Loss of an Adult Child

[mamabets]

For Peacefulnow- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU one week late...!! I love birthdays, love to just do a little something...Let me know you favorite lunch and i will snack on it as soon as you do!!! Kind of a different way to celebrate, in that I could NOT be in my kitchen for soooooooo long after Danny died. It was so strange, and I will never be able to quite put my finger on it. No kitchen, no People magazine, no Larry King. I can do all of them now, and the only thing that I could come up with was that they were "familiar" things to me and nothing was familiar anymore...It was very strange, but I welcomed it because I figured that I would feel "lucky" if ever I could be a part of the grocery store again. I am such a "homebody" and I lived in my room for so long right after he died. Agoraphobic, almost...Afraid to go out... Anyway, I love to celebrate being back in my kitchen again... I love you and hope that you are getting comfort here with all of us....xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Erma- I am so happy that you found peace on your birthday...This is a gift...I love you xoxoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Daveydow1- Do Sally and Brownie play??? Americas Funniest Videos, animal style!!!! I love you! xoxoxomamabets

[ericasmom]

Hello Everyone,

I was very active for a few weeks and then sort of left for a bit, sometimes have to do that to find my balance. I want everyone to know how dear you have all been to know in this way, that we can share what we do here because it is the one place we can talk freely from our deepest hearts. I wish you all a beautiful spring, and to those new to this road, I wish you the sound of birds. Sometimes after a tragedy, it is a while before you can hear them again, before you can see the beauty blooming and opening around you. Try to observe it, I feel our children are of that miracle of rebirth.

Deewithgreeneyes, May this day be blessed with good things. I know our babies birthdays can be difficult, Erica's was on the 4th of April. The lead up to it is often harder for me, the actual quite sweet. I taught school that day and took my 3rd graders outside t decorate the tree that was planted for my daughter, and so we decorated her tree adn later that day I went to the cememtery and my Sister was waiting for me, she and my son and my ex and my husband all had Eri's favorite Pasta and meatballs at my house. It was good.

To Ian's mom, I will probably go to the cemetery next Thursday, my 50th and sit for a bit at my girl's site. I was 3 weeks from being 28 when she was born.

Remember everyone,

Be gentle with yourselves.

My heart,

dee

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Sally & Brownie have only seen each other once or

twice, but the one time I remember was when Chris

brought Sally to our place. She went out to the

enclosed front porch to snoop around. Brownie just

happened to go out there too, and soon we heard

the dog yipping like crazy. She was cowering in the

corner, and the cat was just sitting and staring at

her---no rough stuff.I guess she just yipped just in

case. Sally is a "chicken". LOL

[daveydow1]

Ericasmom,

I hope Erica's birthday was not too difficult for

you. Birthdays are hard. How old would she have been?

Your suggestion to look at the spring things, and

listen to the birds is a good thing to do. Take care,

and peace to you.

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,i am so glad your visit with betty and jeff went well,sounds like you guys had a great time,i hope you took pictures,so u can email me some.I was just reading the post about birds,and early this morning,when i got out of work i went to Nate's site to bring him a cross made out of palms ,and one of those glass blocks with an angel craved inside.While i was there this little blue jay was in the tree,he was making all kinds of noise,like he was trying to get my attention,so i stood there for awhile and listened to him churp away,something always strange happens when i go there...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

To All,I hope everyone with birthdays,and angel date have been able to find some peace during this time,i know these special days can be very differcult,you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.I have been trying to keep myself busy,so i don't have time to really think about things going on in my life,and i don't know if this is a good or bad thing,but i remember doing this right after my mom passed away too.Maybe it's the nice weather also causing me to have this energy that i loss when Nate passed,i do know i miss him so much though,and i think about him 24/7.Peace,Love and Prayers to everyone that is walking this path,....Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[ericasmom]

Thanks Daveydow,

ERi's birthday was a really nice day, windy and spring-like. Eri loved the wind. I love the day she was born and so her actual day is still a gift to me, the build up however is not a fun time. I fall apart the week before...just remembering with too great of detail I guess.

Today a walk in the woods nearby adn I saw two different kinds of woodpeckers, and some big turtles crawled out of the slough and onto the log to sun themselves while I was sitting nearby. I saw 4 deer and many ducks and so I felt the magic of the seasons, the cycle of life. NO matter what, every creature on Earth has a cycle to thier lives, and no matter long or short, their cycle was complete. That feeling is one expressed in a book by a Native American and it brings me peace in thinking that /Erica's cycle was complete.

Peace to All,

Dee

[daveydow1]

Ericasmom,

Your words describing the natural cycle of things

is so nice and inspiring. I go outside and marvel

at the sky, trees, birds, flowers, grass, etc, and

feel at peace too. Take care, and peace be with you.

[daveydow1]

Briansdad,

Thanks so much for your help with the photos.

Don't think I would have ever been able to

get it done successfully. Peace to you.

[julsmom]

to all - may you find peace and comfort in this season of Spring and new life and new birth. The circle of life does indeed continue. May we find hope in that thought.

On a personal note - please keep me in your prayers/thoughts this week and for the next 9 weeks. I am going to help faciliate a bereavement group which I was part of after Julie died (twice). I am excited and nervous at the same time. The group consists of folks whose parents, spouses, children, and/or siblings have died. There is a trained leader and I will be assisting. Thank you. Lynda

[maskott]

Jeff and I are back. We had a great time visiting Betsy. The night before we left was really hard. This was the trip Jeff and I were taking when Matthew died. Those memories, along with not wanting to leave my other two kids ever again, made me break down in sobs. When I had to say goodbye to my son, I couldn't get the words out. It turned out ok, though. Each day I expected to have the phone ring but, thankfully, it didn't. By the time I got to Betsy's, I was calm and really enjoyed myself.

Greg...I hope today went well as you celebrate Brian's birthday. Of course, you are in my thoughts today.

To all...thank you for the well wishing on our trip. It is still hard for me to get back into the swing of things but your thoughts are always appreciated.

BettyAnn

[kirksdad]

I hope that tomorrow finds everyone ok. I say ok because it is so hard to get into the holidays as they come and go each year. I know that Easter for us use to be such a wonderful holiday. When the kids were little and even as they grew we still had Easter baskets, Church, and a nice Easter dinner. Now it has gotten to where we do go to church, but the other things that use to be nice, and I am sure still would be if Kirk was alive, have fallen by the wayside. Christmas we have been able to endure because of such a change in the way we celebrated it. Maybe someday that will come with Easter, but it hasn't as of yet. It is just another day that I wish could be different.

I hope some of you are able to have even a good time with family tomorrow and be able to celebrate, but I know how hard that can be. I guess as the years go by we come to our own version of the new way things are going to be. Sometimes it can come quickly, sometime it takes time. Which ever place we are all at is ok. I hope that tomorrow is ok for everyone, also. Happy and Hopeful Easter.

[julsmom]

Jim - I hope that you have a blessed day tomorrow with your daughter and your wife. Peace, Lynda

[Guest Guest]

This is Easter Sunday afternoon. This is the first holiday without my son. My 42 year old son dies onfeg 24th of this year from injuries recieved in a head-on collision in Kentucky 2 weeks before he died. I am having a very hard time coping with this. I have decided today that I do need help dealing with this. I hope some of you will let me share my grief with you. Thank you all in advance. i need someone who does understand.

[kirksdad]

Guest, I am so sorry you have to be going through this. I lost my 17 year old son about 6 years ago. This is something no paretn should ever have to go through. We are meant to die first, not our children. When that happens all nature seems to have been turned upside down. The beginning of one's grief journey is extrememly hard and emotions are all over the place. One also has to be very careful about ones health during this time because the only thing on ones mind is what we have lost. That is the greatest loss any parent can go through. This is a great place to come and talk with so many wonderful people. Jim

[mamabets]

For Guest- I am so sorry to hear about your son. My son Danny was in an accident. You will find many here who you will be able to relate to, as there are so many that lost their children through accidents such as your sons. We all need each other here, and we are all relieved that you have found your way to us. You will never be alone and there will always be another compassionate soul that , in spite of their own pain, will help you with yours... God Bless You and I welcome you into my heart with open arms...I love you!! xoxomamabets

[Mazey2]

Dear Guest, This is a very comforting site....we have all lost a child,(some more than one....) and we know the deep pain, and ALL the feelings associated. You will meet some wonderful people here. We are all at different lengths of time since our losses, BUT we all have felt that pain.... Come, listen, post, and when you need, there will be a friend here. Sharing, Linda

[maureensmom]

Dear Guest:

I'm so sad for you, that you had the kind of tragedy that links you with us, but this website saved my sanity in the weeks after my daughter Maureen died (December 8, 2005.) This is a place where you can talk freely about all of your feelings, and get wonderful advice. Thank you all for supporting me so generously.

To all: I spent part of Holy Week at home with my sister and my parents, church every day, and helped to cook a Seder meal for my Lutheran church. The experience of cooking for hours with older women was very comforting, because so many of them had lost children and spouses, but yet had this calm and a hopefulness that was intimately connected to their spiritual life. It helped me a little. A very sad Easter for us, because Maureen just loved coloring eggs, buying stuffed rabbits - the whole deal. We did it for my son this year, and Maureen's closest friends came over to play with Kevin and hide eggs, but still - very depressing.

Georgia

[lorismom]

For Guest – I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. I, too, lost my daughter, Lori, almost 2 years ago, in a car accident. There are so many wonderful and caring people here to help you deal with your loss. You are always welcome to read or post anytime. There is always someone who can relate to the pain that you are going through. Please take good care of yourself. Patty

[maskott]

I have to admit that I didn't think I would be that bad on Easter. Boy was I wrong. On the back of the church bulletin it said that you must get rid of "old sorrows". How the hell do you do that! The minute I saw that, the tears started flowing and finally the sobs. The poor man next to me didn't know what to do. The service started and I managed to get my sobs down to just tears but by the end of the service, I was emotionally exhausted. Needless to say, the rest of the day was a drain. I never expected Easter to be so emotional.

BettyAnn

[julsmom]

guest - you are welcomed here. Our 27 y/o daughter died in a one car crash just over 2 1/2 yrs. ago.

Maskott - I am sorry about church and the day. Unfortunately all those things we think won't be draining are some times more draining. I'll email you later this week.

Peace to all. Lynda

[deewithgreeneyes]

Hi eveyone, I am sitting in the shadows reading all the posts (smile). I am sorry you had such a difficult time maskott but I can relate. Lynda is right on, things we think aren't draining are completely draining. I too had a difficult weekend, went and let off balloons for Michelle's birthday at the beach (will tell all of you about that later) and decorated Easter eggs at Michelle's house (first time I have been there since she died) with her little girl Kaili. (will tell you all about that as well). Lot's of anger I felt and literally got physically sick from nerves I guess. All of us are drainedtoday. I am going to try and sleep today. My thoughts are with you all, Love, Dee

[daveydow1]

Hello to everyone,

I hope everyone got through the Easter holiday. I know

how sad it is. All of us have the sorrow of having a

holiday (and every other day) without our beloved child.

May each find some peace & comfort in the coming days.

For Guest: I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear

son in Feb. Please come to this site to share in your

grief or just to read the posts. Everyone here is nice,

and understands how you feel, and the pain you endure.

Bless you, and may you find peace.

[daveydow1]

BettyAnn,

I'm sorry you had a rough time at church. I can totally

relate to your feelings. I felt the same one time, in

church, and just abruptly got up and left the church.

I'm sure people wondered what was wrong with me, but I

knew I would not be able to hold it all together and keep

myself composed. I pray that you will feel a bit better.

Your trip & visit was nice for you--I'm so glad. Take care,

and peace be with you.

To all: Davey's memorial site is finally up, if you would

like to visit it.

david-georgedash1brownie2spot.memory-of.com

[ericasmom]

Dear Guest,

we all need each other here, to know that we are not insane, to know that all the ways we experience this pain is normal, a new normal. Life is different now, and each of us found our way here as you did, out of necessity to be with others who just Know, we all know. As you travel this road, just keep coming here and posting, you do not have to worry about over-posting, you will come to know us, and we will come to know you, we are here for you. Tell us about your boy, let yourself know that in this place your son's name is important, and we want to know.

My girl Erica died over 2.5 years ago when a train hit her car, the light was broken at the crossing, it has been so sad, but here I am. I am supposed to be here, perhaps living in her light is what I am supposed to do.

My heart to you,

dee there are 2 Dees here.

[ashleysmom]

Good morning all. Haven't posted in a while.

Guest, I am so sorry for your loss, but so thankful you were led to this board. I echo all that was said about this board. It is certainly a place to go to find someone who knows exactly where you are at, and understands what you are going through.

I cried through the sunrise service on Easter. The message was all about dying and what you leave behind. Also celebrating life.

I will try to be celebrating Ashley's life this week. Her birthday is Friday. She would have been twenty. I can barely type this, the tears have just started to flow. They come like this these days. Sometimes so unexpectedly.

Lynda put it so well. The things we don't expect to be draining are sometimes more draining. I have found that more often than not in this second year. I steel myself for the days or events that I know will be difficult, but the others throw me for a loop.

I wish you all peace today and always, Dottie

[enufalreddy]

Welcome Guest...hope you will return and let us get to know you.We had a nice Easter dinner here with all the grandkids etc. I had very little patience due to feeling stressed but managed to be nice to everybody.I think and hope I handled it well anyway. They seemed to be understanding regardless. My mother was here which is always extra stressful for me. Dinner turned out well and nobody overstayed their welcome.Tomorrow is my Walter's Angel Date.I believe I will be ok. I've gotten most of the emotional work done over the past couple of weeks.I pray I live through those little reality panic moments tomorrow.Those are what is scarey for me lately.I keep using the Serenity Prayer and try to concentrate on the wisdom to know the difference.My handsome,talented,loving,fun 32 year old little boy went to heaven a year ago tomorrow.You all have helped me keep my sanity so far.And I thank you.Peace to all....Erma

[maureensmom]

Dear Erma, I'm praying for you as you go through Walter's angel date tomorrow. Maureen's birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks. I'm already feeling more depressed than usual... she would have been 21, and she wanted to go to Los Vegas to celebrate.

Georgia

[mamabets]

For Maskott- Happy Birthday!! I will be thinking of you today and will celebrate you in a special way!! It is hard to for you to imagine that any of your days will ever be happy again, but the gift I give to you today is the promise that one day, they can be. NEVER will missing Matthew be anything more than what it is today, but happiness can and will be an added, much welcomed and much needed plus. I love you...xoxomamabets

[julsmom]

Dottie - I hope you find peace and comfort this week. I was told the 2nd year would be harder than the first and I didn't believe them. But it was harder as the numbness has worn off and reality has set in.

BettyAnn- Happy B-Day!

Peace to all - Lynda

P.S. - I too cried during church services.

[peacefulnow]

Welcome Guest. I’m so sorry about your son. What is his name? My son passed away on January 6, 2006. His name is Ian. He’s 29. This was my first holiday without him. It’s not easy, I know. It does help to talk to people who have undergone a similar loss. All the stories here are very tragic with unhappy endings that have changed our worlds, and who we are today…and forever. Each and every one of us is struggling. We kind of throw out life preservers to each other…encouraging each other to hold on… when sometimes we want nothing more than to just let go. Please join us, when you feel ready. Cindy

[peacefulnow]

Julsmom. That is wonderful that you will be helping to facilitate a bereavement group. I’m wishing you the best of luck on this very worthwhile endeavor. You’ll be a wonderful asset to this group, Lynda. They are fortunate to have someone like you to turn to. Don’t be nervous, you’ll be great! I’ll keep you in my prayers. Cindy

[isabelle]

Dear Guest,

I am so very sorry about your loss. I lost my 22 year old son on 10/09/03. He was killed in a single vehicle accident. Our journey along the path of grief is a very painful and difficult one, but please know that you will never walk this path alone.

Isabelle,

Ray'sMom

[peacefulnow]

Daveydow. I went to Davey’s memorial site. It was beautiful. Your son is so handsome. It’s a lovely tribute to Davey. I’m sure it was time consuming, but was it technically difficult to do? I’m sure it was emotionally difficult, but you did a great job. I would love to have a memorial site for Ian. Cindy

[peacefulnow]

Hi everybody. My first holiday without Ian. I managed fairly well…outwardly. Inwardly it was a different story. It’s amazing what I can do to keep those around me feeling comfortable. It’s exhausting trying to act like I’m okay. Today when everyone was finally out of the house, I fell apart. You know…those gut-wrenching sobs that rip your heart out and make your soul feel so empty. Flashbacks of Ian as a little boy keep coming to me. I don’t mind that really. It just makes me miss him so much. The reality of Ian’s departure…now and forever…is hitting me like a ton of bricks today. How can it be possible that we’ll never share any more time together on earth? It hurts a lot today. I can’t seem to stop crying. Thanks for letting me cry on everyone’s shoulders for a little bit. Cindy

[maskott]

Betsy and Lynda...thank you for the birthday wishes. As you know, birthdays aren't the same now. I found tears in my eyes many times today. You do the best you can, I guess.

Erma...my thoughts will be with you and Walter tomorrow. When I light my candle for Matthew, I will light one for Walter. Hopefully, you will find some peace...glad that Easter turned out ok.

Daveydow1...went to Davey's site...beautiful!!! such a handsome man.

Peacefulnow...holidays are hard, especially the first. Mine was Thanksgiving.. what is there to be thankful for...You manage, as you found out. For months I seemed fine on the outside...no one knew how I was doing on the inside. You try to be strong for the ones around you. Yes...it is exhausting.

Guest...welcome. Sorry it is under these conditions. This is a great place to find comfort.

It's been a rough week with Easter and my birthday. Hopefully now I can settle down with my emotions.

BettyAnn

[deewithgreeneyes]

I am trying desperately to find Davey's memorial page. What am I doing wrong. I logged in david-georgedash1browne2spot.memory-of.com and cannot find it. The memorial saysit has expired. Help...I want to see it. I tried to look up his name but don't know Davey's last name...Love, Dee

[deewithgreeneyes]

I am lighting a candle for our kids tonight, one large candle but I have listed all of their names....

[daveydow1]

Erma,

You will be in my thoughts & prayers tomorrow

on Walter's angel day. Peace to you.

[daveydow1]

Deewithgreeneyes,

I put Davey's memorial website address in Google, and

click on the address as it is shown. It is all lower-

case letters. david-georgedash1brownie2spot.memory-of.com

(if you get to the Memory-Of site, his last name is George)

Thanks for trying & I'm sorry you had trouble. Take care,

and I hope you are coming along. My prayers are with you.

[daveydow1]

Cindy,

Thanks for visiting Davey's memorial site. I sort of

just bumbled my way through in setting it up, and had

some help getting the photos onto the site. They will

do the site for you if you want them to, and you can

always go back in and edit anything you want on that

Memory-Of website. I believe if I could do it, then

anyone else could. I hope you have success if you do

make a memorial for Ian. Peace be with you.

[daveydow1]

For BettyAnn, Betsy, Elizabeth, Mary,

& Cindy

Thanks to all of you for visiting Davey's memorial,

and for your kind words. Bless you all, and I wish

you peace & comfort always.

[Michaelsmom]

Easter Sunday was especially hard for me. I buried my Carolyn the day after Easter last year. She and I would always get together on Holidays because we were the only "girls". With my husband, son-in-law, two grandsons and a brother-in-law now it's lonesome. I miss her so.

Dear Guest - this is a great place as everyone states - it's a place to unburden yourself. Please, tell us all about your son. Tell us about the accident. It will help. I've lost two children so I guess I know what I'm talking about.

Michael and Carolyn's Mom

[briansdad]

Tomorrow is Brian’s birthday. It is a shame that the best day of my life has turned out to be the hardest. I watched the Passion of Christ on Easter and it has put my loss in to perspective. I now know that God and Mary know how I feel. His friends came over last weekend and we did enjoy the day. We released 24 white and 2 blue balloons. The blue represent his birthdays in heaven. I don’t look forward to the day the blue out number the white.

If any one needs help making a web site for your kids at memory-of .com I’d be glad to help. It’s easy

I miss ya B

Love Dad

[ashleysmom]

Briansdad, Thinking of you today. What a beautiful idea with the balloons. Ashleys birthday is Friday, her second in Heaven as well. I have a really hard time with her birthday, she will always be 18. I like the way you distinguished the difference in years. I really didn't know how to deal with the fact that she would have been twenty. Thank you for sharing. As for memory-of.com, I wonder how to put music on Ashley's site. There are so many songs I would like to play. Thank you, and peace to you, Dottie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN, BRIAN!

[donosmom]

I have been working on a new web site for Matthew on Memory-of.com. Please take a look if you would like. Would everyone that has a site please post the links again. I like getting to know all our Angels.

http://matthew-lebeau.memory-of.com/about.aspx

Matthews Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[deewithgreeneyes]

i have vistied both Mathhew's and David's website. How beautiful they both are, so handsome and sweet. It was good to see the boy's and know who they are. Michelle would have enjoyed the company of those 2 handsome young men(smile)......

[briansdad]

Here is Brian's

http://brian-klocke.memory-of.com/about.aspx