Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

ZACHY...ZACHY...ZACHY...please surround your mommy with sweet memories of your wonderful self...

Beth...thinking of you and holding you close.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

MICHELLE...SHELLSBELLS...MICHELLE...a beautiful name for a beautiful girl...surround your mom with beautiful memories and your sweet love today...  Sue:  thinking of you and holding you close.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

              Sweet Michelle

 

                 

         Stay Close to Mom

                  and

            Your Family

      This Day and Every Day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

               

[hotrod]

 

 

DEAR SWEET, COMPASSIONATE DEE

REMEMBERING ERI TODAY

 

              

BETTY

STEPHEN'SMOM:)

[summergirl]

[summergirl]

[summergirl]

Sweet Dee -

[summergirl]

Just a quick stop in to say hello - an emotional day so am tired and promise to catch up tomorrow - love to all, Kathy

[mikesmomrs]

BEAUTIFUL ERICA, ERZ, surround your precious mom with love and calm, as these hours in celebration of your beautiful life wind down...saying your name out loud....ERICA, ERICA, ERICA...BING, TINK, ERZ...

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

And the day wound down but boy, before it did, it was a doozy of a day. It poured hard for about 10 minutes about an hour before our party began and then not another drop. I looked at the sky when it darkened and asked that ERi and Lord make a dry sky for the party to be successful. Apparently the storms took another course, (hoping to Ohio to water a large garden at Sherry's).

We were honored by the Angels hanging and swinging in the breeze. Many people asked about the banners and I told the stories, and said Their names. Then Colleen and Scott drove down from Wisconsin and they brought their banner. WE could not hang it at the time as we had about 80 people in the driveway and yard and dinner was being put out so Col draped the gorgeous banner over the fence and again, many folks asked about the handsome young man in the photos...

It was so nice to meet Scott, he is a nice man and he and Colleen jumped right in to the crowd and hung out for a time. Truly a great thing to have a fellow BEYONDER here at ERI-fest. Thanks Col. We will string Brian's banner to the others and pack them gently in the box, and whomever wants them next, I will send them.

Thanks all for the good vibes for today's gathering, it really was a very great day.  Many of my co-workers joined us. All 5 of my nephew Christopher's kids came, and 4 other great nieces and nephew s as well, and many nephews and nieces.  Jonathan's friends were all there supporting our family as they have all along, and Eri's friends were there, we cried a bit, but we laughed too. One just had a baby, 5 weeks old, another young lady is due to have a baby soon, one of Eri's friends just got hired by Second City to be comedian on a cruise liner for the next 5 months. Oh the lives of these wondrous humans, moving forward in the wonderful paths that they created as they grew up. I love them all adn I do love to watch them grow and change and find their ways. I feel blessed by this view, this window that offers this view.

Life takes us by the heart-strings and flies us-

We adjust ourselves in this new world and find a way to

live and love again.

[shorty16]

First - Zachary, Zachary, Zachary and Michelle my Belle, Michelle  my Belle.  Thinking of both families.  May the wings of your angels touch your face and bring you peace.

WOW, Erifest was fun.  The drive from WI to IL was a bit crowded.  As they say in IL  "Wisconsin, Illinois playland."  Many IL with their boats, seadoo's, and ATV's driving home.

When Scott and I turned on Keystone Ave, we saw uniquely updated homes, on a street with mature trees.  Each house was so beautiful in its own way - No cookie cutter homes here.

We first saw John, sweating from cooking, loading drinks, and saying hello's.  He pointed to this beautiful women in her back yard.  The entire back yard in one big garden with paths, a bench, wood fence, etc.  Really something to see

Dee sees Scott (whom she has never met) and grabs him around the neck and hugs the daylights out of him.  I was laughing.  I am next.  It is funny how we do not see each other, but we sure do know each other.

Dee showed us her home - WOW.  The windows are so pretty, uniquely shaped and everywhere.  Each of the 3 bedrooms had their own balcony.  Skylights in the roof.  Kitchen and baths modern.  Wood floor through-out.

Then Dee needed to greet her 80-90 friends and we grabbed a drink and wandered around the yard.  Talked with Dee's school friends, saw the friends of Erica who now have young children.

For Scott and I, seeing Brian's friends only brings us some joy, but, usually pain afterward in what we lost.  I asked Dee that same question.  "Doesn't it make you sad to see life go on without your child?" Her reply "Not anymore"  I sure hope Scott and I can get to that point.

Everyone was very kind to us.  Talked to us and made us feel like part of the family.  Scott and I were honored to be a part of Dee's family, even for a few hours.

The drive home was awesome.  Took 1 hour 45 min.

Thanks Dee

Colleen 

[westleysmom]

Sherry-My younger brother has been a help to me too.  I haven't been able to talk to my older sisters as honestly as I have him.  I think they are too sympathetic, does that make sense?  They cry when I cry, and sometimes you want that, but sometimes you don't need that. 

Colleen-Thanks for the description of Dee's, it sounds so beautiful.  I hope I get to the point where I can be purely happy for Westley's friends moving on and growing.  Right now, I'm with you, its mixed with pain.  Two of his friends are coming for dinner tonight and I imagine when they leave, I'll have a meltdown.  One of the friends is the one that had a tattoo with Westley's name and birth-death date on his arm at the funeral home visitation.  One day we found his wallet at Westley's grave where he had left it when he went there the day before.  They remember him, though, and miss him, too.  The other one wasn't able to come to the service because he was in jail for not appearing in court.  They did let him come to the funeral home the morning of the service, but we weren't there at the time.  I've seen him a few times since then, and he hasn't been in any more trouble, so I hope he has straightened out. 

Susannah-I forget that you are not much farther down the road with this than I am.  Either your personality is just way different than mine, or having the kids to think of has forced you to be, or the second six months is a lot more healing than the first six months has been.  Being around Westley's friends is still painful, like I was telling Colleen, but its mixed with some happiness because they talk about him.  Maybe we'll think of a banner idea before next year.  We just gotta get through our one year mark without going crazy first.  One day at a time, right?

Dee-Rest now that your big to-do is over.  It sounds like it was a great success and you deserve it.  Sorry about the sciatica, I've heard that can be very painful.

Chris and I went to visit a lady from church last night.  Her youngest son died of a heart attack at 38 several years ago.  She's had some heart surgery, she started getting sick in January, so we haven't seen her much.  I couldn't help but cry when I hugged her, I usually try to keep that under control around people.  We talked for a long time about lots of things.  We didn't talk about Westley much until we were leaving.  She told me he was always special to her (and he was, she always asked where he was when he got older and didn't always come to church with us) and I told her he was special to me too.  And she said we miss them, but we have to remember they're in a better place.  And I told her I still wanted him here with me.  But I guess she knew that already.  Preaching to the choir, I am.  But I was glad we went to see her.  So that took the place of my regular Sunday meltdown.  Kind of. I'd already been to the cemetery and had one.  I guess it took the place of my late Sunday meltdown.

Talk to you all later.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[shorty16]

I forgot to tell you.

Scott and I had "Texas Caviar" a Erifest.  A sweet-sour black bean salsa dip.  It was really good.  We did not know what to expect with a name like that.

Also, we got to meet John, Dee's son.  What a handsome young man and very devoted to his mother.  Good to see that.

Love Colleen

[mpsmom]

Shell Belle  I am sorry I missed saying your name yesterday............I know you were watching over your family as they launched your sky lanterns.

[align=center]Michelle, Michelle, Michelle[/align]

HUGS  Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Sweet Little Zachy .................

I know they have Sponge Bob in heaven.....

Until you see your Mom, Dad and Sis again ......................please send them a sign of how happy and healthy you are, playing in the stars and jumping from cloud to cloud.

HUGS

Marcia  Bethanys Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Dee, I am so happy the sun came out and stayed out for ERIFEST.  I read yours and Colleens description of the day, it sounded so amazing........... when I read that you had 'our' banners flying in the breeze, it brought tears to my eyes, I am glad a part of me could be there with you and Eri.

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS AND ALL MY LOVE

Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Well, my friends, we are headed out to the hospital, and I am sorry I don't have time to respond to any recent posts, but you all know I love all of you and your angels, too!

We have created a website for Ralph on the Care Pages site.  It is a site that lets a family member update and friends and family can check it and or leave a message.  here is the link and the instructions:  (you will have to register, but it's quick)

After you enter this link on your search page url:

http://www.carepages.com/carepages/Howsralph

you get to a page where you will have to register to be able to “sign in” to visit Ralph/Mike’s page.  Registering is quick and easy...some of you have already done so.   (if anyone has already registered and was not able to enter a message, that should be cleared up now for you to do so.  Thank you again)

After you’ve registered, a new page will come up.   go to the top of the page and click on “VISIT”   this will take you to a page where you can enter Howsralph.    then, Hit search .

 Once you are at his home page, you will see a box titled “UPDATE” ….. at the bottom of this box click on “send a message.”  It will take you to where you can enter a message.  You can bookmark this page for convenience.

This sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is.  :-) 

I hope to be reporting that Ralph is fine and we are greatly relieved!

love and peace to all, carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mysonrich]

Dee, I was thinking of you yesterday with a hope that the rain would hold off. Erifest rainfree!  

 

Colleen, have you ever considered a 2nd job writing for a real estate company ? :-) nice descriptors. 

 

Rhonda, Yes. You can change the avatar picture as often as you like. If you need help let me know.

 

I've been very weepy lately. Not snot running down my face like Sus , but very weepy. I just let it come. I was thinking about a trip me and Rich took to Wildwood NJ, the shore/beach. It was off season,cabin fever, he didn't want to go but when we got there it was a good time. Just me and him. Time of year for the weeps I guess.

 

A 20 y.o young man lost his life this week-end not far from where my mom died. It was a roll-over, no seat belts worn. I wrote to his parents, ugh, another young man...

 

Carol, will look into the site.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Hi All, Well so far today John (husband ) and I have cleaned the yard and driveways between ours and my best buddy Kay's homes. I have visited my dear Chiropractor, he fixed me up really well, and I have counted the donations for the ERI-fund. It is a quietly wonderful day and I am moved by the wonders of yesterday. The friendships and the comraderie, the joining in and the unity under the ERi sky. She must be smiling, she must be so touched by the love that unites us each year, (each day too) but this annual event just must make her see, and each of us see, that we are important to those who love and support us. ERi will forever be a piece of many hearts, and while those hearts beat, ERi is alive with them.

Col, I don't know what texas caviar is, was the dish labeled Texas Caviar? I didn't really eat, never do on ERi fest day, too busy, but I sure am glad that the food was good. WE will eat some great leftovers today. I made a big black bean salad with tomatoes, green olives, cilantro, lime, and salsa. One of my favorites.

Here is the recipe for my cobblers:

1 cup sugar,

1 cup flour

1 cup milk

1 1/2 teasp. of baking powder

1 teasp. salt

1 stick butter

3 cups either peaches, apples, blueberries (combo) I used peaches and blueberries this time. I squeeze lemmon or lime over the fruit to give it some zip. Sprinkle some cinnamon over the fruit too for added zip.

(If you use apples, cook them stove top for 5 minutes on low to soften them)

melt butter in the baking dish in the oven, meanwhile have three cups fruit ready to go. Now mix the first 5 ingredients together. When the butter is melted take the dish out of oven and pour the mixture on top of the melted butter. Now spoon the fruit on top of that mixture. Put the dish in th eoven on 350 degrees for about 35 minutes or until the top has browned up some.

YUM!

[shorty16]

Betsy,

What a nice thing you did to write to that young mans parents.  They will appreciate more than you know.

I sometimes write to newly bereaved families also.  Usually those who children have died as a result of their own neglegence.  Risky Behavior.  That is tough for a parent not to blame themselves - I did it for a long time.

Dee - The Texas Caviar was put out before the meal.  Some nice women came by and asked if we wanted some "Texas Caviar"  Scott and I looked at each other and said "Hey, Why not"  She set the dip on the first round glass table on your deck.  Right by the metal spiral staircase. 

I will have to look on line.

Hello to my friends.  The work week has started for Scott and I.  Long time until the weekend.

Colleen

[westleysmom]

I found this on Sparkpeople.  Sometimes around here, people make it with blackeyed peas instead of black beans.

Ingredients

• 2 cans of Rotel Diced Tomatoes & Grenn Chiles
  1 - 14.5 oz. can of Black Beans (drained)
  1 - 14.5 oz. can of corn (drained)
  1 large green pepper (diced)
  1 cup of diced green onions
  1/4 cup of Red Wine Vinegar
  1 tbsp. Cayenne Pepper
  1 tbsp. Garlic Salt (optional)
  1 tbsp. Cilantro (optional)

 

Directions

You will need a can opener for this recipe! NO COOKING REQUIRED!

Add 2 cans of Rotel tomatoes, 1 can of black beans (drained), 1 can of corn (drained) to a large bowl with lid. Then add 1 tbsp. Cayenne Pepper and other spices (optional). Mix thoroughly. Add 1/4 cup of Red Wine vinegar and mix thoroughly. Add a cup of diced green onions and a large diced green pepper. Be sure to stir ingredients thoroughly. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Serving size is 1/4 cup served with tortilla chips(not included in the nutrition tracker). This receipe makes 16-20 servings.

Number of Servings: 1

Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user RACHELROCKS30.

Not sure if this is like what you had. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[Guest]

Thanks for the recipes Rhonda and Dee!  I'll let you know how they turn out.

Carol - You gave good directions to Howsralph.  I wasn't able to get there from the Url address you gave, so I just googled Care Pages and found it easily.  I followed your instructions for the rest....and twa-la.....Howsralph is now in my favorites!

Rhonda - Personally, I don't think we're that different.  You are already reaching out to comfort and help others with a kind word.  That's quite significant.  For reasons I don't understand, my family has had more than most when it comes to tragedy.  There are others who have been through worse....but, not very many.  Through it all we have all maintained a sense of humor (sometimes warped.  We have also been blessed (or cursed) with some additional help (that many other people have...much stronger than us)  that has given us a "knowledge" of the hereafter....or non-physical.  All that knowledge or experience meant little, however, when my own daughter died.  I was at about the six or seven month mark when a huge, spiritual experience changed my walk through this journey we call grief.  I haven't been the same since. 

I still hurt sometimes.  I still sob sometimes (snot and all  ).  I still.....well......grieve.  But I am not in despair. 

At the time of Stephanie's death we were in the middle of a civil and criminal trial against the woman (and Steph's ex husband) that hurt my grandchildren so horribly.  Her children has always been our priority.  Their very lives depended on us keeping our focus.  I had to testify just five days after my daughter's service. 

As hard as Steph's death has been.....having my grandchildren virtually kidnapped from us and not knowing where they were for over a year, but knowing they were being mistreated (that's an understatement) was much more difficult. 

My daughter was in the middle of her eight month treatment program when the state contacted us and told us they had her children.  It took everything in Steph's power to stay in treatment.  She had only been out of treatment for six weeks.  For six weeks she was back with her children.  They had their mommy back.  And, then she died in a tragic accident.

Six weeks.

No amount of experience, faith or knowing could explain this to me.  We began receiving powerful, tangible signs and manifestations from Stephanie immediately following her death.  It didn't matter.  Nothing mattered except for the fact her children had lived through pure hell and now had to live through losing their mother on top of it.

I gave a rat's ass that there might be a Creator who had a bigger plan. 

Than I found Beyond Indigo.....I found an outlet.  I was barely functioning at that point in time. 

I did receive a visit or two from a couple of our angels.....but, it wasn't until I had that huge, powerful, spiritual experience that I was able to begin healing....still healing...either that or I've gone pleasantly, clinically insane. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[lolynbo]

THATS ME I WISH SOME DAY ..."ID GET IT"...I DONT FEEL AS SPIRITUAL AS I SHOULD....I GUESS AS KOURTNEY SAID "IM TRYING TO HARD"...

AS YAL AL KNOW WE ARE WHITE TRASH...SO IM POSTING KODYS 2ND WIN PIC FOR YAL...ITS ME, MONTY, BROOKE, JOSH (HE HELPS SOMETIMES) KIMMY, CODY AND OF COURSE KODY...NOTICE KOURTNEY WATCHING OVER ALL

THIS IS US ON SATURDAY NIGHTS...HOT TIRED AND WATCHING THE BABY HAVE FUN

[westleysmom]

Susannah,

If you're pleasantly, clinically insane, then we are not different at all!  Just looking at your posts, you seem so much more sane than I ever feel anymore is what I meant and it hasn't been that much longer for you than I've been in the crazy boat.  I'm having a hard time believing there is a plan and while I still believe the Creator has to be in charge, I'm wondering what he was thinking!  While I was still in that horrible ER room with my son, my Sunday School teacher called me and said she didn't know what to say and I said "You tell me that God has a plan and that its going to be alright" and she said "I can't, Rhonda.  I don't know why this has happened"  And if there is a plan, I think it sucks and I hate it.  I hate it for you and your grandbabies and me and my daughter and her two year old, who sometimes when I tell her she's my baby, will look at me funny and say "Westley's your baby, Nana."  And I tell her she's right, and then I try to think of a reason to leave the room, so I can cry without her seeing, so she won't ask me if I'm sad.  And for my husband who was the fourth "Dee" and Westley was the fifth, and now there won't be a sixth and it is killing him.  So I just feel like I'm still in the twilight zone most of the time and I hope that I can make it to where you are soon. (not insane, I'm already there)

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

 

[westleysmom]

Lorri,

Nothing wrong with white trash I hope, or they'll kick me out!  Love the picture! 

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[Guest]

Lorri -  You're the cutest bunch of white trash I've ever seen!  I pefer the term "red neck" myself.  Growing up, we really were white trash.  I know all too well what that term means.    Who was that picture of on facebook that was hurt? 

[summergirl]

Dee - I am thrilled that Erifest was such a success and rain free - each year seems to be a success and I believe it will be for as long as you continue. I am so happy Colleen and hubby got there - what an extra special treat.    Your house was described beautifully and I can picture it in my mind - just the kind of setting you belong in.    Yes, I can see that you are happy for Eri's friends, for what they have accomplished, the lives that continue forward.     Thank you for hanging the flags and saying our Angel's names out loud....I love that our Angels travel together and their names are heard, a part of them seen through the flags made by loving hands and hearts of the wounded parents....Jessica loved to travel...

I love the posts, reading tonight brought me a sense of peace and happiness....

Lorri - I am a Red Neck, country music and NASCAR all the way.....you can even call me white trash and that's ok with me....No high tower hotel for me....camping is my way to go.....we always laugh at the beach when camping and say to each other "I wonder what the poor people are doing ??" and then we answer "camping on the beach"      Jeff Gordon is in town, has his yacht named "24 Karat" docked in Sag Harbor (about 7 miles from us).....my friend Chris called us Saturday and said Jeff was at his restaurant if we wanted to come meet him - my husband was all set to go and Chris called back and said he had just left - he will call when he comes again. Barry is a big Jeff Gordon fan......   Jon BonJovi owns a restaurant in town called the Blue Parrot - he is there often in the summer but I have yet to go there....my nephew is a bouncer there and said some times Jon closes the door and plays some songs for everyone - I think he is just about the cutest thing I have seen !!!!    Congrats to Kody - gotta love that boy.

Carol - my prayers and thoughts with you and Ralph today....anxious to hear from you on how all is.....hugging you...

Suz - I think you asked me about my son....he is doing very well, still clean, has a nice girlfriend. He is continuing with school and his test for his CDL comes up soon. The girlfriend is a nurse.   I pray each day that it continues this way, that his days of drugs are over with.  He sounds so different now when I talk to him, more like a man and we talk about Jessica alot....he said he knows how mad she was at him for his behavior but also knows that she loved him....thank you for asking and will keep you updated.

I feel ok today - the tears have stopped for the moment......I have decided I am going to buy the lanterns and send them off for Jessica's birthday but think I will do it from Gin Beach - my sister-in-law and hubby are there camping so we may go down. I do not want to go to the cemetery and "celebrate" her birthday - I may wait until we are all camping and have each couple send one off and say what they want,  I am not facing her birthday well this year - maybe because it is the 5th one without her and it seems like yesterday that I was laughing and talking with her and then again it feels like forever -----  I am moving on with my life but a part of me will always be stuck in the day she left.......

I love you all - peace, strength and prayers. Kathy

[lolynbo]

THANKS GUYS...KODY WAS SO PROUD...CAN YOU ALL BELIEVE HE WILL BE 18 THURSDAY...I JUST CANT TIME JUST KEEPS ROLLN

THAT WAS MY NEPHEW THAT WAS IN A WRECK JUST DAYS AFTER KODYS, DAYS AFTER KIMBERLYS...HIS NAME IS JOHN MARSHALL HE IS ALOT LIKE KOURTNEY LYNN...HE WILL BE OK HIS CT SCAN WAS GOOD...(THANK GOD)

WE LOVEEEEEEEEEEE NASCAR BUT NOT JEFF GORDON....LOL WE DONT THROW THINGS AT HIM (LIKE OUR BEER WOULDNT WANNA WASTE IT LOL) WE LIKE JR..., HARVICK...STEWART (KODY DOES)...AND I LIKE MY SELF JR AND JR.....LOL

MY DOGGIE IS STILL ILL I WILL HAVE TO MAKE A DISCSION (SP) SOON ON WHAT TO DO WITH HER....WISH KOURTNEY WOULD JUST TAKE HER IN HER SLEEP....

WE LEAVE SUNDAY FOR SAN ANTONIO...SOOOOOOO READY....YAL MEET US THERE

[Guest]

My son calls us white trash, too.  He always laughs when I say "redneck" to correct him.  It's all good. 

Turns out I was wrong about my son.  So glad!!  He's still doing "the deal" but just not reporting to his mother about it.  What's up with that?  Hopefully I'm wrong about Steph's friends as well.  (fingers crossed)

I like the idea of writing to people who have lost children.  How do you go about it?  How do you get their address?  My sister still includes her sons obituary (which includes the fact his death was suicide) in a card to people who loses someone to suicide.  It's something I WANT to do but haven't do so, yet. 

I, too, love the description Colleen gave of your house.  It paints a good picture of you and your inhabitant.  Also glad Eri days turned out so well!

Wishing you all a good night's sleep!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[ericasmom]

Going to try to attach some photos:

these should be the banners, don't know how to attach more than one photo...so be patient with me, thanks, THis is Bethany, Rich and Jason.

dee

[ericasmom]

having a hard time posting these...OH, this is the banner that Col and Scott brought all about their Boy Brian. Isn't it great?

[ericasmom]

I have to go to sleep, big day tomorrow, taking four former students who are now future 6th graders, to the ART INSTITUTE and out to lunch and walk around downtown.

I will need my energy for that.

Love to all, I will try posting the rest of the banners another time.

Kath, such nice news about BJ.

Great news about Kody in third place, adn fun photo.

White Trash/Red Necks, love it all.

Carol, Ralph, prayers are being said...

Love Dee

[ericasmom]

I see Kourtney's in black, Micheal in cream and Zachy..How bout one more?

[ericasmom]

That is Adam and Carol's Mike.

[ericasmom]

That's Kayla, Stephen, and ERz.

[ericasmom]

I think that this one is Brian, Greg's Son...

[ericasmom]

I believe that this one is Jess, Kathy's Girl and Rohan.

[ericasmom]

these are the beautiful flowers Colleen and Scott grew and brought to our home alongside a photo of Erz in my living room, and next to HER E, and a book I read at her funeral.

[ericasmom]

the double yellows should be Nick, Dan's Son, and Dan's nephew Adam.

[ericasmom]

Fly away balloons, and Goodnight Moon...

[ericasmom]

How odd Bonnie, the woman who sent the banners on to me, I don't have the close up I thought I had of Jason, but you will see that he is on the far right starting us out, and Erz is on the far left.

[mikesmum]

These are amazing pics of an amazing day - weather bought to you by amazing angels....

[ericasmom]

Thanks Trud, yep, the Angels definitely made sure of the weather. It really was a wonderful day.

My little Great Nephew Mike, came in the kitchen when I was begining to clean up and he asked some very pointed questions. He asked about if all the people on the banners knew Eri, I said, they do now but did not when they were all alive. He asked how some of them died and because I could see in him and hear in his voice that he was on the fringe of being afraid of things, I softened and rounded the stories of the kids. He asked if Eri would recognize him even though she died when he was only 2, and I said Yep, she loves you, she held you when you were a new born babe. He asked me if I had a picture and I do actually and showed him and his eyes got watery, and he said ohhhhh.

Love to you all,

dee

[shorty16]

Susannah,

In order to write to families that have recently lost a child, I have to hear about it first.  Usually on the news or from a friend.  Then I go to our local newspaper and try to get full names, cities, anything that will pinpoint who and where to send the letter.  Most of the time the parents are divorced and the child has a different last name then the parents and may live in different areas..

After I have all the information from the paper, I go to the white pages on line and try to get an address.  The white pages work about 80% of the time.  The other 20%, I wait for the obituary and send to the funeral location.

I also have a form letter of sorts with Brian's picture and a Holy Cross.  That makes it real, like I am not some crazy person.  The form letter does not go into the specifics of Brian's death, just that he died doing something reckless and we are here to suffer the concequences. Worded much better than the above paragraph.  I tell them about BI and give them my cell number.  About 40% have called back.

Hope this helps.  This is alot of work.  That is why I only write to those parents of children who died being reckless.  I can relate to the utter dis-belief and feeling of failure in the beginning.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Hey Indigos

The flowers we brought to Dee and John are from our garden.  Which has turned into a rain forest with all the rain and hot weather we have had.

The Sunflower is Maroon.  The seed packet said Red.  I cut a regular sunflower for comparison.  Actually, these are Branched Sunflowers; meaning one plant produces many flowers, but they are smaller than normal.

The sunflowers are growing in the flower-bed Scott made out of the wood from Brian's snow-board ramp.  Very special!!

Enjoy - Anyone else have different flowers in their gardens?

Colleen

[Guest]

Thanks for the information about sending a letter, Colleen!  As for gardens, I let mine die this year.  We even let the front lawn die.  We just didn't have it in us to care. 

I love all the banners, Dee!  I'm so glad you posted them.  I will make one for next year!

Carol  - Thinking of you and Ralph.  My Amanda met with a surgeon and pain specialist yesterday.  I'm not sure if it was in Lebanon or not.  She's going to fill me in this morning.  She said they were "awesome".  She's still scheduled to have exploratory surgery on the 13th of August and I think that's in Lebanan.  May I give her your name to look up?  I'm half tempted to fly there for the exploratory surgery.  In fact, as I write this, that sounds like a very good idea.    I could still be back in time for the kids to begin school.  I'll have to thrash it around in my brain a bit.

Kathy  - Did you say what you were doing about traveling to see your mother?  I don't remember.  The lanterns for Jessica's birthday sound wonderful.  I know what you mean about not wanting to go to the cemetary for her birthday.  We didn't go to the crash site on Stephanie's, either.  In fact, we removed the big cross from the crash site and just the smaller one remains.  I may or may not visit there again.  I found myself "looking" for her there, and getting more depressed with each visit.  They fixed the fence, which was necessary but felt "weird".  I can't get to the actual spot where she laid, dying now. 

Colleen - My daughter died being wreckless.  She had no business on that four wheeler.  It was too new, too fancy, for her.  She was going too fast.  Her friends were convinced the man she was seeing at the time killed her....it was his four wheeler.  The investigation said he was telling the truth and wasn't even there.  She was alone for about five minutes.  When he got to her she was already dead.  If I allow it, the guilt, regret and questions tear me apart.  I spent a lot of time "digging" through my soul for an answer by writing and reading here on BI.  I thank you all for that. 

During that half awake, half asleep stage this morning my brain was saying, "My daughter's dead."  "My daughter died."  I guess subconsciously I'm still trying to grasp it.  Last night Gary and I talked about the irony of how difficult this has been for me.  Stephanie sent some powerful signs....the wild bird on my shoulder, the hummingbird,  the owls,  the dreams.....etc....but, grief seems to be one of those laws that has to be walked through, experienced.

Hypothetically speaking..... the best surgeon in the world who understood completely why his leg had to be amputated to save his life would still feel the pain and miss his leg. 

That sounds arrogant of me.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to imply I'm the best at anything.  I just mean to say I was surprised I had to walk through grief because of the experiences I've had.  My journey through grief is exactly the same as all of you.  Just as painful.  Even when I've had a visit I still don't feel comforted.  It's so ironic.  That's all I'm saying.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's,

As it so happens, it looks like I will be flying to New Hampshire.  Not exactly sure of the date.  I spoke with my oldest daughter this morning and there is no way I can't be there when she has surgery.  The doctors might NEED me to explain things. 

She is very impressed with the doctors she has met thus far.  They did a stress test for pain management and when they were done asked her how it is that she is still walking.  The surgeon told her not to get her hopes up for the intestinal transplant.  Because of her "intestinal history" she doesn't look like a good candidate, but he is not ruling it out.  He told her that he has never met anyone who has everything wrong with them that she has and lived past five years old.  He thanked her for choosing them as her doctors and is excited to help her. 

During this upcoming surgery they will remove scar tissue and mass.  They will determine whether there really is a fourth kidney and if it isn't find out exactly what it is with the possibility of removing the extra kidney(s) that don't function properly.  They will determine if the cancer diagnosis is correct that she was given here in Casper.  By the looks of things right now, it appears she does, indeed, have cancer.  After this surgery and she is on her way to recovery, they will send her to an orthepidec surgeon for her back/spine.

The bottom five vertebrae are fused together and there are cracks in the spine by her neck wich has created "spurs".  They are worried that jarring her neck---whiplash or falling--could actually paralyze her or break her neck completely.

How she has survived remains a mystery.  As the doctor said, she is a walking, talking, breathing miracle. 

Her surgery will be in Lebanon.  I don't know if that's the name of the town or the hospital.  I will find out.  Apparently the hospital is huge.  Amanda said the doctor said there is a motel connected to the hospital which we can rent for about $25.00 a day. 

The money or financing the trip does not worry me.  The kids begin school on the 18th of August.  That bothers me.  My daughter not surviving surgery bothers me more.  I've already allowed my thoughts to entertain the chance the doctors may deliver the news that she didn't make it....planning her funeral, etc.

That's insane, I know. 

Gonna take a nap, now.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom (and, Amanda's mom and Curtis' mom and Jennifer's mom and Stephanie's kid's mom)

[westleysmom]

Susannah-You need a nap if anybody does.  That's a lot to absorb, and I hope that you sleep well.  I'm glad that Amanda has found somebody in the medical community who seems to want to help.  If I'm not mistaken, they're not all that way.  I hope it all works out with school starting back and everything.  It sounds like you'll be stretched pretty thin, so take all the naps you can. And keep that ponytail on.

Loved the pictures of the banners, Dee, and glad everything went so well.  Maybe by next year I can get something put together for Westley.  I still can't think about that too much.  The boys (Westley's friends) came over last night for dinner.  They are sweet to think about us and come and visit.  I didn't fall apart after they left like I thought I would.  Trying to cut down on the caffeine (my favorite food group after doughnuts), maybe that's helping with the waking up, because I slept pretty good.

I signed up for Ralph updates, but I don't guess anybody's heard anything, have they?  I hope all is going well.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[daveydow1]

YIKES !!----I skip a day or two, and I'm really behind.....so here goes.

Dee----Thanks for the pics of the banners at ERi Fest, and I'm glad that the

weather was so nice. We did get some rain....hoping for more. The fields

need rain.  So nice that ERi's friends came to the ERi Fest. Thanks for recipe.

Rhonda---Yes, it is good to have someone to talk to about our beloved children

who passed over. It's good you have your brother to talk to. You are right---

the first year is especially painful and heartwrenching. I copied the salsa recipe....

thanks for posting it.

Colleen---Nice that you were able to go to the ERi Fest. Such a nice day.

Carol---Sending thoughts & prayers for Ralph, you, and the family.

Susannah----It's good you are going to be able to go to NH to be with Amanda

when she has surgery. I will pray hard that the surgery is successful. Peace, friend.

Kathy----I, too, like Jon BonJovi. He is a good looking guy. Hope you get to meet

him someday, or at least to be sitting in on one of his music sessions.

         Peace & Tranquility to all INDIGOES.

          Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[lolynbo]

AHHH DEE THANK YOU FOR THE PIC OF KOURTNEYS BANNER.....IN THE ONE PIC OF THE BALLOONS AND CLOUDS...DID ANYONE ELSE

SEE ANGEL WINGS????? IN THE CLOUDS?????