Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Carol----I agree with what Dee said.....you are a great lady. Ralph is

on my prayer list every night.  Peace to you, friend.

[summergirl]

Thank you Greg for bringing "one more day" to BI....I will do that over the weekend when I can sit at the beach and write it...one more day with my summergirl..

I am brought to tears by what I have read tonight from those who shared their "one more day". 

Elaine, your story is so tragic and so senseless it just makes me so angry and sad for you.  Someone out there knows something and I pray that the answer comes to you and if it does not then we are here, always here.

Rhonda - you have no idea how happy I am that Tavian is home...I forget how alive the house comes when he is here.   I am not happy with "Grandma" at all, Tavian told me that "he never, ever wants to go back there" so we told him it was his decision, he is 8 years old and I will not force him to go there.   I asked Tavian why he felt the way he did and he told me this - "grandma yells at me all the time, she does not play with me, she doesn't take me anywhere.  I did not get to go to camp because Grandma made me go to work with her every day and Grandma asked me if I was STUPID" - I kept my anger inside and asked why she said that and he replied that she asked him to do something and he did not understand what she said so that is what she asked him !!!!!    First of all I enrolled Tavian in day camp and all she had to do was drop him off from 9 - 4 so he could have fun, not take him to work with her every day. Both the girls are working so they could not spend time with him. Out of 2 and a half weeks he went to the circus one night and the carnival one night with the girls.  No beach, no fishing, nothing.......so that is why he does not have to go any more and I will have a talk with Grandma !!   Thanks for listening,  really needed that.

Carol, you are a strong woman, so much to deal with....in my heart and prayers.

I am feeling a bit better, today not so bad....time is what I need, sweet time.

I am thinking of all here and always in my prayers. Peace, love and strength, Kathy

[briansdad]

I thank all of you who shared your one more day.I know for some it's hard but after it's finished it can make you smile to remember all the good things that you had. I want to share Brian with the new people.I guess I don't put this link up much.

http://brian-klocke.memory-of.com/About.aspx

[josephsmom90]

Summergirlsmom,

I know, it's insane! I was just out on the deck smoking, and the thought hit me, my son died, there were drugs. Traces of THC, so he smoked some pot, but when? It stays in your system for who knows how long, and 0.02% alcohol, that isn't even a drink! This is so evil, "due to decomposition we were unable to test further for drugs" so what does that mean? If he did have something else in him, they were unable to test, why were they able to get the other results? And to think, Joseph!!?? Joseph. . . . . Mr. Straight A, Dean's list, the one in school who always had the answers. The son who was compliant, no rebellion, a helper, peacemaker with a giant heart. And me, a mother who blames herself. If I'd stayed married, if I'd not gotten divorced, I bet my son would be alive, working on his Masters or PHD by now. My son, my Joseph. Sometimes I don't want to know.

Is it just me, or do single moms blame themselves for the wrongs? Beat themself up for failure, blame themselves, and take no credit for the good. I found more pictures today as I was going through boxes. Daniel and Joseph at Christmas or Thanksgiving, Daniel in his Cadet Corps uniform, JOseph in a tie & white shirt. Daniel opening a bottle of sparkling cider, they always had to have that at holidays and drink out of wine glasses. They were the ones that made the holidays special. I didn't. Last year, Christmas was horrible. I did what I dd for Michael. This yr he is going to Cancun with an aunt and his dad. Me? well, no family, the parts of my family that are near, they go to the kids dads house. Funny thing was, he couldn't stand them when we were married. They must have bonded after my wreck, see I've no memories of them for the two months I was in hospitals. Yet not one family member of mine has ever even called to ask how I was or even sent a sympathy card. How wierd is that? I'm not a mean person, didn't do 'anything' to them. So who knows where I'll go, I could go to Colorado to my adopta mom's house/family, my oldest friends, but that takes $ and I am trying to save for a move to Colorado. That's why I'm going through everything with an eye on a Labor day yard sale. Maybe I'll just sit here and cry.

Elaine

[briansdad]

this one is a fav.

[briansdad]

Elaine,

Believe me all Bereaved Parents blame themselves no matter what the situation was.Brian died in a motorcycle accident.I felt guilty because I thought if I had forbidden him to keep it at the house maybe he wouldn't have bought the bike.We have to resign ourselves to the fact that our kids time here was over.WHY? We'll never know until we're with them.

[josephsmom90]

Ericasmom,

Everything I know about the wet man, is what you have read. As for a letter to the Atty Gen I've tried three times to get help. The last time was so twisted, and he ended up wanting to 'date' me, or to have me give him 50.00 an hour. I don't even have a job, and what little I do have is because of my disability, and it is LITTLE.

If indeed there was only minimal substance/alcohol in his system, how on earth did he accidentaly drown in four feet of water? If he was too decomposed, as it says in the reports, could he have had brusing that didn't show up? Where is his cell phone, that rang for days after he went missing. Michael got his # as his dad used to pay for it, there were 100's of messages on it, I couldn't listen to it all. If he did go for a midnight swim, where are his clothes??? I KNOW Kacy, the roommate, KNOWS what happened. He tried to hang himself three months after this. He is still doing drugs, partying, living at home, hanging at my ex's house, partying there... That's his life. It's my prayer that whoever it is that knows something, their consience will not be able to bear it.

Me? Plauged with moments/hours/days of hopelessness. That was MY son!

[josephsmom90]

Sherry,

Thanks for the compliments on the pictures. This was Joseph's first horse. He would gallop through the house with it making the 'noise.' I did give him a real one when he was 8. He named him Blaze. When he trained him, the lady at the ranch said that he was the only kid that she ever trained that didn't know how to ride and a horse that was not broke. They both did great. Some day I'll get some of those photos on here and post a few.

Elaine

[josephsmom90]

Brainsdad,

I don't know about that. I think my sons dad blames me. That's just Steve though. He'd not say it to me though, and or at least I don't think he would.  When his ex wife was murdered and found in a pond! He told me "I knew if she didn't shut her mouth someone would do her in someday." I thought that was horrific. I raised her daughter, Jackie wasn't Steve's daughter though. When Joseph was found in the water, Jackie freaked, lost it. . .

[briansdad]

[user=56324]josephsmom90[/user] wrote:

Brainsdad,

I don't know about that. I think my sons dad blames me. That's just Steve though. He'd not say it to me though, and or at least I don't think he would.  When his ex wife was murdered and found in a pond! He told me "I knew if she didn't shut her mouth someone would do her in someday." I thought that was horrific. I raised her daughter, Jackie wasn't Steve's daughter though. When Joseph was found in the water, Jackie freaked, lost it. . .

He sounds like a real piece of work

[krichie]

I agree that I think all parents blame themselves somewhat not just single parents. I usually got home early and before he would leave he would spend time talking to me  that day I decided to get some extra hours in , so If I gothome earlier he would of been still talking to me and not on road when the drunk was. I passed him on my way home and we waved to each other and smiled then hour later we get the call.  My husband I know blames himself because he just baught the bike for Richie the week before as a "Just because we love you " gift. If he did not get the bike he would not of been out riding ect. ect.  I tell him its not the bike or the time of day it was all on the drunk, but you still have the what ifs..

I have read some past post with religois view here, I am not sure where I stand. I do know god did not take my son, but he did open his arms and welcome him home.

Its late but I think we got a small sign from Richie yesturday I will share with you all tomorrow, he has shown us a few I believe.

Till then you all take care and may you have sweet dreams of our angels to ease the night

[josephsmom90]

Briansdad,

But everyone loves him. It's me that is the bad one. We were married when I got hit. Though seperated, I went home to my house with our sons, ages 8 8 & 5, alone in a wheel chair. Not once did he come and tell me I love you, come home with the boyz. I had a brain injury that did not allow me to process and after being hit like that u are combative, can't think straight is all I can say. Anyway,, I thought we were supposed to get a divorce, he told me to file and I did. Yet he almost never came and saw the kids. Now, Michael feels the only reason he see's him as much as he does is "cuz of JOseph" so that is what Michael says. They are in Mi, michael is in his room and dad is with his gfriend, his sisters, socalizing, Michael is holed up. Alone, no one caring. But he is desperate to spend time with his dad. Steve just dosen't get it and or try to establish a relationship with him. It is heartbreaking everytime he comes home. I always have to somewhat cover for him. I do my best to never speak ill of his dad. If I slip, I make it right or try too. I know he loves the boyz, but he is just not relationally minded at all. He sends money instead. I am greatful, he's always paid support. big *sigh***

[josephsmom90]

krichie's mom,

I am so sad that all those years in so Ca, 6.5 I was so damaged. I was healing and didn't know it. I have such a fragmented memory of life over those years. I still have memory problems. If I go to remember an event, a time, I might not recall it. I never know till it hits me. One time I was talking with a friend who I've known over twenty yrs and she was talking about how they (her husband & kids) stayed with us when I was pregnant with the twins. I did not remember ANY of it, and they were with us for  a while. I was hysterical!! I didn't know I"d forgotten that, It freaked meout that I'd lost that much memory. So looking at photos is very difficult.

Elaine

[mikesmum]

My one more day would start with Mike pulling into the drive with Harmony in tow.  He would be walking tall, pain free.  His guitar with him he would greet his brother and sister as though he had never left.

The nieces and nephews would run to see Uncle Mikoooool.  My heart would soar to hear them tell stories of days gone by.  The home made clothes (how pov)  but ahhh the dumplings dripping with golden syrup.  Remember when would fill the afternoon.

My day would be sitting back hearing of his life, his dreams, his hopes.  To see him with his baby girl and family making 'music'.

The memories of that last day would be wiped......along with it the whatifs, ifonly, whynots.

Thanks Greg - always a good idea to remember those things that made being someones mum/dad special.

As for the guilt, married, single, young, old, baby or adult the death of a child comes with a huge side order of guilt......we as parents believe we are here to protect our children forever, never should a parent outlive their child......my tuppence worth.

Mike, Emily and Harmony on Harmony's first birthday.   A house full of family!

 

[shorty16]

Hey Indigos

I got a response from DQ concerning the letter I sent them.  This letter was to inform them on how I felt about their car-surfing commercial.

They appoligized for the commercial "upsetting" me.  DQ will pass my concerns to "all appropriate DQ personnel" and "review our advertising plans for the remainder of the year"

I still cannot believe they put a Mom on the hood of a moving car.  I thought only reckless teenagers did that?

GREG YOU ARE SO COOL.  I love all the ONE LAST DAY postings.  Each is so different and we get to know the angels a little bit better.

Eleane - Blame and anger were our montra the first year after Brian's death.  If Michelle (my daughter) ever saw Mike (the driver) in a dark alley alone, she would turn into the Tazmanian Devil!!!>!>!?!!  Both of our surviving children are still angry, but it is not worn on their shirt-sleeve anymore.  We bought a punching bag and they do use it.

It is a beautiful day here in WI.  May get some rain, but nothing like 5" in 2 hours.

Take care

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Carol,

Thinking of you and Ralph today and Always.   I am sending prayers your way.

Feel Them???!?!?!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[heartbeataway]

Good Morning Indigos .....

I had a unique experience last night .....

I took our pups out back and there were hundreds of dragonflys flying around in the sky!

It was the coolest thing to me.  I thought at first they were little hummingbirds but no, they were dragonflys.

Circling, swooping, chasing, diving ..... seemed like they were having a blast!

One last day .....

How many times has that entered my mind over the months ......

I think I would choose a holiday morning when we would get up to the smell of homemade cinnamon buns.  While still in pj's we would gather in the family room with the tree and the gifts and Jason would don the santa hat and hand out the gifts. 

Once they were all distributed, the opening frenzy would start.

We would sit and visit, laugh and take pictures over mounds of wrapping paper, boxes and ribbons.

Good times!

I would start preparing our holiday meal and football would be on tv.  The phone would randomly ring with greetings. Laughter filtering through the house along with the smell of our holiday meal.

Friends would arrive and we would sit around a crowded table and stuff ourselves with holiday favorites and the company of good friends.

Then kitchen clean up would start along with an afternoon of movies, games and just hanging out together.

At some point, Jason would walk up to me, put his arm around me, kiss me on the cheek and say, Mom, you're the best .... I love you!

And I would respond, I love you too son ..........

[daniellemom]

Carol - Thoughts and Prayers are with you and Ralph today.  Special prayer request went to you and Ralph last night at church.  Glad to hear Cathi is at home and recoving. 

I love reading te One More Day.  All have been very nice and thoughtful.  I will try to do one this weekend.

Bonnie - When are you doing Pinnacle Day?

Rhonda - Vacation Hangover is not even half of it.  Trying to catch up from a week out of work.  Trying to get James ready to go back to school.  And to top it all off, James' car the transmission went out and it's not worth putting a new one in, so no I must start looking for a car for him. 

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

 

[westleysmom]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who didn't feel up to the One More Day right now.  They are lovely and I haven't read one yet that didn't make me cry. 

Colleen-You appear to be the victim of what I like to call a backhanded apology.  They did not apologize for what they did, they apologized for your reaction to it.  How weird is that?  But at least you got it off your chest and maybe they'll think twice about their next campaign.  Glad you're dried out, did you get those flowers planted in the car?

Kathy-It's hard to believe that Tavian's other grandmother is apparently oblivious to the effect her words can have on him.  But it must be true.  Glad he is back where he belongs.  Sometimes I hear people talking like that to their children in the grocery store or Wal Mart and it breaks my heart.  I would give anything just to be able to tell my son I love him and they're telling their precious babies that they're stupid or clumsy or whatever.  Life's not fair, is it?

Sonya-I can't tell you how many car shopping excursions we had with Westley.  Cars were disposable with him behind the wheel.  Good luck finding a good one.  Except when I was waiting tables when I was in college, I don't think I've ever had a job where, when I got back from vacation, all the work I left there wasn't still waiting for me, with some new work piled on top.  Job security, I guess?  At least you got a few days with James before school starts back.

Brians Dad-I went to Brian's memorial page and looked at all the pictures I could (it was late and I was dragging)  He was a special person, I could tell, always smiling.  Do you get to see Alyssa?  (I hope I have the name right.) 

Everyone have a good day if you can. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

[briansdad]

[user=53239]westleysmom[/user] wrote:

Brians Dad-I went to Brian's memorial page and looked at all the pictures I could (it was late and I was dragging)  He was a special person, I could tell, always smiling.  Do you get to see Alyssa?  (I hope I have the name right.) 

Everyone have a good day if you can. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

Rhonda,

We see her about every weekend.SHE is my reason for getting up in the morning somedays. And yes Brian loved to kid around.He was one of my best buddies.He had a quick temper but was just as quick to say sorry.

I loved.... love my son.

Greg

 

[heartbeataway]

Hi Sonya,

Pinnacle Days will be at The Cove in Gore, Virginia  the weekend of Sept. 17th.  We just secured a guy for the pig roast last night.  Heavenly Hogs .... interesting name, eh?

If you would like to see a flyer, send me your email. 

I haven't figured out how to link it yet ............

Dan is coming! 

Anyone interested in adding a banner flag to represent your child this is pretty much what we did ....

They are all approx. 11 x 14. I think the one I used is 12 x 18.  The shape is not important and the size doesn't have to be exact.  The fabric can be your choice.  Some used t-shirts or other clothing of their child.  Shape is up to you as long as there is a way to hang them on a line for viewing.

You decorate it anyway you want to represent your child .....

If you look at some of the pictures, it will give you an idea.  Some are done by hand, others were printed, etc ..... 

We have a variety of banners and they are all precious!

I have a few blank flags in different colors that I would be happy to share.  If you have a particular color in mind, let me know and if I have it it's yours.  Just send me your address and I'll stick one in the mail to you.  You can decorate it and send it back.

These are kept together and hopefully will be used at various events/life celebrations.

All you have to do is ask for them ......

Dee displayed them at EriFest and I will display them once again at Pinnacle days in September.  If anyone would like to have them before September let Dee know and she will send them to you.  Then if no one else wants them, they can be sent to me.

The postage is not that much.  I would almost encourage you just to have them sent to you so that you can see and touch them.

It's a moving experience I can't explain.  I know that last year whenever I opened a new arrival, it was so emotional.  I felt close to that child and family in a way I can't explain.

They are each one unique and tell a story.  Put them all together and they are a powerful, precious collection of love and history and life.

I encourage you to add your child and participate in what a lot of us found to be a healing activity.  And it made me feel good that I got it together enough to finish mine and have Jason join the banner parade with the other Indigo kids!

If you have any questions let me know .....

[shorty16]

No, I did not get to plant flowers in the trunk of Michelle's car. (the car was flooded/trashed and was going to be a wierd lawn ornament).

The tow truck picked-up the car yesterday.  Had to rock it to unlock the rusted rotors.

Bonnie,  So happy Pinnacle Days is still going on this year.  I will be sending prayers to heaven for a dry weekend.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[krichie]

My latest sign from Richie was just day before yesturday. There is a tree out back that is my Richie tree I go and sit under it. I call it  his tree becuase when ever he came to chop and split wood he would set up there so he would be in the shade as he worked and it is my place to find a little closeness or alone time

My husband has been cutting down and removing trees so I told him not to ever touch that tree and told him why. He walked over to the tree and there on the ground was Richies sweatshirt. It has been sitting there since the day before the accident and I never saw it all the times I sat out there. I Guess Richie was making sure we both saw it so we would save his tree for him and let us know he was there

God I miss him so very much.

Theres afew other signs but i can't go there now this one is still stunning me. I have gone and sat under that tree so many times since the accident and never opened my eyes or maybe I was not ready to see. But I feel him and I miss him

[heartbeataway]

To krichie:

Wow! Now THAT is a sign!!  Way to go Richie! 

[westleysmom]

Bonnie-do the banners need some kind of clip to hang on the line or does the line run through the banner, like a curtain rod?  I'm not very handy, sorry to be so dense.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[jefferysmommy]

I love all the one more days that have been posted, they are also beautiful and touching.

Carol:  I have you in my thoughts all the time, I know that you and Ralph will be home soon and I am so glad that Cathi is doing well.  Big hugs for you!

Dee:  It gets me too, my good friend's sister had a baby just a couple of weeks after Jeffery was born, within the same month, and every time I see her, of course she is going to be 15 this year, it just makes me wonder what kind of boy, teenager, and man he would have grown up to be.

Sherry:  How horrible, only a thousand dollar fine, and he can still drive truck and live his life...We had a friend that passed away years ago, he was hit by a drunk driver and all his buddies, including me, went to the court house to make sure that this guy wouldn't get bail, he didn't, and he was put away for a couple of years, but in the court room, this guy, said I just want to be able to spend Christmas with my family...Unbelievable, my friends family will not be spending any more time with their loved one, what right did he think he had...

Kathy:  It's terrible the way some people treat children isn't it, and it just makes it that much worse that the person who did it was his grandma.  Big hugs for you, I'm glad that he is home with you and happy again.

Greg:  I went to Brian's site and lit a candle for him, he seemed like such a great kid, I am truly sorry for your loss, your granddaughter is so sweet, I am so glad that you are a big part of her life.  Love all the music on the site.

Elaine:  I love all the pictures, I really have to find the time to scan my pictures of Jeffery so that I can get them up here.

Colleen:  That commercial also airs here in Toronto, ON, and I'm not sure if it was always there, but after I read the letter you had sent, there was a disclaimer added in to the bottom, saying not to try this at home or something like that, it's either I never noticed it before, or it turned up after your letter got to them, but I'm not sure.  I hope that they take it off the air all together.

Bonnie:  Thank you for the banner flag instructions, I will see what I can do to get this done and set out to you before that time, so that Jeffery can be a part of too.

Richie's Mom:  It's amazing how these things happen isn't it?  Glad that you received a good sign, big hugs to you!

Rhonda:  I don't think that you are dense, I am interested to know the answer to that questions myself! 

Jenn - Jeffery's Mommy

[krichie]

Daveydow1-

Its been a tough year the officer was great but legal system was very slow and not sure yet how i feel on justice. The man that Killed Richie did not spend more then 15 minutes at the station that night and no time in jail untill he finally was sentenced in May of this year.

the officer new immediatly the guy was drunk and had one of the ambulance drivers draw blook knowing that by thie the carted him off to charge him his alchol level would drop he was 2.5 times over the legal limit and first words out of his mouth to the officer was " I really screwed up"

It took till May to get him to court and he was sentenced to 15 years all but 5 suspended and some amount like 4000.00. He will never be aloud to have a license in this state again but has a 10 year suspention for any other state. He was suppose to start serving his sentence that day right after the Judge handed it down but he asked if he could have one last weekend with his children since they had a birthday in May. he was givin the weekend that upset me more becuase Richies little girls birhtday was the following weekend and he was not there to see her turn 3 so why was this man aloud to have an extra weekend after being free for all those months after the accident

I still do not know how UI feel on his sentence  if he got life that would not bring Richie back and would not help anyone, but then again why should he come home to his kids in 5 years when Richie can never see his little girl again.

The man was still fairly young in early 30'sn so maybe if he does something meaningful when he gets out I might be acceptable to only the 5 years he gets I guess time will tell.

It seems unfair out of all the injuries that night only your son lost his life, strange how things work out it is so unfair. A 1000.00 fine seems like a slap in our faces. I must admit tho there was times I almost dozed off but I had the decency to pull over and stop the minute I felt it happening. I am so sorry we meet this way.

[shorty16]

Krichie

Do you ever have a thought about meeting or talking to the drunk driver?

I get asked that question alot.  Even though Mike (one of Brian's best friends) was the driver, I do not want to talk with him.  All I hear is "He is suffering too"  My response.  "Not as much as we are"

We were good friends with Mikes family.  We were invited to their home several times for parties.  Not any more.

Many parents in the area thought Mike should not have been charged with homicide.  That Brian was just as much at fault, because he was on the hood of the car.  My response "Brian was not in control of that vehicle."  "Brian did not have his foot on that gas pedal nor his hands on the steering wheel."

The court hearing were very difficult.  Mikes side of the court room was packed with supporters.  Ours was not - very painful  I know Brian was a hellion.  He was a risk-taker.  But to die for it - come on!!!!!

Several hours before Brian was killed, those 3 boys were at our house.  Brian was going to take them in his car, but Brian had gotten a speeding ticket and his probation was lengthened.  He could not have more than 1 other person (not related to him) in the vehicle (WI state law).  I made then switch drivers.  I was the one who set the stage for Mike to drive.  If I could only take that night back, I would have kept my BIG MOUTH SHUT.

Just wondering what your feelings are on this?

Colleen

[krichie]

Again mixed emotions and depends on what day you ask me about talking to the man who took my son away from all of us.

I knew when I went to court that he would apologize and I figured it would be something he did becuse he had to. However he turned rioght around and tried to look us in the face and apologize saying all the things you expect them to say

"nothing I do can change"

I would gladly take his place if I could

blah blah blah

but he was crying and trying to look us in the eyue and he did seem very sincere, I almost felt for him and occasionally I do feel sorry for him but that feeling does not last long. He choose to drink, he choose to drive and he damn well new what could and unfortunatly did happen.

He is forbidden to have any contact with us till he is released so I have 5 years to prepare myself. But I guess to answer your question yes I do want to talk to him, at this stage I have no clue how I will react or what I will say but in 5 years I think I will be able to be calm and intellagent about it ( I hope).

I am trying to atach one of the last pictures of Richie and his little girl.

[shorty16]

Krichie

The boy who took my son's life spent 4.5 months in jail - yes months.  There were no drugs or alcohol involved.  He now is on probation for 5 years.  He is currently 20 years old and a convicted felon.   During that 5 years, he has to make 10 speeches a year on the dangers of car-surfing.

Even though we live within 5 miles of them, we do not see them. 

Like you said, What would we say to them - Why the he#$ did you drive that fast with someone on the hood of your car?  What is he going to say "I don't know"  The standard response.

Right now, if Scott and I talked to Mike, it would make our 2 surviving children VERY MAD.  They see a boy who is free and our family suffering daily. 

We have given Mike permission to contact us, but he never has.  He appoligized in the court room, but that was for his benefit.  The other boy involved has never appoligized.  He came to the sentencing with an attitude.  If I would not have gotten thrown in jail, I would have taken that attitude and *&%^$  Well you know.

Thinking of you today

Colleen  

[krichie]

Shorty16 don't you even start to blame yourself damn it. You were the adult and did the right thing we all would of done the same, He did not have a lioc there fore you did what any logical parent would do not let him drive. It was his friends fault for driving that fast with your son on hood theres a big diffrence of goofing off and driving 68mph

I often wonder when a young kid is respocible for a death how they really react as years go by. Do they just look back as a mistake or do they truely feel like the did an enormous wrong and feel guilt.

You say you all were friends before, I can not imagine not only losing your son but also friendships, and then to be faced with that daily living in the same town.

Do you pass these people in town do they look the other way or cross the street, have they ever tried to talk to you?  I hate to bring it up if its painful. I really don't know how I would react if it were Richie that was drinking that night instead of the other guy.

[jefferysmommy]

I finally took the time to scan some pictures.

Here are a couple of my favourites.

[briansdad]

You know Colleen I did some crazy stuff when I was a kid.I mean things that would curl your hair. But NEVER would I have gone 60+ miles an hour with my friend on the hood.Now I'm sure Brian wasn't yelling for him to go faster.He probably was holding on for dear life and the ass that was driving was the fool that made the decision to go that fast. Not you or Brian. My 2 cents.

[jefferysmommy]

Jeffery and Jessica

[westleysmom]

I love the new pictures of Jeffrey and Richie.  All our children are so beautiful. 

[daniellemom]

Jeffrey is so very cute!!  Your Jessica is a beauty also!  Love that you were able to share the pictures with us.

Richie and his daughter look alike.  What a sign that Richie left for you!  Enjoy your shade tree!

[lolynbo]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ...WE CANT HAVE NEW PPL JOIN....I DONT WANT NO ONE TO BE PART OF THIS SHITTTYYYYY CLUB...I HATE SEEING NEW FACES ...I HATE THAT YOU EVEN HAVE TO BE ON HERE WITH US.....DAMN...NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE WHEN I RETURNED FROM VACA.......

SOOOO MANY PAGES I JUST CANT AND DONT HAVE THE ENERGY TO READ THAT MUCH....IM SOOOOO SORRY YAL ARE ON HERE...BUT IM KOURTNEY LYNNS MOMMY AND SHE DIED FROM A DAMN FN BRAIN TUMOR....SHE WAS ONLY 21 WHEN WE FOUND IT AND 22 WHEN SHE DIED...(READ MY PROFILE)....

I CAME HOME FROM SAN ANTONIO...(WE HAD A BLAST)....AND REAL LIFE SLAPS ME IN THE FACE.....KOURTNEYS NOT WITH HER HUNNY BRENT.....SHES STILL GONE.....AND I WILL STILL VISIT THE CEMETERY EVERY DAY...

I MISSED YAL ALL SO MUCH....I WAS DOWN A BIT ON THE TRIP, LAST TIME WE WENT 5 YRS AGO ....WE WERE A COMPLETE FAMILY.....

AS I SAID IM KOURTNEYS MOMMA...SHES BEEN GONE 2 YRS..1 MONTH AND 2 WEEKS....

[lolynbo]

MY ONE MORE DAY WITH KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

     (SINCE SEVERAL PPL HAVE HAD A DREAM OF KOURTNEY VISITING AND BEING IN HER LOUD DODGE TRUCK, PROB HR BLUE ONE, SHE HAD 3 NEW ONES)...

     KOURTNEY KNOCKS ON MY DOOR, AND I ANSWER IT...WE ARE HOME ALONE SO WE HAVE ALOT OF TIME TO TALK AND LAY IN HER ROOM AND GIGGLE , SNUGGLE..AND KISS OUR SILLY KISS....WE LAUGH INTIL WE CRY (AS WE DID A THOUSAND MILLION XS)...THEN WE DECIDE WE ARE HUNGREY SO WE LEAVE IN RIDE AROUND IN HER TRUCK, AND DECIDE WE WANT HER FAVORITE ELTAP..(KODYS TOO)....WE EAT AND LAUGH AND NO ONE SEEMS TO BOTHER US IN THE REST...WE ARE JUST ENJOING "OUR TIME".......THEN WE DECIDE TO DRIVE TO THE LOCAL OCEAN (WE LIVE IN OKLAHOMA)...AND WE ENJOY THE WAVES AND PLAY AND SWIM...BEING SILLY GIRLS TOGETHER...WE WATCH THE SUN GO DOWN....AND SHE TELLS ME SHE HAD A GREAT DAY WITH HER "MOMMA"..AND SHE WILL NEVER FORGET IT..AND FOR ME TO HOLD THAT FEELING WITH ME FOREVER...AND SHE WOULD SEE ME SOON.....AND THAT I WAS THE BESTEST MOMMA IN THE WORLD.....AND THEN I COULD SEE HER WALK ACROSS THE WATER TO HEAVEN...KINDA LIKE THIS PIC HERE....

THATS MY ONE MORE DAY......

[mikesmum]

Colleen - Thoughts.....well this month my other half is going to court for an accident he attended.  2 young girls from our town died.  The driver had not been drinking or doing drugs.  They had just gone to the next town for Macca's.  He was driving a car with bald tyres (to the metal) and over corrected - his car hit a tree.  One young girl didn't have a seatbelt on the other was his girlfriend. 

Since then "vigilantes' have given him their idea of justice.  He has now turned the aggressor.  He threatens those who would give evidence of his driving and the unroadworthiness of his car.  He's looking at big jail time. 

When I met him years ago he was just a goofy kid doing goofy kid stuff.  To see him now, altered beyond recognition is mind blowing.....He may be here and they maybe gone but his life isn't ever going to be the same.  Being here might just be his own personal hell here on earth forever.....Tuppence worth

 

[daveydow1]

Trudi---Sorry to hear of the two young girls who lost their lives. The driver

of the car was negligent---driving a car that was defective etc. Yes, one can

feel sorry for him, but sorrier for the families of the girls.

Elaine---Thanks for the dear picture of Joseph and his stick horse. The pics

help us here at BI to get to know your dear son.  (I'm not good at posting pics---

so I don't succeed in it very often) ....don't know why.....just not good at it.

Jenn--Sweet pics of little Jeffrey. -Also sorry to hear of your friends who lost a

 loved one to a drunken driver. I know-----it is maddening when the drunken driver

 rushes through a self-serving apology, and then turns to sniveling to the courts

 about HIS family. In Ohio, sleeping while driving is a first degree

 misdemeanor.....punishable for up to 6 mo. in jail, and $1,000. fine. This guy did NO

 jail time.....due to overcrowding n the jails. He never spoke to us to this day....7 yrs.

 later.  It figures.

Krichie----The drunken driver that killed your son only got 5 years???  The laws

seem to be in the favor of the perpatrators.  I can't believe he asked the courts

to grant him time to spend with his family.....and they Ok'd it , when Richie's

poor little daughter had her birthday without her dad.  In OH  if someone causes

a wreck that kills someone....it would appear that all they need to do is say they

fell asleep at the wheel, and they get a pass. I guess I sound so angry,,,but it's

the truth.

Colleen----I have to agree with you, that Mike had the larger responsibility in the

mishap that took your son's life. He was behind the wheel. It's a tragedy.

About apologies------The bonehead that killed Dave did his 'Blah..Blah..Blah

apology' in court and it was addressed to HIS family.....".he's so sorry he caused

them all the trouble etc. etc...".He never once looked in our direction. My husband

and I was the only ones in the courtroom from our family.  When I gave my

witness impact speech, I turned to him with a lg. photo of David, so he could see.

After court, he ran out of the courtroom.....we've never seen him again. His son

was involved in a beating death of a guy outside a gym-facility. 5 guys against one.

The kid (age 21)  turned state's evidence & testified against the other friends......

blaming it on them.  He got off with probation....and a few mo. jail time.( This was a

 couple years after our David died.)   Peace, friend.

Lorri----Thanks for your  "One More Day'  with sweet Kourtney.

              PEACE TO ALL AT BI.

                     Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

   

[summergirl]

Hello dear indigo's - so many wonderful "one more day" posts and so many other posts that are so very sad but I am glad that the sharing is as open as it is...to be able to share views, thoughts and be able to help each other is what this site is all about.   

Lorri - welcome home....I agree with you, I HATE it when a "new member" logs on for it is proof of another family is now walking this journey with us....tears and heart break for all....

I will never understand how a grandparent can actually say "are you stupid" to their grandchild - I am still very angry about it but I will hide it....Tavian will always remember that she said that to him.  There are so many who will not have a grandchild, who have lost an only child so I am much more sensitive to what is said. When a friend says "oh, I don't know what I am going to do, my girl is going off to college, I am going to miss her so much" - well, I want to scream at them "I sure wish my daughter was going off to college because I could look forward to phone calls, e-mails, holiday visits but I get to go to a cemetery instead" - of course I do not say it as I know their lives continue as my life once was but I sure think it !!!:X

Wow, I am so happy that you "new members" are sharing so much ! It makes me remember when I first came here and I did the same thing, I still do.....what a great family we have here.

Kritchie - your son is so handsome and what a beautiful daughter - beautiful pic !

Time to watch a movie with Tavian so good nite my friends....love, strength and peace, Kathy 

[nicksdad]

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you so much Dan!!

[Guest]

Lorri - Welcome home!  I smiled at your emotional response to the newcomers.  Not because it's humorous, but it's YOU!  I realized, at the moment I read your response, how I've grown to love each of you and your different personalities.  I'm still learning, but it blesses me. 

I, too, love the freedom to discuss such hard, emotional topics.  I'm certainly guilty of driving drunk.  It is by the grace of God I never hurt anyone.  When my kids were in the cups of their drugs and/or alcoholism, I used to think how hard it would be if they ever killed someone else.  As hard as it is having Stephanie gone, I still think the other would be more difficult as a parent. 

I have a dear friend whose 12 yr old son (maybe he was 14) was killed by a drunk driver.  She's the one who introduced me to my face to face grief support group.  She finally went to the drunk driver and asked him how it is he lives and functions each day after taking her son's life.  She said she seriously wanted to know because he made it look so easy and she was dying more and more each day.  She said, "Tell me what you did so I can do it, too."  He ended up sobbing.  They now go around speaking for MADD together.  They're team speakers.  She won't speak unless he's with her.  I've never heard them, but I sure want to!

I just know, from my own experience, I NEVER want to talk to the woman who abused my grandchildren....and, they lived.  I don't know what I would be like had she succeeded in killing them.  She sure came close! 

I absolutely believe that our whole purpose for being here is to forgive one another.  I just haven't pulled it off!  It's not that I can't.  I know I can.  I just don't want to when it comes to her.  9 months....that's how much time she got in jail for what she did.  And, then 9 months at a rehab/half way/prison thingy.  She has a job...goes places, etc. 

Some things I think are better left to God to do the forgiving.  I just don't want her taking up space in my brain anymore.  She's not worth it.  I'll let God forgive her.  At this point, I'm willing to answer for my distaste for her.  Hate's to strong a word.  Apathy is more like it. 

I don't see her as a good person who made a poor judgement call.  I see her as evil.  Odd.  I have more sympathy for the man who beat, raped and buried my grandma alive.....than I do the woman who hurt my grandchildren.  Both men were drunk, as was my grandmother.   The one man has either died in prison by now or is still serving his life sentence.  The other man killed himself the next morning, when he realized what he had done.  Both men were in their 40's with families.  Three families were destroyed that night.

I just don't know.  I've heard it said in meetings that booze gave me the courage to do what I've always wanted to do.  I was actually a happy drunk.  A mean sober person.  Go figure.

But, you know.......as a child I forgave my mother everything.  She made huge mistakes but I would defend her until my dying day.  I still would, if she were alive.  My grandchildren feel the same way about their dad.  They see him as a victim.

Very interesting conversation, indeed!

Oh....love the pictures of Jeffrey!!  He and his sister were quite adorable.

And, oh my, but Richie is good looking!  I imagine Michael the arch angel to have red hair.  Why, I don't know.  Just my imagination.  His little girl is so cute, too! 

PS, PS, PS --- I am in Evanston Wyoming, without hubby and children, in a quiet hotel room..   I realized I was hungry a bit ago and just grabbed my purse and keys and went and got something to eat.  I had to call Gary and tell him!  "Guess what I'm doing?  I'm going to get something to eat and I didn't have to load kids or make sure I had a babysitter."  He laughed.

The kids called me later to tell me goodnight.  Jonathon needed me to tell him I missed him three times before he was able to say goodbye on the phone.  It's our first night apart since February 23rd.  I'm sure I WILL miss them, but tonight I'm loving this!  I think that kind of lie was okay!

Love you all!  Oh...Bonnie I'm going to begin working on my banner as soon as I get home...I have it all done in my head.  I'm glad Rhonda asked if you had something to hang them with or if you weave them through a rope or pole like a curtain.  I was thinking even velcro, but sewing a seem would last longer. 

Night!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

first night away from the kids since Feb 23, 2009

[Guest]

In case I don't have time to get on the computer tomorrow, I wanted to let you know, Claudia, that I'm thinking about you and Joey right now!

 

[hotrod]

                             DEAR JOEY

                 SAYING YOUR NAME ON THIS SPECIAL DAY

                            AND REMEMBERING

                   THE JOY AND HAPPINESS YOU BROUGHT

                            TO YOUR PRECIOUS FAMILY

 

BETTY

STEPHEN'SMOM:)

[josephsmom90]

Susananh,

Oh my gosh, I didn't know this stuff about the grandmother and the person that hurt your grand children! I have missed that, maybe I need to go way back somwhere and check that out.

Ah, good ol Evanston, lol, I lived there 15 yrs. I worked the oil patch there & that is the boyz hometown. Is it windy? lol, So do you have your grandchildren? That is what I think I am reading. I am glad you get some time for YOU. I recall doing that from time to time. Though I have it now, don't much like it, but sooner r later better get used to it with Michael being almost grown.

Elaine

[ericasmom]

JOEY- SWEET ANGEL

bless your Momma and all those who love you, tonight and each day with the peace that you have in your heart.Let them feel your freedom and let them know that they will see you again one day.

Love,

dee

[ericasmom]

Going to bed, have not been here all day so quickly-

Kath, Grandma has issues, and she definitely takes lightly the plans you had in place for Tavian with camp.

Jen, the Children are beautiful. The smile on Jeffrey's little face is priceless.

Krichie, Your Son is handsome, gorgeous eyes and a gorgeous daughter too.

Lor, welcome home, glad that you got away a bit. I know it is different than your trip there before, but she was with you. Love your ONE MORE DAY.

Claudia, thoughts and prayers to you today.

Trud, I so agree with your feelings about the driver, his life has Brian's death and the pain of his own doing.

Prayers and healing to one and All.