Loss of an Adult Child

[mamabets]

For All- I planted a garden around our deck today- First ever in 50 years- I put little pickets all the way around it and at the moment, it is so, so sweet- If they all keel over a die in the night, I will be making the mad dash to Beyond Indigo, so you can all get a good laugh!! In between moans and groans, I am walking like I am somewhere between 99 and 101!! If fire ants find their way to my rose bushes between now and 6 AM, I will not be happy!!! LOTS of pine needles had to be removed, so my husband, who by the way is closing in on 60, just bought me our first rake!!!!! I was using a snow shovel to try to get the pine needles in piles!!! LOLOL!!!! NEVER, and I mean, NEVER a dull in the life of mamabets!!! I love you all!! xoxomamabets

[bokenhearted]

To Lorismom,Julsmom, Rhonda66,Ashleysmom, Mamabetts, Maskott and Peacefulnow.

Thankyou for being there for me and responding to my last post on 24/04/06. You have each helped me greatly just by being there and letting me know you care. Karl's angel date came and we got through it quite well, I think, thanks to our dear family and friends. We were kept busy for the day which helped but I have to say as I have said before the days leading up to and the days after the angel date are much worse for me. I think it is the awful forboding of the day approaching that gets to me and then the absolute feelings of the finality of his passing that sends me into utter dispair. My husband and I have shed so many tears that you get to a point that you feel utterly exhausted. I read some of you postings and see where you say that we will and do survive but I wonder if we will ever really feel light hearted ever again. Our daughter is still in Europe on her holiday and she rang us on the 25th April to just hear our voices and to let us know she was ok and with friends. I miss her terribly but on the same hand I am glad that she is over there having as good a time as possible and with good friends and a great cousin. I know they will support her. I can't wait for her to come home though. She has a little over a week to go and I will have her back with me. How do I stop my worrying and not to be so overprotective.

Mamabets

You mention getting a puppy... I have no puppy but 2 cats and they also are a comfort. Mind sometimes I think they do have a mind of their own and the kitten is tending to wreck the place with her sctatching but who cares they are warming to the heart. I never use to let a cat on a bed in my house... now they have the run of the place.Funny how we change our views on things in our life isn't it? Hope your garden takes off as it can be a great source of enjoyment. I am not an avid gardener but do find it helps to physically get out there sometimes and it can be relaxing..... until the next day that is when the stiffness may set in. :-)

Take care everyone

Love to all

Jo

[mynicholas]

Stu, Kayswenson, and Everyone,

Stu, I haven't been here for a while, alot has been going on. Happy Birthday to your Matthew! I'm sorry, it's so long said, again, I have had alot going on!

Kay, I am so sorry for the loss of your Catrina, I too lost my child last May 8th, 2005, (Nicholas) he is my only son, I too have two other daughters and a grandson. Next Monday will be one year, and as time approaches, I still cannot believe he is gone! The pain is beyond enduring, as I'm sure you know. I too have found this site to be very "helpful" for me, everyone here KNOWS EXACTLY how you feel. It just seems that as even as all of the holidays have gone and even his birthday, this "year" thing is unbelievable! The other very bad thing is that I lost him on "Mother's Day", my daughter (Samantha) stated to me the other day, "mom, we want to make this Mother's Day very special" well, that was just fine, I went to work the next day and looked on the calander and realized something........this Mother's Day is May 14th, I BURIED MY NICHOLAS LAST MAY 14TH, two months exactly to the day of his 21st birthday! I know that this holiday will always have it's "effect" to some degree, I guess these "angel dates" are just harder than I ever IMAGINED! WHAT DO WE DO? I have started a new job that is a very good one and my new boss know's about my Nicholas and has offered to let me have that day off, I think I am going to send my two girls and the mother of my grandson each three roses, to identify with each other and Nicholas, "does that make sense"?

On top of all of this my oldest daughter (Samantha)has what we thought to be a "bugbite", well, I took her to the emergency room yesterday (Sunday) because it was just spreading all over her leg and two months ago she had the same thing on her abdomin and hip, they treated her with anti-biotics, so this time it appeared to be the same thing, only worse! It was getting and spreading by the minute. By the time we got to the e.r. it was 1:30pm,at 3:00pm she was in such severe pain that I went and asked what was taking so long and DEMANDED she be seen RIGHT NOW! They took her back and started her on IV anti-biotics, no it is not a "bugbite"! THE MOST HORRIBLE THING THAT WENT THROUGH MY MIND IS "OH MY GOD" PLEASE DON'T LET ME LOOSE HER!!!! She stayed the whole afternoon and I brought her home, I am "UP AND AWAKE" right now because I cannot stop going in her room and making sure she is allright! I am so worried, they diagnosed her with "Cellulitis" and she will go to her pediatrician today. WHAT ELSE!!!! That is how I feel......God how much more and why am I so SCARED! I'm not quite sure how I really do feel right now.....NOT GOOD, that I do know, I can't sleep, which is not unusual, but tonite it's even worse, I know my Nicholas is watching over her and God too, I just feel completely "numb" and scared!

Something else, "on the good side" I ordered a book from Billy Graham the other day and there is a chapter on "Life after Death", it states from the book of Thesselonians "that even though our children are gone, they still have the same personality that they did when we lost them", even in Heaven, that did answer a whole area that I questioned, I know when I do see Nicholas again, I want him to be just like he was at 21 years old, and I know now he will be only he is an ANGEL!!!! ALL OF OUR CHILDREN ARE!!! I do know this....the second I know Jesus Christ is returning I AM GOING TO GO TO THAT CEMETARY AND I AM GOING TO WATCH MY NICHOLAS RISE JUST AS HE WAS LAID THERE AND EVEN FOR A BRIEF MOMENT.........I AM GOING TO SEE HIM EXACTLY AS HE WAS!!!!! "And" only then will life "exist" again.

Rose

[kathy714]

Hi to all,i am sorry i feel like it has been so long since i have had a chance to reply to all the post,i try to read everyday,there has been so many good posting's that by the time i finish reading them all it is so late,and i don't have time to answer...STU,Happy Birthday to your dear son Matt,i hope you were able to find so peace during such a differcult time...Kay,i am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Catrina,i hope you return to B.I. everyone here is so understanding,i would of been lost without this site,i loss my son Nathan Jan31,2005 on his 21 st birthday...Momof2angels,i am so sorry for all the loss you are going through,i know how hard it can be ,bringing back all those feeling again,,you will be in my prayers,and i want to thank every one for always being here for me,you all are in my thoughts and prayers,T/C Kathy, n ates mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,good luck with your garden!!I find a lot of peace when i plant,i made a nice memorial garden for Nate,and people have given me different memory stones that have beautiful sayings,on them,which i have also put in the garden..T/C Kathy,Nates mom 4 ever

[daveydow1]

Mynicholas--Rose,

Sorry to hear of your Samantha's cellulitis. Yes, it can

be very painful. I hope that she improves more each day.

Also, I too will be looking to see my son just as he was

when he died. I didn't get to say goodbye to him, so it

will be so nice to greet him again.

Mamabets,

We started an herb/flower garden in our backyard. We call

it "Davey's Garden". Previously, not much would grow there.

But after some soil enrichment, all the plants & seeds that

we put in (mostly perrennials) have grown nicely. You are

so right about stiffness after working in the garden, but

it is so rewarding to see things grow. Hope all your plants

do well.

Peace to all at BI

[mamabets]

For All- I have had a very bad couple of days- Our little doggie Rosie, who at her yearly check-up the other day, was "told" that she was regaining her vision, had her bloodwork done and it revealed that her liver enzymes are 3 times what they should be. One day we get this miracle news, because last year she had been tested and diagnosed with SARDS- Permanent vision loss and now she can see!! Then, this other- BUT, the good news is that the head vet said that he feels that it is absolutely not life threatening... He said that something like cancer is on the lowest part of their pole- Not even thinking along those terms. She had to spend the night at the vets because she had to fast before this bile acid test was done. I called my doctors, as I have no more coping skills- Took medicine and went to bed for 2 days- I did, however, have vivid dreams of my Danny, so he is right here as always, guiding me through this life. I love you all and my garden is still there!!! xoxomamabets

[peacefulnow]

Lorismom,

Is tomorrow Lori's angel date? If it is, may you find some peace and joy in the memories. You're in my prayers tonight.

Georgia,

Isn't Maureen's birthday coming up as well? May the days preceding it be gentle on your heart. May the birthday bring back all the wonderful memories of her and hopefully a minimum of sadness.

If any of my dates are wrong, I apologize. I've been know to get muddled thinking. My intentions are good...but the details may be off.

To all the wonderful people here I wish you all serenity and tranquility. Cindy

[lorismom]

For Cindy – Yes, tomorrow, May 3rd, is Lori’s angel date. Thank you for remembering and thinking of me. It really means a lot. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 2 years since I lost my beautiful daughter. I miss her so much. There hasn’t been a day that's gone by that she hasn’t been in my thoughts. More and more though I seem to be able to remember the wonderful times we shared together. She enriched my life so much by being the compassionate person that she had become. And although she no longer is here with me physically, she will always reside in my heart until it’s time for me to be with her again.

For Mamabets – Thinking of you and hoping your little doggie Rosie will be o.k. I’m glad that you had some dreams of your Danny. He’ll always be very close to you.

Take care everyone,

Patty

[mamabets]

For Lorismom- I will be with you by heart today... Two years ago today was the last full day that I had with my Danny in Tampa- I left Tampa at noon on the 4th, and my Dad died while I was on my way to the Lauderdale airport. I felt him go in my heart, while I was in the air. I came home to North Carolina on the 7th, and my Danny was gone 6 weeks later. The circle of life- To think that here WE all are, two years later, holding each other together. My prayers are with you and like the card that I have framed and hanging on a wall..."The world has lost a beautiful person, but Heaven has gained one great soul"....I love you!! xoxomamabets

[ashleysmom]

Lorismom, Thinking of you today. I hope you find peace in the wonderful memories you shared.It is coming up on two years since my Baby left. Seems like yesterday, yet it seems like forver since I last saw her.

Mambets, I hope your Rosie is doing okay.

[daveydow1]

Lorismom--Patty,

You are in my thoughts & prayers today--Lori's angel

day. Peace be with you.

Mammabets,

I hope that your dog, Rosie, will improve and be like

her old self very soon. Is she a red, or a black

dachsund? My son, Chris' dog, Sally, is a short-haired

red "pup" of about 12 yrs. old. Peace to you.

[daveydow1]

Aprilsmom--Renee; Natesmom--Kathy; BettyAnn; &

Deewithgreeneyes :

Thank you all so very much for visiting Dave's memorial

and for all your kind words, tributes, and lighting of

candles. I know that all our kids are in heaven and with

each other, and I just know that Dave would love every

one, and that they are friends. They are forever young--

forever loved. Peace to all at BI.

[kayswenson]

To all of you dear people at BI – I haven’t written in a while. I guess I haven’t been doing very well lately. My darling Catrina’s 1st Angel Date is coming up on Saturday. I seem to have been in a “dream” lately, I have been re-living the days after Catrina’s death last year. Of course I was in shock, which I realized, but I was still having to deal with all the details. However, I was surrounded by my other children, my grand children, my sisters and brother, my dad and my friends. This year, I am alone and it almost feels like I am anticipating the news of her death. Of course, last year I didn’t know that the days leading up to May 6th were the last days before my life changed forever. But this year I know that that date is coming up and I don’t think I can bear it. I guess we have to bear whatever we have to bear, but I’m not sure I can get through it this year. I’m not suicidal, but I just wish I could go to sleep and .not have to go on without her. I think perhaps it is only the knowledge that I would never willingly cause this kind of pain to my loved ones that makes me hang on. It helps somehow to know that there are those of you out there who really understand what this feels like. I’m tired of people telling me that time will heal this and after a while I’ll be able to know that my precious girl is gone. I know people think that should feel comforting, but all it does is make me know how little they understand this. Thank you for listening. kay

[sundrop]

I recently lost my son in a car accident on March 31st of 2006. He was killed instantly and had traumatic head and neck injuries so I never seen him after the accident. Tim was 24 and his birthday would have been on April 19th. He had been living with me and my husband for the last month after seperating from his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. Even when he didn't live with us he always stopped over to see us at least a couple times a week. I am very close to my children, practically raising them single handed. I have a daughter that is 28. Tim was a hard worker and very rarely ever missed work. He had alot of friends and was good with kids. I was hoping to have his grandchildren. Why?????????? did this happen????? Why ???? when there are so many bad people out there that hurt other people. I am really worried about him and wonder if he is okay?? I feel like I should go to him but I know that would devistate my daughter, This is the worst pain in the world. I always said this would be my worst nightmare and now I am living it...

[mamabets]

For Daveydow1- Little Rosie is our 8 year old long haired daschund- Thaks to you and to all for your Rosie prayers!!! xoxoI love you!! 2 years ago today was my last day with Danny and today 2 years ago my Dad died... Today at 2:3- we take Rosie for an ultrasound- They think that her liver enzymes may be up because of a gall bladder issue- Say prayers!!! I love you all!!xoxoxmamabets

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Sundrop,

As a father who lost two children in the span of 8 months, I want to tell you how sorry I am that you have lost you dear son Tim...I know the pain you are enduring at this time, and want you to know that you and he are in my thoughts. I can only speak from my own experience here, but please know that Tim is ok, and is near you all the time.

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[lorismom]

For Mamabets, Daveydow1, and Ashleysmom – Thank you for your kind words and support on my Lori’s angel date. My husband and I got through the day quite well. I think it’s always the days leading up to it that seem to be worse. Again, thank you for thinking of us. Also, Mamabets, I’ll keep you and your little Rosie in my thoughts today.

For Sundrop – I am deeply sorry for the loss of your son, Tim. Please feel welcome to read or post anytime. There is a lot of love and wonderful people on this forum.

For Kayswenson – I will be thinking of you on May 6th – your daughter, Catrina’s angel date. Wishing you much peace and comfort as you share this journey with all of us.

Take care everyone,

Patty

[deewithgreeneyes]

I have not been posting for awhile but wanted to let everyone know that I am reading all of your post's and that my thoughts are with all of you. I promise....everyday my huge candle is burning for all of our children. Everyday like a ritual I burn them and on a rock I paint every additional name (sadly) and set in next to the candle.

I can't post anymore for awhile, I have a hard time keeping up with all of the post's(my brain just is not working), like all of you I just feel lost, alone and angry.

Love and Peace to all of You, Dee

[peacefulnow]

Sundrop,

I’m so sorry about your son, Tim. I wish I could give you answers as to why this had to happen, but I can’t. It’s so tragic and sad and feels so “wrong” that our children have preceded us in leaving this earthly world. Our wonderful children are gone, and we are left with a heartache that is beyond words. As you said, this is truly living out our worst nightmare.

Tim sounds like a wonderful young man, and I know how much you must miss him. I miss my son so much too. I anxiously wait for the day when I will be reunited with him, but in the meantime, our lives continue on in a very altered way and it is not easy. We endure for the loved ones still with us.

I firmly believe that my son, Ian, as well as your dear Tim are still with us in a spiritual way. The love between parent and child is strong and endures forever. Our children who have passed on are in a very good place, void of all the struggles here on earth. They are happy, and they are smiling down on us as they watch over us.

I wish you a feeling of peace…wherever and whenever you can find it on this long, painful journey. Cindy

[deewithgreeneyes]

FOR ALL OF YOU

A BUTTERFLY LIGHTS BESIDE US. LIKE A SUNBEAM,

AND FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, IT'S GLORY AND BEAUTY

BELONGS TO OUR WORLD

BUT THEN IT FLIES ON AGAIN, AND THOUGH WE WISH

IT COULD HAVE STAYED, WE FEEL LUCKY TO HAVE SEEN IT.

[peacefulnow]

I stand at his grave once again, a lonely and sad vigil.

I know I will cry, I always do.

Someone else has been to visit, leaving a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

That makes me smile, so many lives touched by his passing.

I’m not the only one who is missing him, mourning his absence.

I left an antique bronze angel, who can keep an eye on him when I’m not there.

I miss him so much it hurts. I can see his wonderful smile.

I can still clearly hear the sound of his voice, for that I am grateful.

I’m so afraid that I’ll forget, that time will blur the memories.

I don’t want that to happen, it frightens me that it might.

It’s all that I have left; please let me hold onto them forever.

[daveydow1]

Sundrop,

I am truly sorry for your loss of your dear son, Tim.

Yes, the pain seems unendurable, and yet we somehow

go on in this journey.My son, Davey age 31, was also

killed in a highway crash when a semi truckdriver

fell asleep at the wheel & crushed my son's car.

So many times I have asked the same thing---WHY???

There seems to be no answer. Please come back to BI and post/

whenever you feel up to it. Peace be with you.

Davey's mom, Sherry

Mamabets,

My prayers are for you in the upcoming sad days, and hope

dear Danny's sweet spirit will come to you at these times

to comfort you. Also, prayers for the little pup, Rosie.

Kay,

My prayers will be with you on Sat. May 6, sweet Catrina's

angel day. Peace & light to you.

Deewithgreeneyes,

I am thinking of you in your trying & sad times. Also,

thinking of dear Michelle. I believe Michelle and David

are friends, since they were about the same age, and

both loved animals/pets so much. Take care of yourself, now,

and come back to BI when you feel better. Also, such a nice

butterfly poem. So much like all our children.

Peacefulnow,

A very beautiful poem you posted. So very close to all

our hearts.

To all at BI,

I won't be posting for awhile. My husband & I will take a

much-needed vacation for a few days. Peace to all of you.

[julsmom]

To all - so many new posts - I've been away and I've missed the daily reads. To all with angel dates or birthdates - may you find some peace.

We went to visit our son. What a great visit, expensive, but great to see him. (Expensive- the transmission went out on our car and had to be rebuilt $$$$$$) But it was so good to see our surviving son.

To Sundrop - I'm sorry for the loss of your son Tim. Our daughter Julie who was 28 died the same way on 10/13/03. It has been such a hard difficult road. May you find peace and comfort on this board. It has been a second family to me. Lynda

[mamabets]

For Sundrop- Yes, my friend, you are without question living your worst nightmare. Mine began on June 15th, 2004 when my beautiful son Danny, who at 25 stood in the middle of a 3 lane highway, opted not to move, and was hit by a semi truck... I FEEL every bit of your pain. All I can tell you , is that if you stick with us, you will be amazed how this tragedy can and will transform you, for lack of a better word, into someone that seems to have NOTHING but compassion for every grieving soul here. You become a person of want- Want for all to feel better, as opposed to a person of natural need- "I need so much to fix me" , and somewhere between the two, a new you evolves and it becomes what we now know as our new life story. The pain is unbearable at times, yes, still, but I know just where to go and what to do with it and there always seems to be someone that needs my words of wisdom more than I need them myself. HANG WITH US, please, one hour at a time and you too, will become a part of the dearest, most sacred family you have ever known...US!!!!! Welcome, and I say that with an open heart and open arms..... I love you and admire your courage for coming

out and finding us.... We are the best of the best!!! xoxoxmamabets

[mamabets]

FOR ALL- May Rosie be our "Maskott" doggie!!! She has now, in the last 3 days, regained vision in the other eye and all tests reveal that while she has a small liver, and probably has since birth, she is expected to live a long and happy life, as her little self had no trouble leading the way straight out the door to find her Mama's car after this test required LOTS of shaving of the belly and no breakfast!!! On a mission to get home to her other furry friends and her yummy breakfast!! I thank all of you for your prayers and please know how touched we have been that her little "heart" touched so many!!! She IS a miracle bundle of sweetness, especially with these eyes of hers!!!! Blind, come find your way home!!! This is life with Rosie!!! Thanks Danny and Dad!!! We love you all !! For tonight, all seems to be peaceful once again.... xoxomamabets

[maureensmom]

Hi, cindy - yes, tomorrow is Maureen's 21st birthday. I keep meaning to put her information on the memorial site, but I keep thinking I can't find the right words, and I don't know whether we can edit - isn't that crazy? I haven't straightened out the closet in her room because I don't know exactly how it should be, so all these neat plastic containers are still sitting on the floor of the closet. When her friends brought over a big box of stuff from her apartment that they thought had special meaning, I let it sit like it was some kind of bomb. Then I saw there was a picture in it, and I thought, oh no, everything is getting ruined, so I compulsively wrapped all the stuff up in tissue and boxed it away. I don't even remember what was in the box.

It's been a very sad week, just like all of you said it would be. I've been busy at work, evening AA meetings, I'm probably just running running away, but it works temporarily sometimes. Yesterday I could not get the image of her lying broken on a gurney in the ER out of my mind, like an endless replay. Sometimes I think this will never get better.

Her friends, my husband, Kevin and I are buying 20 purple balloons, for her time on earth, and one white balloon, for her first birthday in heaven. The trees got planted in our big park in Houston, so now we have a place to go. Thanks to everyone for your support, and for all the conversations about how to get through this. Although the pain is still there, I can't even imagine how much more frightened I would be if I didn't have this site, and everyone's stories. I WILL get through this - I have another child, a husband, a life that I loved before everything got wrecked, before my girl left us.

[peacefulnow]

Deewithgreeneyes,

That’s really lovely ritual that you have with the candle and the rock. Thank you for including our children. It’s a very special gesture that is very much appreciated.

Cindy

[deewithgreeneyes]

Thank you Cindy...I found this beautiful rock, almost like a large scrolland I thought how awesome it was. Everyone's name is written in white.

I don't post much but I can tell you truly from the depth of my heart and sould I love all of our children and I hurt for all of us parent's.

I very much respect that our children were given to us as gifts, we just did not know that our gifts would be taken from us. We thought that they would stay in our possession for ever. They were never "ours" we just never knew it.I am kind of a person of few words, my culture I guess, sometimes it makes it hard. I can only say things simply. My love to you all, my candle burns for you all....

[lorismom]

For Daveydow1 - Hope you have a good vacation and we'll look forward to your postings when you return.

For Julsmom - Sorry you had car trouble when you went to visit your son, but glad you had a wonderful visit.

For Mamabets - I'm happy that your little Rosie is doing better and that all is peaceful for you again.

For Maureensmom - I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow.....Maureen's 21st birthday. I hope you will be blessed with good memories of her and that they will bring you comfort.

For Deewithgreeneyes - I just wanted to thank you for including our children's names on that beautiful rock that you found. It really touches my heart by your lovely gesture.

Peace to everyone,

Patty

[mamabets]

For Maureensmom- Bless you and all of yours tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and holding you close to my heart.... The days leading up are often worse than the actual day- My hope and vision will be that tomorrow will be a day of remembering the happy times for you- God love you, you have been tortured enough this week!!! I love you and will find you here tomorrow!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Deewithgreeneyes- You are amazing... Pure and simple- Truly an inspiration to all. God Bless you and I will love you through each and every day that you "positively" try to journey on...mamabets

[sundrop]

Thank you to everyone who responded to me. Like you said this is very hard for me and the rest of my family. I talk to Tim every day and am waiting for a sign from him. His friends and girlfriend have been in contact with me all the time. I love them for that but I always think that he should be there with them so it also makes me sad. Tim was always with his friends when he was off from work, He also had a dog named Jinxy, a pug who is now our dog. He always knew when Tim was going to come home and would wait by the door. He has really been moping around and just wanting to cuddle. I know he can sense what has happened. If I would just get a sign maybe I wouldn't worry so much about him. I really think that I am losing my mind, how does one go on after something like this??????

[sundrop]

To Maureens Mom,

I wish you well tomorrow. For Tims 25th birhday on April 19th, my sister let off 25 balloons in honor of him. She numbered the balloons and put Tims nickname as a child which was Digger on them and also her email address. A day later she received an email from someone in Winnepeg Canada. They found the balloon in a ditch. He figured the balloon had went approx. 800 miles. They were let go in Madison Wisconsin. The guys name was also Tim. He had lost a daughter at 20 months old.

[kathy714]

Dear Maureensmom,your post really touched me,i hope you find a little bit of peace today,my son Nathan's birthday and angel date are the same day,so it was very tough for me,i don't know but maybe it's better than two seperate times during the year.I could relate to what you said about thinking of your daughter,lying broken,i have been thinking a lot of Nathan,and what went on that night,i have a lot of unanswered question,and it drives me crazy most of the time.Ialso do aa meetings at night,plus work 3 /12 hour shifts a week,trying to keep my self busy.I also have one other son,named Kevin,and he is getting married next month,i know i should be happy,but i am so depressed,because Nate should be here for this. i will pray for everyone here, and light candles in memory of all our beautiful angels....t/c Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,i am so glad Rosie is doing much better,thank god there are still miracles working out there, give her a big hug from me! sorry i haven't been on line much,i don't know where the time goes...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Sundrop,i am so sorry for the loss of your son, and i agree it is our worst nightmare come true.I loss my son Nathan last year,Jan31,2005 on his 21st birthday. Every time Nathan would tell me about someone he knew that had passed,i would always say "OMG,that poor mom,i can't imagine what she is going through,never thinking it would happen to me! Keep coming here to B.I.,it helps so much just to read the post,and everyone here has been great,this site really saved me ,when i first loss my son,i would come on here a couple times a day,and i would always read something,that i could relate to,i met so many wonderful friends here,you and your family will be in my prayers..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[maureensmom]

Hi, Kay. How are you doing? Today is Maureen's birthday and your Catrina's angel date, what sad, heart-wrenching anniversaries. Fittingly, the weather is terrible here - thunder, ligntening, it matches my mood. On the day of her memorial service, right before the service, it rained so hard that we had flooding. Many people weren't able to attend... I remember thinking, how fitting. I know what you mean about not wanting to go on.

Sundrop - these are such bad days for you, but it does get better. You will begin to have short intervals of time where you won't be as anguished, or you will temporarily remember that you used to have a happy life, or you will get so busy that you will have a lifting of your mood. I look at those times as gifts from Maureen, it's my girl telling me not to stay in the agony, that she's OK, she's actually better than she ever was here on earth. Keep watching and feeling for Tim; our children are right at our sides sometimes. I have things happen to me very regularly that feel like messages from Maureen. It's just that it doesn't help with the loss.

Georgia

[mamabets]

For Sundrop- You know how we go on on, Sweet Mom??? Asking ourselves day in and day out "How are we going on?"... Seriously, you will be amazed at how you will be accumulating days and nights, even weeks and years, in spite of this horrendous nightmare, Every question that you need answered will be on this site- Trust me when I tell you that!!! Imagine having a million doctors with all of the answers... Well, we're here, except our degree was given to us, as we passed with flying colors, the class called "My God, How Am I Going To Go On Without You?" You are still just as connected as you were before to Tim, it just becomes a new language that you have to learn , and as his definite, without question, feelings come over you, and you know that he is right there with you, it becomes a walk the you can teach yourself how to do. I cried to my husband last night and I said to him "You know, it is all about Danny- Why did he have to live for 25 years in a world that was so cruel, it would even think of taking him from me?" You find yourself coming up with things like this, but expressing it all really helps. Go where you are heard... Know that you ALWAYS matter and no matter what, it is called the head of the class, as the parent of a child lost, because whether you are reaching out for help, or helping someone, our kids are so, so, so proud of us and love us more each and every day, OK?? So, call, because we are always here for you!!! I love you!! xoxomamabets

[deewithgreeneyes]

MAMBETS, YOU ARE TRULY A STRONG AND POWERFUL WOMAN FOR ALL OF US ON THIS BOARD.

i KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ENJOY ANIMALS AND NATURE.

I HAVE BEEN BACK WITH MY WOLVES AND WANTED TO SAHRE WITH YOU SOMETHING I HAVE SEEN ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS.

WOLF LOVE,WOLF AGRESSION AND WOLF GRIEF ARE POWERUL EMOTIONS, AND WOLVES SHOW THEM FREELY. BUT WOLF GRIEF IS TRAGIC TO SEE. WHEN A MATE OR PACK MEMBER DIES, WOLVES BECOME SAD. THEY BECOME SULLEN, MOPE LOWER THEIR TAILS, DRAW THEIR EARS DOWN AND HANG THEIR HEADS. THEY CRY, MOAN, WHIMPER, SHIVER. SOMETIMES THEY WILL HIDE FOR DAYS. FAMILY GROUPS HOWL LONG, SAD CRIES OFHEART BREAKING SOOROW AND PAIN. THEY WILL NOT EAT AND SOMETIMES WHEN A MATE DIES, THE WIDOWED WOLF WILL DIE OF GRIEF. WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE LIES WITH ANIMALS AS WELL AND A WOLF MOTHER HAS TO CARRY ON FOR HER PACK. SHE KNOWS THIS INSTINCTIVELY AS THE ENTIRE PACK RELIES ON EACH OTHER FOR ITS EXISTENCE. LOVE, DEE

[deewithgreeneyes]

MAMABETS....

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE HEARTS AS SIGNS FOR ME FROM YOUR SON.

PLEASE LOOK AT MICHELLE'S SIT (WWW.memoriesofmichelle). On her birthday we went to the beach where the accident occured and sent off balloons. If you click on her birthday pictures you will see my grandson holding a rock...in the shape of a heart...almost a perfect heart. a rainbow appeared at the time we released the baloons, then disappeared as soon as the baloons were out of sight. You will see those to. Your son was with us that day, I am sure of it. They are all together and will send signs together. Michelle's signs come from birds, odd behaviors from birds. i have had a white falcon appear at my home. I have never sen anything like it...white with small amounts of grey on it's feathers. One day I was outside and it came flying down the street towards me at waist level, flew so close I heard it's wings whispering in the wind and I could have reached out and touched it. It circled meand flew away. 2 weeks ago as I was driving away from my home a white owl appeared and flew along side of my car.

[deewithgreeneyes]

MAMABETS....

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE HEARTS AS SIGNS FOR ME FROM YOUR SON.

PLEASE LOOK AT MICHELLE'S SIT (WWW.memoriesofmichelle). On her birthday we went to the beach where the accident occured and sent off balloons. If you click on her birthday pictures you will see my grandson holding a rock...in the shape of a heart...almost a perfect heart. a rainbow appeared at the time we released the baloons, then disappeared as soon as the baloons were out of sight. You will see those to. Your son was with us that day, I am sure of it. They are all together and will send signs together. Michelle's signs come from birds, odd behaviors from birds. i have had a white falcon appear at my home. I have never sen anything like it...white with small amounts of grey on it's feathers. One day I was outside and it came flying down the street towards me at waist level, flew so close I heard it's wings whispering in the wind and I could have reached out and touched it. It circled meand flew away. 2 weeks ago as I was driving away from my home a white owl appeared and flew along side of my car.

[mamabets]

For deewithgreeneyes- I have no doubt that Danny was with you guys- Danny and all of her other loved ones- I have recieved a "message" if you will, and I need your e-mail address, as it is supposed to be given to you!!! Something about "funny impressions that Michelle makes"... Does this mean anything to you?? Was she a character that could do impressions, or something like that?? Send me your e-mail- I am at huntross4@aol.com!!! xoxoxomamabets!! I love you!

And I love the HEARTS!!!!!!!!

[julsmom]

to all who have "signs" and pleasant dreams - I envy you. All my dreams are upsetting, not at all pleasant. And for my "pennies" I haven't found any in a long time. Peace to all. Lynda

[deewithgreeneyes]

Dear Lynda....

please don't get discouraged. it is difficult for me to share my beliefs as my beliefs differ from many and out of respect for all I do not share them publicly. My beliefs are very much Native American as I belong to a Native American "church" if you will. My e mail address is dappel@cox.net and if you are interested I will share with you the meaning of signs from our one's who have passed into the spirit world. There are signs all of the time, the Creator works in different ways and shows signs in different ways in which those individuals will hear and see. Love, Dee

[deewithgreeneyes]

Dear Lynda....

please don't get discouraged. it is difficult for me to share my beliefs as my beliefs differ from many and out of respect for all I do not share them publicly. My beliefs are very much Native American as I belong to a Native American "church" if you will. My e mail address is dappel@cox.net and if you are interested I will share with you the meaning of signs from our one's who have passed into the spirit world. There are signs all of the time, the Creator works in different ways and shows signs in different ways in which those individuals will hear and see. Love, Dee

[deewithgreeneyes]

MAMABETS..my e mail is dappel@cox.net. Funny I look over my post's and I see how many gramatical errors I am making these days. Many days my mind is foggy.

[deewithgreeneyes]

MAMABETS..my e mail is dappel@cox.net. Funny I look over my post's and I see how many gramatical errors I am making these days. Many days my mind is foggy.

[kayswenson]

To Mamabets,

I would like to "speak" with you about your words about your precious son “standing in the middle of a 3 lane highway and opting not to move” If you would care to e-mail me privately, my address is "kayswenson@msn.com". I don't mean it to be secretive, but there are some very personal things I am feeling about your words, and if you wish to, I would like to speak with you about them. Thanks, kay/catrina'smom

[mynicholas]

TODAY IS ONE YEAR AGO I LOST MY SON NICHOLAS........I CAN BARELY BREATHE!

ROSE