Loss of an Adult Child

[summergirl]

Hello to all - been a rainy, cold day today so have sat in the recliner ALL day watching movies and missing Tavian. Finally got myself out of the chair and decided to post to all. Sounds like everyone is doing fairly well and that is good - getting through Holidays let alone every day takes a toll on ones mind and heart. 

My ankle seems better, spent yesterday with my best friend Linda Christmas shopping for Tavian so was sore last night but feels better today. I am not wearing anything now - did have it wrapped by the doctor and the crutches but got rid of both within 2 days - just couldn't stand it. I need to go back and have it checked but I am pretty sure all is ok.

Dee - the picture is so beautiful - the woman so generous to have sent them to you and bring you such joy. Funny how some things just work out and give us peace of mind and a happy heart.  Loved that you told of your day at the Lion Wreathing. I am sure that Tavian will love to play basketball and then I will see what is after that. I want him to experience as much as possible and through sports he can learn alot about being a team player, sharing, losing and winning. It will be good for all of us.

I was reading the postings of "texting" your Angels - very sweet and I am sorry that it is something that was taken from you. I got a new cell phone but I kept Jessica's phone number. I have her cell phone in her pocketbook along with everything else she had with her that night. It was her favorite pocketbook - I remember the day she bought it - she came to my job to show it off to me because it was just "fabulous", she got it on a great sale - from $125 down to $50 and she was just so excited. I personnally am not a pocketbook or shoe person but my Jessica was. So, every once in awhile I look at the pocketbook and hold her wallet - anything to keep me from losing my mind.

Lorri - your son sounds so wonderful, funny and charming - you are blessed to have him with you each and every day.

I have to work on my photos AGAIN!! Every time I try to post one it says it is to large so I go and crop it and it does the same thing - any ideas anyone - some of you seem to be able to post pics with no problems - is there something special you use??

Am going to the internet now to do some searching for some things for Tavian for Christmas - need a few things the stores were out of. Bless all of you and Peace be with you always - Kathy

[mikesmum]

Lorri - Just wondering about the personalised plate BACNBLC.  Any chance your boy is an AC/DC fan??

Dee - The weather there must change dramatically.  We are still experiencing winter wind and rain, 1st day of Summer!  Been meaning to ask, how goes Michael and Jon?

Take Care - Trudi

[ericasmom]

Kathy, glad to her that your ankle is healing. Yes, whatever sports that Tavian enjoys and keeps him active will go a long way to life-long learning. I love Christmas shopping for young ones, I took such delight in it when my kids were young, and still do when I get to shop for great nieces/nephews and the children we adopt for gifts for the holidays. Go on line to MIND WAVE, they have some great toys. I am blessed Kathy, by the generosity of the artist, to be sure.

Trudi, thanks for asking...Michael is hoping to do a stem-cell transplant but now the match the docs found in his sister, is not such a good thing as she was radiated a great deal when she had uteran cancer two years ago. I did not know this but stem cells are generated in the pelvic region and because she was radiated they feel her stem cells will nto be as strong as need be. They also would like the donor to be male and in his 20's or 30's if possible. Well, this was a disappointment, and so far, the registry has nto turned up a match. They will use Carol if no other donor is good. I hope they find a young man, Carol's health has been dicey, she suffered a stroke after Eri died, she then had cancer, adn she has had a hip replacement. She is 64 years old, this could take a lot out of her. On the other hand, I am so sad for Michael, as he had a bit of hope when she matched. He has a mild case of pnemonia, but mild is not something I would call it after all he has been through adn knowing how quickly it can change when your immune system is down. He also had a blood clot in his shoulder. So, things are shaky, but he is still here. I did not think he would be here under the conditions he was experiencing. JOnathan is tired but he is plugging away. He and his Girfriend come over for dinner and comraderie, which makes my heart happy, that we can provide him a respite. He was doing the autumn yard work yesterday before the weather changed. Speaking of which, how the heck is summer coming in with snow? I am sorry about that, though I am sure it will change soon. My hopes for a beautiful season. Glad that you liked the card of my angel, she is and always will be, the girl of my dreams.

Eri, went to the cemetary today to visit your stone. I have no decorations yet, still too early for me, but I will bring a little tree soon, and I will tie ribbons to it as I always do. Like the ribbons I used to tie in your hair. I miss you from the well that is my heart.

[lolynbo]

OH MY GOSH YES WE LOVE OUR ACDC..OR SHOULD I SAY YOUR ACDC I THINK THEY ARE FROM AROUND YOUR AREA, (IF YOU COULD HOOK US UP W TICKETS THAT WOULD BE GREAT)..WANTED TO GO TO CONCERT BUT AT THOSE PRICES WE BOUGHT FLAT SCREEN TV..KODY WAS DISAPPOINTED BUT....I  HAVE HAD THAT PLATE FOR AT LEAST 5 YRS SOME PPL THINKS IT MEANS WE OWN A BANK ?????

YA RIGHT WE OWE THE BANK,,,,,

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, That seems to make sense about the stem cells found in the pelvic region. I've heard of stem cells being rich in the uterine tissues, like in the placenta (or after birth). I do hope they are able to find a match sufficient for Michael's needs.

AC/DC! Now there is an oldie.. I used to listen to them when I was teenager. That was 30 years ago. Then my sons were listening to them at about the same age as I was when I played their music. Funny how some classics stay as popular as they were when they first came to be. The band probably isn't as sharp anymore, but the recordings are, for sure. I remember a skit they did in church one time, and my husband was playing the role of the devil. As he was making his entrance onto the stage, they cranked AC/DC's Back in Black and my husband came onto the stage wearing a skeleton earring, lots of leather and black jewelry--kind of a cross between a typical Harley rider and a punk. Kind of funny... Anyway... Just a shared memory related to AC/DC.

Hope everyone is recovering well from the Thanksgiving holiday. Love, Claudia

[lostwoher]

Good morning ALL,

Just a bit of info about the AC/DC thing being talked about. Serius radio has a channel that is nothing but AC/DC music! If you need to get your fix then that is the place to be, hahaha.

Ugh, the dreaded Illinois snowfall has begun yesterday. I never was a fan of snow, ice and everything that comes with it. Actually it isnt too bad, yet. Got bit by the shopping bug once it started tho. I gathered myself together and headed to the local shopping 'mall'. Once I arrived and saw all the happy shoppers, I could only sit in my car a CRY. It was just pitiful. After clearing my eyes I drove home and went thru some of the holiday decorations that sit packed in the garage. Even managed to carry lots of them inside. Yep, you guessed it- here they still sit packed away all over the living room floor. Im not sure if they will ever be displayed or not but at least I tried.

Wishing everyone warm happy thoughts today. Be good to yourselves.

Lynn

[cameronsmom1]

To all:

Well one holiday down, so many more to go:( I hope you all made it through ok. As for me the holiday was ok. I do have some good news and bad news though.

GOOD: This weekend I celebrated my one year wedding anniversary which isn't actually until wednesday but we celebrated early. I can't believe its been a year already.

BAD: One of my really good friends died after a car accident this saturday. He had a punctured lung, internal bleeding, broken leg and arm. He went in for surgery but there was too much bleeding. He was married and had a little baby. Please keep the family in your prayers. I have a really big favor to ask of you all. I want to take something with me to his mother when I go to the funeral. I thought that it would be great if some of you could write a letter to her and email it to me at aredman85@yahoo.com If you could just write a little about your story, give any advice you could and especially tell her about this site. She really needs the encouragement and support and I feel that this is the best thing I could do for her. I would greatly appreciate it. And if you have any ideas of some other things I could do please tell me. Thanks!

Amanda 

[daniellemom]

Hi Everyone,

Glad everyone made it through Thanksgiving. Some went shopping I hate to shop sorry you cried at the happy shoppers. I did that last year while we were in line to talk to Santa. Mattie was so excited to talk to Santa and I know everyone in the Mall thought I was crazy because the whole time I was in line with her I was crying and then when she went and sat on Santa lap I really let the tears fall. No where to run and hid just stood there while all the other Mom's and Dad looked at me like I was crazy. I hope this year when the time comes I can put on a happy face for Mattie.

The Lions sound beautiful. And the card is great! I love the way you say peace out. Danielle said that a lot to me when she was leaving. Peace out Mama, see ya later. Glad to hear Michael is hanging on and I hope they get a donon soon.

Loved your sons shaving story. Sounds like a typical boy but he would never tell anyone else he did that. Too funny.

Kay and Sherry, Thanks for your words they always touch my very soul.

Thinking of you all and praying for each of you!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lolynbo]

WELL WE THOUGHT WE FOUND A CHURCH WE  WERE VERY HAPPY WITH...

SEEMS THAT 1/2 THE FLOCK WILL NOT BE BACK BECAUSE THE PREACHER IS USING THE MONEY IN THE CHURCH CHECK BOOK TO LIVE AND DO....

THEY HAD A MEETING WITH HIM AND HE TOLD THEM HE OWNS PART OF OUR CHURCH AND WILL SPEND THE MONEY HOW HE WANTS AND HE DOESNT NEED TO ANSWER TO ANYONE....

ALSO FOUND OUT THAT HE CALLS SOME OF HIS FLOCK "HIS MONEY MAKERS" AS US FOR INSTNACE SINCE WE OWN OUR OWN BUSINESS ....YA RIGHT LIKE I HAVE ANY EXTRA...

PLZ PRAY THAT WE FIND A CHURCH THAT WE FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH...

 

****ALSO**** HAVING PROBLEMS WITH KOURTNEYS KLOSET...THE LOCATION WE HAVE FOUND (BANK BASEMENT) THE FLOORS ARE RUFF AND WE NEED DONATIONS TO GET THEM SUITABLE FOR THE LIL KIDS...PLZ PRAY GOD JUST HANDLES EVERTHING...

[cameronsmom1]

Lorri,

Have you thought of doing some fundraisers? Maybe like a spaghetti dinner or just some kind of get together where you could take donations? I would be more then happy to help if you would like to do something like that. And also, what kind of work needs to be done? I know a lot of people that might be willing to help.

Amanda

[4everjoeysmom]

Have you consider making a "Kids Korner" in Kourtney's Kloset, with a carpeted area, a fenced in area with a gate/door, where little kids can be dropped off when their parents come in to shop. There can be used toys and puzzles/books suitable for little kids (like the plastic coated), stuffed animals and dolls, and that kind of stuff--and maybe moms who come in to shop can be arranged to supervise the kids in 10,20 or 30 minute blocks of time---kind of like a church nursery. You can see if a carpet store will donate a good-sized carpet remnant for Kids Korner, and if local hardware stores will donate some plastic fence or materials to construct the "safe-area".

If that idea is too much, maybe just getting some donated carpet remnants will be sufficient for the rough floors.

Just some ideas...

[briansdad]

Hi all,

Thought I'd share.Our parents group has a tradition we do every year. We go shopping for our kids just like we did when they were here and then donate all the gifts to a childrens home. At our meeting we stand up and tell why we selected that particular gift. I like doing this, some still find it too hard but i like  being able to buy for Brian still.

Take care,

Greg

[daniellemom]

Greg,

What a wonderful idea. I think I will steal it from you, if you don't mind. What did you get Brian last year? Do you ever know who got the gift?

Sonya

[cameronsmom1]

To All:

I was also wanting to see if you could share any websites, books, etc... that have helped you so I could share them with his mom.  Thanks, Amanda

[lolynbo]

90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN....

MY HUBBY JUST READ THE SHACK, BUT I HAVE NOT YET, HE SAID IT WAS AWESOME..

AMANDA WHO IS THIS PERSON I DONT SEE ANYTHING IN OUR PAPER

[lolynbo]

AMANDA,

ITS KINDA HARD TO GET THIS COMMUNITY STARTED IN PROJECTS...IF YOU WOULD CONTACT MY FRIEND JENNIFER BREWER 580-220=9502 SHE IS INCHARGE OF EVERYTHING...SHE REALLY NEEDS HELP...IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WOULD BE GREAT...

LOVE THE KIDS CORNER IDEA...WITH GODS HELP AND PPL LIKE YALL IT WILL WORK...

THE SPACE IS 1320SQFT AND LOTS OF FLOORING...I WISH SOMEONE WOULD JUST DONATE FLOORING....IM DONATING MONEY SO IT NEEDS TO HELP WITH OTHER THINGS (GRANTS, MEMORIALS ETC) THEY MATCH WHAT IS DONATED...

[cameronsmom1]

Lori,

It was a friend of mine from porter, Oklahoma. Its a little town by muskogee. That is where I am originally from.

[cameronsmom1]

Lori,

Have you talked to any of the businesses here? I would try talking to builder bobs or floor trader. I will try to give Jennifer a call. Let me know if I can do anything to help.

Amanda

[briansdad]

Sonya,

I bought a radio control truck last year. No we don't get to see who gets what.

This year I bought Transformer cars. I know Brian would have loved the movie.

Greg

[daniellemom]

Greg,

Thanks!! That's great. I will do something like that also maybe with the Angel Tree we have in town. Also I'm helping with Toys for Tots.

May the gifts you get for Brian go to a wonderful child that will make his Christmas a little brighter and yours.

Sonya

[shorty16]

All

I would like to inform you of 3 books that I recently read that really helped me to understand what my body, mind and spirit were going through after the death of my 16 year-old, Brian.

One book - "Beyond Tears", is a story of 9 seperate families and their stuggles to cope.  The stories vary from sudden death, to illnesses to unknown causes.  I could really relate to those that experienced a sudden death.

Another book sent to me by the Wisconsin Victims Service was "When There Are No Words."  This is a single story of a loss of 3 boys (18, 20, 21) due to boys thinking they are invinsible.  This story I could really relate to, because it involved the media and the court system.

A third book I recommend is "Left Behind - A mother's grief."  I boroughed that book from our local Compassionate Friends group.  This was also a sudden death.

Any of these books can be taken out from your local library.  Even though I have read many books, these 3 stand out for me.

Hope they help you also

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmum]

Yes, back in a time when the earth was flat Australia was where AC/DC evolved.  Every album contained the Rock Antheums of the times.  My kids 'rediscovered' them in the 80's and they are still rocking on in 2008!

The tour, well would you believe they are yet to announce if they will travel 'downunder'.  Must have forgotten their roots!!!

Greg - Brilliant idea.  We have a Wishing Tree - the place where you can purchase a gift for someone who otherwise might not receive one.....think I'll start there.

"Tis the season to decorate the tree, another year coming to a close.  Once raised to the roof adorned with tinsel our tree is yet to appear.  The smell of pine that once flooded the house is gone.  Boxes of trimming are stacked in the cupboard unopened. Its like I don't feel the need to Celebrate"

This is my second year without Mike.   My brothers only son died at 15 of CF, he has been gone 5yrs. It feels different this year....nothing said, just a knowing inside....

In days of old, Mike Melissa and Steven together with the faithful hound would search the farms near us for the 'perfect pine'.  So many years it would reach the ceiling and beyond...................This year the tradition will be reinvented, Grandbabies lead by their mums and dads will find us the perfect tree.  After there will be hanging of the decorations.  Look for the light, somewhere it shines! 

 

 

[heartbeataway]

I just can't get into Christmas this year.  Maybe next ...... I just don't know.

I'm thankful our last Christmas together was magic. All of us in our red plaid pjs.

We adopted an angel from a tree and my husband's office adopted a little boy.

 There was a time before I met Rich that Jay and I were living in a little basement apt.  I was basically getting by paycheck to paycheck ...... sort of.

Jason wanted this skateboard that was 200.00.  I was at the coffee machine one morning talking to a friend, asking her if she would babysit for me so that I could get a part-time evening job to be able to get Jason's Christmas.  There was no other way it was going to happen.

A man heard me and came to me that afternoon and handed me a check for 200.00. I just broke down in tears.  He came back a few days later with a bag of transformers.  This was the year that every child wanted them but you couldn't find them anywhere.

Not long after, Rich and I met and every Christmas we've made a point of "paying it forward".

We even wrote Bob a check for the 200.00 and added some interest.  He tore it up.

That's a Christmas I will never forget.......

[lolynbo]

A man heard me and came to me that afternoon and handed me a check for 200.00. I just broke down in tears.  He came back a few days later with a bag of transformers.  This was the year that every child wanted them but you couldn't find them anywhere.

Not long after, Rich and I met and every Christmas we've made a point of "paying it forward".

We even wrote Bob a check for the 200.00 and added some interest.  He tore it up.

JUST HOW AWESOME IS THAT.....SO MANY PPL HELPED US WHILE WE WERE AT THE HOSP, IM TRYING TO PAY IT FORWARD, BUT I FEEL LIKE IVE ALWAYS LIKED IN "PAYING IT FORWARD" MEANING IVE ALWAYS TRIED DOING FOR OTHERS...IM JUST TRYING HARDER NOW.

FOR INSTANCE PPL HELPING WE HAD JUST HAD OUR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT THE HOSP, IN THE CAFETERIA, AND WENT BACK UP TO THE WAITING ROOM (AKA HOME)

AND SOME COLLEGE GIRLS CAME IN AND SAID TO A VERY CROWEDED ROOM"CAN WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE, WE COOKED ALL THIS FOOD OUR SELVES BY HAND AND BY SCRATCH, WE WOULD LOVE FOR YALL TO EAT IT" AND THEY WERE JUST SMILING SO PROUDLY, I MEAN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON IS THIS AT THIS AGE, WHEN THINGS ARE TIGHT MONEY WISE WITH SCHOOL, BILLS, HOLIDAYS ETC AND TAKE THE TIME TO DO FOR OTHERS...IT JUST MADE OUR DAY AND SEVERAL OTHER PPLS

[4everjoeysmom]

I love all of the wonderful "alternative" Christmas ideas everyone is sharing. And Bonnie, the story about the man who helped you provide a wonderful Christmas for Jason when he was a little boy--just precious!!

Where I am, I have no tree, no decorations, no holiday flair. It's just me and the hubby, limited space and very limited funds. We're hoping that we will be able to buy some $50 boxes (about a month's supply) of grocery items (mostly dry goods) for area families. I would love to do for at least six families, but am hoping for more. We worked with mission groups in the city the last couple of Christmases. This year we plan to stay around the communities in our area and just give love in any way God leads. Doing things for others helps me most when I am feeling blue....

[heartbeataway]

Claudia,

Send me your address, Rich and I will sponsor a box for a family.  It would give us great pleasure to help.

Is there anything I can send YOU? 

Take care,

Bonnie

I still don't know why Judy disappeared from FB .....

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Very cool story ........ very big hearted young women!

These are the things that memories are made of ..........

[daveydow1]

Lynn,

Don't feel bad if you are not able to put up any of the decorations.

This is so early on this painful road for you.  It was about 4 yrs.

after my Davey died that I was able to even think of getting a tree

up, or any decorations for that matter. Let your heart and spirit guide

you. Pay no attention to what others tell you "will be good for you".

Just do what you can whenever you feel you are able. Sweet Kayla

knows you miss her and love her, and she is smiling down on you now

and always.  Peace to you.

                          Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Dee,

So sorry to hear of the problems Michael is experiencing with the

pneumonia, blood clot etc. Also, bless his dear sister, Carol,  and

all her health problems. I will continue to pray that a suitable donor

can be found for the stem-cell transplant, and prayers for Jon & you

and your entire family.  Peace be with you..

                    Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Kay,

I am sorry to hear of the bad experience that you had with Johnny's

cell phone number. Those people certainly weren't very sympathetic

to your situation. Some people just do not have any empathy for

anyone else.  I, too, tried to call Davey's cell phone number after

his death. I had hoped to hear his voice asking me to leave a message.

(His cell phone was never recovered after the horrific wreck). Well, I

called the number, and a recorded voice said the number was no longer

in service.  I guess I was lucky I did not reach people like the ones your husband

reached.

I can't believe they still cussed him out after he tried to explain about

your dear Johnny. I would have been in tears if I had been the one on

the other end.  Peace & tranquility to you & your husband.

                         Daveysmom,   Sherry

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Bonnie, Thanks so much!! Will do! Love, Claudia

[lolynbo]

IM JUST SOOOOO SAD TODAY....I JUST MISS KOURTNEY LYNN SO MUCH, SOMETIMES I JUST CANT BREATH AND MY HEART RACES...THEN I CALM DOWN....THIS NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS....ITS JUST OVERWHELMING....GOD HELP ME TODAY

[shorty16]

lolynbo,

Boy do I hear you!  Today is really hard for me too.  I am still trying to come down from Thanksgiving.  That was a very difficult time for me.  It was much harder then I thought it would be.  It do not know why?

Even though my son was a teenager, I post on this site also, because I need to hear from others, anyone who has been through this.

I do not make it a couple days without breaking down.  I miss my Brian and his sense of humor every second of every day.  I have not laughed like Brian made me laugh since his death.

This crazy court case is dragging on also.  When people take to me about the accident, they all seem to feel sorry for Mike (the driver).  I feel anger toward him and his stupid decision to drive so fast. 

The accident is 1/4 mile from our home and I see it every day and think "There is the last place Brian was alive."  When will this nightmare end?

Your daughter was lucky to have you.  Not all mother-daughter relationships are as good as you and your daughters was.  I was pretty tough on Brian, but I find that I feel very little guilt in the matter, almost like I feel I did everything I knew how to show him the right roads to travel.  I never knew this road of death and car-surfing could be so bad. - Now I do.

Take car

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lagrangel]

Claudia,

My husband and I would be happy to sponsor a box. If you want to send me your address and the details you can e-mail me at john_lagrange_869@comcast.net. It would be a blessing for us.            

                                                                    Love, Lana

[daveydow1]

Colleen,

 So sorry you are having such a rough time of it. It is so early

on this road for you, after your dear son, Brian's, passing.

I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain.

Just know that we here at BI are always willing to listen and

offer any kind of help we are able---mostly that we understand

and know, firsthand, what you are going through. Peace to you.

                         Daveysmom,  Sherry  

[daveydow1]

To All,

Just heard from Mamabets that her little doxie, Heidi, has

passed on.  She loved that dog so very much.......we all

know how it hurts to lose a pet.

                     Daveysmom,   Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello to all - quick message before I have to put Tavian to bed.

I am sorry for all of you that are not into the Christmas thing, no trees, decorations - this may sound crazy but I kind of wished I had that option sometimes - with Tavian I need to celebrate each and every holiday like we did when Jessica was with us - there is no "I don't want a tree and lights, I just want to go to sleep and wake up when January is here" - I know how much I am blessed to have him with us in our lives but there are times when it makes the heart weary but I also can say that because we have him it does make the holidays softer for us. When I see the smile on his face, the look of wonder in his eyes and the sound of his sweet laughter then I know it is worth the struggle.

Greg - what a beautiful idea and to be able to share why you bought a particular gift is something very special. Transformers!!!  Tavian's most favorite movie, I am sure we have watched it at least 20 times - now I will think of Brian when we watch it. It makes me smile to know that some child will benefit from your special gift - but tears to know that it is painful to buy the gift when you so much want to be able to give it to Brian. Bless you dear Greg.

Claudia - I would love to sponsor a box - you can e-mail me at bubbavw@optonline.net with the details and I would love to help.

Amanda - my tears fall for your friend and the family. God Bless you for being there for the mother and helping her in any way you can. You are very special.

Tavian is very tired so must go. I will think of each and every one of you as always. Kathy

[lolynbo]

SO SORRY ABOUT DOXIE....AS A 4 DOG OWNER I SO UNDERSTAND....THEY SURE MAKE MY DAY..

REST IN PEACE DOXIE

[heartbeataway]

Lorri, honey,

The doggie's name was Heidi, it was a dashound thus "doxie".....

mamabetts,

I have lost precious pets and I know how hard it is .......  I'm sorry for your loss.

Folks who love animals like Lorri and I know how hard it is to lose a pet that's stolen your heart.

Take good care.

Love!

[lagrangel]

Kathy,

I know it is hard with Tavian and the holidays but God blessed you with such a wonderful grandson and so much of your loving daughter is with him. I wish at times I could wake up in Jan. but my other children which are 20 and 25 still want that "normal" they once knew before. I think it is just a way for them to see mom and dad are doing okay during the holidays. I know they worry and my oldest son continues to call several times a week since our son died going on 16 months. We are putting up a different tree in a different location. We can't do the tree in the living room that we had since he was a baby so we are making new traditions.  I know the holidays will be hard not having your daughter there but make special memories with that precious grandson. I work in a school and I see so many children being raised by their grandparents and it really is such a blessing to see there eyes light up when they talk about their grandparents. I know Tavian is young but you will be such a wonderful support for him through these years. He is a blessing for you and you are a blessing for him... I see so many children that don't have love and support and it breaks your heart. Your daughter would be so proud of you..always remember that...  

                                                                                               Love Lana

[mikesmomrs]

All of us are trying to find our way through the holidays...those of us with grandchildren, or other children, of course, have little choice...the "show must go on," but only we ourselves will know that behind the tree and decorations are many tears, many moments of anguish and many prayers beginning with "I wish" or "If only..."

Bonnie, my daughter Cathi, a single mom of two, went through the same thing with her kids a couple of Christmases....where she didn't have the money to get them what they had asked for.  Each year her office would "adopt" a family to give Christmas to.  For two different years, they adopted her family and though it was difficult at first for her to accept, their generosity and kindness won her over, as well of course, as the need to provide a good Christmas for her kids...We were ready to help, of course, but it seemed to be easier for her to accept the help offered by her coworkers, and we understood.  The kindness of people is truly amazing sometimes...  Another time, her oldest left his walkman in their car as he went in to her office with her to check on something and it was stolen from the car while they were in the office.  Many of her coworkers knew that he had worked so hard that summer to buy that walkman, mowing lawns, etc., and it was just so sad that someone would steal the results of his hard work.  Within two days, three people each put a brand new walkman on her desk...she returned two of them, of course, and they gave her a gift cert for a couple of cd's for him.  Just awesome. 

The sadness that hovers over us at this time of year is palpable, but we truly must try to count our blessings of Christmases past...it is terribly hard, of course, and sometimes downright impossible.  But I pray that we all can set aside our grief for a moment to be thankful for the time we had with our beloved children and let those memories warm our hearts, even if only briefly. 

Mamabets:  So very sorry about your precious Heidi...I knew she hadn't been well, but we never expect the loss, no matter how "predicted" it might be.  I can feel your grief through the air...I am wrapping you in a warm cyber-hug, though I wish so it could be a real hug! 

Claudia:  If we want to send you a check for a box for your project, do we just send it to your actual address?  I think I still have it, but perhaps you could email it to me just in case?  Bless you for being there and offering so much to so many. 

love and peace,  carol   mikesmomrs

 

[lolynbo]

WE MET SO MANY PPL AT THE HOSP...(IM WRITTING A BOOK>>>SLOWLY) BUT THIS ONE KID 17YRS OLD NAMED COLBY HE WAS AT HOME WITH MOM AND DAD (ESTRANGED) THEY WERE ALL OUT IN THE FRONT YARD AND DAD HAD A GUN , PULLED IT OUT TO USE ON MOM, COLBY GRABBED THE GUN AND WRESTLED WITH DAD, AND COLBY SAID HIS DAD LOOKED HIM IN THE EYE AND SAID "IF YOU DONT LET GO OF THIS GUN I WILL KILL YOU!" COLBY SAID THOSE EYES WERE NOT MY DADS EYES AND THAT WAS NOT MY DAD"   COLBY LET GO AND RAN TO THE HOUSE TO CALL 911, WHEN HE HEARD 4 SHOTS......WHEN HE GOT BACK TO HIS MOM AND DAD, HIS DAD WAS DEAD FROM SHOT TO THE HEAD, AND MOM HAD BEEN SHOT IN LEG, BACK, AND HEAD, BUT WAS STILL ALIVE...

LIKE I SAID I MET HIM AT THE ICU AT OU....THEY STAYED 4 DAYS TIL COLBY (THE ONLY CHILD) HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO LET HIS MOM GO....

THE REASON IM TELLING THIS SO SAD STORY IS COLBY AND I TEXT AND MYSPACE...AND HE SAID NOT ONE OF HIS DADS SIDE OF THE FAMILY CALLED OR INVITED HIM TO THEIR HOUSE FOR THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY..AND HE WAS SAD...

I TOLD HIM HE HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG HE WAS A BOY OF 17 AND HIS FATHER HAD MADE SOME HORRIBLE DECISIONS THAT DAY...

SO MANY PPL COME IN OUR LIVES AT HARD TIMES AND GOOD, BUT I KNOW COLBY WILL BE IN MINE FOREVER...HE EVEN TELLS ME HE LOVES ME...AND  I HIM...HE NOW LIVES WITH HIS MOMS PARENTS (WHICH HE SAYS IS KINDA HARD BECAUSE THEY ARE OLDER)..

PLZ PRAY FOR MY LIL "ADOPTED SON COLBY" THIS SEASON AND SO MANY MORE LIKE HIM

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, I so agree that it will be so worth it to see Tavian's shining eyes and great big smile as you celebrate Christmas--even if it is through a few tears. Be sure to take photos and post so we can share in his joy.

Also, Kathy and Lana and Bonnie, thanks so much for being a part of this year's Christmas giving to the poor. I'll be sending you e-mails tomorrow. I am led to tears just thinking about it... and I thank you for giving from your heart to make someone else's Christmas very blessed. I'll give more specific details of the boxes by e-mail.

Lana, I am really glad to see your posts more. I haven't been posting as much either--primarily because November was an extremely full month here with group hosting, new puppies and all. I look forward to catching up more. It's nice to see Brent's picture again.

Besty, My goodness! I am SO SORRY about Heidi! I know how much you will miss her, and my heart just breaks to know that four of those 16 little legs are silent now. Bless your heart. I pray that you will have some rest and that you and your husband will be a comfort for each other--as I know the furry babies are his kids too. Thinking of you...

And for all who are coping with new loss and wading through the trenches amidst the powerful storm surges, my heart goes out to you. I pray in time that some of the connections you make here will be a comfort and encouragement for you. Bless you all! Love, Claudia

[ericasmom]

Claudia, put me down as well, another way that we can make our large hearts work the way God intended, thanks. I am at dconmy3@yahoo.com.

Colleen, I will write more tomorrow or the next day but yes, court cases drag on and that alone is disturbing and sad, so give yourself a break if you are feeling out of energy, it is normal. I know it must be hard to find balance in losing your Son in part to a Child you know...what a terrible quandry. Of course you have anger, it is part of this whole thing. Maybe one day you won't feel that so much, but for now it makes sense. My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Dee

Mammabetts, I am so sorry tht you lost your little pooch. May you know always, what a great home you gave, and may you also know of the forever love of your Pet.

Greg, I do love that idea completely. Wow, buying for Eri, where would I go? If it was a young Eri, a toy store, but from the early teens till she left at age 19, clothing and shoes, pile it on!

[mikesmum]

Claudia - Count in the land downunder.  Given the interest generated and the positive responses from your extended BI Group, would it be possible to post details so others might be able to sponser a box?

It really is about finding ways to honour our children by being part of a bigger world.

Trudi 

[4everjoeysmom]

Trudi, Dee, Everyone, Wow! I am overwhelmed and overjoyed with the response and feedback you've given, your desire to be a part of the Christmas box project. For several years, my church back home has been doing operation Christmas child. Years ago I also helped in a project that delivered Christmas gifts to kids whose parents were in prison. I wrote a note a few weeks ago and stated that I wish we could have that kind of sponsored Christmas giving here. Of course the scale of those programs is massive, but you gotta start somewhere, so I decided to do something here in whatever way we could.

In the past, when a family has been in dire straits, we taken up collections from visiting short-mission groups and purchased lots of dry goods (food stuff), kitchen sponges and wash cloths, socks, a little toy for children, a machete and sharpening stone (a tool commonly used here, like a pocket knife is at home), hair ties for girls, all kinds of stuff like that. We would spend about $50 per unit and stuff everything in a box and deliver it to the family in need. This is what has inspired me to do something special specifically for Christmas. It's two-fold, really. Like most of you have shared, it does a heart good to do for someone else in the memory of our children. That inspires me BIG time! And of course, the obvious--helping someone who truly has need, has very little if any of the very basics that we all generally take for granted in life. So, here's the plan, and I am excited that many of you want to jump on board with the program. This is exciting, because so many more will receive boxes--and that is awesome! SO, here's the scoop!

Anyone interested, we are going to shop for goods that will be useful for a needy family and fill up one carton per household. The boxes will contain dry goods--bulk rice, beans, flour, sugar, dry soup mix, powdered milk, and such, and toilet paper. I have some things left here from recent groups, like crafty items, crayons, stuffed toys, hair ribbons and such, so we'll add some of those to the boxes. We also have some kid vitamins and essential healthcare items we'll toss in. So the $50 sponsorships per box will primarily cover food and essential needs--and we'll cover the rest to fill up the boxes with something for everyone in the household. I am going to make muffins and cookies, so we''l add a tray of holiday fresh baked goods too to make a really nice package deal.

Those interested in sponsoring a box, (gosh, I am so excited about this--BI parents banding together to bless the poor families in our community in Ecuador--Yay!) Our ministry is called Pathways-- and for those outside of the US and those who desire convenience, you can go to our web site and do Google checkout. WWW.PathwaysInternational.org

Those in the States that prefer to do so by check, our (mail only) address is:

c/o Pathways International (NC), Inc

624 Holly Springs Rd, #222

Holly Springs, NC, 27540

What I would like to do is print up pictures of each sponsor's family, and attach the pictures to a card that tells a story about your child and how he/she has inspired you to bless this family with a gift this Christmas. (That's optional, but I would like to do that if you are willing.) Also if you would like to send your own prayer or greeting, I can translate and print that up. So, please e-mail photos and any text you want to offer to me at clab2010@yahoo.com Also, if anyone has any suggestions you would like to make with regards to the project, I would love to hear from you.

We will deliver the boxes Tuesday and Wednesday(the 23rd and 24th, just before Christmas, so that the families will have the opportunity to cook their meals and open gifts together on Christmas. We will take photos of each family that receives a box, and I will e-mail to each one of you a set of the photos telling specifically which family received YOUR box.

Thanks all who are sharing in the project. I am thrilled that my BI friends are impacting people here with love for Christmas!! Bless you all! Love, Claudia

[DawnFisher]

Claudia,

The Box Project is a great idea.  If you would like to start a thread under the "Please Tell Us..." section, maybe there are other BI members who would like to participate and might not see the project under "Loss of a Child." 

On a related note, I have started a thread in that area for Favorite Recipes - like Kourtney's Buttermilk Pie.  My heart was warmed as I read about Monty's determination in carrying on Kourtney's tradition...and leaving the sugar out added comic relief to us all!

God Bless all of you as you continue to bless each other with love and encouragement in this grief journey!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

[4everjoeysmom]

Wow! Thanks so much, Dawn!! I really appreciate BI's support of the Christmas Box project. I'll post in the area you mentioned. Thanks for the suggestion.

I, too, absolutely LOVED the Buttermilk Pie story!!

[ericasmom]

Dawn, thanks for the link for favorite recipes, how lovely.

See there Lori, you have started a trend. And you Claudia? A movement of good coming to those most in need, through our hearts and spirits of our Babies.

All Good News,

Dee

[lolynbo]

HUH WHO'D DA THUNK IT...LOL IM NOT A TREND SETTER....COME ON GUYS....

THANK YOU I LIKE THE IDEA TOO.

I WAS TELLING YALL ABOUT MY PIC IM BLOWING UP FOR MY "GALLERY" SO HERES A FEW

THIS ONE IS MY OLDEST KIMBERLY WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT 13 MONTHS