Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....sending thoughts of sympathy to you and yours....May His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Healing and Love be around each of you....

I remember my Uncle who had the same thing....it was years ago....and my Mom and Dad would go visit him....(he was my Dad's brother)...and it would take a couple of days for my Dad to regain his balance...for it hurt him so much to see his beloved brother like that. I remember when he died my Dad told me...'he is healed now'.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Ladies,

yes indeed, he is healed now. Blessings.

[Mermaid Tears]

Brenham High School in the play-offs......so cold.....here is my GRANDson, Hunter Bear...and his baby sister...our Pebbie....

...he and John David both wore # 62.....sweet.....

[ericasmom]

My goodness those are two Beautiful Children on the football field Susan. Stay warm, the news just told about that storm that swept through. Burrrrrr! It is cold here, but that is much more normal.

To all of you so new to this kind of pain, I hope you see that you are all extending your hearts and hands to one another in ways that can only make your Angels so proud and also this kind of extending is amazingly good for your healing. As one who has been here a long while, I just have to say that I see such strength and beauty coming from you all, unfiltered, unguarded, just raw and amazing care.

[ericasmom]

Well some big boxes have arrived here at home that I will take to school after the Thanksgiving break for our annual wrapping party. My students did an amazing job purchasing gifts for the family we adopted. They shopped online and then together we eliminated some of what we gathered and agreed and had to vote some of the times, on the just right gifts. We have a Mom and two children on our list. I collected about 350.00 from my students families ( so generous) and we took about two weeks to shop, now gifts will be wrapped, (kids donated wrapping paper) and I will take the gifts to the church in town that runs this amazing program each year. I have done this with my class for 10 years. It is a wonderful way to teach kids the power of reaching out. I feel like Santa came already. Sweet.

[Mermaid Tears]

the score at half time is 21 - 21.....

my heart is smiling ....and yes....it is up to us to teach the children 'to serve'....I think you have a heart as big as Texas, Dee....and we all know that in our deepest hearts...the ones that 'give the most' are the ones that have 'suffered the most'....

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh, I love that type of game. So close. It has you on your toes! Yes! Oh Dee, how lovely that your kids were able to do this. It warms the heart to the core. And speaking of warm...oh gosh, -20.5C which translates to 4F. We had a lovely steady walk today. Sun was shining brightly and no wind. It did our hearts good to feel the fresh air in our lungs. We came home and had a nice refreshing cup of coffee. A fairly strong blend of Black Pearl coffee. Each day is a blessing to be taken as such. I for some reason can not get the Beatle song out of my head these past few days. Let It Be. Our walk is oh so hard. Each day not knowing how we will waken and accept that which is given to us. A gift of just a few years...a few months...and so on. But nevertheless a gift. Let It Be.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

You do have such a huge heart. Inspired by some of the ideas you've posted. Our family has decided to help out in Trista's honor this year. I always have made donations in the past but this year we are going to be a little more "active". I want the boys to really experience being of service. We are going to support Operation Christmas Child. Each of us will pack a box with special things for boys and girls. We are also going to supply Christmas dinner to a family in need through our local Family Violence Prevention Center. It hurts so much to think of Trista not being here for the holidays but I know she would love what we are doing in her honor. Oh, this is all so hard. Just writing this brought back the tears. I'm sending prayers for your family. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother in law.

Susan,

I love the pictures of your Loves. I hope you're able to warm up!

Kate,

Thinking of you and Ross. I now have that song in my head too. It is a beautiful song.

Debbie,

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Oh, how words can hurt. I truly do understand. Know you can come here and 'talk' to us, vent to us. We are here.

Laurie,

I love the prayer you posted today for Dee's family...Beautiful.

Thinking of everyone tonight. It's been a rough couple of days.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

I hope it is ok to post happenings that are happy...for don't we all share each path....

OK....Brenham won !!! for those that share so much of my journey....just thought you would like to know....

and to know....I do want to share that with each of you....Hunter Bear is so happy....#62 still rides on.....sweet.....

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....that song has so many layers....but speaks in volumes for all that we have been through and lived through....

[Jeff's Mom]

YES, by all means post positive things too! AWESOME that your team won. I am so pleased. In the midst of our loss we will find happiness and that is as it should be. They would want nothing less for us.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I agree! When I'm having a rough time and can come and read some joy in each of your lives it helps me. It gives me hope and I'm happy for the joys each of you find! Congratulations on the win! How wonderful that #62 is still bringing joy and celebration!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I wanted to share a sweet thing that happened tonight. Zak's girlfriend had a dance recital tonight. I usually go with him so he doesn't have to sit alone. He told me I didn't have to go to tonight because it was just a small recital. I found out later that wasn't true and he sat alone. He told me that because the last recital was very hard for me. Tris was a ballerina and they played a song by Beyoncé called "I Was Here". It was too much. Zak didn't want me to have a hard night. Anyway, after he came home, we talked about the recital, and his girlfriend, which led into a deeper discussion. Zak has been "dating" the same girl for over a year. I put dating in quotations because they are not officially allowed to date being only 14 years old. I think their young age and the fact that they've been together as long as they have is what concerns her parents. They have been downright rude to Zak at times and honestly, if I didn't think it would cause them to not allow her to see Zak at all I would probably have said something by now. I trust that Zak is capable of handling himself and has enough self confidence not to let it get to him. As we were talking he shared some things with me that his girlfriend had shared with him about how other boys had treated her before he met her. He said things that were just so sweet and insightful for a 14 year old. I told him that he showed a lot of understanding and respect for his age. He responded with, "I was pretty much raised by my Mom and older Sister. I love my girlfriend and respect her. I also know that she's someone's Daughter and Sister." I am so proud of him and I know that Trista is too. I wish I could have recorded that and sent it to his girlfriend's parents.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Go #62!!! Great win. Thanks for letting us know!

Wow Shannon, your Zak is a real Sweetie and yes, he is aware of the heart he has inside of him has been nurtured by his Dear Momma and beloved Sissy. What a cool Kiddo.

I am glad that the family is finding something to do in Trista's name and honor. Bringing light to those in need sounds like Trista, she will glow. I have not yet done that signing the petition, do I have to have a facebook or twitter account because I have neither. I am thrilled with this though, it sounds like hope.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Thank you. Zak definitely made my night tonight. He is such a sweet Boy. I'm proud of him and I know he carries his Sister with him in his heart. I am so proud of all of my Children.

You don't have to have a facebook or twitter account to sign the petition. Just an email address which stays private. Also some people were confused about donations. Sometimes a donation page pops up. This is to support the hosting site, not the petition. You do NOT have to donate to sign the petition. Just close out of that if it pops up. We are not asking for any kind of donations.

Here is the link again if anyone needs it.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/grinnell-and-clifton

I think there is even option to sign anonymously.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, so nice to see a young boy show respect for others. Not just his gf, but also everyone in his life. It's not easy to raise kids these days. You are obviously doing a great job. Dee, I signed the petition and found I did not need to be on facebook or twitter. It was a very easy procedure. Thinking of everyone today. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

I signed the petition the other day.....what a unique way to build awareness....Becky...have you thought of that..?

What I have learned in raising 5 sons....the way a Dad 'treats and respects' women is important...

But the other big eye opener is how the Mom 'respects and treats' women....some women are just so jealous and competitive with any female that comes around I think they enjoy when their sons treat women wrong....

I remember when the feminist movement was in it's infancy...and women were burning the bras...Essie said that it didn't matter what they burned...but until women started liking each other...and stopped acting like a bunch of back-stabbing, hateful cats....they would never get anywhere....she said they had to start acting like how men acted with their friends....

Go down Moses....

[Jeff's Mom]

I am thinking of everyone that is new to this journey and hoping your day will be ok. Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I signed the petition the other day.....what a unique way to build awareness....Becky...have you thought of that..?

Yes, we had 915 signatures on a hand carried petition that we took everywhere, including his funeral. It was turned over to delegates and they only convinced DelDOT to lower the speed by 5mph.

[Mommysangelisabella]

Shannon,

I also signed your petition . Im also not on facebook or twitter so thank you for the link.

Everyone,

Today my angel has been in heaven two months. I hvnt any strenght today or even theast few. I got out of bed yesterday only long enough to care for my boys before crawling back in. My shock is wearing off and my mind keeps reliving the day. I was asked yesterday if i had another baby what would i want my response was i dont care about the sex as long as they live..... what else can be said. I miss my isabella faith so much it hurts to breath today.... Just one more day ..... Breath..... Breath...... Breath

[Mermaid Tears]

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, I have signed the petition and added comments...I hope that the traffic engineer will see to reason...

I just wanted to mention that I enjoy reading the personal notes of each other's lives...to see that there are small steps of healing taking place...

Susan, liked your Thanksgiving memory poem...Glad to see Hunter in # 62...and for the win!

Kate, the walk sounded wonderful from the other day...along with the hot cup of coffee...I do love coffee...

Debbie, these first few months are hard...

Been in a quiet reflective mood this weekend, but reading the posts...

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....just want you to know that many on the site are thinking of you...holding you in our prayers...

Wade...I think I would rather fight an army...than fight my way through the holidays...

...we are thinking of you and your boy...

Wanda...is your daughter still with you...am so glad you have so much support around you in different groups...I think some get more from meeting with real live human beings....some, like me, find this is what I need....in this no-mans land....'whatever' works is the ticket...

Laurie...you posted a video of a parent..(Dad) talking about losing his son...could you post that again....never watched it and can't find it....thank you for all the amazing info you give us...

Lora....you have been on my mind...I think working is better than sitting in a dark room..letting it all fall in on you....but I do hope you are getting some rest....although...if I am not 'busy'...I find myself becoming so self absorbed I cannot even look at myself in the mirror...

Kate...you get the results of the tests next week I think you posted ? The blessing is that Ross can laugh with you...and both of you can hold hands as you walk and shop...and get ready for the holidays....when does your son and family come..and how many days do they stay ? Can you take some photos of the lake and bench....? Your 'angel' story stays with me....

Dee...is your sister-in-law doing ok? I so appreciate not only the way you teach...but how you 'teach to serve'....small children carry that with them forever...smiles from my heart...

Carol...have not heard from you....let us hear....

Colleen...how are you doing getting ready to host Thanksgiving...?? I was thinking the other day that you and I will be on the same 'thought wave' that day....ready to be grateful for our blessings....but dreading that 'empty chair'....and the one no longer there....hang on with both hands...

[lovU2themoon]

Before Lane's accident, i had signed up to volunteer for an event that was happening in my city.

I was not going to go, but my sister was going with me, and yes, i thought it would do me good to get out, be a little more active.

My shift was 9 - 2 am, i was part of clean up crew. cleaning off tables, gathering garbage, not much direct contact with people. well after an hour of dodging the crowd

trying to reach tables, gather garbage, i had enough, my sister was bar tending, she told me to come help her. So i did.

I lasted about 2 hours, and i started to get shaky, very anxious, my stomach was getting upset, it was awful.

I had to leave. and didn't go back. and i had two more shifts to do and just cant.

In my previous life before Lane died, I was volunteer chairperson for many events, i ran and organized activities for Cancer fundraisers.

I was an office manager for 6 optometrists before the job i have now.

I worked full time in a cancer clinic. direct contact with patient, organizing appointments, with treatment schedules.

and now. i cant even stand crowds, or noise, or any of it.

I do not know who i am?

I do not know how to be, or who to be.

This is so tough, how do i get even some of my life back, EVERYTHING i thought was true, isn't any more,

How do i start all over to find my place in this world when my place was about raising my kids, showing them how to give back to society, showing them that as a good

person good things come to you, when i no longer believe that.

I only ever prayed to God for 2 things. to bring my children home to me when the traveled, or when they were way from me.

'Please God bring my Lindsay home safe to me as she drives home"

Please God bring my Lane home safe to me as he starts driving"

i never prayed for riches, or more than i needed, and my prayers were not answered one day when my Lane did not come home.

I am struggling with so much today, including missing my Lane.

My sweet Lane, i love you too the moon and back.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Susan, we returned home not long ago. Unfortunately today was not a good day for Ross. Well, thinking of everyone, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Wanda, you have suffered a tremendous loss in losing Lane. Try to be patient with yourself. This is so hard and it takes ages to work through. The days that you feel so down are very normal. Each day is a huge struggle to just get through. I know this sounds so corny right now... it takes a huge amount of time to learn to live again and rebuild your life. It is perfectly normal to withdraw while looking for a way to heal. And heal we must. Right now you need to focus on you. You will find ground again and you will eventually be able to go back to doing some... if not all of those things that you once did. Please take care of yourself and know that all of us here are thinking of you and holding you close. Kate

[ericasmom]

Hi Laurie, Kate, Isabella's Momma, Susan, SHannon, Lora, Debbie, Kathy, Trudi, Betsy, Betty, Greg, Claudia, Gretchen, Carol, Sherry, Leah, Brenda, Wade, and every other grieving parent that spends time here, forgive my name retrieval, it is one of the many things I have become less good with...I am thinking of you all as the holiday music plays endlessly in the stores and the commercials are only about Christmas and what we should buy to make our children happy, our spouses happy...when we know that those things are simply that---except those things did make our kids glad and they did love Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, so maybe doing a bit of shopping (online to avoid the songs and th enoise and the crowds), you can send some of those items that will put a smile on a face and do so in the name of your Child. Maybe that little gesture will feel like a puzzle piece fitting into a slot in your heart. It may feel good. It will for those on the receiving end.

Susan, the adopt a family project fills my heart like nothing else can. It is joyful, the kids shopping and choosing things with such care is healing. And you are right, it stays with them, years later when I see them grown up, they remember the time that they shopped to help out a family in need. Outreach is so very important and it goes both ways. If they ever find that they are in need in their lives, this reminds them that there are folks and agencies that can help.

Kate, I am sorry that Ross is feeling poorly tonight. I hope that when he wakes up in the morning his color is back and he is able to sustain his body temps. You are the strength in his smile.

Wanda, I wrote a poem once that is all about what you said, Sometime people don't make it home. I know that your wants were not on a grand scale Sweetie, you had the grandest of all things, your Children and while those prayers were not met, I do feel that one day you will find your footing. It does take a long time, but one day and I do promise this, you will find some recognizable features in yoruself. You will also notice some absolute new behaviors, some new wants or needs, some major disinterest in what used to be your thing. It is foreign and not what you ever imagined feeling like, but it is one of many stages along this route, we have wondered too, who the hell am I now? How will I find out? Hang on Sister, we have you with both hands and our hearts.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie...you posted a video of a parent..(Dad) talking about losing his son...could you post that again....never watched it and can't find it....thank you for all the amazing info you give us...

It is in the Grief Healing thread...here is the link

http://forums.grievi...-grief-healing/

I just want to say that this is Dennis's experience of losing his son, of course there are differences in men and their response to grief...but there is a lot of good information to take away...

[Mermaid Tears]

Wanda....I read your post...and I had to shut off...walk away....from the screen....and get my hands busy....and while I was 'busy' ...I was pondering what to say to you....and I wanted you to know that Dee 'said' it to me.....in a way....that I understood....

and I didn't think I could say it the way she could say it...and when I came back....she posted those 'words' to you....

thank you, Dee....

Yes....we are changed in an instant....so..it is hard to find our footing in this 'new place'....I have even called it a foreign land....

how many times I have said....'I Miss Me'.....I do miss 'me'....the one before my SONshine boy had to take his leave....he was sick...very sick...he was beyond help....any help on this earth could not make him well....could not heal him....

and you have to understand that Lane would not have left you unless he had to.....

the accidents that happen in this earth home are beyond what earth people can do to make them whole again...

It is ok....to cocoon....the world and all that is in it...will still spin...will go on....

while you are mourning and healing....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

double post

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Thank you as always for your words of encouragement for us all. Thank you for holding on to us. We went out shopping today for our Operation Christmas Child boxes. The music, decorations, everything is so hard. I'm going to do my best to make the holidays good for the boys but my heart hurts so much.

Susan,

I read that poem you shared and it is very much how I'm feeling. Thank you for sharing it.

Kate,

I'm so sorry to hear that Ross is feeling badly. I sent a prayer that tomorrow will be a better day.

Wanda,

This is so hard. I know you miss your Lane so much. I can relate to much of what you say. I don't know who I am now or how to do this from day to day. Nothing makes sense anymore. I keep you in my thoughts.

Laurie and everyone who signed the petition, thank you.

We did two of our Christmas Child boxes in honor of Trista with lots of Hello Kitty and fairies. I hope that the little girls who receive these love the gifts inside. They won't know of my Precious Angel who inspired these but we will and Trista will.

Trista Mae, I love you so much. Everything is so hard without you but I'm doing my best and trying hard to make you proud. I miss you, Sweet Girl. Be with us as much as you can.

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, just love your idea of putting together these gifts for the kids. Oh, so cute! I think that is a wonderful idea. They will be loved for sure! Thanks for your thoughts on Ross. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry, double post.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I am very sure that the little ones that receive those lovely boxes will feel touched by an Angel, inside of the boxes are certainly the items that will delight. Fairies and Hello Kitty, Care Bears...what goodness you are packing in these gifts. Sealed with the love and hope of an Angel.

Trista is beyond proud my Dear.

[SamDsmom]

Just forcing myself to keep in contact. Since I found this site last week I couldn't wait to have quiet time to write. Today I don't want to. But I feel like if I don't stay in contact with others who understand I will shrink away and completly loose myself. Dont know if that makes sense but that is where I'm at. I don't like feeling so self centered. I just want him back. I want to talk to him just one more time. A hug. A smile. To hear him tell me not to be a Debbie Downer when I try to tell him to take care of himself or give him advise. That's all.

Debbie

[shorty16]

Debbie,

Thanks for keeping in touch with us. We do know how you feel. If I could, I would drive to your house and give you a big hug. Consider yourself hugged.

Your loss is so new. So fresh and without any protection from the harsh winds of reality. It is OK to feel this way. It is OK to be sad.

All my friends,

The first 2 Christmas' after Brian's death, in June of 2008, we left town. We actually left the state. I could not be in my home Christmas morning knowing Brian would not be there. I took my family and we ran away. For us, it was exactly what the doctor ordered.

This will be our 6th Thanksgiving and Christmas without my Brian. It does get softer and I am able to think, cook, talk, and play games. The first couple Thankgivings, all I could do was cry, sit, bury my head and want to disappear.

For all those within 3 years of their childs death, please know that it does get softer and more tolerable as time goes on.

Be kind to yourself the first few holidays. You cannot and should not be expected to perform as usualy. Nothing is usual about this.

I think of you all

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Not a downer at all Debbie, but a parent who is hurting beyond any words and without any sense of ever healing. You are behaving as most of us have and do, we have empty arms at the point you are on this journey. It is unnatural and it is lonely and while you may feel you are being selfish, you are not. To be self absorbed, well yes, why wouldn't you be? Your life is completely different in a moments time. It will be a long while before you find your balance again. It isn't anything we can run from or hide from, it simply is a process that takes a ton of our energy and along the way, all if us begin to find a tiny crystal of hope.

I wish you hope.

[Mommysangelisabella]

Well everyone yesterday my angel has been gone for two months. Wow two months. I didnt really leave mt bed much (my boys were being cared for) . I finally got up the courage and I talked to my mom about how I feel . It didnt go well at all she got very mad at me and even more so when I told her im not sure if we can come to thanksgiving do to the fact she has told me I have no choice I have to tell my boys of the dogs death. Wich with my childrens mental state I dont think its a good idea. My oldest lost a hamster ummm about six months ago he didnt handle it well I had to keep him out of school because he couldnt stop crying . He had outburst for weeks after. This was before his sisters death. My boys are just starting to smile agen. My jeremiah finally was able to go to church happy to stay in his class and learn and play. I dont want to destroy that. I asked to wait till after christmas . Thansgiving is normally held at my place but I mentioned about a month ago my moms new place is nice with her safe backyard (im in an apt.) And I wasnt sure if I could handle doing it this year. She agreed to host it. About a week latter and since on I said id really like to try to do it but she refuses to let me host. Each one of my family has a holiday my moms is christmas my sister does easter my lil sis used to host thanksgiving but due to some issues was unable to do it any more. Wich I was excited over because I wanted a day. Along time ago I used to host wounderful over the top partys but othet than birthdays I dnt any more. I even suggested once agen yesterday that I host thanksgiving at my place because it protects my boys and sloves the issue at hand. She told me flat out no I planned it. I told her I felt like no one cares about whats happend that from the min. I left the hosptail no one called tx or came by. I gave birth to my angel spent 3 days moving her into het new home then went home with my 3 boys alone. I had to cook clean take care of them ect. I told her I had no time to recover . I said a few other things but I started with ok I have to do this now while I have the strenght. I asked how are you and how are you handling things? Im trying to understand . I went from there. Her main response was well im sorry you feel I hvnt been there for you ..... Wendy ! I never said I was perfect ! I told her from that point ok im done I was just trying to explain how im feeling and your just getting mad. I knew if I continued with that conversation things would have just gone down hill fast. So now ive told her how I feel and now ive started conflict within my family doing so because this isnt over. My mom is the type that qill keep this going and it will all be about her and about how im picking on her how I think shes this horrible mom ect. I dont need this I dont want this I just want a mom who cares who understands I just lost my daughter and my sons a sister two months and one day ago......... A prayer to god that is never answered........ Thank you for listening to me. All my love to all , wendy

[wgreenlee]

For all our precious, loved children who we think about every day. God, hold them close and let them peak into our lives now and again to sooth our hurts and bring us joy in their touch.

Praying for peace and comfort to all of you...Hope this helps a little...Wade

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you Wade. I started to listen but the tears started to fall. Will try again later.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, the slideshow is beautiful...I am just watching it now...thank you so much for your kindness in putting this all together...

For those who have a hard time with video...may I suggest just watching with the sound off for now...take small peeks...you may find that it is healing as a remembrance...

[SamDsmom]

Wendy, I am very sorry that your mom is behaving this way. I too have the same issue with mine. My husband and I were going through Kansas just 2 weeks ago, 6 weeks after I lost my son. I had a complete melt down, angry with my husband and feeling the utter and complete pain of my loss. My husband called my parents and told them that we were 35 miles from their house that he was worried about me and thought I needed to get off the truck for awhile and asked them to come and get me. My mom said, I can't deal with this and gave the phone to my dad who suggested that my husband put me in a motel until he could get back through to pick me up. At the time, it didn't really hurt me any more than I already do. I have to believe that this is so hard on them too. Instead of loving me and giving me what I need, they shut down because they don't want to deal with it. I don't know if this helps. Sometimes when things are out of our control we fight harder to try to control situations and people. Maybe that is what your mother is doing. Just a thought

[ericasmom]

Thank you from my deepest heart Wade. An old friend here, Greg, made a video years ago, and we made one while we were in Minnesota years ago when several of us met there to have some face time, some hug and walk and talk time.

These are beautiful representations with absolutely great music put behind it.

Thanks

Wendy, you and your Mom will probably never be on the same page so at this time, find ways to feel more free of that burden. I wish you luck and hope.

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, the slideshow was just lovely. Thank you so much for taking the time to put together this beautiful tribute to our kids...so moving and heartfelt. Kate

[Guest]

..

[hotrod]

Dear Wade

What a beautiful and creative tribute to all our Indigo Angels

Thank you for including Stephen.

.

I certainly miss sharing here and fondly remember all my dear" Indigo friends".

Thanks again for your thoughtfulness.

.

[wgreenlee]

I hope the video helped in some way. I didn't want to open new wounds, although I guess those wounds are always open and we have to deal with them. Just letting the tears fall is cathartic for me. Having a hard time lately, but felt "ok" after this. I can remember every one of your children in many of their most special moments. Thank you for sharing with me. I just wanted to honor them and you in a way that also shows how beautiful life is and still can be. I guess that's the hardest part for me...not finding much joy lately, but I know it will come. I can add and change pictures and music if you want. Thank you to Becky for sending some of the music.

Praying for Cherish's mom today. There was a front page article about Cherish's murder today in the Las Vegas Review Journal. Haven't seen her on here lately. Thinking of you in these hard times.

Not doing anything for Thanksgiving. Renea and I might drive over to Sacramento and just have dinner out. Thinking I will set up a Christmas tree at Brooks' site and invite his friends to bring an ornament and place it on the tree. Told my family too so they could send one in the mail if they wanted. Give them a way to give Brooks a present.

Praying for all of you and thinking of everyone as we attend to the Holidays. Love to all of you...Wade

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

Thank you so much for putting that video together for all of our Angels. It brought tears but also joy for the beautiful Spirits they are. It means so much to be able to remember and honor their lives.

Wendy,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your Mom. She may never "get it". Sometimes people just don't or don't know what to do. We're here though. I remember reaching out to certain people, ones that I thought would be there for me, just to find they weren't. I just don't think they were/are capable of it for their own reasons and someone can't give what they don't have. Others who I never thought would care so much have reached out to me. Love and support has come just not always from where I expected it. I'm thinking of you, your Boys, and your sweet Isabella.

I'm missing Trista so much today. I had to go into the store today to pick up a few things. It wasn't good but I held up until Silent Night came one. I would always sing that to Trista when she was little and I would rock her to sleep. She loved to rock and I rocked her to sleep until she was quite a big girl. Eventually our nursery rocker was too small so we got a recliner rocker that she and I could curl up in. Even at 17 years old she would still sometimes climb up in the rocker with me and we would rock and snuggle.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, what you did by putting together your video was bring us together as a family. We are here holding each other up in our grief and relate completely to the ups and downs of this journey. It was so moving and just beautifully done. Thank you, so much!

[shorty16]

Wade,

1000x Thank you for putting together this video of our kids.

Like usual, I have so many thoughts running through my head, it is hard to grab onto just one.

I see so much more than loss in this video. I see life's that were filled with joy and love.

Thank you Wade

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4 ever