Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmum]

Dan - Thank you for sharing this day with us here.  I have watched the link and spent sometime looking at the beauty of the day thanks to the butterflies.  Your daughters words ease the aching heart.....

"Butterflies symbolize the spirit of transformation, representing freedom and beauty as they take flight. When we experience the vital connection between butterflies and nature, we tend to feel that peace and harmony are truly around us.Their f light is a motion of freedom and calmness and is so beautiful to see.

Please let death be a butterfly with our loved one soaring in an existence that is too wonderful for us to comprehend! “Often in life what appears to be an ending is really a glorious new beginning”.

I truly believe this with all my being.  I see it with the dragonflies down by the river and imagine the freedom of Mikes energy.

Please thank Mary and your family for showing us such love and devotion.  Trudi

[4everjoeysmom]

Dan, Heart and Prayers with you and your family. Sorry I wasn't able to post earlier. Hope the love of your Nick covered you in peace and beauty. The butterfly release sounds extraordinarily beautiful--just like your son!!

[mikesmomrs]

Dan:  I have not been on the computer all day, but so glad that I came on in time to view the link to your wonderful Nick's butterfly release.  As Trudi said, thank you so much for sharing, and please share my thanks with your sweet wife, Mary, and your daughter.  It was such a beautiful day for you, and I know that Nick was with you, flying all about, showing his love on all of you.  Such a beautiful tribute to your son.

Bets:  thanks for the pic of Caroline...but of course, that is NOT Caroline, but a "big girl" stand in, right?!    She and Julia are just so beauitful and full of love and life.

Claudia:  your room looks so relaxing and quiet; you've done a good job. 

Amanda:  So glad that you are enjoying your pregnancy so much...my oldest daughter waited 10 years to finally get pregnant, and she did the same...every moment was a joy for her.  I would call her and say "What'cha doin'?" and she would say "Just sitting here on the sofa, with my hands across my tummy, feeling my baby grow."   Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful joy. 

Mary Ann...thinking of you, dear. 

Dee:  So glad that you are feeling a little better, and taking it one day at a time...I hope the bike ride worked out and didn't exacerbate things...

To those coming to MN:  Wow, next week, guys, can you believe it?!   To those who aren't physically coming---you will be in all of our hearts the whole time!  

TO ALL:  I would like to do something in honor of ALL of our kids, for the meeting in MN (not just those of the parents coming to the meeting)...could you please, if you can, and if you don't mind, email to me a picture of your child?  It can be a picture of them as a child, or older, whatever you like.   I don't know if I will be able to get it done in time, but I am going to try, and hubby is going to help...so, I should have all the pics by this Saturday, so I will have time to do the work ...thanks, everyone.  my email is sixbyproducts@comcast.net. 

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

It is 6 days, 7 hours, 27 minutes and 27 seconds until Tuesday, 11 August 2009 (Melbourne time) but who's counting!!!!!!  Hope everyone will get their pics to you in time Carol

Confirming you want ALL our babies, those coming and those not right?

[mikesmomrs]

Yes, Trudi....pictures of the children we honor here, of all of our parents, even those not coming to MN...thanks.  and, I am not sure I will use it yet, but send along the dates, as well, please, just in case I do use them, I want them to be accurate.  thank you again...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Dan,

The butterfly release was sweet!  Thanks for sharing the pictures. I hope the day was peaceful and you felt the presence of your precious Nick.

Love,

Bonnie

[mamabets]

Hi mikesmomrs~ Danny's dates are October 31, 1978~ June 21, 2004...

Of course, when many ask..."When did he die??", my reply is..."Never..."

I love you all~ xo

mamabets and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere

 

 

[mamabets]

For nicksdad~ One year.. I remember it like it was yesterday, and please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers... "DANIEL" will always be so special~ I look up to you for celebrating your son... My kids weren't so lucky when it came to the "DAD" department. Danny didn't survive it, my Jackie did...

Keep it up, the butterfly release was just spectacular~

Much Love~

mamabets and Danny, her little wink from here, there and everywhere 

[mpsmom]

Dan and Mary , thank you for sharing you day with us here at BI.  If you read back just  a few posts you saw that I was searching butterfly websites just yesterday afternoon......your release was absolutley stunning and so touching, I think this is something that I would also like to do now that I have seen it.  In the next week or so , if you would PM me the info Mary came up with on the butterflies and what company you used I would so appreciate it.  The slide show was so pretty to watch..thank you again...

The week that Bethany died last year was the only week that we had Monarchs here in the Las Vegas Valley, from the 19th - 26th of September, she collapsed on the 19th and her services were on the 26th... Dee sent me a website to track the migration flight of the Monarchs and it was so amazing.  In 'that' week last year I saw more butterflys in my front yard than I had ever seen in my life......hundreds and hundreds.. I took it as a sign from my angel girl --- she was safe, happy and watching over her father and me. 

Again, thank you for sharing Nick's Day with us,  

Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[hotsauce]

lolynbo,

My son Brian, had leukemia, blood cancer, no rediation, but a lot of chemo. he suffered for two years.  they ran out of different chemo to give him..as for the respirator, yes he was, he could not breath on his on.  his lungs  filled up with blood, and he bleed to death, i had to tell the hospital to take him off the respirator because where was noting they could do for he.

look i am sorry your Kourtney died, and i sorry you didn't like what i said about the everyday meeting place, but i am having a very hard time about his death, and i'm sure you are about your daughters death, he was my ONLY child, and i had no help from anyone with him then or now.

he was a healthy young man before he got cancer, went into the hospital bleeding from the inside out in 07,  went in at 168# after 3 months the doctors sent him home to died at 70#, he was on hospice. the worst part of it, not only did he die, they said at first he had a 95% change to make it, so after all the rotten chemo he had, all his other organs failed.

he not only died may 1, 2009 he also died in my arms on mother's day 07, but they did he back, he just really never recovered from all the **** he went through.

mary ann

anything else you what to know, just ask.................

[pknight]

Just joined, but have been lurking awhile. I am so grateful to have found all of you.

I relate to your story so much and just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. My son Kenny fought rare lymphoma and insurance company for 2 years. Just lost him Feb. 1st, 3 days before his birthday. He would have been 26.  As much as I can believe in GOD right now, I pray. I will be praying for you too and hope that someone is listening.

Stay strong. There has to be some reason that we were left behind. I am living to try and bring something positive in his honor.  I cannot let him have died for nothing.

My computer is on the fritz. This is the first day it has worked. I log in on my phone. So now that I have joined I hope I will be able to do that on my blackberry pearl. My thoughts are with you. Thank you for your story. I will light a candle for your Brian too.

Pam

 

[tanmanmymagicman]

Hi Carol, just tried to post a picture for the heck of it and send you a email but ; I get this message that the picture is too big....so now I probably don't even have Tanner's original picture; but I will find it....

thank you for asking for pictures of kids Since my son's mom is too much of a stress case to try and go...

Tonight I am hoping to send you one so Tanner can be among all his friends also....

So sweet of you.....thank you.

Tanner's Mom ; Cindy

[briansdad]

Nicksdad,

Sorry I'm late. I hope the day was OK for you and your wife. Butterfly release is a good idea.

I went to a wedding last weekend and saw a friend that I hadn't seen in 20 years.He asked the age of my kids and for a moment I was stuck for an answer.Then it came to me . I said my late son Brian would be 29 and then told him the age of my other kids. It seemed to work well.

Greg

[mikesmum]

Maryanne - thank you for sharing your story.  Brian taken once only to be taken again - I have just read my sisters keeper, about a young girl dying of AML.  It is an insiduious cancer that has no one stop treatment for remission, more like a lottery.

If you have memories of the before AML, please share us.  One of the things I love here is that we acknowledge the loss but we celebrate the life..

Carol - thanks for whatever you are putting together..of course going thru pics brings tears and smiles..

Found this, Emily Jade, Granma and Harmony - 2006.  One of the only pics I have of her and I.....

For those coming to MN....I'm the one with the accent!!!

[daveydow1]

PKnight---Pam, ---I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Kenny. I have

been on this road for 6 yrs. (son, David, died in highway crash in 2003), and

I have found this site to be a lifeline. Everyone here understands, firsthand,

the pain & sorrow you are in now. Please come back to BI, and read/post

and share anything you want to share.....we're always here. Peace to you.

Trudi,----Such a lovely pic of you with the two sweet little grandbabies. Thanks

for posting it.

   Peace & tranquility to all here in the BI family.

       Daveysmom, Sherry

[hotsauce]

thank you Trudi.  i have all good memories of Brian before his cancer.

the thing that hurts me most of all is that i feel like i gave it to him, because when i was pregant with him i worked at a refinery and live in a cancer cluster in delaware.

he would always thank me for being his mother, but i told him i need to thank you, because he was the best thing to happen to me in my life.

mary ann

 

[daniellemom]

Dan,

The pictures of the butterfly release are great! Nick is so very proud of you and his Mama and sister!

[hotsauce]

hi Pam, i am new to the site also, i am so sorry for the lost of your son.  my only child Brian died may 1, 2009 of leukemia, of think i know a little about what you went through , again i am very sorry for your loss.

mary ann

 

 

[hotsauce]

i am a little slow today, but who ever released the butterfiles thank you for sharing it was beautiful..  i always did love butterfiles, and just now  hurt to think what they mean now.

mary ann

[lolynbo]

PAM AND MARYANN,

WE HAVE ALL GONE THROUGH SOME RUFF TIMES (HELL) WITH THAT DAMN CANCER...WHAT AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER WE ARE ON, ME FOR 7 MONTHS AND 2 DAYS WITH KOURTNEY TIL SHE DIED FROM THE BRAIN TUMOR (THAT NEVER WAS GOING TO GO AWAY) I JUST DIDNT KNOW IT..THERE ARE SEVERAL ON HERE THAT HAVE LOST KIDS TO CANCER AND BEEN ON THE SAME CRAPPY BOAT..(THAT SANK WITH A LARGE HOLE IN IT)

BUT WE ALL WILL GET THROUGH THIS, WE HURT SO BAD AND MISS THE KIDS SO MUCH...THE HOSPITAL NIGHTMARES COME AND GO, IVE BEEN TOLD TO REMEMBER KOURTNEY B4 THE CANCER AND NOT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH..ITS SO HARD BUT IM TRYING..

 

[hotsauce]

Lolynbo

your are so right, the funny thing is i always hated rollercoasters.

mary ann

[mpsmom]

me too I hate rollercoasters !!!!!!!!!!! Bethany on the other hand would ride anything, the bigger, the scarier the better....

Hugs.. Marcia     Bethany's Mom Forever

[mysonrich]

Marcia, I'll write more later but I have a question. Did Bethany have to wear socks that matched her blouse/shirt?  ( just something you said about socks)

[hotsauce]

Hi Besty, i just saw the you are from pennsylvania, where at?

mary ann

[mpsmom]

Betsy, I think we were talking about 'spirit day' at school, they waned them to wear one gold sock and one blue sock, and i think the juniors were to wear blue shirts that one day... .she wasnt much into that, more into looking cute.. ,,,... LOL

Hugs Marcia     Bethany's Mom Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Hating them or not, our lives are a roller coaster now---I am so glad that we are together to hold each other on when the dips get too low...

Pam:  Welcome to BI...I know that you will find comfort, love and understanding here...this site has helped all of us on this journey of sadness; all here have helped each other to deal with the heartbreak and sadness, and helped us to be able to recognize the small joys that eventually work their way out of our hearts onto our lips as smiles...eventually...

My son, Mike, died of brain cancer, Oct 14, 2006.  He fought it so bravely for 17 months, but we knew from the outset that it was going to win the battle, but the war it did not win...Mike taught us all about bravery, unconditional love, and peace with whatever life hands you...this seems to be the thread that goes through all of the posts here...we all learned so much from our kids, whether we are parents who got the "dreaded phone call," or parents who sat by their bedside and watched our precious babies leave, an hour at a time...the pain lives in our hearts, but the joy that they put there works its way through and brings us to life again...when we think of all the love they gave us in the short time they were with us, how could we not honor them by living our lives to best of our ability, eventually...it takes time, lots of time, and help, and here is where you will find lots and lots of help...

Mary ann...thank you for sharing your story of your sweet Brian..It know that it is painful to talk about, but I know that Brian is proud of you for seeking help through coming here and posting...many, and I do think likely it is all of us, here who post truly believe that our children brought us all together...they knew we would need each other, and somehow directed us all here, to be here for each other, to hold each other up....when one is down, the other steps in and helps them back up again...the "downs" can be life-draining, as we all know, but we also know that we can come here for comfort and understanding, always.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mysonrich]

Mary Ann, I live mid-way between Wilkes Barre, Pa and Scranton via Willow Grove, Montgomery County, Pa. Rich died 4.5 months after I moved here to be closer to my Mom after her stroke. I always thought I would get a call for my mom, not my son. Where in Delaware are you?

Betsy, mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Yes, this road is a roller coaster, but eventually it is a road again, paved some days, rough others, but a road, a path, a space between the house and trees and towns in which to walk and breathe again.

Mary Ann, the story of Brian's leaving is so very sad. I know that being told one thing and watching the opposite happen bust have been so very devestating for you. I wonder if at first they thought he had a different type, I know that AML is the hardest one of the blood cancers to come back from. My FormerHusband, Michael died from AML in March. He is the father of my Girl Eri, and my Son Jon. I hope that you never blame hyourself for the cancer Mary Ann, working at a refinery did not come with Warning signs, it did not mean that you purposefully put your Child in danger. I am sure that the chemicals that are likely the ones that caused Brian's cancer, were never anything you could have changed at the time. Michael was a machinest, he was in contact with Benziene. That chemical is one that researchers feel could be a cause of AML. Had he known, precautions would have been taken. If we knew the things we now know Mary Ann, we would all have our Children right here with us in the way we used to, but now they are with us in a new way. One day, when you are further along this path, you will feel some of this sense of responsibility for your Boy's death leave. It was not, is not , your fault.

Pam, how sad I am that you are here, that you too, have lost a Child. You and Mary Ann have a come to the right place, we are just sorry that you needed to be here in the first place. I lost Erica in July of 2003, when a faulty train signal light failed to shine, (broken for 11 months, blown fuse) and my Girl's car was struck by an Amtrak. She was 19. She lived for 6 days, never awake, but there with us as we prepared to say goodbye.

I will write more tomorrow, so sleepy after a big important day.

sleep well All,

dee

[homeschoolmom]

I found this quote while reading oline earlier...

When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living-even if you don't feel like it...[Don't let] grief be your constant companion...Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your child and rejoice in that love which will never end... Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal.

- WISCONSIN PERSPECTIVES NEWSLETTER, SPRING 1989, 3

It definitely isn't okay, is it? 

It's back to school for us and I'm still drained.  Hoping to be back in FL by month's end, hopefully with Akiem in tow.  Sometimes I feel like life gets so overwhelming, then I crash and feel guilty... Times like now I feel like I'm trying to claw my way out of this pit that has smooth slippery slides...

To All, May you embrace the memories of our cherished ones, realizing anew that each is a gift of healing for hearts torn and ravaged by grief.

Blessings,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[nicksdad]

[user=27668]mysonrich[/user] wrote:

Mary Ann, I live mid-way between Wilkes Barre, Pa and Scranton via Willow Grove, Montgomery County, Pa. Rich died 4.5 months after I moved here to be closer to my Mom after her stroke. I always thought I would get a call for my mom, not my son. Where in Delaware are you?

Betsy, mysonRich

Betsy,

I am from that area. I use to live in Susquehanna, Pa right up the road from you. Family all still lives in that area.

[mikesmomrs]

Shelly:  here is my hand, and the hand of all others here, to help you get a grip on the sides of that slippery slope...sending prayers and strength to help you through these busy days and to find your way through the fog of pain that we find ourselves in, when we least expect it.  Just like nature's fog that surrounds us on a dreary day, this too will lift---like the sun burns off the fog of nature, the warmth of our children's love and spirit surrounding us will burn off this fog of pain...allowing the sunshine of sweet memories to dwell in our minds and hearts again..

JUST A REMINDER:  To those who want to and haven't yet sent their pics, please send me a picture of your child, either one from their younger days or a newer one, whichever you choose.  This is to put together for our meeting in MN...but it does not mean just from those who are coming to the meeting...I would like to have pics of all of our kids, if that is okay with all.  My email is sixbyproducts@comcast.net   thanks everyone...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Wow, pages and pages of postings.

Hello my BI friends!!!!!

Since I am an auditor (at work) of processes and systems, I also get audited by our customers.  Just finished with a 2 day audit and it did not go well - 9 findings.

We will recover, but I am one of those to get it done in the beginning so I do not have 9 findings to answer.  End of work talk.

Pam - Sorry you are here, but here is the place to be.  We all know your pain.  My son (also, Brian) died car-surfing on 6-19-08.  What a waste of a beautiful life.  The driver is still in jail for homicide. - really ugly situation (8 court appearances).

My hospital was the courtroom, even though I did not go there everyday like the other parents with sick children, the mental, emotional, and physical drain that took place in that place was overwhelming.

Shelly (Rohan's Mom)  I love the statement. May I print and send to others?  Good to see Rohan's picture, I miss the kids when their parent do not post.

Cindy - I also love to see Tanner's face.  Our two boys are really having a good time especially with Bethany, Eri, Danielle, Kayla, Kourtney, Jessica.

Upon review of my cheat sheet (which I will PM to any newbies who want it) There are a total of 37 children, 29 are boys and only 8 are girls.

Thinking of you all

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[heartbeataway]

Colleen,

You tried to send the cheat sheet to me once before but it didn't come across. May I ask you to send it to me again?  Thanks!

Shelley,

Love the quote!  Loved seeing you posting!

To all ....... please try to have a day that would make your children smile.

Love!

Bonnie

[hotsauce]

Betsy, I live in Bear, Delaware, i heard of your area, but not sure where it is.

i do know where the hospital of penn is next to the children hospital . penn hospital is were i took Brian for help since our hospital sent Brian home to die.

have a great day.

mary ann

[hotsauce]

thank you Dee, I sorry about your husband, but no Brian had ALL child hood cancer.

no matter which he had the answer was not what i wanted to get.

mary ann

[hotsauce]

carol, thank you , i just wish it were only a story , i wish i could close the book and see my son Brian sitting next to me

mary ann

[mysonrich]

Mary Ann,

My son, Rich, was in CHOP a couple of times when he was under age 5. He had some heath issues back then but nothing related to what caused his death, at least as far as I know or they knew. Penn is down the street from CHOP.

My nephew was in CHOP. Pat died from liver cancer and he died at home. Before Pat died he said that a man came to see him dressed in robes. One might think it was due to the medication, I don't and either did his dad; my brother, and his step-mom.

I know where Bear is. Me and Rich took a ride to Newark last spring. We drove down to Bethany and took the ferry to Cape May. It is a good memory even when I remember the seagulls chasing him down the boardwalk for his fries. My boy actually yelled! crazy seagulls.

Rich died at his home that he shared with his g/f. They lived in Croydon, PA for about 5 months. They went to a Metillicia concert that night and in the morning his g/f woke up and found him next to her. She called 911 and tried CPR . When the EMT's arrived she said they didn't do much of anything so I have concluded that he had died much earlier. I waited months for the coroners report but they never really found anything. In part they based his cause of death on family history. His dad had a heart attack at age 40, triple bypass. They brought his dad back 3 times that day of his heart attack.

but, I will always have a feeling that something is missing with my boys cause of death. I don't know why but it, the feeling, still lingers and wakes me up at night.

[mysonrich]

Dan, what I have learned while living in NEPA, Everything is Right Down The Road! Not ! I know the area though I haven't ventured out to explore as yet. My mom is from Wellsboro, 30 years now. She is till considered a flatlander,My aunt/uncle too. My sister lives in Mansfield though we don't talk anymore.

Here is a pic for you, scenic overlook , Wyalusing. Homesick now?

[hotsauce]

Besty,

Brian and i were going to take the ferry over to cape may and send the day there this summer, but i guess that is not going to happen now.  we were at lewes easter this year and we watch the ferry go in and out, when we tried to walk the beach the wind was so strong it almost knocked Brian to the ground. 

He was so thin, but he was eating everything he wanted.  Most of all the beach fries from rehobeth.  nice taking to an almost neighbor.

mary ann

[mikesmomrs]

Mary ann:  When Mike had his first brain surgery for the brain cancer/tumor, they were all set that all was okay, and two days later he started slipping into a coma.  When we asked what was going on, the dr. said "his brain is swelling."  I said "What does that mean?"  The curt answer, flung over his shoulder as he walked out the door was "He can't live like that."  They were supposed to start IV steroids that afternoon to cut down on the swelling, but it didn't get done til the next morning. (another, long, complicated story) We were given all types of excuses, of course, but nothing was going to change what happened.  Just before he started slipping into the coma, they had written DISCHARGE ORDERS!!!!   He couldn't even walk, couldn't hold a spoon, couldn't hold his infant son...no offers of rehab, nothing...just "take him home and let him die."  We were told by the dr. "We've done all that can be done."  WRONG!  He should have said "We've done all that we can do; you need to take him to a cancer treatment center, they have more, know more, and can do more."  But, the dr's ego got in the way...he couldn't admit that there was more to be done than he could do.  We demanded a meeting with the hospital mediation board, and that Mike be transferred back to the ICU, and transferred to the Boston cancer center as soon as possible.  Of course, our demands were met immediately---at that point, I think they would have granted us just about anything we wanted---except of course, the one thing we wanted most, which was to have our son back to normal.  There were another couple of lousy mistakes over the next day and a half, which is how long it took to get a bed in the Boston hospital, but we stayed with him 24/7 so we were on top of everything.  When he went to Boston, they evaluated him and did another surgery, got another huge portion of the tumor (They had only gotten 40% at the previous hospital), and wound up getting a total of 90% of the tumor.  When he woke up from the surgery, he could walk, feed himself, lift a pen, hold his son.  While we knew at the time that the cancer would come back, we also got another 17 months of having him with us...a gift we will forever be thankful for. 

I am so sorry for all that you and Brian had to go through, especially not having any other support for either of you.  I can't imagine the difficulty of this for both of you, but I am so very glad that you had such a strong connection to each other, as I know that that helped each of you

Betsy:  Your story of the sea gulls is great---I remember just a week or so before Mike became confined to bed, he and his dad would go to the river at lunchtime and sit in the truck and feed the gulls.  Mike used to get such a kick out of throwing the french fries across his dad's chest, out the driver's window, so the gulls would come screaming right up to the window to get them and scare his dad into thinking they would come right into the truck...his dad still talks about those last couple of trips.  As for the haunting of our memories as to what happened, what could have been done...I think this goes on for all of us, in one form or another...eventually it eases off, and I think it is our kids, stealing some of that part of the pain away from us, so we can ease off on our conscience.  It takes a while, though, sometimes a long while. 

Beautiful picture!

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Shelly, I am so glad that you posted this statement, because you once asked for acceptance, and while I knew what you meant, which is below, I could not adequately explain it. I remember saying something about how acceptance is a slow process but one that allows you to find the purpose of your life now. I accepteted Eri's death as something I could not change, not as something that was alright, but something terribly sad and horrible but unchangeable. From there I was able to step into the day taking her with me everywhere I go, asking for direction from God and Eri on days when I feel directionless, and hoping that what I do in this world, on this day, is something that will make someone smile, including and especially, Erica. So thank you for this as it is a perfect explanation for acceptance in my opinion.

When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living-even if you don't feel like it...[Don't let] grief be your constant companion...Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your child and rejoice in that love which will never end... Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal. - WISCONSIN PERSPECTIVES NEWSLETTER, SPRING 1989, 3

Shelly, I do hope that the overwhelming sense of getting ready for school and adoption and moving will somehow work its way out and that you find yourself with time to relax in between times.

[ericasmom]

Pam, tell us more about your Boy if you are able. Did you say he was just shy of his 26th birthday? YOu are at the 6 month mark I believe, and so there are many emotions to deal with including the absolute sadness that seems to cover our lives. It won't always be this hard, but it will always be a huge sadness.  We learn, as it said in that quote that Shelly posted, to live again in the love that is eternal. Right now, many of you are very early on in your loss, so be good to yourselves, be kind, take a walk each day to make sure of your body getting both some sunlight and some exercise for your health. Plus walking could also help you burn some of the anxiety off and allow for sleep to come with more ease. We are here whenever you need.

Love the stories of french fries and gulls, and wind on the water...these good memories are treasures, they will not go away.

Love,

dee

[briansdad]

I want pictures from Mn.!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget.

Greg

 

[homeschoolmom]

Tony, my husband, and I REALLY talked today.  Decided that if we were going to foster any kind of emotional intimacy, I needed to tell him how resentful I am that he's not working, that as much as I still want Akiem, there are times I still wish he was gone and Rohan left here ...awful stuff, but additional burdens I could no longer carry.  I miss home and all my stuff, the A/C (!!!), my scrapbooking things so at least I would have an outlet for the anxieties... It went well, not sure what will change, but at least we are talking about them instead of shoving them under a mat.

Blessings,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[lolynbo]

WELL ID LIKE TO SAY TODAY HAS BEEN FUN....CLOSE YOUR EYES IF U DONT WANNA READ THIS...

I HAVE A LARGE PROB WITH GOING TO THE BATHROOM (#2) SO WENT TO GASTROLOGIST YEST, AND THEY SENT ME HOME WITH A GAL OF GO LIGHTY (YA RIGHT) DRINK MIX, SO TODAY I GET UP TAKE MY 2 PILLS AND THEN START MY DRINK....NOT GOOD AT ALL..CHERRY MY EYE...

WELL LETS JUST SAY IVE DONE ALOT OF PAPERWORK TODAY..TOMARROW I START WITH MY FIBER WAFERS AND MURALAX....BUT I DID LOSS 2.2 PDS TODAY...

[homeschoolmom]

Rewatched an old home school video we had where we dissected a cow's eyeball.  It is the only one I have on the lap top so it had to do. Anyway, there was my boy picking up the eyeball, staring into it and then when all the aqueous humor was drained out declaring it to be quite yucky!  He asked me a question which I absentmindedly answered and he asked, "for weal?" He couldn't pronounce his Rs and would say "Wohan." Just made me smile to see my curly-haired baby, and hear his sweet voice...

Shelly, Wohan's mama

[mpsmom]

Lorrie, Too cute !!!   My Dad had that same go-lightly  (good name) in the hospital , he asked for the lemonade flavor, i tasted it, it was horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry you are doing so much 'paperwork" ---------  stay close to home..... You dont really need to lose any weight though....

Hugs,  Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[homeschoolmom]

That was too funny, Lorrie! Paperwork! Love it!

Shelly

[ericasmom]

Shelly, it must have felt good to purge the resentment you have, glad that you were able to do this. Now, what tony does with it will be very important to your relationship. I will say a prayer for healing. I Hope that he will take it in and feel things from your point of view, and not become defensive. Did i miss it before as to why he is not working? And is adopting Akiem something you both feel up to doing right now?  And I don't think I know why you are not in your home in Florida? Sorry to have so many questions, if I seem too nosy, I apologize.

Lorri, speaking of purging...well last year I had to have that wonderful experience with a colonoscopy, and I agree, cherry, lemon, whatever, no where close to a flavor you ever want to taste again. YUCK. I think that if a man can wear underwear for 30 straight days in space, we should by now, have a way for folks to become-unplugged! YOu are a hoot Lorri. Just bought a few more things for the backpacks, probably will send them Friday or Monday.

Peace out all,

dee

[briansdad]

Come on ladies!!!.... Your killin me with all this yucky talk:shock: