Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest msnher]

While Amanda and I were in Salt Lake getting the washer removed all three kids got chicken pox at home. Their dad had to take a week off work to take care of them. I missed the whole thing. Amanda was just getting over the chicken pox when we flew to Salt Lake.

[Guest msnher]

Amanda and me on the day she left for New Hampshire...I'm in jammies still...May 15, 2010.

[Guest msnher]

I hope my long ramblings didn't chase everyone away this morning???

[Crystal Rogerson]

Nope I didn't mid at all being called Meg. Warmed my heart. If I am reading these pages right, I am the third Crystal on here, so it's hard to tell apart. No worries. When I say you posted to Meg I knew immediately that it was to me. Hope you enjoy the steak. I love elk steak. Haven't had it in years, as the men in my family no longer hunt. So think of me when you take the first bite.

Geeze, I should not write a post when I am so tired and so full of caffiene. Crystal - I hope I didn't upset you by calling you Meg. Total brain freeze.

Carol - What a good looking truck! I love the messages you guys get from coins, hearts, VW bugs etc. Yes, I think that is the truck Ralph was supposed to have!

Betsy - I think I had better stay in the airport. Safest bet.

It's going to be a beautiful day here in Central Wyoming...I think I'll take advantage of it and work in my flower garden. Maybe we can grill some elk steaks for supper. Yep. Good idea.

Peace to you all...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[westleysmom]

Susannah-Loved the stories of Amanda. She is an amazing person (no surprise since I know her Mama is too) I've never had elk, but we eat a lot of venison and other wild game. I hope the steaks are good and juicy.

Carol-And the pictures were all so great. Cool new truck and I love the spanish moss picture too.

Tony-I've been toying with the tattoo idea and even thought about getting it in Westley's handwriting, but wasn't sure if they could do that. Post pics if you want to, I'd love to see it.

Crystal-Arrgh! Taxes, yuck! I hope you can get it all worked out and the pinch doesn't hurt too bad.

Lorri-The little chair is adorable. You are very sweet to get that for her. I'm glad you didn't blow away.

I went to see CJ today and he had a girlfriend visitor too. He was smiling all over and I tried not to talk too long so he could talk to her mostly. He only has a couple more weeks and she said when he gets out, she will pick him up. I hope that it works out for them. She seems very nice and was really pretty. She's going to the local university and hopes to graduate next year, so she will be a good influence on him. I asked her if she knew Westley and she said they went to high school together.

We went to a local festival last night to see Here Come the Mummies perform, but it got rained out so we didn't get to see them. We only got soaked in the downpour. Well, we tried anyway.

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend. Thinking of you all everyday.

[Guest msnher]

Typed myself right out of anxious fear and straight into paralyzing paranoia. Not sure which one is worse.

Crystal (Meg's mom) - I think there are, indeed, three Crystals. We also have a Christy, but I don't think we've heard from her in awhile.

Rhonda - You are a good person and friend to CJ. Sorry you got rained out of the concert.

Yes, I am an bonafide carnivore. We lived on wild game and fish when my kids were young. I refuse to eat antelope and/or venison anymore, I don't like the taste. Gary doesn't hunt anymore so it's a treat when someone gives us elk or moose.

[aim630]

Will try to catch up later, it's been a long day. At the Indians ballpark since 11:45 this morning, 2 hr rain delay... and just got home around 7:30 but they won!

We had free tickets to begin with, but they weren't the best seats. Right before the game started I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and Ashley's name was on the screen (from my list of contacts). I put her in there even though obviously I can't call her. A few minutes later, something came up on the scoreboard to tweet your seats to the Indians twitter account to win seats behind home plate. I told Katie to do it, and a few minutes later, they brought us the envelope & said we won! Not as obvious as the signs Carol gets from Mike, but I'd like to believe that was some kind of sign from Ashley...

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Wow Sus, I can feel the deep love you have for Amanda, totally get what you mean when you say she was the first person you loved like that, that is how i felt over Jonathan when he was born. My whole heart shifted and grew, changing absolutely everything. As you get closer to going to see Amanda the anxiety increases too, she is going through so much. She is a powerhouse, a virtual super hero really when you think of all that she has dealt with medically and so I pray she can continue on, wear those superhero capes that allow her more joy, more goodness, much more time.

Yes, we have three Crystals, Tyler's Mom, Meg's Mom, and Ashlee's Mom. Am I correct?

I was out on this rainy cold gray day, but went to an indoor mall to meet up with my friend of 44 years and her daughter. Before they met me I was trying on dresses, (myold size for the last 30 or so years is no longer my size damnit) and the dressing rooms were filled with girls and their moms trying on prom dresses. I do so remember doing that with Eri, and in fact we bought her yellow prom dress and her white graduation gown at the same time. So beautiful. I miss our days of shopping together. I have those two gowns in the closet.

Anyhow, I tried on 15 dresses today, did not intend to do so, hate the damn mirrors, but finally chose a dress for the November wedding. I know it is early to have found a dress, but it was so pretty, and it had sleeves which I love. I freeze in sleeveless things(when I am not having hot flashes) and most fancy things are sleeveless, so this purple violet shimmering kind of tafeta shirt dress with a sash, sleeves to the elbow and a shawl collar. Very pretty, hits at the knee. I had a nice visit with Nadine and Emma, drove home and husband and I had a bite to eat at a local casual place, home now and happy of it. so much which means of course that you will too.

[ericasmom]

Wow AMY! HOw cool is that? I think that Ashley certainly helped that along, goodness knows you and Kate have been involved with winning Indian tickets since you lost your Girl. Amazing and wonderful.

[crystalann]

Hello all,

It has been a nice day here today still 70 on my porch..I thought about sitting outside tonight but all the kids have plans that leaves me alone again.I hate being alone it gives my mind a chance to think and that makes me cry.Got alot done today dishes that have sat for days,laundry,vacuumed. I even made it outside to water I think I might like to have some flowers this summer if I keep watering we will see.

There are 3 Crystals Meg's Mom, Ashley's Mom and me. For some reason I can remember more of your childrens names than yours I am sorry.

I thought I was doing so good today I watched the videos I took at Christmas time.I was not ready started crying and didnt stop for a while.Ended up yelling at my mom and dad asking why they didnt help Tyler Then at God.I just dont understand. Just like all of you feel the same. I am glad your here for me and all of us. Crystal Tyler's mom

y

[Guest msnher]

I was just browsing through all my babbling and I sure made a lot of grammatical errors..and misspelled words. Amanda received an internal pouch...not an eternal pouch.

Doing something dumb right now and watching Amish Grace. I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box.

[crystalann]

ASHLEE'S MOM!!!! SO SORRY I SPELLED THAT WRONG. ASHLEE HAD A BAD BOYFRIEND RIGHT?YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR GUN SAFTEY? So sorry

[charsng1234]

I don't get it yeserday was the 3 month mark I made it to church to light a candle for shane made it through the night... Than today what the happened??? I cried even rode by the house were he died than cried some more why??? If this is life I dont want it I hope everyone else is better than me.. shanns mom..

[Guest msnher]

Crystal (Tyler's mom) - We do have an Ashley, too. Amy's daughter. I remember the children/angels more than the parents too...pretty soon it all clicks. If being home alone tonight is difficult, please stay here...with us...I'll keep checking in.

[Guest msnher]

Sharon - There is no rhyme or reason to this journey. How can any of it make sense when the death of you son makes no sense? Be gentle with yourself. It takes so very long to find our footing in this new world, but we do find our footing. It's in different shoes, and they are often way too tight...and sometimes so big we trip and fall over ourselves...but there are days the shoes don't rub quite so hard. Hang in there.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

I am heading to bed. Even though it is Saturday night and I love staying up late one night per week, I just don't have any ability to stay awake tonight. I hope everyone sleeps well, Iknow what a challenge that can be.

Tony, hope the day is as good as it can be, that somehow you felt the love from Brenden. I know you are in Wisconsin, and I am in Chicago, it was cold today, wonder if you were able to get a softball game in.

GO BULLS!

Colleen, you okay?

Crystal, glad that the weather is mellow, and that you may plant a garden. I love to garden, we have a big one. It definitely feels great to put your hands in the soil adn make things grow. I hope that you do not feel lonely tonight. HOw old are your other kids?

Sharon, some days feel like they move along and then we run into a wall. We all do, it is the two steps forward thing, we fall backwards and many think that it means they are no longer making progress, but you are. Those steps forward cannot be negated. We make our way slowly to a place that isn't as painful as the one we find ourselves in those first months of grief. I know that this does not feel like a place you can tolerate, but it won't be always like this.

Sleep time,

with love,

dee

[2 Angels in Heaven]

I really appreciate everyones interpretation of my dream. I wouldn't have thought about it the way you all did. That's one of the things I love about BI, you can post your memories, thoughts, dreams and have everyone understand and help you to process the emotions and turmoil we are going through.

Susannah, I did call the detective, but wasn't able to get through to him. He usually will call me back right away, unless its to late on Friday then he will return my call on Monday. Our conversation is almost always the same. He is waiting on the final written coroners report before he will pursue Vanessa's boyfriend.

I enjoyed reading all about Amanda. It's amazing how many similarities there are between her and Kailey.

Kailey had an ileostomy bag along with renal problems. She had multiple abdominal surgeries. They had cut out a large portion of her intestines along with her colon. She had to have a G-tube for feeding. I don't think there was any part of Kailey's body that didn't have to be operated on. She was such a fighter, she loved living and beat the odds many times over. She too taught me and those that knew her how to appreciate life and love unconditionally. We always decorated Kailey's hospital cribs for the holidays and spent them with her. I love the part of your story when Amanda dreamed of Stephanie prior to the accident and how Stephanie came to her afterwards and told her she was okay. That is a strong sisterly bond.

Tony, I also got a tattoo after Vanessa died, It was my first one. Her father, my oldest son and a hand full of her cousins and friends also got the same one in the same place. It was a copy of one that Vanessa had. One of Vanessa's good friends from Jr & High School is a tattoo artist. She came to the house with her stuff and tattooed everyone. We jokingly called it a tattoo party. I never thought in a million years I would ever get a tattoo even though Vanessa begged me for years to get one. Now I have two and am getting ready for one more. They are all in honor of my children. Honestly, they have helped me through some very dark times in the grieving process. Mostly for what they say and represent. They were Vanessa's sayings and what she believed and lived her life by. The first one that everyone got is "La Bella Vita" which is Italian for "The Beautiful Life" Vanessa had this tattoo because she thought she was living a Beautiful life. The second one says "What must be shall be" Vanessa got this one because she knew there were things she couldn't change in life and that she had to accept things for the way they are and for the way they were meant to be. Now, I have to live my life in my Daughter's honor. It's extremely hard to live without them. I have to remember Vanessa & Kailey lived a beautiful life and that I have to accept their death because this is something I can't change.........."WHAT MUST BE SHALL BE"........... I look at these tattoos in the darkest of times and am reminded of Vanessa's positive outlook on life and Kailey's acceptance of her own disability's and know I have to go on with my life. Thats what they would have done.

[Crystal Rogerson]

I think it's easier to keep up with our angel's names than it is eachother. FOR NOW. As right now we are all stumbling and concentrating on our angels. But I feel...I HOPE that eventually we will get our own identities back. There are so many people on here that I don't know all the children/grandchildren backgrounds so I feel like I can't talk to each of you. I WANT to talk to each of you.

I have a friend over for the night. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be around anybody either. Now that she is here I wish she would go. is that bad? I don't like being alone. I like having my husband with me and no one else. At work I see hundreds of people a day but I am in a booth so there is no real contact. Just "hi" and "bye" type stuff. I know that I need to get more social but I am so AFRAID...where did that come from. I never used to be afraid of anything. I don't go to the grocery store. when I do. I can't make a decision...when my husband says make a decision...i end up bringing home three of everything on thing on the list. and that is IF I make it out of the store as usually I walk up and down the isles putting stuff in my basket, start freaking out and just leave my full cart sitting in the isle. Maybe sometime I will hopefully get past that.

Funny story about shopping...I had lost alot of weight and was so excited to get a new swim suit. The latest style was the halter top tops. I had never in my life thought of buying a two piece and this was my first venture. Took my girls with me and picked a few suits out. Went into the dressing room while the two of them were browsing. While I was trying on the top, my boobs kept falling out as soon as I would stand up straight. And not just a little cleavage we are talking the full fledged boobs were coming out of the suit. I was on the verge of tears and getting really frustrated so I was calling out to Meg to come and help me hook it better or something or get me a different size...she walks in the dressing room and I explained the problem and she looks at the top and start busting out laughing hysterically. I was like WHAT. she goes flying out of the dressing room, still laughing at the top of her lungs and drawing alot of attention...she goes to get my youngest daughter to show her what is going on...I'm still frustrated and getting really embarrassed by her loud laughter. they both open the door and Meg says "look what mom did". Sunny ( My youngest daughter) starts laughing...I was saying, can someone please tell me what is so funny???? Meg, still laughing says. you put the top on sideways!!! You have your neck thru one of the arm holes and the neck around your middle. Then we all burst into laughter. Needless to say it proved to me that I was not ready to graduate into a two piece but I will always remember our shopping trip and Meg's beautiful laughter.

I'm tired and delierious. I will check back with you all tomorrow.

Peace to you all tonight.

Love & Light

Crystal- Meg's mom

[crystalann]

I have three other kids Tiffany 21 Justin 17 and Chelsea 14 and Tylers girlfriend Lucy 17.My husband is away at work for 20 days.Not really planting anything new but noticed the hollyhock peeking thru the old stocks so I cut the old away. I did remember another Ashley and tried really hard not to get it mixed up.I am still on a cell phone so I cant see any thing till I post.I think I will eat frito chili pie while the kids are gone.Chelsea went to a friends for the night she needs it I hope she sleeps ok.None of us get any sleep.I wonder why we dont just all get up together in the middle of the night?Might as well.Justin got approved to take the GED Test and not have to go back to school.One less fight there.Ok my husband called and I dont even know what I was talking about.:)I do alot of that. Crystal Tyler's mom

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Lorri, I love the chair you bought! You reminded me of a Photography Prop I made for Vanessa. She was doing a photo shoot for one of my friends that had a baby girl. The theme was "The Princess and The Pea" I went to the store to get the fabric and stayed up all night sewing it together. I printed out the story and embellished it, then framed it for her. The pictures turned out great! I attached a copy for everyone to see. Vanessa was a great Photographer.

[Guest msnher]

Crystal - Meg's mom - Funny story about the swimsuit.. I absolutely understand not wanting to be alone and then wanting to be alone.

Lori - Amanda was born without a rectim and lost all of her large intestines at two weeks. She had a heart murmer, but that wasn't a big deal and it seemed to be the least of our worries. It hasn't been until the last 10 years that her heart has started acting up. She was a straight A student. Another funny story...we have always prayed together, as a family, before the kids left for school and before bed time. One night Amanda was praying, she must have been about 9. Her prayer, "Dear God, please let me get an A on my math homework." There was a pause before she continued, "Dear God, please let me find my math homework."

I think you said, Lori, with your first post, but I don't remember...what was Kailey's diagnosis when she was born? I'm so sorry about the run around with the detective. This has to be the most frustrating part. Waiting.

Crystal - Tyler's mom - I'm glad your son is taking his GED. It's all just so hard all around. Speaking of losing your place while talking...I told my husband I seemed to have drifted back to those early days when people would be talking to me and I would realize mid conversation I hadn't heard a word they said. We learned to laugh about it..."Oh, sorry, I checked out...what were you saying?"

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

PS - love Vanessa's photos!

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Carol, I loved the signs you received from your son Mike! That was really cool! I agree that was the right truck for your husband and you. Thank you for sharing the pictures.

Amy, That is amazing you won the seats after seeing Ashley's name on your phone! I love reading about the signs everyone gets from their children.

Betsy, I've been shopping for a stationary exercise bike. I need it, to get back to some kind of exercise routine. I used to go to the gym all the time. Now, I don't have any desire to be that close to anyone that I don't know, unless its for work. Good luck finding your bicycle.

Trudi, How was the movie HOP? I think it's cute to paint your nails like your granddaughter, even if its a hideous color. I too give my other children extra longs hugs now.

Crystal (Meg's mom), I think the tattoo of Meg's signature on your shoulder is a fantastic way to honor your daughter. I love your bathing suit shopping story, that's a great memory for you!

Susannah, Kailey was born with multiple congenital defects. Her main diagnosis was "Pierre Roban Syndrome" Her medical issues were more severe then the syndrome she was born with.

Good night everyone!

[crystalann]

Vanessa's photos are great! Reminds me of Anne Geddes I think thats how you spell it. BEAUTIFUL. LORI- The chair is so cute cant wait for a granddaughter.

[charsng1234]

this a picture of shane...

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I had such a wondeful vivid dream about Stephen last night I still feel his 5 years old spirit with me as I type. It was a dream about his birthday. My mom was in it as well and had brought him to Radio Shack to shop? He had new walkie talkies, new HAT? and new headphone radio He was so cute and so happy What a lovely gift.

Love all the pictures and stories. Shane is indeed handsome . Stephen had a hat like that because he attended a ranch sleep over camp each year when he was a pre teen. He loved the horses and the HAT. Sus your stories about Amanda touched me.

Hope everyone has a great day. I am smiling on the inside because of my dream

[lolynbo]

WOW LORI YOUR OICS WERE BEAUTIFUL MADE ME SMILE...ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL

WELL WE HAD KIDS DAY IN THE PARK YEST AND KOURTNEYS KLOSET WAS A VENDOR OUR WAY OF SHOWING THE COMMUNITY WE ARE HERE....WELL THE ANIMAL SHELTER HAD PUPPIES...LONG STORY SHORT LORRI TAKES ONE HOME..(4 DOGS NOW)...I NAMED HER SCARLETT JOSEPHINE....AFTER A LONG DAY OF BEING HELD BY HALF THE TOWN THE LADY FROM SHELTER LETS ME JUST HAVE HER.....WELL THE PUPPY WAS DEAD THIS MORNING...IM SO UPSET...THE SHELTER SHOULD NOT TAKE THE PUPPIES/DOGS TO EVENTS AND EXSPOSE THEM TO PPL IF THEY ARE SICK AND HAVE NTO HAD THEIR SHOTS....IM SURE IT WAS PARVO...SHE WENT DOWN VERY QUICKLY....IM SO UPSET AND PISSED OFF...CRIED ALL MORN AND LAST NIGHT BE FORE I WENT TO BED...HOLDING HER AND PRAYING OVER HER....

[ericasmom]

Betty, your smile is making me smile, how wonderful to dream so sweetly. Hooray for that little Boy whose spirit entered yours in the night. Have a pretty day. It is cold, only 37 degrees and we are expecting measurable snow overnight. ICK! Fickle April, and only in the 40's Monday and Tuesday. Oh well, it is a midwestern spring.

Sharon, Shane is so darn handsome. Wow what a cutie! Thanks for sharing a photo with us. I hope that the day is gentle on your heart and that going to counseling this coming week is a door opening in your spirit.

Continued prayers for my friend's little Guy, the biopsy results were sent to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago for reading. Hopefully they will be reported on Monday so that this family can move forward in treatment if needed.

The evergreens are swaying in the wind on this day, and the whistle ofthe wind is sneaking through my windows. Still the birds are singing because they know that even on the darkest days, the coldest winds blowing, spring will surely come just as summer will follow...the patterns of nature are set, and it is in these seasonal changes that we both mourn greatly and taKe some comfort in knowing that the cycle of life is way bigger than us.

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's;

Sharon - Shane is a very handsome young man.

Crystal (Meg's mom) - How did your night go? Did you send your friend home?

Lori - That was Amanda's diagnosis too...multiple congenital anomalies...not just one thing. Was Kailey able to walk? Was she able to talk? I have a close friend whose grandson was born with similar defects. When he was first born I would go over and help them change his bag. He is 15 now and in a wheelchair and can't talk well (but communicates wonderfully). He, too, is fed through a feeding tube. My friend's daughter killed herself four months after Stephanie died. We have way too much in common, but we find strength through each other. We laugh and cry about the absurdity of some of life's experiences.

Amy - That's cool about Ashley's name showing up on your phone just before you guys win great seats.

Gary is going to program his tom-tom (GPS) with all directions. If I figure out how to use it, it will be helpful when I get to NH. However, it took me one full year to learn how to use my ipod. Longer than that to learn how to use my phone. I still don't use it to its full abilities. Who knew my phone had a calendar, an alarm clock, speed dial? I love speed dial...but didn't know about it for years. Now, I don't know anyone's phone number, however. So, if I learn how to turn on the tomtom I should be fine. The tomtom will survive if I also learn how to turn it off.

I'm taking Carol and Karen's directions and highlighting it on a map. The tomtom will be available in case I get lost. I also have their phone numbers and of course my daughters if things get too complicated. Actually, I'm pretty good at reading a map...I think...maybe.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

OH Lorri, i am so sorry, what kind of crazy is that? And then I think, that dog was going to die alone had you not held her in her last hours.

Lori, those photos and the props used are beautiful. That photo looks very much like Anne Geddes, whose calendars and cards earn millions.

Crystal, Tyler's Mom, you have your hands full with your other children. Do Tiffany and Justin live with you and how are they doing in their grief? Good for your Boy getting approved to take his GED. If school isn't going to work for him, to gain the GED will allow him more than what dropping out would have provided. I wish him well, all of you well in this new world you have found yourselves.

[Guest msnher]

Dee - I must have missed the post about your friend's son. Too wrapped up in myself. Prayers, definitely!

Lorri - I'm sorry about your new puppy. I am glad his last night on earth was spent in a loving home.

Betty - Love the dream about Stephen. How is the weather up your way? The news shows the storms that hit Oklahoma and Alabama bringing it's havoc north and east.

[crystalann]

Morning all,

I made it through the night alone.

Lorri- So sorry about the puppy parvo is a terrible thing.

Tiffany doesnt live with me any more.She has been with her husband since she was 15 she moved out and gotmarried at 18 and they now have a 8 month old baby Lil Will. She got a puppy from me in 07 before she got out of school. Pug and chihuahua.Something happened to her about a week ago I think she feel and broke her neck.When I got there Tiff was in the bathroom with her crying.I petted Jane and told her she could go be with Tyler and that Tiff loved her.She looked at Tiff and was gone.A flood of emotions took over her and she finally cryed about Tyler.I held her and rocked her till she let it all out.Jane had one puppy left at the time and she kept it. Justin still lives with me.He was having to go to school with alot of kids that were members of this so called gang.I could tell if I didnt get him out of there he was gonna start fights with all of them.He still has plans to go to MMI in Arizona.

Ashley's mom- My husband has Tylers name come up on his phone alot.I think it is a sign!

I called Tyler's phone alot at first just to here his message "Hey, whats up?" He always got me with that message I would always start talking and then get the beep I would get so mad.I dont think any of the kids are letting it out.

I have gardianship of Lucy we had got it done about a week before.I remember going and signing my part and comeing back and saying I have a new daughter! and then saying she is in love with my son.We all laughed and said ewwww.Ok I dont know where Im at on this post hate only being able to see the last two lines.Love to all, Crystal Tyler's mom

[lolynbo]

I NO ITS JUST A DOG/PUPPY BUT DAMN.....SHE WASS A LIL SNAUZER MIX.......

[lolynbo]

HERE SHE IS...

[Guest msnher]

Lorri - It is sad that she died. It is sad that she was allowed to get so sick. However, it is grand that God cared enough about that little puppy to send someone with such a soft heart to take her home...where she would pass in comfort, on a pink blanket with a teddy bear by her side.

[charsng1234]

helloe to all thanks for the nice compliments on shane. I have more to share I am just learning how to do this. Well I am still not out of brd I need to be my sister wants us to come over for a barbacue today.. I hope my heart can do this Iorrie sorry about the puppy I have a dog she is almost 2 I dont know what I would do without her, She never leaves my side when I am in pain over the loss of my son.I hope all have a good day thanks for being here for me all!! shanes mom sharon.

[charsng1234]

some picts

[daveydow1]

Dee---Your violet/purple dress sounds just beautiful.....sounds like one I would pick out. Yes.....it's good to have sleeves.

Churches are often chilly, as are reception halls etc. , so... perfect choice for the wedding. I'll continue to pray for the

little baby boy's health.

Betsy-----I had to laugh when you told about the man running full speed in the airport & yelling "COMING THROUGH"...!!!..

reminds me of different movies with the same scene. I hope he caught his flight..

Betty-----What a lovely...lovely dream of Stephen when he was 5 and you went shopping at Radio Shack. A treasure

for you to tuck away and recall to warm your heart. No more sightings of the oppossum since the day she came to

the feeders. Maybe by shooing her away, she decided not to return again. No deer sightings,....but I think that is not

unusual this time of year. Just birds galore at the feeders.....but we are scaling down on the feeders now....gradually,

since fewer birds come when the weather gets good....we just feed the canaries then (black thistle seed).

Sus-----Sending prayers for sweet Amanda, and for your safe trip.

Crystal...Tylersmom....Sorry that Tiffany's dog died. It's so hard when a pet passes.....they're so faithful.

Lorri-----Also, sorry to hear of the pup dying so soon after you got him/her. Yes....parvo is a dangerous disease for dogs.

Davey got a pup once from the animal shelter, and it promptly got sick and died within a few days. Vet said it was Parvo.

The pup had been innoculated, but they said it takes a week or more for the vaccine to 'take', sometimes.Dave was 19 yrs.

and cried......had to bury the pup himself. I have a statue of a dog that looks a lot like the pup....".Dash".

It needs painted again.. (to look like Dash.....black & white)... and it goes back on Dave's grave. We had quite a few dogs

when Davey was little, and he loved dogs. After Dash died, he never got another dog.

PEACE & COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[2 Angels in Heaven]

I woke up this morning and found my cat had died during the night. The strange thing is she died in Kailey's bathroom. That bathroom was converted for handicapped assessable usage and primarily only used by her. I don't ever recall a time that the cat had ever gone in there. So, I find it strange that she went in there to die. Needless to say, I was crying all morning.

Lori, Wow, unbelievable you loss a puppy & I loss a cat today. I feel your pain.

Betty, What an uplifting, Wonderful Dream!

Sharon, Shane was a very good looking young man! Thank You for sharing his picture with us.

Susannah, Kailey wasn't able to walk or talk she was in a wheelchair. She had so many things wrong with her that the doctors couldn't even figure it all out. She was a medical mystery. She had been diagnosed with several different syndromes but none of them fitted her exactly. One of them was Sphrintzen Syndrome but she didn't have psychiatric disorders so it was always a question as to whether or not she had that one. She did have all the other problems associated with it though. She was born with Lyrnagomalacia, Tracheamalacia and the Pierre Roban with a Cleft Palate and Shorten Jaw. She had a Tracheostomy for the first 6 years of her life, it permanently paralyzed her vocal cords so she wasn't able to talk. However she was able to get sounds out and would hum songs and laugh out loud. She would shout out a noise to get your attention or clap her hands really loud. She mostly communicated through sign language. She was on a Ventilator for many years after she was born. She had a seizure disorder, was hard of hearing and had very poor eyesight. Her hearing problems were due to an abnormal structure in the ear and was corrected through surgery. She had Major Cardiac Abnormalities and needed several Open Heart Surgeries. She was born without several Valves and Sphincters throughout her body. All were missing in her abdominal cavities, like the ones between your Bladder and Kidneys so her Urine would reflux and cause massive infections and bleeding. She also didn't have the Intestinal Valves, Stomach valves and Anal Sphincters. Her body lacked a significant amount of Cartilage. Most of them were created with donor tissue and corrected with MANY, MANY surgeries. Through everything she went through she always remained a very happy girl. She almost never cried and braved every surgery with a big smile! She was a very courageous child. She loved her family and always greeted me with pure excitement. She also had a really big sense of humor, she made all of us laugh everyday with her silliness. I miss her so much.

Kailey & Me...... Kailey & Me at the Hospital Easter Sunday...... Kailey Standing, She loved to stand up.

[Guest msnher]

Lori - Thank you for telling us about Kailey. She is such an adorable baby...and, what a beauty you are! I'm sorry you lost a cat today.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Sherry, I am hoping for the very best news possible. Love the name Dash, and that he sits at Davey's gravesite.

Lori you have been a very courageous Mom, so pretty too, taking on all the issues with a smile and determination that sees a child smiling through it all as well. Kailey lived a good life because of all of that love you pored into her. I think the cat dying in Kailey's bathroom is pretty wild, went to be with her. I think that you and Sus have seen your Daughters through amazing medical feats and yet they thrived in ways that amazed doctors, so you both should be happy to see what great love can do.

Crystal, I am glad that you made it through the night alone, you are stronger than you think Dear.

Oh, and I am glad that you have guardianship of Lucy. When is the baby due?

Peace out

[lolynbo]

LORI SORRY ABOUT THE KITTY...WOW LIFE IS RUFF..LOVE THE PICS OF YOUR LIL ONE LORI

POOR DAVEY NEVER GOT ANOTHER PUP...HIS HEART WAS BROKEN I GUESS

KODY GOT UP THIS MORN AND DADDY TOLD HIM, HE WAS IN SHOCK LIKE US...U DONT BRING HOME A DOG AND IT DIES IN HOURS...

I AM GLAD THAT GOD DID LET ME SNUGGLE WITH HER AND GIVE HER SOME LOVE TO GIVE TO MY KOURTNEY WHEN SHE GOT UP TO HEAVEN..JUST SO HARD

[mysonrich]

Betty, glad that you had such a wonderful dream. Did Stephen shop at Radio Shack before? And with your Mom. That's says a lot.

Lorri, sorry about the puppy. What awful feelings to have first thing in the morning or anytime for that matter.ShaneRays mom, that is a handsome boy you have there. A great picture!

Lori, I did find a bike. I even got the front wheel back on. We took it off so it would fit in my trunk,almost fit. As soon as I got it home it started to pour and today I was running errands. Its a beautiful day though. I did buy it from the Bike Exchange, for the Boys and Girls club. Its a Schwinn with 18 gears. Ha ha . I didn’t want gears but what the heck right. More riding options.

Sometimes I have to do what the Beatles sing about. Just let it go.

Anyway, I ran errands today. Spent some energy and I'm ok. Most of the times my dreams of Rich are funny so I believe the movie I watched last night had a bad reaction in my sleep.

Thanks for listening.

[crystalann]

I enjoy reading all your post so much am so thankful for everyone of you even though I wish none of us had to be here. Dee- Im not sure I said anything about a baby on the way. Strange that you say that Tiff did have a scare this month.She is not ready for another baby.I did have Tyler and Justin 18 mos apart was really hard with boys.

Nice again today the wind is starting again 15 to 25 miles an hour this after noon.Hate the wind.I hope you all have a great afternoon!!! Love to all,Crystal

[2 Angels in Heaven]

I really haven't talked to much about my other Children. I have another Daughter named Adelena, we call her Addie. She was named after my Great Aunt Addie. I also have two sons, Jeffrey whom I've talked about and my youngest child Dominick. Addie and Dominick are from my second marriage. Vanessa and Kailey Adored them! I just came across a letter Vanessa wrote to Addie when she was in California. The bond between my girls were unmeasurable.

These are some pictures of Addie that Vanessa took of her, w/one of Dominick

sa.jpg]

[2 Angels in Heaven]

The letter Vanessa wrote to her little sister "Addie Bear" always makes me cry, even before Vanessa died. Vanessa always called her that, she would call on the phone and say where's my Addie bear, I want to talk to her. When Vanessa would come home she would yell through the house, Addie bear where are you? It's so hard to know, I wont be hearing that ever again.

Vanessa w/Addie & Dominick....... Vanessa w/her camera........ Vanessa w/Addie

Vanessa Loved her Brothers and Sisters!

[Brendan's Daddy]

Hi everybody. I don't have the energy to type much tonight. Just wanted to let you all know I was thinking of you. It has been a rough Sunday for me. We did an Easter Egg hunt with our youngest son Jack today. Easter was Brendan's favorite holiday. I miss him so much. I will try to take some pictures of my tattoos tomorrow and post them.

Praying for you all.

Brendan's daddy - Tony

[Crystal Rogerson]

Susahnna: Thanks for asking but no my friend did not leave. In fact she came over last night and a little while before I was ready to go to bed she said, well I brought some clothes and just figured I would stay the night. Not only that, she didn't end up leaving until 7:30 tonight. She is having drama with her significant other and that is all she talked about. I am sorry that I don't have the energy to be a better friend to her, but it is always the same story with her. I wasn't in the mood for company to begin with, but I don't like to be rude either. I'm mentally spent.

I am sorry about the pets that passed this weekend.

The pictures and letter are beautiful.

Wish I could do some good for you all tonight but the bed is calling to me.

I will check in with you all tomorrow.

Mat you all find peace.

Love& Light

Crystal- Meg's mom

[charsng1234]

made it through the day cried only once there than ln the way home.. I am heading to bed to tired to think anymore night all... shanes mom.

[ericasmom]

Beautiful photos from Vanessa's lens. Your little Addie is a photogenic child. How old is she now? I love the black and white in the tulle. So pretty. And your Boy, how old is he now? I love the letter from Vanessa connecting to her little Sis. How are her siblings as they travel this road?

Sharon, all in all a good day then. I am glad. Tired is good, get some deep sleep. I am off to bed as well.

Betsy, so glad that you found a good bike. What fun.

Tony, I am sorry for the hard day. Sometimes a day seems to last so damn long. The weight of time is a difficult entity to figure. Some days it seems to be moving so fast, and we wonder when we are new to rief, how can time pass at all when My Child is gone? And other days the clock feels frozen, as though it needs to be hand-turned in order to see any time change. Time kind of gets fractured.

Crystal, I probably was mixed up as many folks came here at around the same time, it seemed to me that someone's Son who passed away has a girlfriend who is pregnant with his Child. I just felt it was you, ...well I am sorry for my mistake. Forgive me please.

Sleep well All,

loving you each