Loss of an Adult Child

[wgreenlee]

Mybeautifulgirl...

I am so sorry for your loss...as we all know grief takes it's toll. I cry every day and don't know when it will ever change, but that's ok. Your journey during these holidays will be tough, but I know that my friends on this site have helped me immensely, so I hope you share with us. It's such a safe and non-judgemental place. We will listen and mourn with you, and hopefully give you meaning to all this. I know it's hard to find...I haven't found it yet, but I will keep on searching every day, and maybe then the tears will lessen. I will be thinking of you and praying to the Lord that he provides some peace and solace to you.

Wade

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Hi All,

I just wanted to stop in and say thank you to everyone for helping me get through... another day... another first without my Trista here. We did it. I won't say it was good but there were times yesterday I was even able to smile...mostly for my boys. Sandy, I agree that dealing with little ones and grief is so hard but you're right... They can bring a smile even when we least feel like smiling. I'm glad you're going to be able to spend time with all your little one's today.

One thing that helped a lot was setting up a place for Trista near us. I set up the top of our piano which is right next to our dining room table as a spot to honor her with pictures, her fairies, and candles. I made a slide show on her ipad and kept it playing all evening. My Grams said that once I did that the day really changed for her. She really felt Trista's presence. We were able to talk and remember. We made a big dinner for the Boys... nontraditional but it turned out good. I made a pumpkin lasagna for the first time and it was good. Today my Sis and her family will come. She called me yesterday and told me that she and Dani were having a really hard time. My point in not hosting Thanksgiving was so that I didn't bring everyone else down. She told me yesterday that if we are all going to be struggling we may as well do it together and maybe it won't be so hard. She may be right. I'm going to keep Trista's place on the piano up throughout the holidays.

I'm thinking of everyone today. I know these times are hard for many. I wish peace and comfort for all.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Hi Newbie from Australia, I am hoping that you will be able to come back and give us your story, no names needed. We get what it is you are feeling, so don't be worried about giving to much info for that reason, pain is something we get and hope is something we find in the ashes of our hurt, but it does take time.

Shannon, that photo is dear, you two look a lot alike for sure. Yes, a place for Trista to be with the family sounds great. Pumpkin lasagna? Yum, recipe?

Love to all.

[mybeautifulgirl]

Thank you Dee for you kind words.

Wade- I remember when I saw your first post and I knew then that others out there were hurting as much as I was if not worse. It is the most painful experience I have ever felt. You seem to be able to offer so much even in your time of need. I loved the DVD of Angels.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone today...

Wade, thank you so much for the video and all the work that was put into it...the video is a treasure for us all...

Shannon, the picture of you and Trista is lovely...it sounds like your grandmother is a great support...and your sister coming over, to share in your sorrow and grieve together...

mybeautifulgirl, this place has been such a healing place for me...being able to connect with other parents with the same loss and share really helped me in some of the darkest moments...to be able to share without judgment....there are so many good people here...

Sandy, thank you for posting...it is such a rough journey at times...

*****************************************

I find myself thinking throughout the last few days, I just can't believe my son is dead...it still seems like an "unreality"...

[Guest]

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[wgreenlee]

Lora...

Right there with ya. Somedays it seems like everything is going to be ok, and then "bam"...it's NOT!

Thinking about you, as I too can't sleep. Cara is beautiful and her pictures are ingrained in my mind. I will remember her forever.

Love...Wade

[Guest]

..

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, it seems as if they have decided to adapt to the Black Friday shopping up here as well. Yesterday was just crazy at all of the stores in the city. Our own little town of Gimli also had what was called Midnight Madness last night. We were not able to attend for the first time in years. Our dog had a diabetic seizure the other night and so we did not want to leave her alone. It always takes a couple of days for her to get back to her old self after one. The event is a lot of fun up there. All the small shops are decorated beautifully and they serve Christmas baking and egg nog and apple cider. They light the Christmas Tree down by the wharf and there are Carolers dressed up in costume for Dickens days. The evening was just perfect temp wise. Beautifully freshly fallen snow and so light and fluffy. Thee are horse drawn carriages and sleigh rides for the kids and free hot dogs. I decided to put up our tree yesterday afternoon. It was harder then I found last year. I felt very emotional by the time it was done. Sat down and had myself a good cry. Still, it is pretty and I know that Jeff would kick my sorry rear end if I did not put it up. I will post pics of his bench and the path soon and also a picture of a very irritating pileated woodpecker that is making of feast of a very large spruce tree by our bedroom window. These guys are amazingly huge. The damage they can inflict on a tree is unreal. They are the size of a very large crow with a huge red head. Well, back to bed. Sleep well everyone. Thinking of everyone. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

I also wanted to quickly mention how photogenic both Cara and Brooks are. Really good looking young guys . I know it is hard and sleep can often be difficult. That is often when I find myself doing a ton of thinking...in the middle of the night. Take care.

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Lora, you must be very tired. A cup of tea tonight, sleepy-time, or a small glass of wine??? I hope that the day is good. I know that sense of being lost, I guess I equated it with no longer fitting in, walking in familiar territory but nothing felt right, all was off kilter. It does get better in time, but we will always have that sense of living in two worlds I think; our hearts and body here with our loved ones, but a huge part of us, (spirit-soul) with our Angels.

For me, being able to speak about Eri each day both at home and at work, and to work where she and my Son once ran the halls and drove their teachers crazy...well that is very grounding to me. Finding purpose is key I think. Mine was already in play as I went back to my job as teacher so I was lucky there, unsure of course as to if i could still teach, but found that I could and that I needed to teach. There was my reason each day to find the energy and the sunlight to push forth.

And this place, this home for us all wa/is also a daily reminder to our purpose, we serve each other here, some healing definitely comes with this, knowing that our arms reach out to the next person and the next parent...goes a long way to knowing that we have a job here on earth, to help out where we can in an area we know far more than we ever wanted to.

I wish you some peace this day.

By the way, if I can download and shrink my photos from my day downtown yesterday...I thought of you strolling the same streets of Chicago and loving the beauty of this city alongside your Son.

Kate, what a pretty day, the old fashioned approach anchoring the scene. Lovely.

I was dressed for outdoors yesterday on my outing to watch the big lions get their necklace wreaths at the art museum. I started doing this as a new tradition after Erica died, I needed something meaningful to do on Thanksgiving, something she would also love. We went to the Art museum often, and we went downtown often to walk and shop. It was a lovely event as it always is. So many families and folks gathered and music and choirs singing, bright sunshine and blue blue skies reigned. I went inside the gift shop of the museum to find a few gems for the holidays but could not be inside for long with double everything on. I strolled then further east to the lakefront and walked along, so quiet and so peaceful where just six blocks or so west it was BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING EVENT. I went into the Chicago Architectural Store, and bought some trinkets, and continued walking along, fresh air, alone in the city of so many and yet I felt my Angel on my shoulder, enjoying the day and giving me energy. I went into Macy's for just a quick gotta-pay-my-bill moment and bought some cute things for my little princess. Down in the basement of Macy's one can access the exit to get to the subway train and I hurried home in order to get there in time to see my great niece, Piper, born two days before our Erica Baby. She is the baby whose mom took her away to another state and the judge, thankfully granted my nephew the holiday with his Daughter, and because we did not get to see them on Thanksgiving, he brought her to us yesterday. I am very close with my nieces and nephews, the cousins are so connected, so I felt so glad that Paul came over with his beautiful Girl.Shannon came by with Erica so that the cousins could touch and squeal together, having not seen each other since July. We miss her and we are so supporting Paul---his little Love and he need each other. They left and Paul was anxious that he would have to say good-bye in a few hours, how hard is that.

After that I had to change and drive an hour to go see Erica's oldest friend, Tamara, as her parents threw a 30th birthday party. REALLY! 30? How can that be, I met Tamara when she was about 5 months old, lived accross the street from them, we moved in when I was nearly ready to deliver Erz, so Eri and Tam met as tiny ones, I babysat for Tam and a bunch of other kids on the block, but Tam and Eri were always like sisters. Even when Tamara's family moved to the town I visited last night, they moved when Erica and Tam were going into first grade, but the friendship lived on making sure that they visited as often as we could and they made sure that they kept up their friendship...It is hard to fathom that Eri's next birthday in April will be her 30th, but it will.

The day was filled with beauty and I am made grateful by the grace in it all.

[Mermaid Tears]

I know that sense of being lost, I guess I equated it with no longer fitting in, walking in familiar territory but nothing felt right, all was off kilter. It does get better in time, but we will always have that sense of living in two worlds I think; our hearts and body here with our loved ones, but a huge part of us, (spirit-soul) with our Angels.

Thank you, Dee....

I will post more later....have read other's posts....

yes....to find that purpose ....to regain our balance....to find that 'center'....to find just a few familiar hand rails to hold on to....

[ericasmom]

Love to All.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, it sounds as if your day yesterday was just lovely. The lions look so decorative and festive! Also, very pleased that you were able to see the baby. A good day all around. Lora, I'm sure you will be absolutely exhausted when you get home tonight. I agree that a lovely soothing cup of tea or a glass of wine would probably be just the ticket right now. Our dog is fine today, thanks. This happened another time and it took a couple of days for her to settle down. Thank heaven for insulin! She is such a lovely girl and so friendly. I will certainly miss her when she is gone. Susan it is good to hear from you. I'm sure you are relieved that Thanksgiving is over. How are you feeling? Well, off to town...thinking of everyone. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This year I just felt so numb, I did not feel anything. Maybe since I was not near family and so busy. I think of Cara everyday, throughout the day. It was like my heart has just died but I know that the grief will hit me in and knock me down again. I guess I just feel so lost. I

think so often that I hope I don't live to be a ripe old age, this is such a hard journey.

I am totally with you on these emotions...I am so incredibly overwhelmed with thinking about a future without my son...for me, this is what I have become more focused on past the one year mark...how can this be?

Dee, thanks for sharing the photo...I was just thinking about the nephew you mentioned and wondering what happened with the child visitation rights...so hard and often the dads get the shaft...

Kate, glad to hear the dog is okay...would you consider getting a puppy maybe?

Susan, know just where you are...

[SamDsmom]

Well I finally signed back on today and read everyone's posts about their holiday. It helps so much to know how everyone is handling things at different stages. Thank you for being there for us.

Well to catch up, our truck had to have an injector valve replaced. It is usually a 2 day job at a dealer especially two days before a holiday. These guys were awesome. They got us right in and four mechanics worked after hours to get us fixed up that night. We spent Thanksgiving day in Georgia and then to Dallas and finally pulled into Wichita this morning. You know, something happened to me the day the truck broke down. I was very upset for just a bit and then it was like I just completely shut down. My memory is horrible and concentration worse. I keep telling myself that is normal but then I started feeling guilty because I want really sad, I just wasn't anything. My husband bought me a very nice new tablet to replace the one I recently broke. Last night as we were getting closer to home I started looking through music to download and found a beautiful song entitled, I'll See You in Awhile". All of the sudden all of the pain, anxiety and horrible sense of loss hit me and I feel like I did the day it happened. We are in the hotel now. My 14 year old step son is here with us. He reminds me so much of Sam. The way he holds his fork, the way he lets his glasses slip down his nose and pushes them up with the back of his hand, the way he texts his mother just to see what is going on and to give her a hard time about her football team. We are big football fans. Max, my step son had a game 2 days after Sam was killed and writer his old high school number in his honor. It was his idea, that was something Sam would have done.

My kids and grandkids are all waiting to see me but I am very tired and sad so I think they will have to wait until tomorrow. We are having a holiday get together then going through his things and the big game. His birthday is Wednesday. We are supposed to leave Tuesday but I think I am going to see if we can wait. I don't know how to get through that day, but I didn't think I could get through the funeral and some how am still breathing. I am attaching a picture of Sam and his nephews taken last Christmas. Most of my pictures and sentimentals are in storage in Georgia where we were living before going out on the truck so I don't have them with me. But I do have a few pictures and this is one of my favorites. I just hold on to my faith that the good Lord has plan and I have to believe that Sam is part of that and is with Jesus in heaven.

As always thanks for listening,

Debbie

[Jeff's Mom]

Debbie, it's good to hear from you. First of all I am so glad that those men worked so hard to get you back out on the road. Good for them! Also the new tablet sounds great. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that you did not think you were going to get through the funeral, etc. But you did. And you will be able to do this too. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Memory loss is really common during a time like this. I remember vividly calling Dee a few times to help me out. I was in a terrible fog. Putting my cell in the fridge and forgetting my PIN number, etc. I was a mess. Get the rest you need tonight, as you must be exhausted from the stress of the last few days. Tomorrow is another day. A day where you will have the support of family to help you through this difficult period. Just focus on the matter at hand and try to hold on to the fact that you are not alone in this. You have support in the family and you have us on this site. Many of us have walked in your shoes and others are doing so at this time. Post when you can and know that I am thinking of you over the next difficult few days. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry, double post.

[ericasmom]

Michael McDermott's fabulous song and video, " I'll Carry Your Cross"

[Jeff's Mom]

Yes, on this long and difficult road we are walking...it is so hard. I will not kid you...worse than anyone could... or ever should have to face. Is it going to get better? Yes, and no. It changes...we find the pain manageable and somehow we are able to carry on. Each in our own unique way according to our relationship with our child. But carry on we WILL! Why? Because we are the very nature of what love is about. It never dies. And so we will continue to live our lives eventually finding ground again and carry on as it should be. Hold on to those precious and special wonderful memories. Hold them close. They are yours forever. And in time you will see them again. So, please hold on to that as tightly as you can. In those down times remember that this is temporary. You will see them again!!! They would want us to live our lives out completely... as it should be. Finding happiness again...laughing, and eventually completing the circle. Love to all, Kate

[SamDsmom]

Thank you Kate. I find myself coming here for comfort and validation. It his in waves. You know when my husband told me I had changed it made me angry. Now I know I've changed. I realize that I can't be any different than what I am and I'm okay with it. Nothing will ever be the same. I don't know. Just rambling.

Debbie

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Debbie, I am glad to hear the news about the truck getting repaired so quickly...and that you were able to get back to your family...you are so early on in this journey....rest as much as you can and be gentle with yourself...

Kate, thank you for your post, it was what we all needed to hear and be reminded of...

Dee, I appreciate all the words of encouragement you have given to us over this holiday and moving towards the holiday season..

[SamDsmom]

Does anyone have panic attacks? I am not sure of all the details but I think that may be what happens to me. This has happened 3 times in the last few months. I fell asleep quickly last night which is very unusual. A short time later I was awakened by my husband turning on some music. It seemed very loud and scared me. My heart started racing and I was scared and angry. Now Max is sleeping in the same suite with us. I think he slept through but I'm not sure. I jumped up as I remembered that I was cooking something in the crockpot for the dinner today and had forgotten to turn it down. My husband made some snippy comment about me walking to heavy and told me to calm down. I know I was whispering but I was so scared. I kept asking him why he woke me up. He got mad and told me if I while up Max and subjected him to this he would leave me here, he would be done. I finally called down crawled under the covers and cried myself to sleep. I feel like such a bad person this morning. I got a few of Sam's things last night. More to do today. We have the family dinner today. I am very hurt because my parents have not called to make sure we got to town okay. And I miss my baby.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Debbie, and thanks for the candle reminding us of the light that shines in our Children's hearts. There is a date in December that designates a time for candles to be lit across the world at different times to honor our Children, I have to look that up.

Sam's Mom, how great that the truck was fixed as quickly as it was. Now it is time to slowly breathe and do what it is you came to do.

Prayers for those folks in Scotland after the crash at the pub. And prayers this morning for those involved in the derailed train in NY, it is an ongoing rescue situation. I hate that anyone has to receive those calls that bring sad news.

Going for a walk, sending my love out to All.

[ericasmom]

Holy crap! You and I posted at the same time Sam's Mom. OKAY, I am done being nice, if ever I was about the way your husband is dealing with your aching loss, it is not okay for him to keep you in line with his threats of leaving you, you are not able to fully grieve in his presence and then he baits you as well. I am sorry that he is unable to be empathetic, but he is not at all able to connect with you with your loss. Yes, he may love you and maybe he thinks by being this tough guy he is helping you, but it isn't healthy, it isn't good for you. FOr his comments to make you feel worse than you already did is so not okay. I am sending hope and prayers that you are able to hang out with some folks that can nurture you right now. Maybe you should take a break from the road.

[Jeff's Mom]

Debbie, tensions run high during times like this. So often we see what people are truly made of. The stress from the past several days has clearly caught up. Still, Dee is quite right. Threats don't cut it as far as I am concerned, and he needs to know that. You NEED to grieve for your son. You HAVE that right and NOBODY, but NOBODY can tell you that it is out of place!!!! If indeed you are having a true meltdown, and it is quite possible that you may be...then you need support more then ever. Surround yourself with those that can give you what you need at this time. Please keep posting and know that we are always here to listen. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

deleted

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Debbie,

So much of your husband's behavior is like an echo of those first weeks with my husband. We had to separate for a while. I'm not saying that is the route you need or what is right for your family at all. I just wanted you to know that I understand what it's like to have someone so close to you be so not understanding of your pain. We had other issues that started long before Trista's accident that were very much brought to the surface during this time. During our separation my husband did see a counselor. We also saw someone together. I also put everything I could about grief in front of him. He's not a reader so I would print out short things that really helped describe this process but would be easy to digest. He has moved back home now for the Holidays and things are so different. He's learned to allow me to do and be whatever I'm capable that day. He still doesn't and probably never will completely understand but he's accepted that and just allows, if that makes sense. During those first weeks though, he yelled at me for making everything about me. He made me feel like I was losing my mind and being a horrible, weak person. He told me at one point just a few weeks after Trista's accident that maybe I should check myself in somewhere if I can't make it through the day without crying. I don't know what the answers are but I just wanted you to know that you are alone. As far as panic attacks, I have them. I have been diagnosed with PTSD but I believe that panic and anxiety are also a very normal part of this. I am also hypersensitive to sounds, lights, etc. The other day one of the kids dropped something and it crashed loudly. It sent me into an anxiety attack for hours. Some days are worse than others. Just be patient and kind to yourself.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I've been reading over the last couple days. Today I am thankful that Thanksgiving is over. Thursday started out terrible but as I got busy cooking and brought Trista into our day, I got through better. Friday, with my Sis and family was busy as well. We were able to talk and share memories and tears and even smiles and laughs. Yesterday... Ouch. I've heard others talk about how the days leading up to and right after can be worse than the day itself. I really felt that with this holiday. I was in a panic on the days leading up to it with worry of how it was going to be, what to do and how to do it then yesterday was horrible. I woke up cement in my stomach and could barely function, the grief was so intense. We went in the morning to decorate Trista's site and all I wanted to do was come home and go back to bed. It was one of those days where the I could not pull myself out of that pit of despair. I just want my Daughter. I made it through the day but all day were the thoughts of how can I do this? Day after day, year after year? How? I'm feeling a bit stronger today but that low feeling is still here. I miss my Girl. I'm thankful to all of you for the support, the kind words, sharing your stories so we each know we're not alone, sharing your dark days and your hope. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. Holding everyone close in my thoughts.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

I want each of you to know that I thought of you....on Thanksgiving...the day before..and the day after....I have thoughts to share....later....when I can untangle the strings...

One thing that made my heart smile....your nephew getting his child for a visit...and had the reunion of the babies....Dee....I know it was like getting an early Christmas present for you and your family......some men are more maternal than a woman....

Some men are more perfect than others....

SamsMom....I do not know what the circumstances of your whole situation are but....there should never be a circumstance of being bullied....or threatened.....while down on your knees in grief...

Shannon ..thank you for sharing your story with her....

Dee....and others...thank you for reaching out with your support of her....

We will be here to hear you...support you...it is a tough environment you are in....and I cannot but help but think that it would be in your best interest to 'take a break'....maybe you could stay with your daughter that just had the baby....

my GRANDchildren have certainly been like a medicine to my broken heart....

No one can ...not one person in or around you can heal you.....you have to know that. All they can do is 'be around' as you heal...in your own way....your path....in your own unique way as unique as your SONshine boy was and still is.

This is just so damn hard. Not one person on this site will tell you any part of this journey is easy.

What we can do is reach out our hands to support you and let you know you are not alone...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

....I just want my Daughter. I made it through the day but all day were the thoughts of how can I do this? Day after day, year after year? How? I'm feeling a bit stronger today but that low feeling is still here. I miss my Girl. I'm thankful to all of you for the support, the kind words, sharing your stories so we each know we're not alone, sharing your dark days and your hope. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. Holding everyone close in my thoughts.

Shannon

My thoughts as well Shannon...I think this is the only group of people right now who I can truly share my whole grief with...even though there are others who have loss, it is not like a child loss...this is a place with no "judgment or evaluation", where one can simply say what really is without any implication one should feel differently or have to arrive at some other point determined by someone else, no matter how well meaning the person may be...

I miss my Jesse so much, my head just explodes when I think about living this way...I also am going through the anger again, the why did this happen to him when there are so many truly "bad" people in the world, why all the supernatural signs and the powerlessness to change anything...and on and on...

I know there are no answers to the above questions, it is simply the cycle of grief...

For me, I am doing the best I can in this moment...and that's all I can do...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Your day after Thanksgiving sounds so nice. I'm so glad that your nephew got his precious little one for the holiday and that you were able to have both babes together. Then off to see Eri's childhood friend, what a lot of love and memories old and new for you. I will post the pumpkin lasagna recipe.

Debbie,

I love the picture of Sam with his nephews, those precious memories we hold close.

Lora,

I read your post about wearing Cara's socks. I have worn Trista's too. She was funny about socks. They were always bright colors and mismatched and she always had to have "holiday socks" for every holiday. So at Halloween I wore her Halloween socks and decided I would wear her special socks for each holiday. I agree about Cara being very photogenic. My Gramma kept commenting on how beautiful she is in every picture when we watched Wade's slide show and always with that smile.

Today I got myself outside. It was a beautiful day and pretty warm. We all went out to get our outside decorating done while we had a nice day to do it. I pretty much just worked in Trista's garden. Working on things for her and the sun and fresh air did help. When I had just finished up in the garden and was resting and looking at my work, and talking to Trista, my husband came out and handed me a little silver Angel ornament. He said he had been working in the garage and saw someone pull up and put this in our mailbox. He didn't recognize the car and there was no name. There definitely are Angels among us. It was a perfect gift for today.

My niece Trina proud of her decorating at Trista's site

Trista's Garden with lots of color just like her

The very bright arrangement I made for Trista's Garden

The Angel in my mailbox

The verse on back

[shorty16]

Shannon,

You did make it through Thanksgiving and will make it through Christmas.

It took me a while to recognize my anxiety before specific events. Now, I can tell myself what so many others, before me, have said. The days leading up to the event are usually harder than the event itself.

This was our 6th Thanksgiving without Brian, and the physical pain of grief is much softer than the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Thanksgivings. My first Thanksgiving without tears.

Life does become livable, but we never, ever stop missing them.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

We posted at the same time. I'm with you. What you describe is very much where I am. I try to keep my anger in check. I really do but it is there just below the surface.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh yes the anger....and the question....

WHY.... the good ones....

WHY NOT....the evil, bad ones....??

[ericasmom]

I need to apologize to you Debbie for coming on so strong about the way you are being treated...Shannon is right, most marriages take a hit with the loss of one so young, many of us married to a step parent who never knew that Child so well but also maybe just can't handle your sadness, knowing he cannot fix it. I just totally hate though, making you feel worse when life is THIS hard right now. Nope, I apologize but I sure wish you could take a break from the truck right now.

Shan, it is nice of you to share your story with you and husband and I am glad that your husband is working to understand your grief better, that is good news. One day at a time.

Colleen, how was your dinner on Thanksgiving?

[tobyfreefoot]

still having to borrow a computer so i can't keep up. hope everyone's thanksgiving was ok. we had 3 of forest's friends to round out our family at my daughter's house

super bit wars II was held in forest's memory. his partner he was working on a gaming business with didn't have time to organize it too well but said he didn't want another year to go by without it. from now on it will be an annual summer event with t shirts, possibly with the peach/ piranha plant symbol from his monument on front and for solidus on back. when i walked in his partner put his head down and started crying ""i lost my boy" anyway turned out well. more people than expected though the venue was lacking so some had to be held later on line. couple of pics. guy on the left his partner ricky

haven't talked with lynn since wednesday. they always went to kansas city to be with josh and brother justin so probably sucked. her mom still in hospital and justin back in kc

hope the season has some goodness for you all.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, so glad to see your post, have missed you. I love the photos and the thought that Forest's love of the game is shared by so many. His partner's tears affirming how dearly this Boy Forest is missed. Please tell me that the figure standing in the first photo is your Son, as his posture is so like Forest and the light is blurring his face...

I hope your friend is finding her way in those tiny tiny increments, and I pray that she feels her Son's essence each day.

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...I know many on the site was thinking of you...and your friend...but you were there...on that path...a little farther up the way....to reach out to her. Thanks for sharing the photos....we may not hear from them everyday....but 'friends' do miss their 'friend in heaven'....tears are testament to their grief.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, nice to see the pics of the gaming event held in your son's memory, that was wonderful of you to invite his friends over for the meal...hope your computer gets fixed soon...

Dee, would like to try the brussel spout recipe, would you mind posting it? I like brussels sprouts, it is a food you have to love though...

Susan, thanks for the post...still struggling through...

Shannon, I copied the poem on the backside of the angel you were given (for the text), it is what I needed to hear today...

Angels are amongst us

As gentle, silent guides,

To shelter and protect you,

They’re always by your side.

No need to seek them out,

They’re only a prayer away,

Wanting to just help you,

Each night and every day.

You can feel their calming presence,

Wrapped in wings of love…

Wherever you go, whatever you do,

An Angel watches over you.

For He will give His angels charge over you to guard you in all your ways. Psalms 91:11

Angel visits

[Steve s mom]

Wade I just got my sons belongings back from the police after 2 years.it took me days to look at them.

His clothes returned were cut off too. I just hold on to his shirt and cry at night.strangely they did not take his jewelry off at the hospital the nurses removed his earrings and cross they taped them to his body while in the icu.when he died I took that cross he was wearing and put it on and gave him mine which was buried with him,someday soon when we meet again we will exchange them back..for now that connects me to him.

I am so sorry for your loss.and I know your pain

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Steve's Mom,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Son but I'm glad you found us here. This is a good place full of compassion. Please keep coming and share more about Steve with us as you're ready.

Dee,

Thank you. Things are better and a day at a time is definitely so true. I have to say that it was such a confusing, painful time when I was going through all those things and coming here saved me. You and others here giving me the reassurance that, No, I was not crazy and Yes, I deserved support in my grief helped give me the strength to make some tough decisions for myself. I took steps to allow near me only those who could show support or if they were not capable of support at least allow me the space to grieve in my own way and in my own time. The knowledge that allowed me to have the strength to do that came from here. Thank you.

Laurie,

I'm glad that poem helped you today. It did me too. This is beauty of us all sharing... these ways we can touch each other sometimes with a simple poem or song just when it's needed.

Colleen,

I did make it. I'm so glad this Thanksgiving was more peaceful for you then in the past. Thank you for sharing your journey and giving hope to those of newer to this that this pain will soften in time.

Today is six months since my Trista left. Six months... Maybe the combination of that date falling right around my first Thanksgiving without her here made things so surreal. I just don't understand how it's been six months, her Birthday, my Birthday, Aiden's Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving. I don't understand how I've lived here for six months without my Girl. I just hold on tight to the knowing that I will see her again, the knowing that she's with me still when she can be, the knowing that I am needed and have work to do, and the knowing that she would never want me to give up. Those are the things that keep me going.

[Sholl1955]

Well, this was a Thanksgiving that I realize that I have much to be thankful for, and I am, but also it was the hardest Thanksgiving that I can remember.Then today was Sarah's 35th birthday. My mind can remember so clearly the day she came into our lives, 35 years went so fast. Today was hard and only a couple of friends remembered her today. No mention of her by family either, but her little girls knew it was their Mama's day. So we talked about her and I shared with them the day she was born. A hurtful day, and I am tired. Sandy

[Jeff's Mom]

Sandy, a hard day indeed! Sarah knows much you loved her....and you are making every attempt at looking after her children as well as you can. Her children will not forget her. Hold tight. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Gretchen, nice to see the pics of the gaming event held in your son's memory, that was wonderful of you to invite his friends over for the meal...hope your computer gets fixed soon...

Dee, would like to try the brussel spout recipe, would you mind posting it? I like brussels sprouts, it is a food you have to love though...

Susan, thanks for the post...still struggling through...

Shannon, I copied the poem on the backside of the angel, it is what I needed to hear today...

Angels are amongst us

As gentle, silent guides,

To shelter and protect you,

They’re always by your side.

No need to seek them out,

They’re only a prayer away,

Wanting to just help you,

Each night and every day.

You can feel their calming presence,

Wrapped in wings of love…

Wherever you go, whatever you do,

An Angel watches over you.

For He will give His angels charge over you to guard you in all your ways. Psalms 91:11

Angel visits

Laurie, thank you. So comforting...as always!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sandy,

I'm sorry not many mentioned Sarah today but I'm glad you and her sweet Girls were able to talk and share and remember. I'm sending you thoughts and prayers.

Here is a special cyber candle for Sarah tonight.

Sarah,

I'm saying your name on your Birthday to honor you. Please wrap your Mom and your Girls in your love. Let them feel the peace and comfort of your presence tonight.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

yep dee sure enough, youngest brother marshall

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen and Dee,

I thought the same thing when I saw that picture of Marshall. Gretchen, I'm glad you were surrounded by family and Forest's friends. The gaming event sounds like such a cool way to honor Forest. I'm happy that his friends are keeping his memory alive in ways that Forest would love.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

SARAH, you are the wind in your Daughter's Hair, the light from the moon shining in your Momma's window, SARAH, you are the blanket that keeps your favorite Girls warm at night, the lyrics in a sweet lullaby.

May the strength of the love from your Family bring great joy to your heart, for they are the ones who give you the light to shine. Happy Heavenly Birthday Sweet Beautiful Girl.Help Your Momma and sister know that you are smiling on she and the Girls.

Sandy, so much ache, too much, but here you are, finding ways to honor this fine day-the day you met your Sweet Daughter, and making sure that her Girls know of their Mom.