Loss of an Adult Child

[arc4ever]

Lake Erie Beach

[arc4ever]

Niagara Falls

[arc4ever]

Niagara Falls

[4everjoeysmom]

How ODD is it that TWO people within a week have responded in a very identical way to posting on BI?? Both started a loss thread, and then just erased everything they posted... Very Odd... Sad for them both..... In 3 years of being here, never saw anything like that...

[arc4ever]

Niagara Falls

[arc4ever]

Niagara Falls

[arc4ever]

Niagara Falls

[arc4ever]

Port Stanley, Ontario Canada drawbridge

[4everjoeysmom]

Terrie, THANKS SO MUCH for taking Joey. He had never been to Niagara falls. HUGS!!!! ~Claudia

[ericasmom]

Terrie, how does one thank you and your precious Husband enough. Eri got to go around lake Erie with you and all of her angel buddies. Thanks so much my dear Girl. ANd so nice to see you smiling out at us. You are an EarthAngel.

Will write later, have to do a million things before we drive an hour to my great niece's 4th birthday party, she is my Goddaughter, so I purchased a bike for her. Can't wait to see her face.

Which other person posted without and took away Claudia?

dee

[briansdad]

could someone pm me the cheat sheet?

[lostwoher]

Terri, thank you so much for taking all the Angels along for the ride. I have been to those places and Kayla was a bit jealous but now she has been there as well.

[hotsauce]

Terrie,

thank you for taking my angel Brian, on the ride with you to lake ontario and niagara falls.  we have never been there, at least i can now say Brian has.

i am sure all the angel moms and dads will be glad to know you cared enough to take all our angels with you.  i hope you had a great time.

thank you again

mary ann

(HOTSAUCE)

[mpsmom]

Good morning to everyone, Terrie, thank you so much for taking our children to Niagara Falls, Lake Erie and along with you on your long motorcycle trip.  Still not cool enough here to ride… 110 today.  Last night I was home alone and of course could not get on to Bi to write.  Greg my cheat sheet is way out of date, I rely on the Angel date website that Dan made for us on the never lose faith website, maybe there is a way to print it, wanted to say I love the new avatar of your Brian with Allyssa (sp) on his back, how sweet. The Angel of Hope statue is so nice, what an accomplishment for one woman.  Like Colleen I will have to go online and see if there is one nearby us.   Dee, sounds like you are a great godmother, bringing a bike for her birthday… she will love it!  Kathy I am so happy that Tavian will be home soon, I forgot to ask if I pronounced his name wrong on the video from the reunion.  The girls all told me how they thought it should be pronounced and for whatever reason my brain did not remember that pronunciation when the camera was rolling, I am sorry.   Sherry I love the ‘taco bell dog’ story---- I found one of those stuffed dogs in Bethany’s closet the other day—she has millions of stuffed animals. Trudi, have fun with the engagement invitations, I can’t imagine you speaking French , there were times I had to listen closely to understand your English…. I love your accent!!!!!!!!  Yours is the voice I hear most distinctive when I read posts. Bonnie, I am sorry that your nephew has left Jay’s company, I thought you told us that you suspected this would be happening, maybe I am imagining this.  Claudia, please don’t forget to send an address you will be stopping at in the states, I have something to mail to you. I also think it is odd that 2 people have come and gone from the Bi sites so quickly.  I would love to think they are ‘real ‘people and just overwhelmed, but I sometimes wonder if they are ‘fishing’ to see how ‘we’ respond…. I have not had the energy to respond to many lately.. I am sorry.  MaryAnn you sound like you are taking baby steps forward….I am so glad for you.  There are so many people missing lately, I think about them often, where are they what are they doing??   Shelley I hope you are having some down time in ZH, my mom said it is raining there, but I guess that is normal it rains everyday in the summer there. 

School has started here finally, and last week I sold Bethany’s trumpet to a family with a little boy who was so excited to receive it---it was in perfect condition with lots of accessories and I sold it to them pretty cheap.  His eyes just lit up when we opened the case, he was starting 6^th grade, that is when she started playing.  I didn’t have any strange feelings about letting it go, she had been ‘finished’ with it for many years… no attachments for her or me.  I put the cash in the cash box in her room, where she kept her money….. same place I put the money from her last paycheck which came two weeks after she died.   Colleen, how did the cleaning lady work out?? Carol, I almost forgot--- I love the way your hubby caught you on TV, I took a pic once from the TV screen ( for a hairstyle I wanted) but it was not anywhere as clear… .how amazing he was even able to see you as they pan the crowd with the camera.  Cindy, Tanners golf tournament looked like a lot of fun, I will talk more to you about how to put one together, I would love to do that in Bethany’s name---she was varsity golf for 4 years.   Dan, thank you for the chat room, I keep trying to catch people there----I havent seen Nick's face laltely, are you doing alright?

Next week I will begin working with the elementary school -- measuring and buying shoes for the kids that the teachers identify as ‘needy’ .  Larry’s Rotary club has donated $1000 for me to be able to do this…. I am so excited.  When I spoke with the counselor she told me about a boy in 9^th grade ( we are only doing K-5) who was really needing shoes, I will include him as well.  She said one of the teachers had taken him to buy some clothing, he had only one of everything… I asked about PE clothes, was the school taking care of that for him?—no, they did not have a policy for that, so I dropped a check by the office and paid for his PE clothes… and left a business card for our office, Larry will do his sports physical for free so he can play High School sports.  I know all of this is what I do to ‘feel’ better.  It works..... Well it is almost 9 a.m. here time to work on my taxes again……UGH!!  

My love to you all, Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Sorry, for the really long post...... I would like to share this email I received from Griefshare this morning:

Write Your Memories

Day 227

Writing down your memories is a way to become unstuck if you are stuck in grief. Set aside a regular time to write out all the positive experiences you can remember that include your loved one. One memory will lead to another, and you will have much to write. This exercise shines light on the positive memories, which will help you keep the negative memories in perspective.

"When you lose someone," says Dr. H. Norman Wright, "what you have left basically are the memories. At first they're so sharp that they hurt. In time those memories begin to dull. They diminish. That in itself is another loss that you have to go through. In writing about it, you don't lose those memories. They're always there in black and white."

Writing down memories is a special process that takes time and courage.

[shorty16]

All my BI friends

My cleaning lady turned out OK, but of course I pulled a Bonnie and picked at everything she did.

She is the most inexpensive I have had; therefore, I am going to keep her and work with her.

I do not expect a full house cleaning.  The bathrooms, kitchen foor are the most important.

We will stay with her - she lost her job and is doing well at picking up odds and end work.

Colleen - Brian's Mother Forever

[hotsauce]

marcia,

thank you for thinking about me.  it's nice to know that someone remembers me.

i read all the post, just sometimes to depressed or angry to write.

to all the angels morthers and fathers have a great weekend.

lots of hugs

mary ann (hotsauce)

[shorty16]

Marcia

What a giving-gal you are!!!

It is these little things (to us) that mean so much to others.

"Bless the least of my people and you have also blessed me"

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Mary Ann, OF COURSE you are remembered!! Who could forget a gal named Hot Sauce?! HUGS!!!

Marcia, YAY!! I love the story about the little boy and it's wonderful that you and Larry are providing so much to bless him with what most other kids and families take for granted. YOU are a blessing!! xoxoxo

Yeah, I always consider people who post for the first time and whether or not I should even engage. When I do, it's sincere and from the heart. Lots of times I just don;t have the motivation to say much either. There's always so much that has my attention around here. But ever since I started getting stalked online a nearly two years ago, it's hard not to consider motives of people. And then the other thing is I consider other help sites or even counselors checking out BI to see if "clinical advice" is being given inapproriately. You know? Like if someone's marriage falls apart or something worse happens... You never know if someone's looking for someone to blame or to find an easy law suit, or what. Caution is always a good thing, but sad that you have to consider this kind of stuff. Everyone I've met here who has stuck around and become part of the community are so genuine and caring... People coming here to participate and/or to just lurk should just take it for that alone.....Genuine and caring, hurting people, coming together to lift one another up.

Love & Hugs to all!! ~Claudia

[pknight]

Thanks for passing along the writing tip. Today is 4th anniversary of Katrina & we had run to Kenny's 1 bedroom apt for the next 2 months! 6 people & we knew how lucky we were! At least we thought we did, this is the first without Kenny so now have a new appreciation for just how lucky we all were!

More later... Thanks for being here

Pam

[hotsauce]

Claudia

thank you, but hot sauce was Brian's email.  that was real sweet of you:cool:

[shorty16]

All

The weather in WI is cold, cloudy, then rainy, then sunny, then windy and partly cloudy.  All never over 71 degrees.

Thinking of you all as I try to figure out what to make for dinner (4 pm here).

Missing my Brian.  He used to take up so much of my time in worrying about him, feeding his friends, and just being happy without having to work at that.

Now I have to work at being happy, finding happiness, when darkness is on my heals.

Being on this site helps me to find happiness.

Thanks

Colleen

[hotrod]

Terrie

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness to all our Angels.  Stephen did visit the Falls once and loved them  Thank you for taking him again.

Praying for your peace

Betty

Stephen"s Mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Todays Dinner (Recipe): Teryaki Garlic & Onion Beef w/ pasta and a salad.

Pressure cooker

1-1/2 or 2 lb cubed beef

1 c water

1/4 c teryaki

fresh garlic cloves (to your liking)

1 med onion cut in thick slices and quartered

pinch of salt & pepper

Cook on med-hi heat for 40 minutes, while preparing desired pasta and a mixed greens salad.

I put small mozzarella cubes, diced tomato and sliced cucumber in my salad today. YUM!!

A wonderful meal in 40 minutes. Serves 4-6, depending on how much meat you cook.

I LOVE using the pressure cooker!!! Fast, Fresh and Yum!!

[summergirl]

Terri - thank you sooooooo much for taking our children with you - it was beautiful and when I saw the photo's the tears started - you are wonderful.

Trudi - good luck with the bridal shower arrangements.  How is your weather?? Here it is warm and humid but once again we were spared the brunt of a hurricane - Danny decided to drop to a depression so we just got rain but bad riptides again. Another 12 year old boy lost in the surf from the dangerous rip tides whil body boarding in the Carolina shore - makes me so upset.    

Dee - thanks, yes the hair cut can be a good/bad change depending. I however am very happy with my new hair - darker with just some nice light streaks and about 4 inches taken off - love it.

Went shopping with my friend today - not much - just a get out of the house for a bit thing, sometimes we need to just get away.     Last night Barry and I went to our favorite place with friends and we ran into one of Tavian's substitute teachers, we call her Mrs. M - she talked to Barry alot about Tavian and what she has seen and gave us great advice as to what to do and say when he gets home. She actually said it was a good thing for him and us to be away from each other. I believe there will be an adjustment period when he comes home, she told us not to begin with "I have missed you so much" - start with hugging him and telling him we can't wait to hear all about what adventures he has had etc.  Can't wait and glad for the advice.

Marcia - whoo hoo for you my friend, helping those in need get new shoes etc!!! What a joy is it to be so giving - your the best.

Time to think about dinner - not really hungry but my husband is starving. Will talk later.   Peace to all, Kathy

[daveydow1]

Marcia---Thanks for the 'Writing your Memories" tip. I think it is an

excellent idea to keep all those wonderful memories written down so

we could go back at any time and re-read them so that they can bring us

a bit of joy.  I'm sure that little boy is thrilled with his trumpet that you sold

his parents for him. Your angel, Bethany's, trumpet will be playing sweet music.

Those little stuffed animals are so precious. I have Davey's stuffed monkey---only

has one ear, and his head is flat on one side from Dave taking him to sleep with

when he was so little. They certainly are golden keepsakes, aren't they?

Terrie---I, too, would like to thank you for taking all our angels with you on your

motorcycle trip to Niagara Falls.  It was a sweet & thoughtful thing for you to do

that.  Peace to you, friend.

Mary Ann---You are not forgotten.  Everyone understands when someone has to

step back and just rest awhile. Sometimes we just don't have the energy to post,

and that is perfectly OK. Everyone on BI has had to do the same at some point.

My thoughts & prayers are with you. Peace & tranquility be with you tonight and

tomorrow.

      Daveysmom, Sherry 

 

 

[pknight]

Terri had to go back to realize how you took them with you-how cool!

I didn't realize how much I'd missed. It's been a long hard week. Dee so glad the kids have you & you have them. Tried being in the present with my daughter, still feels like there is a hole in the middle of us.

Hugs to all

Pam

[briansdad]

Just got back. Here is Jan and me with a balloon for our kids.

[briansdad]

Here she is

[mpsmom]

Greg, thank you for taking our children with you, I hope you will be posting pics of the newest Angel of Hope.  I am remembering ( I think ) that the unvieling was today.  It is nice to see a pic of you and Jan, love the shirts--- now I feel like I more 'know'  "Mrs. Greg.":)

Hugs, Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

 

[briansdad]

After placing the flowers

[mpsmom]

WOW, she is absolutely beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[briansdad]

Big turnout

[briansdad]

This shows how one can make a difference

[mpsmom]

Oh Greg, how beautiful..... what a wonderful turn-out... the balloons look like they are already in heaven , they are so pretty and pearly looking, floating up into the skies........ WOW.. Thank you for sharing.. ..

[mpsmom]

Oh Greg, how beautiful..... what a wonderful turn-out... the balloons look like they are already in heaven , they are so pretty and pearly looking, floating up into the skies........ WOW.. Thank you for sharing.. ..

[ericasmom]

Hello Everyone,

Pam and MaryAnn, so glad that you are posting, I think about you often, but am so overwhelmed with school's start that I have hardly posted. I am happy however, to see your Son's sweet faces, and to read your posts. Pam, I am unsure of what you meant about Your Son's apartment. Do you mean in New Orleans? It is amazing isn't it, that it was 4 years ago that Katrina hit? Four years and so much is still just sitting there...sad. Today we watched a part of a show that was about Katrina, and about some of the building going on there. The once healthy welands that surrounded the city and protected the city are destroyed, because of humans not nature. Nature in all of her force and glory, can of course knock down and roll up a town, but in so many cases, the extremes have so much to do with us.

School has been a huge and exhausting time, while adorable kids, the dynamic is such that the noise level is beyond high and the listening ability is below normal. AHHHHHHH, i just need some quiet.

Now I must go to bed, but until I am able to write coherently, sleep beautifully and deeply.

love, dee

[pknight]

Dee, I live in Metairie & my daughter in New Orleans. Kenny had an apt in Baton Rouge, I guess most know where I am talking about now. Our whole family, cousins & all headed to Kenny's 1 bdrm. Last year We all went to Panama City Beach for Gustav.

We always Evacuate. This is the 1st year without Kenny. Last year we still had hope. This year all we have

Are memories. Sorry

Pam

[mikesmum]

Greg: - What an amazing day.  The weather adding to the beauty.  Thanks for sharing. (love the avatar of Brian and that beautiful grandbaby)

Terrie:- How far our children travel - thank you, it really makes me smile to see Mike's picture so far from here keeping such great company...

Marcia: - Writing down the memories definitely a great idea.  A short story behind the picture jotted down either in an album or on the back of the picture - next project.

 

[briansdad]

Found another song for us. Peace out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8Uz9pGrEE

God !!!!I'm missing Him

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

I really like the song.  LOVE the angle!  Thanks for sharing.  I know what you mean about missing your boy .......  I'm right there with you! 

I feel like I've let him down.  In an attempt to grow his business, we wanted to hire someone else.  His cousin, my nephew was needing a job.

His father owned a big car wash that nephew and his brothers basically ran. His father biting off more than he could chew in the business world, lost it along with everything else.  His children, at least all but nephew, suffered also.  Two of his sons lost everything.

Nephew needed a job and came to work for our (Jay's) construction company. Things started off fine.  He needed a trailer, he needed software, he needed tools, he needed a computer, he needed more money a couple of times. We accommodated his requests to help grow the business.

When Jay left, an Uncle was there and we met and had dinner a couple of times after. He told us of an opportunity with the government to obtain work.  Nephew being new, jumped in, learned the ropes and successfully bid on contracts.

Nephew called on Thursday and resigned.  It was almost urgent.  There was no time or opportunity to meet in person. His schedule wouldn't allow it.

Once he resigned, we set about removing him as an employee.  His email, stopped his credit card, cancelled insurance, contacted our attorney to have new papers drawn up removing him as a beneficiary of the company if we kicked the bucket, etc....

He got upset about the email.  Which made us suspicious so we were able to get in and browse it a little.

He got his  Class A back in March on company time, is licensed in his town as a contractor, has a business and has been taking BRD business as his own. 

We couldn't get the company computer,  He pretty much told us that he intended to hold it ransom until we restored his email. 

So Rich had to take a police officer to his house yesterday morning to retrieve it.

He had deleted a whole bunch of stuff that was easily retrieved.

He had been telling us how slow things have been and the mountain work was drying up, etc....

The mountain is alive and well.  Nephew has moved his little company in and is taking the contracts for himself.

I took this like a kick in the stomach.  I cried I was so disappointed and angry.  I had such a tension headache I was sick to my stomach.

So, we are up after a couple nights of fitful sleep hoping that with nephews sabotage we can pull ourselves up by the boot strings and keep our little company going.

This is so bad. 

He has taken tens of thousands of dollars in work that should have come to our little company for himself while working a few little peddly jobs that didn't amount to much for our company.  And we paid him a really good salary to do it!  Not only that, we paid his contract laborers too.

We trusted him enough that we introduced him to the opportunity, supported him through the learning curves and essentially paid him to set up and run his own business and make money on our dime.

All this has been going on since March.  Do we look stupid or what?

Stunned, we are stunned.

This fine christian young man stabbed us in the back, lied to us, used us, stole from the company, belittled us to others and in my eyes he essentially spit on Jason's grave and memory.

And there were so many folks who knew this was going on!  He's even back partnering with his father.  His brother who came to us for loans and who we helped with tickets to go to England to bring his daughter home is also part of the scheme.  I have no family!

We were not totally blindsided by his new business.  We expected him to tell us he was leaving but to find out that he was so underhanded and stealing work is overwhelming!

How do folks live with themselves? 

We are so sorry son, we thought we were doing the right thing .......

[heartbeataway]

[align=center]And on a happy note,  Colleen's coming to Pinnacle Days!!!

Wahoo!

[/align]

[4everjoeysmom]

Bonnie, That totally sux about your nephew. I'm thinking a "No Compete Clause" should be included in any offer to potential new employees from now on. I hope and pray your business survives.

You did NOT let Jason down. How were you to know that your own nephew would do such a terrible thing? That is NOT your fault. And he may say he's a Christian, but I doubt he knows Jesus or what that really means. Jesus never scammed people or took advantage of them. He died FOR them. Lots of folks do all kinds of nasty things and call themselves Christians. They can call themselves whatever they want. But if the deeds don't match the words... It is what it is...a dirty heart.

And on the positive side, I AM SO HAPPY That Colleen is coming to Pinnacle Days.

HUGS!!!! ~Claudia

[mpsmom]

Greg, wonderful song, thank you ... I forwarded the link to Bethany's Best friend who misses her so very much,     Marcia   Bethany's Mom forever

[pknight]

Bonnie,

I wish I could say I'm shocked @ your plight but it happens sadly all to often. Have you spoken to a lawyer?

Family is more than blood. My closest family are the ones I am not related to, but who want to be in my life.

I was just let down by a nephew when Kenny passed & as hurt as I was, I am now relieved that all his crap is out of my life. Know that your true family will always be there for you!

You will be so much better off now that this negativity is away from you!

Hugs

Pam

What are pinacle days?

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  I am so very sorry that all this has happened...it is just another stab in your already wounded heart...but as far as your letting Jason down, this is so very not true...doing your best, trying your hardest, thinking you are doing the right thing, is what counts...and Jason knows all of that..he knows your heart...he loves you and Rich, and he understands.  I hope that things turn out okay for you, but as for your nephew, he will not do well with this...it may seem so, but he will not.  I am glad that you are not the type of person to let this influence how you treat people, because this could be a real life-changer for some...but I have seen into your eyes, which lead to our heart, and you are not the type of person who will let this change you...other than to make you more cautious...it is difficult, the pain is there, the disappointment, the feelings of betrayal, but I know that you and Rich will work through this...Jason will be there, helping you, cheering you on.  Dear friend, my heart aches for you in your feelings of disappointment and hurt, and you are in my prayers for strength and healing.

Greg, thank you for the beautiful song...brings on tears, but tears are healing...  the pictures were just beatufiul...as Marcia said, the balloons were just beautiful, heading towards our angels...bright and pearly in their reflection...

Terrie:  thank you and your husband so much for taking all of our angels with you on your trip...Mike had always wanted to go to Niagara Falls...now he has been there, thanks to you...  One of Mike's wishes was to have a motorcycle by the time he was 30...this didn't happen, but thanks to you, he knows all about it...you are so sweet and loving to do this for our angels.  

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Pam,

We are going to talk to an attorney .....

Pinnacle Days is how we celebrate our son Jason's birthday every year and raise funds for ARVD research at Johns Hopkins.

We call it a celebration of life, love and friendship.  It's a Friday - Sunday event held at the campground where he was camping when he died.  If you don't like camping there are hotels within approx. 10 miles.

Last year we had a chili cook-off and glowing balloon release Friday night.  Saturday we had a Jeep caravan to the top of the mountain which is The Pinnacle.  That's where Jason's memorial site is.

Saturday we had a moon bounce and a band planned but we had to cancel because of the rain.  That was sad!

We did have a barbecue with pot luck sides and fireworks.  We have a huge bonfire every night and even had smores one night.

Sunday morning there was breakfast and we took the group picture.  Campsites where broken down and another year ended.

This year we're hoping to do pretty much the same things again and with no rain!

We are considering a small service or something on Sunday morning.

And we want to build (in partnership with The Cove owners a memorial pavillion in Jasons honor) and have the dedication.

Not sure if we'll be able to pull that off in time but we're going to try ......

I got a little carried away here but that's probably because Pinnacle Days and ARVD research is close to our hearts.

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[daniellemom]

Terri- Thank you so much for taking our kids with you on the ride.  Danielle was a biker babe herself.  Thanks!

Greg - The angel of hope is beautiful!  Thanks for sharing.

Bonnie - So sorry to hear about your family.  You did not let Jay down.  You did what you thought was right.  Love ya!  Hope to see Colleen in October.

Sonya (Danielle's mom)

 

[summergirl]

Greg - absolutely beautiful, the crowd, the Angel, the balloon release. Love the pic of you and Jan holding the balloon for us - thank you so much.

Bonnie - I am so sorry for what your nephew has put you through but know in your heart that you did nothing wrong - your nephew did that all on his own!! He let Jason down NOT YOU!!!  Get that lawyer and do what you have to do. Keeping you in my heart and prayers.

Took the camper down to Gin Beach this morning. Am going down for the week tomorrow after I pick up Tavian (whoo hoo) - pray for good weather for us. As Barry and I were leaving we stopped at the top to put air back in the truck tires and a man walked by and said he was so sorry about our daughter (he saw the In Memory of on the back window - I told him thank you and he said he lost his 7 year old daughter so he understood - I asked him what happened and he said organ failure but not sure what caused it, I told him about Jessica and we both had tears in our eyes and he said "it just isn't right"!!  It is the first time I have run into a stranger who mentioned the Memorial sticker but I know it is because he knows what we are going through. I felt so bad and hope to meet him on the beach this week and talk a little more to him.  Funny how we meet others like that.

Well the sun is finally out so I am going to go outside and enjoy it for a while, been raining the last couple days so sun shine looks great.

Love you all and talk soon.  Kathy

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - I hear your voice breaking as you recount the deceitful way you have been betrayed.  You know, I never met Jason, but meeting you I feel he would have done the same.  Seeing someone down he would reach out and help them, just as you and Rich did.  The sad thing is even 'family' sometimes become opportunistic without a thought.  I am so sorry you have had yet another blow to your already injured soul.  I also saw one tuff lady in MN.  Let the legals have the battle with your nephew, your strengths shine through you work for ARVD research and the ever growing decication to Pinnicle Days....Glad Colleen is going, only wish I could be with you...

Greg - the memories and the tears come easily with the song.  Thanks