Loss of an Adult Child

July 27, 2010

Susanah,

Erica'smom is right. I just passed the yr mark. FOr a whole month before I was a wreck. Then less than a mo after Michael leaves, huge adjustments. I am still crying everyday. I have to remind myself that this too shall pass. I find myself leaning hard on God, literallly. That gets me through it.

Elaine

July 27, 2010

Kathy,

And I you, and the rest, and as always will include you in my prayers tonight and in the AM. I completley understand. Peace

Elaine

July 27, 2010

BRAND NEW... March 25 1990

Elaine

July 28, 2010

Beautiful picture - calmness and love...

July 28, 2010

I remember when I found out I was expecting twins... ha ha, I used to joke about it before I knew. There were twins in my family. I was working midnights in the oil field for Chevron. I had some trouble and ended up having to get an ultra sound. I was less than two months. When I found out I freaked out, I was scared to death. Thought I'd be a bad mom with mulitple babies, didn't think I could do it.

The kids dad was out of town when all this took place. When he got back, he and I talked about the check up. I remember laying half on the bed with him as he'd come in to set down his bag. I said "ya everything is OK, there's two of em in there" ha ha ha, he didn't hear me or thought he didn't so he asked again. Then he thought I was kidding, I assured him it was real.

How badly I wanted those babies. I valued them so very much. I stayed in bed from 4.5 months on. I was the only woman, then and even now that was ever pregnant in the patch out there. Most of the guys hated it. LOL, oh well...

I was super blown away when giving birth the third time, and getting no 4 that he too, was a boy. Always thought I was just a boyz sorta momma. Then I got Michael, Mixey I used to call him. And sometimes still do, but I'm the only one who can, a mom thing. I put the office together tonight, its 1:30 Am, that was tough. Joseph was very accomplished at art, the pictures, the school awards, student of the year, all that stuff.. How do I even prepare for an empty nest which I should be doing a better job of now, how, with this?

I may have gotten some help with getting a letter to the Utah Atty General. I want them to look into the investigation (if you call it that) and to reopen his case. I've met a ret LAPD Dectective that so far, seems to think like the rest of us. Somethings really wrong. But he has to review all my reports and documentaion. He also says he has contacts in Salt Lake County. Too soon to get hopes up. But I am going to try at any rate. You know, there is no date or time of death of his death cert, (like I need a peice of paper to tell me my son is gone!) That just annoys me, anyway, says 'date found' does that stink or what.

Maybe I am supposed to be doing catch up grieving now with Michael gone, I dunno, I'll bet there is no formula to this, no supposed to be's or should of's.

I still have the hardest time thinking I'll never hear him again, see him, he would have been a wonderful husband and great father. He was a young man with such promise, it's pointless to say the why's. Don't matter. Sometims, a little bit, I think, maybe I'm still back in Wyoming in a comma, I've not woken up yet. I wished I was and he was alive... He sobbed in my lap as I sat in a wheel chair in Dec of 00, saying "if anything had happened to you, I would have killed myself." And now this? No not this, ya this. Little Josey bear. My son, my boy, my son.

One of his many proms, Wyoming 2008. Even though he was out of high school, he went to about four of em.

July 28, 2010

PRegnant in the oil fields, that you are one tough woman is obvious. I love the photo of you and the Boys Elaine. Lovely. You are a very pretty Momma.

dee

July 28, 2010

Trudi - Your new avatar of Mike and baby could be the front of a greeting card for Father's Day. It speaks volumes!

Elaine - Beautiful woman with beautiful children. How heartbreaking to not have a date and time of death on his birth certificate. I don't blame you for wanting to reopen the case. We want answers when our child dies. We need an explaination. For so many there are no answers. Very sad.

Dee - Thank you, Friend! Just thank you.

Jen - I love your poem of your baby. Maybe I already told you. I don't remember. I need to use one of Trudi's brain jars. Maybe then I can contain what I have left or at least know where I put it. LOL

Carol - I dreamed of you and Ralph last night. It was one of those "pizza dreams". You know...the kind that come from eating spicy food or chocolate before bed. I did neither, but that's what kind of dream it was. It was a scene right out of the Three Stooges. The setting, the hospital, of course. Amanda and Ralph were roommates. They came to get one of them for a procedure or surgery. They took the wrong patient! You and I both were trying to tell them, but the words wouldn't come out of our mouth, we ran, but the room filled up with people and we couldn't get through. There was all this yelling. Then, we looked and both Ralph and Amanda were still in their beds, looking at us like we were crazy. Turns out there was a third roommate. They had taken the right patient after all. Our reaction was nonchalant. We shrugged, said "oh. it happens" and, sat down.

Have the best you can under the circumstances!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 28, 2010

Per the kid's request, we went to the crash sight yesterday. Picture this:

It's hot. Grass a foot tall. Hundreds, if not thousands, of grasshoppers. We are all in shorts and flip flops.

There are also cacti spread about---small, but painful. I tell the kids to watch out for the cactus. They had just received their ribbons for graduating from dance class. Each child tied it to the cross at the site.

We are all four standing there. Not talking. Quietly contemplating our individual loss. Jasmine is on my right side, close enough that our arms are touching. Jonathon is on my left side, to the front. Mariah is off to the side by herself, lost in thought.

In a flash, simultaniously, there is a shreak of terror, and a jump. Who knew she could move that fast? Who knew she could jump that high? Who knew she had that much power?

Jasmine was know on my back! Legs and arms clamped tightly around me, holding on for dear life. Shocked, I was sure it had to be a snake. "DON'T MOVE!" I order my troops. In one swift eye movement I make sure Jasmine's foot is not bitten AND I look for the snake. Fortunately there was NO snake.

Her foot must have just breezed a weed or cactus. But, try to get her to see that! She was not budging. She was slipping down my backside and making me laugh as she tried to climb back up. Jonathon seemed annoyed by all this and gathered her flip flops to put back on her feet. Then, he really did step on a cactus. He quickly raised his foot, fell into my leg for support, and held on.

Now, I'm not fragile, but I'm not as strong as I used to be. I'm 5'2" and 130 lbs. We were going down. I had to think fast. I had to hold on to Jonathon and get the monkey child off my back.

I'm not sure how we did it, but we did manage to get back to the pavement in one piece. Removed the cacti from Jonathon's flip flop, and got back to the van. Our next objective was to get IN the van without takings on unwanted passengers (grasshoppers). We managed, although a huge grasshopper stayed on our windshild wiper a good deal of the way home.

The van was quiet with wide eyed children. No doubt in shock over their ordeal. Thinking about what just happened and the look in their eyes brought forth a belly laugh I couldn't control. In seconds, we were all laughing. The grasshopper staring at us through the window.....

Peace.

Susannah

July 28, 2010

Trudi-I do love the new picture of Mike and the baby. I always thought calligraphy was beautiful too. Is it very hard? Westley had beautiful penmanship, he got an award for it once in school. When carpenters need to write down measurements when they're working, they use a piece of scrap wood a lot of times, because its handy and won't blow away. I found a piece in his nail apron that had a bunch of measurements on it. I kept it so it wouldn't get thrown away, and its in the extra room on the night table. I dont' know if my husband has seen it there or not (Westley worked with him). Sometimes I go in there and just hold it and look at those Westley written numbers.

Richie's Mom-I know exactly what you're talking about not wanting to disturb a peaceful time. We don't have any children still at home, so its easy to get alone time, but I hope not too easy. Like Dee said, we need to grieve together some. It's just that I'd do anything to make him feel better, and as you know, there's nothing I can do. And he feels the same way.

Elaine-What a beautiful picture of your newborns and you. I'm sure you treasure that and the memory of your new little boys safe in your arms. My sister said that when Westley was born, I asked her if she had ever seen a more beautiful baby? I remember thinking that our family was complete, we had a boy and our girl. Now it feels incomplete, doesn't it? Somebody's always missing.

Susannah-I can just see you all hobbling about the cactus. I hope it helped to laugh, I'm so sorry that its being so hard as the anniversary gets closer. Is the crash site close to your house? I drive by the road that goes to the apts where Westley was every day. He used to park his car at the gas station right beside the road. And I would look over there every day to see if he had gotten off work yet and was gone already. I still look over there. Wonder if I'll ever look over there and not think of him. I doubt it.

Carol- I saw that Ralph is improving some and so glad to hear it. My daddy had kidney cancer and had one kidney removed the year that Westley was born, or maybe he was a year old, I'll have to ask Mama. He had to have the big surgery, with a huge incision. He did very well for years, so I hope Ralph will continue to improve.

Have a good day all

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 28, 2010

I have been missing for quite awhile and trying to catch up is impossible. I missed so many dates, and feel quite bad for doing so. I wish I could attach my mind to this machine because so many times in the day I am here on this site, remembering you all.

My life has been quite busy with my mother. We had a bad time for awhile when I thought we were going to lose her. So many mixed emotions. I think of what you all have gone through since your angel left you, since my angel JaBoa left me.. what changes one life makes in each of those left behind. It is impossible to tell somebody that hasn't gone through it, impossible for them to understand what that precious missing life does to us. It has set forth a roller coaster of emotions that we have to learn to live with and even though it has been almost 4 years.. the tragedy of that day still has so much to do with life as it is.

I find myself thinking of Dee, I know I missed your days.. your Eri Fest and I have tried to get back into the posts but my computer doesn't handle much. My puter crashed, and I just finally got back online (not sure how long it will last).. I pray that you are all doing ok, Betty, Betsy, Bonnie, Lorri, Trudi,.. so many that I can't name right now.

Carol, my heart and thoughts are with you also, I think of you and Ralph all the time. I can't get my puter to load your site, I think of you two and think of love and the closeness you have together, I feel it through all your words, and pray that everything gets better for you both.

There are so many new people here also, I am so sorry to see that. It is always a joy to get to know new people, but it is so wrong the reason we have to be friends. I do know that you couldn't be in better company. The people here have left a permanent mark on my heart, when I am alone, I close my eyes and feel the strength I get from this place. I have been so frustrated without the computer.. but I know that these people are still here and still care, and never judge and only love.

Susannah.. at this time I am thinking of you and the kids and of course Gary. It is such a joy to read your times together. I know you go through the ups and downs and the strongs and weaknesses.. I still feel your one amazing woman and I am happy that you have those children, I am sure Stephanie smiles down on you with pride watching her children grow with her mother.

Speaking of mothers, I have to run. My life is filled around hers, I don't know how long things will last. Sometimes the confusion she is filled with brings me to tears, i don't know how long I will last. I have my demons to face with the fact i may not be able to take care of her to the end, but I am doing my best.

By the way.. I am still 52 lbs down... it is hard cause eating is my security blanket.. right now I pay more attention to keeping it off than trying to lose anymore. I figure when i get my life balanced I will attempt further loss.. but I just want to keep my sanity.. (maybe I really don't have any left)

Be safe my BI family.. I love you all.. and all the angels.. I miss being in here daily.. I miss you all

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

July 28, 2010

Good Morning (or afternoon) Indigos

WI is finally drying out.

I was thinking of planting flowers in the engine of the 2000 Mercury Sable that is dead at the end of our driveway. Wierd yard ornament.

I have been reading the posts, but have little to offer right now. Thinking of you all

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

July 28, 2010

Hi everyone: my daughter and the kids are waiting for me to go over to the hospital to see Ralph, so I am just putting in a quick note to let you all know that Cathi came through her surgery with flying colors...the doctor called at 11:30 to let us know that she was in recovery and is expected to be discharged tomorrow. thank you all so much for your prayers and your thoughts and comforts. Will read later today and post some responses...just don't have time right now,b ut am thinking about each and every one of you...my dearest friends...

btw, Ralph has a new nurse today...name? of course, "Mike." :cool:

love to all, Carol mikesmomrs

July 28, 2010

Rhonda -

The crash site is not close to our house. We have to drive about 15 minutes to get there. I'm grateful I don't have to drive by it, see it, every day like you and Colleen do. That would be difficult, indeed.

Leah - It's good to see JaBoa's face this morning. I understand the mixed emotions concerning your mother. Been there, done that. It's quite difficult to process with so much else happening. She's lucky to have you.

Colleen - Sending hugs!!!

Carol - I'm happy for the good news about Cathi's surgery. God and Mike are definitely letting you guys know someone else is in charge with Ralph, but you are not alone...angels watching over you. As they watch over each of us for sure!

I feel sick to my stomach and the tears come easily again. The kid's counselor confirmed what you have already said, my feelings are quite normal at this time. I almost feel paralyzed again. Weak limbs, no motivation...just sadness. But, on top of the sadness is the joy the kids bring to us. What's interesting is Mariah (age 9) is experiencing the same grief. She doesn't quite comprehend the year thing, but her body and emotions remember. We are mostly quiet. There are no more questions to ask. We no there are no answers.

I had told you I was going to insist on seeing the pictures of Stephanie after the crash. Through an unlikely source, that idea has been put to rest. The other day, as I absent mindedly flipped through the channels on the TV, I paused to catch a few minutes of CSI. Something about there being no bruises on the body. It was if a light switch was flipped.

There was no bruising on Stephanie. There were no signs of a struggle or fight. If the man she was seeing had tried to harm her, she would have fought back. I know her well enough to know that. I looked over her body, myself. Her fingernails were clean. The only injuries were those caused from the barbed wire fence.

Isn't it ironic that a few moments of a stupid cop show would put my fears to rest? Right after Steph died I became obsessed with watching cop shows, or reality violent shows. I wanted to see how someone died. I looked up stuff on the internet. I asked questions to police officers, doctors and nurses. I wanted to wrap my head around my daughter's death. While watching such a show, one night, a boy's coratid artery was cut, but they saved him.

Gary asked if I was alright. My fists were clenched against my throat, eyes wide, body rigid. I went outside and sobbed. All of a sudden I FELT Stephanie near me. Not like I would feel your touch, but it seemed she was wiping my tears and held my head in her hands, "I'm okay, Mom. Mom, I'm okay!"

I stopped crying and whispered, "Stephanie, is that you? Are you here?"

It was over. It was gone. I so wish it was real!

Thanks for listening.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom I'm not checking my spelling or grammar...:?

July 28, 2010

I am trying to go to the beginning of this site so I can get to know those here and there children,I do not want to ask you all how and when your life stopped, I will find those storys as I read. I have not even scratched the surface. I am so sorry that all of us here and others that have not found this sight are dealing with losing our children. I do find alot of pearls in these post that give me hope and also some sweet memories that our children shared some things in common

I am not sure what had triggered my reaching out to find others this past week, maybe its the year mark coming up and the need to see Richies name and to hear I am not alone.

The last few days have just been emotional, I can't even say its all about Richie, I just break down and cry for no reason, most times its because of a memory of him but others I am not even thinking of anything at all and I find tears streaming down my face.

My life is on a track not the same track. I still can not remember or send out bills on time, I am awefull at remembering dates the only date I do remember is the one I want to forget the most. I need a calender to tell me what to do and when, but then I need someone to tell me to look at the damn calender. I really just don't care if bills are paid or if I did the laundry or if theres milk in the fridge. I just want to engross myself in something that makes me think of anything but my life. I know that sounds awefull I do have a great family and I love them but at the same time I don't have energy some days to have any emotion

July 28, 2010

Susannah – I can just picture you and the kids them hanging on to you, thanks so much for sharing, it made me laugh out loud. Take it easy on yourself with the angel date coming up. I relived the last month of Danielle’s life that first year.

Carol – I’m so glad to hear that Cathi’s surgery went well and Ralph is having better days. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

About the thank you notes – Trudi I loved what you wrote and inspired Susannah to write both were beautiful. What we did is my sister-in-laws came over one night and a couple of friends and they wrote the thank you notes for their side of the family, then my Mom and sisters came over and we wrote the thank you notes for my side of the family and friends. I didn’t write very many myself. Maybe none, I don’t remember.

Colleen – My thoughts are with you and sorry so much has been going on with the floods around your area. I do love reading your post so I’m hoping before long you will feel up to posting again.

Leah – Glad to see JoBoa’s beautiful face today when I logged in. Sorry about your computer and for taking care of your Mom. That’s got to be a hard job but I know you do it out of love. But remember you can’t do but what you can do not even for all the love in the world.

Rhonda – your post mean so much to me, you write beautiful!

Trudi – Love the new picture of Mike!

Dee – How was your class! I may be calling on you this year, Mattie starts 3^rd grade on Aug 25^th. I’m not looking forward to this year but I hope it will go like last year. James leaves for school next Tuesday he is going to be a RA this year, he is excited about that.

Elaine – Beautiful picture of your boys!!

Richie’s Mom – About your youngest not talking about his brother. I had to tell Danielle’s brother, James that it was alright to talk about Danielle with me, we both had to grieve but we had always done everything together so we could do this together also. I needed him to help me to help him. I know that sounds crazy but that’s how I felt.

Kathy – I hope you are having a better day today!

Sorry this post is so long but that’s what happens when you are gone for a week.

Sonya – Danielle’s Mom

July 28, 2010

Thank you all for your comments on Mike and Harmony. This was Sept 05. She was brand new. Four months earlier we lost my mum, she didn't get to see Mikes baby which was sad for many reasons. This precious baby is approaching her 5th birthday, we haven't seen her since she was one. Always in my thoughts though as is her dad.

Sonya - Love seeing Danielle, such a beautiful girl..iPod and all.

Sus - My mum (she was about 48) was bitten by a drop of water once. We were camping and the ants were about 1 to 2 inches long with huge pinchers. Sitting a picnic table water ran down a crack and hit her toe.....you're right, didn't know she could scream, jump and run all at once....

Rhonda - I love writing. Words are my solace. The art of calligraphy and the beauty of its artisry is something I have always admired. Mike & Steven used to freehand the intricate knot work of the celts. So far the only hard bit is to remember not to 'write' the letters, but to form them like an artist would a painting.

Leah - So glad to see you here. I remember those last yrs with my mum as her mind slipped into its own space. We were never close, yet in her last days my younger brother and I were with her around the clock.. Hope you manage some down time for yourself to recharge.

Elaine - Oil fields, twins, my back and brain ache at the thought. Micheal and his siblings attended the deb (our prom I guess) as a partner to a new girl who didn't know anyone at the school. It was the one time I got to see my children in formal dress, the boys in suits, Melissa in a beautiful gown.....Ahhh smiles.

Carol - Mike Mike Mike......a popular name maybe...a sign that the Mike Angel Army is around....more likely!!

Krichie - Knowing all here is an insurmountable task. People come and go here as need. Many read and don't post. Faces pop back and memories of those earlier days of support are reignited. Under the avatars you can see when we joined. Some like yourself brand new, some like Dee the wise one of many years and others who have lost many years ago and only now have found BI.

My life is on a track not the same track. I still can not remember or send out bills on time, I am awefull at remembering dates the only date I do remember is the one I want to forget the most. I need a calender to tell me what to do and when, but then I need someone to tell me to look at the damn calender. I really just don't care if bills are paid or if I did the laundry or if theres milk in the fridge. I just want to engross myself in something that makes me think of anything but my life. I know that sounds awefull I do have a great family and I love them but at the same time I don't have energy some days to have any emotion

This pretty much sums up the journey we are all on....some days are passable others the brain stays in the jar looking at the pretty butterflies......Walking today without a hat scarf gloves and jacket....its a warm 7 celcius.... :cool:

July 28, 2010

"My life is on a track not the same track. I still can not remember or send out bills on time, I am awefull at remembering dates the only date I do remember is the one I want to forget the most. I need a calender to tell me what to do and when, but then I need someone to tell me to look at the damn calender. I really just don't care if bills are paid or if I did the laundry or if theres milk in the fridge. I just want to engross myself in something that makes me think of anything but my life. I know that sounds awefull I do have a great family and I love them but at the same time I don't have energy some days to have any emotion"

Exactly how I feel Trudi, like you are reading my mind.

I had a some what better day but it is going to take time. No need to get into it..I know that this is the place to share but some things are best kept quiet and I know you all understand that. Forgive me as I seem to have caught Susannah's mushy brain syndrom as I read the posts and have forgotten what I read...I will catch up.

Thank you for the hugh belly laugh Suz, it is exactly what I needed....I can actually picture the whole scenerio in my mind

Tavian is home and I need to spend time with him...he was supposed to stay another week but called me and said he wanted to come home....I picked him up fast and I do not think I have seen such a big smile on his face, I cried and held him tight. Barry and I are seriously rethinking the "visitation's with Grandma", explain later. Take care all and know that you are all in my prayers always, Kathy

July 28, 2010

Sonya, your advice is so wonderfully stated, about helping James know how to talk about his Sis with you, I have quoted you from when you first said this, love it. As far as third grade, sounds like Mattie will do well. It is the grade when many new concepts are introduced: multiplication, division, fractions, geometry, reading longer stories and doing literature circles with chapter books, and really coming to understand, main idea, inference skills, cliff-hangers in chapter books, setting, characteristics of main people or animals in stories, genre, and then adding on to what was taught about parts of speech. We learn a great deal about how to write poetry and read it, how to do a short research paper, writing narratives, persuasives, and expository work. I LOVE THIRD GRADE.

My training today was typical, but not as dry as some training classes. Goodness knows it is hard for me to keep my mouth shut when things are dry or poorly delivered.

Richies Mom, you needn't worry about going all the way back to find us at our start here, it is fine to ask adn I apologize as I usually introduce myself and how I came to be here. My Girl, Erica, died 7 years ago when her car was struck by an Amtrak at a broken crossing. The crossing was reported broken two times in 11 months, but was broken the whole 11 months without the public knowing. Eri was living in Kalamazoo, Michigan with her big Bro, my Son Jon. She was 19, he was 21. The night she was struck was a night that she adn Jon usually went bowling with a group, but ERz was pooped out from so many trips back here to Chicago over the holiday weekend adn subsequent week, (july 4th weekend). So she opted for going out for fast food from Jimmy Johns and then home to watch a movie. She was looking forward to that. She and I were on the phone discussing this. I had never heard of Jimmy Johns, and her friend suggested ERi call in an order, but Eri said no, she'd go. A half hour after we spoke, laughed and said I love you, she was struck. The train was going over 50mph, between two colleges on an access road. Erz lived, though never awake, with severe brain damage, broken neck, and a broken jaw for 6 days. Six days that while they were the saddest of times, they allowed a ton of magic into the space where each day and night over 80 people sat and shared stories, tears, photos, artwork, candle light vigils (on the lawn of the hospital) and even a radio broadcast taking music requests in ERi's honor for a 2 hour show. We shared the Girl of my Dreams, we shared so much love and appreciation, and I took each one there over those six days, down the long hallways to hang out with Eri to say goodbye. There was magic in this sad time, because of who Erica is/was to us. Her staying around for those days gave everyone who came the chance to verbalize their hearts, and gave everyone the peaceful vision that ERi was laying there. She did not look as broken as she was, she really looked beautiful.

There, saying all this to you actually helped my heart to feel lighter, so don't worry about asking each of us, we love talking about our Baby.

Rhonda: Westley written numbers... what a poetic way to say that. I love that, made me cry.

Leah, we are carrying you in our hopes, our prayers, and our daily walks, knowing that you are doing th ework of so many right there in your home. Your keeping the weight down must be hard with all that you are coping with, but how great that you are. I know it must muddle your brain by bedtime, to be dealing with your Momma with memory issues and all that comes with that. Please hang in there, and please understand that if you cannot do this until the end, that nobody would think any less of you. It is the job of a nurse at some point Sweetie, don't beat yourself up for that. How is your Little Guy?

Col, so sorry about the car, but glad that it is drying up around there, here too.

Trud, love the photo, love you.

carol, such great news from your camp, HOORAY.

dee

July 28, 2010

Sus: thank you for sharing your story...it made me laugh, though I know it likely wasn't funny when it was hurting! YOu have such a good way of telling stories of life! It was so good of you to take the kids to the site....I I know it must have been hard, even before you met up with the cactus!

Leah: so good to see you and your beautiful JaBoa again...so glad that you've been able to maintain yoru weight loss...considering what you're going through, this is a feat in itself...So sorry about your mom...I was very fortunate with my parents when they left this world shortly after each had suffered a heart attack, but I have many friends who have had to go down that road of the "long goodbye"...thinking of you...

Krichie: the "bill" thing...oh my goodness...a whole year or more went by...with me just going online and paying what I could remember...envelopes just stacking up...couldn't care less...two years behind in filing taxes...just a mess, but inescapable...couldn't think, couldn't function, couldn't figure...filing folder had to be expanded...nothing was filed for over two years...just a mess, as I said...it was awful. I am so sorry about your loss...your Richie...sounds like a beautiful soul. So sorry for why you are here, but so good that you found BI...it is a place of comfort and understanding.

Colleen: I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this problem with the water, and oh, Michelle's car...how awful! I hope things "dry out" soon for you...

Rhonda: I agree with Sonya...your writing is beautiful...I am just sorry that you have to be here to write at all...

Sonya: so good to see beautiful Danielle's smile...she is just so beautiful! I am glad taht you had a good time at the beach with your family...what a wonderful gift for you...sharing so much time with family and having be a good, looked-forward-to time...you are blessed! Wishing James (and Mattie, too, of course) a good new year at school...

Trudi: I too love the new Avatar of Mike...and I agree, it would make a wonderful Father's Day card...so beautiful...the love just pours off the page! Yes, I agree, many "Mikes" hovering around...so thankful are we!!!! I am imagining that your Calligraphy class is right up your alley...the expression of your words has always been a gift, and now you can put art into it as well!

Elaine: the pic of you and your beautiful babies...such a wonderful memory...and thank you so much for sharing the other pics, as well. We have twins on both sides of our family, but that joy skipped us when it was my turn to bake a bun in the oven...my sistesr had twins that weighed in at over 9 lbs each at birth...she never did have to go to bed, but I honestly don't know how she was able to walk! As Dee said about knowing each of us...it will settle into your brain over time...no way you can "pick up on it" all at once...my son, Mike, died from brain cancer, after 17 months of fighting it...he left this earth at 31 years of age, leaving behind three beautiful boys, who are now 5, 13 and 14. We do see them often and they love being with us, which is a true gift. The youngest, Damon, was not even two when Mike died...it has been difficult to know that he will never "know" his daddy...the older boys do remember and remember lots of love and sweet memories. Each of our stories are different, but they all end the same...we have lost a part of our very soul, and life will never be the same...but we will live, because we know that is what our children want for us...Mike said to me "Mom, you can't die because I do" and I try to live my life knowing that he wants me to...sometimes it is truly difficult, sometimes I don't know how...I just take one breath at a time...and come here...where I know everyone understands...

Dee: With the floods, etc., the summer must be flying by for you! I know you love being with your "kids" but I know that you also love those "lazy, hazy crazy days of summer" as well...though perhaps the "crazy" part is a little in the past now, eh?

Ralph had a good, but very tiring workout with PT today...they are trying to get more "movement" into his day, and his breathing is slowing down and they need for him to expand his lungs more...more work! The doctor told him today he will not likely go home before Friday, and possibly not then...so we wait...but I do so want him to be as good as possible before we head out on our own...too scary to do that too soon! All of your prayers and good thoughts have been so welcomed, and we thank you so much!

Talked with Cathi tonight...she is doing very well....the shoulder/back pain is gone, though she is having pain from the surgery, but it is a welcomed change for her...she knows the surgery pain will eventually pass and for that she is so thankful! Thank you all so much for your prayers and support for her, as well.

Well, I think I will go and take a long hot shower and just try to relax...it seems as though this day has been 48 hours long!

love and peace to all of you...carol mikesmomrs

July 28, 2010

Trudi,

That is exactly how I feel, what I do. It's bad when you forget to look at the calander! That's the norm and its been a year. I think I've paid bills and then don't.

Today has been a waste. I've slept most of it. My days are turned around really bad. I am supposed to be going through the stuff in the house for a yard sale. I want to leave in the spring or summer for Colorado, where there are more employment opportunites. So much for help finding out answers on my son's case. This man OFFERED, and I did not tell him much at all, to help. I gave him a rough draft to the Utah Atty General's office, and the personal/family investigation report that was compiled. Then he told me this that and the other, asked six questions, and proceeded to inform me that it would be 50.00 an hour. He is a ret Ca Detective with connections (so he says) in Utah. So that was my offer, oh, of course if I sleep with him it be free! He didn't 'say' that though. But he is married, seperated two years, and is looking for a 'friend'. I made it quite plain I don't go there, three times. PIG! So digging up paperwork, copying, scanning, reading it all brings up a lot of stuff...

It's helped to have somewhere to vent, share, that is huge. But living on the verge of tears all day long. I will share what happened the night of June 12-19 later tonight so you can all see what I am talking about. I sure miss Michael. He is in Michigan now with his Grandparents. So that's a good thing, I just hope there is some kindness instead of heartbreak. He has cruel cousins, I didn't bring my sons up like that and Michael is particularly kind hearted, like Joseph was before he got dumped by that prom date scammer. Peace

This is Michael and I in August of 2008 six months after I'd said good bye to Joseph in so Ca.

Elaine

July 28, 2010

Wesley's Mom,

Thank you it's great to have people that shows they care. And how i feel physically i'm doing alright been drinking lots of fluids taking meds and getting plenty of rest. Nobody should have to go through what we have too u are right there. some days i am okay a little happy with life but then i just get in those moods where i just want to sit and lock myself in a room and cry all night. I just want her here with me. and it hurts more now because i have a older sister by 4 years that found out she was 12 weeks pregnant and when she comes over all she does is talk about it and it gets on my nerves i told her that i am sorry i just can't handle hearing about it but she don't listen to me she just goes on talking about it and the rest of the family does it to me too. other than my little sister she knows what i feel so she dont talk about it. sometimes i dont know what i should really do...

July 28, 2010

Toscha-I'm so sorry that your family is trying to help you by not allowing you to grieve. They may think they're helping you to "get over" the loss of your precious daughter by changing the subject or talking about your sister's pregnancy. All of my friends talk about their kids going back to school this fall or getting new boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever. And I'm happy for them, really I am. I wouldn't wish this hell on anybody. But it still makes me feel my loss more deeply, if that's even possible sometimes. And sometimes its not as bad. But it has only been a short time for you and you need their support and understanding, and you're not getting it. Come here to talk anytime you need to. Everyone here understands that you don't really "get over it". With time and luck, prayer and a little help from our friends, we're going to get through it, and hopefully come out stronger on the other side. I'm thinking of you all even when I don't get to post, and I think that's true of all.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 28, 2010

I have an assignment for those who would like to tackle it.

I found this on my computer and I don't remember why I wrote it. So I'll share and hope some of you will share also.

One more Day

I think I would like it to be Saturday. We would get up, and I know, he would be bothering his mom about what there was to eat for breakfast.We would probably watch all the car shows that are on Saturday mornings.

And I'm sure he would have several suggestions as to what I needed to do to my truck. Then we probably would go up in a ball field behind the house and hit golf balls. I would enjoy watching him try and teach his daughter Alyssa to hit a golf ball. Then I think I'd like to take him to fast Eddie's over in Alton and have some shrimp and maybe a Big Elwood and some beer. Fishing might be part of the day but, that would take up all day and this is only one day, so I'd like to get as much in as I could. If was a warm day, we would probably come home from lunch and wash our cars. He’s really funny to watch wash his car. He is so picky about it. We would probably talk about the plans he had for his car, things he wanted to do to make it go faster. I'd like to go to a Blues game with him one more time, I think that would be fun. But again it ‘s only one day. But we might go ice skating, me and him and Alyssa I know he would have loved to have seen her skate. His choice of restaurants would be Ruby Tuesday's He likes to eat there whenever he can. So we would go to dinner at Ruby Tuesday's. And I'm sure that he would get the rib platter because he loves the ribs. I know the one place that he would really like to go on a Saturday night would be Gateway Speedway . They have a test and tune night on Saturdays, and you can race as many times as you want for $15. We would get back from the track pretty late. So, we'd probably kick back and watch some TV. Nothing in particular. Then he’d get up to go to bed and give me a hug and say see you in the morning dad.

July 28, 2010

Oh here is his car.

July 28, 2010

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

My life is on a track not the same track. I still can not remember or send out bills on time, I am awefull at remembering dates the only date I do remember is the one I want to forget the most. I need a calender to tell me what to do and when, but then I need someone to tell me to look at the damn calender. I really just don't care if bills are paid or if I did the laundry or if theres milk in the fridge. I just want to engross myself in something that makes me think of anything but my life. I know that sounds awefull I do have a great family and I love them but at the same time I don't have energy some days to have any emotion

A few months after Steph died, before I found y'all, I emailed my attorney telling her how mad I was at everyone...the judge...the state...the other attorneys...just everyone. I also told her "I can't even pay my bills." She wrote back and told me if she was one of the bills I was worrying about, not to...they could take payments. "Oh. I have the money." I said, "I just can't open the damn envelopes!" We were getting disconnect notices for the first time. Gary took his truck in to have some work done on it and the insurance wouldn't pay because I had failed to pay the premium. The kids learned to look in the dryer for something to wear. Gary picked up dinner on the way home from work, or we had cold cereal for dinner....if Gary bought the milk. He really took over for a while. I'm telling you that to tell you I understand. I think it was Dee who told me to do what I can on the better days and don't push myself too hard on the bad.

I love what you said about your life being on track, just not the same track. It's a different track than I was on. Thank God I'm not on it alone!

God love you, Micheal's mum!!!!!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 28, 2010

One more day......

Her sisters and brother would be here with their families. We would go outside and drink our coffee and smoke our cigarettes together. She would make fun of the way I hold my cigarette....that would begin a chain reaction of the kids making fun of the way I hold my mouth when I'm serious....Stephanie would imitate me better than they could and she would have us all laughing. I would fix their breakfast while they visited amongst themselves....busy greeting their children as they woke up. Hugging each other's kids and rolling their eyes as all the babies cried at once. "Do you need help, Mom?" Steph would ask. "Mom. You go sit down and let us do this!" She would demand...Gary and I would sit quietly together, watching the kids love and nurture their kids. By the time everyone was dressed, Gary would have gotten the four-wheelers out and all of us would have gathered outside, underneath the redneck patio. The kids would be riding their bikes. Stephanie sat on the back of my 4-wheeler, holding on to the side rails, smiling that huge grin and waving goodbye as I drove off. Jennifer would be on the back of her brother squeezing his waist for dear life, begging him not to go too fast. Stephanie would be howling with laughter at what a coward her baby sister and best friend is. Later we would grill steaks, put the kids down for a nap and reminisce about life, their childhood....."remember when Mom used to shine the flashlight in our eyes to see if we had been smoking weed? She always got it wrong!" They would share stories I'd rather not know, but would bring them to hysterical laughter. "Remember when we snuck out?"

After the kids got up from their naps, all the children would go swimming with their kids. I would sit and watch them....watch her....she would splash me. I would scream at her to stop it which, of course, would just be an invitation to splash me more.

After dinner (leftovers), I would watch her pray with each of her children as she tucked them into bed. Her younger sister would lay her head on my lap, wanting me to "tickle" her back (yes. she still does that) Stephanie would lay her head on the armrest and put her feet on my lap, near her sisters head.....we wouldn't care. Amanda would be sitting in a chair, petting Shelby...Curtis would be raiding the fridge. Gary would just be watching it all unfold.

Somehow the conversation would turn to religion and politics. It always did. My conservative, born again children would talk about how they think Obama is the anti Christ and they're worried for my soul because I voted for him. They would quickly back off, however, because I know the bible better than they do and I'm a better debater than they are. Jennifer would say, "Well, I'm just going to pray for you, Mother!" To which Stephanie would laugh and mock her. "Amanda would try to shock her siblings by telling them she's athiest. Curtis would say it doesn't matter anyway because the worlds going to end soon.

We would all tell each other how much we love each other. Jenn would go to bed without saying anything and we would all intrude on her and demand she tell us goodnight. Amanda and Curtis would go outside for a cigarette and end up talking for hours, looking at the stars. Stephanie and I would sit on the sofa and talk about motherhood.........until I would have to be the first to concede and kiss her cheek and go to bed....she would join her brother and sister outside....

July 28, 2010

Opps, I think I did that wrong again! Here is what happened. It's long, so sorry about that... I found a bunch of pictures today while going through boxes, that stunk. I've not left the house all day, not showered, worked out, cleaned up, but I am quite lifeless. I feel so worthless, been a mom forever, almost thirty years. What the heck am I supposed to do now? Almost empty nest, mother of a son who isn't here anymore, what's next? Single, dating is icky, no job, no friends nearby, geeze-o-pete, what's next?

Time line of events

Friday, June 12^th, 2009 - On evening of Friday June 12, 2009, Joseph Schmidt and numerous friends attended a “Get Funky” party at the Saltair Facility, located just west of Salt Lake City.

o Arriving at the event at approximately 10:30 pm, Joseph and two friends (Kacy Bott and his girlfriend, Kelly Bills enter the Saltair facility. Kacy was the driver of the vehicle.

o Shortly after arrival, approximately 11:00 – 11:30 pm, Joseph (and/or Kacy) are evicted from the Facility for a unverified reason, Sheriff Officers policing the Saltair Facility, evict Joseph from the event. Though news media claim his eviction for possession of a cigarette lighter, friends claim it was for possession of two glow lights. Patty McCarty, Saltair staff member, indicated possession of either items would not have served justification for eviction from the event. Patty and Kacy convey that it was Kacy Bott who was evicted from the event.

o 11:30 pm to 6/13/09 approx 1:30 am - Joseph and Kacy Bott leave the event center and sit in the car they arrived in, which is located in the fenced Saltair parking lot. According to Kacy, he and Joseph just chatted and listened to music in the car, due to what was reported to be moderate to heavy rain showers, awaiting the event to end and travel home with Kelly (Kacy’s girlfriend).

o Note - Subsequent questioning of Kacy on several occasions indicate Joseph was in a good frame of mind, and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

o An associate of Kacy Bott, Daniel Schmidt and others, named “Jay”, reported that when leaving the parking lot on the night of Joseph’s disappearance, he observed an unkempt and nervous individual, who was soaking wet, came up from the pond area, and asked him for a ride, and he provided transport for this individual to a yet unknown location Dripping guy had like a mowhawk hair cut, unkempt clothing, etc.

o Note – Subsequent questioning of Daniel and others indicate Joseph was known to be in the possession of “1/4 ounce of mushrooms” earlier in the evening, and was visually observed consuming some. Quantity unknown. Other drugs in possession unknown.

o Nearing the end of the party, Kacy Bott, leaves Joseph in car, and returns to the Saltair Facility to gather friends for the trip home. 6/13/09 approx 1:30 am Leaving Joseph in the car with it’s keys, Kacy Bott returned to the event center to meet with other attendees in preparation for trip home (actual entry back into the facility unknown). Spanning the next 1 to 1 1/2 hours, Joseph is alone in the car (to the best of knowledge) and contacts Kacy three times via cell phone (2 calls & 1 text), and brother Daniel once (1 call)

o Phone record:

o 6/13/09 1:40 am – Text message from Joseph (677-4720) to Kacy (679-3219)

o 6/13/09 1:37 am – 1 min. phone call from Joseph (677-4720) to Kacy (679-3219)

o 6/13/09 1:29 am – 1 min. phone call from Joseph (677-4720) to Kacy (679-3219)

o 6/13/09 1:19 am – 1 min. phone call from Joseph (677-4720) to Daniel (677-1830)

q Saturday, June 13^th, 2009

o approx 2:45 am, accompanied by Kelly Bills, Kacy Bott returns to the vehicle in the parking lot, to find it is unlocked with keys on seat, but no evidence of Joseph or his whereabouts. Awaiting Joseph’s return, Kacy and others search the parking lot area, and inquire among other friends and event attendees as to knowledge of Joseph’s whereabouts. After waiting for Joseph’s return for approximately 1 hour, and no visual or verbal contact, Kacy and Kelly return to the Salt Lake City apartment that he shared with Joseph, assuming he may have caught a ride with another party. However, upon arrival to the home, Joseph was not there.

o Note: Per one conversation between Kacy Bott and Patty McCarty, when Kacy and his mother went to the Saltair Facility to hang missing persons posters, Kacy volunteered that he was the one who had been kicked out for possessing a lighter, and that when he left the event, he gave someone a ride to Salt Lake who was drenched (not clear if from rain or other means) (location of Joseph at this time is unknown)

o Upon Kacy’s return to the vehicle, Joseph is not in the vehicle, and friends initiate a search for Joseph.

o police and area hospitals are notified of Joseph’s disappearance. 6/13/09 approx 10:00 am. Following numerous attempts to contact Joseph by phone, Daniel, Kacy and other friends notify and inquire police as to whether Joseph may have been arrested, and begin calling area hospitals to see if he had been possibly injured and admitted. In all cases, unable to locate Joseph.

o Note – excluding one voice message from Kacy at 8:20 am, asking Joseph to please return a call, no voice messages were recorded into Joseph’s phone mailbox until father (Stephen) is notified and leaves a message asking Joseph to call at 4:20 pm

o 3:30 pm Daniel notifies father, Stephen Schmidt who was on vacation in Florida with youngest son, Michael Schmidt about Joseph’s disappearance. Father inquires about circ**stances and asks about contact with police and hospitals, in which Daniel reports that they have been contacted, but police refuse to initiate a search because “a nineteen year old adult has the right to disappear” and “Joseph has been missing less than 24 hours”. Father then attempts several phone calls to Joseph. Father requests that Daniel not contact his mother, Elaine Martinez (in Spokane WA) and possibly worry her needlessly. At this time, Stephen Schmidt tells Michael Schmidt that his brother is missing. Daniel states that he and friends will travel back to Saltair to continue the search for Joseph. Michael sends his mother, Elaine Martinez, a text message to notify her that Joseph is missing.

o 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm, Stephen Schmidt (father) makes several phone calls to Daniel, Kacy, and other friends inquiring if Joseph has been found, with no favorable report.

q Sunday, June 14^th2009

o a missing persons report is filed with police, and police initiate search efforts. Joseph’s family and friends also conduct a search near the Saltair facility. 6/15/09 10:00 am, Elaine Martinez (Mother) finds “Susan’s law” clause which requires law enforcement to follow up on any and all missing person cases where the missing person is below the drinking age, and there is evidence of alcohol being present at an event. Mother contacts Salt Lake Missing Persons Dept. and files a report.

o 8:00 am- Stephen Schmidt talks with Kacy and Daniel to inquire if Joseph had been found. They report they had found no evidence of him and had contacted police again, and the police stated there was no intention to take any further action.

o 10:00 am Elaine Martinez (Mother) contacts police, who again refuse to get involved. Father attempts to pull Verizon cell phone records, but does not have login and password information. Family & friends continue the search for Joseph.

o Until late in the afternoon on Sunday June 14^th, Joseph’s phone would ring numerous times before going to voice mail, indicating it was/is in a dry location.

q Monday, June 15th, 2009 - Kacy Bott and his mother, along with others begin circulating and posting missing person flyers.

o 2:00 pm – Elaine Martinez (Mother) relays information to Stephen Schmidt (Father) regarding filing of Missing Persons Report, who then contacts Sue Christopher the Department Head. Father relays as much information he has regarding circ**stances to Sue, and suggests search ideas. E.G. vents and other possible Saltair building entry points, beachfront, local desert, use of scent dogs, etc.

o Search for Joseph continues. Additional flyers are posted and handed out by family and friends. Sue Christopher reports that officers have gone out to the Saltair location and completed a search, with no indication found as to Joseph’s whereabouts. Sue also indicates that a search helicopter would be used to see if Joseph was in the local desert area. Although Sue Christopher indicated lengthy searches were done, and involving several law officers, local Rangers who police the nearby marina and Saltair Facility on a daily basis, and Patty McCarty the Curious Shop Manager, report they were not even made aware that a person was missing in the area.

q Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 –

o (5 days later) Joseph’s father, Stephen Schmidt, and Joseph’s younger brother, Michael Schmidt return from vacationing in Florida and conduct their own search around the Saltair Facility, they see an object floating in the center of a nearby pond, but due to fading light, was unable to continue search.

o 8:00 am to 2:00 pm - Search for Joseph continues. Daniel and friends again search the immediate area near Saltair, as well as several police officers on the ground, accompanied by a search helicopter.

o 7:30 pm - Arriving back in Salt Lake City, from Tampa FL, Stephen Schmidt (Father) and youngest son Michael travel back to Saltair to continue the search for Joseph. Leaving the interstate highway and driving on the short frontage road to Saltair, Michael immediately see an object in the middle of a pond immediately to the left of the vehicle. Leaving the vehicle and scanning from the pond shoreline, Father and son review the distant object, and incorrectly determine it as an animal or possibly rocks in the pond. The object did not resemble a clothed human body, due to all tan color (excluding a large dark area on one side), bloated condition, and poor lighting (overcast & raining – late in evening). Having his camera along, Michael snaps a picture of the object. Father and son then search the property immediately adjoining the Saltair Facility, banging on numerous locked storage sheds and containers in the area and calling his name in case Joseph might be trapped in one.

o 10:00 pm – Stephen Schmidt (Father) and youngest son, Michael, arrive at Evanston, WY home, and are met by Daniel and another friend. After short discussion of case and search, Michael shows Daniel and friend the picture he snapped of the object observed in the pond. Having an un-easy feeling about the object, Daniel and friend elect to travel back to Saltair the next day to continue searching for Joseph. Stephen Schmidt (Father) researches bank and phone records the next day to see if any activity occurred since initial date of disappearance.

q Thursday, June 18^th , 2009 - Joseph’s twin brother Daniel Schmidt, younger brother, Michael Schmidt and other friends return to Saltair for another search of the area, this is when the object originally seen on June 17^th in the pond is determined to be Joseph’s naked body and the police are notified. Police recover the naked body, and conduct a search for clothing, and find only one shoe near the pond shoreline.

o Single shoe was located on the western side of the pond, in an area where access to the pond was significantly restricted by tall vegetation.

o 8:00 am - Daniel and friends arrive at father’s home, pick up Michael and a pair of high-power binoculars, and head to Saltair to resume search. Father goes to Verizon store and bank to inquire about Joseph’s accounts.

o 10:00 – 11:00 am - Daniel, Michael and friends arrive at the Saltair Facility, and after conducting a short search of the parking lot and immediate area near the building, go to the pond location. Using binoculars, Daniel identifies a tattoo similar to one known to be on Joseph’s body, on the object in the center of the pond. Daniel and friends notify police, who then arrive, retrieve the body, and initiate a search of the area, for the body is found to be stripped naked. One shoe of , identified as being Joseph’s, is discovered near the shore of the pond, but no other clothing and possessions were located. Note – to date (7/10/09), no other clothing or possessions on Joseph’s person on the night of his disappearance have been found.

o 1:00 pm - Father receives a call from Kacy Bott who reports he “has bad news” and that “a body was found in a pond at the Saltair Facility” Father inquires as to the source of the information, to which Kacy reports as being his mother. Father turns on radio and internet news and finds leading story of discovery of missing 19 year old man being discovered in pond near Saltair. Father calls and informs Mother of events.

o 4:00 pm - Daniel and Michael return to Father’s Wyoming home and confirm finding “Joseph’s” body, and notifies father of law enforcement’s need to conduct an autopsy.

q Friday, June 19th, 2009 - police officials oversee an autopsy of the body, and then release the body to family for burial. Results of autopsy pending, but police and media theorize that drowning is the cause of death.

o 1:00 pm - Father contacts Detective Adamson, per request, who informs father of preliminary information regarding condition of Joseph’s body. Detective Adamson indicates he believes Joseph’s death is due to a simple drowning, when he got stuck in the mud of the deep pond, and also all other clothing and possessions are in the pond. Father disputes theory and informs Detective Adamson that Joseph was an excellent swimmer, and stripping bare naked to go swimming was very uncharacteristic of Joseph.

o Note – subsequent information regarding pond through searchers wading in to find clothing and discussion with Rangers indicate the pond averages only 4 feet in depth and has a solid bottom, despite the mucky shoreline.

o Additional information regarding the presence of significant blistering and decomposition indicated it had been exposed to the atmosphere for some time.

o Additional information indicates Joseph’s body displayed significant swelling in the head and neck area.

Additional Facts & Information:

When reviewing internet “MySpace” texts between friends and associates of Joseph’s, shortly after the news of his death is made known, one suspicious entry is made by an individual named “Tre” that states “It was just good business”
To date (7/10/09), it is not known if Detectives investigating the case of Joseph’s death have interviewed/spoken with any parties other than immediate family members (father, mother, brother Daniel, and Diane – Aunt who spoke with Park Rangers and Patty McCarty), including Kacy Bott, Kelly Bills, other friends and associates at event, Park Rangers, Patty McCarty, event security personnel, etc., but indication is that they have not made any contact with personnel that may have information regarding events leading to his death.
Diane Schmidt’s (Joseph’s aunt) conversation with Kacy Bott:
- Kacy stated that Joseph rode with him and his (Kacy’s) girlfriend, in his girlfriend’s car to the Paul Van Dyk event at Saltair, arriving at 10:40pm. Kacy and Joseph went out back to the lawn area right after they entered the building to have a smoke. According to Kacy, Joseph was then kicked out of the event for possessing a lighter and glow sticks, so Kacy went out with Joseph to Kacy’s girlfriend’s vehicle, which was parked approximately 100 yards away, directly in front of the building. Kacy stated that he sat with Joseph in the car listening to music and talked with him for three hours about their new apartment and “other stuff” until 1:40 am, when he went back inside to the event to find his girlfriend. I asked Kacy if he and Joseph were drinking or doing drugs, he replied “no.” I asked Kacy if anyone else had come out to visit with he and Joseph while they were out there (in the car), or if he noticed anyone else around the area during that time and he replied “no.” When asked how many of their friends were in attendance at the event, Kacy stated “about thirty.” Kacy stated that the concert ended at 3:00 am, and they (I don’t know who “they” are) looked around for Joseph until 4:30 am, then left and went back to the apartment. I thanked Kacy for his time, and hung up the phone.
- On Thursday, June 25, 2009, I drove to Saltair with my sister Karen to speak with the Saltair employees to find out where Joseph had been found and obtain as much information as possible about the events that took place the night of his death and the time period followed, up to the discovery of his body.
- My sister and I spoke with Patty McCarty, Saltair Boutique Manager, explaining who we were and why we were there. We told Ms. McCarty that it was our understanding that Joseph rode with his roommate, Kacy, and Kacy's girlfriend (name unknown), in Kacy's girlfriend's car to the Paul Van Dyk event being held at Saltair on the evening of June 12, 2009. Joseph got kicked out of the concert for bringing glow sticks in to the event, so the roommate gave the car keys to Joseph, who in turn, went out and sat in the vehicle. Kacy went out of the concert to visit with Joseph in the car and later, went back in to the event where his girlfriend and several other friends were in attendance.
- We asked Ms. McCarty if security adheres to the sign on the front of the building, which clearly states in big, bold letters “NO RE-ENTRY”. She stated that do not allow re-entry into the building. Ms. McCarty led my sister and me to the location where Joseph’s body was found in the pond, south of Saltair. According to Ms. McCarty, the security at Saltair, which includes some off-duty officers, would not kick anyone out for bringing glow sticks into an event because they sell them inside and would not be able to prove whether they were purchased inside or elsewhere. Ms McCarty stated that the only reason that an individual would be removed from the premises is if they were caught with, or suspected of possessing drugs. Ms. McCarty also told us that when Kacy came to Saltair with his mother to place “missing” posters of Joseph inside and outside the venue, Kacy volunteered that he was the one who had been kicked out for possessing a lighter, and that when he left the event, he gave someone a ride to Salt Lake who was drenched. In addition, Ms Carty stated that as of that time, neither she, nor any of the employees had been interviewed by local law enforcement.
- Ms. McCarty suggested that Ranger Bob, who works at the state marina located one quarter mile to the west of Saltair, may be able to provide additional information because the state ranger’s are often called in to assist with rescues and recoveries.
- Karen and I then traveled to the marina to speak with Bob; however, Bob was out at a rescue on Utah Lake so we spoke with Ranger Eric. Ranger Eric stated that he was called on to assist with the recovery of Joseph, and Ranger Bob and Ranger Dave were on site as well. Eric stated that the State Rangers at the marina were not informed of Joseph’s disappearance and were not contacted by any agency or individual until assistance was needed for the recovery of the body.
- Eric explained the condition of the body after it had been pulled out of the pond, noting that the back/shoulder area looked like leather as though Joseph’s back had been exposed to sun for some time, and the lower back region had large blisters likely due to exposure to the sun.
- Eric noted that Joseph’s head and neck were enlarged five times the size of a normal individual, and that his neck was so swollen that his jewelry could not be seen. I asked if any of Joseph’s clothes had been found. Eric stated that he had found one of Joseph’s tennis shoes when he kayaked the pond after the recovery, looking for Joseph’s clothing. Eric said that Joseph’s car was in the Saltair parking lot with the keys in the ignition, and his clothing was not in the vehicle. Eric offered to take us to the site where he found the shoe and we accepted his offer. The shoe was found on edge of the pond, located on the opposite side of where the body was recovered, and much further to the west. The area where the shoe was recovered had heavy growth of reeds near the water’s edge, and tamarisk and other vegetation growing behind the reeds on the “shoreline” which would have restricted easy access to the water in that area to go “swimming”. When asked about the depth of the pond, Eric stated that the pond is approximately four feet deep with a silted bottom. The only open access areas to the pond are two, located on the opposite side of the pond butting up to the I-80 entrance ramp and the largest one, located a good distance to the east of where the shoe was found, where the access road, Saltair entrance and I-80 entrance ramp intersects.
- After I spoke with Detective Adamson on June 29, 2009, I phoned my brother Steve Schmidt to obtain Kacy’s last name and telephone number. Steve suggested that I also provide Daniel Schmidt’s cell phone number and make Detective Adamson aware that he had provided Joseph’s cell phone records to Missing Persons. In addition, Steve gave me the number to a friend, Shea, who had went on the internet to view postings made on Face book by Daniel and Joseph’s group of friends and acquaintances to see if there was any unusual chat after the night of June 12, 2009, when Joseph disappeared.
- I then called Shea on June 29, 2009. She stated that she had located one entry that she thought was unusual from someone named Tre who wrote “It was just good business”. When Shea asked Daniel about the entry, he dismissed it as having no significance.

July 28, 2010

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:
My life is on a track not the same track. I still can not remember or send out bills on time, I am awefull at remembering dates the only date I do remember is the one I want to forget the most. I need a calender to tell me what to do and when, but then I need someone to tell me to look at the damn calender. I really just don't care if bills are paid or if I did the laundry or if theres milk in the fridge. I just want to engross myself in something that makes me think of anything but my life. I know that sounds awefull I do have a great family and I love them but at the same time I don't have energy some days to have any emotion

Mikesmum actually borrowed that from an earlier post......not mine, thought the description fits all of us...

Trudi :cool: Mikesmum...Stevensmum, Melissasmum, Emilysgranma, Zaksgranma, Calebsgranma, Harmonysgranma, Jeyasgranma.......Muttleysmum!!

July 28, 2010

Joseph would have been in his last year of his undergraduate at the University of Utah. There would have been talk by text, email about school. We would have been bantering back and forth about me getting my 4 yr degree and where we'd be going with the next round of education. Of course he'd be getting better grades than I would. We didn't call him Einstien for nothin. He would have stories to tell me about his work with the International Hotel Group in SLC and how it was going with his living situation. Ten to one, Kacy would have been history, he isn't responsible. But there would have been some communication. He and Michael would have been texing back and forth and we'd have disscussed the content of them.

July 29, 2010

Carol,

Yes, I remember the first time knowing that I have a hole in my soul. No one I said that too understood. None of them had ever lost a child. I now have people who understand. I am praying for all of you. That is the only constant in my life. If it were not for God, I don't know what/where I'd be. Peace

Elaine

July 29, 2010

Elaine - In hindsight reading your post there was so many 'missed opportunities' to locate your boy earlier.

Mike left a message on our home phone the night before he died. I was working and he said 'everything was okay, he was doing well and we'd catch up the next day". Said he loved me and hung up.

After his death it was revealed that he made several calls up until 2am the morning he died. One was to his long term love Lauren, just talking. Then to his biological dad who can't remember what the conversation was about. The other to his partners older sister, for what reason no one can seem to answer.

His partner was in another room that night. She claimed it was too hot to sleep in the same room. Harmony was in her cot at the side of Mikes bed. He was found around 8am by his partner, who went to her parents house next door to have breakfast and then came back. It was 9.35am when she called an ambulance after conferring with her parents as to whether he was conscious or breathing.....

So many whatifs ifonlys will be with you this journey, thankfully there will be days when they will just be a buzzing in the background...but they do surface and make for a miserable day.....

This was on FaceBook, posted by Bonnie (heartbeataway) Jason's mum.....sums it up very well....

The loss of my child is the "background noise" of my daily life .... ever present, sometimes so loud it drowns out everything else ... no one else can hear it so they wonder about my distraction. So few understand ..... you don't "get over" losing a child. Faith, hope, support ..... yes, they all help make the journey ...softer but he's still gone and I still grieve. (Thanks Jason's mum Bonnie) One who knows

July 29, 2010

Elaine - How about contacting Unsolved Mysteries? Are you in a place emotionally and physically that you could write letters to your representatives, the governor, the police chief, the newspaper? It's an election year, perhaps you could take advantage of it. But, none of that will bring your son back and perhaps you don't have the where-with-all to do that right now, and that's okay too. Just a thought.

I certainly understand your anger and frustration with all the unanswered questions.

In the meantime, stay close to us. Keep posting!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 29, 2010

Elaine

My family lived in Ogden Utah, then Harrisville Utah for 6.5 years. All 3 of our children were born in Utah. Scott and I moved out there only 2 days after we were married.

Utah is a beautiful place. And a friendly place (if you are Mormon) Which I am not. I was a working Mom. An outcast in my neighborhood.

We moved back to Wisconsin (where we were born) in 1994 - Aaron celebrated his first B-day in Wisconsin.

Utah did a great job during the Olympics.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

July 29, 2010

Brian's Dad-What a cool car! No wonder he would want to make it go fast. I can't do the exercise yet. I had the thought the other day, what if I could see him one more time? and I thought my knees were going to give out. Maybe later.

Leah-Sorry that you're Mother isn't doing so well. It's so hard to see people you love suffer and not be able to "fix it." I know you've heard it before, but take care of yourself too. I can't seem to lose any weight at all, so I'm impressed with 52 lb loss.

Trudi-The jar for my brain would be very small indeed. And I didn't need my coat or gloves either yesterday, our weather must be the same as your's! Well, not exactly I guess since it was 95 degrees in the shade.

Kathy-Hope the grandmother visit problem isn't too bad. I imagine you're glad to have your summergirl's boy back home.

Sonya-Do you have vacation hangover? Glad to see Danielle smiling at me.

Elaine-That sounds like an absolute nightmare. It sounds like EVERYBODY dropped the ball. The pictures of the boys hugging was so cute.

I can't tell people anymore when they ask me how I'm doing "Fine". I just say I'm doing the best I can. I hope you all are doing the best you can.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 29, 2010

Colleen,

I know Utah is like that. I lived in and around there for 25 yrs. Went to law enforcement school there. I decided that I did not wan to live there, pursue a carreer there due to the favortism of the Mormoms, the influence etc. I know it's gorgeous and know the whole state, lived in Moab when I was little. Michael hates it now. Anyway, ya them twins were something.

Elaine

July 29, 2010

Rhonda,

It was/is a nightmare, and ya it does not seem like anyone did anything or did it right. And what are we left with? No answers, and hands tied as to doing anything about it. Pretty sad state of affairs. Glad u liked the photo. Them boyzzzzzzzzzz

Elaine

July 29, 2010

The loss of my child is the "background noise" of my daily life .... ever present, sometimes so loud it drowns out everything else ... no one else can hear it so they wonder about my distraction. So few understand ..... you don't "get over" losing a child. Faith, hope, support ..... yes, they all help make the journey ...softer but he's still gone and I still grieve. (Thanks Jason's mum Bonnie) One who knows

THE Above is so TRUE! WOW, finally people who understand!

Mikesmum,

I know, and the cops say 'he probably just surfaced within the last 24 hours" that is NOT correct. There were a bunch of blogs on line after the stories hit the news in SLC. He was surfaced on the 17th, as one writer stated she thought his body was a deer, they get hit in the stretch a lot. He was badly burned etc due to exposure to the sun and being in the water. Also, the night before when Steve and Micahel went out there, they saw "something" on the water from a distance, but dismissed it as being a rock or an animal. The light was fading, it was over cast and so on...My heart breaks for Steve that he saw his son like that. But he is too much of a jerk for me to share that with him. So I don't. So it was the next day that Michael went out there with Daniel and walked right to him. that is simpy GRINDING. Michael will say very little about the actual discovery to me. Its his way of protecting me and I let him. I mean if he had too, I'd be the ear as he confides in no one else. But since/so far I don't have too, I'm good with less details.

ELaine

July 29, 2010

So sorry Josephsmom90 that you still do not have answers, I can understand your pain with losing your soin but can not imagine the anquish of not knowing what really happened. Knowing someone is out there that has to of seen something with so many people around a rave must be very frustrating.The police force did not sound like they have helped you much Someone mentioned the tv show for unsolved cases, I think I would want to pursue that but then again I am not in your shoes and do not know what it would take out of you emotionally.

My interaction with law enforceent was very positive with Richies case, very diffrent circumstances tho. Richie was killed by a multiple offending drunk driver. The policeman that responded to the call that night was actually on vaction and was on his way home and took the call, he then worked everyday all that week on Richies case, interviewing anyone that was in contact with my son that day and with all people involved with the drunk. He dotted every I and crossed every T to make sure there was nothing that would come back to even question that Richie was in any way responsible. Proving he was not speeding or anything the other side might use to get off easy. The officer came to our house the second or third day and cried with us, he said out of all the interviews and there was many that not one person could hint at anything negative about Richie and of all the cases he has worked thru out the years has he heard of such a wonderful human being and wished that he had got to meet him, he asked for a photo of Richie so he could share him with his wife, he was so impressed which hurt us but made us proud. The officer worked his hole vaction to help us. I know not every officer is like this and one day I will find the right way to thank him. I just wished that all officers responding to missing children or accidents would treat each case like it was a member of thier family like this officer did.

Eri's mom, you are a strong person as well as the many others I see on this sight. To share those last days with her. I do not know how I could get up each morning and watch and wait , keeping faith and hope alive, I often wished I was able to go into room with Richie to let him know we were there and to tell him one last time I loved him, even if there was achance he could not hear me. I chose not to go in after they pronounced him gone. This is a decission I still question myself on. I wanted to remember him as I last saw him with a smile on his face grinning and telling me he loved me. Now I often wished I had looked upon him one last time and I can never take back that decission. We had him cremated and he is with me everyday on my desk and over the mantel.

Ashleys mom I agree I hated 2009 but now I look back and charish every day of the year I did have Richie 2010 is definetly the worst year because its the first full year he did not get to usher in or for me to look upon him

July 29, 2010

One More Day

My little guy and I would make the trip to Williston for Halloween. All the grandkids were wild about that holiday. The whole group would get together in the afternoon and start dressing in their outfits that they had picked out. I remember JaBoa had chosen her zombie outfit.. that girl is just crazy about horror movies. Her little sister would have been a princess, and my boy would have been the hulk. Even the bigger grands would walk the streets of town, and we would laugh, and watch the other people around us. The kids would get so excited when somebody else came by with another costume like theirs. Halloween was always a fun time, even my mother would walk the daylight hours with the kids, just because for that one day they all got along without fighting, or arguing.

Once they had gone to all the stores for trick-or-treating, we would head home to have supper, usually got dollar burgers from McDonalds, and the kids had to eat at least one burger before we hit the trails again. This time great grandma would stay home, to hand candy out at her own house. , The mothers, the kids, and myself would stuff everybody into my car and go to the side of town that had the most lights. My little guy would be so excited cause he didn't remember the last year, and JaBoa would be acting like his mother holding his hand showing him just how it is done. I can see her making sure he gets candy at each stop. From time to time we go to house where she knows somebody and she is so excited!.. she loves people so much.. she stops to introduce me to each and everyone because she is proud that I am her grandma. She introduces me as her polar bear.. a name the older kids gave me from early childhood. She offers me candy from her bag, and I remind her that nobody can have any until we all go through it. We go to the fire department and the police station, and I am in awe because that girl knows everybody and everybody loves that bubbly girl that I love so much.

I have to stop the night for my little guy, he is just to tired out, so I get dropped off at my mom's. the kids hit the road again to continue their night. I put my boy to bed (he is only 3 at the time) and I watch tv, catching old fright night movies. About 10 the gang comes home, and the kids all want to spend the night at my mother's. They know I will be going home again the next day. I let them stay, and let them stay up til midnight knowing there is school the next day, I figured a lot of kids will be tired.. so lets just have our special time. We got through the candy.. eat a little, watch tv.. One by one they fall asleep.. JaBoa laying down next to me and I get to hold her, brushing her hair from her forehead, around her ears.. smelling the candy from her sleeping breath.. watching her little blue eyes close so sleeply... all is right with the world and I am the happiest grandma alive.

The next day.. hurriedly get them ready for school, so i can drop them off in my car. It is newer, and they love to be seen in it by their friends.. I drop the older kids off first and the younger ones next.. I hug each of them.. but I hug JaBoa.. saying "be good.. I love you and will miss you but I will see you soon" "Be good for mom.. and by the way.. did I tell you I love you? and will see you soon"

Then I go back to mom's and tell her that I have to get going, and will probably be back the weekend after the one coming. I leave the town happily going through the park, which is so pretty in the fall... enjoying my time knowing I will be back for more enjoyment soon.

________________________________________________

JaBoa passed away in a tragic car accident. I dropped her off in the park, It was kind of stormy and I told her not to worry.. even though she pleaded with me not to drop her off with her mom... I told her everything will be just fine... I just chalked it up to my special girl missing me... I told her I love you and will miss you but will see you soon.. be good for mom and by the way.. did I tell you I love you? and will see you soon... The day was October 30, 2006... the following day Halloween.. I was there.. but there was no trick-or-treating.. the kids just weren't up to it... My mom, was in the accident also... and she never returned home to live in her house either. She had to come live with me... JaBoa's mom, went off the deep end and took up with a man that forbids her to see me, which took away the ability to see my youngest grandaughter, JaBoa's sister. So one tragic day equals so many lives crushed.

My heart is with you all here... my heart would have loved one more day

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

July 29, 2010

One more day...

This would be a beautiful day, he would be sleeping through the night, so he would wake up bright and early so that we can snuggle while I feed him his morning bottle, then I would change him and get him dressed and get him packed up so that we can do some visiting, maybe see some of my family (as most of them had not seen him before he passed) and they would goo and ga over him telling me how gorgeous he is, but I already know that...we wouldn't visit for too long because I would want to spend all my time with him, we would definitely play with Jessica his big sister, I loved seeing how they interacted with each other. And once Jessica went to bed, I would snuggle with him again, until he fell asleep and if I only knew, I would have kept holding him....

I love this song...

One More Day - Diamond Rio

Last Night I had a crazy dream

Wish was granted just for me,

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day, One more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again; I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

[Oh one more day]

First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl

I'd unplug the telephone, and keep the TV off

I'd hold you every second, say a million I Love You's

Thats what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day, One more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again; I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day, One more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again; I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day....

With you

[Oh... One more day]

Leah: You're one more day was beautiful, it brought a tear to my eye, I thank you for your story.

Elaine: Wow, the ball was dropped many times in that account of what happened, I don't know what else to say, such a tragedy, is his case closed, or is it filed as a cold case? Peace to you my friend, my thoughts are with you. - Also, I love the pics, the one of you and Joseph and Daniel when they were brand new is so beautiful.

Sus: Loved your one more day as well. You had said: "The kid's counselor confirmed what you have already said, my feelings are quite normal at this time." Normal...isn't that such an odd word, as this feeling should not be at all, let alone normal. And yes, if that's the word that needs to be used, well, the first angel anniversary was very bad, lots of tears, lots of thinking, and no bills getting paid...all over again...Take it easy, I am thinking about you, and may you have peace.

I have to run to get my boy from daycare, but I wanted to say so much more. I'll try to come back later on tonight, Brian's Dad: Thank you for the excercise, I cried as I wrote and feel refreshed, now I have to wipe the tears and go about the rest of my day, but I will now hold in my heart, my one more day.

Jenn: Jeffery's Mommy

July 29, 2010

Susannah, Jenn, and Leah, and all who do the assignment,

Brave souls you are to imagine what another day would be like. I just am not there yet, I can't let my mind go to what might have been and stay very long without being afraid that what is left of it will stay there forever. I used to think that song from Diamond Rio was sad, now I think that it is unbearably so. Your descriptions are so vivid, I can see you all, happy and whole and I wish it were true for us all.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 29, 2010

I am in tears reading your one more day. I can not go there yet either, My one more day would never end it would be the day time stopped. Maybe someday I can write a one more day storie. Yours are all so precious and I too can picture them. Wonderful days

July 29, 2010

Greg

I am also writing a One Last Day story. There are so many things I want to do, but with only 24 hours----that is hard.

Brian's freinds were such a part of his life and now we do not see most of them. Such a division among everyone on whether Mike should have been charged with homicide.

I will really have to think on this assignment, Greg

Thanks

Colleen

July 29, 2010

Diamond Rio's music was something I was introduced to by Greg - Briansdad.

For me this holds my heart - I invisage Mike is right here in front of me, I am sure at times I can feel him - especially when I try to download music or burn a cd. He was the master of music, I was the technically challenged...

Once I get my mind back into its jar for a rest I will write my 'one more day'.

For now, Muttley needs a walk and I need to have a thought chat with Mike.....Trudi

July 29, 2010

One more day. Dinner and the Trans Siberian Orchestra. The boys always loved getting dressed up, suits and tie! We'd drive down the hill to Benni Hanah's in Ontario Ca. They liked that because they cook in front of you. Jospeh would have wanted me to try another flavor of sushi, yuck! We'd have enjoyed that while the limo waited outside. We used to do that once a year and they loved it. The trans-Siberian Orchestra was his favorite for many years. It is a Christmas story told by a narrator, and the music is outstanding. All electric orchestra, with some big names as guests from time to time. The most violent violinists I've seen, beautiful! You can google it and check it out. It is fantastic. The laser light show that is set to the beat of the music is outstanding as is the pyro techics (millions of $ worth). He loved it. We would do that and it would be another cap of the year if you will. I think we'd have gone to see the Display at the Museam of Natural History in San Diego, the ruins of Pompe, only 4 displays in the world. That would have been a memorable impact on him and all the boys as were the Dead Sea Scroll. One more day, that last hug would have lasted!!

Elaine

July 29, 2010

"One more day"...oh, gosh, I would also have to write this down and contemplate...so many things I would want to do, but first I would have to ask Mike "What do you want to do..." Of course, as it was when he was here, I would have to take his wife's wishes into consideration, and his children, so I would have to think of his one more day with all of that in mind...

On Mike's website (HTTP://WWW.JAMES-MICHAEL.VIRTUAL-MEMORIALS.COM) I have "One More Day" as the background music for the page dedicated to his three boys, and "I Believe" is the song on the page dedicated to Mike's wife, Sarah. I know there are so many new moms here that don't know a lot of our stories, and you will learn them over time, and it does take time...but we like to talk about our children, and we like to hear about everyone else's child...always, over and over sometimes, the stories are great, sad sometimes too, but always filled with love...the sadness is the price we pay for loving so much, but none of us would ever give up the joy to not have the sadness... If any of the new parents here have created websites for their child, please let us know...we will visit, and get to know your child even more.

The news with Ralph today is good and not so good...good in that his levels have come down, slightly, but down nonetheless...the not so good is that he has developed a "leak" for lack of a better word...without going into "TMI" I will just say that one of the laparascopic sites has started leaking...not "weeping," but "leaking." sometimes it just about pours out, and sometimes just leaks. They are taking samples, etc., may do a CT scan in the morning, and watching it very closely tonight. I truly hesitated leaving there tonight...I wanted to stay, but left, with many reassurances that they were watching it closely. When I got to the parkign lot, I was met with a 1970 YELLOW classic VW Bug, convertible, with the top down, as soon as I backed out of my spot...on the way out, the last car coming towards me on the roadway leaving the hospital had the license place DRGNFLY. I know messages were being sent to me, but my heart is still in stop mode... So, I guess about the only really SURE thing now is that we are NOT going to be going home tomorrow...but, I told the doctor today that I do not want to bring him home until all the "milestones" have been met, which they haven't, and then later, this "leaking" started...so...we wait...again.

Cathi went home today, as scheduled, and is doing well...pain, but no more pain from the shoulder. Her doctor told her that her herniation was the largest he has ever seen in his years as a surgeon. But, he, said, she is fixed, and that's what counts.

Once again, I have someone waiting for the computer...I hope everyone is having a good week. I hope those too wet have dried, and those too dry have gotten some rain. Colleen...thinking of you still, as you deal with the mess... Elaine, Jenn, Krichie, all of you new to this site...holding you close in prayer and thought as you join us on this journey...know that you are in the best place you can be under the circ**stances.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

July 29, 2010

Greg, how lovely to introduce the ONE MORE DAY at this time, with so many new to this trip, and so many now ready to write the day. I did this some time ago with your suggestion I believe, and I don't that I can do it now. Having just traveled the 7 year mark, I feel such a longing for a view of Erz. I just saw her friends, and really looked at them to see how they are changing as they have reached their 26th year. Right now, writing ONE MORE DAY would feel like I lost her again, but when I am in a different frame of mind, I will find it cleansing and beautiful.

I have cried while reading all of the ONE MORE DAY exercises, they are beautiful. Those kinds of writing activities can truly push you to a new awareness and level on this path. Sus, Leah, Jen, Elaine, Greg, really beautiful last days. I am forgetting someone, forgive...

Elaine, the case of your Son's death is highly suspicious and it just feels like a crime to me too. I feel like someone in the sherrifs department really let the ball drop. I think that Susannah suggested unsolved crimes, that really might help. I am so sorry for the ache of this unsolved loss, and I think that I too would be unable to move forward until I was satisfied that all that could be done, was.

Was there ever any followup with the wet man?

My heart and prayers as you find ways to deal with all of this.

Who ever said they could not pay bills that first year, that things just went by without notice...I was like that too. I went to work, managed to teach really well, but all of my energy went there, after that, there was no more planning and organizing in me, the rest of my day after school stuff was long walks and talks with ERi. We do what we can, be kind to yourselves, do for yourself as you would advise another to do if in this situation.

July 29, 2010

Carol, you are an amazing LADY. Here you are juggling hotels, hospitals, and two surgeries for two people you love so very much, and you remember everyone here...goodness knows you have a beautiful heart.

Thanks for the update. I will pray that the leak Ralph has sprung, gets fixed and stops, and that he heals and is safe to go home maybe in a few days.

Thank you God and Angels for the Doctors and their abilities to help Carol's Daughter and Husband. Please further bless them to continue their good work, and bless Carol's family in a myriad of great ways.

July 29, 2010

http://www.califmom.com/califmom/2010/05/laboring-through-grief.html

Some very interesting short articles about grief on this site. I just highlighted it and copied and pasted it in.

July 29, 2010

Elaine--- So sorry that you cannot get the answers you so need, in your dear

son, Joseph's, death. It must be heart-wrenching. So sorry. Thanks for the

great pics.

Rhonda---I'm with you on the "one more day" writing. I can't go there either,

for some reason.....even though it has been 7 yrs. Maybe someday.......

Jenn---Thanks for the words to the Diamond Reo song, "One More Day".

Richiesmom----It's good that the police were so thorough, kind, and professional

in your son's case. The guy that caused your son's death should be punished

to the fullest extent of the law. My son's case had some similarities to Richie's.

He was killed....not by a drunk driver.....but a sleeping driver....behind the wheel

of a 60,000 lb semi. He smashed into 8 stopped cars (backed up at a freeway exit).

Davey's car was the first to be hit, and it was an override......Davey's car was

flattened. Since it was at 12:20 p.m. on a sunny day in June, there were 40 or

50 witnesses. 20 people were sent to the hospital. My son was the only one who

died. The driver got off.....$1,000. fine.....and has a misdemeanor on his record

is all. Drunken drivers (and sleeping drivers) are a menace on the roads. There was

a man in our area, who caused a wreck recently......he was drunk, and he had 14

previous convictions for DUI, including one where a girl was killed a few yrs. ago. I

pray that you find some comfort somehow, and that you continue to come to BI

where we all understand your pain, devastation, and sorrow.

Peace be with you , friend.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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