Loss of an Adult Child

[josephsmom90]

Hey BI's,

Say prayers for Michael, he was in a wreck in Michigan with his cousin. He is going into or already in surgery to remove road rash from his knee/leg. I talked to him, he sounded OK. Though I was THE LAST TO KNOW! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW, WHY DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN WHEN THE KIDS ARE WITH THEIR DAD!!! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WITH HIM TODAY, I KNEW IT!!!!!!

[summergirl]

Josehphsmom - prayers are with you as Michael goes through surgery - I cannot even imagine how scared you are but thank God he will be ok. I do not know why we are the last to know things, it rips us apart...HUGS to you

Dan - Nick's site is sooooooooo beautiful...it takes my breath away. Yeah, we do believe in our minds that the 2nd year will be easier then the first and third easier then second but - NOPE - just as diffacult and sometimes moreso....Thanks for the link, I will go there when done posting.

Suz - have a great time in Iowa and with the "pirate birthday"

Dee - you amaze me with your wisdom and knowledge. From the very first time I posted here you were one of the first to grab hold of my hand and hang on tight. The children you tutor and teach or so very blessed to have you as we here are.  I am sorry about the "train wrecks" - it hurts so damn bad to know another life lost and even more so when it is as we lost our child.     Joe sounds like an amazing reporter and I was smiling reading of your words of him - to be able to tell Eri's story as it should be told.       I remember about a month after Jessica passed a friend of hers called me very upset because there was talk going around that Jessica had really died from a drug over dose - I was so very hurt and angry that such a rumor would be going around, all I wanted to do was write an article to our local paper and let all the know that they were welcome to come to my house and personally read the autopsy report which firmly stated no drugs in system....then I just said to myself, to hell with anyone who wants to talk about my Jessica that way - let them believe what ever they want....But I am still angry about it 4 and a half years later...

Carol - Ralph looks GREAT and I am so HAPPY that he is home and you can look at him sitting across the room while you type....yes, prayers are answered.  I feel your relief in your posts and can picture your smile as you look at him....

Sonya - so good to see you here....

Thank you all for your prayers for my mom....I will talk again to my sister tomorrow.  I know that my dad loves my mom deeply but I am feeling that he is being very selffish by not accepting what the doctor's are telling him....He is not able to take care of mom the way she needs to be taken care of, he is 75 years, has a bad back and does not have the strength to help her.....she has no use of left arm and leg, has to be helped with everything she does. Assissted living housing is the best place for them according to the doctors so hopefully they will be able to convince my dad. I love him dearly but boy can he be stubborn !!!!

Tavian was sitting in his chair relaxing tonight, I walked into the room and he said "mi-mi, I really need a hug", so I hugged him and the tears started "I miss mommy so much" - held him and comforted him the best I know how.  I told him that I understood how hard it is for him to go to his friend's house and they have a mommy and his is in Heaven - he replied "I hate it"..... I think Dee that you mentioned that it is easier for a child to let the saddness become anger.....well Tavian has had so much anger at me lately, saying mean things that hurt, things he has never done before..I am trying hard to have patience with him but it is very trying so any suggestions would be extremely welcome !!!

Time for Shark Week again so I need to say good-nite.    Prayers, love and peace to all BI members...thinking of all of you...Kathy

[ericasmom]

CArol, I am going to have a fat free fudgesicle in Ralph's honor, and a glass of wine in yours. HOORAY really HOORAY. You have all been through so much. Kim and her Daughter are lovely, and I wish I could hug them for all the support they gave. Wow! Big sigh of relief.

Elaine, you really did know that something was up today, you were nervous and it came through loud and clear. Joe was holding his brother close though, and Mike will be okay.

Prayers and hope,

dee

[josephsmom90]

You know, I absolutly HATE the KNOWING! I hate this! He's in surgery now. By the looks of things there is no bone breakage, no tendon/muscle damage. Just a hole, and need to remove gravel!

[josephsmom90]

This is a photo of Michael and I in August of 08.

[josephsmom90]

Carol,

Love the pictures! I've not read the whole post yet, or many of the others, been frantic in a mild way about Michael in the hospital.

Elaine

[jefferysmommy]

Hi BI's

First, Elaine, my thoughts are with you as you are at home and frantic, try to stay calm, I know how hard that is, and take some big breaths, big hugs for you.

Carol:  So glad that you and Ralph are home, get some well deserved rest and take care of yourselves!  I am so happy for you, woo hoo!

Kathy:  I'm not sure how old Tavian is and I'm sorry that you are having some issues at this time, sometimes when they are little, it is best to make sure that he is getting enough sleep and healthy foods, I know that if mine are hungry or tired, they are far more irritable, and because of the summer break, we tend to keep them up a little later, or not worry about all meal times being healthy as we try to pack their days full of fun.  Just that in itself may be enough.  Talk to him, have him use his words and express how he feels when he talks about his mom, I know you do these things already, and tell him it's alright to be mad, it may just need to be better directed, and with a little guidance on how to direct that anger, it might help.

Dee:  You were meant to be that little girl's tutor, and she couldn't get a better one if she tried, so sorry that you had to hear about another car/train accident and glad that ERi's story was told how it should be told.

PS: I figured out colour...I mean color...I am Canadian...

Jenn - Jeffery's Mommy

[josephsmom90]

OK, I just thought that "is this weird or is it just me?" 1993 (ish) my ex husband (Steve) ex wife is murdered in Nevada. I raised her daughter from age 7 to 18. When they were splitting up, Becky (Steve's first wife) got into a head on collision and was almost killed. They had been in the process of a divorce. He took her home, cared for her till she was well, then they divorced. Becky gave Jackie to Steve. 1988 Steve marries me, he thought Jackie needed a mom. Though I didn't know it then. 1990 we have twins, 1994 we have Michael. 1999 Elaine leaves Steve, 9 mo later Elaine gets into a head on with a truck while she is on her motorcycle. After ICU/comma/two mo in hospitals, Elaine gets out takes her sons home alone, Steve does not offer to assist. 2007 Steve picks up Joseph and Michael in Ca to take them to Yellowstone on a vacation with his sisters. He is pulling a brand new toy hauler with is motorcycle in it. 40 miles from home on N E I-80 the toy hauler starts swaying and ends up twisting and they crash. No one is injured. 2008 Daniel escapes near sever injury on an oil rig that has some tubing that is under extreme pressure comes apart and  whips around him like spagetti. 2008 Joseph falls asleep behind the wheel ONE HALF block from his dads house and plows the neighbors horse trailer. 2008 Joseph is doing 65 on the 1-80 freeway n of Park City Utah when his rear axle snaps, rolls car with two friends inside. No one is seriously injured. 2009 Joseph is missing, six days later found dead in a pond. 2010 Michael is injured on a mule while kids are driving (in this case a 14 yr old) on public highways!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??

[ericasmom]

YEP, it is weird Elaine, way too many scary moments. Let us know how Mike is as soon as you know. I am holding you close as you sweat this one out. I know it must be hard being far away. Where in Michigan is Michael?

Kath, earlier you and I posted at around the same time and I did not look back till now, so sorry I did not acknowledge your very kind words. Thanks Sweetie, I remember your coming here in the start, you and Trudi and Bonnie all around the same time and I felt so sad for your broken hearts, still do but looking back, my the many steps you have all taken, we have all taken and will continue to take.

As far as Tav saying mean things to you...I don't know if Jess went through a stage where she said mean things but I do remember that Jonathan was 10 when he said, "I hate you." I was heartbroken but knew that many kids at that age start using language that brings us to our knees because it is powerful but also because at that moment, he hated me. Anger is a very real emotion, but getting to what is causing it is important. If it is you saying you can't sleep at a friends house, well that is simply anger, if he uses mean words with that, two schools of thought. 1. you could ignore his words, (hard to do) and go about your business but be firm about your rules, not backing down just because you said no about something else. Kids are damned good at playing us with that. EXAMPLE"You said no to going to Jack's so I think it is fair if I watch a bloody movie and play game boy for 3 hours." Important to use the rules in place even when he is disappointed with you.

2. Some folks punish kids for behavior that is disrespectful. If their child says mean things, they may take away privileges with games/tv/computer. Some folks argue that there is not a reasonable connection from the behavior to the punishment.

I believe that with what Tav has been through and with his age, he may be experiencing some very common age-appropriate stuff but that needs your attention because it can be a mix of mad adn sad. Of course he is angry that life is not fair, that he does not ahave a mom and the other kids do. The reminder could be hard for him, but it is something going to always be there so finding ways to work through it. This might be where the sad comes in. Yes it is not fair that your Mom died, it is sad not being able to see her everyday. Replacing the word mad with sad with someone his age sometimes does wonders. It allows another reaction that is less disrespectful and more mindful of his heavy heart. 

Sometimes it is the way we say things that pull them up short...EXAMPLE- "it's not okay to speak to me that way so I am going to go do some chores and when I come back we will talk about the way you are behaving, in the mean time, there is no tv and no computer and no games." Tell him why though, make the connection for him. There will be no games until I say so because I want you to think about your behavior and electronic games/tv/comp. allow you to escape thinking about it. So for the next 30 minutes, you have some big thinking time, you may want to write it down in a journal, which may help you sort it out. And by the way, you can hate me, but I will still love you enough to carry you through the whole time you are hating me."

Good luck Kath, with school coming close he could also be sweating the change in freedom which could be hard, was always hard for my two, especially Eri. I would advise all parents/grandparents/caretakers, to start inching back on the bedtime by going 10 minutes earlier every three nights or so. Only late nights left might be on Friday and Saturdays. Getting the body and minds adjusted before school begins really helps once it does.

Thanks to those of you who commented on my little buddy that I tutor. She is a dear. She and her Mom know that I get it, which does comfort them a bit I think.

Carol sweet dreams in your own beds tonight. How cozy. I know you have a zillion papers to read and meds to keep straight, but hey, Elvis has left the hospital!

Love to all,

dee

[josephsmom90]

He is in Mt. Pleasant. His dads hometown is Beal City. He is out of surgery and as far as we know there are no complications/broken bones/ torn tendons/muscle damage. He is at his aunt & uncles in town though. That is where they are staying Thanks for your thoughts.

[josephsmom90]

Kathy,

Thank you for your words of kindness. He is OK, out of surgery and aparently no damage to the bones, muscle, or tendons. Now will it be as weasy as they all want it to be? Meaning travel by truck to Niagra in Canada, then to Penn, and on to NC with five in an ext cab, not a crew with four doors. Then the last leg of the journey will be from NC to Wyoming, but only Steve and Michael will be going that far.

Elaine

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I just wanted to connect quickly before I run to the dentist.

Carol So glad the "Elvis has left the building"  Loved the wonderful pictures, the heart, the sightings of the Bugs and the 3 Michaels who worked for Ralph in the hosptial.  PLease try to rest .  Good luck on your new menu revision.

Elaine, it does seem you have had your share of hardship.  Praying for Michael

Dee What a wonder you are!!!  The small child you tutor  is so fortunate to be under your wise direction.  In fact, as  have said before all your students have received a gift by being in your class.  I know that I changed my sadness into anger, bif time after my husband passsed away 20 years ago.  I ws compleely unaware of it until one day I was sitting in my office working and I began to feel extremely sad and I found myself looking around for someone/something to be angry with!!!:?.  That stopped me in my tracks.  I then began just to feel the sadness and, as you know it worked!!!  Jenn and your suggestions to Kathy were so right on.

Sonya, so glad to see Danille and to hear about your son, James being settled in school.  The summer certainly flys.

 I am so sorry about the experience with the tow truck driver. 

Susannah , Lorrie, Betsy,  thinking of each of you at this difficult time

Trudie, Sonya, Bonnie, Claudia, Dan, Greg  you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rhonda, Jenn, Lisa, and all the recent new Indigos.  Please keep posting and sharing your angels.  I know that just coming here and connecting with my "real world" helped to regain my sanity.

BettyStephen's mom

[shorty16]

Indigos

I got an e-mail from Jeff Knutter yesterday.  Jeff is Brian's cornea recipient, and Jeff and Donna also lost a 17 year old son, Alex from menningitus(sp).

Jeff told me that on Alex's birthday, they had a light house by them lit in honor of Alex.  WI is filled with lighthouses.  The historic ones are still functional, but no longer guide in ships.

I am going to try to get some area lighthouses lit for Brian's Birthday, next July.

What a great idea, HEY!!!!

Colleen

 

[westleysmom]

Elaine-Hope things are going okay with Michael today. 

Colleen-That is a great idea about the lighthouses.  You'll have to send us pictures when it happens.

I had a dream last night, well early this morning about Westley.  I can't remember much about it other than we were at my Grammy's house (she died many years ago) and Westley was supposed to come there, but he didn't show up.  I was so worried about him in my dream, I didn't hear from him for a few days.  And then I thought, well why don't you call him and ask him when he's coming?  So I called him and someone answered his phone, I could hear music and people talking, but I wasn't sure it was him.  I don't even really remember what he said to me, but I never saw him in my dream.  It has left me feeling very weepy today, like I just found out that he's not coming back.  I guess I find that out every morning when I wake up, but I didn't get to forget it in my sleep like I usually do.  I hope if I have any more dreams, that I don't realize in them that he's gone. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[krichie]

westleysmom- So sorry you had a dream like that, I hope you can snap out of the weepies, but pefectly understand why you are in that state.

I am not myself today and am in a funk I just got on to make sure Micheal was doing ok . As much as Richies passing has effected me I don't believe thats my issue today. I think my body is just warn out from grieving, the humidity and just plain tired.

So I hope you all on BI are doing as well as can be expected and will be back another day.

Prayers are with you all

[josephsmom90]

Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and concerns. Michael is apparently doing well. Came through surgery fine. There is no lasting damage to muscle, tendons, or broken bones. They stiched him up and sent him home about midnight. He is doing well. ME? Not so good.... Can't seem to get it together today/yesterday... not even to shower. Just float between the computer n smoking spot on the deck. Is it just me, am I stupid or what? But he went into surgery to get the debri cleaned out, went home, and is now on his way to Niagra in Canada in a truck with his dad/dads gfriend n her kids... Gee stupid mother anyway, I'd have had him rest at least a day with his leg UP! But heaven forbid if MONEY (the god of his daddy) might be lost due to changed reservations! Oh great now I get to see if I was admitted in to the U of Colorado's distance Masters I am so not up for anythhing!!! I better go check the email and see if I got in or not.

[lolynbo]

WELL GUYS I SURVIVED THE SURGERY...AND THEY LOOK LIKE HECKEL AND JECKEL...THEY LOOKED BETTER B4 THE REDO....LOOKS LIKE THEVE BEEN TROUMPLED ON BY THE GREEN BAY PACKERS....IVE WEANED MY SELF OFF THE LORTABS I ONLY TOOK 4.5... NOT EVEN TAKING TYLONOL....I HAVE HAD TO TAKE THE NAUSEA MED THOUGH...MONTY HAS BEEN GREAT...HE WENT TO WORK THE OTHER DAY AND I NEEDED HELP GETTING OUT OF BED TO GO PP...I SAID KODY WILL YOU HELP ME, HE NEVER COMPLAINED HE MADE SURE I DIDNT FALL AND LEFT THE ROOM AND CAME BACK FOR ME....WHAT A SWEETY

SEEMS LIKE NO ONE LISTENS TO ME...I SAID "NO MORE NEW COMERS PLZ GOD"....NO MORE...I CANT STAND IT...

I HAD OVER 8 PAGES TO READ AND STILL 11 PAGES FROM OUR TRIP LAST WEEK...I WILL NEVER GET CAUGHT UP....

JUST KNOW THAT WE ARE HERE FOR YOU...IM SORRY THAT YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF OUR CLUB...BUT WE ARE HERE FOR EACH OTHER

[westleysmom]

Lorri-I'm so glad you're back. I was getting a little worried about you.  Don't try to do too much, a little tylenol never hurt anybody.  Surely, in a few days, Heckel and Jeckel will be better than new.  Hope you get to feeling better fast.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[lolynbo]

GUR A RABID DOG WOULDNT PLAY WITHTHEM NOW...LOL

THIS WAS ON OUR COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS FLYER THIS MONTH

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies

she never did before

From now until she dies,

she'll tell a whole lot more

Ask my mom how she is

and because she can't explain,

She will tell a little lie

because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,

She'll say "I'm alright"

If that's the truth, than tell me,

why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mom how she is,

she seems to cope so well.

She didn't have a choice you see,

nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,

"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping"

For Gods sake Mom, just tell the truth

just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,

I loved her all of mine.

But if you ask her how is she

she'll lie and say she's fine

I am here in Heaven.

I cannot hug from here.

If she lies to you don't listen,

Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,

we'll smile and I'll be bold.

I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom

with all the lies you told!"

- author unknown

[briansdad]

Glad to hear the twins survived  I'm sure Monty is too.

[lolynbo]

PRAYERS FOR RALPH....LOVE THE HEART..

IVE BEEN IN BED SO LONG MY HEAD/HAIR IS SORE.....GEEEZZZ LEAST NOW I HAVE MY LAP TOP IN MY ROOM..

TO THE "NEW GUYS"....I LOST MY SWEET GIRL KOURTNEY LYNN TO A BRAIN TUMOR...(STILL FEELS WEIRD TO SAY THAT AFTER 2 YRS, LIKE ITS A DREAM)..THE WHOLE STORY IS ON MY PROFILE IF YOU WANNA READ IT....TOO HARD TO REWRITE...EMOTIONAL HELL...

 

[daniellemom]

Rhonda – I’m glad you had a dream of Wesley sorry you are unsettled about the dream.  I’ve only dreamed of Danielle a few times in the almost 3 years she had been gone.  One time we were in the hospital she was sitting beside someone that was in the hospital bed.  I was at the door couldn’t get pasted the people but Danielle was talking saying something but everyone else was talking too, I kept asking them to be quite so I could hear what she was saying, I never could make it out.  I think she just stopped by so I could see her smiling face and it shouldn’t matter what she was saying.  Maybe my heart was not ready to hear it now.   

Carol – So happy you are at home and can rest now.  Also very happy your daughter is going to stay and help with the menu for your Ralphie.  Yes I know his name is Ralph but he looks so sweet he has to be a Ralphie!  How he doesn’t mind.  Your daughter looks just like you in the picture you posted yesterday.  You have such a wonderful family.

Joseph’s Mom – I’m so glad that Michael is doing well enough to travel.  I hope you get into your master’s program.  That would be great.

Richie’s Mom – I’m sorry I can’t remember your name.  I hope your afternoon is better than your morning and yesterday.  Those kinds of days just hit us sometimes and we all have them.   

Colleen – Let me know how the lighthouse works! 

Betty – Hope the dentist went well.  I went yesterday morning and I hate going!  

Jenn -  Jeffery’s Mom your Jeffery is such a cutie.  I’m so sorry for your loss.  You have really come to a place that you can pour your heart out and everyone understands you.  

Lorri – Glad to see you back and so glad that your boys took care of you and the girls!  That’s what I call them not Heckel and Jeckel they are just the girls.  LOL  

 Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[mikesmomrs]

Sonya:  I love to see your sweet Danielle's face...she has such a beautiful look and smile!  Thank you for your words...some people do call him "Ralphie," by the way...when he retired last year, the people made up a photo album for him, and the cover showed a picture of him with the words "To Our Beloved Ralphie" under it...everyone he worked with liked him, but he had a few younger girls who just loved him to pieces...they still talk to him at least once a week...have been on Care Pages just about every day...calling him "Ralphie" is just fine...

Krichie:  I am sorry that you had a bad morning, and I too hope that your afternoon was better. 

Rhonda: I hope the passing hours of this day have helped ease your weepiness...we all know how that can strike, especially after a dream about your child that you can't quite figure out.  Thinking of you.

Colleen:  Yes, the idea about the lighthouses is just awesome...we have quite a popular one around here, that Mike just loved, and we may look into that, also. 

Dee:  Your wise words for Kathy are right on...and Jenn, you also...I am so glad that we can come on here and get some sage advice from others here about current problems that plague us, whether or not they deal with our loss.

Kathy:  Kids Tavian's age sometimes do have some problems going through the seemingly fast-paced growth they are doing, and I imagine when they are dealing with a loss such as their mom, it would make things a little more difficult to figure out...I hope that Dee's and Jenn's words help in sorting everything out.

Sus:  I wish Jonathan a happy birthday (I hope I haven't gotten that wrong, but I didn't go back far enough to find your post about it), pirates and all, and all have a good time in Iowa. 

To all of you, every wonderful person on this site, thank you all so very, very much for the wonderful support you have shown to Ralph and me and our family during this time...it has been so awesome to know that you all have been praying for us, thinking about us and sending us your love and your strength...I don't know what I would have done without your support.  He is doing well today, though tired, as the visiting nurse came today for her assessment, etc., and we had a doctor's appt followup at his normal doctor's office, as they will be following the lab work the surgeons wanted done.  It may not have been so hard on him, except today was one "hot and humid" day...it finally did rain late this afternoon, but it didn't cool it down any. 

sending love and wishing peaceful moments for each of you,

carol  mikesmomrs

 

[daveydow1]

Susannah----Thanks for your kind words. I have three other kids (all grown),

My oldest son, Chris, daughter Tammy, and daughter Rebecca (the youngest).

The daughters live close, but my son lives 4 hrs. away. They all call often. I

can see how you would feel relieved that you had sweet Stephanie cremated

when you heard about cemeteries flooding, and as you said.....Stephanie will

go with you if and when you move. Peace, friend.

Rhonda---Yes, dreams can often be less than comforting, and often pretty

confusing. I keep hoping for a dream, but have not had one (that I can remember),

for a long time. Westley is surely near you, though.

Kathy----Sending prayers for your dear mom, and your family.

Dan---Nice pics of all the tributes to Nick. Thanks for posting them.

Jenn----I kept forgetting to tell you what a lovely pic of your sweet baby Jeffrey.

He is indeed an angel in heaven.

Lorrie----Take it easy......glad that it is all over, as I am sure you are too.

Krichie----As Dee has said, having all those 'should haves', and 'if only'  thoughts

is part of the grieving process. As someone else said.....I think we did the best

we could, as parents. Peace & comfort to you.

Dee----Such a nice story about the young reporter who came to get the story

straight. Misinformation printed in the newspaper is so distressing. I'm glad that

he got the real facts. We did get rain WED., so it must have been from the CHI

area.....we needed it. So nice the little 10- year old girl who is grieving for her

lost sister has come back to your school where it is familiar to her.

Betty----I listen to owls each night from my bedroom window. Sometimes its the

hoot owls, sometimes its the screech owls. Along with all the chorus of crickets,

it makes a nice 'symphony'.

Carol----HOORAY !   RALPH'S OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!  Thanks for the pic of him with

the heart.  He is a kind and nice man with a wonderful sense of humor---I can tell

just by his pic. When I was doing nursing, he is the patient that I would have liked

to have. You have been so very strong and brave throughout all this, and I can

imagine that sometimes you wonder where you would find the strength, but you

did.  I continue to pray for Ralph and you, and Cathi and the rest of the family.

Elaine---So nice you take balloons to the bridge & realease them for Joseph.....he

will see them & know that Mom is always with him. Sending prayers for Michael.

Colleen-----I just read. recently, where two girls were doing car-surfing (not sure

where at), and they were in a strip plaza when spotted by the cops who then

went there, but was too late......the girl on the hood fell off, and was run over

by the car (driven by the other teeage girl).  The report said she was taken to

the hospital and was in critical condition......no further news. It said that they

got the idea from a couple of movies showing that. Oh, the lighthouse lighting for

dear Brian is a good idea.

Sonya----Sorry your dream of Danielle was so confusing. I guess that happens in

dreams sometimes, and can be upsetting.  Yes....the summer seems to be flying

by quickly, and kids going back to school soon. Where does the time go??

              Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

      

 

[ericasmom]

Oh I so agree Sherry, the crickets start the day out come August each year, the morning finds them chirping and they continue all through the day and night, 24/7 that along with the cicadas and the birds, sometimes owls, I am delighted by this music each day. While I still love winter's beauty adn change, I miss the sounds and the lack of light most.

Glad that our rain came to you, now to send some cooler breezes your way and Carol's way. Today was pretty with breezy weather keeping the humidity back a bit and temps lower than they have been/

Krichie, are you taking any vitamins for your immune system, you know C vitamins and B for energy and stress management? Ask your doc if those are okay for you in case you are taking anything else that might get in the way, but our bodies and minds take a beating with grief, and while I do not know your age, the changes that hormones cause can be quite a drain. I do believe  that the trauma of loss can trigger some of these as well, as shock and sadness create their own chemical changes. Try to make sure tha tyou are eating a bit of protein a few times per day. And remember, it is all a process, feeling crappy is one part of it, so do take good care of your body as your mind and heart try so hard to deal with the tragedy of your loss.

PEACE,

dee

[Guest]

Just a quick post...The kids are spending the night with my youngest daughter, Jennifer, tonight.  Gary and I are enjoying our first night away from them (together) in a hotel room.  Gary is already fast asleep...and, I'm following suit real quick!

Glad to see that Michael is okay. 

Glad to find out Ralph is home!

Jennifer and I had a nice visit about Stephanie tonight.  She has framed picture of Stephanie, me and her together - - was that grammatical correct?  Did I spell grammatical correctly?  Need sleep!

Love you all,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom - from Iowa where the bugs are big.  What's up with that!?  They don't have to water their grass, either!  Go figure.

 

[quellsmom]

I came here to see how other people live with this. I feel most of the time like I could scream my own skin off. I hate when people ask me "how are you ?" What is the answer to that!? I feel dead inside......people might stop asking if I said that . But it is almost like people want something from me ....like if I am okay around them ,they can be okay.I get up every morning , take care of the three children I have here with me , go to work, exist and miss Jaquell with every breath. No one understands ......but I believe you all might .

[hotrod]

Hello QuellsMom

 

What a special picture!!!!. Your son is such a wonderful handsome young man!!!

 

You are correct, the wonderful compassionate Moms and Dads who visit here daily do know the pain of loss and the burden of trying to carry on when all we want to do is isolate and cry.  Coming here ,posting, talking about my son Stephen, has  kept me sane for the past 3 years

 

Please keep visiting, read and if you feel up to it post all that is in your heart.  We will hear you and respond

 

Susannah Good to see your lovely daughter when I signed on  Rest well

 

Sherry I loved the description of the wonderful sounds of nature that sing to you each day.  Thanks

 

Lorrie Glad you are back  Please take it easy,  Loved the poem

 

Goodnight Indigos.

Betty Stephen'smom:)

[josephsmom90]

Quellsmom,

Oh how I understand that!!! Yes and a good example of screaming your skin off, wanting to die, wanting to just NOT BE! I hear you! I am so sorry you are here, for your loss! I can also completly relate about how are you. To me, now, that is so phoney! It is not really a how are you, but more like a you are fine, I am fine, we are all fine and if you say otherwise there is something wrong with YOU! I recall a few times I said how I was feeling a time or two when the grief fog was thick, it made THEM uncomfortable. People don't know how to respond is the bottom line. And once they 'know' you have lost a child, they don't know how to act, they whisper, and ah, let em! But here, you can say how you feel and it won't be held against you! I am sorry you are here but glad you found us. Peace.

Elaine

[jefferysmommy]

Good Evening, BI's,

Lorri, so glad that you are back, I loved the poem, make sure you are getting lots of rest!

Susannah, enjoy your time away, and your night without the kids!  I meant to tell you that before you left, but I had forgotten to, and by the time I thought of it, you had already left.

Sonya and Sherry, thanks so much, I'm bias so of course I think he's a cutie, and yes, I believe that he really is my angel, that's what gets me through some days.

Rhonda, I am so sorry that you had a dream that was very unsettling, big hugs from me to you.

Elaine, glad to hear that Michael is doing well, he'll be back home with you in no time!

Carol, I am so glad that you and Ralph are back home, how are the meals and meal planning coming along so far?

Quellsmom, you are in the right place, take it minute by minute, or breath by breath, you are in my thoughts, every one grieves differently, but we are all on this journey together.  It is filled with many emotions, sadness, anger, guilt, and with the help of the wonderful people here, each day will be better.

Jenn - Jeffery's Mommy

[ericasmom]

LOr and the twins are home. I am so glad though sorry that you are hurting. I imagine you will heal quite well now, and tell Kody that I am glad he helps his Mom.

Lisa, Jaquell is so handsome, what a lovely smile and it seems he loves music. Did he write any music? What did he like to play? Screaming your skin off is a good analogy for what it feels like int he beginning of grief. Later on, that will lessen and you will begin to feel more comfortable in your skin, but before that can happen, several metamorphosis will occur, and the skin you are in will shed as you grow and change through the process. At times you may not recognize your life, but hang tight to what you can as you grieve. The sadness is huge and the quandry we find our selves in was well described when you said that how do you answer "HOW ARE YOU..." if you answer the way you are actually feeling, they may quit asking.

There we all are, unable to fully answer in the moment for various reasons but one of them is that we don't want everyone to walk away.

We won't walk away Lisa, we are here. You can let it rip here.

Betty, I like that you caught yourself turning your sad into mad, and you did something about it. It isn't something easy to catch, sometimes so subtle, but there you were identifying the emotion at the core.

[mikesmomrs]

Quellsmom:  "No one understands ......but I believe you all might ."  Oh, we do, we do...and we will always be here, whether you need to share a sweet memory or to "scream your skin off," either is accepted, with no judgements.  My son, Mike, died from brain cancer, after 17 months of fighting the terrible disease, on Oct 14, 2006...and there are still times when I want to do just that...scream my skin off...or whatever force is fighting inside me to get out, to find some way of turning this nightmare into a new reality of this never having happened, but we all know that can't be done.  Mike used to say "It is what it is," and tell us that "we all die sometime, I'm just doing it sooner than most."  Sometimes I used to think he was just saying that to keep all of us calm, but I came to realize that he truly believed it...and I had to eventually follow his lead...how could I not?

It can take a long time to get there, but eventually, we find that we realize the one thing that our children would ask of us if they could, and that is for us to live our lives, to LIVE and to be happy...difficult, yes, but as I was wisely told when I first came here (and found it terribly difficult to believe) eventually you will find the days a little softer...your pain won't leave you...as Bonnie said a few days ago, it will "always be the background noise in your life," but eventually you will start to also hear the background music of your sweet Quell, and your heart will find moments of peace, remembering...   I agree with you that others want to know that you are "doing okay," likely because they think that if you are okay, then it is okay for them to be okay...

Please, when you are able, share your beautiful boy with us...stories of his life, pictures, sweet memories...we love to hear about each other's angel...always. 

Sus:  YAY!  A night alone for both of you!!!  Sounds great!  I hope you've had a wonderful day.   The first time, post kids, that Ralph and I went out for a night alone (my mom came to CA--from Boston---to stay with the kids), we were living in Sacramento, CA, and went to Monteray for an over-nighter...on the way, we stopped for a picnic...a sweet memory...and when we settled down to eat dinner later that evening, we realized....it had been 18 YEARS since we had spent the night alone together!!!  We called my mom to ask if we could stay another night...we felt like teenagers, sneaking around for an extra night alone...

after the pictures were developed, Kim said this looks just "like a car commercial..."  I think this is the closest I ever came to being a "flower child," much to Mike's disappointment..."Mom, you LIVED right there where it was all happening...how could you not?!?!?"

Sending love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Indigos

I am sitting at my desk eating the world famous Wisconsin State Fair Cream Puff.

A fellow employee took orders from us and made a run!! 

You have all heard of it, right?! (not).

The WI State Fair Grounds was my employer from 1981-1986.  All through college.  I was a member of the summer (seasonal) grounds department.  It was an interesting job, but:  I shoveled sh*t, emptied garbages, painted the race-way walls after racers hit the wall at the Milwaukee Mile, planted and watered flowers.  And did I tell you I shoveled sh*t?

The fair is going on all week.  4 of us are going Saturday with about 100,000 other people!!!

Thinking of my fellow indigos today and their angels.

Colleen 

 

[westleysmom]

Quell's Mom-So sorry you are having such a hard time.  I know how you feel, some days are bad and the rest are worse.  I sent you a private message.  I hope you keep coming back as you are able to.  Everyone here knows what you are going through.  Love the picture of your handsome boy.

Colleen-What a coincidence, every job I ever had it seems like I have shoveled some sh**.  Maybe I worked at the WI state fairgrounds and just didn't know it.  That's too funny.  Is the cream puff really good?  I went back to Weight Watchers this week, and although my daughter believes you still get to eat, I told her its not much.  I haven't gained any weight lately, but I feel like its coming.  When this first happened, I lost my appetite but now it seems that I want to eat a lot.  And I'm not getting any younger, so I know I can't keep doing that.  I got to be lifetime right before my 10 year class reunion, Westley was a year old at the time.  This year is our 30 year and I still haven't decided if I'm going, but if I do, I'd like to not be the fattest one there. 

Carol-Hope the meal plans are going good.  If its as bad as Weight Watchers, I'm not sure they are, though.  Good grief, I run out of food by lunchtime some days.  What a sweet memory for you both of a romantic picnic.

Dan posted Westley on the website, bless his heart.  I'm trying to get some more pictures to put on there.  I'm attaching here the one that I used for his obituary.  It was my favorite one when he graduated, it seemed he was looking into my soul, when I saw it.  I hope you like it.

Sherry, Jenn, Dee, all others I'm forgetting-Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.  I haven't told anyone here about my dream.  I just can't for fear of falling apart when I do.  I didn't dream again last night, at least not about him that I can remember. 

Have as good a day as you can, all

Rhonda Westley's Mom

 

[shorty16]

Indigos

I have a funny for you and it is true!!

A lady at worked called her Dad.  He has just spent $4000 on a hearing aid.

She asked him "How is that hearing aid working for you?"

His reply "it is 11:30am"

TOOO FUNNY.  She just laughed.  Hope you do too

Colleen

[westleysmom]

Colleen-I'll try to remember that $4000 is a cheap hearing aid. That is hysterical for some reason. Thanks for the laugh.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[ericasmom]

Oh my goodness, I am heading to the hearing aid route before long, I notice that I have to have folks repeat themselves often. Yikes, hearing loss due to LOUD Music.

Going to school to start unpacking my boxes, have to take my cd player or work just isn't the same.

Carol, you look so sweet there in the field of flowers having a picnic. I love that.

Rhonda, love the photo of Sweetie-Boy-Westley. What a dolly.

Love to all,

dee

[daveydow1]

Quellsmom (Lisa)-----Your son is indeed a movie star-handsome young man.

Everyone here knows your feeling of wanting to scream & scream, and when

people ask how you are doing, ....you are right,... there seems to be no answer.

I do hope you keep coming on BI because we can understand your pain, where

sometimes people around you do not. When I came on BI about 7 yrs. ago,

there were many kind people.......some who are no longer on the site, and some

who still are. They helped me seem to be able to breathe, because I knew, deep

down, that they knew just what it is like to lose a beloved child, and the heartache

that goes along with this greatest of all losses. Peace be with you, friend.

[krichie]

Still not feeling right kind of like a wet noodle.  I know I need to eat right but thats something I have never done at all in my life. I got to get my act togather and get healthy so I can give Shavelle a kidney when the time comes I have to do this for her and for Richie.

I look at all your beautiful and handsome children - yes children even tho some were young adults like my boy they were children still and every picture I see reminds me  or makes me think I have seen them somewhere before they all look familiar. I know each of them were special and there own person but its like I recognize them is that strange?

Shavelle will be here later today so I need to make sure house is still childproof befoie she gets here and that I have soime healthy snacks and milk on hand --boy does she love milk I go thru alot of it over the weekend, strawberry, chocolate and just plain milk

I just wanted to stop in and make sure you all were chugging along on this aweful journey and that your in my thaughts and prayers

[lolynbo]

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I STILL FEEL BAD...NO ENERGY AND TIRED...I HAVE ONLY TOOK TYLONOL NO LORTABS....WISH ID FEEL MORE LIKE MYSELF...

I WILL CHECK IN LATER

[josephsmom90]

I'm doing better today. Was up till five am, huge thunderstorms woke me up at 8:30, scared the little dogs big time. Then all three, border collie included came and snuggled with me on the couch. Michael never did call me like he said he did. but I've been texin with him, he had bad swelling yesterday and today, imagine that? Think I mentioned that to him and his dad yet they wanted to say it was not expected and the Dr. told them there'd be no swelling, whatever..... Don't interrupt our fun! GRRRR... I was seriously depressed yesterday, scarily so I'd say. I did not get accepted in the Master program, honestly, I'm glad! I want to be relocated and working first, I know that sounds kind of twisted but it's how I want to see it done. I'm planning on relocating in the spring. I have to move where there's work.

Watched Fantasia last night, left it run for hours, till I got up at nine or so. It's what we call a 'cheerful' movie, so they are good.

Carol: I'm glad you brought Ralph home.

Prayed for you all this morning. God bless. Peace

Elaine

[ericasmom]

Lori, give yourself time to heal, you are dealing with surgery adn the meds that stay in your blood stream for some time. Take it real easy for a few more days and you will probably feel more like yourself by Monday or Tuesday. But if you are worried, call the doc and ask if this is a problem.

Krichi, yep, you do need to take good care of YOU. Have fun with your Grandgirl.

EAT!

Love to all, going to the annual library sale, see you all later.

dee

[lolynbo]

IM MISSIN KOURTNEY SO BAD....I JUST WANNA CRY.....I WATCHED A RELIGIOUS SHOW THIS MORN AND IT SAID

GOD HEALS THE BROKEN HEARTED......IM WAITING

[westleysmom]

Oh Lorri (and Elaine and Richie's Mom) I know what you mean.  Dan put some more pictures on neverlosefaith for me today and I just went and looked at it.  They're all so good, he was so handsome and I miss his sweet smile.  This just sucks, have I said that?  The Bible also says Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted (I think, I didn't go look it up)  We should be quite the blessed bunch, shouldn't we?  I'm so sorry that I'm not the only one having a hard time, even if they say misery loves company.  I wish we would all be comforted, and knowing you all are here to listen does comfort me.  But it still sucks and I wish he was here.

We're having dinner in tonight so my granddaughter can swing (but its hotter than blue blazes outside, I hope she won't stay out there long)  Hoping you all have a better evening. 

Peace,

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[westleysmom]

http://neverlosefaith.com/memorials/westley-dee-wall

I put the link in and I'm not sure how to move it, so I'm going to leave it alone.  This is where Westley's pictures are if anybody has a chance to go look.  He was so handsome.  I hope you enjoy looking at them and Dan has my heartfelt thanks for doing this. 

[josephsmom90]

Rhonda,

That is what it says, I know that is/has been my only comfort. Without it, I'd have done myself in. I so miss Joseph. The picture I posted was taken at Big Sur in S Ca when he was 18 months old. Went through a bunch of photos, a lot of them were ruined, but lots I'd forgotten about. Photos are so very hard, he had such shiney big drk brn eyes... I miss that boy. His high school graduation is the most difficult to look at for me. He looks gone, I can't use the 'd' word in association with him, that is the photo that when I see it, I want to scream, I can't look at it long.

Elaine

[ericasmom]

Beautiful photos Rhonda, just went through them and thought that if that first one is you with West, there is a strong resemblance. What a handsome Boy/Man. Was he standing in your yard when he was dressed in green polo shirt? Looks like a pretty place. I hope it gives you some solace to know that you can click a button as can so many others, and see your Beautiful Son smiling out.

Oh I know that it sucks to be on this road in the first place, but we are here, brokenhearted but here. I think that your Boy would be proud of the steps you have taken.

WEnt to the Library sale, bought way more than I can find room for for my class and various little people that I know around here, a whole shopping cart full of books for 16.00. Can't beat that. Extra discount for teachers.

I did not even get to the tables and shelves of fiction for me, too crowded adn not in the usual spot so less space in this building.

HOme and going for a cricket/locust song walk.

dee

[josephsmom90]

The photos and page is great Rhonda! I didn't open everything on the page though. If I do it takes up too many gigs & megs and  I cant run over on my wireless. Do you pay for that page? I think when MIchael gets home we will do a page like that for Jospeh.

[heartbeataway]

Today was Rich's birthday.

We went to dinner and when we left, I asked Rich to stop. I asked him to look at the sky and tell me what he saw.

He said , a heart ...... it's pretty isn't it?

I just said, Happy Birthday Dad ......

Things got quiet for a second and then ask if on queue, Only The Good Die Young came on the radio.

Kind of cool .....

Rhonda,

Looked at your pictures that Dan posted.  Yes, Westley was a nice looking young man!  Dan, you have such a big heart! 

Today, I ordered the Johnny Blues (porta johns) and arranged to have picnic tables moved to the campsite area for Pinnacle Days.  It's all coming together! 

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

Beautiful photo Bonnie, and Happy Happy Birthday Rich. May you know that the heart was intended with great love.

dee