Loss of an Adult Child

[lorismom]

For Ashleysmom - Dottie - That was such a beautiful poem that you posted. Thank you for sharing it. It brought me to tears. May we all find peace on this journey. Patty

[mamabets]

For Donosmom- My Danny saved 5 lives in organ donation... I am full of hope in reading your post tonight... It is amazing how things like this can bring me comfort. Knowing that someone "carries" on for him here on Beyond Indigo as well is a beautiful thing. Thank you!! I love you...mamabets

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom- A beautiful poem for a beautiful life shared... Still....xoxo I love you-mamabets

[rhonda68]

Dear briansdad thanks so much for that article helped me alot again to realize what an awful club and its okay to be sad and cry others in my situation do too. I have been told because I cry and I am sad that Richard would be so ashamed of me and that really hurts and tugs at my heart strings. What I have found through this journey is that people are really mean. I want to do all I can do to help others.

Richards Mom

[aprilsmom]

Dear Rhonda, our kids could NEVER be ashamed of us!

[mamabets]

For All- I have never met any of you, I feel as if I have known all of you a lifetime, your babies will be with you for forever... Could we ever be ashamed?? Impossible!!!!!!! PROUD is the word!!! I love you all!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Briansdad- Your post is working miracles here, and I am so proud of YOU!!! I love you!! xoxoxomamabets

[kathy714]

Hi Rhonda,how are you,i hope you are doing ok,it is hard to believe that so much time has passed,sometimes it seems like just yesterday,we were new here and just starting on this terrible journey,other days it feels like my new life and my grieving has been this way forever..you will be in my prayers..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

To ALL,i want to thank everyone for all the support,my husband and i have decided we are going to look into Nate's case,we already requested the reports,this is something i have been wanting to do for a long time,so this phone call is just what i needed to get me moving. My son Kevin is getting married June 10th ,so last night we had a double shower,it turned out really nice,but you could still feel the emotions,at one point i said to Kevin,"nice turnout,alot of people came,Kevin said,'"ya,mom,not everyone is here,we are missing one person. It breaks my heart because i know this is so hard for him because Nate was suppose to be the best man.Well ,,T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[julsmom]

Kathy, you son's remark - missing one person - brought tears to my eyes. When our son was sworn in as an attorney in 2004 his first words to me through all of our tears was that Julie wasn't here to see it, such bitter sweet happenings. Our children grieve so much for their siblings. Peace. Good luck with Nate's case. Lynda

[donosmom]

Sunday my husband and I went to the Second Chance picnic, it is sponsored by Lifeshare Transplant – Donor Organ Services. The 2 recipients we have meet where there and we were given an award for the work we do in raising Awareness for Organ Donation, we started the Mentoring project, and we co-lead the support group, speak and other things. It was very nice but the greatest part of the day was we meet the second kidney recipient! It was so wonderful, all of them are doing incredibly well and living lives they never though possible. It is truly one of the greatest tributes to my son to see others living the lives that they had only dreamt of. Thanks for letting me share.

[bokenhearted]

Hi everyone

I haven't posted for awhile but have been reading the posts tonight. Briansdad- that posting of yours is wonderful and just says it all. Thankyou. I needed to read that as tomorrow (25/04/06) is going to be tough for us. It is our Karl's angel date. It will be one year - and what a hard year it has been. These past few days have been so so difficult. I was very touched tonight because when I arrived home from work I found 2 beautiful flower arrangements sitting on my door step. 2 of my nieces had sent one and the other from a friend who just wanted to let us know they are thinking of us. Also two of Karl's workmates dropped by to see how we were doing and just to let us know they are thinking of him too. It does help so much to know that others are thinking of him too. Even though it makes me cry. I went to the cemetary yesterday and someone had been and left fresh flowers. Whoever it was I love them for that. How my sons death has changed me and how I think about death and peoples feelings. I will be honest and say that before Karl died I did think about someone who had lost someone but not deeply enough and when you start to get on with your life you tend not to think about them much at all. I regret that deeply now and I hope that I won't ever be like that again. It really doesn't need to be much that you say or do but it means so much to just know that others are thinking and caring about you. How I appreciate it myself now and each and everyone of you have helped me so much just by letting me share your loss with me and vice versa.

We plan on not being alone for the whole day tomorrow but spending it with family and very good friends. I just wanted to log on here and share with you because I needed to and because I feel that you are there for me too. Love you all.. Jo

[lorismom]

For Jo – I will be thinking of you tomorrow on Walt’s angel date and hoping that you find peace as you share this day with family and good friends. Wishing you strength and courage as you continue this journey with all of us. Take care. Patty

[aprilsmom]

Dear Rhonda, I hope you feel your precious son's arms around you today.

Brian's Dad - I carry the story of "the club" too. Thanks for reminding me; I still listen to those songs you posted.....so heartwarming.

Renee

[julsmom]

Jo - I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

For all - 4/25 is my mother's birthday. She has been gone since 1977 but I have been thinking of her more lately. For some reason I am especially sad this year as her birthday approaches.

Peace to all Lynda

[rhonda68]

Dear Jo,

I will be thinking of you tommorrow and as I sit by my angel fountain with a candle and my sons picture I will say a prayer for you. Also thanks April!

[ashleysmom]

Jo, I am thinking of you today. I hope you feel his love surrounding you.

donosmom, What a wonderful calling you have had. Organ donation is fantastic. Ashley would have been a donor, but she could not. I had spoken to each of my girls when they got their licenses. My husband was against it at first, he thought you might need them when you go on. I have since convinced him otherwise. I have also spoken to my friends about speaking to their families. You don't want to be in our position when you have to decide. (I am a nurse and work with dialysis patients so I see the need for transplant all the time)

Kathy, my heart ached when I read your post. Everything in our lives will forever be bittersweet. Our children cannot enjoy the "ignorant bliss" of youth. They are forever scarred. My heart aches for Crystal, she had planned on having babies with her sister. Now her baby is due on the day Ashley died. I know this year Ashley's birthday was so much harder for me, my heart has been aching for days, tears are quick to come. I can't imagine what the Fourth of July will be like. I am looking forward to the baby, but, everything is so hard.

Lynda, I hope you have a peaceful day today, on your Mom's birthday.

Peace to all of you, Dottie

[mamabets]

For Bokenhearted- I will be with you today by heart- I remember having such a big celebration for Danny the first angel date, not too sure what we will do this year. Whatever we do , it will be special. He departed mid- June 2004- His accident was late the night of the 15th, and he held my hand the night of the 16th as he walked into Heaven. I tell everyone that he had to get all of his ducks in a row, and that he did! Please come and tell us how all of you plan to spend the day- Some need to be around alot of people, some need to be quiet. Whatever works for you, Jo, I wish you peace .I will pray for you. Know that Karl is with you always and will be for all eternity- I have often been quoted as saying "We could never be doing this here, if we didn't have them there"- I love you and admire the strength that it took to bring you here. You are NEVER alone!!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom- I know how PAINFUL it is following the birthdays of our kids that have departed... I have experienced 2, as Danny left us in June of 2004. He is a Halloween baby- The first year, we had a huge party, the second I just had to be with my thoughts ,memories and doggies. I do have this " vision" that every day is a party for them where they now are, and fortunately my "heart" takes me there often.I love you and I feel your tears. I will "take you with me" whenever I go to the party!! I love you. xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom- Dottie-I went to your profile and got your email address to send you some things, and they all got returned!! Do you have a new email address?? Let me know!! xoxo Love,Betsy

[ashleysmom]

mamabets, I didn't realize that e-mail address was there. My new email is dbailey50@comcast.net. I'd love to hear from you! Thanks for bringing me along to the party! Love, Dottie

[maskott]

I haven't posted much lately...as some have said before, sometimes it's just too painful to even read some of the posts. I have to respond to Jo, though.

Jo...I'm glad you had someone remember. That is my biggest fear that Matthew's date will come (Aug. 7) and no one will remember. I don't expect flowers (but it was very thoughtful of your nieces and friend) but I also don't want to have to explain why there are tears in my eyes all day long. It was also nice for someone to put flowers at his site. It helps your heart to know someone else remembered. I hope your day goes well...as with the others, you will be in my heart and prayers today. I hope you find some comfort in the day...Karl is happy.

Lynda...you too will be in my thoughts and prayers today. I hope you find some peace on your mothers birthday. It's strange but my father's birthday was April 9...it was the day we headed out on our vacation. I thought about him more this year and celebrated his birthday more this year than since he died in 1982. This must be the year of special rememberences. I hope you find some peace today.

Kathy...I know how you (and your son) feel about "one" person not being there. Jeff found a paper Kristin wrote for school. It was about Matthew and one paragraph mentioned "he won't be there to see me get married, or be an uncle to my children". It broke my heart. There are no words to comfort. My niece is getting married in October and my sister in law has already asked for a picture of Matthew. She is going to have a table with his picture and her dad's picture so they will be with us during the reception. I thought that was a nice thought. Just know that they will be there in spirit..."with bells on".

I'm just getting over a "down" period. With Easter and my birthday falling so close together, I have to admit it's been a hard few weeks. I'm slowly coming around...not crying as often. This is toughest thing I have ever had to do.

BettyAnn

[peacefulnow]

Jo, my thoughts are with you on Karl’s angel date.

Maskott, you mentioned being in a “down” period. I’m glad to hear it is lifting a bit for you.

I’ve been so very sad for the past week or so also. I can’t seem to stop crying. Ian died in early January. It’s been so difficult, but I thought I was doing a little better…only to discover that nothing is better.

My mind feels like one of those snow globes with all the particles floating around. In my mind, the particles never settle to the bottom, leaving calmness and serenity. My thoughts just can’t seem to settle down. I’m left with a feeling that is so unsettled…hectic and turbulent.

I hope that peace (which seems to be so elusive to us all) comes to all of you. Cindy

[mom2angels]

{{{Friends}}} ~

I have not abandoned you. I have been reading every day, lighting candles for you and your children on birthdays and angel dates, and praying for your strength, peace and comfort.

In my circle of loved ones, crises seem to be looming. One friend lost her father in law, and then her husband had a heart attack. And then there are friends with relationship crises, and with raising teenager crises.

And, right here on our street, where our neighbors are really like our family, we have experienced a loss. Our friend of 29 years became ill suddenly a couple of weeks ago, ended up on a ventilator, with far too many things wrong with his body to fight any longer. His wife signed the DNR, and he was removed from the vent. He passed a few days later -- last Wednesday night. His funeral will be held on Thursday. My husband, Jim, will attend, as he and Ray were good friends, meeting up when they walked the dogs in the evenings. Jim will come home to care for Jon, and I will then attend the reception following the funeral.

This has been a difficult time for us, of course, as we are reminded of all that we went through with Michael three years ago in May. Sudden illness, same ICU, vent, DNR, extubation...When I hugged Ray's wife before she left to return to the hospital for Ray's extubation, I whispered to her, "I know what you are going through, and I'm here for you." She said softly, "I know you do, dear. Thank you."

My parents, first set of in laws, a few friends, and several children, who attended school with my sons, are buried in the cemetery where Ray will be placed. And Ray's reception is being held in the same location as we held our reception for Michael. I bought two dresses for Michael's service, and on Thursday I will wear the one that I didn't wear then.

So many memories are being stirred up, and I'm having to work extra hard at being strong for everyone else who is in need right now.

Were this not enough, my sister-friend, two doors down, who is Ray's next door neighbor, is currently sitting beside her mother in Canada as she is dying. Also sudden, a massive brain hemorrhage. My sister-friend and I have been through the deaths of our dear neighbor, Linda, who was like a mom to us, my son, Michael, her 10 year old dog, and now Ray, and her mother. Four beautiful and incredible people, whom we were blessed to know and love and be loved by in this life. We grieve for them together, and it affords us an amazing bond.

Be gentle with yourselves, and allow yourselves the time to grieve and feel your pain. That is the path to healing. While I am finding it challenging to remember Michael's illness and transition, walking down memory lane as it were, I also realize that I am coping better this year than I did the past two years. I offer you a glimpse of hope that you will get stronger and that the edge of your pain will not always be so fiercely sharp as it is now.

My candle is burning for you, and I am praying for your peace and comfort today and every day ~ May you feel your children very near and hold them in your dreams~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[heartbrokendad]

Happy Birthday Matthew.....dad loves you and misses you so much

[maskott]

Cindy...I know those feelings well. You go a day feeling that you've got this in control. The emotions have settled down and you actually feel alright. Then...bam. It's hard to even explain the feelings. Your head starts hurting, you feel very on edge. I know with me, my heart actually hurts. A picture pops up in your mind and the tears start flowing. Before you know it the sobs are uncontrollable. This has been my merry go round for the past few months. Matthew died in August so I'm a few months ahead of you but the feelings are still the same. Right now, I feel alright-not emotional-yet I feel like a zombie. Words cannot explain the feelings that we deal with. I can never find the words to explain to someone how I feel, not even now. But then, I don't have to explain, because everyone here knows exactly how I feel. We just learn to deal with them.

Rosalyn...so sorry that you are going through this. You have the strength to get through this. Thanks for always lighting candles for our children. It is much appreciated.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW....BE WITH YOUR DAD AS HE REMEMBERS YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Hoping that everyone makes it through today with a thought of a better tomorrow.

BettyAnn

[julsmom]

Stu - may you find some peace today. Lynda

[heartbrokendad]

thank you Lynda,and Maskott

[missingchris]

Happy Birthday Matt!!

Hugs to Stu..........

[peacefulnow]

Rosalyn, what an especially difficult time this must be for you, so much sadness and so many losses. I’m sorry and I hope you’re holding up okay.

BettyAnn, I wonder why it is virtually impossible to explain to others (who have not lost their children) how we feel. There don’t seem to be words in existence to adequately describe the feelings that we are left with. Any attempt I have made to do so just seem to fall so short of the mark. I guess that’s why I don’t try to do it anymore (other than here).

Heartbrokendad, Stu, I wish you feelings of peace and serenity today. I’m certain that Matthew is smiling down on you.

Spring is so bittersweet this year. When Ian was so ill and it became very evident that my prayers for a miracle were not to be, it was very cold. The river was forming ice and I knew that Ian would not be here when the ice melted. It made me so sad then, and it makes me sad now. I know it’s crazy, but how can life just continue on without my son in it, without all of our beautiful children in it? It doesn’t make sense to me.

May feelings of tranquility and serenity come to all of you. Cindy

[mom2angels]

{{{Stu}}} ~ My candle is lit in honor of Matthew's birthday, and my thoughts are with you today.

{{{BettyAnn}}} {{{Cindy}}} Thank you for your kind thoughts. These are difficult times for our street family for sure, and I have shed many tears and have many more to spill in the days ahead. Today, while discussing the passing of Ray and sister-friend's mother, another dear friend on our street talked to me about Michael. She told me that after Michael's passing, she and her husband decided to be cremated rather than buried. She said that when I told her that I felt better having Michael at home with us, something inside of her just clicked. I was quite touched when she talked about how Michael had changed her viewpoint on many things. That's my son...always teaching.

To you both, I just want to assure you that everything you are feeling, those feelings for which there are no words of description, is natural and typical. You are still at the very beginning of this long journey, so do not despair. The beginning is treacherous, uncharted territory, and you are finding you way through that jungle of feelings without a map or compass. Except for us--those of us, who are here to tell you that in time, it is less intense and severe. Be patient and feel all of these feelings, because they cannot be denied, and they are necessary to your healing. I am praying for you.

{{{HUGS}}} and prayers for everyone ~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[daveydow1]

Julsmom,

So sorry you are in pain with your dear departed mother's

birthday yesterday. I am lucky to still have my mother, but

lost my dear dad over 10 years ago to cancer. We were very

close. I agree that these birthdays can be sorrowful, and

especially those of our dear children gone on before us.

May you find peace & solace.

BettyAnn & Jeff,

Am thinking about you & praying for you as you observed

your dear Matthew's birthday yesterday. Peace to you.

[daveydow1]

Peacefulnow--Cindy,

I totally agree with what you posted about there

being no words to explain the extreme depth of

your sorrow & pain about dear Ian's passing. My

husband & I were just discussing that very same

thing the other day, and also came to the conclusion

that there are NO words, and NO way to express how

we feel, or the deep pain that we live with every

day. I pray daily for some sort of communication

from my Davey. Have not had anything for quite some

time, but as someone said, they come along when we

least expect them. Prayers of peace for you.

[mamabets]

For Stu- Happy Birthday to you, Matt!! Dance amonst the stars with all of your heavenly friends!! They are all near, and making sure that you remain safe and in their care for forever!!! We love you!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Peacefulnow- I , too, have been feeling lately that I am in a state of not EVEN being able to comprehend that my Danny is no longer here- He died in June of 2004. He lives on in an eternity that is as magical as he has always been, yet the fact remains that the phone doesn't ring with him saying "Hey, do you have a minute" so I can say to him "For you, millions of them". I miss that , but he loves where he is and he loves the peace that surrounds him constantly. I must walk this walk until he calls me home... And, I am surrounded by a beautiful life that will watch out for me until that time. I fear whatever sadness I must still endure- But, for the moment, I will remember so many happy days spent with my Danny. I love you and can only imagine how, on top of your loss, your purpose has been altered, now that Ian is not sick anymore and doesn't require the day in and day out care. I hear that that too can be difficult- Try, if you can, to nurture the memories- That will come in time- I am so, so , so sorry for you and will pray that you find a little spot where you could perhaps plant some flowers. I put some in some planters right outside my front door!!! LOL- My garden- 6 pots!!! I love you! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Mom2angels- I am so sorry, Rose, about Ray- There is no point to tell you that we know where he has gone to, because we do. He is with Jon and this is certainly a good thing- He doesn't have to endure the suffering anymore, nor do his loved ones have to watch,wait and suffer with him. HOWEVER, the MISSING him is unbearable, and the belief that life must complete this process in order for him to achieve his peace is somewhat confusing. Why, my God, why the suffering, that his loved ones just had to witness, while he went through it?? Like Ian... I will never understand that part of it... Never!! I love you, I miss you and am with you by "heart". xoxoxomamabets

[ashleysmom]

Started typing last night and just had to lay down. I was drained.

Stu, I hope you were able to find some peace yesterday on your son's birthday.

Rosalyn, I have missed your inspiring words. I am sorry you are going through, yet another tough time. Sometimes it seems they never end. I was at the third wake in two months last night and this one was held where Ashley's was held. That was tough, had to get out of there. Funeral today and she is being buried next to Ashley's lots. Actually she will be beside me someday.

Cindy, there isn't any way to explain this anguish. Only someone who has stepped into this hell can understand it. I would rather others not understand than to see someone else go thru this heartache. It's like a double edged sword. First we have to go through it, then we have to live with the fact that noone understands us, which hurts, sometimes unbearably.

Peace to all, Dottie

[kayswenson]

Today is the first time I have found this site. It looks like a wonderful thing, to get to know other people who REALLY undestand what we are going through. My daughter, Catrina, was killed in an accident last year on May 6th, so her anniversary is coming up. Is that what you mean by "angel dates" That certainly sounds and feels better than "anniversary of death", which is certainly not something to celebrate!

Her birthday was March 2nd and her daughter and I went down to San Antonio (from Austin) to meet my son, Catrina's brother. We went down to the RiverWalk and lit some incense and talked about her and then we each sprinkled some of her ashes in the river. It was very sad, but we all felt better afterward and were really glad that we had done something special for her.

So now, I am trying to figure out how to honor her on May 6th. Any suggestions would be appreciated. My other 2 daughters are in Dallas, so we won't all be together, but they could maybe get together at the same time and do something.

I'm very glad to have found this site. I haven't et figured how to navigate through it, so I don't know if I can find you same people again, but I'm going to try. Also, I'd like to change my username to "catrinasmom", but I don't know how. ?

I will light candles and think of all your loved ones (I'll have to go back and make a note of names). I always thought that the only thing I would not be able to survive in this life was losing one of my children. I still feel that way, because the "me" that was before May 6th of last year is certainly a different person. If I didn't have my other children, my grandchildren and my great-grandson, I wouldn't even care to stay around, but I don't want them to feel what I feel (and they do too) having lost Catrina.

Thanks for being out there. Much love and prayers and good hopes for you all.

kay

[maureensmom]

Hi, Kay, and welcome to BI. How strange, we're both in Texas (I'm in Houston); my 20yo daughter Maureen died on 12/8/05, but her birthday is May 6th. I've listened to a lot of suggestions on this web site, but I like the balloons best. Maureen loved purple. We had two trees planted in a city park in her name, and we're going to go there and release 20 purple balloons, and one white one, for her first birthday in heaven. Her friends are going to tie little messages to some of the balloons. We released balloons over Galveston Bay a month after her death - a very spiritual, freeing experience. I'll be praying for you on that day.

Georgia

[lorismom]

For Kay - I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Catrina. I, too, lost my daughter, Lori, on May 3, 2004. I'm glad you found this wonderful site. There is always someone here who can relate to the pain that you are going through and you are always welcome to read or post whenever you need to. Take care, Patty

[rhonda68]

Hello Stu thinking of you on your dear sons birthday. Hello to all the new people on here and hi to everyone. Its such a painful ride we are all on here. Just not sure how to make it through this life but I do want to reach out to anyone who may need help. Those of you that do not know me, I lost my son Richard in a car accident Feb 23,2005 so I have been through all the firsts but it still doesnt make it any easier. On my sons birthday which would have been his 20th all the family went to the grave and released ballons we also had cake as my birthday is just a few days later and we always celebrated them together which always hits around thanksgiving in Canada. On his angel date my mom,dad,my son and me went to the accident site and layed roses. Something that meant alot to me that day is when we got there 2 of his friends were also there knealing at the cross that had been put up for him. They had also brought some fresh flowers. To anyone that would like to take a look at the website I made in memory of Richard please feel free to go there. The address is http://www3.telus.net/public/rh0nda/

[heartbrokendad]

Thanks for all the expressions of happy birthday for Matthew, I know he hears them as well as I.

My remaining child Christopher leaves for Spain Sunday for a 4 year tour of duty, I know he is only in Spain, but its like I'm loseing another child, and its hard to look at this as something positive for him. I guess I'm being selfish here right? I should be happy for him, but he's my last child, and he has my two grandchildren with him as well. Its hard to look at this as a good thing.

LOve to all of you,

Carrie and Matthews dad

[deewithgreeneyes]

Hearbrokendad....

i know how you feel....when my survivng son mike goes places (away from my sight and safety net)I have a problem as well. Although I don't express it to him I am not a happy camper. He is going rock-climbing this weekend, both he and Michelle have dangerous hobbies, Michelle lost her life with her's. So, this weekend will be a weekend of worry, almost neurotic.

Sorry I have not been posting but have been reading everyone's post and have been keeping up on birthday's. i may not post in reply to the birthday's but i light a candle everyday for our children..next to michelle's.

Don't know what is wrong with me just can't post feelings.

[kayswenson]

Hi Georgia – many strange coincidences in life. I lived in Galveston for about 12 years and I moved to Austin in Oct of 03. Catrina came to live with me here in Dec of 04. She was killed in Houston on May 6 last year. She was on her way back to Austin after a trip to visit her boyfriend in Galveston. One of the things I will do someday is to go to Galveston and sprinkle some of her ashes in the bay on a ride across on the ferry. We always loved to ride the ferry and feed the birds and watch for the dolphins. I miss the gulf, but it will be hard to go back there with her gone.

I like the idea of the balloons. I especially like the idea of the one white one with the colored ones to signify her first angel date in heaven. I also want to plant something. I’m hoping to move back to the Dallas area soon, as that’s where most of my family is, so instead of planting something in a park here, I am thinking of getting a smallish tree and planting it in a tub so I can take it with me when I move.

Thank you so much for writing to me – this last year has been so incredibly difficult and I don’t expect it will ever get very much better. Before I lost my job in December, (for some strange reason, I just couldn’t seem to stay focused and organized?????) I worked with many elderly people. Several told me that they had lost s child, many decades ago. They never recovered from it, and I don’t expect to either. This may sound very strange, but in some ways, I cherish the “closeness” I feel with Catrina now, because it seems like she is with me every second. So if I could wave a magic wand and “erase” her from my memory and magically stop the pain, I wouldn’t do it, because then she would be “lost” to me in a far more permanent and complete way than she is now. I think if I said that to someone who has not experienced this, they would think I’m crazy, but I think perhaps you and the others who will read this may understand it.

Enough for now. I thank all of you who answered may note of yesterday. It is good to know that there are people who understand the magnitude of this situation.

One word for Heartbrokendad: I can only imagine how desolate you must feel with your remaining child and grandchildren going overseas for 4 years. Last year, shortly after my daughter Catrina’s death, my next daughter, Joanna went to Italy with her new husband for 7 months. I was happy for the wonderful experiences she was having, but at the same time, I felt abandoned. Almost everyone in the family went over there for a couple weeks, but I was not able to. I felt very angry and jealous that they were able to share that with Joanna, but I wasn’t. Perhaps you can make a trip over while they are there. Peace to you and to Patty and Georgia as well. kay / catrinasmom

[peacefulnow]

Daveydow-Sherry,

I’m sure Davey is with you always, whether you feel and see him or not.

Mamabets,

You know, I never even realized until you mentioned it, but my purpose has been altered since Ian’s passing… a lot. He had been seriously ill for a long while. I took him to radiation, chemotherapy, and so many doctors appointments, especially during his last year. I stayed with him, and gave him as much love and care as I possibly could. We were always searching, hoping, and praying that we would find our miracle soon. We got to hang out together…something we hadn’t been able to do as frequently before he became ill and could no longer work. I’m like a lost little puppy now without him. I know he’s no longer in pain, and for that I am so grateful, but I miss him so very much

I loved being able to be there with him and for him, even though witnessing his suffering was so difficult and heartbreaking. We had the time to acknowledge and say all the important things to each other; we had time to say good-bye.

I think I will take your advice and plant some flowers. I don’t live in the sunny south though. I‘ll have to wait for several more weeks, when there is no more threat of frost.

You have such a kind heart, and we’re all lucky to have you to lean on. Love you too!

Ashleysmom-Dottie.

You put it well when you said this is a double-edged sword, to go through this and then to have no one understand. It’s sad and so frustrating.

Kay,

Welcome. I’m so sorry about your daughter Catrina. This is a wonderful place to feel understanding and comfort.

Rhonda,

Richard is a handsome young man. Thanks for sharing the address, it’s a lovely tribute to your son.

Brokenheartedad,

How tough that must be for you to see Chris and his family go to Spain for four years. My heart goes out to you.

[daveydow1]

Kay---Catrina's mom,

I am so very sorry for your loss of dear Catrina. I lost

my son Davey to a terrible highway crash 6/14/03, so his

"angel day" is coming up. The balloons idea seems to be

the most popular one for observing birthdays and angel days.

I pray that with the love you have in your heart & soul for

Catrina, will keep her with you always. Please come back &

read/post. Everyone here is anxious to help, on this sad

path we find ourselves on.

Peacefulnow,

Thanks for your kind words. I do feel Davey with me so much

of the time. My prayers are with you for peace & comfort.

[isabelle]

Rhonda68,

I just visited the website you have for your Angel Richard. He is a very handsome young man. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Ray, age 22, on 10-09-03. He died in a single vehicle accident. I have not moved from that date, I don't think I want to.

Isabelle,

Ray'sMom

[mamabets]

For Peacefulnow- Perhaps you should think about getting a little puppy!!! You know, we have 4 daschunds and ever time someone new comes on to Beyond Indigo, I suggest a "puppy"- One that is little and will stay needy forever!!! One that needs your care- MY GOD, we can not compare, NATURALLY, but it is a definate, pleasant distraction!!! Like this breed of ours??!!! Permanent lap dogs!!!! They ADORE me and as I sit here right now, all 4 are milling around for some cuddles!!!! Not to mention that the furry one that went blind last year with this disease called SARDS regained her eyesight, we just found out yesterday!!! So, need I say more-!!! I pawn off the snuggle of little puppies whenever I can! I think that they are a TREMENDOUS help when it comes to this grief process... xoxoxomamabets

[daveydow1]

Isabelle,

I agree with you about the date of our dear children's

deaths always being burned into our minds. My son, Davey,

died (in a semi-truck/car crash) about 4 mo. before

your dear, Ray's accident. 6/14/03 will forever be imprinted

in my mind. I'm not sure how far I have been able to advance

past that date--some days, I feel that I have not come very

far at all.I pray that you are able to find some comfort &

peace on this journey.

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Yes, pets are a wonderful source of friendship & comfort.

Puppies will bring a smile to almost anyone's face. Our

kitty, Brownie, is a lot of comfort to us also. Puppies

or kitties will help nearly anyone, providing that they

like to have pets, and that there is no one in the house

who is allergic to them. In the journey we are all on,

whatever helps us keep on going can be considered an aid

in our search for some kind of relief and comfort. Peace

to everyone here at BI.