Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

HEY PILATES INSTRUCTOR, we believed you, it was our angels that thought to check in on you...so grand that Rubicon Jay parked next to you and that Tink Girl smiled at you all in one day. Our angels surface to let us know we are walking the right path, or to help us find the right path. Thank you dear Angles. Just a bit ago, I walked a couple miles and went to the slough. Once there I picked up some of the litter folks leave and I saw 8 or 9 turtles all laying one another on a log gathering together before the long hibernation, basking not only in the sunshine but the love of friends. I feel as though that is what I do here, I bask, I internalize the words and heart from all of you, and wear it inside and out. A balm of love.

Bonnie, good to see your Boy's face here, was wondering if things are smoothing out any?

Carol, glorious photos of your beach days with your Little Guy. He clearly was having a wondrous day, as you were too. Have you read Time of Wonder to him, by McCloskey? You too Kathy, it is from your area, Robert McCloskey is the guy that wrote Make Way for Ducklings. Time of Wonder was the first book I ever really read, and it was the art on those pages that made me cry, made me want more stories, thank heavens. I was almost 11 years old, couldn't really read, nobody read to me and I was enticed by this book which sat on the window ledge in my 5th grade room. Ms. Churchill asked me if I would like to look at it. Yes, I said, not knowing that the magic on the pages would offer me a view of life for others, which in turn offered me hope. Ahhh, hope, it is what makes the world keep reaching for betterment.

Love to you all,

dee

[hotsauce]

just wanted to wish everyone here a Happy Labor Day.  i don't know how happy everybody is, but i just wanted to say hi.

good luck to anyone that is traveling and have a safe trip.

mary ann

best wishes to all

[hotsauce]

i forgot , do you ever wonder why so many people join groups and then never

post?  just something to think about.  i know i have been guilty.  i just wonder how

they are all doing.

mary ann

[ericasmom]

Hi Mary Ann,

so glad to see that you are around.I think that some folks join and don't post because they are finding their way and trying to decide if they indeed want to be in a group. Some read and take from the posts items that will help them on their journey but are not in need to converse or don't feel comfortable doing so. Still others join and are in daily communication and suddenly need to leave. That happened to me years ago when I began to have some  post traumatic stress disorder symptoms. (ptsd) We had lost Eri in 2003, lost some of my age friends, 3 in one year that following year, one of which was killed by a train. That nearly put me over the edge, but I was still on site here, but new people started coming to the site, each week someone new, and I just couldn't handle it, I felt like I was receiving shock each time there was a new story. I needed to go back to therapy for a while and stay off the site until I was able to feel stronger. I came back and have been posting since. I do wonder how folks are that I have known for a time and care deeply for, but I feel like they will come back to let us know how they are when they are ready. There are so many roads that grief takes us, sometimes it is a long way home. I do hope that you are well, or as well as you are able to be these days. Anything new? Is autumn showing itself a bit where you live?

dee

[daveydow1]

Kathy----My goodness.....Tav sure is growing. The little girl Ella sure is a

cutie too. Thanks for the great pics.

Carol----What a nice time at the beach with Damon. The sand heart on the

'Croc' was certainly a message from Mike that he was right there with you.

Dee---Yes, the days are getting noticeably shorter now. There seems to be

the beginning of an urgency with the squirrels---so busy. Here, where I live,

the big county fair marks the official end of summer---back to school for the kids.

You mentioned having to step back now & then from BI----I guess everyone gets

to that point from time to time. As you say,....it's just part of the process we

find ourselves in, and must do whatever our souls tell us we need to do.

   Peace & tranquility to EVERYONE here at BI.

       Daveysmom,  Sherry

[cameronsmom1]

Just wanted to stop in and say hello to everyone. I haven't had the chance to post much with school this semester. The doctor even had me take off of work a few days to rest because he could tell I was exhausted. I have some good news though. I have an interview on wednesday for the Chickasaw Nation School to work program. It will allow me to work half a day and go to school half a day and be home at night. I will still get paid for full time and get full time benefits and it will allow me to finish the degree I actually started for. I had to change my degree to business because the college stopped offering the classes I needed for the Medical office degree and they were only offered during the day at our vo-tech but I had to work during the day. So if I get in I will be able to finish my degree and hopefully in May graduate with an associates in Business and Medical Office. I'm so excited. Wish me luck!

Amanda

(10-11 weeks left at the most!!)

[ericasmom]

A thousand wishes for your luck Amanda, how very wonderful that you are able to pursue this while you are pregnant. I am proud of your diligence.

How is your Little Guy doing in school?

Luck and Joy,

dee

[mikesmum]

Carol - a red haired grandboy so much like Melissa's boy - ahhh Calebson (as we call the littlest grasshoper).  I love the beach soooooo  much, re energises me to the core - roll on summer!  Love the hearts that 'appear'.

I think you're right I will need to some back for the walkers - so cheap (if you don't include the airfare or accomodation)

Bonnie - Would love to see the video, to hear your boys voice, well you know.  I believe 'its awesome up here' fits so well with where our kids are now.  Eri & Jay both connected with the world and its beauty - yep.

Dee - Pilates was amazing.  I was half expecting to be like a whale out of water yet I found the movements gentle and the class finished before I knew.  This morning I don't ache, but I have been re aquainted with some muscle groups I thought were dormant..  The breathing and stretching seemed to have a soothing, calming affect.....back tonight for a 'gentle yoga'.

Amanda - it so great that you have been able to find a compromise that allows you to continue your study and work.  Hope you rest and look after you and 'peanut' in the coming weeks. (peanut is what I called my grandbabies till they arrived, the shape pretty much on the first ultrasounds)..lol

Its raining heavily here - can't complain we need the water so much.  Muttley & I are walking...will post a pic of him in his 'wet weather gear' later.

Trudi 

 

[summergirl]

Thanks to all of you - yes our Tavian is certainly beginning to lose the "baby face" that was so precious but he is just so darned cute!!!  He has matured in a lot of ways and a part of me gets scared thinking of him growing up, in just a few years he will be a teenager and I will have to put bars on the windows and extra locks on the doors!!   Yes, Ella is a beauty, she is 4 and just so adorable and this sweet little voice, she calls me mi-mi as all the little ones do. One more day of vacation and then it is back to school and back to work - uuuggghhh!!!

Maryanne, it is nice to see you post and I understand your question. Dee said it best. I find sometimes that it is hard to post not because of those here but because I feel such pain from losing Jessica that I feel I have nothing to say or talk about, sometimes have a hard time relating to what is being discussed. It is hardest for me when a new member joins us as their pain is so intense it can send me back to those first months and year but I also know that I need to be here for them to help guide them as much as I can, to give strength and hope that we all do and can survive this most horrible trauma that has effected all here. I know in the beginning I only read for a while before I could share and then found I could not stop talking (as you might have noticed) and now I feel that I am with family when I come here - no one understands like all here. Thinking of you and keeping you close to my heart and in my prayers.

Amanda - great for you to be able to continue your education and still get paid and keep those benefits. I have been on my job for 15 years and have stayed for the benefits and because it is a nice place to work although trying at times.  Waiting for that "peanut" as Trudi says - not much more time left!!!  Take care of yourself.

Weather here nice again today but a bit on the cool side in the shade. Worked in the garden, so peaceful. Tavian has just been going back and forth with things today, first a movie then bike riding, roller blading, trampoline and back to play station and now a movie again. I think he is just so happy to be home that he is just enjoying everything. Last night it was one in the morning before he went to bed!!!! He knows that tomorrow night he has to be in bed at 8 for school so he is taking advantage of the "stay up late" nights. Tomorrow we are going to do a bit of school shopping, not much as he has so many summer clothes so want to wait until it gets a bit colder before we do a big shopping. He is not much into clothes anyway thank goodness.

Love the pic of the crock with the heart and all of the other signs that have shown themselves. It makes my heart soar with hope and happiness.   Caleb so cute buried up to his neck in the sand with his little toes sticking out!!

Trudi - pilates - you go girl. I know I better do something soon or I will have to do shopping for me for bigger clothes!!!  I never seem to sit and have nervous energy but the pounds do not seem to drop off as they once did!! Back to the gym once Tavian is settled in school, I go right after work because if I come home first I won't go out again.

Love and peace to all - sweet dreams and much love. Kathy

[mikesmum]

Maryanne - some of us are here daily, mostly because here people are okay with who were are now, not who we were before.

Me, well my job was shiftwork and most of my friends were involved in the same work.  The job and those friendships have faded since Jan 07 so its pretty much me and the Muttley boy.  I have made friends here, non judgemental friends who I have been able to share not just Mikes loss but life as I know it now.......

This is Muttley this morning........we walk come rain hail or shine......The car is a 30+ yr old Mazda I got from Steven as my 'Granma Car'!

This is Muttley who oversees my posts and is content just to sit and be......he teaches me alot...

C u - Trudi & Muttley the Wonder Dog!!

[ericasmom]

Muttley Dear, please give my Sister Trud, a big kiss and hug. I am so glad that she is taking care of herself with pilates and yoga, and of course you started her on this path, with the walks.

You look marvelous Muttley.

Love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  I love Muttley's coat...such a "fashion-hound," pun intended!  My heart skipped a beat when I saw your license plate...mine says "GOSOXX" and is surrounded by a frame with Mike's name and dates and "We Will Remember You."  So, I love your "granma car." 

take care, love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

 

[ericasmom]

  

I'm Mary Jo Bang and I live in St. Louis, where I teach at Washington University. I'm a professor of English and director of the creative writing program. And I'm also a poet.

How Beautiful

A personal lens: glass bending rays

That gave one that day's news

Saying each and every day,

"Just remember you are standing

On a planet that's evolving."

How beautiful, she thought, what distance does

For water, the view from above or afar.

In last night's dream, they were back again

At the beginning. She was a child

And he was a child.

A plane lit down and left her there.

Clod whitening the white sky whiter.

Then a scalpel cut her open for all the world

To be a sea.

In 2004, my son, Michael, died from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs. Here is a picture I took of him when he was younger. Initially, I didn't think about the fact I was writing an elegy. I was writing a poem. It came out of morning. Only after I had written quiet a few of these did I find there is this form and it is called elegy. I saw what it was doing for me. I couldn't help think why elegy has been so persistent a form since the beginning of poetry until the present moment. I think it does many things. Primarily it distract the poet for a moment, from a state of exquisite grief.

We think about Emily Dickinson and many of her poems could be elegy. Her famous poem, "After great pain formal feeling comes."

You need to know something about that state to write words like that. And I began to see something I was doing as well. I was distracting myself by doing what I do -- write poems and found it as a way of escaping this state of exquisite suffering.

The Role of Elegy

The role of elegy is

To put a death mask on tragedy,

A drape on the mirror.

To bow to the cultural

Debate over the anesthetization of sorrow,

Of loss, of the unbearable

Afterimage of the once material.

To look for an imagined

Consolidation of grief

So we can all be finished

Once and for all and genuinely shut up

The cabinet of genuine particulars.

The other thing for me was this continuing conversation I'm having with my son. We were very close and um the idea of not ever speaking to him again was unacceptable.

And so this was a way to keep talking. Even then he was an excellent reader of poetry even though he had not studied poetry at all. He had an intuition as to what a good poem was and understood poetry that was fairly difficult. Sometimes I would hear him over my shoulder say, "I don't get it, Mom." I had to correct it so it would be something he'd understand.

Instead there's the endless refrain

One hears replayed repeatedly

Through the just ajar door:

Some terrible mistake has been made.

What is elegy but the attempt

To re-breathe life

Into what the gone one once was

Before he grew to enormity.

Come on stage and be yourself,

The elegist says to the dead. Show them

Now -after the fact -

What you were meant to be:

The performer of a live song.

A shoe. Now bow.

What is left but this:

The compulsion to tell.

[ericasmom]

Guys, I just walked downstairs as JOhn was trying to call me to see this woman, Mary Jo Bang, whose Son died from an accidental drug overdose. His name is Mike. Mary Jo is a poet and a teacher, and this is her talking about her grief, and the poetry form she began to write to explain the "exquisite pain" she speaks of here. Holy cow, the last sentence set my tears free, the compulsion to tell about our Children.

Hope you do not mind my taking up all this space to put it out there for you.

Peace in this world,

dee

[shorty16]

Hello my BI friends,

Our neighbors invited us to go boating with them on Ochachee Lake.  Weather beautiful, had a great time - got a sun burn.

Happy labor day everyone!  Thinking of you all, just can't think enough to post at length.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, THAT was AMAZING!! Thanks so much for sharing it!!

Mary Ann, HUGS!!!!!! Been thinking of you a lot!!

Amanda, Wishing the absolute best for you.

Trudi, I LOVE your car!! It's sassy!!!

Carol, The plates on Trudi's car caught me too, and I thought of both your Mike and Trudi's Michael.

Kathy, Tavian is a little man. So handsome!!! So tan! SO much the image of his mama!!

One week and counting for my journey to begin. So much to do, and caught between ecstatic joy and anxiety...Whee....

[ericasmom]

Claudia, so glad that you enjoyed that. I felt so moved by her.

Hey, enjoy the days leading up to the time you fly off to be with your sweet family. It will be a week of high-energy and split focus, but the anticipation is a wonderful way to begin your journey.

Peace and joy,

dee

[mikesmum]

Dee - from far away the tears fall 

The other thing for me was this continuing conversation I'm having with my son. We were very close and um the idea of not ever speaking to him again was unacceptable.

The stories left unfinished ....  What is left but this: The compulsion to tell.

As for my car, well I needed a second buggy and wanted something I could put butterflies on, hang light catchers in and think of Mike (like I needed an excuse).  The number plates came from an idea Emily had to personalise my car... I wrote it down and asked her what it said..."Mike 75". She's so smart...  Steven saw it and wanted to know what MY K meant.  I let him nut it out, kids learn better that way (lol).

The rain is still falling together with the temp....hope you all found a way to enjoy your holiday weekend.........Trudi

Claudia - for you and your countdown!! 

http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/

 

[lostwoher]

No time to read or respond right now but I did want to let you all know that Dustin was found. Such heartbreaking news but a relief at the same time. He was found in a shallow grave 100 yards away from his home! Right now I dont have all the details but Im so angry with the police investigation. How how how can nobody not notice this so close to where blood had been found??  Comes to show how our police depts work around here. Im angry and could rant and rant and rant so Im going to go for now. Thank you for all the prayers. One more angel to soon arrive.

Lynn

[mikesmum]

Lynn - the not knowing is over....the heart breaking why's begin...thoughts with the family......yes another angel about to arrive...

[hotsauce]

Lynn, i am so sorry for your angel Dustin.  your family is i my prayers.

mary ann

[4everjoeysmom]

Lynn, I'm so sorry... My heart sank as I read your message. SO often we look outside of the parameters of what we think of as " a safe zone" for the answers. Many times we find they (the answers) were right in front of us all along. So very sad it took the search so long to find him. SO sad for your family... Prayers! ~Claudia

[arc4ever]

Lynn, I'm so very sorry.  Does seem like "how could they have missed, so close".  Please pass along my condolencenses to everyone involved.  My prayers are with them.

Love terrie (adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

Lynn, I am so very sorry for your family, for the friends of Dustin, and for the pain and suffering he went through. I am now praying for his quick trip to where our Kids are, Kayla will assist him immediately. I pray too, for the sorrow in your heart, how tough this is, how close to home it hits. May his killers be found quickly.

Peace somehow-dee

[heartbeataway]

Lynn,

I am so sorry! I looked him up and he looks like such a sweet spirit. My heart goes out to his little girl and fiancee. He had stayed home to prepare for their 11 year anniversary party.

How sweet and how very sad.

Again, I am so sorry.

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

Folks,

Here is a link that I found that has a picture of Dustin. I couldn't help but notice that he has on a t-shirt that says, "Lamb of God".

http://media.centralillinoisnewscenter.com/images/320*212/l_9d828761c177ae538a86c24f841fc3a2.jpg

[briansdad]

I give up :? I'm gone for one extended weekend and have so many posts it's like reading Moby Dick. We had a good time.I spent all three mornings fishing by myself as know one wanted to get up that early. BUT I can truly say as the sun rose over the horizon I thought of all the sunrises Brian and I shared I could feel him with me.We stopped on the way home for lunch and as Jan went to get in the truck there was a penny.

Take Care,

Greg

[zachysmom]

Lynn I am so sorry.I know you are probably tired of hearing the word sorry but I don't know what else to say. Just remember he has been safe the whole time in the arms of God. I know my son has sought him out already and is probably driving him crazy. I wish I could be more help to you but I am still lost in the darkness of this hell on earth. All I have to offer right now is an ear if you need to yell and scream and curse.

My prayers will be with you always

Beth

[4everjoeysmom]

I read about Dustin too, and his family. His "son" Zeke is who i am most saddened for. A boy needs his daddy.

I found a song called an Angel. Wish to share it now in memory of Dustin.

[4everjoeysmom]

Greg, It sounds like your trip was magical. And the penny confirmed the magic of Brian.

[mysonrich]

(((Lynn))), in addition to my message earlier I hope that the police move swiftly and catch whoever did this. Something I was told here, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, or something like that. I'll say a prayer, I've been working on prayer .

  And speaking of wheels BI friends. I haven't been well lately but we, doc and I are working on the BP problem. I was so looking forward to my 3 days off. I had plans to go to Chesapeake City, MD, just because. Well, I took off for the road Saturday morning, picked up my daughter, drove through Chesapeake City and found a hotel. We did enjoy a nice seafood dinner in North East, MD. a quaint little town with little shops.

The next day en route to Chesapeake City, ( and Bethany Beach for Marcia and Rohobeth to fly Rich's kite) I came to a stop light, turned right and felt the wheel wobble. Not just shimmy a little, but wobble. I also planned on picking up a rock maple hutch,( for some reason I have this thing for rock maple lately) so I had the van.

I pull into a gas station and the breaks went!  Off to the repair shop we go in the AAA tow truck. Of course its a holiday weekend and the parts people are off.

While waiting for the diagnosis I notice a hawk outside flying high. I remarked to Sarah that it was Rich. She said. " yeah , probably laughing while we sit in the Firestone office all day". This made me smile because he would have something to say about our adventure.

Needless to say I felt we had a guardian angle Saturday. The wheel could have flow off at 70mph. It was a part called the spindle, which is connected to the rotter, which is connected to the wheel or is it the ankle?

So, we are safe, not stranded, no trains,busses on a holiday. Thank you cousin, but still making my way home with the van in MD.

I have been reading, thanks for taking Rich to Niagara and The Angel of Hope......on the mend.

Mary Ann,maybe some day we can get a cup of joe , when I come back down to pick up the van. For some reason my employer wants me at work.

peace, Betsy,mysonRich

[mpsmom]

Hi to all, we are home safely from our weekend away at Angels Gate Animal Sanctuary, I will share later....

All day I have been working on completing our foster parenting paperwork which they have been so kind as to let us turn it in 5 weeks late....  58 pages for me , same for Larry and about another 65 pages for us combined.... not to mention all the 'attachments' , finaincial stmts, floor plans, insurance certifictes, --that I do not have gathered together yet.... WHEW !!!!

I want everyone to know that Lorrie (Kourtney's Mama) is having her laptop repaired and is also visiting Kimberly in Oklahoma City for  few days... she is hanging in there and will be back online soon... give her a couple days... 

Hugs to all,   Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

 

[hotrod]

Lynn

I am so sorry for this tragic loss to your family. Please know you and your family are in my prayers. 

Betty

Stephen's Mom

[mikesmomrs]

Lynn:  I am so very sorry for this terrible tragedy for your family...I know that you will offer comfort and support for Dustin's immediate family, and we send comfort, love and support to you and to them.  The pain is searing...I am so glad that you all are a close family, it will help so much through this journey.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[summergirl]

Lynn - I am so very sorry for your family, my thoughts and prayers are with you all as you face yet another tragedy in this life. Another gone too soon. Much love to you and yours. Kathy

[daveydow1]

Lynn---I must have missed your post (haven't been reading too much), but

I am so very sorry to hear of a dear child, Dustin, who was killed. This happens

all too often all over the country, and it is just a terrible worry and a shame.

At our local county fair this past weekend, a parole officer happened to be there,

and spotted one of his parolees.....a sexual predator, 75 yrs. old.....lurking around

in the kiddieland rides area..... a violation of his parole. He was arrested and

taken to jail. Luckily, there was no incident. It's chilling to think of the reason he

was there at that area. Have they arrested anyone in connection with this dear

little child's death yet ?   I hope they have.  Peace to you, friend.

             Daveysmom,   Sherry  

[ericasmom]

Greg, Marcia, happy that your weekend trips were good, Greg, love that Jan found a penny right near the car. Brian is hanging out with you, loving you, and fishing with you on those sunrise mornings.

Lynn, make sure of yourself, this kind of hurt can hurt doubly, so take good care of you.

love,

dee

[nicksdad]

Lynn...I am sorry to hear about Dustin and hopefully the police will act quickly on this.

[shorty16]

Lynn

Sorry to hear about Dustin.  I will pray for the family.

Deep into the kitchen, wet-bar and 3 bathroom renovations.

Went and selected plumbing pixtures last night.  WOW what a sticker shock. $800 for a kitchen sink faucet.  How does that happen?????

Thursday we go and select floor material - That should be another shock

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Wow, Colleen...I don't know where you are shopping, but don't they have a Home Depot or Lowe's there?  We did ours over, and I think we spent $300 on the kitchen faucet, and I thought that was high end!  Sometimes you just have to look around.  With all that renovations, I wish you luck...we just redid this whole house before we moved in, and it was fun sometimes, but sometimes it was just a pain...the results are great though, and we are happy we did it.  Good luck!

Greg:  I think I had asked this question before, but I don't recall...I know that you have a rear window sticker in memory of Brian, could you tell me where you got it?  I have looked on the internet, but it is kind of confusing, as they offer different kinds.  I want one to go on the outside, that will withstand the weather.  thanks for any info you have. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

[user=15807]mikesmomrs[/user] wrote:

Greg:  I think I had asked this question before, but I don't recall...I know that you have a rear window sticker in memory of Brian, could you tell me where you got it?  I have looked on the internet, but it is kind of confusing, as they offer different kinds.  I want one to go on the outside, that will withstand the weather.  thanks for any info you have. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

Carol,

let me know what you want and I'll get it made. I know people

[ericasmom]

Colleen, we did the kitchen a few years ago, it was a SHOCK, and our contractor was awful and we should have fired him and gone with someone else, but that is another story. Flooring? We are thrilled with cork. It is economic and lovely and the upkeep is easy. We did a light tan with squares of darker tan here and there. Nice stuff.

dee

[shorty16]

What link from photobucket do I paste into the BI reply image link to post a photo here?

I am so lame

Colleen

[lostwoher]

 Thank you family of BI!!

 Your kind words, video, sympathy are deeply appreciated. I will try to keep this brief. Still no word from the coroner as to the actual cause of death. We do know that his uncle and father are who found him buried in a 2 ft 'grave' just 11 ft behind his barn! Somehow the police and dogs missed it. The cell phone was found first so digging continued until... No arrests have been made or are being dicussed with family. Im hoping its just so nothing gets overlooked or mishandled to further harm the investigation.  The saddest note in all of this is what that poor innocent son is going thru. He doesnt believe that his daddy is gone and thinks his mommy is lying to him. She is seeking council for both of them. I am very proud of her for doing that. Thats about all the details for now. A bit more info was told to me but I just dont want to do anything that may be read by someone lurking. Im sure you all know what I mean.  Most importantly- I thank you all so much for listening and being here.

Love and HUGS,

Lynn                       Get ready Angels to welcome another one to

                             your circle in a few days. xoxo

[mikesmum]

Lyn - so right to monitor what you write here, there are many who lurk for all the wrong reasons....

Glad this little boy has a mum who is looking out for him.  How do you explain the loss of his daddy in a way that he will understand, I wonder alot if Harmony understand Mike is gone, she's 4 this month.

On that note my BI family I need some feedback from those who know.......

When Mike died his then partner was interviewed in relation to the circumstances.  It was routine, we were all interviewed.  She took it that we were accusing her of a crime.  She refused to let us know where Mikes ashes would be scattered, in fact on his birthday (June 07) she 'married him' in what can only be described as a macarbe ceremony.  In the time between Mikes death and the 'wedding' I had contact with Amanda a few times.  Needless to say things were said (by me as well) that came from anger.  Attempts to reconcile have resulted in Amanda requesting a court order being sought to prevent any of us from seeing Harmony or contacting her.  The courts saw this as a sad situation and refused the order.  Instead an undertaking not to 'harrass' Amanda was given with the stipulation we could send presents to Harmony on relevant days, birthday, easter & christmas.

Its Harmony's birthday on the 24th September. She will be 4.  I am thinking of writing to Amanda expressing my regret at my behaviour in those early days and appealing to her to allow us to see Harmony. 

I had never met anyone like Amanda.   She seemed to be detatched emotionally from the world Mike included.  The DVD I showed was the first time I saw her interact with Harmony. 

I need some guidance from those who have that ability, to speak to the heart of one that I found so hard too.  :?

Greg - I know you know some people - what is required to have one of these done?

Trudi

[heartbeataway]

Colleen,

What is this faucet made out of?  That must be one beauty!  I know how consuming renovations can be!  But, as Carol said, it's so worth it after all is said and done.

Carol,

I want to get a decal of Jays words, "Make it stop raining". I would love to have it in a copy of his writing on his "to do" list.  Let me know what you find out.

Lynn,

I've thought about you and your family more than I can tell you. News such as this has a tendency to take me back to those early hours and days after Jay left us. Just so heartbreaking.......

Trudi,

How goes it Pilates girl?  ;-)

[summergirl]

Colleen - $800 for a kitchen faucet??? Is it made of GOLD?? I like Home Depot myself - but hey if you got it then get the best my friend - hee hee.

Lynn - totally understand - do not write anything here that might cause trouble - people can find things here which is very sad when you think of it. Thinking of you and yours in this time.

There is a good site where I got Barry a decal for his truck, it goes on the outside and has held up beautifully for three years. I went to  "In Memeory Of Decals" - you can create your own etc. But, I know Greg knows people so go with him.

Trudi - wow, I know it must be so very diffacult for you to not see Harmony and it makes me so angry that the courts only allow you to send gifts - so wrong!! As far as writting to Amanda I believe that is a wonderful thing to do, although she has hurt you beyond words it hurts more not to see Mike's daughter. As far as what to say, well my friend, you have a way with words as so often seen here on BI and I myself do not believe that I could ever say it better then you so go with your heart my friend and I will pray that Amanda finds it in her heart to let the past bitterness go and you can be united with your beautiful grandaughter!!!

Feeling depressed - I feel like a house that has been abandoned - the structure stands but all is empty inside - waiting for someone to come along and fill it with love and happiness again. Crazy I guess but it is what it is.

Tavian loved his first day of 2nd grade, said his teacher is great and all the kids in his class are fun and most of all his friend Colin is in his class - so cool!!  I was good and did not cry, stood strong and he of course could not HUG me in front of his friends so I got "the wave" and "see you later" and off he went.  Too much for me sometimes.

Time for Tavian to go to bed - he is playing his WII so I am sure he will not be happy but that's what happens when school begins again.

Love and Peaceful dreams to all - Kathy

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - I love Pilates but was lost with Yoga - my centre of gravity is off.  But I have started N.I.A.  I was talking with the Pilates instructor about wanting to bring my mind body and soul together being they have been shattered, neglected and living independantly of each other.  She suggested N.I.A.  It incorporates dance arts, Martial Arts and Healing Arts with vocal soundings!!

I am now doing Pilates once a week NIA twice then switching.

Lyn - every since losing Mike, news of another angel joining him sends me back to day one - my feelings are raw again.  For the family left behind the months ahead are going to be made harder by circumstance and investigation.  Thoughts with them and you as they struggle to find answers and face their lives, altered forever.

Trudi

[daveydow1]

Trudi----I agree....it is a sad situation that you are not permitted to see

little Harmony. You mentioned that you may consider writing to Amanda,

and expressing regret to what was said and the hard feelings/court intervention.

I think that it could do no harm, and quite possibly may help the situation. It

is worth a try,,,and maybe Amanda will relent to let you see your dear grand-

daughter....I hope so.  I'm  keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

   Daveysmom,  Sherry  

[nicksdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

What link from photobucket do I paste into the BI reply image link to post a photo here?

I am so lame

Colleen

Colleen,

Log into Photobucket then select the picture you want to use. Click on "Share", then click on "Get Link Code", then click on "HTML for websites & blogs" and use that code.

[shorty16]

" ALT="">

This is the cross one of Brian's friends made and gave us about 12.  Since it was not copywrited, we took one of a sign shop and they made 50.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever