his new life...Thank you, Lord...Help me find that same happiness, son. Love you...Dad

[wgreenlee]

Sandy...

If you want to send me pictures of Sarah in an email I would be honored to add them to the slideshow. We are all one family now. If you need help in that just let me know.

Wade

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

For Trista

Sweet Angel

My Forever Child

Here to hold

For just awhile

Broken hearts mended

Your light hidden inside

Lit up the dark

For those with eyes

to see

An Angel here

without her wings

Return to your place

In the stars above

Time evanescent

Eternal love

Love, Mom

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I love the photo and the poem is beautiful. I hope you have a day that feels fresh today, hopeful.

I always also write Eri's name in the snow, with every new snowfall every year, sometimes in multiple spots on one walk, I want others to read what is written and wonder about a girl named Erica, and I want Eri to see her name twinkling skyward just as she shines herself to us. Peace one day Girl.

Sandy, how are you? What are you up to? Will you and your husband have some folks around you on Thanksgiving? I miss you.

Good day All.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Wade, the slideshow was beautiful! Thank you so much for bringing our angel family together in such a thoughtful way.

Colleen, I appreciate your post earlier about me not being alone in this type of tragedy. I know you understand. I wish I could have known some justice for my JD. It's just an extra hurt that they didn't care enough to do a thorough investigation and be bold enough to charge.

Dee and Kathy, sorry for your recent losses. I have come on and read the posts, but haven't had much time to write. Still traveling almost everyday helping my parents. I am going to take them to my older sister's house for Thanksgiving. I will get to see my niece's kids which I haven't seen in months. That part will be good, and it is a different venue that normal, so won't bring back as many memories. Truly, though, the most memories were made right here in our home, and everywhere I look I see him.

I laughed Shannon, when you talked about cuddling up in a chair with Trista, as Jared always came and laid on my hip, as I was laying on my side on the couch. He 'fit' when he was little, but he would still try to do that when he was big, and I would roll him into the floor, telling him he was crushing me! He was always my cuddlebug, even more than his sister.

I came home from my parents yesterday, and had stopped at the end of our driveway to get my mail, and saw an SUV slowing to stop, and recognized it was one of my friends, one of the mom's of Jared's best friends, and as she stopped I watched as she said goodbye to whoever she was talking to ON HER PHONE!! I said "I know damned well you are not on your phone"????? She looked like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, and listened as I scolded her for that behavior. I came in the house, and wept, because it was such a slap in the face, knowing she knows the whole story, about the text that came into the phone of the driver just before plowing into my son, and though law enforcement may not have felt they could prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, there is no doubt in our minds that was the main distraction. Innocent people don't behave the way that she has at the scene or since!

Why am I considering public speaking on the dangers of distracted driving, if my own friends don't get the message?? Am I just spinning my wheels?? I was so upset by it, that I posted this on my son's memorial page,

When my own friends don't get the message, even though it's against the law, and my family is trying to honor me by pointing out the dangers of distracted driving, I just don't know what else to do. Would you at least buy a bluetooth for handsfree operation??

http://www.cellphone...CFS8OOgodMDcArg

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, as a few have mentioned on the site...I am also not sure of how to do the picture thing. If I have a couple of pics of Jeff scanned and then email them to you... would it be too much trouble to add them to your slideshow? Becky, never give up on your goal. If just one person listens and a life is saved then you have done your work. Perhaps you will never know. Good luck with your parents. I'm glad you will be at your sisters for the day. Shannon, how lovely...your poem was beautiful. And snow, white and fluffy for the holiday. Did you make snow angels? Kathy, wishing you luck in making your decision. Dee, thinking of you this week and the family. Colleen, I'm hoping your first official dinner after losing Brian will be a lovely one. Well, we have very good news. The results of the CT scan came yesterday. Things are definitely looking up. Thank you, Lord! Thinking of everyone today and hoping you will find some joy. Kate

[Guest]

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[SamDsmom]

Having a family get together in Kansas for Sam's birthday and late Thanksgiving. We are supposed to be there Saturday evening. Then on Sunday, church, a meal and the K.C. Chiefs/Denver Broncos game afterward because that is the big rivalry that Sam always loved. Then Monday take the day to go through his things. Well we are broke down in Washington D.C. I am trying not to freak out or break down myself. My husband thinks it maybe the motor. I'm hopinh for something simple. It seems that everything has been taken from me, not only my precious son, but the funeral arrangements, seeing him one last time, the right to go through his things (actually his dad and his sisters already went through them. I get to go through them again because i couldn't bring myself to do it before we left out on the truck). I hurt and I want to bawl but I am stranglely numb with a whole bunch of anxiety and anger in the put if my stomach. My husband has already told me not to start getting upset because it makes him feel helpless. I guess I'm asking for extra prayer because honestly I can't do it for myself right now.

[SamDsmom]

Having a family get together in Kansas for Sam's birthday and late Thanksgiving. We are supposed to be there Saturday evening. Then on Sunday, church, a meal and the K.C. Chiefs/Denver Broncos game afterward because that is the big rivalry that Sam always loved. Then Monday take the day to go through his things. Well we are broke down in Washington D.C. I am trying not to freak out or break down myself. My husband thinks it maybe the motor. I'm hopinh for something simple. It seems that everything has been taken from me, not only my precious son, but the funeral arrangements, seeing him one last time, the right to go through his things (actually his dad and his sisters already went through them. I get to go through them again because i couldn't bring myself to do it before we left out on the truck). I hurt and I want to bawl but I am stranglely numb with a whole bunch of anxiety and anger in the pit of my stomach. My husband has already told me not to start getting upset because it makes him feel helpless. I guess I'm asking for extra prayer because honestly I can't do it for myself right now.

[SamDsmom]

Sorry for the double post. Not sure how I did that.

[SamDsmom]

Sorry for the double post. Not sure how I did that.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....there is this song called .."I Drive Your Truck"....

well..."I Wear Your Shirt".....

and you...."I Wear Your Socks"......

whatever we can do..to make it through...

that is our life motto now.....and you know what ?? I think we are very, very brave...all of us....as you say.....We Are Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other.....

we are carrying on....we may carry on with the heaviest of burden of grief....we may travel with a tear rolling down our face....we may crumble when we hear 'a song'....or smell a fragrance....or catch a sight that can buckle our knees....but somewhere....we find a way by Grace...to take that step...the sheer fact that we come here to this site to share and reach out...shows that we are 'far above the madding crowd'.....

Yes...I have heard that 'some friends' have said.."I have put myself in self-exile"....

no flies on me......

[ericasmom]

Debbie, it sounds as though you may be there for a bit of time and I am sorry. I think that we are so diminished by the loss of our Child first, then by the lack of control we realize we have on anything, second. The truck, the weather, all of this seems like a plot to drive you crazy but it isn't, it is just further proof that we have control over one thing only...our reactions to things and when one has been through so very much it is not uncommon to have a melt down. I understand that your Husband does not want to feel like he can't help, but it does not help to tell you that you better not react...we are human. So if need be, go for a little walk and let your tears fall, your Sam knows that you are trying to get to Kansas. THe other thing is this; sometimes the delays we meet are also a gift in disguise.

I wish you well.

[shorty16]

Lora, Cara's Mom

At 18 months after the death of your daughter, you are doing just what you need to do. Those that tell you to "be over" the death of our child, are in for a big surprise. We are changed people, because of our childs death. We cannot go back to who we were.

My family celebrated the holidays, but did it away from home in another state for the first 2 years. I just could not be in my house Christmas morning.

Brian has been gone for over 5 years, this is the 6th Thanksgiving without him and the 1st our family is hosting since Brian's death.

In my humble opinion, you are doing what is right for you and yours. 18 months is such a hard time. Reality is slapping us in the face. All we want is to have our child back.

Keep up the good work!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

[Mermaid Tears]

SamsMom....

You are right...we can't do this on our own....and I have said a prayer and ...He is holding you in His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Love and Healing.

Remember what I posted not long ago....

How women like to 'heal' a problem...

Men like to 'fix' a problem....

My husband, Daniel, would go to the 'ends of the end' for me....to fix what I think it wrong..or 'right' a wrong...or get the lights up....fix the broken table...haul the trash...put in the new sink...etc....that is his nature....and he gets very 'angry' when he can't 'fix' it for me....

sometimes I try to explain to him that I just want to 'talk about it'...get it out in the open....re-hash it...keep at it til I have exhausted myself and trying to find answers.....

but he wants to jump in and 'fix' it...tie it up with a bow....and then it is done. He gets frustrated...and yes, he does feel helpless....and that is where I have to 'see' with another eye....for he is simply...a grown up boy. I am a grown up girl. We just don't have an answer to every problem

My husband cannot 'fix' my grief....and he is John David's step Dad....but that boy was and is 'SO loved' by both Dads..

Be gentle with yourself...and be gentle with your husband.

You both will have to find your way to console each other.

[tobyfreefoot]

kathy several of my friends did not come to my son's funeral and also my fiance's funeral way back when for the same reasons. i think it is a fairly common thing for people just not to be able to handle the grief and/or want to remember their loved one when they were alive.

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...we have been thinking of you...how are you doing and how is your friend?

[tobyfreefoot]

oh my gosh wade!! i have limited broadband due to satelite connection so i am downloading the slide showto watch later but in the few minutes i got to see my beautiful boy's face floated up to me. i was blown away. what a wonderful guy you are, in the midst of your grief to tie a beautiful bow around our family!

i will get back soon. i have to take my mom's laptop back tomorrow. my friend and i plan to start talking every evening or two before i go to work. she has come up with many positive thoughts in spite of her grief. so proud of her for trying to break the surface. love yu guys!

[shellykut]

Hello Indigos! It has been such a very long time since I've posted. I read most every day but have honestly been reluctant to post what's been happening to me.

First, let me say that my heart goes out to the new folks here: Wade, Debbie, SamDs Mom, Shannon and any others I've missed. When I read your stories, I pray for your healing.

Back in September, I spent 5 days in the hospital for anxiety. I really don't know why I couldn't control it but it definitely got the best of me. I've had 5 major losses in 5 years: my father-in-law, my 21 yr old neice, my mother, my daughter, and my father in that order. Now I find that my siblings have no real desire to keep in touch since my dad died, and I guess I resent that they never call me just to say hi. I lost my daughter for crying out loud!

Forgive the rant about me...just feeling very lonely and sad as the holidays approach. I know all of you are facing the holidays without your angels, and that is something we have in common. I pray for the peace and comfort only our Father can give to each and every one of you!

Love, Shelly

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Debbie, sending prayers your way for the truck to get fixed in a timely manner...I read through your to do list, it was so much on you to get through...even if something is a good thing, in my humble opinion, do what you need to and leave the rest...take care and try to rest as much as you can, grief is exhausting

Yes, it would be lovely to see some pictures of Jeff and Sarah....Wade, again a big thank you for the gift of the slideshow..

Shelly, I can identify with the extreme anxiety attack...felt that way strongly today...I have always had a problem with this, it really kicked up after I almost drown with my 3 children, Jesse, Christina and Thomas...I think it was in 1993...it brought me to my knees for a whole year...I now believe even back then I heard the whisper of something I didn't like...

I thought of the comment Lora made about if her daughter Cara was cold...I have some of those same feelings and thoughts...maybe they are not logical but nothing about losing our children fits into rational thinking...

**********************************************************************

My SIL lost her sister, Traci, about 6 months before Jesse, she is still adjusting as well to this new reality...

This is a story my sister-in-law posted to me about the Wagner family who lost their daughter, Katie, to cancer...Katie knew it was her time and there was some after-death communication...

Wagner Family Story -- This week will be tough for our entire family because Katie's 18th birthday is this Thurs. As I sit reflecting I feel God tugging at my heart to share a story o...f Katie on her last day here with us, Sept 17. Some of you attended her service and already know this story but there are many others who don't know about "Katie's party".

She woke that morning very agitated. She kept asking me "Mom, what is today, what is the special occasion? Is it my birthday, what's happening? Why are we here?" I assured we were at the Ryan House and there was no special occasion. A while later she told our nurse Rachel and me "I figured it out". Rachel asked her, "you figured out what? What today is?" She answered "yes! It's a celebration. It's a celebration for me."

I was a bit confused but went with it. She decided she needed make up on for this party. I told her we didn't have her make up but she could use mine. She began trying to apply the make up but was struggling a bit. Her best friend Ally had joined us at that point. Ally helped her finish. She looked beautiful. I helped her change her clothes because she wanted to "look cute". A couple friends had come to see her so I wheeled her out to the family room. She was struggling to breathe and talk. She managed to take a sip of her Starbucks and visited for just a few minutes. She made every one of her friends promise that she would see them again in heaven. She kept saying "Promise me". With tears they all did. They assured her they would see her again.

I wheeled her back to her room and she asked me "mom, was that it?" I questioned what she meant. She says "was that the celebration?" With a lump in my throat I said "no baby girl, your party is waiting for you in heaven and its much better than what we could have done here". She slept alot of the day. Then, hours later we knew the time was near. The 5 of us sat and had some very special time together. Still not understanding her fascination with a celebration we tucked her into bed and we all said our I love you's. Well friends, that night at 11:45 the angels came and scooped her up to take her to her party. Make up and all. God told her it was a special day and she knew it. She was ready. So peaceful and excited!

The best part is a dear friend of Katie's, little Noah who is 7 yrs old and is battling Leukemia, was in the hospital miles away. His mom woke him to tell him the news the next morning. She said "Noah, Jesus told Katie that He was having a party for her yesterday but He had to finish the decorations. So she got all ready and later that night Jesus came and got her and took her to her party. "

Noah replied "I know mom, I heard it" His mom questioned him "you mean you heard me talking about it?" Noah says "No mom, I heard the party. I heard laughing, clapping and singing. I heard the party. It was Katie's party. (Pointing to the hospital room door) didn't you hear it? It was right out there. I heard it when I was asleep, and I heard it when I was awake. It was Katie's party."

Wow! Chills again.

I believe God let Noah hear that party so he wouldn't be sad for Katie and for US!! So that we would know and believe...HEAVEN IS REAL! There is definitely a party when we get to those gates! Katie's wish was that everyone would know this and PROMISE that you will seek Him as your Savior and that you reserve a place at that celebration!!

Oh Baby Girl...Happy Birthday in heaven!!! Save me a seat right next to YOU!!!!! I love you forever and miss you deeply!!

Picture of Katie..

[Jeff's Mom]

Wow, Laurie....that was so beautiful. I'm sitting here smiling with the tears running down my cheeks. The more I hear about the party it makes me want to join in. These kids of ours must be having one heck of an amazing time. Shelly, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. It is good to hear from you again. Anxiety can indeed take a toll on the grieving. Holidays spark those memories and take us back to a time that is bittersweet. Debbie, gosh this is the last thing you need at this time. Sure hope that things sort themselves out soon. Thinking of you and please let us know how you are later this evening if you can. Susan, how are you holding up this week? Gretchen, it sounds as if your friend is one strong lady. Glad to see she has the support of such a caring friend. Yes, if Wade is able to do so I will try to send pics of my boy. I absolutely loved the video and was so moved by his effort to put it together. Thanks again, Wade. Your idea of the Christmas tree for Brooks sounds very nice. And a lovely drive to Sacramento for a leisurely meal should make for a nice outing. Thinking of everyone. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....applause for the good news....it does make my heart smile....

Laurie...gratitude from my heart in sharing that story.....we need more stories like that to bolster us up.....

Shelley....I do hope you have 'settled' down enough to rest and heal....panic attacks are no fun...all the inner stress will come out someway....I call it ...'when all the booger men come out of the closet'....but you have suffered so very much loss....it is hard for one to get their balance. Please let us hear from you....

[Mommysangelisabella]

Wade,

Thank you so much for the vidio. I was woundering if you might be able to set it up so it can be viewed by mobile phone . I only hv internet on my phone and it said it isnt set up that way . I would love to be able to view your wounderful work of our angels. But even if your unable to i am greatful for you doing it and for helping share all of our angels. Brooks is proud of his daddy.

Debbie ,

Thank you for your kind words. Im praying for you and your truck. Just keep breathing. God will get you there when its the right time. I will keep praying for you on everything else as well . Just remember our hearts are so freashly broken. For me rwo days after i got home i packed up alot of her things unable to breath around them. I even set piles aside of where or who would get them a.s.a.p. Well i knew that day i didnt hv time to do it. So i put it all in her crib and her drawers . Well it is two months latter and im glad i hv every peace. I was juat in her room a little while ago dusting . Take your time going threw his things there shoyld be no rush. Even iUf it means a few drawers/ boxes this visit and then bext time your in town a few more. Take your time do whats right for you . Your sam will be by your side the entire time

To everyone,

Thank you for your thoughts about my mom. I try so hard to understand and not make conflict.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

Thank you for sharing that story. It's beautiful and I definitely needed something uplifting. I worry too about Trista being cold or in the dark. That's part of why I keep so many solar lights at her site.

Kate,

I'm so glad you got good news!

Dee,

I think I will forever speak and write Trista's name. Thank you for your thoughts on my poem. I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to write. It helps sometimes.

Lora,

Thank you. I do believe that Cara and the other Angels have welcomed Tris with open arms. When I talked to the woman who is a sensitive and Trista came through for her, she told me that there was another Girl with her and that she was there to support Trista because she had crossed over before Trista. She said that Tris did not know this Girl in life but that she had also died in a car accident and that she and Trista are now working together along with others. She couldn't tell me any more than that about the other Girl but it let me know that she is not alone.

Shelley,

I understand the panic attacks. I have them too and they are awful. Thinking of you.

Gretchen,

It was good to see your post today. I'm glad your friend has such support in you. You know first hand how hard this is. You've been in my thoughts.

Debbie,

You have so much right now and with the holidays coming. I hope the truck gets fixed quickly. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Coleen,

I thought too about going away for the holidays. I would really like to but when I mentioned it to everyone else they weren't really on board. I know Zak is really missing his Sister and I think being close to his friends and their mutual friends helps so here I go. I'm going to do my best to give the Boys a good holiday.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today I went to look for some things to put together some special arrangements and things to decorate Trista's site and garden. I was suprised to see that nontraditional colors must be in this year for the holidays because there where lots of things in purple, pink, and turquoise... all colors Tris loves. I even found butterflies and dragonflies. I have some really pretty things so hopefully I can put together something beautiful for her. I was born without a creative gene but I really want this to be something I do myself.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, I recently put together a floral arrangement for Jesse...

I am including a photo of the what I used, it was a plastic gravetopper, this can be bought along with the sterofoam at a florist shop...I also used a glue gun to secure the flowers even more to the sterofoam so they don't loosen in the wind or weather...

It took me awhile to do and was a bit emotionally draining...but I got it done...

I did not take a picture of it...so what you see below is just an example...

I am glad that the story touched all of you...it was a great comfort to me...

You are all in my heart...I think of everyone here throughout my day...

Kate, I must be missing something, can you let me know the good news?

[summergirl]

Dear friends - thank you for your words - they have helped me a lot. I talked to my mom today, at first she was very upset knowing I was not coming but after a few moments she calmed down and we talked....I told her I could not explain to her why I could not come as I did not really understand it myself. I just know that my dad is at peace and I am at peace knowing he is. I have no regrets, I loved my dad and he loved me and me being at the funeral will not change the fact that he is gone. I know some will judge me but I do not care, I have walked that road many times after losing my Jessica. I actually went with my "first instincts" and that was "I do not want to be at the funeral to say good by to my dad" - I than wrestled with myself till I thought I would pass out from over-thinking it all and that is when I made my choice. I was thinking last night how my dad did not come to Jessica's funeral and I never asked him about it, never questioned his choice, he had his reasons and I accepted that and I know he accepts mine. Tavian is so wonderful, he is almost 12, so hard to believe where the years have gone.....he is in the 6th grade and doing very well. He went to his first "dance" and had a great time but said "you know Mi-Mi, a 7th and 8th grade girl asked me to dance but I said no, that is just weird". I did my best not to laugh and just explained to him that just becuz a girl asks you to dance doesn't mean she wants to be your girlfriend, maybe she just thinks your a great dancer. He shook his head at me and went to his room...haha Love that boy. A very stormy day tomorrow, I have to work a few hours and then off through next week - so used to working every day I don't know what I will do with myself with Tavian in school and hubby working....oh well, I am sure I can find plenty to do. Once again thank you everyone for your advice. Peace, Love and Strength....Jessica's mom forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Summergirl, would it be possible for you to come a few weeks later to support your mom? There are always the chores afterwards and I would guess your mom is somewhat up there in age...it would help with the quietness of everything afterwards, do light chores, the cooking, etc..

So many forget what it is like for the person later...just a thought...

What do you think?

[Newbie17]

Hello to everyone,

I do not get a chance to post as I would like with working now. As you all know holidays are very rough I am especially missing my son and not able to be with family. Laurie, the story of the girl anticipating her coming home party was very beautiful-wow!!! It really did brighten my dark time right now. My heart breaks for my son but if I can keep imagining him healed and happy in the midst of this beautiful place, it does help my pain. I guess I am thankful I don't have a lot of people around it is sometimes more painful to put a smile on and try to forget the pain you are feeling. My hearts and prayers go out to everyone!

Jena

[Jeff's Mom]

Dear friends - thank you for your words - they have helped me a lot. I talked to my mom today, at first she was very upset knowing I was not coming but after a few moments she calmed down and we talked....I told her I could not explain to her why I could not come as I did not really understand it myself. I just know that my dad is at peace and I am at peace knowing he is. I have no regrets, I loved my dad and he loved me and me being at the funeral will not change the fact that he is gone. I know some will judge me but I do not care, I have walked that road many times after losing my Jessica. I actually went with my "first instincts" and that was "I do not want to be at the funeral to say good by to my dad" - I than wrestled with myself till I thought I would pass out from over-thinking it all and that is when I made my choice. I was thinking last night how my dad did not come to Jessica's funeral and I never asked him about it, never questioned his choice, he had his reasons and I accepted that and I know he accepts mine. Tavian is so wonderful, he is almost 12, so hard to believe where the years have gone.....he is in the 6th grade and doing very well. He went to his first "dance" and had a great time but said "you know Mi-Mi, a 7th and 8th grade girl asked me to dance but I said no, that is just weird". I did my best not to laugh and just explained to him that just becuz a girl asks you to dance doesn't mean she wants to be your girlfriend, maybe she just thinks your a great dancer. He shook his head at me and went to his room...haha Love that boy. A very stormy day tomorrow, I have to work a few hours and then off through next week - so used to working every day I don't know what I will do with myself with Tavian in school and hubby working....oh well, I am sure I can find plenty to do. Once again thank you everyone for your advice. Peace, Love and Strength....Jessica's mom forever

Hi Kathy, I read your post this evening and can see through your pain. I am so sorry that you have lost your Dad. I think that the most important issue here is that you and you Mom are fully understanding the decision. I agree with Laurie...is it possible if you have next week off to go home to be with her and give her support?

[wgreenlee]

For those of you who want me to add more pictures to the slideshow, just post them or send them to my email....wade405@yahoo.com....and I will definitely add them. I might also create a new one with new music...little peppier maybe and a little shorter too since this was so long...just couldn't stop adding pictures. And if you have a favorite song just give me the title and I can include that.

Wendy...

If you have internet on your phone, you should be able to access the video on YouTube...maybe there is something on this site that prevents the link from going through on your phone. Go to Youtube and search for "Wade Greenlee" and you should see my channel...click on my name and the video choice will come up and then hopefully you can play it that way. Let me know. If not I will think of something else.

On another note, my best friend told me right off that he wasn't going to come to Brooks' viewing or burial, because he just wanted to remember Brooks the way he saw him through all the years of knowing him. There were quite a few people who mentioned that. Mainly the people who were close to me and Brooks. They just didn't want to see Brooks that way. They did come to his celebration which was a little different. I was ok with that because I didn't want to see Brooks that way either. I got to his viewing early to make sure everything was ok and didn't realize that I would be able to see Brooks from the back of the chapel. I thought I was going to be able to just rush up there and get that emotional part out of the way so I could then spend some time with him. I had to sneak up there a few steps at at a time until I could finally touch him and give him a kiss. It's such an emotional experience that is so personal. But my friends were there to help me prepare for everything, and then to help me build his casket so I will forever be grateful to them.

Debbie...

I know that now I can't control my emotions and so I just let them go whenever and wherever. For me it's almost like a testament to the love for my son. If I'm in a public place some people just look, but others ask if I'm ok, and I just tell them honestly that I recently lost my son and it's ok. I've even cried at school and the children just ask if I'm sad and then let me know it's ok too. When I try to control my emotions I find that it just gets worse and eventually it comes out anyway. Like I've heard on here many times...there is no game plan so be good to yourself, but also be remindful that your husband's grief might be running a different course, and needs to be attended to in his way. Praying for you and hope everything is ok with the truck.

Shelly...

I am thankful that you have come back here. I would love to hear about your loved ones if you want to share. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and will be hear as a sounding board if needed.

Gretchen...

I am glad you liked the slideshow. All the pictures made me smile so it was very healing for me too. And I'm happy that you have a good friend to talk with. I have a few good friends who have asked me if I want to talk, but just can't do it with them. They know how I feel and more importantly, know when I need to be alone, or when they need to drag me out of my shell and get me doing something. This site is my way of letting go of stuff, and I am so thankful for the friends here who are helping me in my journey.

Jena...

I'm happy you got back here. Please continue to share when you can. I would like to know more about you and your son, if that's ok. Prayers and thoughts coming your way.

Kathy...

I'm so happy that you connected with your mom. That will be so good for the both of you. I pray your niece understand too. I will be thinking of you, especially in the next few days.

Kate...

I also missed the good news...sorry...but I'm very happy anyway.

Laurie...

Every time I see Jessie's pic I just smile. Thank you for your precious son. I wish I would have included a tractor in the slideshow. Always reminds me of my days on the farm.

Prayers and good thoughts flowing to everyone. Hope your day shines bright tomorrow and your angels touch you in a special way.

I know that Thanksgiving will be tough, but I am thankful for one thing...ALL OF YOU!

Love to all...Wade

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kathy,

Tavian sounds like a sweetheart. It's funny the ideas they get in their heads. My Zak is almost 15 years old. The years do fly by.

Laurie,

Thank you for the suggestions. I wondered about securing the flowers for the weather. I have a glue gun so I'll do that. I made a wreath and other arrangements for Trista's garden and site for Thanksgiving/Fall. They maybe aren't as nice as the premade arrangements but it's something I can do for her. It helps in some way to make things myself. I'm sure I will get more creative as I go.

Becky,

I wanted to respond to you earlier but my Boys were yelling for dinner and I knew what I wanted to tell you would take a little bit. I can say, for me, hearing Jared's story has touched me so deeply. I am going to have Zak driving in no time. My niece just turned 16. She has chosen to wait until summer as to not be a new driver on winter roads. I've shared Jared's story and hope they listen. I will admit that I have taken calls in the car. NEVER texts... but distraction is distraction. Now, I just don't. If it is something that may be important I wait until I can pull off somewhere. My husband was horrible about being on the phone while driving. Being a business owner all calls are "important calls". I was always on his case. Now it's not an option if the Boys and I are in the car. Zak will even tell him, "Don't think about answering that." I shared Jared's story and showed him his picture on the sign you made. He recently bought himself a hands free. He promised only to use it if he absolutely has to. I know seeing that woman on the phone had to be so disheartening but for every person who "doesn't hear" there will be more who do. You have inspired me to keep fighting.

Shannon

Trista's site with Fall decorations

Trista's Garden and the top of Aiden's head. He helped me decorate.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, thanks for the note about Jesse, sent you a couple more pics....

I am also sharing a link to his Flicker Photostream...he took all of the pictures that are in there....you might get a smile out of his special car projects...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44137951@N04/sets/

Just love Brooks and Kitty...there were many times that I gave Jesse a card from his cat named Betty...for his birthday and Valentine's Day...when a girl got too interested in him and he wanted to be polite, he would mention how he had to get back to Betty...of course they didn't realize it was the cat...

Shannon, I am sure your projects are beautiful...

Sherry, Susan, Gretchen, Becky, Dee, Betsy, Carol, Trudi, Wanda, Barbara, Jena, Cherish's mom, Colleen, Kathy, Debbie, Shelly, Betty, Wendy, Lora, and all of those who visit here...prayers for a restful night and sweet dreams of our angels...

[Jeff's Mom]

For those of you who want me to add more pictures to the slideshow, just post them or send them to my email....wade405@yahoo.com....and I will definitely add them. I might also create a new one with new music...little peppier maybe and a little shorter too since this was so long...just couldn't stop adding pictures. And if you have a favorite song just give me the title and I can include that.

Wendy...

If you have internet on your phone, you should be able to access the video on YouTube...maybe there is something on this site that prevents the link from going through on your phone. Go to Youtube and search for "Wade Greenlee" and you should see my channel...click on my name and the video choice will come up and then hopefully you can play it that way. Let me know. If not I will think of something else.

On another note, my best friend told me right off that he wasn't going to come to Brooks' viewing or burial, because he just wanted to remember Brooks the way he saw him through all the years of knowing him. There were quite a few people who mentioned that. Mainly the people who were close to me and Brooks. They just didn't want to see Brooks that way. They did come to his celebration which was a little different. I was ok with that because I didn't want to see Brooks that way either. I got to his viewing early to make sure everything was ok and didn't realize that I would be able to see Brooks from the back of the chapel. I thought I was going to be able to just rush up there and get that emotional part out of the way so I could then spend some time with him. I had to sneak up there a few steps at at a time until I could finally touch him and give him a kiss. It's such an emotional experience that is so personal. But my friends were there to help me prepare for everything, and then to help me build his casket so I will forever be grateful to them.

Debbie...

I know that now I can't control my emotions and so I just let them go whenever and wherever. For me it's almost like a testament to the love for my son. If I'm in a public place some people just look, but others ask if I'm ok, and I just tell them honestly that I recently lost my son and it's ok. I've even cried at school and the children just ask if I'm sad and then let me know it's ok too. When I try to control my emotions I find that it just gets worse and eventually it comes out anyway. Like I've heard on here many times...there is no game plan so be good to yourself, but also be remindful that your husband's grief might be running a different course, and needs to be attended to in his way. Praying for you and hope everything is ok with the truck.

Shelly...

I am thankful that you have come back here. I would love to hear about your loved ones if you want to share. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and will be hear as a sounding board if needed.

Gretchen...

I am glad you liked the slideshow. All the pictures made me smile so it was very healing for me too. And I'm happy that you have a good friend to talk with. I have a few good friends who have asked me if I want to talk, but just can't do it with them. They know how I feel and more importantly, know when I need to be alone, or when they need to drag me out of my shell and get me doing something. This site is my way of letting go of stuff, and I am so thankful for the friends here who are helping me in my journey.

Jena...

I'm happy you got back here. Please continue to share when you can. I would like to know more about you and your son, if that's ok. Prayers and thoughts coming your way.

Kathy...

I'm so happy that you connected with your mom. That will be so good for the both of you. I pray your niece understand too. I will be thinking of you, especially in the next few days.

Kate...

I also missed the good news...sorry...but I'm very happy anyway.

Laurie...

Every time I see Jessie's pic I just smile. Thank you for your precious son. I wish I would have included a tractor in the slideshow. Always reminds me of my days on the farm.

Prayers and good thoughts flowing to everyone. Hope your day shines bright tomorrow and your angels touch you in a special way.

I know that Thanksgiving will be tough, but I am thankful for one thing...ALL OF YOU!

Love to all...Wade

Thanks Wade, I will try. I just love Sarah McLachlan...In The Arms of an Angel...and One by U2.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate,

We played In the Arms of an Angel at Trista's services. My sister says that every time she comes to my house (she has to drive for an hour and a half) that song comes on the radio. She says she never hears it any other time. I love that song too.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I loved the story of how Jesse used his cat to stop unwanted attention. I could so see Trista doing that. She always said Tazzy was the only boyfriend she needed. I looked at the photos on the link you pasted. Even though I'm not a car buff I can see talent as photographer in Jesse's pictures. I love them. I'm a wannabe photographer. I lack talent but love photography. The picture of the bike on the dirt road was one of my favorite. Jesse has such a nice smile. Thank you for sharing those with us.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Kathy Dear,

I did not respond to your post last evening, I must have missed it somehow. I just want to say that what you decide is what is fine. It might not be fine with others, but it is your decision and you are the only one right now that needs to make this decision for you. I have similar feelings, when my instincts speak to me, I listen.

Your Dad knows you and your heart. He smiles on your choices. I know it is a sense of peace that Dad is no longer battling any health issues. Your Sis will have to figure it out on her own.

Shelly, my goodness I wish that I could do something to assist you in the topsy-turvy times you have had. Your losses are huge, they have happened in rapid succession so goodness knows how difficult this has been and how it has affected your health. Has anyone spoken about PTSD? It sure makes sense to me to think that the culminating affects might be these.My hope is on the wire here, my prayers on the wind.

Colleen, how goes the plans for your dinner on Thursday?

[ericasmom]

Wade, I would love to see more from you with your talent to put together the music and photos. I love the song by Rusted Root, send me on my way. The main singer looks so much like Forest, Gretchen's beautiful Boy and the song to me is a celebration of life and that next place we go...

More photos if you would like to use them:

[ericasmom]

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

This song, I'll Fly Away, done by The Ragbirds was a favorite for me and Tris. We sang this song together so many times. Now it has so much meaning for me. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Dee,

When I went to look up a link to this the first one I came to was done in Kalamazoo, MI. Also, I love the Rusted Root song, not just for the meaning it holds now but Matilda was one of Trista's favorite movies when she was younger. Thank you. I can definitely see the resemblance between the lead singer and Forest.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I'm losing myself in music tonight. I thought I'd share this. It's another favorite for me and Tris. We both suffered from anxiety. This was one of our anti-anxiety songs. We actually met these guys. They play a show here in our town a couple times a year. They're from Ann Arbor. Friends of mine who know the lead singer, Erin, said that this song was written about her fight with anxiety and depression. With so many here struggling with anxiety and panic I thought I would share it.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you, Shannon, for your encouragement to keep on with my message to honor my son, of the dangers of distracted driving. I am glad you are teaching Zak and your niece about it, and using Jared's story as an example.

Today, a friend of mine posted on FB that they wanted to help their grandson get reliable transportation, and spoke of the hardship of his daughter, a single mother trying her best to raise the boy, what a good kid he was, and the great grades he was obtaining in school, and his dream for college. I made a donation in my Jared's name, and only asked that they impress upon the grandson, if he got his ride, to never text or talk and drive. The grandson reminds me of my Jared, and so it felt good to do something to help him. Even his mother remarked on how much our boys looked alike.

Rainy, and extremely windy here tonight! Loved all the songs, etc., posted today.